Speaker 1: Welcome back to the Doctor Wendy Wall Show on KFI
Speaker 1: AM six forty live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. Okay,
Speaker 1: let me tell you something I teach my first year
Speaker 1: psychology students. This thing that I thought I just made up,
Speaker 1: but apparently I didn't. And what I teach them is,
Speaker 1: I say, you know, life is very much a self
Speaker 1: fulfilling prophecy. Now I'm not saying it's all woo woo
Speaker 1: that you know, the planets are going to line up
Speaker 1: and if you believe in astrology and whatever, and you
Speaker 1: can manifest things and they're just going to happen. No,
Speaker 1: but what you do, how you think, and how you
Speaker 1: behave can get you towards your goals. And I have
Speaker 1: a kindred spirit in My next guest, who is an
Speaker 1: author and an award winning well she wrote something called
Speaker 1: Your Goal Guide, a Roadmap for setting, planning and achieving
Speaker 1: your Goals. But wait, her new book is called fifty
Speaker 1: two Secrets for Goal Setting and Goal Getting How to
Speaker 1: stay focused, grow your network, get more done with less time.
Speaker 1: Deborah Eckerling, Welcome to The Doctor Wendywall Show.
Speaker 2: Well, thank you so much, and I'm completely with you
Speaker 2: about the kindred thing. I mean, we have to, right,
Speaker 2: we have to go out and get the life we want.
Speaker 2: No one's going to give.
Speaker 1: It to us, right. So you know, I always think that,
Speaker 1: you know, when I meet people who say, well, I
Speaker 1: just have bad luck or I just got dealt a
Speaker 1: poor hand of cards, I always say, you know, no
Speaker 1: matter what hand your dealt, you can still play the game.
Speaker 1: You can figure out how to get over that wall,
Speaker 1: around that wall, dig under that wall. There are ways
Speaker 1: if we can do it. Before we get into it, though, Deborah,
Speaker 1: let's talk about it. I'd like to start out with
Speaker 1: the why question. Why did you write this book? Fifty
Speaker 1: two secrets for goal setting and goal getting?
Speaker 2: Oh so many reasons, But I believe that we all
Speaker 2: deserve to live all these of the life. And the
Speaker 2: secret to success is there is no one secret. But
Speaker 2: what you can do is learn what we're for other
Speaker 2: people and take their secrets for a test drive, and
Speaker 2: see what you can incorporate to make your life better,
Speaker 2: to bring you closer towards your goals.
Speaker 1: See no excuse me. That's another thing I always say,
Speaker 1: if you can't see it, you can't be it.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 1: And so part of your book is interviewing people who
Speaker 1: have achieved their goals and asked them how they got there.
Speaker 2: Well, for the book and it's fifty two secrets, but
Speaker 2: I actually interviewed sixty. I call them ajievers in business
Speaker 2: to heck entertainment through creative Realms, and I just asked
Speaker 2: this question, what is your secret for setting goals? And
Speaker 2: we're getting goals? And so the book's divided into seven
Speaker 2: sections and it covers everything from focus and productivity in networking,
Speaker 2: which is you know the subtitle, but also well being
Speaker 2: an action and leadership and teamwork and communication. So all
Speaker 2: these and believe me, I had fun. I did all
Speaker 2: these interviews about like great, how am I going to
Speaker 2: sort it out? Because so many of these things fall
Speaker 2: into more than one category. But the bottom line is
Speaker 2: I happen to know amazing people. And everyone in the
Speaker 2: book is either someone I interviewed a friend, which kind
Speaker 2: of means both, or someone someone in the book said, oh,
Speaker 2: you need to interview this person because I want to
Speaker 2: know how they do it? All right, it's really one
Speaker 2: thing led to the next exactly. So it's awesome mind
Speaker 2: saying behind this, your life may be better.
Speaker 1: Go for it. So before we get into the nitty
Speaker 1: gritty of gold setting. Let's talk about you a little bit.
Speaker 1: You are known as a connector, a motivator, a facilitator.
Speaker 1: You bring communities and people together. You can do it
Speaker 1: in this for a long time. But prior to that,
Speaker 1: you were in the entertainment business. How did you get
Speaker 1: into the goal setting business.
