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Speaker 1: Good morning from Good Chris.

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Speaker 2: Good all right, I'm gonna do it all right, I'm

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gonna good morning from Hell God.

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Speaker 3: This Okay, I'm Chris, and I died recent I'm Clayton. Yes,

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you're Clayton. He's Satan's brother.

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Speaker 1: Why are you no? Don't describe me that? Wakay?

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Speaker 2: This episode one? This sounds like episode one. We're tripping

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on our own dicks.

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Speaker 4: Right, this is Hell's number one podcast.

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Speaker 1: That's right.

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Speaker 3: We interview all people who have died in Hell and

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that's my eternal punishment.

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Speaker 1: And I'm Clayton. I own Chris.

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Speaker 2: We wasted thirty seconds of people's lives just then. How

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does it make you feel, Chris.

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Speaker 3: I'm or there afterlives of which cause there's no real waste.

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It's all just a endless log of pain and suffering

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and repetition.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, that's a good point. What's what's the stick

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for this episode? What are we doing?

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Speaker 4: I have a question?

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Speaker 1: Okay, answer said question? Shoot?

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Speaker 4: Oh I see what it did? You had a real gun?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I said, shoot, and then I shot the gun

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and bleeding, but you'll heal.

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Speaker 3: This is from the hot Mail. This person is an

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auditor Jonathan B. How many auditors are in Helen? Do

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they get any special privileges for being such assholes in

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real life?

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Speaker 1: Oh? Mean, yeah, all auditors go to Hell.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, we we have them in a special place called

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auditors and Otters. We have otters there too, and the

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auditors just audit the otters.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and that's it. But I imagine auditors. They must

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be hard for them to communicate because otters don't talk

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very well.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and then they just they just count things.

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Speaker 2: They're they're the kind of guys that when they're walking

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on a sidewalk, you know, they don't want to step

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on the cracks because superscision.

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Speaker 4: Yeah. Did they have talking otters and Hell?

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah yeah yeah. Otters have a lot to say.

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Speaker 2: On Earth, they're not allowed to talk, but when they

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come down here, you just can't shut them up.

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Speaker 4: Oh they're not allowed to talk.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, they just want to. They talk about holding hands,

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floating water, other otter things, phone.

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Speaker 1: Case they love those.

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Speaker 4: Yeah. Are otters evil?

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Speaker 2: No, we just we just we kind of negotiated with

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Heaven and we were able to pull otters down here.

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Speaker 1: We actually treat him quite well. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: The water that they swim in is purified it's it's

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warmed from the fires, but like not too hot.

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Speaker 1: It's like a hot tub. Yeah, otters love it down here.

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We love otters. So it's one of the few joys

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that that are in Hell.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, they're great, and they're only in with the auditors.

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Speaker 1: Yes, it's kind of a torture for the auditors. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I don't know if auditors like nice things, that's probably

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why they're done Hell. They just like counting things and

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making people pay their taxes and shit.

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Speaker 3: I would imagine orders are more of the creative type.

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So like an auditor being forced to spend so much

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time with an otter.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and then you also you walk in, you know,

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and if I need like an auditor or an otter,

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I'll just be like.

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Speaker 1: Hey, I need an auditor.

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Speaker 2: And then everybody everybody raised their hand and there's a

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whole bunch of confusion because it's just like who we're

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talking to?

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Speaker 1: Auditor, who knows?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, they're just all over the place.

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Speaker 1: Well, that was a dumb question.

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Speaker 2: Moving on, I got one from our Twitter account at

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Hall Clayton sixty nine. Cameron Pester asks, are you guys

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the official podcast of Chili's And I think we're still negotiation,

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but host cross because.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, that'd be a big sponsorship. Huh.

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Speaker 2: I mean them playing our podcast over the speaker would

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be a drastic improvement because they always play really bad music.

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Speaker 3: If there was a chili that opened up in Hell,

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it could be the Red Hot Chili Chilies and they

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can have peppers.

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Speaker 1: I'm not following, what is don't What do you mean?

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Speaker 4: Well, it's a it's a band who the Red Hot

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Chili Peppers.

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Speaker 1: M good one. All right, Well, poet of.

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Speaker 2: This podcast is for us to comb through and interview

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every single resident, all of them, millions billions of people,

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all right.

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Speaker 1: And common problem that we keep.

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Speaker 2: Running into is there's so many dudes named John Smith.

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Speaker 4: Uh huh.

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Speaker 2: You know, it's the most common name of the English language.

