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<v Speaker 1>Hello, everybody, Welcome to Pastor Rick's Daily Hope. This is

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<v Speaker 1>the Bible teaching ministry of Rick Warren. Hey, we're so

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<v Speaker 1>glad you're here with us today. We are continuing in

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<v Speaker 1>a series called Talking about Stuff That Matters. Now. In

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<v Speaker 1>this series, Rick looks into the scriptures and he's unpacking

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<v Speaker 1>what it means to live in community, have real conversation

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<v Speaker 1>about what matters most, and face discouragement with courage and faith.

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<v Speaker 1>It's honest, hopeful. So stay tuned. You won't want to

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<v Speaker 1>miss a second. And right now you're going to hear

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<v Speaker 1>the final part of a message called creating life shaping Conversations.

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<v Speaker 2>Now here's another major versus scripture on how to speak

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<v Speaker 2>effectively Ephesians four twenty nine. Speak, the Bible says only.

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<v Speaker 2>There's that word again, speak only. This is the only

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<v Speaker 2>way you're supposed to speak.

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<v Speaker 3>Speak only what.

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<v Speaker 2>Is helpful for building others up according to their needs,

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<v Speaker 2>so that it may benefit those who listen. He says

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<v Speaker 2>the same thing four times in order to get the

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<v Speaker 2>point across. He says, speak only what's helpful. That's one

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<v Speaker 2>only speak only what builds others up. Speak only according

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<v Speaker 2>to their needs, and speak only what will benefit those

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<v Speaker 2>who listen.

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<v Speaker 3>That's pretty clear, he says.

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<v Speaker 2>You start with them. Now, you're gonna get to your hurt.

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<v Speaker 2>At some point, you're gonna get to your need. You're

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<v Speaker 2>gonna get to your frustration or your fear, or your

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<v Speaker 2>failure or whatever it is in your life. But you

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<v Speaker 2>don't start there. If you're smart, if you're wise, if

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<v Speaker 2>you're a wise woman, your wise mother, a wise wife,

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<v Speaker 2>or if you're a wise man, your wise husband, your

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<v Speaker 2>wise dad, you don't ever start with you. You start

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<v Speaker 2>with them. In any crucial conversation, speak what is helpful

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<v Speaker 2>for building them up according to their need that would

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<v Speaker 2>benefit those who listen.

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<v Speaker 3>Now, here's how you do this. When you sit down

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<v Speaker 3>in the.

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<v Speaker 2>Conversation, you say you go first, and you just let

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<v Speaker 2>them speak without any interruption. You don't interrupt them, you

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<v Speaker 2>don't ask questions, you don't ask for clarification, you don't challenge.

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<v Speaker 2>You just let them speak. And if they speak for

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<v Speaker 2>five minutes or twenty five minutes or thirty five minutes,

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<v Speaker 2>you just let us speak. And here's the key. You

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<v Speaker 2>take notes, You let them and if you go they

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<v Speaker 2>say something to you you have a question about, you

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<v Speaker 2>write down the question. You don't stop them in the

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<v Speaker 2>middle and they're you let them speak, and you have

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<v Speaker 2>something you want to challenge or you want to correct.

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<v Speaker 2>You don't challenge your correct you write it down on

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<v Speaker 2>your thing. You just let them have a free flow

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<v Speaker 2>and you take notes. That shows your care, That shows

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<v Speaker 2>you're aware, That shows you're paying attention. One time, Kay

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<v Speaker 2>and I had a conversation about our marriage, and I

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<v Speaker 2>took nine pages of note notes. I'm not kidding, I'm

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<v Speaker 2>not exaggerating. Why because it was nine pages of stuff

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<v Speaker 2>she needed to tell me and I needed. I've been

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<v Speaker 2>married forty four years. Why Because we've been doing this

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<v Speaker 2>for forty four years. I could prevent your divorce if

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<v Speaker 2>you'll start doing this, okay, I can prevent your divorce.

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<v Speaker 2>I used to do marriage counseling. I discovered as long

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<v Speaker 2>as two people are talking, you can work something out.

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<v Speaker 2>It's when people both give up the talking. That's true

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<v Speaker 2>in nations on international relations, it's true in her marriage,

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<v Speaker 2>it's true between companies. As long as there's talking going on,

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<v Speaker 2>you have the potential to make some progress.

