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more online at Victor cdjr dot com. Well, in this episode,
I get to know someone I've known for a while.
I know that sounds a little bit weird, but I
think you're gonna fall in love with Madge Madigan. She
has her own podcast. It's called Madge Unmuted.
Speaker 3: That's about my show. You can you can be inspirational,
and you can have fun, and you can learn stuff,
and you can be intellectually you can be fun. That's
been my whole philosophy on life. Is that Because you know,
and I'm sure we'll get into this, I went through
a lot of really hard times and the one thing
that I always did to get through it was humor.
Speaker 2: And man, does she have a story.
Speaker 3: She's like, I know that at Mercy you all wear
the beautiful Yeah, it sort of makes it broke my heart,
but it was also like, okay, good, because that's all
I want you to worry about.
Speaker 2: She even wrote a book about her experiences, which she's
rereading now to work on another project.
Speaker 3: I was rereading this book and I was reading about
times that I would go on dates. Yeah, and I
was like, I can't ever make anything go And I'm
reading it and I'm like.
Speaker 2: Shit, I wouldn't date me get to know one of
the strongest people I've ever known even better. Right after this,
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Speaker 4: When your old career gives you lemons throwing some ice
mix in some vodka. He call it a podcast from
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by Victor Chrysler Dots Gee Brahm, It's Billified, the Bill
Moran Podcast.
Speaker 2: Well, hello and welcome. Thanks for getting your pot on,
Thanks for telling a friend. That's how we spread the
word about the pirate ship boy today, No, what's gonna
happen here? But I'm excited because I went on Madge
Unmuted and I thought, oh, this will be fun. And
then Madge said I'm going to be in town so
I could come in studio, and I thought that's even better,
even better, It's amazing. So why don't we start with
this question you? What made you want to do the
Madge Unmuted Podcast.
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Speaker 2: What was the impetus behind that.
Speaker 3: No one else would hire me?
Speaker 2: Okay?
Speaker 3: No, really kind of.
Speaker 2: You had something to say and you want to say exactly? Yeah,
that was it.
Speaker 3: I had been wanting to get back on the air
for a long time, and I it was COVID, and
I thought, what can I do? And I just I saw,
you know, Fitzu's thing on Facebook, and I'm think I'm
doing this. And I contacted him and I said, I've
got some things. I've got work to do.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and how's it been going. I mean, it's been going.
Speaker 3: It's been awesome. I took I took a while off
last year because I actually got a contract position for
I was doing social media for a streaming platform and
that was going fantastic and I was working like fifty
hours and then they went under. So I decided, now
I got the time again, I'm gonna go.
Speaker 2: Right back a. Yeah, it's a it's a fun, freeing
thing to do. I think everybody should should go. The
biggest problem that you'll find with podcasting is I think
that people don't know what the expect They come in
with an expectation, right, you got to go in no
expectation and let it build and be consistent and that's it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's the thing. When I first started, people you know,
and I know you probably get this, what's it about?
Speaker 2: What do you do?
Speaker 3: What you know? And I it was just going to
be a kind of it's going to be conversations with people. Yes,
it's like being in a bar, right, conversation with someone
and you just want to learn about them and have
some laughs and you can do all of those things.
So I just kind of let it. Like when you
came on my show last week, I don't know if
you said afterwards, you like, I wasn't sure what this
was going to be, and I was like, that's part
of the beauty of.
Speaker 2: It, right, Well, it was sort of how I felt.
I wasn't sure that I was good because I know
that you laughs and you do things, and I all
of a sudden and I go, what am I I'm
like preaching or something. I don't know what you're saying.
Speaker 3: That's the beauty, that's that's about my show. You can
you can be inspirational, and you can have fun, and
you can learn stuff, and you can be intellectually, you
can be fun. That's been my whole philosophy on life
is that because you know, and I'm sure we'll get
into this, I went through a lot of really hard
times and the one thing that I always did to
get through it was humor. Yeah, no matter how tough
it can be. I have some really dark jokes about
like when my father was dying, and well, you know,
it's that dark Irish humor. Yes, And that's that's even
when you're even when you're talking about tough stuff, you
can still laugh about it.
Speaker 2: Uh yeah, I agree, No, I I agree. I mean
Jesus to me, I don't think I was fully aware
of your story, like you know, with the kids and stuff,
because what I see now is you visiting the kids,
the beautiful daughters, handsome son, everybody's successful, doing well, and
then you start telling the story that's im mute, and
I'm like, this is the stuff to me that I
feel like needs to be recognized, and I think it
also needs to be for people to sort of see
that you can. And I think there's a lot of
trepidation right now, right worry about what's to come and
what's America anymore. And I still think it's a land
of opportunity. I really do.
Speaker 3: I do too. I God, I don't even know. I
have so many things I want to say.
Speaker 2: To that, but yeah, say anything you want, because there's
no wrong answer to it. I think you and I
are probably on the same side of things, like I
see that I saw. I actually copied and pasted because
I saw your posts yesterday and I wasn't and then
you had mentioned in one of the lines you said,
I'm going to take it down, and I thought, I
didn't know whether to bring that up at some point
or not, just because it's well, it's it's fair. You
did put it out on a platform, and I thought
it was I go, I kind of like the rawness
of it and the realness of it.
Speaker 3: Thank you, And that was the intention of it. And
I took it down today. Finally, when somebody that I
went to high school with who was on the far
far far side and and you saw that post was
really pretty vague.
Speaker 2: It was just about I kind of got the gist
of it, but it wasn't nasty or mean.
Speaker 3: I didn't mention. But it's also about a lot of
things in my life.
Speaker 2: Well that's what I thought too. I figured this, this
is like a mushroom cloud of something.
Speaker 3: It was about how, you know, I was always taught,
you know, be a good girl, be a good person,
and all good things will come to you. Well, I've
found that a lot of different people in my life,
and now that the shittiest person wins, and it's very disheartening.
