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<v Speaker 1>Chapter twenty of Amusement Only. This is a LibriVox recording.

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<v Speaker 1>All LibriVox accordings are in the public domain. For more

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<v Speaker 1>information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox dot org. Recording

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<v Speaker 1>by Kevin Alex. Amusement Only by Richard marsh William I'd

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<v Speaker 1>been seated in the next chair to hers for at

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<v Speaker 1>least two minutes. I felt that it was time to

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<v Speaker 1>introduce myself. It's a fine evening. She turned, She looked

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<v Speaker 1>me up and down, then she looked straight in front

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<v Speaker 1>of her again. I don't know you, but I was

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<v Speaker 1>not to be crushed. There was something about the shape

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<v Speaker 1>of her that which suggested sociability. That is my misfortune

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<v Speaker 1>rather than my fault. I don't know nothing at all

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<v Speaker 1>about that. I do not speak to strangers as a rule.

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<v Speaker 1>Sometimes there's never no knowing who they are. I felt

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<v Speaker 1>that I was getting on, so I went on, what

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<v Speaker 1>do you think of the band? It's not loud enough

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<v Speaker 1>for me. I like a band as I can hear.

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<v Speaker 1>One suspected there might be occasions on which one could

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<v Speaker 1>almost like a band which one could not hear, but

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<v Speaker 1>I did not say. So that broke the ice, and

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<v Speaker 1>the conversation, drifting on to personal topics. She explained to

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<v Speaker 1>me that she had had a young man who, so

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<v Speaker 1>to speak, was resting, owing to what she called a

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<v Speaker 1>difference which she had had with him. It struck me

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<v Speaker 1>that the tale, as she told it, contained elements of tragedy. Baker's,

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<v Speaker 1>she observed, is what I like. I have a sister

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<v Speaker 1>who likes butchers. To me, there's always the smell of

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<v Speaker 1>the meat about a butcher. But it's as you're maid.

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<v Speaker 1>The worst of bakers is they're such a thirsty lot. Possibly,

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<v Speaker 1>I suggested that is in a meg you're owing to

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<v Speaker 1>the nature of their occupation. That may be, but still

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<v Speaker 1>there is a limit. And when a man is always drinking,

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<v Speaker 1>I think it's time for him to stop. I thought

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<v Speaker 1>so too, But she went on. My young man, his

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<v Speaker 1>name is Willium Evans, is a baker, and him and

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<v Speaker 1>me have been walking out together four years. Come next month,

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<v Speaker 1>so I said to him, Willyum, it's my day out Tuesday.

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<v Speaker 1>I shall expect you to take me somewhere, so he said,

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<v Speaker 1>I will, So I said, Hyde Park Corner. Half past ten.

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<v Speaker 1>I was there as the clock was striking, and a

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<v Speaker 1>fine scuffle I had to get there too, And if

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<v Speaker 1>you'll believe me, he kept me waiting two hours and

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<v Speaker 1>three quarters by the clock. What's over the gate keeper's lodge,

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<v Speaker 1>which is longer than any gentleman ought to keep a

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<v Speaker 1>lady waiting. I don't care who he is. So when

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<v Speaker 1>he did come, I was a bit huffy, so I said, well, willyum,

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<v Speaker 1>I'll hope I've put you to no hurry. And it's

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<v Speaker 1>a pity you should have troubled yourself to come at

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<v Speaker 1>this time of day, seeing as how I'm just off home,

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<v Speaker 1>so he said, and he wiped his lips, and I

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<v Speaker 1>could see he had had a moistener, if not more.

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<v Speaker 1>It's like this. I accidentally had an appointment which was

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<v Speaker 1>the nature of business in which I couldn't help. And

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<v Speaker 1>that's how it is. I'm a little behind, I see,

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<v Speaker 1>I said. And it had something to do with pint pots,

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<v Speaker 1>I have no doubt. So he sat down on his seat,

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<v Speaker 1>which was wet owing to there being a drizzle on,

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<v Speaker 1>and as it seemed silly for me to stand whilst

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<v Speaker 1>he was sitting, I sat down likewise. So there we sat,

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<v Speaker 1>neither of us saying nothing, till I began to feel

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<v Speaker 1>a little damp because I had my thin things on

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<v Speaker 1>and it was beginning to come down heavy. So I said, well, Willium,

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<v Speaker 1>have you forgotten it's my day out. I thought you

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<v Speaker 1>was going to take me somewhere, he said, so I am,

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<v Speaker 1>So I said, where are you going to take me to?

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<v Speaker 1>It's getting on and I'm likewise getting wet, which I was.

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<v Speaker 1>So he said, what do you say to Battersea Park?

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<v Speaker 1>So I said, I say nothing. And the idea, William,

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<v Speaker 1>of your talking about taking me to Battersea Park when

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<v Speaker 1>as you very well know, it is raining cats and dogs,

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<v Speaker 1>is not what I expected, because as he could very

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<v Speaker 1>well see, I only had a parasol which was red,

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<v Speaker 1>and the rain was coming through and the color coming out.

