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Speaker 1: This is what I stand on.

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Speaker 2: I feel like some things we need to hold on to, right,

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And I think that even just in our past, it's

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like childhood things. And I always talk about how when

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I was younger, I used to be so ashamed of

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like poverty and growing up poor, and then I grew

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up and I realized how resourceful it made me. Why

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am I getting emotional? I realized like how much sharper

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I was from than other people.

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Speaker 3: Right.

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Speaker 2: I realized that, like literally shit like heating up my

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house with my soul made me quicker than every fucking

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body else. I was literally out here with other adults

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that shit went wrong, and they like, what do I do?

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Speaker 1: I'm like, bitch, what you mean, You're gonna do this?

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You're gonna do that?

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Speaker 2: Like it made me so much sharper, right, And I

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feel like they're still a part of holding on to

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a little bit of things that you have experienced. That

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the walls that you run against, and that's people, places

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and things, that's feelings, that's emotions. And I feel like

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sometimes those things still deserve a part in your heart, DNA,

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because they will help you in the future. And that

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is why I don't think that everything should be forgiven,

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and I don't think that I'm riding on the inside

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because of it. Hey, y'all, welcome back to Dear to

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See You. We're gonna jump right into it. We have

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some subscription reminders. Follow Dear to See You on Apple

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and Spotify. Leave us a five star review. We want

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you to subscribe to Relationship Restored and subscribe to my

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YouTube channel which is under to see a x b

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X twenty. We are introducing our guests for today, who.

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Speaker 1: Is from Nate. We love y'all know him.

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Speaker 2: For just being deep in tune with his emotions. You

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talk a lot about masculinity and feelings.

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Speaker 1: How would you describe it?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I would describe it as masculine vulnerability.

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Speaker 2: Masculine vulnerability. Yeah yeah. We won't get a little bit

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into that anyhow.

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Speaker 1: We have our listener review Girl. This is for Kajonah.

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Speaker 5: Girl.

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Speaker 2: I look forward to this. I love to listen on

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my way to work and right before bed. I love

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the advice you give and how real you are. Love you, girl,

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and keep doing your thing. Thank you all Right there

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to see a voicemail Number one. I survived cancer, but

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he's still treated me like I'm sick.

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Speaker 5: There to see a girl. I love everything that you're

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doing hand. I just want to say that I'm probably

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one of your biggest things.

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Speaker 4: So I have a problem.

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Speaker 5: Last year, all hall devastating news and I got diagnosed

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with stage four breast cancer. But that really stick was

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in the hospital I had tooking on chemo, all the things.

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I was dating a guy at the time, and he

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jumped right in and did all the right things and

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just became my superman, taking me to chemo, getting my medicine,

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helping me around the house, you know, supporting me financially,

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all the things. So three months later I went into

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remission and the cancer was completely gone. I was so

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grateful and thankful to God for my healing. And now

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the relationship has changed and now and I'm getting my

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strength back and my energy back. I want to go

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out more. I want to do more things, and I

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want to you know, explore life. And he's always like

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monitoring me, and you know, he's like, oh, you've been

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walking for ten minutes.

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Speaker 1: Sit down.

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Speaker 5: And when I try to do stuff around the house,

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he's like looking at me and monitoring me and and

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let me to drink water, and no, you can't eat

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ice cream, and you know, take your medicine. If you

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take your medicine, and it's making me feel like I'm

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still sick. I know that he cares about me, and

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I know that I've probably scared him with the diagnosis,

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but now that I'm doing so much better, I don't

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want him nurse celebrate me more. Instead, he still makes

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me feel like I said, should I stick this out

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and express myself?

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Speaker 1: Should I let this one go?

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Speaker 5: Help me out?

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Speaker 3: Girl?

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Speaker 1: Let me say this.

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Speaker 2: A lot of people. I feel like there's tears in life,

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and there are rolls that people innately fall into that

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really stem from childhood. When you talked about like I'm

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such a nurturing person, I grew up literally with my

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mother bedridden my whole entire life. One thing about me

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and I'll before I go there. And I also grew

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up with a father who was a drug addict. I

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am just innately a helper in life Like I am

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a helper, I'm a nurturer.

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Speaker 1: I'm a fixer.

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Speaker 2: I see people through pain, and that is I know

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how that is how I show up with people in life.

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And I think that I would categorize myself as like

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a helper and a caregiver just just by environment. I

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think that some people find that soul. Some people can

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only exist around people that they can help if they're

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a helper. And so what happens is that and I've

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seen this with people that get like gastric bypass surgery,

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people that were one sick and they gain their strength

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back that the people that were attached to them don't

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really know how to exist outside of being in a

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place of service or being a helper or being a

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care right. That can be a great thing sometimes, and

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then it also can be a huge point of conflict

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because now your identity and how much you lean on

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their identity and how much you lean on them and

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need them for help was the driving force and the

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basis of the relationship. And now that you all don't

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have trauma, deadly sicknesses, cancer, chemo and anything as the core.

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Speaker 1: Of the relationship, now you stuck with just compatibility. Baby.

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Speaker 2: It's like, I'm not sick, I'm well, I got all

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of my limbs. Everything is working. Now, who are you now?

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What do we have now? How compatible are we now?

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What's the chemistry?

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Speaker 1: Now? How much do I even like you?

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Speaker 2: And I think that something that stood out was that

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I met him and then I kind of fell ill

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and he jumped right in. And some women will be like,

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that's a good man, Savannah. But now you start to

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see that sometimes the way that somebody helps you is

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attached to it is attached to them and not attached

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to you. The service is not about you, it's actually

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about them. People will give from a place of it's

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feeding them versus to help the actual other person. It's

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not malice or ill intent, it's just that that is

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how they show up for people, and a lot of

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times what they do for you is feeding them and

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not feeding the actual other person. And they actually don't

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know how to detach themselves from that. You ever seen

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a friend where it's like that maybe they gave you

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a gift and you're just like, I don't really like that,

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And it's like, well, are you giving them a gift

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because you want them to have these things? Or are

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you giving them the gift because you want them to

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watch them open it? And you want like, that's about you, baby,

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The gift is about you. It's not about other people.

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And sometimes people are gifting you with kindness, love, nurturing,

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being a caregiver showing up for you because it's actually

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feeling them up. It's not actually for you. And I

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see this a lot. We'll dissect this more. What are

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your thoughts.

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Speaker 4: My thoughts are that she's dealing with a man that

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really cares about her, and it's hard for him to

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transition seasons, meaning that she's no longer in a season

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where she's sick, she's actually better now, and he's having

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an issue with realizing that the seasons have changed. So,

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with that being said, two things, I'll be interested to

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know how he treated her prior to her being sick,

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if he was still as nurturing or still as like

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hyper focused on her health and her well being. But

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the second thing is I think that this is as

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simple as a heart to heart conversation to say, hey, look,

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I appreciate everything that you've done for me while I

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while I was sick. You know, some men may have

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even walked away, like you actually stuck around, and I

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appreciate your presence in my life. I appreciate everything that

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you've done to nurture me through that process, and now

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that I'm in a different season, I still feel that

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you view me in the way that I was when

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I was sick, and I want you to know that

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what I needed from you at that stage, I don't

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need from you now. This is the way that it

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makes me feel. This is the way that I process

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through you being hyper fixed and hyper focused on what

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I'm eating. I just want some ice cream, and you

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know what I'm saying. And maybe your fear is causing

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you to feel that I'm going to regress back into that.

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I want you to know that I am okay, and

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I like for you to take a few steps back.

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Speaker 2: I think that this is going to be a good

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way for you to decide whether this man is somebody

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that really really cares about you, or if this is

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a man who's like your sickness has fed his identity

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and that he may not even be able to survive

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this with people that are well, I'm telling you this

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is not.

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Speaker 1: Just men to women, but this is women to men.

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Speaker 2: There's all type of relationships where people make they create

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a category and how they present in somebody's life. And again,

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it stems from so many things, and a lot of

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times when that structure is broken, they don't know how

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to exist. And when you get to the root, if

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this is genuine care, unconcerned and actually the opposite side

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of that of its stemming from some childhood trauma or

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heart wound. It doesn't mean that they're a bad person,

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but it means that it's going to be very difficult

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for that this existing structure and dynamic to thrive if

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that person, if it's leading from a heart wound or

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some type of trauma. Literally, there are people that are

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in relationship with with with others and that is that

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is the only way that they're able to exist and

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survive because they are needed by somebody. A lot of

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times you could attract people that literally need to feel needed,

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and I think that it seems admirable. But once you

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start scratching and pulling back some of those layers, you'll

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see that independent, independent lifestyle that does not include or

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you're not so heavily dependent on them. They rather go

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be where places with people that need them heavily.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I agree with that. I think I think a

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telltale sign though, would be them having the conversation if

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they haven't had it already. I'm assuming that they haven't

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had that heart to heart conversation. If he continues to

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do it, then we know he's doing it out of

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a need that he has within himself.

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Speaker 2: And how you see his masculinity breakdown, how he feels respected,

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how he feels wanted and desired. It's like that's also

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going to help her decide like is he starting to

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feel disrespected and like unwanted and almost like you're not

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respecting me because you know now you're kind of rejecting

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some of his you know, some of the way that

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he wants to care for you, Like do you feel

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less of a man now? Like that is gonna like,

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that's that's a deep one. He's already stuck with you

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through cancer and now you're gonna hit a pivotal structural change.

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And I hope that man about the look I'm telling y'all,

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stop going through this deep shit with these people that

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ain't putting no ring on your finger, dog like you

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then survived cancer and now you're about to hit Like

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I'm talking about, this is a pivotal change in a

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relationship that has to do a lot with how you

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show up, how you how you let me exist in

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this world. Right, A lot of times people even want

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to puppeteer how you exist in this world?

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Speaker 1: Are you okay? With whowaii am.

