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<v Speaker 1>So Father's Day was a few days ago, and I

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<v Speaker 1>think I did a post about being a grandfather. I've

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<v Speaker 1>done this kind of grandfather stuff and what that means

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<v Speaker 1>myself being a father and a grandfather, and I've talked

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<v Speaker 1>about that side, but I decided to talk about the

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<v Speaker 1>other side, me not having a father. It's interesting because

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<v Speaker 1>I did a post last Friday. I decided to do

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<v Speaker 1>I do a blog every day, a lot of help

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<v Speaker 1>dot com.

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<v Speaker 2>It's a website, and I usually.

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<v Speaker 1>Even if I talk about things that are kind of negative,

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<v Speaker 1>and still try to put like some kind of positive

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<v Speaker 1>spin or some kind of lesson, and that's my side,

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<v Speaker 1>not you. I said, fuck it, no positive spin, no lesson.

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<v Speaker 1>Let's just be real. Let's talk about something that's real

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<v Speaker 1>and a real feeling. I'm and I And at first

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<v Speaker 1>I was like, do I want to do that? I said, no,

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<v Speaker 1>I do as part of my part of my branding

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<v Speaker 1>is being real and people usually can relate to it.

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<v Speaker 1>And I just wrote, I said, I did, even wrote

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<v Speaker 1>in a blog, I go, there's no boo at the end,

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<v Speaker 1>there's no happy ending, no lesson. I'm trying to teach.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm just trying to reach out to people who may

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<v Speaker 1>be in a position like me. Now, I'm not talking

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<v Speaker 1>about the ones whose fathers are are dead. They had

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<v Speaker 1>a great father and their gone. I'm not addressing those people.

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<v Speaker 1>I thought about those of us who were either never

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<v Speaker 1>had one, were rejected by their own father. Their father

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<v Speaker 1>is alive, and what's nothing to do with you. I'm

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<v Speaker 1>talking to those people, and I'm like, it's and that

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<v Speaker 1>how we have to live with it, and how we

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<v Speaker 1>have to move on and go on as traumatic and

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<v Speaker 1>there is no happy surprise and there's no substitute for

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<v Speaker 1>that at all. My father, which I share his name,

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<v Speaker 1>I tried my best to work a relationship with him,

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<v Speaker 1>and for whatever reason, as I say, for a reason

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<v Speaker 1>I don't fully understand. I can name things and situations,

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<v Speaker 1>but that's not even just overall, we walked the earth

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<v Speaker 1>two separate ways.

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<v Speaker 2>He lives in the same city as I.

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<v Speaker 1>Do, never see him, never calls, their texts, nothing, I

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<v Speaker 1>don't even have his phone U him and I don't

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<v Speaker 1>even know what's going on with him at all. I

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<v Speaker 1>follow his wife on social media on LinkedIn, and she

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, I've met her a long time and she

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<v Speaker 1>was nice. I had some siblings I never met all

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<v Speaker 1>the stuff I'm just like and it's because he has

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<v Speaker 1>chosen and told me, and I was with nothing is

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<v Speaker 1>a relationship with me.

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<v Speaker 2>And you know, I don't talk about it very often.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm talking about on here and I'm not very often.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, I was strong, and I was strong in

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<v Speaker 1>my resolve I was. I actually have forgiven him, I

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<v Speaker 1>really have and I still have forgiven him for my

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<v Speaker 1>upbringing and all things that went down. I recognized parts

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<v Speaker 1>that were my doing, parts that I had in it,

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<v Speaker 1>parts of lot of folks had in a public, parts

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<v Speaker 1>that were just everybody was young, you know what was

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<v Speaker 1>going on, you know, all kinds of stuff. I went

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<v Speaker 1>to therapy that I was stuff looking at the stuff,

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<v Speaker 1>and I really have forgiven him for the past, because

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<v Speaker 1>you can't change it.

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<v Speaker 2>Past the pack. Oh my god, really, you.

