Speaker 1: Welcome to Dad's One Day Clok. Parental discussion is advised
Speaker 1: mature content beyond this point.
Speaker 2: You guys, I don't know why Marvel doesn't use Hulk
Speaker 2: to advertise everything. He's just a huge banner. Yeah, that
Speaker 2: wasn't in your Rolodex right.
Speaker 3: I believe they go by she Hulk these days.
Speaker 2: Oh that was That was twenty twenty four. It is
Speaker 2: twenty twenty five. We're back to faggots and hulks forgots. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I thought I saw a kid's video the other day,
Speaker 2: not video like a movie, and they said, uh, no
Speaker 2: it was It couldn't have been a kid. I don't
Speaker 2: remember what it was. But they said hop out of
Speaker 2: the car for a fag and I was like, wait,
Speaker 2: what what did you just say? But it was British
Speaker 2: for smoke form.
Speaker 3: It makes sense they still do.
Speaker 2: Dom. How's your week? It was good?
Speaker 4: It was really good. Week was kind of quiet. It
Speaker 4: did a few things around the.
Speaker 5: House and then I had a wedding to go to
Speaker 5: in Wickenberg at this cowboy ranch.
Speaker 3: Was it inside one of the roundabouts dude range? It
Speaker 3: was at a dude ranch, the dude ran ranch.
Speaker 5: No, Uh, it was at this this place called Los
Speaker 5: cab Larros or some crap like that, and uh, you know,
Speaker 5: look it was expensive. Place was nice, but not nice enough,
Speaker 5: not for what we paid for it. The wedding was gorgeous,
Speaker 5: The time was fun. I got to watch seven or
Speaker 5: eight year old kid slap the ever loving shit out
Speaker 5: of his brother, like I'm talking grown acid, adult slap,
Speaker 5: like one that left the handprint over.
Speaker 3: His face coming down.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah you can.
Speaker 5: You can hear it from across the entire freaking lobby
Speaker 5: like you heard it before it happened. Absolutely, yeah, you
Speaker 5: felt the wind, you heard the slap.
Speaker 2: The kid's just balling.
Speaker 5: He doesn't like, he doesn't know where he's at because
Speaker 5: he's seeing stars. Kid hits the chessboard, knocks the chessboard
Speaker 5: off the table because he's pissed off and he just
Speaker 5: got slapped looking for his wedding. This this was prior
Speaker 5: to the wedding, but it was at the same facility.
Speaker 3: Knocks the chessboard off, the kids slappings like Jack and mate.
Speaker 2: Mother dude.
Speaker 5: I mean it was just it was as loud as
Speaker 5: loud could be and the kids, the kids walking around
Speaker 5: looking for his dad with this big ass handprint on
Speaker 5: his fucking face, dude.
Speaker 2: It was. It was great. It was absolutely phenomenal.
Speaker 6: Like one of the fucking it works from us, Lord
Speaker 6: of the Rings.
Speaker 5: It's got a big old war paint on his face
Speaker 5: from the redness. But yeah, I got to see some
Speaker 5: some friends that I haven't seen in a very long time.
Speaker 2: Which was cool. I actually got drunk, which was unusual
Speaker 2: for me. Not trashed, but drunk.
Speaker 4: You know, I was buzzed from a good portion of
Speaker 4: the wedding.
Speaker 2: What's unusual about that for you? I don't drink.
Speaker 4: I do the last I couldn't even tell you the
Speaker 4: last time I got.
Speaker 2: Drunk, drunk like Saturday last night.
Speaker 7: Well prior to that, Stay with Stay with No, you
Speaker 7: definitely don't drink as much as used to because, like
Speaker 7: like when we recorded before, you to drink like almost
Speaker 7: every time I record it.
Speaker 5: Oh yeah absolutely, that's yeah, that's when life was easier
Speaker 5: and I can I could do it.
Speaker 4: I can't do it now, no, So.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was. It was a good weekend overall.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 5: I got to go play golf and get yelled at
Speaker 5: for eight holes straight. That there was a woman's tournament
Speaker 5: behind us and I needed to speed up and if
Speaker 5: anybody knows me, that doesn't happen. The second you forced
Speaker 5: me to move faster for something that I paid for,
Speaker 5: I'm gonna slow down.
Speaker 3: He turns into thing one like, sorry, dude.
Speaker 5: I understand that you had you had a frost over
Speaker 5: delay in the morning. I get that, but that's not
Speaker 5: my problem, and that is that should also not be
Speaker 5: my penalty. I paid you one hundred and forty five
Speaker 5: dollars to play on your course. You're gonna let me
Speaker 5: play on your course? That fucking is that fucking simple?
Speaker 5: And your course isn't even that nice. It's it was
Speaker 5: maybe an eighty dollars course. I I probably would have
Speaker 5: been okay paying eighty and still not being rushed. If
Speaker 5: I was rushed at eighty, I still would have done
Speaker 5: the same exact fucking thing and slowed down. But we
Speaker 5: had twelve of us and we finished in For anybody
Speaker 5: who knows, for twelve people to finish in four hours
Speaker 5: and fifteen minutes is pretty fucking good.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's normal time.
Speaker 5: Consider considering that multiple people in the group had never
Speaker 5: played before, right, So yeah, one of the guys that
Speaker 5: I was with on the back nine.
Speaker 2: I mean three perspective, three hours is ten minutes per whole. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and that's which is like, that's insanely fast. It's cooking,
Speaker 2: so it's sour. Four hours is solid for that big
Speaker 2: of a group.
Speaker 5: Yeah, and uh, it was a good time golf. I
Speaker 5: had a few really good shots, a few really terrible shots.
Speaker 2: The last hole.
Speaker 5: One of the guys on the back nine I was with,
Speaker 5: we switched up the first nine, we played with different people,
Speaker 5: and then we did on the back nine just to
Speaker 5: kind of because the party was big, so that way
Speaker 5: we kind of got to mix it up and see
Speaker 5: everybody and bullshit a little bit. And then on the
Speaker 5: back nine, one of the guys I had never met before,
Speaker 5: he was brand new to the sport, has never done
Speaker 5: anything with it, never picked up a club prior to this,
Speaker 5: gets a hold of one on the last hole and
Speaker 5: hits one of the construction workers that's working on.
Speaker 2: The new housing that's there.
Speaker 5: And so the running joke for the rest of the
Speaker 5: day was he had got a hold in huan.
Speaker 3: So would instead of saying four, would you yell quatro?
Speaker 5: I mean no, because I wanted to see him get
Speaker 5: it Puadro. So we didn't even know anybody was over
Speaker 5: there when it happened. He just he hit it off
Speaker 5: into the field and we didn't even realize anybody was
Speaker 5: over there, so we didn't say shit.
Speaker 2: We just let it happen.
Speaker 5: And we get to about I don't know, maybe one
Speaker 5: hundred yards to the pin, and out comes this guy
Speaker 5: and he's.
Speaker 2: Like, you visit your ball. We were like yeah, he's like,
Speaker 2: you hit me, and he fucking just throws it in
Speaker 2: the concords.
Speaker 5: It's like, all right, thanks man, appreciate it to you,
Speaker 5: and he just back off into the bushes. Dude, squatch, Yeah,
Speaker 5: fucking disappears into the mist one.
Speaker 2: Squatch one squatch.
Speaker 3: Squatch.
Speaker 2: But yeah, that was my weekend. It was good. It's
Speaker 2: a good time.
Speaker 5: Our producer went horseback riding and then she complained about
Speaker 5: her legs being sore for fucking three days.
Speaker 3: But that's any woman who gets on top.
Speaker 2: But she only complains for six at night. Yeah, during
Speaker 2: the day, she seems fine. Her eyes are open. Well
Speaker 2: was it? What about you guys? You just lay there,
Speaker 2: will still hurt because they to be open, you know.