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So every now and then we're gonna have to have

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an episode where we just bring on, you know, a

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couple of John smith just to get through them. You know,

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So this is this is a John Smith episode. Okay,

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so actually I think that's him.

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Speaker 1: They're at the door, right, come on, come on, guys,

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hey can we come in? Yeah? See right there, yeah,

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right there you are.

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Speaker 4: John.

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Speaker 5: I am John Smith v. John Smith colonist. I never

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figured out how to say that word, is it? Colonist?

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I colonialized all of America, all of it, all of it.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: So you're the John Smith from history that we probably

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right about with you.

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Speaker 5: Yeah. You might have heard of me through Pocahontas for

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all you uneducated people. But she basically was flying by

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my tailcoat.

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Speaker 2: So you were not like a colonist like you. You don't

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make cologne.

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Speaker 1: No, oh, I was mistaken.

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Speaker 5: No, I you know I I skipped school. I'm not

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experiencing any of those trades or anything. I skipped school,

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sail across the world, found a new country. Wow. Yeah,

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that's right.

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Speaker 1: It's not bad.

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Speaker 3: Well, you're not bad at but you did like kill

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a bunch of Native Americans.

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Speaker 5: That's why I'm in hell, right, is it?

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Speaker 4: I assume? So I mean you have to ask him?

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Speaker 1: Oh no, no, most certainly.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: All right, So you're John Smith, the colonist d John Smith,

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John Smith.

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Speaker 1: You sir, you you introduce yourself.

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Speaker 6: Hello, I am also called John Smith, but to avoid confusion,

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you can call me my full name, John Jacob Jingleheimas Smith.

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Speaker 5: Wait, his name is my name too.

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Speaker 2: All right, calm down, Whenever we go out the people,

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they always shout John Jingle Himmer Smith, So chill out.

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Speaker 4: Are you are? You'll fucking with me? Is this a bit?

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Speaker 2: No?

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Speaker 6: I don't understand. What's happening is.

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Speaker 5: We're both we're both named John Smith.

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Speaker 6: His name is his name too, Yes, my mother gave

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me that name.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: And then whenever they go out the people, they always shouted, wait,

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you know this is a song.

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Speaker 5: Okay, you're with me, Chris, Chris? You're Chris?

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Speaker 1: Right, Yes, I'm Chris.

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Speaker 5: Kind of sounds a little close to Christ, but I

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I me and Clayton will let that slide now. I

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think what you're not understanding is both of our names

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are John Smith, and it's like a huge coincidence.

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Speaker 6: Yes, that's it.

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Speaker 3: No, no, no, no, there's a song John Jacob Jingle Himer Smith.

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Speaker 4: His name is my name too.

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Speaker 1: No, your name is Chris. You're Krista Marris.

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Speaker 5: No, I know, my what we just established that it's

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only our name.

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Speaker 6: We sha the names. By way.

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Speaker 5: He owns this.

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Speaker 6: What's this called?

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Speaker 4: This thing?

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Speaker 6: We're doing?

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Speaker 1: Good morning from help?

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Speaker 2: Oh?

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Speaker 6: Okay, but what brought you on?

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Speaker 1: John Jacob Jingle Himer Smith. No, no, no, no, no, no.

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Speaker 3: No, yeah wait wait, yes, just get it now, Chris, No,

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I get it.

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Speaker 4: But what you said?

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Speaker 1: No no, no, no, no, no no, what do.

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Speaker 4: You mean why would you do that normally? If it's

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you're fucking with me that what are you talking about?

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Speaker 5: No?

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Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, I was I did a click

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in my ear. I was clearing it out.

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Speaker 3: Okay, you do know about the song John Jacob jingle

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Himer Smith.

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Speaker 5: No, so wait, this guy writes music.

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Speaker 1: Is that you're a musician. That's cool.

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Speaker 6: No, I'm a baker. I can't even read music.

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Speaker 3: Interesting okay, never mind, just just let's just get John

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Jacob jingle Heimer Smith.

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Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, okay, so you did it again. What

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are you talking about?

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Speaker 6: You did it again.

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Speaker 1: I'm just I'm just humming. Okay.

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Speaker 3: You're definitely fucking with me. I would never do such

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a thing to you, Chris. Okay, John Jacob jingle Heimer Smith.

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Speaker 1: His name is his name? No, I know, I got

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I got it.

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Speaker 4: I got it, Yeah, I got it.

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Speaker 5: Okay, I'm John Smith.

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Speaker 6: He's John Jacob jingle him Smith, oh Smith.

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Speaker 4: And his name is your name too.

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Speaker 1: Okay.

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Speaker 6: Yes, that's it. That's all there is. Okay, nothing else.

