Speaker 1: Well, well, well, welcome back. Bestie's It's mother. I'm so
excited to be here with you guys today.
Speaker 2: I'm in La.
Speaker 1: I'm living my best life. I'm so happy I got
to hang out with one of my best friends today.
I hope you guys enjoyed the episode as much as
I did. Please enjoy Ashley Hasseltine Time. Ashley Hassele time.
You know, I was like having a panic attack because
I always do that. I'm like one of my best friends,
Ashley Hasseltine. No, no, but this literally no, I'm in
her course, don't tell her.
Speaker 2: No, It's fine, I don't care. Ashley has Time.
Speaker 1: Okay, that's perfect, that's perfect introduction were I remember when
WASPS came out?
Speaker 2: What ass Plussy? Oh what like Desahni. I was like, eh, Cardie,
she's oh. She just says in there and I was like,
could you not? I paid for it? I know you're
just rapping, but like you not?
Speaker 1: Oh no, I kind of forgot about that.
Speaker 2: I think about Wop a lot. I think about We've
never had a song like that. It's just my neck,
my back and wop. And I literally coming from a girl.
Speaker 1: Who's had a dwop A my has never been with
Oh my god, we really never been. But no dry, say,
let's just talk about this. She's like clinically dry. It's
like going down there's like going to Joshua Tree the
fucking summer.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, Like are we rolling? What's going on?
Oh we've been rolling this whole time. Okay, perfect? Oh
my god, I'm so happy here at me too?
Speaker 1: How are you we're starting?
Speaker 2: Okay, it was where I started.
Speaker 1: We're keeping all that.
Speaker 2: Okay, we just turned it on and we're just so proper.
Are we keeping that in? Yes? Okay, so a scale
of one to one to wop? How what is your guys? Pussy?
Leave a comment? We need to know is it? Is it? Disny?
Speaker 1: Can you imagine you fashioned if it was like a
water fountain or someone going down on you and saying
it tastes like a sawny.
Speaker 2: I would cry.
Speaker 1: I mean, I've have you eaten pussy? No, see, I've
eaten pussy every time I get down there. I'm like,
I taste taste like a coin purse.
Speaker 2: It's like iron.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it tastes like the inside of my grandma's Are
they on the have they been in their period. No,
it's just there's something zingy about it. Have your tasted
dr out, Okay, we're off to it.
Speaker 2: Tastes like this is what I'm trying to say. Liqu
with death, that's what they call it. That's what liqu
Oh my god. Okay, once you go in there, you
don't know how you're getting now, death by drone.
Speaker 1: But anyway, yes, I have that. I had no more
no more tags.
Speaker 2: Uh. Yeah. We just took our honeymoon back from Singapore.
Yeah it was. It was really great.
Speaker 3: That's a perfect place, like it's one of the cleanest, safest,
most beautiful countries, right and everything was. It was a
really nice trip. We did like tons of like amazing
food and sightseeing. We took a boat out, We did
all this stuff. But I have to tell you like
one story. So we were we went out. It was
probably our latest night.
Speaker 2: We went to dinner.
Speaker 3: We'd had a couple of drinks, like drunk by any stretch,
but we'd probably I don't know, I been out and
had like at a few different bars, and we were like,
let's bike back to the hotel. And we loved like
all city bike around New York. I don't like to
drink and bike. But it happens it, you know. So
we got a doe.
Speaker 2: See these bikes.
Speaker 3: See these bikes, and we like down on the app
and we hop on the bikes. And I was wearing
like a dress. I just like hiked it up and
we're like biking in the street. I think that you
bike in the street. I'm like former New Yorker, that's
where I bike. So I thought we were supposed to
be in the street.
Speaker 2: We're having a great time.
Speaker 3: There's really no cars in the streets one o'clock in
the morning, and we hear sirens behind us, and as
someone who has been pulled over for drinking, I'm.
Speaker 2: Like, it's such a trigger. And again I was not drunk.
Speaker 3: I don't need to justify this, but it was like,
oh my god, Like we're going to jail, Like I've
had some drinks. There's a cop. We're foreign visitors, especially
right now in this country, and like we're going to
the goolog you know, like that's it for us.
Speaker 2: We're breaking the.
Speaker 3: Logs, throw the book out and yeah, Shashank, my current
husband didn't think that they were for us. And I'm like,
I know, therefore, I know that we're getting pulled over
on bike right now.
Speaker 2: And sure enough the cop was just like, are you guys,
you're you're visiting.
Speaker 3: We're like, of course, we're obviously we're visiting. He was like,
we ride on the sidewalk here. You need to be
safe and you're just wear a helmet. But for the
most parta just like stay on the sidewalking out of
the street and like let us on our way. Just
like pulled us over to say that's nice to say,
be safe. Oh what a place you say, but it was.
It was a real trigger.
Speaker 2: But you know, you can get a bike d U
I yeah.
Speaker 3: I mean, and again I don't want to condone drinking
and biking, but what do you think the limit is
it the same limit?
Speaker 2: The limit does not exist.
Speaker 1: It's just I'm like, really, you're gonna give you But yeah,
my ex boyfriend in college got a d U I
on a bicycle.
Speaker 2: On a bicycle, but not even an e bike. No,
they didn't even exist when I was in college.
Speaker 3: Because at the end, if you're really if you're really
drunk on a bike, you're probably only gonna hurt yourself, right, Yes,
you could cause an accident, I'm sure it's happened, So
be safe out there, you guys.
Speaker 1: But I will say in Wisconsin, our workaround is you
can't get a dy on a horse because technically you're
not in control so the horses.
Speaker 2: So people take horses to the bar. Time up, get
black out.
Speaker 1: Okay, well that's what we'll do on our next honeymoon. Yeah.
I heard you can walk around there and like bare
feet and you will not get any dirt on your feet.
Speaker 2: Like it's that clean.
Speaker 1: It's that clean, And there's all these laws and rules
like littering. I mean, we have a way of littering.
Speaker 3: Too, but they don't sell gum there, so gum is
completely banned. Oh so because chewing gum. It's like, right,
people stick at places. So I'm trying to think if
there's any other I think there's a there's allegedly a
fine if you don't flush a public toilet. Like everywhere
is so clean, right, it's wonderful. Yeah, and you come
back here and you're in the airport in Lax and
you're like, this is the third world.
Speaker 1: That it's disgusting, and I think, you know, here's what
I think. You know, we keep taking places over and
trying to like implement our ways.
Speaker 2: I think Singapore needs to start taking places.
Speaker 1: Over and just be like, how about you guys do
it arway because this is perfect.
Speaker 3: They do a lot of government control, but they're like,
I don't know they're doing it right. They're like the
ways that the government controls overreaches. I guess some people
would say, is all for the benefit, Like there's no
homeless people. Everybody has houls, everybody's jobs at Like they
have this system where they ever like you're supposed to
have an app and they'll put the government puts money
into it for you to go spend with like local vendors,
Like they have a whole They have so many systems
set up so people can live in nice life. Their
public housing looks like luxury housing. Wow, it's just a
wonderful place.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 3: So anyway, I was just very fascinated like the way
the country runs because I'm like, this feels too perfect,
and they don't pay that many taxes, like as much
as I do.
Speaker 1: I am curious how it runs. I mean, ours is
just fraud and pedophilia.
Speaker 2: So we're taking notes.
Speaker 4: Don't accidentally take your drugs there because you will be for.
Speaker 2: You will go to prison for drugs. So yeah, so
I like we I was told that.
Speaker 1: Like, so I brought my PCP as usual, I.
Speaker 2: Brought I brought.
Speaker 3: I was like, even, I'm not going to risk it,
but I do take gummies to sleep sometimes CBD sometimes
THHD like to mix it up. And I did bring
to on the plane and I thought I was gonna
take them. I didn't, so I just like left them
on the plane. Oh good, Yeah, I wasn't gonna.
Speaker 1: I mean, no, that's true. Why wouldn't you just hat
it was just the CBD ones, But I think you
can get in trouble probably, No, they're like very hardcore.
But yeah, even like Thailand. I remember when I went
over there and I brought weed with me. I was
there for a friend's wedding and he was like, you
brought what? And I was like, stuffing a fucking narc
It's just weed.
Speaker 2: He's like, girl, you will go to prison if you
get caught with that. And I was like, do you
remember that movie?
