WEBVTT 1 00:00:05.000 --> 00:00:08.080 I arrived early, earlier than even Ben usually opened the doors, 2 00:00:08.199 --> 00:00:11.800 my reward for volunteering on Tuesdays the libraries. These steps 3 00:00:11.839 --> 00:00:13.919 were still faintly downe from the morning mist, and the 4 00:00:13.960 --> 00:00:16.160 key bend had pressed into my palm last week, rattled 5 00:00:16.160 --> 00:00:18.719 with a confidence I didn't quite feel. The sky was 6 00:00:18.760 --> 00:00:20.640 the gentle grave lee that makes you think of fresh 7 00:00:20.679 --> 00:00:23.039 erases and bottle glue. And I felt a lightness in 8 00:00:23.079 --> 00:00:25.640 my chest of curious habit developed since retirement, as if 9 00:00:25.679 --> 00:00:27.399 some part of me still measured dazed by the bell 10 00:00:27.480 --> 00:00:30.559 of a school clock. For over four decades, the library 11 00:00:30.559 --> 00:00:32.920 had been my compass as a small child, stepping free 12 00:00:32.920 --> 00:00:35.560 of my mother's hand, as a teenager seeking privacy, as 13 00:00:35.560 --> 00:00:38.039 a teacher guiding lines of squirming third graders, and now 14 00:00:38.079 --> 00:00:40.640 as a volunteer, stamping dates and lending a practiced eye 15 00:00:40.640 --> 00:00:43.640 to the classification of bucks. Even the sound of the 16 00:00:43.640 --> 00:00:46.399 old wooden floor was creaking beneath my sensible shoes felt 17 00:00:46.439 --> 00:00:49.640 like an old friend of repeated phrase in the library's language. 18 00:00:49.719 --> 00:00:52.039 That morning's task was to sort of under use volumes 19 00:00:52.079 --> 00:00:54.200 of the moribund masses, as Ben called them, from the 20 00:00:54.200 --> 00:00:58.039 annex rooms. I enjoyed these assignments more than the usual shouting, 21 00:00:58.399 --> 00:01:00.960 enjoying the gentle puzzle of tracking him misplaced atlas or 22 00:01:01.000 --> 00:01:04.200 reuniting a novel with its series lost things tended to 23 00:01:04.200 --> 00:01:06.760 find me. The main reading room was empty, a hush 24 00:01:06.840 --> 00:01:08.400 so complete I could hear the faint fizz of the 25 00:01:08.439 --> 00:01:11.560 radiator starting up. Thence note had pointed me toward the 26 00:01:11.560 --> 00:01:13.760 west corridor, where a clutter of cart it returns were 27 00:01:13.760 --> 00:01:17.319 slated for trios. I weaved through the familiar stacks, skirting 28 00:01:17.319 --> 00:01:19.480 the alcove with a waterculor mural, and pausing in the 29 00:01:19.519 --> 00:01:22.079 genealogy corner, with its eternal smell of old paper and 30 00:01:22.159 --> 00:01:25.120 lemon polish. I walked a little on at a pilot 31 00:01:25.159 --> 00:01:27.480 along a dim hole, my palm's trace in the balustrade, 32 00:01:27.519 --> 00:01:30.359 guided by memory, The corridor narrowed in a way I 33 00:01:30.359 --> 00:01:34.239 didn't recall, covering just before the former newspaper arcove, and then, 34 00:01:34.439 --> 00:01:36.359 as though I crossed into a pocket of night, everything 35 00:01:36.359 --> 00:01:39.159 grew dimmer. A deep little arcove appeared on my right, 36 00:01:39.239 --> 00:01:41.239 the kind of place you'd expect to find a janitor's 37 00:01:41.239 --> 00:01:44.359 closet or a forgotten civil defense diagram, when instead of 38 00:01:44.359 --> 00:01:46.599 mops were yellow maps. A dense set of low shells 39 00:01:46.599 --> 00:01:49.439 pressed into the wall. They looked ancient, but well kept 40 00:01:49.480 --> 00:01:52.879 packed tightly with uniformly bam books. The volumes were covered 41 00:01:52.879 --> 00:01:55.040 in thick dust, except for a finger wide path here 42 00:01:55.079 --> 00:01:57.319 and there, as if someone or something had passed every 43 00:01:57.359 --> 00:02:01.079 so often. The books themselves were odd. Each spine bore 44 00:02:01.120 --> 00:02:03.480 a tidal stamped in gold, not with typical sera or 45 00:02:03.519 --> 00:02:06.000 itallic font, but with a script on the edge of familiar. 46 00:02:06.640 --> 00:02:09.080 I could almost make sense of it. The letters weren't 47 00:02:09.120 --> 00:02:12.439 quite Latin, not quite cyrillic, as as quintin. In a 48 00:02:12.439 --> 00:02:14.840 faded light. They seemed to shimmer like a word glimpse 49 00:02:14.879 --> 00:02:16.560 in a dream, or a child's effort, a curse of 50 00:02:16.560 --> 00:02:20.159 almost intelligible, definitely not gibberish, brushing right up against memory 51 00:02:20.159 --> 00:02:23.360 before slipping away. I reached for a book at random. 