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Speaker 2: Day when your old career gives you lemons, throwing some
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Chrysler Docs Jeep Brahm. It's Billified, the Bill Moran Podcast.
Speaker 1: Hello and welcome. Thanks for getting your pot on. Thanks
for telling a friend. That's how we spread the word
about the pirate ship. Well, the Yankees have their first
game as we're taping this tonight. It's also the Bills
and the Jets. But a big Yankee fan, and big
in many ways, is a guy named Jonah Falcon. Then
you may know Jonah from I don't know many many
TV appearances and documentaries and things about that, but I'll
start with the Yankees. Because didn't you do a show
called Talking Yankees for a while on Cable? Oh yeah,
a long time ago, A long time ago.
Speaker 3: As a matter of fact, something like two thousand and
three and four.
Speaker 4: It went I abandoned it and switched to Talking Xbox,
and then John Boy Media grabbed it, grabbed the name
Talking Yankees.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, I got you, and so you lot I got.
Speaker 4: You know, they can have it. Talking Yankee is an
incredibly generic title.
Speaker 1: Jonah is probably known for his uh well, first penis.
It's the world's largest, right, I think it was was
it a How did this all come to public attention?
Was it the documentary the HBO thing Private Dix?
Speaker 3: No, Actually it was the fact that I was really well.
Speaker 4: Known in the New York light nightlife for it, okay,
and friends suggested me to the HBO special, and.
Speaker 3: Then somehow Howard Stern learned of it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it just went from there.
Speaker 1: It just went on and on from there, because you've
had I mean, after that, it's been Oh wait, I forgot,
I forgot.
Speaker 4: I completely forgot about the Rolling Stone article. Oh right,
gotten in October ninety eight. October ninety eight.
Speaker 1: And it just said that your penis measured nine and
a half inches in length flaccid, thirteen and a half
inches went erect, which I go, the normal.
Speaker 4: Pen half they rounded it up.
Speaker 1: Okay at that point, I mean, come on, you've already
won every contest. I'm just the average penis is like
three to four inches and yours is eight and a half,
nine and a half flashed. That's like, I can't I
can't imagine that.
Speaker 4: Well me a hot day if if I'm jelly rolling,
I don't know.
Speaker 1: I got you. I got you. So as a young
guy with this, I mean, when did you realize you
had something special compared to everybody else. How old were
you when you kind of realized not so much that
other people.
Speaker 4: It's a tricky question, is it. Okay, the first time
I measured myself, I was ten years old. Yeah, I
was eight inches hard. But I didn't think anything of it.
Speaker 1: Sure you didn't that that's your normal.
Speaker 3: I didn't know I was different, different until I was
around eighteen.
Speaker 1: Okay? And then and why was it at eighteen? Was
that where you were in a locker room and you
So that's when I.
Speaker 3: Went to baseball camp and everybody made a big fuss.
Speaker 1: Ah, okay, so you got a bat.
Speaker 3: Also when I really started getting sexually propositioned.
Speaker 1: So who propositioned you first? Do you remember? Like it
was a man or a woman because you're bisex?
Speaker 4: Actually, well, the first one was a woman, But the
rest of them are almost always men.
Speaker 1: Always men, And I would think that men in a
way would be almost intimidated that they don't measure up,
But they didn't care.
Speaker 4: No, no, no, no, it's more it's more worship.
Speaker 1: Thing.
Speaker 4: I've actually heard in the past twenty years of something
called SPH, which is small penis humiliation. I've never dealt
with those, but I know it's a thing which guys
with smaller ones deliberately want to be embarrassed.
Speaker 1: They do.
Speaker 4: Yeah, well, they're also submissive, you know, and a lot
of guys, you know, they're not thinking about their own
dicks when they're when they're blowing me.
Speaker 1: So, okay, I got you.
Speaker 3: Do you focused on me not not them?
Speaker 1: So is most of your when you say you're bisexual,
is it mostly them performing on you? Or is there
give and take here?
Speaker 4: Well? I used to perform on myself. Yes, yeah, so
I was actually awfully good at that. The thing is that,
unlike most men, I'm not seeking out sex.
Speaker 3: You know, I'm not. They're twenty four to seven.
Speaker 1: You know, right.
Speaker 3: A lot of it now is just emotional for me.
Speaker 4: I can go months without it because I if I'm horny,
I'll just jerk off and that's it. But I mean,
I also I've had all kinds of men and women,
So basically the biggest turn on is if they like me.
I mean it's sort of you know, it's sort of
like I'm turned on by them being turned on.
Speaker 1: I know exactly what you're saying with that, Is it hard?
