Speaker 1: It's nice eyes, Dan Ray, I'm going easy Boston's News Radio.
Speaker 2: Yes, indeed, it is I Dan Ray sitting in tonight
Speaker 2: right here, two nights before the fourth of July. I
Speaker 2: will be off tomorrow night and on Friday night Morgan White,
Speaker 2: as I understand, am I correct on that Rob Morgan
Speaker 2: White will be sitting in for me tomorrow night and
Speaker 2: on Friday night. I really do appreciate Morgan doing that
Speaker 2: so I could get a couple of nights off one
Speaker 2: of my favorite holidays of the year, the fourth of July,
Speaker 2: also the birthday three years ago of our grandson Benjamin.
Speaker 2: So we're very pleased to be able to spend some
Speaker 2: family time this weekend in conjunction, of course, not only
Speaker 2: with the Fourth of July, but Benjamin's birthday. He's going
Speaker 2: to assume that this tremendous firework displays we will, of course,
Speaker 2: will tell him is to celebrate his birthday, and maybe
Speaker 2: at some point when he's seven or eight he'll figure
Speaker 2: out the ruse. But he's going to think he's really
Speaker 2: a special guy. And so that's that's my story and
Speaker 2: I'm sticking to it. So here tonight, this is really
Speaker 2: we're a little bit past the halfway point of the
Speaker 2: county year, and I think that tonight this is the
Speaker 2: one hundred and twenty first edition of Nightside with Me
Speaker 2: behind the microphone, and I will be here beginning on Monday,
Speaker 2: January January Monday, July fourteenth, So looking forward to a
Speaker 2: few days off here at the first couple of weeks
Speaker 2: of July, and then back at it on the fourteenth.
Speaker 2: And by the way, we have scheduled a very special
Speaker 2: guest on July sixteenth, former United States Ambassador to Denmark,
Speaker 2: Allan Leventhal. He was appointed by President Biden and he
Speaker 2: is a really significant person in the city of Boston
Speaker 2: with the Democratic Party. And looking forward to spending some
Speaker 2: time with Alan Leventhal and talked to him about perhaps
Speaker 2: how the Democratic Party. Democratic Party does very well in Massachusetts,
Speaker 2: but they got some troubles to nationally that we'll talk
Speaker 2: with Alan Leventhal about that as well as his time
Speaker 2: as US Ambassador to Denmark. Okay, we have four interesting guests.
Speaker 2: And our first guest this hour. We always have interesting guests.
Speaker 2: We're going to talk about injuries, burn injuries, and firework
Speaker 2: accidents as an impact his kids. We're going to talk
Speaker 2: with Quincy Mayor Tom Coke about Quincy's inaugural Quincy four
Speaker 2: hundred Maritime Festival, and also talk about a concept of
Speaker 2: post traumatic parenting, parenting differently perhaps than the way in
Speaker 2: which you were parented. And we'll be speaking with doctor
Speaker 2: Robin Koslovitch. I hope I've pronounced that name correctly. But
Speaker 2: first off is John bo and John is a speech
Speaker 2: and presentation expert. He is going to share with us
Speaker 2: seven phrases is that make you sound passive aggressive to
Speaker 2: other people? So if you if you use any of
Speaker 2: these seven phrases, you sound passive aggressive to other people.
Speaker 2: Welcome to Night Side, John, How are you.
Speaker 3: I'm all right, Dan, Thanks for having me on your program.
Speaker 3: You're very welcome to try to talk about these things.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I checked out these phrases. I tend not to
Speaker 2: use them, but I think sometimes with some folks who
Speaker 2: don't get it, a little passive aggression is not necessarily
Speaker 2: a bad technique to employ. I guess you probably disagree
Speaker 2: with that, But let's talk about.
Speaker 3: Or do you by the way, Well, look I'm from Minnesota,
Speaker 3: right and oh Minnesota.
Speaker 2: Nice? Okay, you need the argument right there.
Speaker 3: And it doesn't have to be these phrases. We could
Speaker 3: just put it into a simple huh and it's all
Speaker 3: passive aggression all the time.
Speaker 2: Yeah. No, Well, if.
Speaker 3: It's sure right, the world goes around with because what
Speaker 3: am I trying to say?
Speaker 2: You?
Speaker 3: If everybody said what they were feeling all the time,
Speaker 3: I think we'd have a big problem. So a little
Speaker 3: bit of passives sure.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so sometimes I think that works. So let's let's
Speaker 2: talk about some of these phrases, because I love guests
Speaker 2: who provide us with concrete examples, and you have seven
Speaker 2: of them. So let's uh, let's start off with the
Speaker 2: first one, no offense, but okay, uh, tell us a
Speaker 2: better way to say that?
Speaker 3: Well, no offense, but it's almost always a prior to
Speaker 3: something that's going to be offensive.
Speaker 2: Right, there's always a problem, go ahead.
Speaker 3: Right, So a much better way to do it would
Speaker 3: be said, look, I need to tell you something that
Speaker 3: you might not like, or I have something I have
Speaker 3: to talk to you about. Is this a good time?
Speaker 3: So I don't know if that's it's not a perfect
Speaker 3: example of passive aggression so much as let's jump to
Speaker 3: the next one and then maybe we'll come back to this,
Speaker 3: because it's not perfect passive aggression.