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Speaker 2: If it's not attached to how you pour into me

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and how you know, that's gonna be a big thing.

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Speaker 1: So that's too big, that's too big things.

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Speaker 4: But I'm gonna tell you this though, too, that tension

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is good. That tension is good in a relationship because

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it lets it sometimes working through that at tension is

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how you build that some of that fortitude, you know

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what I'm saying, that conflict resolution. So I don't think

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that it's one of those situations. I don't. To me,

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this doesn't sound like something where this should destroy the relationship,

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right right. It sounds like there just needs to be

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honest and open communication and a heart to heart and

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then we see how he responds, right Like, I don't.

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I don't even think that this means that he's a

242
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bad person or he's bad for the relationship. I just

243
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think that he needs to understand that bruh, the season

244
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has changed, Like I don't. I don't need you to

245
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show up in the way that you showed up for

246
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me before. It's that simple, right, It's simple. I don't

247
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need you to and and that can exist outside of sickness, right.

248
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Speaker 1: Yeah, it could be I'm not a stay at home

249
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mom anymore.

250
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Speaker 2: I'm not.

251
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Speaker 1: I'm an entrepreneur now.

252
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Speaker 2: I gave up my job and now I want to

253
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do this like I don't need the same support, right

254
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parents passing away grief in the FAC's so much any

255
00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:01,320
ways that that can show up.

256
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Speaker 4: Correct And so this is this is less about obviously

257
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right now the topic is she was sick and she's

258
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well now and he still is existing with her. As

259
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if she said, I want to see how flexible you

260
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are at making the necessary adjustments when the adjustments need

261
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to be made. You know what I'm saying? How nimble

262
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are you?

263
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Speaker 5: Like?

264
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Speaker 4: And this is something that we don't talk about a

265
00:14:23,080 --> 00:14:27,159
lot in relationships, but if you with somebody twenty years,

266
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you're going to get several versions of who that person is. Yes,

267
00:14:31,519 --> 00:14:35,279
you know what I'm saying. How how what's your ability

268
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to be nimble and to adjust when adjustments need to

269
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be made? And if you don't recognize the adjustment, which

270
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means you know, to me, it sounds like he doesn't

271
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recognize his need to adjust. If I bring it to

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your attention, do you have the ability to make the

273
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adjustment that needs to be made once it's brought to

274
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your attention. I think that this is just an exercise

275
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of like figuring out how nimble he is. If he's nimble,

276
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there's nothing to talk about.

277
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Speaker 1: Absolutely. If he's not, he's nimble.

278
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Speaker 4: R right if he If he's not nimble, then we

279
00:15:03,240 --> 00:15:05,919
realize that this may be an issue moving forward, and

280
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then we take we take a further look at it.

281
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Speaker 2: For me, I think that's absolutely spot on. You gonna

282
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have the conversation with him and tell him just like

283
00:15:15,799 --> 00:15:19,000
I love y'all use my sandwich method. I love the

284
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way yes positive slide in that look, and then you gonna.

285
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Speaker 1: End with something possitive.

286
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Speaker 2: I'm so looking forward to how our relationship is going

287
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to evolve out of you know, outside of you know

288
00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:33,840
how and excess, because that's also a very honorable and

289
00:15:33,919 --> 00:15:37,200
admirable thing for you first meeting me and our fall sick, right,

290
00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:40,759
and it's like, hey, you have been such a pillar

291
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in my life and I admire your strength and how

292
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you've shown up to me, and I know that this

293
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hasn't been difficult.

294
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Speaker 1: But now I am out.

295
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Speaker 2: Of this, you know, I'm out of this sickness, right,

296
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And so then you're going to tell him that you know,

297
00:15:52,399 --> 00:15:55,000
the way that you have shown up for me. It

298
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has gotten me through. But I'm doing I'm doing pretty

299
00:15:58,159 --> 00:16:00,519
okay now and I want to have a little bit

300
00:16:00,559 --> 00:16:06,200
more just freedom and how I express myself and how

301
00:16:06,240 --> 00:16:09,279
I enter and how I enter this world. And I

302
00:16:09,320 --> 00:16:12,559
don't need that type of care from you, right. I

303
00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:15,799
actually need you to now foster how I'm showing up

304
00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:18,039
and really feed that. Right like now I get to

305
00:16:18,320 --> 00:16:20,799
make connections with friend. Now, my hair is growing back.

306
00:16:20,840 --> 00:16:23,279
Now I'm getting my confidence back. That's how I need

307
00:16:23,320 --> 00:16:27,080
you to show up for me, you know, yes, And

308
00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:30,200
then I'm looking forward to how it's gonna blossom. Now

309
00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:32,840
after you do all this and you say all of that,

310
00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:35,320
I want you to watch. You got to watch with

311
00:16:35,440 --> 00:16:37,879
your eyes your ears, okay, and you want to watch

312
00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:41,120
to see how give him a little time. This is

313
00:16:41,159 --> 00:16:45,039
not like instantly, but let's see how he's adjusting to

314
00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:47,919
this new structure. So after they said he you know,

315
00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:50,080
after you go with what they said, when we figure

316
00:16:50,120 --> 00:16:53,159
out if he's nimble, it's gonna be more of what

317
00:16:53,279 --> 00:16:55,919
I said that he needs people to take care of.

318
00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:57,879
And there's a whole bunch of trauma shit going down there.

319
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Tell you anyway if I digress.

320
00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:01,240
Speaker 1: Oh God, Oh God.

321
00:17:02,399 --> 00:17:06,640
Speaker 2: Our second voicemail he confessed a week before our wedding.

322
00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:08,599
Speaker 1: Oh God, dear to see you.

323
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Speaker 3: I don't even know where to begin, but I need

324
00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:14,000
someone to talk to who understands heart and faith. My

325
00:17:14,079 --> 00:17:17,640
boyfriend of sixteen years just confess something that has completely

326
00:17:17,720 --> 00:17:20,200
shattered me a week before we're supposed to be married.

327
00:17:20,359 --> 00:17:23,160
He's been keeping a secret for more than a year.

328
00:17:23,279 --> 00:17:25,680
He cheated on me, and now there may even be

329
00:17:25,759 --> 00:17:28,640
a child involved. I feel like my entire world collapsed

330
00:17:28,640 --> 00:17:31,559
in a single breath. The future we were planning, the vows,

331
00:17:31,599 --> 00:17:34,640
we were about to exchange. Everything I believed in about

332
00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:36,880
the man I loved, it all feels like it was

333
00:17:36,960 --> 00:17:39,079
ripped away from me. I am numb and at the

334
00:17:39,119 --> 00:17:44,160
same time drowning and emotions. I can't sort through hurt, disbelief, heartbreak,

335
00:17:44,240 --> 00:17:47,559
and somehow still love. What I'm desperate to understand is

336
00:17:47,680 --> 00:17:50,039
how to forgive in a way that's real. I don't

337
00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:53,920
want to do the passive forgiveness where I swallow the pain, smile,

338
00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:57,440
move forward and pretend I'm okay. I've done that before

339
00:17:57,599 --> 00:18:00,000
in the past and in my life, and it only

340
00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:02,200
makes the wound deeper. I want to learn how to

341
00:18:02,400 --> 00:18:05,240
actively forgive and what it looks like where I face

342
00:18:05,279 --> 00:18:08,480
the truth, process the pain and somehow grow through it

343
00:18:08,599 --> 00:18:11,160
instead of shrinking from it. How do I do that?

344
00:18:11,240 --> 00:18:14,279
How do I walk through betrayal, grief and uncertainty without

345
00:18:14,279 --> 00:18:15,160
losing myself?

346
00:18:16,079 --> 00:18:18,680
Speaker 2: Well? First of all, then she said faith and of

347
00:18:18,720 --> 00:18:21,119
the heart. Baby, just say, look, it ain't two better

348
00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:24,440
people to talk about that. Look you look, this call

349
00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:27,200
was pulled on the right day, Okay, on the right show.

350
00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:36,079
It's nobody better to talk about forgiveness, betrayal, faith, love, marriage.

351
00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:40,079
Then mister from Nate with love Okay, and you know

352
00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:41,599
I'm gonna keep it. I'm gonna just keep a trill.

353
00:18:41,640 --> 00:18:44,240
So I'm just gonna streamline what he's talking about. Okay,

354
00:18:45,799 --> 00:18:50,039
let's first just talk about the fact that he told her, Yes,

355
00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:55,480
he did confess. He told her a week before that

356
00:18:55,559 --> 00:18:56,400
they got married.

357
00:18:57,240 --> 00:18:57,720
Speaker 1: He did.

358
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Speaker 2: Actually she didn't find this out. He actually confessed and.

