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<v Speaker 1>This is pod Popular Podcast for the People, The Great

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<v Speaker 1>Love Debate. It's the Great Love Debate.

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<v Speaker 2>The Great Love Debate.

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<v Speaker 1>It's a great loved Hi get everyone's Brian Howie. Welcome

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<v Speaker 1>to the Great Love Debate, the world's number one dating

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<v Speaker 1>and relation podcast since twenty fifteen. I am back here

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<v Speaker 1>in the very fine and fancy studios of Pod Popular

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<v Speaker 1>Podcast for the People. I am at the one in

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<v Speaker 1>Boca Ratone, Florida. It's actually nice here in Boca Ratone, Florida.

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<v Speaker 1>It's not always nice today, it's nice. I want to

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<v Speaker 1>get into today something that it's always a little bit

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<v Speaker 1>of a third rail around here. This is the second

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<v Speaker 1>podcast I've done in the last month or so that

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<v Speaker 1>is sort of devoted to a certain demo who listens

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<v Speaker 1>to this show, I think more intently than any other,

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<v Speaker 1>a demo that has I think more challenges when it

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<v Speaker 1>comes to love, dating and relationships than a lot of

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<v Speaker 1>the others. And I know you're probably twenty three listening

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<v Speaker 1>to right now, and you're like, no, the challenges are

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<v Speaker 1>the worst. Twenty three. It's sixty two. You're listening and

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<v Speaker 1>you're like, ah, the man still suck after fifty years

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<v Speaker 1>of dating but the ones who's sort of like ground

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<v Speaker 1>zero for this subject matter because there are a lot

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<v Speaker 1>of questions, concerns, crossroads, all of those things, is sort

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<v Speaker 1>of the women between thirty five and forty five. So

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<v Speaker 1>that sort of age bracket really does have to deal

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<v Speaker 1>with some unique challenges. And so if you are that

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<v Speaker 1>twenty three year old woman listen to this, you're gonna

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<v Speaker 1>get there. And if you're sixty two listening to this,

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<v Speaker 1>you got through it. It's not always the easiest subject

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<v Speaker 1>matter for a boy to jump into, and I get

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<v Speaker 1>in a lot of trouble, But I think sometimes men

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<v Speaker 1>have clarity on some of these issues in a way

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<v Speaker 1>that a lot of women don't because they are a

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<v Speaker 1>little bit distant from it and they can look at

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<v Speaker 1>reality of it. And so I'm going to bring in

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<v Speaker 1>a pro here. We're going to talk about the unique

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<v Speaker 1>challenges that come along with the subject of fertility. And

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<v Speaker 1>she hosts one of the better podcasts I've ever heard

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<v Speaker 1>on the subject matter is really really hard to both

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<v Speaker 1>offer hope and also grounded in realism. You know, there's

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of books, and there's a lot of clinics,

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<v Speaker 1>and there's a lot of people that are sort of selling,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, outliers or they're putting out there a false

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<v Speaker 1>sense of reality. She is the host of the Badass

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<v Speaker 1>Fertility podcast, and like I said, she seems to have

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<v Speaker 1>a handle on this in a way that I have

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<v Speaker 1>not heard anybody talk in a way that resonates with me.

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<v Speaker 1>So I can't imagine that it wouldn't resonate with the

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<v Speaker 1>women and a lot of the men who are listening

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<v Speaker 1>to this. Catherine Regman, how are you hello.

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<v Speaker 2>Good morning, I am wonderful, Thank.

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<v Speaker 1>You, And her shirt says the badass woman in me

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<v Speaker 1>honors the badass woman in you? Do I have badass

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<v Speaker 1>women in me? Do we all have badass women in us?

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<v Speaker 2>We all have a badass feminine side? Absolutely, one hundred percent.

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<v Speaker 1>Obviously. I have always tried to dance around this subject

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<v Speaker 1>matter and a lot of men are you know I

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<v Speaker 1>brought this up. I got a bunch of emails on

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<v Speaker 1>it when I said a couple of weeks ago that

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<v Speaker 1>you know, men in their late thirties early forties who

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<v Speaker 1>might want to have three four kids, they have to

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<v Speaker 1>look at the reality of that age in who they're

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<v Speaker 1>dating if they want to have that, And it's like

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<v Speaker 1>a conversation I can't have, but as a conversation you

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<v Speaker 1>want to have, how do you balance the reality with

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<v Speaker 1>false hope with really giving people options that everything is possible.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, that's a really really good question, and it brings

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<v Speaker 2>up a lot of the tension in dating, you know.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, I'm forty three now, but I remember when

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<v Speaker 2>I was dating in you know, my early mid thirties,

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<v Speaker 2>there was always like this sort of ah gosh, I

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<v Speaker 2>want to call it a secret stereotype, but maybe not

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<v Speaker 2>so secret. Like if you date a woman and over

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<v Speaker 2>thirty five, oh, you better watch out because she's just

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<v Speaker 2>looking for, you know, a father for her babies. Basically

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<v Speaker 2>like she's ready to go. You know. So I think

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<v Speaker 2>that that stereotype is real, it's out there. The degree

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<v Speaker 2>to which it's true, I think, varies from woman to woman.

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<v Speaker 2>It really depends on a lot of factors. Right, Like

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<v Speaker 2>one of the things I talk about a lot in

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<v Speaker 2>my show is how we are really socialized within our

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<v Speaker 2>culture to think of thirty five as somehow this like

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<v Speaker 2>expiration date type of number. Right, And honestly, I mean,

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<v Speaker 2>there is like growing medical research out there that really

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<v Speaker 2>addresses that that is just false right, It's not true.

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<v Speaker 2>Women can maintain their fertility in a very vital and

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<v Speaker 2>optimal way. They can even improve their fertility actually as

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<v Speaker 2>they age, depending on various choices that they choose to make.

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<v Speaker 2>So this whole idea that like a woman who's thirty

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<v Speaker 2>five has to suddenly be in baby making mode or

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<v Speaker 2>she's going to lose that opportunity is Honestly, it's bullshit.

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<v Speaker 2>It's not true. And so what I would encourage women

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<v Speaker 2>to do is to really continue to be selective and

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<v Speaker 2>discerning not only about you know, the partner that they

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<v Speaker 2>want to choose, but also about how they want to

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<v Speaker 2>enter into their child bearing years because there's a lot

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<v Speaker 2>of choice in that that I think a lot of

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<v Speaker 2>women aren't made aware of.

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<v Speaker 1>Right there, so they can prove them what nutritionally.

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<v Speaker 2>Absolutely, yes, yes, yes, so there's a whole I mean,

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<v Speaker 2>there's a whole like you know, bank of research out

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<v Speaker 2>there and lots of people who specialize in this. And

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<v Speaker 2>I can make some recommendations later, but yes, diet, nutrition, exercise,

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<v Speaker 2>all those types of things one hundred percent factor into fertility.

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<v Speaker 2>One of the things I've talked about on my show,

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<v Speaker 2>and I don't know if this is getting too technical,

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<v Speaker 2>but it takes ninety days for the egg that you're

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<v Speaker 2>going to release to basically like turn into that egg.

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<v Speaker 2>So there's like a ninety day window where actually, if

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<v Speaker 2>you make a really concerted effort in terms of how

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<v Speaker 2>you address certain issues dietary lifestyle habits, you can make

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<v Speaker 2>a huge difference in the quality of egg that you

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<v Speaker 2>produce just ninety days later.

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<v Speaker 1>There are you know, there's a group of women over

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<v Speaker 1>here who are frantically hit thirty four, thirty five, and

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<v Speaker 1>they are frantically, you know, overestimating the doom that they

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<v Speaker 1>believe is coming on in terms of their age. And

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<v Speaker 1>then there's a group of women over here who are

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<v Speaker 1>not dealing with it at all. They're like, I'm in

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<v Speaker 1>good shape, I do pilates, I can deal with this.

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<v Speaker 1>At forty six. You kind of have to bring both

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<v Speaker 1>of those sides back from the edges a little bit.

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<v Speaker 1>There is a reality of it that you statistically, thirty seven,

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<v Speaker 1>probably you can't have seven kids, but maybe, I mean,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, everybody's like you can. I don't know. Oh,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, I was a girl who came to one

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<v Speaker 1>of our live shows here and she's like, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>I want to have a big family. I'm a mom

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<v Speaker 1>and you know, I'm thirty six years old, and I'm like,

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<v Speaker 1>I think you gotta get on it, but I can't.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not allowed to say that out loud as a man.

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<v Speaker 2>I know, I know. And it's so hard because on

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<v Speaker 2>the one hand, like I hear you saying that I

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<v Speaker 2>get this like clenching in my test and the chest,

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<v Speaker 2>and I'm like, oh, that's not really true.

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<v Speaker 1>But how much of it it's not really true?

