Speaker 1: Good morning from Hell. I'm Chris, and I died recently
and my eternal punishment is to do this podcast where
I interview everyone in the underworld with my co host,
who is running for president of Hell against his older
brother Satan Clayton. H Clayton Clayton is what are you doing?
Speaker 2: Shadow boxing? Chris shadow boxing? I'm getting ready.
Speaker 1: I'm getting ready, Chris, getting ready for what the show?
Speaker 2: Getting ready for the debate next week. Okay, I'm out
of breath. I'm actually light aheaded right now. Okay, So
I got a debate next week. It's gonna be for
the primaries, all right, for the Hell elections.
Speaker 1: Uh huh.
Speaker 2: And you know I'm getting ready. I'm I'm, you know,
practicing my form in case things get physical. I'm hitting
the I'm hitting the books literally, I've been punching books
over there.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, I see that.
Speaker 2: I see a stack of books. I fucked him up,
therefore stole their knowledge from them.
Speaker 1: I guess I can't say unequivocally that you won.
Speaker 2: Yeah. No, no, I kicked its task. Also, my neck
hurts really bad. Is it true they say that if
you sleep on a book, you absorb the knowledge like
it just kind of permeates your skull. That's a thing.
Speaker 1: Right, Well, what book did you sleep on?
Speaker 2: Oh? You know the one, Chris. It's got all the
words in it. You know, it's that that.
Speaker 1: Book, the book with all the words in it. Like
what you.
Speaker 2: Open it up and there's words and then you you
it like it describes like what the words are like it,
you know, it.
Speaker 1: Tells you what the ad dictionary.
Speaker 2: That's a thank you? Oh my gosh. Yeah? Does that work?
Do I absorb like all the knowledge from that book?
That's the thing, right?
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's okay, correct, cool, that's totally working.
Speaker 3: All right?
Speaker 1: Sweet?
Speaker 2: All right, well, hey, let's get in a Q and
a man. I can prep for the debate later. I
already know I'm gonna win. I'm a feeling feeling good.
Speaker 1: Okay. We got a question here from Twitter from Patrick
at rooriney ten twenty nine.
Speaker 2: You just butchered his last name. I'm sure he's very
happy about that. Go on, what's up river your rainy?
Speaker 1: H He wants to know what is water cooler talk
like in hell?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 3: Hm?
Speaker 2: Well, you know it's kind of like up on Earth,
it's you know, punishment. It's awful I mean there's a
few differences. Like our water is it's always boiling, so
you know, if you ever happen to like rest your
elbow on the water cooler, you know, oh you burn,
you burn your elbow.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 2: We talk about just the stupidest, most boring shit imaginable.
I mean again, it's not too disimilar from Earth, I imagine.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like there's always someone there who wants to
tell you about his mortgage rates.
Speaker 2: That and then and then they just started watching a
series from like eight years ago. Let's talk about Breaking Bad. Yeah,
how about that finale? And then you're like the series
finale and you're like no, no, like season three, Yeah yeah,
what you know, you drink the boiling water. So oftentimes
it'll be like.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So a lot of times the talk is more
just like uh yeah, because everyone's just their tongues are burned.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah, but not you. I give you warm
milk so I can smooth out those dulcet little tones
of your your voice. I needed nice and crisp for
this podcast.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I wish I got the warm milk in a
method other than the one you give me.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, you put the crisp in crisp.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So another question here from Twitter user Tyler krause
hashtag black Lives Matter. He asks, Uh, so, I have
been a long supporter of Satanism. What can Claytonism offer
me that may convince me to switch over?
Speaker 2: Ooh, you know, we got we got a lot of
things going on over here. You know, when I made Claytonism,
I decided I wanted it to be like one of
those really cool online services, you know, So we kind
of have like a loot crate system first of all,
like when you join, you got to pay, you know,
a small price of sixty six dollars and sixty six cents.
