Speaker 1: Welcome to soft core History.
Speaker 2: What is up? Welcome back to soft core History. I
am your host for the week, Rob Fox, joined as
always by Dan Richester and by popular demand, Gabby Montor
is back.
Speaker 3: I need to see those messages.
Speaker 1: It was just one message.
Speaker 3: He's just like, yeah, dozens of people were reaching out
to me.
Speaker 1: No, I just said you ask, I'll find his name.
Hold on, keep going.
Speaker 2: She got We mentioned it last week that she was
gonna be on this week because she got a d M.
When the dude was saying ship they need you, girl.
Speaker 3: I got plenty of messages saying you and Rob are
just enough.
Speaker 1: No, I'm aware. I'm aware of the of all those messages.
Speaker 2: Like a marriage, you know, sometimes you need a third.
Speaker 3: You're inviting a third into the bedroom.
Speaker 1: Surly Appalachian.
Speaker 2: Sur this show is for you, Surly Appalachian. We brought
Gabby and also special guest, my son, Gabby's child.
Speaker 1: My four legged sun Pilo is sleeping in my lap.
Speaker 3: They don't care about dogs, apparently. If we did an
episode on Balltow a couple of weeks back, one of
our lowest performance shows. Wait, it wasn't one of ours.
Speaker 2: Wasn't one of our highest ever Jake's banger History of Pets.
Speaker 3: You gotta go more broad.
Speaker 1: I think Jake's are like are like fish albums, Like
you can just pop something and put it on and
just like vibes. Yeah, it's the gims.
Speaker 3: Like when I went to the Sphere to see Deading Company,
I fell asleep for like forty five minutes. I woke up.
It was the same song.
Speaker 4: Wait, didn't get too high?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I got so high.
Speaker 1: You should have, like Patrick, what did I miss?
Speaker 3: It was a four hour show.
Speaker 2: I missed nothing, absolutely nothing. Sound like a great place
to fall asleep playing in the background.
Speaker 1: The only thing that's better to fall asleep to is
golf on TV.
Speaker 2: It is.
Speaker 1: I do that ever since it's immaculate, absolutely the best nap.
If I can't sleep, pop on.
Speaker 2: A golf Yeah. The ambiance alone makes you feel like
you're outside you're not. But yeah, I do that, or
I used to do that a lot.
Speaker 1: It's it's the best nap, A couch nap with the
remote in golf TV. Yeah, I don't watch golf, but
I do when I'm sleeping.
Speaker 2: But you like the vibes, like the vibes, yeah, like
you don't give a shit about golf. But I imagine,
did you ever go to Dolmash play.
Speaker 1: No, but but you'd enjoy it.
Speaker 2: You would have enjoyed it.
Speaker 1: I would go like, VIP, I'm not going to buy
tickets to like even.
Speaker 2: Walking around was great. Yeah, I mean it's like, there's
no like lines for me.
Speaker 3: You're just drinking out stoors. Yeah, that's all I mean.
Speaker 2: Yeah, in a place you're normally not welcome at all.
Speaker 1: I love that.
Speaker 3: Gentlemen only liddies forbidden.
Speaker 2: That was the case with the Clubhouse because we used
to in the early days of TFM. Dylan Chevary, his
dad was a member there, and we would all go
hit balls.
Speaker 3: And they're like, Rob Fox, you're not allowed.
Speaker 2: Well no, it was no women allowed in the bar,
in the club bar area or whatever. I said, what
I said, okay, fair enough, And so we brought a
girl intern in one time, and of course we had
to we had to. We had to drink on the
deck and it was like a hundred fucking degrees and
I was like, oh, well.
Speaker 1: Who was trying to fuck her? Was he the enemy?
He should have put his credit card down.
Speaker 2: Well, you put it on dad's account. But it was.
Speaker 1: I was like, I was like, I'm sure everyone else
was pissed about bringing the intern except for the one
guy that wanted to fuck her.
Speaker 3: In context though, yeah, Rob's raised in his hand. Jack Nicholas,
I didn't, Yeah, would bring his wife on the road,
and half the time she wasn't allowed on the course
or like to the clubhouse like you were saying, and
she would just kind of be driving around in a
car to watch him through the bushes.
Speaker 1: She should have gotten a ped like left and got
a pedicure, go shop, dude, especially, that's so, that's so
pick me, that's so sad.
Speaker 2: I'm surprised that more.
Speaker 3: She apparently was a dead eye too with a gun.
Speaker 2: Really a little Annie Oakley situation.
Speaker 3: She h. There's a whole story about her just popping
like dozens of prairie dogs while they were on their honeymoon.
I believe what. Yeah, they're on their honeymoon. Why they're
like the sweetest little animal I know. But they were
staying on a farm and Jack Nicholas and his wife,
his newly married bride, we're just popping prairie dogs on
the Stude's farm.
Speaker 2: That's really fun. Actually, I have a good history story.
That's just like that. That's a history story too. I
forget the name of the Yankees manager when Mickey Mantle
was there, but uh, Mickey Mannon was like a fucking lunatic,
like prankster or whatever. And I guess he goes out
to this farm all the time, and the farmer was
like eight to hunt on the farm. And the farmer's always.
Speaker 4: Cool with it.
Speaker 2: And the farmer's like, hey, Mick. So Mickey, they're like
in the car and mix like, all RIGHT'M gonna go
talk to the farmer. I be your back, and he goes. Mick,
Mickey Mantle goes to the farmer and he and he's like, yeah,
of course you cannot. And he's like, hey, Mick, I
hate to ask you to do this, but we got
this sick cow needs to be put down. So breaks
my heart to do it. And I don't want the
kids to kind of know because they love the cow.
He just go in there and pop it with a
bat No, with a yeah right.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, it'd be just as quick. That's something
you want the kids to see.
Speaker 3: The temple right in the sweet spot.
Speaker 2: I have to learn, boys, let's.
Speaker 1: See this inglorious Bastard's era, Mickey.
Speaker 2: Givesn't done and one though, that's the bear Jew needed
a couple of swings.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're found a couple off.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's the problem.
Speaker 3: You too excited.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: But so Mickey comes back out to the car and
tells the Yankees manager. He's like, that fucking farmer said no.
And the manager was like really, and he goes, yeah,
what we're we gonna do? He's like, I'm gonna go
into his barn and kill one of his cows. And
so he's like, all right, Mickey, you gotta do what
you gotta do. So they go into the barn and
Mickey's like, yeah, we're gonna get this far armor, and
he shoots the cow and then he hears another gunshot
and he turns around and the manager had also shot
a cow because he was like fuck this farm.
Speaker 4: No.
Speaker 2: No, he was like, no, you ready to buy him
a new cow?
Speaker 1: Oh my god, that's a good score.
Speaker 2: Though, Yeah, that's great.
Speaker 1: He was too down for it. He was too down,
like you should have got a new manager. Although I
guess that's that's the cutthroat. That's the cutthroat thing. You want.
Speaker 2: Anything.
Speaker 3: Can you imagine though? Your new wife has this skill
set and she suddenly has this bloodthirst for prairie dogs.
Speaker 2: They're like, have you ever seen prairie dogs up close? No,
They're like the most adorable animal in the world. They
just pop out of the ground and they're like, Hi, Hi,
I know, they're so cute. And I mean I feel
like even a twenty two rips.
Speaker 1: Its face off, like lace shatters it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, even a tiny bullet, Yeah does like a fucking
what Goldberg's gun would have done to our face.
Speaker 1: That's a psycho thing. That's that's serial killer behavior.
Speaker 2: It's a different time.
Speaker 1: It was a different time.
Speaker 2: Don't like to judge people by present standards. Maybe killing
pie dogs just normal.
Speaker 1: Back then, they didn't have TV. They didn't if if, maybe,
if they had had a screen, para dogs.
Speaker 2: Would have been Yeah, there's so much that's that's the thing.
The increase of screens is really what has decreased violence, the.
Speaker 1: Crimes animals, probably especially.
Speaker 2: The crime rate has gone down as the more stuff
to watch has gone up.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Yeah, as our attention span has wound down.
Speaker 2: Yeah, which is why now gen Z kids don't even
bang or they don't.
Speaker 1: Do anything fun. Yeah, they don't even drive, they don't leave.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think how many crimes? Like you know, it's like,
hold on, hold on on, man, let's do the drive
by in like thirty minutes. Cosby's on.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know what I mean. Yeah, I mean it happened.
There's never gonna be a drive by during the super
Bowl ever, Like you just it's a cultural event.
Speaker 2: But if your team loses the super Bowl then it's
I mean yeah, especially if you're Nagles fan.
Speaker 3: Yeah, or we win, Yeah, I wouldn't know what losings like.
Speaker 2: You would do. You lost like two years ago, pretty recently.
Speaker 3: What have you done formiliately, Kansas City true losers? Anyway?
Check out our Patreon, Patreon dot com slas Softcore History.
You have two additional episodes every Wednesday and Friday, and
at this year we have three years of evergreen content.
Speaker 1: How long has it been since you started the pod?
Speaker 3: Five years? Five?
Speaker 1: Holy shit?
Speaker 2: August twenty twenty, wow, so five year Annie coming up?
Should we fly Jake out for the five year?
Speaker 3: That's not even acknowledged. Jake.
Speaker 1: I think he'll be here in October for the wedding.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, oh yeah, it's October. Yeah yeah,
he's coming for Christina's him and Katie, you're coming for
Christina's wedding. Nice, So we'll get to see our boy.
We'll make him do an episode like when's your flight?
Speaker 3: I know, Oh it's here. I thought it was in
South Africa.
Speaker 1: It's here. There's another one in South Africa, but the
main ones here for.
Speaker 3: Doing two weddings. Yeah, sure we can sure.
Speaker 2: You know those destination weddings are.
Speaker 3: Talking about it.
Speaker 1: Nobody would go to South Africa, like, none of their
friends who could afford that.
Speaker 3: Anyway, we're getting to into the weeds. Welcome to the show.
Let's get back on track.
Speaker 2: Let's go today.
Speaker 1: What is it?
Speaker 2: We got a fun today, got a fun topic. We're
talking about the sort of guy, the sort of Russian
czar that makes you understand why Russians really didn't like
their rulers, uh man, but a man who also maybe
this is why they didn't like him, definitely did the
sort of shit that any normal dick would do if
they had unlimited power over a large country, like just
kind of like just like Dick, and this guy's subjects
full big dick energy on everyone all the time. We're
talking about Czar Alexander the Third, the second to last
Czar of Russia, a powerful man who unfortunately knew exact
exactly how powerful he was, both politically and and physically.
