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<v Speaker 1>Hi, I'm Karen MARCIONI your host for the Hope Show,

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<v Speaker 1>inspired by my book Hope How Other People Endure, which

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<v Speaker 1>is about everyday people overcoming life's challenges. These are moments

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<v Speaker 1>in life. There are moments in life that split time

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<v Speaker 1>in two moments after which nothing will ever be the same.

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<v Speaker 1>For my guest today, that moment came on a December

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<v Speaker 1>morning in twenty twelve, when a gunman opened fire at

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<v Speaker 1>Sandy Hook Elementary School. That day, Scarlet Lewis's precious son, Jesse,

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<v Speaker 1>was taken from her in an act of unimaginable violence.

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<v Speaker 1>But Scarlet's story is not defined by that tragedy. It

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<v Speaker 1>is defined by what came after, by the choice she

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<v Speaker 1>made when faced with the unimaginable and instead of anger,

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<v Speaker 1>she chose compassion. Instead of fear, she chose courage, and

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<v Speaker 1>instead of hatred, she chose love. Out of her deepest heartbreak,

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<v Speaker 1>Scarlet created the Choose Love Movement, a mission that has

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<v Speaker 1>touched me millions of lives and brought healing to hearts

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<v Speaker 1>around the world. It reminds us that we cannot always

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<v Speaker 1>control what happens to us, but we can choose how

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<v Speaker 1>we respond. Today on the Hope Show, we'll talk about

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<v Speaker 1>what it truly means to forgive, how love can emerge

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<v Speaker 1>even from the ashes of loss, and how hope can

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<v Speaker 1>survive when everything else seems gone. Because here on the

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<v Speaker 1>Hope Show, we believe that every story of endurance, faith

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<v Speaker 1>and courage lights the path for someone else still searching

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<v Speaker 1>for hope in the dark. Welcome to the show, Scarlet.

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<v Speaker 2>Thank you, Karen. It's wonderful to be here.

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<v Speaker 1>We're honored to have you so Scarlet. If you can

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<v Speaker 1>take us back to that morning in December twenty twelve,

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<v Speaker 1>before everything changed. What do you remember vividly about Jesse,

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<v Speaker 1>His smile, his spirit, the little things that made him

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<v Speaker 1>so special to you?

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<v Speaker 2>Gosh, I have a wonderful story from that morning, a

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<v Speaker 2>morning just like every other, and everybody who's listening has

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<v Speaker 2>these mornings every morning waking up as a single mom

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<v Speaker 2>with two boys, and my older son went off to school.

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<v Speaker 2>Jesse's dad was picking him up at the end of

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<v Speaker 2>the driveway. I walked him out, holding his hand. I'm

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<v Speaker 2>talking to his dad because we were going to be

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<v Speaker 2>making gingerbread houses later that afternoon, and I had taken

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<v Speaker 2>the afternoon off, which was something that I almost never did,

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<v Speaker 2>so we were kind of coordinating efforts there. And I

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<v Speaker 2>turned around to give Jesse a hug goodbye, and I

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<v Speaker 2>noticed that he had written on the frost on the

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<v Speaker 2>side of my car, I love you, and he had

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<v Speaker 2>drawn hearts in all of my windows with his little

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<v Speaker 2>feet nail. And you know, I really tried to be

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<v Speaker 2>present with my kids. I enjoyed every moment, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>that was humanly possible. And I realized in the moment

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<v Speaker 2>that you know, this was, this was an amazing thing.

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<v Speaker 2>So I said, Jesse, don't go anywhere. I ran inside,

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<v Speaker 2>got my phone, came back out. Or remember taking him

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<v Speaker 2>by the shoulders, putting him in front of this message,

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<v Speaker 2>snapping a picture, and then doing a picture close up

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<v Speaker 2>of the actual car with the message, gave him a

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<v Speaker 2>big hug, loaded him into the car. That was the

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<v Speaker 2>last picture ever taken of him and the last time

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<v Speaker 2>that I saw him. Oh my gosh, wow. And what

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<v Speaker 2>a message.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, it's always it's so important to always let

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<v Speaker 1>our children or our parents know we love them.

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<v Speaker 2>Attention is the purest form of love. And what I

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<v Speaker 2>say is that the best way to live your life

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<v Speaker 2>with the fewest regrets is to be present with the

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<v Speaker 2>ones that you love. And I mean lucky for me,

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<v Speaker 2>this is sort of pre cell phones. I know, I

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<v Speaker 2>ran in to get it in the house to take

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<v Speaker 2>a picture, but this is before it was attached to

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<v Speaker 2>us in our pocket, constantly calling for our attention, as

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<v Speaker 2>are our children.

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<v Speaker 1>Yes, it's so true. So when the world was watching

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<v Speaker 1>Sandy hook in grief, your message of compassion stood out.

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<v Speaker 1>How did you find the courage to speak publicly about

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<v Speaker 1>love when you were still deep in your own pain.

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<v Speaker 2>That's a great question. That's the number one question that

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<v Speaker 2>I get. How did you go from grieving mom to

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<v Speaker 2>starting an organization that focuses on love? And I'll tell

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<v Speaker 2>you it was many things. Number one, my faith. I

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<v Speaker 2>have a very strong faith that has just gotten stronger

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<v Speaker 2>through this chapter of my life. Secondly, it was Jesse's

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<v Speaker 2>example of courage. I found out very shortly after the

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<v Speaker 2>tragedy that Jesse had stood up to the shooter who

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<v Speaker 2>had just murdered his principal and guidance counselor right outside

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<v Speaker 2>his door in the hallway, and then turned into his room, shooting,

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<v Speaker 2>most likely killing his teacher who was standing behind him

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<v Speaker 2>and his gun ran out of bullets and during the

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<v Speaker 2>short delay, Jesse called for his friends to run. He

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<v Speaker 2>literally sacrificed his life to save nine of his classmates.

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<v Speaker 2>So nine classmates are alive today because of Jesse's brave actions.

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<v Speaker 2>In fact, those nine graduated last June and gave Jesse

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<v Speaker 2>a shout out in the medium. It's just absolutely amazing.

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<v Speaker 2>And as a mom, when you hear that your six

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<v Speaker 2>year old son is a hero, when he is honored.

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<v Speaker 2>His funeral was literally a commander in chief funeral that

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<v Speaker 2>is reserved for heads of state and returning war heroes

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<v Speaker 2>because his first grade classroom was a literal war zone.

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<v Speaker 2>When your six year old has this much courage, it

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<v Speaker 2>definitely gives you the impetus to stand up in your

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<v Speaker 2>own right. And the other thing is I knew that

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<v Speaker 2>what happened at Sandy Hook was one hundred percent preventable. Yes,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm still not sure why other people aren't just just

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<v Speaker 2>yelling that from the rooftops. It's preventable. So I wanted

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<v Speaker 2>to be part of the solution. I thought, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>I quit my job with no experience in nonprofits. I

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<v Speaker 2>started this nonprofit. I actually I actually was watching the

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<v Speaker 2>reactions of the other of other people, Karen and I

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<v Speaker 2>and I noticed, you know, after after the tragedy. For me,

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<v Speaker 2>it's when the nation really polarized on the gun issue.

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<v Speaker 2>You were either anti gun or pro gun and nothing

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<v Speaker 2>was in between. And I thought, Okay, that's not going

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<v Speaker 2>to solve the problem. Fighting against each other, you know, condemning, judging, blaming,

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<v Speaker 2>finger pointing, fault finding like that is not solution oriented.

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<v Speaker 2>So I'm not going to join that battle. I'm actually

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<v Speaker 2>going to create something where both sides could potentially come

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<v Speaker 2>together in something that we all have in common, and

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<v Speaker 2>that's love. But every time I say that, I have

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<v Speaker 2>this little like nudge from the back, I think it's

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<v Speaker 2>it's Jesse going, mom, it wasn't your idea, And it

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<v Speaker 2>absolutely wasn't my idea. I mean, I did feel compassion

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<v Speaker 2>for Adam. I knew that anybody that could do something

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<v Speaker 2>so heinous must have been in a tremendous amount of pain.

