Speaker 1: Connie gather Raw, Dirty Canny the can join the Questing
is uncharted, join the icy blasted.
Speaker 2: Six writers face off the fire roll of the dice
til fight Dirty leave nothing behind but fingerpits and a
tall tale, stealing carts, breaking farts with plenty of time
to kill and icybasters.
Speaker 3: Ten dis always ticing and know the campy tasty Bastards,
John and join the Enticing Bastard.
Speaker 4: Hey, they're a and Devian's Junior Adventures and friends. Welcome
to the next episode of Authors and Dragons ps at
the Dicey Bassars. Is it season three? No, not yet.
We'll be after this game, it'll be season three. But
in the meantime we're still video podcasts where great authors
play bad d and D. I'm m Kay Gibson, dungeon
master and author of Villain's Rule to Beat the Devil
and more. I want introduced by players. First up, Robert Bevins, Sir,
how are you? And happy holidays?
Speaker 5: Wonderful Happy holidays to you too, Thank you, sir. My
name is Robert Pevin. I played the role of Jeorcer,
the Sorcerer, the Sorcerer with the Most and in real
life I'm Rthy Caverns and Creatures series of comedy fantasy
novels a short stories starting with the first book, Critical Failures.
May marry Christmas and may or you logs be hard.
Speaker 4: Speaking of hard logs, Happy Holidays to you, Rick wal Terry,
how are you, sir?
Speaker 6: Happy Festivus?
Speaker 4: It's the best of Yeah.
Speaker 7: Hey everyone, my name is Rick Koltieri and I play Mogodolf,
the Red Nosed Elfslayer. In real life, I write several
several series, including Bill of the Dead, Toma, Bill High Moon.
But coming out before the right before the end of
the year, which is pretty much when you should be
listening to. This will be Mike the Werewolf, my newest
horror comedy. You check it out because his alter ego
needs a flea bath.
Speaker 4: I stopped listening at butt coming out up next, Drew Hayes, Sir,
Happy holidays and how are you outstanding?
Speaker 8: I am Drew Hayes, player of Cabert the Expedience and
in a very festive mood as I work on my
usual books of Superpowered Villain's Code and PC's and Fred
the Vampire.
Speaker 4: Countin Awesome, Sir, Happy Honukkah to miss Emily Kaplan. How
are you.
Speaker 9: I'm good, thank you, I appreciate.
Speaker 4: That I don't. I'm I'm tolerant.
Speaker 9: I am in tall of lactose.
Speaker 8: I think you were until you called it out giving
and you wrapped it back around.
Speaker 4: Oh sorry, I'm like, I'm like that one progressed that
passed myself on the back, you know.
Speaker 8: Ah yeah yeah, and wish me one pro wrestler.
Speaker 4: Oh there was a jobber who he literally would pat
himself on the back as like an eighties saying, don't worry,
you're too young, okay, right?
Speaker 9: Hi, ho ho Hello, it's Emily. I'm playing Claudia today.
And I'm also the author of Josie Tucker Mysteries under E. M.
Kaplan and also the Virtual Vigilante mystery series.
Speaker 4: Awesome and ho ho? How are you? Steve Weatherill?
Speaker 6: Happy holidays, Merry Christmas, fuck olema of a Holidays. Christmas
is the best one fine? Uh. I play Stan Dandyliver
the Ghost of Christmas One. Shut up about the past.
And in real life I write such books as the
Brandon fire Master books, uh, the latest of which coming
next year. At some point Brandon fire Master beats up
drag Killer.
Speaker 4: I'm looking forward to it all right. Before we get
into the game, I'll take a moment to ryand everybody.
If you're not part of the A and D family,
you are definitely missing out. Head over to patreon dot
com slash Authors and Dragons, check out the various tears
see our perk. For two bucks a month, join our discard,
chat with our friends, Chat with us. Five bucks a
month gets you on the discord plus extra channels, and
you could be here live when we're recording these games.
You want to help, you go to see some cool
merch a little late for the holidays, but you never know.
It's holidays all year long. Authors and Dragons dot dastry
dot com to find out our merchandise. And because it's
the holiday season, this is a special from Gibbee. It's
a dark time of year. Look out for your friends,
look out for each other, and everybody make it through
in twenty twenty six. Uh, healthy and hale. Okay, cool,
with the shilling out of the way, let's get into this.
Speaker 6: That wasn't shilling. That was surprisingly hoartfelt. Yeah, that was
that was wholesome. Everybody. Let's just pox and know what
he said at the end and go buy our merch.
That's what Christmas is all about.
Speaker 9: Joe, kill yourself and buy our merch.
Speaker 6: Jesus, you know what's gonna save you from devoid at
A and D T shir. Yeah. I was going to say,
what's gonna save you the void? Not Emily. That's not
what she's here for now.
Speaker 8: She's more of a gentle shove in that direction.
Speaker 5: A pregnantic lady sweatshirt to break your fall.
Speaker 4: Jesus, A, greetings all, this is Kanye stands conscious. How
are you? When we last off the Diceie Bassard, they
defeated Eric Green Tree moves Child's eye Neemmesis, and in
doing so they free a demon from compulsory service and gratitude.
The demon agreed to get each member of the team
a gift, and it is in that spirit of giving more.
There's very special episodes of the Dicey Basser's pick up
aboard the Grand Whimsy The Dicey Bassards. I spent nearly
ten days at Seed Harold. As heroes were defeating the
demonic problem, they were finally given the run of the ship,
allowed to enjoy the pempering they so richly deserved.
Speaker 10: Sadly, they learned that most people do on a cruise ship.
They suck trapped aboard a floating peatry dish of self
centered apathy, disease, manneralist children running amock and substandard parents,
chemically induced unawareness. They are bored of their bloody minds.
They've done everything, done all the adventures. Now they're just
sitting in the room, sitting, and this is day ten. Hoof,
it's not good. None of them even know where they're
sailing to anymore, not that they ever did. And that's
where we pick up. Oh and Cobert sucks. Know the
reason just Connie doesn't like all right?
Speaker 5: What is like?
Speaker 6: It's cunny as it Stan's conscience? Is he what is
he going stir crazy? Is this going to bit the shiny?
He's just sitting there staring at Gibert, just going you
know what actually sucks? I don't know what it is
about him.
Speaker 4: You guys are it's on day ten again, like any
any kind of vacation where this is your vacation, friends,
But like the vacation's going on long enough. You ever
spent too long in Vegas or too long another thing?
And it's a ship. It's the same people coming in
and out you go. You've eaten the same meals over
and over. You've gone the sex pits enough times, you've
done everything. You've been on the water slide however many times,
and it's it's you've played all the laser tag, you
read all the books, and it is starting need to
get a little bit miserable.
Speaker 5: I'm outsold. The ten days is enough for that.
Speaker 6: Yeah, Gibby, that may be true for everyone else, but
stand Dandy Laver is canonically kind of a sceptionarian who
could spend their entire fucking life on a cruise shift.
That's all that they got, shuffle board. Everybody's just sitting
there looking board stands like, oh this is nice, having
a nice sit down.
Speaker 5: Hmm.
Speaker 9: I imagine the room's like eighty degrees.
Speaker 4: Yeah, there's there's always a fire in the place. I
think that's that's part of the whimsie. There's always a
no matter what the temperature.
Speaker 7: It's like we're on a cruise, but we're sitting here
in this room staring each other like like like we're
trapped in article and one of us is like, you know,
an alien sounds like a cruise.
Speaker 4: Yeah, exactly. I get. You want to play cards against
you made it again? No, no, I don't. I'm out.
I just don't care.
Speaker 8: There's a reason they have all you can drink packages
on those motherfuckers.
Speaker 9: Have we already talked about an author's in Dragons cruise?
Speaker 8: I am so fucking in right, this is important. Podcast
is doing a cruise in February. Don't ask me how
I know that. And uh, it's like, surely if we
banned enough D and D Indye togethers we could we
could put something on if like.
Speaker 4: An indie book cruise that could be kind of fun.