Speaker 1: Was it Playing Down Palace? No?
Speaker 2: Oh, okay, this Broke Back Mountain, Broke Falton. It was
the lesbian version. No, it was about two women.
Speaker 3: It was Claire Danes was in it of course because
she looked up at cry face and they hear her.
I think they got framed, but they went to like
a jail and another country. I mean, I'm scarred for
it for life.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: So anyway, Yeah, three people last year were hung for
drugs where Singapore?
Speaker 2: What kind of Singapore?
Speaker 1: They're not doing public hangings, and you want to talk
about what we do need to do.
Speaker 2: It's like we need to bring those.
Speaker 3: Over here public hangings. Yeah, did you see Weathering Heights?
Speaker 2: No.
Speaker 3: So it starts with someone getting hung in like the
town square, like Marie Antoinette style.
Speaker 2: I don't know. Is it guillotine or guillotine?
Speaker 1: Guillotine?
Speaker 4: Guillotine?
Speaker 2: Yeah, guillotine. Is is that where they chop your off?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that's what happened to her.
Speaker 4: Antonette was no.
Speaker 1: So someone was just hung that.
Speaker 3: They had like regular, They had a sack over his
head and everyone in the town square was like watching
and rejoicing. People were sucking in the street. And then
they never really circled back to what that was about.
I was so confused. I figured that was how Jacob
Elordi's character was also going to die. They never really
close the loop on that.
Speaker 1: And you know what that sounds like, I wrote that movie.
Speaker 2: I waited a confusing hanging. Did you I wonder if
you watch this movie? Did you watch Step Up?
Speaker 1: Chanting Tatum?
Speaker 3: And that's how I saw this guy. Follow Rob Anderson
or what is that his name? Hearthrob Anderson on Instagram
and he like recaps these old movies and he did
Step Up today and he said, like they wrote.
Speaker 2: This movie as they went along. It was like the
funniest recap.
Speaker 3: Remember Channing Tatum, he was like a bad kid, Yeah,
to go do like community service. He was like a
jin or at the art school and he like went
into the ballet class and like it was just a
very funny, like they made this up as they went along.
Speaker 2: Vibe. Yeah, it was of dance, Yeah, the good.
Speaker 3: Hunting well and then he oh his line in it,
he said, Julia Styles krip walked, so Step Up could
run like iconic line.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, So how are you doing because last
year you had a really big year. Yeah, you got
married obviously, and you shot a special and I think
those are two of the most like emotional build up.
Speaker 2: And then right afterwards you're like that what.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean it's we're four and a half months
out from my wedding, right, so I'm just now recovering.
Speaker 1: No, just go back to normal.
Speaker 2: No, it's it's fine, just outside of the annulment.
Speaker 3: I don't know if we're married, if there's been a
whole thing with the wedding certificate.
Speaker 1: You're not sure.
Speaker 3: I'm not sure, and I need to call the city.
It's not Yes, it's none yours business. No, it's I'm fine.
I was not fine. It my whole twenty twenty five,
which was probably, I mean the greatest year of my
life in hands down numerous ways.
Speaker 2: Yeah, all I.
Speaker 3: Did was playing this wedding and playing my tour and
then do my tour, and it felt insane.
Speaker 1: And then a beautiful special yeah thank you.
Speaker 3: And it just felt like chaotic and really stressful, and
every day I felt completely underwater, and I was like,
I can't believe I'm been doing this on top of
my job, on top of running two companies, two episodes
a week.
Speaker 2: Of Girls Could Eat Like.
Speaker 3: It was so much, I couldn't believe I actually got
through it all. All the travel, I mean a full
ass tour and planning a wedding, and those were three
weeks up. Two and a half weeks apart from each
other were the Special and the Special was October twelve,
and then the wedding was Novermber first, well technically like
it started days before that, So after they both ended,
it felt so abrupt, like both of these things, I
don't know what to do with myself. I feel like
I had this loss of identity. This is all I've
been the whole year.
Speaker 2: I didn't know. I don't know my life had been
planned for me.
Speaker 3: It had been so busy, it was so exciting, there
was so much celebrations, like both of those events, the
Special and the wedding, were the best times of my life.
And then it was just like what do I do now?
And of course, yes something The Special will come out soon.
It's a surprise, you guys will see. And I got
married and I did the honeymoon and all these things.
I love my life, but it was hard to come
down from.
Speaker 1: So there's something I read recently about when you achieve
your goals, and like obviously getting married, I don't know,
was that ever a goal for you or is that
just something you did? No, Like for some girls, it's
those goal women. It's a goal, but I think the
special is a goal and you achieved that and shot that,
and it's like after you achieved the goal, there's kind
of this profound like emptiness. Yeah, because it's just like, well,
I've been putting all my energy and all my life
blood into this, and nobody talks about how when you
achieve your dreams, there is like a level of sadness
that comes right afterwards, like right afterwards, because in the
identity crisis. I had a huge identity crisis after I
got married because I always identified as like a single
back bitch, and I was like, you know, and then
all of a sudden, I was married and I had
a new last name, and I was like, who the
fuck is this person now?
Speaker 2: And I don't know if I'm like her, but you
didn't have to do that. I know that last name
was tragic.
Speaker 1: Literally, I have one debit card in my Tesla with
the old last name on it, and Max grabbed it and.
Speaker 2: He's like, what fuck name is this? So I was
like I was married before. I was like, yeah, don't
worry about it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but yeah, no, there's just kind of I under
I really relate to the identity crisis and also the
profound just like what the fuck is next now?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 3: And I if the wedding come down was like so
much excitement and everyone just leaves, you know, you're there
with you for four days.
Speaker 2: It was like I just like missed my mom. You know,
there was that and.
Speaker 1: What was I just gonna say, are we editing this
an episode?
Speaker 4: Like?
Speaker 2: Can I see how we look? Please? I don't think
we ever got a look. I don't know if this's
how if it's gonna be. I I changed through. It's perfect,
we need to address it. Awesome.
Speaker 1: Yeah, obviously because it's Rainos because I stole Rainu's clothes. Okay, yeah, perfect,
because you can't see my you look like Raina.
Speaker 2: I'm dead. I'm literally this is so funny.
Speaker 1: I didn't realize until just now, you guys. This episode
is brought to you by Berber Hair Oil. Berber has
been with me for the last year on my hair
regrowth journey, and it has made my hair longer and thicker.
Ask my hair girl. I just Sawry yesterday and she
was like, holy smokes, bitch, your hair is growing. And
I was like, I know, and I decided I'm treating
this year like COVID because I'm in Palm Beach.
Speaker 2: Now know what else to fucking do.
Speaker 1: So I'm just acting like the world is shut down
because I am in a place where nothing's going on.
So I think I need you guys all to come
on this journey with me where I'm just gonna be
regrowing my hair and nails this year. That's my whole goal.
And you know what I love about this year. I
love setting a goal that's nice and low. The bar's
in fucking hell.
Speaker 2: I just want my hair to grow this year.
Speaker 1: You know, hair grows after you die, So anyway, after
I die, somebody please put some berber haroil out my scalp. No,
do burber haroil treatments with me twice a week. Do
that little slickback button. It's so cute. I wear it
to plate's where fart and then hair grows. Okay, I'm
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brbure dot com. Use the code brit bri t T
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guys get to the site and you're like, oh, no,
what do I order?
Speaker 2: What do I do?
Speaker 1: My recommendation is get the two bottles of hair oil
because they go fast, and get the Mermaid brush because
you can just use a regular hairbrush. They do have
a great regular hairbrush, so if you are balling and
you want too rushes, go for both. But the murmured
the Mermaid one is a bore bristle brush and it'll
make that perfect slick back pony for your lazy hair
days when you are just trying to grow your fucking hair.
And that's it, all right, love you guys.
Speaker 2: Bye, okay, let me go back.
Speaker 3: So yeah, So the there's also maybe kind of what
you're talking about is this theory called the arrival fallacy,
where you think everything is working towards this goal, and
after you get it, you don't or you'd achieve something,
or you don't know. Sorry, you have this sense of emptiness.
And the antidote to that is to try to enjoy
the journey as much as you can. And so I
was constantly feeling like that the whole time, like even
when I'm stressed, even when I'm frustrated, even when I'm
so tired from all the travel, like I'm enjoying this.