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<v Speaker 3>But I would write it in.

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<v Speaker 2>I would just listen to her talk, and if I

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<v Speaker 2>had a question, I wrote it down.

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<v Speaker 3>If I had a clarification, I write it down. If

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<v Speaker 3>I had a.

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<v Speaker 2>Disagreement, I wrote it down. But I did not interrupt her. Okay,

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<v Speaker 2>So you make notes. You let them go first, and

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<v Speaker 2>then here's the key thing. You summarize what they said

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<v Speaker 2>to you before you start write this down. Summarize what

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<v Speaker 2>they said to me, and you paraphrase it back. They say, okay,

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<v Speaker 2>let me repeat back to you what I think I.

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<v Speaker 3>Heard you say.

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<v Speaker 2>Because I may have gotten it wrong, but here's what

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<v Speaker 2>I think I heard you say. And you paraphrase back

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<v Speaker 2>to your spouse or to your child, or to your

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<v Speaker 2>boss or whoever it is. And you that shows you're listening,

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<v Speaker 2>your ability to summarize, and your ability to paraphrase and

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<v Speaker 2>to parrot it back to them. This is the mark

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<v Speaker 2>of a master communicator. You're listening well and you're gonna

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<v Speaker 2>speak well. But you say, let me say what I

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<v Speaker 2>said back to you, what I think I heard you say.

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<v Speaker 2>All right, now, that is the key take notes of

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<v Speaker 2>you empathize with their needs first.

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<v Speaker 3>Okay. The A.

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<v Speaker 2>The A in learning how to speak like a master

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<v Speaker 2>communicator is to affirm the positive alternative. I'll have to

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<v Speaker 2>explain this, affirm the positive alternative. And what I'm saying

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<v Speaker 2>is that when you particularly in a conflict, you want

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<v Speaker 2>to be a proponent of what's right, not an opponent

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<v Speaker 2>of what's wrong. You want to be in favor of

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<v Speaker 2>what we could be doing, not critical of what we're

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<v Speaker 2>not doing. You want to be positive, be a proponent

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<v Speaker 2>of the right thing and not an opponent of the wrong.

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<v Speaker 3>Thing, because negativity doesn't.

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<v Speaker 2>Really change people very much at all, And so you

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<v Speaker 2>be a proponent, you affirm the positive alternative. Let me

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<v Speaker 2>say another way of saying it. Don't tell it like

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<v Speaker 2>it is. Tell it like it could be. Big difference.

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<v Speaker 2>Tell it like it is doesn't change anybody. It's simply

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<v Speaker 2>re it reinforces the negative. But to tell it like

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<v Speaker 2>it could be builds on faith, It builds hope. And

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<v Speaker 2>I get a vision of what we could what our marriage.

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<v Speaker 3>Could be, not what it is, what it could be.

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<v Speaker 2>How I help my child see what they could be,

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<v Speaker 2>not what they are, what they could be. Don't tell

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<v Speaker 2>it like it is. The study after study shows that

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<v Speaker 2>whatever you hold up and people focus on, that's what

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<v Speaker 2>they move towards. So if you hold up all the negative,

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<v Speaker 2>you tell everybody what's wrong in your relationship. You tell

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<v Speaker 2>everybody what's wrong with the world. You tell everybody what's wrong.

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<v Speaker 2>That's all it does is reinforce it.

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<v Speaker 3>If I were.

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<v Speaker 2>Sitting out there with the day and some guy got

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<v Speaker 2>up here to start doing a message to dads, and

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<v Speaker 2>he started telling dads all the things that we do

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<v Speaker 2>wrong as dad's and the guy goes, you know what,

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<v Speaker 2>You're a lousy dad. You guys aren't spending enough time

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<v Speaker 2>with your kids. You're too involved in your work. You

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<v Speaker 2>spend more time with your with your you know, your sports,

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<v Speaker 2>than you do with your kids. And they tell me

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<v Speaker 2>all the negative things you know what all the dads

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<v Speaker 2>would be doing. Yeah, you're right, you know we're not

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<v Speaker 2>very good dads. And we go home feeling pretty bad,

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<v Speaker 2>pretty lousy, because you just reinforced all the stuff that

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<v Speaker 2>we already know and telling me what I already know.