Then to find is it hard? Is it tougher to
find real relationships? Because here's the thing that I would
always think, like, when you're young, you've got something nobody
else has. Right, there's other guys, maybe they're well and down,
but you're still leading the pack in that.
Speaker 4: And I would well, here's the thing.
Speaker 3: Let mean, when you want to think about it, think
of someone.
Speaker 4: Who's really, really, really rich. Yes, a shit ton of money. Oh,
by the way, that's one thing about insecurity. People are
insecured about the dick. I'm insecure about money, so okay.
Speaker 3: Anyways, but the constant problem that someone with a lot
of money would be is.
Speaker 4: Are they just interested in my bank account? Yes, well
think of it in that way, except in my case
really can't withdraw, so well you can, but it's very temporary. Yes,
But the thing is that I try not to worry
about that. I try not to worry about what people think.
Speaker 1: It ever, because I would think in some way you
would almost feel used at times.
Speaker 3: I try not to worry about that either.
Speaker 4: Right, So, getting back to long term, it's funny, you know,
I never got married, but I've had long term non
married relationships.
Speaker 1: Okay, one now.
Speaker 4: And A lot of that is I like them a lot,
they like me a lot, and I give them permission
to objectify me.
Speaker 3: I said, yeah, go ahead, I know what you feel.
Speaker 4: So you know, whatever gets you excited will get me
even more excited, and that'll excite you more.
Speaker 3: So it sort of like a positive feedback loop there.
Speaker 1: Because how has your family handled all your notoriety over
the years. You've done several documentaries, HBO, TLC. I think Europe,
you've probably done news programs, and I think they can
show you in Europe, can't they?
Speaker 4: They did, They did show me.
Speaker 3: Yeah, they show me hanging halfway to my knees.
Speaker 4: So the thing is that unlike certain other people like
Robert Scavella Cabrera, he can't show his I mean I
talked to the people who interviewed him. They say it's
disgusting because it's basically stretched out for skin. Looks really bad,
which is why you've never seen it. You've seen me.
You can Google search me immediately and just see me
whatever you know. I've also seen some hilarious fake pictures
of me in which they photoshopped me, which is sort
of like, why would you want to photo shop me?
Speaker 3: I guess they just want to see extremes. It's like,
oh my god.
Speaker 1: So when you're okay but all this stuff, how's your
family handled that notoriety because we I mean, look, we
live in a prudish society where we don't talk about that.
Speaker 3: I don't really discuss it with him.
Speaker 4: I'm okay, sure they know. I know one does. My
cousin knows he's gay. He's gay, and he has a boyfriend.
And when I first met his boyfriend, his boyfriend was
sort of like, oh hi, you know, wide eyed, and just.
Speaker 3: They know.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, you know they know.
Speaker 3: And the thing is, I asked on later and I said, oh, yeah,
well what.
Speaker 4: Happens is that, you know, they were talking and I
came up and he said, holy shit, that's my cousin.
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, But I mean there's a tremendous amount
of notoriety that that goes on for for you. So
I would think, as a younger guy, did you show
off a lot?
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, definitely, yeah, oh yeah, definitely. I'm actually I'm
pretty much an exhibitionist. But here's the thing about it.
It has nothing to do with my dad. It has
to do with everything. If I write I.
Speaker 3: Want to show it off. Yes, if I cook, I
want to show it off.
Speaker 4: Okay, you know so, I mean I used to wear
it and I still do on occasion when I just
feel like, you know, I don't give a ship, or
am I tight jeans hang halfway to my knees and
you know, just let other people interpret it. It's no
big deal for me. Why are you?
Speaker 1: Why are you walking around? It's a sticky Sticky fingers
album cover the uh? But what do people say to you?
Do you have you had? I would assume that we
live in such a weird world and I have another
question to follow up with this, but that people would
see this maybe in tight jeans or biker shorts, and
do they proposition you? Have you been propositioned just by
a you have?
Speaker 4: Here's the thing. There's one of two things. Either it's
is that real?
Speaker 1: Okay?
Speaker 3: Or hey, I know you?
Speaker 1: Yeah? And that's it.
Speaker 4: I remember what's it called? Often in nightclubs. I would
just have to live it out right there.
Speaker 1: You would well, sure, yeah, yeah, because I didn't give
a ship, and what was the and the general reaction
was I would I gotta be honest if that happened
and I were part of the crowd and you did that,
I would feel so inferior in myself that I'd have
to leave. I would, I would, And I know that
that's something on me. Has nothing to do with you,
as you're saying that. You know the same thing if
you have feelings for somebody. And certainly I've had relationships
over the years i've been married. I've had no one
left because it wasn't adequate, right, the equipment was. I mean,
that's a big part of a relationship, is sex. It's
what kind of differentiates a friendship from a relationship.