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<v Speaker 1>But he didn't care for the rain, no more than nothing,

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<v Speaker 1>because as I tell you, he being a baker. To

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<v Speaker 1>him it was a kind of change. You must know

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<v Speaker 1>that William is that near about money that I never

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<v Speaker 1>saw nothing like him. Not that it's a bad thing

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<v Speaker 1>in a man, though it may be carried too far,

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<v Speaker 1>and I must say, I you think William do carry

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<v Speaker 1>it too far. He has never given me nothing which

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<v Speaker 1>he didn't want me to pay for, not even half

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<v Speaker 1>a pint of beer. So I was not surprised when

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<v Speaker 1>he said, the fact is, Matilda, which is me, I

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<v Speaker 1>haven't got no money. Well, I said, that's a nice

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<v Speaker 1>thing to promise to take me out and then to

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<v Speaker 1>have no money. So he said, if you was to

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<v Speaker 1>pay the expenses for both the two of us, it

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<v Speaker 1>might make things more pleasant. So I said no, I

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<v Speaker 1>thank you because I had been had that way before,

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<v Speaker 1>and more than once. So I got up and I said, well, William,

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<v Speaker 1>I will now wish you a good day, because I

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<v Speaker 1>have been here since half past ten. It has now

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<v Speaker 1>passed two, and my clothes is sticking to me, and

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<v Speaker 1>I don't care to stop no longer. So he said, now, Matilda,

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<v Speaker 1>don't you get disagreeable, which I was beginning to feel it,

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<v Speaker 1>and so I own. We are both of us having

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<v Speaker 1>a day out, he said, and don't let no bad

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<v Speaker 1>tempers spoil our pleasure. I may have some money somewhere

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<v Speaker 1>unbeknown to myself, so I will look and see, though

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<v Speaker 1>I must say I do think it hard that all

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<v Speaker 1>the expenses should be borne by me. So he begins

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<v Speaker 1>feeling in his pockets, and presently he gives a kind

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<v Speaker 1>of a start and he brings out half a crown there,

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<v Speaker 1>he said, is half a crown, and if you put

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<v Speaker 1>five shillings to it, he'll make it seven and six. No,

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<v Speaker 1>I said, I shall put no five shillings of mine

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<v Speaker 1>to no half crown of yours. And so the least

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<v Speaker 1>said the soonest mended, And if you don't mind, I

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<v Speaker 1>will go and get myself something to eat, being hungry,

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<v Speaker 1>and having I am thankful to say, money of my

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<v Speaker 1>own with which to pay for it. Then he gives

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<v Speaker 1>another kind of start, and he says, there if I

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<v Speaker 1>didn't make a pasty for you last night with my

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<v Speaker 1>own hands, and I've been sitting on it all the time,

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<v Speaker 1>which he had, and anything like the mess he'd made

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<v Speaker 1>of it, you know, I ever saw he held it

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<v Speaker 1>out to me. No, I said, I thank you. I'm

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<v Speaker 1>particular about my victuals, and I never eat no scraps,

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<v Speaker 1>and still less things would have been sat down upon. Well,

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<v Speaker 1>he said, it's a pity it should be wasted. I'll

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<v Speaker 1>eat it myself, which he did, And me standing in

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<v Speaker 1>the rain there looking on that did put my back up.

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<v Speaker 1>Mister Evans, I said, short and sharp, I wish you

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<v Speaker 1>a good day. I am going. So I goes, and

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<v Speaker 1>he comes running after me, picking at the bits of

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<v Speaker 1>pasty what was stuck to the paper. I must say

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<v Speaker 1>this for William, that it takes a deal to get

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<v Speaker 1>his temper up. So I pulls up. Now let us

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<v Speaker 1>understand each other. William, if you please, are you going

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<v Speaker 1>to pay for something for me to eat? Or are

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<v Speaker 1>you not? He gives himself a kind of a shake

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<v Speaker 1>so as to get his courage up, and he says,

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<v Speaker 1>you shall have anything you'd like to eat at my expense, Matilda,

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<v Speaker 1>so long as the cost does not exceed Then he

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<v Speaker 1>hesitated ninepence. Then he gave himself another kind of shake,

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<v Speaker 1>which I took as a sign that his courage was

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<v Speaker 1>running down for both the two of us. That made

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<v Speaker 1>me fairly wild. It really did, to think that he

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<v Speaker 1>had promised to take me somewhere, and that I had

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<v Speaker 1>been more than three hours there in the rain and

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<v Speaker 1>got wet through and my things all spoiled. Which it

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<v Speaker 1>was a new dress I had on, what I had

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<v Speaker 1>got special for the occasion, and had only come home

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<v Speaker 1>from the dressmakers the day before, and the color was

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<v Speaker 1>coming out of my parasol, which was likewise new and

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<v Speaker 1>my hair all coming out of curl, and me feeling

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<v Speaker 1>as limp as a rag and starving hungry, and that

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<v Speaker 1>he should want to put me off with fourpence halfpenny

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<v Speaker 1>worth of food drawn from him as if it were

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<v Speaker 1>his eye tooth. It did make me feel really wild.

