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Speaker 1: A grammatical ghost. There was only one possible objection to

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the drawing room, and that was the occasional presence of

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Miss Carew, and only one possible objection to Miss Carew,

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and that was that she was dead. She had been

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dead twenty years as a matter of fact and record,

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and to the last of her life sacredly preserved the

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treasures and traditions of her family, a family bound up,

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as it is quite unnecessary to explain to anyone in

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good society. With all that is most venerable and heroic

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in the history of the Republic, Miss Carew never relaxed

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the proverbial hospitality of her house, even when she remained

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its sole representative. She continued to preside at her table

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with dignity and state, and to set an example of

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excessive modesty in gentle decorum to a generation of restless

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young women. It is not likely that, having lived a

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life of such a reproachable gentility as this, Miss carrou

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would have the bad taste to die in any way

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not pleasant to mention. In fastidious society, she could be

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trusted to the last not to outrage those friends who

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quoted her as an exemplar of propriety. She died very

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unobtrusively of an affection of the heart one June morning,

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while trimming her rose trellis, and her lavender colored print

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was not even rumpled when she fell, nor were more

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than the tips of her little bronze slippers visible. Isn't

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it dreadful? Said the Philadelphians that the property should go

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to a very very distant cousin in Iowa, somewhere else

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on the frontier, about whom nobody knows anything at all.

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The Carew treasures were packed in boxes and sent away

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into the Iowa wilderness. The Carew traditions were preserved by

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the Historical Society. The Carew property, standing in one of

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the most umbrageous and aristocratic suburbs of Philadelphia, was rented

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to all manner of folk, anybody who had money enough

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to pay the rental, And Society entered its doors no more.

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But at last, after twenty years, and when all save

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the oldest Philadelphians had forgotten Miss Lydia Carew, the very

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very distant cousins appeared. He was quite in the prime

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of life, and so agreeable and unassuming that nothing could

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be urged against him save his patronymic, which, being Bogs,

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did not commend itself to the Euphemists. With him were

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two maiden sisters, ladies of excellent taste and manners, who

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restored the Carew china to its ancient cabinets, and replaced

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the Carew pictures upon the walls with additions not out

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of keeping with the elegance of these heirlooms. Society, with

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a magnanimity almost dramatic, overlooked the name of Bogs and

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called all was well. At least to an outsider, all

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seemed to be well. But in truth there was a

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certain distress in the old mansion, and in the hearts

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of the well behaved Missus Boggses. It came about most unexpectedly.

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The ciss had been sitting upstairs, looking out at the

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beautiful grounds of the old place, and marveling at the

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violets which lifted their heads from every possible cranny about

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the house, and talking over the cordiality which they had

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been receiving by those upon whom they had no claim,

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And they were filled with amiable satisfaction. Life looked attractive.

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They had often been grateful to Miss Lydia Carew for

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leaving their brother her fortune. Now they felt even more

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grateful to her. She had left them a social position,

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one which, even after twenty years of desuetude, was fit

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for use. They descended the stairs together with arms clasped

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about each other's waists, and as they did so, presented

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a placid and pleasing sight. They entered their drawing room

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with the intention of brewing a cup of tea and

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drinking it in calm sociability in the twilight. But as

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they entered the room they became aware of the presence

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of a lady who was already seated at their table,

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regarding their old wedgewood with the air of a car.

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There were a number of peculiarities about this intruder. To

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begin with, she was hatless, quite as if she were

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habitue of the house, and was costumed in a prim

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lilac colored lawn of the style of two decades past.

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But a greater peculiarity was the resemblance this lady bore

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to a faded daguer type. If looked at one way,

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she was perfectly discernible. If looked at another, she went

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out in a sort of blur. Notwithstanding this comparative invisibility.

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She exhaled a delicate perfume of sweet lavender, very pleasing

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to the nostrils of the missus Boggses, who stood looking

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at her in gentle and unprotesting surprise. I beg your pardon,

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began Miss Prudence, the younger of the missus Boggses. But

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but at this moment the Daguer type became a blur,

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and Miss Prudence found herself addressing space. The missus Bogses

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were irritated. They had never encountered any mysteries in Iowa.

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They began an impatient search, be behind doors and portieres,

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and even under sofas, though it was quite absurd to

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suppose that a lady, recognizing the merits of the carew Wedgewood,

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would so far forget herself as to crawl under a sofa.

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When they had given up all hope of discovering the intruder,

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they saw her standing at the far end of the

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drawing room, critically examining a water color marine. The elder

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miss Boggs started toward her with stern decision, but the

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little daguare type turned with a shadowy smile, became a blur,

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and an imperceptibility. Miss Boggs looked at Miss Prudence Bogs.

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If there were ghosts, said Miss Prudence Bogs, this would

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be the ghost of Lydia Caeru. The twilight was settling

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into blackness, and Miss Boggs nervously lit the gas while

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Miss Prudence ran for other teacups, preferring for reasons superfluous

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to mention not to drink out of the Carew China

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that evening. The next day, on taking up her embroidery frame,

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Miss Boggs found a number of old fashioned cross stitches

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added to her Kensington. Prudence, she knew, would never have

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degraded herself by taking a cross stitch, and the parlor

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maid was above taking such a liberty. Miss Boggs mentioned

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the incident that night at a dinner given by an

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ancient friend of the Carew's. Oh, that's the work of

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Lydia Carew without a doubt, cried the hostess. She visits

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every new family that moves to the house, but she

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never remains more than a week or two with anyone.

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It must be that she disapproves of them, suggested Miss Boggs.

