Speaker 1: You know you go to you go to like a
Speaker 1: doctor's office or a dentist's office, and that they'll have
Speaker 1: you sometimes I'll have you fill out a questionnaire.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, not sometimes, fall every.
Speaker 3: Time every time I say the same one.
Speaker 2: That I have to keep filling this way, and then sorry,
Speaker 2: I know you wanted to talk about this thing, but I'm.
Speaker 3: Gonna I've triggered you.
Speaker 2: I apologize me because I will fill out the thing
Speaker 2: ahead of time online.
Speaker 3: To save time, forty.
Speaker 2: Eight hours in advance, and they still have me fill
Speaker 2: out the goddamn like paper for when I get there.
Speaker 2: Do you think I have my insurance information memorized? Oh
Speaker 2: all right, sorry to answer your question.
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, a lot of people just felt seen by that.
Speaker 1: But I went to the dentist for my annual checkup.
Speaker 1: And I've been going to the dentist by the way
Speaker 1: for a decade, like a long time, and there's a
Speaker 1: new questionnaire suddenly, and I have to fill out this
Speaker 1: questionnaire and I'm like, this is weird. My insurance information
Speaker 1: hasn't changed. Everything is fine. And then one of the
Speaker 1: questions is what do you look for in a dental visit?
Speaker 3: Oh, and I'm like.
Speaker 1: Speed and numbness Like that is what I look for
Speaker 1: a dental visit, Like I want to be in and
Speaker 1: out and feel nothing.
Speaker 2: That's hilarious. What are you looking for? And how do
Speaker 2: they pay?
Speaker 1: Dental encounter and a dental encounter would be even better.
Speaker 2: It would be amazing dental visit or dental.
Speaker 1: Experience, particularly because the dentist set my office I got
Speaker 1: I kind of got shifted to a new guy and.
Speaker 3: And he's cute.
Speaker 2: Oh well, there you go.
Speaker 3: Like I'm telling you, I'm looking at during my dental visit.
Speaker 2: That's a good doctor to be cute. You don't want
Speaker 2: your proctologists to be cute. You want your dentist to
Speaker 2: be cute.
Speaker 1: Yeah, especially because let me tell you something, my mouth
Speaker 1: is clean. He is impressed every time he goes looks
Speaker 1: in there.
Speaker 2: Yeah, she is sparkling.
Speaker 3: I have a whole fucking routine. There are there are implements.
Speaker 2: Paul, I bet your asshole is beautiful.
Speaker 3: Also sparkling.
Speaker 2: Also sparkling. Hey, I'm Paul America.
Speaker 3: And this is that aged Well.
Speaker 2: Yesterday's pop culture.
Speaker 1: Today and it's a new month, so it's a new
Speaker 1: theme Erica and the theme.
Speaker 2: Is ooh is it hot in here, Paul. That made
Speaker 2: it sound sexier than I've mended to And this is
Speaker 2: not This is not sexy hot, this is hold on,
Speaker 2: let me do that again. Yeah, oh boy, these dog
Speaker 2: days of summer sure are hot.
Speaker 1: I'm in my tank top and and I got my
Speaker 1: towel here again because it's sweaty. We are doing summer vacation.
Speaker 1: We're just vacation movies for all of August. And the
Speaker 1: reason we are doing this Erica is twofold. One we
Speaker 1: thought it would be fun, which is the most important reason.
Speaker 1: But two, we are going on vacation in September, and
Speaker 1: we want to tell everyone that right now. So come September,
Speaker 1: there will be no new episodes of that age well
Speaker 1: on the main feed or the Patreon it's going to
Speaker 1: be radio silence. If you are a Patreon member, you
Speaker 1: will not be charged for the month of September because
Speaker 1: we are taking it off.
Speaker 4: We're we charging, We're going on Vaca.
Speaker 1: We're going on Vaca. We're gathering stories, We're gonna be
Speaker 1: thinking about you. If I have some time, maybe I'll
Speaker 1: make some bonus content for the patrons. But just so
Speaker 1: you know, oh he will, you know he will you guys.
Speaker 2: You know I won't, well, Paul does that. I'll be
Speaker 2: out eating and shopping.
Speaker 3: But we want it.
Speaker 1: We're going to tell you this every week this month,
Speaker 1: so you know it's coming up. You could always download
Speaker 1: some back episodes.
Speaker 3: We listen.
Speaker 1: We will be back with you in October four fright month,
Speaker 1: Halloween month, everyone but Paul's favorite month.
Speaker 3: All right, Erica.
Speaker 1: So before we get to our first summer vacation movie,
Speaker 1: we do have a five star Apple podcast review.
Speaker 3: Would you like to read? Or shall I read?
Speaker 2: Oh? Can I read this one?
Speaker 3: Please? You sound excited?
Speaker 2: Well, because the title has me excited.
Speaker 4: Okay, okay.
Speaker 2: Today's review comes from Joe Anne Rose and the title
Speaker 2: is you had Me at Psycho. Oh that's gonna be
Speaker 2: the first line of my marriage moouse.
Speaker 1: You had me at Psycho and the and the diarrhea attack,
Speaker 1: in the bathroom attack.
Speaker 2: I do, all right? Title is you had Me at Psycho.
Speaker 2: I stumbled across this podcast a few months ago, and
Speaker 2: I'm so glad I did. All other podcasts are dead
Speaker 2: to me, as dead dead, I say, as I worked
Speaker 2: through the extensive back catalog. I love that I can
Speaker 2: equally enjoy coverage of movies I've both seen and never seen. Okay,
Speaker 2: Erica and Paul pulled me in with Psycho, and I've
Speaker 2: been openly cackling ever since. Oh, Joe and Rose, a
Speaker 2: person after.
Speaker 1: My own heart, absolutely openly cackling. It might should be
Speaker 1: maybe like the next tagline for our show that aged well.
Speaker 2: Openly cackling, cackling like a freak.
Speaker 3: I like that.
Speaker 1: Joanne notes that you can you can enjoy coverage of
Speaker 1: movies you've both seen and have not seen. That's right,
Speaker 1: that's part of that. It's part of the magic potion
Speaker 1: of this podcast. They'll tell you what happened in the movie.
Speaker 1: Don't worry about it.
Speaker 2: Don't worry about if you've never seen The Last Unicorn.
Speaker 4: Yeah, we got you.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean, we may not be able to tell you
Speaker 1: exactly what happened in the movie because it is an
Speaker 1: LSD trip, but we'll.
Speaker 3: Do our best.
Speaker 2: Ghost is humanly possible.
Speaker 3: Joe Anne Rose, thank you so much for this review.
Speaker 3: We loved it.
Speaker 1: If you would like at Dindel Tope Bag, all you
Speaker 1: have to do is go ahead and email us or
Speaker 1: contact us on social media and let us know where
Speaker 1: to send it and I'll send it off for you, Erica,
Speaker 1: What is this the first? The first film of Vacation
Speaker 1: Month two thousand and four.
Speaker 2: Today's film is the nineteen ninety eight comedy The Parent Trap.
Speaker 3: All Right.
Speaker 1: The Parent Trap was requested by Fay Sidney, Mara, Sawthena, Justine,
Speaker 1: jan Kessler, Jenny and still more of those peoples whose
Speaker 1: names are simply not in their social media profiles. I'm
Speaker 1: on the verge of doing a deep dive on these people.
Speaker 1: I'm just going to I'm going to get really personal looking.
Speaker 2: Around, maybe find out someone really random or like like
Speaker 2: like like Carl Rove our show, and you're like, huh, Karl.
Speaker 3: Rove is an incredible pull for that.
Speaker 2: That's a weird one.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a weird fit.
Speaker 2: But you know what, people like what they like.
Speaker 1: People have layers. Actually, I don't think Karl Rove has layers.
Speaker 1: I think he is just shit all the way down.
Speaker 2: We are for everyone, even war criminals.
Speaker 3: That's right.
Speaker 1: We are for everybody, all right. So The Parent Trap
Speaker 1: was written by Nancy Meyers, David Swift, and Charles Schier,
Speaker 1: based on the nineteen sixty one film of the same name,
Speaker 1: which was in turn based upon the novel Lisa and
Speaker 1: Latti by Eric Kostner.
Speaker 2: The fact that this is based on a German novel,
Speaker 2: a German novel, makes this all makes sense. Oh my god,
Speaker 2: that novel was written in nineteen forty nine.
Speaker 3: Oh no, post war.
Speaker 2: Germy Okay, okay, okay, I'm getting.
Speaker 3: Making more sense, making more sense.
Speaker 2: The pieces are coming together now I understand where this
Speaker 2: comes from.
Speaker 1: The film was directed by Nancy Myers and stars Lindsay Lohan,
Speaker 1: Dennis Quaid, Natasha Richardson, Lisa and Walter, Simon Kunz and
Speaker 1: Elaine Hendrix.
Speaker 2: The parent Trap is Lindsay Lohan's feature film debut, as
Speaker 2: well as Nancy myers Is directorial debut.
Speaker 3: Wow wow.
Speaker 1: I will say that I think, upon viewing it going forward,
Speaker 1: I would have had more confidence in Lindsay Lohan's career
Speaker 1: longevity than maybe Nancy Myers.
Speaker 3: No shade.
Speaker 1: I love Nancy meyers movies, but I don't know that
Speaker 1: the direction of this really really covers all the holes up.
Speaker 3: Oh.
Speaker 2: I have one major complaint about the direction of the film,
Speaker 2: and that is only that the back half is too long.
Speaker 3: Like see, I think the front half is too long.
Speaker 2: This movie shouldn't be two hours long.
Speaker 3: No, it should be ninety minutes, maybe eighty.
Speaker 2: It is a two hour in like five minute.
Speaker 3: Movie, and it's way too long.
Speaker 2: Like, I know, look spoilers, I know these parents are
Speaker 2: getting back together. Call the parent trap.
Speaker 3: We know they're twins. They're played by the same actress.
Speaker 3: It's not a reveal, you know what.
Speaker 2: We can speed some of this ship up. The fact
Speaker 2: the amount of time these two spend not acknowledging the
Speaker 2: fact that they are identical, unhinged. The adults around them,
Speaker 2: not a single adult around them. I'm looking at you
Speaker 2: Jannis from Friends.
Speaker 3: I'm looking at you Polly Holiday like kiss migrets.
Speaker 2: To like look at these girls and be like, we
Speaker 2: have to call your parents. Something is something.
Speaker 1: Is happening, Something truly odd is going on here.
Speaker 2: I look, I don't want to I don't want to
Speaker 2: say your parents are at fault here. Maybe there was
Speaker 2: a there was a sperm bank issue. We need to
Speaker 2: but somehow we have to figure this ship out.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Are these the worst parents in recorded cinematic history?
Speaker 2: Oh? Good question, Paul, No, I'm sure, No, there are
Speaker 2: worse ones. I'm sure Roll Dahl has worse ones.
Speaker 1: Sure, sure, All right, Erica, this next point has nothing
Speaker 1: to do with anything. But during research for this, I
Speaker 1: found out that Dennis Quaid at least at one point
Speaker 1: had a podcast called The Denissance. And if I have
Speaker 1: to know that, you and everyone else listening have to
Speaker 1: know it too.
Speaker 2: Dennisance, please tell me it was him talking about the Renaissance.
Speaker 1: I did zero research on it. It was so upsetting
Speaker 1: to me that I even know it. I'm sure it's
Speaker 1: about him and his career, Like I'm googling it.
Speaker 2: I'm googling it. You think I'm not going to google
Speaker 2: that pole and so you tell me that information, Dennisance.
Speaker 1: Oh, it's it's just Dennis a a nce. It's there's
Speaker 1: none of the fancy AI stuff that's in the actual
Speaker 1: world Renaissance.
Speaker 2: Okay, well I've misspelled it terribly. And you know what's
Speaker 2: coming up for me is the Dennis System from It's
Speaker 2: Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Oh here it is introducing the
Speaker 2: Dennissance with Dennis Quaid and Jared Gustat. Okay, it is
Speaker 2: actually about his interests. He is a jet pilot, a
Speaker 2: low handicapped golfer, an armchair historian. He has powered a
Speaker 2: NASCAR around him.
Speaker 1: Is an armchair historian that sounds like someone who doesn't
Speaker 1: fucking believe actual historians.
Speaker 3: I don't care for that at all. Also, now they
Speaker 3: know he's a jet pilot.
Speaker 1: We do know how Dennis quad will eventually die, So
Speaker 1: I guess that's something we can cross off our Yeah,
Speaker 1: are wondering list.
Speaker 2: The middleweight boxer. It keeps going and can change a
Speaker 2: diaper in twenty seconds according.
Speaker 1: To this guess what, guess what? No, you can't, No,
Speaker 1: you can't. I have changed many diapers. It is not
Speaker 1: possible to clean a child and change a diaper in
Speaker 1: twenty seconds. That's bullshit and I don't believe it.
Speaker 2: But he has one with Anthony Fauci.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, I'm looking it is.
Speaker 2: Oh oh he has one with the MyPillow guy.
Speaker 3: Oh see.
Speaker 1: Yeah, remember when Dennis Quaid was kind of like cool
Speaker 1: and we thought he was the same Quaid And as
Speaker 1: he's gotten older, he's he's starting to pickle his brain.
Speaker 3: A little bit.
Speaker 2: Oh No, I don't know anything about him except that
Speaker 2: I will admit to finding him very attractive.
Speaker 1: Well, of course he's Dennis fucking Quaid. Is he our
Speaker 1: hottest Dennis?
Speaker 2: Good question? Again I'm thinking of It's always funny in
Speaker 2: Philadelphia and that Dennis. But that's a fictional Dennis is hotter.
Speaker 2: I think Glenn Howardton is perhaps hotter than the current
Speaker 2: day Dennis Quaid, the Dennis Quaid who was in the
Speaker 2: film The Big Easy, which is a huge part of
Speaker 2: my burgeoning sexuality. That Dennis Quaid has a place in
Speaker 2: my heart and in my libido forever. He has one
Speaker 2: with Gary Busey, Paul, he hated Gary Bucy.
Speaker 1: Wait, I have another hot Dennis. Dennis Haysburg.
Speaker 2: Oh, Dennis Haysberg is hot.
Speaker 4: That's good. That's a hot Dennisnis.
Speaker 3: We have gone way off track.
Speaker 2: Hey, stay here for the hot Dennis.
Speaker 3: Watch talk about a dennisance.
Speaker 2: I can't believe he has a podcast, genuinely, Paul, there's
Speaker 2: only like twelve episodes. He just fucking lost interest in me.
Speaker 2: The Parent has an eighty seven percent critical rating on
Speaker 2: Rotten Tomatoes and a seventy percent audience score. It has
Speaker 2: a seventy six percent rating on cherry Picks.
Speaker 3: I'm basically fine with that. Look. Look.
Speaker 1: Unlike last week's movie, which was a movie with children
Speaker 1: that was really four tweens and adults, this is a
Speaker 1: kid's movie. It is one hundred percent pitched at like
Speaker 1: I would say eight to eleven year old girls, which
Speaker 1: is fine. That's not a criticism at all. I'm just
Speaker 1: saying that, like for a kids movie. Yeah, I think
Speaker 1: eighty seven percent is fine. Lindsay Lohan is as good
Speaker 1: as I think any literal twelve year old actor could
Speaker 1: be in the in the role. Like, I don't know
Speaker 1: where there's room for improvement given the skill level possible
Speaker 1: for someone that she's wonderful.
Speaker 2: Yes, movie like this is this is the best I've
Speaker 2: ever seen Lindsay Lohan.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there are moments of just like the child acting
Speaker 1: kind of thing of like like hitting the stressed words
Speaker 1: too hard.
Speaker 3: That's that's my only criticism.
Speaker 2: But she's better in this than she is in Mean
Speaker 2: Girls and This than she is in anything I've ever
Speaker 2: seen her.
Speaker 3: In Herbie the love Bug Slander here on this podcast.
Speaker 2: This is the Canyons. By the way, I did watch.
Speaker 1: That movie I Know Who Killed Me where she also
Speaker 1: plays identical twins spoiler for I Know Who Killed Me?
Speaker 2: That's right, she does. She's an identical twin setish Yeah,
Speaker 2: I know, Honestly, I'm not kidding. This is I saw
Speaker 2: her in this and I was like, holy shit, you're
Speaker 2: great in like, this is the best I've ever seen
Speaker 2: her be.
Speaker 1: You can see why she why she popped, why she
Speaker 1: became big.
Speaker 2: She's incredible.
Speaker 1: Some of the audience feels low unless you're showing this
Speaker 1: to people for whom the movie is simply not four.
Speaker 2: I was thinking the same thing, like, look, I really
Speaker 2: enjoyed this movie, Paul. I cried like twice.
Speaker 3: Uh huh.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I may have cried like.
Speaker 2: Three times watching this, Like this movie got to me.
Speaker 1: I did see Inside Out two this week, and I
Speaker 1: actually can't remember anything but crying during Inside Out Too.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I haven't seen Inside Out Too. You and I
Speaker 2: saw Inside Out one together and we were we were
Speaker 2: a disaster. Yeah.
Speaker 1: If you want to hear more about my thoughts on
Speaker 1: Inside Out Too, subscribe to the Patreon. But I had
Speaker 1: a couple tears during this, a couple a couple teary
Speaker 1: eyed moments, nothing compared to the full sobbing session.
Speaker 3: Agreed, Inside Out Too.
Speaker 2: Agreed, no ugly crying during this, but like, yeah, no,
Speaker 2: I definitely every single time these girls were reunited with
Speaker 2: their parents for the first time. So I was just like,
Speaker 2: I know, this is all shades of wrong, but I
Speaker 2: really love it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's so sweet, all right?
Speaker 3: Erica? When did you first see The Parent Trap?