And so today somebody who you know, she's just I've
put her on I've had her muted because she's kind
of a kook. And I she said, I know what
this is about. This is awful, and then she went
on and on about what a wonderful person he is,
and went on and on about that, and like, I
know what you're doing, and you're you're I'm weird. She
basically she's telling me I'm a terrible person. And then
you know, did the old do your own research? And
I didn't even respond. I wanted to say, leave it
to you to go. This was me being raw about
me I never mentioned anybody. I never mentioned politics. I
just meant my own. Yeah, exactly exactly. And I've had
some really horrible people in my life that came have
always come out smelling like a rose. And I'm like, God,
damn it, how does this person always land on top?
So she did that, and I was like, you know
what done? Because most every other person there was probably
I know, twenty thirty comments and they were all, you know,
keep being you madge, right, don't give up, you know,
And that's all I was looking for. Just wanted to
see if anybody else felt the same way. And no,
she's got to bring out that crap.
Speaker 2: And I'm like, God, but isn't that sort of the
fun of it, you know? I I not, no, not
at all. Well, here's here's what I believe. I believe
that human beings will thrive on drama or look for drama.
And when we don't have drama, and when we don't
have let's say, physical wars in our world, right, yeah,
we'll find them and we'll create wars on drugs and
wars against this and wars against that, you understanding, and
all these things. And I go, boy, we just really
like the drama. And when you say that to people, go,
I don't like I'm not a dramatic at all. I
really think that that it is and it's part of
the It's just part of the human experience.
Speaker 3: It is, and it's but it's also part of the
human experience that most people want. How do I I
hate to put it so simplistically.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 3: Simply a lot of people just need somebody to hate. Yes,
shit rolls down.
Speaker 2: Well, here's the thing that I have come to believe
in life. You ready for this. Everything that happens to
you in some way is your own fault. You brought
it on in some way, And it is so much easier,
and it feels good to blame because blame is better
than loathing. And I don't you know. You get older
and older, and you start to see things and sometimes
we see how silly we are and stuff. And I'll
always say, to at least my youngest son and any
of them that will listen to me anymore, to climb
that emotional scale, right, blame is better than loathing. Okay,
I get it, But let's move past that and realize
that some of this is your fault and always go
for the better feeling thought, because feelings are really the
indicator of where you are in life.
Speaker 3: Well, yeah, what and so let me loathing on in.
Speaker 2: Way, self loathing, self loathing like I'm upset. It's my fault,
and I can blame, but it's easier to blame. It
feels better to blame. See that it's not my fault.
Speaker 3: I've gotten past that and some in some ways my
whole life, it was the Catholic guilt thing.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, oh everything was Are you are you what
some people recall recovering Catholic or are you still practice?
Speaker 3: I I go a little bit, yeah, because I still
have faith that there's something greater than me. Do I
believe in you know, everything, the Bible, Gospel, whatever. No,
I don't believe that the Catholic Church controls me. I
honestly go to I go to mass more for the ritual.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: You know, we were talking about meditating last time, and
part of part of meditating or some forms of meditating,
is doing something repetitive to get yourself in a thing.
And really that's what the ritual. Part of the ritual
Catholic masses, you know, Yeah, the Rosary, the reciting, the
prayers to stand up, sit down, fight fight fight, it's
but yeah, so anyway, that's why I go so and
it was the Catholic It was Catholic guilt and one
of the best things I ever did. So to go
in between blaming other people and blaming myself on everything,
I've come to a great saying is sometimes it just is. Yeah,
that's like the most healthy thing. Acceptance is one of
the most healthy things you can arrive at. Is just
you know what. Sometimes stuff just is. Yeah, take accountability
if it's something you know whatever.
Speaker 2: But if not, it just what have you learned through
all this stuff in life? Because going back for people
who may not be familiar, Madge really raised three kids
by herself completely on her own. Wound to evicted, you
said from places twice and yet you and I don't know.
It's like the picture the people don't match the picture
that's painted. Right. If I think of people who are evicted,
it's like everything's shitty and you're getting that depression and
it becomes a spiral and you don't feel like getting
out of bed and you're not doing anything. That's not
the case.
Speaker 3: No, And it's funny. And I wrote that book you
know ten years ago.
Speaker 2: I love the name of it.
Speaker 3: Thank you. When life gives you lemons, at least you
won't get scurvy.
Speaker 2: Can you still get on like Amazon and stuff?
Speaker 3: Yeah, and so one of the chapters I wrote, it's
actually more of just like a collection of essays of stuff.
I went through like blog entries, and one of them was,
should I do I need? Am I supposed to have
a uniform to look poor? So you're damned if you do.
You're damned if you don't. So I would be nicely
dressed like I am now because I was working. I
was working like a minimum wage job, but I didn't
have enough to support three children under eighteen and there,
and that was even part time. Sometimes I would have
no job. Sometimes it was just this cluster puck. So anyway, yeah,
because the d took off after we got divorced, and
but so I was working, and you know, you pull
out the EBT card or you go into the doctor's
office and give the Medicaid card, you know, and they're
all like, like, I'm running some sort of sam because
you're dressed nicely, yes, and so am I supposed to
have stained pajama pants and slippers? And an ankle monitor on,
you know, in order for you to accept me. But
also I'm that you know, unicorn welfare person that I'm
supposed to be. They just need a temporary hand up,
you know. But then when i'm that textbook person that
you want me to be, you're still judging me. So
in a lot of in life, a lot of times
you can't win.
Speaker 2: No boy. My father was a big one on always
you don't dress well because you get treated better. So
when I go to when all the boys were little,
I think we had a fast pass to the emergency room,
but I always had a collared shirt on standby because
you did, you got treated better. You just did. And
I'm sure when you handed out that card it was
kind of a judge like people were not expecting right, right,
And we have an expectation and we're not supposed to judge,
but we're animals and we all judge, and we're going
to judge. And I still think you should always try
to put your best foot forward and look your best
because it also makes you feel better exactly.
Speaker 3: And I was still, you know, I was still trying
to better myself. I'm trying to get in this hole.
I had not. Like I said, I told my kids,
this will not define us. So it's just keep going,
keep being the person that you want to be, even
though you know you might not have all the money
to do all the things. You know, there were times
I couldn't even get get a video from Blockbuster because
I just didn't have three extra dollars, you know. But
the oh, what I was going to say too, is
that anything I ever had was you know, it was
like Target clothes, Marshall clothes. I just was dress find.
