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<v Speaker 1>It's nice eyes, Dan Ray, I'm going easy Boston's News Radio.

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, indeed, it is I Dan Ray sitting in tonight

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<v Speaker 2>right here, two nights before the fourth of July. I

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<v Speaker 2>will be off tomorrow night and on Friday night Morgan White,

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<v Speaker 2>as I understand, am I correct on that Rob Morgan

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<v Speaker 2>White will be sitting in for me tomorrow night and

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<v Speaker 2>on Friday night. I really do appreciate Morgan doing that

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<v Speaker 2>so I could get a couple of nights off one

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<v Speaker 2>of my favorite holidays of the year, the fourth of July,

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<v Speaker 2>also the birthday three years ago of our grandson Benjamin.

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<v Speaker 2>So we're very pleased to be able to spend some

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<v Speaker 2>family time this weekend in conjunction, of course, not only

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<v Speaker 2>with the Fourth of July, but Benjamin's birthday. He's going

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<v Speaker 2>to assume that this tremendous firework displays we will, of course,

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<v Speaker 2>will tell him is to celebrate his birthday, and maybe

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<v Speaker 2>at some point when he's seven or eight he'll figure

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<v Speaker 2>out the ruse. But he's going to think he's really

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<v Speaker 2>a special guy. And so that's that's my story and

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<v Speaker 2>I'm sticking to it. So here tonight, this is really

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<v Speaker 2>we're a little bit past the halfway point of the

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<v Speaker 2>county year, and I think that tonight this is the

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<v Speaker 2>one hundred and twenty first edition of Nightside with Me

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<v Speaker 2>behind the microphone, and I will be here beginning on Monday,

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<v Speaker 2>January January Monday, July fourteenth, So looking forward to a

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<v Speaker 2>few days off here at the first couple of weeks

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<v Speaker 2>of July, and then back at it on the fourteenth.

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<v Speaker 2>And by the way, we have scheduled a very special

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<v Speaker 2>guest on July sixteenth, former United States Ambassador to Denmark,

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<v Speaker 2>Allan Leventhal. He was appointed by President Biden and he

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<v Speaker 2>is a really significant person in the city of Boston

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<v Speaker 2>with the Democratic Party. And looking forward to spending some

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<v Speaker 2>time with Alan Leventhal and talked to him about perhaps

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<v Speaker 2>how the Democratic Party. Democratic Party does very well in Massachusetts,

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<v Speaker 2>but they got some troubles to nationally that we'll talk

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<v Speaker 2>with Alan Leventhal about that as well as his time

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<v Speaker 2>as US Ambassador to Denmark. Okay, we have four interesting guests.

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<v Speaker 2>And our first guest this hour. We always have interesting guests.

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<v Speaker 2>We're going to talk about injuries, burn injuries, and firework

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<v Speaker 2>accidents as an impact his kids. We're going to talk

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<v Speaker 2>with Quincy Mayor Tom Coke about Quincy's inaugural Quincy four

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<v Speaker 2>hundred Maritime Festival, and also talk about a concept of

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<v Speaker 2>post traumatic parenting, parenting differently perhaps than the way in

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<v Speaker 2>which you were parented. And we'll be speaking with doctor

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<v Speaker 2>Robin Koslovitch. I hope I've pronounced that name correctly. But

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<v Speaker 2>first off is John bo and John is a speech

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<v Speaker 2>and presentation expert. He is going to share with us

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<v Speaker 2>seven phrases is that make you sound passive aggressive to

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<v Speaker 2>other people? So if you if you use any of

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<v Speaker 2>these seven phrases, you sound passive aggressive to other people.

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<v Speaker 2>Welcome to Night Side, John, How are you.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm all right, Dan, Thanks for having me on your program.

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<v Speaker 3>You're very welcome to try to talk about these things.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah. I checked out these phrases. I tend not to

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<v Speaker 2>use them, but I think sometimes with some folks who

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<v Speaker 2>don't get it, a little passive aggression is not necessarily

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<v Speaker 2>a bad technique to employ. I guess you probably disagree

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<v Speaker 2>with that, But let's talk about.

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<v Speaker 3>Or do you by the way, Well, look I'm from Minnesota,

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<v Speaker 3>right and oh Minnesota.

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<v Speaker 2>Nice? Okay, you need the argument right there.

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<v Speaker 3>And it doesn't have to be these phrases. We could

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<v Speaker 3>just put it into a simple huh and it's all

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<v Speaker 3>passive aggression all the time.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah. No, Well, if.

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<v Speaker 3>It's sure right, the world goes around with because what

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<v Speaker 3>am I trying to say?

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<v Speaker 2>You?

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<v Speaker 3>If everybody said what they were feeling all the time,

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<v Speaker 3>I think we'd have a big problem. So a little

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<v Speaker 3>bit of passives sure.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, so sometimes I think that works. So let's let's

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<v Speaker 2>talk about some of these phrases, because I love guests

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<v Speaker 2>who provide us with concrete examples, and you have seven

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<v Speaker 2>of them. So let's uh, let's start off with the

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<v Speaker 2>first one, no offense, but okay, uh, tell us a

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<v Speaker 2>better way to say that?

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<v Speaker 3>Well, no offense, but it's almost always a prior to

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<v Speaker 3>something that's going to be offensive.

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<v Speaker 2>Right, there's always a problem, go ahead.

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<v Speaker 3>Right, So a much better way to do it would

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<v Speaker 3>be said, look, I need to tell you something that

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<v Speaker 3>you might not like, or I have something I have

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<v Speaker 3>to talk to you about. Is this a good time?

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<v Speaker 3>So I don't know if that's it's not a perfect

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<v Speaker 3>example of passive aggression so much as let's jump to

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<v Speaker 3>the next one and then maybe we'll come back to this,

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<v Speaker 3>because it's not perfect passive aggression.

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<v Speaker 2>But okay, well okay, So here's another one. This says,

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<v Speaker 2>if you use it as a snide kiss off, nobody

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<v Speaker 2>likes snide kiss offs. This conversation conveys disagreement or dissatisfaction

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<v Speaker 2>with an outcome of decision without directly addressing it, much

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<v Speaker 2>less trying to be constructive. Whatever you think is best, John.

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<v Speaker 3>So that's like if some people make a decision and

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<v Speaker 3>you don't agree with their decision, you say whatever you

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<v Speaker 3>think is best, Dan. Yeah, so that's just naughty, right,

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<v Speaker 3>It's not constructive, and it's saying I don't agree, but

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<v Speaker 3>I'm not gonna be nice about it. I'm gonna be.

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<v Speaker 2>Well what about maybe, okay, what about people who make

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<v Speaker 2>decisions and aren't willing to consider your point of view?

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<v Speaker 2>So hypothetically, police officer comes up to you and says, hey,

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<v Speaker 2>you know all this goes through the whole thing, and finally, such,

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<v Speaker 2>here's your speeding ticket. You know that you got a ticket,

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<v Speaker 2>it's been written, it's in the book.

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<v Speaker 3>Well take it like a man or something. I don't know,

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<v Speaker 3>I think saying to the officer as he turns to

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<v Speaker 3>walk away, and say, whatever you think is best. It

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<v Speaker 3>just sounds okay, why not just shut up? Sometimes I

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<v Speaker 3>mean the word oh yeah, you already lost.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah. Well, I always tell my friends with police, be nice,

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<v Speaker 2>keep your two hands on the steering wheel. And if

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<v Speaker 2>they say license and registration and it's in the glove compartment,

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<v Speaker 2>always inquire officer, my license and registration happened to be

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<v Speaker 2>in the glove compartment. Would you mind if I reached

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<v Speaker 2>over open to my glove compartment and extracted my license

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<v Speaker 2>and registration so they don't think you're pulling on a

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<v Speaker 2>gun or something. Number three, Yes, this is a good one.

