Speaker 1: Starting off of the Minnesota Goodbye. This one came in
Speaker 1: not via email, but a Facebook messenger message. I want
Speaker 1: to say thank you Dave and the crew. My name
Speaker 1: is Heimi or Hima Hima. That's pronounced they give me pronunciation.
Speaker 1: Been listening for three years now from Austin, Texas. I
Speaker 1: wanted to say how much of a help you've been
Speaker 1: with my loneliness. I went from managing a restaurant and
Speaker 1: people to starting my own food truck. It's long hours
Speaker 1: and I work by myself. The hardest part is being
Speaker 1: alone all day. When I got y'all in the background talking,
Speaker 1: I sometimes bust out laughing to what you guys are saying.
Speaker 1: It feels like I got people there just goofing off
Speaker 1: in the kitchen. It helps me get through the day
Speaker 1: and not go crazy in my own head. Also, if
Speaker 1: I ever see vont in person, I'm throwing a rare
Speaker 1: steak at his face, disrespecting the steak. The other day
Speaker 1: he said, well done. The food is already dead. Why
Speaker 1: do you want to kill it? Twice was Vaunt saying
Speaker 1: that he does like he only likes well done.
Speaker 2: Yeah, only well done takes gross.
Speaker 3: Yes, I will say I understand how she feels from
Speaker 3: from talking to people all day working in a restaurant
Speaker 3: or whatever it was she was managing to being alone
Speaker 3: in a food truck. Because when I worked at Bubba
Speaker 3: Gumps and then I went to working in a desk
Speaker 3: job nine to five, I was so lonely. It was
Speaker 3: such a shock to me because I was talking to
Speaker 3: people all day, looking twelve hour doubles to like sitting
Speaker 3: behind a desk, having barely any conversations outside of an email,
Speaker 3: and I just like I hated it.
Speaker 1: We're a very social kind of a person. I don't
Speaker 1: think that. I mean, I really enjoy like coming in
Speaker 1: and hang out with you guys, because I really love
Speaker 1: you guys, and you're all fun and different in your ways,
Speaker 1: and so if I didn't get to hang out with you,
Speaker 1: I don't know how life would be, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, Like if you're.
Speaker 3: Just sitting in here by yourself doing a show, not
Speaker 3: chit chatting with us. And I know that we like
Speaker 3: talk to people through texting and like phone calls, but
Speaker 3: like to be in the presence of someone else.
Speaker 2: It's just a different thing.
Speaker 1: Okay, yesterday we talked about the guy with the world's
Speaker 1: largest confirmed penis medically confirmed. And I didn't say how
Speaker 1: long it.
Speaker 2: Was, Yeah, because you were.
Speaker 1: I was gonna kind of tease you with this one.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Did you guys want to make a guess or did
Speaker 1: you already look it up? Well we already yesterday it
Speaker 1: was your guesses again.
Speaker 2: I think I said, did I say a foot? You
Speaker 2: said a foot and I said fifteen inches?
Speaker 1: Fourteen inches a little over fourteen inches? Yeah, okay, Now
Speaker 1: if you take a ruler remember from school, and spread
Speaker 1: your fingers about that far apart as a ruler, and
Speaker 1: then add on another two inches that is. And the
Speaker 1: funny thing is this guy, Matt Barr. He looks like
Speaker 1: a chubbier John Lovett's or a chubbier Kevin Kneelin.
Speaker 2: Cute.
Speaker 1: He's not cute. No, so Shannon writes in, and she says,
Speaker 1: I'm a god. Wednesday's mass produced pr email for the
Speaker 1: guy with a huge penis had me laughing all the
Speaker 1: way to the gym. Geez, I'm sorry, your huge schlong
Speaker 1: is causing much trauma. Maybe you should get in the
Speaker 1: business of having it worked for you, not against you.
Speaker 1: At least you be richer than you Probably you're probably
Speaker 1: crappy book. Let's call it a cash cock. Okay, Oh
Speaker 1: my god. I didn't even want to google the guy.
