WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.040 --> 00:00:02.080 Hi everyone, and welcome back to another podcast episode. My 2 00:00:02.160 --> 00:00:04.519 name is Alicia Cogain, the host of the Globe Secrets podcast, 3 00:00:04.559 --> 00:00:06.759 where I help you expand your mind and become more 4 00:00:06.799 --> 00:00:09.000 self awares that you can glow up into the best 5 00:00:09.039 --> 00:00:13.880 version of yourself. Hello and happy Sunday, and my apologies 6 00:00:13.919 --> 00:00:17.800 for missing last week's episode. Life has truly been lifing 7 00:00:18.480 --> 00:00:22.519 and I actually want this episode to be about what 8 00:00:22.719 --> 00:00:27.239 to do when life feels messy, uncomfortable, unfinished, because I 9 00:00:27.280 --> 00:00:30.359 think that this is a universal experience and I feel 10 00:00:30.399 --> 00:00:32.280 like if you don't have a different perspective when it 11 00:00:32.320 --> 00:00:34.960 comes to your life feeling like this, then you can 12 00:00:35.039 --> 00:00:38.640 just go into overwhelm. You can respond to situations in 13 00:00:38.679 --> 00:00:40.799 your life the same way you usually do, which then 14 00:00:41.119 --> 00:00:45.079 just creates a lot of stress and feeling like you're 15 00:00:45.119 --> 00:00:46.880 just not where you need to be or where you 16 00:00:46.960 --> 00:00:48.280 want to be in your life. And that's just no 17 00:00:48.359 --> 00:00:50.759 way to live life. And for me, there's been a 18 00:00:50.799 --> 00:00:53.280 lot of things that I've been happening in my life, 19 00:00:53.600 --> 00:00:56.600 not necessarily the worst things. I feel like Winter was 20 00:00:56.640 --> 00:00:59.320 way worse than how my life is right now, but 21 00:00:59.600 --> 00:01:01.759 there is a lot of things. For one, my life 22 00:01:01.799 --> 00:01:03.439 got so busy that I wasn't able to put out 23 00:01:03.479 --> 00:01:06.200 an episode, which is on a smaller scale for me. 24 00:01:06.439 --> 00:01:08.359 I just not like I actually freak out about that, 25 00:01:08.439 --> 00:01:11.319 But obviously it's not the best to not be on 26 00:01:11.400 --> 00:01:13.359 top of your work. I'm somebody who is very on 27 00:01:13.439 --> 00:01:15.599 top of my work. I also had to take THEO 28 00:01:15.719 --> 00:01:18.480 to the emergency vet last week. We had a little 29 00:01:18.480 --> 00:01:21.079 bit of a scare. But everything is fine. But we 30 00:01:21.200 --> 00:01:24.560 had that, and that through a big change in my 31 00:01:24.760 --> 00:01:27.400 schedule seriously, and on top of that just the stress 32 00:01:27.439 --> 00:01:30.560 that that can bring to a dog owner. I also 33 00:01:30.680 --> 00:01:33.319 just have so many projects that I'm working towards in 34 00:01:33.359 --> 00:01:35.519 my work life but also in my personal life. 35 00:01:35.959 --> 00:01:37.560 For me, I'm trying. 36 00:01:37.319 --> 00:01:40.359 To get my balcony sorted to have like a space 37 00:01:40.480 --> 00:01:43.319 for THEO, but also so that I can sit outside, 38 00:01:43.439 --> 00:01:46.359 and that just involves so many moving pieces. There's so 39 00:01:46.400 --> 00:01:48.120 many things around my place that I need to do, 40 00:01:48.200 --> 00:01:50.840 Like there's a million things that I feel like are 41 00:01:50.920 --> 00:01:53.480 all like unfinished things that I'm trying to get done. 42 00:01:53.640 --> 00:01:55.439 I also have some things that push me out of 43 00:01:55.439 --> 00:01:58.640 my comfort zone, which also makes me feel like life 44 00:01:58.719 --> 00:02:01.560 is a little bit chaotic. For instance, what I'm actually 45 00:02:01.599 --> 00:02:04.799 doing after I record this