I won't get to do this again in this way,
And so I think that's really a helpful thing to
remember for anyone doing anything, whether it's a tour, or
you're planning a wedding, or you're writing a book, or
you're shooting a movie or.
Speaker 1: TV show or all relatable things that you're picking.
Speaker 3: What is there for any movie stars listening reading a book?
Speaker 2: Pretty wildly successful. Okay, what are other I don't what
are other things? Other things? Getting married is for a while,
getting married is a big one.
Speaker 3: So just try to enjoy the journey, because I think
people get really racing towards a promotion or something like that.
Speaker 1: You know, just something where you're like when I get there,
when I get happy, when I get there, and then
you get there and like I've had this where I
have gotten there enough and I'm still just like what's
on the other side, And it's like you hit the
goal post and then the goalpost moves, and so I'm
just it's.
Speaker 2: Just being a life succeasst.
Speaker 1: Yeah, ready to wrap it up, this life of the podcast.
Speaker 2: Both people. Really, I don't know if you.
Speaker 3: Felt like this when you got married, what I felt
that feeling. No one had warned me at all, So
we come back into the house after the Sunday, after
everything was over, and I just burst into tears and
se Shank was like carrying stuff up from the car.
Speaker 2: He was just like, are you gonna help? But I'm like,
I get and everyone was like, oh girl, yeah, like
this could last.
Speaker 3: Weeks two months. I'm like, what are you saying. No
one's talking about this. It's like childbirth.
Speaker 2: It's this thing.
Speaker 3: Everyone's experiencing and going through and no one's really talking
about it. My wedding planner, Brenna Andrew Collins wife like,
people were like, oh yeah, this was rough for me,
and I was like, okay, we need to be talking
about this more, this post wedding depression crash out.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: So I don't even I'm actually glad. We just took
a mini moon.
Speaker 3: Then we went to Napa for a few days, and
then we just took our real honeymoon. I'm kind of
glad cause I was crying on the mini moon, like
not all the time, but like something there. I whatever,
it's not important, but I did cry, Like on the
way to a winery.
Speaker 1: I was just crying.
Speaker 2: So I mean I cry all the time.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I cry, I like, but I do think it's
also I think so for you. I think yours was
probably not like it's it's specifically more intense because you
were doing that comedy tour, yeah, and the special, So
it's like you, I like lost you as a friend
last year, Like you were like go go, go, go go,
Like it was like you were not available to your
head was not even up the air, like you were
just busy. And when you're that busy, and then you
have a special, which is like that was your first special, right,
that's my shooting. My first special was one of the
best nights in my life. Like it was so special,
like truly, like I was like, holy shit, that was unbelievable. Yeah,
and then to then two or three weeks later, have
a wedding where you're surrounded by all of your friends
and family and everyone you love and your dad who's
a fucking icon, and.
Speaker 2: Like, just by the way stole the wedding.
Speaker 1: I was dying when he gave his speech and you
like were trying to he's he made some like sassy
comment and you're like, well, I paid for the wedding.
Speaker 2: He's like, because I paid for your duys, And I
was like the way I stood in clasp for that
stand ovation.
Speaker 3: You're in the video Standing Ovation. My agent stands up
and is like.
Speaker 2: Let's book him a tool. It really signs up, Like
it was.
Speaker 3: We couldn't have planned it. People were like, did you
plan that? We couldn't have if we tried. No, he's
doing it was about how I was like, you know,
never had any money as a kid, and I was
putting his own Christmas gifts on the credit card and
I yell out, I pay for this wedding. Yeah, And
he clapped back so quick, and I mean, I'm so
happy we have it on video, Like it's the best
thing you could ever have, is to have that memorialized forever.
Like I'm so glad Ryan caught it because it is
an unbelievable thing. He pans the room. It's a standing ovation.
Speaker 2: It's it's unreal. I mean.
Speaker 1: But to have all of that, yeah, which is on
the back of a special that like you felt it
was amazing, looked amazing, was a perfect night.
Speaker 2: And then to have that and then to just be
like okay, it was.
Speaker 3: So tough because it was like after the special, it's like, okay,
I still have one more thing, yea, yeah, I still
have this wedding the second best thing of the year,
and then it was luckily the holidays came after that.
Like there was a point where I was really in
a like just a fog, and I went home and
it was my nephew's joint birthday party and they were
running around and they were in the bounce house, and
I was like, Okay, I'm having like a moment of
half of joy, Like I'm being cured by being around
like family and these these kids. And so I was like,
I haven't experienced something like that.
Speaker 1: I crash out, Yeah, kind of ever because you're not
a depressed person.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm I'm not gonna lie. No, it's great.
Speaker 1: I am so envious of you and how you will
move through life. I sometimes am like is this real?
So she really this good all the time, But.
Speaker 2: Like you really are.
Speaker 1: You just have a loving family and you were raised right,
and you're just secure and confident and like really enjoying
most of your life. And so you've never really had
a big crash out before. So welcome to.
Speaker 2: The club base. I mean, thanks for saying that.
Speaker 3: I being secure and stable and healthy, like I attribute
one hundred percent to my upbringing and my family, and
that's just luck.
Speaker 2: And I had a friend say to me once when
you grow up.
Speaker 3: Like, like I did you have a head start in
the world, And I took that to heart.
Speaker 2: I know that's right.
Speaker 3: I didn't or in this in any way. I was
just lucky enough to be born to the family I was.
I grew up in a small town, which was nice,
Like grew up in a time pre social media. I
don't think growing up in an adolescent in the social
media era, I would have survived it just who I
was as I look back as like who I was
as a kid and as a teenager, and I just
think all the factors were right to kind of to
be able to be just I don't know, like securely
attached and whatever the things, you know, Like it's it's
not a brag, it's just I got lucky like that.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 1: I mean I think I was. I think I'm naturally confident.
Speaker 3: I guess when I you know, you look back at
who you were as a kid, and I always was
really motivated, and I think at a young age, I
was really wanted to be well liked and popular and
in with the cool kids, like desperately and I realized
I wasn't pretty like the other girls.
Speaker 1: And I was like, gosh, I.
Speaker 2: Gotta be funny and like you.
Speaker 3: Just when I look back at like what got me
to where I am today, it all kind of like
goes together, Like it's like you can put the puzzle pieces.
Speaker 2: Together, right. So, well I'm jealous. Well, well I'm jealous,
but you're away prettier. It's worse. Trust Just what is it? Pretty? Punishment? Yeah? Literally? Pretty?
Speaker 1: But people hate you just because whatever. I'm not even
gonna say it, they'll hate me more.
Speaker 2: I say it. Oh my, okay, I want to talk
about them. Can I say his name?
Speaker 3: Yeah, we say the same since we get married. Okay, great,
that's when we did our heart. He's like doing your podcast.
Speaker 1: Special guest, Sean's filling in for Raina. You're in Raina's clothes.
You come doing it simulation. I'm banned from the podcast.
Let's be honest. No, we need to just bring you.
You could really sub in for her right now. This
is I did. I never realized, like you are cosplaying Raina.
I know you're in her clothes, but it's a whole
I didn't realize how specific her look is until I
saw you in it.
Speaker 2: I feel she would have never wore the sweats on
the bottom, but she like, I feel like this is
so hard. Actually, yep, everything's raina is. I was just
trying first of all.
Speaker 1: I mean it was like being at sas Fit Avenue
in her house. I was just trying on all these
Most of her clothes have tags on them.
Speaker 2: Still.
Speaker 1: I know.
Speaker 3: She says she's like toned down her like shopping addiction,
but now she's like in her shop my era, so
she gets closed centers sometimes, Like I think it's like
she doesn't shop as much, but the clothes are still coming.
Speaker 2: In, yeah saying it, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: But she's telling stuff on Poshmark too, allegedly.
Speaker 2: I don't know whatever.
Speaker 4: All right, well, let's say, is that a regular thing
if a woman stays at your house, should you expect
that she's gonna try on all of your clothes?
Speaker 1: No, she just told me to make myself at home.
So she's like, if you could take some tags off,
I'd love for you to take my tag test drive
all these new clothes.
Speaker 3: I just want to go back and say that I
do get sad sometimes that I am. You don't sad
sometimes I am like a neurotic person who fixates in spirals.
Speaker 1: Okay, good, No, I mean I know you have OCD
thinking about stuff, but that's more like justice based.
