WEBVTT 1 00:00:01.399 --> 00:00:03.919 Hi, I'm John J. Murphy, and I welcome you to 2 00:00:04.000 --> 00:00:08.279 The Change Mastery Show with my co host, Doctor Pat. Together, 3 00:00:08.320 --> 00:00:11.359 we invite you to think differently about change, not as 4 00:00:11.359 --> 00:00:14.880 something to fear or resist, but as a powerful opportunity 5 00:00:14.880 --> 00:00:20.120 for growth, empowerment, joy, and life masters My vision to 6 00:00:20.160 --> 00:00:24.320 help millions of people shift from victimhood to leadership, from 7 00:00:24.359 --> 00:00:29.000 ego to spirit, and from hesitation and resistance to flow. 8 00:00:29.679 --> 00:00:31.559 This is an opportunity for you to get out of 9 00:00:31.600 --> 00:00:36.560 your own way and experience life with more courage, confidence, humility, 10 00:00:36.960 --> 00:00:42.079 and higher purpose. Get ready, The Change Mastery Show starts now. 11 00:00:44.840 --> 00:00:48.039 Hey everyone, I'm doctor Pat. This is an amazing episode. 12 00:00:48.200 --> 00:00:51.840 And you know I've mentioned a few things along the 13 00:00:51.880 --> 00:00:55.439 way the past couple years because I made statements like 14 00:00:56.159 --> 00:01:00.359 we had COVID, then we didn't, as if COVID never 15 00:01:00.439 --> 00:01:03.560 happened sometimes the way we handled it. But today's show 16 00:01:03.640 --> 00:01:07.359 is more than that. It's when it's time to say 17 00:01:07.400 --> 00:01:10.680 goodbye John. First of all, John J. Murphy is going 18 00:01:10.719 --> 00:01:13.680 to challenge us to be mindful about our feelings about 19 00:01:13.799 --> 00:01:18.040 loss and to recognize that whatever you're feeling, you are 20 00:01:18.159 --> 00:01:22.640 asking for more. This is a conversation about what is 21 00:01:22.719 --> 00:01:25.799 going on. It doesn't matter what we're talking about. It 22 00:01:25.840 --> 00:01:27.959 could be a child leaving home, it could be a 23 00:01:28.040 --> 00:01:32.719 parent passing, it could be an unexpected divorce. And in 24 00:01:32.760 --> 00:01:35.280 my case, I have been fired from every job I've had, 25 00:01:35.640 --> 00:01:38.439 so it could be that too. You know, what is 26 00:01:38.480 --> 00:01:41.200 it about sorrow? Celebrate that? By the way, John, that's 27 00:01:41.239 --> 00:01:43.040 why some of us are in our own business, right, 28 00:01:44.359 --> 00:01:47.719 But this is how do we go through this anxiety 29 00:01:47.840 --> 00:01:54.079 or appreciation, sorrow or celebration, fear or opportunity. And John, 30 00:01:54.159 --> 00:01:57.760 thank you for doing this topic because there's so much 31 00:01:57.799 --> 00:01:59.920 of this and in my opinion, there's so much so 32 00:02:00.000 --> 00:02:04.920 depression around this and it doesn't matter what it is 33 00:02:05.239 --> 00:02:10.000 because people want to really downplace some quote losses or 34 00:02:10.080 --> 00:02:13.840 sometimes when we leave something like I don't know what 35 00:02:13.879 --> 00:02:16.599 it was like for you to grow up, but sometimes 36 00:02:16.639 --> 00:02:18.879 people grow up with you know, honey, you just better 37 00:02:18.919 --> 00:02:20.520 suck it up and move on, right. 38 00:02:22.479 --> 00:02:26.879 That's right? Yeah, Well, you know what, we were downloaded 39 00:02:26.919 --> 00:02:30.800 with most of our subconscious programming by the age of six, 40 00:02:31.199 --> 00:02:34.599 so you know, we go through life then repeating whatever 41 00:02:34.639 --> 00:02:37.439 we've the programs were running on, so we wont to 42 00:02:37.520 --> 00:02:42.639 number one, recognize that and then the whole secret to 43 00:02:42.919 --> 00:02:45.439 a life of flow, which is what I like to 44 00:02:45.479 --> 00:02:48.520 refer to it. Everything is flowing all the time. Change 45 00:02:48.560 --> 00:02:52.520 is always happening, and if it wasn't, we'd all be dead. So, 46 00:02:52.800 --> 00:02:55.759 you know, day turns into night and back in today again, 47 00:02:55.800 --> 00:03:01.439 the seasons change. Everything is flowing, you know, fifty trillion 48 00:03:01.599 --> 00:03:05.199 cells in our body flowing, each cell doing six trillion 49 00:03:05.280 --> 00:03:08.000 things per second. It's mind blowing when you start looking 50 00:03:08.039 --> 00:03:11.479 at the science, right, and so if everything is flowing 51 00:03:12.439 --> 00:03:17.560 and everything is cyclical not linear, what goes around comes around. 