Speaker 1: Welcome to becoming the beautiful discovery, the courage to wake up.
Speaker 1: I'm Raina Bigham, Coach Queen Bee, and this is a
Speaker 1: space for anyone ready to reclaim their power, honor their truth,
Speaker 1: and rise from survival into self awakening. I spent many
Speaker 1: years living by everyone else's rules, invisible in my own life,
Speaker 1: until holding my newborn daughter changed everything. From that moment,
Speaker 1: I began to rewrite my story, but myself first and
Speaker 1: discover what freedom and beauty really mean. Here, along with
Speaker 1: doctor Pat, we explore courage, self care, and the messy,
Speaker 1: magnificent journey of awakening. Every scar can be a signature
Speaker 1: of strength, Every step can be a claim to your
Speaker 1: own life. This is your invitation to wake up, speak
Speaker 1: your truth, and become the beautiful discovery you always meant
Speaker 1: to be. Becoming the beautiful discovery starts now.
Speaker 2: Hey, everybody welcome. I'm doctor Pat Oh. We are going
Speaker 2: to have a blast today, myself and Queenie Bee coach Queeniebee,
Speaker 2: because this is right here, this one here is this
Speaker 2: is the conundrum I think for women. I can't talk
Speaker 2: about men. I really can't. I mean us women, we
Speaker 2: have our opinions about this for the men. But we
Speaker 2: and we and I have to talk about all that today.
Speaker 2: Well maybe we will a little bit, but here's the episode.
Speaker 2: Is self care selfish? Is self care selfish? That's really
Speaker 2: the question we want to talk about today because if
Speaker 2: you think about that and you look at in the
Speaker 2: world what that means, then you've got to really ask
Speaker 2: the question, why don't we just call it selfish instead
Speaker 2: of self care? Why don't we just like say, ugh,
Speaker 2: that's me, I'm selfish because I'm curus. Well, we don't
Speaker 2: because fundamentally we have to look at the aspect of
Speaker 2: what that means. And Branda, thank you for this talk
Speaker 2: of today. It's so super duper important, it really is.
Speaker 2: It's crazy because I've just been facing this myself and
Speaker 2: I cannot believe how insidious If I may ask, how
Speaker 2: this upbringing we call it upbringing? How the upbringing just
Speaker 2: hiss us sometimes? And then we're like, oh, maybe I
Speaker 2: shouldn't do that thing I love? But how about for you?
Speaker 2: Why'd you pick this one? Oh?
Speaker 3: Well, unfortunately, my uncle passed a few months ago, and
Speaker 3: I was I went to my family reunion this past
Speaker 3: weekend and I was talking to my cousin and I was,
Speaker 3: you know, letting her know that taking care of herself
Speaker 3: is a good thing, you know, especially during this time,
Speaker 3: you know, to be able to show up for others,
Speaker 3: she needs to make sure to take care of herself.
Speaker 3: And she goes, but isn't that selfish? And I went, WHOA,
Speaker 3: I see where you're coming from, because we have had
Speaker 3: so many things with society and just the way that
Speaker 3: we grow up saying that, Oh my god, even if
Speaker 3: you go take a bath, that's selfish, you know what
Speaker 3: I mean. And so I was like, no, that is
Speaker 3: not selfish. I mean, it's one thing if you're just
Speaker 3: leaving all day and just having your own fun, but
Speaker 3: it's important for you to take that time to go
Speaker 3: soak in that bath, or find a coloring book in color,
Speaker 3: or do your facial or go get your nails done.
Speaker 3: And it doesn't have to be an all the time thing,
Speaker 3: but it's very important to set a time, set aside
Speaker 3: time for yourself so you can rejuvenate, because if you don't,
Speaker 3: you can't show up for other people. Holy you will,
Speaker 3: you will come upty percent. Then you'll be bitchy. Then
Speaker 3: you'll be all like.
Speaker 4: Oh my good I don't want to do this.