359
00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:06,880
Speaker 4: Told her first and foremost, sixteen years is a long time,

360
00:19:08,880 --> 00:19:14,319
which means that based upon this confession, unless he's unless

361
00:19:14,359 --> 00:19:18,119
he's only confessing because there may be a child involved,

362
00:19:18,119 --> 00:19:20,319
which that may be a component of it as well. Right,

363
00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:27,680
unless he's only confessing because there's a child involved, we

364
00:19:28,559 --> 00:19:34,079
can assume that this was his first infraction. We can

365
00:19:34,119 --> 00:19:37,559
assume unless he's only confessing because there's a child involved,

366
00:19:37,599 --> 00:19:40,599
maybe he's there have been compromises in the past before,

367
00:19:41,119 --> 00:19:42,920
but there was no child involved. There was no way

368
00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:46,400
that she would actually find out. So you know, he

369
00:19:46,480 --> 00:19:48,880
swept another rug. But let's just assume that this is

370
00:19:48,880 --> 00:19:52,839
the first time compromising the relationship, and from this compromise,

371
00:19:56,200 --> 00:20:01,559
there's a possible child and he's bring to you honestly

372
00:20:01,640 --> 00:20:08,279
to let you know. Right, there is more grace for

373
00:20:08,359 --> 00:20:11,720
someone who is completely honest about what happened than someone

374
00:20:11,759 --> 00:20:14,400
that tries to conceal. Now, that doesn't mean that she

375
00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:20,279
should stay. But if this is a question of whether

376
00:20:20,359 --> 00:20:24,119
or not someone should stay, when someone has the courage

377
00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:27,279
to be honest about what happened and allows you to

378
00:20:27,279 --> 00:20:29,720
make the decision about whether or not you want to

379
00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:37,119
continue the relationship, that is a green flag. So kudos

380
00:20:37,160 --> 00:20:41,920
to him for confessing. Now, that doesn't erase what he did, Right,

381
00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:49,079
That doesn't absolve him of the responsibility of the infraction. Right,

382
00:20:52,720 --> 00:20:57,119
It's nuanced staying with someone after they've cheated is nuanced,

383
00:20:57,559 --> 00:21:00,240
especially when you're not married. Now, sixteen years ago, it's

384
00:21:00,279 --> 00:21:04,279
a long time. My hope in my prayers that for

385
00:21:04,279 --> 00:21:07,400
fifteen years he was he lived above reproach, he lived

386
00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:09,960
with integrity, you know what I'm saying. And he had

387
00:21:10,039 --> 00:21:14,039
a moment, you know what I'm saying, where he he

388
00:21:14,079 --> 00:21:15,799
had a laughs in judgment, he made he made a

389
00:21:15,839 --> 00:21:22,880
poor decision. I never I never tell people to stay

390
00:21:22,920 --> 00:21:27,599
in these situations. I never tell them to leave. I

391
00:21:27,759 --> 00:21:30,680
always say to give it time. Now they're getting ready

392
00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:32,759
to get married, I would probably push that wedding back,

393
00:21:33,759 --> 00:21:35,960
you know what I'm saying, Like, because you don't want

394
00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:37,920
to make a decision to get married to someone while

395
00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:41,039
you're processing through your trauma. You want to be sure

396
00:21:41,039 --> 00:21:42,720
that this is a decision that you want to make

397
00:21:42,720 --> 00:21:44,880
before you move forward. So I would probably move I'll

398
00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:47,119
probably move up with the wedding back, and they're gonna

399
00:21:47,119 --> 00:21:48,920
have to work, They're gonna have to work through the nuances,

400
00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:50,599
and we can talk a little bit about what that

401
00:21:50,640 --> 00:21:53,119
looks like. But that's my initial assessment.

402
00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:54,400
Speaker 1: So this is my thing.

403
00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:56,839
Speaker 2: You probably think like I'm always well, I feel like

404
00:21:56,839 --> 00:21:59,599
I'm a girls girl, So I and when I say that,

405
00:21:59,680 --> 00:22:03,519
I mean that, like my number one instinct is to

406
00:22:03,559 --> 00:22:08,839
like be the peripheral of things that women for things

407
00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:13,079
that women just don't see. So Pov, as you mentioned,

408
00:22:13,119 --> 00:22:17,119
he took sixteen years before they've been together for sixteen

409
00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:20,720
years in order to get married and things.

410
00:22:20,519 --> 00:22:22,839
Speaker 4: Like that, and he confessed that he compromised the relationship

411
00:22:22,880 --> 00:22:23,240
a year ago.

412
00:22:25,720 --> 00:22:28,279
Speaker 1: I think no, he confessed a week before.

413
00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:32,000
Speaker 4: Their wedding, right, that he compromised a relationship.

414
00:22:32,079 --> 00:22:34,759
Speaker 2: Yes, and there could be potentially a child on the way.

415
00:22:34,839 --> 00:22:38,000
Now we don't know if this man is actually like

416
00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:40,799
asking for her to stay or seeing like no, you know,

417
00:22:41,279 --> 00:22:44,359
like let's work this out. But do you think that

418
00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:47,319
a part of it that it could possibly be that

419
00:22:47,519 --> 00:22:48,160
he does.

420
00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:50,400
Speaker 1: Not want the relationship?

421
00:22:51,799 --> 00:22:54,279
Speaker 2: Like number one, he took sixteen years, Like that's a

422
00:22:54,319 --> 00:22:55,599
long time, right.

423
00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:58,400
Speaker 4: But I think that he compromised the relationship in the last.

424
00:22:58,240 --> 00:23:02,480
Speaker 2: Year, right, right, he compromised the relationship and confess one

425
00:23:02,519 --> 00:23:06,039
week before the wedding. So is there so you drug

426
00:23:06,039 --> 00:23:08,720
your feet sixteen years a long time and also now

427
00:23:08,759 --> 00:23:12,279
you confess before the wedding. Is there a possibility that

428
00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:16,480
he doesn't want to be married, that he's trying to say,

429
00:23:16,519 --> 00:23:18,799
ay yo, like let me tell you what I what

430
00:23:18,880 --> 00:23:21,599
I did, like maybe like it's like cold feet, and.

431
00:23:21,559 --> 00:23:24,079
Speaker 1: I ain't trying to be funny. I don't, I don't.

432
00:23:25,359 --> 00:23:28,640
Speaker 2: I would suspect I would assume that his feet were

433
00:23:28,759 --> 00:23:30,960
kind of cold because it did take him a long time.

434
00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:33,079
But don't take a man sixteen years to know. And

435
00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:36,200
so now he's like, man, let me tell her this

436
00:23:36,400 --> 00:23:40,440
before I actually get married. And again I don't have

437
00:23:40,599 --> 00:23:43,680
enough data. But again I want to be the periphial.

438
00:23:43,960 --> 00:23:46,640
I think a part of that could possibly be that

439
00:23:47,079 --> 00:23:50,359
he may not actually want to enter the marriage, and

440
00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:55,319
so his truth is like like his truth is actually

441
00:23:55,319 --> 00:23:58,799
redemption out of this like one week before. And again

442
00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:02,359
there is a child potential, you know, child involved, So

443
00:24:03,720 --> 00:24:06,319
there's that, But I I think that that's just something

444
00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:12,079
to think about. That maybe he is hesitant about walking

445
00:24:12,119 --> 00:24:13,000
down the aisle.

446
00:24:16,039 --> 00:24:18,880
Speaker 4: It's possible, but that's not what I gathered from from

447
00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:22,720
hearing from hearing her talk, But that is a perspective

448
00:24:22,759 --> 00:24:25,559
that is possible. I will also say this though, I

449
00:24:25,559 --> 00:24:28,279
think age plays a part too. Sixteen years if they

450
00:24:28,279 --> 00:24:30,759
were together as teenagers, you know what I'm saying, Like

451
00:24:30,799 --> 00:24:33,640
it's probably, you know, if they if they they got

452
00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:37,279
together when they were fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, and it's sixteen

453
00:24:37,359 --> 00:24:40,440
years later, we're talking about them being in their their

454
00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:43,240
early thirties, which is a which is a healthy around,

455
00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:46,640
a healthy age to to actually embrace something like marriage.

456
00:24:49,400 --> 00:24:51,240
I think the fact that they've been together for so long,

457
00:24:51,759 --> 00:24:54,759
you know what I'm saying, And he proposed to her

458
00:24:55,480 --> 00:24:59,880
to me, states that he wants to be in the

459
00:25:00,039 --> 00:25:03,160
marriage right, because you could be with somebody and never

460
00:25:03,240 --> 00:25:06,279
decide to propose right. To me, it sounds like a

461
00:25:06,319 --> 00:25:07,839
man that wants to walk into the marriage with a

462
00:25:07,839 --> 00:25:11,480
clear conscience, and he doesn't want her to have any

463
00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:13,920
surprises when they do get married, especially if there's a

464
00:25:13,920 --> 00:25:15,640
possible child in the way. And by the time a

465
00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:17,640
man brings something to a woman saying that there's a

466
00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:20,160
possible child in a way, there's probably a child in

467
00:25:20,160 --> 00:25:22,839
the way, you know what I'm saying.

468
00:25:22,920 --> 00:25:25,519
Speaker 1: So let me say this.

469
00:25:25,839 --> 00:25:29,880
Speaker 2: And I think that you know, I talk a lot

470
00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:36,160
about us just being overhealed, and I think that there

471
00:25:36,319 --> 00:25:42,160
is that we have to make room for a space

472
00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:45,599
where you just actually don't want to forgive. Like I

473
00:25:45,599 --> 00:25:48,839
think we've seen remniscence of this on the internet now

474
00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:52,799
where it's just like I'm out of here, I'm done.

475
00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:53,759
Speaker 1: And I think.

476
00:25:53,599 --> 00:25:58,920
Speaker 2: That that is a huge, a huge thing, and a

477
00:25:59,039 --> 00:26:02,559
huge betrayal a week before marriage.

478
00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:03,720
Speaker 1: And I think that.

479
00:26:05,200 --> 00:26:08,200
Speaker 2: We have to make room for things that they're that

480
00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:12,240
that some some things are not to be forgiven, and

481
00:26:12,279 --> 00:26:16,839
I think it kind of makes the other person of

482
00:26:16,519 --> 00:26:20,400
a villain. And it was a god forgive I don't

483
00:26:20,799 --> 00:26:23,680
a week before our wedding. Also, we have to be

484
00:26:23,759 --> 00:26:26,960
clear that you brought you you like you said, he

485
00:26:27,039 --> 00:26:29,359
probably got that baby on the way. That's probably a

486
00:26:29,440 --> 00:26:32,759
high chance that there actually is a baby on the way.

487
00:26:33,160 --> 00:26:37,119
For a man to cheat is one thing before a

488
00:26:37,160 --> 00:26:49,440
man to be so irresponsible, so disrespectful, so so unattached

489
00:26:49,519 --> 00:26:52,680
to our love and our relationship in a split of

490
00:26:52,720 --> 00:26:56,240
a second, that you would have a child on the

491
00:26:56,279 --> 00:27:00,759
way when we are we're about to walk down the aisle.