Speaker 8: Yeah, I think an indie book cruise is a lot
more viable than A and D because, like, I love
our indie audience, but we do have a very clear
image of how many folks can usually come out when
we do an event, and it ain't enough to fill
a cruise ship. Yeah, and that's a knock one to
us more than y'all, to be clear, No.
Speaker 4: No, we love y'all. We could sail around the harbor
a couple of times.
Speaker 5: But yeah, rid it a fishing boat a tug boat?
Speaker 6: There?
Speaker 8: Cruises usually like those rooms filled.
Speaker 6: We could probably profit from the inevitable Netflix documentary.
Speaker 4: What if we partnered with like one of those you know,
like like a band, but it's not a band in
their prime like you know, Winger Winger and authors.
Speaker 7: So I thought you're gonna say, should we get sponsorship
from ocean Gate.
Speaker 6: There's only three hundred people on this cruise. How did
he manage to fill every single shit?
Speaker 8: I mean, I think a collective one. I mean to
to throw it out, and I think some of us
were at lit RPG con for it's anogle year this
year for twenty twenty five, and that's, you know, sort
of a similar thing. Obviously, sound Booth and everything was
putting on on as a as a huge project, but
they were pulling in indie authors from all over to
sort of increase their draw and it was hugely successful.
I mean, that thing was bumping.
Speaker 4: I didn't go to any conventions this year because I
had moved anywa let's play something as a dragons. So
everybody's sitting around George or me, I ask, what what
clothing are you wearing? Well, every singer on the table,
are you wearing anything?
Speaker 5: I'm sure I put on something, Okay, I don't remember
what I do have a new ambulet. I don't know
if it's low enough to hang over my junk.
Speaker 4: It is not it's a name. It's it's a necklace basically, but.
Speaker 5: Oh well it would be a long one.
Speaker 9: Didn't you have a Shirley Temple dress on?
Speaker 5: That's right, that's what I had.
Speaker 4: That was ten days ago.
Speaker 6: He still got I.
Speaker 4: Don't think any other clothes, so you know you did
you have a bag of clothes you took from the
sea or something.
Speaker 6: I think he's just spent the last ten days in
varying like horrible outfits.
Speaker 4: The reason I want to point this out because you
guys gave Geors with the ambulet of health, because in
and out of his dressing and undressing, he is now
as a constitution of nineteen he has yoked. He's got abs.
He's got like the arrow is pointing down to the
thrust bucket if you're tracking.
Speaker 6: So he's just currently smoking free cigars at the same time, because.
Speaker 5: I'm wearing a big lebowski robe and nothing underneath exactly.
Speaker 4: It's just just abs and just just bluffing the robe.
Speaker 8: Really ties the gay ser it again.
Speaker 6: Yeah, wait a minute, is anybody here not wearing a rope?
Speaker 8: I don't think Kaber is wearing a robe.
Speaker 6: Well stands like, look at him, not even wearing a robe.
Now he's half horse, but he's doing it just because
he thinks he's better than me.
Speaker 4: Everybody perception Jack.
Speaker 9: How would he wear a robe?
Speaker 6: Let's see Move gets a twenty one.
Speaker 8: Oh for real, damn co Bear gets the twenty four eleven.
Speaker 6: You're you're a.
Speaker 4: Quadi is still staring at a grocer, unfortunately, but everybody
else Stan is definitely still staring at a grocer. He's like,
that's right there, but uh move and cabert You hear
the faint sounds of bells like ching ching ching hing
shing shin, and uh, it's it's it's it's it's getting closer.
It's getting much closer.
Speaker 5: Chorcer goods a.
Speaker 6: Nine d'lser too is looking at his own junk.
Speaker 4: You get a crack of leather, the jingles of bells.
Speaker 6: Anyone else here here here bells or or or move
just finally succumbing to insanity.
Speaker 8: Oh yeah, yeah, there's bells. I think it's weird. Talking boom.
Speaker 4: A giant box appears on the table in front of you,
as does the demon who you saw ten days ago.
Vogel Lark appears in the final seat. Hello every buddy,
Happy holidays to you all. You promised me, you did
me a favorite. I promise you all a gift, and
I am a demon of my world. I have brought
you all gifts.
Speaker 6: Stand will say it's ice day. Fuckled as, have a holidays.
Ice Day is the best. One is box full of
dead elves?
Speaker 4: Uh well it could be ice stay indeed so and
he was like, everybody, it's time for your presence, and
he passes each one of you out a box of
your own. So we'll starting with stan Dany Livers Stand.
He you open your box and you find a belt
that appears be made out of a like reddish scales.
It is like it's it's it's hums with power.
Speaker 6: Wow, and hums with power.
Speaker 4: You asked for something to be stronger, Well here you are, moving.
Speaker 6: On some surgical support.
Speaker 4: Cobert. You open your present, you find four horseshoes. Hell yeah,
each one is glowing slightly red.
Speaker 5: Lucky I won that one.
Speaker 4: Do you open your You open your box and find
a new set of hands elbowed length demonic hands.
Speaker 6: Whoa Just to interrupt for a minute, Compara is a centaur,
not a horse. He has thumbs and finger so we
can just wedd normal shoes. They should just be like.
Speaker 8: But I asked fores they could be like.
Speaker 6: It's a shiny pair of brogues, but two of them.
Speaker 4: And us joceer Uh. You open your box and you
find a what appears to be an obsidian black bar
about three feet long. Oh my, and to the bathroom
for a little world. And Claudia, Uh, you open yours
and you find a hat, a bear hat that is
beautifully knit. It looks like a snarling brown bear. But
attached are what appears to be I got drunk in
college and got dreadlocks. Dreadlocks.
Speaker 9: Sweet, yes, putting it on immediately.
Speaker 7: All right, Lucas gonna get up and walk over to Stan.
He's gonna put orphan splitter on the table, he said,
Look at stand and be lick, and he's gonna put
like the two demon arms like fants none elf cut
off move's arms.
Speaker 8: Well, that got real very fast.
Speaker 6: We were all having nice time. We're having a nice
quiet sit down. I tell you what, why don't you
uh no, yes, Bacey, con cut your arms off?
Speaker 5: Can you?
Speaker 6: That's impossible?
Speaker 4: The big demon does so he is accurate. You do
need to cut off his arms to put the new
ones on. I recommend somewhere close.
Speaker 6: To the olbough. Okay, but it might take a few goes.
Oh wait a minute, I've got this belt.
Speaker 8: Happy, I stayed to everyone.
Speaker 4: Also, these are all immediate attudements, Like you don't have
to wait the hour to put them on. You do
have to spend an hour, so dia tuned. But it's
immediate attument to put them on. So Stan the moment
you put your you know, put the belt on.
Speaker 6: Yeah, let's put the bell on. I've always be going
to be here all day.
Speaker 4: You all watched the moment Stand puts the belt on,
his entire body in flates. He is strength increases to
that of a twenty. His skin is a little bit flush,
like he's like got just got done a pump stand.
You are you feel you haven't been this, Like you've
never been like this. You are vascular, you are inflated,
you are muscular. Uh, you're a little thirsty. If again,
it feels like you you just got done a work out,
a little parched. Uh yeah, and uh, the next of
you drink alcohol. Let me know what happened. Let me
know before you sarch drinking some alcoholic No, you look.
Speaker 6: Like proper orc. I don't want to allow on anyone,
but I think I may have a functioning penis. Actually
I too might have to go to the bathroom for
a little while.
Speaker 8: Just a line for the bathroom with everybody holding a
masturbatory aids.
Speaker 5: Speaking of functioning penis, how i'd like to look for
the button on mine?
Speaker 4: Uh, on your penis in your bar, on the on
the bar. So once you accept it, there's no so
in disregard the one thing I had to base off mills,
there is no button. Once you accept it as your own,
it now hovers around you and automatically gives you a
plus three to your armor class. However, it will always
hover right in front of the most indecent thing, so
it's kind of a sensor bar.
Speaker 5: Wow.