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, So I'll put this out there and sata. So

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<v Speaker 2>first of all, all right, yeah, there are odds. I

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<v Speaker 2>will say this like, and if you like, there's the statistics,

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<v Speaker 2>and then there's the women who defy the odds all

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<v Speaker 2>the time, right, correct? And I would say that, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>just because there's a lot of medical research out there

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<v Speaker 2>that says one thing, it absolutely does not mean that

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<v Speaker 2>women aren't defying that all the time, right. And that's

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<v Speaker 2>where a lot of my work comes in, which is

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<v Speaker 2>the my body type of connection, because that is what

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<v Speaker 2>really amplifies your odds. And it's also something that like

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<v Speaker 2>we don't have a ton of scientific research data on,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, but there's a lot of anecdotal evidence based

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<v Speaker 2>on the women I work with, based on you know,

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<v Speaker 2>the stories that I hear from lots of different people

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<v Speaker 2>about how we can defy these odds. So if you

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<v Speaker 2>want to take a moment and think about it, When

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<v Speaker 2>my mom, for example, who's in her seventies now, had

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<v Speaker 2>my sister, she was thirty five, right, and that was

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<v Speaker 2>like old at that point in time, Like that was

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<v Speaker 2>like kind of the today's equivalent of forty five. I

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<v Speaker 2>would say, right today, if you want to have a

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<v Speaker 2>child in your early to mid forties, right, women who

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<v Speaker 2>try for one year have a forty to fifty percent

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<v Speaker 2>chance of conceiving in their early to mid forties. Right,

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<v Speaker 2>that's naturally. Naturally, that is one in two women.

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<v Speaker 1>And what is that that's probably not way different at

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<v Speaker 1>twenty eight.

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<v Speaker 2>Now it's not either not necessarily that different. I mean,

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<v Speaker 2>any any like person who's in their sort of optimal fertility, right,

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<v Speaker 2>they will say, and any given month, you have a

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<v Speaker 2>twenty five percent chance of conceiving naturally. So theoretically, if

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<v Speaker 2>someone wants to conceive, it should take them about four months, right,

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<v Speaker 2>And that's why they have the sort of window of

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<v Speaker 2>if you are thirty five or over and you've been

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<v Speaker 2>trying for six months, you should get a work up.

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<v Speaker 2>If you're younger than thirty five and you've been trying

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<v Speaker 2>for a year, you should get a work up. So

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<v Speaker 2>that's where those types of markers are generated from. M H.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, do you throw age out of it all together?

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<v Speaker 1>Is there a test that you can do to sort

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<v Speaker 1>of understand your fertility?

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<v Speaker 2>So yes and no. If somebody comes to me and

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<v Speaker 2>they say, all right, I'm forty two years old, I

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<v Speaker 2>don't want to get pregnant, I'm like, yes, like absolutely,

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<v Speaker 2>one hundred percent. We can do this and there are

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<v Speaker 2>a lot of things that we're going to work on.

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<v Speaker 2>So the first thing that I do when a woman

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<v Speaker 2>comes to me, because I focus primarily on like even

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<v Speaker 2>just the women we're talking about right now, right, there

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<v Speaker 2>are women who are listening, and this conversation could feel

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<v Speaker 2>very defeating, right because we're challenging this idea that can

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<v Speaker 2>she or can't you get pregnant? Right? And that is

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<v Speaker 2>a very personal and a very complicated and de question.

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<v Speaker 2>So for the woman who's listening who feels that edge

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<v Speaker 2>of what the fuck is this making me feel better

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<v Speaker 2>or worse? I don't actually know what I do is

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<v Speaker 2>I would start by working on the mindset. I would

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<v Speaker 2>start by working on recognizing the innate potential you have

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<v Speaker 2>within yourself, to follow your intuition, to make choices that

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<v Speaker 2>resonate with you, and to guide be your own best

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<v Speaker 2>guide on your journey to your baby. Because I really

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<v Speaker 2>do believe and I operate from the assumption that every

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<v Speaker 2>woman who wants to have a baby, who feels that

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<v Speaker 2>calling in her heart to become a mom, is meant

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<v Speaker 2>to be a mom. And what actually gets in the

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<v Speaker 2>way is the social messaging and the statistics and all

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<v Speaker 2>the things that are telling you you can't or your

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<v Speaker 2>chances are very slim. Because what that does is it

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<v Speaker 2>becomes a sort of self fulfilling prophecy, and we start

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<v Speaker 2>to believe it, and then we make choices that actually

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<v Speaker 2>are more self defeating. I'm not staying statistics don't matter, right. So,

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<v Speaker 2>if you're forty two and you're going to say to me,

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<v Speaker 2>I want to drink a bottle of wine every night

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<v Speaker 2>and smoke a pack of cigarettes and you know, stay

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<v Speaker 2>up till two am and have six kids, I'm going

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<v Speaker 2>to tell you, well, I think we need to figure

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<v Speaker 2>out which one you want more, you know what I mean,

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<v Speaker 2>because you're not necessarily going to have both. But the

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<v Speaker 2>mindset part is really about learning how to embrace the

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<v Speaker 2>types of choices that are going to benefit the ultimate

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<v Speaker 2>desire that you really have.

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<v Speaker 1>And you bring up the choices and a lot of

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<v Speaker 1>women say, you know, throughout their dating years, I want

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<v Speaker 1>to get married and have kids one sentence, get married

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<v Speaker 1>and have kids. Yeah. Yeah, there's a point where you

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<v Speaker 1>have to decide which of those at a certain age

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<v Speaker 1>is a priority. There are a lot of ways, and

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<v Speaker 1>women are obviously more independent than ever that you can

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<v Speaker 1>have the kid or kids and then circle back to

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<v Speaker 1>the married. And that's perfectly reasonable way to do it

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<v Speaker 1>because a lot of women they go out at you know,

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<v Speaker 1>thirty seven years old, and they go on a date

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<v Speaker 1>and they do the math where they had two years

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<v Speaker 1>on even if we like each other, we get married

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<v Speaker 1>in a year and if it goes really really well,

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<v Speaker 1>and they're they're bailing out of possible relationships that could

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<v Speaker 1>work out because they do have this two years add

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<v Speaker 1>on to every single It's really hard to date that way,

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<v Speaker 1>and it's really hard to conceive that way.

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<v Speaker 2>Absolutely, and it's so funny you bring up the timeline,

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<v Speaker 2>because the timeline is like one of the number one

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<v Speaker 2>things that women who I work with come to me

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<v Speaker 2>with and that we try to dismantle and get rid

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<v Speaker 2>of because the timeline is seriously only going to waste

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<v Speaker 2>your time in the sense that exactly what you just said, Like,

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<v Speaker 2>you go on this date with this guy who could

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<v Speaker 2>be amazing, but you're so caught up in your head

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<v Speaker 2>about like how are we going to make this work

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<v Speaker 2>on my timeline that you can like extinguish that fire,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, and then.

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<v Speaker 1>You're pulling the emergency shoe way too quick because you're like,

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<v Speaker 1>I don't have time to work out this icky point

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<v Speaker 1>in our dating that happens in every relationship. Three months

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<v Speaker 1>in it's like, oh, this isn't perfect. Then you're going

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<v Speaker 1>backwards because you're doing math constantly.

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<v Speaker 2>Exactly, And it's the same thing when women are trying

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<v Speaker 2>to conceive, right, except it becomes I mean extremely intense,

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<v Speaker 2>and then it also involves your sex life, right, so

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<v Speaker 2>it's like, Okay, we have to have time sex all

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<v Speaker 2>the time, and then you're like exhausted after that window,

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<v Speaker 2>and then you don't have sex for a couple of weeks.

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<v Speaker 2>And then you have it really intensely and it becomes

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<v Speaker 2>like exhausting. I mean, the impact of infertility on relationships

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<v Speaker 2>is huge. And it's so interesting to me that you

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<v Speaker 2>bring up this timeline issue because I always think of

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<v Speaker 2>it in terms of that fertility world. But you're connecting

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<v Speaker 2>it to the larger timeline of relationships. Yeah, which is fascinating, right.

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<v Speaker 2>It's really really an accurate, insightful point.

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<v Speaker 1>The other side of that, a lot more women are

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<v Speaker 1>freezing their eggs, and we're going to get into that shortly.

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<v Speaker 1>But a lot of women say, oh, it's I'm cool,

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<v Speaker 1>I froze my eggs, and they almost they take their

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<v Speaker 1>foot off the gas in terms of dating. They're like, oh,

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<v Speaker 1>the eggs are frozen. I'm good. That's that'll work out.

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<v Speaker 1>I'll come back to that at forty five, when if

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<v Speaker 1>they have maybe just kept dating naturally. Dating naturally is

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<v Speaker 1>never a never good term. I don't know what that is.

