Speaker 1: Previously on oops all Bards. The Bards in Gideon have
realized that the large cage and equally large gelatinous cube
they found and creates the train's cargohold are meant to
be a torture device for the acting Secretary of War,
and decide the best way to thwart this plan will
be to throw both out of the moving train. Kelonian
attaches himself to a luggage rack and tries to open
one of the freight car's doors, but struggles to do
so with strength alone. Even more fortunately, Keilonian does not
hear the screams emanating from the armoire that falls out
of the car when the door opens. The bards who
do hear this make a silent agreement to never mention
it to their shelled friend, meaning the demise of the
final so called porter aboard the train will not be
on his conscience. The Bards begin to discard luggage and
cargo that will interfere with their goal of offloading the
crates containing the gelatinous cube and the cage. They start
with the artworks they had earlier learned had ties to
the old Malvaux administration, in case those pieces were meant
to carry secret messages to his sympathizers. Cretaceio attempts to
hold the cube at bay while his compatriots handle the disposal.
The Bard's clear a path and even manage to find
a Dolly to help them with this task. They offload
the cage and the cube, albeit not without the type
of antics we've now come to expect from the party.
The porter who led the Bards to the cargo car
while enchanted, and who was knocked out by Kelonean's sleep spell,
begins to come too. Bell knocks the porter back out
by wrapping her legs around his neck and constricting his airway.
The Bards agree to lock this porter and the unconscious
porter already in the kitchen into the train's walk in
ice box, vowing to hand them off to the authorities.
Speaker 2: Once they reached talbart Sava, the Bards fill up on
snacks and decide to get some rest, hoping the remainder
of their journey to Tabart Sava will be a quiet one.
Speaker 3: You wanted monsters all slain by their betters, But you
ain't seen nothing like arts and letters. Look who has
answered the cry of distress? Oops, it's all birds.
Speaker 4: Oh what a mess.
Speaker 3: You think we're a joke, but in truth, we're all in.
We fight like we learned it in books, because we did.
We all survived college with charisma. Impressive. Oops, it's all Bards,
and yes it's excessive. If you're still confused, we'll explain
to you. Thus there's nobody left, so that's why they
call us. We'll fight or will otherwise roll for successes. Oops,
it's all birds. We hope that addresses all that you
have to know to enjoy listening to our all Bard
party sent off on a mission.
Speaker 4: Hell it go.
Speaker 5: Well, we're sure you can get.
Speaker 6: Oops O.
Speaker 4: Andrew Carrol hold.
Speaker 7: Bell Sonameo flatty Ha, Colonian Stumps, Salub College.
Speaker 5: Clari Sour Cloud's Palmage.
Speaker 8: Hall, CRETACEO thunder Thigh Sluvere College.
Speaker 1: Welcome to Oops All Bart's, the actual play podcast that
does what it says on the box. I'm your host
and game master, Jillian Ashley Blair IVY, but if you
call me anything other than Jill, I'll probably just ignore you.
On the street with me, are our bards Bards? Please
introduce yourselves.
Speaker 8: Dat Sinha Das playing Cretatio, thunder Thigh.
Speaker 5: Hello, I am Anne Coleman, and I play Clarice sour Cloud.
Speaker 9: Hi, I'm Ashley Banks and I played Bellsnamo.
Speaker 4: Hi, I'm Russ Curry and I play Andrew Harrol.
Speaker 5: Hold.
Speaker 7: Hey, this is Bob Killian. I play Kelonian Stumps.
Speaker 4: And I'm Nate Runkle.
Speaker 10: This may not actually be my voice, but it is
my production for I am the producer of Oops.
Speaker 4: All Bards. Good day to you.
Speaker 1: Congrats Bards. You are finally at the end of the
train journey, which took way longer than I thought was
going to take. But before we get into what's coming next,
here's a quick recap of everything we did in our
last session. Maybe not everything, but most of what we
did in our last session. Having figured out that the
large cage you found was exactly the right size to
be inserted into the gelatinous cube you also found, and
that both were the right size to contain one Acting
Secretary of War, Gideon storm Collar, you decided that your
best course of action would be to get rid of
both crates. Clarice pointed out that the cage should be
the first one to go, because that would be what
kept Gideon or anyone else from escaping the cube if
it was submerged in the cube. So Kilonian wanted to
investigate one of the freight car's large siding doors on
the side of the train, and after Belle attached him
to a rope whose other end was tied around the
luggage rack with one of her we'll call it signature knots.
Kilonian first tried to open the door with brute strength,
and then because I your DM had a little bit
of a brain fart through a spell that should not
have actually worked, for him to open the door. But
here we are. Anyway. When the door opened, there was
an armor in front of it that you had previously
failed to investigate, and that armore fell out of the train.
Bell heard screaming coming from the armoor as it fell,
but fortunately Keilonian did not, which means that the death
of what was probably the last porter aboard is not
going to haunt him for the rest of his life.
Speaking of porters, Clarice briefly contemplated throwing the unconscious porter,
who is in the freight car with you and who
had guided you into the freight car, out of the
moving train, but decided it was more important for now
at least to dump the cage and the gelatous cube
off of the train. The party realized that you needed
to make way for the crates contain these items to
get to that open freight door, so Clarice instructed Andreik
to dispose of some of the contraband Malvea era art
that you learned in the last episode was brought onto
the train by an unscrupulous but ultimately benign and kind
of cowardly art dealer. Kilonian. Made an impassioned speech against
the destruction of the art and in favor of free
speech and whatever, but Gideon ignored him and dumped several
large paintings into the passing forest. Then it turned out, Bob,
you had rolled a fifteen persuasion check as Kilonian, So
then the party just decided to simply move the rest
of the art that was left out of the way
and clear path. The bart found a Dolly to help
make quick work of the crate containing the cage, and
Clarice tried to take over for Critatio, who was holding
the lid of the crate containing the gelatinous cube in place,
not knowing how much he was struggling to do so
because she felt that Critatio was needed in the effort
to help dispose of the cage, Getting and Andrik actually
eventually moved to get the cage out of the train.
Critasia returned to the crate with the cube inside of
it along with Keilonian, and the two of them, along
with Clarice, managed to hold the lid in place with
quite a bit of effort. Belzerched the body of the
unconscious porter and confiscated the porter's daggers, and then tried
unsuccessfully to knock the porter out as they began to stir.
The Bards, who were trying to keep the Jelatiest cube
at bay, attempted to seal it back into its crate,
but were really struggling to keep it from emerging. Meanwhile,
the unconscious porter began to stir, but a quick thinking
Bell tried again to knock him out, this time by
lucking her thighs around his head his throat, cutting off
his airway. And I guess that kind of begs the
question who has the real thunder thighs in this group.
Getting managed to tip the gelatus cubes crate facing upward,
making it more difficult for the cube to get out
of the crate because the cubes can move laterally but
they can't move up and down, so with the opening
at the top, it made it almost impossible for the
cube to actually move anywhere. Cretacea wanted to immediately get
the crate onto a dolly and dump it, but Kelonian
was concerned about the ecological impact of dumping a Jelatics
cube into the middle of a forest. However, the rest
of the party outvoted him. Critaceo dumps a cube out
of moving to train, rolled really high, had a nice
little flare where he also slammed the door shut, and
then after that you all basically just decided to relocate
the two remaining porters, the one who's with you in
the free car and then the one who's tied up
in the kitchen to the walk in in the kitchen,
so you could hand them over to on base MP's
When you arrived at Talbertsava, then there wasn't really much
to do other than to get some snacks and a
note bell. Really loaded up on snacks and sneak in
a little rest before you got to the train station,
which is where you are now. As you roll into
the Tabertsava train station, the platform is relatively empty save
for a what is a very familiar figure to one
amongst your party. Cretatio, your mom has decided to come
herself to greet you at the train station.
Speaker 8: All right, sort of puff out my chest and try
to look tall and imposing, as though I have actually
been training a little bit. No, I you know, just
did one little montage, just stomp over it.
Speaker 4: Hello, ma'am.
Speaker 1: She's going to look at you for a moment, like
up and down to see like what sort of a
physical condition you have kept yourself in while you were
at university. And then she's going to throw her arms
around you, her little tiny arms, and it's going to
be very stiffed and Cretatio. I am so glad that
you're all right.
Speaker 11: I've missed you too.
Speaker 4: Mom.
Speaker 8: I'm glad you're okay.
Speaker 1: After Yeah, yeah, your arms can't really wrap around each other,
so it's more like like the next of kind of
doing the work.
Speaker 10: Yeah.
Speaker 5: I'm just going to put in tiny mention here, shout
out to the book t Rex and the Impossible Hug.
Tiny t Rex and the Impossible Huck. Excellent children's book
and exactly what I'm thinking about.