podcast episode is I'm going 46 00:02:04.920 --> 00:02:07.000 to be working with a brand and I have to 47 00:02:07.040 --> 00:02:09.719 go to the site to film, and I'm somebody who 48 00:02:09.759 --> 00:02:13.280 doesn't necessarily enjoy feeling myself in public, like it's not 49 00:02:14.120 --> 00:02:17.240 the best feeling in a way, but I also just 50 00:02:17.319 --> 00:02:20.000 haven't had that much experience doing it. So when I 51 00:02:20.080 --> 00:02:22.400 have to do something that's going to require me to 52 00:02:22.400 --> 00:02:24.719 get out of my comfort zone, I do feel a 53 00:02:24.759 --> 00:02:27.479 little bit overwhelmed, like ugh, you know, like life is 54 00:02:27.560 --> 00:02:29.280 just a little chaotic. So the other day I kind 55 00:02:29.280 --> 00:02:32.120 of had a perspective shift, and this was because I 56 00:02:32.240 --> 00:02:34.840 was starting to feel overwhelmed by life and all of 57 00:02:34.879 --> 00:02:37.360 these things that were happening to the point where it 58 00:02:37.479 --> 00:02:42.039 was making me feel not satisfied, unhappy, like overwhelmed, like 59 00:02:42.080 --> 00:02:46.199 I said, just very like life is lifing and chaotic, 60 00:02:46.360 --> 00:02:48.319 and when I feel overwhelmed, I kind of have to 61 00:02:48.319 --> 00:02:51.759 have like this come to Jesus, like real talk with myself, 62 00:02:51.800 --> 00:02:53.919 Like listen, girl, we need to strap in and we 63 00:02:54.000 --> 00:02:56.599 need to ride this way because this is really what 64 00:02:56.919 --> 00:02:58.639 life is about. So I want to talk about some 65 00:02:58.639 --> 00:03:01.080 of the things that I I've had to remind myself 66 00:03:01.120 --> 00:03:03.360 of and things that I tell myself when I am 67 00:03:03.400 --> 00:03:06.000 feeling like life is like this, and hopefully it can 68 00:03:06.039 --> 00:03:09.560 help you if you feel stressed, overwhelmed, like you're not 69 00:03:09.639 --> 00:03:12.680 hitting your goals, like things aren't happening fast enough. This 70 00:03:12.759 --> 00:03:16.439 advice could really apply to all stages of life. So 71 00:03:16.520 --> 00:03:19.639 let's first talk about the pressure to have it all together. 72 00:03:20.599 --> 00:03:24.400 This is mainly why we always feel like life is 73 00:03:24.520 --> 00:03:28.919 unfinished and then we get overwhelmed and stressed because there's 74 00:03:28.919 --> 00:03:32.360 a many things that might be moving and changing or not. 75 00:03:32.439 --> 00:03:33.759 Complete yet in our lives. 76 00:03:34.080 --> 00:03:37.560 Because we have this expectation that life is supposed to 77 00:03:37.680 --> 00:03:41.960 be all together all the time and everything is finished 78 00:03:42.000 --> 00:03:45.319 and complete, and that is such a myth that we 79 00:03:45.400 --> 00:03:49.039 need to break, like thinking that there's just this one 80 00:03:49.400 --> 00:03:51.319 day where everything will. 81 00:03:51.199 --> 00:03:53.639 Be so aligned. And let me say this, there is 82 00:03:53.719 --> 00:03:55.639 gonna be many days of your life where you do 83 00:03:55.680 --> 00:03:58.000 feel like you got it all together, you got. 84 00:03:57.840 --> 00:04:00.560 All your things done in the day, or maybe there's 85 00:04:00.599 --> 00:04:02.719 not a lot of like you know, feel going to 86 00:04:02.759 --> 00:04:05.759 the vet during the week, or a brand deal that's 87 00:04:05.759 --> 00:04:07.400 pushing me into my comfort zone, like maybe I have 88 00:04:07.439 --> 00:04:10.280 a chill week and that feels like pretty complete, But 89 00:04:10.280 --> 00:04:11.800 at the end of the day, there's always going to 90 00:04:11.800 --> 00:04:16.240 be things happening and moving in your life, So why 91 00:04:16.279 --> 00:04:21.600 are we holding on to this false sense of control? 