Speaker 3: But if you're filling good within yourself and you're taking
Speaker 3: care of yourself, you will be able to show up
Speaker 3: for others. So it's very important for us to learn
Speaker 3: how to take care of ourselves.
Speaker 2: Yeah, let's talk about why that is important. Because one
Speaker 2: of the things that my mom used to say this
Speaker 2: all the time, but you know, I never really put
Speaker 2: it into perspective, you know, and you know, she was
Speaker 2: a really good example of how she would do this. Okay,
Speaker 2: so this may seem a little corny or a little
Speaker 2: city silly, but you have to understand where Mama Dorus
Speaker 2: came from. She came from some slim picking beginnings girls, right, yeah,
Speaker 2: just some slim pickens. I'm not even going to go
Speaker 2: into how slim them pickens were. When you eat that
Speaker 2: chicken beek, I'm telling you, and them chicken claws, yes,
Speaker 2: that is slim pickens.
Speaker 4: Yes.
Speaker 2: She used to take herself to bingo. Good So we
Speaker 2: got this from her. M Now, my dad was a
Speaker 2: buster and every time she he would start on her
Speaker 2: about the bingo, she say, honey, you and not sleeping
Speaker 2: in this room tonight?
Speaker 4: Good by?
Speaker 2: I am up. But why am I bringing that up?
Speaker 2: Because She was a great role model for me. But
Speaker 2: somewhere along the way, I've gone through periods of my
Speaker 2: life where I felt I didn't deserve it. So talk
Speaker 2: about deserving if you don't mind.
Speaker 3: Right, I mean, And unfortunately this does stem from the
Speaker 3: way society puts things, the way our families have put
Speaker 3: things because of the way society has put things, you know.
Speaker 3: I mean, we're dealing with generations of people that have
Speaker 3: been ingrained that we've got to grind, grind, grind, hustle, hustle, hustle,
Speaker 3: and we're not allowed to take time for ourselves because
Speaker 3: it's about the bottom dollar and we got to help
Speaker 3: everybody else and we don't matter. And at the end
Speaker 3: of the day, we all deserve to take care of ourselves,
Speaker 3: you know. And it's unfortunate that we have this this
Speaker 3: thought process in our heads that, oh, if we want
Speaker 3: to go buy ourself a little gift, I don't know, coffee,
Speaker 3: you know. Oh my god, I can't believe you're spending
Speaker 3: money on yourself. You got to spend that on somebody else,
Speaker 3: or you got to pay your bills, you know what
Speaker 3: I mean.
Speaker 2: Andy, We could get into a whole rant on this
Speaker 2: I'm gonna tell you about this, sister right now. Queen
Speaker 2: you Bee, coach, Queenie Bee right in mind of ours.
Speaker 2: We may not say it out loud, but all of
Speaker 2: a sudden, somebody got somebody walks up to you and say, girlfriend,
Speaker 2: I thought you're starting a bit just the way my
Speaker 2: friends talk to me. Just to be clear, I'm not
Speaker 2: mimicking anybody. This is my friends. And you know, once
Speaker 2: I use this, I'll let you know what color to skin.
Speaker 2: My friends are folks. I remember I went to Plainfield
Speaker 2: High School. Okay, honey, you really gonna go do that?
Speaker 2: I said, Gwen, yes, ma'am, I'm going to go do that.
Speaker 2: You really think you know, you start the business, And
Speaker 2: I said, She asked what I'm going to do? She said, honey,
Speaker 2: you just passed the test. Now why why? Because she
Speaker 2: knows me and she knows that I could be easily
Speaker 2: persuaded not to go get my nails done right, or
Speaker 2: buy a T shirt or do whatever that is. But
Speaker 2: can we talk about the other side of this, because
Speaker 2: we have to talk about the point to burnout?
Speaker 4: Oh exactly.
Speaker 3: I mean that's one of the most important things for
Speaker 3: the self care. I mean, even when we go to work,
Speaker 3: we are continuously working.
Speaker 4: Towards whatever they want us to work towards.