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Speaker 1: We have some clarification there.

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Speaker 6: Jeez, so you're a baker, yes, John Jacob, Yes, that's me.

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That's all I do. I've been here for about one

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hundred years.

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Speaker 5: Okay, did you you like probably put people in your

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pies or something that's scary like that.

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Speaker 6: I don't think I've done anything I've been here. I

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think it was a mix up so many John Smith,

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you know is a problem.

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Speaker 2: Actually, hold on, I got the paperwork here. Oh yeah,

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you know, yeah, you're not supposed to be down here.

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Oh you led a really good life. You just yeah,

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your name's John John Jacob, Jingo Himmer Smith.

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Speaker 6: But yes, we just have you lodges John Smith and

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his name.

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Speaker 1: Too, is it?

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Speaker 5: Yeah? That's wait, am I sposed?

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, you're definitely supposed to do right here. You're

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supposed to John Smith. But then this says John Smith,

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John Jacob Jingle Himer Smith.

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Speaker 6: And that's good. I was afraid it might have had

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something to do with the slayings, but apparently not. I

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I led a good life.

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Speaker 2: Like Christmas, like Christmas. Yes, interesting, Well you're stuck down

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here though, you know, sorry.

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Speaker 5: It takes you back season. Hell, am I right? That's right, am,

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I right, Clayton.

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Speaker 1: I love this guy.

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Speaker 5: I've never met this guy before. I love him.

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Speaker 6: I find him quite pleasant. Yeah, so this one confuses

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me though.

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Speaker 3: I'm very confused to Let's go to John Smith for

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a moment. Hello, No, no, sorry, Johnson. I'm gonna we're

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gonna refer to this one as John Smith and you're

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John Smith, John Smith, and you're John Jacob Jingle Himer Smith. Okay,

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you're doing it. You're definitely doing what you do. Nothing nothing,

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there's a rat skirring.

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Speaker 1: On the floor. No was saying no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

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Speaker 3: Okay whatever, h John the John Smith hit me? Can

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you clear up what is the story.

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Speaker 4: Between you and Pocahontas?

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Speaker 3: Because I know there's there's a cartoon about it, But

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also like, wasn't she like actually twelve or something? So

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y'all didn't actually have a relationship?

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Speaker 4: What is the deal?

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Speaker 5: You know, we didn't have id's back then, so you

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just kind of like rolled with it.

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Speaker 4: Oh so man, you were ow old?

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Speaker 1: Was she again?

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Speaker 6: Who knows?

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Speaker 1: I think she was? She was twelve? Right?

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Speaker 5: Is that was she? She was mature? For so, first

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of all, I didn't know she was twelve. Okay, that's

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my defense. That's what I'm rolling with.

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Speaker 1: You didn't question it or anything.

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Speaker 5: Like that, No, because I mean really, like we're sailors.

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We all just fuck each other.

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Speaker 4: So it's long trips.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, it was a long ass trip across that Atlantics.

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I left England as hetero male. By the time we

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land in America. Oh my god, let me tell you.

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Speaker 4: You had a new world opened up for you.

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Speaker 5: Yeah. That opening was my butthole.

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Speaker 2: Yes. Yeah, So if you're from England, what do you

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what do you? Something like that some of.

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Speaker 5: Your voice, cuz it's we found a new new world here, man.

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Speaker 2: Sorry, you just you lost the accent. You're like, you're

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going to go to a new direction.

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Speaker 5: You know. I used to talk like this. The moment

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I stepped down on that new world soil, I started

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talking like this, I said, new world knew me.

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Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, I get that.

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Speaker 2: Man.

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Speaker 6: I'm glad I never left in Germany.

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Speaker 3: No, no, don't worry. Germany got really fucked up too. After

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when when did when were you years ago.

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Speaker 6: Like eighteen ninety or something. I don't know. Everything it

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was pretty peachy.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, No, Germany got real fucked up. I mean, after

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you left.

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Speaker 5: The Ottoman Empire, man, they were like they were larger

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in charge back when I was around that a furniture store.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it's kind of a weird eiche market.

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Speaker 4: We're still anonymous, not even couch, not even couch at all.

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Speaker 5: Weird had a global monopoly.

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Speaker 4: But yeah, don't worry.

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Speaker 3: Germans are fucked up, just as fucked up as Americans

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and call.

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Speaker 5: They We're all fucked up in my right, that's why

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we're here.

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Speaker 4: That's why we're that's why we're all here.

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Speaker 5: High five.

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Speaker 4: I don't want to high five view high five. I

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don't want high five.