92 00:04:21.800 --> 00:04:23.279 And So what I like to tell myself when I 93 00:04:23.360 --> 00:04:26.000 feel I'm getting overwhelmed with life is that it's okay 94 00:04:26.040 --> 00:04:29.759 that life is feeling a little unfinished. And if everything 95 00:04:30.040 --> 00:04:33.800 was finished, then what would we be even doing. There'd 96 00:04:33.839 --> 00:04:37.199 be nothing to look forward to, there'd be nothing to accomplish. 97 00:04:37.319 --> 00:04:41.000 But regardless, let's try not to strive for always having 98 00:04:41.079 --> 00:04:46.000 everything absolutely finished, one hundred percent perfect, done, done, done, undone. Yes, 99 00:04:46.040 --> 00:04:48.920 of course we want to accomplish goals and be productive 100 00:04:49.120 --> 00:04:52.240 and obviously complete things, but I think we just need 101 00:04:52.240 --> 00:04:54.240 to be a little bit more comfortable with the fact 102 00:04:54.279 --> 00:04:57.839 that not everything will be complete, and to relax because 103 00:04:58.120 --> 00:05:00.600 when we're in a relaxed state, when we're not stressing 104 00:05:00.639 --> 00:05:04.480 so much, it gives us the capacity too. Sorry, if 105 00:05:04.519 --> 00:05:08.079 you're watching on YouTube, THEO is just he's just. 106 00:05:08.399 --> 00:05:09.839 Having some zummies right now. 107 00:05:09.879 --> 00:05:13.199 But when we are more relaxed, we have more capacity 108 00:05:13.279 --> 00:05:16.480 to focus in and get things done. And then of 109 00:05:16.519 --> 00:05:19.759 course we're going to complete the thing that was overwhelming 110 00:05:19.839 --> 00:05:20.759 us in the first place. 111 00:05:20.839 --> 00:05:23.920 But we can't really take the. 112 00:05:23.800 --> 00:05:26.720 Action we need to when we're constantly just so caught 113 00:05:26.800 --> 00:05:29.199 up in the messiness of the thing that we are 114 00:05:29.240 --> 00:05:32.240 stressing about. The next thing that I realized that I 115 00:05:32.360 --> 00:05:38.319 was doing was losing my practice of gratitude through the chaos. 116 00:05:38.360 --> 00:05:39.959 And I know sometimes it can be hard to have 117 00:05:40.000 --> 00:05:43.639 gratitude or see the wisdom and the beauty and the 118 00:05:43.639 --> 00:05:45.800 messiness of your life, but I do think it's really 119 00:05:45.879 --> 00:05:49.160 important to do this for many reasons, but one reason 120 00:05:49.240 --> 00:05:53.759 being when you focus on the things that are going right, 121 00:05:54.199 --> 00:05:56.800 even within the chaos of your life or the situation, 122 00:05:57.040 --> 00:05:59.519 you're signaling to your nervous system that you are safe, 123 00:05:59.519 --> 00:06:01.759 which is so important because we want to feel safe. 124 00:06:01.759 --> 00:06:04.160 We want to feel grounded so that we can stay 125 00:06:04.199 --> 00:06:06.519 clear minded so that we can move through this chaos 126 00:06:07.000 --> 00:06:09.879 in the least chaotic way possible. So I'm gonna give 127 00:06:09.920 --> 00:06:11.360 a few examples of some of the things that I 128 00:06:11.360 --> 00:06:12.480 said that I was going through. 129 00:06:12.920 --> 00:06:14.879 For one, with the vet situation. 130 00:06:15.079 --> 00:06:18.680 Obviously that was more of the like high triggered situation 131 00:06:18.920 --> 00:06:21.839 that I was going through, So I just allowed myself 132 00:06:21.879 --> 00:06:23.720 to take it moment by moment when it came to 133 00:06:24.240 --> 00:06:26.199 the stress of what was going on in that situation. 