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<v Speaker 1>It might have worked out naturally too, you know, it's

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<v Speaker 1>all I mean, you're not really game plaiming, but you're

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<v Speaker 1>sort of hope playing on all of it. Like you're

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<v Speaker 1>always looking at the perfect scenario and life doesn't give

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<v Speaker 1>you the perfect scenario. You could get married and want

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<v Speaker 1>to have and he can't conceive it, or he's sterile,

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<v Speaker 1>or he's got issues, which is a very underrated part

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<v Speaker 1>of this whole equation. Yes, that a lot of men

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<v Speaker 1>don't test he or they get older, or things are

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<v Speaker 1>they low sperm count. There's a lot of ways to

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<v Speaker 1>go about this. That the burden is unfairly a lot

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<v Speaker 1>on the women. We're gonna get into all this. Like

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<v Speaker 1>I said, we can take a deep dive on this.

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<v Speaker 1>I got to take a quick break. I'm here with

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<v Speaker 1>Catherine Bregman. We are diving into bad ass fertility. She

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<v Speaker 1>is a badass and she can hopefully help you with

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<v Speaker 1>your fertility. And we will be back right after this.

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<v Speaker 1>And we are back. Obviously the technology has improved in

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of ways. Yes, how much can you trust it?

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<v Speaker 1>I know it's a loaded questions. Let's start with the egg.

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<v Speaker 1>Is there an age where where freezing eggs statistically makes

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<v Speaker 1>it harder?

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<v Speaker 2>Oh gosh, that's a really good question. I think that

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<v Speaker 2>when it comes to egg freezing, and this is going

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<v Speaker 2>more into the medical stuff than I would typically go,

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<v Speaker 2>but I can give you kind of a generalization. It's

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<v Speaker 2>gonna sort of it's gonna mirror, you know, the similar

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<v Speaker 2>types of recommendations that you're getting for natural conception, right,

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<v Speaker 2>So anyone's going to tell you the earlier you freeze

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<v Speaker 2>your eggs, the better, right, But it's also going to

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<v Speaker 2>vary a lot from woman to woman. And that's why

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<v Speaker 2>a lot of the statistics and the things that we

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<v Speaker 2>hear about age and numbers are really only like a

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<v Speaker 2>broad sort of outline of the truth for every individual person,

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<v Speaker 2>and not only the truth for every individual person, but

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<v Speaker 2>that truth can change at different phases of her life.

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<v Speaker 2>So generally speaking, yes, of course, the younger the better, right,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm not going to pretend like, oh, all of the

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<v Speaker 2>eggs that you have at forty five are just as

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<v Speaker 2>good as they were when you were twenty five, Like

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<v Speaker 2>that's probably not true, right, it's not it's not true.

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<v Speaker 2>But what is true is that it only takes one

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<v Speaker 2>good egg to get pregnant, and a woman at forty

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<v Speaker 2>five still has tens of thousands of eggs, right, So a.

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<v Speaker 1>Good frozen thirty nine year old egg as viable as

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<v Speaker 1>a natural forty two year old egg.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean that would absolutely one vary from woman to woman.

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<v Speaker 1>I know it's all stats. I know. I know we're

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<v Speaker 1>not trying to be doctor.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm just what numbers. No, I don't well, I think

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<v Speaker 2>you're No.

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<v Speaker 1>I just want there to be some reality in it,

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<v Speaker 1>because you know, the outliers give hope, yes, but the

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<v Speaker 1>outliers sometimes lead to choices because you're like, oh, no,

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<v Speaker 1>I read about in the paper forty seven years old.

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<v Speaker 1>She's so and.

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<v Speaker 2>So right right right, right right.

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<v Speaker 1>So we can't pretend the conversation doesn't matter. But there's

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<v Speaker 1>there needs to be nuanced to the conversation, and there's

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of shades of gray in here that when

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00:17:13.200 --> 00:17:15.759
<v Speaker 1>it comes to dating or even if you are in

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<v Speaker 1>a marriage that you're thinking of getting out of and

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00:17:18.279 --> 00:17:20.559
<v Speaker 1>you're thirty eight years old and you're like, or a

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00:17:20.599 --> 00:17:22.799
<v Speaker 1>relationship and you're like, oh, I want to get out

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00:17:22.839 --> 00:17:24.359
<v Speaker 1>of this, but I still want to have kids, so

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<v Speaker 1>maybe I'm going to stick with my idiot husband to

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<v Speaker 1>get one more baby out. It is constantly, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>women have to do this. So is there a reliable

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<v Speaker 1>test that you can how good your eggs are? I

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<v Speaker 1>mean that is that the phrase?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, there's there, there are, Yeah, there are reliable tests.

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<v Speaker 2>But what's interesting about that again is that so you

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<v Speaker 2>can go and get a blood test, right, and the

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<v Speaker 2>blood test is going to tell you things like your

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<v Speaker 2>AMH and your f SAH, and your estrogen levels and

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<v Speaker 2>your progesterone levels, and all of those things have ranges

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<v Speaker 2>that are optimal based on the range of age for

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<v Speaker 2>a woman. Right, So there's an ideal range for I'm

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<v Speaker 2>making up the numbers, but say thirty to thirty five,

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<v Speaker 2>and there's an ideal range thirty five to forty. So yes, absolutely,

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<v Speaker 2>Like if you decide to freeze your eggs, if you

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<v Speaker 2>decide to do any sort of assisted reproduction, if it's

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<v Speaker 2>IUI or IVF, they're gonna that's the first thing they're

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<v Speaker 2>gonna do. I mean, if you just go to your

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<v Speaker 2>ob and say I think I want to try and conceive,

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<v Speaker 2>he or she might say, let's do a blood test

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<v Speaker 2>and just make sure that everything's.

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<v Speaker 1>Often a blood test. You don't need to pull out

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<v Speaker 1>a bunch of eggs.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh god, no, no, it's just a blood test. But

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<v Speaker 2>then okay, so that's like step one is the blood test.

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<v Speaker 2>But now I'm going to throw in, you know, the

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<v Speaker 2>other curveball, which is that these blood tests are not

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<v Speaker 2>They're not like because the problem is what I see

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<v Speaker 2>a lot happening with women is they look at the

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<v Speaker 2>blood test as a seal of their fate. Right, So

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<v Speaker 2>they look at it as if to say, well, my

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<v Speaker 2>f SH is low and so now now I have

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<v Speaker 2>to stick with this husband that I don't like because

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<v Speaker 2>my chances of having a baby later are so much

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<v Speaker 2>are lowered. Right, Well, that's not necessarily true, because what's

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<v Speaker 2>interesting about the human body, right, and in particular about women,

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<v Speaker 2>because our hormones fluctuate, you know, in almost like weekly cycles.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean like every month, we're going through all kinds

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<v Speaker 2>of cycles of hormone production, and the levels that are

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<v Speaker 2>found in that one blood test can change. Okay, so

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<v Speaker 2>one month you might be low in this but only

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<v Speaker 2>a little bit, and the next month you might be

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<v Speaker 2>just fine. So like it's a it is a marker, Okay,

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<v Speaker 2>it's a good thing to know. If you get a

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<v Speaker 2>blood test and it says you have heightened AMH. There's

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00:19:36.160 --> 00:19:39.839
<v Speaker 2>like again, dietary choices you can make to fix it. Like,

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00:19:39.880 --> 00:19:42.039
<v Speaker 2>there's a lot you can do. So blood test is

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<v Speaker 2>not a seal of your fate. It's information that you

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<v Speaker 2>can use.

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<v Speaker 1>It's something absolutely all right, this is a very personal

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<v Speaker 1>subject matter. So I'm going to get in the personal

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<v Speaker 1>side of this. When did you become so interested in this?

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<v Speaker 2>Oh good question.

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<v Speaker 1>Where were you along the line where you're like, I

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<v Speaker 1>need to figure out my own bay.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, okay. So it's funny that you say that, because

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<v Speaker 2>I would, you know, speaking about the blood test. I

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<v Speaker 2>would use myself as an example of that, because I

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<v Speaker 2>got married when I was thirty six, right, and I remember, like,

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00:20:12.960 --> 00:20:14.920
<v Speaker 2>you know, the day I got married, I'm like, all right,

402
00:20:14.960 --> 00:20:16.640
<v Speaker 2>let's do this. We have to have kids, you know.

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<v Speaker 2>And my husband and I did fall a bit on

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<v Speaker 2>that timeline, like we dated for a year and then

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<v Speaker 2>we moved in together to live together for a year,

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00:20:24.680 --> 00:20:26.839
<v Speaker 2>and I remember him saying like, well, if we weren't

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<v Speaker 2>thirty five, like I think I would wait to move

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<v Speaker 2>in together. But because you know where we are, like

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00:20:32.240 --> 00:20:34.000
<v Speaker 2>we both wanted to have kids. We were on the

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00:20:34.000 --> 00:20:37.920
<v Speaker 2>same page about that, and so he and I decided together, well, like,

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<v Speaker 2>we don't have quote unquote time, right, like we need

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<v Speaker 2>to make this happen. So we did. So we got married.