Speaker 4: Yes, I mean I never had people walk away because
they felt inferior, you know, and I never encouraged that either, right, Sure.
And the thing is that sex with me people find out. Really,
wait a minute, he's not a claude. I mean, what's
it called to The thing is I'm very active, I'm
very oral O r A L. Yes, it's also aou
r a L. I guess I'm also that too. But
you know, I know how to work various places in
the body with my with my mouth, especially kissing.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: As a matter of fact, you know that's one thing.
Speaker 4: That shocked me the first time I kissed, I made
out like an adult, and it was like.
Speaker 3: They were shocked that I was such a good kisser.
Speaker 4: And it's sort of like, I I'm gonna say, maybe
I have good biofeedback in which I know what what
what someone likes and I can just do it.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 4: I think if I was average, Well, first, if I
was average, I would be a lot more muscular, because
one downfall is that you never lack for sex even
if you're out of shape. And you've seen the pictures
of me from the past. I am really out of shape,
so I'm really out of.
Speaker 1: Shap can that your penis sounds so large that I
have to think there are some women that I don't
want to try to.
Speaker 3: Oh from here to tricking my elbow?
Speaker 4: And yes, by the way, whenever with another guy, you know,
I think, wow, that's not you know, and then I
realizeh wait, he's larger than average.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, that means you know, by definition.
Speaker 1: See you have you have a big Yes, you have
a bad point of reference actually, but okay, so if
you are, are you in a relationship now with a
man or a woman? A man a man? Have you
had relationships with women where women would not allowed you
to penetrate them.
Speaker 4: They here's the thing. Penetration isn't the number one thing
for me. It's like I said, I like kissing, like
mutual oral, that sort of thing, you know, So it's
sort of like, well, if you want it, you can
have it. So here's the thing. I found that if
you want it, you can take a fire hydrant. You know.
I find that if if someone really wants it, they
can take anything.
Speaker 1: If you want to, you will. Yeah, And I.
Speaker 4: Know not to go to different women. I know there's
a certain there's a certain pain there if I go
to you.
Speaker 1: Gotcha.
Speaker 4: Uh.
Speaker 3: Fortunately everything is centered on the head, so I don't
really have to.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Also, I can't rabbit fuck. I don't and I don't
go I can't. I simply can't. I would I exhaust.
I literally exhaust. I'm very slow. The one thing I
the one thing I do not do is let anybody
get on top, because that's a good way to get
penile fracture. And I'm especially concerned about that. So you know,
it's hugely missionary.
Speaker 1: Okay, So that is I have heard of penile fracture.
I have never had that problem. I don't think I have.
You don't have to be.
Speaker 4: Big to have that. We just have to been the
wrong way when hard. I actually did it to myself
when I was very young, when I got a hart On,
but my dick was in the wrong position.
Speaker 1: And did you break it?
Speaker 4: No, Well, what happens is you get a bruise. You
get a very specific bruise. You can't break its cardie.
You can fracture it enough that you have to immobilize.
It never got that far. I just remember sharp pain.
And this is when I was like fourteen fifteen, so
I mean, it's never happened again.
Speaker 1: Have you been studied by urologist at all?
Speaker 4: Yes, you did? I haven't. Yeah, And I actually did
an unaired TV show in which they actually they they
used that sonar thing, you know, the sonar us use
it to pregnant women, yes, yes, for eurology to use
it on penises too, Yes, I do. The Oh my god,
you know, you're the only person who's actually bigger than
the sonogram microphone. And I could actually see blood flow. Really,
it's like seeing an X ray of yourself, you know,
It's like, oh, that's me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's so. What were they studying for Jonah, what
were they looking at?
Speaker 3: It was just it was just I don't know what
they were study for. I got paid and never aired.
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, so that was a that was a
TV show or something.
Speaker 4: I was also measured by this morning at the UK
and one of the few times I'll let myself get measured, okay,
And it's important that I did that because otherwise.
Speaker 3: People say it's just exaggerated.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 3: Although here's the thing.
Speaker 4: I found that even if I'm semi like eleven, you know,
by the way, this is exactly four inches, okay, so
I know one, two, three and a bit, And even
if I'm like eleven.
Speaker 3: People don't know the difference.
Speaker 4: Yeah, they don't they know the difference.
Speaker 1: They're not no, no one, no one will know it
all What have you learned about people? Which I know
maybe a strange question, but you know, in terms of yourself,
you've sort of got this uniqueness about you, right, so
people are want to see it, are curious about it.
But what have you learned about people in general? Are
they cruel? Are they just curious? And then move on to.