134 00:06:26.399 --> 00:06:28.879 But when my emotions were not so heightened, and I 135 00:06:29.000 --> 00:06:31.079 was at the vets and they were checking him out 136 00:06:31.079 --> 00:06:33.680 and things like that. I tried my best to focus 137 00:06:33.759 --> 00:06:37.680 on the things that were either going right or things 138 00:06:37.720 --> 00:06:40.600 were better than they were worse. And for me, there 139 00:06:40.680 --> 00:06:42.519 was a few things. For one, thank. 140 00:06:42.279 --> 00:06:46.680 God I had insurance. Thank god I got pet insurance. 141 00:06:46.240 --> 00:06:50.240 Because that bill was hefty when they're telling me because 142 00:06:50.240 --> 00:06:52.279 they needed to keep him overnight. By the way, he's fine, 143 00:06:52.319 --> 00:06:55.199 like actually, like he's so fine, but anyways, they just 144 00:06:55.199 --> 00:06:57.800 wanted to like monitor him, which made the VET bill 145 00:06:57.879 --> 00:07:00.680 really expensive. But I was still kind of stressing about 146 00:07:00.680 --> 00:07:02.560 the fact that, like, wow, it's expensive and this that, 147 00:07:02.639 --> 00:07:04.759 and that's not to deny the fact that I was 148 00:07:05.000 --> 00:07:10.120 feeling those things or that that was reality. But I 149 00:07:10.160 --> 00:07:12.000 also could lean on the fact that, well, at least 150 00:07:12.000 --> 00:07:13.920 I have insurance and I don't really have to pay 151 00:07:13.920 --> 00:07:15.839 a lot of money for this. Also the fact that 152 00:07:15.879 --> 00:07:18.240 he is going to be okay, so that's good, instead 153 00:07:18.279 --> 00:07:20.000 of focusing on the scare of the fact that he 154 00:07:20.040 --> 00:07:22.279 wasn't going to be okay. Again, this is very like 155 00:07:22.360 --> 00:07:25.519 heightened stress situation, So it's so understandable for you not 156 00:07:25.560 --> 00:07:27.680 be logical in some of these moments. 157 00:07:27.759 --> 00:07:29.199 But you know, even. 158 00:07:29.199 --> 00:07:32.240 After the stress has occurred or you're still moving through it, 159 00:07:32.319 --> 00:07:34.879 trying your best to move towards that kind of thinking. Now, 160 00:07:34.959 --> 00:07:37.079 when you are in a stressful situation, I guess maybe 161 00:07:37.079 --> 00:07:38.720 this will be a side note. You do need to 162 00:07:38.800 --> 00:07:43.000 focus on things like breath work or making sure that 163 00:07:43.040 --> 00:07:46.360 you're around a regulated nervous system, taking physical action to 164 00:07:46.439 --> 00:07:48.600 do things, not just trying to think yourself out of 165 00:07:48.639 --> 00:07:52.160 something stressful, because that's typically not the best way to 166 00:07:52.199 --> 00:07:52.920 deal with stress. 167 00:07:52.959 --> 00:07:53.759 But I digress. 168 00:07:53.879 --> 00:07:55.800 But something else I was thinking about when I was 169 00:07:55.879 --> 00:07:58.839 leaving the vet was how I really do need to 170 00:07:58.879 --> 00:08:04.319 recognize how this situation is much better than how it 171 00:08:04.360 --> 00:08:06.360 would be if it happened in the exact same way 172 00:08:06.360 --> 00:08:08.439 but when I was younger, And this is what I mean. 173 00:08:08.560 --> 00:08:10.839 For one, I have pet insurance, which was, you know, 174 00:08:10.959 --> 00:08:13.120 really helpful when it came to the financial and any 175 00:08:13.160 --> 00:08:15.560 of the other money that I needed to like actually spend. 176 00:08:15.800 --> 00:08:19.120 I have the means, so that's first and foremost amazing. 