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Speaker 6: High five you John spin Okay, so what.

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Speaker 4: Made you want to leave to go to the New World?

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Speaker 1: Were you trying to escape something?

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Speaker 5: Or Queen was on my dick? Yeah, yeah, being like

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you gotta pray, you gotta do all these things I

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don't agree with, or well that she said she agrees

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with them, and you won't agree with I don't even remember.

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It was so long ago.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, where are you asking me all these questions?

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Speaker 4: I mean, it's an interview show.

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Speaker 2: Talk show, you know, we're required to do this. We

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gotta interview everybody to help.

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Speaker 5: You know, It's just like I told you, guys said,

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new world knew me when I landed on that soil

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whatever it's called America's. And when I came down here

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to Hell, I stepped on that Molton lava and I said,

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new place knew me. I said it again. And so

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all y'all trying to dredge up my past?

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Speaker 1: Who cares? Who cares?

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Speaker 5: How many people I slayd Who cares?

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Speaker 6: That's what I've always saying exactly.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, you gotta get on the John train. Okayoo, yeah,

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00:12:20,279 --> 00:12:26,000
we only moved forward. Yeah, sir John Jacob Jingleheimer.

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Speaker 4: No no, no, yeah, yeah, I think we've got that

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00:12:29,879 --> 00:12:30,480
part clear.

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Speaker 1: No no, no, no no.

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Speaker 4: So John Jacob, you're a baker, or you are a baker.

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Speaker 6: I'm still a baker. I opened up a nice shop.

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Speaker 4: You have a bakery in Hell.

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Speaker 6: Yes, I don't even need ovens. That's funny.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean that makes sense. What's your bakery? You like?

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Speaker 6: Oh, it's just like the one in Germany, but this

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time it's a little bit warmer. And this time the

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meat comes to me. But back back home, I had

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to uh procure it myself. For the meat pies.

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Speaker 1: What kind of meatia you cooking?

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Speaker 6: There was eve of humans sometimes a little bit of

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h are.

329
00:13:08,360 --> 00:13:11,360
Speaker 4: You talking about in earth or here on Earth?

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Speaker 6: On Earth? There was those things that I listed, most

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of them.

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Speaker 5: So you are you?

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Speaker 4: Do you eat people?

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Speaker 5: Do? I?

335
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Speaker 4: Did you eat people on on back in Germany? No?

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Speaker 6: I only cooked them. That's different. Okay, yeah, but new

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old World, Old me, you know, that's the exact John

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Smith says.

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Speaker 2: So that's the theme of this episode is it's not

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00:13:34,919 --> 00:13:36,600
it's not about John Smith's.

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Speaker 1: It's about you know, making new new lives, new beginnings.

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Speaker 6: It's about the John Smith in you.

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Speaker 1: That's right.

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Speaker 5: We all got a little John Smith in us. Now,

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speaking of new world, New Me, recently, I kind of

346
00:13:49,559 --> 00:13:52,360
got the the old colonial itch.

347
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Speaker 4: And so I think that's called syphilis.

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Speaker 5: Well, I mean I am cursed with that eternally. Yeah, yeah,

349
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but this is a different kind of itch, and it's

350
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on my soul, which also I was also cursed with

351
00:14:07,879 --> 00:14:15,639
soul syphilis downhill. But this is yet another different kind

352
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of itch. And so I thought, hey, how long has

353
00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:23,559
hell been around? For a long ass time beginning of

354
00:14:23,639 --> 00:14:26,799
time before time? Time for a new one, new Hell.

355
00:14:27,240 --> 00:14:30,000
I'm founding it. What I don't know if you guys

356
00:14:30,039 --> 00:14:31,759
want to get in on the ground for We're gonna

357
00:14:31,799 --> 00:14:36,399
sail across Lava River, Lava River Lake. It's a big ass.

358
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It's an ocean size.

359
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Speaker 6: It's a river lake and an ocean I like it.

360
00:14:40,440 --> 00:14:44,399
Speaker 5: Well, it's ocean size. Oh okay, Yeah, We're gonna sail

361
00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:48,480
across is found new Hell, just like I did back

362
00:14:48,480 --> 00:14:50,879
in the day. What I'm known for, what I'm remembered for,

363
00:14:50,919 --> 00:14:54,320
what I'm celebrated for. I know all y'all love me

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and my antics down here in Hell.

365
00:14:57,120 --> 00:14:58,279
Speaker 1: To take him to a new place.

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00:14:58,360 --> 00:14:59,600
Speaker 5: Yeah, time to start fresh?