But also I had them from before, yes, when I
when I when I was married, when my ex husband
was paying you know whatever. And so then that's the
other thing that always bugs me when you'll see somebody
who's very you know, like somebody at the store pulls
out EBT and they're like, oh, but they can afford
a thousand dollars iPhone whatever, It's like I had this before. Also,
how the fuck do you think they're going to get
a job. This is the entire world and you can
pay for it.
Speaker 2: On time or you can get the free one with
the plans.
Speaker 3: So that's the thing. It's like people want you to
like sell everything you own before you you know, go
and get those benefits, and it's like that's not helpful.
And one it doesn't you know, you try and try
and sell your iPhone, you know what you're gonna get
for it? One hundred bucks? Yeah, twenty bucks. I mean
so I don't know, it's all that, you know, everybody
has a preconceived notion. So going back to you, ask
me what I've learned, It's just that sometimes stuff is
what it is. You can't let it define you just
have to move on. And also, what other people think
of me is not my business?
Speaker 2: Oh my god, for real. I love that saying.
Speaker 3: I say it all the time.
Speaker 2: A matter of fact, is what in this Koster said
the podcast and some guy made and I'm pretty sure
that that statement's on there.
Speaker 3: Yeah, someone else's opinion is none of your business.
Speaker 2: I'm so happy to hear you say that, like thrilled.
That's amazing. Yeah, yeah, because and it's really hard. Right again,
I'll always say easier said than done. We're sensitive. We
have feelings as much as we don't want to admit them.
I have been accused of not having nerve endings at times,
but but you know, you have feelings. You do get hurt.
We're human beings. We want to be accepted. We are
pack animals by kind of that are our existence.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and here's one you'll find surprising that when I
got out of college, my parents were moving to Arizona
to retire, and they're like, okay, bye, and I'm like,
what am I supposed to do? There's no place for
me to go. I'm not going to a senior community
out there. So I decided to go down to North
Carolina where my college boyfriend was getting his PhD. So
I go down there. Long story short, we get engaged,
and then six weeks before the wedding, which was a
year and a half after that, I realized I couldn't
go through that.
Speaker 2: You did?
Speaker 3: Yeah, wow, the in the invitations already went out. Yeah,
And when one day I physically got ill, and that
was my body like, you cannot go through with this.
And my whole family was all over the country and
they were all coming to Yeah.
Speaker 2: Sure, everybody's invested money.
Speaker 3: Into this, and and my sister wedding was going to
be the week before, so we planned this whole. Yeah.
Speaker 2: So I went he was your old man foot in
the bill for all this.
Speaker 3: No, no, no, no no no no no, no no no.
We were both paying for oky thing. So then when
I felt like horrible, like, oh my god, I'm gonna
let all these people down and I so I went
to the priest that we had gone to pre Kana
with and because that was kind of the only person
I had that was sort of a guide at the point.
But he was wicked cool. He was this old Boston
priest from with a thick Boston accent. And I said,
I'm afraid of what people are gonna think or what
are they gonna say whatever, And he's like, let me
tell you a story. He said, I was going back
to this priest reunion. He's like, I got passed over
for this and passed over that. And I was so worried.
I went to this thing and I was all worried
about everybody was going to say about me, you know.
And I went there and I was so worried and
not one person even mentioned it or said it whatever.
And he said, the thing I learned is people don't
think about you as much as you think they do.
Speaker 2: Boy, I am so glad that you're saying everything that
I believe. But it's always those moments right, it's the
person on Facebook that reached out today or whatever. They're
not probably not thinking of you more. You may have
spent more time thinking about them in the response. And
it's a hard thing to wrap your brain around. It's
very easy to say these words, but it's so important
because I think you probably have lived by that what
other people's have been it. Because I got to tell you, lady,
that is some strong shit as a young woman, to
realize this marriage isn't all the person is, and when
I want to having moved there for the person, then
realizing facing that fear of how many people have been
in that position match and did not do that, knowing
this wasn't right and have never been fully satisfied the
rest of their life or in any capacity. Right.
Speaker 3: I have had so many people tell me that, boy,
I should have called that engagement, you know, and I don't, like,
I can't believe like getting anxiety about this. But I
was always the kind of black sheep, you know, creative,
one party girl ish, And when I after college, my
everyone was like, well, you need to settle down now.
This is you need to get a normal job and
you need to find someone and this will be good.
For you and do this, and you know, and after
a while, I'm like, this is not what I want
to do. And this guy was you know, we were
it was fun in college, but this isn't the person
for the rest of my life. And when I was
going to call it off, I got some attitude from
my immediate family that I was being irresponsible by calling
off the wedding right like. And so nowadays people say, oh,
that's great. You had such courage. You you know, knew
that this person wasn't right, but I had I had,
so I had that on top of it.
Speaker 2: How old are you at this time? Two twenty twenty four? Young?
Speaker 3: Twenty three twenty four right now?
Speaker 2: Young, like really young. That's a lot of pressure, yeah,
and how many people would cave, especially in an Irish
Catholic family where you's kind of just, I don't, for
lack of a better term, you eat shit because that's
what they're serving, right, And you don't say anything. Yeah, yeah,
you don't say anything. You just and and everything's fun.
It's okay, boy, it could be so much better. That's
a strong that's strong for you to do that at
that age. And then the other stuff. Do you ever
just stop and I hope I'm not making you uncomfortable,
but no, stop in any way and look at where
you are today and think of all this stuff and go, man,
the strength, the inner strength. No, yeah, I don't. Yeah,
I mean raising the kids, going through all that stuff,
the EBT, the call. I mean, that's some gutsy stuff. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I think you know it's funny that you say that,
because when I was in it and raising the kids,
I had to just survive. Yeah, I had to just
I had to put food on the table. I had
to make sure my kids were still happy and healthy.
Speaker 2: And what did you do for you during that time?
Speaker 3: Nothing?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 3: Drink sometimes?
Speaker 2: Okay? Well, I don't mean that to be funny. And
my point is, like I often think that in order
for you to be good for anybody else, you kind
of got to take care of yourself, right, Yeah, but
you can't when there's not the meetings to or the
time too. Right.
Speaker 3: So you know the time that I did, like as
the kids got older, and because for a while I
had them twenty four to seven, you have nobody to
help unless the stars aligned, and I got them all
to have sleepovers at friends and then mom went out
and got hammered, and then I, you know, sobered up
and I went to sleep, and the next day I
got up and I did.
