Speaker 1: This is an Unspoiled Network podcast. This is spoil Me
covering Dungeon Crawler Carl Book eight, A Parade of Horribles,
Samantha's Book seven recap through chapter three. In these chapters,
we are doing one of the types of games I'm
worse at and thus I have the most anxiety. It's
a racing game. Kids. Buckle up. Welcome to spoil Me.
Welcome to the show everyone. I am Natasha. Thank you
very much to Michael for commissioning this episode, and he
is here in the chat. Delighted to have you, sir. Okay,
So you guys, this is such an interesting intro because
we've got some really weird little insights into Samantha, because
it turns out that this bitch is like not with
it at all. And I knew she wasn't with it,
but I kind of thought it was more like, what's
the word I want? I thought that it was more
like a stream of consciousness thing, that it was just
her sharing everything she thinks as she's thinking or feeling it,
you know. And it turns out that what it really
appears to be is like a bad memory issue, which
we have seen that there she had these memory glitches.
So I feel like this shouldn't be as surprising as
it is. But I guess I just didn't expect it
to be quite so pronounced and so consistent. Like it's
everybody that she encounters, there's a moment of her like
not quite remembering their relevance in her life in a way.
That's like the first thing is how somebody is talking
to that weird bald guy with the gross scar on
his head. Samantha didn't like him much, or maybe she did,
maybe she was in love with him. No, No, that
wasn't right. Who was his mother? Something something garbage truck? Guys,
that's a reference to something, right, that is so familiar?
What is something something? Garbage truck? What is that? That's
something I know it is? What is it? So the
way that this and honestly this is like a brilliant move,
the way that we have it set up that she
has to like relay everything that's been Oh my god,
excuse me, I was just like an attack. It's that
she has to explain all of this to Tippid, who
lost his memory after that what essentially amounts to like
an emp went off and destroyed the repairs to his brain,
which I just think is such a smart way of
handling a recap so that in story it makes sense.
And I don't need that. If in story it doesn't
make sense, it's perfectly fine, you know. We had I
think one of them was just Doughnut telling us, and
it's just treated as like, hey, here's a reminder of
what happened last book, and there's no in the story
explanation for it, and I didn't care. But it is
very tidy that it's set up this way here, and
I just have to say, it's very I don't know, something,
very satisfying about how it fits together. So it turns
off or it turns off, Oh my god. It turns
out that she's like trying to decorate Carl's room because
he's never there, which, like we had a lot in
the original what three four books him and Donut having
some downtime, and we really do not see that anymore.
Like there's no downtime in general except for very rarely
here and there, and that downtime is usually a group situation.
It's not often just him and Donut, and it's not
often in like their safe room or in their bedroom
because they have this thing that they just walk across
and now they're just refreshed and they don't need to sleep.
So it has weirdly kind of eaten into their time
together exclusive and I do miss it a little bit,
Like they can have chats via the messager and it's like,
you know, that's still private, but it's not quite the same.
And even when they were in the room, it was
just like they knew that they were still on camera
and stuff, so they didn't really feel like they had
the freedom to say whatever it was they wanted. And yeah,
I am sort of missing that. There's a mention also
once we get into like the actual floor that he is,
there was no time whatsoever for them to rest between floors,
and that he's got all of these like achievements and
boxes he hasn't opened and all of this stuff. And
I was like, yeah, I really missed that moment of
let's get ready and prepare ourselves and get to know
our new abilities and new and whatever. So I don't
know if this is something that like the AI is
purposely sort of rushing things along, or if there's to
a degree like the AI doesn't want them utilizing that stuff.
I don't know, but uh, Saraphim says, Yeah, being in
her head made it clear there's something genuinely wrong with
her and affecting her ability to remember it or think straight,
not just her being Samantha exactly. Michael says, if Carl
didn't want Samantha to get his house in the divorce,
he shouldn't have dated her. This one is you, Carl.
Sarah Fim says, even when they had downtime, Donut made
Carl stay with her in the room. He never really
used his room other than a place to hide out
while reading the cookbook. Yeah. True, there were some times
where Carl would like realize though, that Donut needed some time,
and he would go sit with her and light the
candle and have her sit on her cat bed or
curl up with him because he knew that, Like, we
need a moment of normalcy because she just went through something,
and that's the sort of thing I miss a little bit.
I feel like after the fucking slam Slam Slam incident,
we could definitely go for some of that right now.
Michael says, I don't think he could use his room
to read the cookbook either. He couldn't risk exposing it,
so he's had to read it only in the bathroom.
That's right. I was about to say, did you like
I thought that him reading in his bedroom didn't sound right?
But yeah, I think you're right, Michael sarah Fum says,
I meant his personal bathroom attached to the room. Oh
do they have that? Now? Okay, that makes sense. I
haven't kept up, to be honest with like all the
upgrades to their living space and stuff. I just don't
really like keep track of that mentally, So okay, So
I'm not going to get into everything that she says,
suffice to say it's really exactly what you would expect,
and editorialized heavily the way that you would expect. And
she says something about how Lena had gone totally has
gone totally cuckoo, which cuckoo is one of those that
I just really like used to hear a lot, and uh,
it's not really used that much anymore. And I sort
of wonder why it was a thing to begin with,
Like why did we decide cuckoo was crazy? Why that bird?
