WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.080 --> 00:00:02.799 Episode with two stories. First part, I. 2 00:00:02.759 --> 00:00:07.759 Hope you enjoy this story. Partner was covertly rendezvousing with 3 00:00:07.799 --> 00:00:10.800 my sibling at pubs. Then when I confronted them, they 4 00:00:10.800 --> 00:00:13.240 both deceived me to my face until I exposed that 5 00:00:13.320 --> 00:00:17.239 I was already aware of their illicit relationship. However, my 6 00:00:17.359 --> 00:00:19.800 mom still expects me to forgive her because she's going 7 00:00:19.839 --> 00:00:23.760 through a hard time. I twenty f and my boyfriend 8 00:00:23.879 --> 00:00:26.640 twenty nine m I will call him Ryan, have been 9 00:00:26.640 --> 00:00:28.839 together for about a year and a half now, and 10 00:00:28.960 --> 00:00:32.479 up until recently, I always trusted him, maybe blindly and naively. 11 00:00:32.479 --> 00:00:35.600 Looking back on it, I started losing that trust a 12 00:00:35.600 --> 00:00:37.759 few months ago when an ex of his I will 13 00:00:37.759 --> 00:00:40.280 call her Anna, found me on Instagram and d m 14 00:00:40.439 --> 00:00:43.799 me what was basically the dreaded hay girly text. I 15 00:00:43.880 --> 00:00:46.640 knew about Anna because they were pretty serious in college, 16 00:00:46.640 --> 00:00:48.799 and he and his mom had both told me stories 17 00:00:48.799 --> 00:00:51.799 about her. I was told by Ryan that they ended 18 00:00:51.840 --> 00:00:54.840 their long term relationship because they wanted different things with life. 19 00:00:55.159 --> 00:00:57.560 He said she wanted to settle down and he wasn't ready. 20 00:00:57.759 --> 00:00:59.799 I believed him, but Anna told me that they actually 21 00:00:59.799 --> 00:01:03.000 broke up because after four years together and talking about marriage. 22 00:01:03.039 --> 00:01:04.959 She found out he had been cheating on her almost 23 00:01:04.959 --> 00:01:08.799 the whole time, with no remorse. Apparently, they had rekindled 24 00:01:08.799 --> 00:01:11.159 some time about a year before, and Anna thought he 25 00:01:11.200 --> 00:01:13.400 had grown as a person, so they were considering meeting 26 00:01:13.519 --> 00:01:16.519 up and possibly getting back together until he randomly ghosted her. 27 00:01:17.480 --> 00:01:19.760 She found my account through his and piece together by 28 00:01:19.760 --> 00:01:21.760 our photos that I was the reason he ghosted her. 29 00:01:22.040 --> 00:01:25.000 She provided multiple screenshots, and the time stamps are all 30 00:01:25.079 --> 00:01:27.280 during the same time frame me and him started talking. 31 00:01:27.599 --> 00:01:29.879 He was talking to us both and entertaining us both 32 00:01:29.959 --> 00:01:31.799 up until the same day he asked me to make 33 00:01:31.840 --> 00:01:35.239 things official. I don't know why she didn't tell me sooner, 34 00:01:35.359 --> 00:01:37.079 or if she had just found out, but I never 35 00:01:37.120 --> 00:01:39.120 asked even now because I don't know if I even 36 00:01:39.159 --> 00:01:41.760 want to know more. I thanked her, and I did 37 00:01:41.840 --> 00:01:44.719 confront him with this almost immediately. He was honest, but 38 00:01:44.760 --> 00:01:46.519 I think that was only because I had the proof 39 00:01:46.599 --> 00:01:48.640 right there in front of us. He admitted that he 40 00:01:48.719 --> 00:01:50.879 was talking to both of us and another girl because 41 00:01:50.920 --> 00:01:52.680 he was single then and he had the right to. 42 00:01:53.640 --> 00:01:55.480 When I pointed out that I told him I wasn't 43 00:01:55.480 --> 00:01:58.280 talking to anyone else. Very early on in our talking stage, 44 00:01:58.280 --> 00:02:00.359 and he could have told me then, or better er yet, 45 00:02:00.400 --> 00:02:02.439 stop talking to these other women if he thought we 46 00:02:02.439 --> 00:02:06.040 were so serious. He got very defensive and said that 47 00:02:06.079 --> 00:02:07.920 I was making this out to be something it wasn't, 48 00:02:07.920 --> 00:02:09.599 and said I was acting like he was a cheater. 