Speaker 2: But okay, well okay, So here's another one. This says,
Speaker 2: if you use it as a snide kiss off, nobody
Speaker 2: likes snide kiss offs. This conversation conveys disagreement or dissatisfaction
Speaker 2: with an outcome of decision without directly addressing it, much
Speaker 2: less trying to be constructive. Whatever you think is best, John.
Speaker 3: So that's like if some people make a decision and
Speaker 3: you don't agree with their decision, you say whatever you
Speaker 3: think is best, Dan. Yeah, so that's just naughty, right,
Speaker 3: It's not constructive, and it's saying I don't agree, but
Speaker 3: I'm not gonna be nice about it. I'm gonna be.
Speaker 2: Well what about maybe, okay, what about people who make
Speaker 2: decisions and aren't willing to consider your point of view?
Speaker 2: So hypothetically, police officer comes up to you and says, hey,
Speaker 2: you know all this goes through the whole thing, and finally, such,
Speaker 2: here's your speeding ticket. You know that you got a ticket,
Speaker 2: it's been written, it's in the book.
Speaker 3: Well take it like a man or something. I don't know,
Speaker 3: I think saying to the officer as he turns to
Speaker 3: walk away, and say, whatever you think is best. It
Speaker 3: just sounds okay, why not just shut up? Sometimes I
Speaker 3: mean the word oh yeah, you already lost.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, I always tell my friends with police, be nice,
Speaker 2: keep your two hands on the steering wheel. And if
Speaker 2: they say license and registration and it's in the glove compartment,
Speaker 2: always inquire officer, my license and registration happened to be
Speaker 2: in the glove compartment. Would you mind if I reached
Speaker 2: over open to my glove compartment and extracted my license
Speaker 2: and registration so they don't think you're pulling on a
Speaker 2: gun or something. Number three, Yes, this is a good one.
Speaker 3: This one is also really whiny and babyish. Must be that.
Speaker 3: So let's say you say you're gonna go on some
Speaker 3: great vacation. I say, oh, Dan must be nice.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I agree with you this one. Yeah. I mean,
Speaker 2: it'd be much better to be positive and say, hey,
Speaker 2: that's great, I wish I was going with you or
Speaker 2: something like that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's you know, it's pretty self pitying. It's pretty jealous,
Speaker 3: and it's like this pseudo compliment, and it also kind
Speaker 3: of conveys that you don't really deserve that nice vacation,
Speaker 3: at least I don't think so. He's one generous and
Speaker 3: just said, that's great. Dan, You've been working really hard.
Speaker 3: You said you've been doing you know, one hundred and
Speaker 3: twenty episodes of this show. Yeah, sounds like you need
Speaker 3: a break.
Speaker 2: Well I need a break, there's no doubt about that.
Speaker 2: But I always need a break. So his one four,
Speaker 2: I'm fine. Oh So.
Speaker 3: That's one of those things where you could say it
Speaker 3: and mean it and it would be a totally neutral, normal,
Speaker 3: okay thing to say, or it could be totally passive
Speaker 3: aggress and be like, I'm fine.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I love I love your intonations. You're a good communicator.
Speaker 2: Number five, Wow, I could never do that.
Speaker 3: Yeah. So that's let's say you're I don't know, what's
Speaker 3: something that you would be doing, Uh, you're going to
Speaker 3: go on some weird vacation, a chess vacation where it's
Speaker 3: like all chests all the time, or some language intensive
Speaker 3: where I say, it's not my idea of a vacation
Speaker 3: at all. So I said, wow, I could never do that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, no, I guess. And then here's when we
Speaker 2: got to want I want to hit and I think
Speaker 2: these are interesting ones. This isn't almost an apology. I
Speaker 2: didn't mean it that way. You're backtracking, But I guess
Speaker 2: that's the way.
Speaker 3: You say someone says that sincerely. Okay, great if it's like,
Speaker 3: oh I didn't mean it that way, yeah okay, and yeah.
Speaker 2: Here's here's number seven. As far as I'm concerned, we
Speaker 2: could just take one of these words. The passive aggressive
Speaker 2: comment that we have is do whatever you want. But
Speaker 2: so many young people, you will say whatever, and it's
Speaker 2: all there. When they say whatever.
Speaker 3: You know, it is really really whatever. It's kind of
Speaker 3: like whatever you think is best.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, it's like it's been a while. But when
Speaker 2: your teenager is pleading for the car and you just
Speaker 2: you know, the road conditions are a little bad, or
Speaker 2: it's snowing out, and you say, why don't you stay
Speaker 2: in tonight? I don't think it's a good night to
Speaker 2: be out driving. That's when they say whatever and stomp
Speaker 2: to their room. I get it, John, Look, you must
Speaker 2: have a book out on this. I assume where could
Speaker 2: people get more information on what we've just talked about.
Speaker 3: Well, there's this website called Amazon. I don't know if
Speaker 3: everyone's heard about it yet, but they sell books there.
Speaker 3: So I wrote a book about.
Speaker 2: That was a little passive aggressive right there. That was
Speaker 2: very effective. Go right ahead?
Speaker 3: That was, wasn't it. I still have it in me.
Speaker 3: I mean I write about I like telling other people
Speaker 3: what to do, but I'm still pretty prone to do
Speaker 3: this stuff myself.
Speaker 2: Oh. Now, see now as the host, hold on John.
Speaker 2: As the host, I'm being a nice guy saying, hey,
Speaker 2: you got to have something, because there's no reason for
Speaker 2: you to come my show unless you perhaps have some
Speaker 2: sort of a merchandise that you'd like people to make.