Speaker 2: Like you're like my partner in justice.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like when when it's funny because I was talking
to Rayna more about the design fiasco and she's like,
she's like, with love and care, you need to call
actually because I met my ed.
Speaker 2: I don't go round and round and round. Yeah, like
I don't. I don't think any.
Speaker 3: I just want to clear up because you think I'm
like stable and secure and I am and I will
take that, but I don't think I'm like happy, go lucky,
like I don't know.
Speaker 2: I never said that. Oh I know. To be clear,
we don't have those kind of friends. No, I don't
think that you're banned.
Speaker 1: You're just confident in a way that's not forced and
it's not like you can tell you didn't have to.
Speaker 2: Like work really hard on yourself to get there.
Speaker 1: Like it's just innate and that's the head start. Yeah,
that's the head to start from my legendary father. And honestly, honestly,
maybe you're getting like rewarded in this life because in
the last life, like some shit went wrong?
Speaker 2: But do you believe in that? Because I don't. Why
do we get to be so lucky? Like even people were.
Speaker 3: Born in this country into like a decent enough family,
Like why do you get to be that lucky?
Speaker 2: And other people don't like why? Just I don't know.
Speaker 1: This is like a too deep of a combo, but like.
Speaker 2: Enough, he's too deep of a convo. But what's your question?
Just I guess the bottom line is life isn't but
life isn't fair.
Speaker 1: But here's my belief. My belief is that we as
souls pick the lives that we enter into based on
the lessons we need to learn in this iteration of life.
Speaker 2: And I think that.
Speaker 1: Maybe you're an older soul and you've gone through a
lot and you're getting like maybe the easy life out
of the way, and you're close to like being done
with reincarnation. Oh okay, my god, you have chills, which
is really nice. You should read the book Journey of Souls. Okay,
I definitely will. And because it's all about lot Yeah, no, you'll,
you'll that book will blow you away. It's this I
talk about it too much on this podcast. I'll stop
but this guy, he's a PhD hypno therapist, and he
was hypnotizing people for trauma, trying to figure out like
where their pain was coming from. And when he did that,
he realized he could go to past lives, and he
lives past lives, and he could realize that the pain
in their body that they were holding could have been
from a past life. So like somebody would come in
with back pain, a doctor couldn't figure it out, and
he's like, oh, yeah, in your past life, you whatever,
something horrible happened to your back, like you got crushed
under a crane or something like that. But it basically
just talks about the soul's journey and the different levels
of soul. And I think when you're near the end
of reincarnation you get to have a good, one easy life.
So I'm nowhere near it. Somewhere in the first quarter
Q four, unfortunately at the end of the FIS school year. Okay,
back to Shashank, I want to talk about I want
to talk about pre naps because I I think this
is another thing people aren't talking about enough, and I
think they're so important and I don't think it really
matters where you and your partner are at like Shahank's wonderful,
but he is much younger than you and his you know,
career is a little further behind. And so you guys
got a prenap and you had a prenup lawyer come
on your podcast and talk about prenups, right.
Speaker 3: We did years ago. We had the prenup lawyer. We
had Laura Wasser come on, who was the goat. She's
done Kim Kardashi and she's the one. Yeah. And then
we had Jason Tartett come on and talk a little
bit more about them too. But Laura Wasser came on,
it was like such an honor and I was like, oh,
I've never ever really been attracted to a woman until now,
Like she's like that goaded and that hot.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: And then she is actually an advisor investor I don't
want to miss speak in the company that I used
to do my prenup, which I feel like also lended
it credibility. And then I developed a relationship with the
founder of the company, Hello Prenup was also a divorce
attorney previously before she founded this company, so I feel
like I do have a lot of information.
Speaker 2: So Hello Prenup is the company.
Speaker 3: Yeah, because when I started the process, I was like,
wait a minute, this is so difficult. I feel like
I'm going to come across like I'm presenting on Shark
Tank right now, but like, truly I am their number
one spokesperson. Because when I started to dive into how
much work it would take, how expensive it would be,
and I was talking to my business manager and he
put me in touch with the lawyer and I was like,
this cannot be. This should this has to be easier
in twenty twenty five to do. And that's where a
hell a prenup came in. I found this service and
it is and it's all online and they do I
don't want to misspeak again, but I think they're currently
doing like a thirty or forty percent or even more
of the country's prenups.
Speaker 2: Oh wow, and they're holding up on court. I mean
it's littally legit.
Speaker 3: Obviously, it goes out saying and you have to get
them notorized, you have to go through these processes. But
it's just made it really easier as supposed to go
into lawyer's office and paying all this money and you
can get it done for you know, depending on what
you need six hundred bucks to two thousand dollars, where
upwards it would have been more like upwards of seven
to ten k prior. So I mean, I I don't
know if it would have even mattered if I married
someone who made the same or more.
Speaker 2: No, that's that's that's what's the point. I always want
to like.
Speaker 1: My thing is the quote that I love and Jason
Tartak said this on our podcast, and it's not like
such a hot take, but it's you always have a prenup.
It's whatever your state has decided for you. Marriage is
a contract. It's just paperwork.
Speaker 3: Like I didn't really care about getting married because I
was like, I am independent, I make my own money,
I'm not going to change my last name.
Speaker 1: I'm not having children. I think it's great that people
get married. My parents are still married and they share
les same last name and they have children, they have
a family. Like that is how I grew up.
Speaker 3: I have a lot of respect for it's very lovely,
but that just wasn't going to be what I was
going to do, so I didn't care about it. It
was really important to Shashank and we decided to get married.
I'm so glad that we did, but I always knew
I would want a prenup and have whatever if we
were ever to break up, which is just being realistic
about life.
Speaker 2: I don't think we will. I hope we don't.
Speaker 1: Nobody gets married exactly exactly why, but why do people
think they're exempt from anything can happen? So anyway, I
always knew that we would have that, so what it
would be on our own terms. And California is a
community property state, which means that if you were get
to get divorced without a pretty nuptial agreement, you both
are pretty much entitled to fifty percent of all the
income and assets that have been earned since you got married.
Speaker 2: It all just goes into one pot.
Speaker 3: And so it was important to me and he knew that,
and it was so easy. He's not trying to get
my money, you know. If we were to get divorced also,
I would owe him spousal support immediately, which is crazy.
Speaker 2: We don't have kids. And I would owe.
Speaker 3: Him money just because he's been like if he opted
in for that yet he could wait. He would wave
it and I like that and I know kind of
guy he is and he would never.
Speaker 2: Want that, but it we just wanted to do it.
And you know there's a lot of stuff in there
that's beneficial. I mean, talk about what to do with
a dog. You can do wills, you can do all
this type of stuff. So, did you guys do a will? No,
that's like on our Okay, wills are very funny nowadays.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I just want to warn you, like I, Chris
and I had to do a will after we bought
our house together. And that house is the reason why
I would never get married again without a prenup because
I put ninety five percent of the money for the
down payment into that house and then I lost the
house in the divorce because I didn't have rich parents
to buy it, you.
Speaker 2: Know what I mean.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so that that was like a devastating loss. And
Chris and I when we first got married, we both
had nothing. You know, we both were not nothing, but
we were both working and I just saw a lot
of people think yeah, and I just pulled ahead. And
then I bought the house and well, I'm not gonna
say I we bought the house, but you know, I
bought the house and then losing it made me realize
the value of a prenup. And it's it's just so
interesting now because obviously with with Max, He's like, we
absolutely have to get a prenup, and I'm like, of
course we do, Like we absolutely have to.
Speaker 2: I'm like, do you think my earning power is zero?
Speaker 1: Like, do you think that over the next ten years,
I'm gonna make no money?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: You know. So it's like it really doesn't matter where
you're at economically. It's just like if you don't want
to get fucked in a way that you could never imagine.
Like the worst thing is like to the worst thing
in the world is getting divorced. It is the most painful, humbling, horrible, devastating, sad,
And yes it can be great and empowering and wonderful
and necessary in all of those things, but at the
same time, it's horrible and then to also lose the
shit you worked your ass off for.
Speaker 2: It's like, I don't want anyone to go through.
Speaker 1: That, to lose it or even have to fight for it,
like even just to deal with all of that shit
on top of the divorce, Like it, I think it's
so important, and.
Speaker 3: Like I you're a great example of someone who needed one.