Speaker 4: So it will always hover around you, and you'll find
out like it can support your body weight. But that's
about it. So if you need to grab it and
hang on to it, you could, but no one else could.
Speaker 5: But it's always hovering around my own.
Speaker 4: Always hovering around you. It's it's there to protect you.
Speaker 5: Okay, cool, But it will every.
Speaker 4: Time you try to show your penis. It will get
in front of it like it is as big old sensor.
Speaker 5: Bar oh Man, really cramp in my style.
Speaker 6: It's like your PREMI move.
Speaker 4: But these are infernal gifts. Remember that now.
Speaker 6: That you the hole repunity, empathetic cut off moves arms. Clodia,
what with dick related gift? Did you?
Speaker 4: Did you put your hat on, Claudia?
Speaker 9: I did put my hat on all.
Speaker 4: Right, immediately and adheres to your head. The dreadlocks are
kind of like kind of wiggle on their own as
if they're like they kind of like have a flow
of them, as if like the people at a fish concert.
You do realize that a couple times a day you
could emit a cloud that if people don't pass their
saving throw will immediately feel very relaxed and be able
to concentrate on anything. You know what I'm saying, man, noise,
It is the infernal have high bare nation.
Speaker 9: The only thing that can make me smell worse than
I am There.
Speaker 4: Is a petuli ish, earthy, skunky sort of you know aroma.
Speaker 6: Yeah, God's blesses everyone.
Speaker 4: Compar Have you put on your horseshoes?
Speaker 8: No, I was gonna ask you how we wanted to
handle that because the actual process of putting on horseshoes
is horribly dipped and involved.
Speaker 4: Well, you get them near your feet and there these
are magic demon gifts, so they will just clink like
magnets right to your feet.
Speaker 8: Perfect, there we go. Then, yes, I do that.
Speaker 4: The moment you do that, you are now you have
an additional twenty feet of movement.
Speaker 6: Oh yeah, you.
Speaker 4: Are now hovering six point six six inches off the
ground at all times. Oh you do not have hindering
terrain ever?
Speaker 8: Oh man, all right, hang on.
Speaker 4: The are effectively air walking, like air skating, but it's
gonna take you some practice because again like kind of
like Bambi.
Speaker 6: Yeah, how does that affect the horse's handling?
Speaker 4: Well, it's it's going to he's gonna skid a little bit.
He might take turns quite as well in hills. This
will be fun when.
Speaker 6: The time comes, so caber on ice.
Speaker 8: Yeah, all right, hang on hovering sixt six inches above
the ground. Yes, no, no hindered terrain, no hindering terrain,
no hindering terrain. What was the last part, Like, I'm
like less stable potentially, yeah.
Speaker 4: Less stable. There are chances for you to skid.
Speaker 8: Okay, chance to skid.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and I think things like hills. It's gonna take
you some I'm not saying you can't go up a hill,
but it's gonna take some practice because you've never done this.
And so it's kind of like imagine everything's now an
ice level until you get to handle it.
Speaker 8: Hang. Yeah, it's sort of like I just strapped infinite
roller blades on. Y. Yes, I'm faster, but that's gonna
take practice.
Speaker 6: Yes.
Speaker 9: Did you say they're glowing red?
Speaker 4: Yes? And there is a like there is a soft
cushion of warm air underneath your feet, a little sulfurous
like your feet are like pectually farting at a bit
of low low, low level. But yeah, it's nice again. Hell,
they're all demon gifts. All right? Stand, are you gonna
chop off Move's arms?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 6: Well, in the spirit of the season and brother head
and paste, old man, let's use my brand new buff
nest to chop Moon's fucking arms off.
Speaker 4: All right, what are you gonna use?
Speaker 6: Uh? Well, if finally got.
Speaker 4: I have to use the acts you use the little
goodld Matilda.
Speaker 6: Yeah, actually, rarely.
Speaker 4: Poke your arms off. That's what moves into it. So
it could be like you have to Pokemon a hundred
times and you'll get there.
Speaker 6: He's a pretty heavy but no, this is more of
an act job of a I am a I'm kind
of a dex build. Well fuck no, buff as fun
Now give me the acts.
Speaker 4: Yeah, because you can still use the strength bonuses on
your Matilda. It doesn't matter like it. It will override.
Speaker 6: So Matilda is for fighting, not for maiming.
Speaker 4: Friends, not for fucking. So let's do this.
Speaker 6: Yes, I'm moog. This may sting a little. How are
you holding your hands? Holding them straight out?
Speaker 4: So not on a table, just just out yep. So
it's like you just just slap your arm down more
than cut got it? Okay, swing away, Meryl.
Speaker 9: Hang on, hang on, Klytie's gonna walk over in. Uh
how do I use this hat thing?
Speaker 4: Oh you're gonna use it. You're gonna use a charge now?
Speaker 9: Yeah, help move out?
Speaker 4: Uh okay, go stand your moog. And it's fifteen feet
in any direction from you. So it's like a big excel.
Speaker 6: Okay, it's the help.
Speaker 5: It's not.
Speaker 6: It's not gonna do wonders for for you, for any yea,
for anyone, for the person shopping his arms of let's
do this.
Speaker 9: What do I say?
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm on sure, I mean, whatever actation phrase you
want to use. So you're gonna you're gonna stand over
near Moog. So okay, you're gonna you're gonna release You're
gonna release a cloud?
Speaker 9: Right, yeah, it's like you know, how about like.
Speaker 4: Irie?
Speaker 5: You know? All right?
Speaker 4: Well, you activate the one charge of the heat of
the high bare nation, all the the dreadlocks shoot out
like like angry, like tentacles. A cloud shoots out fifteen
feet in all directions from Claudia hitting Claude. Uh, well
you're at the epicenter, so you're fine, but Moog stand Jorspher,
you're too far away. Cobert, all of you give me
a what I put on there? What's what's the saving throws?
I think is the constitution save?
Speaker 9: I think yeah it is.
Speaker 4: And what's the DC is fifteen?
Speaker 6: I think.
Speaker 9: Yes, DC fifth.
Speaker 4: Ever, all three of you make a constitution save DC
fifteen or you can elect to not say nineteen all right,
you're fine, you not get high.
Speaker 6: I passed it sixteen twelve.
Speaker 4: You fail, so Joriser, you are immediately stoned and you
hold you do not you are. Basically, it's this exact
same thing as the hepnotic pattern spell. You stand there
kind of just giggle into yourself, getting very hungry until
the end of your turn, and which you can take another,
do another safe orunless someone shakes you, damages you, breaks
it out of every round, you're allowed to do another,
try to save.
Speaker 5: I can live at that.
Speaker 6: I think as an old man on a cruise, I
am already as relaxed as it's possible for him to be. Okay,
that would explain my sudden constitution ability.
Speaker 4: Sure move like, so you opt to not take it.
So okay, No, I.
Speaker 6: Did take it. I got sixteen, so you know you
beat it. So that's what I mean. I met mook
sesus is thing coming and it's like, I don't know
what that is.
Speaker 5: Okay, I was beating it. Now I'm distracted.
Speaker 6: Thankfully none of us could see because you've got a
big olmdous black bar in front of you.
Speaker 5: I can do it whenever I want.
Speaker 6: Now, this is the best Christmas ever.
Speaker 4: It's three feet long and about you know, about like oh,
let's say ten inches wide, so it's like it is
like it's a permanent censor bar.
Speaker 6: This is more of a gift for us. I think,
Oh happy day. Okay, moog arms out, correct your posture,
you're ready.
Speaker 8: How did our Christmas episode immediately start with cutting someone's
arms off?
Speaker 9: Did you say he doesn't have both of his original arms?
Speaker 5: Does he?
Speaker 8: No?
Speaker 4: He has one arm. He said he wanted new hands plural,
so he's got to cut them both off their a set.
Speaker 6: He wanted me to cut these off of the sholder elbow.
Speaker 4: No, sorry, oh my god, that would be great.
Speaker 6: I have to say I am much stronger around these
carannosaur arms. I don't think I think this has improved
my eigh muscles at all.