Speaker 2: Get a hold of it, and also help them so
Speaker 2: they could go to Amazon anywhere. What's the name of
Speaker 2: the book that they would be searching for.
Speaker 3: The book is called I Have something to Say, Mastering
Speaker 3: the Art of public speaking in an age of disconnection.
Speaker 3: And it's really about, you know, learning how to become
Speaker 3: intentional about speech and do presentations at work or get
Speaker 3: ready for meetings or job interviews. It's about me joining
Speaker 3: toastmasters and discovering how they work, but also discovering how
Speaker 3: the ancient Greeks and Romans taught this stuff. But the
Speaker 3: main thing is it used to be a thing people
Speaker 3: learned speech for years in school, and now we don't
Speaker 3: teach it anymore. And everybody has a hard time speaking,
Speaker 3: and they get into trouble, they get tongue tied, they
Speaker 3: have speech anxiety. And it's not because we're all mentally
Speaker 3: ill or we're all shy. It's because we don't learn
Speaker 3: it anymore. So this stuff that we're talking about tonight,
Speaker 3: passive aggression is just a tip of the iceberg. There's
Speaker 3: a whole bunch more that you can learn, you know,
Speaker 3: for work stuff and for your personal life.
Speaker 2: I tell friends of mine, I've worked in the media. John,
Speaker 2: you have no idea what my background is, but I
Speaker 2: was a TV reporter for CBS here in Boston for
Speaker 2: thirty one years. I'm now while you're eighteen of this
Speaker 2: talk show, so I'm thinking about making a career it. Well.
Speaker 2: I remember when I took a speech course, which was
Speaker 2: a requirement back in the day. I believe it was
Speaker 2: as a freshman in college. I remember the teacher's name
Speaker 2: was miss ives Ivy E. S. And we all had
Speaker 2: to at one point get up in front of the
Speaker 2: class and talk about something. And I can remember actually
Speaker 2: being terrified, and I thought to myself, Oh, this public
Speaker 2: speaking thing, this will never this is never going to
Speaker 2: work for me. Somehow, I got over that fear, and
Speaker 2: it's worked for a while, so I was afraid. And
Speaker 2: if you follow John's book, I think that you'll become
Speaker 2: a better public speaker as well. John, I appreciate. Happy
Speaker 2: Fourth of July to you and yours. Okay, we'll celebrate.
Speaker 3: The freedom of country, break a great holiday, and wish
Speaker 3: your son happy birthday.
Speaker 2: Not my son, my grandson, my grandson.
Speaker 3: Your grandson, my grandson.
Speaker 2: That's al.
Speaker 3: I like that idea that the fireworks are just for him.
Speaker 2: Oh, I will convince him of that. Believe me, that's easy.
Speaker 2: I've committed some ruses. I'll admit to that. John, I
Speaker 2: appreciate it very much. I enjoyed our conversation. Thanks so much.
Speaker 2: I'm here all right. When we get back, we're going
Speaker 2: to talk about the more serious side of fireworks, and
Speaker 2: that is injuries and burns. And again I will remind
Speaker 2: you if you haven't already taken down our WBZ app,
Speaker 2: the new and improved iHeart app, and make WBZ just
Speaker 2: go to your local app store, put it on your
Speaker 2: your laptop, put it on your desktop, put it on
Speaker 2: your tablet, put it on your phone, put it anywhere.
Speaker 2: Make us your first choice. Your first default, and you'll
Speaker 2: be able to find us anywhere in the world. And
Speaker 2: of course also you'll find this nice red button with
Speaker 2: a microphone on it, and you can send us a
Speaker 2: message anytime of the day, whether we're on the ear
Speaker 2: or not, and make it thirty seconds or within thirty seconds,
Speaker 2: and we may play it for you the next night
Speaker 2: or maybe a couple of nights later. My name is
Speaker 2: Dan Ray. This is nights. I would come on right
Speaker 2: back right after this.
Speaker 1: You're on Night Side with Dan Ray on WBZ, Boston's
Speaker 1: news radio.
Speaker 2: Well, it is the fourth July weekend. There'll be lots
Speaker 2: of fireworks. I saw on the news tonight on I
Speaker 2: believe it was Channel five. I was watching there was
Speaker 2: a fireworks program supposed to be going on down in
Speaker 2: one of the golf courses in the Cape, and there
Speaker 2: was a big accident following that news story. I'm sure.
Speaker 2: With us, as doctor Michael Flaherty, pediatric critical care physician
Speaker 2: at mass General Hospital, I'm going to talk about the
Speaker 2: burn injuries and the firework accidents and water related emergencies,
Speaker 2: all of which are preventable with a few simple safety steps.
Speaker 2: Doctor Flaherty, Welcome to Nightside. I know all of us
Speaker 2: have heard this admonition before, but it can never be
Speaker 2: repeated too often, particularly at this time of year, in
Speaker 2: my opinion, Welcome to Nightside.
Speaker 4: I Dan, thanks so much for having me.
Speaker 2: So what should people keep in mind? I mean, obviously,
Speaker 2: people have a couple of beers, maybe glass of wine,
Speaker 2: and the judgments get a little slow. But and you
Speaker 2: can't stop that, but we have I emphasize it than
Speaker 2: the serious type of injuries that you've seen over the
Speaker 2: years in your practice.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you know, I think the Fourth of July is
Speaker 4: a great time. There are celebrations, and you're exactly right.