492
00:27:01,960 --> 00:27:05,359
Not everything does not have to be forgiven. And I

493
00:27:05,400 --> 00:27:08,559
think that those are things that people have to deal with.

494
00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:12,160
People have to deal with the consequences of their behavior.

495
00:27:12,279 --> 00:27:16,039
And I feel like for a woman that waited sixteen

496
00:27:16,160 --> 00:27:17,400
years for a ring.

497
00:27:18,240 --> 00:27:19,759
Speaker 1: And now when I get it and I'm.

498
00:27:19,680 --> 00:27:22,880
Speaker 2: About to live in pure bliss with you and thinking

499
00:27:22,880 --> 00:27:25,079
I'm going to have my fairy tale and it's finally come.

500
00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:26,759
And now you tell me that you got a baby

501
00:27:26,799 --> 00:27:30,000
on the way. I don't know if that's something that

502
00:27:30,039 --> 00:27:33,880
I could forgive. And I don't think people should be

503
00:27:35,319 --> 00:27:38,279
feel guilty or feel shamed, like there's just some things

504
00:27:38,279 --> 00:27:40,920
that are a point of no return. And I think

505
00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:44,960
that women, we bear so much on our shoulders. And

506
00:27:45,599 --> 00:27:50,440
I mean, she's already, she's already in the forgiveness space.

507
00:27:50,759 --> 00:27:52,559
She's like, I want to be able to I want

508
00:27:52,599 --> 00:27:55,960
to forgive, but not passively. I want to actually process.

509
00:27:56,119 --> 00:28:00,480
And so she's already there, and I think that man

510
00:28:00,599 --> 00:28:03,960
the go to for her. The default was forgiveness, and

511
00:28:04,039 --> 00:28:07,119
I think that there needs to be other options out here,

512
00:28:07,160 --> 00:28:08,839
like I could forgive you and not stay.

513
00:28:09,279 --> 00:28:11,279
Speaker 4: Yes, So that's exactly what I was going to say.

514
00:28:11,720 --> 00:28:14,839
I think that we should always forgive, Yeah, but forgiveness

515
00:28:14,839 --> 00:28:16,599
doesn't mean that I have to repair the relationship.

516
00:28:16,680 --> 00:28:17,240
Speaker 1: Absolutely.

517
00:28:17,279 --> 00:28:19,759
Speaker 4: I think that she should be actively working to forgive,

518
00:28:19,799 --> 00:28:22,559
because forgiveness is not for him, is for her right.

519
00:28:22,640 --> 00:28:25,279
Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting an other person

520
00:28:25,319 --> 00:28:29,319
toe to die to die. So I think that she

521
00:28:29,759 --> 00:28:33,640
is vindicated in her desire to forgive, but I don't

522
00:28:33,640 --> 00:28:38,279
think that she should be forgiving for the sake of repairing, right.

523
00:28:38,480 --> 00:28:40,119
I think a lot of times people want to forgive

524
00:28:40,119 --> 00:28:41,640
because they want to get back to the repair or

525
00:28:41,640 --> 00:28:43,200
they want to they want to get to the repairing

526
00:28:43,200 --> 00:28:46,000
of the relationship. Right. I think that she should absolutely

527
00:28:46,039 --> 00:28:49,599
forgive or begin to take some of those those steps

528
00:28:49,640 --> 00:28:54,160
to forgive, but that doesn't mean that she should necessarily repair.

529
00:28:54,240 --> 00:28:58,240
And to your point, you know, there is there is,

530
00:28:58,319 --> 00:29:01,480
There is cheating, and cheating is always disrespectful, but then

531
00:29:01,480 --> 00:29:06,559
there's egregious cheating, right, like where you slide into something

532
00:29:06,640 --> 00:29:09,200
unprotected and then you're coming back to me, which means

533
00:29:09,240 --> 00:29:11,599
that I don't know where that girl's been, and so

534
00:29:11,720 --> 00:29:15,640
not only have you jeopardized the household, but you jeopardize

535
00:29:15,640 --> 00:29:18,400
my health. Like there are definitely levels to it, for.

536
00:29:18,359 --> 00:29:21,240
Speaker 2: Sure, Well say this name. I feel like there's like

537
00:29:21,279 --> 00:29:24,839
another category. Right, So we talked about forgiveness and all

538
00:29:24,880 --> 00:29:28,480
should forgive, and then the fact that you know, when

539
00:29:28,519 --> 00:29:32,400
you don't forgive, it's like expecting the other person to die,

540
00:29:32,400 --> 00:29:38,240
and like everybody should forgive. My thing is that, for example,

541
00:29:38,279 --> 00:29:41,880
this situation, they've been together for a long time, this

542
00:29:41,960 --> 00:29:44,480
man cheated, he tells me a week before I'm married,

543
00:29:44,519 --> 00:29:49,839
and that's possibly a baby on the way. It's almost

544
00:29:49,920 --> 00:29:53,720
like it sounds cheap, like I accept your apology, but

545
00:29:53,920 --> 00:29:56,480
I don't think it's a bitter thing to not forgive,

546
00:29:56,759 --> 00:30:00,240
nor is it going to like hold on and pour

547
00:30:00,240 --> 00:30:01,960
out into my life. And I think that's kind of

548
00:30:01,960 --> 00:30:04,000
what you're saying, like drinking and poison expecting the other

549
00:30:04,039 --> 00:30:06,039
person to die. I think that I can actually not

550
00:30:06,160 --> 00:30:09,759
forgive what you did and not hold that to you,

551
00:30:09,839 --> 00:30:12,759
and it also not damage my core, like you know,

552
00:30:12,920 --> 00:30:15,559
like my core baseline for my emotions and my life

553
00:30:15,559 --> 00:30:18,279
and my feelings, because I just again don't I don't

554
00:30:18,279 --> 00:30:20,640
think that everything should be forgiven, because it's.

555
00:30:20,480 --> 00:30:24,599
Speaker 1: Like, do I accept your apology?

556
00:30:24,599 --> 00:30:27,480
Speaker 2: Do I recognize and accept that you made a mistake,

557
00:30:27,640 --> 00:30:30,000
But when we talk about the dynamic of my relationship,

558
00:30:30,039 --> 00:30:32,480
do I forgive that you went out and had a

559
00:30:32,519 --> 00:30:34,839
baby and were about to get married in one week?

560
00:30:35,119 --> 00:30:38,240
I don't have to fucking forgive that. I don't forgive that.

561
00:30:38,599 --> 00:30:39,039
Speaker 1: I don't.

562
00:30:39,359 --> 00:30:42,400
Speaker 2: You are an adult, you have wherewith all you have

563
00:30:42,440 --> 00:30:44,920
discerning nobody put a gun to your head. And I

564
00:30:44,960 --> 00:30:47,240
don't think that I'm dying on the inside of poison

565
00:30:47,279 --> 00:30:50,000
because I don't forgive that. This is a relationship that

566
00:30:50,039 --> 00:30:53,000
you committed to and that you volunteer. I don't forgive that.

567
00:30:54,200 --> 00:30:59,240
Speaker 4: Do you believe that that can lead to harboring unforgiveness?

568
00:30:59,240 --> 00:31:03,039
Speaker 1: Though, no, I don't. That's what I'm trying to say.

569
00:31:03,039 --> 00:31:05,680
Speaker 2: I feel like we need a new category. Like it's

570
00:31:05,720 --> 00:31:08,759
like forgiveness and unforgiven. This's like no dog acceptual apology.

571
00:31:08,839 --> 00:31:11,319
I even see you, I see that you made a mistake.

572
00:31:11,359 --> 00:31:13,720
I see that you fell to your flesh. I see

573
00:31:13,759 --> 00:31:16,640
that that's not actually who you are. But I don't

574
00:31:16,640 --> 00:31:19,599
have to forgive that, Like I don't have to welcome

575
00:31:19,680 --> 00:31:25,759
that into my into our dynamic as a pillar of forgiveness.

576
00:31:25,759 --> 00:31:28,440
And I don't think that it's gonna turn me ritten

577
00:31:28,559 --> 00:31:32,359
on the inside. It's like I don't forgive that. I

578
00:31:32,440 --> 00:31:33,240
don't forgive it.

579
00:31:33,319 --> 00:31:36,119
Speaker 4: So so there was a there was an interesting study

580
00:31:36,160 --> 00:31:38,440
that that was done over the course of a number

581
00:31:38,440 --> 00:31:46,440
of years, and scientifically they paralleled or equate it unforgiveness

582
00:31:47,039 --> 00:31:49,000
with certain biological issues like cancer.

583
00:31:49,279 --> 00:31:50,799
Speaker 1: Absolutely interesting and.

584
00:31:50,799 --> 00:31:53,759
Speaker 4: So That's the reason why I am so adamant about

585
00:31:53,759 --> 00:31:57,240
people forgiving. It does not mean that the relationship has

586
00:31:57,279 --> 00:32:02,400
to be prepared, right, But forgiven is literally letting going,

587
00:32:02,599 --> 00:32:05,559
letting go of the offense. Right. So like when we

588
00:32:05,599 --> 00:32:11,599
think about when we think about when we think about

589
00:32:11,920 --> 00:32:18,039
people that have committed heinous crimes, right, Like I'm talking

590
00:32:18,039 --> 00:32:23,079
about like murder and different things like that. Right, And

591
00:32:23,160 --> 00:32:26,599
let's say that they murdered someone that you deeply loved, right,

592
00:32:26,720 --> 00:32:28,759
somebody that you were really close to, whatever the case

593
00:32:28,799 --> 00:32:36,759
may be. Forgiveness is literally releasing the offense. It doesn't

594
00:32:36,799 --> 00:32:40,000
mean that you're okay with the fact that they did it.

