WEBVTT 1 00:00:03.480 --> 00:00:06.320 Welcome to the two seventeen We're gonna bring podcast. 2 00:00:06.440 --> 00:00:09.759 If you don't make mistakes, you won't learn. 3 00:00:10.400 --> 00:00:12.439 With your host Corey Winfield, like. 4 00:00:12.359 --> 00:00:14.480 Oh my gosh, I'm going into a place there the 5 00:00:14.640 --> 00:00:17.839 people like talking to balls, and there was some of that, 6 00:00:18.399 --> 00:00:22.679 but it was still pretty cow Host Harney Winfield. 7 00:00:22.399 --> 00:00:25.719 They don't get that. Sincere messaging, then they're not going 8 00:00:25.800 --> 00:00:28.440 to have that conversation on a level where maybe. 9 00:00:28.199 --> 00:00:29.120 You can get through to them. 10 00:00:29.320 --> 00:00:31.320 Special guest Corey Smoker. 11 00:00:31.359 --> 00:00:33.039 I don't want to hear the hero over here, but 12 00:00:33.079 --> 00:00:36.039 then I know what you're skipping down the street over 13 00:00:36.079 --> 00:00:36.560 there doing. 14 00:00:36.600 --> 00:00:38.799 You know, got your wab. 15 00:00:40.119 --> 00:00:45.640 It is the thirty first of October twenty twenty five Halloween. 16 00:00:47.000 --> 00:00:49.560 I'm Corey Woodfield. 17 00:00:50.200 --> 00:00:54.520 I'm Marnie Winfield, and I'm Cory Smoker. 18 00:00:56.679 --> 00:01:00.640 Welcome to the two seventeen Recovery Podcast. You guys dressed 19 00:01:00.679 --> 00:01:04.640 up today. It's nice, Martie. You wanted some smoking hot. 20 00:01:06.159 --> 00:01:07.599 Mom. 21 00:01:07.959 --> 00:01:09.079 Well, I don't know if you want to call this 22 00:01:09.159 --> 00:01:12.040 dressing out, but it is orange and black for halloweens. 23 00:01:12.840 --> 00:01:15.640 Yeah, being a hot mom, stay at stay at home mom. 24 00:01:15.680 --> 00:01:17.799 But you're not so I like that you dressed up 25 00:01:17.799 --> 00:01:18.719 like that. Today, thank you. 26 00:01:18.840 --> 00:01:20.680 Well, not that I'm saying you're homely looking at all. 27 00:01:20.719 --> 00:01:22.159 I'm not trying it. And then I'm not saying stay 28 00:01:22.159 --> 00:01:23.640 at home moms are homely. I'm just saying you look 29 00:01:23.680 --> 00:01:25.879 like a hot mom. So it's up, Okay, what's up? 30 00:01:26.000 --> 00:01:26.719 It's my wife. 31 00:01:27.239 --> 00:01:28.519 What did you dress up as today? 32 00:01:29.040 --> 00:01:29.760 Ah? 33 00:01:30.680 --> 00:01:36.239 A director? Yeah, a video guy, write, a screenwriter, a 34 00:01:36.280 --> 00:01:39.920 film producer, well, not producers, I don't have the money 35 00:01:39.920 --> 00:01:40.719 to pay for them to be. 36 00:01:40.719 --> 00:01:41.200 Made, but. 37 00:01:42.719 --> 00:01:43.400 Filmmaker. 38 00:01:44.400 --> 00:01:45.680 What would I beat? 39 00:01:46.280 --> 00:01:46.760 Creator? 40 00:01:48.359 --> 00:01:50.840 Writer? I don't know. 41 00:01:51.200 --> 00:01:54.200 See, I have wrote a movie the other day and 42 00:01:54.239 --> 00:01:55.760 I finished it and I lost it, so I didn't 43 00:01:55.760 --> 00:01:57.000 finish it. So I had to go back to finish 44 00:01:57.000 --> 00:01:58.599 it because God was like, no, that's not how I 45 00:01:58.640 --> 00:01:59.560 wanted you to do it. 46 00:02:00.159 --> 00:02:00.760 Lose it off. 47 00:02:01.560 --> 00:02:03.480 And of course it's still in my brain because the 48 00:02:03.519 --> 00:02:05.560 movie that I'm writing, it started out to be a 49 00:02:05.599 --> 00:02:07.439 little five minute like, hey, let me write a little 50 00:02:07.439 --> 00:02:10.680 five minute movie, a little short film, because I want 51 00:02:10.680 --> 00:02:11.759 to make a movie and I don't know how to 52 00:02:11.800 --> 00:02:13.360 make one, and that would be a good start. 