52 00:03:17.560 --> 00:03:20.599 It's karmic law. Then we start to look at things 53 00:03:20.719 --> 00:03:25.599 like loss and saying goodbye and a whole different context. Really, 54 00:03:25.680 --> 00:03:29.680 it's because there's almost no such thing at the spiritual level. 55 00:03:29.680 --> 00:03:32.639 There's no such thing at the human level. Of course, 56 00:03:33.159 --> 00:03:36.159 people come and go, jobs come and go. You know, 57 00:03:36.199 --> 00:03:39.560 you lose. I've lost loved, beloved pets. I've lost both 58 00:03:39.560 --> 00:03:42.599 of my parents, I've lost all of my grandparents, my 59 00:03:42.680 --> 00:03:47.319 kids have gone off to college. Everything's changing. So really, 60 00:03:47.439 --> 00:03:51.840 I think what's important about this episode is how do 61 00:03:51.919 --> 00:03:55.639 we process that? How do we process that? You and 62 00:03:55.680 --> 00:03:57.639 I did a show earlier about two sides to the 63 00:03:57.680 --> 00:04:06.120 same coin. Grief comes you know. And but here's the thing. 64 00:04:06.199 --> 00:04:07.960 How long you're going to hold on to that grief. 65 00:04:08.520 --> 00:04:11.439 I know people who are holding on to grief from 66 00:04:11.879 --> 00:04:17.079 twenty or thirty years ago. That's not healthy. So you know, 67 00:04:17.199 --> 00:04:20.279 feel the grief. I love this zen teaching. I use 68 00:04:20.319 --> 00:04:22.279 it all the time. And that is that, you know, 69 00:04:22.319 --> 00:04:25.360 you let the feeling in the front door, and you 70 00:04:25.480 --> 00:04:28.160 let it out the back door, but you don't invite 71 00:04:28.160 --> 00:04:32.680 it for tea. If it's a feeling like grief, let 72 00:04:32.720 --> 00:04:35.360 it go. Because if you don't, and you sit and 73 00:04:35.399 --> 00:04:37.519 have tea with it and you carry it around with 74 00:04:37.560 --> 00:04:40.959 you for who knows how long. Grief has a frequency 75 00:04:40.959 --> 00:04:45.480 and energetic frequency. Every feeling has a frequency, and I'll 76 00:04:45.600 --> 00:04:48.959 just reference to doctor David Hawkins in the Map of Consciousness. 77 00:04:48.959 --> 00:04:51.040 We've talked about that before. But when you start to 78 00:04:51.079 --> 00:04:56.759 realize that every feeling has a frequency and like frequencies 79 00:04:57.000 --> 00:05:03.000 attract like frequencies, Einstein said, this isn't philosophy, this is physics. 80 00:05:03.519 --> 00:05:07.199 If you match the frequency of the reality you want, 81 00:05:07.759 --> 00:05:10.120 you cannot help it get that reality. It can be 82 00:05:10.120 --> 00:05:12.920 no other way. Albert Einstein said that, So we start 83 00:05:12.920 --> 00:05:16.040 to think about, well, if I'm feeling grief. If I'm 84 00:05:16.079 --> 00:05:18.959 not careful, I'm just going to call for more and 85 00:05:19.000 --> 00:05:22.519 more grief into my life. Misery loves company, right. So 86 00:05:22.639 --> 00:05:26.399 the idea here, doctor pat is that in my experience, 87 00:05:26.439 --> 00:05:29.439 and I've been practicing this for a very long time, 88 00:05:30.160 --> 00:05:34.800 is that you recognize the human feeling, you know, the 89 00:05:35.480 --> 00:05:41.160 instinct to feel afraid or to feel grief. You process 90 00:05:41.240 --> 00:05:44.839 it and then you let it go. But one big 91 00:05:44.920 --> 00:05:47.600 mistake people make, and I want to caution everybody on this, 92 00:05:47.639 --> 00:05:51.199 is that you don't lock the front door. You don't 93 00:05:51.439 --> 00:05:55.800 fight it, because it just anything you resist grows stronger. 