595
00:32:40,000 --> 00:32:43,680
It means I release in my heart. And it's a

596
00:32:43,720 --> 00:32:45,960
difficult thing to do, especially when you've been done wrong,

597
00:32:46,720 --> 00:32:52,279
but I release in my heart that infraction that was

598
00:32:52,319 --> 00:32:55,480
done against me. It doesn't absolve the person of the consequence.

599
00:32:56,039 --> 00:32:59,799
Somebody could have committed murder and they're behind bars from

600
00:32:59,799 --> 00:33:01,240
the for the rest of their life. It doesn't mean

601
00:33:01,240 --> 00:33:02,759
that you say, like I want them to get out, No,

602
00:33:02,839 --> 00:33:05,359
you gotta gotta you gotta do your time for the

603
00:33:05,359 --> 00:33:07,759
crime that you did. But I release you in my

604
00:33:07,839 --> 00:33:12,119
heart of that offense and that's how that's how we

605
00:33:12,279 --> 00:33:17,119
find like complete and total healing. And I know I

606
00:33:17,119 --> 00:33:19,640
already know. I already know because you're sitting there like listen,

607
00:33:19,680 --> 00:33:21,119
it ain't that much healing in the world.

608
00:33:21,559 --> 00:33:24,079
Speaker 1: But I get it though. I do get it. And

609
00:33:24,160 --> 00:33:25,440
I'm telling you that.

610
00:33:27,000 --> 00:33:28,960
Speaker 2: I think that I have and that's what I'm saying,

611
00:33:29,000 --> 00:33:31,119
like maybe there's some new science, maybe we're gonna have a.

612
00:33:31,079 --> 00:33:32,799
Speaker 1: New therapy category.

613
00:33:32,920 --> 00:33:33,079
Speaker 5: Right.

614
00:33:33,440 --> 00:33:37,799
Speaker 1: I think that I have forgiving people, and.

615
00:33:40,200 --> 00:33:43,599
Speaker 2: I think that I have like made space for people

616
00:33:43,640 --> 00:33:46,839
in my heart that have hurt me or whatever the

617
00:33:46,920 --> 00:33:49,400
case may be, right, And I think that there is

618
00:33:49,599 --> 00:33:52,920
a part of forgiveness to that. And maybe it's just

619
00:33:53,279 --> 00:33:56,000
a different word that comes to it, but I just

620
00:33:56,119 --> 00:34:00,599
personally don't think that everything needs to be forgiven in

621
00:34:00,799 --> 00:34:04,039
order for it to not affect me biologically or for

622
00:34:04,200 --> 00:34:06,480
me again like turn into this sour person and the

623
00:34:06,559 --> 00:34:07,440
harbor feelings.

624
00:34:07,599 --> 00:34:09,760
Speaker 1: It's just like, actually, now, I don't fuck with that.

625
00:34:10,079 --> 00:34:12,440
Speaker 2: And I could see you and acknowledge it and whatever,

626
00:34:12,679 --> 00:34:14,559
but I don't forgive you.

627
00:34:14,880 --> 00:34:15,920
Speaker 1: I don't forgive that.

628
00:34:16,079 --> 00:34:17,679
Speaker 4: Let me let me and I'm not the interviewer, but

629
00:34:17,719 --> 00:34:22,800
I just have one question, okay, and we talk we're

630
00:34:22,800 --> 00:34:26,000
talking as friends, all right, we're talking as friends. What

631
00:34:26,079 --> 00:34:28,760
does what does the word forgiveness mean to you? Because

632
00:34:28,760 --> 00:34:33,719
it could be a definition thing. So what is forgiveness

633
00:34:33,719 --> 00:34:35,440
to you? Like when you when you say when you

634
00:34:35,480 --> 00:34:39,039
say I forgive this person or I don't forgive this person.

635
00:34:39,599 --> 00:34:43,440
What would be a good set of cinnamon synonyms? What

636
00:34:43,480 --> 00:34:46,079
would be a good set of centiment? What would be

637
00:34:46,119 --> 00:34:50,079
a good set of synonyms that you would use to

638
00:34:50,159 --> 00:34:52,159
describe forgiveness.

639
00:34:52,440 --> 00:34:55,840
Speaker 1: So forgiveness for me is.

640
00:34:59,440 --> 00:35:04,880
Speaker 2: I acknowledge what you have done. I have acknowledged what

641
00:35:05,159 --> 00:35:09,000
it has how it has impacted me, and I have

642
00:35:10,400 --> 00:35:13,280
released you from that from the pain that it has

643
00:35:13,360 --> 00:35:17,639
caused me. I have disassociated you from the pain that

644
00:35:17,679 --> 00:35:20,960
it has caused me, and I have given myself the

645
00:35:21,119 --> 00:35:25,719
relief of that impact. That is what I feel like

646
00:35:25,760 --> 00:35:29,960
forgiveness is I have disassociated you from what you've done

647
00:35:30,079 --> 00:35:34,920
impact versus intent, right, And I have separated you from

648
00:35:35,079 --> 00:35:37,480
the impact that it has had on me, and I

649
00:35:37,599 --> 00:35:43,239
have now made room to move forward disattached from the

650
00:35:43,360 --> 00:35:47,159
impact of the pain. That is what I feel like

651
00:35:47,239 --> 00:35:48,119
forgiveness is.

652
00:35:48,119 --> 00:35:52,519
Speaker 4: Okay, So here's my follow up question. Why wouldn't you

653
00:35:52,559 --> 00:35:55,639
want that in every scenario, Like why wouldn't you want

654
00:35:55,679 --> 00:35:59,840
to be disconnected from the pain that something has caused

655
00:35:59,880 --> 00:36:01,840
you in every situation?

656
00:36:02,039 --> 00:36:02,519
Speaker 5: Yees see.

657
00:36:02,559 --> 00:36:05,960
Speaker 2: I think that people weaponize forgiveness, right, And I think

658
00:36:06,000 --> 00:36:07,599
that there is to me.

659
00:36:08,320 --> 00:36:13,360
Speaker 1: I think this is this is what I stand on.

660
00:36:13,519 --> 00:36:17,159
Speaker 2: I feel like some things we need to hold on too, right,

661
00:36:17,519 --> 00:36:20,440
And I think that even just in our past, it's

662
00:36:20,519 --> 00:36:23,960
like childhood things. And I always talk about how when

663
00:36:24,000 --> 00:36:26,360
I was younger, I used to be so ashamed of

664
00:36:26,400 --> 00:36:29,679
like poverty and growing up poor. And then I grew

665
00:36:29,760 --> 00:36:32,480
up and I realized how resourceful.

666
00:36:31,920 --> 00:36:32,360
Speaker 1: It made me.

667
00:36:33,280 --> 00:36:35,800
Speaker 2: Why am I getting emotional? I realized like how much

668
00:36:35,840 --> 00:36:39,280
sharper I was from than other people, right. I realized

669
00:36:39,280 --> 00:36:43,280
that like literally shit like heating up my house with

670
00:36:43,400 --> 00:36:46,480
my soul made me quicker than every fucking body else.

671
00:36:46,599 --> 00:36:49,400
I was literally out here with other adults that shit

672
00:36:49,519 --> 00:36:51,119
went wrong, and they like, what do I do?

673
00:36:51,199 --> 00:36:52,599
Speaker 1: I'm like, bitch, what you mean You're gonna do this?

674
00:36:52,639 --> 00:36:55,239
You're gonna do that? Like it made me so much.

675
00:36:55,039 --> 00:36:58,039
Speaker 2: Sharper, right, And I feel like they're still a part

676
00:36:58,519 --> 00:37:02,679
of holding on to a little bit of things that

677
00:37:02,719 --> 00:37:06,360
you have experienced that the walls that you run against,

678
00:37:06,519 --> 00:37:10,199
and that's people, places and things, that's feelings, that's emotions,

679
00:37:10,199 --> 00:37:13,719
And I feel like sometimes those things still deserve a

680
00:37:13,840 --> 00:37:17,480
part in your heart, DNA, because they will help you

681
00:37:17,519 --> 00:37:20,119
in the future. And that is why I don't think

682
00:37:20,119 --> 00:37:22,400
that everything should be forgiven, and I don't think that

683
00:37:22,440 --> 00:37:24,320
I'm riding on the inside because of it.

684
00:37:24,440 --> 00:37:27,840
Speaker 4: I think that that's beautiful what you said.

685
00:37:29,639 --> 00:37:31,840
Speaker 1: Some of my pain has made me sharper, It's what

686
00:37:31,880 --> 00:37:32,280
I'm saying.

687
00:37:32,320 --> 00:37:34,800
Speaker 4: But let me ask you this. Do you believe that

688
00:37:34,840 --> 00:37:38,719
it's possible to hold on to the lessons without holding

689
00:37:38,760 --> 00:37:39,400
onto the pain?

690
00:37:41,360 --> 00:37:45,599
Speaker 2: So this is what I'm saying when I even down

691
00:37:45,679 --> 00:37:50,239
to like the example that I gave. Part of the

692
00:37:50,280 --> 00:37:53,199
reason why I'm also so much quicker is because I

693
00:37:53,239 --> 00:37:55,679
never want to feel that again, right, Like, I don't

694
00:37:55,679 --> 00:37:58,199
want to feel what it's like to be without a resource.

695
00:37:58,199 --> 00:37:59,760
I don't want to feel like what it's like to

696
00:37:59,760 --> 00:38:02,079
be in darkness or to not know where your next

697
00:38:02,079 --> 00:38:03,880
dollar or something that has come from.

698
00:38:04,000 --> 00:38:04,239
Speaker 1: Right.

699
00:38:04,440 --> 00:38:06,079
Speaker 2: And I think that we see this with a lot

700
00:38:06,119 --> 00:38:08,840
of celebrities and a lot of successful people, and a

701
00:38:08,880 --> 00:38:12,440
lot of people that are resilient and overcome trials.

702
00:38:12,119 --> 00:38:13,440
Speaker 1: Is that it is.