This man was a fucking animal. In fact, I'll just
show you a picture of him before we even keep going,
because this dude is a fucking giant.
Speaker 3: He's a cloud boy. What the top of his head
touching the clouds?
Speaker 1: Cloud boy? Is that a thing? People say?
Speaker 3: The Russians had their whole army of cloud boys. They
had big he.
Speaker 2: Would have led the cloud He's a cloud man. He
is a cloud man. They called him the Russian Bear. Yeah,
he's huge, absolute unit of a dude.
Speaker 1: Dan could take him.
Speaker 2: Dan could absolutely not take um.
Speaker 3: I definitely could. There's no lower body looks a little, uh,
a little weak.
Speaker 2: All right, Well, we'll get into it and you can
you could tell me so. Before we get into all
of Alexander Shipp we'll talking about some of his hobbies
and stuff like that. He was just a weird guy
all around. He was actually not even destined for the throne.
The man that his brother was supposed to be czar
but died of tuberculosis or something, and not as a
child either as like a young adult.
Speaker 1: Oh so he was. It was his time. He was
weak right down. He's a pussy.
Speaker 2: This guy, this guy's kind of rad I'll be honest,
unless you're a Jew, and we'll get to that. But really,
that could be anyone in Europe at this time. Really.
In fact, this man is responsible for Jake being an American.
Speaker 1: This one's for Jake.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: So like his father, Alexander the Third loved hunting, specifically bears,
and he would go deep into the woods and just
hunt bears, very much like Robert Barrathy and type of shit.
Just like I'm going hunting again, just for fun. I'm
just going out in the.
Speaker 1: Fucking woods, no screens. You gotta do something.
Speaker 3: He got got by a hog.
Speaker 2: He didn't, he never got got uh So. And by
the way, Russian bears just google Google like Russian bear
attack on human and see what they do to human
beings and it is.
Speaker 3: Yeah, they can't do ship to any Dagistani wrestler.
Speaker 2: What a bear?
Speaker 3: Yeah? They grow up wrestling? These bears?
Speaker 2: Do they grow up wrestling?
Speaker 3: Leans we mentioned most Russian bears are part of a circus.
Like statistically, I think it's like ninety.
Speaker 2: Circus bears.
Speaker 3: They can drive like kind of motorcycles. They could at
least be in the sidecar.
Speaker 2: They also.
Speaker 3: They don't think hoops of fire.
Speaker 2: They still get bodies though.
Speaker 3: Yeah, they're not getting paid their fair wage.
Speaker 2: It's a union situation.
Speaker 3: You just look it up.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but apparently Russian bears are less aggressive that they're
more friendly.
Speaker 3: Just said that. Yeah, they were weed circus.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that's why.
Speaker 3: They're on a like little beach ball balance in on
one leg.
Speaker 2: In one specific hunting incident, Alexander fought a bear with
his bear hands bear hands. During the hunt. It is
in Belarus at the time, Alexander insisted on tracking a
massive bear alone with only a spear to prove that
he was a tough guy. His guards were like, fuck,
like this is not a good idea, but we can't
say no to him.
Speaker 1: So okay, dude, was not even a backup gun, like truly,
just a spear.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So his guards set a trap for the bear
to lure the bear in. The bear charged unexpectedly. Alexander
was caught off guard and was forced to fight it
hand to hand and allegedly pinned the bear until his
guards came and killed it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, stabbed it to death.
Speaker 3: Was this episode inspired by recent social media It was not.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, no, there's nothing.
Speaker 3: How many Alexes could take a gorilla?
Speaker 2: I think one one on one, one on one. I like,
I like Alexander's chances. Okay, yeah, so he killed well
he I guess pinned the bear down while they killed it. Uh.
This man was insanely strong by all accounts. That bear
story is only the people there saw it and they
were like, yo, totally hoop it. So who knows.
Speaker 3: I'll let you know if he's strong.
Speaker 2: Okay. He'd entertain guests by taking iron fireplace pokers and
tying them into knots.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, so he's just been and iron. Yeah
that's already heated, Dan.
Speaker 1: And if you look into your seat, we've provided you
with a yeah rod.
Speaker 2: He would also I don't even know how this works out,
but he would flatten the silver coins and also take
metal plates and just crush them like paper in his hands.
And there were witnesses.
Speaker 3: I used to do that at like the zoo, where
you throw the quarter in and it just makes it
more wide. Oh yeah, well you just kind of turn it.
Speaker 2: Just a waste of twenty five cents.
Speaker 3: Turns it into like a necklace medallion.
Speaker 2: I yeah that you can just poke a hole in
and be like, I'm good with money now it's just wide. Yeah, look,
go good with money.
Speaker 3: I am.
Speaker 2: I just wasted some of it. At a formal dinner,
Alexander allegedly he was having some kind of conversation turned
argument with another noble about how autonomous Poland should be
because they ruled Poland at the time, and he got
frustrated and was because he was like, no, fuck Poland,
like they need to speak Russian, fuck the Polish culture everything.
He got frustrated with the argument and was just like,
just to end the argument, was like I'm right, And
he grabbed a solid silver serving tray and crumpled it
into a ball with his bare hands and threw it
across the room.
Speaker 1: Is this a comment on his strength or a comment
on the weak craftsmanship of Russian metal workers.
Speaker 2: Look, you're not gonna get an argument out of me.
In fact, weak Russian craftsmanship plays a big role later
in the tail, as old as time.
Speaker 1: It's like, oh it's silver, it's like foil.
Speaker 3: We've made Russia big bed boogie man forever dude, they've
been incompetent, but there shit sucks. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
They rush us up.
Speaker 1: They're like, yeah, by America.
Speaker 3: They're not even remotely close to our level.
Speaker 2: They're a complete joke. I want to say one of
my I had a history teacher in high school.
Speaker 3: But Nick wasn't even real.
Speaker 2: Honestly, stay woe buy it, wouldn't They didn't even get
the good Nazi scientists. No, they didn't put anything.
Speaker 3: In that was fake news to get NASA more funded.
That's it with an op to get NASA that you
know what.
Speaker 2: That's the type of conspiracy where I'm like, I don't know,
but I'll maybe there's no stakes to that, so I'll
swipe my card on that. I'll buy hundred percent. I'll
buy that just for ships and gigs.
Speaker 3: Did they ever get to the moon?
Speaker 2: Nope, still happen to get close. No one else has.
No one else has.
Speaker 3: Indians that in the sixties, India just went.
Speaker 2: Not with a person, Yeah, what do you consider an
Indian and could No one won't even be mad at
them if they just sent a rocket like it was
one of their trains with people on the outside of it.
Speaker 1: People running to jump.
Speaker 2: On Yeah yeah, yeah, and it just lands and no
one would be like, well that's India.
Speaker 3: They would survive.
Speaker 2: They probably would.
Speaker 1: There's definitely a few deaths on the way. There's some
people that fall out.
Speaker 3: They don't even care about this life anyway, They're on
the next life.
Speaker 1: Yeah, this is just this one sucks.
Speaker 3: This is a this is a bus stout for them.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, how are more of them not just checking out?
Speaker 3: Like I want to come back to something.
Speaker 1: Else, right, I feel like, but then if you kill yoursel,
if you die on purpose, then you come back with
something worse.
Speaker 3: Become a like a fucking bug. Yeah, I guess turning
into metamorphis so.
Speaker 2: You'll just get killed again, probably very quickly.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Then it's another It's it's sort of keeps getting worse long.
How can you even live a bad life as a bug.
That's where I want to know.
Speaker 3: Well, you don't know how bugs live, but.
Speaker 2: Maybe they get demoted to just like an animal right below,
Like they get to be an elephant, like you lost
human privileges.
Speaker 1: I'd like to go I'd like to go fish. I'd
like to do my next life underwater. I feel like
some sort of fish.
Speaker 2: Or that's terrifying. It's gonna be but it's so cool.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, rup be at octopus.
Speaker 2: That'd be awesome, that'd be sweet.
Speaker 3: What about a platypus.
Speaker 1: I want to go deep in the ocean though, Like,
I want to see what's down there.
Speaker 2: You know, you need to know.
Speaker 1: I just want to know.
Speaker 2: Just start dating James Cameron, get in that sub.
Speaker 1: I would, because you know what, if you do die,
it's so fast and you're famous forever.
Speaker 2: It's true. Yeah, those those Titanic people died like so quick.
Speaker 3: That's the thing.
Speaker 1: I would hate to die slow, even if it's old.
Speaker 3: Jimmy knows this ship.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Jimmy, Jimmy. Jimmy's fine because Jimmy has real something.
Speaker 3: You're gonna suffer from the Bend's hardcore.
Speaker 2: I don't like scuba diving.
Speaker 3: I don't like the ocean that much like deep deep
ocean the beach.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I would honestly never take a deep sea fishing trip. Really,
I get I get motions easily. I just I don't
want to be out in the middle of the ocean.
Speaker 3: I'm revoking you of your hat, you nerd. Take off
your hat. Why I think it's sickness. I do get
motions from a fucking boat.
Speaker 2: Take my head off. I'll show this fucking head of
hair again for another. The hat, I don't give a fuck.
I'm keeping the hat. Hat's mine, sir. You don't get
just touched the hat.
Speaker 3: Hats off, Hats off to you.
Speaker 2: He would also Alexander would also at dinner just like
snap forks and ship in half, just to show off,
just so.
Speaker 1: He's so toxic. He's so fucking roided out. He breaking.
Speaker 2: He was a big it's not impressive, show annoying with
his strength.
Speaker 1: It's just annoying.
Speaker 2: And I think it's because it's like snapping a twig.
He didn't really have a great personality. You don't say
one story recounts him to impress.
Speaker 3: When are you talking about true alphas have the best personalities.
Speaker 1: That's their only personality.
Speaker 3: It's just breaking just how alpha they are. Yeah, yeah,
that's true.
Speaker 2: Was white personality, A pretty much wolves dominant fucking guy
you ever met.
Speaker 1: He's punching holes in the wall.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'll told like it is. I'm just fucking just
fucking hard. I'm just I'm a fucking man.
Speaker 3: You know, sounds like you guys are jealous?
Speaker 2: What you are? You are?
Speaker 3: You?
Speaker 2: Are you alphating us?
Speaker 3: No? I'm just in general.
Speaker 1: Now you're on his team. You keep switching sides.
Speaker 3: I'm here to listen to a case and make my
judgment at the end.
Speaker 2: Okay, good jour. Are you gonna twelve angry met us?
Like if we've made up our minds when you argue
until we've remade our.
