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<v Speaker 1>Welcome back to the Doctor Wendy Wall Show on KFI

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<v Speaker 1>AM six forty live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>let me tell you something I teach my first year

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<v Speaker 1>psychology students. This thing that I thought I just made up,

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<v Speaker 1>but apparently I didn't. And what I teach them is,

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<v Speaker 1>I say, you know, life is very much a self

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<v Speaker 1>fulfilling prophecy. Now I'm not saying it's all woo woo

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<v Speaker 1>that you know, the planets are going to line up

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<v Speaker 1>and if you believe in astrology and whatever, and you

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<v Speaker 1>can manifest things and they're just going to happen. No,

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<v Speaker 1>but what you do, how you think, and how you

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<v Speaker 1>behave can get you towards your goals. And I have

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<v Speaker 1>a kindred spirit in My next guest, who is an

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<v Speaker 1>author and an award winning well she wrote something called

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<v Speaker 1>Your Goal Guide, a Roadmap for setting, planning and achieving

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<v Speaker 1>your Goals. But wait, her new book is called fifty

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<v Speaker 1>two Secrets for Goal Setting and Goal Getting How to

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<v Speaker 1>stay focused, grow your network, get more done with less time.

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<v Speaker 1>Deborah Eckerling, Welcome to The Doctor Wendywall Show.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, thank you so much, and I'm completely with you

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<v Speaker 2>about the kindred thing. I mean, we have to, right,

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<v Speaker 2>we have to go out and get the life we want.

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<v Speaker 2>No one's going to give.

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<v Speaker 1>It to us, right. So you know, I always think that,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, when I meet people who say, well, I

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<v Speaker 1>just have bad luck or I just got dealt a

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<v Speaker 1>poor hand of cards, I always say, you know, no

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<v Speaker 1>matter what hand your dealt, you can still play the game.

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<v Speaker 1>You can figure out how to get over that wall,

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<v Speaker 1>around that wall, dig under that wall. There are ways

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<v Speaker 1>if we can do it. Before we get into it, though, Deborah,

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<v Speaker 1>let's talk about it. I'd like to start out with

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<v Speaker 1>the why question. Why did you write this book? Fifty

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<v Speaker 1>two secrets for goal setting and goal getting?

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<v Speaker 2>Oh so many reasons, But I believe that we all

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<v Speaker 2>deserve to live all these of the life. And the

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<v Speaker 2>secret to success is there is no one secret. But

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<v Speaker 2>what you can do is learn what we're for other

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<v Speaker 2>people and take their secrets for a test drive, and

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<v Speaker 2>see what you can incorporate to make your life better,

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<v Speaker 2>to bring you closer towards your goals.

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<v Speaker 1>See no excuse me. That's another thing I always say,

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<v Speaker 1>if you can't see it, you can't be it.

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<v Speaker 2>Right.

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<v Speaker 1>And so part of your book is interviewing people who

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<v Speaker 1>have achieved their goals and asked them how they got there.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, for the book and it's fifty two secrets, but

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<v Speaker 2>I actually interviewed sixty. I call them ajievers in business

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<v Speaker 2>to heck entertainment through creative Realms, and I just asked

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<v Speaker 2>this question, what is your secret for setting goals? And

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<v Speaker 2>we're getting goals? And so the book's divided into seven

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<v Speaker 2>sections and it covers everything from focus and productivity in networking,

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<v Speaker 2>which is you know the subtitle, but also well being

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<v Speaker 2>an action and leadership and teamwork and communication. So all

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<v Speaker 2>these and believe me, I had fun. I did all

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<v Speaker 2>these interviews about like great, how am I going to

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<v Speaker 2>sort it out? Because so many of these things fall

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<v Speaker 2>into more than one category. But the bottom line is

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<v Speaker 2>I happen to know amazing people. And everyone in the

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<v Speaker 2>book is either someone I interviewed a friend, which kind

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<v Speaker 2>of means both, or someone someone in the book said, oh,

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<v Speaker 2>you need to interview this person because I want to

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<v Speaker 2>know how they do it? All right, it's really one

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<v Speaker 2>thing led to the next exactly. So it's awesome mind

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<v Speaker 2>saying behind this, your life may be better.

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<v Speaker 1>Go for it. So before we get into the nitty

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<v Speaker 1>gritty of gold setting. Let's talk about you a little bit.

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<v Speaker 1>You are known as a connector, a motivator, a facilitator.