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<v Speaker 3>This one is also really whiny and babyish. Must be that.

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<v Speaker 3>So let's say you say you're gonna go on some

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<v Speaker 3>great vacation. I say, oh, Dan must be nice.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I agree with you this one. Yeah. I mean,

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<v Speaker 2>it'd be much better to be positive and say, hey,

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<v Speaker 2>that's great, I wish I was going with you or

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<v Speaker 2>something like that.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, it's you know, it's pretty self pitying. It's pretty jealous,

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<v Speaker 3>and it's like this pseudo compliment, and it also kind

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<v Speaker 3>of conveys that you don't really deserve that nice vacation,

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<v Speaker 3>at least I don't think so. He's one generous and

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<v Speaker 3>just said, that's great. Dan, You've been working really hard.

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<v Speaker 3>You said you've been doing you know, one hundred and

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<v Speaker 3>twenty episodes of this show. Yeah, sounds like you need

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<v Speaker 3>a break.

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<v Speaker 2>Well I need a break, there's no doubt about that.

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<v Speaker 2>But I always need a break. So his one four,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm fine. Oh So.

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<v Speaker 3>That's one of those things where you could say it

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<v Speaker 3>and mean it and it would be a totally neutral, normal,

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<v Speaker 3>okay thing to say, or it could be totally passive

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<v Speaker 3>aggress and be like, I'm fine.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I love I love your intonations. You're a good communicator.

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<v Speaker 2>Number five, Wow, I could never do that.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah. So that's let's say you're I don't know, what's

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<v Speaker 3>something that you would be doing, Uh, you're going to

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<v Speaker 3>go on some weird vacation, a chess vacation where it's

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<v Speaker 3>like all chests all the time, or some language intensive

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<v Speaker 3>where I say, it's not my idea of a vacation

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<v Speaker 3>at all. So I said, wow, I could never do that.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, no, I guess. And then here's when we

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<v Speaker 2>got to want I want to hit and I think

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<v Speaker 2>these are interesting ones. This isn't almost an apology. I

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<v Speaker 2>didn't mean it that way. You're backtracking, But I guess

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<v Speaker 2>that's the way.

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<v Speaker 3>You say someone says that sincerely. Okay, great if it's like,

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<v Speaker 3>oh I didn't mean it that way, yeah okay, and yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>Here's here's number seven. As far as I'm concerned, we

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<v Speaker 2>could just take one of these words. The passive aggressive

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<v Speaker 2>comment that we have is do whatever you want. But

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<v Speaker 2>so many young people, you will say whatever, and it's

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<v Speaker 2>all there. When they say whatever.

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<v Speaker 3>You know, it is really really whatever. It's kind of

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<v Speaker 3>like whatever you think is best.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, well, it's like it's been a while. But when

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<v Speaker 2>your teenager is pleading for the car and you just

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<v Speaker 2>you know, the road conditions are a little bad, or

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<v Speaker 2>it's snowing out, and you say, why don't you stay

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<v Speaker 2>in tonight? I don't think it's a good night to

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<v Speaker 2>be out driving. That's when they say whatever and stomp

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<v Speaker 2>to their room. I get it, John, Look, you must

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<v Speaker 2>have a book out on this. I assume where could

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<v Speaker 2>people get more information on what we've just talked about.

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<v Speaker 3>Well, there's this website called Amazon. I don't know if

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<v Speaker 3>everyone's heard about it yet, but they sell books there.

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<v Speaker 3>So I wrote a book about.

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<v Speaker 2>That was a little passive aggressive right there. That was

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<v Speaker 2>very effective. Go right ahead?

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<v Speaker 3>That was, wasn't it. I still have it in me.

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<v Speaker 3>I mean I write about I like telling other people

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<v Speaker 3>what to do, but I'm still pretty prone to do

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<v Speaker 3>this stuff myself.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh. Now, see now as the host, hold on John.

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<v Speaker 2>As the host, I'm being a nice guy saying, hey,

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<v Speaker 2>you got to have something, because there's no reason for

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<v Speaker 2>you to come my show unless you perhaps have some

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<v Speaker 2>sort of a merchandise that you'd like people to make.

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<v Speaker 2>Get a hold of it, and also help them so

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<v Speaker 2>they could go to Amazon anywhere. What's the name of

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<v Speaker 2>the book that they would be searching for.

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<v Speaker 3>The book is called I Have something to Say, Mastering

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<v Speaker 3>the Art of public speaking in an age of disconnection.

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<v Speaker 3>And it's really about, you know, learning how to become

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<v Speaker 3>intentional about speech and do presentations at work or get

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<v Speaker 3>ready for meetings or job interviews. It's about me joining

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<v Speaker 3>toastmasters and discovering how they work, but also discovering how

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<v Speaker 3>the ancient Greeks and Romans taught this stuff. But the

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<v Speaker 3>main thing is it used to be a thing people

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<v Speaker 3>learned speech for years in school, and now we don't

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<v Speaker 3>teach it anymore. And everybody has a hard time speaking,

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<v Speaker 3>and they get into trouble, they get tongue tied, they

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<v Speaker 3>have speech anxiety. And it's not because we're all mentally

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<v Speaker 3>ill or we're all shy. It's because we don't learn

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<v Speaker 3>it anymore. So this stuff that we're talking about tonight,

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<v Speaker 3>passive aggression is just a tip of the iceberg. There's

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<v Speaker 3>a whole bunch more that you can learn, you know,

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<v Speaker 3>for work stuff and for your personal life.

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<v Speaker 2>I tell friends of mine, I've worked in the media. John,

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<v Speaker 2>you have no idea what my background is, but I

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<v Speaker 2>was a TV reporter for CBS here in Boston for

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<v Speaker 2>thirty one years. I'm now while you're eighteen of this

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<v Speaker 2>talk show, so I'm thinking about making a career it. Well.

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<v Speaker 2>I remember when I took a speech course, which was

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<v Speaker 2>a requirement back in the day. I believe it was

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<v Speaker 2>as a freshman in college. I remember the teacher's name

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<v Speaker 2>was miss ives Ivy E. S. And we all had

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<v Speaker 2>to at one point get up in front of the

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<v Speaker 2>class and talk about something. And I can remember actually

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<v Speaker 2>being terrified, and I thought to myself, Oh, this public

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<v Speaker 2>speaking thing, this will never this is never going to

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<v Speaker 2>work for me. Somehow, I got over that fear, and

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<v Speaker 2>it's worked for a while, so I was afraid. And

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<v Speaker 2>if you follow John's book, I think that you'll become

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<v Speaker 2>a better public speaker as well. John, I appreciate. Happy

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<v Speaker 2>Fourth of July to you and yours. Okay, we'll celebrate.

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<v Speaker 3>The freedom of country, break a great holiday, and wish

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<v Speaker 3>your son happy birthday.

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<v Speaker 2>Not my son, my grandson, my grandson.

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<v Speaker 3>Your grandson, my grandson.

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<v Speaker 2>That's al.

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<v Speaker 3>I like that idea that the fireworks are just for him.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh, I will convince him of that. Believe me, that's easy.

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<v Speaker 2>I've committed some ruses. I'll admit to that. John, I

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<v Speaker 2>appreciate it very much. I enjoyed our conversation. Thanks so much.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm here all right. When we get back, we're going

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<v Speaker 2>to talk about the more serious side of fireworks, and

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<v Speaker 2>that is injuries and burns. And again I will remind

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<v Speaker 2>you if you haven't already taken down our WBZ app,

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<v Speaker 2>the new and improved iHeart app, and make WBZ just

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<v Speaker 2>go to your local app store, put it on your

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<v Speaker 2>your laptop, put it on your desktop, put it on

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<v Speaker 2>your tablet, put it on your phone, put it anywhere.