Speaker 3: And we are I mean, even with me, you know,
Speaker 3: working another job throughout the day. They really expect for
Speaker 3: me to be able to do things outside of work
Speaker 3: while I'm not working and not get paid for it.
Speaker 3: And I'm like what, you know, And so I had
Speaker 3: to set a boundary going, yeah, no, I'm not working
Speaker 3: outside of work hours, you know, and I'm only going
Speaker 3: to do what is my job because if I do
Speaker 3: anything up and above, y'all are going to think that
Speaker 3: I'm going to do it all the time, you know.
Speaker 3: But we put so much emphasis on working and grinding
Speaker 3: that we at a certain point because we're not taking
Speaker 3: care of ourselves. We reach a point of burnout, which
Speaker 3: is where you are angry, you don't want to go
Speaker 3: to work anymore, you don't treat people with kindness because
Speaker 3: you feel so low vibrational, and you just feel tired,
Speaker 3: and then you start feeling sick, and then you get stressed,
Speaker 3: and then your emotions go crazy and then oh my god,
Speaker 3: and God forbid if we add other things in there
Speaker 3: for women that add on to that, that's just a
Speaker 3: whole other thing. I mean, because we're coming home, we're
Speaker 3: taking care of our kids or just cleaning house or
Speaker 3: taking care of the yard, or taking care of other people, and.
Speaker 4: We're not taking care of ourselves.
Speaker 3: And all of a sudden, we're like we've reached bottom
Speaker 3: and we're laying up in the bed sick because our bodies.
Speaker 4: Like nope, you're done.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know.
Speaker 3: So it's very important for us to take care of
Speaker 3: ourselves because that burnout doesn't help anybody. It doesn't help
Speaker 3: the company you're working for, it doesn't help your kids,
Speaker 3: it doesn't help your farm, it doesn't help.
Speaker 4: Nobody, you know.
Speaker 3: And when you're taken down, it will take you out
Speaker 3: until you start taking care of yourself.
Speaker 2: I love this, you know. I did a bunch of
Speaker 2: series of shows because you know, there were things that
Speaker 2: have come up in my family and my friend's family
Speaker 2: about taking care of the elderly right, and so what
Speaker 2: was so interesting about that I attracted about three or
Speaker 2: four hosts that talked about the self care behind the
Speaker 2: care and the numbers, the statistics. And I have a
Speaker 2: friend right now, I'm watching him and I watched him
Speaker 2: over a six eight month time deteriorate and he was
Speaker 2: not the one that had the issue. He didn't have dementia.
Speaker 2: His wife did. And I'm watching him now. The dude
Speaker 2: is in a wheelchair. I don't even know how to help, right,
Speaker 2: and the family couldn't see it coming. But there are
Speaker 2: multiple things that we can do for ourselves. And let's
Speaker 2: talk about that, because here's something I've been making a
Speaker 2: big thing about. I follow sports, and I don't know,
Speaker 2: I don't know what it is, but there's some divide
Speaker 2: that happens when you talk about women in sports versus
Speaker 2: men in sports. And you know, I'm following a player
Speaker 2: now that obviously is getting brutally targeted by teams players
Speaker 2: for whatever reason. And the referees are just here, no,
Speaker 2: we see no evil. They don't even smell nothing. They
Speaker 2: are just like ridiculous. And so what she does is
Speaker 2: really make a stink about it. You see. Let's talk
Speaker 2: about standing up for oneself if we could for a moment,
Speaker 2: as a version of self care, what do you take
Speaker 2: on that? How many times did you have to stand
Speaker 2: up for yourself? Causito, we don't include that in self care?
Speaker 3: Oh right, No, I mean there are so many and
Speaker 3: you don't have to stand up for yourself rudely.
Speaker 4: You can just you can just be.
Speaker 3: Very calm and collected and be like, you know what,
Speaker 3: that doesn't work for me, Thank you, I appreciate it.