Speaker 1: Minds up, probably it seems like a Dan Moss.
Speaker 3: Are you asking if there's twelve angry men in my mind? Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeah, how many voices?
Speaker 3: Are only seven? Okay, we can handle it. So at
least you know there's no chance of a tie.
Speaker 2: And that's that's smart. There really shouldn't be twelve, Jersey shure,
there should be eleven.
Speaker 3: Granted they all have to agree, right, that's the whole thing.
Speaker 2: It depends on the case, depends on the case.
Speaker 3: I want to know to never been called the Jerry
duty because I oh, I have I'm not registered to vote.
Speaker 2: I need to fucking answer that in like the next
two weeks.
Speaker 3: Just ignore it. I hope it's it goes away.
Speaker 1: Mine got canceled. I had George, I was excited for
Durdy Dody and it got canceled. Where's might get canceled?
Speaker 2: Maybe I'll get time.
Speaker 3: Do you have nothing else going on with your life?
Speaker 1: I was unemployed, so I didn't.
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, why not get I just.
Speaker 1: Seem like an interesting, like something I don't know.
Speaker 2: Do it for the bit, do it for the story.
And what if it's a sweet case.
Speaker 1: What if it's like murder, What if it's the rainy
street ripper.
Speaker 3: What if it's just like financial fraud?
Speaker 2: I would be like, h just kid.
Speaker 1: Then he's guilty, just kidding.
Speaker 3: I don't know, he's just cheating on his taxes.
Speaker 2: I would be like innocent.
Speaker 1: It depending on if I liked him or not.
Speaker 2: Yeah, at that point, it'll just be how charming he was,
and it's mostly he I feel.
Speaker 1: Like in that scenario, but I think it'd be I
think I could have fun manipulating the other jurors, like
I think the the.
Speaker 3: Dynamic, you would fall in line.
Speaker 1: So real dynamic. No, I don't think so.
Speaker 3: You're not travel all right.
Speaker 1: I don't think that's you're agreeing with. I have soft power.
It's a soft power. I'm not bending forks in half,
but I'm changing minds.
Speaker 2: I would the case would be totally dependent for me
on how much I cared about it. If I didn't care,
I would probably just go along with what everyone else did. Yeah,
it'd be like, whatever's get out of here, Fuck this guy.
Speaker 3: Let's go get lunch.
Speaker 2: It's always there's you don't get good lunch, they don't
give you good food.
Speaker 3: Apparently that's a pretty good indicator of how the economy
is doing. Right. Lunches, No, no, just lunch in general.
How many people are going out oh for work? Yeah, yeah,
apparently lunches, packing lunches. Yeah, Oh, lunch culture is dying.
Speaker 1: I mean because to sit in a restaurant for lunch
during the work week, it's like it's annoying.
Speaker 3: I wor just trying to eat right now? Minimum twenty bucks. Yeah,
like you're at least.
Speaker 1: For a salad and a water bending it's a Jackson.
There's just never been anything less than a twenty dollars salad.
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, because you're also not going to go out
to launch at like Chick fil A with your coworkers, Like,
you're going to go somewhere that forces you to pad
maybe grab a beer minimum twenty dollars.
Speaker 1: I love a naughty lunch. You don't have to. I
love and we used to call them naughty lunches. Advertising
we drink a lot. I'd go to lunch on Friday,
and then I had don draper dude. Literally, one time
I had to do a conference call and like to
dial it, I had to have one eye.
Speaker 2: Open, fucked up, did you get it?
Speaker 1: One? I had two Mexican martinis, that's all, and not
a lot of not a lot of food.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that'll do it for those who are unaware of
Mexican martini. I think two is the limit they're allowed
to serve you. Yeah, they won't give you more than two.
Speaker 1: They will leave the shaker.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: There was like a sweet three week period where Grandex
was kind of incentivizing us. Not really, but they were
kind of encouraging us to drink it work, to drink
at work so we'd be more creative.
Speaker 1: Oh that's that sounds very Grandex.
Speaker 3: And then and then our HR guy was like.
Speaker 1: Hey, why would that start, dude?
Speaker 2: After lunch?
Speaker 3: Basically, yeah, they're like a game.
Speaker 1: At like ten, Oh my god.
Speaker 2: And then of.
Speaker 3: Course boush we had the breath breathalyzer race and after
that allowed to drink a job on the job. That's
not true.
Speaker 2: I definitely drank all the job.
Speaker 3: But HR was very much like, hey, this is a
terrible that was for content.
Speaker 1: It's for content. Insurance should cover it.
Speaker 2: We all ubert home. I think I think I don't remember.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm sure not everyone did.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's fine.
Speaker 3: They wouldn't even let Boush drink the whole cup of
cane sauce.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I was gonna get my whole paycheck if he
could drink it without puking.
Speaker 3: It was like a forty eight ounce.
Speaker 2: It was like a soda cup of cane sauce.
Speaker 3: Apparently he would have like sodium poison it.
Speaker 2: I think we did the I was like I could
do like I don't know, no, no, for whatever reason,
we order raising canes for lunch, and the order was
so big They're like fuck it, and they just put
the cane sauce in one big soda Cuscuse.
Speaker 1: I could maybe do like a pint for a few
thousand dollars, I would do. I would do a pint
for your paycheck for who'd you.
Speaker 2: Do a pint?
Speaker 1: I think I could.
Speaker 2: I think you puken. You gotta hold it down for
some moment I.
Speaker 1: Can swallow back some puke.
Speaker 2: That's fair.
Speaker 1: Listen, you get to be a woman in her thirties
without having swallowed some puke.
Speaker 2: Don't drink Mexic Martinez and launch without knowing.
Speaker 1: But that no one how to swallow back a risky burp. Anyways,
tell us about this.
Speaker 2: So he used his strength a lot as a personality point,
because he didn't he was just an awkward guy. So
he married a Danish, the Danish princess, and we'll get
more in on that in a second. And when he
met his relative, her relatives, her like parents and shit,
he like kind of didn't know what to do, and
he was like, uh, okay, I'll do this, and he
just started lifting super heavy deck furniture over his head.
Speaker 1: He sounds.
Speaker 3: So that's pretty cool.
Speaker 1: Dan is too.
Speaker 3: I mean, you know, if you're getting nervous meeting the
parents and everything, yea, just pop out some push ups.
Maybe just pull the parents who, by.
Speaker 2: The way, or the King and Queen fucking Denmark.
Speaker 3: That's a stressful.
Speaker 1: Situation, like we have made a grave mistake giving this
man our daughter.
Speaker 3: You just get a pull up bar, start knocking out,
you know, sets of twelve It's.
Speaker 2: What's funny is it almost certainly didn't impress them, especially
because certainly, really even up to that time, the Russians
were like begrudgingly accepted as a powerful.
Speaker 1: Europe But everyone still thinks they're tacky and gross.
Speaker 2: Yes, and Russia is like the backwater that, like we
don't want to acknowledge them, but they're just so big
and powerful, and the.
Speaker 1: Denmark is Denmark is poor right now, so they need
the money.
Speaker 2: It was a good political move.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I mean the States back Remember Peter was
trying to clean up Russia. Yeah, He's like, no more beards,
we need to be clean the.
Speaker 2: Fucking yeah, filthy motherfuckers. But they kept that basically until
the present. Honestly, people are like, yeah, Russians are fucking
barely European, dude, Like, we don't even like them.
Speaker 1: They're Russia.
Speaker 3: Like their attitudes are very just unimpressed at everything.
Speaker 2: They don't like anything.
Speaker 3: I like that.
Speaker 2: They I know, yeah, you vibe there.
Speaker 1: I feel like you would vibe with Russia.
Speaker 2: Yeah they really, Yeah, they don't like there because life
is such ass over there that they're just like this
is good. Nothing is good. There's no such thing as
a good thing.
Speaker 1: But Russian women are crazy, Like I'm on, I've seen
a few tiktoks of like what how Russian women describe
dating American men, and they're like they are all pussies
and they are all they they honk at meat to
come out from house instead of bring me two dozen
roses and you and you drive a Honda like they
just are so like they're very they like a certain.
Speaker 3: Level of Americans boys.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they like and they are weak and their hands
are soft like they just I mean, it's obviously big generalization.
Speaker 2: But go back to fucking Russia. Then the hard motherfuckers
the reason you're here.
Speaker 1: It's like they're all they're all competing to be like
some NFL linebackers, second wife. That's what that's their type.
Speaker 2: I mean if it's like a Miami Russian. They're not
here for normal men, no, like they're here.
Speaker 3: For a gun runners.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, a very specific type of man working in sanitation.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's that type of it's that type of guy.
So Alexander marries the Danish princess. However, her name is
Dagmar I guess, which is a name plus. However, he
was not intended to marry her because he had not
been intended for the throne. His brother was originally engaged
to her, but he died oh meningitis in eighteen sixty five,
and on his deathbed, his brother Nicholas was like, you
have to marry her. You should marry or you're gonna
be a Those aren't waiting now. Uh, it's good politics,
Like you need to marry her, so Alexander.
Speaker 3: Well, power is only given to those who lower themselves
to pick it up.
Speaker 2: Alexander like a piece of deck furniture, bent over and
lifted that ship.
Speaker 3: Lifted there from the legs straight into royal marriage.
Speaker 2: Pretty much so Alexander again, shy, awkward guy who has
to do these feats of physical strength to express himself.
But you can't, I guess, do that when talking to
a woman or proposing to a woman.
Speaker 3: Does he have like a twirly mustache?
Speaker 2: Uh? He does, actually, yeah, I believe on that.
Speaker 3: Bald head strong man.
Speaker 2: No, he actually does look like an old timey strong man.
Here's just his face yep, yep. Probably could shave the
whole head. Yeah, he probably should have just gone full shave.
But it's fine, real quick for you do some ads
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you are a handsome muscley man. I don't like Alexander
the third I.
Speaker 3: Was gonna say, I bet Xander wished he'd had this app.
Speaker 2: Wishes he could track his deck furniture games. What do
you what do you like about footbod.
Speaker 3: Well, they would have been able to give Alexander a
workout for the equipment he had, so that furniture did
play previously mentioned. Yeah, yeah, it's gonna kind of devise
an entire plan around that.
Speaker 2: How many uh, what kind of what kind of games
do you think you get from bending iron rods?
Speaker 3: Significant? Yeah, yeah, you're really testing your own mite and
will it you?
Speaker 2: What are you? You're working your forearms probably a lot.
Speaker 3: You're You're just gonna go into exhaustion and which is
how you kind of get Yeah.