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<v Speaker 2>Make us your first choice. Your first default, and you'll

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<v Speaker 2>be able to find us anywhere in the world. And

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<v Speaker 2>of course also you'll find this nice red button with

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<v Speaker 2>a microphone on it, and you can send us a

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<v Speaker 2>message anytime of the day, whether we're on the ear

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<v Speaker 2>or not, and make it thirty seconds or within thirty seconds,

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<v Speaker 2>and we may play it for you the next night

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<v Speaker 2>or maybe a couple of nights later. My name is

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<v Speaker 2>Dan Ray. This is nights. I would come on right

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<v Speaker 2>back right after this.

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<v Speaker 1>You're on Night Side with Dan Ray on WBZ, Boston's

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<v Speaker 1>news radio.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, it is the fourth July weekend. There'll be lots

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<v Speaker 2>of fireworks. I saw on the news tonight on I

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<v Speaker 2>believe it was Channel five. I was watching there was

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<v Speaker 2>a fireworks program supposed to be going on down in

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<v Speaker 2>one of the golf courses in the Cape, and there

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<v Speaker 2>was a big accident following that news story. I'm sure.

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<v Speaker 2>With us, as doctor Michael Flaherty, pediatric critical care physician

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<v Speaker 2>at mass General Hospital, I'm going to talk about the

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<v Speaker 2>burn injuries and the firework accidents and water related emergencies,

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<v Speaker 2>all of which are preventable with a few simple safety steps.

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<v Speaker 2>Doctor Flaherty, Welcome to Nightside. I know all of us

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<v Speaker 2>have heard this admonition before, but it can never be

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<v Speaker 2>repeated too often, particularly at this time of year, in

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<v Speaker 2>my opinion, Welcome to Nightside.

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<v Speaker 4>I Dan, thanks so much for having me.

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<v Speaker 2>So what should people keep in mind? I mean, obviously,

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<v Speaker 2>people have a couple of beers, maybe glass of wine,

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<v Speaker 2>and the judgments get a little slow. But and you

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<v Speaker 2>can't stop that, but we have I emphasize it than

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<v Speaker 2>the serious type of injuries that you've seen over the

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<v Speaker 2>years in your practice.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, you know, I think the Fourth of July is

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<v Speaker 4>a great time. There are celebrations, and you're exactly right.

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<v Speaker 4>People lose their judgment. You know, we see probably some

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<v Speaker 4>of the most number of injuries in the weeks leading

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<v Speaker 4>up to the Fourth of July and the weeks after,

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<v Speaker 4>and a lot of it relates to fireworks. It relates

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<v Speaker 4>to cooking on the grill and leaving it unattended, It

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<v Speaker 4>relates to sparklers, and you mentioned water as well. And

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<v Speaker 4>I always encourage people. You know, fireworks are technically illegal

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<v Speaker 4>in Massachusetts, though they're legal in some of the surrounding states.

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<v Speaker 4>People will get them, and if you have them, you

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<v Speaker 4>just have to be really careful. Most of these injuries

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<v Speaker 4>are misuse, or it's the firework that you set off

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<v Speaker 4>and it didn't quite ignite and someone goes and tries

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<v Speaker 4>to see what's wrong and unfortunately gets burned or even

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<v Speaker 4>a blast injury, and the numbers are increasing for whatever reason.

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<v Speaker 4>There's nearly a forty percent increase in the depths from

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<v Speaker 4>fireworks and almost a fifty two percent increase nationwide in

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<v Speaker 4>injuries compared to last year. So despite all of our messaging,

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<v Speaker 4>people still need to be so careful.

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<v Speaker 2>And a lot of people think, like the sparklers and

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<v Speaker 2>stuff like that, that they don't burn, but they actually

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<v Speaker 2>can burn.

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<v Speaker 4>They can. You know, we use them when I was

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<v Speaker 4>a kid that we did lots of things we probably

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<v Speaker 4>shouldn't have and didn't realize that these sparklers can actually

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<v Speaker 4>get to two thousand degrees fahrenheit. So imagine a two

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<v Speaker 4>thousand degrees fahrenheit spark landing on the toe of a child,

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<v Speaker 4>and it can really do some serious damage and cause

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<v Speaker 4>nearly full sickness, burns, especially in the toes, the hands. Really,

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<v Speaker 4>they should be left for the adults the kids can

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<v Speaker 4>watch from afar.

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<v Speaker 2>I remember making a mistake when I was about eleven

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<v Speaker 2>or twelve picking up what I thought was adut firework

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<v Speaker 2>in my hand, and it exploded in my hand a

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<v Speaker 2>whole I said some words that my aunts and uncles

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<v Speaker 2>had never heard before, and I remember that to this day.

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<v Speaker 2>I am very, very apprehensive when I'm around any of

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<v Speaker 2>those explosive devices, except while you're watching a professional fireworks

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<v Speaker 2>display from a quarter of a mile away.

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<v Speaker 3>I mean, that's the way much safer. Yes, that is

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<v Speaker 3>the way you do.

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<v Speaker 4>Leave it to the professionals.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, absolutely, and with all due respect to you, doctor

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<v Speaker 2>Flaherty and your colleagues. You are the people that most

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<v Speaker 2>of us don't want to see this weekend. You know,

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<v Speaker 2>I mean under the circumstances that we would that we

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<v Speaker 2>would see you in an er, And I mean I

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<v Speaker 2>mean that in the best sense of the word. If

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<v Speaker 2>you get my drift.

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<v Speaker 4>No, I get it. You know, I'm a pediatrician, but

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<v Speaker 4>I'm a critical care pediatrician, and I always tell folks

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<v Speaker 4>I'm the pediatrician no one ever wants to see. And

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<v Speaker 4>if I'm out of a job, I'd be grateful.

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<v Speaker 2>No, no, no, we need pediatrician, Well, we certainly need pediatricians.

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<v Speaker 2>We had some great pediatricians for our kids. We're very,

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<v Speaker 2>very happy with them. And you guys, do all of you,

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<v Speaker 2>men and women, doctors, in nurses. You're overworked, underpaid, and

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<v Speaker 2>maybe in some cases underappreciated. People do not know the

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<v Speaker 2>amount of work that it takes to become a physician

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<v Speaker 2>or a nurse. They don't appreciate it the sacrifice. And

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<v Speaker 2>I just want to say that because I know that

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<v Speaker 2>there are a lot of people think that doctors are millionaires.

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<v Speaker 2>That's not true, not true.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, no, I appreciate that, and thank you. It's a

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<v Speaker 4>team effort. And you know, people in healthcare, especially around

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<v Speaker 4>the holidays, all of us physicians, nurses, are respiratory therapists,

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<v Speaker 4>social workers are just working so hard and it really

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<v Speaker 4>takes a group effort and collaboration. And I'm grateful for

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<v Speaker 4>those words, so thank you.

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<v Speaker 2>Well. I mean them from the bottom of my heart.

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<v Speaker 2>I really do. And I think that medical professionals in

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<v Speaker 2>this country are undervalued and underappreciated. We overvalue professional athletes

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<v Speaker 2>and and you know, rock stars and all of that,

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<v Speaker 2>but we underveil the people who are really important to

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<v Speaker 2>our lives. And I just want to say thanks. That's

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<v Speaker 2>all that you want. Your profession and the related professions

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<v Speaker 2>are one of the things that I'm thankful for to

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<v Speaker 2>live in the United States of America, where I believe

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<v Speaker 2>the healthcare is the best in the world. So thank

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<v Speaker 2>you very much, doctor Fardy.

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<v Speaker 4>Thank you Dan. That means a lot.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, we will talk again and hope to meet you

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<v Speaker 2>someday outside of an emergency room. Thanks, happy forth to you.

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<v Speaker 4>You have a great night, of course, take care happy

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<v Speaker 4>for we.

