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Speaker 1: Section twenty two of nineteen eighty four by George Orwell.

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This legamous recording may be freely distributed and adapted for

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any purpose. Part three, Chapter four. He was much better.

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He was growing fatter and stronger every day, if it

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was proper to speak of days. The white light and

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the humming sound were the same as ever, but the

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cell was a little more comfortable than the others he

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had been in. There was a pillow and a mattress

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on the plank bed, and a stool to sit on.

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They had given him a bath, and they allowed him

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to wash himself fairly frequently in a tin basin. They

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even gave him warm water to wash with. They had

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given him new underclothes and a clean suit of overalls.

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They had dressed his varicus ulsa with soothing ointment. They

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had pulled out the remnants of his teeth and given

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him a new set of dentures. Weeks or months must

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have passed. It would have been possible now to keep

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count of the passage of time, if he had felt

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any interest in doing so. Since he was being fed

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at what appeared to be regular intervals, he was getting

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he judged three meals in the twenty four hours. Sometimes

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he wondered dimly whether he was getting them by night

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or by day. The food was surprisingly good, with meat

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at every third meal. Once there was even a packet

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of cigarettes. He had no matches, but the never speaking

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guard who brought his food would give him a light.

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The first time he tried to smoke, it made him sick,

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but he persevered and spun the packet out for a

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long time, smoking half a cigarette after each meal. They

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had given him a white slate with a stump of

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pencil tied to the corner. At first, he made no

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use of it. Even when he was awake, he was

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completely torpid. Often he would lie from one meal to

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the next, almost without stirring, sometimes asleep, sometimes waking into

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vague reveries in which it was too much trouble to

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open his eyes. He had long grown used to sleeping

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with a strong light on his face. It seemed to

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make no difference, except that one's dreams were more coherent

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a great deal all through this time, and there were

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always happy dreams. He was in the golden country, or

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he was sitting among enormous, glorious sunlit ruins with his mother,

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with Julia, with O'Brien, not doing anything, merely sitting in

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the sun talking of peaceful things. Such thoughts as he

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had when he was awake, were mostly about his dreams.

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He seemed to have lost the power of intellectual effort.

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Now that the stimulus of pain had been removed, he

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was not bored. He had no desire for conversation or distraction.

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Merely to be alone, not to be beaten or questioned.

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To have enough to eat, and to be clean all

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over was completely satisfying. By degrees, he came to spend

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less time in sleep, but he still felt no impulse

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to get off the bed. All he cared for was

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to lie quiet and feel the strength gathering in his body.

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He would finger himself here and there, trying to make

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sure that it was not an illusion that his muscles

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were growing round her and his skin torter. Finally, it

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was established beyond a doubt that he was growing owing fatter.

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His thighs were now definitely thicker than his knees. After that,

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reluctantly at first, he began exercising himself regularly. In a

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little while, he could walk three kilometers measured by pacing

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the cell, and his bowed shoulders were growing straighter. He

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attempted more elaborate exercises, and was astonished and humiliated to

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find what things he could not do. He could not

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move out of a walk, He could not hold his

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stool out at arm's length. He could not stand on

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one leg without falling over. He squatted down on his

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heels and found that, with agonizing pains in thigh and calf,

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he could just lift himself to a standing position. He

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lay flat on his belly and tried to lift his

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weight by his hands. It was hopeless. He could not

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raise himself a centimeter. But after a few more days,

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a few more meal times, even that feat was accomplished.

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A time came when he could do it six times running.

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He began to grow actually proud of his body, and

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to cherish an intermittent belief that his face also was

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growing back to all. Only when he chanced to put

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his hand on his bald scalp did he remember the

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seemed ruined face that had looked back at him out

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of the mirror. His mind grew more active. He sat

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down on the plank, bed his back against the wall

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and the slate on his knees, and set to work.

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Deliberately at the task of re educating himself. He had

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capitulated that was agreed in reality. As he saw now,

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he had been ready to capitulate long before. He had

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taken the decision, from the moment when he was inside

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the Ministry of Love and Yes, even during those minutes

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when he and Julia had stood helpless while the iron

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voice from the telescreen told them what to do, he

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had grasped the frivolity, the shallowness of his attempt to

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set himself up against the power of the Party. He

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knew now that for seven years the thought police had

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watched him like a beetle under a magnifying glass. There

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was no physical act, no words spoken aloud that they

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had not noticed, no train of thought that they had

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not been able to infer, even the speck of whitish

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dust on the cover of his diary they had carefully replaced.