703
00:38:13,639 --> 00:38:17,559
Speaker 2: If they would have let that go, it kind of

704
00:38:17,760 --> 00:38:21,360
disrupts the source of how you move forward. And it's

705
00:38:21,480 --> 00:38:25,239
not that I'm harboring it, but it's like remembering that

706
00:38:25,639 --> 00:38:28,599
you fucking committed to me under God, and you wanted

707
00:38:28,599 --> 00:38:31,079
to get married to me and sixteen years awaiting, and

708
00:38:31,119 --> 00:38:32,519
now you went and cheated.

709
00:38:32,719 --> 00:38:34,679
Speaker 1: Now you got a baby on way. So I want

710
00:38:34,679 --> 00:38:35,800
to not all of it.

711
00:38:35,880 --> 00:38:37,480
Speaker 2: Just just give me a little corner of that cake

712
00:38:37,679 --> 00:38:40,440
and I'm gonna take it with me, and it's gonna

713
00:38:40,519 --> 00:38:42,800
morph how I move into the world and doesn't have

714
00:38:42,880 --> 00:38:44,880
to be negatively, is what I'm saying. And I feel

715
00:38:44,880 --> 00:38:49,960
like forgiving it is gonna detach myself from being from

716
00:38:50,119 --> 00:38:53,440
what is how it impacted me and how I'm gonna

717
00:38:53,440 --> 00:38:55,480
move forward with it, if that makes any sense.

718
00:38:55,760 --> 00:38:59,599
Speaker 4: When when I was fifteen, I got into a fight.

719
00:39:00,039 --> 00:39:03,840
I was I was at work. I was at McDonald's. Man,

720
00:39:03,840 --> 00:39:05,679
I'm going to stuff that I haven't talked, I've never

721
00:39:05,679 --> 00:39:07,920
talked about. I don't camera I don't think I was

722
00:39:07,960 --> 00:39:09,920
at work. I was working at McDonald's. I was fifteen,

723
00:39:10,320 --> 00:39:14,400
I was living in New Jersey and I remember this

724
00:39:14,400 --> 00:39:18,719
this guy that I was working with. He kept bumping

725
00:39:18,760 --> 00:39:21,719
me like intent, like it happened a couple times, and

726
00:39:21,920 --> 00:39:26,000
I gave it the benefit of the doubt. And then

727
00:39:26,039 --> 00:39:27,840
he kept doing it, and I said, you bumped me again.

728
00:39:27,880 --> 00:39:31,000
I'm whooped your ass like We're gonna take it outside

729
00:39:31,360 --> 00:39:32,920
like I'm a I'm a as soon as because you

730
00:39:32,920 --> 00:39:34,199
get off before me. As soon as you get off,

731
00:39:34,239 --> 00:39:37,039
I'm coming out there. I'm ana whoop your ass. He

732
00:39:37,119 --> 00:39:40,679
bumped me again. When he got off, we went outside,

733
00:39:40,800 --> 00:39:44,000
we squared up, we fought. I ended up breaking both

734
00:39:44,039 --> 00:39:47,159
of my hands in a fight. I boke my right

735
00:39:47,159 --> 00:39:55,039
hand and my left wrist. Uh. I still it cost

736
00:39:55,119 --> 00:39:57,039
me because I was playing basketball at the time, and

737
00:39:57,159 --> 00:40:01,440
you can't play basketball with two broken hands. I remember

738
00:40:01,480 --> 00:40:04,760
the pain of that. I remember the pain of that experience.

739
00:40:07,239 --> 00:40:08,920
I remember what it cost me. I have not been

740
00:40:08,960 --> 00:40:12,079
in another fight since that. I remember. I remember everything

741
00:40:12,119 --> 00:40:14,280
that I had to sacrifice because of that decision, right,

742
00:40:14,280 --> 00:40:18,599
and I remember the pain. I'm not holding onto the pain,

743
00:40:18,639 --> 00:40:22,960
but I remember it and me remembering that pain, remembering

744
00:40:23,000 --> 00:40:26,519
what it cost me, both the physical and lifestyle pain

745
00:40:26,559 --> 00:40:29,440
that I experienced because of that decision. It caused me

746
00:40:29,480 --> 00:40:34,199
to move different m I believe that it is possible

747
00:40:34,239 --> 00:40:37,039
to remember the pain without holding onto the pain.

748
00:40:38,960 --> 00:40:41,360
Speaker 1: I think we're in agreement there, and I think that

749
00:40:41,360 --> 00:40:41,599
it is.

750
00:40:41,599 --> 00:40:45,079
Speaker 4: Possible to use the pain as a lesson, absolutely without

751
00:40:45,199 --> 00:40:48,119
without without holding onto without holding onto it. It's like

752
00:40:48,239 --> 00:40:51,960
it's like me cutting my arm right like, and I'm like,

753
00:40:52,360 --> 00:40:54,559
or it's like me getting too close to a stove

754
00:40:54,719 --> 00:40:56,920
and I burned myself on the stove. Well, I don't

755
00:40:56,960 --> 00:40:59,400
want to hold on to the pain that I experienced.

756
00:40:59,400 --> 00:41:02,920
I want that to heat. But I'm gonna remember the

757
00:41:02,920 --> 00:41:06,039
pain that I experienced from that that scenario, that's exactly

758
00:41:06,079 --> 00:41:07,320
what it's gonna cause me.

759
00:41:07,639 --> 00:41:08,400
Speaker 1: So yes.

760
00:41:08,519 --> 00:41:11,119
Speaker 4: So with that being said, I think it is possible

761
00:41:11,239 --> 00:41:14,199
to remember the infraction that someone has made against you.

762
00:41:14,840 --> 00:41:17,280
I think that it is possible to remember how it

763
00:41:17,400 --> 00:41:21,280
made you feel in the moment without actually holding on

764
00:41:21,320 --> 00:41:24,719
to the pain. It's just a it's just a different perspective.

765
00:41:24,760 --> 00:41:26,440
And I think that that's what forgiveness is. I think

766
00:41:26,480 --> 00:41:31,679
forgiveness is I'm releasing myself. I'm disassociating myself from the

767
00:41:31,719 --> 00:41:35,800
pain while also remembering that this person hurt me and

768
00:41:35,880 --> 00:41:38,280
learning the lesson so that I don't repeat the pattern.

769
00:41:38,559 --> 00:41:39,360
That caused the pain.

770
00:41:42,280 --> 00:41:44,679
Speaker 1: Well, I think that.

771
00:41:44,719 --> 00:41:47,920
Speaker 2: We actually are closer to some of it. Yeah, closer

772
00:41:47,960 --> 00:41:52,280
to describing a similar things than we are then differently.

773
00:41:52,599 --> 00:41:55,760
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm gonna go to our set. Yeah, the fragrance segment.

774
00:41:55,880 --> 00:42:01,719
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think we were closer closer to a sentiment

775
00:42:01,800 --> 00:42:05,199
than we are further apart on that one. I really,

776
00:42:05,280 --> 00:42:08,480
I really do. AnyWho, Now on to our bit you

777
00:42:08,599 --> 00:42:09,480
smell Good segment.

778
00:42:09,800 --> 00:42:11,039
Speaker 1: We actually give advice to the girl.

779
00:42:13,440 --> 00:42:14,719
Speaker 4: We didn't wear something else.

780
00:42:15,199 --> 00:42:17,920
Speaker 2: What's the advice of the girl. Anyways, we'll startle back

781
00:42:17,960 --> 00:42:20,159
on it. Okay, so our bit you Smell Good segment.

782
00:42:20,360 --> 00:42:25,079
This is Casablanca Swiss Arabian, y'all. I want your to

783
00:42:25,159 --> 00:42:31,360
look at it's almost gone. I've probably purchased this fragrance

784
00:42:31,679 --> 00:42:34,280
three to four times, and I love to gift it

785
00:42:34,320 --> 00:42:38,360
to people. So the notes are apple and grapes, sweet,

786
00:42:38,559 --> 00:42:42,119
juicy and inviting. Right from the start, we have heart

787
00:42:42,159 --> 00:42:45,239
the heart and middle notes are whitewood, iris and pachuli,

788
00:42:45,599 --> 00:42:49,800
and then we have base notes of caramel, amber, swayed musk,

789
00:42:50,000 --> 00:42:55,920
and peru balsam. Anyways, it's rich, warm, dried down with

790
00:42:56,039 --> 00:43:00,000
gormond and amber undertones. If I ever bust a bottle

791
00:43:00,159 --> 00:43:02,559
down like this, down to the bottom, then you already know.

792
00:43:03,360 --> 00:43:06,039
Speaker 1: You already know it's good. That's so good, y'all.

793
00:43:06,559 --> 00:43:06,719
Speaker 5: Oh.

794
00:43:06,840 --> 00:43:08,960
Speaker 2: Also, I forgot to mention that this is from Amazon.

795
00:43:09,360 --> 00:43:14,400
It's Arabian fragrance and it's probably under maybe twenty five

796
00:43:14,480 --> 00:43:17,800
to forty dollars. Don't tell y'all, always tell.

797
00:43:17,679 --> 00:43:20,199
Speaker 1: About sy it's so expensive. Are all the fragrances your

798
00:43:20,239 --> 00:43:25,960
name and not? Two hundred dollars up? Very affordable? And

799
00:43:26,000 --> 00:43:27,320
I ain't telling you what I heard. I'm telling you

800
00:43:27,360 --> 00:43:27,679
what I know.

801
00:43:27,719 --> 00:43:34,119
Speaker 2: Look at look at the bottom. I've gotten so many

802
00:43:34,199 --> 00:43:38,199
compliments on this. So anyways, y'all go on Amazon and

803
00:43:38,280 --> 00:43:43,239
purchase Costablanca Cotablanca. Okay, you haven't experienced this segment. This

804
00:43:43,280 --> 00:43:46,119
is my red flag report. Okay, we're gonna get through this.

805
00:43:46,159 --> 00:43:46,440
Speaker 3: Okay.