177 00:08:19.199 --> 00:08:22.240 That can definitely help de escalate a situation versus in 178 00:08:22.279 --> 00:08:24.199 the past, I either didn't have a lot of money 179 00:08:24.240 --> 00:08:26.040 or I would have to, you know, go into debt 180 00:08:26.120 --> 00:08:28.399 for something or I wouldn't have anyone to lean on. 181 00:08:28.680 --> 00:08:31.759 I also had my boyfriend there who really held me 182 00:08:31.920 --> 00:08:33.840 through so much of that, and I didn't have that 183 00:08:33.879 --> 00:08:36.799 sense of like calm nervous system, like someone showing up 184 00:08:36.799 --> 00:08:39.360 for me consistently, even when I was younger and we 185 00:08:39.399 --> 00:08:42.440 had stressful situations happen. Even when my mom was here, 186 00:08:42.679 --> 00:08:44.799 like she did the best that she could, but she 187 00:08:44.960 --> 00:08:47.799 was also a little dysregulated. She also wasn't showing up 188 00:08:47.840 --> 00:08:50.080 because of her addictions and things like that. So when 189 00:08:50.080 --> 00:08:53.360 stressful situations did happen, like I was kind of left 190 00:08:53.399 --> 00:08:56.200 to do everything myself, and that was very stressful. 191 00:08:56.200 --> 00:08:57.000 But the situation that. 192 00:08:57.000 --> 00:09:00.919 Was happening now was so much easier year and so 193 00:09:01.200 --> 00:09:03.919 much more supportive. And of course I'm still going to 194 00:09:03.919 --> 00:09:06.480 feel that visceral response of wanting to go into the 195 00:09:06.519 --> 00:09:09.679 fight or flight, because that's essentially trauma, right like me 196 00:09:09.799 --> 00:09:11.919 being in a stressful situation. It's just reminding me of 197 00:09:11.960 --> 00:09:13.440 how it used to be in the past. But I'm 198 00:09:13.480 --> 00:09:16.720 trying to remind myself the ways that I am safe now. 199 00:09:16.840 --> 00:09:19.000 And so if you're in a situation where you know 200 00:09:19.240 --> 00:09:23.080 you are in a heightened situation. Maybe you don't have 201 00:09:23.759 --> 00:09:27.919 the life that is completely different than how it has 202 00:09:28.000 --> 00:09:30.240 been when it comes to dealing with stressal situations. But 203 00:09:30.679 --> 00:09:33.080 even when I was younger and I was going through 204 00:09:33.159 --> 00:09:38.320 hard times, I always try to find the light through 205 00:09:38.399 --> 00:09:41.240 that the Okay, well, you know what, at least it's 206 00:09:41.279 --> 00:09:43.639 not like this, or you know, at least I still 207 00:09:43.679 --> 00:09:45.919 have this part of my health, or at least I 208 00:09:45.960 --> 00:09:48.480 found this doctor who might give me an answer, or 209 00:09:48.879 --> 00:09:50.879 maybe I have this friend that I can lean on. 210 00:09:50.960 --> 00:09:53.279 And maybe I don't have the parents or the money 211 00:09:53.360 --> 00:09:55.200 or whatever, but I'm still going to figure out this way, 212 00:09:55.279 --> 00:09:59.480 like whatever it is, just continuing to see the ways 213 00:09:59.480 --> 00:10:01.799 that I I am safe. And when it comes to 214 00:10:01.879 --> 00:10:04.159 other things like the things that I need to do 215 00:10:04.240 --> 00:10:07.240 for my balcony and my apartment and all like the 216 00:10:07.279 --> 00:10:08.879 million other things that I need to do, and my 217 00:10:08.919 --> 00:10:10.600 boyfriend wants to help me with a bunch of things 218 00:10:10.679 --> 00:10:13.559 and this that sometimes I'm getting overwhelmed with the fact 219 00:10:13.600 --> 00:10:15.960 that like nothing's not nothing. I shouldn't say nothing, but 220 00:10:16.519 --> 00:10:18.960 some of these things are unfinished or like they haven't 221 00:10:18.960 --> 00:10:21.559 gotten done yet, and this that. But the other day 222 00:10:21.600 --> 00:10:24.559 I was thinking, am