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They had played sound tracks to him, showed him photographs.

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Some of them were photographs of Julia and himself. Yes,

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even he could not fight against the party any longer. Besides,

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the Party was in the right, It must be so.

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How could the immortal collective brain be mistaken by what

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external standard. Could you check its judgments? Sanity was statistical.

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It was merely a question of learning to think as

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they thought. Only the pencil felt thick and awkward in

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his fingers. He began to write down the thoughts that

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came into his head. He wrote, first, in large, clumsy capitals,

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freedom is slavery. Then, almost without a pause, he wrote,

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beneath it two and two make five. But then there

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came a sort of check his mind, as though shying

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away from something seemed unable to concentrate. He knew that

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he knew what came now, but for the moment he

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could not recall it. When he did recall it, it

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was only by consciously reasoning out what it must be.

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It did not come of its own accord. He wrote,

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God is power. He accepted everything. The past was alterable.

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The past never had been altered. Oceania was at war

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with East Asia. Oceania had always been at war with Eastasia. Jones, Ernson,

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and Rutherford were guilty of the crimes they were charged with.

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He had never seen the photograph that disproved their guilt.

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It had never existed. He had invented it. He remembered

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remembering contrary things, but those were false memories, products of

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self deception. How easy it all was, only surrender and

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everything else followed. It was like swimming against a current

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that swept you backwards, however hard you struggled, and then

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suddenly deciding to turn round and go with the current

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instead of opposing it. Nothing had changed except your own attitude.

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The predestined thing happened in any case. He hardly knew

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why he had ever rebelled. Everything was easy, except anything

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could be true. The so called laws of nature were nonsense.

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The law of gravity was nonsense. If I wished O'Brien

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had said, I could float off this floor like a

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soap bubble. Winston worked it out. If he thinks he

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floats off the floor, and if I simultaneously think I

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see him do it, then the thing happens suddenly, like

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a lump of submerged wreckage breaking the surface of water.

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The thought burst into his mind. It doesn't really happen,

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we imagine it. It is hallucination. He pushed the thought

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under instantly. The fallacy was obvious. It presupposed that somewhere

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or other, outside oneself, there was a real world where

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real things happened. But how could there be such a world.

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What knowledge have we of anything save through our own minds.

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All happenings are in the mind. Whatever happens in all

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minds truly happens. He had no difficulty in disposing of

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the fallacy, and he was in no danger of succumbing

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to it. He realized, nevertheless, that it ought never to

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have occurred to him. The mind should develop a blind

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spot whenever a dangerous thought presented itself. The process should

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be automatic, instinctive. Crime stop, they called it in news speak.

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He set to work to exercise himself in crime stop.

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He presented himself with propositions the party says the earth

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is flat, the party says that ice is heavier than water,

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and trained himself in not seeing or not understanding the

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arguments that contradicted them. It was not easy. It needed

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great powers of reasoning and improvisation. The arithmetical problems raised,

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for instance, by such a statement as two and two

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make five were beyond his intellectual grasp. It needed also

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a sort of athleticism of mind, an ability at one

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moment to make the most delicate use of logic, and

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at the next to be unconscious of the crudest logical errors.

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Stupidity was as necessary as intelligence and as difficult to attain.

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All the while, with one part of his mind, he

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wondered how soon they would shoot him. Everything depends on yourself,

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O'Brien had said, But he knew that there was no

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conscious act by which he could bring it nearer. It

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might be ten minutes, hence, or ten years. They might

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keep him for years in solitary confinement. They might send

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him to a labor camp. They might release him for

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a while, as they sometimes did. It was perfectly possible

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that before he was shot, the whole drama of his

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arrest and interrogation would be enacted all over again. The

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one certain thing was that death never came at an

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expected moment. The tradition, the unspoken tradition, somehow you knew it,

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though you never heard it said, was that they shot

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you from behind, always in the back of the head,

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without warning, as you walked down a corridor from cell

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to cell. One day. But one day was not the

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right expression, Just as probably it was in the middle

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of the night once he fell into a strange, blissful reverie.

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He was walking down the corridor, waiting for the bullet.

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He knew that it was coming. In another moment, everything

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was settled, smooth out, reconciled. There were no more doubts,

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no more arguments, no more pain, no more fear. His

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body was healthy and strong. He walked easily, with the

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joy of movement and with the feeling of walking in sunlight.