But once every three months, you get a loot crate,
or as I like to call it, a suit crate,
you know, like like suit you know, suit like suit
like so t what moving on?
Speaker 3: H yeah?
Speaker 1: You soot like soot like like burned ash like there
he is there he is yeah, yeah, And uh you know,
you get the soup crate and it's got all sorts
of goodies in it.
Speaker 2: You get about eighteen Hail Clayton t shirts and it
will get you. It will have mugs in there too,
if they're not sold.
Speaker 1: Out anything else. That's the only advantage.
Speaker 2: You know, there's lots of good discounts. You know, the
people that helped us, you know, set up souit crate
also helped us with their day. They work on like
Triple A, so you know you can get like a
like a kind of like a triple A discount. You
get point six percent off of every purchase Wow, yeah huge,
say yea of purchase of what primarily porn?
Speaker 1: Yeah, porn.
Speaker 2: And you know, from what I hear, people are buying porn.
You know, the DVDs and the vhs is. People are
still buying those because you can't get them anywhere else.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, there's exclusive even Beta max.
Speaker 2: They have Beta Max porn. You can also get discounts
on repair parts for a dishwashers, so.
Speaker 1: You know what why dishwashers?
Speaker 2: I don't know. I don't I don't know.
Speaker 1: Is there anything else?
Speaker 3: You get?
Speaker 2: The Senior Citizen discount of loubies. That's something else you get.
Really Oh yeah, I guess that's good. Who doesn't love lubies?
Speaker 3: How do I do?
Speaker 1: Well? I love them? Well, that sounds like I mean,
there you go, they have it. Vote for Clayton.
Speaker 2: I mean, I think all of these things that you
can get.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's amazing. Okay. Last question, this is from Internet
Nobody six on Twitter. They asked, how does our recording
equipment not burn in Hell?
Speaker 2: Well, first of all, Internet nobody, you are an Internet somebody.
Okay to me, you're important. Thank you for your vote
in advance. All right, to answer your question. You know,
it is very hot down here in Hell, as we
mentioned with the water cooler boiling water, you know, and
it's hard for recording equipment not to overheat. So you
know what we do is we have a We've implemented
a system of cooling. Basically, we have a we have
hundreds of hamsters put into these little spinning wheels and
then they run and then and then they make fan
like airs, blows circuits, circuits scorn cold, and then hamsters eat,
and then hamsters run and then power good and equipment cool. Yeah,
eloquently put, I know, yes.
Speaker 1: It's all just hamsters, little hamsters running in the It's
all right.
Speaker 3: Let me.
Speaker 2: Actually, I'm gonna move my microphone so you can take
a listen here you go, hold on, yeah, yeah, hear that.
Here them in they're squeaking, dying little things.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Sometimes when everyone dies, they just end up flopping around
in the tubes with the others. It's pretty pretty sad.
I have to clean. I'm in charge of the hamster mate,
and it's just.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, Chris. And sometimes they catch you eat
in the hamsters, which makes it even more sad.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 2: I'll be like, what, Chris, what's in your mouth? What's
in your mouth? Spit it out, and then it's a
little hamster corpse.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, it's the only food that I have access to,
and I only eat the dead ones. They're already dead. Okay,
I'm not killing hamsters. Okay, I just want to put
that on the record. Uh okay, So who is our
guest for this week?
Speaker 2: Well, Chris. As you know, I am running for the
presidency of Hell against my brother and we're really gearing
up the campaign. It's coming up soon. Primaries are next week.
But you know, in order to get to the top,
you know, you got to start down in the local government,
all right, you got to start like a poison ivy
roots campaign. Okay. So I've been dealing a lot with
the local government, and you know, I've been taking a
lot of hard stances on the issues that matter, okay,
And one of the biggest things is is people are
really against jerry mandering. It a huge hot topic, jerry mandering.