Speaker 1: I've never read it, but I now just based on
the title That's what I'm thinking about too.
Speaker 5: There's a whole series called tiny t Rex.
Speaker 1: Okay, are you back to investigation mode?
Speaker 5: That's just when Anne feels officious. That's what happens, all right.
Speaker 1: So, after after an uncomfortably long pause where all of
you are just watching a cretato in his mother hug oh.
Speaker 12: Bell is like watching with hearts in her eyes.
Speaker 1: This Gideon is going to clear his stroading general thunder thigh,
good to see you, and she's going to look at
him a nod. You can do away with a general bid.
We're old friends, Gideon, and they're just going to start walking,
and the five of you follow behind you, hand off
your hostages to some MPs who are standing around. What
do you talk about? It's about a ten minute walk
to the base, what do you talk about?
Speaker 8: I mean, I'm just gonna kind of be directly behind
Gideon and my mom just to kind of, like I
don't know, just to kind of not insert myself, but
to just be the be the dutiful son that I'm
trying to be, just you know. So, I guess I
would probably be listening in a little bit, but I
imagine they're also having adult talking.
Speaker 4: So there.
Speaker 1: Well, mean a perception check.
Speaker 5: Now one, you do have a modifier.
Speaker 11: Yeah, it's a total of six, but it is still
a now.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so you are so like in your head about
being back home that you actually are not catching any
of their conversations.
Speaker 11: Okay, yeah, that makes sense.
Speaker 1: Yeah, anybody else.
Speaker 5: Clarice is out of her element in a different way
from basically anywhere else in this world. She has been
so heavily entrenched in the world of negotiation and politicking
and parties that being in a military place she actually
feels like she is a problem. The whole idea of
merging politics and military makes her uneasy. She knows about
in other places how there are coups and when military
gets politicized, how problematic that is.
Speaker 1: Well, in fact, the khop is what the military who
is what? Over through malvo.
Speaker 5: Yeah, so she just all of that context is kind
of going through her head and she is really like
she did her job, she got giddy in there, and
she's now in her head trying to figure out how
to not be here, just whatever she can do to
find a nice way to go elsewhere, so that there
is no reason to suspect that the military and the
political wings are collaborating, okay, anybody else.
Speaker 9: I think in contrast, Bell is completely comfortable, like she's
just here, I am, but visually probably stands out like
a sore thumb. Okay, right, Like this military is organized
and regimented, and Bell is.
Speaker 12: Fluid, in motion, sparkling.
Speaker 1: Well, so I'd like to I'd like to actually pause there,
because yes, you are noticing that the military is that
you are seeing seems to be regimented and fluid, which
is pretty strong contrast to what Gideon had described the
last time that he had visited the base, you know,
and he'd intimated to Clarice that the last time he
was there it was disorder, like these were a bunch
of soldiers who'd never known a fight in their life.
It didn't seem to take this very seriously. So so
what you are observing, I think as being conscious of
the way that you are standing out, is the difference
between like arcles and hearts and flowers to marching and
order and drills.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 9: No, yeah, I think like visually she is sticking out
very very strongly, but I think internally like.
Speaker 12: She's super unbothered.
Speaker 9: She's just like, oh yeah, this is this is how
they do things like it's not my vibe, but it's
their vibe, and that's fine.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 7: Well, life gave us a pretty difficult harrwing situation there,
and we had a lot of folks who were out
for our destruction and the destruction of others. We had
a job to do.
Speaker 4: We need to keep somebody safe.
Speaker 7: We did it, bttyguards, we were bodyguards, buddyguards, bodyguards.
Speaker 4: My mom.
Speaker 8: Yes, we are the bodyguard regiment here to protect the
Secretary of War, ma'am.
Speaker 1: I don't think they're listening to us, they're definitely.
Speaker 7: That's right, Critasio.
Speaker 11: And we did it.
Speaker 7: We worked together, and there were some hiccups along the way.
You know, we had a lot of violence happening on
that train, but you know, life gave us a difficult
hand and we did the best we could. And I'm
proud of us.
Speaker 4: Good job team.
Speaker 1: Too.
Speaker 4: And Andreck is conspicuously silent. He's still processing the whole situation.
Speaker 8: I also like to think that as we're walking through
this camp that everyone, all of these like super regimented
soldiers are just kind of stopping and looking at us.
Speaker 11: Like who are these people? Because they're all in uniforms.
Speaker 1: Yeah, roll an inside check.
Speaker 11: Actually totally fifteen.
Speaker 1: You noticed that you were drawing attention as a group,
but you especially, yeah, as the prodigal son are drawing attention.
Speaker 8: Yeah, I imagine there's some people are like, oh wow,
he's back, and other people being like, well, well look
who showed up.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that's fair.
Speaker 12: Look what the cat drink?
Speaker 1: As you're as you're walking on a really weird r Yeah. So,
as you're as you're walking onto the base, you see
a regiment of soldiers that are being led by another
rex folk who gives you kind of a kurt little
nod and then yells out lift lift, lift, right lift.
Thought he was dead, but now he's back and when
he strikes, will strike right back. Lift lift, lift, right lift,
and they so they just they barged past you, and
like all you got was that Kurt Kno. As you
continue to walk on, you see that there are combat
drills happening. There's hand to hand combat, there's wrestling, there's grapping, fisticuffs,
various martial arts on a field. Beyond that, there are
archers that are firing those and arrows, crossbows. Some of
them are flaming, some of them are not Beyond that,
there are a few tribuches that are being launched. What
you are seeing is a very well regimented army. It
is not what you expected.
Speaker 7: Did you say the tributes are being launched or is
it like practice?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 8: They are launching yes, yeah, what are they launching bags
of flower?
Speaker 1: Yes, but they're actually launching watermelons.
Speaker 4: I thought we were gonna say, punk and chumpkin.
Speaker 1: We're close enough.
Speaker 13: Oops or bonds shall return after these brief messages.
Speaker 1: So you just finished walking through the camp, You've seen
one thing that I forgot to mention. As you're walking through,
you're also going to see in addition to the like
the archers and the people who are working the tribu chase,
there are also there's a range where people are using spells,
magical range spells, so you're seeing things like firebar all
and fire bolt, which are two different spells, which you know,
we can decide whether that was a wise thing on
Wizards of the Coasts part later, But Kaspell, eldrich Blast,
all of these ranged attack spells you're also seeing being
demonstrated on like bales of hay, that sort of thing.
So there's there's a lot of practice happening with the
knowledge that we're probably going to be getting sent out
to fight eminently. As you were walking through the camp,
is there anything else that you want to do or
look at or talk about.
Speaker 5: Clarius is going to drop back a little bit, both
because of her discomfort in this setting and also because
she's clocking that Andrick is not sort of seeming mentally present.
She doesn't have a full read on what's going up
yet going on yet, but she is gonna slow her
walk a little and try to match Andrick's pay and
then do an insight check.
Speaker 4: Am I resisting this at all?
Speaker 1: That's up to you?
Speaker 5: Are you no rulled to twenty four?
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, it wouldn't have mattered if.
Speaker 4: Endrick's countenance is sullen, but he always kind of is.
But can tell that Andreck is really uncomfortable with the
regimented nature of what he's seeing firsthand going on, and
is also still processing what happened back on the train.
Speaker 5: Clarice is gonna just keep a really quiet presence. She's
not gonna ask any particular questions to draw him out,
but is gonna try to make it to the best
of her ability. Feel like she is in the same mood,
like to project out the vibe in case Andric wants
to talk.
Speaker 4: And after how far is this walk the work taking.
Speaker 1: It's like a ten minute walk from the translation to
the base. I've already been walking for a couple of minutes, okay, but.
Speaker 4: It would still take another three or four minutes. Yeah,
before he says, you know, I've always studied this war
the downfall of civilizations. I just didn't think i'd actually
be part of it.
Speaker 5: I get that it's it's pretty surreal, uh, at.
Speaker 4: Least where my family's from. You know, the the threats
were always from without, demons and shadows, creatures from the
other side. A so Alos knew that the inhabitants of
this plane could fight amongst themselves, and frankly, I found
it academically interesting.
Speaker 10: I just.
Speaker 4: Didn't want to be part of it myself.
Speaker 5: I mean, I guess there's always a choice, but you
want to be able to live with where you land
on being involved or not.
Speaker 4: Yeah, just my family spent so much time worried about
the threats from without that forgot that we might be
our own worst enemies.
Speaker 5: I wish I could forget. I think our families are
kind of the opposite my family. Well just say we're
always looking for enemies.
Speaker 4: Within, and I think for that Andrew doesn't say anything further,
but like, I think would continue whatever your pace is.
I think Rick Quirys probably gonna just kind of stay
quietly for the rest of them all.