My aunt got really taken advantage of by her ex
husband who they don't have kids either, and she owed
them all this money and she had built her business
before he even came along, and we watched her just
get fucked to the point where she was like, take
two hundred K and get out of my life, you know.
And so I always knew that we would want to
do that. And it is so unsex and it's really awkward,
and you have to lay out everything from everything you have,
everything you make, all your debts, credit card debt, all
the things. I mean, a lot of people wouldn't want
to might be hiding that kind of thing. And we
have a really open, transparent, honest relationship and we communicate
really well. But even for us, it was just weird,
like to go and check all these like nope, separate, Nope, separate, Nope, separate.
Speaker 2: Like there's a point where we're like, why are we
been getting married? Yeah, but we wanted to do it,
and we're glad that we did. If we are.
Speaker 1: Technically married, I'm not sure, but it's just.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I really do recommend it, and I like that
it's being talked about more.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, I think it's kind of like a
bad word in some circles, you know, like, why are
we going to prenup?
Speaker 2: We don't, you know.
Speaker 1: I had one of Max's friends the other day said
I don't believe in divorce, and I was like, it's
not a fucking belief system, right, it's yeah, nobody goes
into marrying somebody thinking we're gonna get divorced, right, Nobody
goes into it being like this is my first marriage,
Like I don't. It's you get into it and then
you change because you're growing up and you either grow
together or grow apart.
Speaker 2: It's not.
Speaker 1: And it was just like such an arrogant, dumb young
thing to you say yeah, And I just was like, okay, yeah,
all right, right, it's like call me in fucking eight years.
Speaker 2: I would love to see where you guys are at.
Speaker 3: I just think it's I don't understand how people think
they're exempt from a potential break.
Speaker 1: I will say that I did. But I got married
at twenty eight, and I thought, like, I'm never going
to be like my parents.
Speaker 2: I'm still drinking.
Speaker 1: I was still very like defiant and adamant and like
everything that came out of my mouth, I knew for
a fact to be true. Even though I was like
probably the dumbest person in every room.
Speaker 2: Like you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: I was like, at that point in my life, I
was like, I'm never going to get married. I'm never
going to get married. And then when I got married,
I was like, I'm never going to get divorced. I'm
never going to get divorced. It's twenty eight year old.
Yeah literally, And then I was like, and so I'm divorced, right,
But then after I got divorced again, I was like,
I'm never going to get married, and I'm now I'm
just like I have to stop saying never, of saying never,
because it just puts a target on my back for
the universe to.
Speaker 3: Be like right in your cue, one of your reincredation.
I mean, it's not even about you, Like, it's not
even I feel like some people feel like they're insulting
themselves or their ability to love or their relationship.
Speaker 2: What if the other person just goes rogue. You don't
know the other person.
Speaker 1: Kanye is right like you just big a man? Yeah,
just a man.
Speaker 2: You trust a man.
Speaker 3: Literally, You're like, that man's gonna be great forever. Since
when has that ever happened?
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's barely good now, right, Like that's what's so
crazy to me, Like, ladies, what do you why would
you put all the rest of your life's trust in.
Speaker 2: This mayn right? So just protect yourself.
Speaker 3: I like man Amanda Beetula and Kyle Cook, they're like
from Summer House or whatever. But she's they've recently got
had this public divorce and she's been talking about prenups
and it's a little unclear. I don't I haven't dove
in too deeply. But he had this beverage company, her boy,
and she worked for him for years and she's saying
she wish she would have got a prenup. And I
think it's because the company is all this debt. So
I think some people don't remember, don't remember the debts
a part of it. It's it's yes, it's about protecting
your assets, but it's also about their debts.
Speaker 2: So that's the thing. Because our partners like to gamble.
Speaker 1: They're going to go to the MGM and come out
I know, like once they locked in about their gambling.
Speaker 2: Well is Max Baseball like is that he's whatever's whatever?
Speaker 1: I mean, like he'll do like badminton and fucking Siberia.
Speaker 2: The war.
Speaker 3: Iran no Sha Shanka's baseball is his season, and like,
I have to give it, he's not, it's not out
of controls ps the most games. But I have to
remember the other night that part he's sou were amped
for baseball, and I had to remember that. It's like
because he's gonna make my hopefully, Like it reminded me
of why he's so excited about it, because he does
like this sport.
Speaker 2: But then I was like, oh, right, it's the gambling.
So but he's yeah, he keeps it in check.
Speaker 1: Max did mushrooms in Vegas and he had a download
from the universe that he had to stop gambling. So
he stopped sports gambling and now he just plays poker
like a degenerate, Like he's.
Speaker 2: Literally in like irl or yeah he literally it just went.
Speaker 1: He drove forty minutes to like I don't even know
where he is, Fort Lauderdale or something, to go enter
a poker tournament at some like Indian Reservation casino.
Speaker 2: What was he doing before, like sports camping?
Speaker 1: Like yeah, sports gambling is bad, Like I don't know,
it's like aren't isn't everybody doing like FanDuel? Yeah, but
it's it's it's degenerate gambling. It's like waking up make
cooking a parlay. Like every time before bed, he'd be like,
I'm working, and I'm like, you're not.
Speaker 2: Working trading on FANDUL.
Speaker 1: Yeah, listing all your entire savings ten dollars time.
Speaker 2: Oh my god.
Speaker 3: Okay, is he really does. It's not like an addiction,
I will say. And it's sporadic and random.
Speaker 4: Baseball, by the way, Yeah, professional sports betters, they do
think baseball is the most predictable and safe way to go,
and like that's their sport of choice them.
Speaker 2: At all, Like it the most boring sport.
Speaker 4: You're welcome, sir.
Speaker 3: And and the longest, most most games of right, Like
it's just it's the Yeah, like football, there's what twelve
games a team a season.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so I don't know what do I know? But yeah,
and what do we know at all? I tried to
get in on sports gambling and then I just lost
money and I was like, this isn't fun.
Speaker 2: I don't like this.
Speaker 4: Oh right, yeah, decided to go with sports players instead.
Speaker 2: I tried to know. I did that long long ago, Mike,
long long ago.
Speaker 1: It's funny because it's just been like get going out
in the sun every day. I started saying his name literally,
just last podcast, I was calling him mister Manhattan.
Speaker 2: Oh, I'm calling.
Speaker 1: Him Max because he's not on man hat anymore. I know,
mister Bagel, mister mister displaced me out of La Mister
took me away from my dreams. We can call that
mister put a bag over my head and took me
to Florida.
Speaker 2: Anyway.
Speaker 1: He's half Cyrian and he's been tanning and he's getting
very brown and I like it. Oh good, And he
was like, my dark enough for you, and I was like, still, no,
I get that a lot.
Speaker 2: Still shocked us that too. Yeah, well we we just
went to he doesn't wear sunscreen. I wish he would.
Speaker 3: I care about him in his health, but he does not.
I'm not going to force it on him. You know,
that's his problem. So he gets so dark. But yeah,
he makes the same jokes. He's still dark enough and
he swings his dick around.
Speaker 2: Hilarious.
Speaker 1: Wait, we have to talk about wills. So when Chris
and I we're doing a will for the house, what
wills are so petty? Now, you can be unbelievably petty
in a will, which made me so excited. Okay, basically, like,
after you die, you can put in a will who
you do not want at your funeral.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, could you like? Could I say like?
Speaker 1: And I want this person to run security like a
bouncer as a funeral, Oh my god, to turn people away.
Speaker 2: You can put a.
Speaker 1: Playlist, Ashley, this is where you're gonna shine. A playlist
for your funeral. You can upload it into the will.
Speaker 2: It's just a well, like Spotify gonna still be around.
Speaker 1: You just upload it, you type it in, and it's
going to play it at the What if they don't
have premium?
Speaker 2: They play ads at your funeral? Would be my funeral?
Be an ad? Would be an ice ad? Oh my
security recruitment. Oh my god. Wait this is I can't
wait to die.
Speaker 3: This is great. I'm in my fourth quarter. This turning
people away from your funeral is iconic.
Speaker 1: It's such a gift. Yeah, I I you know, for
many reasons I want to die, but.
Speaker 2: For that one the most, I like. I can't wait
to have it. Do not allow that allow.
Speaker 1: It's like that meme that said you see people crying
at your funeral, and my best friend snaps because she
never liked y'all right, people there crying and she's like,
she didn't like you.
