Speaker 1: Hello, everybody, Welcome to Pastor Rick's Daily Hope. This is
Speaker 1: the Bible teaching ministry of Rick Warren. Hey, we're so
Speaker 1: glad you're here with us today. We are continuing in
Speaker 1: a series called Talking about Stuff That Matters. Now. In
Speaker 1: this series, Rick looks into the scriptures and he's unpacking
Speaker 1: what it means to live in community, have real conversation
Speaker 1: about what matters most, and face discouragement with courage and faith.
Speaker 1: It's honest, hopeful. So stay tuned. You won't want to
Speaker 1: miss a second. And right now you're going to hear
Speaker 1: the final part of a message called creating life shaping Conversations.
Speaker 2: Now here's another major versus scripture on how to speak
Speaker 2: effectively Ephesians four twenty nine. Speak, the Bible says only.
Speaker 2: There's that word again, speak only. This is the only
Speaker 2: way you're supposed to speak.
Speaker 3: Speak only what.
Speaker 2: Is helpful for building others up according to their needs,
Speaker 2: so that it may benefit those who listen. He says
Speaker 2: the same thing four times in order to get the
Speaker 2: point across. He says, speak only what's helpful. That's one
Speaker 2: only speak only what builds others up. Speak only according
Speaker 2: to their needs, and speak only what will benefit those
Speaker 2: who listen.
Speaker 3: That's pretty clear, he says.
Speaker 2: You start with them. Now, you're gonna get to your hurt.
Speaker 2: At some point, you're gonna get to your need. You're
Speaker 2: gonna get to your frustration or your fear, or your
Speaker 2: failure or whatever it is in your life. But you
Speaker 2: don't start there. If you're smart, if you're wise, if
Speaker 2: you're a wise woman, your wise mother, a wise wife,
Speaker 2: or if you're a wise man, your wise husband, your
Speaker 2: wise dad, you don't ever start with you. You start
Speaker 2: with them. In any crucial conversation, speak what is helpful
Speaker 2: for building them up according to their need that would
Speaker 2: benefit those who listen.
Speaker 3: Now, here's how you do this. When you sit down
Speaker 3: in the.
Speaker 2: Conversation, you say you go first, and you just let
Speaker 2: them speak without any interruption. You don't interrupt them, you
Speaker 2: don't ask questions, you don't ask for clarification, you don't challenge.
Speaker 2: You just let them speak. And if they speak for
Speaker 2: five minutes or twenty five minutes or thirty five minutes,
Speaker 2: you just let us speak. And here's the key. You
Speaker 2: take notes, You let them and if you go they
Speaker 2: say something to you you have a question about, you
Speaker 2: write down the question. You don't stop them in the
Speaker 2: middle and they're you let them speak, and you have
Speaker 2: something you want to challenge or you want to correct.
Speaker 2: You don't challenge your correct you write it down on
Speaker 2: your thing. You just let them have a free flow
Speaker 2: and you take notes. That shows your care, That shows
Speaker 2: you're aware, That shows you're paying attention. One time, Kay
Speaker 2: and I had a conversation about our marriage, and I
Speaker 2: took nine pages of note notes. I'm not kidding, I'm
Speaker 2: not exaggerating. Why because it was nine pages of stuff
Speaker 2: she needed to tell me and I needed. I've been
Speaker 2: married forty four years. Why Because we've been doing this
Speaker 2: for forty four years. I could prevent your divorce if
Speaker 2: you'll start doing this, okay, I can prevent your divorce.
Speaker 2: I used to do marriage counseling. I discovered as long
Speaker 2: as two people are talking, you can work something out.
Speaker 2: It's when people both give up the talking. That's true
Speaker 2: in nations on international relations, it's true in her marriage,
Speaker 2: it's true between companies. As long as there's talking going on,
Speaker 2: you have the potential to make some progress.
Speaker 3: But I would write it in.
Speaker 2: I would just listen to her talk, and if I
Speaker 2: had a question, I wrote it down.
Speaker 3: If I had a clarification, I write it down. If
Speaker 3: I had a.
Speaker 2: Disagreement, I wrote it down. But I did not interrupt her. Okay,
Speaker 2: So you make notes. You let them go first, and
Speaker 2: then here's the key thing. You summarize what they said
Speaker 2: to you before you start write this down. Summarize what
Speaker 2: they said to me, and you paraphrase it back. They say, okay,
Speaker 2: let me repeat back to you what I think I.
Speaker 3: Heard you say.
