Speaker 1: Good morning from Hell. I'm Chris and I'm dead and
my eternal punishment is to do this podcast where we
interview everyone in the afterlife. I'm joined, as always by
the younger brother of Satan, Clayton.
Speaker 2: You can ask me what's wrong?
Speaker 1: No, I didn't know if you were just having a
hard time breathing or if you were sighing, or.
Speaker 3: You know, I'm just not into it. I'm just not
into it, Chris. And to what can we rearschedule this?
Can we just do this for another time?
Speaker 1: And just what's wrong?
Speaker 2: I just feeling off.
Speaker 3: The vibes are off today. I'm just I rolled out
of bed like ten minutes ago.
Speaker 1: You know, Yeah, you're still wearing your pajamas.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm still aware. My new good word from hell
sweatpant pajamas. They're great for just being cozy, and you
know they're very difficult to hide a boner in.
Speaker 2: That much is clear as you can see.
Speaker 1: So everything's not entirely down. Some things are looking up.
Speaker 2: No, I mean, just like you know, something's just off. Man.
Speaker 1: Is it had our time with love life or hate life?
Speaker 2: No, don't try to therapize me. What are you better help?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 2: Get he get out of my brain. It's just it's
just the seasonal depression.
Speaker 4: Chris.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know that that's what it is.
Speaker 1: You know, well, it's normal. You know, like sometimes the
best way to fix seasonal depression is to buy sweatpants
from your favorite podcast.
Speaker 2: Stop trying to shill Birch. Just hear me out. It's
the seasonal depression. That's it.
Speaker 1: It's the seasonal depression. What do you do in hell
when you have seasonal depression? You just need to get
out in the lava.
Speaker 3: No, no, no, Chris, you're not hearing me. It's seasonal depression. Chris, No,
I'm hearing you. I understand. No, a lot of people
suffer from seasonal depression. It's this time of year. People
get set.
Speaker 2: Stop.
Speaker 3: I know it's okay. No, no, no talking about seasonal depression.
I understand. You do not understand. You are not hearing
the words it's seasonal depression. He's right there, he's been
here the whole time.
Speaker 4: Uh, hey, guys, what's going on?
Speaker 3: See it's our fucking guest. It's seasonal depression.
Speaker 4: I'm so excited be here. Thanks for having me.
Speaker 2: Oh god, you're yacht?
Speaker 1: Is it?
Speaker 4: Dickad Oh yeah, thanks for having me is really exciting.
Speaker 2: Yeah, clearly thrilled to have you here.
Speaker 4: Those are great sweatpants. They would look a little bit
better if there were some stains on him.
Speaker 3: I did take a pe year earlier, and sweatpants do
you traditionally absorb just a bit of urine?
Speaker 4: Yeah, you gotta check out that prostate is probably getting older.
It's gotta get screened for prostate cancer.
Speaker 3: I am getting older. God damn it. Oh fuck, it
runs in the family.
Speaker 2: Goddamn it. Seasonal depression.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, we haven't met.
Speaker 2: Oh you've met him, Chris, you've met seasonal depression. You
just didn't know it.
Speaker 4: We haven't met because you're a stupid eternal optimist sitting
around doing a podcast and how like you're having the
best time ever. You can't even accept that you have
no talent, no ability. Only people who podcasts are the
ones that of giving up on their dreams like you.
Speaker 1: Oh, okay, you're feeling it now.
Speaker 2: You're feeling this, Chris, You feeling the vibes.
Speaker 1: Maybe a little nice to meet you again.
Speaker 4: It's really great to be here.
Speaker 1: I'm so you're like the manifestation of seasonal or like
what are you?
Speaker 4: Uh, just you know that feeling when you go outside
and the sky is gray and you're looking at the
leaves and all the leaves are dying and they're in
the mud, and you just think, oh, my gosh, only
got one parent left, probably got ten good years before
they start being senile. I should give them a call.
But really, I just need to have a nap. Fuck.
That's me. Oh that's what I do. That's my vibe.
Speaker 2: That's me too. I relate to that so hard.
Speaker 3: Oh God, and you're still hard, I know, but I
can't help it. I don't know, man, It's yeah, the season, oppression,
it's the weather. I'm just gonna stop going to the gym.
I'm already gonna eat like shit because of the holiday.
Is like fucking yeah, who fucking cares?
Speaker 2: You know, what's the point, dude.
Speaker 4: Go over to the kitchen and open the cabinet. You
see that pox oreos right there?
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I'm looking at it.
Speaker 4: Now. Open the fridge.
Speaker 3: Okay, Well, I mean I'm not gonna get a glass
for my milk. I'm just gonna fucking broad dog it
from the cart and who cares?
Speaker 4: Well, you know what might actually be better as if
you just see that tub of sour cream right there.
Speaker 2: Uh huh yeah, Oh.
Speaker 4: No, try dunking an oreo in that sour cream.