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00:14:59,639 --> 00:15:02,919
Speaker 1: Okay? Can I do you need like a patriarch at

368
00:15:02,919 --> 00:15:03,480
this new Hell?

369
00:15:03,679 --> 00:15:03,759
Speaker 2: Like?

370
00:15:03,799 --> 00:15:05,000
Speaker 5: Could I be what's that?

371
00:15:05,639 --> 00:15:05,759
Speaker 2: Like?

372
00:15:05,759 --> 00:15:06,679
Speaker 1: A like a leader?

373
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:07,320
Speaker 4: Like?

374
00:15:07,399 --> 00:15:08,039
Speaker 5: Could you know you.

375
00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:12,279
Speaker 2: Got Satan in regular shitty Hell? What if you had

376
00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:13,559
Clayton in Hell?

377
00:15:13,639 --> 00:15:14,320
Speaker 1: Two point zero?

378
00:15:14,519 --> 00:15:14,919
Speaker 4: Hey?

379
00:15:15,559 --> 00:15:19,159
Speaker 5: I like that. Well, as long as when we land,

380
00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:21,240
I want to found a little town.

381
00:15:21,399 --> 00:15:22,159
Speaker 1: What do you call it?

382
00:15:22,360 --> 00:15:24,919
Speaker 5: Not Jamestown? We're gonna call it John Town.

383
00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:26,960
Speaker 4: Oh all right.

384
00:15:26,879 --> 00:15:30,440
Speaker 5: So we got john Town, John Town? Yeah, only John

385
00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:31,360
Smith's allowed.

386
00:15:31,879 --> 00:15:32,600
Speaker 6: Can I come?

387
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:33,320
Speaker 4: Okay?

388
00:15:33,399 --> 00:15:35,480
Speaker 2: This might actually, you know, solve some problems because we

389
00:15:35,519 --> 00:15:38,120
could just send all the john Smiths out to New

390
00:15:38,159 --> 00:15:39,000
Hell and then you.

391
00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:40,639
Speaker 4: Know, then we don't have to do another john Smith.

392
00:15:40,799 --> 00:15:42,320
Speaker 1: We're not to interview them because there can be another

393
00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:43,600
place and they're not available.

394
00:15:43,639 --> 00:15:46,080
Speaker 5: That actually would be great, because, to be honest, I've

395
00:15:46,080 --> 00:15:48,679
been in Hell for hundreds of years. This is my

396
00:15:48,759 --> 00:15:51,559
first time being in the same room with another John Smith.

397
00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:53,600
Speaker 6: I know it's difficult for us to find each other

398
00:15:53,679 --> 00:15:56,360
these days. We're so spread out. But you brought us

399
00:15:56,399 --> 00:15:58,559
together finally, and I've been looking to expand my business

400
00:15:58,600 --> 00:16:02,120
to new locations. We need food, yes, and there's a

401
00:16:02,120 --> 00:16:04,919
lot of john Smith's out there who are hungry and

402
00:16:05,039 --> 00:16:06,399
also delicious.

403
00:16:07,360 --> 00:16:10,879
Speaker 2: There's not a really good networking infrastructure down here in Hell.

404
00:16:11,440 --> 00:16:14,039
Speaker 1: You know, I have access to hotmail, but not everybody does.

405
00:16:14,240 --> 00:16:16,360
Speaker 4: Yeah, in sort of like john Smith network.

406
00:16:16,399 --> 00:16:18,159
Speaker 6: If you need access to a hot metal like an

407
00:16:18,159 --> 00:16:18,799
hook you up?

408
00:16:19,159 --> 00:16:20,799
Speaker 1: Whoa did you have on that?

409
00:16:21,159 --> 00:16:22,679
Speaker 4: What's the hell version of LinkedIn?

410
00:16:23,519 --> 00:16:25,279
Speaker 1: Oh? LinkedIn? Yeah?

411
00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:27,200
Speaker 2: Well, that's why that's why nobody uses it. That's why

412
00:16:27,200 --> 00:16:27,919
nobody knows each other.

413
00:16:28,039 --> 00:16:30,799
Speaker 4: It's just LinkedIn just shit. Yeah, no, he uses it.

414
00:16:30,879 --> 00:16:31,480
That makes sense.

415
00:16:31,519 --> 00:16:34,039
Speaker 3: That cocks if we make Hell two point oh with

416
00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:37,159
John Smith. So John Smith and all the other john

417
00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:38,559
Smith and they can all they can all go there.

418
00:16:38,759 --> 00:16:41,240
Speaker 4: So what's your plan for Hell? Two point Oh you

419
00:16:41,279 --> 00:16:44,519
got a ship or how are you gonna.