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<v Speaker 2>I didn't know the pain, but that was obvious. And

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<v Speaker 2>all of the blame was going towards towards either guns

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<v Speaker 2>or Adam or Adam's mom Nancy. And I say their

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<v Speaker 2>names because I want everybody to remember their human beings. Actually,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, I say, there are two kinds of humans,

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<v Speaker 2>good humans and good humans and pain. And so the

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<v Speaker 2>blame was going all on Adam and Nancy, and I thought,

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<v Speaker 2>in my mind, no, wait a minute, if it was

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<v Speaker 2>all their fault, not, definitely their responsible and they should

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<v Speaker 2>be held accountable. And Nancy was. She was murdered before

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<v Speaker 2>Adam left that morning. Adam killed himself at the scene.

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<v Speaker 2>But if it was all their fault, would it would

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<v Speaker 2>never have happened before, and it had many many times,

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<v Speaker 2>and it would never happen agains continued to happen. In fact,

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<v Speaker 2>socials are escalating, and that can't be all Adam Lanza

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<v Speaker 2>and his mom's fault. So immediately I went from you know, blaming,

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<v Speaker 2>to realizing that, you know what, I have some responsibility

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<v Speaker 2>in what happens in my son's school, which I hadn't

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<v Speaker 2>previously contemplated. I was responsible really for his safety, health

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<v Speaker 2>and well being wherever he was. And so, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>and my thoughts and feelings and actions ripple out beyond

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<v Speaker 2>me and they it makes a difference. And so I

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<v Speaker 2>took my part of the responsibility for what happened that

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<v Speaker 2>day as well as my part of the responsibility to

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<v Speaker 2>be part of the solution. It was the best decision

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<v Speaker 2>I've ever made, and looking at like now, I study

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<v Speaker 2>the neuroscience behind choices and and you know, when we

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<v Speaker 2>take responsibility for where we are and moving forward, it

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<v Speaker 2>gives us our personal power and also hope right for

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<v Speaker 2>better future. Right.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know of many people that would take responsibility

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<v Speaker 1>for that. The action that happened that day, that was

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<v Speaker 1>that is truly amazing.

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<v Speaker 2>My part, my part of the responsibility. And I know

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<v Speaker 2>this is the only thing that my mom and dad

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<v Speaker 2>agreed on in the last thirty five years. They're divorced,

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<v Speaker 2>but they said, you should never say that, and I said,

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<v Speaker 2>you know what when you know, I don't want to

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<v Speaker 2>be another victim of this tragedy. And I had a

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<v Speaker 2>twelve year old son at the time, and I realized

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<v Speaker 2>I was modeling as his only parent how to move

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<v Speaker 2>through right difficulty, roadblocks all the way up to tragedy.

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<v Speaker 2>He's watching me. So I had to be the highest

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<v Speaker 2>and best version of myself. And what does that look like?

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<v Speaker 2>Does that look like reacting in a situation with anger

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<v Speaker 2>and hatred and revenge and blame and judgment, or does

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<v Speaker 2>it look like choosing law of as a thoughtful response

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<v Speaker 2>and right, amazing.

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<v Speaker 1>And my next question was, you've said that this isn't

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<v Speaker 1>a story about tragedy, it's a story about love. Yes,

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<v Speaker 1>so can you share what choosing love truly means in

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<v Speaker 1>the deepest sense.

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, choose choosing. The superpower that we have as human

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<v Speaker 2>beings is our ability to choose, from moment to moment,

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<v Speaker 2>how we thoughtfully respond. You know, it doesn't really matter.

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<v Speaker 2>Of course it matters, but I'm saying it's not so

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<v Speaker 2>much what happens to us, because really bad things happen

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<v Speaker 2>to good people every single day. Right, Yes, it's so true.

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<v Speaker 2>Yet choose what happens to us. But we can take

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<v Speaker 2>our personal power back and how we choose to thoughtfully respond.

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<v Speaker 2>And so, you know, if you look at the neuroscience

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<v Speaker 2>of the brain, it's fascinating. We're wired to defend ourselves

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<v Speaker 2>something happens, and literally, you know, our brain can put

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<v Speaker 2>up its dukes. It's metaphorical dukes. We can react in anger,

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<v Speaker 2>and anger is fine, by the way, but it's prolonged

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<v Speaker 2>anger and revenge that are the issue. And you know,

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<v Speaker 2>we can we can circumvent that. We can choose love

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<v Speaker 2>as a thoughtful response. That's when we take our personal

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<v Speaker 2>power back. That's our highest and best version of ourselves.

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<v Speaker 2>And you know, it goes all the way back to

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<v Speaker 2>you know, those inmates that that didn't know they had

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<v Speaker 2>a choice. What we're doing is teaching kids, Hey, life

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<v Speaker 2>has pain in it. You know, the two things that

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<v Speaker 2>you and I have in common. I don't know much

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<v Speaker 2>about you, but I know that you have a want

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<v Speaker 2>and need to love and be loved. And you also

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<v Speaker 2>know that you felt pain in your life, physical, mental

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<v Speaker 2>and emotional. I know that every child's going to feel that.

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<v Speaker 2>So it's our duty to fortify our responsibility talking about responsibility,

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<v Speaker 2>to fortify them with the essential life skills necessary that

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<v Speaker 2>they can learn, grow and be strengthened by that pain

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<v Speaker 2>instead of being taken down by it and others with them.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, oh so true. Those are powerful words, powerful words,

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<v Speaker 1>and it's so true. And you don't know me, but yes,

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<v Speaker 1>I've been through several different traumas in my life.

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<v Speaker 2>But as has everyone listening. Absolutely, And you know, there's

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<v Speaker 2>this concept we know, we all know PTSD post traumatic

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<v Speaker 2>stress disorder, but when we look at the actual percentages

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<v Speaker 2>of people that suffer from this, it's around seven percent

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<v Speaker 2>that will experience PTSD at one point in their life.

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<v Speaker 2>Seven percent, But over half of us experience something called

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<v Speaker 2>post traumatic growth. That's when we learn and grow from

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<v Speaker 2>our pain and the difficulties in our life. And so,

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<v Speaker 2>rather than focusing on PTSD, which is what our brains

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<v Speaker 2>would have us do with our negative bias exactly, we

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<v Speaker 2>are teaching kids, Hey, there's this thing called post traumatic growth. This.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, pain has a purpose in your life. It's

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<v Speaker 2>there to help you grow. It does not take away

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<v Speaker 2>the pain maybe the natural teacher, but it takes away

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<v Speaker 2>some of the fear of the pain when we understand this,

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<v Speaker 2>and fear is what inhibits healing and can even make

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<v Speaker 2>pain worse.

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<v Speaker 1>Right, yes, I can see that it can exacerbate that state.

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<v Speaker 1>So forgiveness is almost something people struggle with, even in

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<v Speaker 1>far lesser circumstances. We too, So how did you begin

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<v Speaker 1>to move toward forgiveness and what helped you release the

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<v Speaker 1>anger and fear that could have consumed you.

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<v Speaker 2>You know what's so interesting. When I started, I used

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<v Speaker 2>to say, oh, it's a formula, and it's so simple

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<v Speaker 2>and easy. Right, So I've modified that a bit. It

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<v Speaker 2>is a formula, but it's simple but definitely not easy, right,

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<v Speaker 2>And there are a few steps before courage, I mean

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<v Speaker 2>before forgiveness, and that is courage, having the courage to

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<v Speaker 2>to even empathize with somebody that's hurt you, to to pause.

