Speaker 1: So Father's Day was a few days ago, and I
Speaker 1: think I did a post about being a grandfather. I've
Speaker 1: done this kind of grandfather stuff and what that means
Speaker 1: myself being a father and a grandfather, and I've talked
Speaker 1: about that side, but I decided to talk about the
Speaker 1: other side, me not having a father. It's interesting because
Speaker 1: I did a post last Friday. I decided to do
Speaker 1: I do a blog every day, a lot of help
Speaker 1: dot com.
Speaker 2: It's a website, and I usually.
Speaker 1: Even if I talk about things that are kind of negative,
Speaker 1: and still try to put like some kind of positive
Speaker 1: spin or some kind of lesson, and that's my side,
Speaker 1: not you. I said, fuck it, no positive spin, no lesson.
Speaker 1: Let's just be real. Let's talk about something that's real
Speaker 1: and a real feeling. I'm and I And at first
Speaker 1: I was like, do I want to do that? I said, no,
Speaker 1: I do as part of my part of my branding
Speaker 1: is being real and people usually can relate to it.
Speaker 1: And I just wrote, I said, I did, even wrote
Speaker 1: in a blog, I go, there's no boo at the end,
Speaker 1: there's no happy ending, no lesson. I'm trying to teach.
Speaker 1: I'm just trying to reach out to people who may
Speaker 1: be in a position like me. Now, I'm not talking
Speaker 1: about the ones whose fathers are are dead. They had
Speaker 1: a great father and their gone. I'm not addressing those people.
Speaker 1: I thought about those of us who were either never
Speaker 1: had one, were rejected by their own father. Their father
Speaker 1: is alive, and what's nothing to do with you. I'm
Speaker 1: talking to those people, and I'm like, it's and that
Speaker 1: how we have to live with it, and how we
Speaker 1: have to move on and go on as traumatic and
Speaker 1: there is no happy surprise and there's no substitute for
Speaker 1: that at all. My father, which I share his name,
Speaker 1: I tried my best to work a relationship with him,
Speaker 1: and for whatever reason, as I say, for a reason
Speaker 1: I don't fully understand. I can name things and situations,
Speaker 1: but that's not even just overall, we walked the earth
Speaker 1: two separate ways.
Speaker 2: He lives in the same city as I.
Speaker 1: Do, never see him, never calls, their texts, nothing, I
Speaker 1: don't even have his phone U him and I don't
Speaker 1: even know what's going on with him at all. I
Speaker 1: follow his wife on social media on LinkedIn, and she
Speaker 1: I mean, I've met her a long time and she
Speaker 1: was nice. I had some siblings I never met all
Speaker 1: the stuff I'm just like and it's because he has
Speaker 1: chosen and told me, and I was with nothing is
Speaker 1: a relationship with me.
Speaker 2: And you know, I don't talk about it very often.
Speaker 2: I don't.
Speaker 1: I'm talking about on here and I'm not very often.
Speaker 1: You know, I was strong, and I was strong in
Speaker 1: my resolve I was. I actually have forgiven him, I
Speaker 1: really have and I still have forgiven him for my
Speaker 1: upbringing and all things that went down. I recognized parts
Speaker 1: that were my doing, parts that I had in it,
Speaker 1: parts of lot of folks had in a public, parts
Speaker 1: that were just everybody was young, you know what was
Speaker 1: going on, you know, all kinds of stuff. I went
Speaker 1: to therapy that I was stuff looking at the stuff,
Speaker 1: and I really have forgiven him for the past, because
Speaker 1: you can't change it.
Speaker 2: Past the pack. Oh my god, really, you.
Speaker 1: Guys heard that. I think my alarm went off. Okay,
Speaker 1: The point is that I don't. I'm not actually holding
Speaker 1: on to anything for my childhood. I don't like say
Speaker 1: his name. I don't flinch I used to or get
Speaker 1: just super angry like I used to. Oh that's actually
Speaker 1: really gone, it's not at all. But what's funny is
Speaker 1: what I'm left with. I'm left with this kind of
Speaker 1: hole in my in somewhere. It's a small hole, but
Speaker 1: it's a hole I think about all the time. But
Speaker 1: like things like this come around or cera situations in
Speaker 1: my life from like God, I wish I had a
Speaker 1: father to talk to you about certain things, may have
Speaker 1: shared some wisdom with me or share a.
Speaker 2: Laugh, you know.
Speaker 1: And I know he and I have some things in common,
Speaker 1: so I think.
Speaker 2: We probably could really talk about stuff.
Speaker 1: And he was close to his father, so I know
Speaker 1: there's a generational thing going there. But he's also taught
Speaker 1: me a lot about business. He's taught me a lot
Speaker 1: of stuff in weird ways to let the messages. The
Speaker 1: message came through, but I got it. But to be
Speaker 1: rejected by anybody is trauma enough, and something that's going
Speaker 1: you gonna hold onto you. That's you know, you never
Speaker 1: really get over it. You put it somewhere, but you
Speaker 1: never get over it. So I'm left with not the
Speaker 1: stuff for my childhood, not all the other stuff, but
Speaker 1: other the fighting and things like that. Stuff that's the past.
Speaker 1: I'm left with the rejection. And I have a father
Speaker 1: out there who wants something to do with me, and
Speaker 1: I know I do anything wrong, So that's the part
Speaker 1: that's that hurts sometimes.
Speaker 2: And he texted my brother, he chected me, my sisters.
Speaker 2: He was all to sitting here like this man out
Speaker 2: there and has nothing to do with us, And.