It does have a certain sound to it, But is
that all? Is that the only reason? And louis being severe?
Rile made Katcha pregnant. Just by standing near her did
get me. That one really got me, guys. So Chandra,
this is the interlude. Okay, so full disclosure. I didn't
realize that I wasn't covering this last Thursday. So I
read this twice in prep for Thursday, and then I
was like, oh wait, so I read it again today.
So I've read this section three times now, and every
like the first time that I read Chandra's interlude, I
was like, I want her dead, I want her family dead,
I want her house burned to the ground. And then
reading it the second time and knowing what's coming, I
was like, you know what, I kind of take it
all back because the way it works out is so
much more weirdly satisfying in its own way that I think, Yeah,
I think I prefer so Chandra is Carl's new wife.
As it turns out, Carl evidently gets no say in
this whatsoever. I assume because he's a crawler and so
he just like doesn't have the kind of rights that
an actual like citizen would have. I think he gets
turned into a citizen once he is out of the dungeon,
but I don't think that he has control over anything
at this point in any way outside of the game
where he had been war lord and you know whatever.
So there is a clause with the Naga people where
you can file to marry your husband's assassin, which I
just think we need to stop and look at that
as an existing law at all. How very revealing about
the Naga that is like that you would want to
marry his assassin because the idea is obviously that you
were on his murder and that you're in love with
his assassin or already there's a deal existing, you know whatever.
It's just extremely overt in a way that's quite funny.
And there was like a judge who sort of made
a show of well, we have to pass it through
some other channel, and so asked the audience for their input,
and they all voted that it would be very funny
to punish Carl by having him marry her. So they agreed,
and she has been doing everything that she can to
take over control of his assets and also has hired
a team to assassinate his lawyer, who are already on
their way, which you know, Carl had just been in
a meeting with this guy, and I Equasar is a
complete disaster. But also I kind of like the guy,
so yeah, I don't want that. So it is a
really the way that this POV is written is super
fun as well, because there's just this like constant I'm
so put upon. Other people had things given to them,
but I've worked for everything I have and I'm finally
going to be getting my fair share that I deserve.
And I have put up with so many humiliations and
things and I am like so clever and smart the
way that I figured this out, and nobody's going to
be able to stop me, and if they do, it's
fine because I'll just find a way to take them down.
This is happening because I deserve it. And there's no
real examples at all of like things that she's worked
for or ways that she's been put upon or humiliated.
It's just sort of it's just sort of like accepted
by or she's she's intending it to be accepted, as
she says it in a way that feels very much
like there are people Look, okay, I'm just going to
really quickly. I am not somebody who likes to assume
everyone is a liar, the way that like some folks
will just go into conversations and kind of assume the worst. Okay, However,
once you get to know people a little bit, there
will be consistent tells about how they see the world,
and then this begins to influence my perception of the
story they tell me. So if I see that a
person is constantly complaining about somebody that we work with
in a way that I don't really think is justified.
I think they are making a big deal out of nothing.
I think they are perceiving themselves as being somehow like
targeted with bullying or something in a way that I'm like,
that is not happening. And then they tell me a
story about like somebody who is really mean to them.
I am not going to believe that story the same way.
It may be that story is exactly what she's telling me,
But because I have just begun to really take everything
of the grain of salt, it's I'm going to really
kind of side eye and be like, okay, sure, sweetie whatever.
And this happens all over the place. This happens with
my in person relationships, this happens with friends online. It
even happens with listeners that I will see sharing things
like in discord and stuff I'll start to get a
sense of them, and then they will say something and
I'll be kind of like, yeah, that sounds about what
I would expect you to think of a certain situation.
And you just get a sense of people and it's
not always even a bad thing. Sometimes it's like, yeah,
they have the takeaway I would expect because they think
like I think, and that's exactly how I thought as well.
I saw this and assume blah blah blah. So there
are just times where I love someone and they are
my friend and I care about them, but they tell
me some shit that happened to them, and I am
just like, God, I love you, but I know that
is not how it happened. I do not believe you,
and it sucks. I hate that feeling, but I have it.
There are times where I have it and I don't
say it because what a shitty thing to do. Why
would I. I don't have any proof, I don't know anything. Whatever.