420
00:16:44,360 --> 00:16:46,720
Speaker 5: I'm in the market for that. I'm looking for some

421
00:16:46,759 --> 00:16:49,919
sort of queen or something that I can trick into

422
00:16:50,080 --> 00:16:54,120
giving me a bunch of supplies and men. I mean,

423
00:16:54,120 --> 00:16:56,440
maybe if you got your resources, we just fill a

424
00:16:56,480 --> 00:16:58,080
couple of boats with some John Smiths.

425
00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:01,039
Speaker 6: Yeah, Clayton is sort of a queen of Hell if

426
00:17:01,039 --> 00:17:01,960
you think about.

427
00:17:01,720 --> 00:17:06,839
Speaker 1: It a little bit, I'm second your majesty. Well, thank you.

428
00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:08,319
Speaker 4: Don't do that to him.

429
00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:11,119
Speaker 1: He christ Uh, yeah, I think we can. We can.

430
00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:13,519
Speaker 2: We can muck up together some some some parts and

431
00:17:13,559 --> 00:17:14,440
some ship stuff.

432
00:17:14,799 --> 00:17:15,119
Speaker 5: Okay.

433
00:17:15,319 --> 00:17:17,680
Speaker 1: I have an old race car bed, so like, that's

434
00:17:17,680 --> 00:17:18,240
a good pace.

435
00:17:18,279 --> 00:17:20,519
Speaker 5: You can start there, Okay. And just so you know

436
00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:22,559
we're found in this colony.

437
00:17:22,920 --> 00:17:26,839
Speaker 6: We're never gonna go independent, I promise.

438
00:17:27,119 --> 00:17:29,920
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, you give me that.

439
00:17:30,119 --> 00:17:32,920
Speaker 5: Just gonna be a colony, I promise.

440
00:17:32,680 --> 00:17:35,799
Speaker 2: Okay, yes, yeah right, I'm I'm filled with confidence.

441
00:17:35,839 --> 00:17:38,559
Speaker 1: This sounds good. Yeah, I should call it confidence.

442
00:17:40,319 --> 00:17:41,440
Speaker 5: I like the sound of that.

443
00:17:41,519 --> 00:17:44,200
Speaker 1: All right, Maybe that could be part of your your

444
00:17:44,240 --> 00:17:44,680
your thing.

445
00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:47,680
Speaker 4: You can have your own language Johnlish John Glish.

446
00:17:47,759 --> 00:17:49,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, someone comes in and they're like, hey, what's going

447
00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:50,559
John in here?

448
00:17:50,720 --> 00:17:51,960
Speaker 4: Is this is hell two point zero?

449
00:17:52,079 --> 00:17:55,920
Speaker 3: Just basically smurfs, but with John Smith's so it's like John,

450
00:17:56,000 --> 00:17:56,720
build a John.

451
00:17:57,200 --> 00:18:00,759
Speaker 4: So you just use the word John everything but John. Yeah,

452
00:18:00,839 --> 00:18:01,559
Papa John.

453
00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:07,720
Speaker 5: I don't get it. What's so funny? I'd love to

454
00:18:07,759 --> 00:18:08,519
be Papa John.

455
00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:11,519
Speaker 1: Where you laughing Papa John?

456
00:18:12,319 --> 00:18:14,519
Speaker 4: Well, isn't Papa John already gonna come to Hell at

457
00:18:14,559 --> 00:18:15,200
some point.

458
00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:16,559
Speaker 6: On one of these weeks?

459
00:18:16,640 --> 00:18:18,400
Speaker 5: He's halfway here already?

460
00:18:18,759 --> 00:18:21,519
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, right, yeah, yeah.

461
00:18:21,799 --> 00:18:23,720
Speaker 3: This is See this is gonna get confusing because I

462
00:18:23,720 --> 00:18:25,200
know there's a lot of John Smith, but if there's

463
00:18:25,240 --> 00:18:28,680
a Papa John and then a Papa John Smith, that's

464
00:18:28,759 --> 00:18:31,440
just adding a whole other level to the confusion. Can

465
00:18:31,480 --> 00:18:34,160
you mean example of how you might communicate using the

466
00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:35,559
new John language?

467
00:18:35,799 --> 00:18:39,359
Speaker 5: To be completely honest, I just johned myself right before

468
00:18:39,359 --> 00:18:40,359
coming into this meeting.

469
00:18:41,279 --> 00:18:45,359
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

470
00:18:45,920 --> 00:18:46,599
Speaker 5: You figure it out.

