Speaker 1: Rob, what's the best way to support this podcast.
Speaker 2: By going to patreon dot com slash softcore History, where
for five dollars a month you will get an extra
eight episodes a month, plus almost three years of back
catalog content that is completely evergreen. It will take you
forever to get through it. This is five dollars a
month for endless content. At this point.
Speaker 1: On today's Softcore History, we talk about a female.
Speaker 2: Pharaoh, the female pharaoh.
Speaker 1: And no, not the throat goat, not Cleopatra.
Speaker 2: Not nefer td or whoever you say that name. Look,
those girls get all the headlines, but the real goat
is the chick you've never heard of, and she is
finally getting her due on softcore History.
Speaker 3: Welcome to softcore History.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to softocore History. I'm your host for the
week Damagester, joined as always by Rob Fox What is up?
And special guest returning.
Speaker 4: Guest putting a big numbers Monday.
Speaker 1: Happy by the way, what?
Speaker 4: Oh thank you?
Speaker 2: Happy?
Speaker 1: What Mexican independence?
Speaker 4: It's tomorrow?
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, that's right. People think it's sincer to
my own. But it's some day in September, never remember when,
but it's one of the days, and so it's Guadalue,
Guadalupe Hidalgo day.
Speaker 4: Okay, but we don't really, I mean I don't. It's
not really for me, but I I like it.
Speaker 1: You can't speak Spanish though, no, I know that's.
Speaker 4: Right, but like, I live in a Mexican neighborhood, so
everyone is like it smells a lot like Carnita's today.
Speaker 2: I just like, how borged you are to the United
States of America. Oh, I'm fully assimilated. Yeah, to the
point where you can't go back even if you wanted
to know.
Speaker 4: I am not. I am very not welcome. When I
order our taco trucks and I try to do it
in Spanish, but like there they offer me flower, they
go flower, and I'm like corn, Like flower is an insult.
Speaker 2: Because they look at me and they like the Mexican
ladies at my gas station who can barely speak English,
which is a great sign for a taco place.
Speaker 1: And I like, I walk up and there they true
I want roaches in the walls, hole in the water,
standing gas.
Speaker 2: Station tacos, but yeah, they just look at me and
they're like they put flower on the on the ground
without even they which is racist. But also right, that
is what I was gonna work.
Speaker 1: But I want them to fill food inspection every six months.
What that's a good taco spot.
Speaker 4: I thought you wanted to support small businesses.
Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying. They are going to get more
in and out of business.
Speaker 2: They're gonna get more of his money if they he
doesn't like to walk.
Speaker 4: Into like, doesn't like the lines, Yeah, fuck that. Like yeah,
there's no no good reviews. Keep it to three stars
on Google and Yelp.
Speaker 2: But I like that a taco truck.
Speaker 1: But all the negative reviews are just about the service,
which I who cares?
Speaker 4: Who cares?
Speaker 2: Yeah, they gave me the taco.
Speaker 4: Don't eat out of Texico. If you want good service,
the taco good.
Speaker 1: No. I just like that.
Speaker 2: Mexicans added like a taco truck or whatever. Look at
you the way. I know for a fact that an
Irish person has looked at me when I told them
I was Irish American. Oh I'm yeah, good lord, you're nothing.
Speaker 4: Go back, go back to the suburbs now, yeah.
Speaker 2: Go back to your fucking cult de sac. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I think the Irish these days would take you with
open arms, maybe with the alternative, This guy was like
real deal Irish Like.
Speaker 2: This guy wasn't like I mean, this guy was just
like drunk in a dark bar, doesn't want anyone.
Speaker 1: Did they try to recruit you to potentially join the IRA.
Speaker 2: Maybe because his first the first thing he talked at
to me.
Speaker 4: That's how drunk he was. This guy had lost all cohesion,
cohesion between is what he's seeing and what he's doing.
Speaker 5: About cars that don't end up together at the end
of a turn of the key, how do you feel
about a car that you turn your start it isn't
it thinks so much together after you do.
Speaker 1: That's going to be terrifying. What it's going to be
terrifying in Northern Ireland every time you just get in
your car. Yeah, I would not have a car.
Speaker 2: You're like, well, I know, no shit, dude, you take
a cab.
Speaker 4: I wouldn't. I wouldn't drive. I feel like in Ireland
women's rights are so late, like they probably don't let
them drive anyway, Like they probably don't own cars.
Speaker 2: What political position would you even hold to have your
car bombed?
Speaker 4: None?
Speaker 2: No, granted you might end up, you know, raising nine
children by yourself after your husband's exploded, in which case
you might might have wanted to be in the car.
Speaker 4: Maybe I'll raise a president and or like assirce it
and kind of get my way there eventually after they
all die. Oh yeah, in ways that are kind of
my fault.
Speaker 2: You're the Queen mother of Ireland. Yeah, I like that.
Speaker 4: I don't like the royals there.
Speaker 1: Today's topic it's not about Ireland. It's not about independence either.
Speaker 4: What subculture are we criticizing today?
Speaker 1: The Egyptians. We're going ancient nice.
Speaker 4: I love the Egyptians. Fuck you, I'm excited.
Speaker 1: And we're going with a badass bitch. Hell yeah, we're
going with a queen. Yeah, we're going with a lady pharaoh.
Speaker 2: Let's go. Can I tell you my favorite ancient historical
Egyptian fact?
Speaker 4: Bees in the like desiccated pumpkin as a dildo or whatever.
Speaker 2: No, no, I mean that's all fun, certainly. Oh the
bees and the vibrator. Yeah yeah yeah, no, no, no, no,
I don't it's I was talking to Veronica about this
the other day. Ran away, but it's my one of
my favorite. This is clearly like an ancient Egyptian historical fact.
So we're talking about being triggered by our baby's cries
or whatever. You know what I mean, being like it
just like sets you off in one way or the other.
So one thing I learned recently is that a baby's
cry will also say and uh nile crocodiles into a frenzy.
Speaker 4: Really because like a feeding frenzy, like they get.
Speaker 1: Food.
Speaker 2: Because back in the day, like way back in the
Egyptian day, you know, mom has to put baby down
to I don't know, grab some reeds or some clay.
Right there, baby starts crying crocs. No, oh, that's a
that's the original door desk. Yeah, that's a.
Speaker 1: Free three thousand calories right there. Moses is a confirmed
quiet baby.
Speaker 2: Yes, Moses had had to have been a quiet baby.
Speaker 4: He was a real peaceful guy. Yeah, since birth.
Speaker 1: I can't believe he gave up that life.
Speaker 2: I would be a prince.
Speaker 4: Wouldn't be me.
Speaker 1: It wouldn't be me save a few of your fellow men,
I don't know, wander the desert for forty years, not
even getting the paradise because you doubted God.
Speaker 4: Maybe he did it for the gains. Maybe he did
it for the.
Speaker 2: Gains leg gains, Cardio.
Speaker 4: You did probably really cut.
Speaker 2: You know they're going a.
Speaker 1: Ton of carbs from the sky and manna. Yeah, true,
not a ton of protein.
Speaker 4: But maybe he wanted to be kind of like Christian Bale,
like losing a lot of role in machine. Yeah, like really.
Speaker 2: Gone to play Moses.
Speaker 4: Also, oh really, Jesus?
Speaker 2: And what was it? It was Egypt? Gods and kings?
Was that it? And I believe it was.
Speaker 1: No one's ever said I want the Christian Beale body
from the machinist when you go to the gym.
Speaker 4: I want trainer, That's what I want. I want to
I want to be so skiddy that people are worried.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you want it because you want that wiggle room.
You know what I mean. You want to be able
to eat a whole pizza and not feel bad about yourself,
and you need a machinist body to be able to
do that.
Speaker 1: Well, today we're going to talk about a woman named
hat Shep suit Okay.
Speaker 4: Can I see it how it's spelled? Because I feel like,
did you hear you? You googled it?