49 00:02:10.599 --> 00:02:12.800 The fact that he brought up cheating first is telling 50 00:02:12.800 --> 00:02:14.439 to me now, even though I didn't think of it 51 00:02:14.479 --> 00:02:17.599 in the moment. I know he did not technically cheat 52 00:02:17.599 --> 00:02:19.879 on me, but it still feels disrespectful that he not 53 00:02:20.000 --> 00:02:21.759 only did it, but didn't even think to tell me 54 00:02:21.800 --> 00:02:25.400 throughout our whole relationship. This opened my eyes to some 55 00:02:25.479 --> 00:02:27.919 massive red flags that just seemed to keep popping up, 56 00:02:27.919 --> 00:02:29.800 and eventually they were all I could see about. I 57 00:02:29.840 --> 00:02:32.599 still love him, despite how stupid that sounds. Even now 58 00:02:32.680 --> 00:02:34.520 as I am typing this, I still hope I am 59 00:02:34.639 --> 00:02:36.879 so very wrong, even though I do not think I am. 60 00:02:37.159 --> 00:02:40.560 But I need other opinions because I feel crazy. My 61 00:02:40.719 --> 00:02:43.960 sister twenty five f who I will call Jane, just 62 00:02:44.039 --> 00:02:46.159 went through a nasty break up three months ago and 63 00:02:46.240 --> 00:02:48.159 had to move back home with my parents to get 64 00:02:48.199 --> 00:02:51.639 back on her feet. Instead of hiring a moving company 65 00:02:51.639 --> 00:02:54.080 and wasting that money, she just asked our brother twenty 66 00:02:54.080 --> 00:02:56.240 three m to use his truck and have the family 67 00:02:56.280 --> 00:02:59.479 help remove. Of course we did, but I felt like 68 00:02:59.520 --> 00:03:02.159 we needed some more help, so I stupidly invited Ryan 69 00:03:02.199 --> 00:03:05.199 to come and help us. Ryan had never met my 70 00:03:05.280 --> 00:03:07.680 sister before then, but as soon as they started talking, 71 00:03:07.680 --> 00:03:10.080 I felt like a third wheel. They have more in common, 72 00:03:10.120 --> 00:03:12.159 which I should have expected with them being closer in 73 00:03:12.240 --> 00:03:15.159 age than me and him. I ignored it at first 74 00:03:15.199 --> 00:03:17.360 and tried to convince myself I was glad they were 75 00:03:17.400 --> 00:03:19.400 getting along, but the way he looked at her when 76 00:03:19.439 --> 00:03:21.719 we left later that night, and the way she said goodbye, 77 00:03:21.759 --> 00:03:24.080 like there was more behind the words, filled me with jealousy. 78 00:03:24.319 --> 00:03:26.400 It wasn't even a full week later that it started 79 00:03:26.400 --> 00:03:28.800 getting weirder. Ryan made a comment in the middle of 80 00:03:28.800 --> 00:03:31.439 a date night about how mature my sister is, which 81 00:03:31.439 --> 00:03:33.439 if you talk to this woman at all, anyone can 82 00:03:33.479 --> 00:03:35.479 tell she is the opposite of mature. So I know 83 00:03:35.599 --> 00:03:37.560 this was some type of dig because I have always 84 00:03:37.599 --> 00:03:40.879 been self conscious of our age gap. I have even 85 00:03:40.919 --> 00:03:43.120 said the words I wish I was more mature to 86 00:03:43.199 --> 00:03:46.680 him before. My mood was ruined after this because it 87 00:03:46.759 --> 00:03:48.800 made no sense to me why he was even thinking 88 00:03:48.840 --> 00:03:51.439 of Jane, and I was already upset and on edge, 89 00:03:51.439 --> 00:03:53.439 so I tried to end our night early, but he 90 00:03:53.520 --> 00:03:55.599 was following me around his apartment and yelling at me 91 00:03:55.639 --> 00:03:58.759 that I was acting insecure and didn't trust him. I 92 00:03:58.840 --> 00:04:00.599 let it slip that I hadn't try trusted him for 93 00:04:00.639 --> 00:04:02.199 a while, and he asked me what the point of 94 00:04:02.240 --> 00:04:04.840 our relationship was if I cannot trust him, And after 95 00:04:04.840 --> 00:04:06.719 some back and forth of me saying he needed to 96 00:04:06.759 --> 00:04:08.719 work to regain my trust in him saying I was 97 00:04:08.759 --> 00:04:11.319 blaming him for stuff he can't change, I ended up 98 00:04:11.400 --> 00:04:13.680 leaving because he would not stop, and I wanted to sleep. 