53 00:02:13.400 --> 00:02:13.960 So I did that. 54 00:02:14.000 --> 00:02:16.000 And if you've been following the podcast for a while, 55 00:02:16.000 --> 00:02:17.879 you've heard me talk about it. Maybe you're maybe it 56 00:02:17.919 --> 00:02:21.000 was all longer than a year ago, and now I 57 00:02:21.039 --> 00:02:23.159 started writing it, and it was a year ago. I 58 00:02:23.240 --> 00:02:25.400 started writing it, and then it just kind of sort 59 00:02:25.439 --> 00:02:27.439 of pieced together. And then lately God sent me on 60 00:02:27.439 --> 00:02:31.120 this mission to like finish it, and what turned into 61 00:02:31.199 --> 00:02:33.000 like finish the five minute, and I needed to add 62 00:02:33.039 --> 00:02:36.599 all these details to it, and it became like a 63 00:02:36.639 --> 00:02:38.800 story of all the crazy stuff that happened when I 64 00:02:38.840 --> 00:02:42.680 went to treatment, except this person's journey now isn't the 65 00:02:42.800 --> 00:02:46.520 exact same path that led me there, but it is 66 00:02:46.759 --> 00:02:48.719 all inspired by true events. 67 00:02:49.319 --> 00:02:51.400 I think it's good. It's really good. 68 00:02:52.039 --> 00:02:55.199 Yeah, it's I don't know, it's tough. You know that 69 00:02:55.280 --> 00:02:57.599 I've poured out, So I mean, I think it's kind 70 00:02:57.599 --> 00:02:58.280 of good. 71 00:02:59.039 --> 00:03:01.400 But do we get credits in the back of. 72 00:03:01.360 --> 00:03:04.039 Those movie for script editing? 73 00:03:04.840 --> 00:03:07.800 Yeah, because like moral support and you guys have probably 74 00:03:07.840 --> 00:03:10.120 like witnessed, like my all overness with the place of 75 00:03:10.159 --> 00:03:12.280 that script and where it was and how it just 76 00:03:12.319 --> 00:03:14.800 morphs and kind of changed, and it's gotten better, I think, 77 00:03:14.800 --> 00:03:17.479 in detail, and it really helps you feel the emotion 78 00:03:17.879 --> 00:03:19.960 as someone is trying to go to treatment and they're 79 00:03:20.000 --> 00:03:28.159 hitting all these barriers. Every single one trust me and. 80 00:03:30.000 --> 00:03:30.520 You feel it. 81 00:03:30.560 --> 00:03:32.199 At least I did when I was writing it, you know, 82 00:03:32.240 --> 00:03:33.919 and that was kind of hard. And when I lost 83 00:03:33.919 --> 00:03:39.000 the Act two and three, the pain was that I 84 00:03:39.000 --> 00:03:40.800 had to go back and get in those feelings again, 85 00:03:40.840 --> 00:03:43.639 because that was a mother effort, man. And I thought 86 00:03:43.639 --> 00:03:45.360 about writing a book one day and like, man, that'll 87 00:03:45.439 --> 00:03:48.840 be fun. I don't think so. I don't know, it's not. 88 00:03:49.000 --> 00:03:51.479 It wasn't a fun journey, you know, to like, because 89 00:03:51.520 --> 00:03:53.520 I don't live in the past anymore. I'm moving forward 90 00:03:53.599 --> 00:03:55.840 with stuff I want to do. So to like go 91 00:03:55.919 --> 00:03:58.560 back there and like what was that feeling like when 92 00:03:58.599 --> 00:04:01.080 you had nothing and this was all you had, you know, 93 00:04:01.159 --> 00:04:03.080 and like get yourself in that moment, like what were 94 00:04:03.080 --> 00:04:05.759 you thinking? And then to like write it out it 95 00:04:05.800 --> 00:04:09.400 was just horrible. Yeah, I know, you guys don't live 96 00:04:09.400 --> 00:04:11.800 in the past, like you're not stuck there, and there 97 00:04:11.840 --> 00:04:14.240 are some people that are, you know, And that probably 98 00:04:14.360 --> 00:04:16.160 was me at one point, but well. 99 00:04:16.040 --> 00:04:18.439 My thoughts were I was like, Okay, I'm thinking about it, 100 00:04:18.480 --> 00:04:21.000 and I'm like, well, actors and actresses have to do 101 00:04:21.040 --> 00:04:24.439 this all the time, right, and that even that is 102 00:04:24.519 --> 00:04:27.759 draining for them. But I think the other piece to 103 00:04:27.839 --> 00:04:30.600 it that took it to another level is that this 104 00:04:30.839 --> 00:04:33.920 that you were reflecting on what actually happened, like your 105 00:04:33.959 --> 00:04:37.720 actual history, your actual trauma, and so that you know 106 00:04:38.120 --> 00:04:40.279 that I can see would be that would weigh really 107 00:04:40.319 --> 00:04:40.839 heavy on you. 108 00:04:41.959 --> 00:04:43.800 