Speaker 1: I didn't want to potentially cheat on my guess. I'm
Speaker 1: guessing mister big bars packages twenty two inches long. Holy crap,
Speaker 1: and oh so painful to think about. Probably passes out
Speaker 1: when he gets a hart on because he doesn't have
Speaker 1: enough blood to supply both his brains and his cock.
Speaker 1: I love the fact that she's graphic on this. It's funny.
Speaker 1: Needless to say, my largest encounter was a confirmed twelve
Speaker 1: inches and that was more than enough. Alrighty, back to work,
Speaker 1: wishing you all nothing but big wiener. In Pleasant Dreams,
Speaker 1: Shannon twelve inches. Now there's a yard. There's a ruler
Speaker 1: right there, entire rule yard.
Speaker 2: Imagine.
Speaker 3: I did ask Andrew yesterday what he thought the length
Speaker 3: was and he said thirty six inches. And I was like, what,
Speaker 3: that's the size of like a fifth grader.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, settle down, And he was like, yeah, you're right.
Speaker 2: That was a little too much hot. Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1: Let's move on to Elena, who writes in she says,
Speaker 1: I see your longest dong ever story and raise you
Speaker 1: the cutest little pen you ever did see. I attached
Speaker 1: the snap of child Woo Willie Johnson for your viewing pleasure.
Speaker 1: I got him for my favorite urology nurse when she
Speaker 1: before she moved, and she he keeps me company at
Speaker 1: my desk. He has had some misadventures. Most notoriously, my
Speaker 1: nine year old secretly pocketed him and brought him to
Speaker 1: show his fourth grade pals. I'm not quite getting the
Speaker 1: clarity on what this.
Speaker 2: Is going to be, like a stuffed animal or something.
Speaker 1: I think I'm gonna keep reading Chodwick Likes and Timberlake
Speaker 1: as much as I do, so if you want to, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'll be honest with you. I don't get this email.
Speaker 2: I'm getting it. Does she have a picture attached? It's
Speaker 2: like a flat Stanley. She's like, here's the thing that
Speaker 2: my son took to.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, sure, yes, I'm glad I opened it. It
Speaker 1: is a little rubber penis that is about the size
Speaker 1: of your index fingertip.
Speaker 2: Cute.
Speaker 1: I love that it's not a real penis.
Speaker 2: Not a real one soul accessory.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's funny. He's squishy.
Speaker 2: He's like squishih he's for stress. Then, okay, stress.
Speaker 1: Thanks relief, Elena. I'm glad that it is a stress
Speaker 1: relieving penis and thank you Elena for participating in the
Speaker 1: naughty Let's see here's one, Katie writes in she says,
Speaker 1: greeting from greetings from Olympia, Washington. In my head, Dave
Speaker 1: was asking how to find our show and I said, hmm,
Speaker 1: a little tacky. I love this bit. We used to
Speaker 1: do that bit because somebody would say, oh, I listened
Speaker 1: to your show, how did you find our show? Hmmm,
Speaker 1: a little tacky? And it was a setup. And another
Speaker 1: setup that we used to do is like, oh.
Speaker 3: It was It was like something with how you'll go ahead?
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, Jenny, but thanks reminding me. It would be like, oh,
Speaker 1: you work for the State and Transportation. How many people
Speaker 1: work there? About half? And that was our standard set
Speaker 1: up joke and we used to do those all the time,
Speaker 1: but they kind of fell by the wayside. This bit.
Speaker 1: I'm originally from Minnesota. Last night I walked into a
Speaker 1: dispensary and heard a familiar tune playing in the store.
Speaker 1: I stopped dead on my track, saying out loud, hey,
Speaker 1: I think I know this song. Then I heard the
Speaker 1: lyric pau till I die. Holy shit, it's Amy but Bobby,
Speaker 1: my worlds are colliding. I only know of her because
Speaker 1: Dave had a phase where he was obsessed with that song. Okay,
Speaker 1: this email needs a little bit more content. I'm pretty
Speaker 1: sure that somebody wrote in recently expressing uncertainty about going
Speaker 1: into a dispensary and asking questions. Please chat with the
Speaker 1: bud tenders. They're helpful, friendly, and probably used to all
Speaker 1: sorts of questions. I've been consuming cannabis for several years
Speaker 1: and I still ask for recommendations just for funzies. I
Speaker 1: played a little game in my head, and I think
Speaker 1: the term is called the spoonerism. It's where you switch
Speaker 1: out the first few letters between two words of a phrase.