Speaker 1: As you come up on the camp, you're going to
see Gideon and Rena start to veer off toward Rena's quarters.
And before you go too far, Riina's going to turn
and cast to kind of a loving look at Critatio,
and Gideon.
Speaker 4: Is going to be like, sorry, what level smell is that? Sorry?
I know that has to go in the outtakes.
Speaker 1: No, it doesn't. Gideon is going to look at all
of you and be like, just like, I don't know,
keep yourselves busy, and they start to walk away, but
before they get much farther, a te fling comes running
up to Rina and Gideon. Excuse me, General, General, General, General, General,
and Marina's going to turn around. She looks so belieguered
by this person's presence. General, I know that we are
to put to deploy tomorrow, but what of the talent show?
Speaker 4: And she.
Speaker 1: Are you serious right now? Because yes, General I think
it would be very good for morale. They've all rehearsed
quite a bit, they're ready to go. I think that
the Talent Show should go on tonight as play.
Speaker 4: Can we all hear this?
Speaker 1: It's very loud. This person speaks from their diaphragm.
Speaker 4: I think in the midst of like the pretty serious,
although small exchange that Clarice said, Andrew, I'm just thinking
back to those nights that enchanted ground when it was
open mic night, and I think we just Jane, Clarice
and Andrik exchange a horrified look at what might happen.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and Raina says, like the soonest, you would be
shipping out as tomorrow. So if you think that you
can pull the Talent Show off tonight, do your thing.
And Gideon is going to look back at all of
you and say, remember how I told you to keep
yourselves busy help with this, And the two of them,
Raina and Gideon are going to disappear into Raina's quarters
and the tee Fling turns to you, extends a hand
d csa chate They them lovely to meet you all.
Speaker 12: Who is who is the hand being extended to?
Speaker 1: Just generally like putting a hand out whoever's going to
take it to shake or kiss first? Belbo, you look
very familiar to me.
Speaker 9: Thank you, I probably am you're.
Speaker 1: A tsunomil I am. Oh my, are you going to
be able to help us with the talent show? I
feel like I feel like your talents could be greatly beneficial.
Speaker 9: To I am always ready to help others benefit with
my talents.
Speaker 1: Well, then all of you follow me.
Speaker 11: Oh, we're all doing okay, all right, we're all doing this.
Speaker 7: I have to say, I'm pleasantly surprised that amidst all
this turmoil, you still find time for the arts.
Speaker 1: Well, you know, this was long planned and I do feel, however,
that these soldiers have been working very hard on their acts,
and honestly, they might not ever have another chance to
perform them. So I think it's for the best if
we continue on with the original plan, and tomorrow we
can go off and fight and perhaps some of us
will live to perform again.
Speaker 12: And if not, we're gonna go out with jazz hands.
Speaker 8: Indeed, God, there's two of them.
Speaker 1: So you're going to follow theseus to the It's like
a a high school gymnasium sort of setup. Where it's
like there's there are basketball courts, there's a stage where
things are performing. It's also sometimes used as a mess
hall for larger events, so like it's a multipurpose room,
but there's a stage, and let's take you about five
minutes to walk across the base there. Does anybody want
to like do any checks or keep an eye out
for anything as you were walking across.
Speaker 8: The base, I'd like to do an insight check just
to kind of see how prepared everyone is, Like, is
it a show that's kind of like being thrown together
or do these do these actors performers seem prepared.
Speaker 1: Well, you're not at the theory yet. Yeah, you're walking
to it right, Okay, But you can roll to see
what THESEUS thinks.
Speaker 11: Yeah, roll to see how how THESEUS actually feels.
Speaker 1: So do an insight check. I love these throwaway not twenties,
so you can tell that THESEUS is actually pretty upset
about these impending war that it seems everybody is being
serve into. But no, not even like THESEUS is an
artist not a fighter.
Speaker 5: Yeah sound familiar.
Speaker 1: And and but like while worry about being deployed to
war tomorrow, THESEUS is also worried about like if this
talent show is the last great thing they ever do,
how great will it? Truly? Being that there are a
couple of performers that are questionable. I see, okay, anybody else.
Speaker 4: Above table back when we were going past the field
and like we could kind of like because even though
I was in my own head, I was still kind
of like paying attention to things the where the training,
where the spells were podcast could we clock what uh
like I'll say what level people? Like were they casting
these spells naturally i e. Burning spell slots? Were they
using scrolls to cast the spells? How does that happened you.
Speaker 1: Were watching them from a distance. I think it would
have been really hard to tell. It's like you could
probably recognize like the difference between an aldrich blast and
a fire bolt, like but you you know, because you
are mages yourselves. But I don't think that you would
necessarily be able to see like as somebody using a
scroll versus somatic spell components versus a spell casting focus.
Speaker 4: Okay, I think the thing after like kind of getting
the end and meeting theses, can I detect whether there's
any kind of like I'll say, library.
Speaker 1: On the grounds, roll me an investigation check.
Speaker 4: Six.
Speaker 1: There are several outbuildings, but they're not particularly well labeled.
Speaker 5: I also, while walking with Andrew, I'm doing an investigation
check of my own, okay, but I'm specifically investigating if
any of the buildings look like they're Malvo era or
prior such that they might have echo shards in them.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 5: I do not find out because I rolled a three
and my modifier is plus three, so I'm still under ten.
Speaker 1: Okay. There are a lot of buildings built.
Speaker 12: They were built at sometime.
Speaker 11: To clarify have stuff in them.
Speaker 7: This is a military camp. Were the Rex lizard folk
or this is the general.
Speaker 1: So the lizard folk. When the coup happened, the lizard
folk were basically like at the ready to help the
military take over. And then it wound up being a
bloodless coup. So to reward the lizard folk for the
rex Folk, for their for their ready, their willingness to participate,
Gideon lobbied really hard for them to basically be like
given this camp to run. So Raina is the like
the general who is in charge of this camp. And
this is the This is the primary camp where the
standing army so it's like a base.
Speaker 4: So so rex Folk kind of run it, but it
is made like the the soldiers are of all different things.
Speaker 5: Yeah, but it could be you know, like McGuire Air
Force Base.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, anything else that anybody wants.
Speaker 12: To I think Belle is just making friends with these
Oh I think for sure.
Speaker 1: I think for sure, oopsil bods will return after these
brief messages. So you get to this the multipurpose room
with the stage, and you see it's like the beginning
of a chorus line. You see a bunch of people
like on stage, they're stretching, they're like doing their vocal
warm ups, are doing like little dance drills, and people
are like jumping in the air and doing quick little
turns that sort of thing. But it's it's organized chaos.
There doesn't seem to be as far as you can tell,
Like you can't necessarily identify. Okay, well, this is this
act over here, and this is that act over there,
and theseus entrants everyone. I am so pleased to announce.
As long as nothing else bad happens, the talent show
can proceed as normal tonight. So this is our dress rehearsal,
and I have some guests with me were going to
help refine everyone's performances, especially it is it is my
honor and privilege to introduce you to Belle's cernomial.
Speaker 12: Well, just like a wave, everybody everybody.
Speaker 1: Like, there's like some gasps, and like who you assembled
upon the soldiers who would rather be anything but soldiers
her people for the record.
Speaker 5: When theseus said, uh, as long as nothing else bad happens,
Clarice felt all of the tension return to her body
and immediately like looked up and looked around, like anybody
hear this. We're in a theater. Aren't you supposed to
be superstitious people.
Speaker 9: I feel like if anybody's gonna appreciate the law of
dramatic irony, it's Andrek.
Speaker 4: Yes, yes, And because they've been walking lock step, I
think there's another glance between Clarice and Andric at this moment, like, oh,
this is not going to go well on multiple levels.
Speaker 7: He proceeds to tell everyone good luck and mentions the
Scottish play.
Speaker 4: Favorite. Okay, maybe I should hang around. This could be tragic.
Speaker 1: All right. After some shuffling around, seats are brought out
for you, because seats have not been like set up
yet for the performance. Seats are brought out for all
of you, like right facing the stage autographs M yeah,
I think that that's fair. And the first act on
the rehearsal schedule comes out on stage. This is a
small gnome who is announced as being dooms Art Clagness.
But theseus says, I'm so pleased to now it's our
first performer of the evening. Dooms aren't Cladness, who you
all know better as Bomber, not for his ability to
target anything with projectile weapons so much as his ability
to bomb on stage. Dooms are bomb Bomber. Bomber, come
on out here, so you see this, This gnome kind
of takes you see this gnome takes center stage. He's
got a shock of blonde hair and pale gray eyes,
and he's got the kind of confidence that like everybody
his entire life has told him how funny he is,
so he truly believes that he is a very funny
person and should be doing stand up comedy.
Speaker 8: Oh no, no, after somebody just called him bomber, apparently.