Speaker 4: People lose their judgment. You know, we see probably some
Speaker 4: of the most number of injuries in the weeks leading
Speaker 4: up to the Fourth of July and the weeks after,
Speaker 4: and a lot of it relates to fireworks. It relates
Speaker 4: to cooking on the grill and leaving it unattended, It
Speaker 4: relates to sparklers, and you mentioned water as well. And
Speaker 4: I always encourage people. You know, fireworks are technically illegal
Speaker 4: in Massachusetts, though they're legal in some of the surrounding states.
Speaker 4: People will get them, and if you have them, you
Speaker 4: just have to be really careful. Most of these injuries
Speaker 4: are misuse, or it's the firework that you set off
Speaker 4: and it didn't quite ignite and someone goes and tries
Speaker 4: to see what's wrong and unfortunately gets burned or even
Speaker 4: a blast injury, and the numbers are increasing for whatever reason.
Speaker 4: There's nearly a forty percent increase in the depths from
Speaker 4: fireworks and almost a fifty two percent increase nationwide in
Speaker 4: injuries compared to last year. So despite all of our messaging,
Speaker 4: people still need to be so careful.
Speaker 2: And a lot of people think, like the sparklers and
Speaker 2: stuff like that, that they don't burn, but they actually
Speaker 2: can burn.
Speaker 4: They can. You know, we use them when I was
Speaker 4: a kid that we did lots of things we probably
Speaker 4: shouldn't have and didn't realize that these sparklers can actually
Speaker 4: get to two thousand degrees fahrenheit. So imagine a two
Speaker 4: thousand degrees fahrenheit spark landing on the toe of a child,
Speaker 4: and it can really do some serious damage and cause
Speaker 4: nearly full sickness, burns, especially in the toes, the hands. Really,
Speaker 4: they should be left for the adults the kids can
Speaker 4: watch from afar.
Speaker 2: I remember making a mistake when I was about eleven
Speaker 2: or twelve picking up what I thought was adut firework
Speaker 2: in my hand, and it exploded in my hand a
Speaker 2: whole I said some words that my aunts and uncles
Speaker 2: had never heard before, and I remember that to this day.
Speaker 2: I am very, very apprehensive when I'm around any of
Speaker 2: those explosive devices, except while you're watching a professional fireworks
Speaker 2: display from a quarter of a mile away.
Speaker 3: I mean, that's the way much safer. Yes, that is
Speaker 3: the way you do.
Speaker 4: Leave it to the professionals.
Speaker 2: Well, absolutely, and with all due respect to you, doctor
Speaker 2: Flaherty and your colleagues. You are the people that most
Speaker 2: of us don't want to see this weekend. You know,
Speaker 2: I mean under the circumstances that we would that we
Speaker 2: would see you in an er, And I mean I
Speaker 2: mean that in the best sense of the word. If
Speaker 2: you get my drift.
Speaker 4: No, I get it. You know, I'm a pediatrician, but
Speaker 4: I'm a critical care pediatrician, and I always tell folks
Speaker 4: I'm the pediatrician no one ever wants to see. And
Speaker 4: if I'm out of a job, I'd be grateful.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, we need pediatrician, Well, we certainly need pediatricians.
Speaker 2: We had some great pediatricians for our kids. We're very,
Speaker 2: very happy with them. And you guys, do all of you,
Speaker 2: men and women, doctors, in nurses. You're overworked, underpaid, and
Speaker 2: maybe in some cases underappreciated. People do not know the
Speaker 2: amount of work that it takes to become a physician
Speaker 2: or a nurse. They don't appreciate it the sacrifice. And
Speaker 2: I just want to say that because I know that
Speaker 2: there are a lot of people think that doctors are millionaires.
Speaker 2: That's not true, not true.
Speaker 4: Yeah, no, I appreciate that, and thank you. It's a
Speaker 4: team effort. And you know, people in healthcare, especially around
Speaker 4: the holidays, all of us physicians, nurses, are respiratory therapists,
Speaker 4: social workers are just working so hard and it really
Speaker 4: takes a group effort and collaboration. And I'm grateful for
Speaker 4: those words, so thank you.
Speaker 2: Well. I mean them from the bottom of my heart.
Speaker 2: I really do. And I think that medical professionals in
Speaker 2: this country are undervalued and underappreciated. We overvalue professional athletes
Speaker 2: and and you know, rock stars and all of that,
Speaker 2: but we underveil the people who are really important to
Speaker 2: our lives. And I just want to say thanks. That's
Speaker 2: all that you want. Your profession and the related professions
Speaker 2: are one of the things that I'm thankful for to
Speaker 2: live in the United States of America, where I believe
Speaker 2: the healthcare is the best in the world. So thank
Speaker 2: you very much, doctor Fardy.
Speaker 4: Thank you Dan. That means a lot.
Speaker 2: Well, we will talk again and hope to meet you
Speaker 2: someday outside of an emergency room. Thanks, happy forth to you.
Speaker 4: You have a great night, of course, take care happy
Speaker 4: for we.
Speaker 2: Are hit the eight thirty or hit the turn at
Speaker 2: the bottom of the hour. It's the eight thirty news
Speaker 2: coming up, by the way, and didn't mention the boat.
Speaker 2: We have double team back in the control room tonight.
Speaker 2: Rob and Sean are back there taking care of business.