Speaker 5: No, they don't, they don't six when.
Speaker 2: Absolutely do not suff What about eustones.
Speaker 3: I didn't really have a whole lot going this week.
Speaker 3: I went and hung out a bunch of friends yesterday.
Speaker 3: Today kind of allergies were catching up with me a
Speaker 3: little bit and and I had to run to Walmart
Speaker 3: because I like, I forgot. I threw up my netty
Speaker 3: pot the last time because I'd used it for a while,
Speaker 3: and I was like, I sh'll probably get a new one,
Speaker 3: and so this morning I went to grab it and
Speaker 3: I was like, oh, fuck, as my nose is all
Speaker 3: fucked up. And so I went over to Walmart and
Speaker 3: as me and Avery were walking in, there was a
Speaker 3: guy handcuffed on the hood of a squad car in
Speaker 3: front of Walmart. And Avery's looking over there and just
Speaker 3: looking bag. And I was like, we'll talk about inside,
Speaker 3: and so like we get inside Walmart and I was
Speaker 3: and she was like, yeah, that was a police officer, right,
Speaker 3: And I was like, yeah, that guy was on the car.
Speaker 3: And I was like, yeah, well, kid, he probably got
Speaker 3: caught stealing or something else, like just doing bad stuff,
Speaker 3: you know, and and that's what happens. He's probably gonna
Speaker 3: go to jail. And Avery just blankly just was like,
Speaker 3: shouldn't have been a bad guy. You read kid the
Speaker 3: word still live by. I shouldn't have been a bad
Speaker 3: guy all the while. He's probably just gonna get a
Speaker 3: citation and fucking be let out whatever. I get a
Speaker 3: hould of them out for stealing whatever, fucking bullshit.
Speaker 2: I think you have to steal, you have to steal it,
Speaker 2: stee over a thousand, Yeah, but you can collective now,
Speaker 2: Like if you steal today, nothing happens, but they have
Speaker 2: you on video and they can calculate what you stole.
Speaker 2: So if you come back to the same store and
Speaker 2: steal again, then they can continue toally and then once
Speaker 2: you hit that mark, then they can call the cops.
Speaker 3: We know it was you what. I was wearing a
Speaker 3: red hoodie that day. I'm more to black one today.
Speaker 2: A gotcha?
Speaker 5: Gotcha sure doesn't like white like it doesn't like get
Speaker 5: expunged over time doesn't work like you know, cops can't
Speaker 5: give you a ticket after a certain amount of turns
Speaker 5: because then you can't you know, prove.
Speaker 3: No or some sh there is. I know there's a
Speaker 3: three strike rule fortalities, but I don't know about mysdemeters.
Speaker 3: But I'm sure like your fucking rap shoots not gonna
Speaker 3: look great as it adds to it.
Speaker 5: But when I was when I was a teenager, I
Speaker 5: used to believe that if you cop couldn't give you
Speaker 5: a speeding ticket after a certain amount of turns because
Speaker 5: you couldn't prove.
Speaker 2: That it was you.
Speaker 5: I'm fucking dead serious, dude, I'm dead nuts.
Speaker 2: Seriously.
Speaker 3: On the silver fucking cars around here, You're the only
Speaker 3: person that with a little paper over your license places.
Speaker 2: Fuck cops. I can see the sun gleaming off of
Speaker 2: your fucking bald head to the moonroom.
Speaker 5: You're the only one driving to fucking Volvo with smoke
Speaker 5: coming out of the window.
Speaker 2: Was dumb ass, and you didn't move. You stayed stationary.
Speaker 3: You're the only thing putting a bat signal during the day.
Speaker 2: Jesus, I know it was you because the entire time,
Speaker 2: the license plate was always the same Penny Pictures.
Speaker 3: Carling sideburns, a nice license plate.
Speaker 2: Like it'd be fun is if you stole enough to
Speaker 2: get the cops call on you at like a Krispy
Speaker 2: Kreme or Dunkin Donuts. Do you meagine be a cop
Speaker 2: getting that call?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Right, Like I gotta go to the donut shop to
Speaker 2: arrest somebody.
Speaker 3: A man, I'll give you what I got, Just let
Speaker 3: me go.
Speaker 5: How come this guy got arrested but none of the
Speaker 5: goods came in with him.
Speaker 3: Sir, I was cleaning out your patrol car and there
Speaker 3: was a shillow to seamen everywhere. No, it was just
Speaker 3: like crumbs from.
Speaker 2: Oh that's what I was.
Speaker 3: That's why I was sweet when I tasted.
Speaker 5: Who could you imagine a fuck donut filled with custard
Speaker 5: from culvers?
Speaker 2: See? I think it sucks because we have shitty donuts
Speaker 2: here in Kingman. Yeah, bashes used to be that's the
Speaker 2: best donut, but they're not even as good as they
Speaker 2: used to be, not even close. But all the other
Speaker 2: places are just either frozen and then they you know,
Speaker 2: roll them out, Yeah, but or they get shipped in. Yeah,
Speaker 2: Safeways tastes like bread.
Speaker 4: They don't even taste like donuts.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that is French roll expired three days ago. What
Speaker 2: do you do with the phyllis? Cut it into ten,
Speaker 2: throw some chocolates up on top of it. Yeah, shit,
Speaker 2: some sprinkles out of your coat?
Speaker 3: Are those these East Flakes? Yeah? What about you know?
Speaker 2: That was your week? That's pretty good. I also golfed
Speaker 2: on Saturday. I had a tournament and that that was fun,
Speaker 2: got a little wind, but who was good? We came in.
Speaker 2: I said we should probably come in between seven and
Speaker 2: ten under with the group we were playing with, and
Speaker 2: we actually came in right it at seven under, and
Speaker 2: so it was, which is good though. Yeah, that's a
Speaker 2: legit score.
Speaker 5: There's usually a couple of people in those tournaments that
Speaker 5: don't fucking post legit scores.
Speaker 2: Yeah, right, Well, I don't know who the winner was
Speaker 2: because I ate my lunch and then left, and I
Speaker 2: think they were sticking around because they had raffle ticket
Speaker 2: stuff and I didn't do any of that. Yeah, but
Speaker 2: I knew the table next to us, who's gonna be
Speaker 2: in contention for the top? They came in at seventeen under. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and so damn seventeen under. But what you were allowed
Speaker 2: to do, I like the limit on it, but you
Speaker 2: could buy two mulligans per person, and then you could
Speaker 2: also buy a magic putt, and so the magic putt
Speaker 2: rule was if the ball was on the green, no
Speaker 2: matter the distance the person calls magic putt, all three
Speaker 2: other teammates have to putt still. But then if they
Speaker 2: all miss and it gets them, you don't have to
Speaker 2: put you automatically get that counted. But if somebody makes it,
Speaker 2: you still lose your magic putt. We had that happened twice, Sam, No,
Speaker 2: both of them, like one was like twenty and the
Speaker 2: other one was like a thirty five footer and it
Speaker 2: just and it dropped on both of them and it
Speaker 2: was so as comical. So either way we would have
Speaker 2: gotten the birdie, but it was actually nice that we
Speaker 2: still earned it away. Yeah, coming later when we could
Speaker 2: have used those putts, you know, but whatever, it is,
Speaker 2: what it is, but it was. It was a good time.
Speaker 2: Weather was not as good as I'd like it, but
Speaker 2: it was better towards the end today without actually without
Speaker 2: an issue. I think it was like one of the
Speaker 2: first home projects where I didn't have to go to
Speaker 2: home depot or another store again. I was incredibly shocked
Speaker 2: at how easy it was because I just didn't think
Speaker 2: it was going to be this easy. But I had
Speaker 2: to replace my garbage disposal. Oh and it was. It
Speaker 2: was cake. Yeah, it was not. It was not bad
Speaker 2: at all. Got a new garbage disposal, I like, upgraded
Speaker 2: like a tiny bit from what we had as far
Speaker 2: as horsepower, because like, I'm not sticking bones down there.
