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<v Speaker 1>Hey, damn it, Hey, I'm sorry. I guess I deserve that. Look,

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<v Speaker 1>I get it. You're mad, You're pest, probably hurt, angry, upset.

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<v Speaker 1>Words can't describe how you feel. I know I had

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<v Speaker 1>a speech planned out, but I doubt you can't even

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<v Speaker 1>hear me. It doesnt matter. I'll say whatever I have to,

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<v Speaker 1>and then then I'll go, and if you want, you'll

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<v Speaker 1>never have to see me again. I'll go away for

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<v Speaker 1>good if it helps you heal and move on. I

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<v Speaker 1>maybe you already did, and I am just a ghost

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<v Speaker 1>that popped out of nowhere and needs to go. Fuck. Okay, So,

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<v Speaker 1>as you may know, I was gone for a few

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<v Speaker 1>ones fuck I don't even know how many, five or six. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>and you probably want an explanation on where the fuck

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<v Speaker 1>I've been and why I was gone, and I don't

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<v Speaker 1>know everything, or maybe you wanted to not anymore. I'll

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<v Speaker 1>see either way. Look, I was How the fuck do

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<v Speaker 1>you even say this? I knew some space, okay, and

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<v Speaker 1>not from you, of course, just space to think, to feel,

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<v Speaker 1>to figure things out here. Who I am, what I want?

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<v Speaker 1>How the fact? Do stop being a piece of shit? Boyfriend?

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<v Speaker 1>Too late, I realized that going away without even a goodbye.

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<v Speaker 1>Isn't HI you do that I missed you. I missed

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<v Speaker 1>you a lot. I thought about you every day. I

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<v Speaker 1>thought that i'd become for just a week or two,

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<v Speaker 1>but I wasn't, and I didn't think that I need

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<v Speaker 1>to tell you about it at first. I know it's stupid,

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<v Speaker 1>I know, but it's stupid because it ended up being

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<v Speaker 1>a lot more. And I couldn't quite message you because

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<v Speaker 1>I was You're gonna believe this, But I was out

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<v Speaker 1>of the country and I didn't bring anything with me. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>please please tell me you believe that. Why the fuck

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<v Speaker 1>am I even doing this? You're probably not even listening.

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<v Speaker 1>It is a master I don't deserve to be heard

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<v Speaker 1>after what I did to you. But yeah, I really

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<v Speaker 1>was out of the country and I didn't bring anything

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<v Speaker 1>with me, any of my devices, no phone, no laptop, nothing.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, I don't know any of my passwords, so

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<v Speaker 1>I had no way to contact you. If you're wondering

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<v Speaker 1>where I was, I had a friend in Canada and

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<v Speaker 1>I stayed there. It wasn't don't worry to not happened

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<v Speaker 1>between us. All this sounds seeming worse, but I was

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<v Speaker 1>just staying over at a friend's place for five months

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<v Speaker 1>without telling anyone. Yeah, I know, but he was just

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<v Speaker 1>the buddy, and there wasn't a day that I hadn't

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<v Speaker 1>thought about you. Like I said, I got what I

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<v Speaker 1>wanted from that trip or vacation. I guess I feel

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<v Speaker 1>better I say things more clearly now. Of course I

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<v Speaker 1>don't like the price I had to pay for it,

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<v Speaker 1>which was you. But if you're asking me if it

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<v Speaker 1>was worth it being away from you, maybe, but losing you, no,

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<v Speaker 1>of course not never. I love you, I really love you.

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<v Speaker 1>But at the same time, if you moved on after

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<v Speaker 1>a while, if you said you'll find out goodbye, but

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<v Speaker 1>I wasn't here, I understand it's okay. I want you

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<v Speaker 1>to know that it's okay to be happy without me

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<v Speaker 1>with someone else. Did you Did you find someone else? Pumpkin?

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<v Speaker 1>Damn it. I never thought that this day would come.

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<v Speaker 1>I knew I was dumb and I wasn't the best

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<v Speaker 1>no matter how much he tried. But to think that

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<v Speaker 1>my stupidity would be the end of us during a

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<v Speaker 1>million years, never would I have thought of that. I

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<v Speaker 1>always thought that you'd just be around, you know, no

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<v Speaker 1>matter when or what I'd always have you around. I

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<v Speaker 1>thought that you'd always have me around, but but that

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<v Speaker 1>wasn't the case. And I guess now Karmike is a bitch.