Speaker 2: And when we get back on and talk with Shane,
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, Shane. My mistake. My mistake, Shane, my mistake. Okay, well,
Speaker 2: thank you for the for the correction. That's that is
Speaker 2: that is unacceptable. We are going to be speaking with
Speaker 2: the Mayor of Quincy, Mayor Thomas Coke about the Quincy
Speaker 2: four hundred Maritime Festival Friday July fourth through Sunday the
Speaker 2: sixth at Quincy's Marina Bay Boardwalk. It is a three
Speaker 2: day free Waterfront Celebration. We'll talk with Mayor Coke right
Speaker 2: after the break.
Speaker 1: It's Nightside with.
Speaker 2: Boston's News Radio Roy sticks of dynamite out your window. Yikes,
Speaker 2: that's not a good way to celebrate the fourth. But
Speaker 2: I'll tell you a good way to celebrate the fourth
Speaker 2: is to spend some time at Quincy's Marina Bay Boardwalk
Speaker 2: three day free waterfound Waterfront Celebration. With us is the
Speaker 2: Mayor of Quincy, Massachusetts, the Honorable Thomas Coke. Mayor Coke,
Speaker 2: Welcome back to night Side.
Speaker 3: Good evening, Dan, good to be with you.
Speaker 2: Absolutely. So this is Quinsy's four hundredth birthday. I know
Speaker 2: you had the big parade a couple of weeks ago,
Speaker 2: and so now you have the inaugura meaning first Quinsy
Speaker 2: four hundred Maritime Festival. What's involved in this? I mean,
Speaker 2: I think it is kind of self descriptive. But give
Speaker 2: us some idea about what people will will see. We'll enjoy.
Speaker 5: Sure, a Marina Bay is part of Quantum Point. It's
Speaker 5: a beautiful location, one of the biggest Marinians by the way,
Speaker 5: in the Northeast, and got a gorgeous boardwalk. Wonderful restaurants
Speaker 5: and businesses there. It's also historic site. It was originally
Speaker 5: shipbuilding destroys for World War One and World War II
Speaker 5: was a naval air station where a lot of British
Speaker 5: pilots along with the American pilots were trained for battles
Speaker 5: in the skies over Europe. So it has great history there.
Speaker 5: So there's a beautiful Navy memorial there as well. But
Speaker 5: you know, we got a big weekend plan for families.
Speaker 5: Not everyone gets to go down the cape or headed
Speaker 5: somewhere else, So this is a great event for families
Speaker 5: that will include all kinds of things. It will have
Speaker 5: bands and music and face painting and sancastle building. In
Speaker 5: the evening, the boats will light up in the marine.
Speaker 5: Are just good stuff. Good do Old Americana. A couple
Speaker 5: of days free admission, so hopefully people come down and
Speaker 5: relax and enjoy it.
Speaker 2: How's the access, how's the parking? I'm familiar with Marina Bay.
Speaker 2: Any any tips you want to give people as to
Speaker 2: how to get in there or what to bring with
Speaker 2: them to make themselves comfortable.
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 5: Sure, we have a Greta bay is right next to it.
Speaker 5: A bus the DC parking lot which is the parking
Speaker 5: lot that was built Ferry the work as the Fier
Speaker 5: Island when the surage plant was built. So there's a
Speaker 5: enormous parking lot there, buddy hundred cars, so there's plenty
Speaker 5: of parking and commended Marina Bay that through Victory Road
Speaker 5: to Command to Sha Bulevard, plenty of parking. Walk along
Speaker 5: the boardwalk and it's right there. The weather looks good.
Speaker 5: There's plenty of restrooms that'll be available. There's restaurants for
Speaker 5: food and drink, and certainly people can bring water to
Speaker 5: stay hydrated. But a lot of cool stuff planned. We're
Speaker 5: going to kick it off with a actually a cake
Speaker 5: cutting ceremony three o'clock by the Vietnam Clock Tower Vietnam Memorial,
Speaker 5: so on Friday, and then I give you a say,
Speaker 5: it goes right through the weekend. So good stuff, really
Speaker 5: good stuff.
Speaker 2: So who came up with this idea? I mean, obviously
Speaker 2: this is an important year for Quincy. Four hundred. The
Speaker 2: anniversary makes you older than the city of Boston, right,
Speaker 2: I mean Boston has.
Speaker 3: Well we're four hundred.
Speaker 5: There's a settlement. So sixteen twenty five it was Mount Wallaceton.
Speaker 5: We Pott of Quinsey was a little part of Dorchester,
Speaker 5: part was part of Braintreet, but eventually became the town
Speaker 5: of Quinsy, and then in eighteen eighty eight became the
Speaker 5: city of Quincy. So we're actually celebrating four hundred years.
Speaker 5: It's a settlement and there's a lot of day to cover,
Speaker 5: I mean with the land of Adams and Hancock, without
Speaker 5: which perhaps it wouldn't have been a revolution. So in
Speaker 5: a long history since then home of Duncan Donuts and
Speaker 5: home of Howard Johnson's and home of one of the
Speaker 5: most productive ship yards in America during World War two,
Speaker 5: granted industry, it was remarkable here. So it's uh, it's
Speaker 5: got steep, steep heritage history in the city. And Julie Pagano,
Speaker 5: who now has the Chamber of Commerce, suggested we come
Speaker 5: up with a program like this to fit in with
Speaker 5: all of the other activities during the course of the
Speaker 5: s We thought it made some good sense and.