Speaker 1: It's getting closer to my mouth that I don't even
care to know.
Speaker 2: I'm just gonna go for it. Man.
Speaker 1: Technically, well no, no, sour cream doesn't have protein in it.
Speaker 3: I mean it's got a little bit, but it's mostly fat.
I mean, look at me, o'mkaying in the holiday weight
is coming back? How is it taste just like shit?
But I don't even care, Like I feel like my
senses are dulled. Nothing tastes good right now anyways, So
it's like, what's the point, you know.
Speaker 4: Have another one? They would probably be good.
Speaker 3: I'm already four deep seasonal, and I know that I'm
gonna need to brush because it's just fucking sour cream
and chocolate.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, or you shit, This is why people are
afraid of me. I can't imagine what my breath tastes like.
Speaker 4: Is there anything more sad, yeah than an erection and
no way to relieve it. Maybe the reason you have
that erection is because you just have no genuine love
in your life, and everything in your life is all
about instant gratification, and you'll never know the true embrace
of what it's like to be loved by another demon.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, So.
Speaker 4: That's what I do.
Speaker 2: Like I could jerk it, I could get rid.
Speaker 3: Of it, but it's not gonna feel good. I'm just
gonna sit there, just look at it.
Speaker 4: Wow, you're gonna want to do it again? You just
do it again.
Speaker 3: No, No, I'm gonna do it.
Speaker 4: So is this an interview? Because I could just do
this all day. That's what I love to do. You know,
it's not often that people get to pursue their passions,
and that's what I've gotten to do with my wife
because my passion is making people give up on theirs.
Speaker 2: It's working.
Speaker 3: I mean shit, And I know that you're probably gonna
go away the moment, like the sun starts shining and
the birds start shirping again, but like that feels like
forever a.
Speaker 4: Way, the sun is not coming back.
Speaker 2: Why what happens?
Speaker 4: The thing about seasonal depression is in order to embrace it,
you have to accept that nothing is ever going to
get better.
Speaker 1: Oh oh my god.
Speaker 2: Climate is changing.
Speaker 1: Shoot, I didn't even think about that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well now I'm thinking about it.
Speaker 4: Even if the sun comes out, it will just be
to give you melanoma. That's all it is. Oh my god,
it's a melanoma ball.
Speaker 1: And I just like I never wear sunscreen anyways, and like,
why would I start?
Speaker 4: Now?
Speaker 2: You know, who fucking cares? What's done is done?
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I.
Speaker 1: Guess for audio listeners, how would you describe what you
look like?
Speaker 4: I'm going through a big hat face right now? Uh
huh So I'm a big dark cloud and a fun
little cowboy.
Speaker 2: But it's like kind of sad. It's not even fun,
even though like it should be.
Speaker 3: It's just like the attempt at having fun just makes
it more sad, you know, like I can't express this
is happening.
Speaker 4: But oh my god, you can look at me and think,
oh man, maybe I should get a cowboy hat, And
then it's like, you know, just underneath your hat is
a demon pattern baldness.
Speaker 3: Yeah, the novelty is just not there because then now
I'm just thinking about my own scalp, my own hairline
failing me as I grow older, older and.
Speaker 4: Older older, and amazing that even as an eternal being,
you can still feel your own mortality.
Speaker 2: With the weather change.
Speaker 3: I don't know if this is you doing this, but
my knees, my joints, I just like, I just feel
like shit.
Speaker 1: That could also be you joined hell's hockey leagues. So
what's the point.
Speaker 3: We're not going pro? I'm well past my prime. I mean,
who cares? You know, Like, what am I gonna do?
Join the NHL?
Speaker 4: And the saddest thing is is when you realize that
there never was a prime.
Speaker 1: Oh, oh my god, there.
Speaker 4: Was just you being younger and sucking at things.
Speaker 2: Oh it never was like that good.
Speaker 4: You're right, never was that good.
Speaker 2: Oh my god.
Speaker 1: Well you weren't into hockey back then.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I didn't have any passions.
Speaker 3: I just farted around and like played video games and
just played with this boner that's still here.
Speaker 2: It's the only consistent in my life. Well at least
she got that.
Speaker 3: But it's not even that impressive. I mean, look at it.
And these sweatpants, these brand new sweatpants.
Speaker 4: You know, those sweatpants look like they would be great
for farting.
Speaker 2: And if it goes beyond the fart, who cares anymore?
Speaker 1: You know what if we got some light, a little
more light in this room, like here, we have some
death scented candles that are actually available at store dug
in my friend dot com. I'm just gonna light up
some of these death scented candles.
Speaker 2: He smell like shit, and he keeps trying to sell stuff.
You see what I'm dealing with. Season just trying to.
Speaker 1: Brighten up the space your wallet.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah, went all the way to hell and
there's still a slave to capitalism.