So yeah, I actually am for jerry mandering. Oh so anyways,
you know, here to talk on the subject is local
city councilman jerry mandering.
Speaker 3: Hey guys, Hey, hey Jerry. Oh I'm just happy to
be here.
Speaker 1: So your name is jerry Mandering.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's my my satan given name.
Speaker 1: Yes, okay, is this any relation to jerry mandering, like
the political actors? Just just of course.
Speaker 3: I mean, so the thing you'll find out is actually
a lot of things that you love up on Earth
we're invented here in Hell, including the namesake based off me,
jerry Mandering.
Speaker 1: You were named after jerry Mandering.
Speaker 3: No, jerry Mandering was named after me.
Speaker 1: I invented it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, you know it's like, you know how like
they call uh some toilets the John because it was,
you know, invented by a guy named John. Jerry Mandering
invented jerry mandering.
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah.
Speaker 3: Because the years everyone was just they had a king
or a queen, and I said, hey, what if we
give people some hope. What if we let them think
that they have some kind of control over their life
and then we rob it from them, Because really, the
ultimate type of torture is giving people hope and then
crushing them under the weight of that hope. And that's
what really motivates me to do all the things that
I do in my career.
Speaker 1: Okay, well, I mean you've made a huge impact I think,
both in Hell and you know, up on Earth. So
I guess congrats.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but not everybody likes it. I gotta be honest,
you know, there are a lot of haters out there.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I understand. I mean, Jerry Mannering's pretty messed up.
So no jerry mandering sitting right next to you, no, no, no,
you seem okay, But yeah the act, I think you
did a really good job making something awful.
Speaker 2: Jerry, talk us through, like, how did you get elected
to city council? You know, tell us your story, you know,
how you got involved in local politics.
Speaker 3: Sure, but let me first tell you that the people
out there who you know, are angry with me and
other city council members. They just want to complain because
they look around Hell and all they see is the
good stuff. They don't see the truly awful things that
me and my staff spend countless hours doing to our community.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's got the public in mind, you know, easier
to help.
Speaker 3: But I was just a normal demon like the rest
of you guys. And then I saw a torture pit
being built near my tribe, and I thought, that's terrible.
It's just people are going to be tortured there all day,
Like when are me and my neighbors are gonna have
time to go to it and throw children into the pit.
Speaker 1: They were taking a pit that you threw children, and
then they were trying to what I guess.
Speaker 3: They were trying to convert it into, you know, one
of those traditional mass torture pits. And it's like, this
is just a small communit. Yeah, this pit is for
throwing small children into for the demons that live in
this area. So I ran on a platform to change that.
When I was elected, they still built the pit, but
for two hours from two a m To four a m.
There will be no torture, and all demons will be
able to throw as many babies into the pit as
they want.
Speaker 2: That's a pretty good compromise.
Speaker 3: You know, I think that's the name of the game,
is compromise, because you know, at the end of the day,
we got to find a place to torture these people, right.
Speaker 1: Yea, right, whether they be babies or otherwise.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, I'm a pragmatist, I get it, you know.
But I just give us some time, some access to
the pit. I think that's the least, you know, the
least we could do.
Speaker 2: Plus, I mean you also wanted to preserve, you know,
its historical value. I mean that was that was a tradition,
you know, like that classic child throwing pit. You know,
you can't lose touch with that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, because like I mean, not just me, but like
you know, everyone I see like remembers when they were
young and their demon father took them and they threw
their first baby into the pit. It means something. Yeah,
And I don't want to rob future generations of baby
throwing in pits.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we need that. Yeah, you gotta take a strong
stance on these things. And you know, so I guess
I'm a little confused. So there's Hell, which is like
the entire underworld. Right, then there's also Hell City, which
is just like the capital of Hell. Is that how
it works.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so Hell City, and that's kind of what we
have total control over. It allows us to enact necessary
zoning regulations. For instance, when I came on board, we
made sure to put a landfill on every block, so
when you exit your hot you can smell the rotting
carcass and trash of all your neighbors. Yeah, every neighborhood
gets a coal plant. And that's a promise from me
and my campaign because we know kids love coal, right, Yeah.
