Speaker 1: Well, well, well, look, who's finally here? Took you long enough,
didn't it? Got lost?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: I know you always get lost on this side of town. Actually,
you get lost everywhere. That's why I gave you very
specific directions. Excuse me. They were perfectly clearer. I could
not possibly have been clearer. It was a voice message,
and I did it while I was driving here, so
it was even timed perfectly.
Speaker 2: How could you mess that up?
Speaker 1: I don't drive that fast. You should have been able
to keep up. How did you even get lost? Did
you take the wrong exit or something? What? How did
you even end up down there? That's like twenty minutes
in the other direction. Oh god, you're hopeless with directions.
I bet you'd get lost in a hallway with no doors.
You need to have me as your passenger, Princess twenty
four to seven, or you're gonna be lost forever. Of course,
you'd need to pay me. My incredible services aren't free,
you know, But I'm merciful, so I'll let you pay
me in snacks, band tease and concert tickets. Yeah, but
the services would be worth it, given how much you
need help getting places sore? You can anyway, let's go inside.
I bet I've looked crazy standing out here for the
past half hour. People are gonna start thinking I'm some
sort of spirit haunting the place. Huh oh. Yeah, I
was waiting out here after you got lost. I figured
it might help you find the house if I was
waiting outside for you. I mean, it's a bit chilly,
but it's not too cold, and these mesh undershirts get
surprisingly hot after you wear them long enough. I guarantee
I'll be sweating once we get inside.
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, I waited for you.
Speaker 1: It would be weird to walk in there alone, especially
with how many guys are always drooling over the idea
of having a goth girlfriend. I mean I could, but
getting into fights generally gets you kicked out of parties.
I don't want to be here, but you seemed pretty
excited about it, so I guess I'll hang around. Hey,
don't call me cute, I'm not cute. Yeah, yeah, whatever.
Why did you want to come here anyway? You don't
even like crowded parties practice. What could go into a
party like this be practiced for except besides learning how
to hook up with someone?
Speaker 2: I guess wait, why are you not laughing?
Speaker 1: Actually? You look kind of embarrassed. Hey, don't ignore me, seriously,
what's up?
Speaker 2: Really?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 2: No, no, I can tell that something's going on. You can
tell me what it is. You know. Wait?
Speaker 1: Was that?
Speaker 2: Was that what I think it was?
Speaker 1: Huh? No? No, no, you know exactly what I mean.
That noise on your phone?
Speaker 2: Yes you do.
Speaker 1: Let me see your phone? Let me see your phone?
Speaker 2: Uh, got it.
Speaker 1: You'll have to be quicker than that next time. Well,
then you should have known better to give me the
password to your phone.
Speaker 2: I figured that you would.
Speaker 1: Have changed it by now, but I guess I'm lucky
you haven't.
Speaker 2: Now, let's see what you're hiding. Hold on, these are
dating apps? Are you on all of these?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 2: My god, you are.
Speaker 1: Wow, you're actually doing this online dating stuff now, aren't you.
Speaker 2: I don't know. I just didn't expect it.
Speaker 1: You said that you were never interested in like trying
dating apps or anything like this. I don't even think
you've ever told me that you wanted to date anyone,
or that you were even thinking about dating.
Speaker 2: When did you downloa all of these? Really that long?
You could have told me?
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: I'm not mad. I just I don't know why you didn't.
Speaker 1: Tell me we're friends, and I thought that was something that,
you know, friends usually talked about with each other. No,
I don't care. I mean I do care because you're
my friend, You're my best friend, and I want to
know what's going on in your life. It's just I
don't know. I hadn't realized that dating was something that
you were thinking about. It's a pretty big thing, and
I guess I just felt like it was something that we.
Speaker 2: Would have talked about. I'm not being weird about this.
You're the one being weird.
Speaker 1: Why didn't you tell me that you were trying all
these dating apps and the party too? You never go
to parties. When you said it was for practice, you
meant that you wanted to come here to practice flirting,
didn't you? Or were you going to ask one of
the girls here out?
Speaker 2: Is that what it is?
Speaker 1: You know?
Speaker 2: If that's why you wanted.
Speaker 1: To come here with me, you could have just told
me the truth. I would have been willing to help.