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<v Speaker 1>I still love you, Pumpkin. I still love you so

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<v Speaker 1>much it hurts. It feels like my heart's gonna explode

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<v Speaker 1>from how much all of this hurts. Being so close

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<v Speaker 1>yet so far away from you. The thought of the

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<v Speaker 1>realization of having lost you forever breaks me in a

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<v Speaker 1>way I can't describe. I can't begin to tell you

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<v Speaker 1>how sorry I am for everything I've done to you,

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<v Speaker 1>to us. You didn't deserve that, you deserved something, someone better,

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<v Speaker 1>and against against all male offer you. I hope you

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<v Speaker 1>managed to find that. I'm sorry I was gone. I

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<v Speaker 1>can imagine how you must have felt. I'm sorry for

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<v Speaker 1>all the worry and heartbreak I put you through. I'm

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<v Speaker 1>sorry for for the onliest longing, the fuck, the blame

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<v Speaker 1>and guilt. Probably I wonder if you thought that maybe

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<v Speaker 1>you could have done something to stop whatever was happening

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<v Speaker 1>to me, And the answer is there wasn't. I'm sorry

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<v Speaker 1>I wasn't there to tell you that. I hope somebody did,

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<v Speaker 1>but I tolt you believe them. I know you Pumpkin,

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<v Speaker 1>and I know how much you love me, so I

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<v Speaker 1>can only imagine what my disappearance must have done to you.

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<v Speaker 1>I am really sorry. Look, I don't have much left

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<v Speaker 1>to say. The only reason I'm here is because getting

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<v Speaker 1>up and leaving means that I have lost you for

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<v Speaker 1>good and there is no going back to us anymore.

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<v Speaker 1>I can't. I can't do that. How the fuck am

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<v Speaker 1>I supposed to do that? Sure? Yeah, I've been talking,

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<v Speaker 1>but I think that it's been mostly to myself. I

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<v Speaker 1>love you, I guess. I guess that's it. Huh No,

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<v Speaker 1>I love you back. If you're behind that, people who

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know I am. At least you got to

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<v Speaker 1>see that I'm alive and well despite what you may

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<v Speaker 1>have feared these past months. I'll get going now. Goodbye, Bumpkin.

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<v Speaker 1>I guess this is a final time I speak to you.

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<v Speaker 1>You doesn't have to be. You know where I live.

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<v Speaker 1>You can always come and visit, but I don't expect

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<v Speaker 1>you to not after what I did. How could you?

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<v Speaker 1>I broke your heart? I'm sorry for everything. I love again.

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<v Speaker 1>I'll get going now. I hope that you're happy at peace.

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<v Speaker 1>What up? Oh my pumpkin? What are you Yeah, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>come on in No, No, I wasn't crying. Yeah, you

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<v Speaker 1>could always see through my What was you think? Of

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<v Speaker 1>course it was about you, about us. What else could

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<v Speaker 1>it be about? Because I miss you. I miss you

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<v Speaker 1>a lot, Pumpkin. I miss you every single day. I

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<v Speaker 1>had to go, Pumpkin, I I had another choice. It

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<v Speaker 1>was for the best, okay, for me, for you, for

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<v Speaker 1>everything I knew. It didn't feel like it, Pumpkin. I

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<v Speaker 1>didn't just go on for six months like that without

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<v Speaker 1>sending you a message. I couldn't. I physically couldn't. You

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<v Speaker 1>heard everything I said? Wow, that's yeah. I am surprised.

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<v Speaker 1>I thought I was talking to myself at a maniac

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<v Speaker 1>in front of your door. I'm surprised you didn't call

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<v Speaker 1>the cops on me or something. No, no, of course

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<v Speaker 1>you're not that type of person. You're the most loving person.

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<v Speaker 1>I had a fortunate meeting here, simply the best. I didn't.

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<v Speaker 1>I didn't leave you. I mean I did, but that

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<v Speaker 1>wasn't d n called Pumpkin. D En goal was for

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<v Speaker 1>me to find myself. Yeah. I know it sounds stupid,

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<v Speaker 1>but I needed space. I needed that, and you know it.

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<v Speaker 1>It sucks, but you know it, Pumpkin, I was a

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<v Speaker 1>happy love. I I'm sorry. I probably shouldn't call you that,

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<v Speaker 1>but you know that I had issues the past few

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<v Speaker 1>months when we were together. I didn't talk about it

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<v Speaker 1>because it had nothing to do with you. Nothing, none

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<v Speaker 1>of myself had anything to do with you. I left,

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<v Speaker 1>But you weren't the reason. No, no, don't be sorry.