I'll just let them talk. They just need to get
it out. It's fine, but still I think it and
the whole thing when you're in Chandra's head as you
hear this like litany of complaints and people that she hated,
which is pretty much everybody. All of the things that
she says about how hard she's worked and how she's
been treated so poorly all begin to take on the Oh, no,
you just didn't get everything you wanted all the time forever,
and you think that's really not fair. You are a
completely unreasonable, self absorbed narcissist. And the fact that folks
don't just literally keel over and die when you need
them to, you think, is like an affront to your
plans for your own life. And there are totally people
like this, and they will genuinely see the fact that
somebody else is just like living as an attack on
them somehow, And it's really it's remarkable when you watch
it happening. It's like, how do you manage to turn
this thing that is so not about you completely around
so that it is completely about you? Like how did
you do it? So? Anyway, Chandra is awful and this
whole thing about like Chandra was sick of how her
kind were treated, how they weren't trusted or worse, looked
down upon as inferior, and I love how we weren't
they weren't trusted. But then it's like a laundry list
of shady fucking shit that she did. And at one point,
Donut actually says to her, no wonder everybody talks shit
about the Naga because y'all fucking suck actually, And it's
interesting because like Chandra doesn't even really hear it. It's
just like she actually responds to that with like, what
does that have to do with anything? And I'm just like, well,
it kind of has a lot to do with the
way that you were thinking earlier. But you will never
put that together because nothing is ever your fault or
your problem. So h Yata was dead. Her plan had
been to fleet into the frontier to start over. Chondre
couldn't even imagine such a thing. Why would one flee
away from society? It was practically the same thing as devolving.
She tried to imagine herself working the dirt of an
uninhabited planet preposterous. The thought of wide open skies was
suffocating to her. Chandra couldn't wait to get away from
it all. Her idiot late husband had been constantly involved
in the quartz machinations and where did that let him
murdered by a crawler while playing a game. So we
get this as like these things that I believe it's purposeful.
How we are almost saying opposite things, where one, I
don't want to go to like the wild frontier and
be away from people, but also I don't want to
do like court machinations because that doesn't get you anywhere.
So it's just there's just a sense of like, what
is it that you really want and what she really
wants us to be queen. She wants to be on top.
Court isn't appealing because that's grubby, it's being like lowly
and fucking around for like scraps. She wants to be
on top. So sorry, Michael says, I felt a little
bad for Vignata. Honestly, it sounds like she might have
been a good one, but circumstances forced her to try
to kill Carl and Dona. I actually agree with you, Michael.
I feel like maybe Vignata was like just wanting out
and would have sidestepped all of this if she had
been able to. But the way it's set up, she
wasn't able to. And you know, plus Chantra's judgment of
her makes me think better of Vignatte exactly. This is
part and parcel of what I was talking about before
where you get to know somebody and the reaction to
things you learn to like see through what that is
to probably what's really going on there. And Chandra not
liking her or a lot of people to me just
speaks well of those people. She'd asserted her widow's rights
and claimed Carl as her husband in Naga Court, and
she had already gotten the burners fired up on multiple contracts.
Karl's own lawyer had done a surprisingly competent job building
the legal entities required for the Princess possefangroup to collect money,
though she still had a case penning to withdraw half
of their profits early. Where this Quazar had failed was
in not asserting Carl's rights over all of donuts earnings.
Donut species was not yet recognized as a legally competent
racial entity by the syndicate, and therefore all her assets
should have been placed under a conservatorship. Carl was clearly
the best choice as custodian, and not just custodian, but
a true beneficiary. She'd filed on her new husband's behalf
to be recognized as such, and it was granted automatically.
Conservatorships are one of those things that it's like, they
are good and necessary so much of the time, but
they are so frequently abused that it just has this connotation,
you know, and I know that they exist for reasons
that are valid and helpful, but you just hear about
the ones that are put in place to control women
so often. She was currently in the process of threatening
the second fan group, the Donut Holes, with obliteration should
they not immediately assign thirty eight percent of their profits
directly to Donuts Conservatorship. Their newest product, the Princess Palette
I makeup Kit, was already the highest earning Crawler merch
in the history of the Crawl, which I feel like
I saw that somebody actually was like selling this. I
feel like it popped up on my Instagram and I
didn't look at it too hard because there was something
about it that felt spoilery. I don't remember, but I
think somebody is making this. There's all kinds of like
partnered stuff with these books now, and let's see percent
already going to the syndicate. They'll two percent leftover should
have been more than enough for them to keep operating.
And either way, she really wanted to take a look
at their books that group had much more money than
they should have. There was something going on there and
she needed to get to the bottom of it. And
I was wondering if, like some of it has been
transferred from what got stolen from the orcs, or like,
I'm sure that there's other shit happening as well, but
you know, just sort of trying to think back to
where we could have gotten other money from. So all
of the legal issues that Donut Holes could wait till
tomorrow for right now, Chandra needed to make certain the
rodent didn't take a deal. And it's very funny because
she's just like thinking of Donut as she compares her
to mold, like an accidentally sentient life form that really
should be So Donah initially is sort of like, oh, hey,
I hope that you're not mad at me and Karl
over something. And she's like, I wasn't princess until you
killed her, so which Donah is like, oh, well, then
I guess that we are partially responsible for your ascension. Congratulations,
and then she brings up your golden brown pattern is
really a nice shade. Vignanna was quite stunning with her
cobra hood and white and gold scales, but Carl says,
she wasn't really white and gold but gray, and she'd
been hiding it was that a scandal when people saw it?
I bet it was a scandal. And she's right, which
gets Chandra really annoyed. And this is just more evidence
towards the fact that, like Chandra, just anything that doesn't
make her feel superior to somebody is going to make
her annoyed with them and hate them. It's really pitiful,
Like what a way to live. You just got to
be mad at everybody all the time. And the fact
that she's like, we had a whole shift in government,
a king was deposed, people died, but yet all anybody
wanted to talk about was the fact that she was
like hiding what she really looked like. And I love
that Donut understands enough about like human quotes nature to
like an instantly predict that's how people are going to focus.