Speaker 5: But with one leg and stick put the arms there.
Speaker 6: I would work ten mimosas.
Speaker 4: Already, the demon's in there, just smiling like I love this.
Speaker 8: Exactly what he wanted, okay, Spirit of the season.
Speaker 6: Jingle bells, jingle bells? Whack? And what do you want
for that attack? Just a normal attacks, a normal attack roll?
Speaker 4: And what you now, what's your attack roll modifier? Because
you know with this plus whatever.
Speaker 6: So I don't know. If I roll my attack button,
that's just going to do the whole decks roll thing.
Speaker 4: But it shouldn't. It should override because you have a
higher thing if you look at it now like you're
if you if you have a twenty strength now you're
your attack. Things should be actually be higher.
Speaker 6: I think, oh, you're assuming I've modified my my U.
Speaker 4: But you do, got it. You quip the belt, it
will up your strength at twenty.
Speaker 7: So okay, no move boot just in here waiting for
you to give a hand by removing his.
Speaker 6: You know, I'm just gonna do a regular attack.
Speaker 4: Roll, yeah, just do attack.
Speaker 6: Oh nineteen twenty six.
Speaker 4: Whack like like you were meant to do it. Like,
here's the thing. So stand takes a step back, holds
the axe, gets the balance of it, feels his new strength.
It's like maybe I should maybe so. But then he
starts to thinking about that all those times like mood,
we're not we're gonna go into this house and like
we're not gonna like I'm here to kill. Was like, hey, moog,
it's the house we murdered somebody. Let's not do this
move like and I was like with all that, like
all of standard press rage kind of like well done, Staniel,
as you cleave right through both of his arms and
like blo. Moog was waving his arms around. Hey, but
give me it, just give me like, either you can't
wave you around like a wacky water wheel or you
can try to withstand the pain. What are you doing?
Speaker 6: Oh shit, I just love that. Oh can't believe you
actually did that. Mony would be quick. Somebody called the maid.
Speaker 4: The team is just like, so are you are you
doing like the wacky water weasel thing?
Speaker 6: Or oh yeah, yeah, like I look at in the lawn.
Speaker 8: Okay, he's just doing the kill bill fight all by himself, exactly.
Speaker 5: Well.
Speaker 4: Moog started to get a little woozy, and he's got
two perfectly potentially good arms around the table. Who's gonna
help out? Because someone give Mooga hand.
Speaker 6: Move move. I'm feeling in gratitude here. It's not in
the spirit of the season.
Speaker 5: I'm high as ship and I want to masturbate more
than ever.
Speaker 6: You chump off Mook's arms like there were a pair
of baby elves. I gave you exactly what you wanted
for ice Day, and this is the fancs I get.
Speaker 9: Claudia will grab one in the hands and I don't
know what I'm supposed to do with it. Wave it?
Speaker 4: What do you think you do with it.
Speaker 9: Wave, Well, she's gonna check to make sure she has
the right thumb first.
Speaker 4: Oh good god, now that you're actually doing it, give
me perception check. Okay, fine, it's it's an average.
Speaker 5: You did that.
Speaker 4: That's exactly, you know, exactly the left. You know, you're
left in your right so ten is fine, so you
can't but barely. How you going low? And it has
been fine? So you grab the corresponding arm to the right,
to the correct side. So you slap it on there
and adheres itself automatically. The blood stops and like move.
It's like your hand is like it was always meant
to be there. Nice, nice, But your other arm is
still a blood stumping. You' feeling a little woof.
Speaker 7: Since move can't rely on the on the move will
attach the other one himself.
Speaker 4: Uh you know what, just because of like pain and
blood loss, give me, like, let's give me time to try,
just to give me a uh dexterity roll, just a
straight decks roll to see how well you do ten?
Speaker 6: You're ten? Yeah, all right, all right?
Speaker 4: They have hooking for something low. You're like, well, it's
gonna take a few shots, but okay, you here's right on.
Speaker 11: Uh.
Speaker 4: You feel the slight burning sensation as like the just
the stumps caught a rise. Uh, but it's it's a
magical fire and all of a sudden, like the hands
just work and like they feel like they always meant
to be. But you look down. These are fiend hands.
They are reddish tint with like golden highlights, with black nails,
the nails a little bit pointy side and the like
there's no way of hiding these are demon hands. These
are straight up demon hands.
Speaker 8: It's pretty fucking rad.
Speaker 4: They are oh and by either of you guys are
standing near him, uh Stan and Claude even Georcier. You
feel a heat coming off of Moog's hands, like they're
like whoa woo, like like like put your hands in
a fire kind of heats, like they are perpetually warm.
Speaker 6: Have you finished having a little tantrum now, Moog?
Speaker 7: Not quite, because now Moog has has pair of extra
filthy elf arms. Do they still look like my old
hands are?
Speaker 3: Uh?
Speaker 4: They look like orchands to you, Buddy Wookes, look Mulke's
hands turned back into original orcans.
Speaker 6: It's a nice stay, Marrit.
Speaker 9: Somebody used his many gift certificate.
Speaker 6: Nice Moo's gonna put these in his backpack.
Speaker 4: All right, backpacks, these bleeding meat stumps you put into.
Speaker 5: I was hoping he wasn't going to notice those. I
was gonna take one.
Speaker 8: I'm definitely imagining the hands still poking out, so it
looks like the backpack is waving at everyone.
Speaker 4: That's a crampus with the twigs together, Oh everybody.
Speaker 9: Well, honestly, with his record for losing his hands, it's
good to keep some spars.
Speaker 4: It's good to have.
Speaker 8: Spar This is true, and for awful hand shaped living creatures.
I'm afraid I just incepted this backpack becoming sentient.
Speaker 4: One is his arm from elbow to stump, but he
still has one of those airsats hands. It is a
magical item that is on the other hand, it was
just lipped upside down, so like one is just a
stump elbow to wrist, and the other one is a
match to have a magical hand that attack just other things.
Speaker 6: So that is a deeply haunted backpack. Turned to grocer.
Speaker 4: Now you can put you can put that on the
end of his his black rod.
Speaker 8: So just cut to Jorser having a romantic dinner with
one of the hands pouring it.
Speaker 6: Why restaurant? Interesting?
Speaker 7: That would be an interesting thing to like cut off
Moog's right foot and attach that, give myself like eight feetez.
Speaker 8: Moog is making some choices.
Speaker 4: The demon stands up. He's like, while I have you
all here, I have a request of my own. I
need a favor from you. So you did me a
favor before I gave you gifts, you do me a
favor again. I will owe you get something else down
the line, but I do need a favor from you.
All of you all are willing to do it?
Speaker 6: Does it involve killing elves?
Speaker 4: Potentially?
Speaker 6: Okay, move in. I was planning on sitting around old name,
but sure, okay.
Speaker 4: It's this way. It'll be like by the time you
get back, it'd be like you never left, so you
can still go back to sitting around all day.
Speaker 6: I'm an old man. Times like that for me all the.
Speaker 4: Time, there is a realm like you're but now you're
like a buff old man. You are like you're like
you're like like oddly oddly muscular and tan.
Speaker 6: Actually, as soon's just done, you know what I'm going
to do. I'm going to take a ship that doesn't
take free holes of planning.
Speaker 8: I guess it's gonna be old Man's speedo at the pool.
Speaker 6: Exactly far ahead of you compared my fan.
Speaker 9: Wait, are we talking about like a hot Santa?
Speaker 4: H kind of yeah.
Speaker 9: It's gonna go get some skinny jeans.
Speaker 8: Oh wait is he hot Santa? Or is he posted
divorcement left crisis can be.
Speaker 4: Both dro pukashell necklace muscular t RT replacement.
Speaker 8: So he's just JK. Simmons from the Rock Santa, right.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but just way more buff, like like this is
like you know, Arnold is prime, Like this is a
twenty strength. This is like just beyond just just below
a hill giant at twenty one. Like this is a
stupid amount of strength.
Speaker 8: I love. What a stupid character decision that is, Like,
what a say it? It wasn't such a what was
what a fuck? Fuck guy?
