Speaker 1: Welcome to Spotlight Advanced. I'm Colin Lowva.
Speaker 2: And I'm Alice Irasari. Spotlight uses a special English method
Speaker 2: of broadcasting. It is easier for people to understand no
Speaker 2: matter where in the world they live.
Speaker 3: It was strange.
Speaker 4: We had spent months saving money and planning.
Speaker 2: We wanted to make sure everything was perfect. Then in
Speaker 2: a single day, it was all over.
Speaker 4: I thought, what now.
Speaker 1: There did not seem to be anything to talk about afterwards,
Speaker 1: there was nothing to look forward to.
Speaker 3: I felt really depressed.
Speaker 5: It was horrible.
Speaker 6: Afterwards, I wondered what it was all for. I suppose
Speaker 6: I just expected more.
Speaker 1: But what happens when the person you love suddenly seems
Speaker 1: to change? And it all happens after one day, your
Speaker 1: wedding day, the day you got married. More and more
Speaker 1: people are experiencing the wedding blues. In other words, after
Speaker 1: they get married, they feel depressed blue. This kind of
Speaker 1: experience is called post nuptial depression.
Speaker 2: Today's Spotlight is on post nuptial depression. We explore what
Speaker 2: causes this feeling and how to fight against it.
Speaker 1: Hailey Brown is thirty one years old. She is one
Speaker 1: of many women who have experienced post nuptial depression. She
Speaker 1: spent eighteen months planning the big event, the wedding. She
Speaker 1: and her future husband wanted everything to be perfect. The
Speaker 1: time leading up to the wedding was full. There were
Speaker 1: so many plans. There was the list of people to invite,
Speaker 1: There were the flowers, the food, the place and the clothes,
Speaker 1: and then there was the honeymoon. Where to go for
Speaker 1: their holiday after the wedding. But after all this, suddenly
Speaker 1: there was nothing to plan. When they returned from their honeymoon,
Speaker 1: Haley felt depressed.
Speaker 5: She said, like lots of women, I lost weight nine
Speaker 5: months before I got married. I wanted to look good
Speaker 5: on the day, but afterwards I wondered what it was
Speaker 5: all for.
Speaker 2: Hailey is not alone. Philip Haudson is a member of
Speaker 2: the British Association for Counseling and Psychotherapy. He advises people
Speaker 2: with mental illness and other problems. He said that one
Speaker 2: in ten people suffer from post nuptial depression, so what
Speaker 2: are the causes and what can they do about it?
Speaker 1: Doctors Laura Scott and Alison Stafford are researches of marriage
Speaker 1: and family planning. They say that much of the problem
Speaker 1: comes from differences in expectation a perfect wedding must mean
Speaker 1: a perfect marriage. Right wrong. Scott and Stafford spoke to
Speaker 1: many women after their wedding.
Speaker 4: Scott wrote, for even depressed women, the wedding appears to
Speaker 4: have met their expectations. Instead, it was after the wedding
Speaker 4: that the Blue women experienced depression. They found little direction
Speaker 4: for moving forward in their relationship or lives.
Speaker 2: Many people expect their relationships to go in a certain way.
Speaker 2: They may have read about marriage in a book or
Speaker 2: seen it in a film, but being married is different
Speaker 2: than reading about it. Husbands and wives rarely act the
Speaker 2: way we hope they will. The things we like about
Speaker 2: them change, or our partners may change themselves. Clinton Power
Speaker 2: is a relationship counselor from Sydney, Australia. He told the
Speaker 2: website Psyche's Central.
Speaker 3: People grow and change over time. This means that the
Speaker 3: relationship changes. The issue is that couples do not adjust
Speaker 3: for some of the changes that they are each going through.
Speaker 3: The relationship is not like it used to be. They
Speaker 3: are different people than when they first met.
Speaker 1: Other stories about relationships continue long after marriage. For someone
Speaker 1: who expects a perfect marriage, disagreement can seem like a disaster.
Speaker 1: It may give the impression that a relationship is falling
Speaker 1: apart when it is not. Michel Gannon is a marriage counselor.