Speaker 2: Well, actually I started out and I've been in LA
Speaker 2: for more than twenty five years, So before then I
Speaker 2: was doing events at Barnes and Noble and Chalmer Illinois,
Speaker 2: and whenever I need to fill my calendar, I would
Speaker 2: just to hang out in the cafe because I wanted
Speaker 2: it to be a community bookstore. And one day someone
Speaker 2: lost in and he's like, well, you start a writer
Speaker 2: support group, And I said, if you think people will
Speaker 2: show up, let's give it a dry And not only
Speaker 2: was it a success, I learned first hands the power
Speaker 2: of is what are you working on? How can we
Speaker 2: support you? What are you working on for next time?
Speaker 2: And my business background is communication and project management. I'm
Speaker 2: also a freelance writer by podcaster. I do like all
Speaker 2: of the things, but that's what set me off on
Speaker 2: this growth of year leading, motivating, helping people figure out
Speaker 2: what's next so they can create that life that they want.
Speaker 1: So it's almost like we're all our own project managers
Speaker 1: of our own lives and you're going to teach us
Speaker 1: how to do it.
Speaker 2: Oh totally all right?
Speaker 1: Yeah, First, how you put that first question? What is
Speaker 1: the difference between an attainable goal and a fantasy pipe dream?
Speaker 1: How do we know if something's attainable or not?
Speaker 2: Oh? Come on, we know, right?
Speaker 1: You mean I can't join the New York City Ballet
Speaker 1: now at my age? Is that what you're saying.
Speaker 2: I'm saying anything is probable? Actually right now, it's I
Speaker 2: think the better question is what are you willing to
Speaker 2: do to create that life that you want? And we
Speaker 2: know it's always good to set those big, lofty goals,
Speaker 2: but you do want to like and I use this
Speaker 2: example in your goal guide, which is the one that
Speaker 2: can out twenty So if you want to be a
Speaker 2: master chef, great, if you know your way around the kitchen,
Speaker 2: you've got a way better shot. But you know that
Speaker 2: is something that you can train for and work towards.
Speaker 2: So some things are going to take longer. Some things
Speaker 2: you're going to need to get re educated. Yes, there
Speaker 2: are probably certain things we can and cannot do due
Speaker 2: to things like I don't want to be agist, but
Speaker 2: I love sure your comment, and so maybe that's not
Speaker 2: the goal. But there are other places.
Speaker 1: Marketing and publicity for the New York City Ballet and
Speaker 1: feel like I'm a dancer?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 1: Is that what you're saying?
Speaker 2: If I chose that, or you could choose to find
Speaker 2: something that's attainable dance troop? Right?
Speaker 1: Okay, an old lady Dan's troop. That's what you're saying.
Speaker 2: Gotcha?
Speaker 1: Gotcha? My guest author and motivator, I love that word.
Speaker 1: You're a motivator, Deborah Eckerling. Did I say that right? Eckerling?
Speaker 2: Yep?
Speaker 1: Oh great. Her book is called fifty two Secrets of
Speaker 1: Goal Setting and Goal Getting How to stay focused, grow
Speaker 1: your network, and do get more done in less time.
Speaker 1: So let's talk about obstacles first, Deborah, what are the
Speaker 1: things that most often hold people back?
Speaker 2: The thing that I say at the time is you
Speaker 2: can't get what you want less. You know what that is.
Speaker 2: So I think the people and I'm sure you relate
Speaker 2: to this one. You hear about it all the time.
Speaker 2: People have a certain education or experience level, they've worked
Speaker 2: in the job forever and they just don't want to
Speaker 2: give it up and they don't want to make a change. Okay, fine,
Speaker 2: be miserable now, yeah.
Speaker 1: Be misraelical in the job you hate. Is that what
Speaker 1: you're saying? Yeah?
Speaker 2: Or well, or you can gift yourself the time to
Speaker 2: figure out what you want and make a plan to
Speaker 2: try to into a reality, right.
Speaker 1: You know, during the Great Recession of two thousand and
Speaker 1: eight two thousand and nine, I reframed what was going on.