471
00:18:46,640 --> 00:18:48,680
Speaker 6: It's a good thing because I johned in a pastry

472
00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:50,640
earlier and sold it to an old woman.

473
00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:55,440
Speaker 4: Uh are you johned into a pastry? Oh?

474
00:18:55,480 --> 00:18:57,599
Speaker 1: You old John artist. There we go.

475
00:18:58,480 --> 00:19:00,799
Speaker 3: Does that mean you put a John in the pastry?

476
00:19:00,839 --> 00:19:02,720
He puts your John in the pastry.

477
00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:05,480
Speaker 6: That's two separate things on the venu.

478
00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:07,359
Speaker 4: Okay too dishes.

479
00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:09,559
Speaker 6: Yeah, so they're different that I do both.

480
00:19:09,680 --> 00:19:11,920
Speaker 1: Yes, Chris, just let it go, Just let let by

481
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:14,279
John by John Man.

482
00:19:14,319 --> 00:19:17,200
Speaker 2: I you know what, I I fully endorse this new world,

483
00:19:17,559 --> 00:19:19,480
John Smith and John Jacob g Mimer Smith.

484
00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:21,319
Speaker 1: You guys are gonna do some great things out there.

485
00:19:21,799 --> 00:19:25,279
Speaker 2: And I'm like a proud father right now my little

486
00:19:25,279 --> 00:19:26,240
babies crossed the ocean.

487
00:19:26,440 --> 00:19:30,200
Speaker 5: Well, happy to make you proud, your majesty. We don't

488
00:19:30,240 --> 00:19:33,039
see any way that this could backfire on you.

489
00:19:33,119 --> 00:19:35,319
Speaker 4: Okay, is there definitely land over there?

490
00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:37,200
Speaker 5: We'll find out.

491
00:19:37,680 --> 00:19:38,119
Speaker 1: We don't know.

492
00:19:38,240 --> 00:19:40,440
Speaker 5: Just put all us John Smith's on some boats. We'll

493
00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:42,079
sell that way. We'll figure it out.

494
00:19:42,319 --> 00:19:44,599
Speaker 4: It's not good to put all your John's in one basket, though.

495
00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:50,440
Speaker 1: Well you know what, knock John Wood good luck.

496
00:19:51,359 --> 00:19:53,599
Speaker 2: What if there's a forest over there, would you call

497
00:19:53,640 --> 00:19:55,200
it like the Amazon Jungle?

498
00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:03,200
Speaker 3: So whenever you cross over this new world, are you

499
00:20:03,279 --> 00:20:04,359
gonna like build housing?

500
00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:06,759
Speaker 2: I mean you're gonna have to build everything, a new

501
00:20:06,799 --> 00:20:14,079
government infrastructure. You know a military FBI, I mean pentagon.

502
00:20:14,079 --> 00:20:17,480
Speaker 5: I mean that, you know, guys, that's not really my specialty.

503
00:20:17,799 --> 00:20:21,440
I'm more of a hit it and quit it type colonist.

504
00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:24,640
So I'm just playing on getting out of this new world,

505
00:20:25,039 --> 00:20:28,279
hitting it and then maybe quitting it, you know, maybe

506
00:20:28,279 --> 00:20:33,079
sticking around. We'll see, Yeah, government, who needs a government?

507
00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:34,640
Am I? Right? Am I?

508
00:20:34,720 --> 00:20:34,880
Speaker 2: Right?

509
00:20:34,920 --> 00:20:36,960
Speaker 1: Your majesty, you're absolutely right.

510
00:20:37,039 --> 00:20:39,440
Speaker 5: Yeah, with the patriarchy, right.

511
00:20:39,359 --> 00:20:43,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, you should be a and jarky anarchy. I'm trying

512
00:20:43,759 --> 00:20:45,839
to see John Smith anarchy kind of.

513
00:20:46,039 --> 00:20:47,240
Speaker 5: It's it's and.

514
00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:54,480
Speaker 2: They're gonna establish it. And John thinks it's a real story.

515
00:20:55,400 --> 00:21:00,920
Speaker 1: Panto John. They're not all winners. I'm trying here.

516
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:03,240
Speaker 6: Not every John Smith is a winner either. Look at me.

517
00:21:03,359 --> 00:21:06,480
Speaker 5: Hey, hey, don't be so down on yourself. Man, you

518
00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:07,319
ate people.

519
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:10,519
Speaker 6: I mean I cooked salm and fed them to other people.