Speaker 2: And fitbod will tell you, Hey, you worked your farms yesterday.
You bent three iron rods to to you know, have
a total failure. Yeah, tell that French guy that he
was wrong. So today you need to what tell people
how high you can leap to work your legs. And
fitbod would have tracked that for Alexander because that's what
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a pushup every once in a while. fIF I could
do that. Well, we'll tell you workouts that way too.
Speaker 3: Even if you kill you to do a push up,
I think you need to do it.
Speaker 2: I could do twenty push ups right now, do thirty.
I could do thirty.
Speaker 3: I don't think you could.
Speaker 2: That's my ceiling. Ceilings thirty absolutely for the rest.
Speaker 3: Of the ad. Just do thirty push ups.
Speaker 2: Count it down, okay, and I'll just do You mean
to put the mic down by my face?
Speaker 3: No, No, I'll just count them as you knock it
out real quick. Are you gonna this is the ad?
Speaker 2: Now? Okay, I'll do it. I'll do thirty push ups
as you talk about Fitbob.
Speaker 3: Oh, yeah, so fitbod fantastic personal trainer in your pocket.
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on his knees, three, four, five, six, seven eight nine
he's going for thirty. Oh, look at his face. It's
so red. It's so red. He's never worked out that
hard in his life.
Speaker 4: That thirty dickhead.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna plug that into fitbod right now. Go to
fitbod dot m E slash soft cord. You get twenty
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free for seven days.
Speaker 3: That's what the people wanted. Really stay for the ads.
That really fucking happened.
Speaker 2: Oh, I'm so dead. Back to the show he was.
He wasn't excited about this.
Speaker 3: Because how many single ets did he own.
Speaker 2: You gotta think on every uniform he's wearing in a photo,
there's a singlet underneath it, ready for action.
Speaker 1: Preferred at leisure.
Speaker 2: I certainly slept in the singlet, ready to pop up
and wrestle any assassin.
Speaker 3: The package is fully out.
Speaker 2: Oh absolutely, like yeah, hog right there. But you do
wonder how often in a cold Russian winter it was.
Speaker 3: You gotta stuff? It was three a cool you gotta stuff.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I told you about the fucking guy saw it.
You know, Thinkery the Children's museum. Hit the fucking thinkery
with my kids, and this guy.
Speaker 3: Was there wearing he was hanging down.
Speaker 2: He was doing the opposite you know how like if
a guy's dick is so big through his sweatpants and something,
it's like you just keep like being like, whoa, that
is unbelievable. Uh, this guy's dick was so fucking small?
Speaker 1: How small was it?
Speaker 2: It was just like you could see acorn poking out
and it was clearly like there was no droop to
it like it was.
Speaker 3: I it's kept like you're talking.
Speaker 1: About another man, like baby carrot hard a father, Yeah.
Speaker 2: Another father, another father. Absolutely. I just kept looking. I
couldn't look away.
Speaker 1: Was it elon Musk?
Speaker 3: It was not.
Speaker 2: It was a random, random gentleman who was showing the
entire museum full of children his tiny, tiny penis.
Speaker 3: Was it cold out?
Speaker 2: No? It's odd.
Speaker 1: Do you do if you're like, as a man, do
you know anyone personally that has a really small dick?
They've probably never opened up to you about it.
Speaker 2: I mean I've seen a fair amount of other guys.
Speaker 1: Small micro oh like this hard?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Does that agree?
Speaker 1: This hard?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 1: It does?
Speaker 2: It does? I think a girl because.
Speaker 1: Child's dick is bigger than a girl's.
Speaker 2: A girl I did in college.
Speaker 3: How many have you come across one?
Speaker 1: And I don't think it was technically it was. It
was just unimpressive.
Speaker 3: It could have been a joke.
Speaker 1: It was just unimpressive.
Speaker 2: What do you mean it was a It wasn't a joke.
She was playing with it.
Speaker 1: No, yeah, and it was it was rock hard, but it.
Speaker 2: Was unimpressive, not even like a hockey puck situation. Just
I mean no girth, no, no length.
Speaker 1: It was like maybe a little bit longer than my
middle finger and like a little bit girthier, but like
it was like a little bit girth like it was
like this, like it was like my fingers like I
was touching my own pinky through his dick, so like a.
Speaker 3: Number two pencil just kind of sharpened down.
Speaker 1: Like a clump of pencils, but not much like three pencils,
three to four pencils.
Speaker 2: It's not great.
Speaker 1: Yeah, definitely not.
Speaker 2: And also not long. Yeah yeah yeah see I've like
in the fraternity house saw playing a dick, but like
they were all pretty normal.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and they're like mostly soft.
Speaker 2: Mostly like probably forty percent off.
Speaker 1: How many dicks have you seen hard in real life?
Both of you?
Speaker 2: Besides your I've actually never seen never seen it in
real life. My knowledge, A couple of hundred.
Speaker 3: Probably I walked through the gym. You know, everybody everyone's rocking.
Speaker 2: I mean, if they got a good work, good pumping.
Speaker 3: People at the gym take sialis and viagra and blue
chew before they you know, get a little that's so
weird vascular.
Speaker 1: That's pathetic that.
Speaker 3: They're also doing so many other things.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's the least poisonous thing, all right.
Speaker 3: But just know that, like when you're self conscious, especially
as a girl at a gym in the freeway section,
there's at least two or three guys at all times
around you. That's you know, popping a viagara before they came,
so they are probably aroused.
Speaker 2: Yeah by even.
Speaker 1: You, even you with your subpar body.
Speaker 2: Gappie, I didn't look your way.
Speaker 1: No, I'm it's all it's all up, peer, I'm not
looking at you, guys, I'm looking inside fair.
Speaker 2: Uh So Alexander, he has to propose to Dagmar Dagmar Dagmar,
and uh he's not super hyped about it, and he's
not he doesn't even know what to do, so he
gets blackout drunk, of course he does. He's nervous.
Speaker 1: He's my college ex boyfriend. It's just like a fucking
weird like he's just like trying to be manly in
such weird ways.
Speaker 3: He just is being the man.
Speaker 2: Here. Alexander gets blackout drunk and by the time he
meets up with Dagmar, he is barely coherent. Of course,
this is according to people who were there. And then
they decide before the proposal, as he's blackout drunk, they're like,
he's like, let's look at the pictures of my dead brother. No,
so they're looking through pictures of the man she was
supposed to marry. She probably liked him as he's I
think she did, as he is just like incoherent, blackout drunk,
and that's when he proposes as they're looking at pictures
of his dead brother.
Speaker 1: God, this guy has no fucking game.
Speaker 2: But Dagmar duty bound knowing she doesn't really have a
choice in this ned Stark, and it's good for them,
it's good for the company, good for the country whatever.
Speaker 3: Ned Stark wasn't supposed to marry Catlin.
Speaker 2: Who is he supposed to marry?
Speaker 3: His brother was and then he took over for his brother.
Speaker 2: Oh right, right, right right, because their brother joined the
Night's Watch.
Speaker 3: No, Oh, I don't fucking know. Oh he got killed.
Speaker 2: I get a little fire. I forgot about that. Uh
So Dagmar is like, yes, I will accept. This is
what my parents want.
Speaker 3: So on, and so my whole point is, you guys
are duncan on this man. First off, he's just telling
us it's an arranged marriage with a woman he doesn't
even want to be with.
Speaker 1: She's been thinking, dreaming of this moment. This is her
only moment to be a person who's valued for being
that specific person. This is like one of three moments
this woman ever has. And it's he's fucked up and
showing pictures of her dead ex boyfriend. It's his brother brother,
but her ex boyfriend her.
Speaker 3: They can mourn together.
Speaker 2: Ex fiance Yeah yeah, because they were engaged late fiance.
Speaker 3: I'm sorry, it's called an icebreaker. Yeah.
Speaker 2: God, so she accepted. They get married. He's nervous again
before the wedding, blacks out again before the wedding, of course,
but they get married and an extremely happy marriage. They
were completely loyal to he never cheated on her.
Speaker 1: Wow, love that you.
Speaker 3: Want to apologize. We're just shifting all over this great
man's name.
Speaker 1: Okay, the bar is on the floor.
Speaker 3: So it's easier to step over.
Speaker 2: Well, it doesn't matter because he picked it up.
Speaker 1: He picked it and he tied it into a knot
exactly a heart heart, gave it to her. I mean,
how is he gonna pull any woman? He has no fucking.
Speaker 2: Social He's just go get what dude.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but like it might work a couple times, but yeah,
get around. Then he's fucking weird.
Speaker 3: I run this place. You might know me. I'm on
all the money.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Well, here's the thing about him is that he had,
like at this time, most kings and queens still had
pretty good power, but the Russians were about two hundred
years behind everyone else. Like he was. He was an
absolute mohark. And we'll get to that.
Speaker 3: Some parts of Russia still are.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, most of it. Booze was actually a common
theme in Alexander's life. Of course, He's fucking Russian during
a tense meeting in the eighteen eighties with a noted
nerd Kaiser Wilhelm the Second with his baby hand, with.
Speaker 3: His deformed hand. Yeah yeah, I guess we're just making
fun of the handicap, now, yeah.
Speaker 2: Pretty much.
Speaker 1: What's his handicap? What's Alexander's handicap.
Speaker 3: Loving too much autism, autism, autism.
Speaker 2: Him and the Germans and Russians hate each other. They're
having intense negotiations. It's going nowhere, it's out of standstill.
So Alexander is like, you know what, Kaiser, I challenge
you to a drinking contest, and Willhelm didn't want to back.
Speaker 1: Down, took out his good hand, took out his.
Speaker 2: Good hand and said, took a shot for shot with Alexander.
Probmo was Wilhelm, like I said, nerd not a big
guy either. Alexander tank fucking tank and a raging.
Speaker 1: Alcoholic drank him under the table.
Speaker 2: Absolutely drank him under the fucking table. By the end,
Alexander was fine, still sober, so god knows how much
he drank to get black out with for that proposal.
By the way, Willhelm barrels was again Wilm Vodka. Yeah,
just just a barrel with a straw, just drinking, fucking
having his.
Speaker 1: Best buddy just like blow it up his eyes, boofing,
just boof some but chug and vodka.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: So alex will Have is slurring and just started conceding
point after point in the argument, and the negotiation, and
this was not the only time Alexander would do this either.
In eighteen ninety one, when Russia and France were negotiating
their alliance which would last through World War Two, the
French ambassador visited Alexander at his palace and to break
the ice, just to break the ice. At this point,
it's not even mid negotiation where he's frustrated. Alexander's like,
you know what, this worked last time. Hey, let's have
a drinking contest. Let's just do it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And the.