Speaker 3: I'm his boss, and I'm pleading with him. I'm just like,
can you just be in the moment. Can you stop
trying to push merch? Can you stop trying to sell
things to these people?
Speaker 4: You know?
Speaker 2: And he's just like, oh, you just got code.
Speaker 3: It just never ends, just cyclical, just like every day,
every day, repeat repeat.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: No need to sell those sweatpaints in a size small,
just a double excel.
Speaker 1: I mean they got a drawstring. Doesn't buying things make
you happy in some way?
Speaker 2: Briefly?
Speaker 1: I mean it's cyber Monday, right.
Speaker 4: So like cyber Monday, the saddest thing to ever be created.
Ten percent off on all the things that all those
children made.
Speaker 1: Well, at least it gave them a sense of worth,
you know, Like those children work hard for those nikes.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I'm just thinking about their score. Kids.
Speaker 4: Yeah, well, at least you have this podcast. Good work, guys, it's.
Speaker 2: Not even doing well.
Speaker 3: I don't even know will have bad reads for this episode.
We're just barely scratching by. I mean, that just makes
me want to sell more bullshit and asked for people
to sign up for the Patreon.
Speaker 2: It just it was the point so we can make
it another month.
Speaker 4: Think of all the Hello Fresh meals that your listeners
have thrown away, only to get McDonald's at the last second,
eaten piece chicken nugget by themselves. That was me, Hello
death more like it.
Speaker 1: Oh my god.
Speaker 2: That's the other benefit to these sweatpants.
Speaker 1: As it hides the cell you light, I mean, it's
just it's taking over my body. On the bright side
it cell you light, is that it brightens things up.
Speaker 2: This is wordplay.
Speaker 3: He's just like, I don't know what he's doing anymore.
He just what is that even.
Speaker 4: His last remaining brain cells are just clinging to the
idea of hope. What's underneath that hat, Chris.
Speaker 1: It's not a cloud or another smaller cowboy hat.
Speaker 4: It's all a cloud, Chris. It's just a cloud.
Speaker 1: It's just a cloud like life.
Speaker 4: Life, It's just a cloud and then it's gone.
Speaker 1: What about death?
Speaker 4: You know what death is?
Speaker 1: It's podcasting.
Speaker 4: You think that death is podcasting, but real death is
when you the whole of a podcast in hell. Can't
help but tell your shitty wares that no one wants.
What color are those sweatpants? They better be brown.
Speaker 2: They're like a charcoal.
Speaker 4: They're like a heather gray. Oh no, that was a mistake.
They gotta be sharp brown.
Speaker 1: Maybe we can make some sharp brown pants or something.
Speaker 2: The blanks aren't available.
Speaker 1: I checked, but at least they're on discount now for
Cyber Monday. And he just up.
Speaker 4: That's all he's got in his life is Cyber Monday,
Black Friday. Never a mention of giving Tuesday. Would have
you given back to this world? Except hundreds of episodes
of this terrible podcast is bad.
Speaker 1: It is bad.
Speaker 2: He's right, Chris.
Speaker 1: It's all be remembered for no, people don't really remember it.
Speaker 2: It'll just be you know, my God, whose side are
you on?
Speaker 1: I just that's generous if you think that people will
remember it after you're gone.
Speaker 2: But that's it.
Speaker 3: Things like I'm just gonna stick around for forever, you know,
I mean we're in hell.
Speaker 2: I'm just here.
Speaker 1: We're just gonna keep existing. I'm gonna keep aging, and
it's just not gonna get better worse.
Speaker 4: At least it's raining.
Speaker 1: Yeah, how's it raining in Hell?
Speaker 5: Well?
Speaker 2: That's actually there was like a big leak at the
piss factory.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's okay.
Speaker 1: It could be worse. It could be ship Wait, hold on,
oh there's a leak at the ship factory.
Speaker 4: Piss?
Speaker 2: Did you do that?
Speaker 4: I may have had a little bit of hand in it.
Speaker 2: How did you are your powers? What's the extend to?
Speaker 4: Like?
Speaker 2: How does this all happen?
Speaker 4: It's not so much of a power. It's just like
I float around and then uh, you know, I don't
really put too much effort into this because my whole
goal is to just have everyone give up. So the
least I can do is set a great example.
Speaker 1: Well, so for this, specifically, the rain of p and feces.
Speaker 4: Where do you think all the diarrhea from Earth goes?
Speaker 1: I thought it went into the water that people drink,
But no, that's the microplastics.
Speaker 2: Oh god, the microplastics. They're just going through my body
and I can't stop them.
Speaker 4: Yeah, microplastics to go with a micro penis just for you.
Oh my god, Hey, Clayton, are you married?
Speaker 2: You can see my hand you know I'm not married.
Speaker 4: No, what a surprise. What do you think that that's about.
I don't know. I so single, so many people in
hell and yet no one for you.