806
00:43:46,639 --> 00:43:51,159
Speaker 2: Our red flag report is when fairy tale couples end

807
00:43:51,440 --> 00:43:54,000
in public? What was the real red flag?

808
00:43:54,639 --> 00:43:55,000
Speaker 5: Oh?

809
00:43:55,039 --> 00:43:55,360
Speaker 1: No?

810
00:43:57,440 --> 00:44:01,960
Speaker 2: TikTok and Instagram power couple Christy Scott and Desmond Scott,

811
00:44:02,440 --> 00:44:05,360
who met as teens, married in twenty fourteen and built

812
00:44:05,400 --> 00:44:09,519
a massive online following together, Having quietly headed towards divorced

813
00:44:09,599 --> 00:44:13,400
after more than a decade have quietly headed towards divorce

814
00:44:13,480 --> 00:44:16,199
after more than a decade as a couple and two kids.

815
00:44:16,400 --> 00:44:20,960
Their separation become became public early January twenty twenty six,

816
00:44:21,320 --> 00:44:24,199
after Christie fouled for divorce on December thirty of twenty

817
00:44:24,239 --> 00:44:28,800
twenty five, citing issues including alleged and fidelity. Death Men

818
00:44:28,920 --> 00:44:33,880
later apologized publicly acknowledged Kate acknowledged choices. I'm not proud

819
00:44:33,920 --> 00:44:38,559
of the split shocked mini fans, partly because this was

820
00:44:38,599 --> 00:44:41,719
the couple that grew up together in real time online,

821
00:44:41,800 --> 00:44:46,440
from family content and lifestyle blogs to viral dances, reels

822
00:44:46,480 --> 00:44:50,119
and parenting moments. In twenty twenty four, they even threw

823
00:44:50,199 --> 00:44:54,000
a lavish redo wedding party for their tenth anniversary that

824
00:44:54,079 --> 00:44:57,199
celebrated their journey, making the news of the divorce even

825
00:44:57,199 --> 00:45:01,960
more surprising. Now social media is buzzing not just about

826
00:45:01,960 --> 00:45:05,039
the breakup, but also about the timing and the optics.

827
00:45:05,360 --> 00:45:09,079
Christy has shared cryptic posts hinting as changes in her

828
00:45:09,079 --> 00:45:13,159
personal lifestyle and living situation. Desmond has posted a calm

829
00:45:13,199 --> 00:45:17,800
symbolic video about starting fresh in a new space. Days

830
00:45:17,840 --> 00:45:21,280
after the divorce filing. A video circulated of Desmond kissing

831
00:45:21,320 --> 00:45:25,760
another woman in the public, sparking fresh speculation about timing

832
00:45:25,800 --> 00:45:30,440
and loyalty. The question is when a couple shows all

833
00:45:30,440 --> 00:45:34,639
the love online from anadversary celebrations to lifestyle content, but

834
00:45:34,719 --> 00:45:40,440
then quietly breaks up amid allegations of infidelity and rebound behavior.

835
00:45:41,039 --> 00:45:45,159
Was the red flag the actions, the communication, or the

836
00:45:45,280 --> 00:45:50,320
performance for the audience. We've actually already had side talks

837
00:45:50,320 --> 00:45:54,960
about this because we just talk about media culture, relationships, love.

838
00:45:55,039 --> 00:45:57,719
That's just something that's a part of our daily our

839
00:45:57,840 --> 00:46:03,639
daily daily talks. Let me tell you this. They always

840
00:46:03,719 --> 00:46:09,440
say that the person that you marry is not the

841
00:46:09,480 --> 00:46:13,639
person that you divorce. Right, let me tell you this.

842
00:46:14,119 --> 00:46:16,440
One of the things that's on my list that I

843
00:46:16,599 --> 00:46:19,440
vet for is a man that's gonna divorce me how

844
00:46:19,480 --> 00:46:20,159
he married me.

845
00:46:20,320 --> 00:46:20,920
Speaker 1: I don't care.

846
00:46:21,239 --> 00:46:26,199
Speaker 2: I want that kind of unconditional like, I don't want

847
00:46:26,199 --> 00:46:29,760
to make a spectacle of this person. I pray that

848
00:46:29,800 --> 00:46:32,519
the person that I marry on if there's ever a

849
00:46:32,559 --> 00:46:36,440
time where we separate, that they still want to honor

850
00:46:36,480 --> 00:46:39,800
respect me and keep things cordial. And I feel like

851
00:46:39,880 --> 00:46:43,960
they're doing a good job of that. Desmond has apologized

852
00:46:45,239 --> 00:46:47,800
Christy ain't saying much, but look like a baddie. She

853
00:46:47,840 --> 00:46:50,880
ain't doing shit but looking like a batty online ain't

854
00:46:50,880 --> 00:46:52,800
really say much. And I mean, I don't know where

855
00:46:52,800 --> 00:46:57,800
it's going, but I feel like it seems like a

856
00:46:57,920 --> 00:47:02,199
quiet exiting who knows that somebody gonna do a tell all?

857
00:47:02,239 --> 00:47:07,280
But I feel like they are separating in a in

858
00:47:07,320 --> 00:47:08,320
an honorable way.

859
00:47:08,679 --> 00:47:16,400
Speaker 4: It's some, it's some, it's some subliminals. Location, yeah, yeah,

860
00:47:17,639 --> 00:47:18,679
our same house or something like.

861
00:47:18,719 --> 00:47:21,159
Speaker 1: That, same same address address.

862
00:47:21,239 --> 00:47:25,559
Speaker 4: Right, it's some, it's it's and then the video of him,

863
00:47:26,000 --> 00:47:28,039
you know what I'm saying, And I don't know when.

864
00:47:27,840 --> 00:47:31,199
Speaker 1: That was kissing that girl like a down heat like

865
00:47:31,280 --> 00:47:32,079
the dog and heat.

866
00:47:32,159 --> 00:47:33,679
Speaker 4: You feel what I'm saying. So I think that there

867
00:47:33,679 --> 00:47:39,840
are some things. I don't think it's as amicable as

868
00:47:40,119 --> 00:47:43,639
I think that. And then and then Kevin Gates recently

869
00:47:44,719 --> 00:47:46,280
had a perspective where he was.

870
00:47:46,280 --> 00:47:48,000
Speaker 1: Back all of my support for Kevin Gates. That will

871
00:47:48,039 --> 00:47:48,920
be another episode.

872
00:47:49,320 --> 00:47:52,280
Speaker 4: Kevin Gates recently had a perspective where he was just saying, like,

873
00:47:53,239 --> 00:47:55,599
you know, that's men. You you you know what I'm saying.

874
00:47:55,599 --> 00:47:57,920
You wanted the ones like you're gonna be alright, You're

875
00:47:57,960 --> 00:47:59,960
good looking, you know how to dress, you, you cook,

876
00:48:00,119 --> 00:48:01,679
any woman in the world is gonna want you. And

877
00:48:01,719 --> 00:48:05,119
he said, he said, if there's anything that I would

878
00:48:05,119 --> 00:48:09,559
have done differently, he said, I went apologize. He said, yeah, yeah,

879
00:48:09,559 --> 00:48:11,480
I was out there slanging like that's what Kevin Gate

880
00:48:11,639 --> 00:48:14,400
was saying. And I looked in the comments and Desmond

881
00:48:14,440 --> 00:48:17,760
was like, my dog, you know, like, so I think

882
00:48:20,320 --> 00:48:23,480
to answer the question. To answer the question, I think

883
00:48:23,519 --> 00:48:28,119
a lot of times when when people have public relationships,

884
00:48:28,400 --> 00:48:35,639
so there's a difference between being secretive and being private, right,

885
00:48:35,880 --> 00:48:40,360
versus being public and you know what I'm saying, whatever,

886
00:48:40,599 --> 00:48:45,760
whatever the opposite of secretive is, right. I think that

887
00:48:45,880 --> 00:48:49,440
for a lot of people, the content becomes the relationship,

888
00:48:49,480 --> 00:48:53,199
not the relationship, and so when that happens, that becomes

889
00:48:53,239 --> 00:48:56,239
the main thing. When in actuality there are microaggressions and

890
00:48:56,239 --> 00:48:58,480
things going on behind the scenes that make it so

891
00:48:58,639 --> 00:49:01,960
that the relationship is at' not palbatable. So I think

892
00:49:02,039 --> 00:49:05,039
that when people make content the main thing, the relationship suffers.

893
00:49:05,079 --> 00:49:07,639
When they make the relationship the main thing and then

894
00:49:07,840 --> 00:49:10,199
content is just a byproduct of what's going on, then

895
00:49:10,440 --> 00:49:10,800
they win.

896
00:49:11,079 --> 00:49:13,119
Speaker 2: But I think too that that's actually exactly what we're

897
00:49:13,119 --> 00:49:16,840
talking about the illusion that content was the main thing. Like,

898
00:49:16,920 --> 00:49:20,519
granted we're consumers of their relationship. We all know about

899
00:49:20,519 --> 00:49:22,840
bulk filming. We just talked about this. Hell, I'm both

900
00:49:22,920 --> 00:49:25,639
bulk filming right now, you know, like we talk. And

901
00:49:25,679 --> 00:49:28,679
so I think that there is a way that, especially

902
00:49:28,679 --> 00:49:31,639
in the content creator space, because first of all, one thing.

903
00:49:31,599 --> 00:49:34,760
Speaker 1: Like Christia ogi of it. Like if y'all ever go back.

904
00:49:34,639 --> 00:49:38,280
Speaker 2: On Christy's numbers and look at her reels, She's broken

905
00:49:38,320 --> 00:49:42,239
the internet. Like every reel is hitting over a million views.