Speaker 2: French guy, not a nerd but a professional, right, was like, fuck, okay.
He was a good diplomat and he was in another country,
so you kind of have to just kind of play
role with the punches in that situation. So he's like, okay, okay,
all right, fuck, all right, we'll have this drinking contest.
He tried to keep up as well, did better than
Wilhelm and probably most impressively. You know, when you're I
feel like the difference between a good drunk and a
bad drunk is that a good drunk typically that doesn't
like lash out or embarrass themselves regularly or anything. They
just have a good baseline.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like they don't get to they don't cry, they
don't fight like they they're kind of are themselves even
when they're drunk.
Speaker 2: They've yeah, they've set a base like, yeah, they they've
set like a tether. They have a what do you
call it? What was the thing in fucking inception?
Speaker 3: A totem?
Speaker 2: A totem. They have like a totem that keeps them
just like at a place where it's like, Okay, no
matter what else, i have to hang on to this
part of myself and I'll be more or less okay
mm hmm, unless someone gives me cocaine or something, then
everything's gone. But this guy had that, and despite the
fact that he too became outrageously black out drunk with
such a pro that he just remembered what he was
there for. Wouldn't concede, wouldn't concede, wouldn't concede, And finally
he just made one concession, apparently a minor one, and
Alexander was like, wonderful, you're great friend of Rush, I
love you. We're allies now. The guy was able to,
despite the fact that he could barely stand just fucking
white knuckle and hang in there and be like kind.
Speaker 1: Of Susan, that's a very good ambassador. That's what you want.
Speaker 2: I don't know what the details of it were. I mean,
obviously I said he closed it. Yeah, he closed the deal. Yeah,
this is fucking pro That's impressive.
Speaker 1: I like that. That's me. That was me. That's why
I can drink and go on conference calls. I've still
fucking got it, got one eye. It was a tough call,
and I fucking crushed it.
Speaker 3: Uh.
Speaker 2: But as you can imagine, like I said at the beginning,
Alexander also pretty big dickle, uh, and he had some
reason to be kind of uh for one thing. You know,
kids like to rebel against their parents. And his father,
Alexander the Second of Russia was quote unquote known as
the Liberator. He emancipated the serfs so obviously in eighteen
that in eighteen sixty one. Obviously, in eighteen sixty two,
Abraham Lincoln emancipated the slaves emanspects and proclamation. The serfs
in Russia were more or less slaves. So if they
weren't imported, they were just poor people. Who would who
just they were? It was like the feudals. The sloppy
way of putting this is the feudal system in Russia
lasted until eighteen sixty one, So these people were just
owned by their lords, like had to work, were tethered
to the land, so on and so forth. Alexander the Second,
after Russia got absolutely fucking clowned in the Crimean war
against Britain and France, was like, we have to modernize,
Like we just fought that war, like it was sixteen
eighty and we can't live like this as a country anymore,
or we're gonna get left in the fucking dust. So
Alexander the Second started instituting a bunch of reforms to
modernize Russia, liberating the Serfs being one of them. He
freed approximately twenty three million serfso granted them personal liberty
the right to own property, which they did not have.
Twenty three million people in Russia did not have the
right to own property. And there were Russians.
Speaker 1: It wasn't it wasn't like they were just poor.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they're just poor. I mean, like like not that
slavery was right, but I guess at least you could
be like they're not even from here, like we're brought
over here, you know what I mean. I mean, Yeah,
they had babies, but whatever, they're not American, Like, these
were fucking Russians. Yeah, like white, Like they were genetically
the exact fucking same as every other Russian. Not that
the slavery is right, but I guess at least you
could make an argument. You could try to make an
argument that way.
Speaker 3: But there's an argument, rob, all right, so black people.
Speaker 2: So Alexander also established a bunch of local governments, Like
he gave local control to like local city councils and
stuff like that, established city councils. So there was like
the Zar was still in charge, don't get me wrong,
but he took away influence from the nobility. He allowed
the people to rule themselves quite a bit more. There
were voting rights based on property ownership, but there were
voting rights, and yeah, how did these.
Speaker 1: People earn money? Is that a different episode?
Speaker 3: Who the serfs?
Speaker 2: It was a very agrarian country at that point.
Speaker 3: Still, how does anyone make money?
Speaker 1: Well, you know, like getting freedom when you don't have
money or resources or a job or you know.
Speaker 2: I believe he redistributed land. Okay, okay, he gave him
land and they could start farming it or whatever the
fuck they wanted. To do, or maybe they could sell
the land back to the noble, move to a city,
start a business there, whatever, But they were given some
measure of rights, more than they had before. He also
relaxed press censorship, allowed newspapers and books to be published
without approval from the crown. That could still be punished
afterwards if they didn't like what they said, but you
didn't have to run it by them first.
Speaker 1: That's good.
Speaker 3: I liked my state media to not be micromanaged.
Speaker 2: Something has to be really egregious, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: Let the invisible hand of censorship do its thing.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: He also modernized their banking system and legal system, and
there were no jury trials, I guess or public trials
before that.
Speaker 3: It was their version of like unlimited PTO. You can
take it, Yeah, how we respond? Yeah, might not be
so kind.
Speaker 2: We can't control that.
Speaker 1: It might it might not be good for you in
the long run.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Of course, there were still revolutionaries in Russia who didn't
like biz Are. Socialism was getting hot. Anarchism was really
big back in this time period. Anarchism is I think
I've said this before in the show. It's basically like
eighteen eighties a Gilded Age Antifa basically like, what do
you stand for? Smash what exists? What you gonna do
after that? Fuck you fascist? Like that type of things.
Speaker 3: Yeah again you're thinking more Pacific Northwest Blazers fans.
Speaker 1: Do they destroy things?
Speaker 3: Actually, guys, Timbers fans, Yeah, like MLS fans, Timbers fans.
Speaker 2: So of course, these revolutionaries who still hated the crown,
kill the nicest czar in Russian history. They assassinate Alexander
the Second, and Alexander the Third comes in and is like,
this all happened because my dad was a bitch.
Speaker 3: It'll make you hard.
Speaker 2: Give him an that will blow up your car.
Speaker 3: This was his filling story.
Speaker 2: Yeah, this was his Batman except batman kills essentially. Uh. Now,
Alexander and his dad actually didn't get along. They had
political disagreements the whole time. Actually, Alexander and his wife,
who were very close, disagreed with him on his stance
on the Franco Prussian War blah blah blah. Alexander also
resented his father, who was a very good leader for
the people, but I guess kind of a dick in
real life. In terms of Alexander the Third did not
cheat on his wife Alexander the Second.
Speaker 1: Fuck Filanderer Philanderer.
Speaker 2: Especially while his wife Alexander the Third's brother was chronically
ill and couldn't fuck anymore. He was like, well, this
isn't working.
Speaker 1: Well, I don't think that's cheating, Okay, I feel like,
I mean maybe maybe she didn't. It's it's it is
technically cheating. But like if I if I'm h paralyzed,
it's not, I would be like, yeah, go get fucked.
I can't do it. Well, I mean, she's not even
blowing it.
Speaker 2: A woman paralyzed is a lot like an escalator out
of service.
Speaker 1: Now it's just stairs, it's just a flashlight.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's still there.
Speaker 1: It's still there.
Speaker 3: I want some more involvement from the other side.
Speaker 1: I mean, hey, I'm if that's what you're into.
Speaker 2: It's not what I'm into. Sounds like wouldn't be well,
just would I be into?
Speaker 3: I guess if you had no other option.
Speaker 1: You'd sooner do that than cheat.
Speaker 2: I wouldn't want especially if I mean, like, if if
I guess of Courtney was like brain dead, that's one.
Speaker 1: Thing you would not fuck her brain.
Speaker 2: No, I'm saying I wouldn't, And that's what I would cheat.
Speaker 1: I don't think I don't think she would let you. No,
like if if she was fully with it, just like paralyzed,
like I think she. I don't think she'd let you in.
Speaker 2: I don't think that conversation goes.
Speaker 3: Well, yeah, what if she just like sprains her ankle.
Speaker 1: I mean she She's got a whole rolodex of excuses
at this point, especially if you haven't gotten vasectomy yet.
She's probably afraid to be to make you come to
let you Jabe.
Speaker 3: I didn't want to bother you. I know, it was
like a lingering, like two to six week injury.
Speaker 2: You haven't gotten out of bed in three hours.
Speaker 1: She's like, it's four am.
Speaker 2: We want to do?
Speaker 3: They say, like, breaking your ankle is actually better than
a spraining because the sprain just kind of stays around.
Speaker 2: You know, you have been the same.
Speaker 1: Since stranger you broke your ankle.
Speaker 2: I'm just saying, what were you doing on that Aska court?
Speaker 3: What? Why are you trying to ball? Why are you
trying to play pick up?
Speaker 2: That's on you.
Speaker 1: Cordy's ever tried to ball in her life.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's you.
Speaker 2: That's what you get for playing tennis with.
Speaker 1: Gabby right, Why is he Alexander the third? If he
has an older brother, did he take out?
Speaker 2: His older brother's name is Nicholas. So I don't know
why they why he wasn't named why the older brother
wasn't named out.
Speaker 1: If they could tell he was weak. I feel like
that's something Dan would do, Like he would sniff out
his firstborn son and be like, mmm, not good enough
for my good I'm gonna say I'm gonna save the
Daniel for the next.
Speaker 2: Naming all based on birth weight.
Speaker 3: It's all vibes.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, you're like this one's weak. I could I
can smell it.
Speaker 3: What you gotta start playing just like a Vichy levels
and see how he reacts.
Speaker 1: Does he like Imagine Dragons? If so, he doesn't get
the name Daniel.
Speaker 2: He doesn't stay in the family. If that's the case,
go join a Mormon family where you believe.
Speaker 3: I don't know, the guy from Imagine Dragons is pretty jacked.
Speaker 1: He is pretty jacked.
Speaker 2: He doesn't anything else to do.
Speaker 3: There's no reason for him to be jack though, I.
Speaker 1: Know I've seen those videos else he's running, he's jumping around,
and he's like sweaty and like beefy.
Speaker 2: Aren't they sober?
Speaker 3: I don't know he's playing music for kids.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like it's sober band.
Speaker 3: You don't need to pop top.
Speaker 1: But man, he does not need to wear shorts that
short and that type. But I'm so glad he does.
Speaker 2: Just like a bunch of moms he took their teenagers.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, just like I saw that video on TikTok.
I was like, oh fuck, do I like imagine dragons now?