Speaker 2: Because I may have gotten it wrong, but here's what
Speaker 2: I think I heard you say. And you paraphrase back
Speaker 2: to your spouse or to your child, or to your
Speaker 2: boss or whoever it is. And you that shows you're listening,
Speaker 2: your ability to summarize, and your ability to paraphrase and
Speaker 2: to parrot it back to them. This is the mark
Speaker 2: of a master communicator. You're listening well and you're gonna
Speaker 2: speak well. But you say, let me say what I
Speaker 2: said back to you, what I think I heard you say.
Speaker 2: All right, now, that is the key take notes of
Speaker 2: you empathize with their needs first.
Speaker 3: Okay. The A.
Speaker 2: The A in learning how to speak like a master
Speaker 2: communicator is to affirm the positive alternative. I'll have to
Speaker 2: explain this, affirm the positive alternative. And what I'm saying
Speaker 2: is that when you particularly in a conflict, you want
Speaker 2: to be a proponent of what's right, not an opponent
Speaker 2: of what's wrong. You want to be in favor of
Speaker 2: what we could be doing, not critical of what we're
Speaker 2: not doing. You want to be positive, be a proponent
Speaker 2: of the right thing and not an opponent of the wrong.
Speaker 3: Thing, because negativity doesn't.
Speaker 2: Really change people very much at all, And so you
Speaker 2: be a proponent, you affirm the positive alternative. Let me
Speaker 2: say another way of saying it. Don't tell it like
Speaker 2: it is. Tell it like it could be. Big difference.
Speaker 2: Tell it like it is doesn't change anybody. It's simply
Speaker 2: re it reinforces the negative. But to tell it like
Speaker 2: it could be builds on faith, It builds hope. And
Speaker 2: I get a vision of what we could what our marriage.
Speaker 3: Could be, not what it is, what it could be.
Speaker 2: How I help my child see what they could be,
Speaker 2: not what they are, what they could be. Don't tell
Speaker 2: it like it is. The study after study shows that
Speaker 2: whatever you hold up and people focus on, that's what
Speaker 2: they move towards. So if you hold up all the negative,
Speaker 2: you tell everybody what's wrong in your relationship. You tell
Speaker 2: everybody what's wrong with the world. You tell everybody what's wrong.
Speaker 2: That's all it does is reinforce it.
Speaker 3: If I were.
Speaker 2: Sitting out there with the day and some guy got
Speaker 2: up here to start doing a message to dads, and
Speaker 2: he started telling dads all the things that we do
Speaker 2: wrong as dad's and the guy goes, you know what,
Speaker 2: You're a lousy dad. You guys aren't spending enough time
Speaker 2: with your kids. You're too involved in your work. You
Speaker 2: spend more time with your with your you know, your sports,
Speaker 2: than you do with your kids. And they tell me
Speaker 2: all the negative things you know what all the dads
Speaker 2: would be doing. Yeah, you're right, you know we're not
Speaker 2: very good dads. And we go home feeling pretty bad,
Speaker 2: pretty lousy, because you just reinforced all the stuff that
Speaker 2: we already know and telling me what I already know.
Speaker 3: Tell it like it is, doesn't change anything.
Speaker 2: But if a speaker gets up here and I'm sitting
Speaker 2: out there and the speaker goes, I see in you, guys,
Speaker 2: the ability to be an incredible father. I see in
Speaker 2: you the fact that if with God's spirit in your life,
Speaker 2: and if you'll build your life and family on this book,
Speaker 2: on the truth of God. You could become a godly man,
Speaker 2: and you would be a man that your wife adores
Speaker 2: and honors, and that your kids look up to and
Speaker 2: have nothing but respect for. You could be a man
Speaker 2: in the community that is I want to be like
Speaker 2: that guy. That kind of message makes me want to change,
Speaker 2: that helps me move, to show me what I can become.
Speaker 3: Don't tell me what I am.
Speaker 2: I could get up here every week and for forty
Speaker 2: years and I could say we're gonna do sin of
Speaker 2: the week, and this week we're against this sin, and
Speaker 2: next week will be against that sin, and in two
Speaker 2: weeks we'll be against another sin. And we're all a
Speaker 2: bunch of sinners and friends. That's not good news. That's
Speaker 2: not even news. We know that I don't need to
Speaker 2: come to church and tell me what I'm telling me,
Speaker 2: what I'm doing wrong. I need to come to church
Speaker 2: and you tell me how to change it, how to
Speaker 2: fix it, and where I get the.
Speaker 3: Power to be different.