Speaker 2: You know, I may people, I don't am not going
Speaker 2: to two up their bones. Yeah, but uh no it was.
Speaker 2: It was actually really easy. But when I saw the
Speaker 2: video of the like the part of the sink, the
Speaker 2: ring and the sink is actually part of your garbage discossal,
Speaker 2: I didn't realize that. I'm like, this is gonna be
Speaker 2: way fucking harder than I thought. And it really wasn't.
Speaker 2: I think it took me like twenty thirty minutes tops,
Speaker 2: and I got the old one out, got the new
Speaker 2: one in, and everything hooked up right. It's good, So
Speaker 2: I was. I was happy with that. It was my wife.
Speaker 2: She was like, I didn't hear any cussing at all. Wow,
Speaker 2: did you turn go?
Speaker 3: Do turn you on somebody's ass getting laid tonight?
Speaker 2: Uh, we don't have brast studs here. Oh yes we do.
Speaker 5: I say, I sent you a picture fucking they're in.
Speaker 2: That was a real picture.
Speaker 5: By the way, when I went to I went to
Speaker 5: home depot was like a week ago, and in front
Speaker 5: of me was this guy wearing a shirt that said
Speaker 5: crazy Fred's Whorehouse truck stop and a whorehouse.
Speaker 2: It's a real.
Speaker 5: Place, and that is a real place, and this dude's
Speaker 5: just rocking this shirt out in public.
Speaker 2: I was like, good, good man, wait, way to go,
Speaker 2: get more power to you. And it was an old
Speaker 2: shirt that was definitely been used. Yeah, you.
Speaker 4: Could smell it, sell the destiny and cinnamon.
Speaker 2: I saw this news article that I was going to
Speaker 2: ask you guys about. Don't don't bother. No, no, I'm going
Speaker 2: to ask about it. So I just saw this title.
Speaker 2: A Galapagos tortoise at Philadelphia Zoo becomes first time parent
Speaker 2: at nearly one hundred years old. Nice. Could you imagine
Speaker 2: it's still dropping a nut at one hundred Yeah, geting
Speaker 2: somebody pregnant.
Speaker 3: What's his name, scarface? Uh fucking godfather pets. You know
Speaker 3: he's eighty six.
Speaker 2: Had a kid.
Speaker 3: Yeah, he's right there with him. Goddamn that kid's not
Speaker 3: going to graduate high school and have a dad.
Speaker 2: I think not.
Speaker 5: I think that that's the equivalent of us having a
Speaker 5: kid at like fifty five or sixty five, for like
Speaker 5: a sea turtle, because turtles live to like one thirty something,
Speaker 5: one forty something or more. It's actually I don't think
Speaker 5: it's even known how how long they can truly live.
Speaker 5: But I think it's estimated around like one thirty one forty,
Speaker 5: So let's say that's like sixty five for us.
Speaker 2: That would suck. I don't think I could do that.
Speaker 2: I really don't.
Speaker 3: Like I can't.
Speaker 2: I can't deal with the kids I got. Now, imagine
Speaker 2: if you have one right now, I couldn't know.
Speaker 5: I don't want to, right I don't want to imagine,
Speaker 5: because it hurts. It hurts to think about, like it
Speaker 5: makes me want to cry for sure.
Speaker 2: I mean, you don't have to worry about it now, so.
Speaker 4: I supposedly know it's true.
Speaker 2: Well, I mean, I guess you'll have sex to have
Speaker 2: a kid, so well not just have sex, like you
Speaker 2: got to have sex with somebody that's you know, able
Speaker 2: to yeah, reproduce. Can never mind.
Speaker 3: Ask ask the forum. We're all here to answer your
Speaker 3: burning question.
Speaker 2: Not asking that one.
Speaker 5: No, Nope, no, I had a good Josh moment, and
Speaker 5: I said it in my head before I said it
Speaker 5: with my mouth.
Speaker 2: So nobody you want to Josh, you can ask us
Speaker 2: it was that bad. It was that bad. It's fine.
Speaker 3: Bring up Christina Richie again.
Speaker 2: Oh, come on, I'd still do it. I would. I
Speaker 2: would have changed my answer on that.
Speaker 5: I would have a baby with her at sixty five
Speaker 5: with Christina's.
Speaker 3: Thirty baby Jesus christ A J.
Speaker 2: I said, right now, cast, Oh well.
Speaker 3: I mean, you know, go back to episode twenty or whatever.
Speaker 3: Shout out to Casper.
Speaker 5: Casper the Friendly Sperm like a fucking, weird, fucking movie.
Speaker 2: How many have you watched it as an adult? Oh? Yeah,
Speaker 2: it's been watch it.
Speaker 3: Avery a couple of times. She loved that movie.
Speaker 2: I know it was on not it's some either this
Speaker 2: Halloween or last Halloween somewhere around there. I know it
Speaker 2: was on, so Ellie could watch it and she wasn't
Speaker 2: into it really at all.
Speaker 4: And it doesn't surprise me.
Speaker 2: I'm just like I liked it as a kid, but
Speaker 2: I don't know, it's one of those kid movies I
Speaker 2: have zero care to watch as an adult.
Speaker 3: I feel like it's a kind of not older kid movie,
Speaker 3: but like probably like nine tennish, you know, like I
Speaker 3: definitely when I showed Avery when she was like three four,
Speaker 3: she had like non interest. Now she does. Like last Halloween,
Speaker 3: we watched it and she was loving it. But yeah,
Speaker 3: before that she was and I was like, you know, yeah,
Speaker 3: it's like ten.
Speaker 5: I don't think he would give two fucking ships about
Speaker 5: that movie.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's true, although also depends on interest.
Speaker 5: Yeah, he's just starting playing Assassin's Creed, so that's.
Speaker 2: Kind of more yeah style. Right now.
Speaker 3: Have you guys ever seen not the Hillary Duff one,
Speaker 3: but there was like a second one. Fuck it was
Speaker 3: it was another Casper is like right after Yeah, but
Speaker 3: when I was a kid, dude, Oh my god. But no, Like,
Speaker 3: if you ever want to see some of the worst
Speaker 3: CG I've ever seen in your life, like pure ninety
Speaker 3: c G I, the second, the second Casper, those are
Speaker 3: the are like the straight to DVDs, Like yeah, like
Speaker 3: like Richie rich I remember they came up with like
Speaker 3: a second and probably a third, like they just hit
Speaker 3: that wheel.
Speaker 2: Can we where like he wished to be poor some ship? Yes, yes,
Speaker 2: this Halloween.
Speaker 5: Can we get absolutely fucking blitzed and put on a
Speaker 5: movie with with the projector against your your your garage
Speaker 5: door and just ignore all the fucking kids trick or treating,
Speaker 5: just live just watch the watching the movie.
Speaker 3: Here take they have the fog machine on inside the garage. Sure, yeah,
Speaker 3: machines smell like we Hey, I'm over here at the
Speaker 3: garage door. You're talking to the wall.
Speaker 2: All the kids and parents come up.
Speaker 5: They come up and they're they're as sober as can be,
Speaker 5: and they fucking turn around and leave the other side.
Speaker 2: They're just as high as a fucking guy. We come
Speaker 2: up with it. It is kind of like the Sticky
Speaker 2: Bandits thing all over again. We come up with the
Speaker 2: thing that's like, you pay us candy and we'll let
Speaker 2: you hit our penty.
Speaker 5: Come into our haunted with in quotation marks, are haunted garage.
Speaker 2: Scared kids so much like I'll red his eyes are
Speaker 2: you know what?
Speaker 3: Kid, don't worry about it.
Speaker 5: You don't even have to walk any further to the
Speaker 5: front door. Just give me your bag right here, and
Speaker 5: I'll go ahead and take care of you.