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<v Speaker 1>You bring communities and people together. You can do it

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<v Speaker 1>in this for a long time. But prior to that,

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<v Speaker 1>you were in the entertainment business. How did you get

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<v Speaker 1>into the goal setting business.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, actually I started out and I've been in LA

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<v Speaker 2>for more than twenty five years, So before then I

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<v Speaker 2>was doing events at Barnes and Noble and Chalmer Illinois,

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<v Speaker 2>and whenever I need to fill my calendar, I would

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<v Speaker 2>just to hang out in the cafe because I wanted

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<v Speaker 2>it to be a community bookstore. And one day someone

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<v Speaker 2>lost in and he's like, well, you start a writer

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<v Speaker 2>support group, And I said, if you think people will

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<v Speaker 2>show up, let's give it a dry And not only

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<v Speaker 2>was it a success, I learned first hands the power

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<v Speaker 2>of is what are you working on? How can we

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<v Speaker 2>support you? What are you working on for next time?

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<v Speaker 2>And my business background is communication and project management. I'm

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<v Speaker 2>also a freelance writer by podcaster. I do like all

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<v Speaker 2>of the things, but that's what set me off on

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<v Speaker 2>this growth of year leading, motivating, helping people figure out

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<v Speaker 2>what's next so they can create that life that they want.

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<v Speaker 1>So it's almost like we're all our own project managers

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<v Speaker 1>of our own lives and you're going to teach us

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<v Speaker 1>how to do it.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh totally all right?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, First, how you put that first question? What is

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<v Speaker 1>the difference between an attainable goal and a fantasy pipe dream?

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<v Speaker 1>How do we know if something's attainable or not?

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<v Speaker 2>Oh? Come on, we know, right?

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<v Speaker 1>You mean I can't join the New York City Ballet

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<v Speaker 1>now at my age? Is that what you're saying.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm saying anything is probable? Actually right now, it's I

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<v Speaker 2>think the better question is what are you willing to

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<v Speaker 2>do to create that life that you want? And we

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<v Speaker 2>know it's always good to set those big, lofty goals,

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<v Speaker 2>but you do want to like and I use this

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<v Speaker 2>example in your goal guide, which is the one that

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<v Speaker 2>can out twenty So if you want to be a

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<v Speaker 2>master chef, great, if you know your way around the kitchen,

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<v Speaker 2>you've got a way better shot. But you know that

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<v Speaker 2>is something that you can train for and work towards.

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<v Speaker 2>So some things are going to take longer. Some things

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<v Speaker 2>you're going to need to get re educated. Yes, there

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<v Speaker 2>are probably certain things we can and cannot do due

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<v Speaker 2>to things like I don't want to be agist, but

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<v Speaker 2>I love sure your comment, and so maybe that's not

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<v Speaker 2>the goal. But there are other places.

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<v Speaker 1>Marketing and publicity for the New York City Ballet and

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<v Speaker 1>feel like I'm a dancer?

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<v Speaker 2>Right?

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<v Speaker 1>Is that what you're saying?

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<v Speaker 2>If I chose that, or you could choose to find

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<v Speaker 2>something that's attainable dance troop? Right?

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, an old lady Dan's troop. That's what you're saying.

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<v Speaker 2>Gotcha?

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<v Speaker 1>Gotcha? My guest author and motivator, I love that word.

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<v Speaker 1>You're a motivator, Deborah Eckerling. Did I say that right? Eckerling?

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<v Speaker 2>Yep?

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<v Speaker 1>Oh great. Her book is called fifty two Secrets of

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<v Speaker 1>Goal Setting and Goal Getting How to stay focused, grow

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<v Speaker 1>your network, and do get more done in less time.

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<v Speaker 1>So let's talk about obstacles first, Deborah, what are the

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<v Speaker 1>things that most often hold people back?

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<v Speaker 2>The thing that I say at the time is you

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<v Speaker 2>can't get what you want less. You know what that is.

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<v Speaker 2>So I think the people and I'm sure you relate

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<v Speaker 2>to this one. You hear about it all the time.

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<v Speaker 2>People have a certain education or experience level, they've worked

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<v Speaker 2>in the job forever and they just don't want to

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<v Speaker 2>give it up and they don't want to make a change. Okay, fine,

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<v Speaker 2>be miserable now, yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>Be misraelical in the job you hate. Is that what

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<v Speaker 1>you're saying? Yeah?

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<v Speaker 2>Or well, or you can gift yourself the time to

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<v Speaker 2>figure out what you want and make a plan to

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<v Speaker 2>try to into a reality, right.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, during the Great Recession of two thousand and

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<v Speaker 1>eight two thousand and nine, I reframed what was going on.