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<v Speaker 2>We met at thirty four, married by thirty six, start

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<v Speaker 2>trying to have kids and pretty soon into it. Actually, well,

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00:20:50.200 --> 00:20:53.119
<v Speaker 2>first I got pregnant within a couple months, but then

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<v Speaker 2>we had a miscarriage, and after that I became That

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00:20:58.079 --> 00:21:00.319
<v Speaker 2>sort of prompted me down this whole journey, and it

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00:21:00.359 --> 00:21:05.440
<v Speaker 2>actually took three more years before we got pregnant again

419
00:21:06.079 --> 00:21:09.319
<v Speaker 2>and then had my daughter right before I turned forty.

420
00:21:10.079 --> 00:21:13.640
<v Speaker 2>So going down this path, you know, I did all

421
00:21:13.720 --> 00:21:17.440
<v Speaker 2>of it from the assisted reproduction. We did two rounds

422
00:21:17.440 --> 00:21:20.039
<v Speaker 2>of IVF. They didn't work. I was told by my

423
00:21:20.119 --> 00:21:22.680
<v Speaker 2>doctors that I should consider donor eggs, which is a

424
00:21:22.680 --> 00:21:24.400
<v Speaker 2>whole other thing that we could get into. They were

425
00:21:24.400 --> 00:21:26.559
<v Speaker 2>telling me my eggs were not good. So that's why

426
00:21:26.559 --> 00:21:29.559
<v Speaker 2>I'm like really passionate about the egg issue because I

427
00:21:29.640 --> 00:21:34.200
<v Speaker 2>know from personal experience that a lot of this relates

428
00:21:34.240 --> 00:21:38.559
<v Speaker 2>to chronic inflammation, which is a major issue among people

429
00:21:38.680 --> 00:21:42.039
<v Speaker 2>in our society, and it really affects reproductive issues. It's

430
00:21:42.079 --> 00:21:44.160
<v Speaker 2>like a very large number of women who struggle to conceive,

431
00:21:44.240 --> 00:21:47.720
<v Speaker 2>like forty percent have some sort of inflammation or autoimmune

432
00:21:47.720 --> 00:21:52.160
<v Speaker 2>issue that's undiagnosed, meaning that modern western medicine isn't going

433
00:21:52.160 --> 00:21:55.640
<v Speaker 2>to pick up on it. Right. So when I was

434
00:21:55.640 --> 00:21:58.400
<v Speaker 2>told these things I knew in my heart. I was like,

435
00:21:58.519 --> 00:22:01.519
<v Speaker 2>I just I couldn't see well with donorags. I think

436
00:22:01.519 --> 00:22:03.920
<v Speaker 2>it's a beautiful thing. I have worked with women who

437
00:22:03.960 --> 00:22:06.759
<v Speaker 2>have chosen to do donorags, so I one hundred percent

438
00:22:06.799 --> 00:22:09.200
<v Speaker 2>support any choice a woman wants to make, but it's

439
00:22:09.240 --> 00:22:12.480
<v Speaker 2>got to come from her right And for me, it

440
00:22:12.759 --> 00:22:16.240
<v Speaker 2>was like, no, I want to do everything possible to

441
00:22:16.680 --> 00:22:20.079
<v Speaker 2>build my mind, my body, and my spirit so that

442
00:22:20.240 --> 00:22:23.680
<v Speaker 2>I can become the mom I meant to be. And

443
00:22:23.720 --> 00:22:27.279
<v Speaker 2>then when I started working on Mindset, it inspired me

444
00:22:27.400 --> 00:22:29.720
<v Speaker 2>to make changes that I didn't feel like I could

445
00:22:29.720 --> 00:22:32.799
<v Speaker 2>make before. So I started to eat like an anti

446
00:22:32.839 --> 00:22:35.279
<v Speaker 2>inflammatory diet, which is not what everyone should do, but

447
00:22:35.319 --> 00:22:37.599
<v Speaker 2>it's what I needed to do. I started to do

448
00:22:37.640 --> 00:22:41.279
<v Speaker 2>certain types of exercises that were good for balancing my hormones,

449
00:22:41.319 --> 00:22:43.720
<v Speaker 2>even though I hated them, but I learned how to

450
00:22:43.960 --> 00:22:48.240
<v Speaker 2>be okay with them. And seriously, within like six months

451
00:22:48.279 --> 00:22:50.920
<v Speaker 2>of working on Mindset, and literally four months of making

452
00:22:50.960 --> 00:22:54.960
<v Speaker 2>those changes, I was pregnant naturally after going through a

453
00:22:55.119 --> 00:22:58.319
<v Speaker 2>year of treatments at an IVF clinic where they were

454
00:22:58.359 --> 00:22:59.599
<v Speaker 2>telling me it was hopeless.

455
00:23:00.119 --> 00:23:03.599
<v Speaker 1>You miscarried at thirty seven, Yeah, and you got pregnant

456
00:23:04.039 --> 00:23:06.319
<v Speaker 1>with your daughter just before forty yep, So what was

457
00:23:06.359 --> 00:23:08.880
<v Speaker 1>that three years like, because you must have thought during

458
00:23:08.920 --> 00:23:13.319
<v Speaker 1>that time, I can't the miscarriage has to which is

459
00:23:13.839 --> 00:23:16.599
<v Speaker 1>you know, statistically miscarriage is perfectly normal.

460
00:23:16.759 --> 00:23:18.559
<v Speaker 2>Yes it is one in four pregnancies.

461
00:23:18.559 --> 00:23:21.319
<v Speaker 1>They say, right, but you're going through this, Like was

462
00:23:21.359 --> 00:23:23.759
<v Speaker 1>that my shot? And then I guess it can't happen.

463
00:23:23.799 --> 00:23:26.279
<v Speaker 1>That had to be the darkest time because you're in

464
00:23:26.319 --> 00:23:27.000
<v Speaker 1>your late thirties.

465
00:23:27.200 --> 00:23:29.240
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, absolutely, I mean I was how do.

466
00:23:29.200 --> 00:23:30.839
<v Speaker 1>You keep the hope going? And how does your husband

467
00:23:30.880 --> 00:23:31.720
<v Speaker 1>react and all that?

468
00:23:32.079 --> 00:23:35.599
<v Speaker 2>Well, I mean honestly, that's why I mean it. It

469
00:23:35.799 --> 00:23:38.720
<v Speaker 2>changed my life, right, And I always say that, like

470
00:23:38.799 --> 00:23:41.720
<v Speaker 2>it really was the darkest time in my life, and

471
00:23:42.519 --> 00:23:46.559
<v Speaker 2>it became like my greatest teacher and the thing that

472
00:23:46.599 --> 00:23:49.279
<v Speaker 2>has inspired so much light in me and that I

473
00:23:49.319 --> 00:23:52.640
<v Speaker 2>also helped now bring to other people. So you know,

474
00:23:52.720 --> 00:23:55.400
<v Speaker 2>I always tell people like, as much as you'll hate

475
00:23:55.400 --> 00:23:58.359
<v Speaker 2>me when I say this, it's actually true. Your fertility journey,

476
00:23:58.400 --> 00:24:03.119
<v Speaker 2>as I call it, really is a blessing because it

477
00:24:03.160 --> 00:24:07.680
<v Speaker 2>can inspire so much growth. So for me it was horrible.

478
00:24:07.839 --> 00:24:11.519
<v Speaker 2>I mean, like my social life strength because everything suddenly

479
00:24:11.799 --> 00:24:14.359
<v Speaker 2>like started to revolve around trying to get pregnant. So

480
00:24:14.440 --> 00:24:17.799
<v Speaker 2>every choice I made revolved around that what am I

481
00:24:17.839 --> 00:24:20.200
<v Speaker 2>going to eat, what am I going to drink? Who

482
00:24:20.200 --> 00:24:22.519
<v Speaker 2>am I going to socialize with? Because if these people

483
00:24:22.559 --> 00:24:24.559
<v Speaker 2>have kids and they're going to talk about their kids,

484
00:24:24.799 --> 00:24:27.400
<v Speaker 2>it's really hard for me, Like do I go to

485
00:24:27.440 --> 00:24:29.759
<v Speaker 2>a baby shower? Do I not go to a baby shower?