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<v Speaker 2>We call this the choice moment, pausing in between what's

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<v Speaker 2>happening and your response and getting curious about their point

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<v Speaker 2>of pain. Because somebody who is mean or exhibits bullying behavior,

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<v Speaker 2>they they have either experienced it themselves or they're in

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<v Speaker 2>some amount of pain. You don't necessarily have to know

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<v Speaker 2>what that pain is. But even that process of curiosity

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<v Speaker 2>and wonder help you empathize to some degree, and it

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<v Speaker 2>helps you move towards forgiveness. Forgiveness is not easy. If

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<v Speaker 2>it was easy, everybody would do it, and the war

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<v Speaker 2>and we'd have no wars. We'd have total peace, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>we'd have we'd have complete safety. There was, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>ubiquitous forgiveness and it was simple and easy. It's not,

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<v Speaker 2>but it is available for everyone in every situation. I

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<v Speaker 2>got a lot of flak, I'm sure or forgiving, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>I had fingers. There are things that you forgive and

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<v Speaker 2>things that you don't, and this is something that you don't.

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<v Speaker 2>But what they didn't realize was the peace that I

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<v Speaker 2>felt after forgiving. You know, it allowed me to be

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<v Speaker 2>to take my power back, to be in control rather

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<v Speaker 2>than being controlled by the incident that had passed and

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<v Speaker 2>that was no longer happening. Obviously, it doesn't mean that

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<v Speaker 2>I don't still feel pain or that I don't breathe

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<v Speaker 2>for my son. I miss him every day. There's some

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<v Speaker 2>point of every day that I shed tears for Jesse.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean Halloween, I'm looking at the little kids that

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<v Speaker 2>are trigger treating and you know that that just happened yesterday,

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<v Speaker 2>and and you know I am. I am feeling nostalgic,

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<v Speaker 2>and I'm feeling longing. But forgiveness allows me my power

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<v Speaker 2>and enables me to move forward and be in control

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<v Speaker 2>of what happens in my life and not a victim.

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<v Speaker 2>And this was so important for me personally. It's what's

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<v Speaker 2>enabled me to be a leader of a worldwide movement

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<v Speaker 2>that talks about courage and gratitude and forgiveness and compassion.

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<v Speaker 2>But I'll tell you it's not easy, and it's not

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<v Speaker 2>that I don't struggle. It's interesting because you know, I

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<v Speaker 2>forgave Adam immediately. I knew that he was in pain.

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<v Speaker 2>I did not want him to have negative, continuing, negative

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<v Speaker 2>influence on my life or my twelve year olds life.

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<v Speaker 2>I knew that forgiveness cuts that cord that attaches us

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<v Speaker 2>to anger and pain. But you know, there are situations

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<v Speaker 2>that arise. Life throws you curveballs and it doesn't stop.

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<v Speaker 2>Life is a playground for learning, and these just different situations.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, even with my family, that's your family, are

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<v Speaker 2>people that aren't supposed to hurt you. And so it's

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<v Speaker 2>been a real challenge for me in certain situations to

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<v Speaker 2>have forgiveness. So that's something that I've struggled with. But

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<v Speaker 2>you know, it's doing the hard things and it's being

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<v Speaker 2>the best version of yourself. If you don't do it

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<v Speaker 2>for yourself, do it for your kids because they're watching learning, growing.

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<v Speaker 2>And we know that trauma passes down seven generations. So

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<v Speaker 2>be the one that chooses love and breaks that cycle

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<v Speaker 2>of trauma. That is what I'm attempting to do. Wow.

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<v Speaker 1>Wow, So some people might think that forgiveness means excusing

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<v Speaker 1>what happened, but you've shown it's something much more powerful.

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<v Speaker 1>And how would you explain forgiveness to someone who says

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<v Speaker 1>they can't forgive, or or you know, the reaction from

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<v Speaker 1>family when they say, how can you forgive? Yea, And

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<v Speaker 1>when I've I've kind of told your story to people

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<v Speaker 1>and they say I could never do that. You know,

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<v Speaker 1>however you did and you got some flat for it.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, you know. It's so interesting. Forgiveness is maybe one

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<v Speaker 2>of the most misunderstood character values out there, abilities superpowers

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<v Speaker 2>to get rid of pain. It's amazing. Even even the

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<v Speaker 2>curriculum writers that I had in the second iteration of

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<v Speaker 2>our program, we've had like four I remember reading one

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<v Speaker 2>of the earlier editions of the Choose Love for school

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<v Speaker 2>It was actually, yeah, choose Love for Schools, and the

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<v Speaker 2>curriculum writers had said, forgiveness is saying it's okay when

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<v Speaker 2>someone has hurt you. And we had an immediate call

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<v Speaker 2>because I'm like, absolutely, you no know. I tried to

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<v Speaker 2>be diplomatic. No, it's never okay when someone hurts you.

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<v Speaker 2>You never say it's okay. And that is absolutely not

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<v Speaker 2>what forgiveness means. And this is some of the resistance

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<v Speaker 2>to teach forgiveness in schools because people just don't understand it.

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<v Speaker 2>It doesn't mean saying it's okay. It doesn't mean condoning

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<v Speaker 2>the action. It doesn't even mean reconciliation. You know the

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<v Speaker 2>fact that you have to reconcile with someone that hurts you.

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<v Speaker 2>It simply it simply means that you take your personal

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<v Speaker 2>power back, that you cut the cord that attaches you

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<v Speaker 2>to pain. One of the first talks that I gave

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<v Speaker 2>before I was really speaking publicly, was to a group

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<v Speaker 2>of at risk kids and they wanted me to talk

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<v Speaker 2>about forgiveness. So I was and one of the kids

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<v Speaker 2>raised their hand and they said, could you show us

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<v Speaker 2>what that means? And I said okay. So I felt

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<v Speaker 2>like I was attached to the person who murdered Jesse

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<v Speaker 2>by an umbilical chord. But it wasn't a chord that

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<v Speaker 2>came out of my belly button. It came out of

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<v Speaker 2>my side and into his side, and all of my

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<v Speaker 2>personal power was draining out of me in the form

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<v Speaker 2>of anger. Threw this chord and into Adam, and I

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<v Speaker 2>was dragging him around with me. I was attached to

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<v Speaker 2>him everywhere that I went because he was in control

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<v Speaker 2>of my thoughts. I was thinking about him with anger, hatred,

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<v Speaker 2>and revenge that directly impacted how I felt, and it

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<v Speaker 2>also impacted my relationships, how I showed up with my son,

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<v Speaker 2>and friendships and other people and my behaviors. And I said,

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<v Speaker 2>the only way that I could disconnect, and really literally

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<v Speaker 2>this is the only way, is through choosing forgiveness. And

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<v Speaker 2>for me, it was like a set of scissors. I

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<v Speaker 2>took those scissors and I cut that cord that attached

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<v Speaker 2>me to my pain, to my source of pain, and

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<v Speaker 2>it brought me back into the present moment where I

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<v Speaker 2>was safe and where I had control of my thoughts, feelings,

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<v Speaker 2>and actions that cognitive triangle. And it doesn't mean that

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<v Speaker 2>I don't fall back into anger and resentment, because I

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<v Speaker 2>do right and we will. However, it doesn't mean that

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<v Speaker 2>you've failed, because once you start the forgiveness cycle, you

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<v Speaker 2>cannot fail, which is the beautiful thing about forgiveness. You

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<v Speaker 2>simply take a breath and forgive again. So you forgive,

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<v Speaker 2>you do the initial forgiveness, you're already on the pathway.

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<v Speaker 2>You're considering forgiveness. You're already on the pathway. You can't

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<v Speaker 2>fail from there going forward. It is just a process,

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<v Speaker 2>and it's a process depending on you know, what the

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<v Speaker 2>herd is, what the event is, how it impacted you,

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<v Speaker 2>your level of trauma. It's a process that you might

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<v Speaker 2>have to do for the rest of your life. I

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<v Speaker 2>will have to work on it for the rest of

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<v Speaker 2>my life. But I tell you what that effort is worth,

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<v Speaker 2>me having control of myself and becoming the highest and

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<v Speaker 2>best version of myself. If I hadn't forgiven, if I

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<v Speaker 2>had stayed stuck in anger, hatred and revenge, it would

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<v Speaker 2>have impacted almost everything that I did going forward. I

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<v Speaker 2>would have given my future of my best self away

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<v Speaker 2>to this young man who was so disturbed that he created,

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<v Speaker 2>he committed one of the worst mass murders in US history.