99 00:04:14.599 --> 00:04:16.879 I went to my parents place because they were closer 100 00:04:16.920 --> 00:04:19.399 and it was late already, so I crashed there. My mom, 101 00:04:19.439 --> 00:04:21.600 of course, was curious why, and I broke down and 102 00:04:21.680 --> 00:04:24.680 explained everything to her, minus the Jane details, because I 103 00:04:24.759 --> 00:04:27.240 knew she would be listening, and she was. I was 104 00:04:27.240 --> 00:04:29.439 a crying mess by the end, but my mom said 105 00:04:29.439 --> 00:04:32.000 she thought I was being paranoid and jumping to conclusions 106 00:04:32.040 --> 00:04:35.600 based on his past. I called Ryan. Unto his credit, 107 00:04:35.600 --> 00:04:38.120 he did pick up quickly. I told him I was sorry, 108 00:04:38.160 --> 00:04:40.480 but now I feel like a pushover because looking back 109 00:04:40.519 --> 00:04:42.839 on it, I was not the one who needed to apologize. 110 00:04:43.839 --> 00:04:46.680 Jane even came down and comforted me herself, which is 111 00:04:46.800 --> 00:04:49.720 rare because she usually only cares for herself. I should 112 00:04:49.720 --> 00:04:51.480 have seen this as a sign, but I was too 113 00:04:51.519 --> 00:04:53.920 caught up on thinking my sister finally cared about me. 114 00:04:54.959 --> 00:04:58.360 For a while, everything was okay after When I got 115 00:04:58.360 --> 00:05:00.759 back to his place, he apologized for yelling and said 116 00:05:00.759 --> 00:05:02.800 he hated seeing me leave, and even asked me to 117 00:05:02.839 --> 00:05:05.120 move in with him. I hadn't decided yet, but I 118 00:05:05.160 --> 00:05:09.279 was stupidly considering saying yes. Everything felt too good to 119 00:05:09.319 --> 00:05:11.519 be true, and I was tired of feeling crazy, so 120 00:05:11.560 --> 00:05:13.360 I just started trying to accept that I may have 121 00:05:13.399 --> 00:05:17.439 paranoia issues. When everything was basically confirmed for me, in 122 00:05:17.480 --> 00:05:19.000 the middle of the night, like a month and a 123 00:05:19.040 --> 00:05:22.079 half after Jane moved back, almost four in the morning, 124 00:05:22.360 --> 00:05:25.160 Ryan was on the phone with her. I caught him 125 00:05:25.199 --> 00:05:27.879 in his living room basically whispering into his phone. I 126 00:05:28.000 --> 00:05:30.639 was already suspicious and angry before I even knew who 127 00:05:30.639 --> 00:05:32.519 it was, and asked him instead of doing the smart 128 00:05:32.560 --> 00:05:35.199 thing and listening into whatever they were talking about. Because 129 00:05:35.199 --> 00:05:37.639 I still do not know what their late night conversations 130 00:05:37.680 --> 00:05:41.600 were about. He didn't even try and hide it. He 131 00:05:41.639 --> 00:05:43.800 admitted to me that he and Jane had been talking 132 00:05:43.839 --> 00:05:46.360 for weeks and were becoming close friends. He said he 133 00:05:46.399 --> 00:05:48.839 didn't tell me because he knew how I would react 134 00:05:49.480 --> 00:05:51.839 and that he was worried I would think the worst. 135 00:05:52.519 --> 00:05:55.079 Hearing him say that felt so demeaning because it told 136 00:05:55.120 --> 00:05:56.720 me he knew how I would feel and what it 137 00:05:56.759 --> 00:06:00.319 would look. But did it anyway. I was too angry 138 00:06:00.319 --> 00:06:02.519 to even have a conversation with him, so I locked 139 00:06:02.519 --> 00:06:05.240 myself in the bedroom until it was light out, ignoring 140 00:06:05.319 --> 00:06:08.959 him and Jane, who spammed my phone with explanations. As 141 00:06:09.000 --> 00:06:10.720 soon as I could, I left his apartment with as 142 00:06:10.800 --> 00:06:13.759 much of my stuff as I could carry. I vented 143 00:06:13.759 --> 00:06:15.560 to my mom about this on the phone, just to 144 00:06:15.600 --> 00:06:17.319 find out that it was my own mother who gave 145 00:06:17.399 --> 00:06:19.759 Ryan's phone number to my sister. That night, I crashed 146 00:06:19.759 --> 00:06:22.160 at their house because she apparently wanted to get to 147 00:06:22.199 --> 00:06:25.279 know him better. My mom keeps saying that she is 148 00:06:25.319 --> 00:06:27.319 being a good sister and looking out for me by 149 00:06:27.319 --> 00:06:29.439 making sure he is good enough, but I do not 150 00:06:29.560 --> 00:06:33.120 believe it. The timing