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<v Speaker 1>I was a single mom with two little kids, one

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<v Speaker 1>hundred percent custody, zero dollars child support, and all of

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<v Speaker 1>a sudden, we were all hanging on by a thread.

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<v Speaker 1>And I thought to myself, you know, we're always saying

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<v Speaker 1>that there are things we want to do in life,

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<v Speaker 1>but we never have the time. And when we have

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<v Speaker 1>the time, we say we don't have the money. And

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<v Speaker 1>here I am with time but no money. But what

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<v Speaker 1>have I always wanted to do? So I took a little,

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<v Speaker 1>a risky thing, a line of credit out on my

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<v Speaker 1>real estate during a recession, and went to culinary school

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<v Speaker 1>because I always wanted to learn how to cook. And

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<v Speaker 1>I said, I'm being given the gift of time. So

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<v Speaker 1>sometimes I think we have to look at our obstacles

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<v Speaker 1>and reframe them. Would you say that, I would.

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<v Speaker 2>Say all the time, And we tell it about your

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<v Speaker 2>goal guide before that came out in January twenty twenty,

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<v Speaker 2>so six weeks before the world got Changed by circumstance

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<v Speaker 2>out in my book saying you can't embrace change, whether

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<v Speaker 2>it is by choice or by circumstance. And I think

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<v Speaker 2>that's really the thing with goals is you have to

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<v Speaker 2>choose you want something.

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<v Speaker 1>Different, exactly make that choice. Now, there are times in

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<v Speaker 1>people's lives where change. I mean, first of all, living

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<v Speaker 1>is about change. It's constantly changing, but there are pivotal moments,

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<v Speaker 1>critical moments when people do transition. You know, at the

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<v Speaker 1>beginning of this year, I have a newsletter. It's not

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<v Speaker 1>a huge list, it's like, you know, a few thousand people,

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<v Speaker 1>mostly KFI listeners and friends and family, And I send

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<v Speaker 1>newsletters maybe a few times a year, and I wrote

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<v Speaker 1>a very personal one in January about how now that

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<v Speaker 1>I have an empty nest, now that I have a

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<v Speaker 1>new husband and marriage, what's next for me? And how

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<v Speaker 1>sitting in this place of unknowing this no goal has

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<v Speaker 1>in a terrible space for me to live in. What

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<v Speaker 1>would you, as a connector, motivator and facilitator, Debora accurately

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<v Speaker 1>tell me had you read that newsletter from.

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<v Speaker 2>Me, I would say, congratulations. Now think about what do

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<v Speaker 2>you want to fill the space with? You know what

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<v Speaker 2>do you want in? And so my methodology is called

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<v Speaker 2>the dead method. Of course, it stands for determine your

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<v Speaker 2>missione explore your options, range from your path And usually

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<v Speaker 2>when I'm working with a khiner doing workshops, we really

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<v Speaker 2>focus in on the d because, as I said before,

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<v Speaker 2>you can't get what you want unless you know what

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<v Speaker 2>that is. But you also need to give yourself the

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<v Speaker 2>time to be like, I love your culinary school story.

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<v Speaker 2>It's like, what is the thing that you've always wanted

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<v Speaker 2>to do? And I believe people most of the time

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<v Speaker 2>know the answer, they just don't take the time to

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<v Speaker 2>ask themselves the question and they really think like so

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<v Speaker 2>I would say, this guy's a limit.

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<v Speaker 1>So for you, you sound like my therapist, by the way.

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<v Speaker 1>She always says, you rush to do things too quickly

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<v Speaker 1>and sometimes you need to sit and wait and feel

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<v Speaker 1>and think and let the opportunity. Now that advice she

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<v Speaker 1>might not give to other people who might be procrastinators.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not that. I'm a busy barbie who always needs

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<v Speaker 1>to have a project. So she said, you know, this

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<v Speaker 1>is a time for you to sit in the feelings

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<v Speaker 1>and see what bubbles up, which is an interesting advice. Now,

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<v Speaker 1>one of the things we were talking about transitions, So

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<v Speaker 1>the times of lives when people set goals most often

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<v Speaker 1>obviously young adult life with their education, getting their career launched,

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<v Speaker 1>sometimes after empty nest, sometimes after a divorce or god forbid,

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<v Speaker 1>the death of a loved one. And is that when

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<v Speaker 1>you see people most going who am I? Where am

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<v Speaker 1>I going? How can I set these goals?