It was and then I mean some of the stuff 109 00:04:43.839 --> 00:04:46.079 because what a lot of people don't realize in my 110 00:04:46.240 --> 00:04:48.240 journey at first, you know, I went to go go 111 00:04:48.279 --> 00:04:50.199 to treatment, So I went out to California and all 112 00:04:50.240 --> 00:04:53.639 that and it was fun, not really, but it had 113 00:04:53.639 --> 00:04:56.319 to be part of it, you know. And when I 114 00:04:56.360 --> 00:05:00.639 started going to the mental health places, that is what 115 00:05:01.680 --> 00:05:03.399 turn the light bulb bomb for me, because up until 116 00:05:03.439 --> 00:05:05.399 then I thought I was just a piece of shit 117 00:05:05.600 --> 00:05:09.000 and that I just something about me. I just some 118 00:05:09.120 --> 00:05:11.800 stupid I can't get it. And when they taught me 119 00:05:11.959 --> 00:05:15.800 about my brain and how all that stuff started working, 120 00:05:15.839 --> 00:05:19.639 and it really opened the door of like, oh wow, 121 00:05:19.720 --> 00:05:22.000 so maybe I'm not that bad and maybe maybe this 122 00:05:22.079 --> 00:05:27.439 is something I can figure out. And that shows it. 123 00:05:27.480 --> 00:05:30.079 You know, this isn't really a jury. I mean, it 124 00:05:30.120 --> 00:05:33.399 is a journey to treatment, you know, inpatient treatment. But 125 00:05:34.959 --> 00:05:37.120 that's what he thinks he wants, you know, but what 126 00:05:37.199 --> 00:05:40.000 he really needs is to get that solid foundation. 127 00:05:39.680 --> 00:05:43.199 Before he goes to treatment, which can be done. 128 00:05:43.680 --> 00:05:45.839 And some people are like, oh, but I don't have insurance, 129 00:05:45.839 --> 00:05:47.519 Now I have it, or maybe you've got insurance, but 130 00:05:47.560 --> 00:05:50.240 you don't have an extra five ten grand laying around. Well, 131 00:05:51.240 --> 00:05:54.399 the movie kind of follows that there are are options, 132 00:05:54.600 --> 00:05:56.639 you know, and there are some people out there that 133 00:05:56.680 --> 00:05:58.920 are telling you how hard they're working to go to treatment, 134 00:05:59.000 --> 00:06:00.360 all these barriers and all this and that. 135 00:06:00.399 --> 00:06:02.759 But are they really trying that hard? I don't know. 136 00:06:03.639 --> 00:06:05.399 And there are people that really try hard and they 137 00:06:05.519 --> 00:06:08.120 hit these barriers. We've seen this over and over, you know, 138 00:06:08.360 --> 00:06:11.000 as a recovery community organization here in Traver City, Michigan, 139 00:06:11.040 --> 00:06:14.399 we've seen it firsthand. We've seen people get denied services 140 00:06:15.199 --> 00:06:19.399 for reasons that shouldn't be and you know, we say 141 00:06:19.439 --> 00:06:21.040 what we can and do what we can about it, 142 00:06:21.800 --> 00:06:23.399 and then we have to move on, you know. But 143 00:06:23.759 --> 00:06:25.720 it happens every single day, and I kind of want 144 00:06:25.720 --> 00:06:27.639 to show that and I want the world to go. 145 00:06:27.639 --> 00:06:29.439 Does this really have this is fiction? 146 00:06:29.519 --> 00:06:31.600 And they go, no, this actually every single one of 147 00:06:31.680 --> 00:06:34.360 these things have happened, you know, or been witnessed by 148 00:06:34.360 --> 00:06:37.920 the guy who wrote it. At least part of it. 149 00:06:39.079 --> 00:06:41.439 The guy walking down the road, which the reason why 150 00:06:41.480 --> 00:06:43.279 I put him in there. And I don't know why 151 00:06:43.279 --> 00:06:45.959 God had to drive by him that day Milan nowhere 152 00:06:47.079 --> 00:06:50.360 like nowhere nowhere, Like you're not walking these roads, man, 153 00:06:50.439 --> 00:06:52.800 and this guy was. And you were like, hey, that's 154 00:06:52.800 --> 00:06:54.959 so and So I can't see because my glasses I 155 00:06:55.040 --> 00:06:58.199 just see guy walking. And I was like, oh, well, 156 00:06:58.240 --> 00:07:01.040 so and so actually called because he needed to