Speaker 4: But no, it is okay to say no. No is
Speaker 4: part of self care.
Speaker 3: If you are not filling up to something, or if
Speaker 3: somebody's trying to make you do something.
Speaker 4: That you don't want to do, it's okay not to
Speaker 4: do it.
Speaker 2: No.
Speaker 3: And I'm just like, I mean, I recently had to
Speaker 3: like ask for an extra day off because I can't
Speaker 3: take care of myself, and I'm like, look for me
Speaker 3: to be able to show up for you, myself.
Speaker 4: And my family and others around me.
Speaker 3: I need to be able to have rest. Resting is
Speaker 3: a form of self care. You take a nap, there
Speaker 3: is nothing wrong with that. If you go to bed
Speaker 3: at seven o'clock, there is nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 4: And I get it. You're like, oh my god, I
Speaker 4: got things I gotta do.
Speaker 3: Those lists will always be there, one step at a time,
Speaker 3: do one, two, three things. If you only get three
Speaker 3: things done, pat yourself on the damn back, go get
Speaker 3: yourself an ice cream cone and watch TV for ten minutes.
Speaker 3: You know, self care doesn't have to be an all
Speaker 3: day thing. It can literally be ten minutes. You know,
Speaker 3: what are you gonna do for ten minutes for yourself?
Speaker 3: I can't tell you what makes you feel good. I
Speaker 3: know what makes me feel good going on walks. I mean,
Speaker 3: I sat outside this morning and a hummingbird came up
Speaker 3: and was like right here in my face, and.
Speaker 4: I was like, oh my god, hello, how are you?
Speaker 2: I know you're a see that's it man, But you
Speaker 2: know it's still hard. See. We have this thing that's
Speaker 2: called guilt and shame.
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, that guilt and shame can really get to you,
Speaker 3: which is why it's important for you to understand who
Speaker 3: you are and why does that make you feel guilty?
Speaker 4: Why does that bring you shame?
Speaker 3: Is it actually something within you or is it something
Speaker 3: that's being projected onto you because you're worried about what
Speaker 3: other people.
Speaker 4: Are going to think.
Speaker 3: It doesn't matter what other people think, it honestly does not.
Speaker 3: You don't have to tell them a damn thing, do
Speaker 3: you boom?
Speaker 4: You know?
Speaker 3: But I get it because I went through it, and
Speaker 3: I had to go through my process when I was
Speaker 3: going to college.
Speaker 4: I was trying to take care of my kids. I
Speaker 4: was trying to take care of the house.
Speaker 3: I was trying to take care of this, and at
Speaker 3: a certain point I couldn't. I couldn't, and I finally
Speaker 3: had to talk to the family and said, look, the
Speaker 3: house is going.
Speaker 4: To fall apart. It is going to look like it
Speaker 4: is lived in.
Speaker 3: It is not going to look perfect, and unless I help,
Speaker 3: this is what it is because I need to be
Speaker 3: able to focus on taking care of the kids and
Speaker 3: going to school. I still cook dinner, I still go
Speaker 3: grocery shopping, but I had to set a boundary for
Speaker 3: myself because I couldn't do it all.
Speaker 4: And it's okay to ask for help, and it's okay.
Speaker 3: To be like, oh, this is what I'm going to do,
Speaker 3: because if you don't, you will be the one ending
Speaker 3: up in a wheelchair or depressed or sad or and
Speaker 3: then people will be like, well, why is she depressed?
Speaker 3: I don't understand well, And then you get dis ease,
Speaker 3: which comes from sadness and burnout, and all of a sudden,
Speaker 3: you're creating diseases within yourself that you're like, oh my god,
Speaker 3: and this is your body going no.
Speaker 2: We can't do this.
Speaker 4: We have to take care of ourself. It is so
Speaker 4: important and it is. I don't know how many times
Speaker 4: I've just it's not selfish.
