Speaker 1: Imagine finding out your parents didn't actually have the jobs
you thought they had, and unlike your friend's parents who
had jobs making things for people or helping people, you
found out it was your parents job to take things
from people. And not only that, but you also discovered
they said weird things at work, like shiver me timbers. Well,
that would be kind of strange, wouldn't it. Let's get
into it. Helloll, story time really not a boring time.
I'm a standing You'll be fine. Follow the whole storyline. Hellol,
story time like you love at least one time? Well,
story time time. This is the story of big surprises,
like finding out your parents aren't who you thought they were.
Ray had always assumed he belonged to a normal family,
a family that did all sorts of normal family things
like watching family movies together, going on trips together, eating
at restaurants together, and of course, every family's favorite activity,
arguing together. Ray, I've told you five times all ready
to pick your things up off the floor. But I
already picked my things up yesterday. Yes, and now you
have new things on the floor. But if I pick
up today's things, there's just going to be new things
on the floor. Tomorrow. So what's the point. Why can't
the things just stay on the floor. Clearly that's where
the things want to be. Ray, But even with all
their time spent together, Ray didn't actually know a whole
lot about his family. He knew his dad had a
birthday sometime in the spring. He knew his mom had
a friend named Barbara, and he knew the people and
his family had a weird thing for not wanting to
have things left lying around on the floor. But other
than that, he didn't really know a whole lot else.
It took for a friend leaving school for Raid or
realize just how little he knew. Ray's friend, Little Pete,
was off to become an apprentice working under his father,
because in the year seventeen fifty, he just did stuff
like that, my dad has a blacksmith, which means I'm
going to be learning how to make tools out of iron.
Isn't that cool? Ray didn't think so. But you're just
a kid. What about the seventh grade next year? Seventh
grade is supposed to be the best in the seventh grade,
there's things like more learning and stuff. But Little Pete
insisted this was the perfect time for him to start
learning the family business. Suddenly everyone in Ray's class was
discussing their parents' jobs. Some kids were already helping out
on their parents' farms well. Others were planning to leave
school soon, just like little Pete, to begin training as butchers, bakers,
or shoemakers. And class, how many of you are dreaming
about becoming a teacher when you grow up? Anyone? Anyone? Anyone? Hmmm, Well,
I am very disappointed. I'm sending each one of you
to the principal's office. Ray was the only one who
had stayed quiet. How about you, Ray, what kind of
jobs do your parents have? Now? Ray could tell you
to do long division. He could explain the difference between
a verb, a noun, and an adjective. But ask him
to tell you what jobs his parents had. Absolutely not
my parents. Well, you know they cook for me, they
buy things for me, but just between us, they do
a terrible job of picking up after me. Ray, we're
not talking about that. We want to know about their jobs.
Ray pretended like he hadn't understood the question the first time. Oh,
their jobs, right, I thought you were talking about the
other kind of job. Well, listen, my parents are you know?
They they do stuff. They are professional stuff doers. And
one day, just like all of you, I'm going to
leave school to join the family business. But not before
the seventh grade. No way, that would be ridiculous. Guys,
you know seventh grade all the way. It's the best
of all the grades. Remember, little Pete was now beginning
to feel bad he was going to be missing the
seventh grade. Ray had done a really good job of
hyping it up. At home that night, Ray started quizzing
his parents to get to know them a little better. Dad,
what is your favorite color? Blue? And Mom? Do you
prefer tacos or burritos? Burritos? But it has to be
a breakfast burrito. Ray was jotting all this down in
a notebook he had labeled important things I should know
about my parents. All right, guys, this is great. And
what are your jobs other than feeding me and making
sure I have enough things to leave on the floor.