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<v Speaker 1>You couldn't do something more. It was my stuff to

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<v Speaker 1>do with and I did do with it, and I'm

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<v Speaker 1>better now. I'm happy, or as happy as I can

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<v Speaker 1>be while I get used to having lost you for good.

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<v Speaker 1>No maybe, no, no, nothing was your fault. It was

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<v Speaker 1>all on me. Everything was on me. Yeah, of course

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<v Speaker 1>you don't want to forgive me. I don't want to

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<v Speaker 1>forgive myself for what I did easier, but that is

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<v Speaker 1>not how healing works. Yeah, I know I've changed, kind

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<v Speaker 1>of the whole reason I was gone. Do you really

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<v Speaker 1>want to know what I did in Canada? Uh? Smoke

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<v Speaker 1>and drink coffee and party. Yeah, I started smoking again.

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<v Speaker 1>I couldn't help it, but I quit, I promise, not

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<v Speaker 1>that you probably care. No, no, no, no, no, I didn't

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<v Speaker 1>ruin us for smoking and partying. I thought a lot

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<v Speaker 1>about life, asked me you planned worry to catastrophized and

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<v Speaker 1>everything in between. Yeah, you should waste your time thinking

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<v Speaker 1>about what to do it, but just do it. I know,

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<v Speaker 1>I know. I it's stupid. Everything about what I did

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<v Speaker 1>was stupid, but I needed it. I just wish that. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>it didn't cost us. Of course, of course I'm crying.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm satisfied. I miss you. I miss you so much,

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<v Speaker 1>but I'm kin. If I know that things would turn

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<v Speaker 1>out to be this way, I never would have done that.

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<v Speaker 1>I'd pick you over so much needed boring philosophy any day. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>I regret everything. I wish I could go back in

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<v Speaker 1>time and change how things turned out. But that's another

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<v Speaker 1>thing I learned. There is no reverse button. There is

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<v Speaker 1>no stopping yourself from making stupid decisions. You can only

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<v Speaker 1>hope that whatever it is you did, it's fixable, and

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<v Speaker 1>if you can't, you better prayed that you can live

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<v Speaker 1>with it, like how I have to live with the

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<v Speaker 1>with the decisions that I made. I hate it. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>I want you back in my life more than anything,

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<v Speaker 1>But you're gone. You're gone, and Pumpkin or I told

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<v Speaker 1>that well that you'd moved on found someone then why

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<v Speaker 1>why did you slam the door on me? Yeah, I'm

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<v Speaker 1>not surprised. Of course you were angry. Of course you

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<v Speaker 1>were hurried. Of Course you didn't want to couldn't see me.

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<v Speaker 1>I could batterly look myself in the mirror after what

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<v Speaker 1>it did to you. But then, why? Yeah? Why did

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<v Speaker 1>you kiss me? I sold you hated me, you didn't.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't get it. You're right, I don't have to

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<v Speaker 1>get it. But what's this mean? Though? What's this mean

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<v Speaker 1>for us? You're willing to give us a chance? Really,

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<v Speaker 1>even after all of these months? Why? Nyeah? We have

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<v Speaker 1>been together for years. No, I wouldn't want to do

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<v Speaker 1>that away over a few months. Oh, I see where

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<v Speaker 1>this is going. But I hurt you so much in

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<v Speaker 1>those few months. You didn't even know if I was alive,

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<v Speaker 1>you knew how you could feel it. Okay, that's sweet.

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<v Speaker 1>I guess I'm not sure what to say that. No, No,

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<v Speaker 1>of course, I'm not laughing because it's funny. It's just

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know that's why you couldn't move on. Maybe

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<v Speaker 1>I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You're glad you didn't me too,

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<v Speaker 1>But what if? What if I screw up again? What

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<v Speaker 1>if I heard you again. What if that's it, then

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<v Speaker 1>that behait? Yeah? Yeah, that makes sense, of course. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>that's okay, it's only fair. I don't even deserve this

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<v Speaker 1>one chance you're giving me. But I am scared, Pumpkin.

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<v Speaker 1>I am so scared I'll suck up everything and I'll

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<v Speaker 1>lose you for good. This time. I already did that one,

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<v Speaker 1>and I would rather not go through it again. Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>I know I didn't lose you for real, but as

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<v Speaker 1>insue as hell feels like it, and it felt like hell,

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<v Speaker 1>you trust me? Yeah, but what if I don't? What

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<v Speaker 1>if I don't trust myself? No, you'll trust me for

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<v Speaker 1>both of us. Okay, I love you, Pumpkin. I hope

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<v Speaker 1>that one day I can make up for disappearing like that.