Speaker 1: Here on out, I'm going to refer to her as Shep.
Speaker 4: What about Halp? What about Hap?
Speaker 2: Well? Happy?
Speaker 1: I mean it could be hat you want to go
with hat or shep hat. I don't want to say
hat set soup.
Speaker 4: Yeah, hatt yeah.
Speaker 1: Hat as in what I'm wearing on my head.
Speaker 2: I like hat better than ship.
Speaker 4: Yeah, shep sounds a little too, butch.
Speaker 2: Yeah, what the fourth stooge?
Speaker 4: Hattie?
Speaker 2: Hattie Hattie?
Speaker 1: All right, we'll go with Hattie.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's cute.
Speaker 1: Okay, So hatshet soup, now referred to as Hattie, translates
to most important noble lady or baddest bitch in the Empire.
Speaker 4: Yes, let's go. We love a big name for a
big gal.
Speaker 1: She was born in fifteen o seven BC to Pharaoh
thut Moose and Queen Amos. Those names I don't care about.
Speaker 2: I think it's tout Moose topmost, but it doesn't matter.
Speaker 1: I said topmost, Yeah, you got it, topmost.
Speaker 4: The first was she the firstborn.
Speaker 1: Now Hattie was raised in the royal courts with her
sister and two brothers, who all died in childhood. She
also had a half sibling for I thought most's secondary wife.
So yeah, her dad had two wives. Yeah, but her
mom was the main bitch.
Speaker 4: She was like the queen.
Speaker 1: Her mom was like yeah, and then the other girl
was a kind of a side.
Speaker 4: Yeah, like backup, beteam, backup. Probably speaking of.
Speaker 2: Moses and stuff, this would be about you said, fifteen
hundred BC. Yeah, about two hundred years before Moses.
Speaker 1: And we'll kind of get to what some theorize in
the Bible with her, okay a little later, some kind
of Egypt's always offer up that the time's a little off.
Speaker 2: Egypt's a player on and off throughout the Bible because
they're right fucking next to Israel, right, and they're.
Speaker 4: Just so cool. Like I feel like Egypt was just
really advanced and like a lot of things, like they
just and like I feel like they understood how to
live life and like you know, have slaves and make art,
but like great art, yeah, great art.
Speaker 2: I feel like like, like think about it, like there
was a Bible written in Canada day. They talk about
America a lot. Yeah, yeah, you know, and I hope
there is a Bible being cooler in Canada day.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, undoubtedly, Bible.
Speaker 4: This is a lot of stories.
Speaker 2: Yeah, sorry, Jesus on the Cross.
Speaker 1: This is technically Egypt's like third Golden Era. Yeah, so
they've they've been around, they've been building.
Speaker 4: Never do you think the Egyptian ancestors like, look at
what's happening in Egypt now, and they're like, you guys
ruined everything we did, you don't think.
Speaker 1: So there's a pizza head across from the pyramids.
Speaker 4: There's a pizzahead everywhere.
Speaker 2: I think, this is like, what a thousand years after
the pyramids were built?
Speaker 1: Exactly. Razy.
Speaker 4: They're like, look at those old days.
Speaker 2: Twenty yes, yeah, literally twenty five seventy five. So yeah,
this is a thousand years of So we're as far
away right now from the pyramids being built of Giza.
There's obviously a lot of other pyramids as we currently
are from one ten twenty four, so the first Crusade
hasn't even happened.
Speaker 4: Yet as they are from the yeah yeah, yeah yeah.
Speaker 1: So all of her normal siblings from her mom they
died during childhood, but her half brother survives. I think
she has like another sister from the other marriage.
Speaker 2: I wonder which siblings she's paying the most to their
deaths A little bit, I don't think. So.
Speaker 1: She had a pretty big responsibility from a young age.
So at nine, Hattie was the high priestess for the
Temple of a Moon, which came with a very important responsibility,
which was sexual. How oh no, you're right on the money, Ron.
Speaker 4: What did she have to do, this nine year old girl?
Speaker 2: Well, every day, Oh god, I don't.
Speaker 4: Want to do anything every day.
Speaker 1: I want to make sure that. Uh so the Egyptian
god is a moon a m un. I don't know.
I don't want to. I don't want to offend our
you know Middle Eastern fans out there.
Speaker 2: Sorry to any Egyptians out there. So they call it
me like it's cool. I'm a Coptic Christian. Actually it's fine.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I didn't listen to it, so I only I
only read it a month.
Speaker 4: We'll go with the month doesn't matter.
Speaker 2: There's only two I could pronounce for sure, and it's
Ocyrus and isis.
Speaker 1: Well every day a month has to be rebirthed, oh god.
And had he had the responsibility of going to the
temple in Thebes, and in order to be reborn, he
must get off. So she had a jerk off a
statue of a month every morning.
Speaker 2: Until it finished.
Speaker 4: How do you know it's done now?
Speaker 1: I was a little confused by that.
Speaker 2: Well, what a comes off? What a rad religion? If
you know how every once in a while people will
be like, oh my god, that statue of Virgin Mary's
eyes are bleeding like it's crying tears, you know what
I mean? Yeah, this this statue.
Speaker 4: The blood is dry, like look it's fresh blood.
Speaker 2: Yeah, the statue leaks Semen.
Speaker 4: You think it's like a like a priest back there,
like with the water bottle.
Speaker 2: I think yeah, Or there's just a priest like walks
into the into a statue. It's a statue that opens
in the back.
Speaker 4: Do you think she had to be observed or was
it like chores of like come back when you're done.
Speaker 1: It was a responsibility.
Speaker 4: Yeah, So like maybe it's not a lot of fun
in it. It's just a giving a statue a hand
job every morning.
Speaker 1: That doesn't sound like a good not rewarding. How could
it be you're not getting any feedback.
Speaker 4: Are you arguing that it would be better for her
to give a real hand job to person not a nine? No,
I would rather if it had it happen to me today,
I'd rather do it to a statue every morning than like, So, yes,
she's a handjob.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a lot took Chris Fallis into her palm,
allowing him to recreate himself through his own.
Speaker 2: Release, so he birds himself. I guess income he like asexually.
Speaker 4: Like a genie comes out of his dick, his soul eyes,
he's out here and then he I think it's.
Speaker 1: It's an incredibly important gig, though.
Speaker 2: Terminator to write like the terminator comes at you know,
just yeah, but.
Speaker 1: It's very important.
Speaker 4: It suck. She couldn't share it with her siblings because.
Speaker 1: If she doesn't do this every day, ancient Egyptians believe
the world would end.
Speaker 4: Blue balls are world end?
Speaker 1: A mon? Would you know? Just I guess, be angry
and just end the world if.
Speaker 2: He doesn't get jerked off or I mean a guy
gets used to it, you know what I mean.
Speaker 4: I mean that's some that's some god ship. Like you
couldn't pull an e give me a hand job every
day unless you were an actual god, like a normal man.
Like it's gonna you're gonna start hearing no pretty quick, yeah.
Speaker 2: Like why don't or or at the very least even
if the girls like, you know, just like I want
to do like I want to do a lot of
stuff every day. But it's just like, can we skip
the hand job and get to like real things. Yeah,
it's like no, no, no, no.
Speaker 4: I know Hendhoff sucks job. Every do you think he
was doing like what Lewis UK talked about in his
special where he was like at one point like holding
her hand and being like no, I like it like this,
and so he's like jerking himself off with her like
like from her arm, you know, Like do you think he.
Speaker 2: Would all that's fun. It's not bad, kind of.
Speaker 4: Forceful, but like like a leading hand, you know, like
an elder teaching you how to write, how to like
drive a stick shift.
Speaker 2: I hope the statue did that. I want to believe
in that any kind of magic, I guess, so just
the statue is just fun, like after like four days.