Speaker 1: Everybody calls him apparently everybody calls him Bomber, and.
Speaker 4: Immediately stands up and goes back to like a corner
of the auditorium. That would be the equivalent of the
corner of the coffee shop from which he often watched
open like to be in shadow.
Speaker 1: So what I will tell you for this and for
the rest of the performers who are going to be
rehearsing today, is that we're not going to roll. You
are basically going to decide whether this is successful or not,
and you get to give feedback between God, we are
American idoling this.
Speaker 12: Yes, my whole life has been in preparation for this moment.
Speaker 1: So this this gnome steps out on stage is hello.
You know, I tried talking to an orc the other day.
I said, why the long face? But it turns out
they look like that all the time. Have you heard
about the enchanted forest nearby?
Speaker 11: Yeah?
Speaker 1: I tried to walk through it the other day, but
I got lost four hours. Turns out the trees have
a really twisted sense of humor. All right, Okay, that
one worked?
Speaker 4: Did he say that?
Speaker 1: Absolutely? You know? I tried to to date in elf once,
but he said I was too normally for him. Get
it normally like no homely no?
Speaker 14: No?
Speaker 1: Okay? All right. I'm thinking that these might not all
be jokes. These might just be sentences.
Speaker 4: Andrew casts message at Bombers. I think that's your time.
Speaker 1: Still got more?
Speaker 9: But friend, he said a loud.
Speaker 11: So it's just dead silence. Nope, seems like I've got more.
Speaker 1: Why did the palettedn't bring a ladder to the bar,
because when your drinks were on the house, Elias, this
man gets it, he gets it.
Speaker 15: That crowd.
Speaker 7: Why somebody could cast hideous laughter if you want to?
Speaker 1: Why don't skeletons fight each other because they don't have
the guts. I asked the sorcerer if they could make
me more confident. They said they could give me a
boost of courage. But it turns out it was just
an energy drink in disguis. Now I'm jittery and afraid
of the dark. Okay, moving on. I tried to learn
a spell for for invisibility, but I couldn't find the book.
It must have been a really good spell book.
Speaker 5: Bomber, Bomber, I'm gonna I'm gonna have you pause there,
just just for for a moment.
Speaker 9: This is her interrogation and or delivering bad news.
Speaker 5: So have you how many more do you have?
Speaker 1: Just just the one? Just one just one more.
Speaker 5: Okay, Oh, Clarice looks around to everybody else, making a vocalizations.
Speaker 8: Let's see maybe this little be a doozy.
Speaker 5: Clarice jumps Bomber. I'm just gonna have you take a
second here, friend, have you ever tried having like a
person on stage with you reacting?
Speaker 1: That's not how stand up works.
Speaker 12: As long as they're sitting down, technically you're still doing
stand up.
Speaker 1: That gets way more.
Speaker 11: He's like writing it down, good one.
Speaker 1: I just h m hmm.
Speaker 5: Clarice again, Clear's throat for a very long time, and
then says, would you like if we just wanted to
try something and one of my friends came up there
on the stage and like when you told the next joke,
like they just like groaned a little, Like, how would
you feel about that?
Speaker 1: I don't see how that could help my act?
Speaker 5: Well, let's give it a try. I'm here for a reason.
I nope, front, that's what we're gonna do. Okay, Well,
we're just doing it for one We're just we're just theseus.
Speaker 1: Is just gonna be like trust the experts, all right, Critasio.
Speaker 8: Wait are you asking me to go up there?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 5: She's telling you so what I'm thinking, Clarice's pulling Cretasio
over Closer says, what I'm thinking is like, in order
to get humor out of this at all, Like what
we need is for you to be like as disgusted
by this whatever this joke is as possible, just like
the most just like, oh god, what a terrible joke reaction,
but without using words.
Speaker 1: Just I only have one more joke.
Speaker 5: We're just gonna just a moment, do you get it?
Speaker 11: I don't see the point of this.
Speaker 1: Why are we doing?
Speaker 5: Just just let's try it, okay.
Speaker 1: All right?
Speaker 11: So I get up, I thump over.
Speaker 8: I am this large seven foot tall rex folk towering
over this gnome.
Speaker 11: I take a PLoP a little seat.
Speaker 8: So now I am five feet tall, towering over this gnome.
Speaker 11: All right, give us the last one.
Speaker 1: And he looks up at you and realizes that his
last joke is actually pretty perfect for that height differential,
and he looks he makes eiconect with you while he says,
you know, being a gnome is tough. I'm so short,
I have to climb a step stool just to reach
for my dignity.
Speaker 5: Clarice is like throwing air punches.
Speaker 1: And then he that is my time. Thank you very much,
I am I know you just don't call me Bomber.
Speaker 12: Good night.
Speaker 9: These were really great. Maybe stay away from the things
that like make fun of how other species look. Yeah,
and like I think the like the self depreciating humor
seemed to really strike a chord.
Speaker 1: I will take that under advisement. Great.
Speaker 5: As Bomber walks off the stage, Clarice is beyond delighted,
certain that she has added value and is gonna beckon
Cretatio over to say, like that was perfect. That was
the only way it was ever going to be funny.
Just like, that's what's happening tonight. You've got to be
on stage having bad reactions.
Speaker 8: Now, hold on, hold on, I mean I really thought
the last one was actually.
Speaker 1: Kind of funny because of you.
Speaker 8: Oh, I think I see what you're going for. All right,
If that'll make this all go over.
Speaker 11: Smoother, oopsole Bards will return after these brief messages.
Speaker 1: So THESS is going to walk back onto the stage.
Ladies and ladies and gentlemen and other of them such
as myself. I am so pleased to announce our next act.
You know him as vest and dulling in and literally
nothing else. He's the one person on this space who
doesn't seem to have a base name. We should fix that.
Veteran Darling Dallen and his familiar. You see a tall
elevin man who wears his hair very short for an elf.
Even though you're on a military base, there's not an
expectation of like military haircuts here, so like this is
a personal choice that he has made. Pale skin, and
what hair he does have is very very blonde, so
blonde in fact that at its length it almost makes
him look as if he's bald, and that makes his
pointy ears a little bit more prominent. His eyes are
large and hazel, and his build is sinewy. He looks
powerful but life, and he is going to walk back
out on walk out on the stage. Roll his sleeves up.
You see a the hint of a tattoo of vines
wrapping around his stone tower, and he conjures his familiar a.
Speaker 16: Rat oh and leans forward.
Speaker 4: I think we've established that before.
Speaker 9: I seen when he rolled up his sleeve and reveal
beltlean for.
Speaker 1: Okay, oh, what's that?
Speaker 4: Bell and Andric have the same taste.
Speaker 1: It's fine, so Vesteran's act is. He does not speak.
There's music that starts up, and the rat small as
the rat is, holds up a watermelon, and Vestern grabs
his long bow, notches an arrow and says it straight
to the center of the watermelon, which the rat kind
of pushes away the pieces of the watermelon and picks
up the next largest fruit in the arsenal, which is
a cantaloup holds up the cantelope over his head. Vestrin
notches an arrow, points it to the candalope, sends it
right to the panelope the candlepos.
Speaker 5: This feels like a rule of three.
Speaker 1: The rat picks up a grapefruit and balances on it
on its head. Vestrin picks up his long bow, notches
an arrow, or sends it straight through the center of
the grapefruit. The grapefruit does not explode. Instead, the grapefruit
just sails with an arrow across the stage and gets.
Speaker 5: Stuck up.
Speaker 4: And like starts to stand up while clapping, and then
immediately like kind of recomposed, and.
Speaker 13: I think Andrek and Bell have this moment of eye
contact of like, the rat picks up an apple with
its mouth, turns its head up, holding the apple up
in the air vesine takes an arrow notches it says
it's flying through the apple.
Speaker 1: The apple goes sailing through, and that arrow splits the
arrow that is holding the grapefruit in place, and now
they are both mounted to the wall.
Speaker 12: Not making the joke, I'm not making the joke.
Speaker 5: Clarice, suitably impressed, but feeling that this act could use
some is gonna hold up a hand, probably standing on
her chair so that she is visible. She's gonna hold
a hand that indicates with a single figure. Just pause
for a sec before you set up the next one.
Speaker 1: As you do that, the mouse or the rat is
already holding a single grape.
Speaker 9: Seeing Clarice's and knowing the Theodo language, is gonna say hold.
Speaker 1: And the music stops and and puts his bow down
and turns to look at you.
Speaker 5: I am, I am loving everything. Okay, I'm curious. Have
you considered like spacing it out a little more or
engaging the audience, like to build the anticipation, because like
this has been beautiful, beautiful, and like this is a
lot of rapid fire excellence, and I want people to
really in the audience to be able to like sit
with it and like feel the nerves and anticipation.