Speaker 2: Okay, So for for forty years, I've been telling you
Speaker 2: how to change it with the power of the spirit
Speaker 2: and the power of God's truth. And we don't we
Speaker 2: don't tell it like it is, because that just reinforces
Speaker 2: a negative. You affirm the positive alternative. Now, here's what
Speaker 2: the Bible says, Proverbs fifteen, verse two. When wise people speak,
Speaker 2: they make knowledge. What circle that they make no knowledge attractive.
Speaker 2: If you're wise, you're gonna when you have a conversation,
Speaker 2: you're gonna make what you say attractive. And I'm going
Speaker 2: to teach you the three ways to do that. In
Speaker 2: the second, it makes it attractive. It doesn't take any
Speaker 2: wisdom at all to share knowledge. It takes enormous wisdom
Speaker 2: to make it attractive. You cannot There are a lot
Speaker 2: of unwise pastors, unwise school teachers, unwise politicians who they
Speaker 2: are unwise researchers, and scientists who can share knowledge. Anybody
Speaker 2: can share knowledge, but doesn't mean the kids, or the
Speaker 2: students or the members of the church are going to
Speaker 2: be interested. It takes enormous wisdom to make knowledge attractive.
Speaker 2: And he says, if you're wise, that's will make it attractive.
Speaker 2: So how do I make it attractive? Here's the three
Speaker 2: secrets I'm going to give you. This is gold, you guys,
Speaker 2: you need this. Here's how you make knowledge attractive. Number one,
Speaker 2: share the benefits. So if you want to make a
Speaker 2: change your family, you better be ready to explain why
Speaker 2: it's going to be beneficial to everybody, not just you.
Speaker 3: But share the benefit.
Speaker 2: How is it going to help me? Every time I
Speaker 2: teach you, you're going how's this going to help me? Share
Speaker 2: the benefit? Number two. The second way you make knowledge
Speaker 2: attractive is say it positively. Don't say it negatively, don't
Speaker 2: say it in a condemning, critical voice. Spirit that doesn't work.
Speaker 2: Say it positively.
Speaker 3: Okay. There are many many.
Speaker 2: Verses in the Bible about this, about being positive in
Speaker 2: your speech. Here's one, Proverbs sixteen twenty one. Proverbs sixteen
Speaker 2: twenty one says a mature person is known for his understanding,
Speaker 2: and the more pleasant his words, the more persuasive he is.
Speaker 2: You want to be persuasive with your kids, You want
Speaker 2: to be persuasive with your husband or your why. You
Speaker 2: want to be persuasive with clients or customers. The more
Speaker 2: pleasant you are, the more persuasive you will be. I
Speaker 2: say it like this, I'm never persuasive when I'm abrasive.
Speaker 2: I'm never persuasive when I'm abrasive, because it just puts.
Speaker 3: People in a negative mood.
Speaker 2: Now, tomorrow you go to some store and you're going
Speaker 2: to get something and it's not right, and the clerk
Speaker 2: at work is a jerk. I'm a poet and I
Speaker 2: don't know it, but my feet show it because they're longfellows.
Speaker 3: So the clerk at work is a jerk.
Speaker 2: Now, if they got your order wrong, are you going
Speaker 2: to get better service from them if you complain and
Speaker 2: act like a jerk yourself?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 2: But if you're polite and you're generous, and you're gracious
Speaker 2: and you cut them some slack, are they going to
Speaker 2: bend over backwards?
Speaker 3: More likely? More likely.
Speaker 2: You're never persuasive when you're abrasive, so you may be mad.
Speaker 2: That's not the time to have that conversation. You need
Speaker 2: to calm down. You share the benefits, you say it positively.
Speaker 2: In fact, write this down. Here's a verse for your phrase.
Speaker 2: I want you to get. If I say it offensively,
Speaker 2: it will be received defensively. I could get up here
Speaker 2: and offend you every week. I could say things that
Speaker 2: would put you on the defensive instantly.
Speaker 3: But I'm smarter than that.
Speaker 2: Because I want to help you change, and because I
Speaker 2: love you. I'm not interested in putting you down. I'm
Speaker 2: interested in giving you a hand up, helping you out.
Speaker 2: So if I say it offensively to be received, it's
Speaker 2: got to be positive. And here's the third key to
Speaker 2: making knowledge attractive. Offer hope. Offer hope. You should always
Speaker 2: offer hope in a conversation with a child, with a spouse,
Speaker 2: with a friend, with somebody at work. Always offer hope.