94 00:05:55.879 --> 00:06:01.319 So if you fight you know, sadness, sorrow, you fight 95 00:06:02.240 --> 00:06:07.000 any feeling like that, it's not a good idea. So 96 00:06:07.199 --> 00:06:11.240 process it and let it go. That's the that's the 97 00:06:11.279 --> 00:06:14.439 major message for the show. And here's the thing. And 98 00:06:14.480 --> 00:06:16.399 a lot of times we think of loss and saying 99 00:06:16.399 --> 00:06:20.439 goodbye to people who've died jobs that you know, we 100 00:06:20.439 --> 00:06:25.519 were fired from, big changes, you know, divorces I've been 101 00:06:25.519 --> 00:06:31.160 through too. We could talk more about that too. But 102 00:06:31.720 --> 00:06:34.240 saying goodbye is like, well, I had to say goodbye 103 00:06:34.240 --> 00:06:38.639 to yesterday. Last night I had to say goodbye. I 104 00:06:38.720 --> 00:06:43.040 have to say goodbye to today, tonight at midnight, it's over. 105 00:06:43.920 --> 00:06:46.839 And so as we learned to just let go of 106 00:06:46.920 --> 00:06:51.759 anything from a day, or a lousy moment during a day, 107 00:06:52.560 --> 00:06:55.720 or even a celebratory moment in a day, a victory, 108 00:06:57.199 --> 00:07:00.800 it's gone, you know so. And then other key takeaway 109 00:07:00.839 --> 00:07:02.800 I want people to think about today is that when 110 00:07:02.800 --> 00:07:07.040 you do reflect on the past, whether it's yesterday or 111 00:07:07.120 --> 00:07:11.600 ten years ago, how do you feel about whatever is 112 00:07:11.639 --> 00:07:14.800 you're thinking? Because I like to use this formula and 113 00:07:14.879 --> 00:07:19.879 it's helped me immensely. The formula is simply T times 114 00:07:19.920 --> 00:07:25.160 E equals F. What does that mean? T is thinking, 115 00:07:25.199 --> 00:07:28.639 It's what we're thinking. What is E? It's the emotion 116 00:07:29.240 --> 00:07:34.720 fueling the thought, and the F is a feeling. So 117 00:07:34.759 --> 00:07:38.639 it is an example. If I think I might lose 118 00:07:38.720 --> 00:07:42.560 my job, AI's taken over the world. That's what I'm thinking. 119 00:07:43.519 --> 00:07:47.120 And it's fueled by only one or two emotions, love 120 00:07:48.120 --> 00:07:51.759 or fear. And I'll reference a course in miracles here 121 00:07:52.040 --> 00:07:56.720 and actually there's only one emotion, only one, and it's 122 00:07:56.800 --> 00:08:02.639 capital l love unconditional say with love, fear is the 123 00:08:02.759 --> 00:08:05.920 resistance to that. That's what triggers fear. So when you 124 00:08:05.959 --> 00:08:10.120 start boiling it down to two emotions, so to speak. 125 00:08:10.279 --> 00:08:12.279 If I'm thinking I might lose my job and it's 126 00:08:12.279 --> 00:08:20.639 fueled by fear, what's the feeling anxiety, worry, stress? Huh? 127 00:08:20.680 --> 00:08:23.680 What if I think I might lose my job and 128 00:08:23.720 --> 00:08:27.439 it's fueled by love, Well, I'm going to land on 129 00:08:27.480 --> 00:08:32.720 my feet. Maybe it's a blessing in disguise. I'll get 130 00:08:32.720 --> 00:08:35.679 through this. Maybe it's just what I need. It's a 131 00:08:35.720 --> 00:08:40.440 completely different reaction or feeling. Right. So, anything we think 132 00:08:40.919 --> 00:08:44.159 we should examine be mindful of, we become what we 133 00:08:44.279 --> 00:08:47.360 dwell on, and then we have to examine the emotion 134 00:08:48.559 --> 00:08:53.960 triggering it, because the fear based emotion is low frequency, 135 00:08:54.039 --> 00:08:57.639 going back to the map of consciousness, and the love frequent. 136 00:08:57.720 --> 00:08:59.519 And by the way, when I say love, i'm talking 137 00:08:59.559 --> 00:09:06.720 capital L love where it's not conditional at all. It's sacred, 138 00:09:06.840 --> 00:09:11.639 it's divine, and there's no forgiveness because there's no judgment. 139 00:09:13.080 --> 00:09:15.679 What are you supposed to forgive if there's no judgment? Yeah, 140 00:09:16.320 --> 00:09:19.600 no condemnation. Right, So when you think about sacred love, 141 00:09:20.399 --> 00:09:24.279 there's no forgiveness because there's no condemnation. That's a really 142 00:09:24.320 --> 00:09:27.120 strange way to think about things now, but. 143 00:09:27.120 --> 00:09:31.120 It's a really important though, John, because look, you have 144 00:09:31.279 --> 00:09:33.320 had to say goodbye countless times and I want to 145 00:09:33.360 --> 00:09:35.440 talk about that. But you know what, I'm really struck 146 00:09:35.480 --> 00:09:37.639 by on you speaking about this. I'd never thought about 147 00:09:37.639 --> 00:09:41.039 this before because one of those firings was after a 148 00:09:41.080 --> 00:09:44.120 twenty five year career, which I pretty much look back on. 149 00:09:44.200 --> 00:09:46.519 But I don't know if this is your example, but 150 00:09:46.559 --> 00:09:48.039 I want to tell you about it, maybe you could 151 00:09:48.039 --> 00:09:52.399 talk about yours. I remember, as my boss is ripping 152 00:09:52.480 --> 00:09:57.399 my badge off of my neck because I refuse to 153 00:09:57.480 --> 00:10:02.159 fire somebody one short short of a thirty year pension, 154 00:10:03.000 --> 00:10:06.000 and I was so clear about it, and she's ripping 155 00:10:06.039 --> 00:10:11.159 my badge off. I had a moment of peace, and 156 00:10:11.279 --> 00:10:16.080 my next move wasn't anger. It was this thought, I 157 00:10:16.200 --> 00:10:18.679 better get on the phone and call Colombia. I wonder, 158 00:10:19.960 --> 00:10:23.200 because she fired me. I got the whole package and everything. Hello, 159 00:10:24.600 --> 00:10:26.759 I wonder if they still have my application. I mean, 160 00:10:27.080 --> 00:10:30.639 I didn't even that was the act. It was not 161 00:10:30.720 --> 00:10:33.759 even a thought, It wasn't a fear. And to this day, 162 00:10:33.919 --> 00:10:37.039 I still don't remember how I got from New Jersey 163 00:10:37.120 --> 00:10:41.759 to Columbia in forty five minutes, because it wasn't thinking. 164 00:10:42.240 --> 00:10:44.200 It just was happening, and I was at such a 165 00:10:44.200 --> 00:10:49.480 place of peace, and I wonder if that's part of 166 00:10:49.519 --> 00:10:52.399 the unconditional love. What have you discovered in the countless 167 00:10:52.440 --> 00:10:55.080 times you've had to experience this? 168 00:10:56.799 --> 00:11:00.480 Well? Wow, I mean I've had so many signs, difficant 169 00:11:01.039 --> 00:11:03.360 changes and things to say goodbye. I can go back 170 00:11:03.399 --> 00:11:05.440 to my childhood. I was in and out of the 171 00:11:05.440 --> 00:11:08.120 hospital so many times. My mother wanted to put a 172 00:11:08.159 --> 00:11:13.120 doctor on retainer. You know, I've had all kinds of 173 00:11:13.159 --> 00:11:16.720 broken bones, my foot, my knee, my hip, my ribs, 174 00:11:16.960 --> 00:11:21.519 my my head, concussions, my neck, you know, C seven dyssectomy. 175 00:11:21.840 --> 00:11:27.080 I've had basically a lot of pain, so to speak, physically, 176 00:11:27.879 --> 00:11:33.200 career career wise, I get fired every year essentially because 177 00:11:33.240 --> 00:11:36.399 I'm a consultant, and my job isn't to stay along. 178 00:11:36.519 --> 00:11:38.879 My job is to go in and help and make different, 179 00:11:38.919 --> 00:11:41.679 make a positive difference, and then leave and say goodbye. 180 00:11:42.960 --> 00:11:46.600 I'm saying go bye all the time. And so again, 181 00:11:46.639 --> 00:11:49.200 I refer to this as flow. If we ride the 182 00:11:49.240 --> 00:11:52.720 wave of life, we ride the waves of change, and 183 00:11:52.919 --> 00:11:56.440 rather than resist them, first, first of all, we age 184 00:11:56.480 --> 00:12:00.840 a lot slower, and uh we feel a lot better. Uh, 185 00:12:01.360 --> 00:12:03.480 you know, Instead of worrying about I mean, getting old, 186 00:12:03.519 --> 00:12:05.559 and I'm you know, I just can't do what I 187 00:12:05.639 --> 00:12:08.200 used to do, and you just all this negative self talk. No, 188 00:12:08.759 --> 00:12:10.120 you know, let's say goodbye to that. 189 00:12:10.840 --> 00:12:11.039 Yeah. 190 00:12:11.080 --> 00:12:13.000 In fact, a lot of things we want to say 191 00:12:13.000 --> 00:12:18.440 goodbye to, like negativity, and even people who weigh us down, 192 00:12:20.360 --> 00:12:23.360 time to say goodbye. So in my case, you know, yeah, 193 00:12:23.360 --> 00:12:26.039 growing up, I had to say goodbye. Well, I thought 194 00:12:26.080 --> 00:12:28.480 I had to say goodbye a dream of mine, which 195 00:12:28.559 --> 00:12:32.080 was football, and I wanted to play at a professional level. 196 00:12:32.080 --> 00:12:34.200 And I, you know, I ended up running my foot 197 00:12:34.240 --> 00:12:36.840 through a lawnmore in high school and was told I'd 198 00:12:36.879 --> 00:12:39.840 never play again. And I think you've heard that story. 