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<v Speaker 3>Tell it like it is, doesn't change anything.

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<v Speaker 2>But if a speaker gets up here and I'm sitting

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<v Speaker 2>out there and the speaker goes, I see in you, guys,

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<v Speaker 2>the ability to be an incredible father. I see in

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<v Speaker 2>you the fact that if with God's spirit in your life,

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<v Speaker 2>and if you'll build your life and family on this book,

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<v Speaker 2>on the truth of God. You could become a godly man,

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<v Speaker 2>and you would be a man that your wife adores

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<v Speaker 2>and honors, and that your kids look up to and

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<v Speaker 2>have nothing but respect for. You could be a man

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<v Speaker 2>in the community that is I want to be like

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<v Speaker 2>that guy. That kind of message makes me want to change,

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<v Speaker 2>that helps me move, to show me what I can become.

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<v Speaker 3>Don't tell me what I am.

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<v Speaker 2>I could get up here every week and for forty

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<v Speaker 2>years and I could say we're gonna do sin of

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<v Speaker 2>the week, and this week we're against this sin, and

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<v Speaker 2>next week will be against that sin, and in two

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<v Speaker 2>weeks we'll be against another sin. And we're all a

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<v Speaker 2>bunch of sinners and friends. That's not good news. That's

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<v Speaker 2>not even news. We know that I don't need to

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<v Speaker 2>come to church and tell me what I'm telling me,

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<v Speaker 2>what I'm doing wrong. I need to come to church

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<v Speaker 2>and you tell me how to change it, how to

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<v Speaker 2>fix it, and where I get the.

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<v Speaker 3>Power to be different.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, So for for forty years, I've been telling you

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<v Speaker 2>how to change it with the power of the spirit

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<v Speaker 2>and the power of God's truth. And we don't we

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<v Speaker 2>don't tell it like it is, because that just reinforces

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<v Speaker 2>a negative. You affirm the positive alternative. Now, here's what

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<v Speaker 2>the Bible says, Proverbs fifteen, verse two. When wise people speak,

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<v Speaker 2>they make knowledge. What circle that they make no knowledge attractive.

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<v Speaker 2>If you're wise, you're gonna when you have a conversation,

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<v Speaker 2>you're gonna make what you say attractive. And I'm going

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<v Speaker 2>to teach you the three ways to do that. In

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<v Speaker 2>the second, it makes it attractive. It doesn't take any

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<v Speaker 2>wisdom at all to share knowledge. It takes enormous wisdom

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<v Speaker 2>to make it attractive. You cannot There are a lot

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<v Speaker 2>of unwise pastors, unwise school teachers, unwise politicians who they

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<v Speaker 2>are unwise researchers, and scientists who can share knowledge. Anybody

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<v Speaker 2>can share knowledge, but doesn't mean the kids, or the

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<v Speaker 2>students or the members of the church are going to

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<v Speaker 2>be interested. It takes enormous wisdom to make knowledge attractive.

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<v Speaker 2>And he says, if you're wise, that's will make it attractive.

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<v Speaker 2>So how do I make it attractive? Here's the three

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<v Speaker 2>secrets I'm going to give you. This is gold, you guys,

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<v Speaker 2>you need this. Here's how you make knowledge attractive. Number one,

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<v Speaker 2>share the benefits. So if you want to make a

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<v Speaker 2>change your family, you better be ready to explain why

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<v Speaker 2>it's going to be beneficial to everybody, not just you.

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<v Speaker 3>But share the benefit.

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<v Speaker 2>How is it going to help me? Every time I

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<v Speaker 2>teach you, you're going how's this going to help me? Share

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<v Speaker 2>the benefit? Number two. The second way you make knowledge

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<v Speaker 2>attractive is say it positively. Don't say it negatively, don't

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<v Speaker 2>say it in a condemning, critical voice. Spirit that doesn't work.

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<v Speaker 2>Say it positively.

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<v Speaker 3>Okay. There are many many.

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<v Speaker 2>Verses in the Bible about this, about being positive in

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<v Speaker 2>your speech. Here's one, Proverbs sixteen twenty one. Proverbs sixteen

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<v Speaker 2>twenty one says a mature person is known for his understanding,

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<v Speaker 2>and the more pleasant his words, the more persuasive he is.