Speaker 4: So the demon Vogolog, He's like, there's a realm adjacent
to ours where they have their own holiday going on
right now, And there is a man who travels around
the world in one night using some kind of magic
to either give children gifts or mark them with coles.
So his brother Crampis can torture them. I want the
secret of how he does this. Reportedly he has a list,
I'm not sure. I need you to infiltrate his workshop
and basically pull off a heights. I need you to
bring me his list or discern the secret of I
need to know the magic of how he does this.
Speaker 8: By this, do you mean the speed part or the
breaking and entering part.
Speaker 4: All of the above. This is a mystery to me.
You know, there are some legends about this man and
all they all conflict on each other. I need some
intel because the realms are thin. But as a demon,
I can't leave this plane, but you all can. So
it's because of the holiday magic over this land. I
can send you there and you'll be back before sunrise,
so you'd be like you never left.
Speaker 8: Oh, Cabert rubs his hands. You had me it can
travel the world in one night.
Speaker 6: You had me at breaking and entering.
Speaker 8: Yeah, I was already going to try to steal his
secrets as soon as he heard about it.
Speaker 6: You had me at killing elves.
Speaker 8: Cobara likes going faster. That's literally his.
Speaker 4: Only They call him the Satan clause. He apparently has
a workshop filled with elves and He uses these elves
to build toys, and he gives these toys to children,
but the ones who are naughty he leaves a cold
which marks them, so his brother Crampis can come and
attack them. At least that's one of the legends. I
don't know that all the legends are different. So get
in there, find out what exactly what's going on, and
report back me. You do me this favor, and I
will pay you down the line with the more gifts
or favors or whatever you need from from a humble
devil such as.
Speaker 6: You had move and he has elves, got a bunch
of elve slaves. You showed this fellow. Isn't it an orc?
Speaker 4: Unclear? Again, I can't go there, so.
Speaker 8: Oh god, oh god, I just realized Moo is going
to show up and see a whole bunch of enslaved work.
I forgot about the fucking elf. Ork Well, Covert doesn't
know Santa has elves, so he doesn't have this reaction.
Speaker 6: And most of us haven't been paying attention.
Speaker 4: So yeah, all right, if everybody's ready, please hold hands
and I'll send you over.
Speaker 6: Do we have the homeland?
Speaker 8: I like to imagine this is the hardest part of
the whole adventure as we just all very hesitant with.
Speaker 5: Who would like to hold my home?
Speaker 8: Yeah, like musical chairs were all jostling not to end
up in the Chorcerer connection or Moog.
Speaker 6: If Moog has to hold his hand, he'll use that
extra one.
Speaker 8: That's Moog holding the arm, but it's holding Chorcer's hand.
Speaker 4: Moove's hands feel very hot. Georger's hands feel very sticky.
If Moog and Georger a hold hands, Uh, you smell
cooking children, So anyway, Uh? Oh God, vagel Arcs says
a few magical words, and you guys are boo transported
to this icy coal. You're standing outside of this of
this winter wonderland, on this cold mountain.
Speaker 5: Uh.
Speaker 4: Up through the pass, you walk a few feet in
the deep snow, and you see a fortress in the
middle of a of a of an arctic lake. Ice
seems to be seems to be thick enough to walk on,
but it is. There's no way to infiltrate this except
for one like you've got to cross the ice to
get over there.
Speaker 8: Oh my shrinkage, hmm gloody.
Speaker 6: Luckily I can't say, would.
Speaker 8: You the courtesy of gently climbing upon my back to
see if I sink down.
Speaker 4: Welcome to Connie's crazy holiday heist, brought to you by
all those dragons. Dun dudn't dunt.
Speaker 6: Dum who craft Festive the Dragon's Adventure.
Speaker 8: Not really craft. I want to be clear on it.
I just realized we can't do that.
Speaker 6: My craft.
Speaker 4: Mark and Cheese.
Speaker 8: Yes, they had no involvement in this. He reached out.
They were incredibly clear.
Speaker 4: Note what's over? But I just it's a delicious product
that I like on my own.
Speaker 9: Look, I think the Hamburger helper people are already angry.
Speaker 8: So there brought to you by Hamburger hinder, or there
we go.
Speaker 6: Butt to you by the festive holiday messides of buy
a T shirt and don't die?
Speaker 9: Who said that?
Speaker 6: My god?
Speaker 4: All right? But yes see there is a there is
a uh there again, there's probably one hundred to one
hundred and twenty feet of lake between where you guys
are out of this bank, looking through the to the fortress,
to what appears to be this This fortress seems to
have a rocky stone outcropping at the bottom, and if
you look at the basically kind of like an island
and there seems to be what leaves me a portal
and opening into the side of the hill there like
we're a ramp like would looking like a ramp sticking
out so like something was doing like like it was
to eject down a long sled ride kind of feel.
So that's the easiest way to ingress. So from where
you're at, looks at you're going to cross one hundred
and twenty feet.
Speaker 6: Device Mogoil just point out that he has burning hands. Now,
crossing ice might not be best IDEA quick physics question.
Can we just can we push Cabert across like a
shuffle board.
Speaker 4: If you tried yet?
Speaker 8: Yeah, that's why I asked Claudia to climb up and
see if I stayed floating when when having a passenger.
Speaker 9: Yeah, yeah, she was one hundred percent up for that.
Speaker 4: All right, So you hop on Cabert's rump.
Speaker 9: If you say so the back.
Speaker 6: Just phrase it like that, who rides a hole s
like that?
Speaker 4: Give me that's insane, Give me acrobatics.
Speaker 6: It's just a piggybag. You've made it with.
Speaker 9: There you go twenty seven twenty.
Speaker 4: Half gain or double back flips, lands, tutu sunt arms
in the air.
Speaker 9: I did grow up in a circus.
Speaker 4: Do you wrap your arms around his waist?
Speaker 9: Probably don't need to, but.
Speaker 4: Okay, you just grip you the thigh. Yeah, all right,
all right, Cagle's unlocked.
Speaker 5: U drew like like you.
Speaker 4: So your legs are still kind of weirder. The snow
around your feet are melting rapidly because like you do
give up a little bit of heat on your horseshoes
because they are infernal horseshoes. They are giving off hot air,
sulfurous buffer.
Speaker 8: Thing.
Speaker 4: That's it for your airwalk.
Speaker 9: You better do this quick.
Speaker 8: You know what, there's a there's a just a much
easier solution to this. I'm gonna I'm gonna just cast
water walk. Okay, it doesn't matter if it melts.
Speaker 4: Okay, so you cast water walk and it's actually easier
to water walk, but you're still hovering above it.
Speaker 8: So yeah, but I mean this, whether the ice melts
or not, it's kind of irrelevant, right.
Speaker 5: Uh.
Speaker 4: You seem to go across and it doesn't doesn't push
you down because like you are not overtaxed by your weight.
So this is if you're carry a couple of backpacks,
as long as you're not overtaxed by your weight. The
horshes hold you up, gotcha?
Speaker 8: And then Claudia doesn't weigh enough to overtax me.
Speaker 4: No, no, no, because you counts the size larger for
hauling and movie.
Speaker 8: That's true. Okay, then I will I guess we'll see
if one more person can hop up.
Speaker 4: Other you're gonna try to do the Charlie Brown like
skating on the frozen Pond.
Speaker 8: I mean they can do what I want. I was
going to offer to shuffle people across. It's literally all
I'm here for.
Speaker 5: I want to get a running start and do like
a big penguin slide on my belly.
Speaker 4: Go for it, all right, you get a running start,
penguin slide, give me, give me a let's go. Let's
let's go to the acrobatics sie slid.
Speaker 6: Yeah, let's have that shrinkage is stuck.
Speaker 8: And this is when you remember that killer whales hunter
on the North Pole five perfect?
Speaker 4: What are your what are you wearing at the moment?
Speaker 5: My just my robe and it's open.
Speaker 4: Robe is open, so it is down in front of
your crotch. Do you want it to be going vertical
or horizontal?