52 00:02:23.680 --> 00:02:25.919 It felt heavier than I expected, solid in a way 53 00:02:25.960 --> 00:02:28.759 most library hard covers are not. I thumbed open the 54 00:02:28.800 --> 00:02:31.759 first page. The story began, at least to think it did, 55 00:02:31.800 --> 00:02:34.080 with a sentence that ran in the year when bluebells 56 00:02:34.080 --> 00:02:35.960 lined Elm Lane, A girl with a ribbon in her 57 00:02:35.960 --> 00:02:37.919 hair waited for the bell. The syntax was odd, but 58 00:02:37.919 --> 00:02:41.479 My mind latched onto the details Elm Lane, bluebells, waiting 59 00:02:41.520 --> 00:02:44.560 for a bell. It felt familiar. The next sentence unraveled 60 00:02:44.560 --> 00:02:47.240 to Morrow's promise, its heavy in baskets beside the green fence, 61 00:02:47.319 --> 00:02:50.120 but no word remains at new I tried to follow, 62 00:02:50.319 --> 00:02:52.080 certain I could piece together the meaning if I just 63 00:02:52.159 --> 00:02:55.639 read more. But each sentence feared, just as I thought 64 00:02:55.639 --> 00:03:00.360 I understood, its slipped sideways. The names shifted, grammar whistled 65 00:03:00.360 --> 00:03:03.000 at my touch. At one point, decads where the texts 66 00:03:03.000 --> 00:03:05.000 mentioned the school spring play the one I directed a 67 00:03:05.000 --> 00:03:08.639 lifetime ago. Yet reading back, the words had changed, silent 68 00:03:08.680 --> 00:03:11.520 and unyielding. On the page, I felt a small shiver, 69 00:03:11.599 --> 00:03:15.280 not fear, just a flicker of the uncanny deja vu, perhaps, 70 00:03:15.400 --> 00:03:18.159 but if so, stranger than the usual. For a second, 71 00:03:18.240 --> 00:03:20.319 I wondered if the book was writing itself. As I read, 72 00:03:21.000 --> 00:03:23.639 I snapped the cover closed, running a finger along the 73 00:03:23.680 --> 00:03:26.719 textured cloth. The smote spiraled in the spill of weak light. 74 00:03:27.360 --> 00:03:29.639 I slid the book back and stepped away. More curious 75 00:03:29.639 --> 00:03:32.680 than unnerved, I left the alco, listened for the library, 76 00:03:32.759 --> 00:03:35.159 small noises and etched the place, and my mind half 77 00:03:35.159 --> 00:03:36.840 wondering how I could have missed it for so long. 78 00:03:37.319 --> 00:03:39.000 By the time I caught the familiar sound of beIN 79 00:03:39.039 --> 00:03:41.199 puttering in the main office, I felt as if I'd 80 00:03:41.240 --> 00:03:44.400 wandered through road just beside us, something quietly impossible. I 81 00:03:44.479 --> 00:03:47.159 kept the thought to myself for now there was work 82 00:03:47.199 --> 00:03:51.319 to do. Being retired suits me. Mostly after thirty six 83 00:03:51.400 --> 00:03:54.240 years guiding seven and eight year olds through math, games, penmanship, 84 00:03:54.360 --> 00:03:56.439 and the drum of clean plates in the cafeteria, my 85 00:03:56.479 --> 00:03:59.919 mind still found peace in structure on most library more, 86 00:04:00.719 --> 00:04:02.960 I met Marjorie in the lobby at precisely a quarter 87 00:04:03.000 --> 00:04:06.280 past nine. Marjorie, all opinions and garden gloves and the 88 00:04:06.280 --> 00:04:08.919 brisk pattern of an efficient mind was my compliment an 89 00:04:08.919 --> 00:04:12.560 oldest friend in town. Volunteering was our way of staying sharp, 90 00:04:12.639 --> 00:04:14.719 as she said to phrase I borrowed whenever my daughter 91 00:04:14.759 --> 00:04:18.000 call checking up on me from Indianapolis. Town itself fold 92 00:04:18.079 --> 00:04:20.199 enough to wear its corks with pride, but small enough 93 00:04:20.240 --> 00:04:22.079 that change comes in frits and starts as a place 94 00:04:22.079 --> 00:04:25.680 where nobody's history can be kept entirely secret. The library 95 00:04:25.680 --> 00:04:28.519 sits with slight smugness in the literal and spiritual center, 96 00:04:28.959 --> 00:04:31.160 red brick joints, smooth by time. The window is always 97 00:04:31.160 --> 00:04:33.480 a little focked with the memory of last Tuesday's weather. 98 00:04:34.120 --> 00:04:36.240 When you visit, you are expected to know someone, or 99 00:04:36.240 --> 00:04:38.439 at least recognize a handful of future plated names on 100 00:04:38.480 --> 00:04:42.480 the donor wall, a neat facsimile of togetherness. Our library, though, 101 00:04:42.600 --> 00:04:45.759 is not a simple structure. It's grown through odd generations. 