Speaker 1: I was a single mom with two little kids, one
Speaker 1: hundred percent custody, zero dollars child support, and all of
Speaker 1: a sudden, we were all hanging on by a thread.
Speaker 1: And I thought to myself, you know, we're always saying
Speaker 1: that there are things we want to do in life,
Speaker 1: but we never have the time. And when we have
Speaker 1: the time, we say we don't have the money. And
Speaker 1: here I am with time but no money. But what
Speaker 1: have I always wanted to do? So I took a little,
Speaker 1: a risky thing, a line of credit out on my
Speaker 1: real estate during a recession, and went to culinary school
Speaker 1: because I always wanted to learn how to cook. And
Speaker 1: I said, I'm being given the gift of time. So
Speaker 1: sometimes I think we have to look at our obstacles
Speaker 1: and reframe them. Would you say that, I would.
Speaker 2: Say all the time, And we tell it about your
Speaker 2: goal guide before that came out in January twenty twenty,
Speaker 2: so six weeks before the world got Changed by circumstance
Speaker 2: out in my book saying you can't embrace change, whether
Speaker 2: it is by choice or by circumstance. And I think
Speaker 2: that's really the thing with goals is you have to
Speaker 2: choose you want something.
Speaker 1: Different, exactly make that choice. Now, there are times in
Speaker 1: people's lives where change. I mean, first of all, living
Speaker 1: is about change. It's constantly changing, but there are pivotal moments,
Speaker 1: critical moments when people do transition. You know, at the
Speaker 1: beginning of this year, I have a newsletter. It's not
Speaker 1: a huge list, it's like, you know, a few thousand people,
Speaker 1: mostly KFI listeners and friends and family, And I send
Speaker 1: newsletters maybe a few times a year, and I wrote
Speaker 1: a very personal one in January about how now that
Speaker 1: I have an empty nest, now that I have a
Speaker 1: new husband and marriage, what's next for me? And how
Speaker 1: sitting in this place of unknowing this no goal has
Speaker 1: in a terrible space for me to live in. What
Speaker 1: would you, as a connector, motivator and facilitator, Debora accurately
Speaker 1: tell me had you read that newsletter from.
Speaker 2: Me, I would say, congratulations. Now think about what do
Speaker 2: you want to fill the space with? You know what
Speaker 2: do you want in? And so my methodology is called
Speaker 2: the dead method. Of course, it stands for determine your
Speaker 2: missione explore your options, range from your path And usually
Speaker 2: when I'm working with a khiner doing workshops, we really
Speaker 2: focus in on the d because, as I said before,
Speaker 2: you can't get what you want unless you know what
Speaker 2: that is. But you also need to give yourself the
Speaker 2: time to be like, I love your culinary school story.
Speaker 2: It's like, what is the thing that you've always wanted
Speaker 2: to do? And I believe people most of the time
Speaker 2: know the answer, they just don't take the time to
Speaker 2: ask themselves the question and they really think like so
Speaker 2: I would say, this guy's a limit.
Speaker 1: So for you, you sound like my therapist, by the way.
Speaker 1: She always says, you rush to do things too quickly
Speaker 1: and sometimes you need to sit and wait and feel
Speaker 1: and think and let the opportunity. Now that advice she
Speaker 1: might not give to other people who might be procrastinators.
Speaker 1: I'm not that. I'm a busy barbie who always needs
Speaker 1: to have a project. So she said, you know, this
Speaker 1: is a time for you to sit in the feelings
Speaker 1: and see what bubbles up, which is an interesting advice. Now,
Speaker 1: one of the things we were talking about transitions, So
Speaker 1: the times of lives when people set goals most often
Speaker 1: obviously young adult life with their education, getting their career launched,
Speaker 1: sometimes after empty nest, sometimes after a divorce or god forbid,
Speaker 1: the death of a loved one. And is that when
Speaker 1: you see people most going who am I? Where am
Speaker 1: I going? How can I set these goals?
