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Speaker 1: Well, well, well, look, who's finally here? Took you long enough,

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didn't it? Got lost?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: I know you always get lost on this side of town. Actually,

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you get lost everywhere. That's why I gave you very

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specific directions. Excuse me. They were perfectly clearer. I could

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not possibly have been clearer. It was a voice message,

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and I did it while I was driving here, so

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it was even timed perfectly.

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Speaker 2: How could you mess that up?

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Speaker 1: I don't drive that fast. You should have been able

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to keep up. How did you even get lost? Did

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you take the wrong exit or something? What? How did

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you even end up down there? That's like twenty minutes

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in the other direction. Oh god, you're hopeless with directions.

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I bet you'd get lost in a hallway with no doors.

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You need to have me as your passenger, Princess twenty

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four to seven, or you're gonna be lost forever. Of course,

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you'd need to pay me. My incredible services aren't free,

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you know, But I'm merciful, so I'll let you pay

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me in snacks, band tease and concert tickets. Yeah, but

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the services would be worth it, given how much you

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need help getting places sore? You can anyway, let's go inside.

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I bet I've looked crazy standing out here for the

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past half hour. People are gonna start thinking I'm some

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sort of spirit haunting the place. Huh oh. Yeah, I

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was waiting out here after you got lost. I figured

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it might help you find the house if I was

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waiting outside for you. I mean, it's a bit chilly,

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but it's not too cold, and these mesh undershirts get

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surprisingly hot after you wear them long enough. I guarantee

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I'll be sweating once we get inside.

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Speaker 2: Well, yeah, I waited for you.

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Speaker 1: It would be weird to walk in there alone, especially

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with how many guys are always drooling over the idea

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of having a goth girlfriend. I mean I could, but

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getting into fights generally gets you kicked out of parties.

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I don't want to be here, but you seemed pretty

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excited about it, so I guess I'll hang around. Hey,

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don't call me cute, I'm not cute. Yeah, yeah, whatever.

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Why did you want to come here anyway? You don't

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even like crowded parties practice. What could go into a

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party like this be practiced for except besides learning how

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to hook up with someone?

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Speaker 2: I guess wait, why are you not laughing?

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Speaker 1: Actually? You look kind of embarrassed. Hey, don't ignore me, seriously,

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what's up?

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Speaker 2: Really?

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Speaker 1: No?

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Speaker 2: No, no, I can tell that something's going on. You can

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tell me what it is. You know. Wait?

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Speaker 1: Was that?

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Speaker 2: Was that what I think it was?

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Speaker 1: Huh? No? No, no, you know exactly what I mean.

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That noise on your phone?

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Speaker 2: Yes you do.

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Speaker 1: Let me see your phone? Let me see your phone?

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Speaker 2: Uh, got it.

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Speaker 1: You'll have to be quicker than that next time. Well,

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then you should have known better to give me the

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password to your phone.

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Speaker 2: I figured that you would.

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Speaker 1: Have changed it by now, but I guess I'm lucky

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you haven't.

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Speaker 2: Now, let's see what you're hiding. Hold on, these are

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dating apps? Are you on all of these?

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Speaker 1: Oh?

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Speaker 2: My god, you are.

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Speaker 1: Wow, you're actually doing this online dating stuff now, aren't you.

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Speaker 2: I don't know. I just didn't expect it.

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Speaker 1: You said that you were never interested in like trying

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dating apps or anything like this. I don't even think

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you've ever told me that you wanted to date anyone,

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or that you were even thinking about dating.

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Speaker 2: When did you downloa all of these? Really that long?

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You could have told me?

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Speaker 1: You know.

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Speaker 2: I'm not mad. I just I don't know why you didn't.

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Speaker 1: Tell me we're friends, and I thought that was something that,

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you know, friends usually talked about with each other. No,

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I don't care. I mean I do care because you're

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my friend, You're my best friend, and I want to

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know what's going on in your life. It's just I

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don't know. I hadn't realized that dating was something that

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you were thinking about. It's a pretty big thing, and

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I guess I just felt like it was something that we.

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Speaker 2: Would have talked about. I'm not being weird about this.

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You're the one being weird.

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Speaker 1: Why didn't you tell me that you were trying all

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these dating apps and the party too? You never go

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to parties. When you said it was for practice, you

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meant that you wanted to come here to practice flirting,

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didn't you? Or were you going to ask one of

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the girls here out?

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Speaker 2: Is that what it is?

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Speaker 1: You know?

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Speaker 2: If that's why you wanted.