102 00:04:45.759 --> 00:04:47.879 Two wings tacked on here, a garden planted there, the 103 00:04:47.959 --> 00:04:51.879 reading sunromatted in the seventies, then mostly forgotten. Local renovators 104 00:04:51.920 --> 00:04:54.600 prone to ambitions that outpaced the budgets left always that 105 00:04:54.720 --> 00:04:58.360 terran unexpectedly or end without ceremony in locked doors more 106 00:04:58.399 --> 00:05:00.920 than once. Old timers have clay that the building changes 107 00:05:00.959 --> 00:05:04.000 on its own, But around here small contradictions are part 108 00:05:04.000 --> 00:05:06.800 of the charm. Ben, the head librarian, is the sort 109 00:05:06.839 --> 00:05:09.360 of man who earns three identical gray sweaters and never 110 00:05:09.360 --> 00:05:12.399 finishes a cup of tea. Ben is genial, meticulous in 111 00:05:12.439 --> 00:05:15.120 small things, a sticker for spine out shoving and date accuracy, 112 00:05:15.160 --> 00:05:17.519 but always misplaces his reading glasses and shrugs off in 113 00:05:17.560 --> 00:05:20.160 consistencies with the philosophical the building is what it is. 114 00:05:20.720 --> 00:05:22.560 He's been here barely a decade, but he fits as 115 00:05:22.560 --> 00:05:25.600 if he's always belonged. Then there's Avery, a junior at 116 00:05:25.639 --> 00:05:28.680 the local high school and the youngest regular volunteer. He 117 00:05:28.759 --> 00:05:31.120 is a quiet presence in miss matched sweaters, often tucked 118 00:05:31.120 --> 00:05:33.920 against a back table with batter translations of Icelandic sorcus 119 00:05:33.959 --> 00:05:37.560 odense poetry volumes. He likes to puzzle things out, offering 120 00:05:37.560 --> 00:05:39.439 the occasional rye jug that sneaks up on the two 121 00:05:39.439 --> 00:05:43.240 paragraphs later. Most days are gentle routines, Marjorie and A 122 00:05:43.319 --> 00:05:45.360 checking him with Ben at the main desk, then splitting 123 00:05:45.399 --> 00:05:47.759 up to tackle the returns, or running a reading group 124 00:05:47.800 --> 00:05:50.519 in the study room. At eleven we reconvene in the 125 00:05:50.560 --> 00:05:53.000 staffkitch neev fully quarti, catching up on the fate of 126 00:05:53.040 --> 00:05:56.680 marjorie'shibiscus and Ben's dead and attempts at Soudo. Real dramas 127 00:05:56.720 --> 00:05:58.759 are few, the endless struggle to repair a leaky roof, 128 00:05:58.800 --> 00:06:02.199 the heated disagreement over where to shelve local authors. Life 129 00:06:02.319 --> 00:06:05.839 organized after that early morning encounter in the alcove, the 130 00:06:05.920 --> 00:06:08.160 ordinary comfort of the place only through the oddsity into 131 00:06:08.160 --> 00:06:11.079 sharper relief. The next time I crossed pass with Ben, 132 00:06:11.120 --> 00:06:14.079 I waited until Marjorie disappeared into the paperback section before 133 00:06:14.079 --> 00:06:16.920 broaching the subject. Ben, have you had a look at 134 00:06:16.920 --> 00:06:20.000 the shelves past a West periodical hoole lately? I asked, 135 00:06:20.040 --> 00:06:23.079 half pretending I just needed a reference book. He cocked 136 00:06:23.079 --> 00:06:25.639 his head, squinting as of visial as an internal map. 137 00:06:26.279 --> 00:06:28.639 That's the old map room, isn't it the one sealed 138 00:06:28.639 --> 00:06:31.199 off before my time? Or maybe the record annex depends 139 00:06:31.199 --> 00:06:33.160 who you ask. The building plans never agreed with the 140 00:06:33.160 --> 00:06:36.959 town papers, he grinned, a little sheepishly. You know how 141 00:06:36.959 --> 00:06:38.680 it is, New corners crop up every time we get 142 00:06:38.720 --> 00:06:40.879 a plumbing issue. I can help you look if you want. 143 00:06:41.480 --> 00:06:45.319 I shook my head. No, just curious. I found someone familiar, 144 00:06:45.319 --> 00:06:48.800 books tucked away there, strange script, almost like a cipher. Well, 145 00:06:48.959 --> 00:06:51.319 he said, we do still get the odd donation from 146 00:06:51.319 --> 00:06:53.959 obscure societies for maybe you stumbled on a legacy collection. 147 00:06:54.040 --> 00:06:56.759 But if Marjorie doesn't know about it, I'd be surprised. 148 00:06:56.800 --> 00:06:59.920 She's got the best memory for shelving I've ever seen. Later, 149 00:07:00.079 --> 00:07:02.920 I mentioned alcove to Marjorie. She looked up from her 150 00:07:03.000 --> 00:07:06.680 dusting bra raised past the West periodicals. There's nothing but 151 00:07:06.720 --> 00:07:09.160 storage back there. Maybe you mean that weird closet. They 152 00:07:09.160 --> 00:07:11.079 woll off every year. Not much in the way of 153 00:07:11.120 --> 00:07:14.759 secret books, unless my to writing novels. Now, she snorted, 154 00:07:15.399 --> 00:07:17.879 This building's full of ghosts if you ask half the town. 155 00:07:18.480 --> 00:07:21.279 Maybe I had just found an old donation. Oh maybe, 156 00:07:21.279 --> 00:07:24.160 I told myself as I shoved the day's last tatted encyclopedia. 