Speaker 2: I would like to say yes, but no, really I
Speaker 2: feel like, well, I feel like we're living in a
Speaker 2: space and in a time where people feel like they
Speaker 2: have control over nothing that's going on in the world,
Speaker 2: and for most people they don't. But what you can
Speaker 2: do is say, hmmm, what is something that's going to
Speaker 2: bring me joy? And not everybody has the option of oh,
Speaker 2: I'm just going to quit my job and we're gonna
Speaker 2: go after a fantasy, because we know that is also
Speaker 2: not realistic. But what you can't think about is what
Speaker 2: is a thing? What is this something? What is a hobby?
Speaker 2: Or if I always wanted to write the great American
Speaker 2: novel prison Writer, I have to say that what is
Speaker 2: that thing that when you think about you cannot help
Speaker 2: but smile? Find a way. And this is the other secret.
Speaker 2: Look at your life and say, hmm, I've got like
Speaker 2: an hour a week I could devote to something that
Speaker 2: is joy, and you put in the calendar and you
Speaker 2: spend that time exploring, trying new things. And then when
Speaker 2: you hit on the thing that really gives you that
Speaker 2: a happy factor, see what develops from that. And that way,
Speaker 2: when you feel like life is out of control, or
Speaker 2: you don't love your job or whatever, you can remember
Speaker 2: that that is not your entire life. You've got this
Speaker 2: fun thing, this thing that you love, and you got
Speaker 2: to let that joy kind of spill over into the
Speaker 2: other part of your life. And that's going to help
Speaker 2: you stay motivated and keep moving forward no matter what
Speaker 2: your journey.
Speaker 1: So, before we go, Debrah Eckerlig, if there's one piece
Speaker 1: of advice you would have for our listeners who are
Speaker 1: feeling stuck, maybe trapped in a job they don't like
Speaker 1: or a relationship they don't like, but they have to
Speaker 1: for all kinds of reasons. What bit of advice would
Speaker 1: you give to people who are feeling stuck.
Speaker 2: I've got this exercise. I like. It's my take on journaling,
Speaker 2: and I go all it direct to journaling and basically,
Speaker 2: I know, real original. Basically, gift yourself like three or
Speaker 2: four to fifteen minute appointments and just write out what's
Speaker 2: next for me or what brings me joy? And do
Speaker 2: this three, four or five times, don't read it, and
Speaker 2: then go back and look through it and say, hmmm,
Speaker 2: I really like this thing. So you are not only
Speaker 2: gifting yourself the time to explore what's next, but you're
Speaker 2: really saying you're committing to it to find a solution,
Speaker 2: to find something that's going to bring you a happy
Speaker 2: and do some of that and hopefully it will take
Speaker 2: you to a wonderful place, because isn't that always The
Speaker 2: goal is to live a happy and fulfilling life.
Speaker 1: And I love this idea of just fifty minutes a
Speaker 1: few times a week because people I suspect will start
Speaker 1: to see themes crop up and oh I mentioned this
Speaker 1: a few times. Maybe this is the big thing.
Speaker 2: Yes, exactly, because we forget, we get so busy, well
Speaker 2: not you and I. But most people, right, they get
Speaker 2: so busy that they forget that there's more to life
Speaker 2: than the duhoil. And when you hit the pause button,
Speaker 2: even if you have five minutes, but do they hit
Speaker 2: the five the pause button and explore the things that
Speaker 2: you love. You're gonna stumble upon something and you're going
Speaker 2: to create something amazing.
Speaker 1: Deborah Eckerling, thank you so much for being with us.
Speaker 1: Her book is called fifty two Secrets for Goal Setting
Speaker 1: and goal getting out of Stay focused, grow your network,
Speaker 1: and get more done in less time. I'm gonna love
Speaker 1: this book. Thanks so much for being with me, and
Speaker 1: that brings the Doctor Wendy Wall Show to a close.
Speaker 1: It is always my pleasure to be with you on
Speaker 1: Sunday nights. If you'd like to follow me on my
Speaker 1: social media, you certainly may. I'm back active again after
Speaker 1: taking a year off, so it's fun and my handle
Speaker 1: is at doctor Wendy Walsh. You've been listening to the
Speaker 1: Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on KFI Am six forty live
Speaker 1: everywhere on the iHeartRadio app