Speaker 4: Its never been cruel? Yeah, but you know there are
certain things that are not in polite society. And the
thing is that I wish I could stop talking about it,
but there's few things people won't see it, won't stop
asking me about it.
Speaker 1: Well, I bothered you about it, and.
Speaker 4: I just really can't say no because I like, you know,
I'm completely honest, and I you know, it's like I am.
I'm not gonna say I'm shallow, but I'm going to
say that, Uh you know, I'm not very There's not
a lot of deception to me. Okay, I try to lie,
Like people say, how old are you? Well?
Speaker 3: Fifty four?
Speaker 1: Right?
Speaker 3: Is that your real aert color?
Speaker 4: New?
Speaker 3: I mean, when I start getting gray, I put the
dye on.
Speaker 4: It's like, okay, it's really irritating. Is everybody thinks I
should have a beard, and everybody thinks I'm a lot
sexier with a beard, but I can't stand having a beard.
Speaker 1: Uh huh at any point in your life and and
I don't know where you sort of like get sick
of the notoriety for this and you kind of I
don't get depressed. Is there was there.
Speaker 4: In terms of work work, Like I said, I use
a slightly different name when I'm going out for acting roles.
Now I've been in stuff, but you wouldn't know it
was me unless you in my face because you did
the last thing. I did that, but it was BG
work wasn't a speaking role as a fallout in the
last episode, and I'm wearing a really big beard and
it's like people who know me recognize me instantly. The
funny thing is that the older I get, the more
people want to stick my face in front of stuff.
Speaker 3: They don't know who I am and stuff like that.
It's just like they just want to press right.
Speaker 5: So, but you know what about what I'm really hoping
well before, what I'm really hoping for is you know, well,
actually it's actually already happened.
Speaker 3: Any filmmakers don't give a shit.
Speaker 4: As a matter of fact, if you have an infamy
to you, that's actually a plus for them.
Speaker 3: So I'm actually working with someone.
Speaker 4: So there actually may be a film with me in
a starring role.
Speaker 3: Kind a starring role.
Speaker 4: It's it's a principal role, it's a supporting lead role,
but it will have me fully frontally nude because it's
part of the story. Basically, it's about a real life
story about someone turning a sex store, you know, in
Staten Island into a into a nightclub.
Speaker 1: Okay in the seventies, I gotcha, almost a studio, not
a studio fifty four type, but that that Bogie Nights aren't. Yeah, yeah,
that's exactly what I started to think of.
Speaker 4: The stand that film. It's not for the obvious reasons.
I just think Paul Thomas Sanderson is. I don't like
the new directors. You know, Sophia Coppola is bad Ald Timers.
Sanderson is stylish without substance. And I don't like Quentin
Tarantino either, because what I see when I see his
films is, oh, here's a video store clerk who saw
something cool and wants to replicate it. And he's never
had an original thought in his head.
Speaker 3: All of his all of his most famous things are ripoffs.
Speaker 4: If you knew anything about Stephen Prince, then you watch
pulp fiction, say oh shit, he ripped it.
Speaker 1: So he ripped off. You're saying he ripped that off
from Stephen Prince.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, well yeah, huh see. Look at the Martin
Scorsese interview about Stephen Prince and to talk about when
you had to stick a needle in someone's heart and
all that stuff ripped off word by word by word.
And you know that Quin Tarantino enjoys watching Martin Scorsese films. Yes,
matter of fact, too many people love Martin Scorsese and
try to emulate them instead of start their own. And
the problem is Sophia Copla. I know we're going way
off topic here. Sophia Coppola has the rich girl disease.
She has a certain disconnect and all of her movies
are daddy issue movies. See who her father is? She
is daddy issue the movie.
Speaker 1: Are you working on any projects yourself, because I know
acting is your I just told you about it. No, no,
but your passion. But were you ever did you write
any thing yourself? Oh?
Speaker 4: Yeah, definitely. I was a prolific video game and computer
game writer in things like Computer Game Strategy Plus or
Computer Games Magazine, Game Pen and all that. Since the
magazines are dying, mater of fact, Game and Former was
recently closed, even though they're.
Speaker 3: Back to by Game Stop.
Speaker 4: There's only one real one left, PC Gamer and maybe EGM.
I think they resurrected it. So now I just go
with the video game podcast, which is gamme podcast.
Speaker 3: Dot net and very very generic name.
Speaker 4: I know, I did a lot of movie reviews, some
for Cranky Critic, a lot is for you g O.
So I did a lot of writing.
Speaker 3: I keep on.
Speaker 4: I have such a weird writer's block in which I
want to start something but I just can't. Something is
just holding me back. And I don't think it's writer's block.