Speaker 2: Last night? Around ten pm? Which is why I come
Speaker 2: complaining so much about it being too long because I
Speaker 2: did not get to bed till late, because I was, like,
Speaker 2: Jesus fucking christis, movie's over two hours?
Speaker 3: God damn it.
Speaker 2: I should have started earlier. How about you, Paul, when
Speaker 2: did you first see The Parent Trap?
Speaker 1: I had never seen this one. I did see the
Speaker 1: nineteen sixty one one growing up.
Speaker 2: You saw the Hailey Mills one.
Speaker 3: I saw the Haley Mills one.
Speaker 1: I remember. I genuinely don't remember anything outside of a
Speaker 1: general like like enjoyment of the film. Yeah, but I
Speaker 1: saw this one this week.
Speaker 2: I should say I've never seen the Haley Mills one.
Speaker 2: This is my very first parent trap situation.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you were a parent trap, Virgin, I was.
Speaker 2: It was a parent trap. Virgin and Lindsay Lohan double
Speaker 2: team me.
Speaker 3: She sure did, she sure did, She got it done.
Speaker 2: Nancy Myers has this gift for making unbelievably cheesy things.
Speaker 3: Yeah, like sincere and also wealth porn.
Speaker 2: And wealth poor. The wealth porn in this movie is excellent.
Speaker 1: It's insane, excellent Erica. The tagline the tagline for the
Speaker 1: Parent Trap was twice the fun, double the trouble.
Speaker 2: It sounds like a gum commercial.
Speaker 1: I was gonna say, it feels like double mint may
Speaker 1: have a may have a case here.
Speaker 2: Maybe remember those double man conversionals. I think it's fine.
Speaker 1: It's fine. Shall I read the iTunes synopsis?
Speaker 2: Sure?
Speaker 3: In this update of a nineteen.
Speaker 1: Sixty one film, twins Annie and Halle, both played by
Speaker 1: Lindsay Lohan, are strangers until happenstance unites them.
Speaker 3: Just that right there? Like wait, what?
Speaker 2: Until happenstance unites them?
Speaker 1: The preteen girls, divorced parents Nick played by Dennis Quaid
Speaker 1: and Elizabeth Natasha Richardson, are living on opposite sides of
Speaker 1: the Atlantic, each with one child. After meeting at Camp
Speaker 1: American Halle and British raised Annie engineer and identity swap,
Speaker 1: giving both the chance to spend time with the parent
Speaker 1: they've missed. If the scheme works, it might just make
Speaker 1: the family whole again. We make the family whole for
Speaker 1: the first time. Let's be clear about.
Speaker 2: That, Paul, Do you have an actual synopsis for the
Speaker 2: Barent Trap?
Speaker 1: The actual synopsis is where is the settlement? I want
Speaker 1: to I want to know who the judge was. I
Speaker 1: want to know what cases were cited in the past
Speaker 1: to allow this to happen.
Speaker 3: And I want that.
Speaker 1: So I can bring a case. I can sue the
Speaker 1: whatever state allowed this, California, I supposed to be. This
Speaker 1: can never happen to another set of children.
Speaker 2: It might have been British law. For all we know,
Speaker 2: they could have been. We don't know if they were
Speaker 2: on their way to New York or on their way
Speaker 2: to London when they met.
Speaker 1: Well, we know that she left, which implies they were
Speaker 1: in the States.
Speaker 2: Ah, they were in the States. A good call.
Speaker 3: Yeah call.
Speaker 2: Oh, then it's our fault. Then we did this.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: And it also implies that in the movie, it's clear
Speaker 1: that she left on a whim. So was she pregnant
Speaker 1: when that happened. The whole timeline makes no sense.
Speaker 2: You know, she definitely gave birth in the States, because
Speaker 2: Chessie knows that there's two kids.
Speaker 1: Well, everybody knows there's two kids, apparently except the kids.
Speaker 2: I don't know. I don't do you think the British
Speaker 2: butler knows. I don't think the British butler knows.
Speaker 1: He is not confused when he finds out he is overcome.
Speaker 2: Look, my speedo king rolls with the punches.
Speaker 3: He is a speedo king. You're straight speedo king by.
Speaker 2: The right, great speedo king rolls with the punches. My
Speaker 2: glorious leather clad butler is like, oh, there's two of you. Fine,
Speaker 2: I'm cool with it. I'm like, let's go. Let's do this.
Speaker 1: All right, everyone stick around. We are gonna come right
Speaker 1: back after a couple messages. For all non patrons. If
Speaker 1: you don't want any ads, all you gotta do is
Speaker 1: go sign up for our Patreon at three, five or
Speaker 1: ten dollars level and you will get ad free episodes.
Speaker 1: For the rest of you, We love you too. Just
Speaker 1: sit here and listen to these ads. By the way,
Speaker 1: I got an ad last week served to me on
Speaker 1: our own podcast for the number one imported Italian charcuterie board,
Speaker 1: and I was like, yes.
Speaker 3: Yes, that is it.
Speaker 2: The algorithm has you figured.
Speaker 3: Me out, So stick around.
Speaker 1: We're gonna come right back and take you through the
Speaker 1: parent trap, and we're back. The Parent Trap opens over
Speaker 1: scenes of a wedding on the Queen Elizabeth two Nat
Speaker 1: King Coles l is for the Way You Look Me.
Speaker 1: He plays and we see two people getting married. Did
Speaker 1: you notice so this is canonically nineteen eighty six. None
Speaker 1: of these outfits look like they're from nineteen eighty six.
Speaker 1: The main woman that's dancing on the floor looks like
Speaker 1: she's wearing Baby's costume from the end of Dirty Dancing.
Speaker 3: It is peach and flowy.
Speaker 2: It is very like nineteen forties. Yeah, again, because I
Speaker 2: haven't seen the original, maybe they're like doing something reminiscent
Speaker 2: of the first film if it's a callback. The funny
Speaker 2: thing about this whole sequence to me is you can't
Speaker 2: see their faces, which means at one point they get
Speaker 2: like just enough of the face where I'm like, I'm
Speaker 2: ninety percent sure that it really is Dennis Quaid. Yeah,
Speaker 2: but that is one hundred percent not Natasha Richardson. Is
Speaker 2: it that they couldn't get Natasha Richardson for these scenes?
Speaker 2: And so they were like, well, just not show their faces.
Speaker 1: She was in rehearsals for Cabaret.
Speaker 2: Oh is that it? No?
Speaker 3: No, No, I'm just making it up.
Speaker 2: I would have been really funny. I was like, wait
Speaker 2: a minute, why, Like why aren't they showing their faces.
Speaker 2: My theory, and I'm pretty sure I'm right, is that
Speaker 2: is only occasionally Dennis Quaid. I'm definitely never in a
Speaker 2: Tasha Rigitson in any of those ship sequences.
Speaker 1: All right, So we see the bride in the groom
Speaker 1: signing the marriage license, Vito culturalist Nick James, and artist
Speaker 1: Elizabeth Parker?
Speaker 2: Which of those is more embarrassing? You know? Like sometimes
Speaker 2: like for example, when you're at the goddamn doctor's office
Speaker 2: and they're like, what is your job? And I'm like,
Speaker 2: why do you care? You're fixing my teeth?
Speaker 3: Does it matter?
Speaker 2: Unless I'm Joey Chestnut, you shouldn't give a shit with
Speaker 2: my job?
Speaker 1: Is? I think I think Vito culturalist is more embarrassing
Speaker 1: because from what I can tell, they misspelled it in
Speaker 1: the movie and it should be Viti culturist. Culturalist that
Speaker 1: oh should be an eye. I really tried to do
Speaker 1: a deep dive on this. I don't know why it
Speaker 1: bothered me so much.
Speaker 2: Just like Winemaker or something. Vintner I actually Vintner, I
Speaker 2: actually think artist is more embarrassing, just to be like, ah,
Speaker 2: I'm an artist, Like no, honey, no, you're.
Speaker 1: Not has anything ever been more true that these two
Speaker 1: come from like long old family money than the fact
Speaker 1: that they're getting married at this wedding and they are
Speaker 1: a vital culturalist and an artist.
Speaker 2: They're the worst people.
Speaker 3: They're the worst people.
Speaker 2: Natasha Richardson does so much work to make this person lovable. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and it works. Love I love her in this She's
Speaker 2: so lovely in this film. But if you really just
Speaker 2: look at the facts, this woman is a fucking monster.
Speaker 4: And the problem with Nick is that everything he sucks.
Speaker 1: He's somewhat charming, but he's deeply, deeply, clinically moronically stupid.
Speaker 1: He maybe the stupidest character we've ever encountered.
Speaker 2: He just follows his dick around and that's like all
Speaker 2: he does. Look again, charming because he's played by Dennis Quaid,
Speaker 2: who I find very charming. Despite I feel like we're
Speaker 2: gonna stop recording this and Paul's gonna be like googled
Speaker 2: this quad.
Speaker 1: I really don't think there's anything that bad. It's just
Speaker 1: like he's he's getting that famous crazy going.
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, he's still the less crazy of the Quaids.
Speaker 3: So fair, he's still way out ahead.
Speaker 2: Way Yeah, Randy, Randy's got this one in a lot.
Speaker 2: Randy's got the gold medal five years running.
Speaker 1: So eventually we see a photo of Nick played by
Speaker 1: Dennis Quaid and Elizabeth played by Natasha Richardson, and they
Speaker 1: clink champagne flutes and smile at each other. It's the
Speaker 1: photo from their wedding.
Speaker 2: By the way, according to this film, I don't know
Speaker 2: if you get into this later in the recap, they
Speaker 2: met on that cruise ship on day one. They were
Speaker 2: sat next to each other at dinner, and they decided
Speaker 2: to get married. I haven't really looked this up, but
Speaker 2: I'm ninety percent sure because I think I did look
Speaker 2: this up years ago because I thought it would be
Speaker 2: fun to travel on the Q two. I think it
Speaker 2: only takes five days to get from New York to
Speaker 2: London or seven days.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Well, here's the real kicker, Erica, And this is
Speaker 1: what I looked up. So the next thing that's gonna
Speaker 1: happen is we're going to smash cut to eleven years
Speaker 1: and nine months later in let's say early July, because
Speaker 1: all the kids are arriving at camp after school. We
Speaker 1: will later find out that the twins that they have
Speaker 1: are eleven years and nine months old. Because it's July,
Speaker 1: and they say that they are turning twelve in October,
Speaker 1: three months later. So that means that not only is
Speaker 1: she nine months pregnant when they get married, which is impossible,
Speaker 1: give everything else.
Speaker 2: Paul, those girls six months early. Yeah, they came six
Speaker 2: months early. That's why her hair is red. Okay, that's
Speaker 2: why this this ashy brunette and this blonde gave birth
Speaker 2: to two ginger queens.
Speaker 1: I just have to say, like I thought that the
Speaker 1: first second I saw it, I was like eleven years
Speaker 1: nine months.
Speaker 3: So they're eleven. They're eleven years old, and she's like, no,
Speaker 3: I'm turning twelve and three months. It's like, no, you're not.
Speaker 3: That's impossible.
Speaker 2: Maybe that's why they don't show her face because they
Speaker 2: can't show her front either. They're like, she's heavily pregnant. Yeah, no,
Speaker 2: these two bastards me. I. By the way, while you
Speaker 2: were talking, I did look it up cue too. Voyage
Speaker 2: takes seven days. In seven days, these two met, got married,
Speaker 2: got pregnant, and then in like nine months, decided to
Speaker 2: break it off.
Speaker 1: Yeah okay, So as I was saying, we smashed got
Speaker 1: to eleven years nine months later, buses are arriving at
Speaker 1: Camp Walden in Maine. The camp directors Marva Kulp Senior
Speaker 1: and Marva Culp Junior, played by Polly Holliday and Maggie Wheeler.
Speaker 1: Some of the best mother daughter casting I've ever seen. Yes,
Speaker 1: those two look alike.
Speaker 2: Also, the name Marva tickled me every time someone said it.
Speaker 1: I think this name is a reference to the sixty
Speaker 1: one movie. Oh probably, I'm not one hundred percent short,
Speaker 1: I think so.
Speaker 2: I'm going to go right out on a limb and
Speaker 2: say Marva is the original name of someone in that
Speaker 2: nineteen nine novel.
Speaker 1: So the Marva's culp are trying to manage the chaos.
Speaker 1: As we meet eleven year old Hallie Parker played by
Speaker 1: Lindsay Lawn. She's trying to retrieve her bag from this
Speaker 1: ever growing pile of duffolds that keep getting thrown onto
Speaker 1: this big like this big pile that keeps building up.
Speaker 1: She quickly manages to make a couple of friends and
Speaker 1: tells him that she lives in Napa on a vineyard,
Speaker 1: and they all head off to their cabin as Hallie
Speaker 1: asks her new friends if anyone knows how to play poker?
Speaker 2: Is Halle coated is queer. The two girls approach her
Speaker 2: and she becomes fast friends with them, like right away,
Speaker 2: and one of them is a girl, like a very
Speaker 2: very cute girl and tied die and she goes, now,
Speaker 2: that's my kind of woman, literally says that, and I
Speaker 2: get it. They're twelve, so she probably means something or eleven.
Speaker 2: She probably means something to the fact of like, oh,
Speaker 2: she's wearing tight eye, she's cool, she's California, blah blah blah. Right,
Speaker 2: but I mean And then later on in the movie,
Speaker 2: there's a scene where Halle, like tight eye girl is
Speaker 2: giving Halle like a piggyback ride because Halle is tired,
Speaker 2: as she calls her, babe. Okay, this is I'm not
Speaker 2: saying they're gay. They're very young, right, like they're pretty sexual.
Speaker 2: But I bet a lot of like queer girls saw
Speaker 2: this movie young and were like, I feel seen.
Speaker 3: Yep, that's me.
Speaker 2: I will die on that hill. Halle is gay, work
Speaker 2: or queer in some way.
Speaker 3: I I'm totally with you.
Speaker 2: So Halle has barely cleared the scene when a limo
Speaker 2: pulls up and discharges eleven year old very posh Annie James,
Speaker 2: played also by Lindsay Lohan with a sometimes wonderful, sometimes
Speaker 2: middling English act, and it comes and ghosts.
Speaker 3: I can't believe they made her do this. This is
Speaker 3: so mean.
Speaker 2: It's not bad though she's good.
Speaker 1: No, she's not bad, but like it's it's like I
Speaker 1: was like, maybe they wanted to like make a really
Speaker 1: easy way to delineate between the two characters, but like
Speaker 1: then they switch almost immediately, so it doesn't it doesn't
Speaker 1: even work. And I'm like, just have Natasha Richardson have
Speaker 1: moved to New York to be a fashion designer. There
Speaker 1: are plenty of British people who live in New York.
Speaker 1: And then Lindsay Lohan can just speak in her normal
Speaker 1: fucking voice. Like the level of difficulty there throwing at
Speaker 1: this preteen is insane.
Speaker 2: But Paul, she fucking nails it. She does sometimes the
Speaker 2: accent drops, but literally the greatest actors we have working
Speaker 2: their accent drops. Yeah, I've been rewatching Game of Thrones
Speaker 2: and like I love Peter Dingklich. Peter Dingklish is an
Speaker 2: amazing actor. Cannot do a British accent like he can
Speaker 2: sometimes for like fifteen street minutes will have a perfect
Speaker 2: British accent, and then it's clear that the scene was
Speaker 2: cut and they broke for lunch.
Speaker 4: And he came back and he lost it.
Speaker 2: He needs to wind back up into it because he
Speaker 2: just totally doesn't have an English accent. For the rest
Speaker 2: of the team. So Annie is very posh.
Speaker 1: The first one is butch, the second one is lipstick.
Speaker 2: His lipstick.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but not just.
Speaker 2: She's dressed like a grandmother. She's wearing like a Chanelle suit.
Speaker 2: She's wearing like sensible heels.
Speaker 3: I'm like, and you're going to camp wearing.
Speaker 2: Sensible heels and a pearl necklace. She's been brought to
Speaker 2: camp by her butler, Martin, played by Simon Kuntz. My
Speaker 2: favorite character in this movie.
Speaker 1: My favorite character is Chessie, but Martin is my second.
Speaker 2: They're so great. Both of them are fantastic. Both of fantastic.
Speaker 2: Martin and Annie are obviously extraordinarily close. I love this
Speaker 2: actor so much in this performance, so much because everything
Speaker 2: he does in this scene should creep the shit out
Speaker 2: of me. Yes, they have their own secret handshake. He
Speaker 2: drops her off at camp. He says, I'm gonna miss
Speaker 2: you so much. He gives you a kiss on the forehead.
Speaker 2: He actually has this line that's very sweet. It was
Speaker 2: like a parent, but a little creepy because he's like
Speaker 2: a servant. He says, missing you already, Queen of my heart. Yeah,
Speaker 2: but I'm telling you the way the actor delivers it,
Speaker 2: I'm like.
Speaker 3: Oh, I agree, he really he takes all that.
Speaker 1: Because I wrote that line down, I was like, that
Speaker 1: is just a weird line to write, but he manages
Speaker 1: to make it okay.
Speaker 2: It's so sweet. I love this actor so much. He's
Speaker 2: so good.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: So, because her mom can't fucking be bothered, she's dropped
Speaker 2: off by her butler, I'm gonna build a case here
Speaker 2: that Natasha Richardson is the worst of the two. I
Speaker 2: know Dennis quite is terrible, but I think Natasha Richardson
Speaker 2: is actually perhaps the worst parent of all time, Ladies
Speaker 2: and gentlemen of the jury. She couldn't fucking be bothered
Speaker 2: to drop her kid off.
Speaker 1: To be fair, it seems like he put Hallie on
Speaker 1: a plane and then had she had to get her
Speaker 1: own bus to go more than three thousand miles away,
Speaker 1: and he was like, see ya.