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<v Speaker 2>Are hit the eight thirty or hit the turn at

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<v Speaker 2>the bottom of the hour. It's the eight thirty news

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<v Speaker 2>coming up, by the way, and didn't mention the boat.

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<v Speaker 2>We have double team back in the control room tonight.

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<v Speaker 2>Rob and Sean are back there taking care of business.

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<v Speaker 2>And when we get back on and talk with Shane,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm sorry, Shane. My mistake. My mistake, Shane, my mistake. Okay, well,

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<v Speaker 2>thank you for the for the correction. That's that is

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<v Speaker 2>that is unacceptable. We are going to be speaking with

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<v Speaker 2>the Mayor of Quincy, Mayor Thomas Coke about the Quincy

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<v Speaker 2>four hundred Maritime Festival Friday July fourth through Sunday the

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<v Speaker 2>sixth at Quincy's Marina Bay Boardwalk. It is a three

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<v Speaker 2>day free Waterfront Celebration. We'll talk with Mayor Coke right

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<v Speaker 2>after the break.

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<v Speaker 1>It's Nightside with.

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<v Speaker 2>Boston's News Radio Roy sticks of dynamite out your window. Yikes,

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<v Speaker 2>that's not a good way to celebrate the fourth. But

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<v Speaker 2>I'll tell you a good way to celebrate the fourth

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<v Speaker 2>is to spend some time at Quincy's Marina Bay Boardwalk

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<v Speaker 2>three day free waterfound Waterfront Celebration. With us is the

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<v Speaker 2>Mayor of Quincy, Massachusetts, the Honorable Thomas Coke. Mayor Coke,

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<v Speaker 2>Welcome back to night Side.

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<v Speaker 3>Good evening, Dan, good to be with you.

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<v Speaker 2>Absolutely. So this is Quinsy's four hundredth birthday. I know

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<v Speaker 2>you had the big parade a couple of weeks ago,

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<v Speaker 2>and so now you have the inaugura meaning first Quinsy

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<v Speaker 2>four hundred Maritime Festival. What's involved in this? I mean,

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<v Speaker 2>I think it is kind of self descriptive. But give

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<v Speaker 2>us some idea about what people will will see. We'll enjoy.

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<v Speaker 5>Sure, a Marina Bay is part of Quantum Point. It's

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<v Speaker 5>a beautiful location, one of the biggest Marinians by the way,

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<v Speaker 5>in the Northeast, and got a gorgeous boardwalk. Wonderful restaurants

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<v Speaker 5>and businesses there. It's also historic site. It was originally

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<v Speaker 5>shipbuilding destroys for World War One and World War II

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<v Speaker 5>was a naval air station where a lot of British

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<v Speaker 5>pilots along with the American pilots were trained for battles

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<v Speaker 5>in the skies over Europe. So it has great history there.

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<v Speaker 5>So there's a beautiful Navy memorial there as well. But

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<v Speaker 5>you know, we got a big weekend plan for families.

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<v Speaker 5>Not everyone gets to go down the cape or headed

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<v Speaker 5>somewhere else, So this is a great event for families

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<v Speaker 5>that will include all kinds of things. It will have

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<v Speaker 5>bands and music and face painting and sancastle building. In

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<v Speaker 5>the evening, the boats will light up in the marine.

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<v Speaker 5>Are just good stuff. Good do Old Americana. A couple

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<v Speaker 5>of days free admission, so hopefully people come down and

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<v Speaker 5>relax and enjoy it.

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<v Speaker 2>How's the access, how's the parking? I'm familiar with Marina Bay.

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<v Speaker 2>Any any tips you want to give people as to

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<v Speaker 2>how to get in there or what to bring with

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<v Speaker 2>them to make themselves comfortable.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah?

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<v Speaker 5>Sure, we have a Greta bay is right next to it.

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<v Speaker 5>A bus the DC parking lot which is the parking

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<v Speaker 5>lot that was built Ferry the work as the Fier

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<v Speaker 5>Island when the surage plant was built. So there's a

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<v Speaker 5>enormous parking lot there, buddy hundred cars, so there's plenty

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<v Speaker 5>of parking and commended Marina Bay that through Victory Road

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<v Speaker 5>to Command to Sha Bulevard, plenty of parking. Walk along

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<v Speaker 5>the boardwalk and it's right there. The weather looks good.

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<v Speaker 5>There's plenty of restrooms that'll be available. There's restaurants for

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<v Speaker 5>food and drink, and certainly people can bring water to

420
00:22:58.400 --> 00:23:01.640
<v Speaker 5>stay hydrated. But a lot of cool stuff planned. We're

421
00:23:01.640 --> 00:23:04.799
<v Speaker 5>going to kick it off with a actually a cake

422
00:23:04.880 --> 00:23:09.160
<v Speaker 5>cutting ceremony three o'clock by the Vietnam Clock Tower Vietnam Memorial,

423
00:23:09.240 --> 00:23:11.599
<v Speaker 5>so on Friday, and then I give you a say,

424
00:23:11.599 --> 00:23:13.680
<v Speaker 5>it goes right through the weekend. So good stuff, really

425
00:23:13.680 --> 00:23:14.160
<v Speaker 5>good stuff.

426
00:23:14.240 --> 00:23:16.319
<v Speaker 2>So who came up with this idea? I mean, obviously

427
00:23:16.359 --> 00:23:19.000
<v Speaker 2>this is an important year for Quincy. Four hundred. The

428
00:23:19.039 --> 00:23:22.279
<v Speaker 2>anniversary makes you older than the city of Boston, right,

429
00:23:22.440 --> 00:23:23.400
<v Speaker 2>I mean Boston has.

430
00:23:23.440 --> 00:23:25.759
<v Speaker 3>Well we're four hundred.

431
00:23:25.799 --> 00:23:29.319
<v Speaker 5>There's a settlement. So sixteen twenty five it was Mount Wallaceton.

432
00:23:30.240 --> 00:23:32.400
<v Speaker 5>We Pott of Quinsey was a little part of Dorchester,

433
00:23:32.519 --> 00:23:35.720
<v Speaker 5>part was part of Braintreet, but eventually became the town

434
00:23:35.759 --> 00:23:37.599
<v Speaker 5>of Quinsy, and then in eighteen eighty eight became the

435
00:23:37.640 --> 00:23:40.720
<v Speaker 5>city of Quincy. So we're actually celebrating four hundred years.

436
00:23:40.759 --> 00:23:43.480
<v Speaker 5>It's a settlement and there's a lot of day to cover,

437
00:23:43.559 --> 00:23:46.839
<v Speaker 5>I mean with the land of Adams and Hancock, without

438
00:23:46.839 --> 00:23:50.599
<v Speaker 5>which perhaps it wouldn't have been a revolution. So in

439
00:23:50.680 --> 00:23:52.920
<v Speaker 5>a long history since then home of Duncan Donuts and

440
00:23:52.960 --> 00:23:55.920
<v Speaker 5>home of Howard Johnson's and home of one of the

441
00:23:55.960 --> 00:23:58.640
<v Speaker 5>most productive ship yards in America during World War two,

442
00:23:58.880 --> 00:24:02.680
<v Speaker 5>granted industry, it was remarkable here. So it's uh, it's

443
00:24:02.680 --> 00:24:07.759
<v Speaker 5>got steep, steep heritage history in the city. And Julie Pagano,

444
00:24:07.799 --> 00:24:11.279
<v Speaker 5>who now has the Chamber of Commerce, suggested we come

445
00:24:11.359 --> 00:24:13.160
<v Speaker 5>up with a program like this to fit in with

446
00:24:13.240 --> 00:24:15.400
<v Speaker 5>all of the other activities during the course of the

447
00:24:15.559 --> 00:24:17.119
<v Speaker 5>s We thought it made some good sense and.

448
00:24:18.160 --> 00:24:18.799
<v Speaker 3>So here we go.