Speaker 1: I do this all the time, and it cracks me up.
Speaker 1: When I watched TV with subtitles and the caption says
Speaker 1: birds chirping, I think Churd's burping it. It's fun to
Speaker 1: do this with names too, Rave Dyan Hailey, Bess Launt Vick,
Speaker 1: Lenny Juttenberger.
Speaker 2: I used to have a substitute teacher who did that
Speaker 2: when he did roll call at the beginning of class.
Speaker 2: So he would just do it to be funny, and
Speaker 2: so mine was always Hailey Bess and I had a friend.
Speaker 2: Her name is Lexi Sastamoinen, so she was sexy last
Speaker 2: a mooien.
Speaker 1: Oh funny.
Speaker 2: So anyway, that's a cool bit. I like that bit.
Speaker 1: She goes on to say I would love a staff
Speaker 1: Rider sticker and with love and dart licks Katie, thank you, Katie,
Speaker 1: appreciate that one. Clicking down to the next one and
Speaker 1: a skip for that one. Just listening to the steak rant, Now,
Speaker 1: this was a big deal on the show yesterday because
Speaker 1: Vaunt was like, my steak needs to be like well,
Speaker 1: well well done. Yeah gros, just listening to the rant.
Speaker 1: My take is I like my steak well done. Personally,
Speaker 1: I eat like a five year old. I only eat
Speaker 1: chicken nuggets and pizza every day. No, Joe, I have
Speaker 1: the same disorder that Corey Cove has on kfan aar fid.
Speaker 1: So truly, my wife is happy. I even try to
Speaker 1: stake a few years back. I'm thirty four now, by
Speaker 1: the way, but she told me get it well done
Speaker 1: because she knew I wouldn't like it if it was less.
Speaker 1: Even one time at Bonefish Grill. I got it medium
Speaker 1: well and it just didn't taste cooked enough, so I
Speaker 1: had him cook it even more to well done, and
Speaker 1: I love it. I'm with you, Dave, where all adults
Speaker 1: should eat your steak, however you like my brother think
Speaker 1: my brother likes it where it's still mooing, But yeah,
Speaker 1: kill that motherfucker l ol. Thanks. Isn't that an interesting disorder?
Speaker 1: And I'm glad that Corey is out about it, so
Speaker 1: it's not like it's a secret that he. I don't
Speaker 1: know Corey very well, but I guess that he only
Speaker 1: eats chicken nuggets and French fries.
Speaker 3: Lily, Is that true?
Speaker 1: That's what it's. That's the acronym aarfid.
Speaker 2: I think they call it arfed maybe not probably, but yeah,
Speaker 2: I know that's a real thing. I've just never I've
Speaker 2: never encountered anyone who has it. But I mean, if
Speaker 2: that's what you gotta do. But I know for a
Speaker 2: fact that's something that Vont doesn't have, and he's just
Speaker 2: being a little bitch.
Speaker 1: I don't think he has ar fid. Yeah, Vont is
Speaker 1: just kind of a picky It's funny. Carson was also
Speaker 1: a very picky eater, and then he would get mocerella
Speaker 1: sticks and never dip them. I'm like, oh, you got
Speaker 1: to dip them in the marinera.
Speaker 2: I don't worry.
Speaker 1: And he would get only honey barbecue at Buffalo Wild
Speaker 1: Wings and he grew out of it, and now he
Speaker 1: likes almost everything except green stuff. That kid never eats
Speaker 1: green salad, vegetables, peas, beans, broccoli to eat.
Speaker 2: I love green stuff, delicious. I love a vegetable like
Speaker 2: saute anything. Oh it, put it in my belly.