Speaker 2: They think about the air too, the air that we're
breathing in every day. We don't want this crisp, clean,
clear air. I want smog in.
Speaker 3: My life, all right, Yeah, yeah, yeah, you have a
right to smog.
Speaker 1: Well it's good because it's like there's certain things you
don't want to look at and you and with smoggy
of the ability to not look at them, you know.
But with clean air, it's like you just see right
through everything and you see your miles. Yeah, it's like,
who wants that?
Speaker 2: Well. Another good thing about this coal plants is you
know you got those giant chimneys just shooting black smoke
up into the air, just just pouring out all sorts
of chemicals and it's beautiful.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 2: It's like they put these cold plants and they're producing
all that stuff. But it's also it's like it's like
a it's like a landmark, you know.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Honestly, it brings a tear to your eye. And
I mean that literally because it's the smog like it
just it just attacks your lungs and your your your
tear ducks and really just you know, makes you kind
of weep. Yeah, And I'm proud of that.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: And we want to make sure that everything's built a spec.
So you want to put a torture shack in your backyard,
then you better get a permit, which is when you
permit a councilman to shove a pine cone up your ass.
Every torture shack requires a pine cone up your.
Speaker 1: Ass to get a torture shack built.
Speaker 3: Yes, part of the necessary paperwork and bureaucracy required in
Hell City.
Speaker 2: If you want to do torture, you gotta be tortured,
you know it.
Speaker 1: So it works. So it seems like you mostly deal
in a lot of like bureaucracy and zoning and just
like annoying laws.
Speaker 3: And I wouldn't say it's annoying I think it's it's
you know, I think everybody loves bureaucracy. I think that's
one of Hell's biggest gifts to the earth.
Speaker 2: No, I love it.
Speaker 1: I guess that's one of the benefits of living in
like the city of Hell. You know, like you actually
get the benefit of all the bureaucracy that's not in
the out in the country.
Speaker 3: At the end of the day, you're gonna get more
torture in Hell City. You're gonna get more smug in
Heal City. I mean, if you want a truly terrible
live health, City is where you want to be. And
it's because of hard working politics like myself.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, you don't end up in Hell City.
You don't have to go to like the suburbs, you know,
like Flugerville or something.
Speaker 1: God that sounds horrible, I know. Okay, So I don't
know too much about like the zoning laws or the
other like restrictions if you wanted to like build something
or I don't know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Jerry, how does zoning work down in Hell? Like
what's you know, how do they determine what goes where?
And like what's the most of the city zoned for?
Speaker 3: You know, Traditionally in Hell City, every most of the
city is zoned for torture, but you know there are
some exceptions. I mean, the big thing that the city
council does is manage zoning changes. So whenever we have
a zoning change, we make sure we'll learn everybody nearby,
and everybody who wants to come in and complain about
that change, we tell them exactly where to go, where
to show up. It's a door in city hall. You
walk through it, and it's a bottomless pit. And so
we get rid of all the complainers, and so we
allow the city count so to do what we want.
Speaker 1: To do, which is anything, which is anything okay, great,
fair to me. How do you alert people of these changes?
Speaker 3: Again, we we find a pine cone up the ass
really does give people's attention, uh huh. So you'll find
and you know, it's one of those things because limited budget,
a lot of different aspects of local government bureaucracy revolve
around a pine cone up your ass. And on Earth
that might seem you know, like a like a metaphor,
but but in Hell City it's quite literal.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I heard you. Guys also really recently went paperless,
which was a big step and I heard you were
actually describing, you know, local government announcements onto stones and
then throwing them into people's windows.
Speaker 3: Yeah, because you figure that if if the stone lands
on their head, they're gonna notice it, right, Because the
biggest thing is people are just going to ignore anything
you try to like throw at them.