Speaker 2: People are hungry for hope Hebrews six, verse nineteen. We
Speaker 2: Christians have this hope as an anchor for the soul,
Speaker 2: firm and secure. If you offer hope, people will listen
Speaker 2: to you, even when the sermon's long. All right, all right,
Speaker 2: the K, the K. Here's the last one is keep
Speaker 2: calm and don't argue. This is the fifth thing in
Speaker 2: being a great communicator.
Speaker 3: Keep calm. They may say.
Speaker 2: Something that just irritates you, know, in in the conversation
Speaker 2: and really triggers you. And they might say something and
Speaker 2: you know what, your spouse knows your triggers. Have you
Speaker 2: figured that one out? And you know your spouses it's
Speaker 2: not very loving to use them. But when we're not
Speaker 2: in a good mood, we often do. Keep calm and
Speaker 2: don't argue. Last two verses Proverbs seventeen twenty seven. Those
Speaker 2: who are sure of themselves do not talk all the time.
Speaker 2: Those who are sure of themselves, that means you got
Speaker 2: self confidence. You're not insecure. Anytime you see somebody who
Speaker 2: talks all the time, talk talk, talk, talc TC talk,
Speaker 2: they just got a blabbermouth. They are incredibly insecure. Insecure
Speaker 2: people talk too much. People who are sure of themselves,
Speaker 2: people are confident.
Speaker 3: They don't need to talk. Okay, I know who I am.
Speaker 2: Those who are sure of themselves do not talk all
Speaker 2: the time. And people who stay calm have real insight.
Speaker 2: And you don't let people trigger you. They don't let
Speaker 2: people hook you. You don't let people you know move you.
Speaker 2: To say you make me so mad, then you're saying
Speaker 2: you make me. You have the power to control my emotions.
Speaker 2: Don't argue, Keep calm James one, nineteen. We've talked about
Speaker 2: this verse literally on hundred the time to settle back.
Speaker 2: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and
Speaker 2: slow to become angry. If you are do the first two,
Speaker 2: the third's automatic. If you're quick to listen, and if
Speaker 2: you're slow to speak, you will be slow to get angry.
Speaker 2: The other problem is though, that we do the opposite.
Speaker 2: We're quick to speak. In fact, we want to interrupt.
Speaker 2: We're quick to speak, we're slow to listen, and as
Speaker 2: a result, we're quick to get angry. Now here's your homework.
Speaker 2: Two things. One, I want you to look over this
Speaker 2: list and check the ones going. This is the one
Speaker 2: I need to work on first, because you can't work
Speaker 2: on everything at once. Second, identify a person in your
Speaker 2: life that you need to have that crucial conversation with,
Speaker 2: whatever it's about, and then start preparing and praying. You
Speaker 2: can't schedule it, but you can prepare for it and pray,
Speaker 2: and at the right time, God will teach you what
Speaker 2: to say, when to say it, and how to say it.
Speaker 3: Let's vow for prayer.
Speaker 2: Father, I so badly want our church family to be
Speaker 2: filled with great communicators and great conversationalists. You have given
Speaker 2: us your children the greatest message in the universe, the
Speaker 2: good News, but we've not always been great at sharing it,
Speaker 2: and we haven't always been great listeners. First, I'm asking you,
Speaker 2: Lord to help all of us be better listeners and
Speaker 2: better speakers.
Speaker 3: This next week. Help us to have.
Speaker 2: Some healing conversations in our church, family, between parents and kids,
Speaker 2: between husbands and wives, between friends, between small group people,
Speaker 2: between people who've irritated us. I'm asking you for some
Speaker 2: real breakthroughs in relationships.
Speaker 3: Now.
Speaker 2: I'm asking you to pray. Say Lord, help me to
Speaker 2: listen better to the people in my life. Help me
Speaker 2: to look at people with love in my eyes. Help
Speaker 2: me to invest as much time as needed, not get
Speaker 2: in a hurry, to be patient, to take the time
Speaker 2: for meaningful conversation. Help me to not be too busy
Speaker 2: to talk. Help me to share what they are feeling,
Speaker 2: not my solution. Keep me from being a fast fixer.
Speaker 3: Help me to tune.