Speaker 2: No problem.
Speaker 3: It's been twenty minutes. He hasn't cut back with my bag.
Speaker 3: The kids go open the door and it's just us
Speaker 3: sitting there, all these wrappers.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Kids.
Speaker 5: Kids come in weighing like weighing like I don't know,
Speaker 5: forty pounds.
Speaker 2: They leave weighing like eighty.
Speaker 3: Gretel, who fuck ribs you have? You've cooked ribs and
Speaker 3: you're fucking oh man, where my ribs go? Of this
Speaker 3: candy in my hand?
Speaker 2: Parents like Hey, I'll bet you your kid's bag. You
Speaker 2: can't take a blinker without cock o jesus.
Speaker 3: Aren't you the cop down the road? I heard you
Speaker 3: don't use your blinkers. I can make use one right now.
Speaker 2: If you got you a camera, bitch. That's good stuff. Uh.
Speaker 2: Speaking of of other news, though today more important Dome
Speaker 2: Ovechkin broke Gretzky's goal record today. Wow, in in this
Speaker 2: the same amount of games that it took Wayne to
Speaker 2: get his mark. It took the exact same amount of
Speaker 2: games for Ovi to beat Gretzki. That's pretty impressive.
Speaker 3: Yeah, how many goals?
Speaker 2: Is it eight hundred and ninety five in one season?
Speaker 2: Or is that like career career?
Speaker 3: Career?
Speaker 2: But Ovechkin is thirty nine years old.
Speaker 3: He's gonna throw his.
Speaker 2: Leg this year, and they expected him to miss two
Speaker 2: to three months. He was out for five weeks and
Speaker 2: he was back in scored the first game he was back.
Speaker 2: That was Stone's watch. That was my machine. There don't
Speaker 2: if you're wondering.
Speaker 3: If domes over like, am I tripping Graham stocking to this?
Speaker 2: But yeah, he uh, he came back from the broken leg.
Speaker 2: He also scored. He holds the record now also for
Speaker 2: most forty goal seasons in a career, which is impressive. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: which is impressive. Forty or more goals in fourteen or
Speaker 2: fifteen years out of his twenty that's wild. And the
Speaker 2: only the only years he got short were Lockhowt years,
Speaker 2: which is not he dealt.
Speaker 5: He dealt with multiple issues where they had shortened seasons
Speaker 5: by a decent amount, you know. And so for him
Speaker 5: to have this record in this fashion, it speaks volumes, man,
Speaker 5: it really does. And I have to give Gretzky a
Speaker 5: lot of credit because he you know, he was humble
Speaker 5: about it. He said, good on him, good job, proud
Speaker 5: of him. Now let's see if he gets my assist goal,
Speaker 5: my assist record. That'll never happen, he he goes.
Speaker 2: Because Gretzky. While Gretzky cared about.
Speaker 5: The overall like the total goals scored he did, that's
Speaker 5: not the one that he.
Speaker 2: Was most proud of. The real assist.
Speaker 5: The assists is what Gretzky is the most proud of
Speaker 5: in his career, and that's been documented wide.
Speaker 2: Well, because that's an assist is a true team player, correct,
Speaker 2: You're helping somebody else score. Correct. So the fact that
Speaker 2: he held both scoring title and assist title. Yeah, like
Speaker 2: total because you get a point for an assist, right
Speaker 2: like here he goes stoned. This is this is what's crazy.
Speaker 2: Gretzky number one for points in a career or assist, sorry, assists,
Speaker 2: He's got nineteen hundred and sixty three assists. Go ahead
Speaker 2: and take a stab at who number two or not?
Speaker 2: Who number two is? How many number two has? Twelve
Speaker 2: hundred Yeah, twelve forty nine? Yeah. Wild? His goals and
Speaker 2: his assists make him eleven hundred points higher total than
Speaker 2: the next closest person in member points. Virture.
Speaker 3: That's wild.
Speaker 2: It'll never get touched.
Speaker 5: And it's crazy because I keep seeing people online, these
Speaker 5: little keyboard warriors are like, oh, well, Gretzky did it
Speaker 5: in a time was so much easier to score goals
Speaker 5: and get goals.
Speaker 2: I agree with that. I agree with that.
Speaker 5: I actually it's bullshit. I think it's even because you
Speaker 5: have an upgrade in equipment. You have listen, you have Yes,
Speaker 5: you have an upgrade in equipment. I get that you
Speaker 5: have an upgrade. You have an upgrade in talent, and
Speaker 5: you have an upgrade in the way people train, right,
Speaker 5: But that goes across the fucking board like it it's
Speaker 5: not hot.
Speaker 2: My only argument, I don't take anything away from Gretzky
Speaker 2: and his record, like it's it stood the test, you know,
Speaker 2: thirty one years for that, and his assist record, I
Speaker 2: don't think. I think the only person that has a
Speaker 2: legitimate shot to hit the assist would be Connor McDavid
Speaker 2: if he plays until he's like forty or forty one.
Speaker 2: But yeah, I think he's got a healthy law career,
Speaker 2: That's what I'm saying, right, so he's the only one
Speaker 2: that would have a shot at that. However, when it
Speaker 2: comes to that, as far as old school, the only
Speaker 2: thing I say about that is the goalies. The goalies
Speaker 2: nowadays are so much better, but they also have so
Speaker 2: much more equipment and take up more of the net.
Speaker 2: Look at how much Look at how wide that net
Speaker 2: was back in the day. They if you look back,
Speaker 2: you're like, were the nets bigger than they are today? No,
Speaker 2: it's because the goalies were. The pattings were smaller, and
Speaker 2: they they just weren't as good as what.
Speaker 3: They are now.
Speaker 5: True, and I do concede that, but I don't think
Speaker 5: it's so wide of a margin between one era and
Speaker 5: another to really say.
Speaker 2: That, No, Gretzky was a generational talent.
Speaker 5: Exactly, he was to take anything away, and that's what
Speaker 5: that's what these people are doing online. That's what these
Speaker 5: young individuals who never got to watch Gretzky live are saying.
Speaker 5: They're saying that Gretzky just he was a product of
Speaker 5: the era. He was a product of the era. No,
Speaker 5: he wasn't, absolutely not.
Speaker 2: He was way ahead of his time.
Speaker 5: If you put if you put Gretzky in his prime
Speaker 5: in today, in today's actual game, it'd be.
Speaker 2: The same result. I agree.
Speaker 5: I think it would be the exact same result. I
Speaker 5: don't think it would change. I think I think the
Speaker 5: the numbers would be the same. I think the style
Speaker 5: would be the same. He would end up having everything
Speaker 5: he already had. I don't think it would be anymore
Speaker 5: or any less. That's just because that's who he was.
Speaker 2: I think that's fair. I mean, the same argument is
Speaker 2: against people with Ovechkin is like, well, he just he
Speaker 2: shoots in the later part of his career, he shoots
Speaker 2: from like one area. You know it's coming, but you
Speaker 2: can't stop it. Then stop it exactly, you know, you
Speaker 2: know it's coming, yeah, and you still can't stop it.
Speaker 2: There was this goal today was exactly in the same area,
Speaker 2: same spot when he tied the record yesterday or the
Speaker 2: day before, the day before, the day before, he was
Speaker 2: on the power play in his circle, in his normal spot.
Speaker 2: You know it's coming, yeah, and he still can't stop it.
Speaker 2: There was a there.
Speaker 5: There's a clip from that game where he tied the
Speaker 5: record where he was going, he was going to shoot,
Speaker 5: saw that he lost his opportunity and ended up just
Speaker 5: circling back around the net to try and get a
Speaker 5: different position.
Speaker 2: It's not like OVI is stupid. He doesn't. He's not
Speaker 2: just like, oh I go through here, I shoot. Oh
Speaker 2: I go through here, I shoot. That's not what he does.