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Speaker 1: To come here with me, you could have just told

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me the truth. I would have been willing to help.

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I'm not pouting. I'm just annoyed. No, I am not pouting,

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And yes I am annoyed with you because I don't

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know why you didn't tell me any of this. Why

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were you trying to keep it from me. I don't

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get it. Huh what does that mean? Why would I

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make fun of you for getting back into dating. It's

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not like it's weird or anything. It's just dating. It's normal.

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I don't even know how to make fun of someone

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for just what flirting with people and going on dates.

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I mean, unless you did something like accidentally spill coffee

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all over your date and have a whole series of

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unfortunate events go wrong. In that case, I probably wouldn't

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be able to help it. No, no, no, no, But seriously,

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why did you think I was going to make fun

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of you? Just because I'm not dating anyone doesn't mean

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that I hate people who are.

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Speaker 2: I just.

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Speaker 1: Well, listen, all you need to know is that I'm

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not going to make fun of you for wanting to

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have someone special in your life like that me hiding something?

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What are you trying to turn this back around on me?

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Come on, we were.

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Speaker 2: Talking about your dating life.

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Speaker 1: You don't have to ask about mine. No, I am

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not avoiding the subject. I'm just it's complicated, all right. Well,

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I it's just like I said, it's complicated.

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Speaker 2: I'm not hiding anything, and I'm not pouting either a hypocrite.

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I am not a hypocrite. Yeah, but I'm not keeping

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a secret like you were.

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Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, it's not the same. It's completely

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different because it just is because I said so, because there's.

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Speaker 2: Already someone that I want to date.

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Speaker 1: No no, no, no wait, I didn't mean to say that.

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Speaker 2: No no, no, no no.

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Speaker 1: I mean no no, no, yes, no, yes, I it's true,

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but I do, but it's not the same. It's not

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the same as you.

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Speaker 2: No, it isn't.

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Speaker 1: I'm keeping it a secret because because it's.

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Speaker 2: It's someone you know. I mean, it's not it's not

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just that.

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Speaker 1: Okay, okay, oh fine, yes it's true.

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Speaker 2: The person I have a crush on is.

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Speaker 1: It's someone that I guess you could say that you know, yes, really,

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but it doesn't matter.

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Speaker 2: It doesn't matter. Oh can we believe?

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Speaker 1: Just drop this we were talking about you remember, Oh,

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come on, it's not that big of a deal. It's

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just a silly crush. It's not anything big, and it's

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never going to happen anyway. I'm not being mean to myself.

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It just isn't going to happen. I already know it

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won't because it's just not meant to be. I already

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know that they're not into me, and I don't think

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they've ever even thought about me that way. I guess

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I'm just not meant to be with them. No, I'm

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not telling you who they are. That's not gonna make

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me want to tell you their name. If anything, I

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want to tell you even less now. I'm not going

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to let you try to intimidate them into dating me.

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Oh my god, why are you being so persistent? It

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doesn't matter, it's just a crush. It'll probably just pass. Yeah, probably,

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I mean, feelings are unpredictable.

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Speaker 2: I don't know when the crush will go away.

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Speaker 1: What No, no, absolutely, no way I'm gonna ask them out.

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Speaker 2: No, no, no no.

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Speaker 1: Like I said, they're just not into me like that,

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I would end up embarrassing myself and getting rejected. Listen,

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just because you have the confidence to put yourself out there,

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it doesn't mean that I do. I don't think I

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can handle rejection like that, especially after I've had these

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feelings for so damn long. I mean, I guess it's

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been a pretty long.

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Speaker 2: Time, like a few years. Maybe.

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Speaker 1: Hey, I didn't mean for it to go on this long.

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I thought that this crush would have faded away by now,

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but apparently it's decided to stick around longer than planned.

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It sucks, yeah, but at least I don't end up

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getting rejected and they don't hate me. You don't know

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that they might be so mad at me that they

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tell me they never want to see me again, and

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then they might block me on everything and make fun

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of how stupid I am. But but what if they did.

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What if it was too awkward for them to handle

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and they decided they couldn't be friends anymore.

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Speaker 2: I don't know if I'd be able to handle that.

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Speaker 1: I just I still want to be friends with them.

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I'm fine with, you know, only being friends as long

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as they're still my life.

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Speaker 2: It's worth it. What do you mean?

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Speaker 1: You can say it all you want, but that doesn't

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mean that they'll want to date me. What do you

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really mean that you think I'm like girlfriend material?

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Speaker 2: Really?

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Speaker 1: Then?