Speaker 2: You know, it's not selfish. So let's talk about what
Speaker 2: I call the generational pass down, the generational hand in
Speaker 2: of that the talk. I heard this. I heard this
Speaker 2: about a month ago. I was I don't know where
Speaker 2: I was standing, but I heard this. Maybe it was
Speaker 2: like a grocery store. I don't even know at this point,
Speaker 2: but it was like, you know, the young girl was saying, Mom,
Speaker 2: I'm going to go. I'm going over my friends to
Speaker 2: now house at tonight's house because we're going to do
Speaker 2: a little study and then we're going to go play soccer.
Speaker 2: She played competitive soccer. La la la. Mom turns around
Speaker 2: and says, honey, you spend a more time with your
Speaker 2: friends than you are with us. Yes, she is. She's
Speaker 2: a teenager. Hello, I don't know what you did when
Speaker 2: you were a teenager, But what's that about? And you know,
Speaker 2: this was only a snapshot in time. And I saw that.
Speaker 2: I saw the teenage girl and okay, I'm not saying
Speaker 2: I'm not and you all teenagers do this, if you listen,
Speaker 2: please don't do it. And I saw the young girl
Speaker 2: look at her mom and just pretty much with her
Speaker 2: eyes give her the finger.
Speaker 4: M m hm.
Speaker 2: You know she didn't do that, But she also didn't say, oh, mom,
Speaker 2: I'll stay home with you right now. I didn't hear
Speaker 2: the rest of the conversation, but clearly that kid is
Speaker 2: going to go out and what might she do. See,
Speaker 2: this is the other way that self care gets compromised.
Speaker 2: We cheat. This is how we cheat on our self care.
Speaker 2: I love it. We cheat. Yes, it is people saying
Speaker 2: I do self care and you're cheating on yourself. Why
Speaker 2: because you really want to get a manicure and pedicure
Speaker 2: and you're only going to get a manicured. Why because
Speaker 2: when you have to do you have to think, you
Speaker 2: have to do what? But you could feel it in
Speaker 2: the child. Maybe the impact of that is she doesn't
Speaker 2: spend an hour playing soccer. Maybe she cuts back on
Speaker 2: Do you understand what I'm saying here about the pattern
Speaker 2: of this.
Speaker 3: I totally understand. And that goes for adults as well.
Speaker 3: I mean, I'm putting it out there. I got me
Speaker 3: a boyfriend and I'm sitting up there trying to figure
Speaker 3: out how to spend time with him and still take
Speaker 3: care of my family, and I'm being put in a
Speaker 3: position with the family going, but you're not giving me
Speaker 3: enough time. But you're so busy as well that you
Speaker 3: want me to cater to your timing and my timing
Speaker 3: doesn't matter. And I'm having to work through this and
Speaker 3: set boundaries and be like, look, I understand, I get it,
Speaker 3: but it's unfair for you to ask me to not
Speaker 3: take care of myself by being with somebody that.
Speaker 4: Cares for me.
Speaker 3: And I know you guys care for me, but you're
Speaker 3: also old enough that you're doing what you need to
Speaker 3: to take care of yourself.
Speaker 4: So why can't I you know, so I totally get that.
Speaker 2: Oh my god. So let's think about it past the stigma,
Speaker 2: because here's here's the way it comes up. And I
Speaker 2: want to ask you how you get past this so
Speaker 2: I don't think like the people around us actually come
Speaker 2: out and say you're so selfish. They don't say those
Speaker 2: words right.
Speaker 4: They just make you feel guilty with the words that
Speaker 4: they do.
Speaker 2: So they make you feel guilty with the words right.
Speaker 2: But they also may say things like, and I've heard
Speaker 2: this before, do you ever think about anybody but yourself?
Speaker 4: Right?
Speaker 2: Isn't that a good one, that you're getting, that that
Speaker 2: you get and.
Speaker 3: That you're Wait a minute, I gave up my whole
Speaker 3: lives and that was my choice.
Speaker 4: I did that.