Speaker 1: You see a kind of slow smile spread across his
face and says, thank you so much, ma'am. That is
real nice feedback. I've only got three minutes up here,
so I'd love to know what you're thinking.
Speaker 5: Why don't we let's I'll let you finish your act,
But I I want you to think about in this moment,
how as you prepare you can help the audience to
just like hold their breath, maybe like one beat longer.
Like obviously you don't change anything about your process for
doing this accurately, but just allow that little bit of
extra breathing room. I think where like you can really
like feel the audience get with you.
Speaker 1: He winks at you. I think I understand he's going to.
Speaker 9: Wave sorry for those listening at home, and is one
of the distinct uncomforts.
Speaker 5: I'm terrified.
Speaker 12: Meanwhile, why not me?
Speaker 1: So he's going to gesture off stage for the music
to resume. He's going to pick up his bow again.
Speaker 5: The rat race.
Speaker 1: This is the grape in his finger again. Vestern comes
back to the center of the stage, scans the audience,
jumps up in the air, cartwheels, shes his arrow at
the grape, and the grape sails out of the rat's
hand with the arrow still attached.
Speaker 13: Hot damn, He's just one sum.
Speaker 1: That was good.
Speaker 5: Clarice is completely losing her ship.
Speaker 4: Is sitting next to what is happening?
Speaker 5: Why are you She's breathing heavily.
Speaker 1: It's really very excited.
Speaker 7: It seems strange that if he could do that the
whole time, why didn't you just make that part of
the show to begin with.
Speaker 8: Just looking back at his friends, is now looking at Andrik,
and now looks at Bell and now looks at Clarice.
Speaker 5: Yeh boy, it's just an absolute yes for me. That
is yes, correct, amazing.
Speaker 1: I love it.
Speaker 5: Save that for the last right, like, really, let us
feel that change in your process, maamma.
Speaker 1: One more? Oh okay. The music swells. It is very
clear that this is the Western goes to the far wing,
comes running out at full speed, grabs the bow, notches
an arrow, does a triple flip in the air and
shoots a blueberry out of the rats.
Speaker 11: Oh my god, what.
Speaker 8: A t rex flap.
Speaker 1: Taye actually did the little t rex clap for our
listeners at home.
Speaker 5: Clarice in this moment can only allow a very soft,
satisfied sigh, sort of like a like when you perfectly
pop a cork out of a champagne bottle, but.
Speaker 16: Like oh my god, and in the back corner are
just like jaw like.
Speaker 12: Belle is on her feet.
Speaker 1: Just you noticed that theseus who's been sitting beside you
has his legs crossed, and.
Speaker 9: Really everybody except for apparently Cretatio and maybe Calonian actually
held on.
Speaker 12: Can we How does Keilonion feel about all this?
Speaker 7: Oh, Klonian is clapping, very pleased, very happy.
Speaker 4: Colonial is entertained.
Speaker 7: Keilonian's note would probably be, well, the rat seems to
be in a little bit of danger there. I don't
think the rat needs to be standing. Why don't we
have somebody, Why don't we just have it put it
on a block?
Speaker 16: How does Angel feel about it?
Speaker 4: Or perhaps they could use a chicken? Definitely not.
Speaker 9: Kelonian can take comfort in the fact that the familiar
will just dissolve and then come back.
Speaker 7: Still good to practice compassion it is.
Speaker 1: It is a familiar, though it is not a corporeal animal,
so no animals were harmed. In the rehearsing of this
William Tell The.
Speaker 17: Fun continues when oopsil Pots returns after this word from our.
Speaker 1: Sponsors, anybody, any anything that you would like to do
in between acts here as the stage is being reset.
Speaker 12: Bell wants to do an inside check on the performer.
Speaker 1: That just went roll your inside check.
Speaker 12: And Bell comes from a culture where.
Speaker 9: Practical non monogamy is completely fine.
Speaker 1: Oh that is a four, though I'm not even gonna
roll for him. Then, yeah, he definitely seems sexy and mysterious.
Speaker 13: Yeah, yeah, yeah, confirmed, Yeah, given that he uh.
Speaker 7: The expectation the bar was set very low is starting
off this show and he was really good. So not
sure yet if the idea is that we don't have
a lot of like not so good folks or but
I'm getting Yeah, what I'm getting in is Kilo Onion
kind of also wants to do an inside check because like,
is this guy, like is he mysterious in a not.
Speaker 4: So good way?
Speaker 7: Like is he like as that would be.
Speaker 1: Twenty eight, there's definitely something about him that feels like
he doesn't quite belong.
Speaker 4: And like, after getting over the shock of it and
we were like, okay, that was like I think a
couple of us are probably replaying that whole thing in
our head. A couple of times does the.
Speaker 11: Roll up his sleeves and slow.
Speaker 4: The tower tattoo with the vines around it, does that
have any particular significance like that's symbol?
Speaker 1: Will me and Arkana check.
Speaker 4: Seven.
Speaker 9: I would just like to say, for our listeners at
home and just I'd like to acknowledge that none of
us thought anything was sus about Boomer.
Speaker 12: But this guy is way too.
Speaker 1: Competent, so he clearly could be a threat.
Speaker 5: And you know, to be fair, like the for Clearius,
the fact that a person walked on stage with a
weapon and loaded it is always an alarm bell. Like
she she admires the skill, she wants to make the
act good. But even if this had been a bad act,
the idea of right before war, when there are people
that you don't trust, like having somebody in a room
with her uncle Gideon, like who has weapons like that,
that's not.
Speaker 1: The vibe for her.
Speaker 5: So she is also gonna have some feelings and reactions
to this. But her chosen approach, I think, is actually
going to be to approach the act himself and try
to like engage a little and talk about like have
you ever done this with it's some like you know,
dead end tips, like just literally as a safety and
security feature of coming into this space, like there are concerns,
there's liability, Like she's going to go into sort of
maybe a detective voice style, right, but she is going
to try to both engage the act as she was
pleased by it, but indicate that there are concerns, genuine
concerns about letting anyone just shoot past the stage.
Speaker 1: There are a couple of minutes because they've got to
clean the stage hands, they have to clean exploded fruit
off of the stage, so you can you can have
a couple of minutes to come talk to Vesterriten. Okay.
Speaker 9: I think Belle was also probably assuming that there would
be like magical shield between the audience and otherwise everybody
in the front few rows would have to be wearing
tarps and so uh yeah, I mean it was literally
exploded a watermelon.
Speaker 1: It was it was upstage enough that it didn't Okay,
I'm just saying it wasn't like Gallagher coming to the
lip of the stage with a sledgehammer, and all.
Speaker 12: There are safety precautions that can be taken.
Speaker 5: That it's true, all fair, but not within Clarice's power
to take, So she is gonna stick with So she's
gonna sidle over in her tiny way, not very impressive way,
and uh, start conversation. And while she is doing that,
she is gonna try to.
Speaker 16: Sort of.
Speaker 5: I don't know if it should be insight or investigation,
but what she is trying to do is a simultaneous
vibe check and like the equivalent of like a visual investigation,
to see if there is any other weaponry, like if
there's any sense of this person holding themselves differently, like
just all that.
Speaker 1: Choose one or the other.
Speaker 9: Can I think When Clarice starts sidling over, Belle fully
misinterprets the reason and is like you go girl and
gives her bartkan spraee.
Speaker 1: Okay, I love it all right.
Speaker 5: That's a D six, Is that right? Yes, so let's
do let's stick with insight for now because we are
on a military base and sometimes there are just weapons.
So that is a fourteen plus six an twenty. You're welcome.
Speaker 1: He seems very at ease in this setting, like whether
that is the military based setting or this more performative
setting is not entirely clear, but he does not There
is not an uneasy bone in his body, and when
he sees you, he smiles and it at a non
natural twenty. That smile is genuine and it is warm,
and he's real happy to see you walking.
Speaker 5: Over listeners at home and just had a different reaction
from Clorise.
Speaker 9: Fells it somewhere in the background, going yeah.
Speaker 5: So Clarieus is focused on to some extent, just like
continuing to try to figure out like the safety issues
and the act, whereas Anne is acknowledging like cut that
cut that tension with the knife. Uh so, really excellent work.
I hope you don't mind. I just have like a
few questions about safety measures. Obviously, with a live audience,
so many things can happen.
Speaker 1: Do you mind have a cleaned my weapons while we talk?
Speaker 5: No, No, that's that's fine. What what does that involve?
Speaker 1: He's just going to say something that's correct. But the
horniness of this table because he is what he's actually doing,
He's polishing the shafts.
Speaker 11: Of his arrowdium.