Speaker 1: But if you throw something they can't ignore.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, they're they're gonna notice.
Speaker 1: It's just hard to break stuff with paper, so yeah,
that makes sense.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, you break a few bones, you'll move
some heads.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: In Hell City, we want to make sure that if
we have a school, there's a porn shop located within
a quarter mile. So that's really where zoning gets like
creative and allows you really mold things.
Speaker 2: I heard we're going to try to reduce that distance
to like, you know meters, you know.
Speaker 3: Like, yeah, well I can only do so much, you know,
I'm just one demon. But you know, the closer we
can bring liquor stores, drug dealers to schools, the better.
And we do that through the miracle of zoning.
Speaker 2: All respectable businesses, and we need more of them, you know,
you know, you know what we need more of Jerry
Nail salons.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I know, we have some nail salons in Hell City,
but I know we want more. We have demons that
need their hoofs, claws, and horns treated and trimmed, and
you know, plus.
Speaker 1: There's the bej is like the blowjobs.
Speaker 3: No, you stick a buff job for the for the horns.
Speaker 2: Oh, Chris, you wonder why you're in Hell.
Speaker 1: Well, sorry, I don't have horns. I don't get them
buffed very often.
Speaker 2: You're missing out's Yeah, it's important. Feels almost as good
as a blowjob.
Speaker 1: I had noticed. There are a lot of schools in Hell,
like a lot. Are there just a lot of kids?
Or like, what's the deal with that, Jerry?
Speaker 2: If I made? Those are actually just school zones. Yeah,
we just have Oh yeah, you don't want we don't
want people driving too fast and getting to their places
on time, so we just have school zones everywhere. Our
school system is actually located in a place called Heck.
Speaker 1: Okay, so it's not in Hell. It's like kind of
like a study like they have to go to Heck.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's it's it's a it's a really you know,
weird kind of setup. But yeah, yeah that's how that's
how it goes.
Speaker 3: But the schools are reported. You know, it's the next
generation of torturers.
Speaker 1: So do they do They just they enter a school
and then they get transported to heck. Is that how
it works?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Heck or as it's you know, sometimes known HG
double hockey six okay, another common name. Yeah, okay, all right.
Speaker 1: Besides like I guess, zoning, what else are you in
charge of?
Speaker 3: Oh, the big thing is the budget. We set the
budget every year and it's always a hot debate, you know,
but we have you know, literally, yeah, we have we
have priorities, like, for instance, we know that we have
to devote a lot of tax money to our fire
crews and trucks which are in charge of going around
and starting fires around the city.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I mean, well yeah, I mean that's like, if
you don't have that.
Speaker 3: Where the fires is gonna who's gonna start the fires? Yeaeah.
Speaker 1: So what else? What are some other I guess big
budget items.
Speaker 3: Well, we always make sure that there's a lot of
money for construction at the airport. No matter what, there
will always be three hundred and sixty five days a
year construction at the airport. Every time we finish building
a road, we make sure there's money to start work
on that same road again, so there will always be
road construction. We know everyone loves road construction.
Speaker 1: Yeah, basically as soon as you finish that road, you
start tearing it up again.
Speaker 3: Is that Yeah, you know, like there's really no other
way to do it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's important.
Speaker 3: Those roads are important, very important. And so my my
big project that we're cutting the ribbon on this week
is it's a new water sewage treatment plant and it's
where you go and you're able to shit in the
drinking water in Hell City and make sure there's a
good amount of sewage going into every home in Hell.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 2: It's a big undertaking. It's important.
Speaker 3: Yeah, if someone's gonna drink water, you want to make
sure that there's a good amount of shit in that
water well.
Speaker 1: And I will say this, it really makes you know,
chat at the water cool or that much better when
you just have like boiling shit.