449
00:24:19.240 --> 00:24:23.559
<v Speaker 2>And also Quincy was represented by one of my favorite Democrats,

450
00:24:24.160 --> 00:24:28.000
<v Speaker 2>Bill Della Hunt for many years and he certainly left

451
00:24:28.000 --> 00:24:30.599
<v Speaker 2>a mark. And I know you were very close with Bill,

452
00:24:30.640 --> 00:24:33.440
<v Speaker 2>and Bill was close with you as well, and both

453
00:24:33.440 --> 00:24:39.240
<v Speaker 2>of you are I think really common sense democrats who

454
00:24:39.240 --> 00:24:41.440
<v Speaker 2>are out there doing the work that you got, that

455
00:24:41.480 --> 00:24:45.200
<v Speaker 2>you've got to do to help people. Uh, not necessarily issuing,

456
00:24:45.559 --> 00:24:48.319
<v Speaker 2>you know, broad pronouncements to change the world, but doing

457
00:24:48.359 --> 00:24:51.319
<v Speaker 2>the hard work that politicians are supposed to to do

458
00:24:51.440 --> 00:24:52.759
<v Speaker 2>on behalf of their constituents.

459
00:24:53.200 --> 00:24:55.920
<v Speaker 3>Bill was a special guy, and Bill was voted in

460
00:24:56.000 --> 00:24:58.319
<v Speaker 3>Congress as one of the most popular on both sides

461
00:24:58.359 --> 00:25:00.480
<v Speaker 3>of the aisle. He knew how to work with people

462
00:25:00.519 --> 00:25:02.880
<v Speaker 3>to get things done. And we could use more Bill

463
00:25:02.920 --> 00:25:04.000
<v Speaker 3>Dellahans today in DC.

464
00:25:05.039 --> 00:25:07.920
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it would it would be nice. It certainly would

465
00:25:08.000 --> 00:25:11.319
<v Speaker 2>be nice. I remember I used to and if if

466
00:25:11.359 --> 00:25:13.599
<v Speaker 2>you had been mayor back then, I used to spend

467
00:25:13.640 --> 00:25:16.319
<v Speaker 2>opening day off in Way Park with Tom Andino at

468
00:25:16.359 --> 00:25:18.519
<v Speaker 2>five o'clock, five thirty six o'clock in the morning. We

469
00:25:18.519 --> 00:25:22.160
<v Speaker 2>would be doing live shots playing catch the day of

470
00:25:22.160 --> 00:25:24.400
<v Speaker 2>the Red Sox opener, and I invited a lot of people.

471
00:25:25.000 --> 00:25:28.880
<v Speaker 2>Governors Sulucci and Ronniey was there one time. So I

472
00:25:28.920 --> 00:25:32.759
<v Speaker 2>invited Della Hunt, and Della Hunt said to me, he says, well,

473
00:25:32.799 --> 00:25:35.119
<v Speaker 2>you know, he says, I don't know if you know

474
00:25:35.160 --> 00:25:37.640
<v Speaker 2>it or not, but you know, I'm left handed and

475
00:25:37.680 --> 00:25:40.119
<v Speaker 2>I said, Bill, I don't care about your politics. He says, no,

476
00:25:40.400 --> 00:25:42.480
<v Speaker 2>I need a left hand, admit, I said, I could

477
00:25:42.519 --> 00:25:48.880
<v Speaker 2>take care of it. Yeah, just a lot of fun.

478
00:25:49.240 --> 00:25:51.960
<v Speaker 2>So what is in it for your future? You've been

479
00:25:51.960 --> 00:25:55.599
<v Speaker 2>mayor there now, Tom Coke for almost twenty years? Were

480
00:25:55.599 --> 00:25:57.240
<v Speaker 2>more than twenty years?

481
00:25:57.880 --> 00:25:59.799
<v Speaker 3>No aps? Almost twenty them.

482
00:26:00.359 --> 00:26:03.759
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, I'm in the middle of a term and I'm

483
00:26:03.799 --> 00:26:04.559
<v Speaker 5>just getting the hang of it.

484
00:26:04.640 --> 00:26:07.160
<v Speaker 2>Dan Well, I feel the same way, Mayor. The reason

485
00:26:07.279 --> 00:26:09.119
<v Speaker 2>I asked that question was I actually knew the answer

486
00:26:09.200 --> 00:26:11.519
<v Speaker 2>to it. I've been doing night Side. We're going to

487
00:26:11.599 --> 00:26:14.640
<v Speaker 2>start year eighteen on October first, and so maybe I

488
00:26:14.680 --> 00:26:16.960
<v Speaker 2>should bring you on that night as a special guest

489
00:26:16.960 --> 00:26:19.839
<v Speaker 2>and we can. That'd be fun celebrate. You know you

490
00:26:20.000 --> 00:26:23.599
<v Speaker 2>obviously what year were you would have first been elected

491
00:26:23.640 --> 00:26:24.880
<v Speaker 2>mayor in what year?

492
00:26:25.200 --> 00:26:26.920
<v Speaker 3>Six o seven?

493
00:26:28.079 --> 00:26:30.680
<v Speaker 2>Oh? So you got okay? So the mayor all election

494
00:26:30.799 --> 00:26:34.119
<v Speaker 2>is sort of on an odd year. Well, I started

495
00:26:34.240 --> 00:26:37.839
<v Speaker 2>Nightside on October first, two thousand and seven, So I'm

496
00:26:37.880 --> 00:26:40.119
<v Speaker 2>a couple of weeks a few weeks ahead, are you, mayor?

497
00:26:40.200 --> 00:26:44.720
<v Speaker 2>But you're you're the longest serving big city mayor in

498
00:26:44.799 --> 00:26:48.039
<v Speaker 2>Boston in Massachusetts as far as I'm concerned, and one

499
00:26:48.039 --> 00:26:51.279
<v Speaker 2>of the best. So you hang in there and let's

500
00:26:51.319 --> 00:26:55.440
<v Speaker 2>do something in October we can celebrate four hundredth for

501
00:26:55.599 --> 00:26:59.559
<v Speaker 2>Quinsy and coming up on the start of your eighteenth

502
00:26:59.640 --> 00:27:04.440
<v Speaker 2>and started my eighteenth. I really enjoyed talking with you.

503
00:27:04.480 --> 00:27:07.400
<v Speaker 2>Say to say hi to our our mutual friend George

504
00:27:07.440 --> 00:27:08.079
<v Speaker 2>Reagan as well.

505
00:27:08.119 --> 00:27:11.279
<v Speaker 3>Okay, well do thanks for the time, and have a

506
00:27:11.319 --> 00:27:12.160
<v Speaker 3>great fought Dan.

507
00:27:12.519 --> 00:27:16.400
<v Speaker 2>YouTube Mayor, and congratulations to everyone in Quincy. It's a

508
00:27:17.359 --> 00:27:19.799
<v Speaker 2>it is a. It's a great city. It's a great place.

509
00:27:20.000 --> 00:27:23.079
<v Speaker 2>Uh and it's had its rough times, but you've you've

510
00:27:23.160 --> 00:27:25.759
<v Speaker 2>stuck with it and and you've led that city now

511
00:27:25.799 --> 00:27:29.119
<v Speaker 2>for almost two decades and done a remarkable job. Appreciate

512
00:27:29.200 --> 00:27:32.519
<v Speaker 2>appreciate you taking the time tonight when we get back.

513
00:27:32.559 --> 00:27:34.720
<v Speaker 2>You know what, I say enough critical things, by the way,

514
00:27:34.759 --> 00:27:37.799
<v Speaker 2>folks about politicians. When there's a politician I think is

515
00:27:37.799 --> 00:27:40.559
<v Speaker 2>doing a good job, I just tell you what I

516
00:27:40.599 --> 00:27:42.599
<v Speaker 2>really believe. It's as simple as that. We're going to

517
00:27:42.640 --> 00:27:48.480
<v Speaker 2>talk about a concept called post traumatic parenting. I'm still

518
00:27:48.559 --> 00:27:50.519
<v Speaker 2>trying to figure this one out. We're going to talk

519
00:27:50.559 --> 00:27:55.400
<v Speaker 2>with doctor Robin Koslovich. I think I pronounced her name correctly.