Speaker 1: Well I did read that the statue. I believe they
kind of uh, I think milk was involved. No, it
really simulated the whole process, so somebody's job. I think
there was like a hole that you kind of poured
it down, and so there was a priest.
Speaker 2: In the back like all right, milk, it's been three minutes.
That's good enough, right, let's just yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: That reminds me of being a kid and looking at
like porn on the internet as but this is like
nineties Internet and photoshop wasn't very good and there would
be like, man, this fuck with my brain. For so
long I thought my sperm was sucked up because like
the dicks that were coming in like nineties still photo porn.
I mean it looked like milk, like it was too white.
Speaker 4: Oh, like they would like enhance it just well, they would.
Speaker 1: Take something for that, right, there's always an advertisementains side
of porn. It's like seman x, Yeah, but that's.
Speaker 4: Free, Like nobody wants more. Like there's no woman is
like I have a few comments on your come. Yeah,
like but like the volume, color, the volume, like no
one's like I wish, I wish there was more.
Speaker 1: Maybe they have a skincare routine. I mean there was
that lady that would put it in her shake every morning.
Speaker 4: That's sad.
Speaker 2: There's people who do facials with it too. Have you
ever done a vampire facial?
Speaker 4: No? But I know what they are yeah, well yeah,
but it's blood. Yeah, Ki Kim Kardashian will she's like
I would put shit on my face if it would
make it fit it clear.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean you kind of got a point, right,
What is she? What are you willing to sacrifice for beauty.
I mean, and is it your dignity?
Speaker 2: Because answer, I don't think anyone at that shade of
like there's a certain like for me, I feel like
I need a lot of skincare, or like my wife
because we're so pale, but like anyone like your shade
or darker, it's just like, aren't you just on cruise control? No?
Speaker 4: I mean there's definitely things you do, but like I
definitely would not be willing to lose my dignity. Like
I'm I even struggle to do things like, oh, if
you do this for twenty minutes every day, then it's
gonna like I can't even do that.
Speaker 2: I can't even commit to ironic. Considering your sister.
Speaker 4: Oh that's all she does, yeah, all day?
Speaker 2: Who is just a skin scientist.
Speaker 4: She's just always putting shit on her face. She loves it.
I'm like, that's so nice that you have, Like I
don't know, I can't do it for that long. I
washed my face.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like you guys, I've got it. Both
have great skins, all right.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: So when Hattie her dad dies, her half brother thought
most of the second inherits the throne.
Speaker 2: What she gets.
Speaker 1: Passed up there.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but he's a bastard.
Speaker 1: He's not a bastard. It's his second.
Speaker 4: Wife, but it's like it's not his like it's his.
Speaker 1: Oldest remaining son.
Speaker 2: I guess the royal born son. Right, it's not a
it's not a it is not a bastard.
Speaker 1: Not a bastard. But we need to kind of bring
together the royalty, so there's no doubt.
Speaker 4: Is she gonna marry him?
Speaker 1: So they marry.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that happens all the time.
Speaker 4: I guess that's not too bad. It's not like they're
actual brother Yeah, it's kind of.
Speaker 1: Not great.
Speaker 2: Egyptians royalty and we like to dunk on European royalty
for uh, you know, marrying cousins and stuff like that.
Egyptian royalty for periods. I don't know if it's like.
Speaker 1: The whole whole time, like an abomination they are.
Speaker 2: They are straight up banging brother sister like it is
not cousin, it is brother sister bang city.
Speaker 4: That's why they ever figure it out. Like, is there
any documentation of like Egyptians born with tales or like deformities?
Speaker 2: King Tut, King Tut is very really Oh my god.
Speaker 4: I think I just knew he was kind of small.
Speaker 2: He looks if you just google, like there's like a
three D recreation of what he would look like full body,
and he's like a cane at like twenty he's like
hip display. I mean, it's a nightmare.
Speaker 4: Not good. So she marries her step half brother. Stepbrother
would be totally fine.
Speaker 1: Yeah, stepbrother's fine. They're head of the curve. Half brother
not so much. But she's twelve, he's fifteen. It gives
his claim to the throne more legitimacy, and they keep
the power within the family.
Speaker 2: Because wadging him less now because one yeah, one half
can't claim the other hat like can't claim the throne
if they're married.
Speaker 4: It's a direct yeah, like both both LUSA and is
tied up, which is.
Speaker 2: Why a lot of times they would do that.
Speaker 4: By the way, Yeah, it's just to like have a.
Speaker 2: Peaceful transition of power and also to keep right.
Speaker 1: And maybe they didn't bang that much. It was just
like I'll put a bait being you and that's it.
Speaker 4: But the baby the other people, right.
Speaker 1: Well they do because he also has a second wife.
Speaker 4: Well, if everyone looks the same and you're banging someone
that looks like your brother husband, take that load instead,
you know, do it for your children, because I would
have a hard time loving a deformed king tut like
as his mom, I'd.
Speaker 2: Be like fuck, just like yeah, like the monster baby.
Speaker 4: This baby's so annoying and gross.
Speaker 2: Won't stop crying because it has an extra.
Speaker 4: Because its arm is in its back.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they had one kid together. It was a girl.
He also had a son with his lesser wife.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they his other sister. They had more than one
wife back then.
Speaker 1: I don't think so. It was thought most of the third,
so it would be her step kid. Technically this thought
most of them.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think her what Mormons call it, you're right,
their sister wives.
Speaker 4: Your sister wife kid, what would be I don't know.
Speaker 2: Cousin child, cousin son, yeah, neft's.
Speaker 4: Son, neft son yeah, son few.
Speaker 2: I like sonfew few.
Speaker 1: I thought most of the second was never in good health.
His skin was covered with lesions and he had an
enlarged heart. When number two kicks the bucket at thirty one,
long life for him. And since her step son wasn't
of age to take the throne, as he was only
three and he was ugly, had he took power as
queen region in fourteen seventy nine DC Queen mother.
Speaker 2: Yes, she does dream job.
Speaker 4: Guess I'll fill in.
Speaker 2: Yeah, uh oh wait who her husband had an a
large heart? Yeah, and he was I assumed the product
of incest as well.
Speaker 1: He was a monster too, ye yah yeah, not like
as a human, but like the way he looked. He's
very girl.
Speaker 2: You actually don't get maybe they didn't keep track of it,
but I feel like you don't get a lot of
like insane stories, insane people's stories from ancient Egyptian monarchs
the way you do from like Europe and stuff like that.
Speaker 4: Like maybe they killed them more and they just didn't
want to talk about it. Yeah, seriously, they just went
down to the river bank to gather some reeds. Yeah,
just kind of took their time, that.
Speaker 1: Is true, Like every other monarch in France or England insane. Yeah,
like bash and.
Speaker 2: You hear about it, like the madness of King George, right,
but like the egypt and like and they would do tyrannical,
like crazy tyrannical shit because they were crazy and people
were just like, well it was the fucking kidding.
Speaker 4: They brush over a lot of these child deaths you know,
they're not like this one from childbirth, this one from typhoid,
this one from they're kind of like six of them died.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but like the Egyptians, you never hear I mean
maybe just because things were so expected back then. It's like, oh, yeah,
he killed five thousand people because he was pissed off,
and it's like, wow, it was it was nine hundred BC.
Speaker 4: That's just and God told him to Yeah, he was just.
Speaker 2: Doing nine hundred BC stuff. What do you want?
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: As regent had he initially followed the traditional role of
queen mother.
Speaker 4: However, can't make too many ways.
Speaker 1: She soon began to take on more authority, and after
seven years she declared herself pharaoh.
Speaker 4: Yes, that's a nice amount of time to wait, I
think that's appropriate.
Speaker 2: Can I? This might be a literal yass queen.
Speaker 1: She would co rule with young thutmost this third, but he.
Speaker 4: Was like so ugly. It's like, you can't do this one.
Speaker 1: He's ten.