Speaker 3: And yet now I'm at a point in my life
Speaker 3: where I'm living my life and now I'm selfish. Okay,
Speaker 3: you know what you do. You you're projecting onto me.
Speaker 3: But see, the thing is is, I've done work on myself.
Speaker 3: I know who I am, and I know that what
Speaker 3: they're doing, and I know that I need to to
Speaker 3: come at them in a different way as opposed to
Speaker 3: just being aggressive or.
Speaker 4: Not.
Speaker 3: Instead of reacting, I need to respond. I've worked on myself,
Speaker 3: but this kid is still hard. I know, I know
Speaker 3: it is, and I still go through my head sometimes too,
Speaker 3: going oh my god, is this selfish?
Speaker 4: No, it's not.
Speaker 3: I need to take care of myself because I can't
Speaker 3: show up for you if I don't fill my cup.
Speaker 2: It's insidious. I have a coach in my sport and
Speaker 2: I was working with her Friday last Friday and I said,
Speaker 2: you know, I need your help on something. So she
Speaker 2: thinks I'm going to like need her help on something
Speaker 2: like super shot or something. I said, I need your
Speaker 2: help on something. You know, I'm playing in these leagues,
Speaker 2: and you know I don't do well when I have
Speaker 2: to rush from one game to another or one match
Speaker 2: to another, and you know, I just get burned out
Speaker 2: and I don't even take breaks between the game. My
Speaker 2: coach is from Nigeria and she he looked at me
Speaker 2: and said, you are never gonna win. And I said,
Speaker 2: we You mean, if you can't stop in the middle
Speaker 2: of a league that is really not so dang important,
Speaker 2: And say, I got to go get water and take
Speaker 2: two minutes in between games. How are you going to
Speaker 2: have the guts to win?
Speaker 3: Yes, how are you going to show up for the
Speaker 3: team if you're dehydrated and you pass out? Oh my gosh,
Speaker 3: Now you sprain your ankle, or you bust your head,
Speaker 3: or you're just out, and then you're out for the
Speaker 3: rest of the season.
Speaker 2: And it happens like you know, it's on Saturday. I
Speaker 2: was like, oh, dude, you know what, I love you,
Speaker 2: but I gotta go get a drink over here. I
Speaker 2: gotta go drink my protein drink. But even doing that,
Speaker 2: I thought of how much time I'm spending, not even
Speaker 2: five minutes, But in my mind, it's like Okay, dude
Speaker 2: standing at the other end of the table waiting for me,
Speaker 2: and so here I go drink down an entire bottle
Speaker 2: of a pro team drink and then we wonder what
Speaker 2: But you see how this shows up If people look
Speaker 2: at me when I share this stuff, Coach Queeney, they
Speaker 2: look at me when I share this stuff, and they say,
Speaker 2: you pat yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4: We still learn. No matter how much we know, we
Speaker 4: still learn.
Speaker 3: We still we still got to get into our own
Speaker 3: groove and be like, Okay, it's okay for me to
Speaker 3: spend two minutes drinking water regularly instead of bolting it down.
Speaker 3: And then you feel like crap on the wherever you're at,
Speaker 3: you know, the field or the court or whatever, you know,
Speaker 3: and you're like, oh, who wants that? You know what,
Speaker 3: if they don't want to take care of themselves and
Speaker 3: drink their water, let them be and you drink their
Speaker 3: water and you just go it's.
Speaker 4: Okay, it's okay, it's okay, I can drink my water.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I love this because now we have to talk
Speaker 2: about how we do the self care because we're giving
Speaker 2: a fan. I know, you have got to be in
Speaker 2: the middle of it with raising a family, having a family,
Speaker 2: not only that, but also being the family. So give
Speaker 2: us some tips on the best way to do self care.
Speaker 3: I would say, look, if you've got children and your
Speaker 3: children like to go to their friends, use that as
Speaker 3: your self care time. First of all, I mean, if
Speaker 3: you need to go on a date and the kids
Speaker 3: are out their friend's house, go on a date. If
Speaker 3: you need to take a bath, take a bath. But
Speaker 3: even if the kids are at home, there are times
Speaker 3: when they are playing and they're not messing with you
Speaker 3: and you haven't. You've got time between dinner. Take that
Speaker 3: five minutes. It is up to you.