486
00:24:30.319 --> 00:24:33.240
<v Speaker 2>You know, all of these questions that you don't think

487
00:24:33.240 --> 00:24:36.039
<v Speaker 2>about until you're trying to have a baby and you

488
00:24:36.119 --> 00:24:40.559
<v Speaker 2>can't right, and then suddenly it's like your whole life

489
00:24:40.559 --> 00:24:42.720
<v Speaker 2>starts to be put on hold and this becomes the

490
00:24:42.759 --> 00:24:47.319
<v Speaker 2>one central focus. And then you can imagine the tension

491
00:24:47.599 --> 00:24:50.319
<v Speaker 2>and like weight that it places on a marriage.

492
00:24:51.319 --> 00:24:55.079
<v Speaker 1>I can imagine and the sort of familial and societal

493
00:24:55.160 --> 00:24:58.519
<v Speaker 1>pressures around you. Oh my god, when you guys gonna

494
00:24:58.519 --> 00:25:01.079
<v Speaker 1>have oh, oh my god, they're going to be an amazing

495
00:25:01.160 --> 00:25:04.200
<v Speaker 1>mom and they have no idea what you guys are

496
00:25:04.279 --> 00:25:06.920
<v Speaker 1>either going through or trying to go through on your

497
00:25:07.119 --> 00:25:08.359
<v Speaker 1>It's brutal.

498
00:25:08.720 --> 00:25:11.880
<v Speaker 2>It's horrible. I mean that question like when are you

499
00:25:11.920 --> 00:25:14.480
<v Speaker 2>going to have kids or do you want to have kids?

500
00:25:14.680 --> 00:25:15.720
<v Speaker 2>Is like you should be bad?

501
00:25:15.920 --> 00:25:18.680
<v Speaker 1>Or don't you want to have kids, which is even

502
00:25:18.799 --> 00:25:21.319
<v Speaker 1>worse with a negative connotation. Yeah, and then a lot

503
00:25:21.359 --> 00:25:22.720
<v Speaker 1>of things, you know, a little bit of a sidebar.

504
00:25:22.799 --> 00:25:25.279
<v Speaker 1>A lot of times the women you hear, oh my god,

505
00:25:25.279 --> 00:25:26.559
<v Speaker 1>you're gonna love being a mom so much as a

506
00:25:26.559 --> 00:25:28.519
<v Speaker 1>grace thing in the world, they have kids and it

507
00:25:28.599 --> 00:25:32.480
<v Speaker 1>is absolutely terrible. For two years, none of the fun

508
00:25:32.559 --> 00:25:35.440
<v Speaker 1>is kicking in, and they're like, what am I doing wrong?

509
00:25:35.640 --> 00:25:38.000
<v Speaker 1>And all of it is self doubt and this is

510
00:25:38.039 --> 00:25:40.440
<v Speaker 1>not this is not in the brochure right right, you

511
00:25:40.480 --> 00:25:43.160
<v Speaker 1>know this, I haven't slept for a decade and all

512
00:25:43.200 --> 00:25:45.839
<v Speaker 1>of that. And so it's constantly self doubt. And as

513
00:25:45.920 --> 00:25:48.599
<v Speaker 1>a guy, or if you're the husband or the partner,

514
00:25:49.319 --> 00:25:53.119
<v Speaker 1>you're trying to understand. But it's still a lot of

515
00:25:53.119 --> 00:25:56.160
<v Speaker 1>times you're just in this whirlwind by yourself, whether you're

516
00:25:56.319 --> 00:25:59.039
<v Speaker 1>trying to conceive or actually conceiving. It's rough.

517
00:26:00.039 --> 00:26:05.839
<v Speaker 2>Oh my god, Why should I know? Ladies, we have

518
00:26:05.960 --> 00:26:12.480
<v Speaker 2>earned okay, so let them let them pay No, But seriously,

519
00:26:12.559 --> 00:26:16.240
<v Speaker 2>I think the issue of self doubt, I think is huge, right,

520
00:26:16.319 --> 00:26:20.599
<v Speaker 2>and and it permeates like every aspect of this whole process,

521
00:26:20.880 --> 00:26:24.000
<v Speaker 2>from the dating right and the timeline on the dating

522
00:26:24.279 --> 00:26:27.039
<v Speaker 2>to the trying to conceive and the timeline on that

523
00:26:27.440 --> 00:26:29.799
<v Speaker 2>to am I a good mom you know, by the

524
00:26:29.799 --> 00:26:32.920
<v Speaker 2>time you finally have your child. So it's a lot,

525
00:26:33.119 --> 00:26:34.799
<v Speaker 2>you know, And again I'm gonna keep saying it like

526
00:26:34.920 --> 00:26:38.799
<v Speaker 2>that is where that mindset peace comes in, because that

527
00:26:38.960 --> 00:26:42.559
<v Speaker 2>is where you learn how to center and ground yourself

528
00:26:42.640 --> 00:26:47.400
<v Speaker 2>and find the confidence and clarity to really like believe

529
00:26:47.519 --> 00:26:50.039
<v Speaker 2>in the choices that you're making. Because we really do

530
00:26:50.160 --> 00:26:52.960
<v Speaker 2>all have like an inner compass, you know, that can

531
00:26:53.000 --> 00:26:56.559
<v Speaker 2>guide us to our best self, but we are not

532
00:26:56.880 --> 00:27:00.400
<v Speaker 2>really encouraged in our culture to connect with it.

533
00:27:00.480 --> 00:27:00.680
<v Speaker 1>Right.

534
00:27:00.880 --> 00:27:03.480
<v Speaker 2>We're very heady, We're very logical, We're very rational, so

535
00:27:03.519 --> 00:27:07.160
<v Speaker 2>we're constantly like deducing odds, you know, playing the numbers game,

536
00:27:07.240 --> 00:27:10.519
<v Speaker 2>looking at like the checklist, can I check all the

537
00:27:10.519 --> 00:27:12.799
<v Speaker 2>boxes to make sure I'm a good mom, And we're

538
00:27:12.839 --> 00:27:15.960
<v Speaker 2>really tuning out from the information in our heart. Right,

539
00:27:16.000 --> 00:27:18.119
<v Speaker 2>We're focused more on the head and less on the heart.

540
00:27:18.200 --> 00:27:20.920
<v Speaker 2>And so what I do is I help women really

541
00:27:20.960 --> 00:27:24.160
<v Speaker 2>connect more with that internal compass, that internal knowing that

542
00:27:24.200 --> 00:27:27.079
<v Speaker 2>we all have, so that when they make those choices,

543
00:27:27.119 --> 00:27:30.079
<v Speaker 2>they can say like, yeah, I am a good mom.

544
00:27:30.319 --> 00:27:32.519
<v Speaker 2>I am making the best choice about whether or not

545
00:27:32.519 --> 00:27:34.000
<v Speaker 2>to go on a date with this guy. I am

546
00:27:34.039 --> 00:27:36.079
<v Speaker 2>making the best choice about what to do with my.

547
00:27:36.160 --> 00:27:39.119
<v Speaker 1>Eggs and when and when you decided, you know, I'm

548
00:27:39.160 --> 00:27:43.119
<v Speaker 1>gonna help other women and build this supportive community. Was

549
00:27:43.160 --> 00:27:47.200
<v Speaker 1>it because I wish I had this then? Or was

550
00:27:47.240 --> 00:27:49.480
<v Speaker 1>it you know, I went through this and I want

551
00:27:49.519 --> 00:27:52.119
<v Speaker 1>to share this so like a bit of everything I supposed.

552
00:27:52.200 --> 00:27:54.240
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it's really both. Like I remember sitting in the

553
00:27:54.279 --> 00:27:57.440
<v Speaker 2>IVF clinic right and looking around, and it's it's this

554
00:27:57.559 --> 00:28:01.400
<v Speaker 2>really weird moment in time where you're in the waiting

555
00:28:01.480 --> 00:28:04.039
<v Speaker 2>room and you know what everyone else is there for, right,

556
00:28:04.079 --> 00:28:07.240
<v Speaker 2>because you're only there for one thing. But there's so

557
00:28:07.480 --> 00:28:10.640
<v Speaker 2>much shame involved in this journey, like you know, and

558
00:28:10.759 --> 00:28:12.480
<v Speaker 2>if that's why the question of like do you want

559
00:28:12.519 --> 00:28:15.720
<v Speaker 2>to have kids is such a freaking horrible question. Please

560
00:28:15.720 --> 00:28:19.039
<v Speaker 2>don't ask people that if they're you know, just stay

561
00:28:19.079 --> 00:28:22.079
<v Speaker 2>away from it. But it's because they're shame wrapped up

562
00:28:22.079 --> 00:28:25.880
<v Speaker 2>in the answer. Like there, it's not people don't feel

563
00:28:25.880 --> 00:28:28.759
<v Speaker 2>comfortable saying I'm struggling to get pregnant. That is not

564
00:28:28.920 --> 00:28:31.440
<v Speaker 2>something you just bring up at a cocktail party, you

565
00:28:31.480 --> 00:28:33.559
<v Speaker 2>know what I mean. And it's also so when you're

566
00:28:33.599 --> 00:28:36.319
<v Speaker 2>at the IVF clinic and you're all sitting there, it's

567
00:28:36.359 --> 00:28:40.039
<v Speaker 2>like everybody's avoiding eye contact. Everybody's kind of like shamefully

568
00:28:40.079 --> 00:28:42.279
<v Speaker 2>looking down at their feed and their phones and their

569
00:28:42.319 --> 00:28:45.359
<v Speaker 2>paperwork or whatever. But like I just sat there thinking

570
00:28:45.440 --> 00:28:48.519
<v Speaker 2>to myself, like we are all going through the same thing,

571
00:28:48.759 --> 00:28:51.880
<v Speaker 2>Like where is the sign up sheet for the support group?