Speaker 5: Clariss watching the process of cleaning the arrows is a
couple times gonna just lose focus. She really cares about
her uncle Gideon, but is not able to fully keep
him in the front of her mind. So Glaris is
gonna pause, and then, after a steadying breath, is going
to say, so, I'm wondering in terms of just like arrows,
or actually in terms of like arrow dynamics. He chuckles,
whether or not there the act will work if you
use blunt tipped arrows. Just for additional safety.
Speaker 1: He holds the arrow that he's been polishing out to you.
It's not that sharp.
Speaker 5: Clarice, enticed by this, is going to extend a point
or finger tests the point.
Speaker 1: It's pointy, but it's not sharp.
Speaker 5: Clarie is gonna not her approval and then switch months
a little and just sort of ask, so where are
you from?
Speaker 1: Feel so proud here and there?
Speaker 5: Clarie's face falls. She does not like when people are
intentionally obscure with her.
Speaker 12: That is her way, that's my.
Speaker 5: Thing, And she's going to say, mystery doesn't look good
on you, babe, and walk away.
Speaker 4: Oops.
Speaker 6: All Bards returns right after this.
Speaker 1: Back at the stage, Theseus has UH check to make
sure that all of the fruit detritus has been picked
up and there's nothing slippery or sticky on the stage.
Speaker 12: Bell helps with pressed digitation.
Speaker 1: Yes, Belle does love her like house cleaning pressed digitation.
Speaker 9: I think she just doesn't really like regular clean I
think that's fair. When she got old enough to discover
that she could magically clean things, it was a game changer.
Speaker 1: I think that's fair. And Theseus is a wizard, so
his like has some some magic of his own that
helps this process. So Theseus is back on stage and says,
next up, this is This one's actually a bit of
a surprise. You all know him as Shy Guy, but
his real name is Drawl. Drawl is going to be
showing us his trick yo yo. Come on out, Drawl.
Speaker 5: Woo woo.
Speaker 12: Everybody gets a woo woo.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So a greenish gray skin half orc comes out
on stage. There is no music, there are no fancy lights,
holding a silver yo yo, and that's it. And Drawl
comes to the front of the stage, looks at all
of you, turns his back. Drawl proceeds to hold out
a hand, drop the yo yo until the string goes
totally slack, lets it hang there until it stops swaying,
and then suddenly jerks it back up into his hand
so quickly that like you might have missed it if
you had blinked.
Speaker 16: Back.
Speaker 1: Is still to you as he begins to spiral the
yo yo again, letting this the length of the string
go outward and it traces a wide circle around his
body and then gracefully returns competing at circumnavigation. Now here's
the thing draws back is to you, so you can
see some of this, not all of this. The next
trick drawl shoots the yoyo upward, and as it shoots upward,
it actually makes these precise loops that seem almost like
a ladder tight pattern, and the loops suspend in the
air for just a moment before the yo yo again
comes back down, catches it into his hand, and then
he lifts his other hand up, takes a bit of
the string into one finger, and begins to spin the
yoyo between the two hands in a way that almost
makes it look like he's cutting the string in half
with the metallic yo yo, as it's like intricately moving
between the two hands. How is this happening, we don't know,
especially because he's not facing us. And then it smoothly
lides right back into his hand, and then with that
he turns around, he bows, he says thank you, and
he just walks off stage.
Speaker 12: Can we see it again? But like, have you face us?
Speaker 1: I have really bad stage right.
Speaker 9: Oh, I have an idea. Okay, uh, Spell's gonna just
like usher him off the stage and then like do
like a little like and then assuming he agrees, uh,
he will re emerge on the stage with a blindfold on.
Amazing because then he doesn't have to see the he
doesn't know which way he's facing.
Speaker 1: I love this. So now that you can see Drawl
in the light, you see not just this this greenish
gray skin half work, but you see that he also
is heavily tattooed. A lot of his tattoos have this
imagery of like a one eyed entity. There are clouds
and vaguely humanoid shapes, and there's also a bloody spear
and and Drawl is going to repeat the process somehow
with a blindfold. It's even more impressive. Yeah, and just
again because thank you, and goes running off.
Speaker 5: Stage blindfold.
Speaker 1: Actually, hold on, we're gonna oh yeah, runs off stage blindfolded.
Speaker 5: No problems. Look at him.
Speaker 4: You don't hear like a.
Speaker 12: Nope that I was gonna look at theseus and.
Speaker 1: Give up like, ah, you are brilliant.
Speaker 5: Thank you?
Speaker 1: Does anybody feel like they need to do anything for
drawl or.
Speaker 12: Talk to draw? Do any of us recognize any of
the tattoos?
Speaker 1: Roll me religion?
Speaker 12: Check fourteen.
Speaker 9: On the pantheon, I should maybe get advantage, but probably
not the same pantheon.
Speaker 1: Probably not the same pantheon. But it's I think it's
enough that like there are you've you've encountered half works before,
and you know that they worship of one well, that
orcs in general worship of one on God, and that
half works have inherited this religion. The bloody sphere is
an image that is commonly associated with her God. Is
there is there anything? Does anybody want to talk off
her feedback, et cetera.
Speaker 9: I mean, I think Belle is probably going to like
do a nice pep talk of like that was really good,
you should be really proud.
Speaker 5: Clarius's experience with the Last Act has her just sort
of looking for insights in every performer. She wants to
specifically see if she actually thinks the performer saying they
had stage right, what was like the complete story? So
h that was a crippail. I do have a plus
five modifier, but it yea as.
Speaker 1: Far as you can tell, drawl is just absolutely petrified
of being on stage, and why he even volunteered to
do this is unclear.
Speaker 5: Do I have the opportunity to also just sort of
from my seat gauge whether or not, and I don't
know if this is a separate check whether or not
the blindfold was actually blocking this person's vision.
Speaker 1: Successfully roll an investigation check.
Speaker 5: That is a fifteen plus three.
Speaker 1: You recognize that a piece of fabric that Bell used
to blindfold him, it's like silk chiffon, so it obscured
his vision but didn't blind him completely.
Speaker 5: Graise is going to make a mental note that it
is a.
Speaker 9: Little sus Okay, was the blindfold that Bell gave him?
I think.
Speaker 5: Bell's comments, notwithstanding Clarice things, that was a little too
tidy a fix if it was real, it's.
Speaker 9: Fair Belle being somebody who also works with tools for performance,
wants to like talk with them after their piece about
like the yo yo and what's it made of? And
like I feel like she's done POI at some point.
Speaker 1: And okay, do you want to have that conversation now?
I don't.
Speaker 12: I don't know as much as Belle does, So I
don't know if we can maybe just skip over it.
Speaker 1: Okay, So so we'll just say, like, so you're gonna
catch up with him later to have to talk to
him about it.
Speaker 12: Like I think she's gonna do the like pep talk thing.
Speaker 9: He comes off stage, and then it's going to be like, also, like,
can you tell me about your yo yo?
Speaker 12: Like it's so cool?
Speaker 1: What is it made out of? It's metal?
Speaker 12: What kind of metal?
Speaker 1: Metal?
Speaker 12: That's a kind of metal.
Speaker 1: And he's just gonna kind of like blush, tuck his
chin and walk away. Okay, there was ice meeting you,
and I just like holds up a hand.
Speaker 12: Can I do any insight check?
Speaker 16: Yes?
Speaker 12: Or what just happened?
Speaker 1: Yes? That was a three seems shy.
Speaker 12: Great. I think maybe it was made of metal.
Speaker 1: Oopsul Bods will be back after this brief ad break.
Theseus is back on stage. I am so pleased to
announce our next act. You know her as Chameleon. Her
real name, her name that she used as a performer
before she enlisted is yon Deek and doesn't say another word.
Just like Flourishes steps off the stage. The stage goes
dark for just a moment, and when the lights come up,
there is a beautiful redheaded woman, human woman standing in
the middle of the stage. The music kicks on, and
she bends down and picks up the hem of her
long skirt and begins to twirl. And when she stops twirling,
she's a tiny goblin in a two tu standing in
a pile of discarded clothes. The goblin runs full tilt
toward the front of the stage, slides on its knees,
are on their knees toward the front, and by the
time it gets all the way downstage, it is a
tee fling wearing a flowing calftan.
Speaker 10: I twist Wow.
Speaker 1: The teeth Fling then turns her back to the audience,
spreads her arms wide and allows the sleeves of the
kaftan to billow downward, and then she crosses her arms,
tugging on the opposite sleeves, and the kaftan appears to
turn inside out. And then as she turns around she
is now a Tobaxi into Baxi form. She slips off
the klftann because she's covered in furst, so she can
be without clothing for a moment, and it's okay. Walks
one side of the stage, executes a tumbling pass On
her last flip, she dives through a hoop that has
what appears to be a gown attached to it, and
when she lands, she's back in her human form. And
then for the finale, she comes to the center of
the stage. She begins to bounce her shoulders upside down,
turning her head right center, left center, and each time
she turns back to center she has a different face
of a different race and the musicans and she takes
bell and she walks off.