Speaker 4: Get up an extra I don't like getting up early,
Speaker 4: that's just me. But if you can get up early,
Speaker 4: get up an extra.
Speaker 3: Ten to fifteen minutes early, sit there and drink your coffee,
Speaker 3: reading your newspaper before.
Speaker 4: Everybody gets up.
Speaker 3: It is up to you and how you you lies
Speaker 3: your time, And even if you have to plan it,
Speaker 3: be like, hey, I want to do this on Friday.
Speaker 4: Can you help me out, you know?
Speaker 3: Or hey, the kids are gone, I'm doing this, leave
Speaker 3: me alone, you know, Or don't answer your phone. Get
Speaker 3: a book when you're sitting in the train going to work.
Speaker 4: I mean, I don't know. Some people ride a train,
Speaker 4: read the book. When you're you know, on a trip,
Speaker 4: enjoy it.
Speaker 3: Be in the present moment, you know, but find the
Speaker 3: time that works for you. Find the things that you like,
Speaker 3: that you enjoy. If you want to take a damn nap,
Speaker 3: take a nap, you got that fifteen minutes do it?
Speaker 3: Set an alarm, you know, and I get it. The
Speaker 3: guilt and the shame will pop up, and it's working
Speaker 3: through that and going I'm allowed to do this.
Speaker 4: It's okay. I'm doing this not only.
Speaker 3: For myself but for others, because if I don't do
Speaker 3: it for myself, I can't show up for others because
Speaker 3: I don't want to lay up on the bed being sick,
Speaker 3: or get some disease or a migraine, or.
Speaker 4: Take care of yourself. It is okay.
Speaker 3: Give yourself permission and have compassion and kindness for yourself.
Speaker 4: For Pete's sake, it is okay. And if you.
Speaker 3: Need me I will help you through that, you know,
Speaker 3: contact me through coach creemybeat dot com.
Speaker 4: You can set up a consultation. All the other links
Speaker 4: are there.
Speaker 3: I mean, even if you want to sit down and
Speaker 3: listen to music for five minutes. Yep, you know, when
Speaker 3: you're driving home, turn the radio off and just be
Speaker 3: with yourself, or find music that you like. Don't be
Speaker 3: listening to all this shit that's happening. Find some good
Speaker 3: music and jam until you get home.
Speaker 4: Calm down. If you need to.
Speaker 3: Take in your driveway while you're at home listening to
Speaker 3: your music, do it, you know, I mean, come on,
Speaker 3: let's do it that.
Speaker 4: Whatever works for you. Five minutes, start with five minutes.
Speaker 3: Work your way up, you know, and you will work
Speaker 3: through that guilt and that shame.
Speaker 4: But like I said, even to this day, I still
Speaker 4: have it. I still got to work through it.
Speaker 2: And I'm like, it's okay, Yeah, it is okay, it is.
Speaker 2: You know. The one thing I thought about is what
Speaker 2: you just mentioned. First of all, you and I do
Speaker 2: not get through this alone. So I'm glad that you're
Speaker 2: putting yourself out there to help people. This is a
Speaker 2: big one for women. I'm telling you, ladies, you're not
Speaker 2: gonna be able to do this alone, especially if you
Speaker 2: have a lifetime of that.
Speaker 4: Right, we are a village. Get together and take care
Speaker 4: of yourself.
Speaker 3: My best friend that has cancer, we me and my
Speaker 3: other best friend, our best friend, mutual best friend. She's
Speaker 3: gonna come down and we're written in Airbnb and we're
Speaker 3: taking her away and we're spoiling her.
Speaker 4: Yeah, we all need that.
Speaker 2: That is okay, And you know, look for the signs.