199 00:12:39.879 --> 00:12:43.360 And after you know, ten hours of surgery and a 200 00:12:43.399 --> 00:12:47.960 week in the hospital and all this reconstruction, I decided 201 00:12:48.000 --> 00:12:49.919 not to believe the doctor, and a couple of years 202 00:12:49.960 --> 00:12:52.519 later I was playing again. I wasn't ready to say 203 00:12:52.519 --> 00:12:55.279 goodbye to football just then, but then there came a 204 00:12:55.320 --> 00:12:57.480 time when I did have to say goodbye. But I 205 00:12:57.519 --> 00:13:02.000 took those skills, you know, the discipline and the strategy, 206 00:13:02.080 --> 00:13:06.799 the improvisation, the team building skills into my professional So 207 00:13:06.919 --> 00:13:11.639 I still play on Saturdays, so to speak. But not 208 00:13:11.840 --> 00:13:15.840 necessarily Saturdays, and not on a football field. I give keynotes, 209 00:13:15.879 --> 00:13:18.200 you know, and I speak to people and then guess 210 00:13:18.200 --> 00:13:19.799 what I have to do at the end of the keynote, 211 00:13:20.759 --> 00:13:24.799 say goodbye, right, move on to the next project, move 212 00:13:24.840 --> 00:13:28.559 on to the next assignment. So just embracing the changes, 213 00:13:28.960 --> 00:13:31.799 but now in my own, in my family, in my 214 00:13:31.879 --> 00:13:35.399 mayortal situation, I was married for twenty six years and 215 00:13:35.399 --> 00:13:39.320 madly in love with my wife and four wonderful children 216 00:13:39.360 --> 00:13:42.639 who later went off to college and now work different 217 00:13:42.679 --> 00:13:46.279 places around the country. And saying goodbye to that, you know, 218 00:13:46.320 --> 00:13:50.200 that old family living room, seeing if you will, Christmas 219 00:13:50.240 --> 00:13:53.440 scene or holiday scene or whatever. But you know, after 220 00:13:53.480 --> 00:13:58.120 twenty six years, my wife said, I don't want you anymore, 221 00:13:58.320 --> 00:14:01.799 you know, she wanted to go another direction. And I 222 00:14:01.799 --> 00:14:05.240 mean she still calls me to this day. But it 223 00:14:05.320 --> 00:14:09.759 was heartbreaking for me. But here's the thing, and this 224 00:14:09.840 --> 00:14:14.360 is a tool I share. It's an award winning book 225 00:14:14.399 --> 00:14:17.519 I wrote back at this time called Beyond Doubt Four 226 00:14:17.559 --> 00:14:20.840 Steps to Enter Piece, and I was resistant to that. 227 00:14:21.039 --> 00:14:22.840 Actually at the time, I think I've told you this 228 00:14:22.960 --> 00:14:25.879 story where in two thousand when my father passed and 229 00:14:25.879 --> 00:14:29.519 I had to say goodbye, and that was tough. I 230 00:14:29.519 --> 00:14:32.720 stopped writing for nine years. I just stopped writing, and 231 00:14:32.720 --> 00:14:37.279 then in two thousand and nine, I literally channeled this book. 232 00:14:37.399 --> 00:14:41.639 There was a sacred presence in my room insisting I 233 00:14:41.679 --> 00:14:44.639 write again, and I was resisting. I say no, no, no, no, 234 00:14:44.720 --> 00:14:48.799 I don't know what to write about it busy it persisted, 235 00:14:48.840 --> 00:14:51.759 and I gave in. And guess what. The four steps 236 00:14:51.759 --> 00:14:55.679 to interpiece were, let be, let go, let's see, and 237 00:14:55.759 --> 00:14:58.600 let flow. And this is right before this divorce. I'm 238 00:14:58.600 --> 00:15:02.480 writing this book out nowhere, and so what's let be? 239 00:15:03.639 --> 00:15:07.639 Essentially stop resisting so need to even write this book. 240 00:15:07.679 --> 00:15:11.559 I had to be present, I had to be open, 241 00:15:12.440 --> 00:15:16.279 and I had to let go of resistance in doubt. 242 00:15:17.120 --> 00:15:19.799 And when I did that, I started to see differently 243 00:15:20.039 --> 00:15:22.360 and then get into the flow of writing. And I 244 00:15:22.399 --> 00:15:25.480 wrote this book in record time. It was published and 245 00:15:25.519 --> 00:15:28.120 I thought, well, I guess I'm writing again, doctor pat 246 00:15:28.120 --> 00:15:31.200 But what I've really learned later is that, no, John, 247 00:15:31.240 --> 00:15:36.200 you were given a recipe for handling a very difficult 248 00:15:36.360 --> 00:15:39.120 period in your life. It's about to happen, and I 249 00:15:39.159 --> 00:15:44.039 didn't know it. So now all of a sudden, I'm 250 00:15:44.120 --> 00:15:48.720 served papers on a Saturday morning and she left the 251 00:15:48.799 --> 00:15:51.200 house and there's a tap on the door and some 252 00:15:51.279 --> 00:16:00.159 kid hands me an envelope and goes, good luck, dude, somebody. 