I think it's something deeper. But yeah, I mean I
can write a lot, I just don't.
Speaker 1: Yeah, what through the years. I got to think when
you know, you talk about acting and stuff, and you've
taken traditional roles and kept it more on the side
that I would. I'll call it mainstream. But I'm sure
there were offers from porn. There had to be.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, since I was.
Speaker 1: Fifteen, since you were fifteen.
Speaker 4: The one time, oh that wasn't actually a porn It
was just a guy who wanted to video me drinking off.
Speaker 1: But I said no, okay, all right, but that would
be I understand.
Speaker 4: And at fifteen there's actually been uh, there's actually been
people who played to me me and made videos as me,
you know, way back and it's not me. Yeah, I
can tell it's not me.
Speaker 1: Could you ever talk to your a parent about this stuff?
Like you know, at fifteen to have somebody offered.
Speaker 3: That it was well, what they can do is another
person my age.
Speaker 1: Oh it's another person great. No, But I mean in
terms of I have no idea. I always think like
the psychological aspects of this, right, I think every guy
would go, man, having a big dick, you get to
rule the world, right, everybody wants to see it.
Speaker 4: You're here's the thing. Yeah, I know a lot of
porn actor friends, and unless you actually produce it yourself,
you don't make much money.
Speaker 1: So yeah, how about cost.
Speaker 4: So here's the thing. With most porn, they're not there
to see the guy.
Speaker 1: There there you see the girl, yes, right, but usually well,
but gay porn maybe.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and uh again, I mean that's a different that's
a different time.
Speaker 3: I'm just saying generally, you know, for straight porn, there to.
Speaker 1: See the Yeah, that's uh.
Speaker 3: You don't clean your room and you don't want anybody
to see it.
Speaker 1: You're fine, Jonah, You're absolutely fine. No one's here to judge.
No one's judging you. Everybody's judged you and they've gone.
I know, I wish I had a penuts like that
that that would be interesting. Has what's been the biggest
drawback having that big of a penis. Is there a
big drawback in any way? I mean, look, that's been
your whole life. It's your normal. So I don't know
that there is one if that's all you know.
Speaker 4: No, I mean not really, because I've never fallen into
any of the traps. I've been falling one big trap,
and that is being known for it, right, I mean
maybe I should have been famous first, then be known
for it. Yeah, like do some movie with full frontal
nudity and after I'm already established.
Speaker 1: Yeah, your parents. Your mom's still alive.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: As a matter of fact, I'm our caregiver.
Speaker 1: Oh you're her caregiver. Okay. Over the years, I mean
she's had to be aware of the notoriety you were getting, yeah, but.
Speaker 4: Never said anything about it. And now she's old enough
that she can't really say much about it because she's
had two strokes.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I'm sorry real. Yeah, Well, so what's up
next for for Jonah? It's would Oh here's one that
I did want to ask you. A lot of times
they do plaster cast and uh make oh yeah.
Speaker 4: I've been I've been asked to do that too. I
will at some point when I'm when I really need
the money, when I'm retired and my bank account is
running out, it's like, yeah, I'll do that, Okay, I
would never seen the appeal.
Speaker 1: Well.
Speaker 4: Also, people say that they I should like, what's the
word endorsed products like condoms or yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, I mean, are there condoms that can fit you?
Speaker 4: Uh? Yes?
Speaker 1: And no.
Speaker 4: The thing is that even the large ones, you know,
they only fit half. But the thing is that with me,
it's not it's not the length, it's the it's the
fact that a lot of kind ofms squeeze the hell
out of you. To be sure, so long as there's
no fluid exchange, there's no deal. There's no big, big deal.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 3: Also, since I do mostly blowjobs.
Speaker 4: It's like I don't have to worry about it, right, Well, okay, yeah,
I mean, I mean herpes and there are other diseases
other than you know. But I've then again, I've I
won't say I'm monogamous. I'll just say that I prefer
I get attached to one person because they do it
so well. I really don't feel the need to do
anything else. Like I said, I'm mostly a show off.
Speaker 1: I got you Okay, So when you say monogamous, are
you in a monogamous relationship? Now? Virtually virtually.
Speaker 3: Here's the thing. It's not.
Speaker 4: It's not even don't ask, don't tell. It's that I
just don't have the I am pretty lazy when it
comes to that. I don't like to have to seek
it out.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 4: Yeah, if I find someone who does it extremely well
and we're really into each.
Speaker 1: Other, that's perfect.
Speaker 3: He's also a function of being.