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I think that's it, said the hostess. She doesn't like

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the china or their fiction. I hope she'll disapprove of us,

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added Miss Prudence. The hostess belonged to a very old

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Philadelphian family, and she shook her head. I should say

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it was a compliment for even the ghost of Lydia

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Carew to approve of one, she said severely. The next morning,

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when the sisters entered their drawing room, there were numerous

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evidences of an occupant. During their absence. The sofa pillows

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had been rearranged so that the effect of their grouping

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was less bizarre than that favor by the Western women.

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A horrid little Buddhist idol, with its eyes fixed on

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its abdomen, had been chastily hidden behind a Dresden shepherdess,

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as unfit for the scrutiny of polite eyes. And on

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the table where Miss Prudence did work in water colors

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after the fashion of the Impressionists, lay a prim and

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impossible composition representing a moss rose and a number of

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heart's ease, colored with that caution which modest spinster artists

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instinctively exercise. Oh there's no doubt it's the work of

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miss Lydia Carew, said Miss Prudence contemptuously. There's no mistaking

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the drawing of that rigid little rose. Don't you remember

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those reason bouquets framed among the pictures we got when

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the Careu pictures were sent to us. I gave some

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of them to an orphan asylum and burned up the rest. Hush,

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cried Miss Boggs, involuntarily. If she heard you, it would

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hurt her feelings terribly. Of course, I mean, and she blushed.

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It might hurt her feelings, But how perfectly ridiculous. It's impossible,

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Miss Prudence held up the sketch of the moss rows.

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That may be impossible in an artistic sense, but it

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is a palpable thing. Bosh, cried Miss Boggs, but protested

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Miss Prudence. How do you explain it? I don't, said

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Miss Boggs, and left the room. That evening, the sisters

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made a point of being in the drawing room before

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the dusk came on, and of lighting the gas at

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the first hint of twilight. They didn't believe in Miss

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Lydia Carew, but still they meant to be beforehand with her.

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They talked with unwonted vivacity, and in a louder tone

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than was their custom. But as they drank their tea,

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even their utmost verbosity could not make them oblivious to

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the fact that the perfume of sweet lavender was stealing

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insidiously through the room. They tacitly refused to recognize this

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odor and all that it indicated, when suddenly, with a

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sharp crash, one of the old Carew teacups fell from

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the tea table to the floor and was broken. The

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disaster was followed by what sounded like a sigh of

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pain and dismay. I didn't suppose miss Lydia Carew would

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ever be as awkward as that, cried the younger Miss Boggs. Petulantly,

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Prudence said her sister, with a stern accent. Please try

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not to be a fool. Your theory wouldn't be so bad,

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said Miss Prudence, half laughing and half crying if there

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were any sleeves to my dress. But as you see,

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there aren't. And then Miss Prudence had something as near

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hysterics as a healthy young woman in the West can have.

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I wouldn't think such a perfect lady as Lydia Carew,

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she ejaculated between her sobs, would make herself so disagreeable.

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You may talk about good breeding all you please, but

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I call such intrusion exceedingly bad taste. I have a

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horrible idea that she likes us and means to stay

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with us. She left those other people because she did

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not approve of their habits or their grammar. It would

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be just our luck to please her. Well. I like

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your egotism, said Miss Boggs. However, the view Miss Prudence

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took of the case appeared to be the right. One

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time went by, and Miss Lydia Carew still remained. When

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the ladies entered their drawing room, they would see the

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little lady like de Guerre type revolving itself into a

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blur before one of the family portraits, or they noticed

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that the yellow sofa cushion toward which she appeared to

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feel a peculiar antipathy, had been dropped behind the sofa

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upon the floor, or that one of Jane Austen's novels,

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which none of the family ever read, had been removed

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from the bookshelves and left open upon the table. I

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cannot be reconciled to it, complain Miss Boggs to Miss Prudence.

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I wish we had remained in Iowa, where we belong.

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Of course I don't believe in the thing, No sensible

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person would. But still I cannot become reconciled. But their

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liberation was to come, and in a most unexpected manner,

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a relative by marriage visited them from the west. He

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was a friendly man and had much to say, so

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he talked all through dinner, and afterward followed them ladies

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to the drawing room to finish his gossip. The gas

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in the room was turned very low, and as they entered,

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Miss Prudence caught sight of Miss Carew in company attire,

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sitting in upright propriety in a stiff backed chair at

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the extremity of the apartment. Miss Prudence had a sudden idea.

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We will not turn up the gas, she said, with

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an emphasis intended to convey private information to her sister.

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It will be more agreeable to sit here and talk

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in this soft light. Neither her brother nor the man

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from the west made any objection. Miss Boggs and Miss Prudence,

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clasping each other's hands, divided their attention between their corporeal

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and their incorporeal guests. Miss Boggs was confident that her

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sister had an idea and was willing to await its development.

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As the guest from Ayleway spoke, Miss Carew bent a

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politely attentive vear to what he said. Ever since Richard's

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took sick that time, he said briskly, it seemed like

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his shared We had all responsibility. The missus Boggs saw

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the Daguerre type put up her shadowy head with a

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movement of doubt and apprehension. The fact that the matter

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was Richards didn't seem to scarce to get on the

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way he might have been expected to. At this conscienceless

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split of the infinitive and misplacing of the preposition, Miss

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Carew arose trembling perceptibly. I saw it wasn't no use

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for him to count on a quick recovery. The missus

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Boggs lost the rest of the sentence, for at the

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utterance of the double negative, Miss Lydia Carew had flashed out,

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not in a blur, but with mortal haste, as when

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life goes out at a pistol shot. The man from

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the West wondered why Miss Prudence should have cried at

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so pathetic a part of his story. Thank Goodness, and

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their brother was amazed to see Miss Boggs kiss Miss

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Prudence with passion and energy. It was the end. Miss

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Carew returned no more. End of a Grammatical Ghost by

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Elliot Wilkinson, Pete