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<v Speaker 2>Why would I do that? Well, I wouldn't do that

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<v Speaker 2>if I knew what I was doing, and I had

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<v Speaker 2>some skills and tools and awarenesses that could help me

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<v Speaker 2>move beyond that. Right.

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<v Speaker 1>Wow, Wow, truly truly amazing. Jesse's words nurturing, healing love

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<v Speaker 1>have become a global message, and I find them amazing

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<v Speaker 1>that they came out of a six year old. These

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<v Speaker 1>words became the foundation of your mission.

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<v Speaker 2>Choose Love.

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<v Speaker 1>What did you research and develop to create this Choose

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<v Speaker 1>Love program?

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<v Speaker 2>I don't think I finished my thought previously when I

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<v Speaker 2>said this, no, this whole choose love. You just finished

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<v Speaker 2>it for me. But you brought me back. Okay, I said,

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<v Speaker 2>this wasn't my idea, and it wasn't, because it was

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<v Speaker 2>Jesse's chalkboard message that started all of this nurturing, healing love.

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<v Speaker 2>Coming home a few days after the tragedy and seeing

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<v Speaker 2>those three words written on my kitchen chalkboard, it was

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<v Speaker 2>like a lightning bolt went through me. It was you know.

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<v Speaker 2>First of all, I realized there was a spiritual awareness

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<v Speaker 2>within Jesse that he wasn't going to be around for

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<v Speaker 2>very much longer. That he meant that as a message

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<v Speaker 2>of comfort for his friends, and it was, But I

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<v Speaker 2>also knew that it was something more. I knew that

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<v Speaker 2>it was where we needed to turn in order not

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<v Speaker 2>just to survive, but to thrive. So I took that

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<v Speaker 2>message and I spoke with doctoral professors and researchers and

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<v Speaker 2>neuroscienists and all this and came up with a formula

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<v Speaker 2>that helps return our personal power to us where we

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<v Speaker 2>can have hope for a better future rather than becoming victimized,

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<v Speaker 2>than helpless and possibly hopeless. And that formula is simple

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<v Speaker 2>but as I said, simple isn't always easy and it's interesting.

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<v Speaker 2>So for kids and adults, are what's literally called the

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<v Speaker 2>locus of control, the location of our personal power. It

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<v Speaker 2>vacillates throughout the day. When it's outside of us, we

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<v Speaker 2>find us blaming other people for where we are. You know,

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<v Speaker 2>we feel like, you know, we have no agency or

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<v Speaker 2>little control over what happens in our lives. Things are

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<v Speaker 2>happening to us. When it's inside of us, it's such

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<v Speaker 2>an important concept. We feel like we have the power

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<v Speaker 2>to make things happen for a better future. And this

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<v Speaker 2>is you know, coming from two different is one's love

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<v Speaker 2>and one's fear. And this formula helps us return that

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<v Speaker 2>locus of control. So it starts with courage. It's the

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<v Speaker 2>courage to be present, the courage to be aware of

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<v Speaker 2>our thoughts that directly impact our feelings and behavior, and

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<v Speaker 2>to understand that we have control over our thoughts. And

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<v Speaker 2>to start with that, it is gratitude. It is a

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<v Speaker 2>regular practice of gratitude that fortifies us from the inside

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<v Speaker 2>out to better be able to handle difficulty with more

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<v Speaker 2>strength and grace. It's forgiveness. It's the ability to be

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<v Speaker 2>hurt but learn grow be strengthened by it, find meaning

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<v Speaker 2>in the pain in some way, perhaps even a purpose.

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<v Speaker 2>But the most important part is to harvest the gifts

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<v Speaker 2>from that experience and let the pain go. And then

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<v Speaker 2>its compassion and action is to take what we've learned

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<v Speaker 2>and you use it to help other people. I believe

418
00:30:01.960 --> 00:30:05.519
<v Speaker 2>that's why we're here. That is the definition of Choosing love,

419
00:30:05.720 --> 00:30:07.799
<v Speaker 2>right right? Wow, So.

420
00:30:09.759 --> 00:30:15.039
<v Speaker 1>Your movement is international and all over the world. And

421
00:30:15.119 --> 00:30:19.599
<v Speaker 1>what have you learned from the children in practicing Choose

422
00:30:19.720 --> 00:30:22.759
<v Speaker 1>Love philosophy in schools throughout the world.

423
00:30:23.680 --> 00:30:27.079
<v Speaker 2>Oh well, and I have been throughout the world, and

424
00:30:27.160 --> 00:30:31.480
<v Speaker 2>I just got back from visiting so many classrooms, and

425
00:30:31.559 --> 00:30:35.240
<v Speaker 2>it's my favorite thing to do just to have student

426
00:30:35.279 --> 00:30:40.119
<v Speaker 2>ambassadors lead me around to school asking them questions about

427
00:30:40.160 --> 00:30:43.119
<v Speaker 2>how they use the Choose Love formula and what's their

428
00:30:43.400 --> 00:30:47.359
<v Speaker 2>favorite character value, by the way, which forgiveness is most

429
00:30:47.440 --> 00:30:51.680
<v Speaker 2>kids of all ages favorite character value, which blows me

430
00:30:51.759 --> 00:30:55.079
<v Speaker 2>away to this day. It's not what I would have thought.

431
00:30:54.799 --> 00:30:59.559
<v Speaker 2>But you know, you can teach forgiveness and kids understand it.

432
00:30:59.559 --> 00:31:04.480
<v Speaker 2>It's us big kids that don't understand forgiveness. It's really powerful.

433
00:31:04.519 --> 00:31:08.200
<v Speaker 2>They call it a superpower, you know. They have healthier friendships,

434
00:31:08.240 --> 00:31:12.960
<v Speaker 2>they can resolve conflict using forgiveness. It's really amazing. But

435
00:31:13.119 --> 00:31:17.319
<v Speaker 2>just to just to see the level of critical thinking

436
00:31:17.799 --> 00:31:23.079
<v Speaker 2>that goes into utilizing the formula in their own lives

437
00:31:23.440 --> 00:31:29.119
<v Speaker 2>and how they resolve issues themselves rather than relying on

438
00:31:29.200 --> 00:31:35.039
<v Speaker 2>outside forces. How it moves way beyond kind of the

439
00:31:35.039 --> 00:31:39.799
<v Speaker 2>the constructs that we've built in school to help kids

440
00:31:40.920 --> 00:31:48.079
<v Speaker 2>be in control and and be kind. It's it's something.

441
00:31:48.440 --> 00:31:53.720
<v Speaker 2>It becomes a language, it becomes a way of seeing,

442
00:31:54.039 --> 00:31:57.160
<v Speaker 2>feeling and being in the world. It becomes a little

443
00:31:57.160 --> 00:32:01.680
<v Speaker 2>bit of everything that you do, and it feels so good.

444
00:32:01.759 --> 00:32:05.240
<v Speaker 2>I mean, there's a neuroscientific aspect to this as well.

445
00:32:05.680 --> 00:32:08.359
<v Speaker 2>When we're reactive in life, when we're kind of just

446
00:32:08.799 --> 00:32:11.960
<v Speaker 2>reacting to things and not really thinking about it, we

447
00:32:12.000 --> 00:32:15.359
<v Speaker 2>get hits of dopamine. When we defend ourselves, you know,

448
00:32:15.440 --> 00:32:22.680
<v Speaker 2>when we're triggered and we react, maybe even meanly to behavior,

449
00:32:22.720 --> 00:32:25.240
<v Speaker 2>we get a hit of dopamine. And that's a short

450
00:32:25.279 --> 00:32:27.880
<v Speaker 2>blast of feeling good, but it never lasts, and it

451
00:32:27.920 --> 00:32:30.720
<v Speaker 2>always makes us want to do more in that direction.