Speaker 2: He played, He does play the game. Yes, he has
Speaker 2: a favorite spot.
Speaker 5: Everybody does get fucked like everybody feels comfortable with what
Speaker 5: they feel comfortable with that you do it in the bedroom, loser,
Speaker 5: not you, but the people listening, the two people listening.
Speaker 2: How dare you assume I get something? The two people.
Speaker 5: I was really talking to B Word and I was
Speaker 5: the way he jerks off, it's all he's really talking about.
Speaker 3: Well, I mean, B Word is getting hit on everybody's mom.
Speaker 3: So he's got a lot of shit to jerk off to.
Speaker 3: God damn weird getting him seventy f you're gonna have
Speaker 3: to use goods, use.
Speaker 2: Extremely used good pussy lips looked like a fucking boxer's
Speaker 2: mouth sticking its head out the window. I love that gift, dude,
Speaker 2: I absolutely love that gift. Uh, that's good stuff, all right.
Speaker 2: I have something for us to do. I think we've
Speaker 2: done this once on this podcast, and I just thought
Speaker 2: it was fun. Uh. So I came up with a
Speaker 2: couple of different things here and we're gonna do. Uh
Speaker 2: whose dad is in anyway? Mm hmmm, mm hmm what
Speaker 2: what the fucking sigh? Like you expected? D cups? I
Speaker 2: pulled them up and they were like small bees.
Speaker 3: Those aren't bees, honey an Yeah, that's.
Speaker 2: Mis o.
Speaker 5: Listen, I haven't got I haven't gotten anything above an
Speaker 5: A minus in.
Speaker 4: My entire life.
Speaker 2: So oh no, we're talking.
Speaker 4: We're not talking about grades on my bed.
Speaker 2: Oh it's good stuff, all right. So first round that
Speaker 2: I want to do with you guys. I'm gonna have
Speaker 2: you guys go.
Speaker 5: Uh.
Speaker 2: Part of this will involve me, but some of it
Speaker 2: involves just the two of you, right, So this this
Speaker 2: first thing, we're gonna do a little improv for what
Speaker 2: you guys are gonna say here, and things that you
Speaker 2: can say about dinner but you cannot say to your spouse.
Speaker 2: Things you can say about dinner about dinner, but you
Speaker 2: can't say to your spouse. Dude, the ship's dry as fuck.
Speaker 5: You burned it again, but I'm still gonna eat it.
Speaker 3: So like, do you want me to eat with you
Speaker 3: or eat with your sister? What are we doing here?
Speaker 4: I really don't mind the hair that's in this, dude.
Speaker 3: Your sister asked if I wanted seconds? Like, who the
Speaker 3: hell made it past their first plate?
Speaker 2: Jesus, is your mom coming? Or what?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 2: That's good stuff all right? Next one, things that you
Speaker 2: can say about sports and say in bed go jets.
Speaker 2: Looks like another night of masturbation for Dome.
Speaker 3: Oh Jesus, a little to the left is all he
Speaker 3: needs to sink it, m all.
Speaker 2: He needs one more black eye on the field and
Speaker 2: they'll win. This is an offensive liners is casting couch?
Speaker 2: What's going on?
Speaker 3: He got so close to finding it before the buzzer
Speaker 3: went off. That's a good one.
Speaker 2: That's a good one. That's a good one. I'll give
Speaker 2: that one to you, all right. Last one of this
Speaker 2: category things you can say about your car, but not
Speaker 2: your girlfriend.
Speaker 3: She's got a fat ass.
Speaker 2: Time to trade her in. Hey, can we get new
Speaker 2: airbags in this thing? Hey, honeyed up for your tires.
Speaker 2: A little fat.
Speaker 3: Engine goes just nice and it's all looped up.
Speaker 4: How many Mexicans can we fit in this?
Speaker 2: At least one?
Speaker 3: I don't know about you, guys, but I think I
Speaker 3: might have misfired on that one.
Speaker 2: Part a little too early. Okay, that's good stuff, all right.
Speaker 2: So next this is going to be the play it
Speaker 2: out version of the dads whose dad is? Anyway? So Stone,
Speaker 2: you in this scenario, you guys are going to do
Speaker 2: a little togetherness here. Stone you're going to be an interviewer,
Speaker 2: and Dome you were going to be the interviewee for
Speaker 2: the job. The position is for a telemarketer, but the
Speaker 2: interviewee thinks that it's just for a sandwich shop. I'll
Speaker 2: leave it to you Stone, take it away.
Speaker 3: Well, hello there, mister Dome, Thank you so much for
Speaker 3: coming in and applying toys position. What are your relevant
Speaker 3: qualifications to the position?
Speaker 5: Uh, I'm really good at like customer service.
Speaker 4: And I worked I worked at a subway for four years.
Speaker 2: Uh, I was.
Speaker 4: I was a shift manager. I was really good putting.
Speaker 5: I was quick at putting together sandwiches and and and
Speaker 5: handling the lines and stuff. And you know, I remember
Speaker 5: all I remember all the deals and combos.
Speaker 3: Still, that is fantastic. All right, sounds like you got
Speaker 3: a lot of get up and go with you? All right? So, like,
Speaker 3: how often do you do you talk on the phone?
Speaker 4: I mean every time someone calls?
Speaker 3: Yeah, all right, how how many times you get in calls?
Speaker 4: I don't I don't know, man, I don't really have
Speaker 4: a whole lot of friends. What does it have to do?
Speaker 2: I don't know. I don't have a lot of friends either.
Speaker 2: Hold on, can can I? Can I? When I go
Speaker 2: to lunch? Can I eat whatever I want?
Speaker 5: Like?
Speaker 2: Is it all just good.
Speaker 4: For me to do? You just make myself a sandwich
Speaker 4: and then.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you can so choose to bring whatever lunch you
Speaker 3: want into the lunch room. That's why we have the
Speaker 3: lunch room in the fridge there. You can even store
Speaker 3: your sandwich in there while you're calling people on the phone,
Speaker 3: all right, And not to cut the cheese or anything.
Speaker 3: I like these little jokes and these interviews that breaks.
Speaker 2: We have to have cheese.
Speaker 4: We never used to have to cut the cheese. It
Speaker 4: always used to come pre sliced.
Speaker 3: It's a metaphor. It's a metaphor in our world.
Speaker 2: I don't know that's right.
Speaker 3: So like, how soon? How soon can you start? Do
Speaker 3: you need anything for the job?
Speaker 5: Well?
Speaker 2: I mean my uniform? Ah?
Speaker 3: Well, you know what, luckily all of your parts are uniform. However,
Speaker 3: you don't have to wear one because we work from home.
Speaker 2: How do you make a sandwich it home?
Speaker 3: Let me tell you you were the best footy pajamas
Speaker 3: there ever could be worn? Is right there? It's the best,
Speaker 3: the best. Yes, door dash is available. That's the greatest
Speaker 3: thing about this job is you can call people. You
Speaker 3: can call door dash. They can come to your door
Speaker 3: while you're calling people. It's wonderful, it's fantastic. Look, how
Speaker 3: are you with your oral skills?
Speaker 2: My oral skills?
Speaker 5: I look, man, I'm not doing that. I don't need
Speaker 5: this job that bad. I look, I just want to
Speaker 5: make sandwiches.
Speaker 3: I figured your oral skills and also your comprehension skills
Speaker 3: working with subs all day would be actually pretty good
Speaker 3: to ask about the old skills.
Speaker 5: Dude. I've never really been that great at math. I'm
Speaker 5: not the comprehension thing. What I stopped at geometry?
Speaker 3: Dude, You've got to have some great oral skills to
Speaker 3: handle those six inches and twelve inches? Am I right?
Speaker 5: That's an HR approved joke. By the way, it's okay,
Speaker 5: it's HR proof we're good. You can ask Tom Tom
Speaker 5: on the way out. He's the one who drives the beamer,
Speaker 5: although don't count his golf drive. It sucks.