520
00:27:55.960 --> 00:28:01.000
<v Speaker 2>Parenting differently than you were parented. Giving parents clear, actionable

521
00:28:01.039 --> 00:28:05.480
<v Speaker 2>strategies to build joyful, connected, and healthy relationships with their children.

522
00:28:05.799 --> 00:28:11.839
<v Speaker 2>Turning your own survival instincts into a parenting superpower sounds interesting.

523
00:28:12.759 --> 00:28:18.759
<v Speaker 2>And we will talk with doctor Koslovich, PhD, doctor about

524
00:28:19.000 --> 00:28:21.759
<v Speaker 2>post traumatic parenting. She's written a book as a matter

525
00:28:21.759 --> 00:28:24.799
<v Speaker 2>of fact, back on Nightside with what I think would

526
00:28:24.799 --> 00:28:27.480
<v Speaker 2>be a very interesting conversation. Actually, we've had three good

527
00:28:27.480 --> 00:28:30.000
<v Speaker 2>guests so far tonight, and we'll run the table with

528
00:28:30.400 --> 00:28:32.839
<v Speaker 2>doctor Koslovitch right after this break.

529
00:28:34.279 --> 00:28:38.960
<v Speaker 1>It's night Side with Boston's News Radio.

530
00:28:39.720 --> 00:28:42.880
<v Speaker 2>All right, fourth and final guest in this edition of

531
00:28:43.000 --> 00:28:47.039
<v Speaker 2>the Nightside News Update with us as doctor Robin Koslowitch.

532
00:28:47.960 --> 00:28:51.000
<v Speaker 2>Have I gotten close to the correct pronunciation, doctor Robin.

533
00:28:51.839 --> 00:28:54.279
<v Speaker 6>It's doctor kost Folowitz. But you can call me doctor

534
00:28:54.359 --> 00:28:55.400
<v Speaker 6>k It's a lot easier.

535
00:28:55.559 --> 00:29:00.400
<v Speaker 2>That's okay, Costlowitz, Costlowitz, Okay, thank you ll call you

536
00:29:00.440 --> 00:29:06.920
<v Speaker 2>doctor k or doctor Robin. Post traumatic parenting? What is

537
00:29:07.039 --> 00:29:10.559
<v Speaker 2>post traumatic parenting? Let's start off with the basics. Go

538
00:29:10.680 --> 00:29:11.160
<v Speaker 2>right ahead.

539
00:29:12.400 --> 00:29:15.720
<v Speaker 6>So if you're parenting and you've had a recent trauma

540
00:29:15.720 --> 00:29:18.599
<v Speaker 6>in your life that left you depleted or you kind

541
00:29:18.599 --> 00:29:20.240
<v Speaker 6>of know what you don't want to do in your

542
00:29:20.279 --> 00:29:23.319
<v Speaker 6>parenting everything that happened in your childhood, but you don't

543
00:29:23.359 --> 00:29:25.640
<v Speaker 6>know what you want to do. That's what this.

544
00:29:25.559 --> 00:29:26.200
<v Speaker 3>Book is for.

545
00:29:27.880 --> 00:29:34.720
<v Speaker 2>Okay. So if you recognize that you have and inadequacy

546
00:29:34.920 --> 00:29:38.039
<v Speaker 2>as a parent, either from something that has happened recently

547
00:29:38.240 --> 00:29:42.119
<v Speaker 2>or in your past, what percentage of people actually can

548
00:29:42.240 --> 00:29:45.519
<v Speaker 2>recognize that deficiency?

549
00:29:46.759 --> 00:29:50.519
<v Speaker 6>I think pretty much everybody, Because when you're parenting and

550
00:29:50.559 --> 00:29:53.000
<v Speaker 6>you find yourself doing something that you really don't want

551
00:29:53.039 --> 00:29:55.039
<v Speaker 6>to do. Right, you wake up in the morning, you say, today,

552
00:29:55.079 --> 00:29:57.599
<v Speaker 6>I'm going to stay calm no matter what my kids do,

553
00:29:58.279 --> 00:30:00.839
<v Speaker 6>and then you find yourself yelling today, I'm going to

554
00:30:00.839 --> 00:30:03.039
<v Speaker 6>stay present, and when my teenager is talking to me,

555
00:30:03.079 --> 00:30:04.799
<v Speaker 6>I'm not going to space out. I'm going to listen.

556
00:30:05.200 --> 00:30:08.720
<v Speaker 6>And then you find yourself on your phone or you know, today,

557
00:30:08.799 --> 00:30:11.559
<v Speaker 6>if my you know, my middle schooler is begging for something,

558
00:30:11.640 --> 00:30:13.480
<v Speaker 6>I'm going to whole firm and I am only going

559
00:30:13.519 --> 00:30:15.640
<v Speaker 6>to buy them the things that I believe in buying them.

560
00:30:15.960 --> 00:30:19.200
<v Speaker 6>And next thing you know, you're downloading that extremely gory

561
00:30:19.279 --> 00:30:23.240
<v Speaker 6>movie that you promised you wouldn't let them watch. There's

562
00:30:23.279 --> 00:30:25.880
<v Speaker 6>probably some experience in your life that taught you to

563
00:30:25.960 --> 00:30:28.160
<v Speaker 6>be that way, and I call that experience trauma.

564
00:30:28.839 --> 00:30:31.519
<v Speaker 2>Okay, so now I know that there's a book, and

565
00:30:31.559 --> 00:30:34.680
<v Speaker 2>we're going to mention the book obviously, but before we

566
00:30:34.720 --> 00:30:40.920
<v Speaker 2>get to mentioning what people can can read, I got

567
00:30:40.960 --> 00:30:44.079
<v Speaker 2>to ask you a couple of questions. What percentage of

568
00:30:44.279 --> 00:30:47.559
<v Speaker 2>parents and I'm talking about I want to talk about parents,

569
00:30:47.599 --> 00:30:49.839
<v Speaker 2>active parents, parents who have kids. I'd say, under the

570
00:30:49.880 --> 00:30:53.200
<v Speaker 2>age of eighteen. What percentage of parents aren't carrying some

571
00:30:53.400 --> 00:30:55.400
<v Speaker 2>form of trauma with them? In your opinion?

572
00:30:56.519 --> 00:30:59.599
<v Speaker 6>Well, aren't carrying some form of trauma? I think one

573
00:30:59.680 --> 00:31:03.359
<v Speaker 6>in eight parents are experience. You are you know, saying

574
00:31:03.400 --> 00:31:06.400
<v Speaker 6>that they're carrying some form of trauma. I kind of

575
00:31:06.440 --> 00:31:09.440
<v Speaker 6>think since COVID, we're all post traumatic parents because the

576
00:31:09.440 --> 00:31:13.799
<v Speaker 6>world kind of exploded and it never really restored itself,

577
00:31:13.839 --> 00:31:15.680
<v Speaker 6>and there are a lot of people who are still

578
00:31:15.720 --> 00:31:19.240
<v Speaker 6>dealing with the economic you know, stretchers that happened during COVID,

579
00:31:19.359 --> 00:31:23.400
<v Speaker 6>or the changes in family structure or health concerns. But

580
00:31:23.640 --> 00:31:27.119
<v Speaker 6>in terms of people who say that they're parenting through trauma,

581
00:31:27.160 --> 00:31:28.200
<v Speaker 6>it's about one in eight.

582
00:31:29.200 --> 00:31:31.839
<v Speaker 2>Do you think that's accurate? It would seem to me

583
00:31:33.000 --> 00:31:34.400
<v Speaker 2>that that's an understatement.