452
00:32:31.240 --> 00:32:33.480
<v Speaker 2>But when we can pause and we call this the

453
00:32:33.599 --> 00:32:37.400
<v Speaker 2>choice moment and thoughtfully respond with love, we get what's

454
00:32:37.440 --> 00:32:42.599
<v Speaker 2>called the happiness quartette of neurochemicals. We get dopamine, which

455
00:32:42.640 --> 00:32:46.000
<v Speaker 2>is the feel good neurochemical, but we also get oxytocin,

456
00:32:46.400 --> 00:32:48.799
<v Speaker 2>which is the love hormone makes us want to reach

457
00:32:48.880 --> 00:32:52.759
<v Speaker 2>out to others. We get serotonin, which is our body's

458
00:32:52.839 --> 00:32:56.440
<v Speaker 2>natural mood stabilizer, and we get a hit a dose

459
00:32:56.480 --> 00:33:00.359
<v Speaker 2>of endorphins, which is our body's natural painkiller. So when

460
00:33:00.680 --> 00:33:04.960
<v Speaker 2>we have the ability and it is an ability to

461
00:33:05.319 --> 00:33:09.400
<v Speaker 2>thoughtfully respond with love, we get the happiness quartet. So

462
00:33:09.440 --> 00:33:12.440
<v Speaker 2>we get a lasting lift of feeling good because we

463
00:33:12.559 --> 00:33:15.599
<v Speaker 2>truly are in control and being the highest and best

464
00:33:15.680 --> 00:33:18.839
<v Speaker 2>version of ourselves. And you see how that can impact

465
00:33:18.920 --> 00:33:22.960
<v Speaker 2>us in so many ways in our lives with healthier relationships.

466
00:33:23.359 --> 00:33:27.279
<v Speaker 2>And of course, Harvard University's eighty five year longitudinal study

467
00:33:27.279 --> 00:33:30.200
<v Speaker 2>called the Grant Study, longest ever study on human life.

468
00:33:30.440 --> 00:33:34.720
<v Speaker 2>They followed three generations found the secret to happiness, which

469
00:33:35.079 --> 00:33:39.960
<v Speaker 2>is meaningful connections, healthy relationships. How do we get that? Well,

470
00:33:40.240 --> 00:33:43.319
<v Speaker 2>research tells us that it's practicing forgiveness.

471
00:33:43.640 --> 00:33:49.200
<v Speaker 1>Right wow wow, So I am sure that this movement

472
00:33:49.400 --> 00:33:56.640
<v Speaker 1>has also helped to continue your healing process even as

473
00:33:56.680 --> 00:34:00.920
<v Speaker 1>you help others. So how has that helped.

474
00:34:00.599 --> 00:34:04.920
<v Speaker 2>You, Karen. That is such an important point for all

475
00:34:04.960 --> 00:34:09.280
<v Speaker 2>of your listeners and something that I didn't know either,

476
00:34:09.840 --> 00:34:15.000
<v Speaker 2>that when we thoughtfully respond with love, when we have

477
00:34:15.199 --> 00:34:20.519
<v Speaker 2>the courage to step outside of our own busyness, distraction,

478
00:34:20.679 --> 00:34:26.440
<v Speaker 2>and even pain to help others, we help and heal ourselves.

479
00:34:26.519 --> 00:34:31.840
<v Speaker 2>It's the research behind compassion. Can you imagine if everyone

480
00:34:32.400 --> 00:34:38.760
<v Speaker 2>knew that when we serve others, we're serving ourselves as well.

481
00:34:39.119 --> 00:34:43.480
<v Speaker 2>That's the research behind compassion. And it's such a beautiful

482
00:34:43.679 --> 00:34:47.559
<v Speaker 2>symbiotic thing that when we do for others, it also

483
00:34:47.760 --> 00:34:50.639
<v Speaker 2>ripples out. Others see it and they want to do it.

484
00:34:50.920 --> 00:34:55.760
<v Speaker 2>So yes, So everything that I do every day, being

485
00:34:55.800 --> 00:34:59.440
<v Speaker 2>on this podcast with you and sharing my story and

486
00:34:59.440 --> 00:35:03.159
<v Speaker 2>what I've learned earned that is literally practicing compassionate action,

487
00:35:03.280 --> 00:35:07.039
<v Speaker 2>and I am aware that it is helping and healing

488
00:35:07.079 --> 00:35:10.519
<v Speaker 2>me too. There's more research from Harvard that says when

489
00:35:10.559 --> 00:35:13.079
<v Speaker 2>we're aware of the benefits of what we do, we

490
00:35:13.239 --> 00:35:17.360
<v Speaker 2>experience them on an exponential level. So there's just so

491
00:35:17.519 --> 00:35:20.960
<v Speaker 2>much goodness in this and this is available to everyone,

492
00:35:21.079 --> 00:35:22.480
<v Speaker 2>all ages and stages.

493
00:35:23.119 --> 00:35:29.360
<v Speaker 1>Yeah. Wow, truly amazing. Where has your faith guided you

494
00:35:29.840 --> 00:35:32.920
<v Speaker 1>in this journey of forgiveness? And love.

495
00:35:34.559 --> 00:35:39.559
<v Speaker 2>My faith has just gotten deeper and deeper. You know

496
00:35:39.639 --> 00:35:43.840
<v Speaker 2>what's so amazing is that you know you have once

497
00:35:43.880 --> 00:35:46.599
<v Speaker 2>something is passed, you can look in a rear view

498
00:35:46.639 --> 00:35:51.760
<v Speaker 2>mirror and I see how God set me up to

499
00:35:51.920 --> 00:35:57.239
<v Speaker 2>be able to get through this with strength. You know,

500
00:35:57.360 --> 00:36:01.679
<v Speaker 2>He put things in place for me before the tragedy

501
00:36:02.000 --> 00:36:04.599
<v Speaker 2>that I would never have even thought. If you had

502
00:36:04.639 --> 00:36:06.800
<v Speaker 2>told me your son's going to die in six weeks,

503
00:36:06.840 --> 00:36:10.679
<v Speaker 2>you better get ready, Well, I wouldn't know. I wouldn't

504
00:36:10.760 --> 00:36:17.639
<v Speaker 2>have been so meticulous about what the things God you know,

505
00:36:17.840 --> 00:36:23.079
<v Speaker 2>unknowingly to me, was putting in place, the people, places,

506
00:36:23.119 --> 00:36:28.679
<v Speaker 2>and things that I would need to be able to

507
00:36:28.760 --> 00:36:32.320
<v Speaker 2>move through this. You know, he He's with us, you know,

508
00:36:32.360 --> 00:36:34.760
<v Speaker 2>in all aspects of our lives. But I don't think

509
00:36:34.760 --> 00:36:40.559
<v Speaker 2>we often think about how He prepares us. And I mean,

510
00:36:40.639 --> 00:36:45.079
<v Speaker 2>for instance, uh, six weeks before the tragedy, the boys

511
00:36:45.079 --> 00:36:48.000
<v Speaker 2>were acting up at my brothers and I got mad,

512
00:36:48.159 --> 00:36:50.199
<v Speaker 2>and so you know, I put them in the back

513
00:36:50.239 --> 00:36:52.440
<v Speaker 2>of the car we left early, and I remember looking

514
00:36:52.440 --> 00:36:55.519
<v Speaker 2>at my rearview mirror and I'm, you know, yelling at

515
00:36:55.519 --> 00:37:00.440
<v Speaker 2>them go. You know sure I didn't know better, saying

516
00:37:00.480 --> 00:37:02.480
<v Speaker 2>you know, we need a change in our lives. We

517
00:37:02.519 --> 00:37:04.719
<v Speaker 2>need more God. We're going to start going to church,

518
00:37:04.760 --> 00:37:08.000
<v Speaker 2>and you guys are going to Bible study. And we did.