Speaker 2: It all over again. It made banana bread and made
everybody happy.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean it wasn't the I'm not saying I
got I don't know, like I was out doing anything
anything salacious, but it was just like, yeah.
Speaker 2: Well, I think anybody can understand who has had children,
and especially by themselves at any point. It's not easy. No,
it's a lot.
Speaker 3: And you know why there's always those jokes today or
you see tope bags with you know, mommy needs her
wine and you know all that stuff, because it's true
that shit gets to you and you need your wine
sometimes or whatever it may be. So that's what I did.
I did absolutely nothing for years except just try and
make some sort of money. So then I kid you not,
Oh my god, I'm like, I've just shoved all this
shit down. I know that I needed to, you know,
work through it. That would be healthier my kid. You not.
When my third went off to college that first semester,
I dropped her off. I came home, so that meant
all three kids were out of the where two of
them were in college. One was already graduated college. I
came home and fell on the floor and sobbed, and
it was uncontrollable. It wasn't like a cognizant conscious thing like.
Speaker 2: When I get home, this is what I'm gonna do. Yeah,
I walked in.
Speaker 3: It walked in, I saw the empty rooms and I,
oh my god, I'm getting for clemped. I literally fell
to the floor. Sob was in like fetal position, just
that sobbing, like someone who'd lost someone permanently. And it
was just this wailing, and I was like, where the
fuck is coming from? But I guess I needed to
get it out. And I think it was everything from
my cla abusive relationship to the failed relationship, to my
dreams of the family falling apart. Oh my god, it's
getting so heavy. I'm sorry.
Speaker 2: No, it's fine, because my point is that you can
survive things, and you can do it with grace, which
sounds silly and ridiculous, but I think that most people
looking in from the outside to your life, casual observers,
people who maybe your kids went to school with parents
would see I had no idea. Yeah you don't need
to yeah, right, And there's some pride in that, I think.
I certainly my parents, my mom, My mom and Deb
were teachers. My mom back in the day you could
take maternity leave then was like two years, right, she
was in the right exactly. So she had my sister
and then she got pregnant with my brother after two years,
and my father said there was like no money, no money,
So he learned to sew and would make go to
these children's these children's clothing stores. My dad is one
of the few people I would say is absolutely a genius,
uh doctorate in philosophy, but that was later. But he
would go to the high end children's clothing stores and
look at the patterns for my sister and then he
would go and make the coat with the velvet lapels
and things like that. So she never looked poor.
Speaker 3: Oh my god.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so you know what I'm saying, like, and so
you can do it, and there's pride in it, because
nobody wants to be treated differently because of anything. Right.
Speaker 3: So, so my kids ended up going to Mercy McQuaid. Yeah,
my son started at McQuaid when my just before my
ex split. And so even then that he was around,
I still didn't have a lot of money. So I
just got him. You know, he had like two spore coats,
four shirts, yeah, and two ties, right, and you know,
a couple pairs of pants and he just wore the
same things, right, and so yeah, and I don't think
that spore coat ever left his locker. I know. I
was like, that thing is filthy. Can you bring it
home at break so I can dry clean it? And
then when he brought it home, I'm like, oh, I'm
so embarrassed. You walked around with like, you know, it
looks like some a baby spit up on your bell,
you know. But anyway, so my my girls, all the
kids were I had moved back here from Denver and
the kids were all at Brighton and they saw they
the girls were like, oh my god, Maquaida is so neat.
This is such a great atmosphere or whatever. So when
my daughter, the middle one, got to seventh grade, she's like,
you know, I think I want to go to Mercy.
And I was like, I wasn't landing on that one,
but okay, but you know, when when you're poor, they'll
give you a lot of money, which is nice. So
I found out later she said one of the reasons
she wanted to go to Mercy because she was at
Brighton and she's very, very outgoing, very gregarious girl. But
like all of her friends that you played soccer with
were all very wealthy, and they all had the brand names,
and she, I guess I don't you know, they made
fun of her. She felt bad, you know, because she
didn't have you know, juicy on her ass, and you know,
I was just, yeah, exactly like you wouldn't have if
we to afford it. So and she's like, I know
that at Mercy you all wear.
Speaker 2: The beautiful Yeah, it sort of makes.
Speaker 3: It broke my heart, but it was also like, okay, good,
because that's all I want you to worry about.
Speaker 2: Is right. And I would think probably, I certainly don't
ever want to speak down on a public education at all,
but I do think that she probably was better. It's
a prep school. I would assume I only have experience
with McQuaid, and I would say it's a prep school.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and you know, every school has its drawbacs. And
because like I was when I was a kid, I
was like, oh my god, I would never want to
go to the same sex boring. And you know, at first,
my son was like in tears, because he loved being
at Brighton, but he knew that it was better because
he's like, there's no girls there. But when the girls
went there, and I thought this, but thank god they
are arrived at it themselves. They said, you know, it's
actually kind of easier to learn because you're not worried
about what embarrassing yourself in front of the boys or
what they think, or you could talk. Am.
Speaker 2: I like, yeah, I do. I think it's even better
for boys because I think guys are different. I think
that there's uh, you know, I always think boys need
to run around and burn off steam. Yeah, and wrestle,
and we don't allow the wrestling. Not that they're allowing
that in McQuaid. That's not my point, but they handle
things differently, but they do.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like I mean all he's every gym class was,
you know, going ramming around and beating on each other.
There's no squared dancing.
Speaker 2: No that. It was a great yeah, and I liked
it and it was really I thought perfect for young men.
I really did. I speak very highly of it, and
I now have one in public school that I wouldn't
really put there because I don't know they he can
handle the riggers. I don't know that it was any
It was just a lot. There was a lot of work.
Speaker 3: It is not for everybody, right, it is not for everybody.
And there's a lot of things. My son didn't like
about it after the fact, but that's when he became
you know, went to NYU and mister super intellectual. You know. Now,
I'm agnostic and I love my son, but you know,
and I'm not controlling that. You gotta believe in what
you gotta believe. I have a couple of friends where
I live that they are trying to beat into their
children that they're going to be Christians and all that,
and I'm like, girl, you gonna it's going to blow
up in your.