572
00:28:52.000 --> 00:28:54.680
<v Speaker 2>You know, like where is the place where we can

573
00:28:54.720 --> 00:28:59.440
<v Speaker 2>come together and and understand what each other is going through?

574
00:29:00.119 --> 00:29:02.640
<v Speaker 2>So I did not have that, and I think that

575
00:29:02.720 --> 00:29:05.480
<v Speaker 2>it is so important, and that was a huge part

576
00:29:05.559 --> 00:29:07.720
<v Speaker 2>of what inspired me to start doing what I'm doing.

577
00:29:07.960 --> 00:29:09.799
<v Speaker 1>And that is the part that is missing from a

578
00:29:09.799 --> 00:29:12.920
<v Speaker 1>lot of this. A lot of this is so clinical

579
00:29:12.960 --> 00:29:16.680
<v Speaker 1>and scientific, and you are missing that spiritual and communal

580
00:29:17.119 --> 00:29:17.759
<v Speaker 1>element of it.

581
00:29:19.720 --> 00:29:22.160
<v Speaker 2>And there's actually a really interesting study and I cannot

582
00:29:22.160 --> 00:29:23.640
<v Speaker 2>think of the journal at the moment, but I might

583
00:29:23.680 --> 00:29:24.920
<v Speaker 2>be able to put it in the show notes. But

584
00:29:24.960 --> 00:29:28.119
<v Speaker 2>they said that women who participate in support groups or

585
00:29:28.160 --> 00:29:31.359
<v Speaker 2>get help from coaches or therapists on the fertility journey

586
00:29:31.559 --> 00:29:34.599
<v Speaker 2>are something like sixty five percent I am not even

587
00:29:34.680 --> 00:29:38.799
<v Speaker 2>kidding you more likely to conceive than women who do

588
00:29:38.839 --> 00:29:40.640
<v Speaker 2>not seek out that same type of support.

589
00:29:41.319 --> 00:29:43.440
<v Speaker 1>So I mean it's huge.

590
00:29:43.680 --> 00:29:47.160
<v Speaker 2>It's a huge factor because it like I mean, you

591
00:29:47.160 --> 00:29:50.000
<v Speaker 2>could you could go at that from so many angles,

592
00:29:50.359 --> 00:29:52.119
<v Speaker 2>Like we don't even have time I think for all

593
00:29:52.119 --> 00:29:55.119
<v Speaker 2>the angles that you can like unpack that number. But

594
00:29:55.680 --> 00:29:59.559
<v Speaker 2>it's it doesn't surprise me, you know, I can say that.

595
00:29:59.599 --> 00:30:01.079
<v Speaker 1>So somebody he wants to work with you, or you

596
00:30:01.079 --> 00:30:02.920
<v Speaker 1>want to work with somebody, what is the process? What

597
00:30:02.960 --> 00:30:03.839
<v Speaker 1>is the first thing you do?

598
00:30:04.440 --> 00:30:06.440
<v Speaker 2>So the first thing that people do is they usually

599
00:30:06.440 --> 00:30:09.200
<v Speaker 2>reach out to me on my website Badassfertility dot com.

600
00:30:09.599 --> 00:30:12.799
<v Speaker 2>And on my website there's a little click for a

601
00:30:12.839 --> 00:30:15.079
<v Speaker 2>discovery call, and they'll click on that, they get my

602
00:30:15.160 --> 00:30:17.519
<v Speaker 2>calendar and they can hop right on and schedule a

603
00:30:17.559 --> 00:30:21.440
<v Speaker 2>complimentary thirty minute consultation where we really just talk about

604
00:30:21.480 --> 00:30:24.880
<v Speaker 2>what's going on with them, where they're at in this journey,

605
00:30:24.920 --> 00:30:27.079
<v Speaker 2>what they're thinking about, and then we go from there

606
00:30:27.119 --> 00:30:29.839
<v Speaker 2>to decide if it's a right fit. Typically, women who

607
00:30:29.920 --> 00:30:32.640
<v Speaker 2>work with me will join my bad Ass Fertility Program,

608
00:30:32.759 --> 00:30:36.319
<v Speaker 2>and that is an eight week program where we go

609
00:30:36.480 --> 00:30:38.359
<v Speaker 2>through a lot of the different things that I've been

610
00:30:38.400 --> 00:30:41.680
<v Speaker 2>talking about. But there's flexibility there too. It's like I

611
00:30:42.039 --> 00:30:44.400
<v Speaker 2>really customize everything to the individual.

612
00:30:44.960 --> 00:30:47.119
<v Speaker 1>Are most of the women in relationships? Are they married?

613
00:30:47.200 --> 00:30:47.519
<v Speaker 1>Or is it?

614
00:30:48.039 --> 00:30:50.599
<v Speaker 2>You know it? It runs a gamut. I mean, I

615
00:30:50.799 --> 00:30:55.039
<v Speaker 2>have worked with heterosexual couples who are struggling to conceive.

616
00:30:55.480 --> 00:31:00.759
<v Speaker 2>I have worked with lesbian couples who want to have

617
00:31:00.799 --> 00:31:04.559
<v Speaker 2>a baby and who are using IVF. I have worked

618
00:31:04.599 --> 00:31:08.720
<v Speaker 2>with women who are conceiving on their own. So it

619
00:31:08.839 --> 00:31:10.920
<v Speaker 2>really runs. I've never worked with two men, but I

620
00:31:10.920 --> 00:31:11.880
<v Speaker 2>guess that makes sense.

621
00:31:12.240 --> 00:31:17.440
<v Speaker 1>What can the men do to either be supportive? Ask

622
00:31:17.519 --> 00:31:20.000
<v Speaker 1>the right questions? What can the men do better on

623
00:31:20.119 --> 00:31:21.039
<v Speaker 1>this journey?

624
00:31:21.680 --> 00:31:24.359
<v Speaker 2>Oh that is a good question. Oh what can the

625
00:31:24.440 --> 00:31:25.359
<v Speaker 2>men do.

626
00:31:27.119 --> 00:31:31.319
<v Speaker 1>Because you're trying to be supportive but you don't really understand. Okay,

627
00:31:31.359 --> 00:31:32.519
<v Speaker 1>so she's going through.

628
00:31:32.400 --> 00:31:34.640
<v Speaker 2>There's two ways to look at that, right. So the

629
00:31:34.680 --> 00:31:40.039
<v Speaker 2>first one is, you know, I was reading an interesting

630
00:31:40.119 --> 00:31:42.359
<v Speaker 2>article the other day and it was saying that, you know,

631
00:31:42.400 --> 00:31:46.160
<v Speaker 2>there's an increasing awareness of the contribution that men make

632
00:31:46.160 --> 00:31:49.319
<v Speaker 2>to infertility. Right, So the first thing, number one is

633
00:31:49.319 --> 00:31:52.200
<v Speaker 2>that you've got to make sure that your male partner, right,

634
00:31:52.200 --> 00:31:55.839
<v Speaker 2>if you're partnered with a man, is getting the equal

635
00:31:56.119 --> 00:31:59.359
<v Speaker 2>amount of work up right from the doctor as you are.

636
00:31:59.480 --> 00:32:05.079
<v Speaker 2>Some doctor are like super equitable. Some are surprisingly not. Okay,

637
00:32:05.400 --> 00:32:08.039
<v Speaker 2>So it is really important to make sure that you

638
00:32:08.119 --> 00:32:10.599
<v Speaker 2>treat it as a fifty to fifty thing and that

639
00:32:10.640 --> 00:32:13.839
<v Speaker 2>the men and the women get the same physical work up.

640
00:32:13.920 --> 00:32:15.960
<v Speaker 1>Are you sure it's not him is a question.