906
00:49:42,280 --> 00:49:45,000
There's been I could say she's in the top one

907
00:49:45,039 --> 00:49:49,639
percent of creators. Every single reel is hitting over a million,

908
00:49:49,840 --> 00:49:52,960
which is why when he hit his platform, he hit

909
00:49:53,000 --> 00:49:55,039
a million in thirty days. And I know because I

910
00:49:55,159 --> 00:49:58,400
watch people I watch when shit start kicking off, right,

911
00:49:59,440 --> 00:50:02,239
it can like that consumed their life because that's what

912
00:50:02,280 --> 00:50:06,480
we saw online. And I don't quite know if content

913
00:50:06,719 --> 00:50:09,519
was the main thing, but what I will say is

914
00:50:09,559 --> 00:50:14,800
that some I could see how some of it confessed her.

915
00:50:14,920 --> 00:50:17,440
Right there started to be times where she was like

916
00:50:17,920 --> 00:50:21,320
snatching the flowers from him or like snatching the plate,

917
00:50:21,480 --> 00:50:25,320
And I think that over time that could have an impact.

918
00:50:25,360 --> 00:50:28,199
I'm not saying she was a disrespectful wife or she

919
00:50:28,599 --> 00:50:32,119
emasculated him or anything like that, because I truly don't know.

920
00:50:32,360 --> 00:50:36,159
But what I will say is that sometimes that I

921
00:50:36,199 --> 00:50:42,039
could see how that impacted somebody's self esteem and somebody's

922
00:50:42,840 --> 00:50:46,280
how they feel about how they feel respected in a

923
00:50:46,360 --> 00:50:50,400
relationship when there's public acknowledgment.

924
00:50:49,760 --> 00:50:52,880
Speaker 1: Of like just like, man, give me that right, you know.

925
00:50:52,960 --> 00:50:56,199
Speaker 2: And so I don't really know, but I think that

926
00:50:56,360 --> 00:50:59,239
for somebody I'm met for fourteen for it to just

927
00:50:59,280 --> 00:51:02,719
even this to be kind of like a smooth storm

928
00:51:02,920 --> 00:51:05,480
that's coming out, I think that.

929
00:51:05,559 --> 00:51:09,239
Speaker 1: It's I would expect a little more rot to tie. Honestly.

930
00:51:10,559 --> 00:51:16,360
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean we were definitely about to find out

931
00:51:16,360 --> 00:51:18,960
because well we but nineteen days in what's today in

932
00:51:18,960 --> 00:51:22,039
the nineteen twenty one days and since since the announce

933
00:51:22,079 --> 00:51:26,760
of the divorce, yeah, it's been. I mean I've definitely

934
00:51:26,800 --> 00:51:30,039
seen relationships blow up on a different level, like from

935
00:51:30,079 --> 00:51:32,159
the jump. It's just like so I think that for

936
00:51:32,239 --> 00:51:32,800
the past.

937
00:51:32,599 --> 00:51:36,000
Speaker 2: Few weeks, they it's been and it could be you know,

938
00:51:36,159 --> 00:51:38,679
them really going back and forth. But they also she

939
00:51:38,840 --> 00:51:41,440
posted a photo and he was in the likes. They

940
00:51:41,519 --> 00:51:43,719
said that he was in the likes now. I also

941
00:51:43,800 --> 00:51:47,840
think that there's a remnust of like just like this

942
00:51:48,079 --> 00:51:52,639
man was fourteen that they met when they was man An.

943
00:51:52,559 --> 00:51:53,840
Speaker 4: This is going back to what we was talking about

944
00:51:53,840 --> 00:51:55,519
with the other girl. They were together.

945
00:51:55,360 --> 00:51:59,920
Speaker 2: Sixteen years and it's really hard to grow in parallel

946
00:52:00,199 --> 00:52:02,320
to know what you what I wanted at fourteen is

947
00:52:02,440 --> 00:52:03,920
not what I want now. It's not to say that

948
00:52:04,000 --> 00:52:06,760
Christy is not an amazing woman, but like, I ain't

949
00:52:06,800 --> 00:52:09,719
trying to be funny, but it was that the one

950
00:52:09,760 --> 00:52:11,960
and only since you was been fourteen or you know,

951
00:52:12,199 --> 00:52:14,760
who knows what could have happened, But like everybody is

952
00:52:14,840 --> 00:52:18,039
gonna be I could see if he's curious about life

953
00:52:18,079 --> 00:52:21,400
and now he's just evolved into a new person and

954
00:52:21,840 --> 00:52:25,679
just wanting to see to see more, Lord, and to.

955
00:52:25,719 --> 00:52:29,000
Speaker 4: Be real, I mean, it's gonna be difficult for any

956
00:52:29,119 --> 00:52:35,760
man to be involved with someone so young, so young

957
00:52:35,840 --> 00:52:38,960
and go sixteen years without an infraction. Man, let's just

958
00:52:39,039 --> 00:52:42,239
be real. Like again, this is not justifying it. I'm

959
00:52:42,320 --> 00:52:47,280
just saying that more often than not, somebody he gonna

960
00:52:47,280 --> 00:52:49,880
mess up somewhere, or somebody's gonna mess up in a relationship,

961
00:52:49,960 --> 00:52:53,360
right because you're growing through a relationship.

962
00:52:53,440 --> 00:52:55,159
Speaker 2: But you know what I also think, and this is

963
00:52:55,199 --> 00:52:56,679
the last thing I'm gonna say about this, is that

964
00:52:57,599 --> 00:52:59,880
I think that oftentimes when we find that men are

965
00:53:00,039 --> 00:53:03,639
stepping out, immediately we immediately think that they just want

966
00:53:03,679 --> 00:53:06,119
a new new Kuchi, right. We think that they just

967
00:53:06,239 --> 00:53:09,559
wanted a new body, They just wanted to experience sex

968
00:53:09,639 --> 00:53:11,880
with a new person. And it's like, no, I want

969
00:53:11,960 --> 00:53:15,159
to experience new dates with somebody. I want to experience

970
00:53:15,400 --> 00:53:18,360
how somebody else thinks I want to experience. Like once

971
00:53:18,400 --> 00:53:20,079
I was with a church girl, was it like to

972
00:53:20,159 --> 00:53:22,800
be like with somebody who's a little bit more adventurous?

973
00:53:22,920 --> 00:53:25,199
Like what's it like to be with some like It's

974
00:53:25,320 --> 00:53:29,440
not just the sex, it's the newness of new personalities,

975
00:53:29,559 --> 00:53:33,119
new lifestyles. Like even like I dated a guy who

976
00:53:33,239 --> 00:53:36,039
his family was like this way, like they grew up

977
00:53:36,039 --> 00:53:39,159
with both parents in the household. Some people haven't experienced that.

978
00:53:39,480 --> 00:53:41,360
So I think that it's not just you want to

979
00:53:42,239 --> 00:53:46,280
hit something new. It's just like you're more curious about life,

980
00:53:46,320 --> 00:53:48,519
and that's always to go to. It's like, oh, he

981
00:53:48,679 --> 00:53:51,119
just wanted to have sex with somebody else, And I'm like, man,

982
00:53:51,239 --> 00:53:55,440
you know how much how dynamic human beings are and

983
00:53:55,599 --> 00:53:59,039
what you can learn just by experiencing other people and

984
00:53:59,159 --> 00:54:01,159
when there's a death of it. He may not just

985
00:54:01,239 --> 00:54:04,000
have been curious about being with another woman. He may

986
00:54:04,159 --> 00:54:08,400
just be more curious about experiencing other dynamics with other

987
00:54:08,599 --> 00:54:11,079
human beings that are walking this earth.

988
00:54:11,239 --> 00:54:14,480
Speaker 4: I'm gonna say this, I'm gonna say this quickly. We're

989
00:54:14,519 --> 00:54:18,159
gonna really find out what the dynamics of the separation

990
00:54:18,880 --> 00:54:23,360
are when she pop out with a new nigga, when

991
00:54:23,400 --> 00:54:25,480
she pops out with a new man, or she's found

992
00:54:25,639 --> 00:54:28,920
publicly kissing somebody, right, because it's one thing for him

993
00:54:28,960 --> 00:54:32,039
to be he's been the one that you know, he's

994
00:54:32,079 --> 00:54:33,639
the bad boy in the situation, now you know what

995
00:54:33,679 --> 00:54:36,880
I'm saying. And he's the one that already compromised a relationship.

996
00:54:38,079 --> 00:54:40,880
But when she she probably hasn't been with nobody since

997
00:54:40,920 --> 00:54:47,360
she was fourteen, when somebody else cracked, I'm telling you,

998
00:54:47,480 --> 00:54:50,480
I'm telling you what I know. I'm telling you what

999
00:54:50,559 --> 00:54:53,639
I know. That's when it's gonna stink for real, because

1000
00:54:53,679 --> 00:54:56,039
you got somebody that nobody else has probably touched since

1001
00:54:56,079 --> 00:54:59,280
she was fourteen, and another man is about to knock

1002
00:54:59,320 --> 00:55:03,119
the Mario and don't let it be a.

1003
00:55:03,119 --> 00:55:07,360
Speaker 2: Public She's going, she's going, Chris, let me say this,

1004
00:55:07,519 --> 00:55:10,159
Christy about to go rich and she's about to go.

1005
00:55:10,519 --> 00:55:12,159
She's about to go big and rich. I'm gonna tell

1006
00:55:12,159 --> 00:55:14,800
you that if she, if she didn't that that will

1007
00:55:14,960 --> 00:55:16,639
that would be looking the blindly and the blind picking

1008
00:55:16,639 --> 00:55:19,880
the same thing over again. Anyways, I digress. God bless them,

1009
00:55:19,960 --> 00:55:23,519
God bless their union. Make sure the kids are healthy

1010
00:55:24,199 --> 00:55:27,280
and safe. Anyways, and that's all for this episode of

1011
00:55:27,440 --> 00:55:28,159
There to See Us.

1012
00:55:28,280 --> 00:55:29,199
Speaker 1: See y'all next week