Speaker 4: That's true.
Speaker 1: He didn't even send their butler akhss to drop her off.
Speaker 3: He was just like, you're good, right, Hallie.
Speaker 2: That's because Halle is wiley. That's because Halle is smart.
Speaker 2: She has to be because she has a clinically stupid father. Yeah,
Speaker 2: so she has to be the smart one. She's like, no, no, no,
Speaker 2: don't try to drive me. You'll just get us lost.
Speaker 2: We'll end up in Canada.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I'll find my way to Maine on my own, thank you, sir.
Speaker 2: She hitchhiked there, Paul, She didn't take a plane.
Speaker 3: If Halle hooked up with Billy from Big, the two
Speaker 3: of them would take over the world.
Speaker 2: Oh my god. She and Billy from Big stole a car.
Speaker 2: They hitchhiked a little bit of the way, and they
Speaker 2: were like, you know what this is dodgy, let's just
Speaker 2: steal a car. And then they stole a car and
Speaker 2: just drove across the country on their own.
Speaker 1: We can only hope they hook up with Benjamin Franklin
Speaker 1: Rodriguez so he can like keep their criminal tendencies to
Speaker 1: a minimum.
Speaker 2: So he gives her the butler gives her Annie the
Speaker 2: British One a new deck of cards, says, hey, maybe
Speaker 2: you'll find someone at Camp Walden who can actually whip
Speaker 2: your tush at poker. So these girls have a preternatural
Speaker 2: gift for poker.
Speaker 1: That's not the only preternatural gift they have, Erica the
Speaker 1: other one.
Speaker 2: Makes sense, though, this one makes note like like you
Speaker 2: know what, keep going? I can't. I can't.
Speaker 1: So seemingly days pass with no one in camp ever
Speaker 1: noticing that there are carbon copy children lying around, So
Speaker 1: eventually we find Halle that's the American one, the one
Speaker 1: who had checked across America with Billy from Big dominating
Speaker 1: a fencing class run by Marva Culp Junior. That's Janis
Speaker 1: from Friends. After soundly defeating everyone, Annie walks up. Now,
Speaker 1: since Hallie is not facing her and wearing a fencing
Speaker 1: mask one of those things that completely obscures your face,
Speaker 1: no one remembers what she looks like, and no one
Speaker 1: bats an eye when her carbon copy says.
Speaker 3: I'll I'll take a whack at it.
Speaker 1: At defeating the champ, they both get their face masks on.
Speaker 1: They swash buckle their way all over the campgrounds until
Speaker 1: finally Annie that's the British one, manages to knock Halle
Speaker 1: over a porch railing into a trough of water. She
Speaker 1: immediately apologizes and holds out her hand say oh, I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: I didn't mean to do that to her opponent, and
Speaker 1: Hallie yanks her into the water.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: In the aftermath of the fight, they take off their
Speaker 1: masks and fine. Since they are standing directly next to
Speaker 1: each other, everyone notices that they are identical. However, they both,
Speaker 1: particularly Halle the American one, quickly take offense at the
Speaker 1: suggestion that they look anything alike. What is it, Erica,
Speaker 1: It's loathing, unadultrated loathing.
Speaker 2: I don't get that reference, Paul, what is that?
Speaker 3: That is a Wicked reference?
Speaker 2: Okay?
Speaker 1: We are mere months away from Wicked Part one being
Speaker 1: released into theaters.
Speaker 2: Oh I saw that musical one time, one thousand years ago.
Speaker 2: Do do I have to listen to it again?
Speaker 3: Do I have to get Tom back on here to
Speaker 3: talk about Wicked with me?
Speaker 2: Yes? Frankly, yes.
Speaker 1: Okay, So the two girls stock off. Halle is intent
Speaker 1: on revenge after losing the fencing match. It seems like
Speaker 1: maybe she's been the fencing champion of Camp Walden for
Speaker 1: three or four years.
Speaker 3: This is quite the upset.
Speaker 2: Whoever they have in those little like whoever they have
Speaker 2: pretending to be the girls fencing each other, they're good Erica.
Speaker 3: That is, Lindsay Lohana, I don't know what.
Speaker 2: It's definitely not two fencing experts who also can somehow
Speaker 2: pass for like four foot ten in height. Yeah, so far, Paul,
Speaker 2: I'm all in on this stupid movie. Sure, even this
Speaker 2: scene where like the Adult where Maggie Wheeler's character is
Speaker 2: looking right at them and is like, wow, you too,
Speaker 2: sure do look alike? And I'm like, you mean identical?
Speaker 2: They're identical except one of them is British and one
Speaker 2: of them is American, and one of them has shorter.
Speaker 1: Hair like down to the freckles on their face. Identical.
Speaker 2: Identical. So we cut to Annie's cabin later that night,
Speaker 2: British one, and she's running an off the grade poker game,
Speaker 2: because of course.
Speaker 3: She is just fleecing all of her new friends for
Speaker 3: all their work.
Speaker 2: I buy them both as good at fencing. I don't
Speaker 2: buy that that little miss grows up in Mayfair it
Speaker 2: knows about poker. I'm sorry, No, No, where does she
Speaker 2: learn did her mother send her off to Monaco for
Speaker 2: by herself, like on vacation.
Speaker 1: I think the implication is that her grandfather she has
Speaker 1: a grandfather in England who I essentially cut of the
Speaker 1: recap because he does nothing plot important. I buy that
Speaker 1: her grandfather taught her. What I don't buy is that
Speaker 1: any child can play poker. I have played poker so
Speaker 1: many times with my nephews and none of them can
Speaker 1: keep it together. Yeah, you can read them like a book.
Speaker 2: Also, this makes it seem like they're both like, like
Speaker 2: genius is a poker instead of just insanely.
Speaker 1: Lucky, right poker? Like there is skill involved in poker,
Speaker 1: but you can't you can't guarantee something.
Speaker 2: Yeah, which is what it is, which is what is
Speaker 2: about to happen. Right, Okay, So British one is rending
Speaker 2: an off the grid poker game. Just as she fully
Speaker 2: bankrupts them all, Hallie enters with her own set of friends,
Speaker 2: her posse, including her girl friend Tydeye Girl. She's swinging
Speaker 2: a sock full of quarters and I'm like, that is
Speaker 2: she gonna hurt someone?
Speaker 3: It's a little black Jackie, right, but.
Speaker 2: You know what I'm into it. I really like Kelly.
Speaker 3: It's a little bit nylon full of lemons and I'm
Speaker 3: going to beat you with.
Speaker 2: She challenges Annie to a game. The stakes escalate until
Speaker 2: it is agreed that the loser will have to dive
Speaker 2: naked into the lake. Annie is so confident She's like, yes,
Speaker 2: let's do that, and she shows her cards. She has
Speaker 2: a straight flush. Suck it, loser, get naked. What if
Speaker 2: they got naked and then they were both like, we
Speaker 2: look identical naked too.
Speaker 3: You have the same birthmart Ah, we both.
Speaker 2: Have ginger bushes. Of course. Though, when it's time for
Speaker 2: Halle to show her cards, she has a royal flush.
Speaker 1: Okay, so I looked this up. I don't know if
Speaker 1: this is accurate, but this is the best information I
Speaker 1: could find. The odds of a straight flush are seventy
Speaker 1: two thousand to one. The odds of a royal flush
Speaker 1: are six hundred and fifty thousand to one.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: The odds of these two having the hands at the
Speaker 1: same time forty six point eight billion to one.
Speaker 2: Oh, that's how good they are.
Speaker 1: The odds of winning the lottery are fourteen million to one.
Speaker 2: I mean, if Halle and Annie don't go out and
Speaker 2: buy lottery tickets that night, they're frankly losing money.
Speaker 3: They're frankly idiots.
Speaker 2: Yeah. So, Annie, true to her word, heads out and
Speaker 2: jumps into the lake, which only gives Hallie and her
Speaker 2: friends a chance to steal her clothes, which is real
Speaker 2: dick move.
Speaker 1: It's a real dick move. But also they went into
Speaker 1: Annie's cabin. You would presume that her cabin mates would
Speaker 1: be about and able to stop this theft of clothing.
Speaker 2: Right, were her cabin mats like, we don't want to
Speaker 2: see you naked. That's a good violation. We're gonna stay
Speaker 2: in here.
Speaker 1: Or is it just Erica what you've always said? No
Speaker 1: honor amongst tween girls. Are they starting to get that savagery?
Speaker 2: Eleven is still too young, eleven is still too innocent.
Speaker 2: It comes about a year and a half later. We
Speaker 2: just wake up one day and you were like, I'm
Speaker 2: going to burn down the world. How do I do that?
Speaker 3: Where is the kerosene and a match?
Speaker 2: How do I make everyone in the world as miserable
Speaker 2: as I feel in this moment. I can't do it
Speaker 2: with Mike. That's how boys do it, and I've seen
Speaker 2: them fail too many times. I have to do it
Speaker 2: with my cunning and I will you know what that person,
Speaker 2: see that random adult over there, I'm going to destroy them.
Speaker 3: To you, I have found the weakest la.
Speaker 2: See that poor man just trying to sell newspapers. I'm
Speaker 2: going to burn him so hard that he is going
Speaker 2: to rethink his whole life.
Speaker 1: Inside every tween Girl are two wolves, and both wolves
Speaker 1: are hungry and psychotic.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Inside every tween Girl are two wolves, and they're
Speaker 2: being written by a miniature rapt and a miniature Adolf Hitler.
Speaker 3: All right.
Speaker 1: So Annie responds by putting all of Halle's cabin's furniture
Speaker 1: on the roof, which I can't even get into the
Speaker 1: logistics of how this could possibly happen.
Speaker 2: But I don't understand. I don't understand.
Speaker 1: Was there a police system where there are adult men drafted?
Speaker 3: Did she? Did she hire people? What happened?
Speaker 2: Did she? She is rich canonically right, and like cell
Speaker 2: phones did exist back then, so maybe she called she
Speaker 2: called mover, she called men with van.
Speaker 1: Yeah, man of the van, that's what we want to do. Okay,
Speaker 1: So Halle goes nuclear. Oh, by the way, the Annie
Speaker 1: c where she sees she's the camera. I just have
Speaker 1: to point this out really quickly. This is one of
Speaker 1: my least favorite things that directors do in movies. So
Speaker 1: you have your characters, they're walking at a distance, and
Speaker 1: they're walking towards the camera, and they walked towards the
Speaker 1: camera for like a minute or thirty seconds or whatever,
Speaker 1: and then one of them notices something that all three
Speaker 1: of them would have been able to see the entire time,
Speaker 1: and the other two act confused, as if they have
Speaker 1: not looked straight ahead in minutes to see what is
Speaker 1: ahead of them, which in this case is the cabin
Speaker 1: with furniture on the roof.
Speaker 4: That's all I'm yeah, this makes no sense.
Speaker 2: Like I'm willing to go with a lot of the
Speaker 2: stuff that happens in this movie, like a lot of
Speaker 2: the crazy, stupid things. This is the one thing where
Speaker 2: I was like, no, no, these are children, these are
Speaker 2: small children. And they lifted, they horked a bed up
Speaker 2: on the roof of a.
Speaker 3: Cabin and balanced it or did they nail it in?
Speaker 2: They biled it in because the roof is raked, yes, said,
Speaker 2: the thing is not a flat roof, it's raked. They
Speaker 2: must have nailed it in somehow. Okay, you know what,
Speaker 2: Halle not Hallie. Annie definitely called someone to have.
Speaker 1: Them do it, all right, So Halle goes nuclear. In
Speaker 1: response to this, she enlists her cabin to booby trap
Speaker 1: Annie's cabin to within an inch of its life. There
Speaker 1: is shaving cream, honey, water balloons, a basketball, vegetable oil,
Speaker 1: chocolate sauce.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like a Rube Goldberg machine, but for destruction.
Speaker 1: It actually mostly goes off without a hitch. Unfortunately, before
Speaker 1: the final trap can be sprung, the Marva's Culp arrive
Speaker 1: for a sneak inspection, and despite Halle's best efforts to
Speaker 1: not let them walk into the cabin, Annie figures out
Speaker 1: that she's trying to stop them, and she's like, oh no,
Speaker 1: come on in, and the Marva's Culp get caught. In
Speaker 1: the final stage. They wind up covered in chocolate sauce
Speaker 1: and feathers, and they are not amused, and they decide
Speaker 1: that both Annie and Halle must head to the quote
Speaker 1: unquote isolation cabin. How do we feel about this as
Speaker 1: a punishment?
Speaker 2: I need to know because I did not go to
Speaker 2: camp when I was a kid. If you are a
Speaker 2: listener and you went.
Speaker 3: To camp, how do you know I didn't go to camp.
Speaker 2: That's a good question. How did you go to camp?
Speaker 3: Of course not you knew I didn't.
Speaker 2: Of course, not theater camp maybe, but not camp camp.
Speaker 2: I went to theater camp actually, but it was not
Speaker 2: sleep away. They dropped me off in the morning and
Speaker 2: pick me up in the evening. Yeah, I've never been
Speaker 2: to camp. If you have, let us know. Is this
Speaker 2: a thing, because it's not just in this movie. It
Speaker 2: shows up at Adam's family values too. Oh, this seems
Speaker 2: illegal at best, illegal at worst extremely negligent and dangerous.
Speaker 3: Yes, agreed.
Speaker 2: Also, are there only two adults in this entire camp
Speaker 2: full of children?
Speaker 1: You do see a couple other counselors when people arrive,
Speaker 1: but only the culps speak speak.
Speaker 2: There's also a little boy played by Lindsay Lohan's brother, Yeah,
Speaker 2: accidentally gets dropped off of the girls camp, and like
Speaker 2: it's a runner throughout the movie that he is just
Speaker 2: there the whole time because his parents don't come to
Speaker 2: pick him up, which is very Dina Lohan frankly.
Speaker 1: Very But okay, so since you brought that up here,
Speaker 1: what he says is I thought this was a boys camp,
Speaker 1: which begs the question of did he book himself into it,
Speaker 1: because the way he makes it sound, it's like he
Speaker 1: was in charge of all of them.
Speaker 2: Maybe these parents aren't the worst parents. Yeah, if we
Speaker 2: pulled these campers and we're like, so these two twins
Speaker 2: parents split them up at birth. Yeah, like didn't let
Speaker 2: them know about each other. How about you, guys, what
Speaker 2: do you got?
Speaker 1: And this kid is like, my parents told me I
Speaker 1: was going to a boys camp. They brought me here
Speaker 1: under completely false pretenses and have changed their number.
Speaker 3: I cannot get a hold of them.
Speaker 2: Ah, my parents just dropped me off in Maine. And
Speaker 2: figure it out and find your way to camp.
Speaker 1: Any child of ours would know how to survive in
Speaker 1: the wilderness anyway, You'll be fine.
Speaker 2: You'd be fine. So Halle and Annie take up residence
Speaker 2: in this one cabin by themselves, seemingly for the remainder
Speaker 2: of camp.
Speaker 3: There, yeah, which is like another seven weeks or something.
Speaker 2: Left to their own devices. At first, they made like
Speaker 2: they maintain an icy distance, but a storm blows in
Speaker 2: one day and they have to like batten down the hatches,
Speaker 2: like close the windows and stuff. And Annie helps Halle
Speaker 2: close a window that's stuck to prevent her pictures from
Speaker 2: blowing through the room. There's a funny moment here where
Speaker 2: she's like, I love Leonardo DiCaprio. She kisses a picture
Speaker 2: of him and the other little girl doesn't know who
Speaker 2: she is who he is rather, and I'm like, is
Speaker 2: there a moment where Lindsay Lohan and Leonardo DiCaprio have met?
Speaker 2: Like that was my first thought. I was like, there
Speaker 2: has to be. There has to be. They must have
Speaker 2: met a movie that they were both in at the
Speaker 2: same time together, or a picture of them at a
Speaker 2: party somewhere like outside smoking cigarettes. So the two girls
Speaker 2: start to bond. They don't talk about the fact that
Speaker 2: they're identical.
Speaker 3: No, no, no, no, Why would that they're not?
Speaker 2: Why Paul this is? Is this film about body dys morphia?
Speaker 2: Is this a movie about two teenage girls with such deep,
Speaker 2: deeply entrenched body dysmorphia that they don't know what they
Speaker 2: look like and they can't recognize themselves and other I
Speaker 2: wonder about.
Speaker 4: That sometimes much than we think.
Speaker 2: If I saw my identical twin walking down the street,
Speaker 2: would I be like, I don't recognize her because that's
Speaker 2: not what I see when I look in the mirror.
Speaker 3: Oh you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Like that that sounds like a real a real pitch
Speaker 1: for a next David Cronenberg film, Like that is.
Speaker 2: In the original German novel I'm convinced. I'm convinced. So
Speaker 2: the two girls start to bond, and Hallie says that
Speaker 2: she only has a father. By the way, the parents
Speaker 2: told them enough to let them know that there is
Speaker 2: a parent out there. There. You have a mom out there.
Speaker 2: She just doesn't care to be involved in your life.
Speaker 2: I really wish one of them had been like, they're dead.
Speaker 4: Really really make this stick.
Speaker 2: The knife in just makes us so much worse. So
Speaker 2: and Annie's like, that's funny. You only have a father.
Speaker 2: I only have a mother. And then they realize they
Speaker 2: have the same birthday. They're both going to be twelve
Speaker 2: on October eleventh, with which Paul points out is actually impossible.
Speaker 2: But we're gonna move on.
Speaker 1: We're gonna it's also National coming out Day, which might
Speaker 1: be significant for.
