Speaker 1: Hey, damn it, Hey, I'm sorry. I guess I deserve that. Look,
Speaker 1: I get it. You're mad, You're pest, probably hurt, angry, upset.
Speaker 1: Words can't describe how you feel. I know I had
Speaker 1: a speech planned out, but I doubt you can't even
Speaker 1: hear me. It doesnt matter. I'll say whatever I have to,
Speaker 1: and then then I'll go, and if you want, you'll
Speaker 1: never have to see me again. I'll go away for
Speaker 1: good if it helps you heal and move on. I
Speaker 1: maybe you already did, and I am just a ghost
Speaker 1: that popped out of nowhere and needs to go. Fuck. Okay, So,
Speaker 1: as you may know, I was gone for a few
Speaker 1: ones fuck I don't even know how many, five or six. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and you probably want an explanation on where the fuck
Speaker 1: I've been and why I was gone, and I don't
Speaker 1: know everything, or maybe you wanted to not anymore. I'll
Speaker 1: see either way. Look, I was How the fuck do
Speaker 1: you even say this? I knew some space, okay, and
Speaker 1: not from you, of course, just space to think, to feel,
Speaker 1: to figure things out here. Who I am, what I want?
Speaker 1: How the fact? Do stop being a piece of shit? Boyfriend?
Speaker 1: Too late, I realized that going away without even a goodbye.
Speaker 1: Isn't HI you do that I missed you. I missed
Speaker 1: you a lot. I thought about you every day. I
Speaker 1: thought that i'd become for just a week or two,
Speaker 1: but I wasn't, and I didn't think that I need
Speaker 1: to tell you about it at first. I know it's stupid,
Speaker 1: I know, but it's stupid because it ended up being
Speaker 1: a lot more. And I couldn't quite message you because
Speaker 1: I was You're gonna believe this, But I was out
Speaker 1: of the country and I didn't bring anything with me. Yeah,
Speaker 1: please please tell me you believe that. Why the fuck
Speaker 1: am I even doing this? You're probably not even listening.
Speaker 1: It is a master I don't deserve to be heard
Speaker 1: after what I did to you. But yeah, I really
Speaker 1: was out of the country and I didn't bring anything
Speaker 1: with me, any of my devices, no phone, no laptop, nothing.
Speaker 1: You know, I don't know any of my passwords, so
Speaker 1: I had no way to contact you. If you're wondering
Speaker 1: where I was, I had a friend in Canada and
Speaker 1: I stayed there. It wasn't don't worry to not happened
Speaker 1: between us. All this sounds seeming worse, but I was
Speaker 1: just staying over at a friend's place for five months
Speaker 1: without telling anyone. Yeah, I know, but he was just
Speaker 1: the buddy, and there wasn't a day that I hadn't
Speaker 1: thought about you. Like I said, I got what I
Speaker 1: wanted from that trip or vacation. I guess I feel
Speaker 1: better I say things more clearly now. Of course I
Speaker 1: don't like the price I had to pay for it,
Speaker 1: which was you. But if you're asking me if it
Speaker 1: was worth it being away from you, maybe, but losing you, no,
Speaker 1: of course not never. I love you, I really love you.
Speaker 1: But at the same time, if you moved on after
Speaker 1: a while, if you said you'll find out goodbye, but
Speaker 1: I wasn't here, I understand it's okay. I want you
Speaker 1: to know that it's okay to be happy without me
Speaker 1: with someone else. Did you Did you find someone else? Pumpkin?
Speaker 1: Damn it. I never thought that this day would come.
Speaker 1: I knew I was dumb and I wasn't the best
Speaker 1: no matter how much he tried. But to think that
Speaker 1: my stupidity would be the end of us during a
Speaker 1: million years, never would I have thought of that. I
Speaker 1: always thought that you'd just be around, you know, no
Speaker 1: matter when or what I'd always have you around. I
Speaker 1: thought that you'd always have me around, but but that
Speaker 1: wasn't the case. And I guess now Karmike is a bitch.