ride 157 00:07:01.079 --> 00:07:04.879 to treatment, and they said they wouldn't fund it, and 158 00:07:04.920 --> 00:07:06.639 this and that, and they told him to call the 159 00:07:06.959 --> 00:07:10.120 Medicaid call you a Medicaid number, and he did and 160 00:07:10.120 --> 00:07:13.240 they were like, yeah, that's out of our region. And 161 00:07:13.240 --> 00:07:15.000 it's like, wait, are you're supposed to take everybody in 162 00:07:15.040 --> 00:07:18.040 the state, you know, wherever. So that didn't make sense, 163 00:07:18.040 --> 00:07:20.920 you know, And there's been other things that people have said, 164 00:07:20.959 --> 00:07:22.480 and so that's why I threw him in there. So 165 00:07:22.480 --> 00:07:24.319 I didn't I don't know if he was actually walking 166 00:07:24.360 --> 00:07:26.560 to treatment, but that's where I got the idea of that, 167 00:07:26.600 --> 00:07:28.560 and that's where I say, well, I know he needed 168 00:07:28.560 --> 00:07:30.720 to ride to treatment and he was walking somewhere. 169 00:07:31.160 --> 00:07:33.959 But them are the But it just shows too in that, 170 00:07:34.879 --> 00:07:37.879 I mean, just even in that first part just the 171 00:07:38.000 --> 00:07:44.079 scenarios of the barriers that a person faces. Maybe they're 172 00:07:44.120 --> 00:07:49.879 already starting the withdraws, or they're still you know, they're 173 00:07:49.920 --> 00:07:54.000 on their last cans and dimes and Nichols and pennies 174 00:07:54.639 --> 00:07:59.240 to get something, just to maintain some of that off 175 00:07:59.759 --> 00:08:02.240 to make these phone calls. And then when they get 176 00:08:02.519 --> 00:08:04.839 you know, every door is shut in there. 177 00:08:05.120 --> 00:08:06.839 Yeah, okay, yeah, you can come to treatment. 178 00:08:06.920 --> 00:08:09.160 So then they're like, finally, okay, I made a decision 179 00:08:09.160 --> 00:08:12.439 to go, I can get in. But then all them 180 00:08:12.519 --> 00:08:18.319 pieces there to get there is really defeating at times too. 181 00:08:18.839 --> 00:08:21.639 And you know, and that's always seems to be when 182 00:08:21.680 --> 00:08:25.480 our families are they're completely done with us. They're like, 183 00:08:25.519 --> 00:08:28.800 I'm not giving you one more ride the treatment because 184 00:08:29.439 --> 00:08:31.759 you know, I've heard it all and I've said it. 185 00:08:31.839 --> 00:08:33.919 They we've said it. You know. 186 00:08:34.000 --> 00:08:35.679 They don't want to hear that crap anymore. They want 187 00:08:35.679 --> 00:08:36.320 to see the action. 188 00:08:36.960 --> 00:08:39.159 And there's families out there like, oh, well, I got money, though, 189 00:08:39.159 --> 00:08:41.039 we can send him off to this and that's cool. 190 00:08:41.080 --> 00:08:42.919 But the fifteenth time he went, you're going to be 191 00:08:42.960 --> 00:08:45.799 done the lies, the stealing. Oh I got money, Oh, 192 00:08:45.799 --> 00:08:47.720 that means he's going to steal or she'll steal from you. 193 00:08:47.759 --> 00:08:50.000 They'll they'll take whatever they can because their addiction is 194 00:08:50.000 --> 00:08:52.399 is that's what's most important to them. And unfortunately the 195 00:08:52.440 --> 00:08:54.399 brain has been the chemistry has been changed, and that's 196 00:08:54.440 --> 00:08:56.679 that's what that's happening. It's not that they're bad people, 197 00:08:57.200 --> 00:08:59.240 it's just their brain is telling them you need it now, 198 00:08:59.320 --> 00:08:59.679 you need. 199 00:08:59.600 --> 00:09:00.000 To get it. 200 00:09:00.639 --> 00:09:03.720 So even for those people like be careful because maybe 201 00:09:03.799 --> 00:09:06.360 that fifteenth time, that time that was going to turn 202 00:09:06.399 --> 00:09:09.639 the corner where your loved one, your son, your daughter, whoever, 203 00:09:09.879 --> 00:09:13.000 has just about figured it out. And then this is 204 00:09:13.039 --> 00:09:15.399 the time that they can't get there because you're like, nope, done. 