His parents hadn't flinched when Ray had asked about how
many squares of toilet paper they went through in a day,
but for some reason, this question about their jobs appeared
to really throw them off. Oh our jobs, Well, Harold,
would you like to take this me? Uh? Okay, sure,
so your mother and I we do stuff. That's right,
shimed in his we are professional stuff doers. Ray wrote
this down on page eleven of his notebook. Thanks guys,
I actually already knew you guys were stuff doers, but
none of the other kids at school believed me. I'll
show them this first thing tomorrow morning. But even as
he held the notebook up to his friend's faces, he
still got some pushback. But what does that even mean? Ray?
All of our parents do stuff. It's knowing what stuff
they do that's important. So what kind of stuff do
your parents do? Ray knew he wasn't going to find
the answer in his notebook, but he took another look
just in case. Well, uh, how many of you can
tell me how many squares of toilet paper your parents
go through in a day. Ray walked home later wondering
how he'd come to have so many nosy friends who
cared what stuff his parents did. What mattered was that
stuff was getting done, and Ray didenough to miss the
seventh grade because of the stuff. But the more he
thought about it, the more he began to wonder why
his parents had been so evasive. Did they have the
most boring jobs on the planet, and we're too embarrassed
to talk about it. Was it their job to count
grains of sand at the beach. That sounded like an
awful job. By the time he arrived home, he had
gotten himself all worked up. All right, Just so you know, parents,
I will not be available to join the family business
before the end of grade seven. I just want to
make that clear. And if the family business has anything
to do with counting sand, then I'm also not available
until the end of forever. I'll become a teacher if
I have to. And that's when Ray's dad just came
out with it. Son, we're pirates. Okay, now you know
you were born into a pirate family. That's the family business.
Ray started laughing. His dad sure knew how to be funny. No,
but seriously, dad, do you guys like dress up in
pirate costumes and go to birthday parties or something? His
mother placed her hands on his father's shoulders. No, dear,
we are real pirates doing real pirates things. But if
you know of any kids having a pirate themed birthday party,
that might actually be a good side hustle for us.
Ray was waiting for the part where his parents told
him they were just kidding. These people didn't look anything
like pirates. They were more of the kind of people
you'd expect to see working at a bank. Ray, I
think you should come see something. His parents brought him
to a hidden cove by the sea, where anchored in
the water was an actual pirate ship. Guys, please don't
tell me that pirate ship is yours. His parents were
looking at the ship fondly. Someday that ship will be yours.
Ray hoped such a day would never come. Guys, this
is really bad. Do you not understand how bad this is.
Pirates are bad? That means you, guys are bad. Whoa whoa, whoa?
Who are you calling bad? Your mother and I aren't
doing anything wrong. We're just out here working an honest
job like anyone else, Ray disagreed. And honest job. Don't
pirates go around sinking other people's ships and stealing their treasure.
You call that an honest job. Well when you say
it like that, But first of all, we don't try
to sink other people's ships. We only do that if
they don't hand over their treasure after the first time
we ask, and we usually start with the please. Also
around here, we don't call it sinking a ship like
of course that would be bad. We call it gently
resting ships on the bottom of the sea. Much better.
Your father's right, dear. And we also don't appreciate you
seeing that we're stealing. No, no, no, now, we have
never stolen anything. What we do is borrow things forever.
Anyone is welcome to have their stuff back if they
can find where we've hidden it. Ray wished he had
never started poking around trying to learn more about his parents.
He liked it a lot better when he thought they
were just stuff doers and not the bad kind of
stuff doers. Well, moping around the house that night, his dog, Hershey,
stayed close by his side. You're a good dog, Hershey,
not like my parents. Can't believe I never noticed they
were pirates. Ray did a double take as his dog
rested its chin on his leg. Wait a second, boy,
you have a wooden leg and you wear an eyepatch
with a skull and crossbones on it. Ah, dude, all
this time, you've been a pirate dog too. I really
need to start paying better attention to my family. It
was the exact advice his friends gave him the next
day too. Dude, how could you possibly not have noticed
that you belonged to a pirate family? Like? Have you
been living under a rock? Ray suggested. Maybe he'd have
more time to learn things about his family if he
wasn't told to spend so much time picking his things
up off the floor. But actually, Ray felt like he
was done wanting to learn more about his family. Discovering
his parents had a secret life was already more than
he had bargained for, which is why he had a
little freak out when he found a kid's sized pirate
uniform waiting on his bed. Mom, Dad, what is this for, Hey, kiddo,
have you tried it on yet? We have a guess
a little on the size. But your mother and I
thought we'd bring you with us to work tomorrow. Together
we can set sail on a small family business trip.