520
00:21:10,559 --> 00:21:13,599
I didn't eat Sam. Hear me out, John Smith z

521
00:21:13,799 --> 00:21:18,680
John Smith? Yes, mister Jacob behind that's me. Yes, I

522
00:21:18,720 --> 00:21:22,839
think we have an honorary John Smith right before us.

523
00:21:23,039 --> 00:21:26,519
Speaker 1: Right, Oh, no, you get out of here.

524
00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:31,319
Speaker 5: Your name it says Clayton on your little placard there,

525
00:21:31,440 --> 00:21:32,839
but maybe it's clay.

526
00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:38,680
Speaker 2: Clay John whoa Clay John You know what for this podcast,

527
00:21:38,680 --> 00:21:39,680
in this podcast only.

528
00:21:40,319 --> 00:21:42,200
Speaker 1: I think I'm gonna go by the name John Smith.

529
00:21:43,359 --> 00:21:45,359
Speaker 5: His name is our name too.

530
00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:48,519
Speaker 6: Oh, it's delightful. We should write a song and sing it.

531
00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:51,839
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a great that's a great idea. John Smith.

532
00:21:51,880 --> 00:21:53,799
Speaker 6: Thank you, John Smith, John Smith.

533
00:21:54,039 --> 00:21:55,720
Speaker 5: Yes, John Smith, pleasure having you on.

534
00:21:55,799 --> 00:21:57,920
Speaker 1: John Smith, Thank Smith, John Smith.

535
00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:01,359
Speaker 6: That's meat have you on, John Smith, Thank you, John Smith.

536
00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:02,200
Speaker 1: This is a great idea.

537
00:22:02,279 --> 00:22:04,160
Speaker 3: Wait, wait, have an idea. If you're going to start

538
00:22:04,160 --> 00:22:05,720
a band, y'all could be the Smiths.

539
00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:08,400
Speaker 4: What is that? The Smiths.

540
00:22:08,759 --> 00:22:11,200
Speaker 5: I don't get it, because y'all it's like it's a band,

541
00:22:11,720 --> 00:22:14,079
is Yeah, that would be the name of our band.

542
00:22:14,720 --> 00:22:17,519
Speaker 1: I'm not following. All right, Well, you know what we're

543
00:22:17,519 --> 00:22:20,960
gonna go, h start building our ship so that we

544
00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:21,559
can get these.

545
00:22:21,519 --> 00:22:23,559
Speaker 2: John Smiths over across the sea and they can start

546
00:22:23,599 --> 00:22:25,680
the new you know, hell two point zero.

547
00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:27,559
Speaker 4: And the new and the band the Smiths.

548
00:22:29,599 --> 00:22:33,160
Speaker 2: All right, Well, anyways, John Smith, John Smith, after you,

549
00:22:33,240 --> 00:22:35,640
John Smith, John Smith, John Smith.

550
00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:38,039
Speaker 6: Don't forget John Smith right just way, John Smith, Thank you,

551
00:22:38,079 --> 00:22:41,119
John Smith, Thank you, John Smith. I hate this so welcome.

552
00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:41,759
John Smith.

553
00:22:42,759 --> 00:22:45,079
Speaker 3: This this is hell. Yeah, thanks for listening to Good

554
00:22:45,119 --> 00:22:48,759
Morning from Help. Please tell all your friends name John

555
00:22:48,880 --> 00:22:53,799
to listen to this podcast. Yeah, I guess hale John Smith.

556
00:22:54,920 --> 00:23:01,759
Hail Hail Chris, Hail Chris. Thanks to our special guest,

557
00:23:02,160 --> 00:23:05,240
John Smith, who was played by John Smith.

558
00:23:05,359 --> 00:23:08,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, you can find him at John Smith with two

559
00:23:08,119 --> 00:23:11,119
F's on Twitter. And then also thank you to John

560
00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:14,640
Jacob Jiglheimer Smith who was played by Jacob Fullerton and

561
00:23:14,720 --> 00:23:17,640
he is underscore Jacob Fullerton on Twitter. You can go

562
00:23:17,720 --> 00:23:19,079
check them out at Funhouse.

563
00:23:19,480 --> 00:23:20,880
Speaker 4: Yeah, our friends at fun House.

564
00:23:20,960 --> 00:23:21,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, go support them.

565
00:23:22,119 --> 00:23:25,039
Speaker 3: We're trying to do only guests that are actually named

566
00:23:25,440 --> 00:23:26,720
after the characters they play.

567
00:23:26,759 --> 00:23:27,960
Speaker 4: We'll see how long that lasts.

568
00:23:28,160 --> 00:23:29,279
Speaker 1: Yep, thanks for tuning in