Speaker 2: Face against Yeah.
Speaker 3: And so you know my son and also he didn't.
I don't know. My kids have always been like me,
like individuals and like I'm not. I'm not going to conform.
I'm not everybody's cup of tea. I'm not going to
be you know, the you like me, you like me,
you don't, you don't. I'm not going to be in
I'm not going to be in certain crowds. Okay, you
know I will if you want, you know, I will.
I'm not railing against them, but like anyway, so I'm
trying to tiptoe around this, you know. Jack by the
end was like I just don't care, right, you know,
and I'm onto bigger and better things and not here
to be prom king right, you know, I'm just here
and you know, and there were people, oh like everybody,
even me. I have the people that liked me in school.
There's people that didn't. I would like that. I don't
ever want to be mean to anybody whatever, but I can't.
I can't help what you think of me. Some people
aren't just everybody's cup of tea, right, That's okay?
Speaker 2: Yeah, So what's next? What's next? Another book? Another thing?
Speaker 3: You know? That's funny. I started redoing my book i'd
written and went back and I as you you know,
inspired me. I started. I've been cleaning it up and
as ever.
Speaker 2: Read any of it now and go, holy shit, how
do I get? How did I do that? Yeah?
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's what I'm doing now. And it's really kind
of that's kind of what inspired that Facebook post.
Speaker 2: Yeah, gotcha? I see? Okay, so makes sense.
Speaker 3: So I've been reading all these things that I went
through and part of me is like, oh God, I
don't want to think about that. I got through it.
I don't want to revisit that. But but then part
of me is like, wow, look how far you've come.
Speaker 2: Boy, I bet it sounds to me and I and
just hear me out for a second, almost like reading
it and then writing how you feel about it today? Yeah,
like you know what I mean. I just think that
would be fascinating.
Speaker 3: Thank you, because that's what I wasn't sure on the
angle to go because it only goes through twenty thirteen
all and I still had that's just to the part
where my son got to college. So it I've got
the whole last ten years of how I got three
kids through college and to be successful. And so I'm
trying to think, how do I write the part two?
How do I do that? And yeah, I wasn't sure
if how to do that because I liked I like
that idea.
Speaker 2: Well, that's just going through the old stuff. I wonder
if it even would be at some point interviewing your kids,
how uncomfortable that.
Speaker 3: You know. I think about that all the time. I
want to be respectful to them because they had their
journey and they still hate that word.
Speaker 2: That's journey.
Speaker 3: They had their own path and they and they are
back now to having a relationship with their father.
Speaker 2: Okay, good because he's he.
Speaker 3: He got sober and he started to reappear and they
were freaking out, crying, screaming, Mom, I just got text
from Dad. What do I do? It's like seeing a ghost.
And I kept talking them through it, like what do
you want to do? And a lot of people were
telling me like, ooh, fucking don't let that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, let them come to their own conclusion, right, it's
not my relationship with.
Speaker 3: This exactly, And I kept talking through and the first
one to meet up with him was my son, and
and I hope I'm not telling anything out of turn,
you know, like I worry about my son's thirty. Now
we're kind of but you know, he doesn't know anybody
around here anymore, so, so he was the first to
meet up with him. My ex went to New York
City and he kept calling me from his dorm or Yeah.
He was like, Mom, I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to do. And I'm like he's like,
I don't know what to tell dad, I don't know
what I'm gonna do. I don't know if I want
to meet up with them. He's like, one minute, I
do one nut, I don't. I said, those, all those
feelings are valid. You feel all those I said, tell
your dad that. And he goes, yeah, I don't know
if I'm going. I don't know if I'm gonna cry,
throw up or punch him in the face. And I said, yeah,
they're all valid. Tell him that, I said, And he's like,
I don't. I said, tell and also tell him I
don't know. If if I get in there and I
turn around and leave, that might be. That might be
something I do. I'm like, tell him, I said, everything
you feel is valid, and you have the right to
tell him to do that. And it's taken a few years,
but they've all, you know, worked through it. I said,
don't don't let him off the hook about anything you know.
Let don't just tell him what you feel. There's no wrong.
Speaker 2: Can I ask you a personal question, absolutely, did you
ever do therapy? Oh?
Speaker 3: Hell? Yeah, okay, oh god yes?
Speaker 2: Or were you just that wise that to be? I
don't mean that. That's like a really I think very
in tune to your kids to say yeah, I'll be
a sounding board. But I'm not going to tell you
how how to handle that.
Speaker 3: That I have to say was on my own, but it,
but it was, but it. But I think therapy lent
to that. I mean I had to go through therapy
or or I would have walked into traffic about eighteen
times over. I'm making jokes about it, but you know.
Speaker 2: I think by leaning forward the Bentley Hood ornament, now.
Speaker 3: I would I wouldn't be that graceful. I went to
step out when the RTS bus was coming and have
it be over with. But yeah, I I had to.
It was for those kids, you know, and I do.
It wasn't It wasn't some sort of like I'm the
main character in a movie. It was just that was
my innate because that's what my mother did. You know.
My my mother was always raising six kids. In the
beginning through my father had a Buick dealership that was
going under and it was up to my mother to
hold ship down. So and she had you know, her
father died, her brother died, a baby died. You know,
it was like so this is my mother was just like, okay,
get through this day. Are y'all fed? Okay? Are you clean?
And that's what I got it from her.
Speaker 2: Yeah, this is just never say never.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I what.
Speaker 2: Would you call yourself? An optimist?
Speaker 3: I am now?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Oh yeah I am better.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's just a better way to be.
Speaker 3: I was your forever and I had it. Luckily, I
had a few people snap me out of it, like
get the fuck over yourself, that's literally what they said
to Yeah.
Speaker 2: Well, the pity party is great for a minute a minute,
then you got to get up and do it.
Speaker 3: And you know, then I want to speaking of that,
I was rereading this book and I was reading about
times that I would go on dates. Yeah, and I
was like I can't ever make anything go And I'm
reading it and I'm like, shit, I wouldn't date me. God,
you are depressing as fut you know.
Speaker 2: It was like, this would be a great it would
be a great podcast series for you to go through
the book. It would be funny to do an audio
book with your commentary. Now I think it's fascinating.