Speaker 2: Oh also that ugly ten year old. Look if you're old.
She was jerking off statues younger than he was.
Speaker 4: So she put in her she put in her hours.
She served the throne.
Speaker 1: Hattie's decision to become pharaoh, was unprecedent for women in
ancient Egypt. To legitimize her rule, she adopted all the
symbols of kingship, including the royal titles, the false beard,
and the traditional male clothes and more by pharaohs, so
she would kind of like dress for the role, you know,
for the job you want.
Speaker 4: Yeah, she was like in drag a little bit king drag.
What was the false beard made out of? Was it
stone or something heavy?
Speaker 2: Probably reads, I don't know. I had to guess because.
Speaker 4: How did it like or actually did it like loop
on your ears and like kind of hang down?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Probably, I mean honestly, they're certainly not rocky.
Speaker 4: Could get the gold like onyx or something or like
hollow gold like how but I'm wondering, like how they
fix it on, Like is it.
Speaker 2: Like like they also made wigs and stuff back then,
so they could they could just be hair.
Speaker 4: I'm just yeah, yeah, that's true too, just gluing it
to your face, just get some honey.
Speaker 1: To further cement her authority, had he claimed a divine
right to rule, she promoted a myth that the god
a Monra had taken the form of her father, the
night she was conceived, but not before so she's saying
that her mom banged God.
Speaker 2: Yeah he he so like she was married to normal guy,
but the God showed.
Speaker 4: Up transforming God come God yes.
Speaker 2: And cooked unknowingly to everyone. Cooked that's bad?
Speaker 4: Is that where they got that? It's both for like
God fucking Mary and like Joseph being the Holy Spirit.
Speaker 2: The amount of stories where a god impregnates a normal
chicks and often a virgin.
Speaker 1: In most cultures infinite. Yeah, with like pagans and stuff
odin thor. I mean there's so many, so many stories
of oding.
Speaker 4: Going any dream girl that's just like, oh, but she's
different than the girl's up here. I think she can
handle this load.
Speaker 2: She's fifteen and so sweet.
Speaker 4: So sweet, untouched, unexperienced.
Speaker 1: This divine narrative was depicted on the walls of her temple,
reinforcing her claim to the throne. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Once it's carved in stone, it's carved, and it's carved
in stone, it's what do you want? And also like
who cares? I wonder how many people like because the
Egyptians people, they're not having uprisings, right, so how many noble.
Speaker 4: It's too hot to have an uprising.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like they got stuff to do, they got a farm.
Like it's really would just be the noble class who
who it's who would be like either yes or no? Right?
Who would either be like or but if you just.
Speaker 4: Give them some more land or a few more slaves
or whatever.
Speaker 1: I think that's always the case in any monarch.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but there's later like the people that are actually
but in Rome, your population they don't care about the Royals, French,
the French. But like in Rome too, like Rome care
the clubs cared in Roman because they had they had
a false sense of mattering. But I don't think there
were any illusions with the Egyptian I mean, my my
vote doesn't matter here in Texas. Like honestly, if either
campaign came to me, like we'll pay you to vote
for us just because we want to cover the spread
in Texas, like we have money on covering up point
spread doesn't matter, I'm like, yeah, right, I'll do it
because I know how it's going to turn out in
the state. Yeah exactly. But the agent Egyptians, it feels
like they had no illusions about like you know, like
they were like, yeah, we're never we don't like because
the Romans there was a time where there are republic
and maybe you could move up a class and vote
or matter or whatever. But like there was never a
thing in Egypt.
Speaker 4: Yeah. I think it's the heat. I think it's the heat.
Speaker 2: It's oppressive.
Speaker 4: It's a little too hot.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it is literally oppressive heat.
Speaker 4: They're just like they don't need Yeah, mix up.
Speaker 2: My third baby this year has been eaten by a
fucking crocodile. I'm harvesting barley. I just don't have time
to have a revolution.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'd rather nap.
Speaker 1: How do you? Follow the example of her Eighteenth Dynasty
predecessors and solidified her power with a short but successful
military campaign to the south against the Kingdom of Cush. Yep,
I'll get.
Speaker 2: That Cush, Doug, that sweet sweet Cush. Cush is the
source of whenever you hear about like black Pharaohs or
black Egyptians and ancient history, it's the Cushites, the Cush.
Speaker 4: That's to the south or to the north, which is
the south. So it's like a little parade.
Speaker 2: It's annoying because you go up the Nile to the south.
Apparently because you're up the up would mean sorry, I'm sorry,
I just like up would be against the flow.
Speaker 4: Oh okay, up to me means north, but then that
makes sense, right up down means with the flow. Up
is against, so it flows.
Speaker 2: North, super confusing, it annoying.
Speaker 4: That is annoy good to know.
Speaker 1: Apparently an easy dub, though.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Decides it's best to pivot from force uh to use
in the military to help open trade, because as pharaoh
she has to command the army.
Speaker 4: Well, you have to do something different, like what is
your what is your rule going to be marked by?
Like you have to have something that is like when
she's when you're dead, Like, oh she did this differently, Like.
Speaker 2: It drives me crazy, whether it's no matter what it is,
is like everyone wants to like make a mark. Just
can't you just leave the good the good thing on
cruise control and just be like, hey, I'm the guy.
Speaker 4: But the problem is that the people who want to
leave on cruise control are also the people that want
to want to be rulers, and they're the people that
should we should all just chill the fuck.
Speaker 1: Out, sure it out. She goes increase control. Hell, yeah,
I love this bitch. Yeah, she decides, I obviously am
not a military leader. I'm a woman. They don't really
listen to me. It was an easy dub and cush.
But we have bigger enemies. I don't really want to
fuck with it. What if we just use the army
to negotiate peace and negotiate trade so we.
Speaker 4: Get some stuff.
Speaker 2: We flex our military might to get ship. Very American
of her to be.
Speaker 4: Wo men have been stimulating economies for eons.
Speaker 1: Since fifteen probably before. Yeah, she famously launched a trading
expedition to the land of Punt.
Speaker 2: We've talked about Punt on this show.
Speaker 4: Where's Punt?
Speaker 1: So it's the Red Sea coast, so Somalia.
Speaker 4: So what do we have, like some fruits and some
like more arable?
Speaker 2: She Egypt get a lot of their like monkeys and
other like really, uh, they're luxury.
Speaker 1: I will tell you what they brought back, all right.
The Egyptians previous had not interacted with Punt for the
last five hundred years, so she opens back up trade
with Punt and just communication with them altogether.
Speaker 2: Right. They brought back.
Speaker 1: Gold, incense, ivory, mirror, exotic animals like apes, panthers, and drafts.
Imagine being an Egyptian back then trapping an ape.
Speaker 4: Okay, come with me.
Speaker 1: Dude, Well, so be terrifying.
Speaker 2: There was when the Phoenicians, I forget who, these.
Speaker 1: Are small people.
Speaker 2: I forget who. Yeah, I forget who paid them to
do that. And I'm sure I'm sure chimps and gorillas
were the same size, right, but human beings are.
Speaker 4: Smaller and chimps chips are smaller.
Speaker 2: No, no, but I'm saying in general, like how tall are you? Okay,
so the average man back then, I think with like
probably five five five six.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: What I'm saying is a chimpanzees size has probably not
changed much in the last four thousand years, okay, but
a human being size has gotten bigger. Yeah, so a
chimp is even more Whenever the Phoenicians did an expedition
down like so, I forget who paid them to do it.
Might actually think it might have been a pharaoh, But
this was six seven hundred years later, paid them to explore,
go down all the way around Africa and backup through
the Mediterranean, just to see what was going on. They
wrote about everything they saw, and they saw chimps or gorillas,
one of the two, and they thought it was just
really hairy people.
Speaker 4: People like Harry dummies.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like Harry cave Man type dudes. They were terrified.