is too weird. She finds out 151 00:06:33.120 --> 00:06:35.439 my boyfriend has a history of cheating, and that's when 152 00:06:35.480 --> 00:06:38.560 she wants his number. If she truly was just trying 153 00:06:38.560 --> 00:06:40.199 to make sure he was good for me, she would 154 00:06:40.199 --> 00:06:41.800 not have felt the need to go behind my back 155 00:06:41.839 --> 00:06:44.000 to get Ryan's number, and would she not have done 156 00:06:44.000 --> 00:06:45.879 that in the beginning, And she did not do that 157 00:06:45.959 --> 00:06:50.079 with either of my previous relationships. For some context about 158 00:06:50.079 --> 00:06:52.959 how my mom acts towards Jane, my sister has always 159 00:06:52.959 --> 00:06:55.680 been spoiled rotten. She is my parents favorite and didn't 160 00:06:55.720 --> 00:06:57.480 hear the word know from them if they could help it. 161 00:06:58.439 --> 00:07:01.560 In my parents eyes, my my mom's especially, she can 162 00:07:01.600 --> 00:07:04.560 do no wrong. Even though Jane is one of the 163 00:07:04.639 --> 00:07:07.000 rudest people I know, my mom still sees her as 164 00:07:07.000 --> 00:07:10.000 her baby. My mom keeps trying to get me to 165 00:07:10.040 --> 00:07:11.920 accept that she is just going through a hard time 166 00:07:11.959 --> 00:07:14.040 and needs a good friend like Ryan who takes care 167 00:07:14.040 --> 00:07:16.199 of her. But that just makes me more livid, because 168 00:07:16.199 --> 00:07:18.639 why should my boyfriend be responsible for the heavy lifting 169 00:07:18.680 --> 00:07:21.800 of my sister's life. She is a grown adult who 170 00:07:21.800 --> 00:07:24.399 could go to therapy for her problems. She shouldn't need 171 00:07:24.439 --> 00:07:26.160 to call my boyfriend about them in the middle of 172 00:07:26.199 --> 00:07:29.839 the night. Last week was my final straw. I found 173 00:07:29.839 --> 00:07:31.959 out through my brother that Ryan and Jane had been 174 00:07:31.959 --> 00:07:34.920 regularly meeting up at bars for weeks now, even after 175 00:07:34.959 --> 00:07:37.160 the big fight about them calling in the night, going 176 00:07:37.199 --> 00:07:40.000 on what Jane calls friend dates. The cherry on top 177 00:07:40.040 --> 00:07:42.439 is that she specifically told my brother not to tell me. 178 00:07:42.800 --> 00:07:46.319 He told me almost immediately, and I finally broke There 179 00:07:46.399 --> 00:07:48.759 is no good excuse for my boyfriend to be regularly 180 00:07:48.800 --> 00:07:52.600 seeing my sister behind my back, so I finally confronted them. 181 00:07:53.079 --> 00:07:55.439 I waited at my apartment and called them both to come, 182 00:07:55.480 --> 00:07:57.639 and the looks on their faces when they realized they 183 00:07:57.639 --> 00:08:00.879 were both there maid my stomach churn. I didn't mention 184 00:08:01.000 --> 00:08:03.160 knowing about their little dates because I wanted to see 185 00:08:03.199 --> 00:08:05.160 if they would dig themselves into a hole, and that 186 00:08:05.279 --> 00:08:08.600 is exactly what they did. They both said they barely 187 00:08:08.600 --> 00:08:11.040 interact off the phone, and when they did it wasn't planned, 188 00:08:11.040 --> 00:08:14.199 It just happened. I let them say their whole spiel 189 00:08:14.240 --> 00:08:16.680 before simply dropping. So you ended up at the same 190 00:08:16.720 --> 00:08:18.879 bar multiple week ends in a row for friend dates 191 00:08:18.879 --> 00:08:22.000 on accident. When I used her own words, I saw 192 00:08:22.000 --> 00:08:24.319 on her face that she knew I knew. They tried 193 00:08:24.319 --> 00:08:26.600 to say it was nothing weird, and they both adamantly 194 00:08:26.600 --> 00:08:29.319 denied anything happening during those friend dates, but I feel 195 00:08:29.360 --> 00:08:31.160 it in my gut that they are lying about that too, 196 00:08:31.199 --> 00:08:33.759 since they can so easily lie to me about everything else. 197 00:08:34.840 --> 00:08:37.000 Ryan said they were just hanging out as friends, but 198 00:08:37.080 --> 00:08:39.120 once they lied to my face about them, I knew 199 00:08:39.159 --> 00:08:42.480 they were more than friendly