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<v Speaker 2>You want to be persuasive with your kids, You want

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<v Speaker 2>to be persuasive with your husband or your why. You

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<v Speaker 2>want to be persuasive with clients or customers. The more

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<v Speaker 2>pleasant you are, the more persuasive you will be. I

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<v Speaker 2>say it like this, I'm never persuasive when I'm abrasive.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm never persuasive when I'm abrasive, because it just puts.

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<v Speaker 3>People in a negative mood.

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<v Speaker 2>Now, tomorrow you go to some store and you're going

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<v Speaker 2>to get something and it's not right, and the clerk

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<v Speaker 2>at work is a jerk. I'm a poet and I

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<v Speaker 2>don't know it, but my feet show it because they're longfellows.

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<v Speaker 3>So the clerk at work is a jerk.

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<v Speaker 2>Now, if they got your order wrong, are you going

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<v Speaker 2>to get better service from them if you complain and

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<v Speaker 2>act like a jerk yourself?

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<v Speaker 3>No?

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<v Speaker 2>But if you're polite and you're generous, and you're gracious

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<v Speaker 2>and you cut them some slack, are they going to

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<v Speaker 2>bend over backwards?

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<v Speaker 3>More likely? More likely.

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<v Speaker 2>You're never persuasive when you're abrasive, so you may be mad.

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<v Speaker 2>That's not the time to have that conversation. You need

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<v Speaker 2>to calm down. You share the benefits, you say it positively.

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<v Speaker 2>In fact, write this down. Here's a verse for your phrase.

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<v Speaker 2>I want you to get. If I say it offensively,

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<v Speaker 2>it will be received defensively. I could get up here

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<v Speaker 2>and offend you every week. I could say things that

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<v Speaker 2>would put you on the defensive instantly.

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<v Speaker 3>But I'm smarter than that.

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<v Speaker 2>Because I want to help you change, and because I

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<v Speaker 2>love you. I'm not interested in putting you down. I'm

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<v Speaker 2>interested in giving you a hand up, helping you out.

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<v Speaker 2>So if I say it offensively to be received, it's

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<v Speaker 2>got to be positive. And here's the third key to

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<v Speaker 2>making knowledge attractive. Offer hope. Offer hope. You should always

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<v Speaker 2>offer hope in a conversation with a child, with a spouse,

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<v Speaker 2>with a friend, with somebody at work. Always offer hope.

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<v Speaker 2>People are hungry for hope Hebrews six, verse nineteen. We

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<v Speaker 2>Christians have this hope as an anchor for the soul,

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<v Speaker 2>firm and secure. If you offer hope, people will listen

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<v Speaker 2>to you, even when the sermon's long. All right, all right,

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<v Speaker 2>the K, the K. Here's the last one is keep

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<v Speaker 2>calm and don't argue. This is the fifth thing in

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<v Speaker 2>being a great communicator.

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<v Speaker 3>Keep calm. They may say.

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<v Speaker 2>Something that just irritates you, know, in in the conversation

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<v Speaker 2>and really triggers you. And they might say something and

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<v Speaker 2>you know what, your spouse knows your triggers. Have you

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<v Speaker 2>figured that one out? And you know your spouses it's

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<v Speaker 2>not very loving to use them. But when we're not

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<v Speaker 2>in a good mood, we often do. Keep calm and

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<v Speaker 2>don't argue. Last two verses Proverbs seventeen twenty seven. Those

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<v Speaker 2>who are sure of themselves do not talk all the time.

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<v Speaker 2>Those who are sure of themselves, that means you got

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<v Speaker 2>self confidence. You're not insecure. Anytime you see somebody who

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<v Speaker 2>talks all the time, talk talk, talk, talc TC talk,

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<v Speaker 2>they just got a blabbermouth. They are incredibly insecure. Insecure

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<v Speaker 2>people talk too much. People who are sure of themselves,

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<v Speaker 2>people are confident.

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<v Speaker 3>They don't need to talk. Okay, I know who I am.

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<v Speaker 2>Those who are sure of themselves do not talk all

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<v Speaker 2>the time. And people who stay calm have real insight.