205 00:09:16.200 --> 00:09:19.279 But because there's nothing in place that really help people, 206 00:09:21.279 --> 00:09:22.799 they can fall through the class and then they die 207 00:09:22.799 --> 00:09:24.080 and then oh it's their fault. They didn't want to 208 00:09:24.159 --> 00:09:25.799 change their life. It's not about that at all. 209 00:09:26.159 --> 00:09:28.879 Well, right, And that's where the misconception lines comes in, 210 00:09:29.080 --> 00:09:33.080 is because there's this there's this thought that all it 211 00:09:33.159 --> 00:09:36.360 takes is willingness, is somebody to say I'll go and 212 00:09:36.360 --> 00:09:38.399 that's it, and that it's done and they're on their way. 213 00:09:38.440 --> 00:09:40.799 But that's not even all of it. It's not even 214 00:09:40.840 --> 00:09:43.679 half of it. There's so many more moving pieces and 215 00:09:43.759 --> 00:09:50.240 so many approvals and you know authorizations, and you know, 216 00:09:50.840 --> 00:09:52.600 are where are they, where are they going to? 217 00:09:52.720 --> 00:09:53.759 Where did they live before? 218 00:09:54.320 --> 00:09:56.159 There's a bunch of things that go into it that 219 00:09:56.279 --> 00:09:59.360 we don't even think about until you're actually at the 220 00:09:59.399 --> 00:10:02.320 spot where you're like, okay, I will give it a shot. 221 00:10:02.440 --> 00:10:04.600 And then here you are, and it makes it it's 222 00:10:04.600 --> 00:10:06.000 so so difficult. 223 00:10:06.120 --> 00:10:08.440 But then sometimes too, like you get to that spot 224 00:10:08.559 --> 00:10:12.240 right and it's like okay, well, okay, maybe you're finally 225 00:10:12.279 --> 00:10:14.519 ready to do something. You get so then you get 226 00:10:14.519 --> 00:10:19.440 to detox. Well then you're only there for five days, 227 00:10:19.480 --> 00:10:22.039 but it's really like four days when you count it 228 00:10:22.039 --> 00:10:26.279 all out and finding treatment and then it's like, okay, 229 00:10:26.320 --> 00:10:28.639 my job. You know, it's a it can be a 230 00:10:28.759 --> 00:10:33.879 lot of decisions at once and then you're like okay, fine, 231 00:10:33.919 --> 00:10:34.360 I'll go. 232 00:10:34.480 --> 00:10:37.399 And then if you don't get the referral or you know. 233 00:10:37.480 --> 00:10:41.399 It's just and they call it a medical detax right. Yeah, 234 00:10:41.480 --> 00:10:43.960 So for someone who's never been, you think, okay, cool, 235 00:10:44.000 --> 00:10:46.799 so they're going to be watched in a room, they're 236 00:10:46.840 --> 00:10:49.399 going to have medically people around there, They're going to 237 00:10:49.440 --> 00:10:52.399 be nice and comfortable. No, no, when I was at 238 00:10:52.440 --> 00:10:55.480 turning Point. That place was in no offense to turning Point. 239 00:10:55.480 --> 00:10:58.120 That place was a shihole and it could be a 240 00:10:58.159 --> 00:11:00.480 funding thing. I have no idea, but it was horrible. 241 00:11:00.840 --> 00:11:03.600 It was in the down in the very basement of 242 00:11:03.639 --> 00:11:06.960 this building. It was like the old Salvation Army or something. 243 00:11:07.000 --> 00:11:09.799 It's just a long hallway, dark, stank. And then the 244 00:11:09.840 --> 00:11:11.840 men's room was on the right hand side of this 245 00:11:11.960 --> 00:11:14.440 little long hallway and you went in and it was 246 00:11:14.480 --> 00:11:16.159 just bed bed bed bed bed bed bed and the 247 00:11:16.159 --> 00:11:17.759 bed they put me in was right by the toilet. 248 00:11:18.120 --> 00:11:20.360 The door didn't the bathroom door didn't have a door 249 00:11:20.399 --> 00:11:22.399 on it, so I heard. So I'm like, I'm not 250 00:11:22.440 --> 00:11:25.320 staying here. I'm gonna go just sit out there. This 251 00:11:25.919 --> 00:11:29.000 stupid TV that they had of this VCR and these 252 00:11:29.039 --> 00:11:31.759 same movies. It was horrible, And so why would I 253 00:11:31.759 --> 00:11:33.360 want to go to treatment after that, because if I've 254 00:11:33.399 --> 00:11:35.000 never been to treatment before, I'm gonna think that's what 255 00:11:35.000 --> 00:11:37.399 treatment is. And then actually I went up to their 256 00:11:37.440 --> 00:11:41.519 other level and I would I wouldn't recommend people go there. 