Speaker 3: Yeah, thank you. I I can make fun of it now.
But you know, hindsight, Yeah, it's so funny Bill that
you say that, because I've thought about all those angles,
Like when I first started my podcast, I'm like, I'm
going to take a chapter or a story out of
my book each week, and and I just don't think
I went about it right. I think I was trying
to go about it to like clinically, Oh I see,
you know, like, yeah, dealing with change, this is what
we do. And now I think if I went back
and told stories, I'm far enough removed from it.
Speaker 2: You see it through a different lens. Yeah, yeah, I
think that's true. I think also with anything you do,
you get better the more reps you do. I don't
care what it is. So the more times you do
the podcast, now you get this rhythm and you start
to seeing and go, I didn't do it right, but
it's not done. Do it again, right, there's no wrong.
Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely, I want to, you know, because I think
sometimes in this world now, especially since I have young
kids and and they're very social media savvy, and they're
all like they'll come home on a holiday and they'll
be speaking a language I don't even understand because it's
just like catchphrases from tiktoks, but it's like really esoteric shit.
Like my kids are like really intellectual, and I'm like,
oh my god, Like the one they did forever. And
this isn't even that esoteric, but did you ever know
that bang bong? It was this guy who he was
just some really New York City guy and he walk
around saying, Hey, but you know, go, I don't know.
There's all these catchphrases, but at the end of everything,
he'd go bang bong And that's the sound that the
subway makes when the door's about closed.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it meant the conversation is over right, So that boring.
Speaker 3: So then my kids, yeah, speak this. So I've been
very so I went off to tag it. Oh but
my rides here the talk boats.
Speaker 2: Do you know what that is?
Speaker 3: Noise is that the tug boat bridge is going up.
Speaker 2: So Fairport voted to keep that. It's an emergency. That's
how they used to call the volunteers or or whoever, right,
so they have the horn. Well, now everybody's on an
electronic leash, so to speak, right, so you can get there,
so there's no need for that. They decided to keep it.
Speaker 3: That is so funny because they have that. They have
that in Dunkirk too. It was how they would call
out to the volunteer environment. Yes, and I live right near.
It's like the town of dunker kept it and I'm
miss I'm in the city, but the town is just
that way. And yeah, I'll everyone's only hear this, and
I'm like, oh god, who you know who? Yeah? Which
one of my who do I know that got a
du I know, No, that's terrible. I shouldn't make choice.
But anyway, the social media stuff, you know, first, I
got really discouraged because I'm like, look at this idiot
is a TikTok star. I should be famous right now?
Why am I not getting thousands of views? And I
was so focused on that. You know, you think this
should should happen overnight. But but I'm with you, where like,
you just have to keep doing it and find your groove.
And now I've tried to focus less on views and likes.
And although it would help subscribe to Imagine, you did.
Speaker 2: Right here, subscribe to Imagine. Check out the podcast. It
is really really good. But I would I would say
too that going along with that same thing, take that
same philosophy of I don't care what anybody's opinion is.
Just you know, I will say when in radio, at
the end of the day, you never had anything tangible. Yeah,
you know, what I mean. And so I find real
satisfaction in building something. Yeah, right, at the end of
the day, even if I fucked it up putting up
a new door in the house, I did it. I
did it. And Radio you got your results three months later,
and this and then. So there was always that thing
with me, and I liked that other side of things.
And I think even here with your podcast, now you
kind of have something right. There's a recording, you get
to hear it back, you can edit it. It's a
little more tangible than just out into the ether and
never to be heard again. And I think that to
just do it for the satisfaction of you, and I
swear to God, Madge, that'll be all the difference. I
really do think that you got a lot to say,
you got a lot to teach. Yeah, I think you
got a lot to teach.
Speaker 3: Yeah, thank you. I I started being a little more
vulnerable like that on TikTok too.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: And and people are like, oh my god, you're a
breath of fresh air, you know.
Speaker 2: Isn't that great?
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's amazing, it does, you know. But but deep
down inside of me, I got father Walters saying, yeah,
nothing special.
Speaker 2: Why do I do that. I know, what did I
do that? Did you ever have?
Speaker 3: I mean I had to flogged myself.
Speaker 2: There's a I think I was told you need to
have your head examined. Oh did you ever get those?
Speaker 3: Actually? Had? I actually had my second grade teacher call
my mother and tell her that I was a junior devil,
A junior devil, junior devil.
Speaker 2: How do you get up in the right now?
Speaker 3: That was me. I was like, how can I get
move up the ranks? And m can I become the
senior the regional director Lucifer?
Speaker 4: You know?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: And you always wonder why were those people around kids? Kids?
I don't get it well, because why.
Speaker 3: Does anybody do anything full circle back to our original
thing to feel better about themselves, take out their anger
and someone smaller, less less or that's not gonna you know.
Speaker 2: I would always think you'd want to be around kids
because you can learn stuff, you can see stuff. They're
a little freer than the rest of us. They don't
have all the bullshit in their head yet.
Speaker 3: I know. And I was just challenge on the other
day that, like somebody was bitching about, you know, we
have the star exemption and that's if you don't have
any anybody in school at the moment with you don't
have to pay the school tax or reduce text or
whatever the hell it is. And I actually had saw
somebody online justing and bitching and bitching about why do
we have to pay that we don't. I'm like, who
do you think is gonna sustain this community? Do you want?
You know, we need to keep bringing kids into school,
and your money has to do it because they're gonna
take care of your ass. They're gonna they're gonna govern
your ass, they're gonna lead you, they're gonna be your doctor,
they're gonna be and I just and they have so
much to teach you. You can learn from anybody and
you walk away. You can even learn from the person
that's been the biggest asshole on the face of the earth.
And you know, like, that's what I want to be
a social influencer. Influencer. I want to influence people to
not be an asshole. That's what I want to do.
So why would you You can learn from anybody?
Speaker 2: Why do you what do you do? I think that's
a great umbrella to get under. I really do teaching
you not how not to be an asshole a in TikTok,
like it's like raw etiquette.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I just love this be a decent human being
for God's sake. I just don't, you know. That's what
I said at the end of that post, is like,
it's you know, some of you, you know, it's it's
shaden freud that you is that hy pronounce it?