I not blessed to have a 223 00:10:24.639 --> 00:10:27.120 mind that thinks bigger than the life that I have 224 00:10:27.240 --> 00:10:30.960 right now and has goals and aspirations, like I should 225 00:10:31.000 --> 00:10:34.519 be grateful and blessed that I can dream and I 226 00:10:34.600 --> 00:10:37.240 have dreams and I want to do more for myself, 227 00:10:37.399 --> 00:10:39.480 or that I have a boyfriend who wants to do 228 00:10:39.519 --> 00:10:41.480 all of these things for me. And yes, some of 229 00:10:41.519 --> 00:10:43.440 these things are going to take time, but I should 230 00:10:43.440 --> 00:10:46.519 really be more blessed and grateful for the fact that 231 00:10:46.879 --> 00:10:49.759 I have things to work towards then to have a 232 00:10:49.840 --> 00:10:52.559 life that I don't have anything to work towards. Bringing 233 00:10:52.559 --> 00:10:55.039 it back to what I said before, if everything was 234 00:10:55.080 --> 00:10:58.399 finished and there's nothing to do, life would actually be 235 00:10:58.440 --> 00:10:59.159 pretty boring. 236 00:10:59.320 --> 00:11:00.639 Trust me, it would. 237 00:11:00.840 --> 00:11:03.080 Or when it comes to the brand deal situation, sometimes 238 00:11:03.080 --> 00:11:05.480 I can be so focused on the thing that makes 239 00:11:05.480 --> 00:11:09.919 me uncomfortable, But realistically, am I not blessed to have 240 00:11:09.960 --> 00:11:12.759 the job that I have and the opportunity that I have, 241 00:11:13.080 --> 00:11:16.240 like especially specifically for this brand, but anything to do 242 00:11:16.320 --> 00:11:19.279 with brand work, And realistically, this is a great problem 243 00:11:19.320 --> 00:11:21.120 to have, and I just think we need to do 244 00:11:21.159 --> 00:11:23.799 more of that. We get very caught up in the 245 00:11:23.840 --> 00:11:27.639 things in our everyday life that can either stress us 246 00:11:27.679 --> 00:11:30.039 out or we can look at it like, actually, I 247 00:11:30.080 --> 00:11:32.840 am blessed to have these problems. I remember seeing a 248 00:11:32.879 --> 00:11:36.080 TikTok where they were saying, how some people will complain 249 00:11:36.159 --> 00:11:38.120 when they get bloated, right, it's like the worst thing 250 00:11:38.159 --> 00:11:40.519 in the world and how uncomfortable it is, And that's 251 00:11:40.639 --> 00:11:44.960 very true. But in the example, they were saying how 252 00:11:45.679 --> 00:11:48.399 you should just be actually blessed that you have the 253 00:11:48.440 --> 00:11:51.159 problem of being bloated, because that means you had food, 254 00:11:51.279 --> 00:11:53.879 you had access to food, and probably a lot of it. 255 00:11:54.200 --> 00:11:57.080 And of course that's kind of like a whatever example. 256 00:11:57.159 --> 00:12:01.960 But there's so many situations that you can look at differently, 257 00:12:02.039 --> 00:12:05.120 and you need to when things are feeling chaoic, because 258 00:12:05.320 --> 00:12:07.600 the truth is, like you don't have all this control. 259 00:12:07.639 --> 00:12:12.360 You can't make the balcony situation go any faster. Alisia like, 260 00:12:12.519 --> 00:12:14.159 you have to take the steps and things need to 261 00:12:14.159 --> 00:12:16.559 build and things will come together when they do. I 262 00:12:16.559 --> 00:12:18.600 couldn't change the fact that we were having to go 263 00:12:18.639 --> 00:12:21.080 to the emergency vet, but I could change the way 264 00:12:21.159 --> 00:12:23.279 that I was looking at these things. But we are 265 00:12:23.320 --> 00:12:26.360 waiting for the day for things to change completely and 266 00:12:26.399 --> 00:12:28.559 then we're going to be