Speaker 12: I have questions, did you.
Speaker 1: Call out her name or so?
Speaker 12: Yeah, Belle will call out and after her yawn.
Speaker 1: And she turns around to you. When she's in her
human form, the woman with the long red hair is.
Speaker 12: Just gonna be like.
Speaker 9: That was amazing, the flip, the use of the clothes.
Speaker 12: I loved it. It was wonderful. Do you want to perform.
Speaker 9: At the Jubilation Festival this summer, assuming we you know,
all survive.
Speaker 1: If we SURVII and if I'm able to get a discharge,
it would be my honor to return to your family's festival. Yay.
Speaker 4: Other than theseus, are there any other I'll say, like
officer types kind of hanging around observing the no.
Speaker 1: The officers are strategizing for going to war.
Speaker 4: Yeah, weird, where's theseus right now?
Speaker 1: Still sitting in the front road of the audience.
Speaker 4: And Andreick after that performance would kind of just quietly
walk forward and sae, sure, what is what is their
position in the in the military?
Speaker 1: Do you mean her rank?
Speaker 4: Yes? What what do you have her do?
Speaker 1: Military intelligence? What else would she do with those talents?
Speaker 4: Just making sure.
Speaker 5: Clarice uh is also making a bline for theseus after this,
but really because she does not understand why he was
down on his acts.
Speaker 1: These have been, with the exception of.
Speaker 5: Bomber, all pretty solid performances, and so Clarice, given the
way that THESEUS had welcomed them as as like concerned
by these performers, Clarice is trying to get to the
bottom of that and would like to sort of not
not grill theseus, but like she's fully doing an insight
check on him too, And she is during the performance
doing an insight check on the Changeling obviously, just to
see like what is the sense of like is this
person coming alive as a performer in a way that
they like really do love it? Or are they like
because this person obviously enlisted. They say they unost did right,
so you know, is this just a thing they can
do but they don't love That's kind of the inside check, will.
Speaker 1: Me an insight check on on Yon?
Speaker 5: First, that's only an eight.
Speaker 1: Yon is a very competent performer.
Speaker 5: Okay, and now the yes please, that's a twenty two.
Speaker 1: This is Thesius's legacy, and they are very well aware
that they might not survive past tomorrow. So their nervousness
was less about the quality of the performer and more
about getting everything perfect.
Speaker 5: Okay. Having ascertained that, Clarius is going to say, can
you help me understand why Bomber went first?
Speaker 1: People tend to come late to these things, got it?
Speaker 17: Also, his father is a captain, so you know, yeah, yeah, total, yeah, yeah, okay,
And having had that conversation, Claris is going to stay
up in the front row just to sort of make
it a little easier to gauge what's going on with
each of these acts.
Speaker 12: But she's right now there's only one row.
Speaker 5: Yeah, oh right, okay, Well she she wasn't in a
chair for the last action, so now she's gonna okay, so.
Speaker 1: Before we go into the next act, then I'm just
gonna ask. I'm gonna just ask you to look around
and notice, Cretaceio seems very quiet.
Speaker 7: Cretatio, buddy, I thought you'd be really happy. This is
what you've always wanted. You feel like you had a
family who didn't appreciate your artistic side. And here we
are on the military camp and there on the evil
bat they are still making time for your love and
mind the arts.
Speaker 8: You know, when I left this camp four years ago
to become a musician, I didn't even say goodbye to
my mom. I didn't say goodbye to my brothers, or
my sisters, or my uncles or aunts or anyone my cousins,
because none of them believed in what I was doing.
None of them believed that music had any place in
our lives. You know, I only saw my mom tap
her feet one time when I was a kid to
a song, and I thought that I had to leave
and never look back in order to do any of this.
And I come back and the camp that my mom
is running is having a talent show. It's like everything
that I did, everything that I sacrificed for the last
four years, was for nothing. I'm just I'm just angry,
and I get off the train, and Mom gives me
a hug, as though as though she cares. You know,
a few days ago she wasn't going to come to
graduation at all. I just I don't understand what's happening here,
and I don't I don't know what to do. I
don't know how to feel about this.
Speaker 7: Well, maybe it was your hard work and dedication in
those four years that made folks change their minds around here.
Maybe they had to come to terms with the fact
that one of their own, whom they love very much,
cares about the arts very much.
Speaker 4: Maybe you're right.
Speaker 11: I think I need to have a talk with my mother.
Speaker 1: In the background, as you're having this conversation, you hear
a swelling of drums and a series of small pyrotechnic explosions.
This is the finale of the show. From a distance,
you can see two redheaded dwarfs who were just wailing
away on these drums. The explosions are definitely being provided
by theseus. They're just minor illusion that they're casting. And
as that is wrapping up, Gideon and Raina Cretaceo's mom
re emerge and there's a third person with them, a
small elegant looking halfling as they approach you as a group. Clarice,
your mom is here. Done dun, dun, Hello, Clarice. I'm
so glad you're all right.
Speaker 8: I'm also gonna notice that my mom has walked in
just as I was talking about this, So I'm going
to stroll over to and then look at Clarice, and
then look at this woman and then look back Clarise.
Speaker 11: It's slowly back away. My turn will be later.
Speaker 5: Clarie is gonna walk over very slowly, in a way
that to those who don't know her seems unenthusiastic. But
I think Belle at least will we'll clock that this
is actually like Clarice's exercising aggressive restraint and actually like
she Clarice is on the edge of being very emotional
and is doing everything she can to keep her sort.
Speaker 1: Of stoic exterior.
Speaker 5: But actually she looks just like inside, like a little
kid who just wants to run and hug her mom
and cry roll an inside check.
Speaker 1: As you're walking forward, your.
Speaker 5: Mother, that's a two Blissma modifiers like three or something.
Speaker 1: Side your mom is standing there very stoically.
Speaker 5: Yeah, so, uh, Clarius is gonna walk over and get
ready to speak, and then realize that her voice actually
will betray her if she says anything. So she's just
gonna stick out a little hand like and say in
a croaky, almost almost emotional way, but as little sound
as possible. MJ.
Speaker 1: She swats your hand away and envelops you in a
big hug.
Speaker 5: Clarice immediately starts to cry, so does she. She's trying
to hold in together and she changes, it's been a lot,
It's been a lot, and so the tears start rolling,
and she's trying to be aware of the fact that
she's in public and that maybe this isn't okay, and
she just can't stop it when it starts.
Speaker 1: Gideon is standing nearby and recognizes what's happening, and he's
going to kind of stand between you and your mom
and the rest of the party to shield you and
then just do his best to tune out the conversation.
And your mom is going to hold you, my dear
darling girl. Oh, I'm so glad you're all right.
Speaker 5: Uh, it's I'm worried about.
Speaker 1: We're okay, We're okay, you're Your father is on his
way to Challomer. He's with Harryan and Carlotta, and they've
asked him to help try to broke her some sort
of peace.
Speaker 5: O me, what but what do we need to do?
How do we help him?
Speaker 1: We can't.
Speaker 10: Me.
Speaker 5: Clarius wrinkles up her face really tight again, trying to
get a handle on the tears because she's she's had
to step away before and not help her parents, but
in this moment, having just graduated, having done all these things,
she doesn't feel like it's fair anymore. She obviously she
doesn't want to have to fight and do all that stuff,
but it doesn't feel right for her dad to be
away figuring this out.
Speaker 1: Listen to me, You're safer, We're both safer here. Your
father will be all right. I have an absolute faith
in him.
Speaker 5: Thank you kill me?
Speaker 18: Okay, okay, Clarise, I believe, because I have to believe
that this.
Speaker 1: Will work out and when we were on the other side,
there will still be a place for us. I want
you by my side at the bus broke group. You
don't have to make any decisions now. I know that
this is challenging, but just no, just no, there's a
place for you.
Speaker 5: Clarice, sys gonna take a settling breath or two, sort
of find your balance, and then she's just gonna slip
a hand into her mom's hand and squeeze.
Speaker 1: The bards are kind of just trying not to observe
what is happening. Is there is there anything anybody feels
like they need to do at this moment.
Speaker 7: Kilonium feels like he needs to get some hugs.
Speaker 1: Yes, go for it.
Speaker 7: Hugs all around from Kilonian.
Speaker 1: Anybody who is consenting to a hug lineup will.
Speaker 9: Always but if Keilodean seems to be going to hug
Clarice and her mom, Bell will also intervene.
Speaker 11: Yeah, man, I'll talk to her later. Yeah, we'll share it.
Speaker 10: Bring it in.
Speaker 4: During the rehearsals, what was the source of the music?