Speaker 2: I know what you mean, sean freud.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and and that you know, you get your joy
from somebody else's somebody else's misery or making them feel
like shit. And then but then I said, some of
these people just will never be happy. And I've noticed
it after this the election, even if you're on the
winning side, they just are like just trying, you know,
gloating and still going on about the other candidate. It's like,
you one, you don't have to worry about. Why are
we still complaining about this person? You know, the people
have spoken and all that, blah blah blah. And so
I just went off on a tangent. What was I
talking about? Oh, but you know so of these people
are just are just never going to be happy.
Speaker 2: No, they're not.
Speaker 3: And and if somebody that I can't completely help you,
if you got so much deep sea to grab your
then you need meds and therapy and anger management. But
maybe if there's somebody that's on the fence that I
can just say, God, just you can. You can be
your own happiness and part and and that starts with
you not being a dick.
Speaker 2: I always think that I'll take it to social media
with kids and the fact that you know, parents would go, wow,
how do I get them off this? Or how do
I the one thing you're never going to put the
social media genie back in the bottle. And a kid's
job is to always try to do what you don't
want them to do. That's sort of the cat and
mouse game that was developed by nature. But what you
can do is build self esteem in the kid. And
it's not telling them they're great. It's by when they
do something great, going God, do it again, how good
does that feel? And tap into that because the if
you start to get yourself worth from inside instead of outside,
get a greater chance of not following the crowd you
know what I'm saying, or doing something that would be
potentially dangerous.
Speaker 3: It's also teaching your child critical thinking skills. And that's
what I tried to do with my kids. Again. I
know people that are like they want to control every
single aspect of what their kid, you know, does see
smells here or whatever. And and they they won't, you know,
won't let them have what do they call it out
screen time, you know, and don't I don't want to
going to be They don't want them in public school
because they'll be around this And there's like, how does
your kid know what happens when they are they going
to stay in their room voluntire? Right? You know, how
does this? This kid's gonna have to realize how to
deal with people that aren't exactly like them in their life,
so you might as well teach them how. Guys, I mean,
even if even if even if they're okay, they're not
gonna work for somebody, maybe they're gonna do their own work.
They're gonna have you have to interact with people at
some point.
Speaker 2: Yes, social skills are something that is very Also, it's just.
Speaker 3: Being a good fucking human being, you know.
Speaker 2: I And and I'm gonna call that this episode that
just being a good fucking human being. Yeah, I like that.
I'm all about T Shirt needs some imagine muted swag
that says that I really think. So I think that's great.
Speaker 3: Yeah, because that's what I'm that's what I'm all about.
Speaker 2: Well, I have my fourteen year old son's phone broke,
so he's been without the phone, and we're I was
looking at getting them one last week and then I
noticed he's a little it's a little cooler without the
phone to me. Oh, you know what I'm saying. And
so I said, we'll look at some things. We'll have
our drop dead date be Friday if something thing doesn't
come about, because there's other people involved in this. And
then and I said, we'll figure something because I think
you need the phone, but boy, not to have that
constant social I mean, it is twenty four to seven.
Speaker 3: You know. I've yeah, I've been on kind of self
imposed like stay what you keep subjecting yourself to that,
and it's that's not healthy for you. No, it's not.
Don't look at it. You're like, you're beating yourself up
by doing this. I read an article. I don't know
how true this is, that there's a trend that people
are going to like non smartphones.
Speaker 2: I think I've heard that. I didn't read anything, but
I've heard that. I just like back to flip phones.
Speaker 3: Or yeah, yeah, just an android whatever, just so that
they don't have that constant Yeah.
Speaker 2: I know, but what would you do in a waiting room.
Speaker 3: Now, I know exactly.
Speaker 2: You can't touch the magazines for all those.
Speaker 3: Pad I know you have kind some claroc wipes, Clarox
wipes before I go in here. But but also though, now,
if you're a business person that we kind on that
online world, especially with what we do, and you know
you depend on that. So it's just don't don't get
on the other stuff that you know is gonna you know,
he's gonna. Oh here's another quick thing. I had a
good it's just think it. Don't do shit that you
know is going to bother you.
Speaker 2: Like we're inside your head.
Speaker 3: It's like freaking racketball going on in there. I was
dating a guy that this was like ten twelve plus twelve,
thirteen years ago. I was dating a guy and he
wanted to he wanted to have he wanted to act
like he was having a relationship with me, but he
still wanted to stop other people. Okay, so he wouldn't commit.
And I was working myself up over that, and so
every once in a while I would you know, on
a Saturday night, I would go out to Wegmans and
then I would take the detour to go past his
house to see if there was a car there, and
when I did, I would go ape shit in my head,
not out to him or anything. I had all this
anxiety and she's like, you know, how did you feel
when you saw that whatever? And I'm like terrible, and
she's like, we don't do that. They're like, what do
you mean You gotta know, and she's like no, if
you know, yeah, if you know, you're gonna be why
bother just assume it's going on or deal with it
that it is going on, and don't don't do that.
You're just working yourself up. So that was another thing
that oh it's not.
Speaker 2: That is really hard to do in those kinds of situations.
That's where it's the toughest because you do have you
do assume, and then your mind runs, oh yeah, and
you get into all kinds of scenario and then you
picture yourself maybe even like barging up to the door.
You'll never do it, but in your head, there's this
whole movie that's going.
Speaker 3: On exactly, and the only the one it is good
one time, like if say, like me and my marriage,
like I knew something was going on, and he kept
denying it, and I was like, okay, I just need
that proof. And I found a note and then I
felt so much relief. Oh really, like oh my god, Okay,
she's like, hi, I love you. Yeah, and I was
like really and I was like laughing when I gave
it to him. Oh and I literally said, who's fucking
crazy now? Because he kept that's what's his response to me.
And so but like that was the end of it.
I'm like, I got my proof. I don't need to
dwell on this anymore. So luckily I had that. But yeah,
the other one, I think I was just like misplaced anxiety.
Let's get pissed off this.
Speaker 2: Yeah, sure, you're probably right in saying that. That's probably
true because there's an awful lot of stuff that you
had a right to be pissed off about, but you
just did it.