They're like, oh my god, and they're super strong. Yeah,
so they were like, oh, what the fuck.
Speaker 4: They have thumbs? I mean, yeah, I can imagine that
would be scary.
Speaker 2: I mean we talked about this on the show all
the time. Can you like, can you imagine a giraffe
just walking down the street in ancient Egypt, you would
ship your pants from fear.
Speaker 4: Well, you'd be like, oh, that's how they made the pyramids.
Speaker 1: Those you're trying a rope arounds neck and just walking
it like, I don't know.
Speaker 2: There was a there were people.
Speaker 4: Who they were jewels. They did jewels.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like a jeweled collar.
Speaker 4: I love jewels.
Speaker 1: There was a nuts I being an ancient Egypt like
animal trapper.
Speaker 4: Makes no sense, the tiger king of Egypt.
Speaker 1: You don't have drugs. You're not like tranking these animals.
Speaker 2: No, it's just twenty of you trying to toss a
net over it. Five people are getting their fucking arms
ripped off.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you're taking muzzles like they're trying to figure out
how to make ways to contain them.
Speaker 2: They've never had Oh yeah, like not everyone is coming back.
Speaker 4: From the you have to kill one first and like
get the measurements and kind of look at the like
kill one inspect and like, you know, the I.
Speaker 1: They bring back is not the first date they try
to trap. Yeah, Also it's like the seventh.
Speaker 2: For what it's worth, the Egyptians aren't trapping them, right,
They're already trapped. They're getting them.
Speaker 4: There is gifts.
Speaker 3: There're gifts from the summer in the market. So the
punt the punt tights are going out pontificators either way,
though every time a group of punts go out, not
all of them come back from.
Speaker 2: The Ape expedition.
Speaker 1: No, Punt's crazy because it's kind of still up to
debate where it actually was. A lot of people think,
but there's, you know, evidence that it might not have
been there.
Speaker 2: Some people I read because we did a literal whole
episode on it a long time ago.
Speaker 1: So I'm actually think it was Jerusalem.
Speaker 2: Jerusalem was already established and people knew what it was, right.
Speaker 1: But people when they're referring to Punt, they just think
it's like Judea.
Speaker 4: People. All the people that refer.
Speaker 1: To Punt in their day to day we talk about
Punt historians, I guess. Yeah, it's like a topic of discussion.
There's you know, mainstreams historians, what if it wasn't what
if what if punt wasn't punt it was.
Speaker 2: Well if it was something else? Oh what? And I
don't know, but people just want.
Speaker 4: A couple in a different directions existed before.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but what if it was before? But what if
Churchill was actually Hitler? Dude?
Speaker 1: What time? And on our episode for Churchill? I know,
I didn't even plan that. I had no idea who
that guy was.
Speaker 2: I still don't know his name.
Speaker 1: No, I just he's the villain.
Speaker 2: You caught that right on the internet. There's like it
went viral for a couple of days. There's some weird
o historian on Tucker Carlson who's like, actually Churchill was
the bad guy in World War two.
Speaker 4: Oh yes, I did see that, which, by the.
Speaker 2: Way, everyone even did not help us. No, I know,
God forbid, God.
Speaker 1: Forbid we get a good break on this show working
Man's Blues.
Speaker 4: Working Man's Blues.
Speaker 2: We're just a blue collar podcast of the people.
Speaker 1: That's why I'm getting back in the hockey and I'm
grown the flow too.
Speaker 4: Yeah, your nose could use a few more breaks. You've
got that Roman nose.
Speaker 1: That's because I gotta fixed. I've I've broken my nose
like three times, four times or something like that.
Speaker 4: You deviated sebdom.
Speaker 2: You've you've had a nose job.
Speaker 1: I've had a nose shop.
Speaker 2: Wow, look at you fun fact.
Speaker 4: Wow you didn't know that.
Speaker 1: And now I have a Now I have the nose
of a caesar.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's very Roman nose. You've got a good nose.
Speaker 2: We've both had plastic surgery.
Speaker 4: What did you have?
Speaker 2: Orbital reconstruction? My eye socket broken?
Speaker 1: He got punched in the face? Yeah?
Speaker 4: Is it? The other One's this one?
Speaker 1: That one?
Speaker 2: Do you feel my metal plates in my face?
Speaker 1: Got it?
Speaker 2: I have metal plates in my face.
Speaker 1: Was that New Orleans?
Speaker 2: No, I was in high school.
Speaker 1: That's right. My other I had another friend that got
punched in the face.
Speaker 4: In the world.
Speaker 1: There's a lot of guys the a lot of guys
that got their face rearranged.
Speaker 4: It's all girls in their tents. Yeah, rearranged somewhere else.
Speaker 1: Okay, So the success of setting up animals with punt
brought financial support. I'm just gonna sorry do the show.
Speaker 4: Okay, do you insist.
Speaker 1: So the expedition brought all the ship back and it
set up straight with Punt brought financial support to fund
her real passion of building dope ship.
Speaker 2: She's a builder, infrastructure gal running a big architecture gal.
Speaker 1: Okay. Hattie was a prolific builder. She commissioned over one
hundred different buildings and monuments under her reign, the most
notable being her mortuary temple.
Speaker 2: I mean that's everybody's doesn't everyone do that? Yeah, the
Jazer Jazaru and she was. I think by her time,
they weren't really doing pyramids anymore. Pramids have gone out of.
Speaker 4: Fast A thousand years is like, yeah, they've kind of
been around. It's old shit.
Speaker 2: Yeah, a lot. There are a lot of like like
King tut has like an incredible temple situation or a
tomb situation, but it's not a pyramid. It's something she
was she buried in the Valley of the Kings.
Speaker 1: No, she wasn't. She was.
Speaker 2: That's what you said, was she buried in the Valley
of the Kings.
Speaker 4: I thought you were going to do the podcast man,
she was.
Speaker 2: Yeah, everyone would just go to the valley and have
like dope shit.
Speaker 1: Jazir Jazaru was like her big thing. It was telling
the false narrative of her divine birth. So it's kind
of a flex you building a tired, giant temple that
talks about you.
Speaker 4: It's all about branding.
Speaker 2: But also they were convinced that like after life was
it right. So they were like, oh, yeah, I'm here now,
but if I want to have like a dope a
dope infinity, like a dope eternity, I need a sweet temple.
So like most of their life was kind of dedicated
to getting that afterlife crib.
Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1: The temple was decorated with scenes of her divine birth
upon expedition and other depictions celeburyed in her reign.
Speaker 2: Wait did it? It's there of her dad being like
I'm heading out for the day, and then like another
next hieroglyph was like amon Ra standing outside the door,
but then common Rah. It's like a cartoon panel, then
Amonra transforming into her dad, then through the door banging
her mom, and then her dad.
Speaker 4: Come about next frame, giant cog.
Speaker 1: Yeah, all right, we'll get to this now because this
is kind of onto what you're saying.
Speaker 2: The cartoon panel correctly, you do not describe it correctly,
but there is a depiction of technically her as like
a little stick figure that's Egyptian graffiti.
Speaker 1: Yeah, from Egyptian workers that I'll just get to now.
Speaker 4: Was it like naughty?
Speaker 2: Yeah, all graffiti back then was naughty.
Speaker 1: So many speculated that she had an affair with her
chief Steward Senning in mut whatever. Archaeologists discovered that had
he allowed this man to have his own name image
painted into her temple. He was also apparently unmarried and uh,
very odd state for a mature Egyptian man at that point,
and he and Hattie actually were buried in matching sarcophosis.
Speaker 2: Guy, Yeah, sarcophagus is sarcropha. Guy, Wait was he buried
with her?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeah, they're burging. But she can't marry some fucking guy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well she married her half brother.
Speaker 4: Right, Oh yes, she's a widow, Like I got that.
Speaker 1: He was also a monster, So she's like, yea, I
gotta get some solid Yeah.