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<v Speaker 1>Guys heard that. I think my alarm went off. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>The point is that I don't. I'm not actually holding

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<v Speaker 1>on to anything for my childhood. I don't like say

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<v Speaker 1>his name. I don't flinch I used to or get

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<v Speaker 1>just super angry like I used to. Oh that's actually

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<v Speaker 1>really gone, it's not at all. But what's funny is

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<v Speaker 1>what I'm left with. I'm left with this kind of

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<v Speaker 1>hole in my in somewhere. It's a small hole, but

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<v Speaker 1>it's a hole I think about all the time. But

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<v Speaker 1>like things like this come around or cera situations in

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<v Speaker 1>my life from like God, I wish I had a

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<v Speaker 1>father to talk to you about certain things, may have

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<v Speaker 1>shared some wisdom with me or share a.

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<v Speaker 2>Laugh, you know.

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<v Speaker 1>And I know he and I have some things in common,

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<v Speaker 1>so I think.

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<v Speaker 2>We probably could really talk about stuff.

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<v Speaker 1>And he was close to his father, so I know

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<v Speaker 1>there's a generational thing going there. But he's also taught

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<v Speaker 1>me a lot about business. He's taught me a lot

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<v Speaker 1>of stuff in weird ways to let the messages. The

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<v Speaker 1>message came through, but I got it. But to be

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<v Speaker 1>rejected by anybody is trauma enough, and something that's going

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<v Speaker 1>you gonna hold onto you. That's you know, you never

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<v Speaker 1>really get over it. You put it somewhere, but you

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<v Speaker 1>never get over it. So I'm left with not the

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<v Speaker 1>stuff for my childhood, not all the other stuff, but

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<v Speaker 1>other the fighting and things like that. Stuff that's the past.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm left with the rejection. And I have a father

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<v Speaker 1>out there who wants something to do with me, and

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<v Speaker 1>I know I do anything wrong, So that's the part

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<v Speaker 1>that's that hurts sometimes.

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<v Speaker 2>And he texted my brother, he chected me, my sisters.

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<v Speaker 2>He was all to sitting here like this man out

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<v Speaker 2>there and has nothing to do with us, And.

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<v Speaker 1>That's just so crazy to me. So Father's Day happens,

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<v Speaker 1>and I'm like I the one stepfather I cared about

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<v Speaker 1>died a few years ago. He was a true stepfather,

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<v Speaker 1>but he still wasn't my father father. He was a

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<v Speaker 1>father figure. I talked to him about certain things. Moses,

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<v Speaker 1>who was the most recent my mother's husband. He wasn't

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<v Speaker 1>really my father. He came to my life way too late.

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<v Speaker 1>We had nothing in common. He didn't he didn't talk

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<v Speaker 1>a lot. I grew to care about him because he

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<v Speaker 1>can't read a little. My mother so much and he

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<v Speaker 1>was a nice guy, but he didn't fulfill that role

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<v Speaker 1>at all.

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<v Speaker 2>I have a couple of good.

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<v Speaker 1>Memories with them, but I remember Father's Days so that

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<v Speaker 1>we get car stuff for him. Was like it was

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<v Speaker 1>more just to honor him for being there for my mom.

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<v Speaker 1>It was more of a respect thing for me. I

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<v Speaker 1>didn't have was he was my day? Wasn't my dad?

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<v Speaker 1>My godfather isn't really reach out to me. We don't

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<v Speaker 1>have that kind of relationship at all. So it's kind

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<v Speaker 1>of like it's just like, wow, and I have uncles,

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<v Speaker 1>have one, so I have I watch some one to

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<v Speaker 1>pig sure clear wheness I have one uncle, I talk

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<v Speaker 1>to you, but he's literally two years older than me,

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<v Speaker 1>so he don't count. But I have other uncles who

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<v Speaker 1>my father's brothers, four brothers. But then I'm talking to me.

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<v Speaker 1>None them reach out to me, none of them. None

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<v Speaker 1>of them give two shits about me. That's not a

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<v Speaker 1>hard thing to do. It's one of those things, is

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<v Speaker 1>I know, it's not it has to do with me,

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<v Speaker 1>not like they're doing anything towards me or against me.

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<v Speaker 2>I do anything to them, so that that's not it.

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<v Speaker 2>It's just that.

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<v Speaker 1>When they if they ever see me, it's like, oh

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<v Speaker 1>my god, hi, you know, how are you? And then

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<v Speaker 1>out of side, out of mine. There's no closeness nothing.