But Chondra being so baffled by it is kind of
evidence that the advice Donuts offering on being a princess
is actually low key valid. She knows she is better
at this. Chandra, you are not good at this at all.
So and there's also Donut talking about how she knows
that white Persian cats are considered like more desirable a lot.
But you know, tell me, I'm not a fucking champion,
and I do forget that Doughnut's not white all the time.
Every time I see her in an illustration, I'm like,
oh right, I picture her as white in my head constantly,
and I'm having to like adjust that all the time.
So she finally says, I'm not taking a deal, and
Chandra is very pleased that this is not going to
be a huge issue. And again, Chandra hadn't been paying
attention this season. She'd only taken notice a few weeks
back when someone had suggested that her husband, Rishi and
his first wife were in mortal danger. But if Chandra
were being honest with herself, and if she didn't have
a literal interest in Donut lasting at least a little longer,
she would have recommended that her client take the deals. So,
you know, obviously we have a whole string of events
in some like kind of backdoor donations and stuff that
result in her getting to be Donuts lawyer to begin with.
And there's just the fact that she hasn't been paying
attention much this season. That I think is really interesting
because it shows to me that she really does not
know who she's dealing with at all. She has her
ideas and she's heard some things, but it does not
seem like she is coming into this with any real
prep on the personality. And that's quite evident. Shortly so,
this is when she decides to start off with this.
We need to have a conversation about something else. You're
not gonna like what I'm going to say, but you
need to know there's nothing you can do about it,
and the sooner you come to terms with that, the
sooner we'll be able to move on. Do you understand?
And I'm just like, if there is one wrong way
to come at Donut, that is it. It's just so,
this is somebody who is very confident that Jonaht has
zero power and so she can just talk to her
anyway she wants. Does not get it. So she puts
the paperwork out for Donut to read about what all
is going on, and this was interesting. Donut mentions the
paperwork that Karl had been given for his father's property
and that it's ruled invalid. Let's see, I believe he's
too scared to look but I read them. Did you
know that every Knaga we've met so far has been
a raging psycho? For about five seconds, I thought maybe
you'd be a nice one. But it appears I was incorrect,
and that's really sad, and I thought, let's see if
you must know. The paperwork was a remarkably similar set
of documents. Earth jargon is just as stupid and boring.
Carl's grandparents had set money aside for Carl, and the
father was attempting to get access to it without Carl knowing.
The number of people who have tried to fuck Carl
over or have successfully done so, is insane, Like what,
I shouldn't be surprised, and yet the only thing that
surprises me is that Bee hadn't found out about this
and tried to get hold of it herself. There was
a marriage certificate in there as well, and I had
a little bit of like my heart stopped for a second,
though that was for Carl's father and his new wife,
and I breathed a sigh of relief because I was like,
did be do something? Oh my god. In the end,
when you put them all together, they do something interesting.
They paint a very distinct picture of who Carl's father
was as a person, much the same way, these papers
paint a picture of who you are. What a sad
little snake you are. I pity you. And this really
really hits Chandra. And she had told herself that she
wasn't going to react to anything that Donut said, but
she completely loses it at this. And listen to me,
you vile rodent. I don't care what you think. This
is all going to happen no matter what you do
or say. I am showing you these papers because as
your attorney, I am required to show them to you.
I only want you to live through to the next floor,
because if you survive, it makes me money. After I
don't care, And Donut says, why do you think they
rendered all the earth stuff invalid? And she says, what
do you mean because the earth doesn't exist anymore? What
are you even asking that? And Donut says, you're not
just trying to rob me and your husband, who, by
the way, snores like a chainsaw. I hope that weird
snakehead of yours can wear earplugs and that you like
biscuit sandwiches, which that that cracked me up a little bit.
You're attempting to steal from the Princess Posse, and the
Princess Posse is more than just myself and Carl, didn't
you see what just happened? You think being out there
outside the dungeon is protecting you? Yes? Earth is destroyed. Yes,
Carl's dad's legal documents mean nothing. What do you think
is gonna happen to your little marriage certificate and your
money transfers when you are destroyed? And then Donut does
something very clever because she had asked earlier, are there
people watching this feed of our meeting? And it turns
out there are so doughnuts, like so if I were
to offer people fifty million credits to stop you, that
wouldn't be legal, and doubles down on this. It's fantastic.