157 00:07:24.279 --> 00:07:27.160 I had simply missed the spot for years. Still, this 158 00:07:27.319 --> 00:07:29.480 dusk fell, and the library filled with whispers in the 159 00:07:29.560 --> 00:07:31.480 dry scent of paper. My eyes drifted again to the 160 00:07:31.519 --> 00:07:35.879 shadow corners. Shelves don't usually hide themselves, or perhaps it 161 00:07:35.959 --> 00:07:38.879 is people who do. I spent a restless night revisiting 162 00:07:38.879 --> 00:07:41.240 that alcove in memory, puzzling at the words I almost 163 00:07:41.279 --> 00:07:44.000 understood in the story I could not quite recall. The 164 00:07:44.040 --> 00:07:46.759 following Tuesday, I arrived at the library by the back entrance, 165 00:07:46.759 --> 00:07:49.560 clutching my notebook alongside a pencil rube down to the eraser. 166 00:07:50.120 --> 00:07:52.360 I planned to revisit the alcove to sketch the lay 167 00:07:52.399 --> 00:07:54.879 up before anyone else arrived. But where there had been 168 00:07:54.879 --> 00:07:57.360 deep shadow and a cradling hush, I found only a 169 00:07:57.360 --> 00:08:01.000 blank wall. The architectural seems were visible, yes, but the 170 00:08:01.000 --> 00:08:04.480 shells gone replaced by battered shells stacked with periodicals. The 171 00:08:04.560 --> 00:08:08.079 county ledger inserts from decade gone, all in drab cord boardholders, 172 00:08:08.720 --> 00:08:11.360 no evidence of the thick, strange books, not even dus 173 00:08:11.439 --> 00:08:14.040 to indicate their removal. For a moment, a prickle of 174 00:08:14.040 --> 00:08:17.920 embarrassment hit me. Had I dreamt the encounter. I retraced 175 00:08:17.920 --> 00:08:21.040 my steps, walked the adjacent corridor back and forth, peered 176 00:08:21.040 --> 00:08:23.720 behind the periodical cards, even tapped at the plaster for 177 00:08:23.759 --> 00:08:26.680 signs of a hidden door. The library looked exactly as 178 00:08:26.680 --> 00:08:30.360 it always had, ordinary, unremarkable. Only the habitual creak of 179 00:08:30.399 --> 00:08:32.600 the floor accompanied me, as if in mild reproach for 180 00:08:32.679 --> 00:08:35.639 my daydreaming. I hurried to find Marjorie near the windows 181 00:08:35.679 --> 00:08:38.519 stacking return books. You ever see a set of old 182 00:08:38.559 --> 00:08:41.080 shells in the west hall alcove with weird old books? 183 00:08:41.120 --> 00:08:44.000 I could have sworn The words sounded foolish as I 184 00:08:44.039 --> 00:08:47.240 said them. She grinned, then shrugged. You are in need 185 00:08:47.240 --> 00:08:49.840 of stronger TEA lost time. I looked. There was nothing 186 00:08:49.879 --> 00:08:53.279 more mysterious than three decades of reader's digest. Maybe I 187 00:08:53.320 --> 00:08:56.639 shifted periodicals for nothing, I said, more lightly than I felt. 188 00:08:57.320 --> 00:08:59.759 After lunch, Ben limp passed with a box of donations, 189 00:08:59.759 --> 00:09:03.480 hence smush faintly withink, looking a bit loss antwet, he joked. 190 00:09:04.159 --> 00:09:06.480 I told him my story again with marquere the sign. 191 00:09:06.559 --> 00:09:10.200 The strange script titles that nipped at familiarity boxes come 192 00:09:10.200 --> 00:09:12.080 and Go could have been an old set for a weading. 193 00:09:12.399 --> 00:09:15.080 Maybe a mistake from the archive, he offered. Distracted but 194 00:09:15.159 --> 00:09:19.320 gentle buildings like this they sprout corners. Later, on my 195 00:09:19.320 --> 00:09:21.399 way to fetch a reference Atlas, a common request from 196 00:09:21.399 --> 00:09:23.759 the Geniality Club, I took a wrong turn, distracted by 197 00:09:23.799 --> 00:09:27.120 my thoughts, instead of entering the chalk closet. The corridor 198 00:09:27.159 --> 00:09:29.600 seemed to run one arch too far, veering deeper into 199 00:09:29.600 --> 00:09:33.279 the library's belly than I remembered. And there again the alcove. 200 00:09:33.960 --> 00:09:36.240 But this time the angle was different. It had drifted. 