WEBVTT

1
00:00:03.439 --> 00:00:08.240
<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Spotlight Advanced. I'm Colin Lowva.

2
00:00:08.400 --> 00:00:13.720
<v Speaker 2>And I'm Alice Irasari. Spotlight uses a special English method

3
00:00:13.800 --> 00:00:18.399
<v Speaker 2>of broadcasting. It is easier for people to understand no

4
00:00:18.480 --> 00:00:20.519
<v Speaker 2>matter where in the world they live.

5
00:00:33.280 --> 00:00:34.200
<v Speaker 3>It was strange.

6
00:00:34.560 --> 00:00:36.719
<v Speaker 4>We had spent months saving money and planning.

7
00:00:36.799 --> 00:00:40.079
<v Speaker 2>We wanted to make sure everything was perfect. Then in

8
00:00:40.119 --> 00:00:41.719
<v Speaker 2>a single day, it was all over.

9
00:00:42.240 --> 00:00:43.600
<v Speaker 4>I thought, what now.

10
00:00:44.679 --> 00:00:47.600
<v Speaker 1>There did not seem to be anything to talk about afterwards,

11
00:00:48.359 --> 00:00:49.920
<v Speaker 1>there was nothing to look forward to.

12
00:00:51.000 --> 00:00:52.359
<v Speaker 3>I felt really depressed.

13
00:00:53.320 --> 00:00:54.159
<v Speaker 5>It was horrible.

14
00:00:55.119 --> 00:00:58.359
<v Speaker 6>Afterwards, I wondered what it was all for. I suppose

15
00:00:58.399 --> 00:00:59.759
<v Speaker 6>I just expected more.

16
00:01:02.840 --> 00:01:07.640
<v Speaker 1>But what happens when the person you love suddenly seems

17
00:01:07.680 --> 00:01:12.439
<v Speaker 1>to change? And it all happens after one day, your

18
00:01:12.640 --> 00:01:17.640
<v Speaker 1>wedding day, the day you got married. More and more

19
00:01:17.760 --> 00:01:23.560
<v Speaker 1>people are experiencing the wedding blues. In other words, after

20
00:01:23.640 --> 00:01:28.840
<v Speaker 1>they get married, they feel depressed blue. This kind of

21
00:01:28.959 --> 00:01:33.079
<v Speaker 1>experience is called post nuptial depression.

22
00:01:34.359 --> 00:01:39.480
<v Speaker 2>Today's Spotlight is on post nuptial depression. We explore what

23
00:01:39.560 --> 00:01:42.519
<v Speaker 2>causes this feeling and how to fight against it.

24
00:01:48.439 --> 00:01:52.560
<v Speaker 1>Hailey Brown is thirty one years old. She is one

25
00:01:52.560 --> 00:01:58.319
<v Speaker 1>of many women who have experienced post nuptial depression. She

26
00:01:58.439 --> 00:02:04.040
<v Speaker 1>spent eighteen months planning the big event, the wedding. She

27
00:02:04.560 --> 00:02:09.560
<v Speaker 1>and her future husband wanted everything to be perfect. The

28
00:02:09.719 --> 00:02:13.759
<v Speaker 1>time leading up to the wedding was full. There were

29
00:02:13.919 --> 00:02:18.560
<v Speaker 1>so many plans. There was the list of people to invite,

30
00:02:19.240 --> 00:02:23.759
<v Speaker 1>There were the flowers, the food, the place and the clothes,

31
00:02:24.479 --> 00:02:28.319
<v Speaker 1>and then there was the honeymoon. Where to go for

32
00:02:28.439 --> 00:02:35.080
<v Speaker 1>their holiday after the wedding. But after all this, suddenly

33
00:02:35.479 --> 00:02:40.120
<v Speaker 1>there was nothing to plan. When they returned from their honeymoon,

34
00:02:40.560 --> 00:02:42.479
<v Speaker 1>Haley felt depressed.