at peace, and we're not 267 00:12:28.600 --> 00:12:30.960 going to be anxious. And I promise you for anyone 268 00:12:31.039 --> 00:12:36.080 who is anxiously attached or anxious in general, or really 269 00:12:36.120 --> 00:12:38.240 struggles with that control, I know I've been there and 270 00:12:38.279 --> 00:12:40.320 I still have to work on that. Do not wait 271 00:12:40.399 --> 00:12:43.919 for the thing to fully change and be perfect before 272 00:12:44.000 --> 00:12:47.440 you let yourself breathe. And I'm not going to say 273 00:12:47.559 --> 00:12:52.320 that I was fully okay and accepting of the vet 274 00:12:52.399 --> 00:12:56.200 situation when it was happening. No, I got relief when 275 00:12:56.200 --> 00:12:58.639 I got my puppy back at home and I could 276 00:12:58.679 --> 00:13:01.360 just breathe again. But I did the things I needed 277 00:13:01.360 --> 00:13:04.679 to do by changing my mindset, you know, also, like 278 00:13:04.720 --> 00:13:07.000 I said, when it comes to regulating nervous system, doing 279 00:13:07.039 --> 00:13:10.159 breath work, trying my best to sleep, and also like 280 00:13:10.200 --> 00:13:12.799 connecting with somebody who has a healthy, regulated nervous system 281 00:13:12.840 --> 00:13:15.080 and leaning on people right like you need that support. 282 00:13:15.159 --> 00:13:16.399 But at the end of the day, I had to 283 00:13:16.519 --> 00:13:19.559 still go through the situation. But everything I did allowed 284 00:13:19.559 --> 00:13:23.240 me to deal with the messiness of life. And I 285 00:13:23.279 --> 00:13:26.320 actually wrote out here what if chaos isn't the problem? 286 00:13:26.559 --> 00:13:29.360 What if it's evidence that I'm alive, in motion and 287 00:13:29.480 --> 00:13:31.639 full of vision. Now, another thing I want to talk 288 00:13:31.639 --> 00:13:34.399 about is comfort zones. And I've really had to remind 289 00:13:34.440 --> 00:13:38.159 myself of this, especially lately, because there's been so much 290 00:13:38.240 --> 00:13:42.159 change in my life. And when change happens, usually you 291 00:13:42.360 --> 00:13:45.879 haven't experienced it or you're doing things for the first time, 292 00:13:46.279 --> 00:13:49.399 and that is going to create this sense of uneasiness. 293 00:13:49.639 --> 00:13:52.879 Maybe you're triggered, maybe you feel uncomfortable, but you need 294 00:13:52.919 --> 00:13:56.480 to just normalize the fact that things will feel uncomfortable, 295 00:13:56.960 --> 00:13:59.240 or even the fact that you get triggered sometimes maybe 296 00:13:59.320 --> 00:14:01.919 in relationship or life or whatever, and that is okay, 297 00:14:01.919 --> 00:14:05.559 and it doesn't mean that you are unsafe when it 298 00:14:05.559 --> 00:14:08.120 comes to relationships. And I will talk more about this 299 00:14:08.200 --> 00:14:10.000 like in an actual relationship episode. 300 00:14:10.039 --> 00:14:10.960 But who are triggered? 301 00:14:11.039 --> 00:14:13.679 Are such good information for you to learn more about 302 00:14:13.679 --> 00:14:16.799 yourself and to work on yourself and to go deeper 303 00:14:16.799 --> 00:14:18.720 in those things, not that oh my god, I'm triggered 304 00:14:18.720 --> 00:14:20.240 and I'm gonna act the same way I always do 305 00:14:20.320 --> 00:14:22.440 and this is bad and this is wrong, and not 306 00:14:22.600 --> 00:14:26.399 actually try and change anything different, Like no, like this 307 00:14:26.480 --> 00:14:29.879 is good information. Or when you're uncomfortable, just understand that, yes, 308 00:14:30.360 --> 00:14:32.639 of course I'm going to be uncomfortable. Life will call 309 00:14:32.679 --> 00:14:34.960 you to show up in a way that you are 310 00:14:35.000 --> 00:14:38.360 not even ready yet, but that doesn't mean you don't 311 00:14:38.399 --> 00:14:41.360 do it. And even when it comes to the brand 312 00:14:41.399 --> 00:14:44.360 deal thing, the place that I'm going to after this, 313 00:14:45.080 --> 00:14:49.000 I'm just reminding myself that it's okay that I feel uncomfortable. 