584
00:31:35.559 --> 00:31:38.880
<v Speaker 6>Or it can be. I think some people, you know,

585
00:31:39.119 --> 00:31:41.720
<v Speaker 6>trauma sounds like you're damaged, right, and some people do

586
00:31:41.799 --> 00:31:44.839
<v Speaker 6>not want to, you know, admit that they're damaged. I

587
00:31:44.960 --> 00:31:48.319
<v Speaker 6>was recently talking to a CEO who was talking about

588
00:31:48.319 --> 00:31:52.480
<v Speaker 6>some really upsetting experiences in their childhood. Their parents were

589
00:31:52.599 --> 00:31:56.440
<v Speaker 6>very harsh and critical and really pushed them, and you know,

590
00:31:56.599 --> 00:32:00.359
<v Speaker 6>I when I spoke about post traumatic parenting, the CEO said, well,

591
00:32:00.440 --> 00:32:03.240
<v Speaker 6>I don't consider myself traumatized because I grew from it

592
00:32:03.279 --> 00:32:06.319
<v Speaker 6>and I'm very functional and I do really well in life.

593
00:32:06.960 --> 00:32:10.599
<v Speaker 6>But like functional, but carrying damage. That's what trauma is.

594
00:32:11.000 --> 00:32:14.200
<v Speaker 6>So not identifying yourself as traumatized and saying you grew

595
00:32:14.240 --> 00:32:17.039
<v Speaker 6>from it, that's great. Post traumatic growth is a wonderful thing.

596
00:32:17.839 --> 00:32:21.000
<v Speaker 6>But at the same token, you know, those experiences of

597
00:32:21.079 --> 00:32:24.359
<v Speaker 6>being so harshly parented and criticized and shamed and blamed,

598
00:32:24.920 --> 00:32:27.880
<v Speaker 6>I think most people would recognize those experiences as traumatic.

599
00:32:28.559 --> 00:32:33.519
<v Speaker 2>Okay, so what will parents learn in your book? I

600
00:32:33.599 --> 00:32:37.960
<v Speaker 2>assume it's a book that literally would benefit everyone. People

601
00:32:38.000 --> 00:32:43.200
<v Speaker 2>who believe they dealt with some trauma and maybe you know,

602
00:32:43.359 --> 00:32:46.920
<v Speaker 2>succeeded in ridding themselves of the trauma. And maybe some

603
00:32:46.960 --> 00:32:50.960
<v Speaker 2>people who think they're still impacted by that trauma, and

604
00:32:51.039 --> 00:32:55.039
<v Speaker 2>maybe some people who are in denial, and what will

605
00:32:55.079 --> 00:32:58.119
<v Speaker 2>they learn, how will they learn to recognize it and

606
00:32:58.160 --> 00:32:59.079
<v Speaker 2>then deal with it.

607
00:33:00.119 --> 00:33:02.759
<v Speaker 6>So part one of the book is all about trauma

608
00:33:02.799 --> 00:33:04.599
<v Speaker 6>and what it does to our brain and how it

609
00:33:04.680 --> 00:33:09.880
<v Speaker 6>rewires our neurology to change the way we interact with people,

610
00:33:09.960 --> 00:33:12.079
<v Speaker 6>and of course, our kids are the people that we

611
00:33:12.200 --> 00:33:15.039
<v Speaker 6>need to raise and interact with. The second part of

612
00:33:15.079 --> 00:33:18.680
<v Speaker 6>the book talks about some defaults, certain types of post

613
00:33:18.720 --> 00:33:21.759
<v Speaker 6>traumatic parents that most people tend to fall into. And

614
00:33:21.799 --> 00:33:24.039
<v Speaker 6>the last part of the book is the how to

615
00:33:24.359 --> 00:33:26.799
<v Speaker 6>parent part. And in the book, I share my own

616
00:33:26.839 --> 00:33:30.359
<v Speaker 6>story about having PTSD and thinking I was the only

617
00:33:30.440 --> 00:33:34.359
<v Speaker 6>parent who needed to figure out how to handle flashbacks

618
00:33:34.359 --> 00:33:36.920
<v Speaker 6>and panic attacks and how to explain them to toddlers

619
00:33:37.279 --> 00:33:38.960
<v Speaker 6>or how to deal with them when I was pregnant,

620
00:33:39.359 --> 00:33:41.279
<v Speaker 6>you know, the idea that like, it's so painful for

621
00:33:41.319 --> 00:33:43.039
<v Speaker 6>me to be inside my body, what is it like

622
00:33:43.119 --> 00:33:44.440
<v Speaker 6>for a developing fetus?

623
00:33:44.519 --> 00:33:44.680
<v Speaker 3>Right?

624
00:33:44.720 --> 00:33:46.839
<v Speaker 6>And then after that, how do you explain a panic

625
00:33:46.839 --> 00:33:48.960
<v Speaker 6>attack to a four year old? You know, how do

626
00:33:49.000 --> 00:33:51.000
<v Speaker 6>you handle it when you know you're eleven year old

627
00:33:51.039 --> 00:33:54.000
<v Speaker 6>is triggering you? So so I do share a lot

628
00:33:54.000 --> 00:33:58.119
<v Speaker 6>of my story and also the research around how parenting

629
00:33:58.400 --> 00:34:01.480
<v Speaker 6>actually is an opportunity time to heal from our trauma.

630
00:34:02.839 --> 00:34:08.199
<v Speaker 2>Wow, how did you get involved in this aspect when

631
00:34:08.360 --> 00:34:12.840
<v Speaker 2>I've found in my experience that when a professional psychologist,

632
00:34:12.880 --> 00:34:18.800
<v Speaker 2>and I believe you're a psychologist, yes, right, that oftentimes

633
00:34:18.840 --> 00:34:22.960
<v Speaker 2>you're drawn to an area you're a child psychologist, that

634
00:34:23.000 --> 00:34:27.880
<v Speaker 2>you've drawn to an area that maybe you felt you

635
00:34:27.960 --> 00:34:32.119
<v Speaker 2>had been adversely impacted by. I'm asking that question as

636
00:34:32.239 --> 00:34:34.599
<v Speaker 2>kindly and as gently as I can, but I.

637
00:34:34.519 --> 00:34:39.519
<v Speaker 6>Think I appreciate the sensitivity. Yeah, all researches me search, right,

638
00:34:39.599 --> 00:34:43.000
<v Speaker 6>we go into the fields that we are drawn to.

639
00:34:43.679 --> 00:34:47.000
<v Speaker 6>I had PTSD as a kid in the years well

640
00:34:47.039 --> 00:34:49.880
<v Speaker 6>prior to when people were talking about trauma, because before

641
00:34:49.960 --> 00:34:53.480
<v Speaker 6>nine to eleven, trauma wasn't really in the cultural lexicon.