Speaker 2: So you are you asking me to get under your desk?
Speaker 3: You don't even need a desk. We provide one for you.
Speaker 3: It's wonderful, baby, it is great. I think you would
Speaker 3: be the best fit for this hire, to be honest
Speaker 3: with you, Jerome Dome, that's right, Dome, I almost forgot
Speaker 3: you in there for a second. My bad. All right,
Speaker 3: So when can you start? Do you h Do you
Speaker 3: need to go ahead and pick up anything? Do you
Speaker 3: have internet?
Speaker 5: You know?
Speaker 3: And all that?
Speaker 5: Sure?
Speaker 2: Cool? All right?
Speaker 3: That's all we need for this job really is just
Speaker 3: the internet. You just got to be able to look
Speaker 3: up stuff, you know and get the formulas and recipes
Speaker 3: you know, as they say in the chef world of Subway.
Speaker 3: You know, yeah, so.
Speaker 2: Do I get it? Can I have? Can I just
Speaker 2: have some cookies?
Speaker 3: I mean we have plenty of cookies. You know, all
Speaker 3: the vendor sites ask you about the cookies if you
Speaker 3: accept them or reject them, and you know, we go ahead.
Speaker 3: We have a firewall that blocks that ship out of there.
Speaker 3: Pretty good, it's it's pretty decent, I gotta say. But
Speaker 3: you can have all the cookies you want in your
Speaker 3: own kitchen. It's the best. You can cook whatever in
Speaker 3: there too. Your headset is portable and wireless. Have you
Speaker 3: ever had a wireless headset before?
Speaker 5: You have ovens at the store? Like, yeah, usually the
Speaker 5: cookies before I come into work.
Speaker 2: Man, Do I get paid for that? As at overtime?
Speaker 3: I mean, you know, boss makes a dollar, I make
Speaker 3: a die. And that's why I insert here in company time.
Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying. You know, as long as
Speaker 3: your metrics are good, nobody has to see what you do. Baby,
Speaker 3: it's so good.
Speaker 2: If you wink at me like that one more time.
Speaker 3: You're gonna accept the job, well, then I will wink
Speaker 3: at you. Ah waking, All right, that's good. That's great.
Speaker 5: I love it.
Speaker 2: Uh all right.
Speaker 5: You know it's funny because I used to have a ball,
Speaker 5: not a boss, but he was a superior for another
Speaker 5: company that we worked with that we worked adjacent, and
Speaker 5: so I kind of respected him like a ball, and
Speaker 5: he used to tell me all the time. He's like, hey, listen,
Speaker 5: every three months, you need to update your resume and
Speaker 5: apply for jobs. Apply for like ten or fifteen jobs.
Speaker 5: It doesn't matter what the job is Walmart, McDonald's, it
Speaker 5: doesn't matter. Just apply for a bunch of jobs. So
Speaker 5: you get into the habit of understanding what interviews are
Speaker 5: doing these days, and you stay fresh just in case
Speaker 5: you ever need it.
Speaker 2: I think I might go back and do that just
Speaker 2: for shits and giggles.
Speaker 5: Is just like this next month or so, apply for
Speaker 5: a fuck ton of jobs just to get interviews. Yeah,
Speaker 5: just to get interviews and just go funnail.
Speaker 2: But you don't accept any position.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, just go fuck around like some of them.
Speaker 5: Just absolutely like trash them. Just go in completely obliterated
Speaker 5: and be like all right.
Speaker 2: He gets an interview with Jimmy John's, He's like, first question,
Speaker 2: do I have to wear a hairnet? Or am I exempt?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Second question, is it kosher?
Speaker 5: Do you allow inner inner company relations? If I come
Speaker 5: on a sandwich.
Speaker 2: Because that girl looks like Christina Ricci from swedeny Allo
Speaker 2: and I'm hard as a fucking rock.
Speaker 5: Spend sixteen years since I had sex in one of
Speaker 5: your freezers.
Speaker 2: I'm due, Okay. Next scenario, Dome you are the coach
Speaker 2: and Stone you are the player. Is a basketball game,
Speaker 2: ten seconds left, game on the line. Stone is your MVP,
Speaker 2: and you took a time out because he all of
Speaker 2: a sudden forgot how to play basketball, and you need
Speaker 2: to coach him through this. Ten seconds left, ten seconds
Speaker 2: in the game, down by ill one one, he if
Speaker 2: he scores you down by one, put it that way.
Speaker 2: Take that ten seconds left, down by one. Stone is
Speaker 2: the MVP, but you forgot how to play basketball. You're
Speaker 2: the coach. Take it away, coach.
Speaker 5: All right, Stone, listen, here's what we're gonna do. We're
Speaker 5: gonna inbound the ball. Where are you at real quick,
Speaker 5: I'm right in front of you, yeah, Stone, right in
Speaker 5: front of you.
Speaker 2: Look down. You gotta put you bring it down.
Speaker 5: Oh right, listen, I thought you were like a coke
Speaker 5: cup or something. I understand, I understand, it's listening. It's
Speaker 5: hot in here, it's sweaty.
Speaker 2: We get it.
Speaker 5: Listen, Hey, you played, You've played forty five hard minutes. There,
Speaker 5: young man, let's get on. Hey, back down.
Speaker 3: Here, go to forty five minutes to save my life.
Speaker 2: Down here.
Speaker 3: My girlfriend says, I'm averaging three and a half.
Speaker 5: Yeah, your girlfriend's also averaging three and a half guys
Speaker 5: on the football team.
Speaker 2: But we're not talking about that right now, are we.
Speaker 2: All right?
Speaker 3: We were in therapy about that.
Speaker 2: We're focused right here.
Speaker 5: Hey, we shouldn't bring that up because it's my trigger,
Speaker 5: my trigger. You shouldn't listen, coach. If this for us,
Speaker 5: you're gonna see my third quarter.
Speaker 3: It's starting to hit right now. I don't know where
Speaker 3: I am, to be honest.
Speaker 5: With you, Okay, stoned, listen, do you want to get
Speaker 5: benched for the rest of your life?
Speaker 2: Huh?
Speaker 3: I could bench. I'm in the gym in a while.
Speaker 2: Though, No, you clearly have not.
Speaker 5: That's why we're in this position right now, Okay, because
Speaker 5: you haven't been in the gym.
Speaker 3: Missionary, coach, I go to b yu.
Speaker 5: Listen, hey, listen, we're not soaking, all right, We're not
Speaker 5: doing any of the soaking ship, none of the jumping.
Speaker 5: All right, I'm not gonna help you with that again.
Speaker 5: All right, to listen. What we're gonna do. So we're
Speaker 5: gonna bound the ball to you. We're gonna run a screen. Yes,
Speaker 5: I could come back to if you hit, I'll give
Speaker 5: you a Listen.
Speaker 2: You gotta focus. Rein it in, but rein it in. Listen.
Speaker 3: Do you think I could have a fucking ten.
Speaker 5: Six cheerleaders looking at you on the sidelines, But you
Speaker 5: can have them all if all you gotta do is
Speaker 5: just make one shot?
Speaker 3: Listen, coach, why aren't there another nine?
Speaker 2: We got sixteen?
Speaker 5: We're not talking about ovens and nine's. We're not going
Speaker 5: into Germany today, but listen, that class is next week.
Speaker 5: You'll worry about it then today right now, you gotta
Speaker 5: be here German. Yeah, yeah, I'll give you my broad
Speaker 5: words if you fucking.
Speaker 3: Make this shot, all right, it depends.
Speaker 2: We're done. Sit down, Jordan, let's go miss the shot.
Speaker 2: He's missing. He's missing were.
Speaker 3: Somehow, somehow he hit the nun in third row and
Speaker 3: completely missed the backboard which was behind him.