519
00:37:08.519 --> 00:37:11.639
<v Speaker 2>We went to my neighbor's church, this little church in

520
00:37:11.800 --> 00:37:15.559
<v Speaker 2>Monroe around the corner from my house. Now, you don't

521
00:37:15.840 --> 00:37:18.800
<v Speaker 2>I wasn't thinking about that then. But then when the

522
00:37:18.880 --> 00:37:24.000
<v Speaker 2>tragedy happened, I had a home. I texted my neighbor.

523
00:37:24.079 --> 00:37:26.239
<v Speaker 2>She said, the pastors right here will be right over.

524
00:37:26.559 --> 00:37:31.360
<v Speaker 2>I wouldn't have known even who to call for strength

525
00:37:31.599 --> 00:37:35.920
<v Speaker 2>and comfort and advice from the Bible. And he showed

526
00:37:35.960 --> 00:37:38.719
<v Speaker 2>up at my house because I had a relationship in place.

527
00:37:39.199 --> 00:37:41.519
<v Speaker 2>I wouldn't have been able to find a church for

528
00:37:41.599 --> 00:37:44.280
<v Speaker 2>a funeral because they were all taken. Think of the

529
00:37:44.320 --> 00:37:49.480
<v Speaker 2>magnitude of the tragedy. There were twenty six victims. Of course,

530
00:37:49.599 --> 00:37:52.400
<v Speaker 2>I say twenty eight because I've included from the beginning

531
00:37:52.679 --> 00:37:56.239
<v Speaker 2>Adam and his mom. But you know, I was in

532
00:37:56.280 --> 00:38:01.599
<v Speaker 2>this little safe environment, in this new church for me.

533
00:38:02.079 --> 00:38:06.079
<v Speaker 2>They held a memorial service for Jesse. He died on

534
00:38:06.119 --> 00:38:10.360
<v Speaker 2>a Friday on that Sunday, and this Sunday school teacher

535
00:38:10.840 --> 00:38:14.320
<v Speaker 2>stood up and said, you know, Jesse was in my

536
00:38:14.400 --> 00:38:18.320
<v Speaker 2>Sunday school class last week and I showed a video

537
00:38:18.639 --> 00:38:20.840
<v Speaker 2>on the Life of Jesus, and she said, can you

538
00:38:20.880 --> 00:38:23.400
<v Speaker 2>imagine trying to get kindergarteners and first writers who just

539
00:38:23.440 --> 00:38:26.719
<v Speaker 2>want to play to sit down? She said, Jesse was

540
00:38:26.719 --> 00:38:30.440
<v Speaker 2>in the front row, both little elbows on his knees,

541
00:38:30.559 --> 00:38:34.239
<v Speaker 2>his chin in his hands, just intently listening to the

542
00:38:34.239 --> 00:38:37.079
<v Speaker 2>life of Jesus like he wanted to know more. And

543
00:38:37.079 --> 00:38:40.000
<v Speaker 2>that was so comforting to me in the moment, so

544
00:38:40.559 --> 00:38:43.199
<v Speaker 2>like and more all of these things that were set

545
00:38:43.280 --> 00:38:45.719
<v Speaker 2>up for me. It makes me feel so loved and

546
00:38:45.800 --> 00:38:48.840
<v Speaker 2>so held. And I know that I was then, and

547
00:38:48.880 --> 00:38:50.559
<v Speaker 2>I know that I am now, and I know that

548
00:38:50.599 --> 00:38:51.679
<v Speaker 2>I will be in the future.

549
00:38:53.079 --> 00:38:58.320
<v Speaker 1>That is truly an amazing story. And God always has

550
00:38:58.360 --> 00:39:00.920
<v Speaker 1>a plan, it seems, and.

551
00:39:01.559 --> 00:39:03.840
<v Speaker 2>You know, I just want to say one thing. One

552
00:39:03.840 --> 00:39:06.440
<v Speaker 2>of the things that was said right after the tragedy

553
00:39:06.519 --> 00:39:09.920
<v Speaker 2>is how could God let this happen? You know, but

554
00:39:10.199 --> 00:39:14.360
<v Speaker 2>we have free will on earth and certainly God did

555
00:39:14.400 --> 00:39:19.400
<v Speaker 2>not want, you know, this young child to be so

556
00:39:20.440 --> 00:39:25.000
<v Speaker 2>hurt with so few skills that he grew into this

557
00:39:25.159 --> 00:39:28.440
<v Speaker 2>young man who perpetrated a mass murder. That is not

558
00:39:28.599 --> 00:39:32.440
<v Speaker 2>in God's will. But you know that was a series

559
00:39:32.519 --> 00:39:39.639
<v Speaker 2>of mistakes and oversights and neglect that allowed that to happen.

560
00:39:40.079 --> 00:39:43.559
<v Speaker 2>So you know, that wasn't God's doing, but God certainly

561
00:39:43.840 --> 00:39:48.960
<v Speaker 2>was there, and he certainly, you know, he certainly made

562
00:39:49.000 --> 00:39:49.840
<v Speaker 2>his presence known.

563
00:39:50.239 --> 00:39:53.599
<v Speaker 1>Right. There are many people that I talked to when

564
00:39:53.679 --> 00:39:58.159
<v Speaker 1>they say, when tragedy does happen, they don't understand why.

565
00:39:58.800 --> 00:40:02.280
<v Speaker 1>But that's a question for when we get there, to

566
00:40:02.400 --> 00:40:05.239
<v Speaker 1>ask God why.

567
00:40:04.559 --> 00:40:07.719
<v Speaker 2>You know. And that's very true. And at the same time,

568
00:40:07.800 --> 00:40:12.360
<v Speaker 2>there's been a lot of incredible things, you know, in

569
00:40:12.480 --> 00:40:16.039
<v Speaker 2>movements that have sprung from that tragedy, including the Choose

570
00:40:16.119 --> 00:40:19.960
<v Speaker 2>Love movement. And when I allow myself time to sit

571
00:40:20.679 --> 00:40:26.079
<v Speaker 2>still and think about the enormous impact that Jesse's life

572
00:40:26.119 --> 00:40:30.079
<v Speaker 2>has had on so many I can't tell you the

573
00:40:30.199 --> 00:40:34.679
<v Speaker 2>number of kids and adults that have that have come

574
00:40:34.760 --> 00:40:38.800
<v Speaker 2>up to me and said that Jesse's act of courage

575
00:40:39.440 --> 00:40:44.159
<v Speaker 2>changed their life in profound ways, as well as the

576
00:40:44.280 --> 00:40:48.360
<v Speaker 2>Choose Love movement and the things that they take away

577
00:40:48.400 --> 00:40:50.800
<v Speaker 2>from that in their own life that they use every

578
00:40:50.960 --> 00:40:56.960
<v Speaker 2>day that has transformed and even saved lives. So I

579
00:40:57.000 --> 00:41:00.840
<v Speaker 2>can definitely say that the world is a better place

580
00:41:01.719 --> 00:41:05.079
<v Speaker 2>because of that event, not despite it.

581
00:41:05.519 --> 00:41:10.719
<v Speaker 1>Right, absolutely, what message. I mean, you've shared so many

582
00:41:10.800 --> 00:41:15.360
<v Speaker 1>messages today. If there's someone listening right now who was

583
00:41:15.559 --> 00:41:20.599
<v Speaker 1>trapped in anger and in pain, someone who feels forgiveness

584
00:41:20.719 --> 00:41:24.440
<v Speaker 1>is impossible, what message would you share with them?