Speaker 3: The last big one is wildlife services. You know, I mean,
when there's a hell beast in your lawn eating your intestines,
you're gonna get a little annoyed, you know, and you're
gonna wanna call wildlife services to take care of it. Huh.
And you know there are a lot of hell beasts
in Hell.
Speaker 1: So what exactly do wild services do? Do they just
like capture the beasts and take them out to.
Speaker 3: Oh sorry, if it wasn't clear, they don't. They don't
actually get rid of the beast. They they help feed
you to the beast because there's like, you know, really
large fangs. It's kind of hard for the beast to
kind of like get you in there. They grease you
up and and then kind of.
Speaker 1: Like pok you in. So it's really kind of more
like murderers. Yeah, okay, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: So you know, do you ever dabble in like the
Parks and he creation department? Like, what are your stands
on the parks and heck?
Speaker 3: Well, it's funny you say that or bring that up
right now? The big debate is all about Confederate statues.
Speaker 1: So wait, are you for them? You want them? Or
you're against? What are what is your thought on them?
Speaker 3: Oh? No, ses are you? We're not We're not actually
building statues. We're just taking actual Confederate soldiers in Hell
and covering them with molten nickel and letting them dry.
Oh so it's less they're not really posing. They're more
kind of like.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, seeing Star Wars impart strikes Back, you know,
and Frozen. Yeah, it's like that. But they're just like
a bunch of racist guys, you know, planted in various spots.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and probably more painful.
Speaker 2: Yeah, definitely.
Speaker 1: Any other big things that you're kind of like in
charge of, Yeah.
Speaker 3: I make sure that you know. All of the employees
at uh in City Hall and Health City, we have
like a strong culture, and a part of that is
having like a culture crew that's there to throw parties
for our workers to distract them from how low their
actual pay is, just like on Earth, and you know,
that's that's where companies got the idea to pay their
employees so little and distract them by like, you know,
fun parties or gotcha.
Speaker 1: Gotcha.
Speaker 2: It's really cool too, because we'll take a lot of
the money that we could be paying the employees and
we'll just throw a really big, elaborate, wasteful party, you know,
and then we announce, guess what, no Christmas bonuses this year.
It's paying for this party.
Speaker 3: And the great thing is you can use all of
that money yourself just reward the people up in charge.
It's really great, but I mean, and again, you know,
I don't want to take credit. You know, this is
something Health City has been doing for a while, but recently,
you know, Earth companies, especially those tech companies, have really
gotten on board.
Speaker 1: Oh so, I guess I'm curious. I haven't actually voted
in Hell Like, what is the voting process?
Speaker 2: It's actually it's quite simple, isn't it, Jerry.
Speaker 3: Quite simple. You have to travel outside of Hell City
if you want to vote in Health City. You have
to go out of Hell City to vote, Okay, and
there's no form of transportation to get there. And in
order to find the map to get there, you guessed it,
pine cone up the ass.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I know.
Speaker 3: It's just you know, the budget's limited, so our options
are limited. Works it works, If it works, it works.
Speaker 1: So you have to go somewhere get a pine cone
up the ass to find out where the polling locations are.
Speaker 3: Right, I'll tell you, guys. I'll tell you guys, but
don't tell anyone else. You have to go to the
maze of bewilderment.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 2: It's a very simple process to get your vote in you.
Speaker 1: Know, uh huh, you just get a pint gun up
the ass, then travel to somewhere in another dimension to
the Maze of Bewilderment. Is right, find the one pull in.
Speaker 3: And before you get you'll have to go We built
the infinite roundabout, so you'll have to go through the
infinite roundabout. And when you're done going through an infinite
amount of loops, then you get to the Maze of Bewilderment.
Speaker 1: Okay, the entrant to the maze. Yeah, yeah, and then
you have to go through the maze.
Speaker 3: You have to go through the maze. Yeah yeah, And
you better do that in fifteen minutes or less, because
that's how much time you have to vote in Hell.