A strange, unexpected terror washed over her. Now. I think Donut,
she's technically this is not a zero zone, because evidently
for certain creatures, like pulling them out of the zone
completely will affect them differently. I'm wondering if Carl, like
if Donut were pulled out of here, does she not
have the ability to talk anymore? Or something like if
it were a complete zero zone, that does worry me
a little bit. It never occurred to me, but perhaps,
but I think that maybe she's got some aura stuff
that she can still access and use. And I think
that's something that she's putting to work here and that
Chandra doesn't know Donut can do this stuff because she
hasn't been watching the show. So she's just kind of
asking herself, like why am I reacting this way? And
I think that it's actually game function stuff. I don't
think it's like Donat obviously has her intense charisma and
ability to play people, but this is so intensely it's
the emotion is coming before the thought in a way
that feels really unnatural, you know. Chandra suddenly had a
blinking message from her torn associates, Chandra, we have questions
about the job. What are your coordinates? And she's like
that's just a coincidence. Why would they even have access
to this feed? And I'm just like, Chandra, you dummy,
Come now, how could everything change so fast? Chandra gathered
up the folders. Of course they wanted to ask in person.
All their meetings were in person. To gather the final folder,
she'd have to reach through the creature, standing on the table.
She'd never seen eyes like this, She'd never seen such intensity,
not even in her uncle when he told her he
planned on taking the sultan it for himself. She couldn't
bring herself to reach through the illusion of the creature
to grab the last folder. Donut leaned in and let
out a low growl. Since you're new to this, let
me give you your first lifeless don't put yourself in situations
where you're so afraid that you piss yourself. And Chandra
looks down and is like, I didn't. But the fact
that she even looked is humiliating, and it is really
a boss moment. Donut really fucking like Chandra is coming
in here. This will make up for all the humiliations
I've had to endure. And then she just gets fucking
poned so brutally. Jesus Christ, that is so, so, so embarrassing.
Michael says, I think Carr would have gotten a kick
out of it if he had read the documents and
realized his father spent decades unsuccessfully trying to steal money
from him. He didn't really need it, and he's low maintenance.
He would have just been sad and pissed. He couldn't
have given the money to Asher and his mom. I
think you are exactly right, Michael. I'm pretty sure the
AI made biological changes to Donut that changed her intelligence
and gave her the ability to speak. So it isn't
dependent on a Dungeon enhancement like say Louis ability to
keep breathing, and it isn't magical, so not having access
to the system won't take away her ability to speak.
But no way to know for sure. Michael says, I
think they're in a legit zero zone and this was
all Donut. No, it's explicitly said at the beginning of
this interlude that it's not a zero zone, that it's
a different thing they have, because she says that she
feels weird, and Chandra is like, the reason that you
feel weird is because we're in like a kind of
weird in between. You know, I'm trying to find the
spot here. Yeah, you feel funny because you're in a
type a containment zone. Most fear enhancements are turned off.
It's like a zero zone, but designed to accommodate certain
types of crawlers who might have issues in regular zero zones.
So I don't know. I think there's something else going
on if it's all donut amazing, but there was just
something about the way that it's talked about that feels different.
But perhaps it's just doughnut fucking you know, has leveled
up in her regular self as well, which would make sense.
So Chapter one, Welcome Crawler to the tenth floor. The
heat starts in five minutes, saferom access is blocked until
the heat is over. No rest, no moment to like
calm down and take a second. And not only is
there no rest, but they have to make a decision
here about what kind of of mount they want within
five minutes, and that will result in the gremlin that
they don't choose literally exploding in a very gory way,
which they don't realize that's going to be the result.
But even if they did, they'd still have to choose.
It wouldn't matter. It's pretty brutal as far as like
ways of starting things off. And I hated this. I
hated it so much. There's something about this that really
rings true though. And okay, let me, let me, let
me not get into this whole side thing. But I
will bounce back over here in a minute. So Carl
and Donat talk for a moment about you know, him
being married and her meeting his wife. Donah has to
pick a new class. And there is something that's got
like another tab that has a bunch of god level
stuff that Mordecai is like, this is straight up out
of my wheelhouse, Like I've never seen any of this before.
So we don't fully know what it is that Donut selected,
but we do know that she gets a hat, so
that's obviously extremely exciting. I assume the AI just gives
her hats for all of her stuff now, because that's
just a thing. So they also get the message from
Justice Light, I am not sorry. Piece to you all,
brothers and sisters. And apparently Karl doesn't know what he did.
They had talked briefly like but it's not specifics. Quasar
hadn't known the specifics. All he knew was that nothing
was broken and that everything was in chaos on the
twelfth and eighteenth floors. Furthermore, the outworlders on those two
floors were protected from really dying by the system AI.
They could get hurt on the eighteenth floor, they could
still die, but they would immediately be brought back to
their rooms in the club, a club that was physically
inside of the now awake dungeon Boss. The system wasn't
letting anyone eject some of the things that had leaked
from the nothing were using this to their advantage. It
was like we'd done what we'd done to Growler Gary,
but worse. And evidently they actually turned the cameras off
because it was too much after a little while, which
is the grimest thing I think I've heard so far
in these books, because nothing has seemed to be too
much for this, these cameras. The thing obviously is that
these are real people, not crawlers, you know. But like, nevertheless,
it seemed like that stuff was still not off limits.