35
00:02:43.039 --> 00:02:47.199
<v Speaker 5>She said, like lots of women, I lost weight nine

36
00:02:47.240 --> 00:02:50.560
<v Speaker 5>months before I got married. I wanted to look good

37
00:02:50.719 --> 00:02:55.639
<v Speaker 5>on the day, but afterwards I wondered what it was

38
00:02:55.680 --> 00:02:56.159
<v Speaker 5>all for.

39
00:02:58.280 --> 00:03:02.560
<v Speaker 2>Hailey is not alone. Philip Haudson is a member of

40
00:03:02.639 --> 00:03:08.400
<v Speaker 2>the British Association for Counseling and Psychotherapy. He advises people

41
00:03:08.439 --> 00:03:12.560
<v Speaker 2>with mental illness and other problems. He said that one

42
00:03:12.759 --> 00:03:17.319
<v Speaker 2>in ten people suffer from post nuptial depression, so what

43
00:03:17.360 --> 00:03:20.280
<v Speaker 2>are the causes and what can they do about it?

44
00:03:22.840 --> 00:03:28.319
<v Speaker 1>Doctors Laura Scott and Alison Stafford are researches of marriage

45
00:03:28.439 --> 00:03:32.759
<v Speaker 1>and family planning. They say that much of the problem

46
00:03:32.919 --> 00:03:39.280
<v Speaker 1>comes from differences in expectation a perfect wedding must mean

47
00:03:39.439 --> 00:03:45.639
<v Speaker 1>a perfect marriage. Right wrong. Scott and Stafford spoke to

48
00:03:45.879 --> 00:03:47.800
<v Speaker 1>many women after their wedding.

49
00:03:48.360 --> 00:03:52.759
<v Speaker 4>Scott wrote, for even depressed women, the wedding appears to

50
00:03:52.800 --> 00:03:57.520
<v Speaker 4>have met their expectations. Instead, it was after the wedding

51
00:03:57.560 --> 00:04:02.120
<v Speaker 4>that the Blue women experienced depression. They found little direction

52
00:04:02.319 --> 00:04:04.840
<v Speaker 4>for moving forward in their relationship or lives.

53
00:04:06.039 --> 00:04:10.360
<v Speaker 2>Many people expect their relationships to go in a certain way.

54
00:04:11.120 --> 00:04:13.560
<v Speaker 2>They may have read about marriage in a book or

55
00:04:13.639 --> 00:04:17.600
<v Speaker 2>seen it in a film, but being married is different

56
00:04:17.680 --> 00:04:21.920
<v Speaker 2>than reading about it. Husbands and wives rarely act the

57
00:04:21.959 --> 00:04:25.120
<v Speaker 2>way we hope they will. The things we like about

58
00:04:25.120 --> 00:04:31.240
<v Speaker 2>them change, or our partners may change themselves. Clinton Power

59
00:04:31.439 --> 00:04:35.879
<v Speaker 2>is a relationship counselor from Sydney, Australia. He told the

60
00:04:35.920 --> 00:04:38.240
<v Speaker 2>website Psyche's Central.

61
00:04:38.920 --> 00:04:42.120
<v Speaker 3>People grow and change over time. This means that the

62
00:04:42.160 --> 00:04:46.279
<v Speaker 3>relationship changes. The issue is that couples do not adjust

63
00:04:46.279 --> 00:04:48.519
<v Speaker 3>for some of the changes that they are each going through.

64
00:04:49.360 --> 00:04:52.079
<v Speaker 3>The relationship is not like it used to be. They

65
00:04:52.120 --> 00:04:54.120
<v Speaker 3>are different people than when they first met.

66
00:04:55.480 --> 00:05:01.439
<v Speaker 1>Other stories about relationships continue long after marriage. For someone

67
00:05:01.439 --> 00:05:06.759
<v Speaker 1>who expects a perfect marriage, disagreement can seem like a disaster.

68
00:05:07.439 --> 00:05:11.079
<v Speaker 1>It may give the impression that a relationship is falling

69
00:05:11.240 --> 00:05:16.600
<v Speaker 1>apart when it is not. Michel Gannon is a marriage counselor.