Speaker 1: Let's say, everything except Brussels sprouts. I just don't they
Speaker 1: just have that kind of earthy, dirty.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they do, not very specific taste.
Speaker 1: I love it.
Speaker 3: You just got to get them caramelized and then they
Speaker 3: don't taste like Brussels sprouts anymore.
Speaker 1: Here's one from Dana. Hello, besties, I've been wanting to
Speaker 1: tell you this story. Today is my mom's birthday, which
Speaker 1: was yesterday. She wrote this last night at ten o'clock.
Speaker 1: She passed a few years ago, so this day is
Speaker 1: especially hard for me to get through. I'm so sorry
Speaker 1: about that. I work in the medical field doing home care.
Speaker 1: One year ago today I was at one of my
Speaker 1: very special patient's house over the lunch hour. My patient's
Speaker 1: wife offered to make me a two go lunch. I
Speaker 1: declined over and over, but she wouldn't take no for
Speaker 1: an answer. When I got in my car, I opened
Speaker 1: my lunch and I just couldn't believe what I saw.
Speaker 1: This is not your average ham turkey sandwich. It is
Speaker 1: the exact sandwich my mom used to make, summer sausage,
Speaker 1: butter and mustard on small sliced French bread. What an
Speaker 1: amazing coincidence.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's like a sign, that's a message, it is.
Speaker 1: I started crying. I called my husband. He told me
Speaker 1: it was like my mom made it just for me,
Speaker 1: just like she used to. Wow. I get a little teary.
Speaker 1: I'd thinking about this one. God works in strange ways.
Speaker 1: Thank you for reading my email, and thank you for
Speaker 1: making me laugh every day, especially on my darkest, hardest days.
Speaker 1: Hope you all have a great day. From Dana. Ah.
Speaker 1: That is so sweet. What an unusual sandwich. Summer sausage,
Speaker 1: butter and mustard sounds delicious.
Speaker 3: I do that, except for not mustard ketchup. We always
Speaker 3: grew up doing summer sausage sandwiches butter ketchup, not on
Speaker 3: fancy bread like that, just on your basic white butader
Speaker 3: I've never had, but I kind of want one.
Speaker 1: Oh God, I haven't had summer sausage. I've had like
Speaker 1: several unhealthy meals this entire month. I've been so good. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I had a Patty melt, I had a parlor burger.
Speaker 1: Ye I had buffalo wild wings. And other than that,
Speaker 1: everything that I've eaten this month has been healthy.
Speaker 2: Wow. Congrats.
Speaker 1: Yeah, go for you. And last email for today, it
Speaker 1: looks like here we go. It says for Dave and Jenny,
Speaker 1: and I'm going to guess they probably include Bailey too,
Speaker 1: but maybe they just they spelled Jenny's name wrong, so
Speaker 1: maybe they're just, you know, like we're busy that day.
Speaker 1: First time rider here. I know you guys get these
Speaker 1: kind of emails a lot, so feel free to read
Speaker 1: for yourself. On the Minnesota Goodbye. Twenty one years ago,
Speaker 1: I had what must have been a stroke of some kind,
Speaker 1: never fully diagnosed, that changed my life. In the next
Speaker 1: five months, I lost thirty five pounds. I could not
Speaker 1: even sit up without almost passing out. I had to
Speaker 1: take a sabbatical during this time. Aside from physical portion,
Speaker 1: the mental part was the worst. I can't describe it
Speaker 1: better than a storm cloud trying to burst out of
Speaker 1: my head at even the slightest stress brought on full
Speaker 1: body shakes, the irregular heart beats, and literally feeling like
Speaker 1: my brain was going to explode. But a horrible feeling. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I can't even imagine being bound to laying on
Speaker 1: the couch and unable to help my wife who was
Speaker 1: struggling with a job she hated, so we could stay afloat.