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He was not any longer in the narrow, white corridors

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in the ministry of love. He was in the enormous

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sunlit passage a kilometer wide down which he had seemed

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to walk in the delirium induced by drugs. He was

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in the golden country, following the foot track across the

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old rabbit cropped pasture. He could feel the short, springy

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turf under his feet and the gentle sunshine on his face.

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At the edge of the field were the elm trees

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faintly stirring, and some way beyond that was the stream

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where the days lay in the green pools under the willows.

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Suddenly he started up with a shock of horror. The

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sweat broke out on his backbone. He had heard himself

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cry aloud, Julia, Julia, Julia, my love, Julia. For a

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moment he had had an overwhelming hallucination of her presence.

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She had seemed to be not merely with him, but

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inside him. It was as though she had got into

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the texture of his skin. In that moment, he had

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loved her far more than he had ever done when

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they were together and free. Also, he knew that somewhere

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or other she was still alive and needed his help.

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He lay back on the bed and tried to compose himself.

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What had he done? How many years had he added

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to his servitude by that moment of weakness. In another moment,

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he would hear the tramp of boots outside. They could

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not let such an outburst go unpunished. They would know

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now if they had not known before, that he was

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breaking the agreement he had made with them. He obeyed

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the party, but he still hated the party. In the

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old days, he had hidden a heretical mind beneath an

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appearance of conformity. Now he had retreated a step further.

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In the mind. He had surrendered, but he had hoped

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to keep the inner heart inviolate. He knew that he

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was in the wrong, but he preferred to be in

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the wrong. They would understand that. O'Brien would understand it.

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It was all confessed in that single foolish cry. He

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would have to start all over again. It might take years.

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He ran a hand over his face, trying to familiarize

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himself with the new shape. There were deep furrows in

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the cheeks, the cheek bones felt sharp, the nose flattened. Besides,

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since last seeing himself in the glass, he had been

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given a complete new set of teeth. It was not

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easy to preserve inscrutability when you did not know what

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your face looked like. In any case, mere control of

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the features was not enough. For the first time, he

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perceived that if you want to keep a secret, you

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must also hide it from yourself. You must know all

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the while that it is there, but until it is needed,

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you must never let it emerge into your consciousness in

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any shape that could be given a name. From now onwards,

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he must not only think right, he must feel right,

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dream right, and all the while he must keep his

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hatred locked up inside him, like a ball of matter

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which was part of himself and yet unconnected with the

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rest of him, a kind of cyst. One day they

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would decide to shoot him. You could not tell when

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it would happen, but a few seconds beforehand it should

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be possible to guess. It was always from behind, walking

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down a corridor. Ten seconds would be enough. In that time,

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the world inside him could turn over, and then suddenly,

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without a word, uttered, without a check in his step,

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without the changing of a line in his face. Suddenly

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the camouflage would be down and bang would go the

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batteries of his hatred. Hatred would feel him like an enormous,

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roaring flame, and almost in the same instant, bang would

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go the bullet too late or too early, they would

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have blown his brain to pieces before they could reclaim it.

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The heretical thought would be unpunished, unrepented, out of their

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reach forever. They would have blown a hole in their

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own perfection. To die hating them, that was freedom. He

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shut his eyes. It was more difficult than accepting an

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inter eelectual discipline. It was a question of degrading himself,

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mutilating himself. He had got to plunge into the filthiest

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of filth. What was the most horrible, sickening thing of all?

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He thought of big Brother the enormous face, because of

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constantly seeing it on posters. He always thought of it

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as being a meter wide, with its heavy black mustache

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and the eyes that followed you to and fro seemed

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to float into his mind of its own accord. What

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were his true feelings towards Big brother? There was a

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heavy tramp of boots in the passage. The steel door

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swung open with a clang. O'Brien walked into the cell

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behind him with the waxen faced officer and the black

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uniformed guards. Get up, said O'Brien, come here. Winston stood

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opposite him. O'Brien took Winston's shoulders between his strong hands

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and looked at him closely. You have had thoughts of

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deceiving me, he said. That was stupid. Stand up straighter,

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look me in the face. He paused, and went on,

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and a gentle lertone. You are improving intellectually. There is

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very little wrong with you. It is only emotionally that

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you have failed to make progress. Tell me, Winston, and

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remember no lies. You know that I am always able

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to detect a lie. Tell me what are you true

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feelings towards Big Brother? I hate him? You hate him? Good?

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Then the time has come for you to take the

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last step. You must love big Brother. It is not

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enough to obey him. You must love him. He released

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Winston with a little push towards the guards room. One

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O one, he said. End of Section twenty two