201 00:09:36.720 --> 00:09:39.240 The shells protruded more distinctly from the wall, like a 202 00:09:39.320 --> 00:09:42.320 seis of robes, stretching out towards the center. The lighting 203 00:09:42.360 --> 00:09:44.960 was subtly different, to golden and low, as if illuminated 204 00:09:45.000 --> 00:09:47.759 by a window from an impossible direction. The books there 205 00:09:47.799 --> 00:09:50.720 were more of them, their titles. As I appeered closely, 206 00:09:50.960 --> 00:09:54.679 Now I could street names and familiar family surnames from Tammundson, Elbridge, 207 00:09:54.720 --> 00:09:57.519 even the rarest spoke of Farnsworth. Some of the book 208 00:09:57.559 --> 00:09:59.879 spinds bore phrases I recognized from shop fronts or a 209 00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:03.240 annual festival sign age, blended seamlessly with those strange, not 210 00:10:03.360 --> 00:10:06.320 quite legible words. I reached for one, with my med 211 00:10:06.320 --> 00:10:08.039 and name conting on the edge, hot drumming, with a 212 00:10:08.080 --> 00:10:11.519 mix of hope and cognitive dissonance, I opened it a 213 00:10:11.600 --> 00:10:13.960 paragraph described to picnic on Walnut Hell in the year 214 00:10:14.000 --> 00:10:16.679 the sycamores bloomed twice, my father's favorite anecdote about the 215 00:10:16.720 --> 00:10:19.240 year I was born. But as I tried to read further, 216 00:10:19.480 --> 00:10:22.919 names twisted and details warped into half similar, half distant stories. 217 00:10:23.480 --> 00:10:25.440 The book felt alive under my hand, as if it 218 00:10:25.440 --> 00:10:28.200 were choosing which fragments to give me. I closed the 219 00:10:28.240 --> 00:10:30.879 cover and pressed two fingers to my brow, willing myself 220 00:10:30.879 --> 00:10:34.240 to memorize the sight before it vanished. I exited the alcove, 221 00:10:34.320 --> 00:10:37.200 quickly clipping back through the winding holes and fetching Marjorie, 222 00:10:37.600 --> 00:10:39.759 it's there. I found the alcove again. Come see it, 223 00:10:40.000 --> 00:10:42.840 I swear. The shells moved. We half jogged to the spot, 224 00:10:42.919 --> 00:10:46.240 my excitement carrying us past the usual, dignified pace to 225 00:10:46.320 --> 00:10:48.600 my growing dismay. There was nothing that but the familiar 226 00:10:48.600 --> 00:10:53.120 periodical shells, bland and slightly misaligned. Marjorie appeared closer, giving 227 00:10:53.120 --> 00:10:55.480 me a long look. Be sure you are not just 228 00:10:55.480 --> 00:10:57.919 missing those afternoon nats, she teased, but a note of 229 00:10:57.960 --> 00:11:00.799 concern flickered in her eyes. I rolled my eyes but 230 00:11:00.799 --> 00:11:03.480 didn't press further. Looking over from my shoulder, I caught 231 00:11:03.519 --> 00:11:06.200 only the straight, tidy lines of the library's proper, ordinary 232 00:11:06.200 --> 00:11:09.600 shelving that something in me had shifted. The deeper I 233 00:11:09.600 --> 00:11:12.559 looked for ordinary explanations, the more the contradiction pressed in 234 00:11:13.360 --> 00:11:17.559 charles that vanished and reappeared, books half recognize names that 235 00:11:17.559 --> 00:11:20.559 shouldn't have been there. My library, the one constant of 236 00:11:20.600 --> 00:11:24.399 my life, now fretted with seams of gentle impossibility. I decided, 237 00:11:24.519 --> 00:11:26.799 for the first time in years, that I needed to investigate, 238 00:11:27.480 --> 00:11:29.360 not to prove anything, at least not at first, but 239 00:11:29.480 --> 00:11:31.480 simply to satisfy a growing itch in my mind that 240 00:11:31.600 --> 00:11:34.840 ordinary logic could no longer sue you. Over the following week, 241 00:11:34.960 --> 00:11:37.840 the curiosity took root. I began to carry a spy 242 00:11:37.919 --> 00:11:39.960 all note in a set of colored pencils with me 243 00:11:40.000 --> 00:11:42.519 to each volunteer shift. Careful to disguise the habit as 244 00:11:42.559 --> 00:11:46.600 the enthusiasm of a dedicated cataloger, I became methodical linkering 245 00:11:46.639 --> 00:11:49.559 in the library's odd angles, tracing the perimeter of each corridor, 246 00:11:49.679 --> 00:11:52.600 noting the sun's path through warped glass, and marking every 247 00:11:52.600 --> 00:11:55.279 dead end, side door and half remembered stairwell. On a 248 00:11:55.360 --> 00:11:58.360 rough map, I tried to triangular as best I could 249 00:11:58.440 --> 00:12:02.360 the locations with a mysterious alcohol. Despite my best efforts, 250 00:12:02.399 --> 00:12:04.759 there was little rhyme or reason. Sometimes the spot aligned 251 00:12:04.799 --> 00:12:08.840 with what I remembered, Sometimes it slid, rearranged, or vanished altogether. 