Speaker 2: Hall He Hallie, Hallie girl, you are seen.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: They also each only have a photo of their missing
Speaker 2: parent that's been ripped down the middle. They put the
Speaker 2: pictures together to form the photo we saw at the
Speaker 2: beginning of the film of Nick and Elizabeth's wedding, and
Speaker 2: low and behold, these two Jabbroni's finally figure it out.
Speaker 2: They're sisters. Not just sisters, they're twins.
Speaker 1: The upsetting part is that they are the most intelligent
Speaker 1: people depicted in the movie.
Speaker 2: Oh Bye by William I'm telling you, this is a
Speaker 2: film about body just morphing. These two don't know what
Speaker 2: they look like in real life.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Annie thinks she's blonde. Hallie thinks she's a brunette.
Speaker 2: Annie has like an idea. Halle is all kinds of
Speaker 2: messed up about what she looks like. She has no concepts.
Speaker 2: As much as I'm making fun of this, though, Paul,
Speaker 2: and this is where I was like, tuck, Lindsay Lohan
Speaker 2: is so goddamn good. I cried at the scene. Really,
Speaker 2: they're so good, she I say, they like it's two
Speaker 2: fucking girls. She's so good. She's so good at playing
Speaker 2: both these parts that when they when they're like we're sisters, like,
Speaker 2: oh god, I'm choking up.
Speaker 4: I'm choking up.
Speaker 2: The British one is like, we're not just sisters, we're twins,
Speaker 2: and they hug and I'm like, oh god, oh god.
Speaker 4: I'm good.
Speaker 3: Oh my god.
Speaker 1: That's so funny because I think I feel like I'm
Speaker 1: usually the easier target and that this did not make
Speaker 1: me tier up.
Speaker 3: This was not a Tierra moment for me.
Speaker 2: You are hopeless, my friend. This is so.
Speaker 1: Sweet, all right, So the two fill each other in
Speaker 1: on the parent they haven't met. Elizabeth is now an
Speaker 1: in demand wedding dress designer, while Nick runs a successful vineyard,
Speaker 1: perhaps the most successful vineyard ever in the history of
Speaker 1: time based on the amount of money he seems to have.
Speaker 3: But sure.
Speaker 1: Neither have ever gotten remarried. And then the twins have
Speaker 1: an idea. They should just swap places at the end
Speaker 1: of summer and give themselves a chance to spend time
Speaker 1: with the dead beat, I mean parent that they haven't met.
Speaker 2: I think dead beat's too good for these too. These
Speaker 2: two have a case. If these two wants to emancipate
Speaker 2: themselves and just live by themselves in a fucking penthouse
Speaker 2: in New York, they have a case.
Speaker 3: They have a case.
Speaker 1: Our parents decided that not only were we going to
Speaker 1: live apart, we were going to be lied to about
Speaker 1: the very existence of our idea, twin for a decade
Speaker 1: plus of our lives.
Speaker 2: They need to get Macaulay Culkin's lawyer. They need to
Speaker 2: emancipate Chessie and Martin can live with them and take
Speaker 2: care of them.
Speaker 3: That sounds perfect.
Speaker 2: We just cut out these two assholes. These two fucking
Speaker 2: monsters ripped us apart as children for apparently no reason
Speaker 2: because the movie. I get it, it's a kid's movie.
Speaker 2: They don't want to get deep into it. Ye. Yeah,
Speaker 2: there's no fight, there's no thing of like I had
Speaker 2: to go back to London for my job and I
Speaker 2: had to stay in California for mine, literally anything, And
Speaker 2: you're a degenerate gambler and that's why your kid knows
Speaker 2: so much about poker. It apparently seems like they were
Speaker 2: just like like, especially like her, and like Natasha Richards's
Speaker 2: character woke up one day and was like, no, I'm done.
Speaker 2: I'm done, Thank you sir, thanks for the sperm, thanks
Speaker 2: for the kid, I'll see you later.
Speaker 4: I'm out, all right.
Speaker 1: So if they do this swap, the twins say eventually
Speaker 1: they'll have to switch back, which will let their parents
Speaker 1: meet again, because they already have this idea that their
Speaker 1: parents are actually each other's one true love. Right they
Speaker 1: split up at a They made a mistake splitting up,
Speaker 1: so Annie and Hallie devote the rest of the summer
Speaker 1: to giving each other crash courses in their home lives.
Speaker 1: So that they can pass for each other. One moment
Speaker 1: here where Annie describes to Hallie that she has a butler,
Speaker 1: and Hallie goes, we have a butler, bitch, you have
Speaker 1: a housekeeper. You also have a butler. She's just not
Speaker 1: called a butler. And frankly, she's treated worse than the
Speaker 1: butler is in England.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, definitely, way worse.
Speaker 3: Way worse, because she's the only person on staff.
Speaker 1: She has to do at the job of a butler,
Speaker 1: a housekeeper, everything now nanny, she says, everything.
Speaker 3: She has to be the mom. How's that?
Speaker 2: How's that? Well? But then again, Martin does have to
Speaker 2: be the daddy and the mom because Natasha Richardson is
Speaker 2: checked out.
Speaker 1: Natasha Richardson is the is the fun aunt, she's the fante,
Speaker 1: She's the money.
Speaker 2: That's all she is. Later in the film, I'm sorry,
Speaker 2: I'm just gonna cut ahead, when when the kid who
Speaker 2: goes back to London let's just call let's just say
Speaker 2: Hallie because that's who it is, shows up at the house.
Speaker 2: She's like, hello, Hello, is anyone hear And I'm like,
Speaker 2: you were gone for eight weeks, your mom didn't meet
Speaker 2: you at the airport. Your mom didn't meet you at
Speaker 2: the door.
Speaker 3: Your butler did.
Speaker 2: Also. The butler pieced out, okay, I'm sorry, I'm cutting ahead,
Speaker 2: I'm cutting ahead. They get to this girl's house in London.
Speaker 2: The girl goes up the walk and enters through the
Speaker 2: front door. The two servants that came with her do
Speaker 2: not I in my head. They went around the back
Speaker 2: and went in through the servant.
Speaker 3: Entrance as they should have.
Speaker 2: As they should no servant will go through the front
Speaker 2: door in this house. And then the girl wanders through
Speaker 2: the house. Do you know how long I was waiting
Speaker 2: for the reveal that she walked into the wrong house
Speaker 2: by accident because the house is hers perfect? How long
Speaker 2: I was waiting for that to happen. And then she
Speaker 2: sees the grandfather first, and then minutes later the mom
Speaker 2: deigns to come down stair and it's like, hey, girl,
Speaker 2: I missed you.
Speaker 1: I was on a phone call. I care far more
Speaker 1: about my career than you.
Speaker 3: Just see. You know, she's the worst.
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, back to this moment in the movie, though,
Speaker 1: we'll get there. So we're almost there. So Hallie and
Speaker 1: Annie are giving each other crash courses on how to
Speaker 1: be how to disguise themselves. Right, This culminates in an
Speaker 1: unwanted haircut and ear piercing for poor Annie. You could
Speaker 1: think you could, you could have given won the ear
Speaker 1: piercing and won the haircut, but they both land on
Speaker 1: the British one.
Speaker 2: Well, no, because the American can't grow her hair.
Speaker 1: She is the short Well right, I just mean to say, like,
Speaker 1: if she has the shorter hair, then make her be
Speaker 1: the one who has to get her ears pierced.
Speaker 2: She already has her ears pierced.
Speaker 4: Right, Wait, I'm missing out.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying, why does Annie have to go through
Speaker 1: two tortures if she has to cut her hair? Just
Speaker 1: write in the script that Hallie is the one who
Speaker 1: doesn't have You're fixing.
Speaker 2: The movie from the other side, gotcha? Hey, you're right?
Speaker 2: Do they have to pierce your ears? All? You think
Speaker 2: Dennis Quaid is going to be like, hey, what happened
Speaker 2: to your pierce?
Speaker 4: Yeah, pierced ears.
Speaker 2: You know what, though Chessie might now now that I
Speaker 2: know where this movie is, Chessie, the heartbeat would be
Speaker 2: like your ears closed up? What the happens?
Speaker 1: Yeah, chess But Chessie is like that anyway. Chessie knows
Speaker 1: almost immediately she gets away with it for hours.
Speaker 2: Chessie A Chessie is canonically the best parent in this film.
Speaker 2: Martin comes a very close second.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and then after that it's the dog Sam.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, you know what, I'm gonna give it to Meredith.
Speaker 2: Give it to Meredith after this because okay, yeah, she's
Speaker 2: substant at least.
Speaker 3: She's disciplinary, and at least she's honest.
Speaker 2: These could use some fucking discipline. Okay, So the end
Speaker 2: of camp arrives, the twins go through with their plan.
Speaker 2: Holle heads off first to London and that dystopian scene
Speaker 2: that I described earlier, where like Martin lovingly meets her
Speaker 2: at the airport, she successfully completes the secret handshake, the
Speaker 2: like eleven step secret handshake that she Yeah, Annie and
Speaker 2: Martin have so but Martin does not get suspicious about anything.
Speaker 2: He doesn't even notice that she like stits her head
Speaker 2: out the window like a labrador when she sees he's
Speaker 2: like London. She comes home, her mom barely says hi
Speaker 2: to her. Okay, I will say this, though, as much
Speaker 2: as I'm making fun of the scene, this is a
Speaker 2: cry number two. This is cry number two for Erica.
Speaker 2: Oh really, Hallie just wants to meet her mom, and
Speaker 2: she wants her mom to like her. So before she
Speaker 2: meets her mom, she goes, please like me, Please like me,
Speaker 2: Please like me, Like there's something so achingly vulnerable and
Speaker 2: sweet about that, and I was just like, oh, and
Speaker 2: so when Natasha Richardson, who by the way, is such
Speaker 2: a great actress and is so charming, like so naturally
Speaker 2: giftedly charming, because she actually makes this work, because it
Speaker 2: isn't until you start to think about it after the
Speaker 2: movie that you're like, that woman's a fucking monster.
Speaker 1: And also she is fighting through one of the worst
Speaker 1: haircuts I've ever seen on anybody.
Speaker 2: It's a nineteen ninety eight haircut, my friend.
Speaker 1: It is the same haircut that that doctor therape Melissa
Speaker 1: Reeves played by Jamie Gertz hasn't twist her. Only it
Speaker 1: looks way better on Jamie Gertz. This is awful on
Speaker 1: Natasha richard Sidy.
Speaker 2: He is late nineties Meg Ryan, who was by the way,
Speaker 2: at the time married to Dennis Quay's haircut, Like, yeah,
Speaker 2: it is. It is that pixie cut, but.
Speaker 3: Like outgrown Hillary Clinton.
Speaker 2: And didn't look good at anyone. Google Gwyneth Paltrow with
Speaker 2: this haircut. Ooh, no mistake, that was a mistake. The
Speaker 2: only person I said this before, and I maintained this
Speaker 2: that makes his haircut work when on a writer. She's
Speaker 2: the only person that was it. So Elizabeth, being being
Speaker 2: a terrible parent, is completely taken in by the rus
Speaker 2: immediately doesn't recognize that this isn't her kid.
Speaker 1: Gotta say one bit of comedy gold that was absolutely
Speaker 1: left on the field here was making Hallie as Annie
Speaker 1: try British food beans on toast and blood sausage should
Speaker 1: absolutely have been.
Speaker 2: Served and vice versa, and like make Annie do some
Speaker 2: like super California woo woo stuff. She's like, wait, what
Speaker 2: are these crystals for? Are you fucking kidding me? So Elizabeth,
Speaker 2: because she's the worst, gets a phone call from her job.
Speaker 2: It's a photo shoot gone wrong, and she's like, would
Speaker 2: you mind terribly going to work with me to her
Speaker 2: daughter who she hasn't seen in two months, and the
Speaker 2: daughter is like yes, because it's Hallie and she's coolest shit.
Speaker 2: So they go to the shoot. There's a real model there, Vendla.
Speaker 2: She'd I forgot her last name. She's a real fashion model.
Speaker 2: From the nineties. In that scene, they have fun at
Speaker 2: the shoot. Hallie is loving her new glamorous life as
Speaker 2: glamorous as the California life. Is this life? The London
Speaker 2: life is so glamorous.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: They live in a mansion in London. The mom's a
Speaker 2: famous fashion designer. They're friends with models, They're friends with
Speaker 2: like it's very fucking cool. If I had to pick,
Speaker 2: I'd pick this one of the two lives.
Speaker 3: I think I would actually pick California.
Speaker 2: That makes sense with the two of us, Paul, Yeah,
Speaker 2: it makes sense.
Speaker 3: But I get bored in Napa.
Speaker 1: You're right, No, No, maybe it would be London, but
Speaker 1: it would be it would be hard.
Speaker 3: Did the beauty of the California Probably?
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's so beautiful.
Speaker 4: Napa's pretty.
Speaker 2: Napa has stuff, though, I'm sure, like.
Speaker 1: You're close to say, in Francisco doesn't have the West
Speaker 1: End though you're close.
Speaker 2: To the culture. Yeah, they have the West End like they
Speaker 2: have London. They have London.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: So anyway, and so she starts to bring up her
Speaker 2: father and Elizabeth tells Halle the story. She's I'm shocked.
Speaker 2: I was expecting her to be more like, No, I
Speaker 2: don't want to talk about that, but she's like, well
Speaker 2: we met on the Qui two blah blah blah. This
Speaker 2: is when we find out they met on the first
Speaker 2: day of a seven day cruise and got married by
Speaker 2: the end of it.
Speaker 3: Yep.
Speaker 1: We cut to Napa Airport where Nick is waiting to
Speaker 1: greet Halle, who is of course really.
Speaker 2: In Nick, being canonically the better parent, actually fucking picks
Speaker 2: his kid up at the airport.
Speaker 1: Annie is not as smooth as her sister. She can
Speaker 1: barely keep it together as she's talking to Nick. She's
Speaker 1: saying Britishism is like, oh, it was horrid, you know,
Speaker 1: and he's like horrid? Does he need a finishing school?
Speaker 1: So she's not quite as smooth as Halle wasn't trained
Speaker 1: at the feet of Billy from Big Nick also mentions
Speaker 1: that a lot has been happening in the eight weeks
Speaker 1: since she's been gone, but she doesn't really clock that,
Speaker 1: and he drives her back to their enormous Napa Valley
Speaker 1: estate with a vineyard attack, where she's greeted by Chessie
Speaker 1: played by Melissa and Walter. She's her nanny, she's their cook,
Speaker 1: she's everything, and she immediately says something is changed, like
Speaker 1: even almost before she says anything. Chessie's like, huh, that's weird.
Speaker 2: You look different, you seem different.
Speaker 1: Yeah, where do you think the name Chessie came from?
Speaker 1: What's your real name?
Speaker 3: Duchess Chesterton, Chesterton.
Speaker 2: Chester Chester. Her real name is Chester.
Speaker 3: Her name is Chester.
Speaker 2: Yeah, her name is Chesty. But she's like, you know what,
Speaker 2: if I'm going to be a professional nanny, I should
Speaker 2: probably take the tea out.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: One thing I did notice about this scene is that
Speaker 1: Annie is informed that she will be participating in the unpacking,
Speaker 1: whereas in Britain, Martin just unpacks for Hallie. Yeah, don't
Speaker 1: have servants do shit for children. It will make them assholes.
Speaker 2: I don't care. I want it. I want that life.
Speaker 3: You can have it now. Now you're not an asshole.
Speaker 1: You have to fully form into a non asshole before
Speaker 1: the stuff like this could happen. Their family dog, Sammy,
Speaker 1: who's this beautiful golden lab or golden retriever, is not
Speaker 1: fooled at all.
Speaker 3: He barks it.
Speaker 1: He barks it Annie right away, not aggressively, just like hey, stupid,
Speaker 1: that's not Hallie, right, that kind of thing.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Nick tells Annie that he has someone he wants her
Speaker 1: to meet when she's done unpacking, And we see her
Speaker 1: father talking to this woman outside, and Annie and Chessie
Speaker 1: go upstairs to unpack, and she pumps Chessie for information
Speaker 1: and Chessie dishes with almost no.
Speaker 2: You know what, I'm starting to go back to Martin
Speaker 2: being the better parent because everything Chessie does here is
Speaker 2: shady as fuck.
Speaker 1: It's shady as fuck. But you know what, she I
Speaker 1: believe she did that to protect Nick. She was like,
Speaker 1: I don't have the power or standing in this family
Speaker 1: to derail this relationship.
Speaker 2: So I'm gonna put it on an eleven year old.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna play my trump card.
Speaker 2: I don't know. I don't like that. I don't like this.
Speaker 2: She sticks with the onus of this on that kid,
Speaker 2: all right.
Speaker 1: So Chessie tells Annie, who she thinks is Hallie, that
Speaker 1: the woman is Meredith Blake. She's a publicist from Sam
Speaker 1: Prance Cisco who Nick hired to help with the vineyard,
Speaker 1: and basically all but says that she's a gold digger.
Speaker 2: She when she says the word publicist, she makes it
Speaker 2: sound like she's saying sex worker. Yeah, She's like she's
Speaker 2: a publicist if you know what I mean. I'm like,
Speaker 2: you made a publicist.
Speaker 3: I think you mean a publicist.
Speaker 2: We're running a multimillion dollar business here, we're selling goods
Speaker 2: and services to the public. We should probably have a publicist.
Speaker 2: So Annie heads downstairs and we meet Meredith, played by
Speaker 2: the great.
Speaker 1: Elaine Hendrix, another famous lesbian from another movie, Lisa Lutner
Speaker 1: from Roman Michell's High School Union. That's right, that's all
Speaker 1: lesbian extraordinaire.
Speaker 2: This is who went Okay, you know how I said.
Speaker 2: Hallie has body dysmorphia. When she looks in the mirror,
Speaker 2: she thinks she looks like Elaine Hendrix, but not this version.