Like that's on mute. That's nice to look.
Speaker 3: The baby starts to vibe and like head nod to
of vichy levels. He gets my name.
Speaker 2: Okay, Now do you play a series of songs.
Speaker 3: To see what he is as a whole playlist?
Speaker 2: Well, Rory came out that Taylor Swift folklore.
Speaker 1: I think, oh that's nice and peaceful.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Uh, he's probably getting left at the hospital for me.
That's what he's getting left at the hospital for me.
Speaker 2: He's putting one of those fireman boxes three days into
his Like you leave the hospital and go straight to
the fire department.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, I mean a lot of those departments are volunteers.
Speaker 1: Right, you leave the tags on the car seat, you
could second stop is back to target to take it back.
Speaker 3: Yeah, there's no questions asked, and he just stays at
the firehouse the rest of his life.
Speaker 2: That's how you get a lot of firefighters.
Speaker 1: People don't realize you get a personality.
Speaker 2: No, that's just they keep the baby, keep it like.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's unethical for dalmatians, but not for orphans.
Speaker 2: Look, the taxpayer doesn't want to. I mean, you don't
have to pay an orphan's salary. Really, they're just happy.
Speaker 1: To live the room and board.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Plus, I mean they're getting in pretty early cleaning
the trucks. Knowing how the hoses.
Speaker 2: Were getting into early. Oh you mean like in the job.
I was like, they live there, Yeah, they're not.
Speaker 1: They can they can their little fingers get into the crevices.
Is the fire truck nicely Yeah? Really polish the tires. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a good gig if you can get it.
Speaker 3: They get all the secret recipes to the chili.
Speaker 2: Chill what it's like, gotta be. It's all chili at
every fire department. All firefighters have diary at all times.
Speaker 3: You'll be quick when you know the bathroom's about to melt.
Speaker 2: So he was pissed at his father had a long
standing relationship with Princess Catherine whatever her last name is.
It's some crazy rush. His father also had several bastards
with that child. While, like I said, his mom, the
Empress was suffering from chronic ill health, so she might.
Speaker 1: Have just had a cough, she could have just had
a headache. This was like all part of her plan.
Speaker 2: Oh, actually, you know what chronic ill health meant?
Speaker 3: What old?
Speaker 1: Oh over forty yeah you mean forty one.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, well it's the eighteen eighties, so over twenty money.
Speaker 1: Oh my god.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Two days after she died, his father told him, I
shall live as I wish, and my union with the
princess is definite. Because two days after his mom died,
he got engaged to the princess.
Speaker 1: See that's so weird to me because it's like, I mean,
I guess it's for love or whatever, but like, why
would you get married if you just, like now, you
can just fuck anyone.
Speaker 2: He just loved her, I guess, yes, But he assured
Alexander the third, He's like, you are the air. I'm
not any other kids I have, they're not taking it.
You are the air. I'm not fucking with that.
Speaker 3: So your boyfriend or your future husband dies, you're on
the apps the next day. No, Okay, sounds long, I don't.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'd probably take a while. But if I
had been cheating on the whole time, if I'd been
cheating on him the whole time with somebody else, I
don't still think I'd be like, we can't go public yet.
We got to still keep this on the low for
a while, because like, even if they're even if you
didn't really love them, like, they's still you know, grief.
You know, a dog you don't like dies, it's still like,
well that's kind of sad.
Speaker 2: Yeah. His father did say, I will disinherit you. You will
lose your heir to the throne if you protest this
marriage publicly.
Speaker 1: Okay, Well that's such a Logan Roye thing to do, right.
Speaker 2: Alexander the Third's reaction to his father's assassination in eighteen
eighty one completely reshaped Russia because again he was like,
this happened because my dad was too nice.
Speaker 3: He was soft. Yeah.
Speaker 2: And by the way, the day Alexander the second was assassinated,
the day like hours before, uh, he had signed a
law creating a national legislator. So these people were like
you're a tar goes for fuck it, right, And he
had literally that day signed a legislator.
Speaker 1: They didn't hear. That was too late, you know, yeah, things,
it takes too long for news to spread.
Speaker 2: So they killed him.
Speaker 1: So they killed him.
Speaker 2: Alexander the Third finds out that he's the emperor and
immediately tears that up. Immediately is like, weird, not he
did not actually do that.
Speaker 3: Who's the guy that got him?
Speaker 2: I don't. I didn't look at that.
Speaker 3: Anarchists was there was probably anarchist.
Speaker 2: Anarchists got a lot of.
Speaker 1: Bodies, and we're sure it wasn't Alexander.
Speaker 2: It was not, It was not.
Speaker 3: It was just kind of random. Wasn't like overly political
for somebody else to take power?
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's kind of good.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, no, it's like.
Speaker 1: You know, dad's life insurance just got doubled and suddenly
he dies the next day.
Speaker 2: Like no, Alexander wasn't even necessarily wanting the throne, like
he was in line for it, and he's the type
of guy that's like, Okay, well this has promised to me,
so I want it out of like because of the
promised to me, out of duty. But like he was not.
He was not raised to be bizarre. He did not
ever expect to be bizarre.
Speaker 3: I don't want it.
Speaker 2: I don't want that. What was that?
Speaker 1: Was that a conclave reference?
Speaker 3: It was not. I've never seen conclave.
Speaker 2: It's the exact opposite of conclave. It was not Friday Lights.
What the fuck is it?
Speaker 3: I don't want your life. Yeah, that is Friday night Lights.
Speaker 2: It's not. It's the James vanderbeek one.
Speaker 3: Oh Varsity Blues.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Varsity Blues.
Speaker 3: That's it. Uh. I thought it was Tim mcrawl for
some reason.
Speaker 2: So Alexander the Third gets in office and he's like, fuck, ah,
my dad's hippie shit. I am rolling as much of
it back as both.
Speaker 1: Oh my god.
Speaker 2: Now the serfs had already been emancipated for twenty years,
so he couldn't do that. But he did basically eliminate
all the city councils and local government, all of that stuff.
Speaker 1: Uh.
Speaker 2: He issued the it was called the eighteen eighty one
Manifesto Manifesto on Unshakable Autocracy, So he was like, I
run everything. He actually even stripped power from the nobles.
He was like, it's all me. I don't trust anyone.
Fuck all of you. It's me and the church. He
was very he was a super orthodox.
Speaker 1: Very trump of him.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he was just like, I'm it, I'm fucking it.
Speaker 3: Not really, I mean, his fucking dad just got got
I'm gonna do everything my power to clean things.
Speaker 2: Up, you know, but I have all power.
Speaker 1: In general, when there's a change in leadership, it's generally
good practice to like kind of observe and you know,
to see the temperature, like you don't want to enact
change day one, Like you kind of want to see
what you're looking at, and then you start addressing the
problems as they you know.
Speaker 3: Here's the thing. Though he had all the power, well.
Speaker 1: He didn't, but he had nobody else immediately we started
getting all the power.
Speaker 2: He's still I will say that he's a tzar. So
he Alexander the second created quite a bit of autonomy
among local governments and this search and stuff like that.
The Tsar was still probably the most powerful monarch in
Europe at the time.
Speaker 3: So it's not even comparable but to what you.
Speaker 2: Just said, Okay, but he had he still liberalized the
country quite a bit in the eighteen eighties. Up up
to the eighteen eighties, uh. And by the way, most
of it was popular. It was largely popular with the
Russian people. It was not popular with the Russian Church.
Speaker 1: It was even though they were the only other ones
that had power. They should have been happy with that.
Speaker 2: What the Russian Church.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that it was like, it's just me and the
church are the only ones that have power, and the
Russian Church is like, hey, we don't like that.
Speaker 2: The Russian Church. It was easier for the Russian Church
to have influence that they're influencing one person and not
hundreds or thousands of people who ran things. Yeah, so
they were very much in favor of Alexander. They didn't
like it.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, sorry I misunderstood.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so the Russian Church didn't necessarily like the forms either.
It wasn't they didn't consider it very Russian. Yes, because
what they it's like the Loki quote and adventures. You
yearn to be ruled, You long to be ruled. That's
so that's Russians to me. They want to be ruled.
At the end of the day, they need to be Yeah,
that's that's really. They can be cool and like hate everything,
but deep down they want a daddy to tell them what.
Speaker 1: To do, just like Dan, Dan wants that too.
Speaker 3: What kind of daddy?
Speaker 1: Imagine somebody like stronger than you and bigger than you,
and smarter than you and richer than you, who wants
to be your friend?
Speaker 3: Is it?
Speaker 1: He's got a boat. He wants to show you the way,
but like you need to kind of you need to
kind of follow his direction.
Speaker 2: Just a bigger day, I think, just a bigger.
Speaker 1: You, bigger, bigger, richer, the younger.
Speaker 2: Or older, a little bit older, got older dad to daddy.
Speaker 1: Daddy like maybe like twelve year twelve to fifteen years
older than you, mid forties.
Speaker 3: Yeah, men tour type of relation, that's what you call it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but daddy daddy.
Speaker 3: Well yeah, I'm not going to say.
Speaker 2: You know, cult leader is a mental or mentee relationship,
the gayest non sexual relationship a man can be.
Speaker 3: In a thousand percent.
Speaker 1: If you have a mentor, if you're a mentor, you're gay.
Speaker 3: No, straight up, he wants to fuck you.
Speaker 2: He's Here's what a mentor.
Speaker 3: What's he getting out.
Speaker 1: Of this other than maybe he can fuculate.
Speaker 2: Stop calling it a mentor, because here's what a mentor
really is. A brain, daddy, he's your brain daddy.
Speaker 3: He's getting all up in you. He is influencing your mind.
Speaker 2: He's inside of you.
Speaker 4: Every day.
Speaker 3: He says jump, you say how high?
Speaker 1: And Dan's down with it.
Speaker 3: Well, I have to like kind of I guess, assess
each situation independently of one another, generally the general idea. No,
I think it's pretty gay, super gay. We I don't
even lift with other people. What are you talking about? Like,
I fucking I don't want to spotter. Everyone at the
gym is a competition for me, so I want to
be bigger and better than all of them.
Speaker 2: That's my least serious part about gyms. Like I don't
want to I don't want to go running on a track. Yeah,
these like supportive classes cross it sounds like hell, it's
the worst.
Speaker 1: Like just get up, bro, I don't like being yelled
that I'll shut down, having a tantrum, get.
Speaker 3: In hyped another man's accomplishment.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna squat, But it's because I want to talk
to somebody else. Get out of my you're my enemy.
I don't like being yelled. I like I like compliments.