Speaker 4: She's like, yeah, who would want to because if you
get all these rights you never had as a woman
that had never been married, why would you give all
that up just to marry some other dude who's like
not as not of God come right.
Speaker 2: And also if you are, if you yourself are God, come,
you can just do whatever you want, whatever you want.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the other clue comes from a piece of graffiti.
Speaker 2: No, the clue comes from they're fucking buried together.
Speaker 4: They're matching pajamas. Man, what man has ever chosen to
match with his woman of Like, No, it'll be really
cute if we.
Speaker 1: Wear the same shirt, Like, be really cool if we
get buried in the same thing, speaking babe, Like maybe.
Speaker 4: When we go visit the Pyramids, we should wear the
exact same thing. But you wear it in a dress
and all wear it in a shirt. It's like everyone
at Disney.
Speaker 1: Wrong, I think. Uh. The creepiest Disney tail that I
found out was how Hunchback actually ends, Like in the
real story, the real fairy tale or whatever, you.
Speaker 4: Like, jump off a bridge or get pushed off a
bridge or something.
Speaker 1: Well, she gets hanged, right, she dies the gypsy. The
gypsy after turning like turning on him, I guess he
doesn't know, but she turns on him. She still gets killed,
and then he cuddles her dead corpse and starves himself
to death so that love they die together. Well, she's
already dead, but he dies of starvation just holding her
dead corpse and cuddling her for eternity.
Speaker 2: I just feel like it's you could do that, like
hold the dead corpse, but be like and now, hey
you my friend stab me in the neck.
Speaker 4: Yeah, Like, the intention can still be there, but you
don't have to wait a month to die.
Speaker 1: The hunchback doesn't have any friends.
Speaker 4: What are you doing pissing your pants as you're laying
down holding your dead girlfriend.
Speaker 1: You're pissing all over her dead body?
Speaker 2: Could you three four or five days it takes to
die of thirst?
Speaker 1: Yeah, and she didn't sign up for that. She didn't
even like, yeah.
Speaker 4: A bit.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna tell something that was once told to me.
A dead body cannot consent, mm hmm.
Speaker 4: But it can't say no either, cannot consent.
Speaker 2: Potato, So who's to say.
Speaker 4: The dead body? Is there anyone around? See you fucking something?
I don't know.
Speaker 1: So back to the graffiti, though, it was by this
work site, by her temple, So this really is this
really confirmed?
Speaker 4: The breakroom?
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, it's it's a it's a bathroom stall.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a unfinished tomb that workers used as a
house door in construction. On one of its walls is
like stick figures and they're gonna insert it right here
forty four minutes. Sorry. On one of its walls is
an image of a man fucking a pharaoh.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean there is ancient graffiti for basically across cultures.
It's just like Twitter. Yeah, like like truly, we did
a whole episode on Pompeii's graffiti because like it's like,
literally the whole city is perfectly preserved, right, and they've
excavated it and everything. All the graffiti, like literally on
the side of a brothel is reviews of the brothel
on the display songs.
Speaker 4: Yeah, or like dude fucking lives the best doll.
Speaker 2: I mean, it's it's crazy. How uh ancient graffiti opera
not even ancient, probably up to the Middle Ages, graffiti
operated as a functional Yeah, it really was. It's it's
one of the most fascinating things.
Speaker 4: But this doesn't seem so functional. This seems a little bit.
Speaker 2: Just let Sam, He's like, it's like the stickers.
Speaker 4: You guys have in your bathroom of like dudes looking
like the thing in the urinal It's I did that
they all have in the bathroom. It's just graffiti. It's
just a little fun pictures.
Speaker 2: Guys letting a steam too. It's like, dude, this job sucks. Ass.
I hate the space selling stone for and now I
got a chisel out. She comes today, she comes fucking
today to work, tells me we got to chisel out
a whole extra spot for this fucking random guy. She's
fucking she's getting bigged with them, and she's actually she's
not banging them.
Speaker 4: She's doing is giving us a pizza party at the
end of the month.
Speaker 2: So that was a real thing. We did an episode
of this too.
Speaker 4: In ancient Egypt, they were building, they're motivating the slaves.
Speaker 2: These they weren't slaves, they were they were workers, but
they were They were on strike and they were angry
about their pay, and the pharaoh, i believe, offered them
like some extra bread and beer, Like.
Speaker 4: What are you gonna buy with that money? Food? Now
we have food.
Speaker 1: Don't have to buy lunch today, kid. They goes back
to ancient Egypt.
Speaker 4: She don't change.
Speaker 2: Shit, don't change.
Speaker 1: So Hattie ruled as the senior pharaoh for twenty years.
Her steps son thought most of the third was officially
co ruler for most of her rain. I thought most
the third remained in the background, receiving military training, preparing
for his eventual role.
Speaker 4: I bet he preferred it that way too.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because there's like little evidence of animosity between the two.
There was never like a power struggle.
Speaker 4: You know, she probably looked out for him and like
made sure that he was like set up and like
well trained, and like then he can kind of gallivant
and like get so his wild oats.
Speaker 2: You want to you want your quarterback to city or two.
You know, learn the system. Yeah, you get thrown into
the fire. You're gonna ruin somebody's career throwing him in
there no offensive lote it is, Yeah.
Speaker 4: Gotta build up your your strength.
Speaker 2: I get it. I get it. Also, did she bang
her son nor.
Speaker 4: Her step son, so it doesn't I think it's fine.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm sure.
Speaker 2: Oh if it's step son.
Speaker 4: It's totally fine. But I feel like she didn't even
want to because she had her side piece that she
like she had loved and enjoyed.
Speaker 1: Her step son. But also wait, so it was her
half brother's son.
Speaker 2: That is not her step son.
Speaker 4: It's her steph ye nephew, nephew son.
Speaker 2: That would be her instead would be her nephew.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but you would have half nephew the half half
nephew prince.
Speaker 4: It's not entirely detached.
Speaker 2: You would be sharing a little less genetics.
Speaker 4: Like a quarter.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Well they don't bang, so that's good.
Speaker 2: Real quick, we do have some ads before we keep going.
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Speaker 1: Although other women had ruled Egypt before her, Hattie was
the first to take full powers of being a pharaoh,
including wearing the royal beard using the male title. She
ruled for twenty years, and that's longer than any other
female ruler in Egypt's history.
Speaker 4: Even Cleopatra. Yeah, good for her.
Speaker 1: She's actually regarded as a pretty good pharaoh. She did.
Speaker 4: She was pretty unproblematic.
Speaker 2: Had one little war just to you know, set the tone.
Speaker 1: You had to, just to get a litle respect from
the boys, you know. Yeah, like I'm not a bit
to be fucked with.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I can, I can buy it.
Speaker 2: I can go smack around.
Speaker 1: The rest of her reign was very peaceful.
Speaker 2: I mean eventually, yeah, everything's going find nobody wants to
rock the boat.
Speaker 4: Yeah, like new businesses are coming into town, like gentrification.
But it works for you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you don't want to.
Speaker 4: Change a wrap on your commute.
Speaker 2: Everybody's making money and you're getting drafts and shit.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but all good things must come to an end.
And Hattie died in fourteen fifty eight BC at the
age of fifty. Oh yeah, kind of a cell phone though,
Oh no, she accidentally poisoned herself with beauty ointments.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so tails time.
Speaker 1: She poisoned herself with beauty ointments.
Speaker 2: Christina, listen up.
Speaker 4: You can't go too far. You know. It's like she's
cha chasing her youth. You got to lean into aging.
Speaker 1: It's full of carcinogens. So a CT scan of her
mommy actually shows she's riddled with bone cancer.
Speaker 4: Oh no, she's just like frail, like with Swiss cheese bones.
Speaker 2: What were they using for fucking beauty stuff? It wasn't
like lead, was it.
Speaker 1: I bet there was some lead in it?