Speaker 2: Well, I also hope Blake.
Speaker 3: By the time I die, like, all my enemies will
be dead, all my ops will be dead.
Speaker 4: But what song do you want playing while you're being lowered?
Speaker 2: Oh? That's really good?
Speaker 1: Back that up, Chris, honestly, wops gotta be Chris and
I had what's that fucking song? You put two of
America's most wanted in the same motherfucking place at the
same motherfucking time.
Speaker 2: What is it?
Speaker 1: That's pop the champagne glasses and the motherfucking condoms. That's
literally what I can hear it? I will Yeah, America's
most wanted. I think, Oh, okay, hang on, I have
to get it. Chris picked the song obviously, yep, this
is it. You know they had like the intro.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, this son always an intro back in our
back in.
Speaker 3: Our day, always an interlude.
Speaker 2: Come on, what are you.
Speaker 1: Guys wanting to be in the same casket? No, but
if we both died together, it's but that's just a
funny intro.
Speaker 3: So I wanted to be cremated, but now I'm like
a casket lowering music is oh, yeah, perfect.
Speaker 4: You'd have said nothing about a gangster party, we'd have
known the song instantly.
Speaker 3: What you want a different direction you're doing like the
other stuff. No, no, he's saying, if you would have
said that from the beginning, we would have known.
Speaker 1: It's this intro that really gets this.
Speaker 2: Oh hell, yes, did you get that song? And then divorce.
Speaker 1: Chris got that song in the divorce and he picks it.
Picked it also his ring tone for me, which was
his ring tone when we were married and has stayed
his ring tones since we got divorced. For every time
I call his cold des Ice, that's perfect, so good,
Oh my god, every time his phone rings, it's cold
des Ice.
Speaker 2: He knows since he's like it transitioned perfectly. Ring tone
is hilarious.
Speaker 3: I saw the funniest real the other day and it
was like a doctor calling someone to tell them they
had chlamydia in the early two thousands, and it was just.
Speaker 1: Like jaw role playing, like like living it up and
they're just like waiting to leave with us. It's it's
so true with the ringback tone, the ringbacks also the
ring tones I remember on my Motorola razor. Yes, like
it would just like you, but you assigned them to
different people and so you knew who was calling. So I,
my drug dealer boyfriend got a t I song. It
was top Back, and every time I hear top Back
now I get kind of.
Speaker 2: Horny like it. No, that's a horny song about Yeah. Also,
t I is fucking back Guy's back.
Speaker 1: Was he doing something?
Speaker 2: Is he t Guy's back? Baby? I mean, do you
hear the new t I song?
Speaker 1: I mean, listen, Yeah, he drugged some girls. It's not great,
but we did. Yeah. Remember the whole Daughter of Virginity thing?
That was weird. That was weird, but we're ignoring it
because listen to this, there's so many worse men.
Speaker 2: I'll cut it, Mike, you'll cut it. Sorry.
Speaker 1: You just have to hear this song. It's like we're
back in the good old days. It's a fucking banger already.
I'm in.
Speaker 3: My face is like, I know it's a millennial yeah,
oh hell yeah.
Speaker 2: It feels like just Scott, what is it? This is
so good? I'm like, why do I have these rain
cars that face? Yeah? Well, listen to it on the
car at home, okay, perfect? Oh, right in the tesla no,
not the Tesla. The Tesla.
Speaker 1: What do you have?
Speaker 2: I have Rennel Raina's car. No, she forgot to leave
me the key. I would be the full package if
she left the No.
Speaker 1: My friend Brian let me borrow his car, but I
don't think he's used it since twenty twelve.
Speaker 2: What is it?
Speaker 1: A VW It doesn't even have a backup camera. I
literally just reverse without looking.
Speaker 3: It's so it's so crazy, Like I drove a two
thousand and three Nissan Extra until just a few years ago.
Oh and now it is hard to go back to
like a nice car backup cameras.
Speaker 2: It's really hard.
Speaker 1: I remember when I was home because the Tesla, the
phone is your key, so when you get out of it,
it just shuts down automatically.
Speaker 2: You don't have to do anything.
Speaker 3: Wait, what were it wasn't Sha shuk helping you with
your car? Yeah it's busted, but from Florida?
Speaker 2: Yeah okay Sun.
Speaker 3: Because he was radioing it, he was like, I've worked
on Berney's car all day to day.
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh okay all day.
Speaker 1: No.
Speaker 2: It was like intermittently It's.
Speaker 1: So funny because Max was like, it's being shock said,
it's being bad, and Bax was like.
Speaker 2: Should I spank? It was like no, Like Max, go
clean up the carpet. Ye literally cleaned up the dog shit.
What was I saying?
Speaker 1: Will's petty noka something right before?
Speaker 2: That doesn't pay attention to what I say. I can't
ask him.
Speaker 1: Okay, well, good to know. I'm gonna get on the
car the backup camera. Oh this is what I was Okay, Okay,
So I'm so used to the Tesla just getting out
of the car and it turns off. And I was
in Wisconsin and my dad has like a little forward car.
He calls it the grocery getter, and so that's.
Speaker 2: What I drive when I'm home.
Speaker 1: And I was driving my dad somewhere and I just
got out of the car and left it running and
walked away totally. And he looked at me and he's
like really really, And I was like, what the car's on?
Speaker 2: The keys in the car?
Speaker 3: Okay, so why, like I am, it's supposed to turn off,
it's to call a cab.
Speaker 2: And they're like you have to pay me? Yeah, yelling
at me. This is weird.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel like I'm on a horse and buggy
God in Wisconsin.
Speaker 2: Oh my God, Okay, what do you think about this?
Speaker 1: This is going around on the internet and I want
to get your two cents on it. They're saying that
over communicating is a form of begging, Like if you
tell someone something and they don't make a change or react,
then you're wasting your time by telling them twice.
Speaker 2: I mean, what's an example.
Speaker 3: Is this more like an a relationship, like something your
partner's doing that you don't like.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think yeah, I think it can be in
a relationship, Like if you continue to say I need
you to do this, I need you to do this,
and they're not doing it and they refuse to acknowledge
it or make any change, then it's like you're begging
them to pay attention to you, right or to acknowledge
your needs.
Speaker 2: And and then do you stay put? Do you keep
saying it or do you walk away? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I mean I guess it's like what level is it
take the trash out or is it not gambling?
Speaker 2: I don't know, it's something they need to do, so
I think take the.
Speaker 1: Trash out is that's one that seems small, but over
time that will derail a marriage.
Speaker 2: Like that's the thing.
Speaker 1: It's like it's not about it's a there's there's a saying,
and I don't remember exactly what it is.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna get it wrong.
Speaker 1: But it's not about the dish, right, It's it's about
the respect. It's not about putting them. Yeah I want, well,
I don't I just put that. It's not about me.
It's not about you not putting the dish in the
dishwasher at three years later. It's about something else, you
know what I mean, Like you not putting the dish
in the dishwasher after I ask you five hundred times
to put the dish in the dishwasher. It's no longer
about me wanting you to do that. It's about you
disrespecting the fact that that is a need of mine. Yeah,
And I don't want to clean up after you, and
you're not fucking listening, right, So it's like I think
those those are like smaller examples that become really big.
But I think I also wonder I'm not making any sense,
And I know that because you're looking at people.
Speaker 2: No, I know what you're saying.
Speaker 3: I'm thinking about my own personal experience and how to
answer the question. I mean, the trash thing is so
huge yea. Like when we moved in together, I was like,
you know, this is something I want you to do.
Speaker 2: Shshank.
Speaker 3: Obviously he's the guy takes the trash out. I'm not
taking the trash out, like I mean, I can't even
imagine it now. I mean I had to for so
many years. But it's like, this is the guy's job.
It's like that everyone reason to get married, so they
take the trash out.
Speaker 2: You don't deal with the trash.
Speaker 1: You don't take the trash out.
Speaker 2: That's no.
Speaker 3: I mean, if it's if he's gone and the trash
is full, but that's his I hate to I don't
like to say that's his job. It's not we don't
like chores. I'm not his mom, but like we have
our own responsibilities.
Speaker 1: So what's your equivalent to that? Like, what do you
do exclusively that he doesn't do?
Speaker 2: Make the money? Yeah, failure out. I mean, what are my.