Speaker 3: And that that was another big thing I always try
not to do, is don't don't give somebody your misplaced
anger because just like I learned that like in business,
but I try and do it in everything in life.
Say it's like you're you work at a store and
or say you're going into a store and you're really
angry and you take it out on the cash here
they had absolutely nothing.
Speaker 2: Don't don't do that, but you can nowadays you might
go viral. Yeah really on your own but yeah, really,
but you're right, that is it's like a peach.
Speaker 3: So but yeah, but especially with people you love, like
I learned my relationships going forward, it's like, I'm not
gonna take all my shit out on this person because
well unless they deserved it. No, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: Yes, I know you're speaking.
Speaker 3: Because I had somebody do it to me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're speaking in the language that I am all
too familiar with and probably myself have done. And once
you start to recognize it, you know, and you go,
I always think this life would be nothing if you
didn't have the contrast to know what you don't want
and know what you do want. Right, So you need
that contrast, and even in your behavior, you never get
it necessarily wrong. Maybe you heard somebody along the way.
Apologies that are sincere are said once and then you
don't do the behavior again. That's a real apology. This
constant apology shit. Okay, yeah, it's time to walk away
from that. But the rest of it, I don't know.
You're fascinating. I had no idea. I had no idea.
I really didn't. I feel bad about that because I
think that there's a lot a lot of value there,
you know that. And I get on that Madge Unmuted
weekly bi weekly, by weekly okay, yeah, but every two
weeks a new episode comes out. Yeah yeah, and it's everywhere.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean where you can watch the video on YouTube,
and I also have Madge muted dot com. Okay, you
can go on there. But and then the audio is everywhere,
Spreaker to Spotify.
Speaker 2: I heeart Apple. Yeah good, so that's good.
Speaker 3: Wherever you buy your finer podcast.
Speaker 2: We'll get on and Madge Unmuted and thank you for
coming in. I'd love to do this again with you
sometimes I would too, and I can do it remote
or anything.
Speaker 3: Yeah. I think we have such a great rapport. I feel,
you know what, because I was watching and somebody said
this to me. They were watching it, and they're like,
you seem so jazzed when you were talking about stuff,
especially like the music stuff like the Quincy Jones, and
we were just because that went on about philosophy and
life and it's just I really, I really enjoyed it.
Speaker 2: I like I do too, I do too. I always
like that stuff, you know. And uh, dick jokes are great,
I'm not going to say, but to have a little
more sometimes is nice. And up the path man or
what is the overstated term journey? The journey you've been on? Damn, lady,
that is something.
Speaker 3: It's still going good, It's still it's still going. I
gotta my next My next step is to somehow have
a part time residence near my kids.
Speaker 2: And where are they? Mostly in New York? Are they
all in New York City?
Speaker 3: Yeah? The two girls live together in Stamford, Connecticut?
Speaker 2: Ok?
Speaker 3: Yeah, and which you know, and then my son lives
in Queens and so yeah, two of them.
Speaker 2: West Chester is nice?
Speaker 3: Yeah? Are you gonna pay my rent? Are you gonna
buy me a house? Bill?
Speaker 2: Is nice? Is it's a little more nor my mom
lives there.
Speaker 3: I've looked in the whole. I have a couple of
friends that live in Kingston and they are coolest people.
Speaker 2: You're right by Woodstock, Yeah, right there? Yeah, that's where
my mom.
Speaker 3: Lives, right. I mean, the one guy's a friend of
mine from high school.
Speaker 4: Uh.
Speaker 3: The plays in a band called Mercury Rev. Don't you
know if I ever heard that, they're very they one
of David Bowie's favorite bands. They've been really well, yeah cool.
And Sean lives up there, the Calm Grasshopper and so
he's just a really avant garde guy and he lives there.
I'm like, hey, it's good enough for him, you know.
Speaker 2: So yeah that every time.
Speaker 3: I go there, I feel alive.
Speaker 2: Literally, I feel that would be like just far enough
away from the kids, but.
Speaker 3: Not exactly you know what I'm saying, to be up
their ass.
Speaker 2: No, you don't want to turn a corner. Hey, yeah,
everybody needs a little bit, but you're much closer than
you are here. Yeah.
Speaker 3: It's like if you want to come over Forday dinner
or whatever, or you want to invite mom out for drinks,
it's like their kids or their kids their friends all
are like, when's your mom come?
Speaker 2: So you're that mom, that's an honor.
Speaker 3: It's just because I like, I know all the words
to all the songs. I'm singing the rap songs, and
I just they're like, we love Madge.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Well that's the way it should be. I think
that the King scenario you'd really like. Yeah, it's it's nice.
It's beautiful to all the mountain you know, the Catskills
really rolling.
Speaker 3: Oh, I have some what town were you from?
Speaker 2: So? I my mom lives in Rhyinebeck now, but I'm
from Clinton Corners and I went to high school in
Pine Plains.
Speaker 3: Oh okay, I have really good friends that have been
living in Pleasantville.
Speaker 2: Is it pleasant Valley? No?
Speaker 3: Pleasantville?
Speaker 2: I don't know if I know pleasant I think pleasant Field.
Speaker 3: It's near Pearl River.
Speaker 2: M then maybe a little further south.
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, yeah.
Speaker 2: More Pleasantville. I think Pleasantville is really close to the
Westchester area, isn't that?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, and maybe even more expensive if I remember.
All right, we'll wrap it up. Madge. Go to Madge
on Muta. Check out Madge on muta dot com. Can
you get links right there at imagine muter dot com
all the podcasts?
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, there it's embedded. You can watch it right there, because.
Speaker 2: Yeah, check it out again. Look, so look for the yeah,
look on all the social media. Look for the book
When Life Gives You Lemons.
Speaker 3: At least I love that title.
Speaker 2: And uh, look for all the future projects that match
is going to be doing. When she becomes a hippie,
it moves to Woodstock.
Speaker 3: I'll be a hippie. I'll go back to my punk days.
Speaker 2: There you go.
Speaker 3: I'll go back to shaving the size of my head.
Speaker 2: All right. For Madge Madigan from Madge on Mute and
I'm Bill Moran. We'll see you Monday. He got Worth
is a land up opportunity for me is just a
cursey till that judge and make us feel the wag