hangouts. I have no hard 200 00:08:42.480 --> 00:08:45.000 evidence of anything going on past these dates, and even 201 00:08:45.039 --> 00:08:47.440 if nothing physical has happened, he is at least emotionally 202 00:08:47.519 --> 00:08:49.519 cheating on me with her. They let me feel like 203 00:08:49.519 --> 00:08:52.240 a crazy paranoid girl friend, trying to make me feel 204 00:08:52.279 --> 00:08:54.440 like I was seeing things while manipulating me, and am 205 00:08:54.480 --> 00:08:56.159 having the nerve to ask me to move in with 206 00:08:56.240 --> 00:08:59.440 him while doing this. I have not spoken to either 207 00:08:59.440 --> 00:09:01.559 of them or my mom since, because I can't help 208 00:09:01.600 --> 00:09:04.480 but think my mom knew. What I keep thinking of 209 00:09:04.519 --> 00:09:06.639 that hurts most is that had Anna not told me 210 00:09:06.720 --> 00:09:08.399 he had a past of being a cheater, I would 211 00:09:08.440 --> 00:09:11.159 probably be thinking he's such a nice guy helping and 212 00:09:11.200 --> 00:09:13.279 befriending my sister, and they all would have let me 213 00:09:13.320 --> 00:09:16.240 stay in the dark. They have not stopped trying to 214 00:09:16.279 --> 00:09:18.639 contact me, and I have gotten multiple voice mails from 215 00:09:18.639 --> 00:09:20.519 my mom that I am sure are defending them, so 216 00:09:20.600 --> 00:09:23.600 I can't even bring myself to listen to them. I 217 00:09:23.639 --> 00:09:25.720 have no idea what I am supposed to do now 218 00:09:25.840 --> 00:09:29.080 or how to go about this. I didn't technically break 219 00:09:29.120 --> 00:09:31.120 it off with Ryan, and I do not know how to. 220 00:09:32.159 --> 00:09:34.080 I fully believe he was trying to trap me in 221 00:09:34.159 --> 00:09:36.200 his life by asking me to move in, and now 222 00:09:36.240 --> 00:09:38.120 I am honestly a little scared of what else he 223 00:09:38.120 --> 00:09:41.039 could try to keep me around. My brother said he 224 00:09:41.039 --> 00:09:42.919 would gladly break it to him for me, but I 225 00:09:42.919 --> 00:09:44.679 don't know if that is the mature thing to do, 226 00:09:45.080 --> 00:09:47.159 and I keep having to beat myself up mentally from 227 00:09:47.200 --> 00:09:50.919 missing him. Am I jumping to conclusions like my mom thinks? 228 00:09:51.000 --> 00:09:53.080 Or does it seem like he is emotionally cheating with 229 00:09:53.120 --> 00:09:57.000 my own sister? Update one, I decided to cut ties 230 00:09:57.039 --> 00:09:59.159 with Ryan and I have gone no contact with my 231 00:09:59.240 --> 00:10:01.679 sister and my mom. The day after I posted my 232 00:10:01.720 --> 00:10:04.559 initial ada, I took some of you guys advice, and 233 00:10:04.600 --> 00:10:06.799 I broke it off with Ryan through a careful text 234 00:10:06.799 --> 00:10:09.639 that said more or less, I do not believe nothing 235 00:10:09.679 --> 00:10:11.799 happened between you and my sister, and I won't stay 236 00:10:11.799 --> 00:10:14.039 in a relationship with someone who would break my trust 237 00:10:14.120 --> 00:10:16.960 like that, even if nothing happened, You lied to me 238 00:10:17.080 --> 00:10:19.399 about seeing her, went behind my back to be with 239 00:10:19.480 --> 00:10:21.799 her and hurt me, all for someone you barely know, 240 00:10:22.200 --> 00:10:24.600 for someone I am supposed to be able to trust. 241 00:10:25.240 --> 00:10:27.000 I do not want you to text or call me, 242 00:10:27.039 --> 00:10:29.559 and I do not want to see you again. My 243 00:10:29.639 --> 00:10:31.639 brother will be coming to get anything of mine you 244 00:10:31.720 --> 00:10:34.639 still have when he can. I wanted the text to 245 00:10:34.639 --> 00:10:36.799 be direct and fast so he couldn't try to twist 246 00:10:36.840 --> 00:10:39.399 my words, but he still responded, saying he only wanted 247 00:10:39.399 --> 00:10:41.600 to be with me, was sorry he hurt me, and 248 00:10:41.639 --> 00:10:43.360 that he didn't mean to break my trust. So I 249 00:10:43.440 --> 00:10:45.799 silenced his contact and put my phone on dn D 250 00:10:45.960 --> 00:10:47.919 for now, but I know he has still been texting. 