Ah No, said Ray, putting his foot down. I already
told you I am not joining the family business, especially
not before the seventh grade. Ray's mother thought that was
a silly reason. Come on, Ray, everyone knows nothing exciting
happens in the seventh grade. Just give it a chance,
urged his father. If it's not for you. You can
always go back to school any time you like. But
it was Ray's mother who knew just the right thing
to say. I'll pick your things up off the floor
for you, and that's all it took. Okay, fine, I'll
give it a try, but just one pirate mission and
then I'm out. And don't expect me to be doing
any piraty things on this trip either. But as soon
as they set sail, it became very clear that Ray
was expected to start doing doing some pirty things. Are
alright to you, then, Son, time to go searching for treasure.
Keep a lookout for ships on the horizon, will ye.
Ray had never heard his dad speak like this. Yike's dad,
why are you suddenly talking like a pirate because I
am a pirate? Well yeah, I know that now, dad,
But like, that's not your regular voice. It's just my
work voice. Okay, Son, I can't be talking like a
pirate while I'm at the grocery store. Then people will
totally know I'm a pirate. It's not exactly something we
want to advertise. For some strange reason, some people look
down on us pirates. Ray was about to remind his
dad that he was one of such people. When something
way off in the distance caught his eye, he ran
portside to have a better look. I think I see
a ship, Dad. His dad pulled out a spyglass from
his belt and looked for himself. Ah, young, lad, you
be correct. Look at that, my boy? Unnatural piratey is.
After Ray stopped giggling at the sound of his dad's
pirate voice, he smiled. This was the first time he'd
ever been told he was unnatural at something. He'd been
told plenty of times before that he needed to keep
practicing something, or that he shouldn't quit his day job,
or that he might want to leave it to the pros,
or that perhaps he should try sitting this one out,
but never that he'd done well at something on his
very first try. His smile quickly faded when he remembered
exactly what kind of work he had just helped his
father do. Nice try, Dad, You're not going to make
a pirate out of me that easily. I'm one of
the good guys. I only did that because I like
helping people. But you're not going to get any more
help out of me. Perhaps because he didn't want to
get laughed at again, his dad switched back to his
regular dad voice. But, son, I haven't even shown you
any of the fun stuff yet. Just wait till we
get a little bit closer. His dad hurried over to
the helm and steered them in the direction of the
other ship. Ray was left standing there, wondering what was
going to come next. Hopefully nothing bad. Maybe they just
wanted to invite the other crew to come join them
for a pizza party. Once alongside the other ship, Ray's
father called out across the water, hand over your treasure
this spear only warning. Oh and because I've got the
whea lad with me today. Please. When there was no
immediate response, Ray's dad turned back to him and said,
all right, son, So when I say go, I'd like
you to fire a cannon ball at them. Are you ready?
Had his dad really just asked him to fire a cannon? Dad? What? What?
What tell me you didn't just ask me to shoot
something at the other ship. Ray's dad looked disappointed, son
a bit of advice, saying, Dad, what what is fine
when we're back home? But out here, why don't you
try something a little more piraty? That would have been
a great opportunity for a shiver me timbers. Would you
like to give that a try? Ray did not want
to give that a try, and he most certainly did
not want to fire a cannon. Come on over, Son,
I'll get it all set up for you, and then
when you're getting ready, just aim and fire away. It's
easy and loud, so be sure to plug your ears,
and also try not to take too long. See how
they're trying to get away from us. Sometimes people see
our cool pirate flag and get spooked. Ray tried to
stop his father as he loaded the cannon. Dad, I
don't want to hurt anyone. This is not who I am.