Speaker 1: You're like, so, nun I do a lot. We both
do a lot. I know, I'm not saying you don't know.
I'm just saying that was like a very gender specific
like men take the trash out.
Speaker 2: So I'm wondering, like.
Speaker 3: What I feel like as a whole. I keep the
house cleaner. Okay, I book the house cleaner. I text
with Ruby. No, but I like, when do we do
have someone come clean every couple of weeks? And in
outside of that window, I keep the house clean, like
I don't. He rarely vacuums, azol sheds like crazy, Like
I'm always with the dice in like I do think
it is. I keep the house clean, love a dice
in and oh my god, like I really get off
on it.
Speaker 2: I do you have.
Speaker 1: The one with the green light?
Speaker 2: I don't know, we know you would know one.
Speaker 1: Okay, No, you have to you have to get the
adult one. Okay, you have to.
Speaker 2: Get the one. You just said a pet.
Speaker 1: No, it's a full size it's a full size stick.
Oh I thought you meant it was just like like
a shark.
Speaker 2: Now it's not that. Okay.
Speaker 1: The mine has a green light and it illuminates all
the dust. I never thought it could be so excited
about cleaton.
Speaker 2: I mean I do it in the dark. Yeah, oh
my god, it's like MTV room writers. There's I'm so funny.
Speaker 1: We can detect your coffee, your dust, here's dust, here's
colored dogs.
Speaker 2: Resident residue. But your boyfriend did and clean up. Talk
about the podcast. Let's talk about it. Okay, talk about it. Well,
we don't have to know, let's talk about it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so anyway, that so I okay, it's fine, you
don't chortes.
Speaker 2: Let's talk about it.
Speaker 3: I don't back to your question, Like, I understand it
being frustrating when to have to continuously ask someone to
do something and you have to decide what your boundary
is and if you want to live like that forever.
Speaker 1: And yeah, so it's like basically what they're saying on
reels and TikTok and whatever is they heard you and
they don't care, you know. So over communication is a
form of begging in that they heard you the first
time and they don't give a fuck because they didn't
change the behavior. Yeah, and so I think that it
can apply to anything big or small, you know. I
don't think it has to be any one thing.
Speaker 2: It just depends on what it is and they might
not care.
Speaker 3: And it also could be a crazy demand, like I
don't know what it is. It just there's such a
spectrum of this from trash to I don't know what
would be like a intense demand. I don't know that's
just I think it just depends on what it is.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like asking for fundamental lifestyle changes, like you golfing
five days a week, it makes me feel isolated or
lonely or whatever, and then they keep golfing five times
a week, you know, but they're like, he's like that
brings me joy, you know. So I think it's just well.
Speaker 3: Then they need to tell you that, Like if you say,
like I need to stop partying, I need to stop golfing,
and I need you to plan more, this, plan more that,
Like your partners should say here's what I can do, right,
here's what I'm not willing to do, and here's what
I can do. The worst thing someone could do is
say okay, I'll stop, and then not stop, and then
you're double disrespected, right, so right, I don't know.
Speaker 1: But yeah, but I also think, okay, so go back,
you take out the trash. Yeah I do, but we alternate.
But now that I know that you don't, I'm not
going to when it comes to trash.
Speaker 3: I'm just not a feminist even I'm like, that's a
feminist at all.
Speaker 1: I would love just kuayludes in a fucking mop, Like I.
Speaker 2: Don't need to do that. I have a pomenis, but
not about the trash like I would. I can't, but
you guys have figured it out. I don't identify.
Speaker 1: Okay, so about the dishes, going back to this point
because it's been.
Speaker 2: In my brain for five minutes.
Speaker 1: So I think the problem with the dish example, or
like little examples like the trash, is that if you
say you have to put the dish in the dishwasher,
and then they don't do it, and then you do
it for them, they get used to the pattern of
you then doing it for them, so they think you
don't mean it.
Speaker 2: Yes, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: So it's like there has to also be some like
you set a boundary, there has to be action that
opposes that boundary. You have to let dishes pile up
until he lives in a home filled with dishes.
Speaker 3: Right, But also like I don't know. I mean, I
am my home is very clean. I want to be
neat and tidy, and I don't want dishes in the
sing But.
Speaker 1: Like, I don't know, sometimes there's a dish in the saying.
Speaker 2: I'm just like I'm a human, you.
Speaker 1: Know, Like I find if you put the dish in
the sake.
Speaker 2: But is there a world in which it's just like.
Speaker 3: One partner is just nagging the other one all the
time and it's just kind of like they're just being
human or is it like a real pattern and they
refuse to clean up after themselves.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know either. I was just
bringing up something I saw on a real Yeah.
Speaker 3: No, I find this really interesting, Like and there's so
many things tied into it, like weaponized incompetence when explain specifically,
men like don't do stuff because like you can.
Speaker 2: Do it better.
Speaker 1: I don't know how to do that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you just like do it better. Kind.
Speaker 1: It's been really interesting living with Max because he keeps
reminding me. He's like, this is my first time living
with someone, so you have to help me. He's like,
you have to like teach me how to be better,
which I think is such a healthy way to approach
living with someone for the first time because I have
so much experience coexisting with someone. I know to clean up,
and I know to take care, and I know to provide,
like to give space when space is needed, Like I
understand pretty well how to coexist. But he's like, this
is my first time, he's like, so please tell me
how to be better at this, which I think is
such a like healthy way to communicate.
Speaker 2: And he's been.
Speaker 3: Great totally and yes, and I think Shock's like really
really perfect partner. So I'll use an ex as an
example here, Like I remember living with an ex who
was the first person I had lived with and like
as a romantic partner, of course, I had like roommates,
and I remember saying, like, can you help.
Speaker 1: Me with the dishes?
Speaker 3: And he and he did, and he like really took
a note. But he was just never going to put
his towel on the towel rack.
Speaker 2: I don't know what it is.
Speaker 3: He would throw it over the top, throw it on
the door. You know, guys love to throw a towel
on the fucking door.
Speaker 2: That's our next mountain working.
Speaker 3: But I decided, and I'm still to this day of
like I am, I'll put his towel in the rack.
I have to pick my battles like he. It doesn't
bother me that much. I'm not picking up his dishes
and his socks after him like he is. He is
sharing the load. But that one thing I'm not going
to nag him. I'll just use the towel, like I
just kind of learned of picking battles and you just
you have to, yeah, because people are going to live
differently than you. I think I talk with this rain
all the time, right, and it's like, I don't know
how I'm going to live with somebody. I just want
to be like picking up after them all the time,
like don't test this and don't pull this out, and
don't leave this here and all of that.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, I.
Speaker 3: Hope you find somebody that is neat and tidy and
appreciates the same way do you want to live because
it is tough to make the adjustment.
Speaker 1: Right, And I think too, have you heard of two things?
One of us a Sean but also have you heard
of living a part together? Yeah? Yeah, something that they
do in England a lot UK primarily, which is having
your own residence and being married or being partnered, like
not sharing homes because some people really can't like.
Speaker 3: Yeah, So I had said this was what I wanted
to do. I was preaching this for years before it
even had that term. And we did have a guest
on that talked about that and she was wonderful. Name
was Kelly Coin. And people love that episode, and she
is a professor and it was wonderful. She had all
the stats right, Like, it was a really wonderful episode
that we did. If you guys want to listen to
it and look for Kelly Coin and living apart Together
is probably in the title. I can't remember exactly, and
I'd always said that. I said my dream was to
live in the same neighborhood as my partner, like across
the street.
Speaker 1: Like Courtney and Travis, like next door, yeah, or.
Speaker 2: Adjoining houses, you know, a little walkway like it's an airport. Yeah.
Speaker 3: But I just found the right partner, and I really
do love living with him. We work really well together.
But I just got lucky there too, like I chose well.
But yeah, it's tough to blend those lifestyles.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Okay.
Speaker 1: This brings me to my next point, which is that
you always speak very highly of your partner and your friendships,
which I think is very healthy. But I can't relate, No,
I can't. I just wonder if you're genuinely Okay, So
I'm wondering if you genuinely having this sixperience, do you
actually like.
Speaker 2: To shock we're not married. I'm trying to I'm gonna
trying to tease this all episode. So I think we are.
I think we are. Is it actually that great?
Speaker 1: Or are you the kind of person that if there's drama,
you leave it in the room it is in and
you don't carry it with you or I'm around the neighborhood.