Speaker 1: She finds she often must ask her patience, where did
Speaker 1: you get the idea that you were not supposed to fight?
Speaker 1: You are? It is normal.
Speaker 2: The time after a wedding can also be difficult because
Speaker 2: marriage itself is a change. It means living with a
Speaker 2: new person. Sometimes it means changing how you spend money
Speaker 2: now that you are married. Should you spend all your
Speaker 2: time with your husband or wife? How do you know
Speaker 2: if they are happy or not? Who does the work
Speaker 2: around the house? Marriage means learning something new about your
Speaker 2: husband or wife every day. Some of these will be confusing.
Speaker 2: Some can even cause anxiety or depression.
Speaker 1: Dr Jane Greer is an expert who helps people know
Speaker 1: if they are ready for marriage. She says that marriage
Speaker 1: needs work straight away. You should know this from the start.
Speaker 1: Then you are less likely to get a horrible shot later.
Speaker 1: You should make time for each other from the beginning,
Speaker 1: then you can avoid problems later on. Experts give simple,
Speaker 1: useful ideas to avoid the wedding blues.
Speaker 2: After you mary start a new pastime, something you enjoy.
Speaker 2: It could be an exercise class, it could be painting,
Speaker 2: it could be running anything. You will have spent many
Speaker 2: months filling your time with wedding plans, so you need
Speaker 2: to do something to fill that time. This can be
Speaker 2: with your husband or wife, or it can be without,
Speaker 2: but do not do everything together. If you do, you
Speaker 2: may start to miss being independent.
Speaker 1: Ask your successful married friends for help and advice.
Speaker 2: Seek advice before you get married. Churches, counselors, and friends
Speaker 2: can help you understand if you are truly ready.
Speaker 1: Make time for each other.
Speaker 2: Remember, conflict does not mean it is all over. Relationships.
Speaker 2: Take work.
Speaker 1: Talk to your husband or wife about your feelings. He
Speaker 1: or she may be feeling the same way.
Speaker 2: Do not expect marriage to be the answer to all
Speaker 2: your problems.
Speaker 1: Keep your love alive after the honeymoon.
Speaker 2: If you feeling of depression, do not go away. Seek
Speaker 2: help from a doctor or counselor.
Speaker 1: Paula Hall is a relationship psychotherapist. She helps married people.
Speaker 1: Paula offers advice on the internet. She says the most
Speaker 1: common areas of disagreements are money, housework, and sex, but
Speaker 1: she says that often these arguments have deeper roots. For example,
Speaker 1: a husband and wife may argue about money, but the
Speaker 1: real problem could be about a person's sense of value
Speaker 1: or power in the relationship.
Speaker 6: Paula says we all need to feel valued as human beings,
Speaker 6: but there are times when the way our husband or
Speaker 6: wife spends money can make us feel worthless. Often the
Speaker 6: real issues are about fairness, respect, care, and love.
Speaker 2: Experts say that these are things that every marriage needs
Speaker 2: to succeed in the long term. Respect, care, and love.
Speaker 2: The time after a wedding may make you bloom, but
Speaker 2: the key to happiness in marriage is working at it together.
Speaker 1: If you are married, or if you hope to be married,
Speaker 1: or if you have a long term commitment to someone else,
Speaker 1: tell us what you think about the advice in this program.
Speaker 1: To whom would you turn for encouragement in your relationship.
Speaker 1: You can leave a comment on our website at www
Speaker 1: dot Spotlight English dot com. You can also find us
Speaker 1: on YouTube, Facebook, Instagram, and x You can also get
Speaker 1: our programs delivered directly to your Android or Apple device
Speaker 1: through our a free official Spotlight English app.
Speaker 2: The writers of this program were from the Spotlight team.
Speaker 2: The producer was mitchyo Osaki. The voices you heard were
Speaker 2: from the United States and the United Kingdom. All quotes
Speaker 2: were adapted for this program and voiced by Spotlight. This
Speaker 2: program is called the Wedding Blues.
Speaker 1: We hope you can join us again for the next
Speaker 1: Spotlight program. Goodbye,