Speaker 2: So here's a sign. I was talking to somebody, a
Speaker 2: potential client or host or something a while ago, and
Speaker 2: he said to me, what is the what is the
Speaker 2: best thing you like to do?
Speaker 4: Now?
Speaker 2: This will give you a sense of where I was,
Speaker 2: where I what I was on the edge of burn
Speaker 2: Isle at the time. I said, the best I'll tell you.
Speaker 2: The funniest thing I like to do is take an
Speaker 2: airplay ride from Seattle to New Jersey and New Jersey
Speaker 2: back there. He looked at me, like, are you out
Speaker 2: of your mind? I said, no, think about it. I
Speaker 2: get on that plane. Those doors shut, your things are
Speaker 2: shut down, You are not doing email, nobody's calling you,
Speaker 2: and you have a six hour ride, yes, uninterrupted.
Speaker 4: Yes.
Speaker 2: And I said to him, this is a friend of mine.
Speaker 2: Unless I sit next to you, then you're just not
Speaker 2: going to stop talking.
Speaker 4: Right.
Speaker 2: But that was a sign for me of where I
Speaker 2: was at that time in my life. And I just
Speaker 2: looked at that and I said, really, pat mm hmm,
Speaker 2: that's what you're longing for. Why don't you give yourself
Speaker 2: six hours girlfriend exactly? And you don't have to get
Speaker 2: no plane ride, no.
Speaker 3: No, just give yourself permission, have compassion and kindness. Yeah,
Speaker 3: show up for you, because at this point nobody else
Speaker 3: is going to do it for you. Your friends aren't going
Speaker 3: to be like, hey, you know you need to drink
Speaker 3: your water.
Speaker 2: You have a little watch that tells me that.
Speaker 4: Now I'm always going did you drink your water? Did
Speaker 4: you drink the water?
Speaker 2: I get to watch now, I get to watch that.
Speaker 2: It's like, makes this water sound right?
Speaker 4: Right?
Speaker 2: Oh my god?
Speaker 4: What is that?
Speaker 2: It's like I'm thinking, what's that my phone? No, it's
Speaker 2: my watch, like with water sound, Oh my god. And
Speaker 2: then I still don't go get it. Queenybe, coach, queeniebe,
Speaker 2: thank you so much for today, and for those who
Speaker 2: out there. I want to say two things to you.
Speaker 2: This is not like an invitation. This is a sense
Speaker 2: of urgency, ladies. This really is. You can look up
Speaker 2: all the statistics you want, You could see everything, but
Speaker 2: you don't have to. You don't have to do that.
Speaker 2: You just have to listen to what we're saying today
Speaker 2: and say, is that me?
Speaker 4: Yes?
Speaker 2: Is that me? Am? I going to do what other
Speaker 2: people want me to do because they've said two words.
Speaker 2: Thank you Coach Queenie Bee for everything.
Speaker 4: Of course, of course, thank you everybody.
Speaker 2: I think my watch is beep. And now for the water.
Speaker 4: Go drink your water, doctor pat I've got.
Speaker 2: Mine, all right, everybody, Emily, thank you, Coach Queenie Bee.
Speaker 2: Everybody go please reach out. I'm telling you I'm not here.
Speaker 2: She's not here because we did this alone. We have people. Yes,
Speaker 2: We'll see y'all next time.
Speaker 3: Bye.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Thank you for listening to becoming the beautiful
Speaker 1: discovery with me. Coach Queenie Bee and doctor Patty join
Speaker 1: us the first Monday each month at eleven am Pacific
Speaker 1: time to embark on this journey of courage, awakening and
Speaker 1: self discovery. If today's episode inspired you to take a
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Speaker 1: the movement too. For more resources, tools and inspiration, visit.
Speaker 4: Coach Queeniebee dot com.
Speaker 1: Remember visit Coach Queeniebee dot com and remember, your journey
Speaker 1: is your power. Keep waking up, claiming your truth and
Speaker 1: becoming the beautiful discovery you are always meant to be,