Speaker 5: That's a terrible one for me, because listen, I'm not
Speaker 5: afraid I'm not afraid to sit down a fucking eight
Speaker 5: year old kid in pee wee football just to win
Speaker 5: a game.
Speaker 2: Like, listen to you, a little bitch, you mean crying
Speaker 2: all game? All right? First, we're done. We're here to
Speaker 2: win or we here trophies.
Speaker 5: I'm here to teach winners. All right, we don't get
Speaker 5: participation trophies.
Speaker 2: Sit down.
Speaker 3: Mm hmm okay, real winners.
Speaker 2: Last one of this scenario is it's a speed date
Speaker 2: and you two you ended up at the same table,
Speaker 2: and I need you guys to think of a strange
Speaker 2: character or personality you want to play and play as
Speaker 2: that character during the next We'll call it two minutes,
Speaker 2: and I'll set a timer, and you guys have to
Speaker 2: speed date with each other.
Speaker 4: You guys, ready, yeah, who I'm me to be the
Speaker 4: guy or the girl.
Speaker 2: You guys can be whatever you want to be.
Speaker 3: You be the guy, all right?
Speaker 2: Perfect? All right? Uh, and you guys sit down and
Speaker 2: here's your drinks. Go. Why hello there, Chad girl.
Speaker 3: This is Chadelia April to zero, firmly known as Chad
Speaker 3: April to zero. But you know it's twenty twenty five
Speaker 3: and I can be whoever I want bruh, chih did.
Speaker 5: You say Chad Dahlia? Oh my, what an amazing name.
Speaker 5: And your eyes are.
Speaker 3: Mysterious super red right like a totally like hit a
Speaker 3: fucking dabber in the parking lot on the way here,
Speaker 3: like it was pretty cool, you know? No, No, I
Speaker 3: don't so like do you ever dab like?
Speaker 2: Mister?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 5: I love them. When I smell in the middle of
Speaker 5: my arm pits, it's fantastic. Can I smell yours?
Speaker 3: No, bro, the only like pits I got for you,
Speaker 3: or like the avocado pits from my guacamoalia made. I'm
Speaker 3: like lunchtime. But like, have you ever been to like you?
Speaker 3: I'm sure I can on command if I went to
Speaker 3: like a certain convention. I don't know.
Speaker 2: Okay, what is a convention?
Speaker 4: I've never That sounds unconventional.
Speaker 3: Wow, that's like really deep.
Speaker 2: Hey girl, I got a question. You got a four
Speaker 2: to one k uh?
Speaker 3: It depends on how much is in my bank account.
Speaker 3: But once it hits for when I can be like, okay, sir,
Speaker 3: is that that's perfect?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 2: What kind of couch you got?
Speaker 5: Girl?
Speaker 4: What kind of count you got?
Speaker 2: Girl? Is it long?
Speaker 5: Because you know I'm six foot tall, so when I
Speaker 5: stretch out on that couch, I want to make sure.
Speaker 2: Don't hang over the edge. Excuse me, Uh, it's time
Speaker 2: to switch guys. Sorry gals, Is that a fucking chick?
Speaker 8: What?
Speaker 2: I don't barge your fuck? Uh? That voice scares the
Speaker 2: ship out of me.
Speaker 4: I can feel that voice on the back of my neck.
Speaker 2: Biscuit. You see that bar soap over there.
Speaker 3: Boy, it almost sounds like Freddy Krueger, like an octave lower,
Speaker 3: like a black Freddy Krueger.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm coming to.
Speaker 3: Now, that's what it sounds like.
Speaker 2: Ready, okay, all right, I want to get through these
Speaker 2: last couple here that these are because I think these
Speaker 2: will be funny here. So this is I titled this
Speaker 2: one motor boats, so this is sound effects.
Speaker 4: God, and I was hoping I get to motor boat him.
Speaker 2: I know, well, it's just a title of thing. So
Speaker 2: the first stoned.
Speaker 5: Real quick, Speaking of motor boats, do you remember when
Speaker 5: you were a kid, you thought that motor boat and
Speaker 5: was like the best thing in the fucking world, and
Speaker 5: like that's what you wanted to do. You ever think that,
Speaker 5: like that's that's exactly what you wanted to do to
Speaker 5: a woman?
Speaker 2: Was just motor boat out of.
Speaker 3: Her titties like middle school. Yeah, when you're like looking
Speaker 3: at porn and you're like, dude, fucking ultimate. Right there, man,
Speaker 3: we go get some more fucking mountain dune watch that ship.
Speaker 5: I know I have zero desire to do that. I
Speaker 5: want to do so many different things. Motor boat is
Speaker 5: not it? Am I wrong?
Speaker 2: Do you? Well? Can we can we sidebar that?
Speaker 5: All right?
Speaker 2: What's one thing you really want to do?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeah, you you clearly said there's a lot of things
Speaker 2: I really want to do, So like, what's one? Not
Speaker 2: number one?
Speaker 3: Just one? We all need to know, man, what you doing?
Speaker 2: Listen.
Speaker 5: We can get into that at a different podcast. That's
Speaker 5: not why I opened up this conversation was not to
Speaker 5: talk about something.
Speaker 2: All right, all right, well whatever, Okay, we'll get back
Speaker 2: to the business at hand. All right, So Stone, you're
Speaker 2: driving to your local sandwich shop. You're going to give
Speaker 2: play by play your drive and Dome you were his
Speaker 2: geo metro that's on its last leg and makes a
Speaker 2: lot of noise during driving.
Speaker 5: Alright, alright, girl, I know we've been through a lot together,
Speaker 5: but goddamn we're fucking starving. We can go ahead we
Speaker 5: can make it to our destination and we can make
Speaker 5: it on back.
Speaker 3: Is that right? Girl?
Speaker 9: Part for me?
Speaker 3: Goddamn girl, it brings back memories.
Speaker 6: Let me go ahead and start you up real quick,
Speaker 6: met like starting up like a bog.
Speaker 2: I can't even with that. We rot to the next one.
Speaker 3: So.
Speaker 5: Tage his car.
Speaker 2: The fuck is supposed so like.
Speaker 3: The body Carlo and it's saying hits from the bung.
Speaker 2: Oh god, it was the yam on. Let's go chose
Speaker 2: the ball, shut the ball.
Speaker 3: Oh god, all right, I'm just righting the high for this.
Speaker 2: Okay, next one, Dome, you were laying in bed winding down,
Speaker 2: trying to watch your favorite TV show. You can give
Speaker 2: us a play by play of you trying to watch
Speaker 2: your show and go to sleep. Stoned you are? You
Speaker 2: are Dome's mattress who's seen a lot better daily springs. Whatever?
Speaker 2: You're ready? Okay? Oh god damn? All right? Every ready? Yeah, alright,
Speaker 2: click Netflix. Let's do what are we gonna do?
Speaker 5: Netflix?
Speaker 2: No, You're I'm gonna go Disney Plus. Yeah, let's go
Speaker 2: Disney plus. Uh Lizzy maguay mm hmmm.
Speaker 4: That might keep me up a little bit.
Speaker 2: Uh oh.
Speaker 9: Adam's family Adam's family. Fucking fucking back out, fucking log in.
Speaker 9: It's stupid fucking ship.
Speaker 5: Oh my god, what the password again, Jesus fucking Christ,
Speaker 5: hold on a second word with my phone?
Speaker 2: You know what? Fuck it sang?
Speaker 8: Your fucking bed is dying.
Speaker 2: Booms just gets off.
Speaker 3: Click.
Speaker 2: I swear to God if you don't play some mattress
Speaker 2: someone bit. All right, Oh my god, this is good stuff.
Speaker 2: I think we got time for one more. So do
Speaker 2: we want to do one more? One more topic? Oh boy,
Speaker 2: just one more thing?
Speaker 5: O god?