Speaker 3: I mean, I've just been thinking about that, but I
push it out of my mind, you know, I just like,
don't bother yourself with those thoughts.
Speaker 2: Focus on what lies ahead.
Speaker 3: But nothing lies ahead except more podcasting with Chris, So
I mean I might as well just you know, ruminate, just.
Speaker 4: Think of it. His eternal punishment was to do a
podcast with you. Yeah, so what does that make you?
Speaker 1: Oh my god, this is my eternal punishment? What about you?
Seasonal depression?
Speaker 4: I'm living the dream.
Speaker 2: How can I combat you? I mean, I know that's
a weird question.
Speaker 3: I know you're not gonna reveal your like kryptonite, but like, genuinely,
what do I do to get rid of you?
Speaker 4: You could watch eight seasons of Bluey. Yeah, that might
make you feel better.
Speaker 3: I think it's gonna make me feel worse because then
I'm just gonna be fucking in front of my TV
like I always am, you know, and then I'm gonna
be imagining, like.
Speaker 2: What if I was in this blue world? What if
I was talking to these dogs? What if instead of red,
I was blue? Yeah, and then it's just not gonna
be real.
Speaker 3: I'm just gonna be doing escapism, living in a fantasy.
And then I'm gonna look outside where it's raining, shit
and pissed and Chris is run around chilling out merchandise,
and it's just gonna make me more sad.
Speaker 4: You know what I always say to people when they
are depressed.
Speaker 1: What good? Well are you not depressed?
Speaker 4: I've never felt more like myself. I've finally reached a
full state of realization because I am depression. So I
was happy one I was terrible.
Speaker 2: Oh tell us about that.
Speaker 4: I just couldn't help but be optimistic, and I was like,
what's wrong with me? Always looking on the bright side,
seeing the beauty and nature. I almost didn't know what
to do. I started taking a yoga class. It took
me so long to get back to myself. I was
trying everything. I couldn't help but eat healthy. So I
know what it's like to just feel outside of your
own body, even as a cloud, I started forming into
a human body. Oh, I was like, no, where is
my vaporous steak. I looked in the mirror. I didn't
even recognize myself because I saw a healthy man.
Speaker 1: Oh one step forward then two steps back. You know,
you just lost it just as easily as he got it.
Speaker 4: And I'm so used to not even taking steps. I
just flowed.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's true.
Speaker 4: I just flow through life. Will feel bad, and it
makes me feel.
Speaker 1: Great when people are happy. Does that hurt or is
it more just it feels good when people are sad.
Speaker 4: It's about balance. You really have to hate the light
to appreciate the dark.
Speaker 1: Huh.
Speaker 4: You have to realize that happiness is just a part
of life, and then it'll get back around to shitty again.
Speaker 1: So right, that's a good point.
Speaker 4: I always say every happy ending is just a story
that stops in the middle, because everything about this earth
and even about this after life, it's all meaningless. There's nothing,
So have another oreo.
Speaker 3: Yeah, no, I just I've been eyeing yet there's not
much sour cream. Lest I might as well just you know,
polish it off. But you guys, mind if I'm so sorry,
I don't normally do this during a recording, but like
it's cool. I just kind of close my eyes maybe
like take a nap.
Speaker 1: Well, well, Clayton takes a nap. I want to talk
about the holidays because they are almost here, and if
you still have lots of gifts to buy, don't panic.
Uncommon Goods makes holiday shopping stress free and dare I
say joyful because they have thousands of one of the
kind gifts that you can't find anywhere else. They've got
presents that feel meaningful and personal. Because Uncommon Goods look
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or made in the US, often crafted by independent artists
and small businesses. And because you can sort by who
you're looking for and what they're into, it makes it
really easy to find things for people. For example, since
Clayton's been getting into hockey, I got them a hockey
steak barbecue set for drilling and other things you do
in hell. I also got them to make your own
hot saust kit so you can craft based on your
flavor and desired spiciness. And now that I'm saying that Aloud,
I might end up regretting that one, even though he
will love it. My favorite gift I got him though,
are two coffee ORNs and one says tits and one
says boobies. But they're not what you're thinking. They've got
birds on them. Clayton's gonna love all of these gifts,
and that's the thing. They have stuff for everyone, moms, dads, kids, teens, booklover,
sports fans, mixed ologist, gardeners. So don't wait. Make this
holiday of the year you give something truly unforgettable. To
get fifteen percent off your next gift, go to uncommon
Goods dot com slash hell. That's uncommon Goods dot com
slash hell for fifteen percent off. Don't miss out on
this limited time offer Uncommon Goods. We're all out of
the ordinary. And hey listeners, did you know that hero
Force has a Black Friday sale that ends Monday, December first,
twenty twenty five. Hero Forge offers fully customizable tabletop miniatures
with dozens of fantasy species and thousands of parts to
choose from, and you can do it all within your browser.