585
00:41:26.519 --> 00:41:36.440
<v Speaker 2>Forgiveness is possible for everyone. I would have them seek

586
00:41:36.480 --> 00:41:42.480
<v Speaker 2>out a counselor that knows about forgiveness first. But I

587
00:41:42.480 --> 00:41:47.159
<v Speaker 2>would also have them, you know they're if they're thinking

588
00:41:47.199 --> 00:41:52.079
<v Speaker 2>about this and they want forgiveness, just just pause for

589
00:41:52.119 --> 00:41:58.440
<v Speaker 2>a moment and think about how they're feeling now. Because

590
00:41:58.440 --> 00:42:01.400
<v Speaker 2>if you continue to go down that cycle of anger

591
00:42:01.559 --> 00:42:06.079
<v Speaker 2>and hatred and revenge, that is actually it occurs in

592
00:42:06.199 --> 00:42:11.199
<v Speaker 2>the brain in the same place as addiction. It's literally

593
00:42:11.360 --> 00:42:16.119
<v Speaker 2>an addiction, and it will make you feel worse, It

594
00:42:16.159 --> 00:42:19.119
<v Speaker 2>will make you feel more anxious, and it will continue

595
00:42:19.119 --> 00:42:23.559
<v Speaker 2>to weaken you. So if you are ready for a change, pause,

596
00:42:24.559 --> 00:42:28.679
<v Speaker 2>get curious about forgiveness. Pick up a book, Maybe pick

597
00:42:28.760 --> 00:42:36.159
<v Speaker 2>up Karen's book about forgiveness. Read stories about forgiveness that's

598
00:42:36.199 --> 00:42:40.440
<v Speaker 2>called vicarious post traumatic growth. Read stories about people who

599
00:42:41.000 --> 00:42:44.519
<v Speaker 2>have forgiven I have a book called Nurturing Healing Love,

600
00:42:44.559 --> 00:42:47.639
<v Speaker 2>and it's about my journey of forgiveness as well. Read

601
00:42:48.159 --> 00:42:52.039
<v Speaker 2>many stories because you can learn from people how they

602
00:42:52.079 --> 00:42:54.920
<v Speaker 2>did it. You're going to see situations that were even

603
00:42:55.039 --> 00:43:00.679
<v Speaker 2>worse than yours, where forgiveness freed that person from a

604
00:43:00.920 --> 00:43:06.000
<v Speaker 2>lifetime of pain, and you'll see that it's possible. You'll

605
00:43:06.039 --> 00:43:09.519
<v Speaker 2>take some skills and tools from those stories and read

606
00:43:09.559 --> 00:43:11.719
<v Speaker 2>about it online. Now you can go online and you

607
00:43:11.719 --> 00:43:15.800
<v Speaker 2>can learn about anything, and just realize that it is

608
00:43:16.000 --> 00:43:20.480
<v Speaker 2>possible and that you will be freed from the anger,

609
00:43:20.679 --> 00:43:24.159
<v Speaker 2>hatred and resentment that you feel right now. And the

610
00:43:24.239 --> 00:43:30.119
<v Speaker 2>only way to break the cycle of that revenge is

611
00:43:30.159 --> 00:43:33.480
<v Speaker 2>through forgiveness. I don't know any other way, and I've

612
00:43:33.519 --> 00:43:37.000
<v Speaker 2>been researching this for the last twelve years. That's the

613
00:43:37.079 --> 00:43:41.039
<v Speaker 2>only way. But the beautiful thing is it's a choice,

614
00:43:41.519 --> 00:43:47.480
<v Speaker 2>and it's available for everyone in every circumstance to free

615
00:43:47.559 --> 00:43:54.280
<v Speaker 2>themselves from the bondage of anger, hatred, and resentment and revenge.

616
00:43:54.599 --> 00:43:54.800
<v Speaker 1>Right.

617
00:43:55.079 --> 00:43:56.960
<v Speaker 2>Wow, very true.

618
00:43:57.039 --> 00:44:02.360
<v Speaker 1>And her one of Scarlet's books I have here, which

619
00:44:02.360 --> 00:44:06.559
<v Speaker 1>I just started reading, is truly amazing and has stories

620
00:44:06.679 --> 00:44:10.960
<v Speaker 1>from people who have been through her program and have

621
00:44:11.119 --> 00:44:16.320
<v Speaker 1>learned so much. If Jesse could speak to the world today,

622
00:44:16.800 --> 00:44:19.679
<v Speaker 1>and I think your words kind of speak for him,

623
00:44:19.719 --> 00:44:22.360
<v Speaker 1>but if he was here, what do you think he

624
00:44:22.400 --> 00:44:23.840
<v Speaker 1>would want us all to know.

625
00:44:25.880 --> 00:44:28.000
<v Speaker 2>I think he would want us all to know that

626
00:44:28.039 --> 00:44:31.280
<v Speaker 2>we all have the capacity for the courage that he

627
00:44:31.440 --> 00:44:36.119
<v Speaker 2>showed that day. Courage is like a muscle. We can

628
00:44:36.239 --> 00:44:39.480
<v Speaker 2>practice it to strengthen it. And the courage that he

629
00:44:39.519 --> 00:44:42.960
<v Speaker 2>would be talking about is the courage to be kind

630
00:44:43.679 --> 00:44:47.280
<v Speaker 2>when someone's not being kind to us, the courage to

631
00:44:47.599 --> 00:44:52.159
<v Speaker 2>do the right thing, the courage to tell the truth,

632
00:44:52.840 --> 00:44:58.440
<v Speaker 2>the courage to show up and listen to someone else's

633
00:44:58.679 --> 00:45:03.760
<v Speaker 2>opinion without to look for things that you didn't know,

634
00:45:03.880 --> 00:45:08.320
<v Speaker 2>to learn and grow through differing opinions instead of getting

635
00:45:08.360 --> 00:45:16.079
<v Speaker 2>triggered and reacting in hatred. He would say that we

636
00:45:16.199 --> 00:45:20.400
<v Speaker 2>all have that capacity, and he would encourage people to

637
00:45:20.519 --> 00:45:24.440
<v Speaker 2>practice that courage. He would say, Hey, look, I was

638
00:45:24.519 --> 00:45:28.920
<v Speaker 2>only six and I saved nine of my classmates lives,

639
00:45:29.679 --> 00:45:32.840
<v Speaker 2>and you can do it too. You can do it

640
00:45:32.920 --> 00:45:35.559
<v Speaker 2>in how you show up in life and being the

641
00:45:35.719 --> 00:45:38.679
<v Speaker 2>highest and best version of yourself. I know it's hard.

642
00:45:39.320 --> 00:45:42.880
<v Speaker 2>I know it takes effort, but if it didn't, everybody

643
00:45:42.920 --> 00:45:47.360
<v Speaker 2>would do it. So put the effort in. You have

644
00:45:47.599 --> 00:45:52.920
<v Speaker 2>one life and you don't know you're living the dash now.

645
00:45:53.039 --> 00:45:56.000
<v Speaker 2>You don't know when it's going to end, and Jesse

646
00:45:56.239 --> 00:45:59.840
<v Speaker 2>is a great example of that. So get up every

647
00:46:00.280 --> 00:46:06.440
<v Speaker 2>day determined to choose love as a thoughtful response in

648
00:46:06.519 --> 00:46:10.960
<v Speaker 2>the face of whatever is happening. It will benefit you,

649
00:46:11.400 --> 00:46:14.360
<v Speaker 2>and it will benefit everyone around you, and it will

650
00:46:14.400 --> 00:46:18.199
<v Speaker 2>continue to ripple out to create a safer, more peaceful,

651
00:46:18.199 --> 00:46:18.920
<v Speaker 2>and loving world.

652
00:46:19.719 --> 00:46:25.199
<v Speaker 1>Wow, Scarlett, you've transformed unimaginable pain into a message of

653
00:46:25.400 --> 00:46:29.159
<v Speaker 1>light and love. What do you hope people take away

654
00:46:29.480 --> 00:46:33.159
<v Speaker 1>from your story not just about loss, but about how

655
00:46:33.199 --> 00:46:34.400
<v Speaker 1>to truly live.