Speaker 2: I also would be a girl. I would also be
like doing that pull up like but in my mind.
I would be like, first off, you would not be
doing any pool. I would be like, you don't believe
you don't he's here with a band, You don't. You
don't mean this? Like I could tell this is fake.
I hate this, hate this. Yeah, like nothing, I don't
believe you. I don't believe what you're saying.
Speaker 3: Goodbye, you got it, you got it. That's why pop
a viagara before I lift. So I'm rock hall and
I can intimidate my enemies.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like do you is that the shorts you work
out on?
Speaker 1: Uh?
Speaker 3: Yeah, these are kind of bigger shorts though.
Speaker 2: I know you need something that like I have.
Speaker 3: I've tighter once.
Speaker 2: You want an erupt you want an erect penis, But
in an erect penis, it has to be tucked down
the leg.
Speaker 1: You need a Hammaconda.
Speaker 3: Oh I don't go down the leg. I usually go
up to the waistband.
Speaker 2: I go up if I want to hide it.
Speaker 3: That's what I used to do for dances in school,
when you get freaked on when you're grinding, they totally
don't notice my pone or now. Oh no, they were
totally into it. I know they know I love it.
Speaker 1: There was the boner throw jeans. Nothing better. The girls
were into it, Oh my god, would it would be
like I'm like, oh, now we're fucking cooking with gas.
Let's see how let's see how much I can like
I can like, how far can I take this? Yeah,
it's so that's like so fun. It's not as fun anymore,
becau I'm going to see your dick later. Like it's
like I love.
Speaker 2: The idea of it, you know, it's just something.
Speaker 3: It's a powerful because we were like sixteen fifteen.
Speaker 2: You had no idea if you're going to see the
dick later.
Speaker 1: And I mostly he was like, no, I don't think.
Speaker 3: I am maybe some hand stuff, but maybe one of
my uh my theater teachers retiring in a couple of weeks.
Speaker 2: I can't go. Unfortunately, they're having like a big ceremony
for him from high school. Well my favorite stories here men, yeah,
my mentor Yeah, oh daddy, he had a giant wang.
She had a huge dick. That's not a joke. That
was like a legend that we that was for sure
true because we could see it through his pants, an
absolute hog, like the biggest dick I've ever not seen,
like fully, but but I might as well me too,
mister Murray, I love you, I do, but he's not
gonna fuck you, bro he he had I hope not.
I couldn't recover from that. Are you kidding me? The
last person I don't want to fuck me paralyzed Courtney
would start cheating on me.
Speaker 3: Cold back, with back up.
Speaker 1: I think she'd be fine. I don't think she'd cheat audio.
I think she would just give up sex for a
very long time, probably with three kids right.
Speaker 2: Now, dating, dating, and it's you have four kids at
that point, because it's three children in an invalid that's four. Yeah,
it's four. Uh, we just sell.
Speaker 3: The dogs and we know how many times you would
poop your pants every day with the amount of.
Speaker 2: She actually would leave me because the diaper changes would be.
Speaker 1: Would have to change so much instantly.
Speaker 2: She would be like, have you like doctor, can we
give him a colosmy bag? Can we do the surgery proactively?
Speaker 1: Do this?
Speaker 2: Yeah? But mister Urray told the story. Now he was
mc MC but he was working in a high school
dance one time, like a mixer and like he was
just one of the teachers that there had to work it.
And you know they stop, you have to stop kids
from freaking on each other. And ship I got that
shoulder tap and uh, he went to do a shoulder
tap and well we didn't realize with that it was penetration.
Uh yeah, and uh, they're fucking.
Speaker 3: On the dance.
Speaker 1: That's so gross.
Speaker 2: Actually pulled them apart.
Speaker 1: Ew Is it like dogs or like ducks where they
have like a corkscrew dick and they can't be separated.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they pulled them apart and got blasted on. Ew.
Speaker 3: Proud of the kids, you know, don't let any adversity.
Speaker 2: He did not.
Speaker 1: They did not. Even that's so disgusting. That poor I
wonder where she is. I wonder how she felt about
herself that day, because like it was probably it was
three strokes.
Speaker 3: Ye.
Speaker 2: How do you even last lot at that age?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Fifteen?
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's not lasting long. You didn't need to pull
it out to come.
Speaker 2: Also, that is wild.
Speaker 3: It's being surrounded by your peers and.
Speaker 1: Just being like this is the time in the place,
with a corner lunch every day.
Speaker 2: You know, I don't remember all the details of the
story beside him getting blasted on.
Speaker 1: That's all you need to know.
Speaker 3: I mean, I've definitely seen some weird ship, like a
Panama Ady for spring break where people were just fucking
on the beach.
Speaker 1: But that just seemed like that's a spring break. It's
not a school dance, right.
Speaker 2: A Catholic, Yeah, exactly dance. Yeah the nineties, man, what.
Speaker 3: About the nineties?
Speaker 2: What what about the ninety nineties? Man, that's when shit
got wild.
Speaker 3: I was like nine after the nineties at.
Speaker 2: The end of the nineties. Yeah, I'm the old one here.
I wasn't in high school in the nineties, just to
be clear, I started high school in the year two thousand,
literally in the year two thousand.
Speaker 3: That's uh.
Speaker 2: So he also, uh, Alexander like like the opposite of
defund the police. He extra funded the secret police, of
course he did, and uh they just fucked up everybody.
And he was real anti Jewish, so anti Jewish that
pogroms broke out the day he got the crowd.
Speaker 3: Well did the Jews kills Dad?
Speaker 1: Uh?
Speaker 3: Well.
Speaker 2: A lot of Jewish people in Europe were anarchists. They
had a lot. Essentially, it's not because they're Jewish, but
it's because anarchists and communist socialists. A lot of them
college students and a lot of Jewish people went to college.
A lot of overlap.
Speaker 1: If so facto the Jews did it?
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah he obviously Israel didn't exist at this point. No,
but the macade was still round right right right, So.
Speaker 1: The cops are rounding up who.
Speaker 2: Everyone but used to the Jews. He took away Jewish
a lot of Jewish rights to about like owning property
and stuff like that.
Speaker 1: So that he reinstated a different slavery.
Speaker 2: In fact, yeah, in fact, his anti Semitism was so
bad that it caused the massive immigration of Russian Jews
to the United States.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 2: Hence what I said earlier on this one's for Jake
Alexander the Third. If it was not for Alexander the Third,
Jake would have never hosted this podcast.
Speaker 3: Wow, maybe we're more successful oysters.
Speaker 2: Oysters did what Alexander the Third couldn't keep Jack away
from us? Yeah yeah, So now it gets to the
pal like the ultimate story about Alexander's life, it just
sums up him and and and Russia as a country
in a nutshell. The Borski train disaster on October twenty ninth,
eighteen eighty eight, and the Imperial train carrying Alexander the
Third and his whole family. It's always his train always
was leaving Crimea heading to Saint Petersburg and uh it
derailed near Borki station or Borski station. Uh. The train
had fifteen carriages, was pulled by two steam locomotives.
Speaker 3: I'm sorry, what is this you just pulled out? A fan? Yeah,
a fan. Yeah.
Speaker 1: We live in a hot place and it's fucking awesome.
Speaker 3: I can't just let this go though.
Speaker 1: I'm so sweaty right now and it feels.
Speaker 2: So that's funny because this place is usually freezing.
Speaker 1: Fucking cold, right, it is so hot.
Speaker 3: It was I turned the when I got here. Dan, Interesting,
you do have that dog on you which has not moved?
Speaker 2: It alive alive?
Speaker 3: Is that like a Geisha fan? What is that?
Speaker 1: What?
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a fan.
Speaker 1: I got it in Europe.
Speaker 3: I don't know, but it's Japanese.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's great.
Speaker 3: I want to try it, this stolen.
Speaker 2: Ballance fan myself here. We took a lot of things
from other people.
Speaker 3: Yeah that's nice. You can give we go Yeah, pretty
nice now, I was just hold on no first.
Speaker 2: It's also like a I feel like a church, a
southern church things such a.
Speaker 3: Wait, is this your totem to make sure.
Speaker 1: Make sure reality, Yeah, because she's slipping down.
Speaker 2: The dog doesn't work. So the train had fifteen carriages
and was pulled by two steam locomotives. It was traveling
at a high speed, and it derailed at two fourteen pm.
Twenty one people died instantly.
Speaker 3: Not unbreakable.
Speaker 1: It's more than India numbers.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Uh, and two more died later. Sixty eight were injured.
There is a rumor, not confirmed, but a rumor that
Alexander was drunk and or demanding the train go fast
as fuck. The former I want to go fast former
as a rumor. The latter is true. The train was
fucking flying for its weight.
Speaker 3: We're gonna break some land records.
Speaker 1: So also, he's certainly drunk. He's an alcoholic, right, Like
they were like, oh, would you be honest, It's like
an alcoholic is gonna be drunk on a flight.
Speaker 2: We like to say, whatever you think an alcoholic is
today was a normal person in the eighteen eighties. Yeah,
And whatever an alcoholic was in the eighteen eighties is
unfucking fathomable to modern society in the United States of America.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, again, all I'm hearing is this guy being
the man.
Speaker 2: Well, you're gonna love how this story.
Speaker 1: Yet, so all these people die because of this fucking
so drifting train commercial.
Speaker 2: The commercial limit for passing trains at that time was
forty two axles. The Imperial train had sixty four axles,
and it was traveling at express speeds, and again it
was held by two engines. The Russians knew that the
train was also technically fucked up for like a decade,
but just never fixed it.
Speaker 1: Oh no, it's like when I get my oil light
on and you just let it ride.
Speaker 2: Yeah, which is very Russian. Uh. And here's proof that. Alexander.
Speaker 3: Why every time he come in for an oil change,
they charge you three hundred dollars.
Speaker 1: Like this is a night I have learned my lesson,
but I used to do that a very long not
even that. That's why my old Mini Cooper died.
Speaker 3: They know exactly your like knowledge on cars. Yeah, just
like we're gonna bend her over.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Oh I feel the same way. I walk in. I'm like, hello,
it looks like they're like this fucking pussy.
Speaker 3: Thankfully, my mentor taught me enough about oil changes your brain, daddy,
not with cars, but yeah, I gave you a few.
Speaker 2: Good for him.
Speaker 1: It showed you his dipstick. That's the uh your air
Your air filters are.
Speaker 2: Filthy air filter. Probably the mouth, I guess, yeah, your asshole,
the assholes.
Speaker 3: The oil change, No, the oil changes. Peel the what
it's a peel?