So go visit hero forces dot com during this huge
sale and you save twenty percent on physical miniatures and
accessories such as the iconic color plastic miniatures or make
your own custom acrylic keychain. You can also say fifty
percent on digital miniatures and STL files. The holidays is
the perfect time to play games, and hey, why not
surprise your friends and family with custom miniatures and dice
and they make amazing presence. I'm getting some custom dice
for Clayton so you can roll them and determine what
punishments I get in hell, and I'm getting them a
custom keychain with himself looking awesome holding a giant weapon.
Gonna make a really good stocking stuffer. So go be
a holiday hero like me. Go to hero Fords dot
com and you'll get savings as big as the stories
you tell. All physical miniatures and accessories twenty percent off,
while sdls for home printing officionados are a whopping fifty
percent off. But go now because the sale in December.
First go to hero forts dot com slash sale to
learn more. Hero Forts dot Com slash Sale. Hey Clayton, uh,
are you still sleeping?
Speaker 3: I feel like if I could just let the time pass, yeah,
you know, maybe, like in my dreams, it'll be a
little bit better. But then I'm just gonna wake up
again and it's just gonna be even worse because I'm
gonna remember all the shit, you know, you.
Speaker 4: Know, wake up and be in hell. Yeah, that's what
I'm all about, Even something that you love so much,
like how I can turn into a bad thing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're talented, and I.
Speaker 4: Think the most important thing to remember, uh huh if
you want to get away from me, is that this
is a podcast and all you have to do get
on to the next episode. I hope it will be
equally as depressive as this one. Take another Oreo Clayton.
You know what would go good with them? Yea? What
some self loathing?
Speaker 6: Oh my god, I'm already top dov uh oh oh,
they're not even going to When you eat so much
junk food, it's just like the treat of it.
Speaker 2: All is just like lost.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're just indulging constantly, and then it loses its
shine and the fun.
Speaker 2: You know, it doesn't feel like it's.
Speaker 3: Forbidden fruit anymore because that's all I'm taking into my body.
Speaker 4: That's one of my other talents. I can make gray
a taste wow, gray, Yeah, what you're tasting is gray.
Speaker 2: Oh, it's kind of like barren empty.
Speaker 1: It's like a little bit of like what water gives you,
but it doesn't quench anything.
Speaker 2: It's like a void, you know.
Speaker 4: Hey Clayton, Yeah, what's your happiest memory?
Speaker 2: It's by my birthday?
Speaker 3: You know, like six years old, got a bunch of
cool presents. My brother was like actually like really loving me,
and like my dad was still around.
Speaker 4: You know what what your happiest memory?
Speaker 1: Uh huh?
Speaker 4: Didn't mean anything?
Speaker 1: Oh why not?
Speaker 4: Because you're here now? Uh huh? And what have you
taken from it? What's left?
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 4: You're what now four million years.
Speaker 2: Old something like that. I've lost count.
Speaker 4: And you have one good memory as a six year old?
Speaker 2: Uh huh?
Speaker 4: Oh, and that's all you have? Yeah, and all the
people that loved you are gone.
Speaker 1: Well they're not all gone, but they're just no, they're
pretty much all gone. I mean they're still around, they
just don't love me anymore. Yeah, I guess I've got Chris,
But I don't know, Chris, how do you feel about me?
Speaker 4: In some ways? That's even worse. Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm
just loving this. I know I'm supposed to be the guest.
This is what I do. And when you love what
you do, you just can't stop doing it. Yeah, doesn't
feel like work.
Speaker 2: Well, this podcast definitely feels like work.
Speaker 4: It doesn't feel like work. To make you feel like
a bummer, What can I do to help you? Chris?
Remember when you had a job that wasn't podcasting and
there was all those promises about making movies. Yeah, and
you thought, maybe I'll get to direct a movie someday. Yeah,
not gonna happen, now, is it?
Speaker 2: Man?
Speaker 1: I'd call this boner killed, but I'm still rock hard though.
You know, yeah, there's always next year.
Speaker 2: I mean, let's be real, Chris.
Speaker 3: You're gonna say, well, there's always next year, and like,
what are we in, like November December ish? So we're
just gonna be like, well, we're just gonna write out
the rest of this year, and then by the time
that the new year rolls around, you're gonna be like, oh,
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna change, and then you don't.
You maybe go like a month or two and then
you give up on that.
Speaker 1: What if we instead of waiting for next year to change,
we start today.
Speaker 2: Who's gonna do that?
Speaker 3: Though there's the holidays, you got all the travel and
the visiting and all the different foods.
Speaker 4: New Year, New chance to Fail.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 3: I had to go to the bathroom earlier, but I
think I'm just gonna go in these pants. I'm just
gonna see how absorbent they are.
Speaker 4: That'll be the only warmth you ever experience, your own
piss running down your leg. Yeah, of the sweatpants you
couldn't sell.