656
00:46:36.880 --> 00:46:40.440
<v Speaker 2>I hope that people listen to my story and they

657
00:46:40.519 --> 00:46:45.400
<v Speaker 2>understand that what I did as a normal human being,

658
00:46:45.760 --> 00:46:50.320
<v Speaker 2>you know, completely flawed and just waking up every morning

659
00:46:50.559 --> 00:46:55.639
<v Speaker 2>just like they are trying every single day. I hope

660
00:46:55.679 --> 00:46:59.800
<v Speaker 2>they know that it's possible for them to and And

661
00:47:00.239 --> 00:47:03.880
<v Speaker 2>really the formula and the choice moment model that I've

662
00:47:03.920 --> 00:47:07.519
<v Speaker 2>talked about, So the formula courage plus gratitude plus forgiveness

663
00:47:07.519 --> 00:47:10.800
<v Speaker 2>plus compassion and action plus that choice moment model. That

664
00:47:10.920 --> 00:47:14.599
<v Speaker 2>choice moment is the space in between what's happening and

665
00:47:15.119 --> 00:47:19.840
<v Speaker 2>our thoughtful response where we can choose, and we call

666
00:47:19.880 --> 00:47:23.199
<v Speaker 2>it a heroic choice. Make a heroic choice of love

667
00:47:23.440 --> 00:47:26.840
<v Speaker 2>in every response, not give our personal power away to

668
00:47:26.920 --> 00:47:30.960
<v Speaker 2>the person who hurt us, but choose love. I want

669
00:47:30.960 --> 00:47:36.280
<v Speaker 2>everybody to know that that's possible for them too. And literally,

670
00:47:36.360 --> 00:47:40.440
<v Speaker 2>those two models are how I move through the tragedy

671
00:47:40.960 --> 00:47:44.559
<v Speaker 2>to do what I did. But I use them every

672
00:47:44.639 --> 00:47:50.000
<v Speaker 2>day because life continues to throw curveballs and different situations

673
00:47:50.079 --> 00:47:53.159
<v Speaker 2>where where even I that choose love, Lady have to

674
00:47:53.199 --> 00:47:55.760
<v Speaker 2>take out both those things and go, okay, how does

675
00:47:55.800 --> 00:47:59.280
<v Speaker 2>this work in this situation? But without fail it does.

676
00:48:00.079 --> 00:48:04.079
<v Speaker 2>And of course I always recommend a strong faith in

677
00:48:04.159 --> 00:48:08.880
<v Speaker 2>God because that is number one. That's the number one

678
00:48:08.960 --> 00:48:14.320
<v Speaker 2>most healing thing, and I know that it's available for everyone.

679
00:48:14.519 --> 00:48:17.960
<v Speaker 2>That's the beautiful thing. It's just a choice away. So

680
00:48:18.000 --> 00:48:21.760
<v Speaker 2>I hope everybody chooses love. I hope you help me

681
00:48:21.840 --> 00:48:24.840
<v Speaker 2>spread the message. So it's not just cerebrally. It's not

682
00:48:25.000 --> 00:48:27.960
<v Speaker 2>just like, Okay, I'm going to be thinking about this.

683
00:48:28.039 --> 00:48:31.800
<v Speaker 2>It's actually in your actions. You make a decision, but

684
00:48:31.840 --> 00:48:34.280
<v Speaker 2>then you have to act on it, and those actions

685
00:48:34.320 --> 00:48:37.559
<v Speaker 2>have to be consistent. You make mistakes because we're humans

686
00:48:37.599 --> 00:48:41.000
<v Speaker 2>and everybody does. I do too, But then you realize

687
00:48:41.079 --> 00:48:43.800
<v Speaker 2>you have these skills and tools, this formula to help

688
00:48:43.840 --> 00:48:48.320
<v Speaker 2>you get back on track. To being the best version

689
00:48:48.360 --> 00:48:52.519
<v Speaker 2>of yourself every day, learning and growing every day, because

690
00:48:52.519 --> 00:48:55.480
<v Speaker 2>that only stops, you know, when we leave this world.

691
00:48:55.639 --> 00:48:59.679
<v Speaker 2>So every day is an opportunity for learning and growth,

692
00:49:00.079 --> 00:49:04.639
<v Speaker 2>and that usually occurs during hurt and pain, So just

693
00:49:04.760 --> 00:49:05.760
<v Speaker 2>keep that in mind.

694
00:49:07.000 --> 00:49:11.079
<v Speaker 1>Wow. Thank you so much, Scarlet for joining us today

695
00:49:11.239 --> 00:49:15.719
<v Speaker 1>and for your powerful messages of love, connection and hope

696
00:49:16.159 --> 00:49:20.199
<v Speaker 1>and forgiveness. Thank you for reminding us that forgiveness isn't

697
00:49:20.199 --> 00:49:24.960
<v Speaker 1>about forgetting what happened. It's about freeing ourselves from the

698
00:49:25.119 --> 00:49:29.920
<v Speaker 1>chains of pain and fear. It's about choosing love even

699
00:49:29.960 --> 00:49:36.039
<v Speaker 1>when it feels impossible. In her son Jesse's final message,

700
00:49:36.400 --> 00:49:41.599
<v Speaker 1>Nurturing Healing Love, Scarlet found not just words but a calling.

701
00:49:42.480 --> 00:49:47.239
<v Speaker 1>Through her mission, she's shown that love is stronger than hate,

702
00:49:48.199 --> 00:49:53.039
<v Speaker 1>that hope can rise from heartbreak, and that one's courage

703
00:49:53.559 --> 00:49:58.000
<v Speaker 1>can ripple out in to heal the world. If you're

704
00:49:58.079 --> 00:50:01.960
<v Speaker 1>listening today and facing your own O storm, remember you

705
00:50:02.079 --> 00:50:05.920
<v Speaker 1>don't have to have it all figured out. Hope often

706
00:50:06.000 --> 00:50:10.280
<v Speaker 1>begins as a whisper, the decision to take one small

707
00:50:10.400 --> 00:50:15.719
<v Speaker 1>step towards love, one small act of forgiveness, one small

708
00:50:15.840 --> 00:50:20.840
<v Speaker 1>moment of grace. Scarlet's story is proof that we are

709
00:50:20.960 --> 00:50:26.199
<v Speaker 1>never powerless no matter what life brings, because when we

710
00:50:26.320 --> 00:50:32.719
<v Speaker 1>choose love, we choose life, and we choose hope. Thank

711
00:50:32.760 --> 00:50:35.559
<v Speaker 1>you for joining us today on the Hope Show. If

712
00:50:35.599 --> 00:50:40.079
<v Speaker 1>you have a story of resilience, healing or transformation, I'd

713
00:50:40.159 --> 00:50:44.840
<v Speaker 1>love to hear from you. Remember, every story yours included,

714
00:50:45.199 --> 00:50:49.400
<v Speaker 1>has the power to inspire, heal, and bring light into

715
00:50:49.440 --> 00:50:52.599
<v Speaker 1>the world, and your journey could be the light someone

716
00:50:52.679 --> 00:50:58.079
<v Speaker 1>needs today. Let's keep Hope alive together. This program is

717
00:50:58.119 --> 00:51:02.840
<v Speaker 1>made possible through the support of our listeners, friends, and sponsors.

718
00:51:03.400 --> 00:51:06.079
<v Speaker 1>If you would like to make a donation, please become

719
00:51:06.360 --> 00:51:12.039
<v Speaker 1>or become an advertiser. Please click on my profile to connect, contribute,

720
00:51:12.199 --> 00:51:16.599
<v Speaker 1>or share your story. Tune in to all the uplifting

721
00:51:16.679 --> 00:51:21.760
<v Speaker 1>programs on Sosradio dot Live every Sunday starting at nine

722
00:51:21.800 --> 00:51:28.760
<v Speaker 1>am Eastern Standard Time. I'm Karen MARCIONI be well, Stay hopeful,

723
00:51:28.920 --> 00:51:33.119
<v Speaker 1>and until next week at three pm on Sosradio dot

724
00:51:33.199 --> 00:51:33.480
<v Speaker 1>Live