Speaker 3: So here we go.
Speaker 2: And also Quincy was represented by one of my favorite Democrats,
Speaker 2: Bill Della Hunt for many years and he certainly left
Speaker 2: a mark. And I know you were very close with Bill,
Speaker 2: and Bill was close with you as well, and both
Speaker 2: of you are I think really common sense democrats who
Speaker 2: are out there doing the work that you got, that
Speaker 2: you've got to do to help people. Uh, not necessarily issuing,
Speaker 2: you know, broad pronouncements to change the world, but doing
Speaker 2: the hard work that politicians are supposed to to do
Speaker 2: on behalf of their constituents.
Speaker 3: Bill was a special guy, and Bill was voted in
Speaker 3: Congress as one of the most popular on both sides
Speaker 3: of the aisle. He knew how to work with people
Speaker 3: to get things done. And we could use more Bill
Speaker 3: Dellahans today in DC.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it would it would be nice. It certainly would
Speaker 2: be nice. I remember I used to and if if
Speaker 2: you had been mayor back then, I used to spend
Speaker 2: opening day off in Way Park with Tom Andino at
Speaker 2: five o'clock, five thirty six o'clock in the morning. We
Speaker 2: would be doing live shots playing catch the day of
Speaker 2: the Red Sox opener, and I invited a lot of people.
Speaker 2: Governors Sulucci and Ronniey was there one time. So I
Speaker 2: invited Della Hunt, and Della Hunt said to me, he says, well,
Speaker 2: you know, he says, I don't know if you know
Speaker 2: it or not, but you know, I'm left handed and
Speaker 2: I said, Bill, I don't care about your politics. He says, no,
Speaker 2: I need a left hand, admit, I said, I could
Speaker 2: take care of it. Yeah, just a lot of fun.
Speaker 2: So what is in it for your future? You've been
Speaker 2: mayor there now, Tom Coke for almost twenty years? Were
Speaker 2: more than twenty years?
Speaker 3: No aps? Almost twenty them.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm in the middle of a term and I'm
Speaker 5: just getting the hang of it.
Speaker 2: Dan Well, I feel the same way, Mayor. The reason
Speaker 2: I asked that question was I actually knew the answer
Speaker 2: to it. I've been doing night Side. We're going to
Speaker 2: start year eighteen on October first, and so maybe I
Speaker 2: should bring you on that night as a special guest
Speaker 2: and we can. That'd be fun celebrate. You know you
Speaker 2: obviously what year were you would have first been elected
Speaker 2: mayor in what year?
Speaker 3: Six o seven?
Speaker 2: Oh? So you got okay? So the mayor all election
Speaker 2: is sort of on an odd year. Well, I started
Speaker 2: Nightside on October first, two thousand and seven, So I'm
Speaker 2: a couple of weeks a few weeks ahead, are you, mayor?
Speaker 2: But you're you're the longest serving big city mayor in
Speaker 2: Boston in Massachusetts as far as I'm concerned, and one
Speaker 2: of the best. So you hang in there and let's
Speaker 2: do something in October we can celebrate four hundredth for
Speaker 2: Quinsy and coming up on the start of your eighteenth
Speaker 2: and started my eighteenth. I really enjoyed talking with you.
Speaker 2: Say to say hi to our our mutual friend George
Speaker 2: Reagan as well.
Speaker 3: Okay, well do thanks for the time, and have a
Speaker 3: great fought Dan.
Speaker 2: YouTube Mayor, and congratulations to everyone in Quincy. It's a
Speaker 2: it is a. It's a great city. It's a great place.
Speaker 2: Uh and it's had its rough times, but you've you've
Speaker 2: stuck with it and and you've led that city now
Speaker 2: for almost two decades and done a remarkable job. Appreciate
Speaker 2: appreciate you taking the time tonight when we get back.
Speaker 2: You know what, I say enough critical things, by the way,
Speaker 2: folks about politicians. When there's a politician I think is
Speaker 2: doing a good job, I just tell you what I
Speaker 2: really believe. It's as simple as that. We're going to
Speaker 2: talk about a concept called post traumatic parenting. I'm still
Speaker 2: trying to figure this one out. We're going to talk
Speaker 2: with doctor Robin Koslovich. I think I pronounced her name correctly.
Speaker 2: Parenting differently than you were parented. Giving parents clear, actionable
Speaker 2: strategies to build joyful, connected, and healthy relationships with their children.
Speaker 2: Turning your own survival instincts into a parenting superpower sounds interesting.
Speaker 2: And we will talk with doctor Koslovich, PhD, doctor about
Speaker 2: post traumatic parenting. She's written a book as a matter
Speaker 2: of fact, back on Nightside with what I think would
Speaker 2: be a very interesting conversation. Actually, we've had three good
Speaker 2: guests so far tonight, and we'll run the table with
Speaker 2: doctor Koslovitch right after this break.
Speaker 1: It's night Side with Boston's News Radio.
Speaker 2: All right, fourth and final guest in this edition of
Speaker 2: the Nightside News Update with us as doctor Robin Koslowitch.
Speaker 2: Have I gotten close to the correct pronunciation, doctor Robin.
Speaker 6: It's doctor kost Folowitz. But you can call me doctor
Speaker 6: k It's a lot easier.