Speaker 1: Yep, hold on, hold on, I can't. I can't concentrate
when you're talking, Chris.
Speaker 4: Sorry, that's that prostate acting.
Speaker 3: It keeps coming up, and it's extra hard to pee
when I've got this.
Speaker 2: Rock card direction. I just will not go away.
Speaker 1: Well, why don't we switch things up a little? Right?
Some Q and A about hell?
Speaker 4: Uh huh? Sure?
Speaker 1: Good Morning from Hell now has a discord. You can
go discord dot Gooding from Hell else to see. I'm
just saying, that's where.
Speaker 4: Peoples cord if you want that sense of community without
the real human connection that you said desperately crave.
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly, just just parasocial. I mean, what are we
doing here? You know, I don't even know, Chris, what
are we saying? I'm sorry, Well, what we're doing?
Speaker 1: Audio questions for people who support us on our Hatreon.
Speaker 2: They ask so much of me already, though, I mean,
what more do they want? I don't know.
Speaker 1: Let's find out what is this? Who's it? Parry?
Speaker 4: Hey, Chris, Hey, Clayton, what's up?
Speaker 5: I was actually really curious to know in video games
in hell with the sex scenes, are they more in
depth and better or are they like infinitely worse and
just turn into like an a big explosion of awful things.
I just want to say, I absolutely loothy you guys.
Speaker 4: This is Perry.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Perry for doing your show.
Speaker 2: They asked about video game sex scenes.
Speaker 3: It just reminds me of when I was way more
horny and just like way more like sexually active, and
I just like I cared about that, you know, I
had some drive, some motivation. But now I'm just just
a loner with the boner and these sweatpants, you know,
and just like you do look horny. Yeah, I mean
because I have horns. I was born with the horns,
you know. I mean, this doesn't mean I.
Speaker 4: Am Clayton just out of curiosity. Sorry, is your penis sharp?
Speaker 2: I mean no, it's just pretty dull.
Speaker 1: You know, it's canonically established that it's like eighteen inches
wide and two inches long.
Speaker 4: Yeah, real, mushroom down.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna be so real with you.
Speaker 1: And my mom always did say that my circumcision went great.
Speaker 3: You know, she was always like it waited perfectly. She
always made sure to tell me you had an excellent circumcision.
We had the best doctors. It went awesome. It was great,
and they were all clamoring about how impressed they were
without well they did. It always made me think, like,
why she keeps saying that what actually happened?
Speaker 1: And it's a weird thing to emphasize every time you
see your mom.
Speaker 3: But she does it, you know, and she still does it.
Now I'm second guessing everything.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I know what happened. What she wanted a girl?
Speaker 2: Oh my god.
Speaker 1: Well to the question about sex and video games, Yeah,
when you were a kid playing video games, what are
those sex scenes?
Speaker 2: Like, the only version we got in Hell was just
all scat, you know.
Speaker 3: Just hu shit, you know, all the worst kind of
like we never got next gen graphics. We're still kind
of caught in then N sixty four in one era.
But like that's the one thing that Hell developers of
our video games go really.
Speaker 2: Hard on is the graphic graphic detail.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it is one of those things too, where kind
of like in the nineties where there's rumors of codes
and things to unlock better sex scenes or take off clothes,
but none of them work. Nope, but there's always rumors,
so you always try. Yeah, someone's uncle always works in Nintendo.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I know how to get Mario to take his
pants off?
Speaker 1: What really?
Speaker 2: What's his mushroom look like?
Speaker 1: Does it make him grow?
Speaker 4: All you have to do is you push B once
for forty minutes? Uh uh uh huh and then he
drops his pants.
Speaker 1: Hello, really full monte.
Speaker 4: Yeah, he drops his pants And it's funny because Nintendo,
you think eight bits not a lot of detail, so
much detail.
Speaker 1: They just used the gumba sprite.
Speaker 4: Imagine thirty of those tipped sideways with its tongue out ribbed. Yeah,
pre ribbed. I'm sorry, I don't know if that helps
with your question.
Speaker 1: Well, if you have more follow up questions, you can
submit them a Good Morning from hell dot com or
now on our discord Perry.
Speaker 4: I hope this is the only bright spot in your day.
Speaker 2: Even though it's just very dull and not bright at all.
So Pari's in for a.
Speaker 1: Bad day seasonal depression. Do you have like a nickname
or something? We could call you for short.
Speaker 4: And call me ceazyez all right, cause you know what
what eazy?
Speaker 1: That's clever.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you don't even need enunciate. I don't need anyone
over using their tongues. No, you need to be able
to say my name with your mouth full.
Speaker 1: Do you date? What's your social life?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 4: Fuck around around a lot.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, is it not like fulfilling? I mean
it sounds like you're just being a little evasive.
Speaker 4: Now I'm more curious, to be honest, I mainly date
other clouds, Okay. I don't like to kiss and tell,
you know. But there's this one cumulus nimbus.