253 00:16:00.360 --> 00:16:04.519 And a week before this, my wife was trying to 254 00:16:04.639 --> 00:16:06.840 get me to take her and the kids skiing out 255 00:16:06.840 --> 00:16:10.679 in Colorado, which we've done the prior is spring and springtime, 256 00:16:11.440 --> 00:16:16.080 and that meanwhile she's she's talking to a lawyer, you know, 257 00:16:16.159 --> 00:16:19.240 and planning a divorce. It was really mind blowing, doctor Pat. 258 00:16:19.279 --> 00:16:23.080 But here's the thing. What's the let be it's accept 259 00:16:23.279 --> 00:16:27.399 what is. You can't change what is or what was. 260 00:16:27.799 --> 00:16:30.759 It's it is, so you can fight it. You could 261 00:16:30.759 --> 00:16:34.519 say it shouldn't be that way this, you know you're wrong. 262 00:16:34.879 --> 00:16:41.039 I'm right all this conflict about what is, so accept it. 263 00:16:41.039 --> 00:16:45.519 It's like an it's like contemplative, it's neutral, it's it's 264 00:16:46.759 --> 00:16:50.120 it just is. I don't have to like it, but 265 00:16:50.200 --> 00:16:54.000 I can see it as an opportunity for improvement and 266 00:16:54.679 --> 00:16:57.879 accept it. So then let be is let go of 267 00:16:57.919 --> 00:17:01.840 the anger, the hurt, the suffering, because I was hurting, 268 00:17:02.720 --> 00:17:06.279 and so I had an opportunity to practice these four 269 00:17:06.400 --> 00:17:12.039 steps immediately, which which helped told me this this wasn't 270 00:17:12.119 --> 00:17:15.279 just a book to write. This was a formula, if 271 00:17:15.319 --> 00:17:20.079 you will, a recipe for a transformational life. Fast forward, 272 00:17:20.119 --> 00:17:24.119 I started to see her with more empathy and compassion, 273 00:17:24.200 --> 00:17:28.559 even though she and her attorney were pretty hostile. And 274 00:17:29.640 --> 00:17:32.920 I got into a flow state, so to speak, where 275 00:17:34.079 --> 00:17:37.279 life is more effortless, you're going with the flow, not 276 00:17:37.480 --> 00:17:43.079 against it. And fast forward, I never even got a lawyer, 277 00:17:43.640 --> 00:17:47.279 and we've we've found a way to settle. And I 278 00:17:47.319 --> 00:17:49.920 took her to court, drove her to court, and then 279 00:17:49.920 --> 00:17:52.960 took her out for lunch afterwards. So that's what I 280 00:17:52.960 --> 00:17:57.839 would call true forgiveness. And when I look back on 281 00:17:58.359 --> 00:18:03.079 any of the time we had together, it's positive. I'm grateful, 282 00:18:03.519 --> 00:18:10.359 not grieving. I feel saved, not suffered. So it's that 283 00:18:10.799 --> 00:18:17.640 shift in mindset about how we handle loss that makes 284 00:18:17.720 --> 00:18:23.759 all the difference. And this, this ring of peace, these 285 00:18:23.799 --> 00:18:27.000 four steps were just immensely helpful for me. This is 286 00:18:27.039 --> 00:18:31.960 back in twenty tens, sixteen years ago. We don't have 287 00:18:32.039 --> 00:18:33.319 to hate each other, you know. 288 00:18:34.960 --> 00:18:37.720 Yeah, And this is what we're talking about now, is 289 00:18:38.039 --> 00:18:41.240 we're giving people the option to explore a healthy so 290 00:18:41.400 --> 00:18:46.039 to speak, you know, a healthy way to process good byes. 291 00:18:46.640 --> 00:18:50.000 And you know, some people maybe listen and say, oh, okay, 292 00:18:50.079 --> 00:18:53.599 that's just divorce. But we're giving them a way to 293 00:18:53.759 --> 00:18:59.480 process good byes period, and so that's what we want 294 00:18:59.519 --> 00:19:01.920 to make sure people understand. I love that you talked 295 00:19:01.920 --> 00:19:03.640 about the Ring of peace. Can you say that a 296 00:19:03.680 --> 00:19:05.480 little bit, say a little bit more about it? Because 297 00:19:05.480 --> 00:19:08.519 you just mentioned it and it sounded so cool to me. 298 00:19:08.759 --> 00:19:11.680 I would love for you to talk to our audience 299 00:19:11.720 --> 00:19:13.599 about what that ring a piece is. 300 00:19:14.799 --> 00:19:17.480 Yeah, well, it's I call it a tool, you know, 301 