Speaker 4: Over fifty two, I think your sex drive diminishes.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and but I mean sort of like, uh, pardon
the pun, but if they fall in your lap, so
to speak, you'll you'll do something. Yeah, it's something that's
just of what I mean, like, you know it, they'll
know it. That's true. That's very true. That's true. Well,
I I I got to think it's just been a
unique life, if nothing else for you. You know, all
the notoriety and stuff, the TV shows, the documentaries, the
shows that haven't been seeing you know, all the radio
interviews you've done.
Speaker 3: Over you have seen it, I mean obviously.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, it's on the internet. I brought it up
in here and there was a woman that was just gaga.
You and I are doing a one on one because
I didn't want it to be.
Speaker 3: Here's the thing. I don't usually let hard pictures circulate.
Speaker 1: No, these were flat.
Speaker 4: Oh okay, so yes I do have some hard pictures.
It's like people, that's photoshop?
Speaker 1: Are they out on the internet.
Speaker 4: Don't make me prove it. Some of them are if
you look hard enough, hard enough, h it's uh, they
can be found.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: But yeah, that's the that's the picture I showed the
people this morning a couple of years ago, and they
went ape ship because it looked unreal. But at the
end that it was an extremely good angle. So it
actually you know, but most pictures, most pictures you see
people meet me and they say they don't do you justice.
Speaker 1: Oh really, so the pictures, So that's got to be
somewhat of an ego boost as well.
Speaker 4: Well, here's the thing. It's the thickness that people can't
get over, you know, they think. And that's the other
thing is my dick would look longer except for the thickness,
because the thickness makes it look more normal. You have
to have something like my hand or other objects in
there to make it realize. Oh, because like I said,
grab your wrist. There's a little bit of of thing
that that's me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I got to think that, uh who would be
I would think older women. I don't know why more
experienced women would find that.
Speaker 3: I think they would be less intimated.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, less intimidated by by all of it. It's
uh god, what a what a just weird existence for you.
I'm sure you've met famous people. Have you become friends.
Who's the most famous person you're friends with?
Speaker 4: Uh?
Speaker 3: I tend not to talk about them.
Speaker 4: I don't want to jeopardize I got oh fuck, you know,
I know one person who wouldn't give a ship Okay
if I.
Speaker 3: Mentioned I knew them. That's Bruce Valange.
Speaker 1: Oh, Bruce is a great comedy writer, one of the best. Yeah, truly.
Speaker 4: The thing that the thing that I enjoy is able
to stick with a stick with him, able to uh
banter with him and you know, keep sort of like
the Dorothy Parker club, you know, sort of like we've
managed to.
Speaker 3: Bounce off each other. I make him laugh as much
as he makes me laugh.
Speaker 1: Okay, well, yeah, that's a nice thing. I just I
think for you that it's uh sometimes I didn't know
if it was going to be hard in terms of
trusting people. What are their emotives? But I think you
laid it out pretty well when you compare it to
somebody being rich. Are they after my money?
Speaker 4: Yeah? I mean I know a lot of comedians. One
of my closest friends before he passed away was Taylor
and Ne Groan.
Speaker 1: I know, I read Taylor did a lot of movies.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and I it's like, I don't know what's going
on with him. What's called we keep in contact? But
I think it's sort of like I have so many stories,
Like one huge, huge, huge syscom story had nothing to
do with me, right, it's nothing to do with it.
It's just a story that someone else in the industry
talked about. Was that he was going to have fool
around with him, but he kept on calling his wife
every ten minutes during the encounter.
Speaker 3: That he just said, I give up.
Speaker 4: He's too afraid. It's like, okay, and it's I can't
say it is because he's still alive, but it's just
hilarious to me.
Speaker 1: So they were gay, but they didn't want to will
go through it.
Speaker 3: Strong urges and they didn't want.
Speaker 4: To fulfill them.
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, When did you realize your person. Go ahead,
what's another person? Oh?
Speaker 4: No, another person who is a famous music person? What's
called fool arou? I mean like twenty years ago and
they wished me a happy birthday for like fifteen years,
but they never met up with me again. And even that,
and I I think it's just because you know, he
did have an adult family and he just didn't want to.
Speaker 3: God, how old is he now? Maybe in his mid seventies.
Speaker 4: Now so famous But it's like, yeah, yeah, that's all
I'm gonna say famous.
Speaker 3: I'm not gonna say if it's theater, no, it's not
a rock star.
Speaker 1: Okay, I think it's not that big a deal. Well
it is a big deal. But here here's the thing
that that's a big deal. How does that make you? Field?
Do you feel used in that way when they say,
you know, send you a happy birthday but never never return.