Speaker 1: I still love you, Pumpkin. I still love you so
Speaker 1: much it hurts. It feels like my heart's gonna explode
Speaker 1: from how much all of this hurts. Being so close
Speaker 1: yet so far away from you. The thought of the
Speaker 1: realization of having lost you forever breaks me in a
Speaker 1: way I can't describe. I can't begin to tell you
Speaker 1: how sorry I am for everything I've done to you,
Speaker 1: to us. You didn't deserve that, you deserved something, someone better,
Speaker 1: and against against all male offer you. I hope you
Speaker 1: managed to find that. I'm sorry I was gone. I
Speaker 1: can imagine how you must have felt. I'm sorry for
Speaker 1: all the worry and heartbreak I put you through. I'm
Speaker 1: sorry for for the onliest longing, the fuck, the blame
Speaker 1: and guilt. Probably I wonder if you thought that maybe
Speaker 1: you could have done something to stop whatever was happening
Speaker 1: to me, And the answer is there wasn't. I'm sorry
Speaker 1: I wasn't there to tell you that. I hope somebody did,
Speaker 1: but I tolt you believe them. I know you Pumpkin,
Speaker 1: and I know how much you love me, so I
Speaker 1: can only imagine what my disappearance must have done to you.
Speaker 1: I am really sorry. Look, I don't have much left
Speaker 1: to say. The only reason I'm here is because getting
Speaker 1: up and leaving means that I have lost you for
Speaker 1: good and there is no going back to us anymore.
Speaker 1: I can't. I can't do that. How the fuck am
Speaker 1: I supposed to do that? Sure? Yeah, I've been talking,
Speaker 1: but I think that it's been mostly to myself. I
Speaker 1: love you, I guess. I guess that's it. Huh No,
Speaker 1: I love you back. If you're behind that, people who
Speaker 1: I don't know I am. At least you got to
Speaker 1: see that I'm alive and well despite what you may
Speaker 1: have feared these past months. I'll get going now. Goodbye, Bumpkin.
Speaker 1: I guess this is a final time I speak to you.
Speaker 1: You doesn't have to be. You know where I live.
Speaker 1: You can always come and visit, but I don't expect
Speaker 1: you to not after what I did. How could you?
Speaker 1: I broke your heart? I'm sorry for everything. I love again.
Speaker 1: I'll get going now. I hope that you're happy at peace.
Speaker 1: What up? Oh my pumpkin? What are you Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: come on in No, No, I wasn't crying. Yeah, you
Speaker 1: could always see through my What was you think? Of
Speaker 1: course it was about you, about us. What else could
Speaker 1: it be about? Because I miss you. I miss you
Speaker 1: a lot, Pumpkin. I miss you every single day. I
Speaker 1: had to go, Pumpkin, I I had another choice. It
Speaker 1: was for the best, okay, for me, for you, for
Speaker 1: everything I knew. It didn't feel like it, Pumpkin. I
Speaker 1: didn't just go on for six months like that without
Speaker 1: sending you a message. I couldn't. I physically couldn't. You
Speaker 1: heard everything I said? Wow, that's yeah. I am surprised.
Speaker 1: I thought I was talking to myself at a maniac
Speaker 1: in front of your door. I'm surprised you didn't call
Speaker 1: the cops on me or something. No, no, of course
Speaker 1: you're not that type of person. You're the most loving person.
Speaker 1: I had a fortunate meeting here, simply the best. I didn't.
Speaker 1: I didn't leave you. I mean I did, but that
Speaker 1: wasn't d n called Pumpkin. D En goal was for
Speaker 1: me to find myself. Yeah. I know it sounds stupid,
Speaker 1: but I needed space. I needed that, and you know it.
Speaker 1: It sucks, but you know it, Pumpkin, I was a
Speaker 1: happy love. I I'm sorry. I probably shouldn't call you that,
Speaker 1: but you know that I had issues the past few
Speaker 1: months when we were together. I didn't talk about it
Speaker 1: because it had nothing to do with you. Nothing, none
Speaker 1: of myself had anything to do with you. I left,
Speaker 1: But you weren't the reason. No, no, don't be sorry.