257 00:11:41.519 --> 00:11:44.200 It's better than sleeping on the street and dying, So 258 00:11:44.360 --> 00:11:46.600 go there if that's your only place. But I'm saying, though, 259 00:11:47.039 --> 00:11:49.559 is how come if we're gonna go medically, do you talk? 260 00:11:49.600 --> 00:11:51.600 How come these places aren't nicer? How come we have 261 00:11:51.639 --> 00:11:56.320 to deal with this subpar help? Like why is it 262 00:11:56.399 --> 00:11:57.840 so half asked? 263 00:11:58.919 --> 00:12:01.440 Because I think it's because of the stigma around it, 264 00:12:02.639 --> 00:12:05.759 But see like we're just like it's like second best. 265 00:12:06.039 --> 00:12:07.919 And I was just so irritated. 266 00:12:07.960 --> 00:12:09.679 I was on my soatbox earlier when I was talking 267 00:12:09.720 --> 00:12:12.559 about the trauma is the real reason, you know trauma 268 00:12:13.279 --> 00:12:15.639 you need to what I was talking with Tony and 269 00:12:15.639 --> 00:12:19.720 our friends from BDAI and she was saying something about 270 00:12:19.879 --> 00:12:23.840 accept non acceptance. What did she say? It was kind 271 00:12:23.840 --> 00:12:25.960 of along the lines of you know, stuff in AA 272 00:12:26.039 --> 00:12:27.000 like acceptance. 273 00:12:31.679 --> 00:12:34.600 I don't remember now, but it was not among those lines. 274 00:12:34.639 --> 00:12:35.240 It just trust me. 275 00:12:36.559 --> 00:12:39.080 And when you can do that with trauma, when you 276 00:12:39.120 --> 00:12:41.000 can realize, Okay, this is the trauma and I'm not 277 00:12:41.000 --> 00:12:42.480 saying you have to run out and go fix it. 278 00:12:42.600 --> 00:12:45.000 That day I put my box in my head in 279 00:12:45.039 --> 00:12:48.039 a closet, like, Okay, I know I have these issues. 280 00:12:48.039 --> 00:12:49.720 And I thought it was abandonment at first, and maybe 281 00:12:49.720 --> 00:12:51.799 it was, you know, I didn't have a father growing up, 282 00:12:51.840 --> 00:12:53.440 sort of how I put it in my mind. So 283 00:12:53.480 --> 00:12:54.559 I had to put that up for a couple of 284 00:12:54.600 --> 00:12:56.320 years before I could even dig into that because I 285 00:12:56.360 --> 00:12:57.679 knew I wasn't ready. If I would have pulled that 286 00:12:57.720 --> 00:13:00.200 box down and started getting in them feelings, I I 287 00:13:00.360 --> 00:13:03.519 wasn't secure in my own sobriety yet, So I wanted 288 00:13:03.559 --> 00:13:04.919 to wait until I was ready to deal with it. 289 00:13:04.960 --> 00:13:07.240 And then I did, and then later I found out 290 00:13:07.240 --> 00:13:10.440 really it wasn't abandonment at all. I mean, maybe a little, 291 00:13:11.080 --> 00:13:14.080 but it was forgiveness, you know. I really had to 292 00:13:14.600 --> 00:13:16.759 forgive my father, you know, and realize that there is 293 00:13:16.799 --> 00:13:19.360 no Wellether. There is a book that you can buy, probably, 294 00:13:19.399 --> 00:13:21.000 but I'm not going to make you a better parent 295 00:13:21.320 --> 00:13:24.759 for the perfect parent in the world book. I don't 296 00:13:24.759 --> 00:13:26.679 have it. Marnie doesn't have it. We're not perfect. My 297 00:13:26.720 --> 00:13:28.440 parents weren't perfect. You know, why am I holding them 298 00:13:28.440 --> 00:13:30.240 to different standards? And I had to forgive my father, 299 00:13:30.720 --> 00:13:33.639 and then I had to forgive my mother and move forward. 