251 00:10:47.960 --> 00:10:51.279 I just refuse to even look at them. Some comments 252 00:10:51.279 --> 00:10:53.320 said not to block him fully, just in case he 253 00:10:53.360 --> 00:10:55.720 goes too far and I need documentation, so I am 254 00:10:55.759 --> 00:10:57.960 following that advice until I think I am in the clear. 255 00:10:59.000 --> 00:11:01.720 My sister showed up my apartment unannounced after this, and 256 00:11:01.759 --> 00:11:04.840 I am positive he told her about my text. I 257 00:11:04.960 --> 00:11:07.039 talked to her outside because I wanted to see if 258 00:11:07.080 --> 00:11:09.039 I could get more information out of her, but didn't 259 00:11:09.039 --> 00:11:12.000 want her in my apartment, So while she was begging 260 00:11:12.000 --> 00:11:13.679 me to forgive her, I said I would if she 261 00:11:13.759 --> 00:11:16.720 told me the truth, and I was pretty much right. 262 00:11:17.039 --> 00:11:19.559 She confessed that they both talked about being attracted to 263 00:11:19.600 --> 00:11:21.480 each other and about what they would do together if 264 00:11:21.480 --> 00:11:23.879 I wasn't in the picture on those late night phone calls. 265 00:11:24.840 --> 00:11:27.080 The farthest it went was talking about getting a hotel 266 00:11:27.200 --> 00:11:29.000 room for a weekend to act on this, which she 267 00:11:29.080 --> 00:11:31.399 claims Ryan shot down, but I do not believe that. 268 00:11:32.480 --> 00:11:34.840 She said nothing physical ever happened, and they went on 269 00:11:34.879 --> 00:11:37.080 those friend dates to live out a fantasy they were 270 00:11:37.080 --> 00:11:39.360 never going to act on, which I think is bullshit. 271 00:11:39.639 --> 00:11:41.480 She said she was the one pushing for them to 272 00:11:41.519 --> 00:11:43.679 go further, but he never crossed the line, but I 273 00:11:43.679 --> 00:11:47.000 do not care. They were leading up to cheating physically 274 00:11:47.039 --> 00:11:49.840 if they haven't already, and in my eyes, already did cheat. 275 00:11:50.759 --> 00:11:54.200 They were basically senjie or having phone segs or whatever. TF. 276 00:11:54.240 --> 00:11:55.960 While I was asleep in the next room and her 277 00:11:55.960 --> 00:11:59.200 trying to justify that me feel sick, I told her 278 00:11:59.200 --> 00:12:01.440 I was likely not going to talk to her ever again, 279 00:12:01.480 --> 00:12:03.600 and she went from begging to being angry and calling 280 00:12:03.639 --> 00:12:05.919 me a liar almost immediately. So I just went back 281 00:12:05.960 --> 00:12:08.840 up to my apartment to avoid doing something I would regret. 282 00:12:09.440 --> 00:12:12.240 I also finally listened to my mom's voicemails, and they 283 00:12:12.240 --> 00:12:15.679 were in fact offending Jane. I called her, told her 284 00:12:15.720 --> 00:12:19.039 what Jane admitted and asked if she knew. She said 285 00:12:19.080 --> 00:12:21.320 she didn't know and thought they really were just friends, 286 00:12:21.360 --> 00:12:23.519 but still thinks I am being too hard on Jane. 287 00:12:23.879 --> 00:12:26.000 She thinks I should be more angry at Ryan since 288 00:12:26.000 --> 00:12:27.840 he made the commitment to me and Jane will be 289 00:12:27.879 --> 00:12:31.120 my sister for life. I believe her that she didn't 290 00:12:31.159 --> 00:12:33.320 know about everything, but I can't even find the words 291 00:12:33.399 --> 00:12:35.519 to describe how I feel about her expecting me to 292 00:12:35.600 --> 00:12:38.960 just forgive Jane. I also do not believe she told 293 00:12:38.960 --> 00:12:41.039 the full story, but I have no idea how I 294 00:12:41.039 --> 00:12:43.240 would find out more while also avoiding them like the 295 00:12:43.240 --> 00:12:46.120 plague like I want to. I have not spoken to 296 00:12:46.159 --> 00:12:48.200 them since, but they have pretty much brought the whole 297 00:12:48.240 --> 00:12:50.799 family into this to try and convince me to reconsider. 