252 00:12:09.519 --> 00:12:12.120 I leafed through my old planners, searching for any sketches 253 00:12:12.200 --> 00:12:14.240 or schedules that might offer evidence of the anomaly. A 254 00:12:14.279 --> 00:12:16.799 diary entry from three years back, noting a branching hole 255 00:12:16.840 --> 00:12:20.799 scold in haste, was suggestive but inconclusive. Mostly, though my 256 00:12:20.840 --> 00:12:24.320 written wrecker revealed a trail of gaps, inconsistencies, and vanished 257 00:12:24.320 --> 00:12:27.000 reading books, I tried to recall the old layout of 258 00:12:27.039 --> 00:12:29.000 the library. Wasn't there once a small carol in the 259 00:12:29.039 --> 00:12:31.399 south wing? Or had it always been a storage closet. 260 00:12:32.080 --> 00:12:35.120 Several of my memories contradicted each other, and sometimes even 261 00:12:35.120 --> 00:12:39.639 contradicted themselves. I grew bolder involving others. When I spotted 262 00:12:39.679 --> 00:12:42.679 ivery shelving books in the translated literature coroner, hefan's askew. 263 00:12:42.840 --> 00:12:45.440 I waved him over, take a look at this for me, 264 00:12:45.679 --> 00:12:48.039 will you. I handed him a scrap of paper, on 265 00:12:48.080 --> 00:12:51.039 which I dutifully copet samples from the strange spinds. He 266 00:12:51.200 --> 00:12:55.080 leaned in, peering at the meticulously drawn scrypt. Looks like 267 00:12:55.120 --> 00:12:57.960 old English, or maybe something Slavak. But half these letters 268 00:12:58.000 --> 00:13:01.799 twisted away from the others, he grinned slyly. Maybe the 269 00:13:01.879 --> 00:13:04.480 letters oh shy, or maybe it's a code for secret readers. 270 00:13:05.159 --> 00:13:07.840 You don't find it at all familiar. Avery traced a 271 00:13:07.840 --> 00:13:10.919 finger over one phrase. This bit is almost a dialect, 272 00:13:11.120 --> 00:13:13.120 and this could be towns Land. My grandmo'sa a z 273 00:13:13.120 --> 00:13:15.559 oubage like it's a family secret. But most of it, honestly, 274 00:13:15.639 --> 00:13:19.480 I'd called Gibberts beautiful. He handed back the page. What's 275 00:13:19.519 --> 00:13:21.759 it from an odd set of books back in the 276 00:13:21.799 --> 00:13:24.960 yarcout's hard to find, I said, leaving it at that, 277 00:13:25.639 --> 00:13:28.240 he shrugged. If you want someone to take a crack 278 00:13:28.240 --> 00:13:31.720 at translating. Let me know I love impossible puzzles. A 279 00:13:31.720 --> 00:13:35.039 few days later, I tried something different. I brought my phone, and, 280 00:13:35.120 --> 00:13:37.600 feeling vaguely ridiculous, snapped a furtive of one of the shelves. 281 00:13:37.639 --> 00:13:39.639 When I found it again, this time touch just passed 282 00:13:39.639 --> 00:13:43.279 the genealogy records. I examined the results immediately, but instead 283 00:13:43.279 --> 00:13:45.799 of the crisp row of mysterious volumes, the picture displayed 284 00:13:45.840 --> 00:13:48.799 only a blowed smull jempty shelving fageutelines, no sign of 285 00:13:48.840 --> 00:13:52.080 the distinctive spines. I tried again, with more light than 286 00:13:52.159 --> 00:13:55.759 with flash, then from different angles, each image recorded only 287 00:13:55.879 --> 00:13:59.240 ordinary shelves. When I pressed the phone's record button and 288 00:13:59.279 --> 00:14:01.399 read aloud a p cullly strange passage, she wore a 289 00:14:01.440 --> 00:14:04.240 ribbon tuessay, but answered to else befonly after vrain, the 290 00:14:04.279 --> 00:14:07.399 audio caught only the hollow rattle of the radiator. Even 291 00:14:07.440 --> 00:14:09.840 more bizarre was how the title shifted between visits. One week, 292 00:14:09.840 --> 00:14:11.639 as bines seemed to echo the name of the bakery 293 00:14:11.679 --> 00:14:13.840 that closed in ninety two, the next it carried a 294 00:14:13.879 --> 00:14:17.639 misremembered family saying that felt deeply personal, even private. One 295 00:14:17.720 --> 00:14:19.759 day I found a story that described a picnic on 296 00:14:19.799 --> 00:14:22.320 the green almost worked for word, as I'd remembered my 297 00:14:22.360 --> 00:14:24.679 own tent Bertie. And yet I had never told anyone 298 00:14:24.720 --> 00:14:27.159 the small anecdote about the cake sliding off the stone wall. 299 00:14:27.759 --> 00:14:30.320 Each book was an arrangement of half knowns and invitations 300 00:14:30.320 --> 00:14:33.559 to remember. The allure of the section became almost maddening. 