300 00:13:33.679 --> 00:13:35.279 You know, what kind of relationship do I want to 301 00:13:35.320 --> 00:13:38.120 have with them? Moving forward? What happened to my childhood? Okay, 302 00:13:38.159 --> 00:13:42.080 it happened. I've acknowledged it. I talk about it, and 303 00:13:42.120 --> 00:13:44.159 I'm going to make sure that my son doesn't have 304 00:13:44.200 --> 00:13:46.960 that same kind of relationship, you know, not that my 305 00:13:47.039 --> 00:13:48.799 dad's a bad guy, but I just I don't have 306 00:13:48.840 --> 00:13:51.080 that relationship that I want my son to have with me. 307 00:13:51.360 --> 00:13:56.159 And I can change that, not stay sober. But it 308 00:13:56.240 --> 00:13:58.840 took a long time to figure all that out, you know, 309 00:13:59.120 --> 00:14:05.159 and it takes people time, you know, to heal. And 310 00:14:05.240 --> 00:14:06.799 so I think if we could look at it that 311 00:14:06.840 --> 00:14:09.360 way and give people a little grace, and then how 312 00:14:09.399 --> 00:14:12.159 come we're not blaming the biggest monster of all of them. 313 00:14:12.399 --> 00:14:15.200 You know, Alcohol gets away with so much. And I 314 00:14:15.240 --> 00:14:17.240 was talking with the BDA guys about that, and it's like, 315 00:14:17.440 --> 00:14:20.000 wait a minute, you're going after big Farmer, You're going 316 00:14:20.000 --> 00:14:23.000 after all the weed places in Michigan. Well about alcohol. 317 00:14:23.000 --> 00:14:25.039 They're the ones who calls all of it. Let's break 318 00:14:25.080 --> 00:14:26.639 it down and I'll do it real quick for you. 319 00:14:26.919 --> 00:14:31.519 Alcohol causes all of it. Meth Okay, I smoked meth. 320 00:14:31.679 --> 00:14:33.960 I smoked or I did heroin. I didn't smoke heroin, 321 00:14:34.480 --> 00:14:38.320 I snorted it. But I was drunk when I did acid. 322 00:14:38.480 --> 00:14:40.879 Was drunk when I did cocaine. I was drunk when 323 00:14:40.919 --> 00:14:43.639 I smoked weed. I was drunk. I smoked cigarettes, I 324 00:14:43.639 --> 00:14:45.919 was drunk, well except for the time when I was 325 00:14:45.919 --> 00:14:48.519 five and I walked to preschool. But it's the first 326 00:14:48.519 --> 00:14:49.679 cigarette had. It was horrible. 327 00:14:49.720 --> 00:14:52.679 I didn't like that at all. But what I'm saying like, 328 00:14:52.720 --> 00:14:54.519 how come they're not paying more for that? 329 00:14:54.639 --> 00:14:57.039 Everybody who steps up and says I need help, I 330 00:14:57.120 --> 00:14:59.600 need to go to treatment, and it's a substance related issue. 331 00:14:59.639 --> 00:15:02.240 Alcohol Hall should pay the tab. If you want to 332 00:15:02.279 --> 00:15:03.600 throw a big farm in there, cool. 333 00:15:03.799 --> 00:15:05.480 They they only do that because the state wants to 334 00:15:05.519 --> 00:15:07.039 just get money and spend it how they want. 335 00:15:08.039 --> 00:15:10.279 But if we really cared about people. 336 00:15:09.960 --> 00:15:11.480 And this is the problem with this country, and I'll 337 00:15:11.519 --> 00:15:15.639 say it right here, it was built on greed, in 338 00:15:15.720 --> 00:15:18.279 lying and deception, all right, Like even the whole Hey, 339 00:15:18.360 --> 00:15:20.279 the British are comment like, that's really not a. 340 00:15:20.200 --> 00:15:22.240 Cool story you think about it. That's that's some shady shit. 341 00:15:22.840 --> 00:15:25.200 Now if we did that today, oh we'd be gunned down, 342 00:15:25.279 --> 00:15:27.759 like nobody would even hear from us again. So think 343 00:15:27.759 --> 00:15:29.919 about how this country was founded and it's running exactly 344 00:15:29.960 --> 00:15:32.320 how it was supposed to. Now, if we can change 345 00:15:32.360 --> 00:15:36.000 things and actually care about people, the world would be 346 00:15:36.000 --> 00:15:37.639 a better place. And I'm not saying that you have 347 00:15:37.679 --> 00:15:40.200 to go and throw alcohol because we did the prohibition 348 00:15:40.240 --> 00:15:43.440 thing that shouldn't work. But they should pay some taxes 349 00:15:43.600 --> 00:15:47.159 to where whatever. If anybody needs some help, send the 350 00:15:47.159 --> 00:15:49.519 bill right to Budweiser, send the bill right to Jack Daniels. 