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<v Speaker 2>And you don't let people trigger you. They don't let

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<v Speaker 2>people hook you. You don't let people you know move you.

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<v Speaker 2>To say you make me so mad, then you're saying

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<v Speaker 2>you make me. You have the power to control my emotions.

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<v Speaker 2>Don't argue, Keep calm James one, nineteen. We've talked about

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<v Speaker 2>this verse literally on hundred the time to settle back.

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<v Speaker 2>Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and

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<v Speaker 2>slow to become angry. If you are do the first two,

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<v Speaker 2>the third's automatic. If you're quick to listen, and if

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<v Speaker 2>you're slow to speak, you will be slow to get angry.

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<v Speaker 2>The other problem is though, that we do the opposite.

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<v Speaker 2>We're quick to speak. In fact, we want to interrupt.

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<v Speaker 2>We're quick to speak, we're slow to listen, and as

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<v Speaker 2>a result, we're quick to get angry. Now here's your homework.

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<v Speaker 2>Two things. One, I want you to look over this

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<v Speaker 2>list and check the ones going. This is the one

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<v Speaker 2>I need to work on first, because you can't work

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<v Speaker 2>on everything at once. Second, identify a person in your

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<v Speaker 2>life that you need to have that crucial conversation with,

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<v Speaker 2>whatever it's about, and then start preparing and praying. You

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<v Speaker 2>can't schedule it, but you can prepare for it and pray,

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<v Speaker 2>and at the right time, God will teach you what

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<v Speaker 2>to say, when to say it, and how to say it.

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<v Speaker 3>Let's vow for prayer.

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<v Speaker 2>Father, I so badly want our church family to be

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<v Speaker 2>filled with great communicators and great conversationalists. You have given

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<v Speaker 2>us your children the greatest message in the universe, the

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<v Speaker 2>good News, but we've not always been great at sharing it,

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<v Speaker 2>and we haven't always been great listeners. First, I'm asking you,

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<v Speaker 2>Lord to help all of us be better listeners and

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<v Speaker 2>better speakers.

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<v Speaker 3>This next week. Help us to have.

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<v Speaker 2>Some healing conversations in our church, family, between parents and kids,

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<v Speaker 2>between husbands and wives, between friends, between small group people,

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<v Speaker 2>between people who've irritated us. I'm asking you for some

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<v Speaker 2>real breakthroughs in relationships.

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<v Speaker 3>Now.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm asking you to pray. Say Lord, help me to

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<v Speaker 2>listen better to the people in my life. Help me

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<v Speaker 2>to look at people with love in my eyes. Help

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<v Speaker 2>me to invest as much time as needed, not get

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<v Speaker 2>in a hurry, to be patient, to take the time

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<v Speaker 2>for meaningful conversation. Help me to not be too busy

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<v Speaker 2>to talk. Help me to share what they are feeling,

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<v Speaker 2>not my solution. Keep me from being a fast fixer.

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<v Speaker 3>Help me to tune.

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<v Speaker 2>Into any hidden hurt or any hidden fear that's behind

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<v Speaker 2>the words. And sometimes I need to ignore the words

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<v Speaker 2>and just look at the feelings. Help me to engage

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<v Speaker 2>people in my life with open ended questions and help

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<v Speaker 2>me to never judge until I have all all the

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<v Speaker 2>facts and then, Lord, in speaking to people in my life,

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<v Speaker 2>help me to save my words for the best time

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<v Speaker 2>and place. Help me to pray and plan what to say,

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<v Speaker 2>how to say it, when to say it. I want

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<v Speaker 2>to be smart, I want to be intelligent. And help

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<v Speaker 2>me to empathize with their needs first, not my agenda,

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<v Speaker 2>not my hurt, not my frustration. Help me to affirm

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<v Speaker 2>the positive alternative, not to tell it like it is,

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<v Speaker 2>but to tell it like it It.

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<v Speaker 3>Could be.

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<v Speaker 2>The dream, the vision, the goal, the hope for our relationship.

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<v Speaker 2>And help me to keep calm and not argue. Jesus,

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<v Speaker 2>I need your spirit to do this. I can't do

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<v Speaker 2>this on my own, but I want to, and I'm

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<v Speaker 2>asking for your help. If you've never invited Christ in

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<v Speaker 2>your life, said Jesus, Christ, come into my life right

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<v Speaker 2>now and be the be the chairman of the board,

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<v Speaker 2>the manager of my life, I humbly ask this in

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<v Speaker 2>your name.