Speaker 4: I it's disappointing, but yeah, in any long run, I mean,
I know someone who's should be in the rock and
Roll Hall of Fame but isn't. But it's still a
loyal friend, yes, past fifteen years. So it's like you
get something, you get loose some you know, and I
try not to care about it, because, like I said,
you know, there's nothing, there's nothing.
Speaker 3: I can't control it.
Speaker 1: No, you can't. You haven't.
Speaker 4: I If I can't control it, then I'm not going
to worry about it. Have you ever got Well, that's
not entirely true. Have you ever worried about something that's
out of my control?
Speaker 1: Everybody people, everybody does. We're human beings. I mean, that's
that's what happens. But have you gone do you know?
Speaker 4: I mean, but in terms of relationships, I mean in
terms of money, then I'll be worried. In terms of
quality of life, I'll be worried in terms of friendships.
There's nothing I can do about it, right, you know?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Is there? Have you done therapy in any way?
Because I just think like some of that stuff would
fuck you up on you?
Speaker 4: Yeah, I had my fill If they're.
Speaker 1: Okay, that that makes sense because I'm.
Speaker 4: Enough that people think. People sometimes think I might have aspergers.
I don't, but sometimes they do. But I think that's
because I never really see at some point because I
was having nightmares. I was put in a in a
boarding school, so I never really developed. You know how
you are in a big school. You know, there's thousands
of people.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 4: I didn't get to that until I went to Bronx
Science and then I had trouble coping because there's so
many people here.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 4: So, but.
Speaker 1: All that stuff just it sounds bizarre. You were having
Take me back, what do you mean you were putting.
Speaker 3: A boarding I don't know.
Speaker 4: I think it's because my mother was having monetary problems,
so made up of things that I can go to
a free boarding school.
Speaker 1: Okay, do you remember what Bedding School was?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I hb that's in Brooklyn. All right, Brooklyn.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I got you because I Yeah, my father was
born in green Point. I think you were as well.
Speaker 4: Yeah I was. But I lived on one block north
of the Marcy Avenue station.
Speaker 3: It was on South I want to say south. I
always get confused if it's South fifth or South ninth.
Speaker 4: Oh, south fifth.
Speaker 3: It had it been South fifth because no South night.
Speaker 4: See. This is why I get confused, because I I
walk by there sometimes and it's like, there's this huge
black glass building next to my old apartment. And here's
the thing that really annoys me. My great grandmother owned
that apartment, the entire building, all four stories. Wow, And
for some family dispute or whatever. She sold it and
we all had to move out. And I'm thinking, you
know what, if I own that building, I would be
a multi millionaire.
Speaker 3: Right it is in prime location.
Speaker 4: It is one block away from the Willimsburg Bridge, one
block away from the Marcy Avenue station. I would be
in hog heaven. Not only would I own my own place,
but I could also rent it and if I want,
I could sell it.
Speaker 3: And god knows, developers would love that spot.
Speaker 4: Yeah, love it because there's a huge black glass building
next to it now where they used to be an
empty lot.
Speaker 3: You know, it's like, I can't believe how stupid they were.
Speaker 1: Well, but you did. You've got to have put away
some dollars over the years with all the movies and.
Speaker 4: The Yeah, I have savings, but you know it's like, yeah, oh,
I don't make that much at all. Everything I've script
and saved and make sure, and I have somewhat of
a nest egg.
Speaker 3: So we'll see. I am not comfortable about that nest egg.
Speaker 1: Right. Well, I bet there's a dildo company out there
that would make a replica, and you could be getting
residuals out of that for a long time. If you
cut the right deal.
Speaker 4: Yeah. Well, here's the thing. If I was to do
that first, I would make sure that I was really ripped.
You know, the picture on the box.
Speaker 3: I don't want to, you.
Speaker 1: Know, let him photoshop a little bit, I got you.
Speaker 3: No, no, no, no, no. See, that's the entire thing is,
I would not want a photoshop at all.
Speaker 1: Well, you have said to make sure that that's me. Yes,
you know.
Speaker 4: It's the same thing as if they just you know,
if they did the cast and they just added a
few inches, what are you what are you doing? By
the way, that's one of the things Jess Straker was
really annoyed at. His dildo was several inches longer than
he was, and he was upset because it was misrepresentation.
And I think whatever partner he was going to be was, wait,
you're not as big as your bildo.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a phrase I'll never hear. That's a phrase
I'll never hear. You're not as big as your bill though.
Uh well, Jonah, it's been very interesting talking to you.
I uh, I find it fascinating and your whole life
is just sounds so interesting to me. An, I'm sure
because it's you and it's your stuff. But I just
think like being known for something that you didn't choose,
you were just born. That's that's it's just just the
way it is. And all the notoriety and all the
stuff that has come as a result of that. You
seem to have handled it pretty well, but I go, boy,
at times that had to be pretty difficult. I would
almost think that, you know, it could get kind of
depressive at times because you're not really sure what people are,
especially when you're younger.