Speaker 2: That's okay, Costlowitz, Costlowitz, Okay, thank you ll call you
Speaker 2: doctor k or doctor Robin. Post traumatic parenting? What is
Speaker 2: post traumatic parenting? Let's start off with the basics. Go
Speaker 2: right ahead.
Speaker 6: So if you're parenting and you've had a recent trauma
Speaker 6: in your life that left you depleted or you kind
Speaker 6: of know what you don't want to do in your
Speaker 6: parenting everything that happened in your childhood, but you don't
Speaker 6: know what you want to do. That's what this.
Speaker 3: Book is for.
Speaker 2: Okay. So if you recognize that you have and inadequacy
Speaker 2: as a parent, either from something that has happened recently
Speaker 2: or in your past, what percentage of people actually can
Speaker 2: recognize that deficiency?
Speaker 6: I think pretty much everybody, Because when you're parenting and
Speaker 6: you find yourself doing something that you really don't want
Speaker 6: to do. Right, you wake up in the morning, you say, today,
Speaker 6: I'm going to stay calm no matter what my kids do,
Speaker 6: and then you find yourself yelling today, I'm going to
Speaker 6: stay present, and when my teenager is talking to me,
Speaker 6: I'm not going to space out. I'm going to listen.
Speaker 6: And then you find yourself on your phone or you know, today,
Speaker 6: if my you know, my middle schooler is begging for something,
Speaker 6: I'm going to whole firm and I am only going
Speaker 6: to buy them the things that I believe in buying them.
Speaker 6: And next thing you know, you're downloading that extremely gory
Speaker 6: movie that you promised you wouldn't let them watch. There's
Speaker 6: probably some experience in your life that taught you to
Speaker 6: be that way, and I call that experience trauma.
Speaker 2: Okay, so now I know that there's a book, and
Speaker 2: we're going to mention the book obviously, but before we
Speaker 2: get to mentioning what people can can read, I got
Speaker 2: to ask you a couple of questions. What percentage of
Speaker 2: parents and I'm talking about I want to talk about parents,
Speaker 2: active parents, parents who have kids. I'd say, under the
Speaker 2: age of eighteen. What percentage of parents aren't carrying some
Speaker 2: form of trauma with them? In your opinion?
Speaker 6: Well, aren't carrying some form of trauma? I think one
Speaker 6: in eight parents are experience. You are you know, saying
Speaker 6: that they're carrying some form of trauma. I kind of
Speaker 6: think since COVID, we're all post traumatic parents because the
Speaker 6: world kind of exploded and it never really restored itself,
Speaker 6: and there are a lot of people who are still
Speaker 6: dealing with the economic you know, stretchers that happened during COVID,
Speaker 6: or the changes in family structure or health concerns. But
Speaker 6: in terms of people who say that they're parenting through trauma,
Speaker 6: it's about one in eight.
Speaker 2: Do you think that's accurate? It would seem to me
Speaker 2: that that's an understatement.
Speaker 6: Or it can be. I think some people, you know,
Speaker 6: trauma sounds like you're damaged, right, and some people do
Speaker 6: not want to, you know, admit that they're damaged. I
Speaker 6: was recently talking to a CEO who was talking about
Speaker 6: some really upsetting experiences in their childhood. Their parents were
Speaker 6: very harsh and critical and really pushed them, and you know,
Speaker 6: I when I spoke about post traumatic parenting, the CEO said, well,
Speaker 6: I don't consider myself traumatized because I grew from it
Speaker 6: and I'm very functional and I do really well in life.
Speaker 6: But like functional, but carrying damage. That's what trauma is.
Speaker 6: So not identifying yourself as traumatized and saying you grew
Speaker 6: from it, that's great. Post traumatic growth is a wonderful thing.
Speaker 6: But at the same token, you know, those experiences of
Speaker 6: being so harshly parented and criticized and shamed and blamed,
Speaker 6: I think most people would recognize those experiences as traumatic.
Speaker 2: Okay, so what will parents learn in your book? I
Speaker 2: assume it's a book that literally would benefit everyone. People
Speaker 2: who believe they dealt with some trauma and maybe you know,
Speaker 2: succeeded in ridding themselves of the trauma. And maybe some
Speaker 2: people who think they're still impacted by that trauma, and
Speaker 2: maybe some people who are in denial, and what will
Speaker 2: they learn, how will they learn to recognize it and
Speaker 2: then deal with it.
Speaker 6: So part one of the book is all about trauma
Speaker 6: and what it does to our brain and how it
Speaker 6: rewires our neurology to change the way we interact with people,
Speaker 6: and of course, our kids are the people that we
Speaker 6: need to raise and interact with. The second part of
Speaker 6: the book talks about some defaults, certain types of post
Speaker 6: traumatic parents that most people tend to fall into. And
Speaker 6: the last part of the book is the how to
Speaker 6: parent part. And in the book, I share my own
Speaker 6: story about having PTSD and thinking I was the only
Speaker 6: parent who needed to figure out how to handle flashbacks
Speaker 6: and panic attacks and how to explain them to toddlers
Speaker 6: or how to deal with them when I was pregnant,
Speaker 6: you know, the idea that like, it's so painful for
Speaker 6: me to be inside my body, what is it like
Speaker 6: for a developing fetus?
Speaker 3: Right?
Speaker 6: And then after that, how do you explain a panic
Speaker 6: attack to a four year old? You know, how do
Speaker 6: you handle it when you know you're eleven year old
Speaker 6: is triggering you? So so I do share a lot
Speaker 6: of my story and also the research around how parenting
Speaker 6: actually is an opportunity time to heal from our trauma.