And my god, the idea of just being like locked
in this constant revolving can't die, just torture is low
key like one of the most horrific things I can
think of. Those on the twelfth were faring better considering
they were in the bodies of gods with god powers,
though apparently the non sponsored gods were all suddenly acting
quite strange. That's all Quasar had known. And that's the
thing that has got me really interesting, because the gods
that aren't sponsored, they really do believe that they themselves
are gods, they have the abilities of gods, and yet
they are suddenly discovering that there's like maybe a world
that they can access now that they couldn't before. And
I would imagine that would make you act strangely because
you thought you knew everything because you're a god. And
then there's this whole other you know, this other place
that you've never been, that you've never seen, with people
that you've never had access to, Like that would be
really yeah, I don't know. Let's see. This one comes
with a healing aura and a hat. I'm picking it,
and then she says, I got a nasty message from
kepri It says he's forming a death cult in my name, which,
uh yeah, Mordecai says that means nothing good, and I'm like,
what is that even? How would that work? It's the
bug God? And what does a death cult with a
bug god even look like? Anyway, she picks Assassin of segment.
It comes with accessories for every pet and the party
in all sorts of great spells and other stuff, and
it's just so inspecific, it's not you know. So they
wind up long story short, because these gremlins are beating
the shit out of each other for reasons that become
evident pretty quickly. They wind up selecting a mechanical mount
because the heady gremlin points out that having a biological mount,
you may risk that mount trying to eat your pets,
which is that's a fucking rap. As soon as she
says that, Carl's like, yeah, obviously she won, which for
good reason. This is not This is not an irrational choice.
I'm curious what y'all in the chat would have picked.
I'm going to say for me, I would absolutely never,
in a million years pick biological, not even a question.
It's just I don't need another creature for me to
feel bad about being mistreated or to get attached to
that's going to die or suffer, or that I have
to push to keep running when it's injured or you know,
exhausted or hr like. I absolutely would never be able
to handle that. I often think about what it must
have been like back in the day when we, you know,
all our transportation was horses, and I would have been
a complete disaster all the time. And there's just no no,
I couldn't do it. It's simply unthinkable. The way that
she goes down. I mean, yeah, uh. Seraphim says mechanical.
Miss t says mechanical. Jeff says, I love animals, but
I have zero training, whereas I am a professional driver.
I don't think the training probably matters. Like, you know,
you're dealing with animals that don't exist in the world,
but if you love animals, I feel like that's the
exact reason not to pick biological, because you're gonna have
to do it's all the worst parts of like horse racing.
You know. It's just you're getting an animal that is biological,
but attempting to treat it like a machine in a
lot of ways. And I just know, absolutely fucking not.
So Heati is their mechanic, and she is pushing them
to like get fucking with it and pick something quick
and do whatever you can to not come in last.
They wind up getting a hot shot chicken food truck,
which is not street legal, does not have rear view mirrors.
Barely you could see out the windshield. Carl is very
quick to say that the gun on top is like
a prop gun, and I'm sort of wondering if that's true,
because there's a part of me that feels like the
AI might have just made that a functioning gun for
the fun. But you know, who knows. We also have
fucking Cascadia who's just like she's supposed to introduce the
floor and she just berates everybody for not being dead
and is like, and I'm not dead either, and this
is bullshit and is just in bad fucking shape. Zev
takes over. Uh. There are five five hundred callers who
survived and decided they wanted to continue on the system.
AI has asked me to tell you to ignore what
happened on any other floors to and this is a quote,
focus on the floor like everything is normal, because everything
is normal. Ignore all those armies trying to literally vaporize
the solar system. FU if you think otherwise, Uh, okay, okay,
fuck you if you think overwise. I don't know what
if that like, because I don't believe that the AI
is going to make typos overwise is like is that
a pun? I don't know. Anyway. You've been split into
teams no bigger than four. If you're Solow, you've been
teamed up with one or two other crawlers. It looks
like the final number of teams is exactly eighteen hundred,
which is a lot more than we originally planned, as
you can imagine, and since every track is different, we've
had to allow the AI to design most of these tracks,
So keep that in mind, which is going to be
probably pretty fucking awful. Your vehicle or creature will always
be one hundred percent repaired or healed between races as
long as your garage attendant remains alive. At the end
of each heat, you will be able to choose an
upgrade for your vehicle or creature. If you come in
first place in a heat, you can choose three irregular
upgrades are one golden upgrade. At the end of the
fourth heat, everyone gets one golden upgrade of their choice,
and if you come in last, well second to last,
then the audience gets to vote for your upgrade. You'll
always get a hint of what the next heat will be,
and you'll need to pay attention because you might need
an upgrade that will help you survive the next environment.
And that being inserted in like Carl just saying oh shit,
as he says this, I was like in agreement, even
though I think he's reacting to the wheel because it
looks like they might wind up with a floor polisher,
which is so funny. But when she said to like
you survive the environment, I immediately thought, oh shit, because
I'm just thinking this is gonna be racetracks. Of course
it's not just gonna be racetracks. Well fucking just that's
not fun to wat, you know what I mean. Like
I was just being very dumb and honestly low key
a little bit hopeful because everything else just sounds so
like anxiety inducing. So they get the truck, they got
a start. You can't steal vehicles, but you can attack them.