351 00:15:49.519 --> 00:15:52.799 Send the bill to them, and they have to pay it, yeah, 352 00:15:52.799 --> 00:15:54.320 because they calls all of it. And then we can 353 00:15:54.360 --> 00:15:57.080 get into domestic violence, and we can get into all 354 00:15:57.360 --> 00:16:02.120 everything dumbst miss drunk driving, to where you can make 355 00:16:02.159 --> 00:16:04.480 alcohol so expensive that people will go away. So I 356 00:16:04.519 --> 00:16:07.639 can either keep drinking or I can just go change 357 00:16:07.679 --> 00:16:10.960 my life. And I think people would choose that. And 358 00:16:11.000 --> 00:16:12.799 if they are like, hey, it's okay, you can go 359 00:16:12.799 --> 00:16:15.879 get help now, maybe they wouldn't. 360 00:16:15.879 --> 00:16:16.279 I don't know. 361 00:16:16.320 --> 00:16:18.120 But I had a friend die again and I'm just 362 00:16:18.159 --> 00:16:20.919 really pissed about it. And he wasn't that close close, 363 00:16:20.960 --> 00:16:23.559 but he was, you know, and it's losing anybody to it. 364 00:16:24.000 --> 00:16:26.200 And then thinking back as he lived in Grand Rapids, 365 00:16:26.200 --> 00:16:28.000 which has Network one eighty at least they did. When 366 00:16:28.080 --> 00:16:30.200 I had to go through there, it was horrible. So 367 00:16:30.240 --> 00:16:32.000 and then I'm thinking in my mind as I'm trying 368 00:16:32.000 --> 00:16:34.320 to help my friend who's dealing with the same thing. 369 00:16:34.399 --> 00:16:35.399 Can't get into treatment. 370 00:16:37.000 --> 00:16:39.039 And I'm thinking, I wonder if that was his problem, 371 00:16:39.159 --> 00:16:40.799 if he had to deal with Network on eighty and 372 00:16:40.840 --> 00:16:43.279 they were so effed up that he couldn't get in 373 00:16:43.679 --> 00:16:48.000 and he just really needed my guidance. And I don't know, 374 00:16:48.120 --> 00:16:49.960 I'll never know the answer to that question, so I 375 00:16:49.960 --> 00:16:51.679 should probably just let it go. But it just it 376 00:16:51.679 --> 00:16:54.000 really pisses me off, you know, and you just really 377 00:16:54.000 --> 00:16:56.519 start thinking about it, and who's the biggest one getting 378 00:16:56.519 --> 00:16:57.039 away with it? 379 00:16:57.320 --> 00:16:58.559 And if Trump's I'm. 380 00:16:58.440 --> 00:17:01.879 Sorry, Trump supporters, I don't like anybody, so just throwing 381 00:17:01.960 --> 00:17:04.359 that out there, but the Trump supporters, if Trumps really 382 00:17:04.359 --> 00:17:08.000 wants to make America Richigan, Yale, Harvard, somebody just came 383 00:17:08.039 --> 00:17:11.039 out with this survey thing that they did and they 384 00:17:11.240 --> 00:17:13.119 pretty much said, alcohol takes. 385 00:17:12.880 --> 00:17:14.799 Twenty four years off someone's life. 386 00:17:15.079 --> 00:17:18.279 Twenty four years of not paying taxes, twenty four years 387 00:17:18.359 --> 00:17:21.640 not being productive, twenty four years of not like buying 388 00:17:21.640 --> 00:17:24.880 stuff at the store, not helping the economy, not volunteering 389 00:17:24.920 --> 00:17:27.880 in the community. That's twenty four years that they're losing 390 00:17:28.480 --> 00:17:33.160 money to gain nickels and pennies. That doesn't make any sense. 391 00:17:34.119 --> 00:17:36.279 He's gonna pay way more taxes on income and then 392 00:17:36.279 --> 00:17:37.880 his job's gonna pay the maxin tax. 393 00:17:38.000 --> 00:17:39.960 Like I'm telling you, it just doesn't make sense. 394 00:17:40.759 --> 00:17:44.480 America's getting robbed by alcohol, and I'm not saying to 395 00:17:44.519 --> 00:17:47.480 ban it. I'm just saying they should pay their due 396 00:17:47.759 --> 00:17:50.000 and there shouldn't be anybody in the state of Michigan 397 00:17:50.119 --> 00:17:53.279 that needs to go to treatment that gets told no, not. 398 00:17:53.359 --> 00:17:57.720 One person I agree with that, So I'm done. That's 399 00:17:57.759 --> 00:17:59.640 my soapbox. How are you guys doing? 400 00:18:01.480 --> 00:18:02.240 That's powerful? 401 00:18:03.160 --> 00:18:06.440