Speaker 1: That's just so crazy to me. So Father's Day happens,
Speaker 1: and I'm like I the one stepfather I cared about
Speaker 1: died a few years ago. He was a true stepfather,
Speaker 1: but he still wasn't my father father. He was a
Speaker 1: father figure. I talked to him about certain things. Moses,
Speaker 1: who was the most recent my mother's husband. He wasn't
Speaker 1: really my father. He came to my life way too late.
Speaker 1: We had nothing in common. He didn't he didn't talk
Speaker 1: a lot. I grew to care about him because he
Speaker 1: can't read a little. My mother so much and he
Speaker 1: was a nice guy, but he didn't fulfill that role
Speaker 1: at all.
Speaker 2: I have a couple of good.
Speaker 1: Memories with them, but I remember Father's Days so that
Speaker 1: we get car stuff for him. Was like it was
Speaker 1: more just to honor him for being there for my mom.
Speaker 1: It was more of a respect thing for me. I
Speaker 1: didn't have was he was my day? Wasn't my dad?
Speaker 1: My godfather isn't really reach out to me. We don't
Speaker 1: have that kind of relationship at all. So it's kind
Speaker 1: of like it's just like, wow, and I have uncles,
Speaker 1: have one, so I have I watch some one to
Speaker 1: pig sure clear wheness I have one uncle, I talk
Speaker 1: to you, but he's literally two years older than me,
Speaker 1: so he don't count. But I have other uncles who
Speaker 1: my father's brothers, four brothers. But then I'm talking to me.
Speaker 1: None them reach out to me, none of them. None
Speaker 1: of them give two shits about me. That's not a
Speaker 1: hard thing to do. It's one of those things, is
Speaker 1: I know, it's not it has to do with me,
Speaker 1: not like they're doing anything towards me or against me.
Speaker 2: I do anything to them, so that that's not it.
Speaker 2: It's just that.
Speaker 1: When they if they ever see me, it's like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, hi, you know, how are you? And then
Speaker 1: out of side, out of mine. There's no closeness nothing.
Speaker 1: And I had one uncle, but I think someone promise him,
Speaker 1: but we don't doesn't talk.
Speaker 2: We don't talk.
Speaker 1: I'm talking to have my family anyways, that's no story.
Speaker 1: But staying on a father theme, yeah, there's no lesson
Speaker 1: on this Ei. There's no lessons, just this is just
Speaker 1: me talking. There's no lesson, there's no silver lining, there's
Speaker 1: no happy ending.
Speaker 2: It just it sucks.
Speaker 1: And for you guys out there who are going through
Speaker 1: something similar like that I'm going through, I feel you.
Speaker 2: It's it's a mixed bag.
Speaker 1: And because I am a father and grandfather, so I
Speaker 1: do get my family's not here in LA it's always
Speaker 1: mixed back. Fathers is always mixed back anyway. But I'm
Speaker 1: learning this. I'm learning to shay. This is for a
Speaker 1: fifty plus crowd out there, especially to you. I'm learning
Speaker 1: because I don't have that kind of family set up
Speaker 1: or a kind of family my life that and it
Speaker 1: could change later who knows, But for now it's just
Speaker 1: not there. Birthdays and holidays don't mean as much, just
Speaker 1: be much to me anymore. Like that, my view of
Speaker 1: them are starting to change and I'm not going to
Speaker 1: not now on me like I hate them, Like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, I still decorate for Christmas. I was like,
Speaker 1: it's more for me now I do stuff kind of
Speaker 1: more for me. I know, it's kind of sad. I've
Speaker 1: got myself. I buy myself presents, Rother's Day and my
Speaker 1: birthday because people just don't. So I'm was like, it's
Speaker 1: just I just do stuff for me, and I think
Speaker 1: that I did the earlier show this year on this
Speaker 1: after after my dismal birthday, I was like, you know,
Speaker 1: I'm not selling my birthday anymore for people. I've just decided,
Speaker 1: you know, I have a birthday, I'll celebrate myself do
Speaker 1: I'll just do whatever I want.
Speaker 2: People can give me all.
Speaker 1: The think see me, all the messages and all that
Speaker 1: kind of stuff, but no one's obligated ever to sell
Speaker 1: my birthday with me.
Speaker 2: Ever. That that's done. That's what this year is done.
Speaker 1: I asked some nice surprises, that was just they were
Speaker 1: acute surprises. That's fine. From Afar, It's fine, but I'm.
Speaker 2: Gonna call it.
Speaker 1: And this Father's Day, I'm sure I'm probably gonna I
Speaker 1: both well, one of my daughters will be out of
Speaker 1: town on business. She may not leave a message. She
Speaker 1: might not sure the other daughter she will call your message.
Speaker 1: I probably won't hear from my grandkids.
Speaker 2: They won't. They won't. They won't.
Speaker 1: They might they might. I don't know, but I doubt
Speaker 1: I will. I'll hear from other people. Go say any
Speaker 1: follows say to me, that's gonna happen. So it's as
Speaker 1: you get older. I mean I always heard this. I
Speaker 1: always heard this, and part of me did not want
Speaker 1: to believe it. But everything I've heard about when you
Speaker 1: get older is coming true. In terms of relationships and
Speaker 1: how you've viewed certain things. It starts to change, and
Speaker 1: maybe it's not a bad thing. This is new for me.
Speaker 1: It's all new for me. So as I lean in
Speaker 1: to it, maybe becomes something where I'm comfortable and it's fine,
Speaker 1: and may just get used to it.
Speaker 2: But this is all new for me, so it's a
Speaker 2: little painful.
Speaker 1: And that's why shows like this, I can talk to
Speaker 1: you about it. And this was fifty plus. I'm drinking
Speaker 1: Junior Tuesdays. We're talking out with older folks.
Speaker 2: Tell you later.