Speaker 1: I felt utterly useless by the second month, with no
Speaker 1: end in sight. I contemply I heavily contemplated how long
Speaker 1: I could keep mentally doing this, and my mind went
Speaker 1: to dark solutions. Yes, you guess correctly. That's when I
Speaker 1: started listening to radio, namely Your Morning Show, and very
Speaker 1: quickly after the Minnesota Goodbye, you became an anchor in
Speaker 1: my life, and the shows were something that helped me
Speaker 1: divert my attention away from all the bad. My mental
Speaker 1: health kept getting better and better with this sense of
Speaker 1: routine in my life, and I'm thrilled to say I
Speaker 1: am doing so much better and I have a job
Speaker 1: I love again. I don't know where I would be
Speaker 1: if it wasn't for the ongoing presence of what I
Speaker 1: deemed were family and friends that you, Jenny and Fallon
Speaker 1: created for me. Oh I see now like this was
Speaker 1: a long time ago. Now I now have a child
Speaker 1: and life couldn't be more on the up and up.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Dave and Jenny. I do miss Fallon. Pack
Speaker 1: a picture attached to a picture of me and my
Speaker 1: little man now and there he is sitting there with
Speaker 1: a little boy on his level, cherry, little bald headed
Speaker 1: baby boy. What you do truly changes lives in ways.
Speaker 1: I hope still surprise and motivate you. I hope to
Speaker 1: contribute more to this show now that I opened the barrier. John,
Speaker 1: that's a beautiful letter. And I'm so glad that we
Speaker 1: had anything to do with you doing better. And I
Speaker 1: will not take credit but give credit to radio. Radio
Speaker 1: is a magical thing, and that is one of the
Speaker 1: reasons I wanted to be on the radio so bad.
Speaker 1: I worked so hard at it because it worked its
Speaker 1: magic for me. When I was growing up, we had
Speaker 1: the radio on all the time, and the people on
Speaker 1: the radio sounded like friends. And back then radio was different.
Speaker 1: It wasn't goofy, wacky, silly, you know, controversial. War of
Speaker 1: the Roses silly thing. It was just people on the
Speaker 1: radio that did a good job of making you feel
Speaker 1: like you were a friend. It included in the conversation,
Speaker 1: and I love that. That is the magic of radio,
Speaker 1: and a podcast kind of can do that. But if
Speaker 1: you're listening to a podcast that somebody recorded four weeks
Speaker 1: ago or four years ago, it's not quite the same.
Speaker 1: It's like an audio book. It's not a bad thing.
Speaker 1: But when you're listening to a radio station that's right
Speaker 1: there that talks about the shows that you also watched
Speaker 1: last night, talks about the roads that you also drove on.
Speaker 1: And I think the great thing about our show is
Speaker 1: there's somebody who relates to somebody on the show. In
Speaker 1: other words, if you watch Friends, maybe you related most
Speaker 1: to Rachel or maybe if you watched Let's Go Way Back,
Speaker 1: maybe your favorite character on Gilligan's Island was the Skipper.
Speaker 1: So I think on our show, there's like somebody that
Speaker 1: you're going to pick out and relate to. And I
Speaker 1: personally never lose sight of the fact of how much
Speaker 1: you mean to us, And I hope that comes through
Speaker 1: in the way we do the show. Because a lot
Speaker 1: of radio stations are like, well, they're listeners, their numbers.
Speaker 1: We've heard them called clampers, to prize pigs, to all
Speaker 1: kinds of insulting names, and it pisses me off because
Speaker 1: you're no different than me if I was on the
Speaker 1: other side, So we always respect that. Thank you, John.
Speaker 2: Yeah, John, we're happy you're here. We're glad you're here.
Speaker 1: Yeah, super much better.
Speaker 2: And I need to see that picture that he said.
Speaker 1: I'll swing it around and I'll show it to you
Speaker 1: that it's adorable, little chubby, little bald headed baby boy.
Speaker 1: Thank you, John, Thank you for your emails and for
Speaker 1: listening to the Minnesota Goodbye. You want to send an email,
Speaker 1: love to hear what you have to say. Send Send
Speaker 1: it to Ryan Show at kadiwb dot com