I'm not pouting. I'm just annoyed. No, I am not pouting,
And yes I am annoyed with you because I don't
know why you didn't tell me any of this. Why
were you trying to keep it from me. I don't
get it. Huh what does that mean? Why would I
make fun of you for getting back into dating. It's
not like it's weird or anything. It's just dating. It's normal.
I don't even know how to make fun of someone
for just what flirting with people and going on dates.
I mean, unless you did something like accidentally spill coffee
all over your date and have a whole series of
unfortunate events go wrong. In that case, I probably wouldn't
be able to help it. No, no, no, no, But seriously,
why did you think I was going to make fun
of you? Just because I'm not dating anyone doesn't mean
that I hate people who are.
Speaker 2: I just.
Speaker 1: Well, listen, all you need to know is that I'm
not going to make fun of you for wanting to
have someone special in your life like that me hiding something?
What are you trying to turn this back around on me?
Come on, we were.
Speaker 2: Talking about your dating life.
Speaker 1: You don't have to ask about mine. No, I am
not avoiding the subject. I'm just it's complicated, all right. Well,
I it's just like I said, it's complicated.
Speaker 2: I'm not hiding anything, and I'm not pouting either a hypocrite.
I am not a hypocrite. Yeah, but I'm not keeping
a secret like you were.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, it's not the same. It's completely
different because it just is because I said so, because there's.
Speaker 2: Already someone that I want to date.
Speaker 1: No no, no, no wait, I didn't mean to say that.
Speaker 2: No no, no, no no.
Speaker 1: I mean no no, no, yes, no, yes, I it's true,
but I do, but it's not the same. It's not
the same as you.
Speaker 2: No, it isn't.
Speaker 1: I'm keeping it a secret because because it's.
Speaker 2: It's someone you know. I mean, it's not it's not
just that.
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, oh fine, yes it's true.
Speaker 2: The person I have a crush on is.
Speaker 1: It's someone that I guess you could say that you know, yes, really,
but it doesn't matter.
Speaker 2: It doesn't matter. Oh can we believe?
Speaker 1: Just drop this we were talking about you remember, Oh,
come on, it's not that big of a deal. It's
just a silly crush. It's not anything big, and it's
never going to happen anyway. I'm not being mean to myself.
It just isn't going to happen. I already know it
won't because it's just not meant to be. I already
know that they're not into me, and I don't think
they've ever even thought about me that way. I guess
I'm just not meant to be with them. No, I'm
not telling you who they are. That's not gonna make
me want to tell you their name. If anything, I
want to tell you even less now. I'm not going
to let you try to intimidate them into dating me.
Oh my god, why are you being so persistent? It
doesn't matter, it's just a crush. It'll probably just pass. Yeah, probably,
I mean, feelings are unpredictable.
Speaker 2: I don't know when the crush will go away.
Speaker 1: What No, no, absolutely, no way I'm gonna ask them out.
Speaker 2: No, no, no no.
Speaker 1: Like I said, they're just not into me like that,
I would end up embarrassing myself and getting rejected. Listen,
just because you have the confidence to put yourself out there,
it doesn't mean that I do. I don't think I
can handle rejection like that, especially after I've had these
feelings for so damn long. I mean, I guess it's
been a pretty long.
Speaker 2: Time, like a few years. Maybe.
Speaker 1: Hey, I didn't mean for it to go on this long.
I thought that this crush would have faded away by now,
but apparently it's decided to stick around longer than planned.
It sucks, yeah, but at least I don't end up
getting rejected and they don't hate me. You don't know
that they might be so mad at me that they
tell me they never want to see me again, and
then they might block me on everything and make fun
of how stupid I am. But but what if they did.
What if it was too awkward for them to handle
and they decided they couldn't be friends anymore.
Speaker 2: I don't know if I'd be able to handle that.
Speaker 1: I just I still want to be friends with them.
I'm fine with, you know, only being friends as long
as they're still my life.
Speaker 2: It's worth it. What do you mean?
Speaker 1: You can say it all you want, but that doesn't
mean that they'll want to date me. What do you
really mean that you think I'm like girlfriend material?
Speaker 2: Really?
Speaker 1: Then?