Speaker 2: She thinks she looks like Lisa Lutner from Rome and
Speaker 2: Michell's High School Reunion in the in the fucking power
Speaker 2: suit with the hot lesbian haircut. That's who she thinks
Speaker 2: she is. Yeah, Meredith is very smarmy, Like really, Elaine
Speaker 2: Hendricks plays bitch so well. It's like she's the subtle
Speaker 2: actress too. She doesn't play it so over the top. Yeah,
Speaker 2: she's so good in this movie. So Annie of course
Speaker 2: immediately hates her, because yeah she should. Meredith sucks. She
Speaker 2: immediately is like Annie because she is the smarter of
Speaker 2: the two. Hallie might be wilier, but Annie is the
Speaker 2: smart one. So she's like, I know how to get
Speaker 2: under someone's skin in under two seconds. She goes cause
Speaker 2: maredth is like how old are you? And she's like,
Speaker 2: I'm eleven? How old are you? And Meredith grits her
Speaker 2: teeth and is like, I'm twenty six. And then Hallie's like,
Speaker 2: or Annie, I should say, is like, how old are you? Dad?
Speaker 2: So your girlfriend is only fifteen years older than me?
Speaker 2: How much younger? How much older than her? Are you?
Speaker 2: She's all of us out loud, thinking everyone extremely uncomfortable.
Speaker 2: Nick is called inside and the two women are left outside. Well,
Speaker 2: the woman and the girl are left outside. Annie's in
Speaker 2: the pool, Meredith is on a deck chair. Meredith feels
Speaker 2: a call from a charity and turns it down on
Speaker 2: Nick's behalf right. She's like, no, he's not doing that.
Speaker 2: He's out of the country. I'm so sorry. Annie turns
Speaker 2: to her and she's like, wait, is my dad leaving
Speaker 2: the country And She's like no, no, no, I'm actually
Speaker 2: being a good publicist and doing my job. Right after
Speaker 2: the call, Meredith tries to bond with Annie, and he's like,
Speaker 2: absolutely not. He totally gaslights Meredith. She's like, so, how
Speaker 2: does it feel to be Dad's twenty ninth girlfriend? Yeah, Eddie,
Speaker 2: She's like, what do you mean? And she's like, oh,
Speaker 2: he's had a lot of women before you. It's always
Speaker 2: the same routine, lovey dovey. Then he takes out a
Speaker 2: bottle from his special like Vintage or whatever. How that
Speaker 2: girl knew that was coming is a fucking like, she's incredible.
Speaker 1: She's studied up with Hallie, she did her homework.
Speaker 2: Yeah, of course. Nick comes out and he's like, I
Speaker 2: got a bottle from my special Vintage for everyone, and
Speaker 2: Annie like winks at Meredith, like block sister.
Speaker 1: So Annie manages to get Halle on the phone. She
Speaker 1: reports on Meredith, but Halle doesn't believe her about the
Speaker 1: seriousness of the situation, and she tells Annie just sabotage
Speaker 1: the relationship and refuses to bring Elizabeth to California immediately.
Speaker 1: She's like, no, I've had one day with Mom. I'm
Speaker 1: staying here, Like, deal with this situation, okay, Erica, I
Speaker 1: have an alternate I have an alternate film to.
Speaker 3: Pitch for you.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, what if Hallie just like single white females. Annie,
Speaker 1: so like she's like, I'm doubling down. When when she
Speaker 1: tries to switch back, I was gonna be like, well,
Speaker 1: I don't know who this person is. I'm Annie, I
Speaker 1: belong in London, and she tries to steal her life.
Speaker 2: She steals her life.
Speaker 3: I'm telling you.
Speaker 4: It has like remember the good Son.
Speaker 2: Remember that there was like a there was a series
Speaker 2: of like evil children movies in the nineties.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, that would.
Speaker 2: Fit so beautifully in that genre of like a little
Speaker 2: girl who's Oh paul I love this idea.
Speaker 4: Yeah, this is a great idea.
Speaker 3: That is a pitch, that is a Yes, it is
Speaker 3: a parent trap, but it goes horribly wrong.
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, Nick ends up married to Meredith. Meredith really
Speaker 2: does ship that girl off to like some boding school somewhere.
Speaker 1: And it's the proper nice British one, whereas the American
Speaker 1: one is like, it's just like living her best life
Speaker 1: in London.
Speaker 2: Yes, she's like, you mean my mom, not our mom.
Speaker 3: And she just hangs up the phone.
Speaker 2: Yeah, oh I love it, paul I love it, except
Speaker 2: probably she would have to kill Martin because Martin, you
Speaker 2: figure it out that because these movies have to get dark, right,
Speaker 2: So Martin figures it out somehow.
Speaker 3: But that's a great third act twist.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Martin figures it out, and Hallie has to kill
Speaker 2: Martin to keep her secret from coming out. But she's
Speaker 2: not Annie. Oh she throws him down the stairs.
Speaker 4: Yeah, or she poisons him.
Speaker 2: She poisons his crumpets. Oh my god, Paul like this movie.
Speaker 1: She pushes him off of big bed, she gets him
Speaker 1: on the eye and then just yes, defenestrates him off
Speaker 1: of the eye of the eye.
Speaker 2: She tosses him in the Thames. She locks him in
Speaker 2: the dungeon part of the Tower of London and throws
Speaker 2: away the key.
Speaker 1: She starts just a slow psychological torture of him, where
Speaker 1: she keeps taking his shoes and she makes them half
Speaker 1: a size smaller every three days.
Speaker 2: Oh yes, but it's with his speedo.
Speaker 1: We are gonna get to the Martin speedo moment, and
Speaker 1: we're gonna celebrate Martin full throatedly.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, this you know what, Let's stop talking
Speaker 2: about this stupid hoofy and write our own guys, we
Speaker 2: gotta go.
Speaker 4: We're busy, all right.
Speaker 1: Back in California, Jesse continues to notice changes in quote
Speaker 1: unquote Halle.
Speaker 3: She calls out her lack of appetite.
Speaker 1: She calls out her phoning someone at like midnight the
Speaker 1: night before Annie manages to put her off again. She
Speaker 1: goes on a horseback ride with Nick. She's quizzing him
Speaker 1: about her mother, and she's basically like, oh, you know,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be thirteen soon.
Speaker 3: I need a mom.
Speaker 1: And he's like, I was wondering, what do you think
Speaker 1: of Meredith as a person, and Annie very rightfully points
Speaker 1: out that the woman is a stranger and then takes
Speaker 1: off on a horse before Nick can say anything crazy,
Speaker 1: like I'm engaged to Meredith.
Speaker 2: That is how rich these bitches are. Both these girls,
Speaker 2: doesn't matter where they're from. Both of them are expert
Speaker 2: horse riders.
Speaker 3: Yeah, no problem.
Speaker 2: That would have been another great twist to throw in.
Speaker 2: One of them's afraid of horses and you're like, I
Speaker 2: can't get on a horse, But no, they're both expert
Speaker 2: horse riders. That's not even a question.
Speaker 1: Expert poker players, world class horseback riders, and Olympic medalists
Speaker 1: in EPI.
Speaker 2: By the way, did I did you think the fencing
Speaker 2: was going to come back, because I sure as shit did,
Speaker 2: and I was really disappointed when it did.
Speaker 1: I thought the fencing was coming back. I thought the
Speaker 1: poker was coming back. I thought the turning down the
Speaker 1: charity without telling him was coming back. I thought the
Speaker 1: horseback riding was coming back. None of this comes back.
Speaker 2: None of this comes back. So back of the house,
Speaker 2: Annie is starting to panic. Poor Annie, he really has
Speaker 2: been put in a tricky situation.
Speaker 1: After getting her hair chopped off and her ears pierced
Speaker 1: by an eleven year old, she's really had the rougher
Speaker 1: go of it.
Speaker 2: That ear piercing scene is insane, by the way.
Speaker 4: We did not really like, we didn't dwell.
Speaker 2: We didn't dwell. That is like body horror. So she's
Speaker 2: like walking around panicking. She's talking to herself, right, and
Speaker 2: she thinks she's by herself, so she drops the accent.
Speaker 2: She starts to speak in her British accent. She's like,
Speaker 2: what am I gonna do? How do I fix this?
Speaker 2: Not realizing that Chessie is sitting in an armchair not
Speaker 2: far away like and she can't see her. Chessie turns around,
Speaker 2: she turns out of the armchair and she's like, what's
Speaker 2: going on. She doesn't come clean right away. She's like,
Speaker 2: what do you mean? I don't know what you're talking about,
Speaker 2: And this is a beautifully acted scene. Chessie's like, if
Speaker 2: I didn't know any better, I would think you and
Speaker 2: she's like you know what, No, never mind, never mind,
Speaker 2: and she starts to walk away and Annie comes clean.
Speaker 2: She goes, would you think I was Annie? She chooses
Speaker 2: her English accent and Chessie's like, oh my god, are
Speaker 2: you Annie? Like that is the moment in the movie
Speaker 2: where I realized that Chessie knows about it.
Speaker 3: I know, Bigan. I'm like, what, yeah, what everyone knows?
Speaker 3: Everyone knows.
Speaker 1: And this was the moment where I teared up because
Speaker 1: Lisa Ann Walter just fucking owns this moment.
Speaker 2: Every single time someone meets one of the twins in
Speaker 2: the movie, I fucking lose my shit. And this is again, Yeah,
Speaker 2: this was another one for me where she's like, oh
Speaker 2: my god, you're Annie and they hug. Oh it's so sweet.
Speaker 2: Nick peers Chessie like being the fucking best being, like
Speaker 2: an a class lady, does not give Annie up. She
Speaker 2: just hugs her again and she's like, I'm gonna make
Speaker 2: you something special. I'm gonna cook everything in the kitchen
Speaker 2: for you, and she leaves. Nick asks Annie, but who
Speaker 2: he thinks is still Halle Because he's clinically.
Speaker 3: Saying an idiot.
Speaker 2: He is, by the film's own admission, the better of
Speaker 2: the two parents, the more active of the two parents.
Speaker 2: He and Hallie spend every day together. They do everything together.
Speaker 2: They're best friends. We know why Elizabeth doesn't recognize when
Speaker 2: she comes home, because she's like, oh you, it's you again.
Speaker 2: Were you always a girl?
Speaker 1: A fully different person could have walked Keky Palmer could
Speaker 1: have walked through, and Elizabeth wouldn't have noticed a difference.
Speaker 2: She would have been like, well, welcome back. That's something
Speaker 2: me to come home from camp. I really expect you
Speaker 2: to stay there anyway, gotta go. Nick is supposed to
Speaker 2: be the good parent, and he still does not realize
Speaker 2: it's not his kid. Yeah, and he asks Annie, what
Speaker 2: do you think about making a Meredith a part of
Speaker 2: this family? Annie, knowing full well she's doing here, pretends
Speaker 2: to be thrilled. She's like, oh, my god, dad, that
Speaker 2: would be incredible. I've always wanted a big sister.
Speaker 3: That was fucking funny.
Speaker 2: That was Matthew Avellian, will your dad an old sick fuck?
Speaker 2: Absolutely way to call him a cradle robbing creak, pervert,
Speaker 2: pervert to his face without actually calling him this. She's like,
Speaker 2: I've always wanted a big sister, and he's like, wait what.
Speaker 2: She's like, You're gonna adopt Meredith. That's wonderful. I love
Speaker 2: this for all of us.
Speaker 1: I hope you put on sunblock before going horseback riding
Speaker 1: because he can get it burnt.
Speaker 2: That fucking burn that is. Annie should work for the CIA. Honestly,
Speaker 2: Hallie should be an international spy and Annie should be
Speaker 2: her handler at the CIA too. You need to run
Speaker 2: the fucking world.
Speaker 3: It would be awesome.
Speaker 2: They were. They're so evil. I love it. So Nick's like, no, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 2: I'm not going to adopt Meredith. I'm going to marry
Speaker 2: her because you can't fuck someone you've adopted. I've looked
Speaker 2: into it.
Speaker 3: Now. Did they change or is that you know what?
Speaker 3: I believe it.
Speaker 2: Was legal in New York until that, and then they
Speaker 2: were like, no, well, we didn't think we had to
Speaker 2: write this law.
Speaker 3: But I guess we do.
Speaker 2: It's like one of those old laws where you're like, oh,
Speaker 2: that sex with a horse and you're like, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: I guess someone had to write it down and make
Speaker 2: it a law because too many people were doing it.
Speaker 2: So Annie gets so upset at this revelation that's not
Speaker 2: really a revelation that she starts ranting in French because
Speaker 2: she forgets that Hallie does not speak French. And Nick
Speaker 2: is like, hey, calm down, Everything's gonna be okay, it'll
Speaker 2: be fine. Hey were you just speaking French with the
Speaker 2: fuck And he's like, I learned it at camp. Don't
Speaker 2: worry about it. Leave me alone, you pervert. Nick's like relax,
Speaker 2: it'll be fine, and she's like, you can't get married.
Speaker 2: You'll ruin everything, and then she runs away. It's in
Speaker 2: about three months that she's about to turn into the
Speaker 2: beast with the two wolves inside of her. The one
Speaker 2: is being written by Anna Winter. The one is being
Speaker 2: written by Elizabeth Bathory, where she's like, I want to
Speaker 2: bathe in the blood of everyone, but I want to
Speaker 2: do it in a way that makes them look up
Speaker 2: to me something.
Speaker 1: I want to make them say thank you after I
Speaker 1: do it. Yeah, all right, So Meredith appears. She assures
Speaker 1: Nick that she'll talk to Halle and iron things out
Speaker 1: and she finds her sitting Annie actually but she thinks
Speaker 1: she's Halle. She finds her sitting in a gazebo and
Speaker 1: the two finally just take the gloves off. Annie tells
Speaker 1: Meredith that marriage is based on more than just sex appeals.
Speaker 1: She's like, you're beautiful, but that's all you got, and
Speaker 1: Meredith insists that she adores Nick and nothing that Hallie
Speaker 1: does will come between them. They are getting married in
Speaker 1: two weeks, and Annie asks if that means his money
Speaker 1: has nothing to do with the relationship, and Meredith tells
Speaker 1: her that she's in way over her head.
Speaker 2: Is this the scene where we meet Meredith's gay assistant
Speaker 2: or has that already happened?
Speaker 3: That's already happened.
Speaker 2: By the way, it's not just Halle. There's other gay
Speaker 2: representation in this film, which I thought might be Martin
Speaker 2: at first. It turns out it's not Mark, which is
Speaker 2: I'm flying.
Speaker 3: It's saying that it's not Martin.
Speaker 2: But yes, I'm fine with it not being Martin because
Speaker 2: I do love the way that turns out. But we
Speaker 2: do have more gay representation in this film because an
Speaker 2: absolute gay icon is meredith assistant. He's the flatsam and
Speaker 2: jetsam to merediths ursula he is here for it.
Speaker 1: Meredith says she's on a little go kart right, and
Speaker 1: this is right before they go off on their horseback ride.
Speaker 1: She gets back in the golf cart with her gay
Speaker 1: assistant and she says, first change I'm going to make
Speaker 1: is to send that two faced brat off to boarding
Speaker 1: school in Timbuckto and he says, oof Ice woman.
Speaker 2: Love you. I don't know who you are. One you
Speaker 2: one line character who does not even get named in
Speaker 2: this film, but I fucking love you. I see you,
Speaker 2: and I love you.
Speaker 3: His name is definitely Caden.
Speaker 2: His he is definitely Caiden.
Speaker 3: Yeah, kay d e n.
Speaker 2: She met him in a leather bar and where she
Speaker 2: was doing pr work and he was like, you are stunning,
Speaker 2: and she's like, I need an assistant, come with me.
Speaker 1: So Annie fax is a message to London. It's a
Speaker 1: picture of a dog barking nine to one to one,
Speaker 1: and Halle spots it. She rushes out to a phone
Speaker 1: booth to call California. Annie picks up right away and
Speaker 1: tells Halle, look, our father is engaged.
Speaker 3: She's engaged.
Speaker 1: This woman, I need help and Halle finally believes that
Speaker 1: the situation is dire and agrees to tell their mother
Speaker 1: and get the plan for them to meet again. Up,
Speaker 1: up and running. Okay, fine, fine, fine, I won't stop.
Speaker 1: I'll stop stalling. We have to get her back to California.
Speaker 2: So back at the house in London, we're still in London.
Speaker 2: Hallie climbs into bed with Elizabeth and tells you the
Speaker 2: truth about what's going on. Elizabeth has overcome at being
Speaker 2: confronted with the daughter she abandoned, rather than making a
Speaker 2: single compromise in order to keep both her daughters in
Speaker 2: her life again. Though, because Sasha Richardson is a goddamn
Speaker 2: genius or was a goddamn genius, Mama Erica wept wept.
Speaker 2: I didn't weep. I did tear up a little bit.
Speaker 3: Though.
Speaker 1: They almost make it sound like this this decision was
Speaker 1: like the court did it.
Speaker 3: They're like, this was the decision of the court.
Speaker 1: We couldn't do anything about it, Like, yes, you could,
Speaker 1: you have agency.
Speaker 2: It was it was justice King Solomon. He told us
Speaker 2: to switch the swet these girls up. Nothing we could
Speaker 2: do about it. There's a sweet moment here too, where
Speaker 2: Hallie' is like I just really wanted you to like me,
Speaker 2: and like, I just wanted to get to know you again.
Speaker 2: Hallie is given more to do in a way her way,
Speaker 2: Like I know, it's the same actress, but she's given
Speaker 2: more to do when she's playing Hallie. And it's just
Speaker 2: just a sweet scene because Elizabeth's like, I love I've
Speaker 2: loved you since the day you were born. Not enough
Speaker 2: to keep you, but I've loved you since the day
Speaker 2: you were born.