Speaker 2: Oh he's sounding you good lord?
Speaker 3: You know what oil changes?
Speaker 2: I thought oil change check check me for oil was.
Speaker 3: Certainly not your your whole.
Speaker 2: I thought it was your buttle pe hole.
Speaker 1: Boy boy, So the train is careening?
Speaker 2: Would you ever sound a man?
Speaker 1: Is that putting what in the piece of metal rod?
Speaker 2: Even if you loved him?
Speaker 1: Why would I do that if I loved him?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeah, you do have to anesthesize at first. I feel
like some novocaine for the penis.
Speaker 3: The weirdest request you've gotten A finger or two?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, but that's not that weird in a
finger in a pee hole?
Speaker 2: No, no, no, I have seen that video.
Speaker 1: As well, but I don't know nothing that weird. I
guess everything pretty just pretty pretty front page porn stuff.
Speaker 3: It's fair.
Speaker 2: I feel like that's how most people live their lives.
Speaker 1: Like I just I wouldn't get to a place like
if somebody had like a very niche that like they
just need to be with other people with that with
the niche. Yeah, yeah, like it's like you can't just
bring it.
Speaker 2: You can't have a normy no bring it in. No,
but maybe they're like vampires, right, they just want to
convert more and more.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm not your girl, I'll tell you that
right now. I'm a quitter. I'm not gonna do crazy
fuck stuff.
Speaker 2: That's It's funny. There was like an episode of Sex
in the City in the nineties where I think Miranda
was like, I don't want to eat this guy's ass.
Speaker 1: No it was there was no there's ass eating.
Speaker 2: No I remember it because he's eating her ass, and
she was like, I guess I'll deal with it. I
don't really like it, Like.
Speaker 1: She didn't want to kiss him after he went down
on her.
Speaker 2: No, No, there's another one with ass eating.
Speaker 3: I'll have to find not arguing about twenty year old
TV show.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't. I wouldn't need us here, need a man's
I wouldn't even I mean, I wouldn't even put a
finger in there.
Speaker 2: You don't want to go there.
Speaker 1: I just know how much time you'll spend on the toilet, like,
it's just a lot of time.
Speaker 2: I'm quick, I'm quick, I'm a I'm a. I hang out.
Speaker 1: Men hang out because you're avoiding life.
Speaker 2: Yep, no one can talk. Don't you can give you
sh when you're on the toilet.
Speaker 3: It's so wrong with that. Some peace of mind.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's the only freedom I.
Speaker 1: Have left right for it in the fucking so.
Speaker 2: He was very into the speed Alexander was. Two months
before the crash, he actually got upset at one of
the railroad commissioners, Serge Witta's insistence that the train was
always going too fast and no. Alexander the Third was
basically like, my train goes fast, just fine on every
other every other road. You don't want it to go
fast on your road because you have a jew road.
You're a jew and your Jewish road can't handle my speed.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, that's so stupid.
Speaker 2: I don't know if he was on a Jewish railroad
went and derailed, but it couldn't handle his speed.
Speaker 1: I sure hope he was.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: But here is where Alexander comes out a hero in
this story where he definitely got twenty three people killed.
Speaker 3: He saved the conductor.
Speaker 2: Close as the train derailed and they were they were
all having lunch at the time, the royal family.
Speaker 1: Oh I interrupted lunch.
Speaker 2: Yeah, the roof of the dining car collapsed, and this
bear of a man lifting deck, furniture and all other
manner of things above his head like a goddamn.
Speaker 3: Superhero, like Spider Man with the webs yep, holding on
for dear life.
Speaker 2: He held the fuck in beams of the collapsing roof
up so his family could escape unharmed.
Speaker 3: He's a hero.
Speaker 1: And that's where we get the phrase raised the roof.
Who was a party.
Speaker 2: The Romanov survival was hailed as a miracle, and obviously
Czar Alexander the Third was hailed as a hero for
doing it.
Speaker 3: However, you know, and they went on to do great
things for Romanovs, right, like the definitely didn't end poorly.
Speaker 2: You mean with his son, Nicholas the second, who was
the last Czar. And by the way, so this was
all for none, this train accident, because they end his
bloodline probably soon, right, This train accident probably did and
is what caused his bloodline and because he died Alexander
the Third in eighteen ninety four of kidney failure and
that kidney failure was linked to he was injured in
the train accident from the roof, from holding up the roof.
It damaged his kidneys and he never recovered.
Speaker 1: Probably kept drinking, maybe not all the alcohol, you'd think
that didn't help.
Speaker 3: Well, probably processing all the protein as well.
Speaker 2: When you're when your kidneys take a blunt force trauma.
Ohning function with the amount of alcohol you're drinking.
Speaker 1: Uh huh did they go into failure?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 2: So he died at the age of forty nine in
eighteen ninety four. His son, Zar Nicholas the second would
succeed him. He was killed by the Bolsheviks in nineteen seventeen.
They succeeded him. Had Alexander the third, this hard ass motherfucker,
not had that train accident, he would have been sixty
nine at the outbreak of World War One and seventy
four ish thirty four to seventy five when the Russian
Revolution happened.
Speaker 1: Who knows, could have ended pretty differently.
Speaker 2: European history would have been if he had not. If
he had, you know, that train accident had not happened,
if he had not had the kidney failure. And he's
dealing with these motherfuckers, by the way, one of his
even though even though he was a badass and hundred
bears and all the ship, he actually one of his
biggest accomplishments good accomplishments, I guess you could say, was
they know they weren't in any major wars during his
It's good wars or anything like that. So who knows
what would have happened with Russia entering or not entering
World War One had Zar Alexander the Third still been
in charge, or maybe it would have been handled more competently.
He could a dealt with Lenin, he could have dealt
with the with the communists there there are a lot
of what ifs. If Tzar Alexander the Third lives into
old age.
Speaker 3: We don't get to the moon.
Speaker 1: Thanks could have been different. We would have been different,
but we would have never gotten raised the roof. So
I think it all worked out as it should.
Speaker 2: Get a level leveled out. That is the story of
Ar Alexander the Third. What you guys learned today, we're
out for him.
Speaker 1: I learned that this guy is just to fucking meat
head show off who can't just like just chill.
Speaker 2: He had no chill?
Speaker 1: Why don't we just go at the normal speed today, Honey.
Speaker 3: Seemed pretty chill lifting furniture over his head.
Speaker 1: Dan really resonates with their hero today.
Speaker 2: He's just one of the boys, kind of kind of
like he just he's himself. He's he's unabashedly himself.
Speaker 3: Had a bit of a villain arc because his dad
gets murked.
Speaker 2: And he takes away all the.
Speaker 3: Rights of the Russian people, mostly Jews.
Speaker 2: But that was a win for America, for Hollywood, for.
Speaker 1: Movies, think about it, for the weather, for everything.
Speaker 2: Who's Today's Who's today's Hitler?
Speaker 3: I'm gonna go with the anarchists took out his dad.
Speaker 1: Alexander is the hitler.
Speaker 3: Alexander, Yes, why what do you do?
Speaker 1: Because he did a lot of hitlery stuff.
Speaker 3: He was on a train, so what he's on a train.
Speaker 1: He's deporting Jews.
Speaker 3: He's Hitler did to poor Juice?
Speaker 2: Yeah, they wish kind of.
Speaker 1: Literally yeah, uh yeah, it's him, Okay.
Speaker 2: I do like the take of it's the people who
I'll assassinated Alexander for the second like literally getting the
best you've ever gotten, and they're like not good enough.
This will lonely work out in our favor.
Speaker 3: And it works out so so badly, just doing the
best with the handy guts dating in his fucking dead
brother's ex girlfriend.
Speaker 2: I like the proposal story.
Speaker 1: I liked that he didn't cheat. I don't think he
was cheat loyal at the very least, you can't say
he wasn't loyal.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and his dad was just having his cock around
town pretty much. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, life got a cold. He was like, you're you're sick.
I'm banging.
Speaker 1: You gotta do what you gotta do.
Speaker 3: But I mean, there's precedent now for you. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Corney is sick a lot, and I do count
pregnancy is sickness.
Speaker 3: Just keep pumping her full.
Speaker 1: Baby, Yeah, no more, No, that's enough, go.
Speaker 3: For the girl.
Speaker 1: We're so stop it.
Speaker 2: We're so fucking stop it.
Speaker 3: Rightball team.
Speaker 2: I literally just being a sounding there's just a coffee
stopper in my penis right now.
Speaker 1: You're just like, yeah, at all times.
Speaker 3: Yeah, just track her cycle.
Speaker 2: It's not it's not worth the risk.
Speaker 3: Don't come when she's ovulated.
Speaker 2: It's not worth the risk.
Speaker 1: No, we need you to give a sectimy. That's content.
Speaker 3: Yeah, sorry, you don't like to play with the odds.
Speaker 1: I don't because yeah, because all the odds show that
he's gonna lose.
Speaker 3: Babies at the right time. He knows when to do it.
Speaker 1: It's like if you get rich, if you if this,
if everything works out, you can do whatever you want.
Speaker 2: It's like, yeah, it's like minus ten thousand odds though, right,
Like if I win, I make very little money, and
if I lose, I lose a lot of money.
Speaker 1: Exactly.
Speaker 3: There's like a five day window. You can't come in
your wife, and you.
Speaker 1: Can't take five days every twenty days more or less.
It's like.
Speaker 4: The math.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's not I don't know, it's not great.
Speaker 2: I think you should just get I'm gonna do that.
Speaker 3: Don't worry you're gonna mutilate your penis.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, my vast deference his.
Speaker 1: Dick's gonna be fine.
Speaker 3: It's not gonna be fine.
Speaker 2: Well, I guess we'll find out.
Speaker 3: It's just I'm anti TRT and I'm anti victomy.
Speaker 1: Well, then you don't have to do it. You need
to be his body, his choice.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that tr T is a gender firm in care.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's testosteroe. Yeah, that's gender firm and care.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're affirming.
Speaker 1: So is botox. That's gender affirm and care breast implants,
gender firming care. Sorry, you can't grow fat naturals like
some of us at this table. And Nan, me and
Dan have got great tits.
Speaker 3: I got great tits.
Speaker 1: Perky, firm, full hand, a handful.
Speaker 3: Great ass too, worked for it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's all I got for today. For Dan Or Jester,
Gabby Monte Mayor and Milo Montemor. I'm Rob Fox.
Speaker 3: Check out our patreon, Gabby, where can the find folks
find you?
Speaker 1: H Gab Monty If you like me and don't If
you don't, go, well you
Speaker 3: Just got soft served