Speaker 2: Yeah, well what what? What wasn't let in? I don't know.
Man ancient up until the eighties, I guess.
Speaker 1: But she was all about, you know, just a little
little touch up. She's all about getting dolled up.
Speaker 4: I just watched Death Becomes Her for the first time
this week, and it's that's basically the plot.
Speaker 1: A lot of people actually credit her for the invention
of eyeliner.
Speaker 2: Really, what there were pharaohs before her that were doing
the No, she's the first one, really, that's what I read?
All right, Wow, look at her.
Speaker 1: She set the tone she would take I guess, frankincense.
The she would like crush up the frankencense and just
yeah put around her.
Speaker 2: Eyes, look at her. Good for her, But what was
in the ship that gave her just like a double bone,
like just tumors all over her both because bone cancer.
If you look at a skeleton that has like bad
bone cancer, it's a gnarly Oh it's gross.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it seems she also suffered from arthritis and diabetes
in our later years. She was in bred diabetes. Yeah,
I think type two as well. How the fuck she
get diabetes?
Speaker 4: I'm like, what do they have that is like excessive?
I guess like animal fats, like too many fats.
Speaker 1: So she was about five card feet Yeah, even it
said she got kind of fat at the end there.
Speaker 4: Well, you know when she hit menopause, your your metabolism
closed down.
Speaker 2: I guess it. Alcohol maybe would maybe do it if
she was drinking a shit ton.
Speaker 4: Probably not a ton of water either. She's probably like
holding onto those toxins. They're not hydrated.
Speaker 1: Yeah. After her death, her steps on thought most of
the third cor no. Uh. Weirdly, even though there was
no animosity, attempted to erase her legacy.
Speaker 4: What yeah, that's so small, dick energy that's so insecure.
Speaker 2: I knew there were other nobles, other people in the
court that were just like kind of like biting their
lip on being annoyed that a chick was. That was
the whole thing, and they were just so once he
gets empowered, like look this.
Speaker 1: We can't let history show that a woman did well.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, this.
Speaker 2: Is gonna look bad on you.
Speaker 4: So was he just like erasing it and putting his
name or was he like kind of knocking it down
so they.
Speaker 1: Would knock down some of her statues, they would deface it.
Her name was removed from all inscriptions.
Speaker 2: Get chiseled, she gets chiseled off. Yeah.
Speaker 4: I bet when he died she was waiting for him,
like what the fuck your fuck? What I just I've
told everyone here about how much you fucking suck.
Speaker 2: Fucking duke.
Speaker 1: Her mummy wasn't identified for centuries. Uh, it was lost
to history because of the efforts to erase her from
the records. It wasn't until actually two thousand and seven
that her mummy was positively identified using a DNA test
and tooth fragment.
Speaker 2: So they knew who she was. She can know who
the They knew who the person was but they didn't
know who the mummy was.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, so once they got her, they did the
CT scans.
Speaker 6: But how did they did They go into her tomb
and chisel shit off like in the time I'm saying,
I know. Yeah, yeah, so like they even went into
her tomb and fucked up her tomb after.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they kind of made her anonymous.
Speaker 2: Wow.
Speaker 4: Well all the grave robbers and like tomb robbers.
Speaker 2: Oh my god.
Speaker 4: Yeah, kee that shit too.
Speaker 2: One reason that King Tut's tombe was so well preserved
is that it was like people just forgot it was there.
Like it was like grave robbers didn't get to hit it.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Despite their efforts to erask her from history, Hattie's legacy
indoors today. She is remembered as one of Egypt's most
successful and innovative rulers. Her reign was marked by peace, prosperity,
and architectural achievement that have stood this as the time.
An interesting theory, like I said earlier, was that Punt
was not a region to the south of Egypt, but
was actually the region of Judea.
Speaker 2: I don't I don't know how they're getting drafts from.
Speaker 1: Judea, and that Hattie is in fact the legendary biblical
queen Sheba. Yeah who met with Solomon. I mean you
don't want to get down with that, Okay.
Speaker 2: Well, King Solomon is after Moses.
Speaker 1: I think, well it would it would involve a change
in time, right, which is.
Speaker 2: Why it's but king Solomon is way after Moses is
uh three four hundred years after Moses.
Speaker 4: Theory discredited.
Speaker 1: Ba ba bah But uh yeah, that's the story story
of hat Ship. Kind of a bad bitch, kind of
a good ruler.
Speaker 2: I so not enough got around.
Speaker 1: She was getting some side dick other than the guy
she got buried with too.
Speaker 4: She wasn't getting around that much. She seemed like an
honest girl.
Speaker 1: Side dick getting some other side dick.
Speaker 4: Like you didn't mention those.
Speaker 1: It wasn't like it was just kind of in passing,
is what they metch they named anybody else out of town.
They were just kind of like, yeah, she she did.
Speaker 4: Did you have whatever she wants?
Speaker 2: Because she was a pharaoh. Yeah, yeah, like a dude
pharaoh or most we talked about with like romans and
stuff like that, like you just fuck your like guys
would like fuck their slaves, right, Like that was like
part of it should just rape your slave basically. So
I'm sure she was walking around the palace she'd be
like you, yeah, like, hey, I am moist, you come
do stuff to me. I like this guy, Yeah, I
like the cut of your.
Speaker 4: Wiener, cut of your lords.
Speaker 2: Come come give it to me.
Speaker 1: And you gotta think those beauty omans are get into
her brain.
Speaker 4: Yeah, her decision making was impacted. Probably. Do you think
she was going after young guys like she was like
a cougar Egyptian kug.
Speaker 2: Yes, yea hard yes, like truly every jacked twenty year
old who's coming home from lifting stone. She's just like
get that one.
Speaker 1: Yeah, she's getting nice and fat, just.
Speaker 4: Like go down me for three hours, trying to make
up for a lot for all the time she spent
jerking off that statue.
Speaker 2: Yeah, she's paying it forward. She had, she's you.
Speaker 4: Know, she's now she gets to sit on the other side.
Speaker 2: Yeah she is. She's just sitting there. She's certainly starfishing. Yea.
Speaker 1: She should have made her own statue where somebody every
day had to diddle her. Oh my god, in order
for the world to continue.
Speaker 2: Now does she does that statue? Squirt is it that
sort of situation.
Speaker 1: I think we make it as squirting statue.
Speaker 4: You think it's like you have to do it a
different way every single time.
Speaker 1: Statue.
Speaker 4: You think what worked yesterday wouldn't work today. And it's
like a lot harder to please than the male statue.
Speaker 1: Oh, it's incredibly hard.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you have to like do a lot more.
Speaker 2: Yeah, all you're doing, you're doing what she liked last time,
and she's like, don't do that. I don't like it.
Speaker 4: Does I don't like that today?
Speaker 2: And it's like, wait, what do.
Speaker 4: You love this yesterday?
Speaker 2: Like the last two times, she's like, no, do it
another way, do it the right way, Like what is
the right I don't know what the right way is.
Speaker 4: Do something else.
Speaker 2: Just jerk me off.
Speaker 1: This is all I got.
Speaker 2: Yeah, this is the only thing I know.
Speaker 1: It's my move. God, you'd be there all day, damn
lunch in box for your queen.
Speaker 2: Now, that would be I feel like that's a nightmare
in history.
Speaker 1: Going down on girl. Yeah, well going down the guy too.
Speaker 2: I think anything.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think it's all It was all hand.
Speaker 2: I understand the jury. Dick, there's just an advantage to
suck a dick versus.
Speaker 4: I mean you can get something out of it.
Speaker 2: Do you have a kind of a reference for that,
my dick, which is that it's it juts out that
it gets it's away from the filthy body a little bit.
Speaker 4: It's not as it's not a biome.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're not getting into you don't have to. You
don't have to get into it.
Speaker 4: You're not you're not moving things around.