Speaker 5: What we're talking about?
Speaker 4: The the the black bar.
Speaker 5: That's the If I was on my belly, it would
be covering my ass.
Speaker 6: Right, but it is.
Speaker 4: Well, if you're on your belly, it's not gonna be
covering your but it's be covering your dick.
Speaker 5: Well, I know, but nobody can see my dick, so my.
Speaker 4: The robe is being covered.
Speaker 6: Yes, it's an aft in.
Speaker 5: Front of you. So are you?
Speaker 4: Basically are you pointing north? You going east west or
north south?
Speaker 5: North? South?
Speaker 4: Okay? So you with with an acrobatics a five, you
trip and fall onto the bar, hit your balls, skid
across the ice, and you know you're spiraling out of
control thirty feet across the ice until you come to
a stop. You're like laying there.
Speaker 6: Oh, now the stand is super athletic. I'm going to
try a cool skateboard trick where I leap onto Joe's okay,
and use it to state the rest of the way.
Speaker 4: Well, you might have to do it. You're gonna have
to do a hop to jump off of Cabert because
he's thirty feet out, So I don't know if you
can make a thirty foot long jump if you use
it to jump off of Corbert, to give yourself a propulsion,
So give me that two athletics rolls, one to get
off Corbert and one to land on on.
Speaker 9: I noticed you didn't say, are you going to mount
his butt?
Speaker 6: We'll see outlines.
Speaker 4: The problem is I have a picture of George Cobert
right here, and he's the horse. It's like I think
of you hopping up and I see his rump.
Speaker 6: By athletics, are you're gonna have to add I've got
minus one for athletics, so I.
Speaker 4: Guess add, well, I think you have a plus five.
Speaker 6: Y I now have a plus five, so it would
be a plus full to whatever I'm about to row.
Speaker 4: Yes, thirteen, that's good enough to like, that's your first one.
You can launch off of the river bank and you
you come off of with Corbert and Emily excuse me
a claw you are, and now you're ready to hop
off and you're gonna try to land on Georgia. One
more athletics from that.
Speaker 6: Is seventeen, So this is uh six, looks like it
might be mountain that but after all, have you ever
watched the.
Speaker 4: Video someone trying to jump on a skateboard to skateboard
goes off fro underneath them.
Speaker 6: Yeah, that's really the the context I have.
Speaker 4: I didn't know why what happened. You're like, ha ha
oh fuck you hite. You hit jors for your feet
go out from underneath. You fall backwards, hit your ass,
hit your head, but oddly enough you propelled Georser forward
another thirty feet.
Speaker 6: Ah, that thing that was bound to happen happen.
Speaker 4: And you fall back hit your head like oh when
it really hurts? Uh, you know, you hit your head
so bad, like you know, like like some snot kind
of bubbles a little bit there. Hopefully no one's looking
you look back. They're all looking, Oh look, can I
stay like you well have done? Stangle moo what you're
doing because all your other friends are like now out
on the lake a little bit, you know something?
Speaker 8: What up?
Speaker 6: Let's see, it's been ten days. It is a brand
new day.
Speaker 7: Moog is gonna use his his boots of walking all
over you to launch himself sixty feet across the ice,
hopefully hopefully landing and having enough momentum to just ski across.
Speaker 4: The jewel Oh right now, okay, all right, so all
right cool. You can also just aim Georser or kick
him and push him the rest of the way you
wanted to.
Speaker 6: That requires touching joryser. Just because it didn't work for
me or anybody else I've seen on YouTube doesn't mean
it won't work for you.
Speaker 5: It worked as far as I'm concerned.
Speaker 6: Actually, don't I still have that that flying carpet. I'm
just gonna hop on that and go cross.
Speaker 8: So long.
Speaker 4: I'm gonna tell you what you guys do untilt half. So, yes,
you have a you have a one man, a single
person fly carpet. You just fly right past these chumps
onto the other side.
Speaker 5: I can I throw up a scarf as it passes by.
Speaker 6: You can?
Speaker 4: It's up to move without he grabs it.
Speaker 6: Sure if I can, If I can drag him along
on his frozen balls, h.
Speaker 4: Sure, you drag him along along his bar. You scrape
him along the ice until you get to the other side,
which leaves Stan Cobert and Claudia uh At like prop
thirty feet out onto the ice.
Speaker 6: Oh no, at least the ice hasn't correcked.
Speaker 4: Well, I mean, here's the thing. The ice around Cabert
is getting fitter because he is geting out a heat
of cushion of air. Now, granted, this whole place is
very cold, So you're good for now.
Speaker 6: I guess I will try and stand up, well, at
least get on my hands and knees.
Speaker 5: I'll start tying as many clothes together as I can
to throw it toward them.
Speaker 9: I don't want to be rude, but gid you up.
Speaker 6: I have all the sudden and central culture that's incredible.
Speaker 4: That is basically the hard r for sentence.
Speaker 8: In the hot ron said, I hate how good that
would look on the shirt.
Speaker 4: I put the hard RN sent on.
Speaker 6: Sadly, you could never ever left only wear the.
Speaker 4: D D conventions.
Speaker 8: I mean no, I still still know.
Speaker 6: Yes, someone could wear it, none of us, all right, So.
Speaker 4: Uh, Claudia is like like, come on, boy, just back there.
Speaker 9: So I'm just you know, encouraging to go a little
faster it would you make it?
Speaker 4: Or she's trying to or she's dry humping your back.
I don't know what's going on.
Speaker 8: I will make use of my incredible speed to uh
do a double what's just a dash Jesus going back
to three three point five, which will be one hundred
and twenty feet.
Speaker 4: You're there, You're there, You're done, you crossed?
Speaker 8: Uh there is I like to say the guy skid
to a stop on the other side and kind of
look at the flaming trail.
Speaker 4: Well, so it's kind of like it's kind of like
out of time. You just drop the Doc Brown's license
plate there. That's how fashion move. But stopping is the
problem because this is ice, this is low attraction. You
have no friction, because that's the problem these horseshoes. There
is no friction. So give me a favorite and give
me a Oh, let's either athletics or acrobats wherever you
feel like roll to like try to pivot into the
skid to try like stop yourself because you again, there's
no friction. Let's see how you well you stop?
Speaker 6: Perfect? Okay, nice?
Speaker 5: All right?
Speaker 4: You you pivot and power slide your way in, kicking
up a spray of frosty mist and it comes down
in a wintery.
Speaker 6: Mix, skids to a stop like a bad guy in
an a ski movie.
Speaker 4: Hell yeah, yes, he is going to take over the
mountain and he's going to stop John Cusack one.
Speaker 6: Way or the other.
Speaker 8: All right. I could get used to these.
Speaker 4: Which leaves stand out in the middle of the ice
thirty feet his friends ninety feet away.
Speaker 6: County.
Speaker 4: Now, uh, your friend did leave like basically scorch marks
in the ice. So basically you have handholds, so you
could technically pull yourself across if you wanted to.
Speaker 6: I'm glad I didn't have the intelligence roll for that
because I would not it. Oh, I should have kept
my mouth yut, all right, do you want to do
an in roll? Go for it, booty?
Speaker 5: All right?
Speaker 6: Cool?
Speaker 8: Uh?
Speaker 4: Why don't I think of this whole the whole time?
Well done, standards.
Speaker 6: Another athletics then too, yep, just put your body strength
of my way across it. Yep. Yeah, we're still waiting
for the for the old man to hobble long after us.
Speaker 4: A two plus four.
Speaker 6: Is still a seven.
Speaker 4: Yeah, like ah, oh, you're still getting used to these
muscles and like you know, it's while you are inflated,
you still have the old man's like you're laying on
cold and it just don't don't you just miss a blanket.
Speaker 8: A jacked old man is still an old man.
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's like muscles, it's not boone.
Speaker 5: How long a rope am I able to make with
all the clothes I can tie together?
Speaker 4: Did you did you bring your bag of clothes?
Speaker 6: Yes?
Speaker 4: All right, well you have I say, uh, wear twenty
five feet of cloth rope.