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<v Speaker 3>Amen.

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<v Speaker 2>Hi everybody, this is Rick and I hope you enjoyed

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<v Speaker 2>today's broadcast. You know, if you just prayed that prayer

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<v Speaker 2>for the very first time, or you just recommitted your

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<v Speaker 2>life to Jesus again today, would you let me know

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<v Speaker 2>about it. There's something real about sharing your commitment. So

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<v Speaker 2>write me Rick at pastor Rick dot com and say, Rick,

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<v Speaker 2>I prayed that prayer of commitment, I gave my life

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<v Speaker 2>to Christ. And I'll send you some material that will

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<v Speaker 2>help you on your journey with Jesus. And I'll also

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<v Speaker 2>pray for you. God bless you.

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<v Speaker 1>What a great message from Pastor Rick today. There's something

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<v Speaker 1>I always take away from his message. Here's Rick to

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<v Speaker 1>tell you how you can help support this ministry.

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<v Speaker 2>Jesus told his disciples that they should live their lives

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<v Speaker 2>according to five specific purposes. He said, You've got to

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<v Speaker 2>love God with all your heart. That's worship, and love

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<v Speaker 2>your neighbors yourself. That's ministry. That's called the Great Commandment.

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<v Speaker 2>And then Jesus said, go make disciples. That's evangelism. Baptize

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<v Speaker 2>them into the Family of God. That's fellowship, a sign

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<v Speaker 2>of fellowship. And then he said, teach them obey everything

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<v Speaker 2>I've taught you. That's discipleship. And we call that the

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<v Speaker 2>Great Commission. We believe it daily hope that a great

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<v Speaker 2>commitment to the Great Commandment and the Great Commission will

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<v Speaker 2>produce a great Christian, a great church, a great company,

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<v Speaker 2>a great community. You know, I started Daily Hope so

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<v Speaker 2>I could spread the good news about Jesus, not just

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<v Speaker 2>across America, but all around the world.

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<v Speaker 3>And we want.

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<v Speaker 2>People to know that God's word is filled with hope

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<v Speaker 2>and truth, and the power that we need to follow

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<v Speaker 2>him every day is available to every single one. You

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<v Speaker 2>know as well as I do that the Word of

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<v Speaker 2>God changes lives. It's a live it's active, and it

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<v Speaker 2>breathes new life and new love into all of our lives.

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<v Speaker 2>So wherever you listen to this, whether you listen on

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<v Speaker 2>the website, whether you listen on a radio station, or

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<v Speaker 2>whether you listen to a podcast, you're a part of

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<v Speaker 2>the Daily Hope family, and I need your help. We

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<v Speaker 2>could not do this without your support. We're one hundred

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<v Speaker 2>percent listener funded. Would you continue to pray for this

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<v Speaker 2>broadcast and would you continue to support us? And let

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<v Speaker 2>write to me, let me hear from you. I absolutely

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<v Speaker 2>love reading the stories that are sent to me. So

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<v Speaker 2>write me, pray for me, and support this man, and

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<v Speaker 2>God will bless it, and God will bless you, and

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<v Speaker 2>we'll get to heaven, and we'll thank God for all

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<v Speaker 2>the people going to be in heaven because you cared.

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<v Speaker 1>Hey, if you'd like to support Pastor Rick's Daily Hope,

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<v Speaker 1>just go to Pastorick dot com. That's Pastorick dot com.

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<v Speaker 1>Or you can text the word hope to seven oh

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<v Speaker 1>three oh nine. That's the word hope to seven oh

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<v Speaker 1>three oh nine. And really, from the bottom of our hearts.

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<v Speaker 1>We thank you so much for your support. Your gift

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<v Speaker 1>to Daily Hope helps us share the hope of Christ

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<v Speaker 1>with people everywhere. Hey be sure to join us next

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<v Speaker 1>time when we look into God's Word for our daily hope.

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<v Speaker 1>This program is sponsored by Pastor Rick's Daily Hope and

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<v Speaker 1>your generous financial support.