Speaker 1: It's so much easier to love someone when they're far away,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Yeah, Oh my god, yeah,
Speaker 1: particularly children.
Speaker 2: Oh absolutely, you know I love I love both these girls,
Speaker 2: but I've never met them, never met them. Elizabeth then
Speaker 2: explains the divorce settlement. I got to keep Anny, your
Speaker 2: father got to keep you, and we agreed to never
Speaker 2: see each other ever, ever again, because we can't be
Speaker 2: in the same room together. Right, Apparently these two are
Speaker 2: so opposed to each other, they hate each other so much,
Speaker 2: so toxic, that they simply cannot be in the same
Speaker 2: room together. The movie will not bear that at all. Literally,
Speaker 2: what happens is is she's too attracted to Nick. She
Speaker 2: can't keep hers straight, Like her mind is all a
Speaker 2: flutter whenever she's around him.
Speaker 3: She gets stigmatized.
Speaker 2: Yeah, she gets digmatized by Nick and like they both
Speaker 2: quote unquote have tempers, which again the movie has not shown,
Speaker 2: oh once that either of these people have any kind
Speaker 2: of temper.
Speaker 4: Yeah, She calmly.
Speaker 2: Agrees to fly back to NAPA, speak with Nick, figure
Speaker 2: this all out, figure out a way. The two girls
Speaker 2: and spitting each other's lives, She's like, don't worry, we
Speaker 2: will fix this. Smash cut to Elizabeth smoking, freaking out
Speaker 2: in her in her giant bedroom and through her walking closet,
Speaker 2: asking Martin to come on the trip with them. She's like,
Speaker 2: not as a butler, just as a friend, as an
Speaker 2: emotional support butler, if you will, because I don't know
Speaker 2: what to do here. I haven't seen that man in
Speaker 2: eleven years and nine months and I'm freaking out. How
Speaker 2: enters and tells her that Nick has been filled in
Speaker 2: on what's going on and is so excited to see her.
Speaker 2: She's like, really, he's excited to see me, even though
Speaker 2: I've gotten older and he's probably fucking a twenty six
Speaker 2: year old, you know what. Let's not talk about that.
Speaker 2: So they agree they're all going to meet or Hallie
Speaker 2: tells them that they've agreed to all meet the next
Speaker 2: day at noon in San Francisco at a hotel.
Speaker 1: Yep, we cut to the Stafford Hotel in San Francisco.
Speaker 1: Meredith is excited to introduce her parents to Nick. Both
Speaker 1: of her parents, by the way, are thrilled that she's
Speaker 1: landed a rich old man like but her mother and
Speaker 1: father clearly taught her you hook, you hook a big one,
Speaker 1: and you stick with it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, she comes from a long line of gold diggers.
Speaker 1: Yeah, this is the family business. She's less excited when
Speaker 1: Nick appears with Annie, Chessie and Sammy, all of whom
Speaker 1: universally despised Meredith. And just the idea that a hotel
Speaker 1: would allow a dog just come in and this is
Speaker 1: a carpeted hotel, by the way, this is like a
Speaker 1: this is a high class hotel that a dog of
Speaker 1: not even a guest could come in and just wander
Speaker 1: about insane.
Speaker 3: So, after a brief.
Speaker 1: Tour of the hotel as a potential wedding venue, Meredith
Speaker 1: dismisses her parents for a few hours. They says, when
Speaker 1: you go to the pool, and she said, suggests to
Speaker 1: Nick that they go check out the Honeymoon Sweet in
Speaker 1: this way that sounds like they're gonna fuck in the
Speaker 1: honeymoon swee, which don't do that.
Speaker 3: Don't do that.
Speaker 2: Well, what's weird is like, do you have the honeymoon
Speaker 2: sweet or is it a couple currently in there right now?
Speaker 2: That's not how things work, Nancy Meyers. No.
Speaker 1: Meanwhile, the British contingent arrives at the Stafford, but Elizabeth
Speaker 1: has decided to hit the sauce in the flight and
Speaker 1: is completely schnockered. She is making good decision after good decision.
Speaker 1: She cannot stop making the good decisions.
Speaker 2: How much do you have to drink on a twelve
Speaker 2: hour flight to get that drunk?
Speaker 3: A lot? Which I will say.
Speaker 1: You know, what I will say about the film is
Speaker 1: that Natasha Richardson gets to have a lot more fun
Speaker 1: than Dennis Quaid. She gets to act a clown. So,
Speaker 1: as Nick and Meredith neck in the elevator, he sees Elizabeth,
Speaker 1: who smiles and waves. He shocked, and Elizabeth, who we
Speaker 1: must remember thinks he's expecting her, is quite confused at
Speaker 1: his reaction. So she heads upstairs and she gets both
Speaker 1: of her daughters in one room, and she is none
Speaker 1: too happy when she figures out that Nick had absolutely
Speaker 1: no idea that she was coming. She is even less
Speaker 1: happy when she realizes that both Chessi and Martin were
Speaker 1: fully aware that Nick had no idea she was coming,
Speaker 1: and were fully in on this entire plan. That's not
Speaker 1: the important part of the scene. The important part of.
Speaker 2: The scene, the best part of the scene, Paul.
Speaker 1: The important part of the scene is that Martin walks out.
Speaker 1: He does one of those doo like he's so excited
Speaker 1: he's on vacation re member.
Speaker 3: He's not.
Speaker 1: There's a butler's there's a friend in a speedo. And
Speaker 1: when I tell you, I did not expect Simon Kohons
Speaker 1: to look as good an a Speito as.
Speaker 2: He looks Ospeito's so tight it's almost inappropriate for a
Speaker 2: children's movie.
Speaker 1: You shouldn't be walking around in front of girls in
Speaker 1: that outfit. Like, but he's European. They have different states European.
Speaker 2: And also I did notice the movie has him like
Speaker 2: put a towel in front of his junk, so that
Speaker 2: like it's not like so awkward that he's like in
Speaker 2: a room with an eleven year old. Yeah, by the way,
Speaker 2: he's in a butler's uniform all the way up until
Speaker 2: the moment when she's like, you're coming as our friend,
Speaker 2: you are not our butler on this trip. And then
Speaker 2: he wears what I presume is his normal everyday clothes,
Speaker 2: which is top to bottom black with a black leather jacket.
Speaker 2: I love everything about this man.
Speaker 1: He's a fan of the clash on his normal days,
Speaker 1: but he's a high end butler.
Speaker 2: I feels like one of those guys who's like on
Speaker 2: the weekends, rides a bike, like rides a motorcycle through
Speaker 2: the countryside.
Speaker 3: He's a lothario.
Speaker 2: You know, by the way, we have seen this actor before.
Speaker 2: Do you recognize him? No?
Speaker 3: Actually it is a small.
Speaker 2: But crucial role in Four Weddings in a funeral. He
Speaker 2: is the man who Hugh Grant accidentally tells that his
Speaker 2: wife has been cheating on him for years.
Speaker 1: Oh right, all right, So Martin bops out in his speedo.
Speaker 1: He runs right into Chessie. The attraction is immediate. The
Speaker 1: two servants must also get together, and he tells Elizabeth
Speaker 1: the truth. Nick is engaged and they brought her here
Speaker 1: to stop the wedding and to get their parents back together.
Speaker 1: And Elizabeth says, look, I'm here for one thing, and
Speaker 1: one thing only. We are swapping the two of you
Speaker 1: back to your proper homes. We're gonna see about maybe
Speaker 1: trying to get let you see each other a couple
Speaker 1: times throughout the year.
Speaker 2: That's it heartbreaking. Yeah, honestly, the fact that this movie
Speaker 2: does not include a prolonged scene of these two girls
Speaker 2: crying and begging her parents to keep them together is
Speaker 2: shocking because it would not be undeserved. We cut to
Speaker 2: Nick heading downstairs to look for Elizabeth because he saw
Speaker 2: her in the elevator and he's like, wait, was that
Speaker 2: my ex wife down there? He runs into both of
Speaker 2: his daughters separately, who both pretend to be Hallie when
Speaker 2: they see him or well, one is Halle. One is
Speaker 2: pretending to be Halle. The wind is so flustered he
Speaker 2: does not even notice that they are wearing totally different outfits.
Speaker 2: Both girls are wearing yellow, but that's it, but they're
Speaker 2: wearing like ones in a skirt, ones in pants like
Speaker 2: it's a whole other, one has a jacket. One doesn't
Speaker 2: real Halle meets me Meredith for the first time. Meredith
Speaker 2: sees Hallie and in the in the lobby. Halle has
Speaker 2: never met her before. She goes, where's your father? And
Speaker 2: she's such a cunt to her, like right away that
Speaker 2: that helly? Like is this smile on her face and goes, oh, Meredith, excellent, everything,
Speaker 2: this is excellent. Meredith heads to the bar and sits
Speaker 2: down where Elizabeth, who is still drunk from the flight,
Speaker 2: is desperate for a hangover cure. The bartender hands are
Speaker 2: this like nasty, like rouse, like gray, honestly like oh,
Speaker 2: Elizabeth like cheers to Meredith. Not knowing who the woman is,
Speaker 2: she's just sitting next to her at the bar and
Speaker 2: she's like, here's to you. I hope your life is
Speaker 2: less complicated than mine, and she starts to drink. Meredith
Speaker 2: sees the name on the check. She goes, are you
Speaker 2: ze Elizabeth James, famed wedding dress designer. I saw your
Speaker 2: one of your last dresses in Vogue and it was
Speaker 2: so beautiful. This is kismet. I'm getting married in two
Speaker 2: weeks and I need a dress. None of this is
Speaker 2: how anything. And frankly, this is one area where I
Speaker 2: expect Nancy Myers to know better.
Speaker 1: That's fair weddings and kitchens.
Speaker 2: Nancy Myers is the kind of woman who knows how
Speaker 2: long a bespoke wedding dress takes to make, and Elizabeth
Speaker 2: actually agrees to it because she's still so drunk.
Speaker 1: I guess she is like, Oh my god, stop squawking
Speaker 1: at me, Why are you so loud?
Speaker 2: I'll make you a dress. It's fine, it's fine. Meanwhile,
Speaker 2: Nick continues to search for Elizabeth around the pool, and
Speaker 2: all of our characters converge until he sees Elizabeth across
Speaker 2: the way. She's walking on the other side of the pool.
Speaker 2: Elizabeth cleans up extremely well. For a woman who is.
Speaker 3: That hangover youre worked.
Speaker 2: Yeah, for a woman who is dressed in all white
Speaker 2: and in like a very wrinklable outfit who just got
Speaker 2: off a twelve hour flight and is canonically drunk and
Speaker 2: or hungover, she looks incredible. He sees her across the way,
Speaker 2: he gets flustered. He ends up falling after a series
Speaker 2: of mishaps, ends up falling into the pool. He emerges
Speaker 2: in front of her, sopping wet, and the twins appear
Speaker 2: and finally clue their dumbass father and as to what's
Speaker 2: going on. What if she like somehow, through some way,
Speaker 2: Elizabeth gave birth to two girls. Nick wasn't there when
Speaker 2: the girls were being born. She's furious at him for that.
Speaker 2: No one tells him he has twins. Oh leaves one
Speaker 2: girl with him. He thinks there's only one daughter, and
Speaker 2: then at this moment realizes that the whole time there's
Speaker 2: been two.
Speaker 3: That's good.
Speaker 2: That's another good villain story. We can we can, we
Speaker 2: can cook up later. So both the girls make a
Speaker 2: plea that they need both of their parents. I need
Speaker 2: a dad so I know how to how to behave
Speaker 2: around men because Martin's not gonna cut it. I need
Speaker 2: a mom to teach me how to do things because
Speaker 2: fucking Meredith hates me, and Nick and Elizabeth tell them, okay,
Speaker 2: adults need to talk. What don't you two girls leave
Speaker 2: us alone for a few minutes.
Speaker 4: Adults quo Martin fucking quotation.
Speaker 2: And meanwhile, Hallie's like, let me go do your taxes
Speaker 2: because I don't think you neither of you know what
Speaker 2: you're doing. Uh. Meredith I appears at the pool and
Speaker 2: she's like, hey, you've met our wedding dress designer. And
Speaker 2: of course everyone is clued in, clues Meredith in to
Speaker 2: what's going on, and she freaks out. She's like, I
Speaker 2: don't like this at all. I don't like your ex
Speaker 2: wife is in your life. And now it's not just
Speaker 2: one hateful child, it's two. And the twins take the
Speaker 2: opportunity to startle their potential evil step monster by being like,
Speaker 2: you get to have both of us now.
Speaker 1: That night, the twins, with the help of their grandfather's
Speaker 1: credit card, I suppose, charter a ship and make their
Speaker 1: best attempt to recreate the night their parents were married,
Speaker 1: with Simon and Chessie serving them dinner on a romantic
Speaker 1: on a romantic cruise. While Elizabeth and Nick are charmed
Speaker 1: and happy for the other one that their career dreams
Speaker 1: came true, it's loosely implied that it was their careers
Speaker 1: that got in the way, but it's really never defined.
Speaker 1: They can't come to a solution for their problem. Right
Speaker 1: after all, they had this arrangement because they both never
Speaker 1: wanted to see each other again, and Nick references the
Speaker 1: day Elizabeth packed where she apparently threw a hair dryer
Speaker 1: at his head. Okay, I just wrote down these lines.
Speaker 1: These are the lines, right. He asked her why she left,
Speaker 1: because he says, maybe we could talk about what happened
Speaker 1: between us sometime it's all kind of hazy. Now, it
Speaker 1: happened so fast. It's probably hazy because the concussion he
Speaker 1: got from the hair dryer, but that's beside the point.
Speaker 1: And then she just says it started so fast. What happened.
Speaker 2: I mean, it's clear they got pregnant immediately.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so fast that she just stated two babies in
Speaker 1: the space of like two weeks. So she says they
Speaker 1: were both young and said stupid things. She packed and
Speaker 1: got on a plane and he didn't come after her,
Speaker 1: and he says he didn't know she wanted him to.
Speaker 3: I hate this.
Speaker 2: I hate this.
Speaker 3: I hate this. I'm leaving and I want you to
Speaker 3: follow me. I hate that.
Speaker 2: It doesn't have to make I don't need it to
Speaker 2: make sense. I just needed to not be so cringey
Speaker 2: that I want to murder both of you, that I
Speaker 2: want these two girls to sink this ship with their
Speaker 2: parents on them and like run away with Martin and
Speaker 2: Chessie and just live happily ever after with their parents,
Speaker 2: with their real parents, with their.
Speaker 1: Real parents who have actually helped them through their childhoods.
Speaker 1: So the two decided time just get the show on
Speaker 1: the road head home with their respective twin and allow
Speaker 1: the girls to spend some holidays together. You know, we'll
Speaker 1: spend Easter and Christmas will alternate sea.
Speaker 2: That is so cruel. I know you have a twin
Speaker 2: sister that you now adore, and you've met your other
Speaker 2: parent who you've never met before. And for Hallie, this
Speaker 2: is a big fucking deal. Annie seems less into Nick.
Speaker 2: If I'm being on.
Speaker 1: There, Well, she's she met Nick when he was under
Speaker 1: the sway of Meredith. So your opinion of the person
Speaker 1: is like, you're dating this person's the.
Speaker 2: Best version of Nick alagery. But I feel like Annie
Speaker 2: could take, take or leave Nick. Annie. He's like, you
Speaker 2: know what I find you wanting. Martin is a better
Speaker 2: dad than.
Speaker 4: You are one hundred percent.
Speaker 2: Meanwhile, to rip Halle away from Elizabeth at this point
Speaker 2: is just fucking cruel. And they're like, yeah, you'll see
Speaker 2: each other every six months, don't worry about it.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: So the twins, because they're not assholes like their parents,
Speaker 2: are like, no, we're not having it and we are
Speaker 2: not going to let you know which one of us
Speaker 2: is which until you figure out a better solution than
Speaker 2: this nonsense. So they refuse to be clear as to
Speaker 2: who is who. Nick looks them both dead in the
Speaker 2: eyes and it's like that one is, halle, I'm sure
Speaker 2: of it, And then the other one's like, are you
Speaker 2: And they're like no. Neither neither of them has ever
Speaker 2: broken a bone or had a scar, which I find
Speaker 2: harry give given their propensity for violence, both these kids.
Speaker 2: So they're like, go back to the drawing board, figure
Speaker 2: it out, parents, And in the meantime, the four of
Speaker 2: us are going to go together on this annual camping
Speaker 2: trip that Nick and Hallie go on every year before
Speaker 2: school starts. As Paul writes here, and I think he's correct,
Speaker 2: as is de Raguur in this film, the children completely
Speaker 2: outmatch their idiot parents and get their way. Also, again,
Speaker 2: these like, I'm one thousand percent on the girl's side,
Speaker 2: but they really really could use a little bit of discipline.
Speaker 2: Neither of these kids has ever been yelled at a
Speaker 2: day in their life, and.
Speaker 3: It shows agreed.
Speaker 2: This is why I think Meredith isn't maybe the worst
Speaker 2: thing that's.
Speaker 1: Ever happened with the at least they put at least
Speaker 1: she'll put a scare into them. She'll they'll understand that
Speaker 1: there may be opponents in life.
Speaker 2: She'll show them what a consequence looks like.
Speaker 3: We're shaping little Rory Gilmore's right now. This is what's happening.
Speaker 1: So we cut to NAPA and Meredith is none too
Speaker 1: pleased about this plan, and that's before she even learns
Speaker 1: that Elizabeth is also going. So Elizabeth appears and she says,
Speaker 1: you know what, Meredith should come as well. Of course
Speaker 1: you're upset. I want you to understand that I have
Speaker 1: no designs on your fiance. You come on this trip.