You can't use teleport to get into their vehicles, and
you can't use it on your vehicle. Every heat must
have a different driver, So only one of you touch
the steering wheel or hold the reins, especially if it's
just two of you, which is a weird rule that
I think is going to really be a pain in
our ass. Try not to kill more than one team,
because if more than two teams don't make it to
the finish line and then it just breaks off. And
I'm really curious if the AI made her stop talking,
if that was supposed to like not be public knowledge
or what. I don't know. How Donut's going to be
able to drive. I have to assume that something will
be adjusted in the vehicle so that she can like
reach the because otherwise I don't know how this would
even work. But for now, Carl obviously is the one
that starts driving. And the panel on the dash gave
a few beeps. It was a navigation system with the
words Navitron one thousand over it. A map appeared on
the flat screen but minimized itself, and then words popped up,
speaking in my head like it was an item description,
and we get a voice in the narration that was
it's described as like sort of familiar to him, but
he can't put his finger on it. And I was
trying to like figure it out myself, and I can't
think who. The first person I thought of was Firebrandy,
because she was like the one running that train, and
so I thought like, well, maybe, you know, this being
a sort of race thing with vehicles, perhaps she's involved here,
but I don't know how that would even work. So
this is I said this at the beginning. You guys,
race games are, for whatever reason, the thing that I
am the fucking worst at. I am so bad at it.
It's I can just never quite get a hang of
how sensitive the steering wheel is, you know, if you're
using one of those. I can never quite get like
the hang of how severe you need to be in
turns and stuff. And I literally I was Marsha and
I went to a a arcade not too long ago
where I had like those sort of reclining seats with
the real race car feel to it, and you race
against each other, and I wound up in like the
city in a part that he was like, I'm surprised
they even rendered that at all, Like where are you?
Because I was nowhere near the track kids. I had
to like find my way back, and I didn't just
come in last. It was like the equivalent of a
five K when they've packed everything up and you know
they're deconstructing the finish line. It was that sort of vibe.
It was real, real bad. So anytime that I see
people playing racing games and stuff, I'm always just sort
of like, how how do you guys manage to do it?
I don't know if it's just practice, but I've tried
to play several times in a row every time to
see if it I'll get the hang of it eventually,
and it never happens. It's not even like, oh, I'm
just I always tend to come in last. It's like
I'm not even on the fucking track. I don't know
where I am. It's really pitiful. So there comes this
thing that's in the middle of the road that's got
like a unicorn head, like a Lisa Frank style unicorn
head sticking out of it. The head was about the
size of a regular horse's head, and it stuck out
the top center of the tumbleweed as if it were
wearing the brambles like a coat. I couldn't tell what
the hell I was looking at. The unicorn's head appeared
way too high for it to be standing on the ground.
I couldn't tell what it was in the dark. The
unicorn started shouting something at us, but my window was
rolled up and I couldn't hear. And like, the unicorn
shouting at them is really what, Like can you not
press the brake? I don't know. The road was just
straight black highway with no markings, occasional glitter like there
was water. And as he's accelerating and going into a cave,
there is something that's like right there that he has
to swerve to avoid, and Mango, who is out, is
getting car sick and winds up throwing up all over
the place. For the record, Karl is actually kind of
trying to savor the fact that he is now in
a position where nobody else's lives depend on him. That
if he and Doughnut die, that's it, and he's like
free of this massive burden that he was carrying on
the previous floor, which makes a lot of sense. Also,
the slam slam slam of her spell, the atrocity is
really haunting him, and we have Donut constantly wiping her
paw like without really even thinking about it. It's just
now sort of this nervous tick that she's doing. And
he has to focus on the fact that like Kacya
got out, that a bunch of people made deals and
got out that you know, there's some hope, is there.
But he really does have to sort of make himself
like zero win on that and let's see something moomed
up ahead. And as they're coming up on it, they
get a message from Prepotente and he says, don't I
know you don't want to come in last place, but
don't kill or stop opponents from crossing the finish line.
In fact, I think that you guys should be trying
your best to help everybody across the finish line and
stop and help when somebody is having trouble. I strongly
believe that the pool of opponents for each heat is
set in stone. That means, if only one opponent falls
during the current heat, that'll be fine. However, if two
or more fall during the heat, there won't be enough
for the next race. As a result, they will have
to mix and match with other groups that are missing
for a full heat. And Carl is like describes that
he felt cold and for this race, all eight of
our opponents were NPCs. And I'll be honest, guys, Carl
having this reaction, while I understand since he has already
seen that everybody's NPCs, I didn't really get that. I
thought we already were racing other crawlers. So this revelation,
while awful, wasn't as profound for me because I already
thought we were in this situation. And you know, it's
not that I'm not horrified by the implications now that
I know, but it just sort of was like, oh,
so we're not doing that, but if this bad thing happens,
then we are doing that. And since I already thought it,
it's I'm sort of mentally like already prepped for it,
you know what I'm saying. And of course when he's like,
just don't kill your fucking opponents and try and help people,
Jang is like, uh, guys, lea already, and I'm like,
of course she did. Of course she did. Of course
she did. So this is when he as he's going
into the cave, Donut yells for him to be careful,
and there is a mini van on its side, and
there are bugbears crawling from the wreckage as another one
of the vehicles, a bus sized ladybug, squealed in pain
as it was dragged off the road by the biggest
manatee I'd ever seen. And that's what I'm talking about, guys,
in not wanting a biological mount. I don't want to
see my mount screaming in pain as it gets eaten.