00:19:17.640 --> 00:19:23.400 and any skilled person is going to have a tool set, 302 00:19:23.920 --> 00:19:26.920 you know that works, and so it's a tool that 303 00:19:26.960 --> 00:19:30.039 we have to use to get value out of. You know, 304 00:19:30.039 --> 00:19:32.440 a lot of people have tools on golf clubs that 305 00:19:32.480 --> 00:19:35.000 sit in their garage. They never play them, or hammers 306 00:19:35.039 --> 00:19:38.039 and saws and screwdrivers, and you know, the tools just 307 00:19:38.200 --> 00:19:40.119 sit and collect us. Now, this is a tool you 308 00:19:40.119 --> 00:19:43.759 need to practice every single day. And the four steps 309 00:19:44.079 --> 00:19:47.839 I teach are not sequential. I mean they're not linear. 310 00:19:48.640 --> 00:19:51.960 So one, two, three, four, we're done. It's really as 311 00:19:52.000 --> 00:19:55.519 a it's a circular model. So we continue to do 312 00:19:55.640 --> 00:19:57.720 iterations of it, and the more we do, if you 313 00:19:57.799 --> 00:20:02.880 turn that circle this way, we ascend it. Brings our 314 00:20:02.920 --> 00:20:06.559 consciousness and awareness to a much higher level. So it's 315 00:20:06.599 --> 00:20:10.799 a tool for awakening. And the practice is in fact, 316 00:20:10.880 --> 00:20:13.000 I teach it in the book, which is now out, 317 00:20:13.039 --> 00:20:15.240 by the way, on in audio as well, so people 318 00:20:15.279 --> 00:20:16.480 can listen to it. I teach you. 319 00:20:16.759 --> 00:20:18.480 How do they get a copy of the book. Where 320 00:20:18.519 --> 00:20:19.400 is the book available? 321 00:20:19.480 --> 00:20:22.960 John, Oh, it's on audible, Spotify, it's you know, you 322 00:20:23.000 --> 00:20:28.240 can get through Amazon. But I teach it backwards. And 323 00:20:28.279 --> 00:20:30.640 the reason I do that, doctor pat is because we 324 00:20:30.680 --> 00:20:35.319 can all imagine and remember states of flow. So I 325 00:20:35.359 --> 00:20:37.400 wanted to teach it in such a way that oh, 326 00:20:37.440 --> 00:20:40.279 this is this is not this is way out there. 327 00:20:40.319 --> 00:20:45.480 I'm miserable, miserable, I can't do this. No, you've been 328 00:20:45.480 --> 00:20:50.400 in a state of flow before. Maybe you were dancing, 329 00:20:50.799 --> 00:20:53.880 maybe you were drawing pictures as a child, maybe you 330 00:20:53.920 --> 00:20:59.160 were writing something okay, or playing a sport, anything, playing 331 00:20:59.200 --> 00:21:02.880 an instrument. You get. You were in a state of timelessness. 332 00:21:04.519 --> 00:21:08.119 You weren't working, you were playing. So that's a big difference. 333 00:21:08.640 --> 00:21:11.759 You weren't in a state of resistance. You were just 334 00:21:11.799 --> 00:21:14.799 in a state of allowing. And so when you were 335 00:21:14.519 --> 00:21:20.119 we can appreciate Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I get that. Yeah, 336 00:21:20.119 --> 00:21:23.079 I've been in flow. Okay, well we've just proven you can't. 337 00:21:23.839 --> 00:21:25.839 So now what how did you get there? Let's go 338 00:21:26.000 --> 00:21:29.240 backwards from that. You know, ye, well you had to 339 00:21:29.359 --> 00:21:32.559 see it in your mind's eye. You know, it's kind 340 00:21:32.559 --> 00:21:37.400 of like an architect before there's a building, there's a blueprint, right, 341 00:21:37.519 --> 00:21:43.720 you see it before you build it. So what did 342 00:21:43.720 --> 00:21:46.759 you see in your mind's eye to get you into 343 00:21:46.799 --> 00:21:49.920 that state of flow? Did you see yourself playing beautiful music? 344 00:21:50.119 --> 00:21:52.920 Did you see yourself running for a touchdown? You know? 345 00:21:53.160 --> 00:21:55.960 Did you see yourself painting a beautiful picture? What did 346 00:21:56.039 --> 00:22:03.160 you see? And so vision is in growth? So what 347 00:22:03.440 --> 00:22:05.200 do you see in your minds? I right now people 348 00:22:05.200 --> 00:22:09.240 could say, well, I see the economy is a mess. 349 00:22:09.279 --> 00:22:12.880 I see the earth is falling apart. I see the 350 00:22:13.319 --> 00:22:16.319 government doesn't know what it's doing. I see people that 351 00:22:16.519 --> 00:22:19.599 my neighbors are you know, they're