Speaker 1: There's a gramophone off the side of the.
Speaker 4: Stage, Andreick, would you know the nice one. There's probably
like a crate of records or something there. Once the
rehearsals are over, Andrew's probably going to co opt the
gramophone and dig through the crane a little bit and
just look for something where he can like spend some
quiet time.
Speaker 1: Okay, rule an investigation check.
Speaker 4: It's gonna be Yeah, it's seventeen.
Speaker 1: You mostly find the music for the performances for that evening.
But at the back of the crate you find that
same harpsichord record that you were listening to at the
beginning when we first met you.
Speaker 4: Great Evince, it's gonna take, you know, just twenty minutes
and like, listen to the one side of that thesiest
comes out.
Speaker 1: All right, everyone, talent show is in five hours. I'd
recommend that all of our performers and our guests, who
are I understand about a quite long journey, go take it. Nap,
long rest, long.
Speaker 4: Rest exactly sort of long rest.
Speaker 1: Like you are getting a long rest. You are going
to need it.
Speaker 10: Oh boy.
Speaker 1: You all head to the barracks that you have been
assigned to for the evening. It's it's one of the
one of the buildings off the side of the camp.
You're all in the same barrack, and I would say
probably you all fall asleep pretty immediately. You've been up
for at least twenty four hours at this point, with
the exception of your like snooze on the train. About
four hours later, you wake to a rapping on your door.
It's theseus saying, all right, my loves, it's time we've
got the talent show in an hour, and assume you'd
like to clean yourselves up a bit. Shower facilities are
around the back, and I'll see you in the theater.
Speaker 8: I like to think that we're like dead asleep, but
theseus just barges all right everyone goo yeah, yeah, pretty
much great.
Speaker 1: And again theseus check so all right, so you guys,
I'll get to tidy up, head to the theater. Is
there anything that you need to do en route?
Speaker 5: Clarice is going to drop a letter in a whisper
tube to send off to her.
Speaker 1: Tokay, Yeah, there's a there's a whisper tube dispatch not
far from from the building where where the talent show
is happening, because that's that's right near the headquarters. Like
the whisper tubes are really meant for like officers and
executives and politicians to use. But you know how to
find the whisper tube.
Speaker 5: And he's on an official messhaw yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And and and it's you're a bus borrow yeah yeah,
all right, So you all head to the theater. Theseus
has preserved the front row of seats.
Speaker 9: For you, pretty kind I think when THESS came in
Bell was already awakened, doing like dancer stretches, just like
she was on a train and then she was and
she's just like sitting there doing some back bends.
Speaker 1: I think that's fair, and I'm not I'm gonna I'm
gonna allow you to do that despite like that cutting
your long rest just a little bit short.
Speaker 9: I mean, like not like a super long time, but
just like I think that's taking that moment to like blimber.
Speaker 5: Up and be ready to morning sun salutation.
Speaker 1: Basically, Yeah, I think that's fine. So you're heading across
the military base. You get to the theater as it's
getting dark. Theseus is reserved the front row of seats
for you. Is there anything else that anybody needs or
wants to do on your on your way or as
you were sitting down?
Speaker 4: What's the general vibe of the base.
Speaker 1: As you walk across the base, it's very quiet, But
once you get into the room where the talent show
is being held, the vibe is actually very excited and upbeat.
Speaker 5: Claris Uh is just gonna ask around, particularly Uncle Gideon.
Speaker 4: Uh.
Speaker 5: Has anyone set up like a shield? Yeah, there's a
couple of performances where like Splatter might happen.
Speaker 1: Gideon holds up like a poncho.
Speaker 15: He's like, oh no, we're gonna We're gonna do this
the old passioned way.
Speaker 5: Claris is gonna shake her head and me like no, no, no,
Like there's literal arrows flying.
Speaker 1: From the top marksmen in the company. I think we're
gonna be okay.
Speaker 5: I'm getting in, Like, sometimes it's okay to play it
safe if.
Speaker 1: You want to cast a protective spell by all means.
Speaker 5: But that was just passive aggressive. You absolutely know that
I do not have any defensive spells.
Speaker 1: How dare you?
Speaker 7: Keilonian would definitely.
Speaker 1: Do it okay.
Speaker 9: I think Beell, having been in the college that she
was in and worshiping the goddess that she does, probably
has like some sort of free performance ritual that she
has to.
Speaker 1: Do, and she's just are you gonna go lead vocal
warmups backstage with everybody else? Or is this just for
you before you watch the performance?
Speaker 10: No.
Speaker 9: I think it's like like asking the goddess to bless
the performance, like going to each corner of the stage
and you know, inviting good vibes and may everybody be safe,
may everybody be you know, may your pitch, be on pitch,
and may your flips be sticking.
Speaker 12: All the landings done religion check for me. Sure that's
a seven.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you do it. You go to the fore corner
of the stage. You might like be smudging something or whatever,
but you've done your your blessing.
Speaker 9: Doing her little northeast southwest tossing of sparkles, yes exactly.
Speaker 7: May they not be sharp, may they not be flat,
May they be natural?
Speaker 12: And may all their breaths be supported?
Speaker 1: All right? So Kilan, and are you going to cast
some sort of spell to protect?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 11: Well I will do that, but I would probably.
Speaker 4: Do it just when the act comes.
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, all right, great, So the everybody gets settled in,
Bell returns to her seat. After blessing the stage and
the performers theseus, takes the stage and welcomes everybody. Thanks
everyone so much for comings. As you know, tonight is
a very special night because we may not all see tomorrow.
Speaker 5: I hope Clarice considers booing.
Speaker 1: Well, I guess technically we'll all see tomorrow, but we
might not see the day after tomorrow. I do hope
that you all enjoy this show and what it means,
and that it makes you feel a bit more ready
for whatever is to come. And these's is going to
walk off the stage, and the houselights are going to
go down, and then they're going to stay down, and
they're still down, and all of a sudden, all of
the echo shards around the perimeter of the room life up.
Speaker 10: You know, It's so nice to see the UFNA military
still going strong after it let the coup that resulted
in my execution.
Speaker 4: Lucky for you, I'm a forgiving time.
Speaker 10: Besides, most of you soldiers were even alive when my
seat was stolen from me.
Speaker 4: Gideon's storm collar.
Speaker 10: On the other hand, Hi there, Gideon, don't think I've
forgotten that you're the one who pulled me out of
my home, mutched me all the way to Sovereign House,
and put that noose around my nook. You were one
of my most trusted advisors, and your betrayal may have hurt.
Speaker 4: Me worst of all. Don't worry.
Speaker 10: I'm going to make you suffer to you and there's
not a thing those cute little bodyguards of yours can
do about it.
Speaker 8: Buddyguards, Hey cute though we're called the Buddyguards.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I just need to rule something.
Speaker 9: God Bless Cretaceous.
Speaker 1: As the voice of malvow Is saying that to Gideon.
Gideon lets out a sharp shout. It's dark, but you
hear this scream, and then you hear him say.
Speaker 15: I'm okay, I'm mostly okay, and we're going to pause
right there.
Speaker 1: Join us in two weeks give or take for another
very special episode of the Barbecue, and then two weeks
after that for oopsal Bard's episode twelve, the season finale.
Can you believe it? I can't. As always, I've been
your host, Jillian Ashley Blair Ivy and on behalf of
the cast and crew here at Oops All Bards. Thank
you for listening. We will see you again soon.
Speaker 14: Oops All Bards is created, GMed, and directed by Gillian
Ashley Blair Ivy. This episode was produced, edited, and sound
designed by Nate Runkle. Oops All Bards stars Ashley Banks
as Bell Ternamio and Coleman as Clarice Sauerkloud, Ross Curry
as Andrew harrowhold Tage Sinha Das as cretacios on Thigh,
and Bob Killian as Colonial Stumps. The Oops All Bards
theme song is by Bob Killian, with additional lyrics by
Jillian Ashley Blair Ivy. Oops All Bards is executive produced
by the porch Room. We are part of the porch
Room Network on Spreaker Prime. For more information, visit oopsalbards
dot com. Thanks and be sure to rate, review and
subscribe to Oops all Bards on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or
your podcatcher of choice, and follow us on Instagram and
YouTube at oops all Bards. We'll see you next time.
Speaker 11: Oops solbars.
Speaker 6: Oh, another quality podcast from the port room.
Speaker 1: You have not a lot of times, so we need
to like speed run through our encounter.
Speaker 5: Sorry for bringing all out emotion now.
Speaker 3: That's what we need.
Speaker 16: That was beautiful.
Speaker 9: We spent a lot more time being horny.
Speaker 4: We are barns.
Speaker 1: Oh, I wasn't recording anything.
Speaker 5: Oh my gosh, that would honestly be hilarious.