That's not gonna happen. In mechanical shit, it's not gonna happen.
I don't need it. I'm good. So yeah, yeah, that's
the end of this chapter. Is that poor lady buggeting
and I just did not care for it. We are
really off to the races, as they say, ll I
gotta rap, guys, I gotta rap. But I'm actually five
minutes under time, and I think that's pretty exciting. So
a couple things that I had wanted to talk about,
like earlier when I started and I said, okay, let
me stop and come back to that. Something that I
think is interesting is, first of all, of course, Matt
Denneman is like pulling a lot of inspiration from existing
games and game types when he's doing certain things. And
since I am not an avid gamer, there are going
to be things that I don't really have like my
experience with I'm not going to pick up on the references.
But there are times where I'm like able to see
what we're doing because it's quite obvious. And we have like,
you know, a regular dungeon floor that felt sort of
like almost like Doom. We've got a sky room sort
of you know. Then we had what felt like World
of Warcraft, and now we're doing like almost a Mario
Kart thing, but I know it's obviously much more intense
than that. I can't tell what the train line floor
was because like that feels like it's got to be something,
but it's not ringing any bells for me. So if
there's a game that's like that, I'm interested. But I
think it's really compelling that what Matt Deneman has chosen
for this level, that there are factors involved that make
it better for everybody if you help the other people
on the track. I think that this is definitely symbolic.
And like thinking that you're screwing other people over you're
actually screwing yourself is absolutely true in life. It's a
shame because it doesn't manifest for some people. They can
screw everybody over and they still seem to like succeed
But I like, you know, it's hard to say what's
going on with people. It can look like they're succeeding
simply because they have money, and that certainly counts for
a lot. But like you know what I'm saying, I
just the concept of you can't be last, but being
second to last is pretty bad. But also you need
to make sure everybody is successful otherwise you're going to
be competing against people who you don't want to be
up against. Yeah, something in this, you know, I'm going
to be really curious to me the people that we're
up against if we do, because I feel like you're
if you're gonna stop and help folks, then you're going
to start to get to know your opponents. And is
there a way that we can like all just plan
and cross the finish line together, or is the AI
going to be able to figure out down to like
the fucking micrometer whose foot passed over the finish line
first and not play nice Like I'm just trying to
think of ways that we can make this work where
everybody wins, and I don't think it's set up to
make that possible, but you know, maybe there's there seems
to be some really weird loopholes in different levels, and
so maybe there's something here that we can work out.
I don't know. Jeff says, it's like the definition of solidarity,
helping people you will never meet because they may help you,
or people you love. Yeah, And I just it's one
of the things that seems to be quite different than
actual racing games. I am curious, guys if there are
racing games out there that encourage you to like help
your opponents, because that would be kind of fun. Actually,
if that were more of a thing. Also, we have
you guys, I know that this is not going to
happen for very obvious reasons, So don't take this as
me actually saying do this Mett Denneman. But I will
say we have had all kinds of different games represented,
and it would be fucking amazing if we had a
very animal crossing sort of like level, you know, something
that's just like farming and gathering and fishing and dealing
with the weird animal and PCs that live in the
village and that's it, Like, that's literally it, and you
just have to save up, however many dollars to pay
off the loan on your house, and that's how you
win that level. I think that would be fucking great
and it would be inexplicable, And that's part of what
I like about it, is like Cascadia to a point
hasn't been able to design as much as she should
for the number of crawlers that remain, so they're letting
the AI do it. So maybe the AI just does
something like that for fun. Why not? Michael says, it's
going to be after they get out of the dungeon
and they're rebuilding Earth. It's not the same it's not
the same. I want it to be the weird. Like
they're they're building a home, but the home is like
very cartoony. You know, they meet their neighbor and their
neighbor is a giant cow person. Like I want the
intensity of realistic cartoon, you know. I just it's just
my brothers, That's all I'm saying. And also really really
curious what we've got in our boxes and whether anything
that's in there is going to help with something like this,
because it seems like we're not really doing combat as
much in this at least yet. Like I have to
assume there's an objective during this one that just says
just get to the end. So I think that probably
there are going to be other races where there's objectives,
is like you have to collect certain things, or you
need to pass through certain spots and like touch a
button or something. And I just feel like the combat
thing seems like it's going to be sort of incidental,
And so I'm wondering if the stuff they get in
their boxes, which has all seemed to be very combat focused,
is really going to be helpful. There are certain things
that are combat like spells that you can get creative
with and use in a different way like Carl Shield
potentially could be super helpful, but I don't. I don't know,
looking forward to finding that out. So I am going
to wrap up. Thank you guys again so much for
hanging out with me. I am really excited to be
covering this final or most recent book. It's not the
final book, but to be caught up with everybody looking
forward to it and until next time to the Loo, motherfuckers.
That was an Unspoiled Network podcast