they're they're annoying me. 352 00:22:19.720 --> 00:22:24.680 And really, so what do you see? And if you 353 00:22:24.720 --> 00:22:26.640 want to get into a real, true state of flow, 354 00:22:26.720 --> 00:22:29.960 you have to see it? Okay, now how do you 355 00:22:30.119 --> 00:22:33.079 see it? When you got all this baggage and you 356 00:22:33.200 --> 00:22:35.359 got you've been beating up your whole life and you're 357 00:22:35.400 --> 00:22:40.200 carrying all this suffering around with you, and grief and 358 00:22:40.279 --> 00:22:43.839 hostility and anger even hatred. You just how are you 359 00:22:43.880 --> 00:22:47.039 supposed to see positive when you got all this junk 360 00:22:47.079 --> 00:22:49.279 weighing you down? Well, guess what, you got to let 361 00:22:49.319 --> 00:22:53.160 it go. You got to let it go. So that's 362 00:22:53.200 --> 00:22:57.119 the I'm working backwards now, that's the let go step. So, 363 00:22:57.400 --> 00:22:59.359 and how do you know what to let go of? 364 00:23:00.200 --> 00:23:03.119 You've got to be present and you've got to evaluate 365 00:23:03.839 --> 00:23:07.279 what you're feeling. What are you feeling when you think 366 00:23:07.440 --> 00:23:10.240 certain thoughts? That's the back to that formula. Well, if 367 00:23:10.279 --> 00:23:15.000 I feel upset when I think about what somebody did 368 00:23:15.000 --> 00:23:18.920 to me last week, Okay, first of all, you can't 369 00:23:19.000 --> 00:23:21.839 change that. The only thing you can change is your 370 00:23:21.920 --> 00:23:28.200 mind about that because it's over. So are you what 371 00:23:28.200 --> 00:23:30.039 are you gonna? What are you going to let your 372 00:23:30.200 --> 00:23:34.559 mind do keep you in a state of misery? That's 373 00:23:34.599 --> 00:23:39.240 when the mind is controlling you and instead of you 374 00:23:39.400 --> 00:23:43.400 controlling the mind. People confuse this all the time. Who's 375 00:23:43.480 --> 00:23:48.480 controlling who? So when somebody says something as simple as 376 00:23:48.519 --> 00:23:51.680 I changed my mind about that, well, who's the eye? 377 00:23:52.119 --> 00:23:54.119 We've talked about this too, who's the eye? Set in 378 00:23:54.200 --> 00:23:59.640 that that's your true self capital I I, and you 379 00:23:59.680 --> 00:24:05.160 know capital s self, sacred, soulful self, not the ego self. 380 00:24:05.720 --> 00:24:07.799 So when we start to really think about then we 381 00:24:07.839 --> 00:24:10.359 reverse the ring and we say so okay, so John, 382 00:24:10.440 --> 00:24:12.720 the formula is this, I need to just take time 383 00:24:12.759 --> 00:24:19.440 each day to meditate, to stop, to just contemplate, to 384 00:24:19.680 --> 00:24:28.400 just evaluate my feelings. And I recommend counting your blessings. 385 00:24:29.079 --> 00:24:34.240 You could you could have twenty nine wonderful things are 386 00:24:34.240 --> 00:24:37.599 going on and one lousy thing going on, and we 387 00:24:37.720 --> 00:24:41.000 picked the lousy one to dwell on. No, don't go there. 388 00:24:41.519 --> 00:24:46.200 So get in touch with your feelings. This is essentially 389 00:24:46.319 --> 00:24:50.559 emotional intelligence. It's a core competency and you know, self awareness. 390 00:24:51.160 --> 00:24:54.160 Get in touch with how you feel, get in touch 391 00:24:54.240 --> 00:24:58.880 with what you're doing, Get in touch with what excites you, you know, 392 00:24:59.079 --> 00:25:01.759 your moments of us because that triggers flow. What do 393 00:25:01.799 --> 00:25:05.279 you what do you just love doing? And then what's 394 00:25:05.359 --> 00:25:11.119 getting in your way? What? Consider that your competition, any 395 00:25:11.240 --> 00:25:15.519 force against you is a form of competition, an obstacle 396 00:25:15.559 --> 00:25:17.480 and by the way, most of those obstacles are in 397 00:25:17.519 --> 00:25:22.000 your own mind, They're not out there somewhere. And then 398 00:25:22.079 --> 00:25:25.799 you just continue to practice this. And this is where 399 00:25:25.839 --> 00:25:29.599 I'm going to say something that catches people off guard sometimes, 400 00:25:29.599 --> 00:25:35.799 and that is that your greatest adversaries, even if you 401 00:25:35.880 --> 00:25:41.359