301 00:14:34.159 --> 00:14:36.559 The more I observed, the more the books seemed responsive, 302 00:14:36.759 --> 00:14:39.200 or at least adapted to the explorations of my own mind. 303 00:14:39.960 --> 00:14:42.480 And of course, when I described all this to my colleagues, 304 00:14:42.600 --> 00:14:46.200 I was received with affectionate skepticism. Marjorie, as ever, was 305 00:14:46.240 --> 00:14:49.279 both supportive and dismissive. I once saw a shelf of 306 00:14:49.279 --> 00:14:51.720 gardening book spell out my nickname, or maybe it was 307 00:14:51.799 --> 00:14:54.200 just my glasses needing cleaning. Don't let Ben find out 308 00:14:54.200 --> 00:14:57.799 he's been stacking books by ghostly design. Then Practical as 309 00:14:57.799 --> 00:15:00.679 Ever rummaged through the library's drawer of blueprints to reassure me. 310 00:15:01.320 --> 00:15:03.840 See here the sixty seven plan does show a closet 311 00:15:03.840 --> 00:15:05.519 by the west hall that got bricked off during the 312 00:15:05.600 --> 00:15:08.440 energy crisis. Must be what you're remembering. No new shelves added, 313 00:15:08.440 --> 00:15:11.000 though I'd no None of the plans are perfect mind, 314 00:15:11.120 --> 00:15:14.000 he added, flipping for pages that themselves contradictive, room numbers 315 00:15:14.000 --> 00:15:17.279 and ceiling heights. That Thursday, I met Missus O'Rourke in 316 00:15:17.320 --> 00:15:19.639 the children's section. Her white hair pined in a precise span. 317 00:15:20.519 --> 00:15:22.840 She was known for her knowledge of local history, often 318 00:15:22.840 --> 00:15:26.240 correcting Dozent's mittor. I remember a library with a spiral 319 00:15:26.320 --> 00:15:28.799 staircase where a guard in his now, she confided, as 320 00:15:28.799 --> 00:15:31.399 if sharing a long for garden recipe. He used to 321 00:15:31.399 --> 00:15:33.440 sneak up there to watch storms. But everyone in Siss 322 00:15:33.440 --> 00:15:36.399 sat marm, she said, with a right tilt. Memories like 323 00:15:36.440 --> 00:15:39.440 folk rolling in. Sometimes you see the bridge, sometimes you don't. 324 00:15:40.080 --> 00:15:43.039 It was a gentle kind of disorientation the Alkov, I 325 00:15:43.120 --> 00:15:46.000 realized never appeared when Marjorie or any one else was 326 00:15:46.039 --> 00:15:48.639 with me. If as so much as heard someone clearing 327 00:15:48.679 --> 00:15:51.240 effort nearby, the passage faded into blank books or straight 328 00:15:51.279 --> 00:15:53.840 lines of sheving, I began to doubt not just my 329 00:15:53.879 --> 00:15:57.879 observations but their consequences. I wrote meticulous notes, states times, 330 00:15:58.039 --> 00:15:59.919 what I wore, what I heard, where the sun lane 331 00:16:00.000 --> 00:16:03.159 in the window. But reading back, even my own handwriting 332 00:16:03.200 --> 00:16:06.759 seemed unreliable, varying from page to page, and shifting descriptions 333 00:16:06.759 --> 00:16:09.759 of spaces that shouldn't have changed. I compared every map 334 00:16:09.799 --> 00:16:12.200 I could lay hands on the town Knark. I viewed 335 00:16:12.240 --> 00:16:14.879 four different versions of interior layouts, each with rooms that 336 00:16:14.960 --> 00:16:18.120 never quite lined up. Some listed rooms bearing family names 337 00:16:18.159 --> 00:16:21.639 I'd never encountered. Others reference wings donated by the Penfield Sisters, 338 00:16:21.720 --> 00:16:24.440 a family who, by all accounts, lived four counties away. 339 00:16:25.039 --> 00:16:27.360 The library was both there and not, stubbornly rooted in 340 00:16:27.399 --> 00:16:30.840 present routine, but always newly strange in the details. All 341 00:16:30.919 --> 00:16:33.120 this might have remained an obsessive little hobby were it 342 00:16:33.200 --> 00:16:36.000 not for the visiting librarian from Parker M. S. Livingstone, 343 00:16:36.000 --> 00:16:39.440 who arrived mid January for a book exchange. Ambitious and 344 00:16:39.519 --> 00:16:42.759 keen eyed, she was famous for halasoic memory. I can't 345 00:16:42.759 --> 00:16:45.559 seem to find your nonfiction room, she said, laughing lightly. 346 00:16:46.200 --> 00:16:48.600 It's ridiculous, but the floor pliny scent doesn't match what 347 00:16:48.639 --> 00:16:51.200 I'm working. I keep ending up in mystery or the archives. 