298 00:12:51.720 --> 00:12:53.639 I could tell they were just repeating what my mom 299 00:12:53.720 --> 00:12:55.639 or Jane told them, but I still made it clear 300 00:12:55.639 --> 00:12:57.639 to them that I would also be going no contact 301 00:12:57.639 --> 00:12:59.440 with anyone who tried to convince me to talk to 302 00:12:59.480 --> 00:13:01.440 them before I am ready, and my brother helped back 303 00:13:01.519 --> 00:13:04.799 me up on this. My brother has been very supportive 304 00:13:04.799 --> 00:13:06.799 in all of this and is probably all that is 305 00:13:06.799 --> 00:13:09.559 going to get me through this. He plans to go 306 00:13:09.600 --> 00:13:11.919 to Ryan's tomorrow to get some stuff I left there, 307 00:13:11.960 --> 00:13:13.639 and he is actually going to be staying with me 308 00:13:13.759 --> 00:13:15.759 because I do have a spare key to my apartment 309 00:13:15.759 --> 00:13:18.360 at Ryan's place. We are also both ready to call 310 00:13:18.399 --> 00:13:20.279 the cops if he tries to do so much as 311 00:13:20.360 --> 00:13:23.320 keep one thing from me. My brother was ready to 312 00:13:23.320 --> 00:13:25.120 fight him, but I told him not to because I 313 00:13:25.120 --> 00:13:27.679 don't want him getting in trouble for my relationship problems, 314 00:13:28.720 --> 00:13:31.960 especially since I blame myself for not noticing this sooner. 315 00:13:32.679 --> 00:13:34.919 Some of these comments were the harsh kick I needed 316 00:13:34.919 --> 00:13:37.399 to realize I needed to stop doubting myself here and 317 00:13:37.440 --> 00:13:39.639 that I was acting into the exact parts of myself 318 00:13:39.639 --> 00:13:41.960 he manipulated and maybe sought out when getting with me 319 00:13:42.039 --> 00:13:45.559 in the first place. Other comments were some great advice 320 00:13:45.600 --> 00:13:48.480 that really helped me, and I really appreciate those, especially 321 00:13:49.440 --> 00:13:51.879 for those of you pointing out how great my brother is. 322 00:13:52.200 --> 00:13:54.039 He has always been one of the best people I 323 00:13:54.080 --> 00:13:57.159 know and is my best friend. He really is an 324 00:13:57.159 --> 00:14:00.840 amazing guy to everyone, not just me. Our sister has 325 00:14:00.919 --> 00:14:03.120 kind of always been our biggest bully, so he knows 326 00:14:03.120 --> 00:14:05.080 how she can be, and even he is surprised she 327 00:14:05.159 --> 00:14:08.399 went this far. He also agrees with me they might 328 00:14:08.440 --> 00:14:11.600 be more together than their saying he never liked or 329 00:14:11.639 --> 00:14:13.960 trusted Ryan and didn't like us dating because of the 330 00:14:14.000 --> 00:14:16.360 age gap, long before I realized he is a posse, 331 00:14:16.480 --> 00:14:18.720 and I should have considered that a while ago. I 332 00:14:18.759 --> 00:14:21.240 do not understand why or how I was so blind. 333 00:14:22.240 --> 00:14:24.960 I showed him this post earlier today because he frequents 334 00:14:25.000 --> 00:14:26.960 read it and was likely going to see it eventually. 335 00:14:27.919 --> 00:14:29.960 He read through the comments and I actually had to 336 00:14:29.960 --> 00:14:32.080 stop him from responding to some of the ruder ones 337 00:14:32.120 --> 00:14:34.360 he thought were uncalled for. But I am even grateful 338 00:14:34.399 --> 00:14:36.399 for a lot of the harsh comments too, because they 339 00:14:36.399 --> 00:14:39.039 definitely made me stop second guessing myself and made me 340 00:14:39.080 --> 00:14:41.279 realize I was letting this man make me act like 341 00:14:41.320 --> 00:14:44.519 an idiot. Before I wrap this up, I also wanted 342 00:14:44.559 --> 00:14:46.679 to say, just because a lot of the comments mentioned it, 343 00:14:46.960 --> 00:14:49.720 I do recognize how weird the age gap was. I 344 00:14:49.759 --> 00:14:51.440 know it does not make a big difference, but I 345 00:14:51.480 --> 00:14:53.559 will be twenty one in December and Ryan has only 346 00:14:53.600 --> 00:14:56.600 been twenty nine for almost two months now. Our relationship 347 00:14:56.639 --> 00:14:58.840 did not seem or feel creepy in the start, but 348 00:14:58.879 --> 00:15:01.200 I have only dated two people before Ryan, and they 349 00:15:01.200 --> 00:15:02.960 were both the same age as me, so I know 350 00:15:03.080 --> 00:15:06.159 I missed the signs. I never thought I would be 351 