Speaker 3: So Sehank and I do have a really healthy relationship.
We don't have a lot of conflict. I really I
love what we have and that we don't have a
lot of conflict.
Speaker 2: We but we do have some.
Speaker 3: We're human, and when we have conflict or I'm frustrated
about something, I initially think can I.
Speaker 2: Work through this myself?
Speaker 3: And if I really feel like I need to vent,
I just usually talk to Reina, And that's kind of it.
Speaker 2: I don't I don't know.
Speaker 3: I used to run around and circle the wagons with
an X of mine. Again, we had to really talk
to relationships. Was not really comparable at all. But like
I used to tell everybody everything, and it frames the
way they think of them. And I think everybody loves
Shahank and they're not going to think poorly of them.
And if I were to share something, but I just
don't need to share everything all the time if we
can work it out ourselves, or again, I tell Raina
because she knows me the best, she knows him the best,
and she's not going to think differently about him.
Speaker 2: But I don't know. I don't. I wouldn't call it
an over correction.
Speaker 3: But I used to be that person that told my parents,
you know, they hated my ex and there was a
lot to hate, like we had a bad relationship and
we should have broken up before we did. But I
just used to share more. And I kind of I
want to keep my relationship sacred. I want people to
think highly of him. And he doesn't do anything, he's wonderful.
But that's my frame of mind, is like do I
even need to tell anybody this? And a lot of
that is just growth on my end, and but I
don't hold stuff in, and I just usually, like again,
speak to Raina. I would if we went to lunch
and I was dealing with something, I would talk to
you too, you know, like it's not that I haven't yet,
so I would love to you after this. And then
my friendships, I mean, I love my friends. I don't
I don't have a lot of conflict with friends either,
But I do have some, and I feel like I
talked to you when I had that friendship breakup. This
was a couple of years back back, and I've shared
with you and we are no longer friends. And yeah,
I have had a few other like less important friendships
fall by the wayside for various reasons.
Speaker 2: One like a political thing whatever, like and you know
about that.
Speaker 3: And I love to talk shit, yeah, but I guess
I don't want to get in like a toxic loop
of talking shit about my friends. I don't think any
of us really really do. But I do talk about
stuff going on in my friendships with other friends. I
think it's helpful, Like I do remember talking to you
a lot about that friendship breakup of mine and you
sharing about yours and that kind of thing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think there's two there's two schools of thought
on this and one and it doesn't have to be
necessarily with you know, romantic relationships, but relationships in general,
or like when women experience any sort of drama, the
reason that it takes them longer, I'll just use a
breakup as an example, but like the reason that it
takes them longer to get over it is because they're
rehashing it with every single friend they have, And so
when you're rehashing something and excruciating detail, you're reliving it,
and your body doesn't know the difference between going through
it in the moment and rehashing it, so your body
thinks you're still like.
Speaker 2: In an ongoing trauma.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and it takes much longer for women to move
on because they won't stop talking about it. So I
do think it's I do think what you're doing is healthy,
and I again wish I could do it, But I
just think it's interesting because like guys when they're going
through a breakup, they'll just like go to the bar,
get some beers, you know, hang out with their bodies,
and like not really talk about it too much. And
I don't know if that's healthy or easier either, because
they might just be like, you know, burying feelings down
until it turns to ass cancer.
Speaker 2: But like one hundred percent, I mean, I don't know.
I think guys.
Speaker 3: Actually that their trauma last way longer, Like the guys
got dumped once in college and can't commit till they're
forty five. Yeah, you know, So I think that women
get through it quicker when and they actually put it
to rest, but meanwhile they're retraumatizing themselves every time they
share the story at brunch, right, Like, I think you
have to figure out what your own boundary is, where
you have to realize that every time you tell the
story again, you are reading.
Speaker 1: Working yourself up. I was realizing that and catching that
in my loop with the designers, because I.
Speaker 2: Was just like, who haven't I told about this?
Speaker 1: Yeah? No, And it's like it was like intoxicating because
it was such a dramatic story and it was so crazy,
and I was like, ye, another thing, like I couldn't
believe what was going on. But then I also was
like in a really unhealthy headspace and I was like, Okay,
it's time to move the fuck on, Like we have
to stop.
Speaker 2: Talking about I know.
Speaker 3: I mean I had a situation I really don't want
to share all the details, but with a designer as well, yeah,
right before my wedding, and I felt really wronged and
just like taking advantage of and all the things. And
I mean it was a good manipulatory Yeah yeah, I
mean it was crazy.
Speaker 2: It was a great story.
Speaker 3: I loved fucking telling it, and then I just had
to put it to rest, and I was like, again, yes,
every time I'm rehashing this, I'm getting my heart rate
is up and I'm about to get married and I
have to I'm not going to get revenge or anything like,
I have to let this go and clear it from
my body and my brain. But and I think with
when you decide to put something to rest, you can
tell your friends I'm done talking with like, with all
due respect, with love, Like if they want to rile
you up or ask what's going on, you can say like,
I've moved past that and I really don't want to
rehash it, and I think they should respect that. I
think the tough thing with sharing so much about your
romantic relationship, for example, the ups and downs and the
fights and the drama, is then when people ask, so,
how's it going, you know, and then you're like, oh,
we're fine, what are.
Speaker 1: You talking about? Like, well you yeah, so I said,
that's what you expect.
Speaker 3: You have to be cautious of who you tell, Like
with you with the designers, I can't even imagine if
I would have checked in, you'd be like, oh, we're fine,
we worked it out.
Speaker 2: And like, no, you have it, No, you have not
you got us all worked.
Speaker 1: Out unless you got the fucking receipt Unless you got
the receipts and you're going to share them in adf Yeah,
I never got the receipts, right, so I will tell
you what happened. Yeah, we tended to catch up. Okay, Well,
I love you so much. Oh wait, we have to
do word of the week. Okay, Mike, well kill me.
Speaker 2: Where to the week? We're making everyone smarter?
Speaker 1: Mike picked vocab, Yes, yes, love this. Mike picked words
that aren't English. No, but I loved Okay, this one's
a good one, but it's not English. Okay, red true
veil I R A t r O U v A
I L l E. I would imagine that's French name,
saying it wrong, like are you gonna? Retil is a
French word. French word that means rediscovery. It's a noun
being reunited with someone you love, and it is an
example of that, like me and you right now?
Speaker 2: Okay, and Mike, because Mike loves me so much? Mike,
can I fought worry about these words? Look at the words.
You tell me if any of those.
Speaker 1: Are English, tell me if they're not beautiful, they're beautiful.
Speaker 4: And they were words to learn.
Speaker 2: But I like, I like Medanoya. Medanoya, what's that?
Speaker 3: The journey of changing your mind, heart, self and way
of life, a spiritual awakening. Oh I love that was
an example. I don't know that one these words are crazy.
I love the meme that says, you know and your
friends trying not a new word.
Speaker 1: It's literally me in this podcast medanoia, Right, I think
Randa does that. Like people will say, like when we
have an episode, they're like drink every time someone said
they said Raina's word of the week was oscillate this week,
like people will recognize it, and I'm like, good for her.
Speaker 2: She's trying to.
Speaker 1: She read a book, she looked up a word. No,
I just want everyone to be smarter metanoia.
Speaker 2: I already forgot their gratitude.
Speaker 1: What is retronaut rete the joy Reunite.
Speaker 2: He's like, they're beautiful words. They are beautiful words. I
can't say any of them. Are you a word? No,
it's me, it's me. I like the word of the week,
but I usually have a book the crazy words. Well,
because I forgot my I got.
Speaker 4: A text message five minutes before the episode that said, hey,
can you pick some words of the week.
Speaker 2: Okay, Mike relaxed.
Speaker 1: He was more bad earlier. Trust me, we got to fight.
I had to pell Lacy before and I was like,
leog do you know that word. He's like, yeah, that's
my cousin.
Speaker 2: No, that is so quick and funny. Oh my gosh,
I'm screaming. Okay, tell everyone where they can follow you, please.
Speaker 3: Uh you can listen to my packcast. Girls gotta eat.
I am ash Hess on Instagram and TikTok and I
do have a special coming out someday somewhere.
Speaker 2: Some watch this. Just watch the Throne. Okay, bye, besties.
We love you so I thank you.