Because voting's important and we have to make sure that
we get it right. So if it's only open for
fifteen minutes, we can make sure for fifteen minutes that
voting booth will be perfect.
Speaker 1: Everything will run smoothly. If you really limit the number
of people who are able to do it and the
amount of time that they have to do it, that's yeah,
that's genius.
Speaker 2: Fortunately, the voting polls are open at very convenient times
from three am to three fifteen am, and we're also
in negotiation for opening up another easily accessible voting booth.
Speaker 1: Oh so you did be more than one.
Speaker 2: It's right where we're thinking about opening one up in
heaven for the Hell elections.
Speaker 1: If you're in hell, how would you get up to
heaven but you can't? Yeah, okay, I realized as I
asked that question what the answer was.
Speaker 3: The important thing is that voting exists somewhere. Whether or
not you get there in time is your problem. But
as long as it technically exists, then this is a democracy.
And I think this hell democracy is something that I
feel very proudly of.
Speaker 1: Gotcha, So, I guess you talked a lot about the budget.
Where does the budget come from? Like, I mean, is
it all taxes?
Speaker 3: Of course, it's taxes, you know, And the big one,
you know, is the torture tax. You know, if you're
going to torture, we gotta tax it.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 3: It's just one of those things that the government has
to get money somehow, And we know how important torturing is.
So if you want to shove a hot poker in
someone's asshole, you're gonna have to pay the government for
the ability to do that. We also have the school
district taxes, you know, to educate the tortures of tomorrow,
which we find, you know, very important.
Speaker 1: Yeah. This, uh, and that's just for the school zones,
not for the actual schools, right.
Speaker 3: Not for the actual Yah, gotcha?
Speaker 1: Gotcha? So are you running for re election anytime soon
or use anything like coming up that people should be
voting for.
Speaker 2: No.
Speaker 3: I murdered all my potential opponents, so I'm good on
re election. What I'm here is to push Proposition six
six six, and that's where we will ban electric cars
from hell, ban gasoline cars from hell, and all automobiles
will run on call, and not just normal coal leaded coal.
We're gonna take the coal and we're going to put
the lead in the coal, and it's going to run
out of your car.
Speaker 2: It's it's a very important proposition. People need to exercise
their write and vote for it. You know, our our slogan,
our catchphrases, don't be a bunch of dicks, vote prop
six six' six. All right, So remember that jingle when
you go to the polls, and remember me as well,
because I'm going to be voting in the upcoming election.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I love that jingle. Michael Jackson just finished like
a really great version of it, and it's going to
be running in the commercials soon. Good.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I have a question for you, mister jerry mandering.
Who will you be supporting in the presidential primary?
Speaker 3: That vote is for mister Clayton.
Speaker 2: That's right.
Speaker 3: I think he brings change that we need in Hell.
Things are too good. We need to make them worse.
I am not alone when I say that Satan has
taken a back seat in governance and things in Hell
have gotten too good. We need Clayton to make Hell
shitty again.
Speaker 2: Thank you, thank you for that glowing endorsement. I promise
I will do my best to you and to all
my constituents. I will make things fucking awful. That is
my promise.
Speaker 1: This is your first political endorsement. Wow, that's great. Congratulations Clayton.
Speaker 2: Thank you. You're your Pinecunes will be in the mail. Oh,
thank you.
Speaker 3: All right.
Speaker 2: Well, on that note, make sure you guys tune in
next week where we will be having our primary debates,
the first debates in the Hell election. So it's gonna
be it's gonna be big. After that, we're gonna be
taking a bit of a break, but we will be
back shortly. After.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we'll take a couple of weeks off to work
on the campaign and uh put then be back just
a few weeks later and there'll be some good, you know,
political ads in between to give you stuff to listen to.
Speaker 2: That's right, So tell your friends all about our show,
all about our campaign. Thank you for listening, vote for me,
Hail Clayton.