00:15:06.159 --> 00:15:08.320 in a relationship with that big of an age gap 352 00:15:08.360 --> 00:15:10.279 until it happened, and I didn't even expect it to 353 00:15:10.320 --> 00:15:13.080 last as long as it did in the beginning. I 354 00:15:13.200 --> 00:15:15.399 plan to not date for a while and just focus 355 00:15:15.399 --> 00:15:17.480 on getting past all the anger and everything I am 356 00:15:17.559 --> 00:15:19.840 still feeling. And whenever I do start dating, it will 357 00:15:19.879 --> 00:15:21.679 not be with someone that much older, and I will 358 00:15:21.679 --> 00:15:25.559 definitely be more cautious no matter the age. Comments where 359 00:15:25.600 --> 00:15:28.960 up has replied comment one, I am so so sorry. 360 00:15:30.000 --> 00:15:32.279 I read your first post and I could feel your pain. 361 00:15:33.320 --> 00:15:36.679 I feel it more deeply now. Your brother really is 362 00:15:36.720 --> 00:15:41.720 fucking amazing. Your mother really is fucking awful. There aren't 363 00:15:41.720 --> 00:15:45.679 words for how fucking awful Jane and Ryan are. Jane 364 00:15:45.720 --> 00:15:48.120 is far and away the biggest scumbag of the two. 365 00:15:49.200 --> 00:15:52.679 She was your sister. Stick to your brother. I love 366 00:15:52.759 --> 00:15:56.440 that man so much. Please tell him how fucking wonderful 367 00:15:56.440 --> 00:15:59.639 he is. I would never forgive your sister, and your 368 00:15:59.639 --> 00:16:02.120 mother have to change her tune massively before I would 369 00:16:02.120 --> 00:16:06.120 forgive her. As for the family, flying monkeys take control 370 00:16:06.159 --> 00:16:09.919 of the narrative. They've probably been sold a distorted version 371 00:16:09.960 --> 00:16:13.200 of what happened. Tell your truth and then state your 372 00:16:13.200 --> 00:16:16.679 boundaries and see how things fall. I bet you money 373 00:16:16.679 --> 00:16:18.960 it hasn't been unnoticed what your mom and sister have 374 00:16:19.039 --> 00:16:19.759 always been like. 375 00:16:20.720 --> 00:16:21.039 Boop. 376 00:16:21.200 --> 00:16:23.240 I am sure they were told some other story, but 377 00:16:23.279 --> 00:16:25.080 I did tell them my side of the story when 378 00:16:25.080 --> 00:16:26.720 I said I would go and see with them too 379 00:16:26.759 --> 00:16:28.639 if they pushed the idea, and I have not heard 380 00:16:28.639 --> 00:16:30.559 from them, so I don't know what side they're taking 381 00:16:30.559 --> 00:16:33.799 if either. My sister has always been a master of 382 00:16:33.799 --> 00:16:36.320 twisting pp L words, so I am honestly trying to 383 00:16:36.360 --> 00:16:38.159 talk as little about it with any one other than 384 00:16:38.159 --> 00:16:41.360 my brother and read it comment too. What you do 385 00:16:41.440 --> 00:16:44.639 now will affect your family for years. I honestly recommend 386 00:16:44.639 --> 00:16:47.320 you at least message each family member individually or as 387 00:16:47.360 --> 00:16:50.000 a group, reiterating what happened and asking them how they 388 00:16:50.000 --> 00:16:53.720 would react. Repeat your NC thread and then see what 389 00:16:53.759 --> 00:16:57.440 people say if they have any insight then they're hopefully 390 00:16:57.480 --> 00:17:00.720 already questioning what they've been told. But you are on 391 00:17:00.840 --> 00:17:03.919 a hill I would die on, Boop. Me and my 392 00:17:03.960 --> 00:17:06.799 brother texted the extended family. My mom and Jane brought 393 00:17:06.799 --> 00:17:08.880 into this about the situation, and they were told a 394 00:17:08.960 --> 00:17:10.960 watered down b S story. And when they told me 395 00:17:11.000 --> 00:17:13.279 to reconsider, it was because Jane had told them I 396 00:17:13.319 --> 00:17:16.440 was assuming what happened and wouldn't let her explain. I 397 00:17:16.440 --> 00:17:18.559 don't think my mom had anything to do with coming 398 00:17:18.640 --> 00:17:20.920 up with a lie, but she definitely let them believe it. 399 00:17:21.960 --> 00:17:24.000 Now there is a giant back and forth going on 400 00:17:24.079 --> 00:17:25.680 that I am doing my best to stay out of 401 00:17:25.680 --> 00:17:28.119