641
00:32:17.839 --> 00:32:20.200
<v Speaker 2>Probably, it really does not get to I mean you

642
00:32:20.200 --> 00:32:21.880
<v Speaker 2>would think in this day and age it would, but

643
00:32:21.920 --> 00:32:26.039
<v Speaker 2>it actually doesn't. Again, like I said, some clinics are

644
00:32:26.079 --> 00:32:28.000
<v Speaker 2>great about it. Oh there's not so much. So that's

645
00:32:28.039 --> 00:32:30.119
<v Speaker 2>the first half. But then that's the physical part, right.

646
00:32:30.480 --> 00:32:33.000
<v Speaker 2>The second part is the emotional part. And what we

647
00:32:33.079 --> 00:32:35.480
<v Speaker 2>do want to remember every individual is different. So I

648
00:32:35.480 --> 00:32:39.680
<v Speaker 2>don't want to like generalize or stereotype, but I can say,

649
00:32:39.799 --> 00:32:44.599
<v Speaker 2>you know it, men and women often process their emotions differently.

650
00:32:44.960 --> 00:32:46.759
<v Speaker 2>And I saw this come up with my husband and

651
00:32:46.799 --> 00:32:48.640
<v Speaker 2>myself a lot in our journey, so I can use

652
00:32:48.680 --> 00:32:50.799
<v Speaker 2>this as an example. I am an emotive person. I

653
00:32:50.839 --> 00:32:53.480
<v Speaker 2>want to process my feelings. You know, when we had

654
00:32:53.519 --> 00:32:55.599
<v Speaker 2>an egg retrieval and it was unsuccessful, I wanted to

655
00:32:55.640 --> 00:32:57.200
<v Speaker 2>like sit on the couch and hold each other all

656
00:32:57.240 --> 00:33:01.640
<v Speaker 2>day and cry. He bought a hundred bags of mulch

657
00:33:01.839 --> 00:33:06.240
<v Speaker 2>and wanted to mulch the yard all day for.

658
00:33:06.480 --> 00:33:14.799
<v Speaker 1>An exercise in fertility is mulching, Yes, multing ex plan

659
00:33:15.440 --> 00:33:16.000
<v Speaker 1>So I was.

660
00:33:16.000 --> 00:33:17.759
<v Speaker 2>Like, what are you doing? I just want to sit

661
00:33:17.799 --> 00:33:20.680
<v Speaker 2>on the couch and cry, you know, And he was like,

662
00:33:20.799 --> 00:33:24.279
<v Speaker 2>I just need to focus on something else. So one

663
00:33:24.319 --> 00:33:26.039
<v Speaker 2>of the things that I would say for both partners

664
00:33:26.160 --> 00:33:30.400
<v Speaker 2>is learning each other's coping mechanisms and making space for

665
00:33:30.559 --> 00:33:33.119
<v Speaker 2>both right, Because it was fine for me to sit

666
00:33:33.160 --> 00:33:34.359
<v Speaker 2>on the couch and he could sit with me for

667
00:33:34.400 --> 00:33:36.279
<v Speaker 2>a little while, but it was also important that I

668
00:33:36.319 --> 00:33:38.319
<v Speaker 2>let him go do the mulch, you know, and and

669
00:33:38.640 --> 00:33:42.359
<v Speaker 2>vice versa. So it's really allowed having a willingness to

670
00:33:42.720 --> 00:33:48.359
<v Speaker 2>acknowledge and you know, honor your partner's needs for coping

671
00:33:48.839 --> 00:33:52.839
<v Speaker 2>and making space for each others ways, and knowing that

672
00:33:53.319 --> 00:33:56.920
<v Speaker 2>they're probably different and neither is better or worse than

673
00:33:56.920 --> 00:33:57.240
<v Speaker 2>the other.

674
00:33:58.839 --> 00:34:01.200
<v Speaker 1>Yes, so he can he has to read the room.

675
00:34:01.559 --> 00:34:03.160
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I mean he needs to read the room. And

676
00:34:03.160 --> 00:34:05.000
<v Speaker 2>like one thing too, Like I always say with my husband,

677
00:34:05.000 --> 00:34:06.960
<v Speaker 2>like he wants to fix everything, and I'm like, don't

678
00:34:07.000 --> 00:34:10.400
<v Speaker 2>fix it, just just be there for me, right right, Like,

679
00:34:10.679 --> 00:34:14.000
<v Speaker 2>just be there. So for the men out there, a

680
00:34:14.079 --> 00:34:16.239
<v Speaker 2>lot of the time, it's a very male tendency. They

681
00:34:16.280 --> 00:34:17.960
<v Speaker 2>want to fix it. They want to come up with

682
00:34:18.000 --> 00:34:22.000
<v Speaker 2>solutions to solve the woman they loves problems, and that's

683
00:34:22.000 --> 00:34:26.079
<v Speaker 2>so beautiful and admirable. But what women actually often want

684
00:34:26.440 --> 00:34:29.039
<v Speaker 2>is really just to be seen and heard, because we

685
00:34:29.199 --> 00:34:31.960
<v Speaker 2>are actually capable of solving our own problems.

686
00:34:31.920 --> 00:34:34.079
<v Speaker 1>Right, practically, really are.

687
00:34:35.159 --> 00:34:39.199
<v Speaker 2>No, you're not obsolete at all, but not in the latest.

688
00:34:40.079 --> 00:34:42.920
<v Speaker 2>We need men very much, and we need enlightened men

689
00:34:43.000 --> 00:34:43.719
<v Speaker 2>in particular.

690
00:34:43.920 --> 00:34:46.920
<v Speaker 1>So we're all in the uh, we're in the possibilities

691
00:34:47.039 --> 00:34:49.440
<v Speaker 1>business here. Everything you know, when it comes to love, dating,

692
00:34:49.480 --> 00:34:53.400
<v Speaker 1>relationship is about possibilities and exploring them. That's what you're about.

693
00:34:53.480 --> 00:34:58.199
<v Speaker 1>Is there are lots of paths to possible fertility and

694
00:34:58.639 --> 00:34:59.920
<v Speaker 1>up comes in answers.

695
00:34:59.719 --> 00:35:04.039
<v Speaker 2>One one hundred percent, one hundred percent, I mean, there

696
00:35:04.079 --> 00:35:06.440
<v Speaker 2>are so many paths. I mean even just you know,

697
00:35:06.480 --> 00:35:09.320
<v Speaker 2>I worked with a couple that decided that they didn't

698
00:35:09.360 --> 00:35:11.000
<v Speaker 2>want to have their own child and they wanted to

699
00:35:11.039 --> 00:35:13.159
<v Speaker 2>foster a child, and they are now foster parents of

700
00:35:13.559 --> 00:35:16.239
<v Speaker 2>two beautiful boys, and they couldn't be happier.

701
00:35:16.039 --> 00:35:16.280
<v Speaker 1>You know.

702
00:35:16.599 --> 00:35:19.679
<v Speaker 2>So there's I mean, there's there's fostering, there's adoption, there's

703
00:35:19.719 --> 00:35:23.840
<v Speaker 2>donor egs, there's natural conception, there's IVF, there's sperm donation,

704
00:35:24.000 --> 00:35:27.760
<v Speaker 2>there's surrogacy. I mean like, there's so many choices and

705
00:35:28.239 --> 00:35:31.280
<v Speaker 2>it's almost overwhelming, right, Like, how do I want to go?

706
00:35:31.519 --> 00:35:34.199
<v Speaker 1>I know a woman who she was told she could

707
00:35:34.280 --> 00:35:37.159
<v Speaker 1>never have kids. It led to the demise of her marriage,

708
00:35:37.800 --> 00:35:40.280
<v Speaker 1>and ten years later she went out had a one

709
00:35:40.360 --> 00:35:43.079
<v Speaker 1>night stand. Now she has a son. I love it.

710
00:35:44.599 --> 00:35:46.960
<v Speaker 1>There are there aren't as There aren't a whole lot

711
00:35:46.960 --> 00:35:48.559
<v Speaker 1>of absolutes.

712
00:35:47.880 --> 00:35:49.760
<v Speaker 2>In this absolutely not.

713
00:35:50.519 --> 00:35:53.320
<v Speaker 1>So I'm gonna let you plug everything in a minute.

714
00:35:53.360 --> 00:35:55.239
<v Speaker 1>But this is your first time in this podcast. As

715
00:35:55.239 --> 00:35:57.360
<v Speaker 1>you may or may not know, we play something called

716
00:35:57.559 --> 00:35:59.679
<v Speaker 1>worst date or first dates, so you have to think

717
00:35:59.719 --> 00:36:03.519
<v Speaker 1>back to swinging single dating goals and either give us

718
00:36:03.519 --> 00:36:05.639
<v Speaker 1>the absolute worst date you've ever went on or the

719
00:36:05.679 --> 00:36:07.760
<v Speaker 1>best date you ever went on your choice.