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<v Speaker 2>I would like to say yes, but no, really I

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<v Speaker 2>feel like, well, I feel like we're living in a

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<v Speaker 2>space and in a time where people feel like they

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<v Speaker 2>have control over nothing that's going on in the world,

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<v Speaker 2>and for most people they don't. But what you can

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<v Speaker 2>do is say, hmmm, what is something that's going to

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<v Speaker 2>bring me joy? And not everybody has the option of oh,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm just going to quit my job and we're gonna

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<v Speaker 2>go after a fantasy, because we know that is also

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<v Speaker 2>not realistic. But what you can't think about is what

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<v Speaker 2>is a thing? What is this something? What is a hobby?

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<v Speaker 2>Or if I always wanted to write the great American

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<v Speaker 2>novel prison Writer, I have to say that what is

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<v Speaker 2>that thing that when you think about you cannot help

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<v Speaker 2>but smile? Find a way. And this is the other secret.

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<v Speaker 2>Look at your life and say, hmm, I've got like

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<v Speaker 2>an hour a week I could devote to something that

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<v Speaker 2>is joy, and you put in the calendar and you

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<v Speaker 2>spend that time exploring, trying new things. And then when

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<v Speaker 2>you hit on the thing that really gives you that

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<v Speaker 2>a happy factor, see what develops from that. And that way,

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<v Speaker 2>when you feel like life is out of control, or

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<v Speaker 2>you don't love your job or whatever, you can remember

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<v Speaker 2>that that is not your entire life. You've got this

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<v Speaker 2>fun thing, this thing that you love, and you got

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<v Speaker 2>to let that joy kind of spill over into the

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<v Speaker 2>other part of your life. And that's going to help

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<v Speaker 2>you stay motivated and keep moving forward no matter what

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<v Speaker 2>your journey.

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<v Speaker 1>So, before we go, Debrah Eckerlig, if there's one piece

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<v Speaker 1>of advice you would have for our listeners who are

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<v Speaker 1>feeling stuck, maybe trapped in a job they don't like

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<v Speaker 1>or a relationship they don't like, but they have to

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<v Speaker 1>for all kinds of reasons. What bit of advice would

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<v Speaker 1>you give to people who are feeling stuck.

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<v Speaker 2>I've got this exercise. I like. It's my take on journaling,

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<v Speaker 2>and I go all it direct to journaling and basically,

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<v Speaker 2>I know, real original. Basically, gift yourself like three or

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<v Speaker 2>four to fifteen minute appointments and just write out what's

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<v Speaker 2>next for me or what brings me joy? And do

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<v Speaker 2>this three, four or five times, don't read it, and

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<v Speaker 2>then go back and look through it and say, hmmm,

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<v Speaker 2>I really like this thing. So you are not only

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<v Speaker 2>gifting yourself the time to explore what's next, but you're

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<v Speaker 2>really saying you're committing to it to find a solution,

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<v Speaker 2>to find something that's going to bring you a happy

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<v Speaker 2>and do some of that and hopefully it will take

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<v Speaker 2>you to a wonderful place, because isn't that always The

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<v Speaker 2>goal is to live a happy and fulfilling life.

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<v Speaker 1>And I love this idea of just fifty minutes a

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<v Speaker 1>few times a week because people I suspect will start

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<v Speaker 1>to see themes crop up and oh I mentioned this

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<v Speaker 1>a few times. Maybe this is the big thing.

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, exactly, because we forget, we get so busy, well

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<v Speaker 2>not you and I. But most people, right, they get

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<v Speaker 2>so busy that they forget that there's more to life

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<v Speaker 2>than the duhoil. And when you hit the pause button,

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<v Speaker 2>even if you have five minutes, but do they hit

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<v Speaker 2>the five the pause button and explore the things that

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<v Speaker 2>you love. You're gonna stumble upon something and you're going

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<v Speaker 2>to create something amazing.

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<v Speaker 1>Deborah Eckerling, thank you so much for being with us.

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<v Speaker 1>Her book is called fifty two Secrets for Goal Setting

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<v Speaker 1>and goal getting out of Stay focused, grow your network,

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<v Speaker 1>and get more done in less time. I'm gonna love

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<v Speaker 1>this book. Thanks so much for being with me, and

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<v Speaker 1>that brings the Doctor Wendy Wall Show to a close.

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<v Speaker 1>It is always my pleasure to be with you on

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<v Speaker 1>Sunday nights. If you'd like to follow me on my

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<v Speaker 1>social media, you certainly may. I'm back active again after

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<v Speaker 1>taking a year off, so it's fun and my handle

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<v Speaker 1>is at doctor Wendy Walsh. You've been listening to the

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<v Speaker 1>Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on KFI Am six forty live

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<v Speaker 1>everywhere on the iHeartRadio app