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<v Speaker 1>I never said a word to him, but I walks

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<v Speaker 1>right out of the park. He comes running after me,

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<v Speaker 1>and he catches hold of my arm and he says, now, Matilda,

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<v Speaker 1>what did I say just now about letting no bad

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<v Speaker 1>temper spoil our pleasure? I said, I don't know what

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<v Speaker 1>your idea of pleasure is, but it isn't mine. And

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<v Speaker 1>as I don't want to have no more to do

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<v Speaker 1>with you, mister Evan, perhaps you will be so kind

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<v Speaker 1>as to let me go. But he holds on to

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<v Speaker 1>me all the tighter, and he says, I tell you what, Matilda,

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<v Speaker 1>an idea has just come into my head. My brother,

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<v Speaker 1>as you have heard me talk about, lives close by here.

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<v Speaker 1>We will go and dine with him. He being a

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<v Speaker 1>married man and with a comfortable home, he will be

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<v Speaker 1>glad to see us. Well. I didn't know what to do,

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<v Speaker 1>not liking to have no quarrel with him in the street,

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<v Speaker 1>So off we starts for his brothers. He took me

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<v Speaker 1>to a muse which led out of Park Lane, and

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<v Speaker 1>as we was turning the corner, he said, there's only

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<v Speaker 1>this one thing about my brother. Him and me has

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<v Speaker 1>had a little difference of opinion, and he is not

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<v Speaker 1>of a forgiving disposition. So I said, now, William, what

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<v Speaker 1>do you mean by that? So he said, number thirty

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<v Speaker 1>two on the other side is where he lives. And

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<v Speaker 1>if you was to go on and lock at the

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<v Speaker 1>door and ask for missus Henry Evans, what is my

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<v Speaker 1>brother's wife? So to speak, it might smooth the way.

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<v Speaker 1>So I said, I do not understand you. Just now

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<v Speaker 1>you was saying as how your brother would be glad

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<v Speaker 1>to see us. Are you now insinuating otherwise? He catches

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<v Speaker 1>a glimpse of my eye and he sees the kind

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<v Speaker 1>of mood I was in, and he plucks up and

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<v Speaker 1>he walks on, and he says, we will hope for

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<v Speaker 1>the best. Do not let us spoil our day's pleasure

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<v Speaker 1>by no disagreeable observations. There is never no knowing what

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<v Speaker 1>might happen. All of a sudden he cries out, there's

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<v Speaker 1>my brother now, Matilda don't you let him start hitting me,

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<v Speaker 1>And he jumps behind me so as to get into

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<v Speaker 1>the shadow, as it were, So I says, William, whatever

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<v Speaker 1>is the matter now? Your conduct do seem to me

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<v Speaker 1>to be of the most extraordinary character. And it was

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<v Speaker 1>a great, big giant of a man on the other

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<v Speaker 1>side of the road, washing a carriage with a bucket

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<v Speaker 1>of water, and I don't know what. And as I

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<v Speaker 1>moves on one side, he catches sight of William, and

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<v Speaker 1>anything like the way in which he started swearing, you

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<v Speaker 1>never heard hello. He says, there's that putty faced brother

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<v Speaker 1>of mine. I've been looking for you for some time.

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<v Speaker 1>Here's something for you, William. And before I had no

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<v Speaker 1>idea what he was going to do. He catches up

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<v Speaker 1>the bucket of water and he throws it over William,

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<v Speaker 1>and some of it went over me. Oh, dear me.

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<v Speaker 1>He never saw nothing like the mess that I was in.

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<v Speaker 1>And he grabs hold of William by the collar and

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<v Speaker 1>he says, hang me if I don't wipe down the

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<v Speaker 1>street with you, and he shouts out, Henrietta, here's brother William.

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<v Speaker 1>Haven't you got anything for him? You bet your life.

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<v Speaker 1>He's come for something, and a window opens over the way,

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<v Speaker 1>and a woman puts her head out, and she empties

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<v Speaker 1>something out of a pail over William, and again some

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<v Speaker 1>of it went over me. Oh dear, oh dear, And

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<v Speaker 1>that giant of a man he set about willyum something cruel,

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<v Speaker 1>and all the muse was in an uproar, and I

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<v Speaker 1>hurried away as hard as I ever could. I was

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<v Speaker 1>that frightened, and I got into a cab just as

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<v Speaker 1>I was, And you should have seen how the cabman

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<v Speaker 1>stared and drove right away to a sister of mine

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<v Speaker 1>what lives at Camberwell, and nearly cried my eyes out.

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<v Speaker 1>And I've never spoken to William nor set eyes on

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<v Speaker 1>him since then, which is a fortnight the day after tomorrow.

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<v Speaker 1>And if you had been in my place and had

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<v Speaker 1>been treated as I was, would you have let things

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<v Speaker 1>go on as usual, just as if there hadn't been

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<v Speaker 1>no difference? No, I said I should not. I should

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<v Speaker 1>have insisted on their going on in quite a different

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<v Speaker 1>kind of way. And so I told her end of

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<v Speaker 1>William