Speaker 1: How far away from the body. You got a hammer,
don't worry about what shot? What are you working with?
Speaker 2: Further away from the body than.
Speaker 4: A clip, you guys shows, So it's.
Speaker 1: Bigger than a microan than a micropean.
Speaker 4: Subscribe to the patriarch for the dick measure.
Speaker 1: Once we get desperate enough hogs out.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we're moving to only fans. We won't touch each
other's hogs, but we'll sit.
Speaker 1: Here to hogs exposed. What's the number, I guess, like
another six hundred people.
Speaker 2: Yeah, if we can get if we can quadruple our subscribers.
Speaker 4: If we can make way more money than way less money.
Speaker 2: Because you know what, my family will never know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, just your father.
Speaker 2: In law, he won't. He'll subscribe to it and be like,
I'm just here to support you.
Speaker 4: You won't watch.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he doesn't. He doesn't watch our Patreon. I don't.
Speaker 1: I hope that you know of He certainly does hold
against subs. He's getting already for the income and divorce.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, he's like, sweetie, I'll collect the evidence.
Speaker 4: He's getting divorced.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, Courtney's divorced.
Speaker 1: He's getting into the lawyers ahead of that.
Speaker 4: I was like, getting divorced this lately.
Speaker 2: He's a smart man.
Speaker 1: He's drawn up the draft as we speak.
Speaker 2: Insane thing.
Speaker 1: Would you guys to day.
Speaker 4: That if you get married once as a woman, just
don't do it again. I think you'll have more fun
if you don't do it again, if you wake it out.
Speaker 2: I agree with that. Yeah, you got what you needed
and you had.
Speaker 1: She had a kid too, she had some you know,
didn't continue the family name though with her specifically well.
Speaker 4: The dr husband's and.
Speaker 2: What does she care. I feel like she only really
cared about making sure she was good to go or
her life, you know what I mean. I don't think
she cared about legacy so less so I feel like
it's less of a not that it's not a female thing,
but way more of a dude thing.
Speaker 4: We don't hold out spray as much as we can.
Speaker 2: She was just like, I want to make sure that
everything I care about is good to go.
Speaker 4: She liked her animals and her beauty bombs and her buildings.
Speaker 2: I learned, Yeah, what are those things that go directly
up obelisk? Yeah, she was a big fan of those,
like the Washington Monument. She built like them, I believe
the clearly in honor of for Dad.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, god, come.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you got to assume that the guy was hung.
I learned that, well what I always kind of knew,
but like, we don't celebrate rulers who just keep it
keep a good thing on cruise control.
Speaker 4: Enough, we got to do it more, we really.
Speaker 1: Do mm hmm.
Speaker 4: Un problematic Queen.
Speaker 1: I learned that Egyptians mad nine year old's jerk off
a statue.
Speaker 2: Oh. I did learn that that was certainly kind of disturbing,
and also that they were creative through that that the
a that they that they carved a yeureath right into
the statue and b that they shot milk through it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it was like multisensory, pretty advanced for its time.
Speaker 2: I guess, you know, part of my first Disney World.
Speaker 1: It's Animatronics A small World.
Speaker 2: It's the worst, it's the worst ride.
Speaker 4: It's just like I wish it was smaller Disney Egypt.
Speaker 2: Yeah, oh man, we should we just make an adult
amusement park. That's just all the ancient religions. We you
just get fucked up and watch different things. Minus child
sacrifice or something.
Speaker 4: That's where the line.
Speaker 2: I guess also minus a nine year old jerking off
a dick, we can have an adult.
Speaker 4: There's some lines. I think there's there's some there's a
few things that will be minus, but.
Speaker 1: We'll take some creative decisions. Yes, may it more I
guess socially acceptable for today?
Speaker 2: Yeah, an adult jerking off a statue, an adult being sacrificed,
so on and so forth.
Speaker 1: Yeah, who's today's hitler?
Speaker 4: Her ship had steps on for rocking up, sucking up
all her hard work.
Speaker 2: I you know, I'm not sure it was him. Maybe
it was, but it feels like someone was in his ear.
So I want to say, whoever was in his ear?
Speaker 4: Maybe?
Speaker 1: What if it was her lover?
Speaker 4: He didn't You didn't really tell us much about him
other than he was.
Speaker 2: Just waiting in her office.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he was kind of like a like the hand advisory.
Speaker 2: Also, who died first or did they like kill him
right after she died with you like I want to
be with her?
Speaker 4: Did he want a hunchback of Notre dame her?
Speaker 1: Did he hunch back? I don't know the information on that,
but I think he died first, so I don't think
he was going to offer other advice to the steps.
Speaker 2: On but I guess. Also, Uh, today's hitler is whatever
gives you fucking diabetes?
Speaker 4: And an ancient whatever balm? Oh?
Speaker 2: Yeah that thees her getting cancer from putting ship. She
doesn't understand on her that tracks that makes sense, but like,
get how many dates could you possibly eat to get
fucking diabetes? In the ancient Egypt she got fat.
Speaker 4: She got so fat, and like, I just feel like
in a hot climate being that fat without air conditioning,
like it's kind of prohibited.
Speaker 2: Eventually you stop moving because it's a nightmare. This is
the worst.
Speaker 1: Soft times mixed soft women, and it was one of
the softest times in Egyptian history.
Speaker 4: I guess it did sound pretty soft? Yeah, pretty peaceful.
Speaker 1: What's all I got today? Gabby? Thank you for joining
us as always always, Where can the people find you?
Speaker 4: Uh? Just everywhere on Instagram and Twitter, x whatever at
gab Monte.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it'll be in the description.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you can also find it. You got any shows
coming up?
Speaker 1: No, fair enough? I like that, follow me, but yeah,
figure it out. Yeah, whenever a comedian goes on a
podcast and just like got these shows, the shows, these
shows like man ain't.
Speaker 4: Nobody goes, I'll be posting about it on my Instagram.
Speaker 2: Yes, come around if you want to see your d
stand up.
Speaker 1: Yeah, do that.
Speaker 4: The three people that like me.
Speaker 1: And follow us on Patreon, Patreon dot com, slast software
history right now, we're giving you two additional episodes every week,
and there's at this point like three years of evergreen content. Yeah,
go go do that.
Speaker 2: It'll take you forever to get through it.
Speaker 1: Our catalog is deep. We don't repeat ourselves really often.
We try not to.
Speaker 2: I don't think we've ever repeat ourselves.
Speaker 1: We've never covered that.
Speaker 4: Are you afraid of running out?
Speaker 1: No? Because history is history keeps happening.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but like.
Speaker 2: There is. There are some early topics we did where
it's like boy, that was broad.
Speaker 4: Yeah, we'd like to do it again different.
Speaker 2: It's just you got it.
Speaker 1: Really, There are some some topics I would revisit.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's those are some stuff where early on.
Speaker 1: We get better at it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's episodes early on where I would be like, like,
if I listen to it now, I'd be like, oh,
there's like three episodes inside that one episode.
Speaker 4: Yeah, like it did too much in one right.
Speaker 2: Like it's like I was just too broad, Like I
could have talked about that and that and that, but
I just did kind of a We still got.
Speaker 1: A tie out pretty early. I mean it took maybe
four months, five months before we figured it out.
Speaker 4: But yeah, at this point we're good day.
Speaker 1: We're a well oiled machine, lubricated. Three episodes a week. Man,
it's too bidy, it's it might be.
Speaker 4: It's a lot. I can't believe y'all do. It's a lot.
Speaker 1: But go ahead and check out the patre Make sure
to leave a five star review on Apple and Spotify.
Please and thank you on Apple. Leave review. I'll help
us climb up the charts. Tell a friend about the podcast,
best way to grow it and yeah, we love you guys,
thanks for tuning in. And until next week. That's Rob Fox.
That's gave me a month of nail and I'm dammage Ester,
and you just got saw served