70
00:05:17.240 --> 00:05:23.240
<v Speaker 1>She finds she often must ask her patience, where did

71
00:05:23.279 --> 00:05:26.839
<v Speaker 1>you get the idea that you were not supposed to fight?

72
00:05:27.600 --> 00:05:29.639
<v Speaker 1>You are? It is normal.

73
00:05:34.120 --> 00:05:37.680
<v Speaker 2>The time after a wedding can also be difficult because

74
00:05:37.720 --> 00:05:41.480
<v Speaker 2>marriage itself is a change. It means living with a

75
00:05:41.560 --> 00:05:46.079
<v Speaker 2>new person. Sometimes it means changing how you spend money

76
00:05:47.079 --> 00:05:49.680
<v Speaker 2>now that you are married. Should you spend all your

77
00:05:49.720 --> 00:05:52.879
<v Speaker 2>time with your husband or wife? How do you know

78
00:05:52.959 --> 00:05:56.399
<v Speaker 2>if they are happy or not? Who does the work

79
00:05:56.439 --> 00:06:00.800
<v Speaker 2>around the house? Marriage means learning something new about your

80
00:06:00.879 --> 00:06:05.240
<v Speaker 2>husband or wife every day. Some of these will be confusing.

81
00:06:06.079 --> 00:06:09.079
<v Speaker 2>Some can even cause anxiety or depression.

82
00:06:10.319 --> 00:06:14.399
<v Speaker 1>Dr Jane Greer is an expert who helps people know

83
00:06:14.800 --> 00:06:18.759
<v Speaker 1>if they are ready for marriage. She says that marriage

84
00:06:18.920 --> 00:06:24.480
<v Speaker 1>needs work straight away. You should know this from the start.

85
00:06:24.720 --> 00:06:28.519
<v Speaker 1>Then you are less likely to get a horrible shot later.

86
00:06:29.319 --> 00:06:32.680
<v Speaker 1>You should make time for each other from the beginning,

87
00:06:33.439 --> 00:06:38.920
<v Speaker 1>then you can avoid problems later on. Experts give simple,

88
00:06:39.319 --> 00:06:42.959
<v Speaker 1>useful ideas to avoid the wedding blues.

89
00:06:46.360 --> 00:06:50.519
<v Speaker 2>After you mary start a new pastime, something you enjoy.

90
00:06:51.279 --> 00:06:54.519
<v Speaker 2>It could be an exercise class, it could be painting,

91
00:06:55.240 --> 00:06:59.680
<v Speaker 2>it could be running anything. You will have spent many

92
00:06:59.759 --> 00:07:04.000
<v Speaker 2>months filling your time with wedding plans, so you need

93
00:07:04.079 --> 00:07:07.240
<v Speaker 2>to do something to fill that time. This can be

94
00:07:07.319 --> 00:07:10.600
<v Speaker 2>with your husband or wife, or it can be without,

95
00:07:11.319 --> 00:07:14.879
<v Speaker 2>but do not do everything together. If you do, you

96
00:07:14.959 --> 00:07:17.120
<v Speaker 2>may start to miss being independent.

97
00:07:18.639 --> 00:07:23.160
<v Speaker 1>Ask your successful married friends for help and advice.

98
00:07:24.399 --> 00:07:29.439
<v Speaker 2>Seek advice before you get married. Churches, counselors, and friends

99
00:07:29.480 --> 00:07:32.079
<v Speaker 2>can help you understand if you are truly ready.

100
00:07:32.759 --> 00:07:34.560
<v Speaker 1>Make time for each other.

101
00:07:35.639 --> 00:07:40.000
<v Speaker 2>Remember, conflict does not mean it is all over. Relationships.

102
00:07:40.040 --> 00:07:40.759
<v Speaker 2>Take work.

103
00:07:41.560 --> 00:07:45.439
<v Speaker 1>Talk to your husband or wife about your feelings. He

104
00:07:45.839 --> 00:07:48.480
<v Speaker 1>or she may be feeling the same way.

105
00:07:49.560 --> 00:07:52.879
<v Speaker 2>Do not expect marriage to be the answer to all

106
00:07:52.959 --> 00:07:53.800
<v Speaker 2>your problems.