Speaker 2: Into any hidden hurt or any hidden fear that's behind
Speaker 2: the words. And sometimes I need to ignore the words
Speaker 2: and just look at the feelings. Help me to engage
Speaker 2: people in my life with open ended questions and help
Speaker 2: me to never judge until I have all all the
Speaker 2: facts and then, Lord, in speaking to people in my life,
Speaker 2: help me to save my words for the best time
Speaker 2: and place. Help me to pray and plan what to say,
Speaker 2: how to say it, when to say it. I want
Speaker 2: to be smart, I want to be intelligent. And help
Speaker 2: me to empathize with their needs first, not my agenda,
Speaker 2: not my hurt, not my frustration. Help me to affirm
Speaker 2: the positive alternative, not to tell it like it is,
Speaker 2: but to tell it like it It.
Speaker 3: Could be.
Speaker 2: The dream, the vision, the goal, the hope for our relationship.
Speaker 2: And help me to keep calm and not argue. Jesus,
Speaker 2: I need your spirit to do this. I can't do
Speaker 2: this on my own, but I want to, and I'm
Speaker 2: asking for your help. If you've never invited Christ in
Speaker 2: your life, said Jesus, Christ, come into my life right
Speaker 2: now and be the be the chairman of the board,
Speaker 2: the manager of my life, I humbly ask this in
Speaker 2: your name.
Speaker 3: Amen.
Speaker 2: Hi everybody, this is Rick and I hope you enjoyed
Speaker 2: today's broadcast. You know, if you just prayed that prayer
Speaker 2: for the very first time, or you just recommitted your
Speaker 2: life to Jesus again today, would you let me know
Speaker 2: about it. There's something real about sharing your commitment. So
Speaker 2: write me Rick at pastor Rick dot com and say, Rick,
Speaker 2: I prayed that prayer of commitment, I gave my life
Speaker 2: to Christ. And I'll send you some material that will
Speaker 2: help you on your journey with Jesus. And I'll also
Speaker 2: pray for you. God bless you.
Speaker 1: What a great message from Pastor Rick today. There's something
Speaker 1: I always take away from his message. Here's Rick to
Speaker 1: tell you how you can help support this ministry.
Speaker 2: Jesus told his disciples that they should live their lives
Speaker 2: according to five specific purposes. He said, You've got to
Speaker 2: love God with all your heart. That's worship, and love
Speaker 2: your neighbors yourself. That's ministry. That's called the Great Commandment.
Speaker 2: And then Jesus said, go make disciples. That's evangelism. Baptize
Speaker 2: them into the Family of God. That's fellowship, a sign
Speaker 2: of fellowship. And then he said, teach them obey everything
Speaker 2: I've taught you. That's discipleship. And we call that the
Speaker 2: Great Commission. We believe it daily hope that a great
Speaker 2: commitment to the Great Commandment and the Great Commission will
Speaker 2: produce a great Christian, a great church, a great company,
Speaker 2: a great community. You know, I started Daily Hope so
Speaker 2: I could spread the good news about Jesus, not just
Speaker 2: across America, but all around the world.
Speaker 3: And we want.
Speaker 2: People to know that God's word is filled with hope
Speaker 2: and truth, and the power that we need to follow
Speaker 2: him every day is available to every single one. You
Speaker 2: know as well as I do that the Word of
Speaker 2: God changes lives. It's a live it's active, and it
Speaker 2: breathes new life and new love into all of our lives.
Speaker 2: So wherever you listen to this, whether you listen on
Speaker 2: the website, whether you listen on a radio station, or
Speaker 2: whether you listen to a podcast, you're a part of
Speaker 2: the Daily Hope family, and I need your help. We
Speaker 2: could not do this without your support. We're one hundred
Speaker 2: percent listener funded. Would you continue to pray for this
Speaker 2: broadcast and would you continue to support us? And let
Speaker 2: write to me, let me hear from you. I absolutely
Speaker 2: love reading the stories that are sent to me. So
Speaker 2: write me, pray for me, and support this man, and
Speaker 2: God will bless it, and God will bless you, and
Speaker 2: we'll get to heaven, and we'll thank God for all
Speaker 2: the people going to be in heaven because you cared.
Speaker 1: Hey, if you'd like to support Pastor Rick's Daily Hope,
Speaker 1: just go to Pastorick dot com. That's Pastorick dot com.
Speaker 1: Or you can text the word hope to seven oh
Speaker 1: three oh nine. That's the word hope to seven oh
Speaker 1: three oh nine. And really, from the bottom of our hearts.
Speaker 1: We thank you so much for your support. Your gift
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Speaker 1: with people everywhere. Hey be sure to join us next
Speaker 1: time when we look into God's Word for our daily hope.
Speaker 1: This program is sponsored by Pastor Rick's Daily Hope and
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