Speaker 1: You couldn't do something more. It was my stuff to
Speaker 1: do with and I did do with it, and I'm
Speaker 1: better now. I'm happy, or as happy as I can
Speaker 1: be while I get used to having lost you for good.
Speaker 1: No maybe, no, no, nothing was your fault. It was
Speaker 1: all on me. Everything was on me. Yeah, of course
Speaker 1: you don't want to forgive me. I don't want to
Speaker 1: forgive myself for what I did easier, but that is
Speaker 1: not how healing works. Yeah, I know I've changed, kind
Speaker 1: of the whole reason I was gone. Do you really
Speaker 1: want to know what I did in Canada? Uh? Smoke
Speaker 1: and drink coffee and party. Yeah, I started smoking again.
Speaker 1: I couldn't help it, but I quit, I promise, not
Speaker 1: that you probably care. No, no, no, no, no, I didn't
Speaker 1: ruin us for smoking and partying. I thought a lot
Speaker 1: about life, asked me you planned worry to catastrophized and
Speaker 1: everything in between. Yeah, you should waste your time thinking
Speaker 1: about what to do it, but just do it. I know,
Speaker 1: I know. I it's stupid. Everything about what I did
Speaker 1: was stupid, but I needed it. I just wish that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it didn't cost us. Of course, of course I'm crying.
Speaker 1: I'm satisfied. I miss you. I miss you so much,
Speaker 1: but I'm kin. If I know that things would turn
Speaker 1: out to be this way, I never would have done that.
Speaker 1: I'd pick you over so much needed boring philosophy any day. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I regret everything. I wish I could go back in
Speaker 1: time and change how things turned out. But that's another
Speaker 1: thing I learned. There is no reverse button. There is
Speaker 1: no stopping yourself from making stupid decisions. You can only
Speaker 1: hope that whatever it is you did, it's fixable, and
Speaker 1: if you can't, you better prayed that you can live
Speaker 1: with it, like how I have to live with the
Speaker 1: with the decisions that I made. I hate it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I want you back in my life more than anything,
Speaker 1: But you're gone. You're gone, and Pumpkin or I told
Speaker 1: that well that you'd moved on found someone then why
Speaker 1: why did you slam the door on me? Yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: not surprised. Of course you were angry. Of course you
Speaker 1: were hurried. Of Course you didn't want to couldn't see me.
Speaker 1: I could batterly look myself in the mirror after what
Speaker 1: it did to you. But then, why? Yeah? Why did
Speaker 1: you kiss me? I sold you hated me, you didn't.
Speaker 1: I don't get it. You're right, I don't have to
Speaker 1: get it. But what's this mean? Though? What's this mean
Speaker 1: for us? You're willing to give us a chance? Really,
Speaker 1: even after all of these months? Why? Nyeah? We have
Speaker 1: been together for years. No, I wouldn't want to do
Speaker 1: that away over a few months. Oh, I see where
Speaker 1: this is going. But I hurt you so much in
Speaker 1: those few months. You didn't even know if I was alive,
Speaker 1: you knew how you could feel it. Okay, that's sweet.
Speaker 1: I guess I'm not sure what to say that. No, No,
Speaker 1: of course, I'm not laughing because it's funny. It's just
Speaker 1: I don't know that's why you couldn't move on. Maybe
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You're glad you didn't me too,
Speaker 1: But what if? What if I screw up again? What
Speaker 1: if I heard you again. What if that's it, then
Speaker 1: that behait? Yeah? Yeah, that makes sense, of course. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's okay, it's only fair. I don't even deserve this
Speaker 1: one chance you're giving me. But I am scared, Pumpkin.
Speaker 1: I am so scared I'll suck up everything and I'll
Speaker 1: lose you for good. This time. I already did that one,
Speaker 1: and I would rather not go through it again. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I know I didn't lose you for real, but as
Speaker 1: insue as hell feels like it, and it felt like hell,
Speaker 1: you trust me? Yeah, but what if I don't? What
Speaker 1: if I don't trust myself? No, you'll trust me for
Speaker 1: both of us. Okay, I love you, Pumpkin. I hope
Speaker 1: that one day I can make up for disappearing like that.