107
00:07:54.759 --> 00:07:58.319
<v Speaker 1>Keep your love alive after the honeymoon.

108
00:07:59.319 --> 00:08:02.759
<v Speaker 2>If you feeling of depression, do not go away. Seek

109
00:08:02.839 --> 00:08:04.759
<v Speaker 2>help from a doctor or counselor.

110
00:08:08.839 --> 00:08:14.839
<v Speaker 1>Paula Hall is a relationship psychotherapist. She helps married people.

111
00:08:15.439 --> 00:08:20.439
<v Speaker 1>Paula offers advice on the internet. She says the most

112
00:08:20.600 --> 00:08:27.000
<v Speaker 1>common areas of disagreements are money, housework, and sex, but

113
00:08:27.079 --> 00:08:32.960
<v Speaker 1>she says that often these arguments have deeper roots. For example,

114
00:08:33.440 --> 00:08:37.759
<v Speaker 1>a husband and wife may argue about money, but the

115
00:08:37.919 --> 00:08:42.879
<v Speaker 1>real problem could be about a person's sense of value

116
00:08:43.120 --> 00:08:45.399
<v Speaker 1>or power in the relationship.

117
00:08:46.240 --> 00:08:50.440
<v Speaker 6>Paula says we all need to feel valued as human beings,

118
00:08:50.759 --> 00:08:52.919
<v Speaker 6>but there are times when the way our husband or

119
00:08:52.960 --> 00:08:56.879
<v Speaker 6>wife spends money can make us feel worthless. Often the

120
00:08:56.919 --> 00:09:01.360
<v Speaker 6>real issues are about fairness, respect, care, and love.

121
00:09:04.919 --> 00:09:08.159
<v Speaker 2>Experts say that these are things that every marriage needs

122
00:09:08.200 --> 00:09:12.840
<v Speaker 2>to succeed in the long term. Respect, care, and love.

123
00:09:13.799 --> 00:09:17.000
<v Speaker 2>The time after a wedding may make you bloom, but

124
00:09:17.080 --> 00:09:20.720
<v Speaker 2>the key to happiness in marriage is working at it together.

125
00:09:21.919 --> 00:09:25.159
<v Speaker 1>If you are married, or if you hope to be married,

126
00:09:25.799 --> 00:09:29.200
<v Speaker 1>or if you have a long term commitment to someone else,

127
00:09:29.639 --> 00:09:33.440
<v Speaker 1>tell us what you think about the advice in this program.

128
00:09:34.120 --> 00:09:38.879
<v Speaker 1>To whom would you turn for encouragement in your relationship.

129
00:09:39.639 --> 00:09:44.000
<v Speaker 1>You can leave a comment on our website at www

130
00:09:44.200 --> 00:09:48.759
<v Speaker 1>dot Spotlight English dot com. You can also find us

131
00:09:49.000 --> 00:09:54.120
<v Speaker 1>on YouTube, Facebook, Instagram, and x You can also get

132
00:09:54.159 --> 00:09:59.200
<v Speaker 1>our programs delivered directly to your Android or Apple device

133
00:09:59.519 --> 00:10:03.399
<v Speaker 1>through our a free official Spotlight English app.

134
00:10:04.679 --> 00:10:08.200
<v Speaker 2>The writers of this program were from the Spotlight team.

135
00:10:08.240 --> 00:10:12.279
<v Speaker 2>The producer was mitchyo Osaki. The voices you heard were

136
00:10:12.279 --> 00:10:16.600
<v Speaker 2>from the United States and the United Kingdom. All quotes

137
00:10:16.639 --> 00:10:20.879
<v Speaker 2>were adapted for this program and voiced by Spotlight. This

138
00:10:21.039 --> 00:10:23.639
<v Speaker 2>program is called the Wedding Blues.

139
00:10:25.960 --> 00:10:28.799
<v Speaker 1>We hope you can join us again for the next

140
00:10:29.080 --> 00:10:42.240
<v Speaker 1>Spotlight program. Goodbye,