Speaker 2: Yeah, alright, So Dome and I are in a bar
Speaker 2: and Dome it's it's obviously noisy, but Dome, you are
Speaker 2: gonna try and convince me why the Jets are the
Speaker 2: best team to ever be in the NFL. And Stone
Speaker 2: you are the jukebox that can't quite get its volume control.
Speaker 3: Yeah, look at it.
Speaker 2: All right, let's go. Hey, there's a shot at tequila.
Speaker 2: Take this. Cool.
Speaker 3: Never gonna give you up. They're never gonna let you
Speaker 3: shout down.
Speaker 2: Here's another shot at tequila. Take this. Good bye? Uh
Speaker 2: we were talking about the Jets. Yeah no, here's another
Speaker 2: shot in Hey, here's a shot of quila. Take this.
Speaker 2: Here's another shot at tequila. Take this? How many?
Speaker 3: God?
Speaker 5: He takes about thirteen after we cut to about thirteen. Hey, dude,
Speaker 5: did you know that the Jets are gonna win the
Speaker 5: Super Bowl?
Speaker 3: Get this wet ass pussy.
Speaker 5: No, seriously, the Jets are gonna win the Super Bowl
Speaker 5: this year. There's no way the Jets another here's another shot,
Speaker 5: say taking another shot at tequila.
Speaker 2: We're gonna keep going. Mark Sanchez is the greatest quarterback
Speaker 2: it's ever graced this fucking earth.
Speaker 5: That is the only fucking way I would ever get
Speaker 5: anyone to believe that the Jets are anything but trash.
Speaker 2: That's fair.
Speaker 8: That's a fair point, ladies and gentlemen. We're expancing issues
Speaker 8: with her jukebox. I do apologize. I swear this is
Speaker 8: not how I vision running my Applebee's, but I will
Speaker 8: make sure things are better. Drinks are half off for
Speaker 8: the next half hour.
Speaker 2: Apple apple Bee's coming in with a fucking stripper microphone.
Speaker 4: Fucking Alvin and the Chipmunks back there, Jesus.
Speaker 2: Welcome back to the stage. Destiny.
Speaker 5: Oh shit, not again, it ain't mine, Destiny, Get the
Speaker 5: fuck out of here.
Speaker 2: I was just gonna hit the button. Then I forgot
Speaker 2: how to turn it off.
Speaker 3: Yeah, your laugh was pretty great.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it sounded like fucking ezma. Jesus, that was good, Abysma,
Speaker 2: because she sounds like she has asthma when she laughs.
Speaker 3: No, she like she looks like lady in her life,
Speaker 3: looks exactly how you think she would look after like
Speaker 3: just watching the movie and listening to her and like
Speaker 3: seeing her cartoon image. Have you guys ever seen her
Speaker 3: in the booth doing it for the movie back in
Speaker 3: the day. She looks exactly how you think she would
Speaker 3: from her character, Like, it's pretty close.
Speaker 2: And do you think I think she would look.
Speaker 3: Well, it might be different. You know, you might think
Speaker 3: she's like an Amazonian, you know where she's like death
Speaker 3: by snooze nap.
Speaker 2: I thought it was a guy too.
Speaker 5: Wow, I knew it was nice.
Speaker 4: No, I don't think that it's because of asthma.
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, last last question I have for you, Fuck Mary,
Speaker 2: kill real fast. You have Isma. You have a fucking
Speaker 2: octopus lady from Ursula, Ursula and a boiler and canto.
Speaker 5: I'm killing Ala, I'm killing I'm killing Isma, I'm fucking Ursula,
Speaker 5: and I'm marrying a boiler. Okay, because a boiler. Boiler
Speaker 5: is gonna take care of you. She's gonna take care
Speaker 5: of you, dude, like like none of the other two.
Speaker 5: She's gonna treat you like a fucking king Yeah, I'm
Speaker 5: pounding the ever loving ship out of octopus pussy all
Speaker 5: on all eight hundred of them suctions, dude, getting.
Speaker 3: Literally teeth like that. That like horrible movie back in
Speaker 3: the day, she's teeth, legit.
Speaker 2: Oh what about you, Stone can't do I.
Speaker 3: Would one hundred percent Mary Abuela. I think I just
Speaker 3: got a fuck isma and then just kill Ursula.
Speaker 2: Yeah, would you get crabs Fromla.
Speaker 3: I think you might get a lot, to be honest,
Speaker 3: from fucking nasty ship.
Speaker 5: That's kind of rude, man. There's no proof that she
Speaker 5: was a nasty horror. She didn't even have kids, did she.
Speaker 2: She had vibrators.
Speaker 3: It smells like the ocean. It's a no.
Speaker 2: Well, she lives in the ocean.
Speaker 4: Of course she's gonna smell like the ocean.
Speaker 2: She lives in the ocean.
Speaker 3: It applies too.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but what if you're underwater you can't smell.
Speaker 3: Yeah, she would turn you into a fish, and that
Speaker 3: would be a bad thing.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it'd be horror.
Speaker 5: Swim my fish ass up into that fish assus kind
Speaker 5: of fish.
Speaker 2: He gets turned would you be?
Speaker 3: He gets turned into like a fucking.
Speaker 5: One of those retarded ones with the eyes in different
Speaker 5: fucking directions.
Speaker 2: He turns into a sea horse.
Speaker 3: Oh my god? Why am I like so gay? Did
Speaker 3: you know the men seahorses have the baby sea horses
Speaker 3: aren't gay? Domes like, Oh my god, I made myself gay.
Speaker 3: Fuck But you're like, dude, you're one to his new group. Lady,
Speaker 3: I'm gonna tell you.
Speaker 2: I got nothing left for that, all right?
Speaker 5: I think Sandy sand dollars bro Oh, I mean.
Speaker 2: Who lives in upside down pineapple under the sea?
Speaker 5: All right, here you go, fuck Mary, kill SpongeBob, squid
Speaker 5: Word and Patrick.
Speaker 3: Oh uh, I'm gonna marry Squidward. I'm gonna kill SpongeBob.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna fuck the starfish.
Speaker 2: I like that. I'm to switch around Starfish and squid
Speaker 2: Word though their roles. Yeah, but I'm definitely killing SpongeBob
Speaker 2: because you can't live with that, and you can't fuck
Speaker 2: it because then it's just going to continue to talk
Speaker 2: to you and bother you. So you just got to
Speaker 2: kill it.
Speaker 4: I would marry Patrick because Patrick would be more fun.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but squid words more representation of real married life.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, true, right, yeah, you're not wrong.
Speaker 2: Oh that was the other thing. Our producer caught the boquet.
Speaker 2: Oh sweet, when he when's the not? When's the big day?
Speaker 2: It's not happening. Let's go. Let's go to Vegas. Make
Speaker 2: it happen.
Speaker 3: No shotgun wedding. Baby can do it in the drive through.
Speaker 2: Who's holding the shotgun? Anybody? Oh? No, should make it happen.
Speaker 2: Let's go ring shopping. No, come on, let's do it.
Speaker 2: No we get say we're going ring shopping and we're
Speaker 2: really going golfing.
Speaker 4: Okay, I'll do that.
Speaker 3: Okay, I will do that. You guys went to look
Speaker 3: for rings. Just happens to be the amount of time
Speaker 3: you guys get done golfing. Yeah, it's busy.
Speaker 2: Jared was slammed that day. Every kiss begins with k.
Speaker 3: Okay, okay, how long is this lying? You know what
Speaker 3: I'm saying?
Speaker 2: Prenup? All right? Well whatever does on dake website of
Speaker 2: one seven zero catch next week?
Speaker 3: Peace out later? Oh hey, guys, oh what this.
Speaker 5: Priest asked the convicted murder in the electric chair do
Speaker 5: you have any last requests yes, replies to murderer Can
Speaker 5: you please hold my hand?
Speaker 2: Wow?
Speaker 3: Shocking yees