Speaker 2: What makes you say that or whatever?
Speaker 1: I mean?
Speaker 2: I'm just curious. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I don't think I'm that cute or even that sweet. Okay, fine, no,
keep going, I won't interrupt anymore.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry you mean all of that?
Speaker 1: You you you think I'm a catch. Oh, I don't
know what to say. I don't know you thought that
about me. No one's ever no one's ever said those
kinds of things to me before.
Speaker 2: Huh.
Speaker 1: Oh right, my crush, my crush about that? Well? Uh,
the thing about that is that it's it's well, you
may you may know them better than you think. Well
a bit closer than that too, No, not quite.
Speaker 2: What No?
Speaker 1: Absolutely not again, no, not even close. Okay, now you're
just being ridiculous.
Speaker 2: Oh my god.
Speaker 1: You actually don't have a clue, do you. You're as
lost with the hints I've been dropping as you are
with directions. Huh. Evidently you are, though, Yeah you are,
and I have proof mm hmmm, because I, for the
past several years, have had a huge, uncontrollable, utterly stupid
crush on you for years and apparently you haven't caught
on even a little bit. What did I shock you
so much that you turned into a statue? Come on,
pick your jaw up off the ground and say something. Hey, no, no, no, seriously, please,
I'm getting nervous.
Speaker 2: Did I make it weird?
Speaker 1: Because if I did, we could just like never talk
about this again, and we don't have to. Oh, you
know I would have taken just to I like to
date you too, and you did not have to tackle
me in a bear hug, except that you pretty much did.
Speaker 2: I nearly fell over the railing. Wait no, no, no.
Speaker 1: I didn't say that. Come back here, keep hugging me.
Damn right, you will not come here.
Speaker 2: That is much better.
Speaker 1: Now, you better keep hugging me while you tell me
why you downloaded all of those stupid dating apps, even
though you want to date me. Don't have a chance.
Of course, you had a chance. You have way more
than a chance with me. At seriously, any point you
could have asked me out, and I would have said yes,
I guess I could have. Yeah, but I was scared. Well,
you still should have told me even if you were
scared too, because we could have been dating months ago
or years ago.
Speaker 2: Think of all the.
Speaker 1: Gross, romantic, lovey dovey dumb stuff we could have been
doing all along, I don't know, like going to concerts together,
getting each other stupid little gifts and stuff and wearing
matting outfits, or made candies for each other on Valentine's Day,
or oh my god, no, we could have done a
couple's Halloween costume. Oh my god, we've missed out on
so many good Halloween costume opportunities, but lucky for us,
there's time. I don't know how we let this go
for so long. We've missed out on so many things.
I mean, yeah, we were doing them as friends, but
we could have been doing them as like a couple.
Speaker 2: You know, I was shut off.
Speaker 1: Am I not allowed to smile at the thought of
us being an actual couple. See you're getting all smiling
now too, So you don't get to say a damn
word about how happy I am right now, because you
are just as sappy as.
Speaker 2: Me, maybe even worse.
Speaker 1: Hey, you can't threaten me with a bear hug anymore,
because I can give you a tackle hug right back.
I mean at a later time, since I'm in really
tall platforms right now. But later, I swear I will
get my revenge if you tried again, you know, if
I don't twist my ankle first. Okay, Yes, a genl
hug is fine, less injury that way. You know. I
always knew you were the cuddly type, but even this
is like more than I expected.
Speaker 2: Oh I do.
Speaker 1: I didn't even realize I was getting goosebumps. I guess
it's colder out here than I realized.
Speaker 2: Well, let's go. It's time for us.
Speaker 1: To do some mushy romance stuff that I've always wanted
to try.
Speaker 2: Mm mmm.
Speaker 1: And now that I have you all to myself, I'm
gonna drag you everywhere so we can make the most
every single moment that we have together. I mean, I
guess you can choose some of the things we do,
but I'm going first because I called DIBs.
Speaker 2: Yeah I did look DIBs. See, I knew that you
would agree. Now, come on, let's go.
Speaker 1: We're gonna drive around and find a twenty four hour
diner somewhere and we're gonna share a milkshake with two straws.
I don't care if it's cliche. It's cute and I
want to do it. And don't worry, I'll drive