Speaker 5: So alright, well, I'll you gotta make it the rest
of the way, but I'll toss that out.
Speaker 6: Rubbish. Shelley Temple costumes slaps him in the face.
Speaker 4: Now the rest of you are watching, stand feebly because again,
new muscle on old bone is kind of funny.
Speaker 6: My muscles feel fine, but I think I definitely destroyed
my hip.
Speaker 4: He's not been drinking his milk, basically, just I added
another one hundred pounds of masts to a very weak frame.
Speaker 9: He's kind of crumbled, all right.
Speaker 4: The rest of y'all just watch him stand slowly trying
to crawl this way across the ice.
Speaker 6: I'm like a suit of armor filled with sad.
Speaker 7: Move to watch this for about five minutes before finally
getting tired, and he'll just go out with his with
the with the fly with the carpet, Grab stand and
drag him.
Speaker 6: Ah, yes, it's the carpet. Yeah, that makes a lot
of sense. Hold, then move, all right, you had fifteen
eggnogs for breakfast.
Speaker 7: You cut off bus arms, so at least move and
do his drag your face across ice.
Speaker 6: It's fat.
Speaker 8: The best part of this is he didn't know it
was a special holiday episode.
Speaker 4: So that's I just want an ecknock for breakfast.
Speaker 6: I was on a cruise, you know what.
Speaker 5: I get that.
Speaker 8: He's on days what eight or ten of a cruise
at that point, it is just the fuck it. Can
I get fifteen eggnogs down for breakfast?
Speaker 4: Wait, you've got the magic cops and just keep refilling.
All right, You've managed to cross over the cold and ice.
You get to the base. So this little area of
the mountain and you look up and they're about one
hundred feet up is a opening actually not one hundred,
about sixt feet excuse me, sixty feet up appears to
be this this chunnel that opens up outside of this
hillside that appears to be an old rickety ramp by
leading out, so you could that's the easiest way to
climb up and in there. That's and there's you see
these fiery rings like to kind of keep the glow
in the night or so you can see what's going
on rickiney ramp with moogs. The only problem like with
move and get there just fine with his uh flying carpet,
but it's a one person flying carpet and it only
holds like two hundred pounds of time, so it's a
one person use.
Speaker 12: Well, if we if we, if we tie a rope together,
I've got twenty five feet worth of clothes.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Now it's vertical, straight uprom where you're up sixty feet
and then in so just to get to that lip
is sixty feet above you.
Speaker 6: So we still have a yeah, a rope of jewelcer
costumes that we can use.
Speaker 4: I mean, you as prey have rope.
Speaker 8: So well, all right, that's not really what this is about, sir,
and you know it.
Speaker 6: There's more tassels on the joe soo.
Speaker 7: The smart thing to do would be that send a
buff stand up there with a rope and then just
have him pull of the rest of us up.
Speaker 6: Moog, What did I ever do to you? Then cut
your arms? Being very mean?
Speaker 4: Give me?
Speaker 8: Is this an incline or sheer sheer six?
Speaker 4: Straight up? It's like it's a straight up and then
there's there's the curvature at the top or something like
something higher. But would ramp down? Does that makes sense?
Speaker 8: Gotcha? Yeah?
Speaker 4: Like the mouth of the opening of this ramp is
sixty feet up.
Speaker 6: There is a yeah.
Speaker 8: So and the wooden part is that like what we're
seeing like a climbable wooden structure.
Speaker 4: Well, that's the that's the mouth of above you. That's
where the ramp will come downs an old rickety like shoot.
Speaker 8: Okay, so we get up the sixty and then we
hit the wing part.
Speaker 4: Unfortunate didn't draw it. I had to do it a
certain way because again went to the top down view.
Speaker 8: So no, no, no, I just I wanted to make
sure I'm full getting getting the layer and then for
the actual wall in front of us, ice stone, what
are we looking at?
Speaker 4: Yes, this is a this is a stone like uh,
because again this is this whole fortresses built on the
side of like like like a rocky mountain, like a
volcanic mountain. So it's it's texture, but it's also frost covered,
so it's like a perma frost rock play of hand holds.
You could totally try to climb, so it's just gonna
take some athletic rolls to get up, or you could
try to like dn D your way up there.
Speaker 12: So I think a Moog's plan of copy it. Then
rope well combarre. Can you use those horseshoes to like
ghost Rider up the side.
Speaker 8: I don't think I can run up a vertical side.
I feel like that probably would have been noted in
the discretion.
Speaker 4: You haven't tried yet, Cobert.
Speaker 8: We'll go, we'll put We'll try and put his hoofs
against the ice thing against the wall, just to see
what happens. So I'll have my I have my rear
hoofs back down, and I'll kind of put my front
hoofs up like I'm rearing's.
Speaker 6: Gonna off, just gonna wave your hat around in the
air and say yeeh.
Speaker 4: So uh, you know, unfortunately you're not a goat. We
could stand like on a wonder angle.
Speaker 6: But you can try.
Speaker 4: I mean, give me, give me.
Speaker 8: I'm not like trying to like I'm trying to just
rear up and push my front.
Speaker 4: Trying to do It's like but it's like it's a
you're looking for like kind of like you think of
them as magnets. You're trying to find something to give
it purchase because they're always got that force that's you
got to find something to push against. So it's one
of like if you if you turn side, you realize
put your front hooves up kind of just pushes off.
If you turn sideways, you almost could maybe walk your
way up a little bit, but it would be very interesting.
Speaker 6: Is this who's melting into the wall? Is he making?
Speaker 4: It's melting the snow and he like the rock sting
is fine, but the snow like that just kind of
melts me. It's kind of Moose's hands.
Speaker 8: That's kind of what I was trying to do, was
melt off some of the ice on the stone.
Speaker 4: Yes, well, that's that is working.
Speaker 6: Okay.
Speaker 8: Cool. Uh, I'm gonna say, we're gonna need rope if
you want to give you a slight of hand roll.
Speaker 4: We hold this slight of hoof just to see how
how curious you can, like maybe let's see if you can,
like mountain goat your way up a little bit.
Speaker 8: I'm gonna I'm gonna go ahead and bet that the
dice are not going to back me on this one.
Speaker 4: Probably not.
Speaker 5: Oh wow, twenty two.
Speaker 1: I was right.
Speaker 4: Okay, so you've wait confident? Is that a natural it's
a natural twenty that's a natural twenty So Cobert, if
you actually put yourself into it, you're thirty feet up
before you realize it.
Speaker 8: Uh, well, then at that point I will use misty
step to travel the rest of the thirty feet.
Speaker 4: Okay, well, okay, Caboos, Cabert's up there.
Speaker 6: Oh it wasn't so hard, was I don't know about
the rest of you, but that's the most radical thing
I've seen in a while. Damn cold. I'm not gonna
lie to you. You fucked up.
Speaker 9: I sure did. She's gonna see him and then try
to climb herself.
Speaker 6: You could have been the You could have been part
of something majestic.
Speaker 8: Oh no, wait, wait, wait, sorry, I keep forgetting No,
I'm up here. There we go.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you're the top there, sixty feet looking down. I
keep th this this thing is built for a rope.
I mean you can just climb up there. I mean,
just you just give me a sleight of hand roll
or an acrobatics roll, which everyone you feel more comfortable with.
Speaker 9: Okay, I'll try to slit a hand.
Speaker 4: It's no fine, you know it's this. This is a
very poorous rock thing. You again with this thing. You
get up, You got your full movement, your thirty feet
about sixty feet.
Speaker 9: Nice, it's not that bad.
Speaker 4: Come on up and go the rest of the way up.
That was your movement.
Speaker 6: Taking the rope up with.
Speaker 4: Would you like to use your dashtraction to go the
rest of the way?
Speaker 8: None of us expected to work. Also, I have rope,
give you a slight of hand roll.
Speaker 4: Okay, that just twenty six if taking the rope up
kind of like that roll over catman flip thing. We
get to the top feet down first, stand up up
and over.
Speaker 9: And to oh I do have a rope with me,
so say I.