Speaker 1: Then when it's time to leave, Elizabeth just bows out
Speaker 1: and sends Meredith off camping with Nick and the two girls.
Speaker 1: And Meredith's like, well, if you're not going, I don't
Speaker 1: have to go. It's far too late to save her
Speaker 1: from going on this hell after all, as Elizabeth points out,
Speaker 1: it's a perfect opportunity to bond with her future stepdaughters.
Speaker 2: Elizabeth is really like, now we know where Annie and
Speaker 2: Howie get it from. Because Nick, he is truly stupid,
Speaker 2: because he's so dumb. Jill doesn't figure out he is.
Speaker 2: I don't think he gets what Elizabeth is doing here.
Speaker 1: He absolutely doesn't. What an idiot if he got it
Speaker 1: he would already have broken up with Meredith.
Speaker 2: So the twins are extremely put out at this change
Speaker 2: of plans, and they set out to torture Meredith as
Speaker 2: much as possible. While they're hiking. They load up her
Speaker 2: backpack with rocks. They call her Cruella sort of behind
Speaker 2: her back, but she can hear them, and they put
Speaker 2: a lizard on her water bottle and in her hair.
Speaker 2: The lizard, Paul writes, in an extremely upsetting turn of events,
Speaker 2: winds up halfway in Meredith's mouth. How did they film this?
Speaker 3: It was? It's a CGI lizard? Is it?
Speaker 1: It's it's real some of the time, but that's CGI, Okay.
Speaker 2: I was curious because it gets on our heads, on
Speaker 2: Elizabeth Hendrick, Elizabeth no Elesa Drigs's head, and then it
Speaker 2: runs down her face and into her mouth and then
Speaker 2: she kind of sucks it in by accident while she's screaming,
Speaker 2: and it looks so real.
Speaker 3: I recoiled from this.
Speaker 2: Is that real? Is that? Like? How did they train
Speaker 2: this lizard to do that?
Speaker 1: How much did they pay Elaine Hendrix to do that?
Speaker 1: I hope it was four billion dollars.
Speaker 2: At the campsite that night, Meredith is complaining about the food.
Speaker 2: All there is to eat is trout. The girls give
Speaker 2: her something to like use his mosquito repellent. Being a
Speaker 2: fucking idiot, she takes it and starts using it, even
Speaker 2: though she knows these kids are out to get her,
Speaker 2: and it turns out it's sugar water, which draws all
Speaker 2: the mosquitos right to her. She's like, fine, I'm going
Speaker 2: to take the world's largest sleeping pill and forget this
Speaker 2: day ever happened. She turns to Nick and she gives
Speaker 2: him a long, pointed kiss before heading off to sleep.
Speaker 2: Nick doesn't act weirded out enough.
Speaker 3: By this, No, he's not at all.
Speaker 2: He's like, you know, what I really want to do
Speaker 2: is make out in front of my two twin daughters,
Speaker 2: one of them I met yesterday.
Speaker 3: And he keeps telling them to be nice.
Speaker 2: He's the worst. He does not know how to like.
Speaker 2: He sees what they're doing, and at best he's like, guys,
Speaker 2: he rolls his eyes at them. Yeah, but most of
Speaker 2: the time he kind of smiles behind Meredith's back and
Speaker 2: he's like, that was fucking funny, you guys, well done,
Speaker 2: well done to the woman I'm supposed to love. He
Speaker 2: really sucks. Now that I'm saying it out loud, he
Speaker 2: might suck more than Elizabeth. There's a real race to
Speaker 2: the bottom with.
Speaker 3: These sprint to the basement.
Speaker 2: So as Meredith goes to sleep, of course, she's knocked
Speaker 2: out from her giant sleeping pill. She does not hear
Speaker 2: or see the twins as they unzip the tent. They
Speaker 2: drag Meredith's inflatable mattress out onto the lake and let
Speaker 2: her float off like a Viking funeral. She wakes up
Speaker 2: the next morning in the water. There's a bird like
Speaker 2: land that landed on her chest. She panics, she screams,
Speaker 2: She winds up in the water. Nick comes out of
Speaker 2: his tent and instead of being like, what the fuck
Speaker 2: did you kids do? That is out of line. I
Speaker 2: can't believe you did that. She could have died out
Speaker 2: there in the middle of the night. She could have
Speaker 2: rolled over in her sleep, still like drugged out from
Speaker 2: her pill, died in the lake. And then it's on us.
Speaker 2: What no, no, no, he doesn't do any of that alcohol.
Speaker 2: He looks at them and he goes, girls, you guys,
Speaker 2: you guys.
Speaker 1: Come on, come on, guys, be nice. Just like they
Speaker 1: said in Roadhouse, be nice.
Speaker 2: Not nice, you kids. Come on, Come on, we could
Speaker 2: have had a Friday the thirteenth happening here. We could
Speaker 2: have had that woman die in the lake and then
Speaker 2: murder people for generations to come. This could have been
Speaker 2: Camp Crystal Lake. She luckily did none of that happens.
Speaker 2: She doesn't die. She's like swims the shore. She like
Speaker 2: trudges up to Nick, and she's like, it's them or me.
Speaker 2: I'm not dealing with this shit. Either we get married
Speaker 2: and ship them off the fucking Switzerland, or we're not
Speaker 2: getting married, And without missing a beat, he smiles at
Speaker 2: her in a real shit eating grin frankly for what
Speaker 2: is just transpired, and goes them, I pick them, obviously,
Speaker 2: they're my children. I pick them.
Speaker 3: We cut back to Napa.
Speaker 1: The girls report to their mother they've been punished, even
Speaker 1: though Nick doesn't seem to be even remotely disappointed about
Speaker 1: the end of his engagement.
Speaker 2: I'm surprised they knew how to how to pronounce the
Speaker 2: word punished. They were like, we were what's the word punch?
Speaker 3: We were? We were granded, grnded.
Speaker 2: The con consequences. Conquences are conquences for our actions. We'd
Speaker 2: never heard that word. So we we don't know. We
Speaker 2: don't know anything about this.
Speaker 1: This might be what the Isolation Cabin was trying to
Speaker 1: teach us. But that was awesome, so that couldn't have
Speaker 1: been it. So Nick and Elizabeth have dinner together and
Speaker 1: Nick shows her his private wine collection in the wine cellar,
Speaker 1: and he brings her to the bottle of wine they
Speaker 1: had at their wedding, and he tells her that he
Speaker 1: owns every single bottle of it that exists.
Speaker 2: Can I tell you that's what romantic as?
Speaker 3: Oh, yeah, that's good, that'll work.
Speaker 2: As soon as he said that, I was like, well,
Speaker 2: my pants just came off. Which one of these wine
Speaker 2: racks do you want to do me on?
Speaker 1: Elizabeth is far more restrained that she is from Iland
Speaker 1: after all. She just asks if they can open one,
Speaker 1: and he says she's the only one he would drink
Speaker 1: it with.
Speaker 3: Now, my pants are off.
Speaker 2: To which one of these do you want to bend
Speaker 2: me over them? Let's do this, Nick, let's do this.
Speaker 1: There's some nonsense about how she doesn't have to be
Speaker 1: brave anymore. It doesn't make any sense. But then they
Speaker 1: hear CHESSI arrive and and she breaks the moment, and
Speaker 1: these two do not go to Poundtown, even though it
Speaker 1: is clear that they belong together. The next day, it
Speaker 1: is a down poor Erica. Everybody says they're goodbyes. Elizabeth
Speaker 1: and Annie head back to London. They enter their empty house.
Speaker 1: They're a little sad. They walk into the room where
Speaker 1: they're expecting to find their grandfather behind his paper, and
Speaker 1: someone is there reading the paper and they say hello,
Speaker 1: and the paper comes down and it's not grandfather at all,
Speaker 1: it's Hallie. The concord after all, takes half the time.
Speaker 1: How did they get the concord?
Speaker 2: Was there a concord from San Francisco to love It?
Speaker 2: Maybe Los Angeles. Let's say there was a concord from
Speaker 2: Los Angeles. They flew at to La caught the concord.
Speaker 2: That's it. That's fine, that's how he did it.
Speaker 1: That's fine, we'll take it. Hallie tells them that about
Speaker 1: thirty seconds after they left, we realized we didn't want
Speaker 1: to lose you two again. And Elizabeth says we and
Speaker 1: Hallie is.
Speaker 2: Like, no, bitch, I flew the concord by myself.
Speaker 1: I literally flew it. I piloted the concord. Here keep going,
Speaker 1: so Nick appears and says, we I made the mistake
Speaker 1: of not coming after you once, Lizzie. I'm not going
Speaker 1: to do that again, And they kiss and the twins
Speaker 1: rejoice and they say we did it, and that's the
Speaker 1: end of the movie. They are quite literally not citizens
Speaker 1: of the same country.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know. One of them clearly goes to
Speaker 2: like an amazing school in London, and the other one
Speaker 2: just like lives on her by.
Speaker 3: Her wits, gets home schooled by CHESSI yes, I don't know.
Speaker 2: I don't just like flies to Vegas every weekend for
Speaker 2: a tournament and then comes home with like like twenty
Speaker 2: thousand dollars richer. So I don't know how they're gonna survive.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that is the end of the parent Trap. So
Speaker 3: stick around.
Speaker 1: We will come right back and we'll give you our
Speaker 1: random observations and final rankings.
Speaker 2: And we're back. Paul, who's your favorite twin? Let me start,
Speaker 2: There's start.
Speaker 3: My favorite twin.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel like Hallie is the obvious answer, but
Speaker 1: I think I'm gonna go with Annie because I'm telling
Speaker 1: you Annie, Annie was the one who I had to
Speaker 1: deal with all the shit Hallie got to go to
Speaker 1: have a beautiful London vacation. Basically, have nothing bad happened
Speaker 1: for like three days. Annie had to get her hair
Speaker 1: cut that she didn't want, she got her ears pierced,
Speaker 1: and then she went home to a fucking disaster that
Speaker 1: she had to deal with.
Speaker 2: Oh, you're right, I keep forgetting what the ears piercing
Speaker 2: that really is intense. You're absolutely right. They really should
Speaker 2: have switched the twins up.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I see your points. I see all of your points,
Speaker 2: and they're all valid. I'm gonna go Halle. So I'm
Speaker 2: gonna go to Halle, who I do believe flew the
Speaker 2: concord by herself. Yea, from from la to London. At
Speaker 2: the end of the film, all right, what are your
Speaker 2: random observations?
Speaker 1: Okay, this is a very like, uh, geographical stupid thing.
Speaker 1: But in the beginning, when when Halle is telling all
Speaker 1: of her new friends that she's from Napa, and she's like,
Speaker 1: it's in northern California, and I'm like, every single person
Speaker 1: I know that comes from that area is like, it's
Speaker 1: not northern California. It's like it's like in New York
Speaker 1: when anything even three feet outside of the Bronx is upstate. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like like there's Napa is like halfway up California.
Speaker 1: It's mid California. It's not northern California.
Speaker 2: No one. I've never heard anyone be like, we're in
Speaker 2: mid California.
Speaker 1: Well no, but it's it's like it's just north of
Speaker 1: La that's all.
Speaker 3: It is. Northern California.
Speaker 1: There's there's a whole nother like third of California above
Speaker 1: Napa Valley.
Speaker 2: Oh. I know because I drew. I once was in
Speaker 2: a car that drove three hours north of Yeah, we
Speaker 2: weren't even close to being out of California. I was like,
Speaker 2: how fucking big is this state?
Speaker 3: Too big? Frankly too big.
Speaker 2: I also have a geographic one. When Martin drops Annie
Speaker 2: off at camp, he says goodbye to her, they do
Speaker 2: their little handshake. He gets in the limo, and then
Speaker 2: you hear him very clearly, go all right, take me
Speaker 2: to the airport to the driver, and I'm like, buddy,
Speaker 2: you're in Maine. It's beautiful here by a lobster roll.
Speaker 2: Go go go see the.
Speaker 3: Ocean, see the sights.
Speaker 2: Don't go straight to the airport. That sucks, That really sucks.
Speaker 1: He has to fly right back to make sure that
Speaker 1: Elizabeth doesn't burn down the house because she's not paying
Speaker 1: attention any It's like, I'm the last line of defense
Speaker 1: between this idiot and a conflagration to rival the Great
Speaker 1: London Fire. Like we have to we have to keep
Speaker 1: eyes on her. There's something that Annie says when she
Speaker 1: meets her father for the first time, and it's in
Speaker 1: their car ride back to the back to the vineyard,
Speaker 1: and it's very cute and she keeps messing up until
Speaker 1: she's messing up and she has to kind of justify
Speaker 1: herself and she starts talking about how important it is
Speaker 1: to have a father, and she says, think about it.
Speaker 1: There's a whole day dedicated to celebrating fathers. And it's like, girl,
Speaker 1: we're at the point where there's a who Day. It's
Speaker 1: dedicad to celebrating everyone, like mothers, brothers, siblings, sisters, cousins, grandparents, grandparents.
Speaker 2: There are days for donuts.
Speaker 3: The gays get a whole month.
Speaker 2: There is a National donut Day.
Speaker 1: It's not a real proof point for you the way
Speaker 1: you're treating it.
Speaker 2: Ah. There's one bit of nineties ephemera in the film
Speaker 2: that tickles me. Tickled me so much when Mary at
Speaker 2: what point Mary it is is driving up to the
Speaker 2: house and she's blasting her music in her car and
Speaker 2: she's of course driving like a convertible because she's that
Speaker 2: kind of gal. This as long as she's blasting as
Speaker 2: parents just don't understand. There's so many levels to this.
Speaker 2: Is it ant a joke about how parents just don't
Speaker 2: understand like the parents in this movie? Is it that
Speaker 2: this is what this woman thinks rap? Is Is it
Speaker 2: that this is what Nancy Meyers thinks?
Speaker 1: Is is it her attempt at bonding with the kid
Speaker 1: that she might be the stepmother too?
Speaker 2: I have more questions than answers, frankly, but I don't know.
Speaker 2: I don't care. It's it tickled me so much that
Speaker 2: she's listening to parents just don't understand.
Speaker 3: There is a Brie.
Speaker 1: There's a scene after Nick tells whichever daughter is there
Speaker 1: that he's engaged to Meredith, and she comes up and
Speaker 1: she's like, oh, what's wrong And she starts to kind
Speaker 1: of like be all sexy with him, and he explains
Speaker 1: to her. She gets out a bell and rings the
Speaker 1: bell for Chessie, and Chessie arrives with the correct expression
Speaker 1: on her face that is the moment you dump her. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that is the moment that you're like, Nope, you're a
Speaker 1: horrible person, like and instead he's like, please Chessie. Like
Speaker 1: basically me, like, I know, I know she's a horrible
Speaker 1: human being, but I really want to fuck her.
Speaker 3: So would you mind like putting up with her for
Speaker 3: a little while?
Speaker 2: For me, I'm very curious as to how this marriage
Speaker 2: is gonna work out because we have two people who
Speaker 2: are like meaning Elizabeth and Nick, because we have two
Speaker 2: people who are so spineless and in every way like
Speaker 2: the two most fucking spineless human beings on the planet,
Speaker 2: and then these two very willful little girls who basically
Speaker 2: have to like do everything for their parents. Yeah, I
Speaker 2: think a sequel would get dark, would get real dark,
Speaker 2: or real quick.
Speaker 1: I think we have yet another horror movie to propose,
Speaker 1: in which they simply take over the finances for their parents, yeah,
Speaker 1: and start running their lives.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they pull a gaslight, they put their parents away
Speaker 2: in an insane asylum, and they just run the businesses together.
Speaker 2: They turn that vineyard into a billion dollar that's right.
Speaker 2: They become the nixt Dom Perignon. Like that's how big
Speaker 2: they fucking get.
Speaker 1: And if you think they're not allowing tracking on their property,
Speaker 1: you are sadly mistaken.
Speaker 2: My friend, Ah, I just have one more. And when
Speaker 2: the girls are at camp, one of the things they
Speaker 2: bond over is they both like to eat Oreo cookies
Speaker 2: with peanut butter. And the one who says it first
Speaker 2: is like, I know a lot of people think that's disgusting,
Speaker 2: and the other one's like, no, it sounds it's great.
Speaker 2: And I was like, I've never done it, yeah, but
Speaker 2: I don't think that sounds disgusting. In fact, that sounds incredible.
Speaker 3: That was my last one. That's the thing.
Speaker 1: I was like, what like say, like, I like, you know,
Speaker 1: I like Oreos and jelly, right, that's weird. Oreos and
Speaker 1: peanut butter. Nothing could seem more like two great tastes
Speaker 1: that taste great together.
Speaker 2: As soon as the movie said it, I was like,
Speaker 2: can I go? Do I have time? And I'm like, no,
Speaker 2: it's twelve fucking thirty because I started watching this too late.
Speaker 2: Tomorrow I will get peanut butter and Oreos.
Speaker 1: I remember when I was a kid, my mom used
Speaker 1: to get these chocolate covered gram crackers and I would
Speaker 1: dip them in peanut butter. To this day, one of
Speaker 1: the most delicious things I've ever eaten in my entire
Speaker 1: goddamn life.
Speaker 2: Oh are those grand crackers still around or are they discontinued.
Speaker 1: I don't know if they're still around, but I now,
Speaker 1: because I'm fancy, I get these, like I get these
Speaker 1: kind of fancy ones that are just dark chocolate covered
Speaker 1: ground crackers and with peanut butter on them.
Speaker 2: Oh, the next time I come to your house, we're
Speaker 2: doing or that's what we're doing. We're doing that for
Speaker 2: days when You're like, do you want to have lunch
Speaker 2: and I'm like, no, I want to gorge myself on
Speaker 2: peanut butter covered grand crackers. Is with chocolate? Please please,
Speaker 2: and thank you?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 1: All right, Erica, how are we gonna How are we
Speaker 1: gonna rank the Parent Trap one to ten?