Just then Ray heard the loudest sounding boom he had
ever heard. He nearly jumped out of his own shoes.
His dad looked over from behind the cannon, then laughed
too slow. Ray turned to see that the other ship's
once perfect hull now had a big hole through it. Dad,
you're gonna sink their ship. Son, You've got a chill.
See how they're already climbing onto their lifeboat. We actually
want them to escape, so we can sneak onto their
ship and borrow whatever expensive things they left behind to
share with us, hopefully a chest full of jewels, and
then you're just gonna let the ship sink. Remember, son,
we don't sink things. We just ever so gently set
things down on the seafloor. Years from now, the scuba
divers will get a real kick out of it. Somehow
this was supposed to make Ray feel better. Oh nice shit,
said Ray's mother as she came up from below. Was
that Ray's first time shooting a cannon? Nah, the little
fellow got cold feet. But I think I know just
the right guy to send over there for a fun
little treasure hunt. Ray glared at his parents, Guys, I'm
not helping you steal anyone else's treasure. Not steal, remember
borrow forever. Ray stayed back while his parents went over
to search the other ship. Twenty minutes later, they came
back empty handed. So weird that there wasn't even one jewel, like,
not even a diamond. At home, Ray's parents sometimes had
a hard time finding a candle. Guys, did you even look?
You hardly spent any time over there. And that's when
Ray decided to go see for himself. After all, he
was good at hunting for hidden things. He was the
kind of kid who would always go snooping for presents
weeks before he was supposed to unwrap them. He knew
all of his parents' best hiding spots, so when he
came back from the other ship, he could barely handle
the weight of all the treasure he had found. Oh
that's my boy, I knew there was a pirate in you.
Once again, Ray tried telling his parents that he was
done no more helping, but that's when his mother told
him about the digging. It's a shame we don't have
anyone to dig a big hole for us to bury
all this treasure. I thought kids loved digging holes, but
I guess not. Ray simply could not deny how fun
it was for a kid to dig a hole. Aha,
why do you guys keep doing this to me? Of
course I want to dig a big hole to bury
the treasure. I hate to see what kind of story
hole you guys would dig. The big goofy grin on
Ray's face never went away the entire time he was
digging his hole. He thought he even found a fossil
down there from the dinosaur times and getting to make
a treasure map at the end, that was just the
icing on the cake. Mom and Dad I hate to
say it, but I think I make a really good pirate.
And yeah, we may have taken some treasure that didn't
belong to us, but it's like you say, they're the
ones who just left it there for us. And since
it's buried right here, they're welcome to come back and
get at any time they want. They just have to
find our map first. While drifting off to sleep and
his pirate bed aboard the pirate ship, Ray couldn't wait
to tell his friends about his new job, a job
that he was surprisingly good at, and it wasn't even
anywhere near as bad as he had first thought. Pirates
were just misunderstood. At some point in the middle of
the night, Ray woke up with an eerie feeling. As
he peered out of the little round window in his
pirate ship bedroom, he saw a girl looking back at
him from her ship. Well that's nice, he thought. At first.
He even gave her a little wave, but then he
noticed she was waving back at him from behind a cannon,
a cannon that was aimed directly at his ship. Oh well,
this might be a good time for me to say
shiver me Timbers to be continued next time on Aloll
story Time that that's the first half of the story,
and here is your question of the week. What as
a job you could never picture your parents doing? Thanks
to Ray and showed out to the following listeners, Benjamin
and his pal Flapjack from London, Calli from Massachusetts, Kaylee
and Derek Jordan from East Texas, Madeline and Francis from Kitchener, Ontario,
Kai from Geneva, Switzerland, Silas h from the United States,
Mitchell from Winnebego, Illinois, Lillian Higgins from Santa Cruz, California,
I and Lee from the United States, and Ezra, Arthur
and Solomon from Santa Monica, California. Thanks for checking this
one out and I'll catch you on the next one
for the second part of the story.