Speaker 1: Uh huh.
Speaker 4: She could do things with her nebulous shape.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean those curves just.
Speaker 4: Blow your damn mic so fla.
Speaker 2: Do you feel as spark like lightnings?
Speaker 4: Yea, Sometimes there is a lightning. Sometimes it's not about lightning.
Sometimes it's just about cuddling up to your cloud. Yeah,
sometimes it's for real sexy. Sometimes there is rain, but
we've all learned and if you want the rain, sometimes
you gotta gotta deal with the sunshine because the cloud
will always come back.
Speaker 1: Around seasonal depression. You're kind of leaning away from the mic.
Speaker 4: There, sorry, it's just fall asleep. I love it.
Speaker 1: What about like fog?
Speaker 4: You would think that depression and fog would go together,
but everyone's always excited to see fog, and I was like, oh,
look it's foggy out. Yeah.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 4: People don't expect to see clouds on the ground, so
that don't make people happy. You wouldn't expect that.
Speaker 2: It is pretty novel. It's a cool experience. Although sometimes
I get brain fog.
Speaker 4: That's all the fog we want. That's not actual fog though,
that's a misnomer. Fog and brain fog not related. You
get brain fog because your mind is trying to sort
through the infinite nothingness of your existence is and also
if you have a little too much sugar, you can
get brain frog.
Speaker 1: I'm getting that right now, those oreos are getting What
about like I don't know, Vitamin D.
Speaker 4: Vitamin D can suck my Vitamin dick. I do all
all this work to make people think that the only
thing that's gonna help them is watching all twelve seasons
a Great British Baking Show, and then vitamin D comes in,
you go outside feel a little better, Like, fuck you man,
you didn't even put any effort into this. The sun
just shine. I have to do real shit.
Speaker 1: I mean, you block the sun, so wouldn't you theoretically
be absorbing a lot of vitamin D? Like, what do
you do with that?
Speaker 4: I just try and put it right back into the melanoma.
I try and shine it back down on the people
who don't need it and give them cancer, because that's
the least I can do.
Speaker 1: Okay, appreciate it.
Speaker 2: It's great.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's seasonal depression. Yeah, and then there's also seasonal
effective disorder, which smells sad. Sad?
Speaker 2: Yeah, sad?
Speaker 1: Is that just like another name for you, like nickname
or something? Are you like andolf?
Speaker 4: It is a little like a cand off the Great
and off the White situation. You see. The problem is
when you're into some really weird, kinky stuff, people don't
like to admit that they're depressed. It's like people with
seasonal effective disorder. That's just me in a different sweater. No,
you know, not everyone likes to say that they're into
like being a furry or whatever. But you might be
like I love animals and then you get to it. Yeah,
the word depression has been yeah, and really what I am?
It's just that everyone has depression inside of them, they
just don't know yet. There should be no shame in it.
In fact, you should be loud and proud about how
depressed you are. The way to do it is to
get those sweatpants, and everyone will know if you get
those sweatpants that you have no goals in your life
that you'll ever be able to accomplish, no purpose. You
just have an identity that is based on a brand.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, if anything, go to store dot held up where
what the fuck is it?
Speaker 1: Store dot? Good morning from hell dot com.
Speaker 4: Stort, good morning from hell. Use that last bit of
money you have from your minimum wage jobs to buy
those sweatpants and announce that you're depressed. Yeah, because at
least if you see someone else who's depressed, you won't
be able to connect with them because you have no
social skills and your experiences will not relate to anyone else's.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, I've been kind of staring at my pants,
you know, kind of like zoning out, not really being present,
and I just had the thought that, like do you
and anxiety kind of go hand in hand, because now
that I'm thinking about it, I'm terrified that if I
go out in public in these sweatpants, someone will pants me.
Speaker 2: You know, they're just so easy to rip off.
Speaker 1: Well, but you've built up that little defense mechanism right
there to keep my boner. Yes, I mean it is
like kind of a speed bump, but you know it's
not gonna be enough to stop it.
Speaker 4: Well, anxiety and the once be honest, we fuck around. Really,
to use the parlance of our times, we fuck around.
Speaker 1: Yeah, what about you and the clouds y'all? Over all?
Speaker 2: I think they're open.
Speaker 4: Sometimes we bring anxiety into the like if you're going
on a picnic.
Speaker 1: Uh.
Speaker 4: Yeah, the clouds and I we get together, I mean
the dark gray clouds and we say we're bringing rain.
If there's a wedding, oh outside wedding, bring anxiety into that.
We'll ruin any special day. Yeah, because that's what we
love to do. That's where we get off. Yeah. Oh
my god.
Speaker 1: But does that not give you like a moment of joy,
like of happiness.
Speaker 4: There's not a moment of happiness. It's just a moment
of seeing other people sad. I wouldn't say it brings
me happiness per se, because that would ruin me, but fulfillment.