Speaker 2: Speedo Kings.
Speaker 1: The great thing about the Speedo King in this movie
Speaker 1: is that it was an unexpected speedo king. I didn't expect.
Speaker 1: I didn't expect the speedo. I didn't expect the ability
Speaker 1: to pull off the speedo. I didn't expect the Insussians
Speaker 1: with which it was pulled off.
Speaker 2: Good like, perfectly put, perfectly put The jaunty little dance
Speaker 2: in which he came out in front of his employer
Speaker 2: and an eleven year old girl and was absolutely living
Speaker 2: my best life.
Speaker 1: I'm going to the pool, see you later. One to
Speaker 1: ten criminally terrible parents.
Speaker 2: Truly like yeah, like the courts should get.
Speaker 1: Involved, Yeah yeah, yeah, or another court because the court
Speaker 1: they apparently went to drop the ball.
Speaker 2: What about that grandfather? Can't that grandfather just raised both
Speaker 2: those girls on his own.
Speaker 3: Although didn't Jesse and Martin have anything to say about this?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was gonna say, now that I think about it,
Speaker 2: that grandfather is complicit too.
Speaker 4: I suppose everyone is complicit.
Speaker 1: You have a theory that Martin didn't know. I don't
Speaker 1: believe it Martin knew.
Speaker 2: I don't think Martin new. I want I don't want
Speaker 2: to believe Martin knew. Martin to be innocent in all
Speaker 2: of this. One to ten children with body dysmorphia and
Speaker 2: or face blindness where they don't see themselves in the world.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Hallie just goes to the world. She sees a mirror.
Speaker 1: She just sees Brandy. Carlyle's like, yes, yeah.
Speaker 2: She just sees lydia tar right when she looks at herself.
Speaker 2: That's all she sees Annie. Annie sees Queen.
Speaker 1: Victoria yea, Annie sees Dame Maggie Smith. At like twenty seven, Annie.
Speaker 2: Sees Vanessa Redgrave, which actually does work.
Speaker 4: In the film.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: That tracks all tracks, that all tracks.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah. One to ten Punishment Cabin.
Speaker 2: I went to the Punishment Cabin. Yeah, it's in that
Speaker 2: area of Tribeca that's still lawless by the tunnel.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but this is slightly different.
Speaker 2: How about one to ten tween girls that wake up
Speaker 2: one day and there's two wolves sitting inside them. One
Speaker 2: is being written by Attila the Hunt and the other
Speaker 2: one is being written by Eleanor of Aquitaine.
Speaker 1: One is being written by Thanos and one is being
Speaker 1: written by Magneto.
Speaker 2: One is being written by Bloody Mary Tudor and the
Speaker 2: other one is being written by Napoleon.
Speaker 1: One's being written by Jaafar and the other one's being
Speaker 1: written by Ursula.
Speaker 4: How about this one, Let's do this, this one, fun
Speaker 4: with this one, this one?
Speaker 3: Do you want to go first? Or shall I go first?
Speaker 2: I'll go first on this one. It's a Nancy Myers film.
Speaker 2: M I don't think I have to tell anyone. Mary
Speaker 2: a person of color. Yeah, entirely white. I don't even
Speaker 2: think there were black kids at that camp.
Speaker 3: There were there were, oh yeah.
Speaker 1: The reason I know is because one of Annie's friends
Speaker 1: was played by Kat Graham, who grew up to become
Speaker 1: like a CW actress. Ye, and so I recognized her.
Speaker 1: That's the only reason I'm one hundred percent positive that
Speaker 1: there was at least one little black girl.
Speaker 2: There was one little girl of color at the camp.
Speaker 2: And Meredith is listening to parents just don't understand. You
Speaker 2: know what, Let's give this film an n double ACP
Speaker 2: Award right now, right now. I love Nancy Myers. I
Speaker 2: do enjoy her films. They are by white people for
Speaker 2: white people.
Speaker 3: It's true.
Speaker 2: I actually think in most cases is fine. Like I
Speaker 2: don't think I don't think something's got to give needs
Speaker 2: people of color in it.
Speaker 1: Nancy Myers makes white nonsense films. Yeah, I say that
Speaker 1: with deep love, with love and respect, I have a one.
Speaker 2: Hundred percent agree. I don't think Baby Boom needs a
Speaker 2: lot of diversity. I don't think it's complicated requires a
Speaker 2: lot of diversity. So that's fine. But this one, because
Speaker 2: it's about kids, four kids, and it's nineteen ninety eight,
Speaker 2: it's a little late for the white blindness to be
Speaker 2: on so hard, Like a little more diversity would have
Speaker 2: been would have been great.
Speaker 3: Wemake this movie with an interracial couple.
Speaker 1: Cast, cast Constance Woo and and and Paul mescal.
Speaker 3: As the parents.
Speaker 2: Twist. She's the vintner, he's the fashion designer.
Speaker 3: That's right.
Speaker 4: He lives in.
Speaker 2: Dublin and still does wedding dresses.
Speaker 1: Yeah, still does wedding dresses and wear short shorts all
Speaker 1: the time.
Speaker 2: Straight as an arrow, straight as a narrow, Straight as
Speaker 2: an arrow.
Speaker 1: He's not even a bisexual king in this He's straight
Speaker 1: in this movie.
Speaker 2: No, his best friend is played by Andrew Scott though,
Speaker 2: that's right, they're Butler. They're Butler is played by Andrew
Speaker 2: Scott Cannon.
Speaker 3: That is a great movie. That is a fucking great movie.
Speaker 2: Who plays the himbo who's trying to steal Constant Woo's money.
Speaker 2: He's trying to gold dig Constance Woo.
Speaker 3: Then Alan Richson done so.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no diversity. In most cases, I would give Nancy
Speaker 2: Meyer movies passes because, as Paul says, and he's not wrong,
Speaker 2: they are white nonsense movies.
Speaker 3: They're white no sense of the highest order, and like,
Speaker 3: you know what, some.
Speaker 2: Like white nonsense needs needs to need some representation too.
Speaker 3: Sure needs to be aired out.
Speaker 2: Sometimes sometimes you just want to see a white lady
Speaker 2: dancing in her million dollar kitchen. You know what I'm saying. Yeah,
Speaker 2: would have loved more gay representation than the one the
Speaker 2: one assistant who is clearly supposed to be gay. The
Speaker 2: messaging is not great, like, but I don't think kids
Speaker 2: are going to take anything from it. I don't. It's
Speaker 2: not the kind of kids movie where the messaging isn't great,
Speaker 2: and I think it's detrimental to kids in their development.
Speaker 3: No, because it's so even kids would know this is silly.
Speaker 2: Good roles for women. I'm gonna give it a six.
Speaker 2: He was six out of ten tween girls with wolves
Speaker 2: dire wolves inside of them. Sure one is written by Aria,
Speaker 2: the other one is written by Sansa.
Speaker 4: Okay, yeah, all right, how about you, Paul?
Speaker 1: Uh? Yeah, I think that's it. Like the movie is
Speaker 1: the very definition of like harmless. Like it's so silly,
Speaker 1: it's so over the top. I think more diversity would
Speaker 1: have been welcome. I will say there is one moment
Speaker 1: where Lindsay Lohan does say a word that we don't
Speaker 1: use anymore. She says, we are being jipped, which is
Speaker 1: generally considered a faux pas.
Speaker 2: Oh right, totally.
Speaker 1: That not a huge one, but like it just stuck
Speaker 1: out because I'm like, wow, I haven't heard someone say
Speaker 1: that in a long time, because we don't say that anymore.
Speaker 2: It's not polite. Yes, by the way, One thing I
Speaker 2: do want to mention this has nothing to do with
Speaker 2: my rating of the film though, but like the CGI
Speaker 2: is seamless.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's pretty good.
Speaker 2: It's so seamless that I genuinely had moments where I
Speaker 2: thought it was too like it feels like you're watching
Speaker 2: two different girls.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I don't really have any complaints about the movie. It's charming,
Speaker 1: it's fun, it is four kids, it is I don't
Speaker 1: know that like it's something I'm going to watch again
Speaker 1: because it is not for me, although I had a
Speaker 1: perfectly good time watching it. The gay assistant is very
Speaker 1: clearly coded as gay. I actually really like I didn't think.
Speaker 1: I kind of had an idea, but I hadn't really
Speaker 1: formed it in my head about Halle being kind of
Speaker 1: coded as a little queer.
Speaker 2: Oh, I wasn't kidding about that. I think that's part
Speaker 2: of it.
Speaker 1: I think that's there, and I think it's I don't
Speaker 1: even necessarily know if Nancy Myers thought that, And I
Speaker 1: don't mean that as an insult to her at all.
Speaker 1: I just mean, like, you could very easily say this
Speaker 1: girl is being brought up by her London fashion designer mother,
Speaker 1: and this girl is being brought up by her rancher father,
Speaker 1: and so like that could be all that was thought
Speaker 1: of to try to differentiate.
Speaker 3: The two characters.
Speaker 1: But it does come off as a little queer, and
Speaker 1: I think that's cool. And I wouldn't be surprised if,
Speaker 1: like you said, I if some little queer girl out
Speaker 1: there saw this and was like, I am hallie, you know,
Speaker 1: like that kind of thing. I'll give the movie some
Speaker 1: credit for that. I'll give it a six. I'll agree
Speaker 1: with you six out of ten. Twin girls waking up
Speaker 1: and suddenly deep in their stomach, deep in their soul,
Speaker 1: ride two bloody wolves dancing through an inferno, and on
Speaker 1: one rides Joe Peshi from Goodfellas, and on the other
Speaker 1: rides Joe Peshi from Home Alone.
Speaker 2: Oo. You get out of that kid's way.
Speaker 4: This way, you.
Speaker 1: Fucking run, do not look directly in her eyes. Just
Speaker 1: don't do it.
Speaker 2: That kid is Medusa, that's right.
Speaker 3: So I don't.
Speaker 1: Feel the need to offer a palate cleanser on this one,
Speaker 1: do you No, I.
Speaker 2: Didn't see the original. I'm sure it's charming. This one
Speaker 2: I found very charming, if not a little too long. Honestly,
Speaker 2: once the kids go get reunited with their parents, if
Speaker 2: you're an adult watching this, just bow out there. Just
Speaker 2: once you see the speedo. Frankly, once you see the
Speaker 2: speedo scene.
Speaker 3: Thispato is the most important scene in movie.
Speaker 2: You've seen everything you need to see. You're done, You're good,
Speaker 2: just because these two fucking parents figuring out like their nonsense.
Speaker 2: It's it goes on for way too long.
Speaker 1: Way too long, particularly because it's so obvious how much
Speaker 1: they love each other.
Speaker 3: It's so clear. And they suck.
Speaker 4: Yeah, they just suck.
Speaker 1: All right, Erica. So that is the end of our show.
Speaker 1: Everyone listening can follow us on social media. We are
Speaker 1: on Instagram, we are on Twitter, we are on threads.
Speaker 1: We have a tea public shop where you can pick
Speaker 1: up podcast swag, and if you're a Spotify user, keep
Speaker 1: a lookout for questions and polls about each episode, I'm
Speaker 1: just thinking about the tea public shop. Do we want
Speaker 1: can we get can we get two wolves?
Speaker 3: Somehow girls?
Speaker 2: Tween girls?
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, we'll think about that.
Speaker 1: We would love it if you would leave a five
Speaker 1: star of you on Apple Podcasts or any podcasting platform
Speaker 1: that you use. If you do that, just like Joe
Speaker 1: Ann Rose from the top of this episode, you let
Speaker 1: us know that you did it, we will send you
Speaker 1: at that Age Well tote bag, any any podcasting app
Speaker 1: that you do it on. Just let me know I
Speaker 1: did it on this app. You know, email me, I'll
Speaker 1: send you the tote bag. We don't discriminate here about
Speaker 1: podcasting providers platforms.
Speaker 2: We're platform polyamorous over here.
Speaker 3: We're pan podcatcher here haha.
Speaker 2: That Aged Well is produced and edited by Paul Kayola.
Speaker 2: We would like to thank Faye, Sydney, Mara, Sephina, Justine,
Speaker 2: Jan Kessler, Jenny and some of those people whose name
Speaker 2: is Paul simply could not identify from their social media profiles.
Speaker 2: He is going to start deep dive, He's going to
Speaker 2: start looking into it, and that's how we discover that
Speaker 2: one of our biggest fans.
Speaker 1: Is Norman Schwartz cough Storman Norman himself.
Speaker 2: Huge fan of the pod. Anyone under forty has no
Speaker 2: idea who we're talking to me nothing.
Speaker 3: That was a real deep dive for our younger listeners.
Speaker 2: Ah. So thank you all for reaching out, especially you Norman.
Speaker 2: We love you.
Speaker 3: We love you, Norman, We love you Norman.
Speaker 2: Thank you all for reaching out and letting us know
Speaker 2: what you want to hear. If you want to have
Speaker 2: a say in the topics we discussed, you can join
Speaker 2: our patreon. Every patron gets to vote in an exclusive
Speaker 2: monthly poll to determine one of our subjects. So head
Speaker 2: on over to patreon dot com slash that Aged Well
Speaker 2: podcast to find out more.
Speaker 1: Speaking of which, some tears in our Patreon come with
Speaker 1: a thanks for a podcast character. And today we're hearing, Oh,
Speaker 1: we're hearing from She's She's a true favorite.
Speaker 3: She's a pure delight.
Speaker 1: Just just make sure you don't call her a black widow,
Speaker 1: because the bite a black widow is rarely fatal in
Speaker 1: real life.
Speaker 3: It's missus White from Glue.
Speaker 2: Don't flatter me with your introductions after sending me yet
Speaker 2: another one of your passive, aggressive, threatening invitations. I nearly
Speaker 2: threw it in the fire. And covered it in frame flames.
Speaker 1: Flames, Missus White, I'm terribly sorry.
Speaker 3: I genuinely don't know what you're referring to.
Speaker 2: Oh don't you, don't you. I've never been so clearly blackmailed.
Speaker 2: I have what you wrote right here, dear missus White.
Speaker 2: I would love to have you back to thank Teresa
Speaker 2: Liptak for being a patron of that that aged dwell
Speaker 2: liptac lip my lips tack like tacky sticky. I know
Speaker 2: what you're doing.
Speaker 3: I believe that is our patron's name.
Speaker 2: Why well you thought I wouldn't hear the threat you
Speaker 2: expect me to believe it's a coincidence that the so
Speaker 2: called patron's name is Liptack and has nothing to do
Speaker 2: with the slow, spine tingling death of my twelfth husband,
Speaker 2: Bert Bartholomew the Fourth, in a horrifying fiasco involving his
Speaker 2: lips and a tube of super glue disguised this chapstick
Speaker 2: that has never been located by the authorities.
Speaker 1: You were married to someone named Bert Bartholomew the Fourth.
Speaker 2: Of course I was. He was the heir to the
Speaker 2: Bert's Bees personal care product fortune. And there's no person
Speaker 2: on earth I care for than more than myself, except,
Speaker 2: of course, for this Teresa Liptak, who I am here
Speaker 2: to think. Thank you Teresa, is that as your real name?
Speaker 1: Well, I'm really very sorry to hear of your husband's
Speaker 1: passing and having your lips glued shut.
Speaker 3: What a terrible way to die.
Speaker 2: Yes, well it would be, though Darling Bert was also
Speaker 2: found under a gimp mask with a smile on his face,
Speaker 2: so perhaps it wasn't so terrible for him at the end.
Speaker 2: I always say a widow's greatest joy is that her
Speaker 2: husband died rich happy, happy. Her husband died richly happy,
Speaker 2: that one thank you goodbye.
Speaker 1: Well she you know, she's not great at covering up
Speaker 1: her crimes, but she does keep getting away with them.
Speaker 2: You know what, These men have it coming. Frankly, if
Speaker 2: you're number twelve, Yeah, there's a history there. I don't
Speaker 2: mean to victim blame here, but maybe that was his
Speaker 2: whole thing.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're walking right into it at that point.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I believe that's his whole Like those people who
Speaker 2: find cannibals to eat them online, it's one of those situations.
Speaker 1: It's an army hammer situation, all right, Erica, any final
Speaker 1: thoughts on the parent trap.
Speaker 2: Am I Erica? Or was I Jericha the whole time?
Speaker 2: Oh no, it's Jericha, my evil British twin.
Speaker 1: Do you know that is the actual ending of Pretty
Speaker 1: Little Liars?
Speaker 2: What? No?
Speaker 1: So this is so off topic and I'm going to
Speaker 1: keep it in. Pretty Little Liars ends with like the
Speaker 1: whole concept of the shows. These girls have been blackmailed
Speaker 1: for years about like from this person who knows. I
Speaker 1: didn't even know what they did. I'd never watched an episode.
Speaker 1: But the actual ending is that one of them has
Speaker 1: an evil British twin that's been torturing them.
Speaker 2: Love Well, now I got to watch Pretty Little Liars
Speaker 2: now I'm in. I would watch this for the house porn.
Speaker 2: I really, I really, the first time they go to
Speaker 2: that NAPA house, I'd be like, show me the house.
Speaker 1: I think if I was going to watch Nancy Myers
Speaker 1: movie for house porn, I think it's it's complicated.
Speaker 3: I want to watch.
Speaker 1: I want to see Meryl Streep's kitchen all the time.
Speaker 2: Oh that's a good one. I'm going to go with
Speaker 2: with something's got to give with the house in the
Speaker 2: Hampton's Sure, it's a race to the top as far
Speaker 2: as House porn goes with Nancy Myers films