720
00:36:08.920 --> 00:36:13.280
<v Speaker 2>Oh my god, Okay, this one is really bad. It's

721
00:36:13.320 --> 00:36:14.800
<v Speaker 2>so bad. I don't even know that I want to

722
00:36:14.840 --> 00:36:17.239
<v Speaker 2>share it, but it came to my mind, so I'm

723
00:36:17.239 --> 00:36:18.599
<v Speaker 2>just gonna say it, all right. So I went on

724
00:36:18.599 --> 00:36:20.519
<v Speaker 2>this date. It was from match dot com. I was

725
00:36:20.599 --> 00:36:24.079
<v Speaker 2>probably whoever remembers that that was like two decades agore

726
00:36:24.159 --> 00:36:25.880
<v Speaker 2>or something, but it was. It was one of the

727
00:36:25.920 --> 00:36:29.280
<v Speaker 2>earliest dating apps, and I met this guy. He's a musician,

728
00:36:29.559 --> 00:36:32.039
<v Speaker 2>he went to Juilliard. You know, he's all like the

729
00:36:32.159 --> 00:36:34.960
<v Speaker 2>sexy artist blah blah thing you know that I thought

730
00:36:35.039 --> 00:36:36.679
<v Speaker 2>was so hot when I was in my mid twenties.

731
00:36:37.159 --> 00:36:40.000
<v Speaker 2>And we went on like this was like our second

732
00:36:40.079 --> 00:36:41.960
<v Speaker 2>or third date. Okay, but I had realized at this

733
00:36:42.000 --> 00:36:45.320
<v Speaker 2>point it wasn't gonna work, even though he was a Scorpio.

734
00:36:45.360 --> 00:36:51.280
<v Speaker 2>And I'm very I love the scorpio astrology sign. But finally,

735
00:36:51.320 --> 00:36:54.039
<v Speaker 2>finally a scorpio. Right, so I thought I loved the

736
00:36:54.079 --> 00:36:57.440
<v Speaker 2>astrology sign. Anyway, We're on this date and I as

737
00:36:57.480 --> 00:36:59.800
<v Speaker 2>I'm going to end it right and say this is

738
00:36:59.840 --> 00:37:01.920
<v Speaker 2>a working. He looks at me and he says, start

739
00:37:01.960 --> 00:37:03.639
<v Speaker 2>telling me this story about how when he used to

740
00:37:03.679 --> 00:37:05.559
<v Speaker 2>live in New York City. I lived in Florida at

741
00:37:05.559 --> 00:37:10.599
<v Speaker 2>the time. He was a heroin addict and he tried

742
00:37:10.599 --> 00:37:15.320
<v Speaker 2>to commit suicide by like and and and he he

743
00:37:15.440 --> 00:37:19.559
<v Speaker 2>was only saved because his landlord like happened to come

744
00:37:19.559 --> 00:37:21.880
<v Speaker 2>by and find him in his apartment. And now I'm

745
00:37:21.880 --> 00:37:23.760
<v Speaker 2>not trivializing this. So as I'm telling this story, it

746
00:37:23.760 --> 00:37:26.719
<v Speaker 2>suddenly sounds like I'm making fun of this, but I'm not.

747
00:37:27.000 --> 00:37:30.159
<v Speaker 2>It's a very serious thing. The issue with the bad

748
00:37:30.280 --> 00:37:32.760
<v Speaker 2>date part was that he then looked at me and said,

749
00:37:33.360 --> 00:37:38.719
<v Speaker 2>and I've never felt complete until I met you. And

750
00:37:38.760 --> 00:37:42.239
<v Speaker 2>I was like, holy shit, get the fuck out of here.

751
00:37:43.159 --> 00:37:47.880
<v Speaker 2>So I was like, okay, no, no, no, and and

752
00:37:47.920 --> 00:37:51.440
<v Speaker 2>I kind of ended it and it was rough. So

753
00:37:51.599 --> 00:37:53.400
<v Speaker 2>I mean that that really is the.

754
00:37:54.000 --> 00:37:56.199
<v Speaker 1>Damn thrill seeking scorpions, I know.

755
00:37:57.199 --> 00:37:58.960
<v Speaker 2>But I will say, I know, I really feel like

756
00:37:58.960 --> 00:38:01.360
<v Speaker 2>the caveat that's ness Sarah here is I would never

757
00:38:02.079 --> 00:38:04.880
<v Speaker 2>poke fun at anyone who is suffering with addiction. Addiction

758
00:38:05.039 --> 00:38:08.760
<v Speaker 2>is a very very serious thing, as is mental health.

759
00:38:09.599 --> 00:38:13.079
<v Speaker 2>But what's equally as important is that we don't succumb

760
00:38:13.599 --> 00:38:18.079
<v Speaker 2>to people's desires to pull us into their problems, yeah,

761
00:38:18.079 --> 00:38:19.360
<v Speaker 2>when they have nothing to do with us.

762
00:38:19.400 --> 00:38:25.559
<v Speaker 1>So all right, you're very wise woman, and I really

763
00:38:25.599 --> 00:38:27.519
<v Speaker 1>like that. Tell everybody where they can find you work

764
00:38:27.519 --> 00:38:28.239
<v Speaker 1>with you Andrew.

765
00:38:28.000 --> 00:38:30.519
<v Speaker 2>Podcast, Thank you so much. So my podcast is bad

766
00:38:30.559 --> 00:38:33.440
<v Speaker 2>Ass Fertility and you can find it on Apple, Spotify,

767
00:38:33.519 --> 00:38:35.920
<v Speaker 2>wherever you listen to your shows. It's a weekly show.

768
00:38:35.920 --> 00:38:38.920
<v Speaker 2>It drops on Tuesdays and we talk about a lot

769
00:38:38.920 --> 00:38:40.880
<v Speaker 2>of the different types of things that you heard here

770
00:38:41.800 --> 00:38:45.000
<v Speaker 2>you can go to my website, Badassfertility dot com. There's

771
00:38:45.039 --> 00:38:47.840
<v Speaker 2>two things on there that are super awesome. I have

772
00:38:47.920 --> 00:38:50.440
<v Speaker 2>a giveaway which is a really great freebie. It's about

773
00:38:50.519 --> 00:38:53.480
<v Speaker 2>it's five tips to become a mom faster and with

774
00:38:53.599 --> 00:38:55.679
<v Speaker 2>less stress. So that's a really good way to kind

775
00:38:55.679 --> 00:38:58.760
<v Speaker 2>of get in there, get some more concrete information from

776
00:38:58.840 --> 00:39:03.480
<v Speaker 2>me and start to explore this whole idea. If you

777
00:39:03.800 --> 00:39:06.199
<v Speaker 2>want to jump past that freebie and just meet with me.

778
00:39:06.360 --> 00:39:09.360
<v Speaker 2>Like I said earlier, there's also a link at badassfertility

779
00:39:09.400 --> 00:39:12.639
<v Speaker 2>dot com for my calendar and if you want daily

780
00:39:12.719 --> 00:39:18.960
<v Speaker 2>hits of inspiration, education and just connection, go to Instagram.

781
00:39:19.320 --> 00:39:23.039
<v Speaker 2>Badass Fertility is my handle and you will find me

782
00:39:23.159 --> 00:39:23.840
<v Speaker 2>there as well.

783
00:39:24.800 --> 00:39:25.480
<v Speaker 1>This was fun.

784
00:39:25.599 --> 00:39:28.159
<v Speaker 2>This was so fun. Thank you so much for having me.

785
00:39:28.159 --> 00:39:32.119
<v Speaker 1>Thank you for coming as far as us. Please like, share, follow,

786
00:39:32.199 --> 00:39:34.480
<v Speaker 1>and review not just bad Ass Fertility but The Great

787
00:39:34.480 --> 00:39:37.440
<v Speaker 1>Love Debate. Your reviews still mean a lot in the

788
00:39:37.519 --> 00:39:41.000
<v Speaker 1>podcasting ecosystem. Shoot us an email Great Lovedebate at gmail

789
00:39:41.000 --> 00:39:44.000
<v Speaker 1>dot com. If you have any questions, issues, or concerns

790
00:39:44.000 --> 00:39:46.920
<v Speaker 1>with things that I've said, or you want to get

791
00:39:46.920 --> 00:39:48.840
<v Speaker 1>in touch with Katherine and you don't want to reach

792
00:39:48.840 --> 00:39:52.480
<v Speaker 1>out directly. We'll pass it along because, as always at

793
00:39:52.559 --> 00:39:55.440
<v Speaker 1>the Great Love Debate, we never stop making love. See

794
00:39:55.440 --> 00:40:03.639
<v Speaker 1>you next time. The Great Love to Beth. It's the

795
00:40:03.719 --> 00:40:05.400
<v Speaker 1>Great Love Debate.

796
00:40:06.039 --> 00:40:09.880
<v Speaker 2>The Great Love to be. It's the Great Love to be.