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Speaker 2: What makes you say that or whatever?

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Speaker 1: I mean?

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Speaker 2: I'm just curious. I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I don't think I'm that cute or even that sweet. Okay, fine, no,

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keep going, I won't interrupt anymore.

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Speaker 2: I'm sorry you mean all of that?

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Speaker 1: You you you think I'm a catch. Oh, I don't

201
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know what to say. I don't know you thought that

202
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about me. No one's ever no one's ever said those

203
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kinds of things to me before.

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Speaker 2: Huh.

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Speaker 1: Oh right, my crush, my crush about that? Well? Uh,

206
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the thing about that is that it's it's well, you

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may you may know them better than you think. Well

208
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a bit closer than that too, No, not quite.

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Speaker 2: What No?

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Speaker 1: Absolutely not again, no, not even close. Okay, now you're

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just being ridiculous.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god.

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Speaker 1: You actually don't have a clue, do you. You're as

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lost with the hints I've been dropping as you are

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with directions. Huh. Evidently you are, though, Yeah you are,

216
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and I have proof mm hmmm, because I, for the

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past several years, have had a huge, uncontrollable, utterly stupid

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crush on you for years and apparently you haven't caught

219
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on even a little bit. What did I shock you

220
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so much that you turned into a statue? Come on,

221
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pick your jaw up off the ground and say something. Hey, no, no, no, seriously, please,

222
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I'm getting nervous.

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Speaker 2: Did I make it weird?

224
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Speaker 1: Because if I did, we could just like never talk

225
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about this again, and we don't have to. Oh, you

226
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know I would have taken just to I like to

227
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date you too, and you did not have to tackle

228
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me in a bear hug, except that you pretty much did.

229
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Speaker 2: I nearly fell over the railing. Wait no, no, no.

230
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Speaker 1: I didn't say that. Come back here, keep hugging me.

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Damn right, you will not come here.

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Speaker 2: That is much better.

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Speaker 1: Now, you better keep hugging me while you tell me

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why you downloaded all of those stupid dating apps, even

235
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though you want to date me. Don't have a chance.

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Of course, you had a chance. You have way more

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than a chance with me. At seriously, any point you

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could have asked me out, and I would have said yes,

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I guess I could have. Yeah, but I was scared. Well,

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you still should have told me even if you were

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scared too, because we could have been dating months ago

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or years ago.

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Speaker 2: Think of all the.

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Speaker 1: Gross, romantic, lovey dovey dumb stuff we could have been

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doing all along, I don't know, like going to concerts together,

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getting each other stupid little gifts and stuff and wearing

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matting outfits, or made candies for each other on Valentine's Day,

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or oh my god, no, we could have done a

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couple's Halloween costume. Oh my god, we've missed out on

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so many good Halloween costume opportunities, but lucky for us,

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there's time. I don't know how we let this go

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for so long. We've missed out on so many things.

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I mean, yeah, we were doing them as friends, but

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we could have been doing them as like a couple.

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Speaker 2: You know, I was shut off.

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Speaker 1: Am I not allowed to smile at the thought of

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us being an actual couple. See you're getting all smiling

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now too, So you don't get to say a damn

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word about how happy I am right now, because you

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are just as sappy as.

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Speaker 2: Me, maybe even worse.

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Speaker 1: Hey, you can't threaten me with a bear hug anymore,

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because I can give you a tackle hug right back.

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I mean at a later time, since I'm in really

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tall platforms right now. But later, I swear I will

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get my revenge if you tried again, you know, if

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I don't twist my ankle first. Okay, Yes, a genl

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hug is fine, less injury that way. You know. I

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always knew you were the cuddly type, but even this

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is like more than I expected.

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Speaker 2: Oh I do.

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Speaker 1: I didn't even realize I was getting goosebumps. I guess

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it's colder out here than I realized.

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Speaker 2: Well, let's go. It's time for us.

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Speaker 1: To do some mushy romance stuff that I've always wanted

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to try.

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Speaker 2: Mm mmm.

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Speaker 1: And now that I have you all to myself, I'm

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gonna drag you everywhere so we can make the most

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every single moment that we have together. I mean, I

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guess you can choose some of the things we do,

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but I'm going first because I called DIBs.

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Speaker 2: Yeah I did look DIBs. See, I knew that you

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would agree. Now, come on, let's go.

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Speaker 1: We're gonna drive around and find a twenty four hour

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diner somewhere and we're gonna share a milkshake with two straws.

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I don't care if it's cliche. It's cute and I

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want to do it. And don't worry, I'll drive