Speaker 1: All right, Thank you Brandon Farmahine for coming on as
mister jerry mandering.
Speaker 3: Hooray. I'm sure that was terrible.
Speaker 2: That's that classic Brandon Farmahini ego that I had known.
Speaker 1: Love. So, Brandon, been a while since we've got into
work together. Tell us what you've been up to.
Speaker 3: Well, I started my own company last year and we
have three new podcasts you can check out. The first
one is kind of how when you turn thirty things suck.
Your body sucks. Everything you were told as a child
is a lie and it's awful. Everything everything's awful. And
that should have been the name, but the name of
the podcast is Wrong Side of Thirty.
Speaker 1: I just turned thirty.
Speaker 3: Fuck, it's terrible. It's just gonna get worse.
Speaker 1: I think I've listened to every episode. It's extremely funny.
Brandon now it's very fine. No no, no, no, And
I wouldn't I wouldn't say this if I didn't actually
believe it. I also wouldn't actually listen to it if
I didn't actually enjoy it. It is very funny. Who
was it that told the storybellt taking a shit in Paris?
Speaker 2: That was me?
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I left a lot of details out like
that whole That whole experience was just like thirty minutes
long of like me in an old Paris cafe where
the bathroom is just a single toilet, like it's it,
and there's a little American kid on the other side knocking,
trying to like open the door, and I have to
be like, I don't know why I said I was
like occupato in France to an American, and you know,
she kid, and she's there narrating everything. She's like, mom,
he's still going. He's been in there for twenty minutes.
And then I don't know how you guys are, but
I poop before I pee, so I'm done with the
poop and then I start peeing and I'm like, finally,
this experience is almost over. And I think they're gone
because I haven't heard them in a while, and then
I just hear through the door, Mom, now he's peaking,
and I realized Americans are terrible.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what it occurred. Yeah, and then my favorite
thing is, at least according to the most recent episode,
you can pay twenty dollars or whatever, and you get
to pick what the next episode's about. Yes, yeah, you're brilliant.
Via by All you have to do is contribute to
Brandon's cameo.
Speaker 3: Yeah, my cameo. I mean, like the ninety so some
chick on ninety Day Fiance is like financing a house
based on her cameo, and I was like, fuck, I
can get a cameo. So we like made it a thing.
You can pick the next topic by buying a cameo.
Speaker 1: All I know is I'm gonna be picking the next topic.
Should this podcast finish this recording.
Speaker 3: We have a new podcast though, launching. It's I know
you guys don't watch it, but you probably will soon
because it's exploding in popularity. Ninety Day Fiance. We have
a ninety Day Fiance podcast launching. It's the best reality
show on television. It's the best show on television. It's amazing.
So if you do watch it, it's called ninety Days
sore A. So look for it on any all the
major podcast providers. That one's a lot of fun.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and then what was your third one?
Speaker 3: That one is a one on one interview. As Chris
definitely knows, we have done a shit ton of interviewing
over the years from you know, like behind the scenes
type shit. So I've just taken those skills, which are
not transferable to anything else, and done a one on
one podcast show, and that is tell them who you are,
so people I find interesting. The next episode should be
out in about a week, and ironically enough, it is
with a city council person.
Speaker 1: Oh well, there you go full circle. Yeah. Well, so
people just search for wherever you're listening to podcasts. I
personally would recommend Wrong Side of Thirty because I think
it's really funny. But there's go give those listen and
uh yeah, thanks for coming on, Brandon, Thanks.
Speaker 3: Thanks for thanks for having me. I hope, I hope
they don't cancel the show.
Speaker 1: If I watched an episode of ninety day Fiance, can
I be on it? Sure? Okay?
Speaker 3: All right, wait wait wait do you require money?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 3: Okay then yeah then sorry, then yes, that's what I mean, Yes,
that you can be on it all right.
Speaker 1: Thanks Brandon,