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<v Speaker 1>And I had one uncle, but I think someone promise him,

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<v Speaker 1>but we don't doesn't talk.

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<v Speaker 2>We don't talk.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm talking to have my family anyways, that's no story.

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<v Speaker 1>But staying on a father theme, yeah, there's no lesson

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<v Speaker 1>on this Ei. There's no lessons, just this is just

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<v Speaker 1>me talking. There's no lesson, there's no silver lining, there's

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<v Speaker 1>no happy ending.

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<v Speaker 2>It just it sucks.

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<v Speaker 1>And for you guys out there who are going through

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<v Speaker 1>something similar like that I'm going through, I feel you.

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<v Speaker 2>It's it's a mixed bag.

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<v Speaker 1>And because I am a father and grandfather, so I

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<v Speaker 1>do get my family's not here in LA it's always

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<v Speaker 1>mixed back. Fathers is always mixed back anyway. But I'm

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<v Speaker 1>learning this. I'm learning to shay. This is for a

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<v Speaker 1>fifty plus crowd out there, especially to you. I'm learning

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<v Speaker 1>because I don't have that kind of family set up

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<v Speaker 1>or a kind of family my life that and it

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<v Speaker 1>could change later who knows, But for now it's just

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<v Speaker 1>not there. Birthdays and holidays don't mean as much, just

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<v Speaker 1>be much to me anymore. Like that, my view of

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<v Speaker 1>them are starting to change and I'm not going to

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<v Speaker 1>not now on me like I hate them, Like, oh

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<v Speaker 1>my god, I still decorate for Christmas. I was like,

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<v Speaker 1>it's more for me now I do stuff kind of

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<v Speaker 1>more for me. I know, it's kind of sad. I've

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<v Speaker 1>got myself. I buy myself presents, Rother's Day and my

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<v Speaker 1>birthday because people just don't. So I'm was like, it's

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<v Speaker 1>just I just do stuff for me, and I think

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<v Speaker 1>that I did the earlier show this year on this

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<v Speaker 1>after after my dismal birthday, I was like, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not selling my birthday anymore for people. I've just decided,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, I have a birthday, I'll celebrate myself do

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<v Speaker 1>I'll just do whatever I want.

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<v Speaker 2>People can give me all.

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<v Speaker 1>The think see me, all the messages and all that

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<v Speaker 1>kind of stuff, but no one's obligated ever to sell

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<v Speaker 1>my birthday with me.

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<v Speaker 2>Ever. That that's done. That's what this year is done.

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<v Speaker 1>I asked some nice surprises, that was just they were

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<v Speaker 1>acute surprises. That's fine. From Afar, It's fine, but I'm.

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<v Speaker 2>Gonna call it.

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<v Speaker 1>And this Father's Day, I'm sure I'm probably gonna I

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<v Speaker 1>both well, one of my daughters will be out of

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<v Speaker 1>town on business. She may not leave a message. She

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<v Speaker 1>might not sure the other daughter she will call your message.

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<v Speaker 1>I probably won't hear from my grandkids.

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<v Speaker 2>They won't. They won't. They won't.

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<v Speaker 1>They might they might. I don't know, but I doubt

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<v Speaker 1>I will. I'll hear from other people. Go say any

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<v Speaker 1>follows say to me, that's gonna happen. So it's as

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<v Speaker 1>you get older. I mean I always heard this. I

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<v Speaker 1>always heard this, and part of me did not want

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<v Speaker 1>to believe it. But everything I've heard about when you

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<v Speaker 1>get older is coming true. In terms of relationships and

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<v Speaker 1>how you've viewed certain things. It starts to change, and

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<v Speaker 1>maybe it's not a bad thing. This is new for me.

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<v Speaker 1>It's all new for me. So as I lean in

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<v Speaker 1>to it, maybe becomes something where I'm comfortable and it's fine,

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<v Speaker 1>and may just get used to it.

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<v Speaker 2>But this is all new for me, so it's a

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<v Speaker 2>little painful.

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<v Speaker 1>And that's why shows like this, I can talk to

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<v Speaker 1>you about it. And this was fifty plus. I'm drinking

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<v Speaker 1>Junior Tuesdays. We're talking out with older folks.

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<v Speaker 2>Tell you later.