Speaker 1: Yes, I guess that's a weird thing to think about.
Anytime you're nervous about your wedding getting ruined or your
special day, that really is just a weird orgy happening
up in the sky.
Speaker 4: Yeah, there's just a couple of clouds getting together, bumping nasties.
Speaker 3: Now that I'm thinking about it, the next time I
experience that level of sadness in depression and anxiety, I'm
just gonna know.
Speaker 2: I'm not getting laid, but people are and it's not me.
Speaker 4: Well, clouds are, yeah, better than what I'm getting.
Speaker 1: Are you related to post nut Clarity. That's a great question. Yeah,
it's very comparable ant post Nut.
Speaker 4: Yeah, she's great, the best.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry ant post Nut.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I haven't seen her in a while. You know,
she doesn't always show up. But it makes a great
potato salad.
Speaker 2: I don't know if I want to know what that
potato salads made out of.
Speaker 1: To be honest, and post nut Clarity makes good potato salad.
Speaker 4: You know exactly what's in that potato salad, and that
won't stop you from eating it because you're a depressed slob.
Speaker 2: You're so right, You're so right.
Speaker 1: I see you brought some with try it.
Speaker 4: It is great.
Speaker 1: I mean it's just been sitting in a car all day.
It looks like, oh, maybe it's better with oreos. I mean,
who fucking cares?
Speaker 4: Dunke it, dunky.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna dunk it. I'm already through two.
Speaker 4: Sleeves and you know you want a dunky, I'm.
Speaker 1: Gonna don't get it. I'm just gonna just put it. Yeah,
that's definitely Seaman. That's definitely post not clarity.
Speaker 4: Hey, Chris, have you played that guitar since college?
Speaker 1: Sometimes that's a no, that's a no. What can you
play a couple of the songs I knew in college?
I know, Cute without the e by taking Back Sunday
that's kind of a depressing emo song.
Speaker 4: So is that band still active or are they playing
any county fairs or anything like that?
Speaker 1: Probably?
Speaker 2: I bet they look older and sadder now.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it is really sad to see the bands you
grew up listening to and they look like old people
and you're like, wait, what does that mean? I am?
Speaker 3: But they're still like trying to dress, like how they
were when they were hot, you know, yeah, but now
they're closed, semal fitted and just kind of dated.
Speaker 4: More like taking nap Sunday. Yeah, that's where we should
all do.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm just going to this table here.
Speaker 1: Thanks everyone for all your support, Not that it really matters,
but it really does. Go to a good money from
hell dot com and you know, waste your money because
maybe I don't give you a moment of happiness but
like not really fleeting, fleeting leading.
Speaker 4: A moment of fleeting happiness. Yeah, by your empty consumerism.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Well this has been so much fun, guys, thank you
for having me.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Man, you'll be around probably for the next couple
of months anyway.
Speaker 1: Yourself comfortable, you know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's cool.
Speaker 1: It's cool.
Speaker 4: Remember, don't go outside, don't get enough sleep. It's not
gonna help that.
Speaker 2: Walk, won't do anything that come coffee it is fleeting.
Speaker 4: And don't make any phone calls dif friends.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think I'm just gonna go stare at the
Christmas tree and think of like a bygone era where
I was actually enjoying things.
Speaker 2: Just stare at the little blinking lights.
Speaker 4: And thank you so much. And if you ever feel
like you're totally alone. Just remember you are fuck kill Clayton,
Hell Clayton.
Speaker 1: Hello, and thank you Zach Anner for joining us.
Speaker 4: Thank you.
Speaker 2: That was depressing.
Speaker 1: Yeah for coming to being seasonal depression for us. You've
been on the show. Basically you're our Thanksgiving tradition. Tradition. Yeah,
just like ant post dot clarities, potato salad.
Speaker 4: Yeah, delicious.
Speaker 1: Where can people find more of you? What are you doing?
Speaker 7: They can find me on all the Instagram, social media, Facebook, TikTok,
all the things, or you can mostly these days, I
do motivate.
Speaker 4: Well. So if you have a confidence where you want
me to come and.
Speaker 2: Do what you just did?
Speaker 1: Yup, good outlook on life Zachanner dot com with a
c H. And you're also on a podcast, Answer for It.
Speaker 4: Answer for It, Yes, Answer for It podcast. It's a
comedy podcast disguised as a trivia podcast.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 7: So it's with me, Elise Wiliams, James Williams and aj Lokassio.
Speaker 4: Very funny. Check it out. It's great and it's the best,
and yeah, we have a lot more on that.
Speaker 1: I'll just all right, well we're gonna go record. Why
are we going to hell? There's a lot of reasons now,
but yeah, check out Zach at zachcanner dot com or
just search Zach Anner on YouTube or anything else, or
answer for it all right, bye bye bye