Speaker 6: Think we all have a rope.
Speaker 8: Also, I want to high five of you when you get.
Speaker 6: Up here with me. Stant'll look at Moog and Joelser.
Is anybody else want to be massively passive aggressive today?
Anybody moo will just start floating up as a mid sentence, Ah, yes,
I know I can rely to you move sign of
a bitch. Well, Joe, ci l pal just healing me.
Speaker 5: Guess I'll try and belly slide my way up the wall.
Speaker 4: You're trying to belly slide your way up along?
Speaker 5: I probably not if I rolled a twenty init that work.
Speaker 4: That would be if you roll a natural twenty, I
will let you vertical slide sixty feet straight up because
the gods think it's full.
Speaker 5: That's worth it?
Speaker 4: What am I rolling, all right, so, uh, you're not
really dexterous. No, let me see it seems like you're
rolling for a natural Yeah, yeah, you know. Just run
me D twenty, just a D twenty. Let's see what
we can get. I kind of want to.
Speaker 8: I want to hit this twenty or one. O, there's
a drum rolled.
Speaker 5: Jesus, all right here.
Speaker 6: The penguin gods look kindly on you.
Speaker 4: Now, eleven you got you try to like belly slides
your way up, run up to the wall. Realize it's
a vertical wall. Hit your face against the wall, but
the bar blocks it a little bit playing and the
bark just looks at you, like, really, that didn't work.
It does not. In the the barkin like kind of
pivots left and right, as if it's shaking its attitude.
Speaker 6: So no, I guess I'll just try and climb.
Speaker 5: I go for it.
Speaker 6: Just light a handroll, I can you how or I
could use my brand new muscles to climb. You can.
It's a plus four twelve, but this is.
Speaker 4: Well, it's a plus five because if it's twenty, I
like to.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I get minus one, so all right.
Speaker 4: But that's thirteen. You're fine, Yeah, you get you get
your movement up again. Very poorous, very rocky. This thing
is not meant keep out the fact. It's like in
the middle of nowhere, the cold and frozen lakes would
have bean skip people out. So you get halfway up
and you're fine. You try to dash, use your dash
actionally go the rest of the way up. You can
just give me another role.
Speaker 5: Yeah, here we go.
Speaker 4: Oh oh well six, that's yeah, that is not a
natural one.
Speaker 6: It's yeah to talk about six. This one.
Speaker 4: You slide back down. Something didn't happen quite right, okay
o o o o. It's not so bad that you fell,
but your hands out that hurts out rock.
Speaker 6: Dotting to think. The only thing this belt is good
for is giving me an erection, which is still pretty
fucking sweet, very much.
Speaker 9: Are the three of us just standing up there with
the rope looking down.
Speaker 8: I thought we were waiting for our next turns to
come up, because everybody hadn't.
Speaker 4: No one was offering anything. Well, they they both took
their turn. So if you guys want to, like.
Speaker 8: Yeah, we'll take out rope if it's our turn.
Speaker 5: I wanted to try the belly slide, but as long
as that's not working. I'll after rope a rope comes down,
I will hold the rope. Good.
Speaker 4: Okay, you all go trying to like just dead pull.
Speaker 6: Just pulling it twice. Thing Dan, nobody pulling him up?
Speaker 8: Okay, you are the one with the marsh will figure
out who has the best strength squirreks And I'm pretty
sure it's not Cobert.
Speaker 6: Is it moove?
Speaker 5: Now?
Speaker 6: Does he have it's look at him, but he's not
up there. I'm at the bottom of the cliff.
Speaker 9: He's not up.
Speaker 8: Stands not all the way up here yet.
Speaker 4: Well, the thing is like, I don't feel like Cabert,
like you have a poles thing, which is like you
know you are, you know, because of your build. However,
you also have no friction, so you could tell just
pull you off the edge.
Speaker 8: Yeah, I'm not strong enough. Cabert knows where he uh
uh exceeds and it's in speed.
Speaker 6: Google Google pull him up. How far am I up
the cliff?
Speaker 4: Now, Gabe, you went up thirty feet, but you've rolled portless.
You slid back down, your back down, your staring at
each other. Okay, he's got and he's holding the.
Speaker 6: Rope and he's gone mood.
Speaker 4: You've got to pull the rope.
Speaker 8: Mood.
Speaker 4: You grab the rope and you set it on fire.
Your demon hands grab the rope quickly, set it ablaze.
There's fire trickling down coming down at you from the rope.
Speaker 5: That's not work. That work goes by bellies lune.
Speaker 6: Well, I guess you live down down there now?
Speaker 5: All right? Well, I guess I'm just gonna start climbing.
Speaker 4: Okay, I mean there are other ropes just ye, I
mean all right, So.
Speaker 5: I guess it's up to Claudia.
Speaker 6: Yep, I'll throw a rope maybe if I if I
try gap that, I can probably try and pull you
up with playing on fire. But my athletics will have
been pretty If I grab a hold of Claudia where
she holds the rope, well, I set her on fire.
Speaker 4: She counts as a magical being. But her clothes that's
a different story. Athletics.
Speaker 6: You're You're twenty halfway easy, all right, I try again,
full team.
Speaker 4: You're up. You're all the way up there.
Speaker 5: Hooray.
Speaker 6: Hey thanks guys.
Speaker 4: Moog's hole is still holding a burning rope in his hands.
Speaker 6: I will take my rope and down.
Speaker 5: Well once again, grab the rope, all.
Speaker 8: Right, Okay, step back to give people some rope.
Speaker 6: Now I go to use my muscles to pull you up,
but if my spine should snap, I'll let you know
by going ah, that's your cueue to fall to your death.
Got it?
Speaker 4: Okay, this is just pure muscles, not an athletics. It's
just raw strength to pull him up. So just roll
a strength roll good liue Uh to seventeen. So yeah,
he used to pull him up. He's up halfway. Sure,
give him one more roll, George, give me favorite, Just
give me a you're hanging on, how did it? So
give me an athletics roll, George, or just to make
sure you can just hang onto the rope.
Speaker 6: Oh oh, if there's one thing Georstra's guys upstream, surely.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you're good.
Speaker 8: I was gonna say experience with rope exactly. I mean,
did anybody else think he was going to do a
thrill himself when he grabbed the rope?
Speaker 6: Uh?
Speaker 4: You haul him up and over and now you have
a jorster in your arms. You fool so hard, So.
Speaker 6: I've got you all right.
Speaker 4: You all are standing now at the top of this
this tunnel, this shoot lighting into the side of the
side of the mountain fortress here and you see a
giant sled loaded down with bags and looks like there's
more bags be loaded. You guys are standing inside what
appears to be a giant a giant red sleigh, ready
to take a launch out for the night. So anything
you like to do before this is we're going to
cut this episode. We'll pick up on the next time
as you enter Santo's fortresses. Anything like to say you're
doing the moment.
Speaker 6: I suppose I should put jels down.
Speaker 8: I've definitely pictured them like an officer and a gentleman
at the end of.
Speaker 4: All right, well, if that's where we're gonna leave this,
this part one of this quote unquote one shot infiltrating
the Holiday Heist Connie's Crazy Holiday Heist, Part one. We'll
pick up next time with part two. So on behalf
of Steve Weatherill, Emily Kaplan, Rick Walteriery, Robert Bever and
Drew Hayes. I'm Mk Gibson. We've been the dicey bastard
and you've been great. We'll see you all next time.
Speaker 6: Bye.
Speaker 4: Say what yes, I did.
Speaker 5: Well?
Speaker 4: Because I'm stereot your pictures and characters, I had like
ex excuses. Have a jolly Orkish ice day.
Speaker 6: It's the bloodiest time of year.
Speaker 11: Crush some elves and smash their skulls and listen to
everyone cheer. Have a holly Orcish ice Day. And when
you see elves on the street, say dine now, you
stupid elf cow, and then chop off their feet ho
ho boots with steel toe worn with murderous glee.
Speaker 4: Stomp on and elf for you if you stop on
one for me.