Speaker 4: There's plenty of things to be depressed about.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, here's the thing.
Speaker 4: Uh, there's a lot of things for people to be
insecure about. Money, relationships, right, all that stuff, which I do.
There's only one thing I don't have to be insecure about.
Speaker 1: That's true, you know, right, And and there you go,
such as life. Some people some people are just born lucky,
I suppose.
Speaker 4: Yeah, But the thing is that I'm still insecure. So yeah,
other helps you in one sphere of life, but it
doesn't help me and everything else.
Speaker 1: Uh, mets not not in your purview. But how about
Jets Jets fan?
Speaker 4: Okay, good, they are a disaster, and they are a
main disaster.
Speaker 3: They you know, what's going on with Lebron and the Lakers.
It's going on with the Jets.
Speaker 1: Oh, I think with Aaron Rodgers. Oh yeah, I think
so too.
Speaker 3: All I wanted to fire Hacket. Yeah, that's why I
Sawa got fired.
Speaker 4: Here's the thing about sports is that it is extremely
a meritocracy. And you do anything, anything at all, that
has nothing to do with merit, you will fail hard. Yes,
you will fail hard. Anything you do that is not
a decision, that is anything to do with the sport,
you will fail hard. Look at Well, I'll give you
an obvious example.
Speaker 3: Look at George Marshall.
Speaker 4: George Marshall from Washington did not desegregate way into the thing.
Speaker 3: And there was like one fifteen and two and one
and thirty.
Speaker 4: It was like they were the absolute pits because they
refused because of ideology.
Speaker 3: Right, ideology has no place in sports.
Speaker 1: No, you're right, it's meritocracy.
Speaker 3: I don't care.
Speaker 4: If that were true, the nineteen ninety six Yankees would
have never beat the Braves, who are the team of
the nineties.
Speaker 1: It's a very good point. All right, Well, Jonah, I
I really appreciate you taking the time today, and I'm
sure another as you're saying batal conversation about your penis
but interesting. Nonetheless, people want to know how you navigate
that stuff. I told you there was a woman here,
she was flabbergasted, and then you know, there were I'm
sure the jokes and all the stuff after a while. Though,
you're a human being. At the end of the day,
you didn't choose this. You just happen to have it.
Most of us are jealous of it, but that doesn't
mean your life is any better or different.
Speaker 4: You're choosing people. See, you got penis, penis and marginin surgery.
I wonder what that would do maybe when I'm eighty
and I'm really, really, really curious.
Speaker 1: Are you gonna be there? Isn't there a penis museum
in Iceland? I thought I read somewhere that you were
gonna donate your penis.
Speaker 4: Is another penis Museason, which I appeared in as well,
which I didn't even know about until someone showed it
to me.
Speaker 1: He said, Oh, okay, where's that?
Speaker 3: I forgot? I think it's in Spain?
Speaker 1: But are you donating your penis.
Speaker 4: Upon your I don't think that's never going to happen.
Speaker 1: Demise all, Okay, I could suck them over.
Speaker 4: And get cream ine and say, okay, here I think
this thing of ashes and show it off.
Speaker 1: And recreator and recreate it. A picture is probably well,
picture's worth a thousand words in your case, maybe a
thousand inches. I don't know. Jonah. A pleasure, and I hope,
I hope this was an right interview. I'm sure every
question we've asked or I've asked, has been asked before.
So thank you for suffering through it. I appreciate it,
all right, see you later. There he goes Jonah Falcon
the thirteen minute.
Speaker 4: God.
Speaker 1: I just that's the thing that I think is any
guy you at first you think great, and then you think.
I don't know. I just think there will be a
lot of I'm speaking as an older guy, a lot
of things on the side that maybe you tough to navigate.
I don't know, but here's what I do know. I'll
never have the problems Jonah Falcon. They have no Most
things I'm buying drug stores to put on my body
will fit for Jonah Falcon and his enormous falcon. I
wonder if he calls it the falcon the falcon is landed.
I'm Bill Moran tomorrow you're gonna get etiquette lessons. That's right.
We do both sides of the spectrum here. Yeah, we're
getting it all. I'm billified. They we're looking borrow kind
of lack with Tanna and I'm looking forward to seeing
you tomorrow.
Speaker 4: California, Baby, things are gotten worse. He's a land of
opportunity for me.
Speaker 1: Is just a curse that judging make us feel. Men
have to wait. You can need to look about cattle,
the Tennessee places