642
00:34:54.039 --> 00:34:57.360
<v Speaker 6>But I had a very traumatic story in terms of

643
00:34:57.440 --> 00:35:00.440
<v Speaker 6>how my father died I failed in attempt to save

644
00:35:00.480 --> 00:35:03.559
<v Speaker 6>his life with CPR. When I was sixteen, I developed

645
00:35:03.719 --> 00:35:07.519
<v Speaker 6>PTSD with flashbacks, but I had no idea that that

646
00:35:07.639 --> 00:35:09.440
<v Speaker 6>was even a thing. I thought I was, you know,

647
00:35:09.480 --> 00:35:12.159
<v Speaker 6>schizophrenic mentally ill. I thought I was, you know, going

648
00:35:12.199 --> 00:35:15.599
<v Speaker 6>to end up you know, in an institution, and I

649
00:35:15.679 --> 00:35:17.639
<v Speaker 6>tried to hide it for a very long time. And

650
00:35:17.679 --> 00:35:20.719
<v Speaker 6>it wasn't until college, when I was taking an abnormal

651
00:35:20.760 --> 00:35:23.480
<v Speaker 6>psych class that I and my professor was talking about

652
00:35:23.480 --> 00:35:26.800
<v Speaker 6>PTSD in Vietnam veterans that I realized that that's what

653
00:35:26.880 --> 00:35:30.159
<v Speaker 6>I have and that there's a cure for it. And

654
00:35:30.199 --> 00:35:33.920
<v Speaker 6>then of course I became a mom, and I just

655
00:35:34.159 --> 00:35:37.199
<v Speaker 6>felt so overwhelmed by the thought of how am I

656
00:35:37.239 --> 00:35:39.119
<v Speaker 6>going to do this with my PTSD. I have so

657
00:35:39.199 --> 00:35:41.440
<v Speaker 6>many panic attacks, and like I said, initially it was

658
00:35:41.519 --> 00:35:43.599
<v Speaker 6>just what's this going to do to my pregnancy? So

659
00:35:43.639 --> 00:35:45.480
<v Speaker 6>by then I was a graduate student and I was

660
00:35:45.519 --> 00:35:47.920
<v Speaker 6>looking in the stack. I was a graduate student at

661
00:35:48.000 --> 00:35:49.559
<v Speaker 6>m YU, and I was looking at the stacks at

662
00:35:49.559 --> 00:35:52.519
<v Speaker 6>Bok's library, and there was no research, like, not a

663
00:35:52.559 --> 00:35:56.599
<v Speaker 6>single researcher had ever studied this. So it was a

664
00:35:56.599 --> 00:35:59.159
<v Speaker 6>matter of me figuring that out for myself. And then

665
00:35:59.159 --> 00:36:02.360
<v Speaker 6>of course nine eleven happened. Then suddenly trauma hit the lexicon,

666
00:36:02.679 --> 00:36:05.079
<v Speaker 6>and suddenly there was a lot more research, but not

667
00:36:05.360 --> 00:36:08.920
<v Speaker 6>on this topic. How do you parent in the context

668
00:36:08.920 --> 00:36:12.639
<v Speaker 6>of trauma? And when you you know, because our brain

669
00:36:12.719 --> 00:36:15.000
<v Speaker 6>is very much set up to parent exactly the way

670
00:36:15.000 --> 00:36:17.719
<v Speaker 6>we were parented. It's a copy paste system. The attachment

671
00:36:17.719 --> 00:36:20.440
<v Speaker 6>system is just sort of like do what mom did,

672
00:36:20.639 --> 00:36:23.400
<v Speaker 6>which is great if what mom did was great, but

673
00:36:23.639 --> 00:36:25.800
<v Speaker 6>not so great if what mom did is do one

674
00:36:25.840 --> 00:36:27.880
<v Speaker 6>thing you don't want to do, or like in my

675
00:36:28.039 --> 00:36:31.159
<v Speaker 6>situation where my father was so sick that that was

676
00:36:31.199 --> 00:36:33.800
<v Speaker 6>sort of the organizing principle of my home. How do

677
00:36:33.840 --> 00:36:36.800
<v Speaker 6>you parent healthy kids? That's too healthy young parents? Like

678
00:36:37.079 --> 00:36:40.159
<v Speaker 6>what do normal parents do? So I had to figure

679
00:36:40.199 --> 00:36:41.840
<v Speaker 6>all of that stuff out on my own. How to

680
00:36:41.880 --> 00:36:45.400
<v Speaker 6>heal from my trauma and then how to parent, how

681
00:36:45.440 --> 00:36:48.760
<v Speaker 6>to be a parent, and how to parent sounds great.

682
00:36:49.119 --> 00:36:51.320
<v Speaker 2>Again, Let's have the name of the book, and obviously

683
00:36:51.320 --> 00:36:53.760
<v Speaker 2>I assume it's available through Amazon. Is it just outer?

684
00:36:53.840 --> 00:36:56.320
<v Speaker 2>Has it been out for a while? It was?

685
00:36:56.760 --> 00:36:59.840
<v Speaker 6>Yesterday was the release date, so that was the book birthday.

686
00:37:00.039 --> 00:37:03.280
<v Speaker 6>It's post traumatic parenting, break the cycle and become the

687
00:37:03.320 --> 00:37:05.199
<v Speaker 6>parent you always want it to be. And you can

688
00:37:05.239 --> 00:37:08.800
<v Speaker 6>get it on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, your local independent bookstore,

689
00:37:08.800 --> 00:37:10.280
<v Speaker 6>really wherever you get books.

690
00:37:10.800 --> 00:37:14.000
<v Speaker 2>Doctor Robi Kaslovich, again I'm not sure if I get

691
00:37:14.000 --> 00:37:18.519
<v Speaker 2>that correctly, but well, doctor Robin, doctor k A child

692
00:37:18.599 --> 00:37:23.320
<v Speaker 2>psychologist who has turned a bad experience in her life

693
00:37:23.519 --> 00:37:26.800
<v Speaker 2>perhaps into a learning experience for a lot of other people.

694
00:37:27.480 --> 00:37:29.440
<v Speaker 2>Thanks for your courage, and thanks for doing this book,

695
00:37:29.480 --> 00:37:31.559
<v Speaker 2>and thanks for doing this interview. I appreciate it very much,

696
00:37:31.599 --> 00:37:32.079
<v Speaker 2>doctor Kay.

697
00:37:32.840 --> 00:37:34.719
<v Speaker 6>Thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to

698
00:37:34.760 --> 00:37:36.719
<v Speaker 6>talk about it. It's a real passion of mine.

699
00:37:36.960 --> 00:37:40.039
<v Speaker 2>Obviously, and you know what. I sense that. That's why

700
00:37:40.079 --> 00:37:44.440
<v Speaker 2>I asked the questions. I knew nothing about your involvement

701
00:37:44.480 --> 00:37:46.400
<v Speaker 2>prior to it. I wish I had the opportunity to

702
00:37:46.440 --> 00:37:49.280
<v Speaker 2>read the books of all my guests before I interview them,

703
00:37:49.280 --> 00:37:51.679
<v Speaker 2>but I don't have that chance, simply because I do

704
00:37:51.760 --> 00:37:54.480
<v Speaker 2>a lot of people at night. But I think, of

705
00:37:54.480 --> 00:37:57.880
<v Speaker 2>course I sensed it, and you rose to the occasion.

706
00:37:57.960 --> 00:37:59.800
<v Speaker 2>I thank you for that. Appreciate it very much.

707
00:38:00.119 --> 00:38:02.159
<v Speaker 6>Really appreciate the interview and the questions.

708
00:38:02.320 --> 00:38:04.400
<v Speaker 2>Happy fourth of July. You have a lot to sell.

709
00:38:04.280 --> 00:38:06.760
<v Speaker 6>Them you too, have a great summer, you too.

710
00:38:06.920 --> 00:38:08.639
<v Speaker 2>All right, we'll be back and we are going to

711
00:38:08.639 --> 00:38:14.039
<v Speaker 2>talk about the conviction today of Sean Diddy Combs, not

712
00:38:14.199 --> 00:38:17.159
<v Speaker 2>something that we have normally talked about here on Nightside,

713
00:38:17.320 --> 00:38:20.519
<v Speaker 2>but we will have a criminal defense attorney join us.

714
00:38:20.559 --> 00:38:26.440
<v Speaker 2>With the conversation. He beat the more significant indictment, but

715
00:38:26.519 --> 00:38:28.480
<v Speaker 2>he's still I think going to do some time in Sture.

716
00:38:28.519 --> 00:38:31.199
<v Speaker 2>He's been in Sturr since last September. We'll be back

717
00:38:31.199 --> 00:38:33.000
<v Speaker 2>on nightside right after the nine o'clock news