348 00:16:51.200 --> 00:16:54.080 Most unusual library I've ever visited. Some buildings have a 349 00:16:54.080 --> 00:16:57.000 mind of their own. Her remark sense shivers up my arms, 350 00:16:57.000 --> 00:17:00.279 A real external acknowledgment. What if I wonder I am 351 00:17:00.279 --> 00:17:03.080 not the only one what if the library is quietly rearranging, 352 00:17:03.240 --> 00:17:05.960 in tune with who's searching. But even more thrilling and 353 00:17:06.000 --> 00:17:09.440 unsettling was how the stories themselves changed. One day I 354 00:17:09.440 --> 00:17:11.119 opened a book whose tale reference to a mess as 355 00:17:11.160 --> 00:17:13.480 clore leading the spring parade, the sort of local event 356 00:17:13.519 --> 00:17:16.640 I had helped organize feather in it included a scene 357 00:17:16.640 --> 00:17:19.160 that almost forbata echoed a private conversation I had with 358 00:17:19.200 --> 00:17:22.319 Marjorie about a missing costume piece. The details were too 359 00:17:22.359 --> 00:17:25.400 precise for coincidence, And yet when I closed and reopened 360 00:17:25.440 --> 00:17:29.119 the book, the passage had shifted, names changed, events blurred. 361 00:17:29.400 --> 00:17:32.119 Only the sense of longing for something half remembered remained. 362 00:17:32.799 --> 00:17:35.240 I couldn't decide whether the books were reflecting the past, 363 00:17:35.440 --> 00:17:38.440 watching the present, or almost impossibly, writing themselves from the 364 00:17:38.480 --> 00:17:41.920 minds of those who dared read them. My curiosity grew sharper, 365 00:17:42.079 --> 00:17:44.799 more urgent. If there was an answer, I felt I 366 00:17:44.839 --> 00:17:47.480 was circling it, always just out of reach. What is 367 00:17:47.519 --> 00:17:50.400 a library if not a memory Pallas, a living repository 368 00:17:50.400 --> 00:17:53.480 of stories told and told and half dreamed. By the 369 00:17:53.559 --> 00:17:55.920 end of January, I found myself haunted not by fear, 370 00:17:55.960 --> 00:17:58.720 but by an insatiable need to understand. If the books 371 00:17:58.759 --> 00:18:00.920 could echo my thoughts in memory, could they shape them 372 00:18:00.920 --> 00:18:03.400 in return. The subtle shift came to me during a 373 00:18:03.400 --> 00:18:05.160 Monday night at home, called in the glow of a 374 00:18:05.240 --> 00:18:07.240 reading lamp, of my old diary open in my lap. 375 00:18:07.920 --> 00:18:11.240 My habit since retirement had been to job observations and amusements, 376 00:18:11.319 --> 00:18:15.480 each eving an unremarkable record, half teaching notes, half grocery lists. 377 00:18:16.119 --> 00:18:18.880 But as I read old entries, I noticed phrases, even 378 00:18:18.920 --> 00:18:21.839 descriptions of rooms that no longer match my recollection of 379 00:18:21.880 --> 00:18:25.200 the library afternoon seated in the summerom by the window 380 00:18:25.240 --> 00:18:27.680 with the green curtain. But I couldn't recall a green 381 00:18:27.680 --> 00:18:30.119 curtain there hadn't the window always been bare save for 382 00:18:30.160 --> 00:18:33.480 the smudge left by Charles Hamprint discussed the lost garden 383 00:18:33.559 --> 00:18:35.599 steps with Marjorie, which she had always said there was 384 00:18:35.680 --> 00:18:38.200 never a garden on that side of the building. The 385 00:18:38.240 --> 00:18:40.920 more I compared entries, the more I realized my memories 386 00:18:40.960 --> 00:18:44.480 of the library were subtly but unmistakably different. Details changed 387 00:18:44.480 --> 00:18:46.400 from month to month, as if the memory the very 388 00:18:46.440 --> 00:18:49.440 structure was shifting in tandem of my reading. The next day, 389 00:18:49.519 --> 00:18:52.920 I challenged Marjorie about one particular detail. Do you remember 390 00:18:52.960 --> 00:18:55.319 the old basement archive with the iron railing and the 391 00:18:55.319 --> 00:18:57.799 crackstone stats. We used to sneak down there during the 392 00:18:57.799 --> 00:19:00.880 summer to organize old town records. She blinked at me, 393 00:19:01.000 --> 00:19:04.000 be mused, there has never been a basement. Love closes 394 00:19:04.079 --> 00:19:06.160 with God is the little trattor by Ben's office, But 395 00:19:06.200 --> 00:19:08.319 that goes nowhere, just eating pipes. You must be thinking 396 00:19:08.319 --> 00:19:10.920 of the old city Hall before the renovations. The Library's 397 00:19:10.960 --> 00:19:14.119 always been on one level, hasn't it. Her confidence startled me. 398 00:19:14.160 --> 00:19:16.519 I could recall the sensation of the stone banister under 399 00:19:16.559 --> 00:19:18.920 my hands, the musty chill, the delight I'd felt opening 400 00:19:18.960 --> 00:19:22.599 heavy wooden filing drawers. Marjorie at my side now she 401 00:19:22.680 --> 00:19:24.279