Speaker 2: Wow, how did you get involved in this aspect when
Speaker 2: I've found in my experience that when a professional psychologist,
Speaker 2: and I believe you're a psychologist, yes, right, that oftentimes
Speaker 2: you're drawn to an area you're a child psychologist, that
Speaker 2: you've drawn to an area that maybe you felt you
Speaker 2: had been adversely impacted by. I'm asking that question as
Speaker 2: kindly and as gently as I can, but I.
Speaker 6: Think I appreciate the sensitivity. Yeah, all researches me search, right,
Speaker 6: we go into the fields that we are drawn to.
Speaker 6: I had PTSD as a kid in the years well
Speaker 6: prior to when people were talking about trauma, because before
Speaker 6: nine to eleven, trauma wasn't really in the cultural lexicon.
Speaker 6: But I had a very traumatic story in terms of
Speaker 6: how my father died I failed in attempt to save
Speaker 6: his life with CPR. When I was sixteen, I developed
Speaker 6: PTSD with flashbacks, but I had no idea that that
Speaker 6: was even a thing. I thought I was, you know,
Speaker 6: schizophrenic mentally ill. I thought I was, you know, going
Speaker 6: to end up you know, in an institution, and I
Speaker 6: tried to hide it for a very long time. And
Speaker 6: it wasn't until college, when I was taking an abnormal
Speaker 6: psych class that I and my professor was talking about
Speaker 6: PTSD in Vietnam veterans that I realized that that's what
Speaker 6: I have and that there's a cure for it. And
Speaker 6: then of course I became a mom, and I just
Speaker 6: felt so overwhelmed by the thought of how am I
Speaker 6: going to do this with my PTSD. I have so
Speaker 6: many panic attacks, and like I said, initially it was
Speaker 6: just what's this going to do to my pregnancy? So
Speaker 6: by then I was a graduate student and I was
Speaker 6: looking in the stack. I was a graduate student at
Speaker 6: m YU, and I was looking at the stacks at
Speaker 6: Bok's library, and there was no research, like, not a
Speaker 6: single researcher had ever studied this. So it was a
Speaker 6: matter of me figuring that out for myself. And then
Speaker 6: of course nine eleven happened. Then suddenly trauma hit the lexicon,
Speaker 6: and suddenly there was a lot more research, but not
Speaker 6: on this topic. How do you parent in the context
Speaker 6: of trauma? And when you you know, because our brain
Speaker 6: is very much set up to parent exactly the way
Speaker 6: we were parented. It's a copy paste system. The attachment
Speaker 6: system is just sort of like do what mom did,
Speaker 6: which is great if what mom did was great, but
Speaker 6: not so great if what mom did is do one
Speaker 6: thing you don't want to do, or like in my
Speaker 6: situation where my father was so sick that that was
Speaker 6: sort of the organizing principle of my home. How do
Speaker 6: you parent healthy kids? That's too healthy young parents? Like
Speaker 6: what do normal parents do? So I had to figure
Speaker 6: all of that stuff out on my own. How to
Speaker 6: heal from my trauma and then how to parent, how
Speaker 6: to be a parent, and how to parent sounds great.
Speaker 2: Again, Let's have the name of the book, and obviously
Speaker 2: I assume it's available through Amazon. Is it just outer?
Speaker 2: Has it been out for a while? It was?
Speaker 6: Yesterday was the release date, so that was the book birthday.
Speaker 6: It's post traumatic parenting, break the cycle and become the
Speaker 6: parent you always want it to be. And you can
Speaker 6: get it on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, your local independent bookstore,
Speaker 6: really wherever you get books.
Speaker 2: Doctor Robi Kaslovich, again I'm not sure if I get
Speaker 2: that correctly, but well, doctor Robin, doctor k A child
Speaker 2: psychologist who has turned a bad experience in her life
Speaker 2: perhaps into a learning experience for a lot of other people.
Speaker 2: Thanks for your courage, and thanks for doing this book,
Speaker 2: and thanks for doing this interview. I appreciate it very much,
Speaker 2: doctor Kay.
Speaker 6: Thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to
Speaker 6: talk about it. It's a real passion of mine.
Speaker 2: Obviously, and you know what. I sense that. That's why
Speaker 2: I asked the questions. I knew nothing about your involvement
Speaker 2: prior to it. I wish I had the opportunity to
Speaker 2: read the books of all my guests before I interview them,
Speaker 2: but I don't have that chance, simply because I do
Speaker 2: a lot of people at night. But I think, of
Speaker 2: course I sensed it, and you rose to the occasion.
Speaker 2: I thank you for that. Appreciate it very much.
Speaker 6: Really appreciate the interview and the questions.
Speaker 2: Happy fourth of July. You have a lot to sell.
Speaker 6: Them you too, have a great summer, you too.
Speaker 2: All right, we'll be back and we are going to
Speaker 2: talk about the conviction today of Sean Diddy Combs, not
Speaker 2: something that we have normally talked about here on Nightside,
Speaker 2: but we will have a criminal defense attorney join us.
Speaker 2: With the conversation. He beat the more significant indictment, but
Speaker 2: he's still I think going to do some time in Sture.
Speaker 2: He's been in Sturr since last September. We'll be back
Speaker 2: on nightside right after the nine o'clock news