314 00:14:49.399 --> 00:14:52.279 It's normal. I'm gonna feel uncomfortable. But also if I 315 00:14:52.399 --> 00:14:56.240 want to feel more comfortable with doing such thing, I'm 316 00:14:56.279 --> 00:14:58.159 gonna have to just try, and I'm going to need 317 00:14:58.240 --> 00:15:01.000 to do it feeling like it's not perfect, feeling like 318 00:15:01.039 --> 00:15:04.759 it's messy, feeling a little bit awkward until it doesn't. 319 00:15:04.879 --> 00:15:08.480 With everything that we try, it's like we expect that 320 00:15:08.559 --> 00:15:11.360 we're supposed to feel the best we've ever felt, and 321 00:15:11.360 --> 00:15:14.279 we're going to do it quickly and perfectly, and we're 322 00:15:14.320 --> 00:15:16.799 not going to feel awkward at all doing things for 323 00:15:16.840 --> 00:15:19.919 the first time. But that's not even how things work. 324 00:15:19.960 --> 00:15:21.200 For the majority of the time. 325 00:15:21.320 --> 00:15:22.879 The confidence that we end. 326 00:15:22.799 --> 00:15:25.639 Up building and gaining from things that we want to 327 00:15:25.679 --> 00:15:30.000 do in our lives happens through repetition and happens by 328 00:15:30.039 --> 00:15:33.320 you starting and doing it messy. And I think about 329 00:15:33.440 --> 00:15:36.159 my podcast, I think about YouTube, I think about anything. 330 00:15:36.200 --> 00:15:39.879 When I started talking on camera, even I'm so much 331 00:15:40.159 --> 00:15:42.399 more comfortable talking on camera now than I did in 332 00:15:42.440 --> 00:15:46.080 the past, but that took time and effort. It took 333 00:15:46.080 --> 00:15:49.799 me showing up. And now when I want to record 334 00:15:49.840 --> 00:15:53.799 more content in public, there's going to be that uncomfortable feeling. 335 00:15:53.919 --> 00:15:57.159 But pushing past that and knowing it will go away 336 00:15:57.240 --> 00:15:59.679 if I keep doing it, that is going to help 337 00:15:59.720 --> 00:16:02.159 me deal with the fact that this is life and 338 00:16:02.200 --> 00:16:04.480 this is how it feels sometimes. And I found an 339 00:16:04.480 --> 00:16:07.159 Instagram quote and it said, give yourself grace while you 340 00:16:07.240 --> 00:16:09.759 organize your life at this level. Your life has never 341 00:16:09.759 --> 00:16:12.320 been this complex before. Keep going now. The last thing 342 00:16:12.360 --> 00:16:13.720 I want to talk about is something. 343 00:16:13.440 --> 00:16:17.080 That I really just had a. 344 00:16:16.919 --> 00:16:20.320 Full circle moment in an uber the other day, and 345 00:16:21.039 --> 00:16:24.159 it was this reminder that I need to tell myself 346 00:16:24.159 --> 00:16:27.000 and to you guys, and we know this on a 347 00:16:27.000 --> 00:16:30.320 soul level, but the only time that we have is now. 348 00:16:30.559 --> 00:16:32.720 And I was in this uber and I was just 349 00:16:32.759 --> 00:16:34.960 thinking of all the things that I had to do, 350 00:16:35.159 --> 00:16:37.960 and I was rhumed about some things and YadA YadA, 351 00:16:38.039 --> 00:16:41.320 and I was just thinking how this moment feels very 352 00:16:41.320 --> 00:16:43.080 comfortable for me. I could go in my head and 353 00:16:43.120 --> 00:16:45.639 stress about all these things, but realistically, right now I'm 354 00:16:45.679 --> 00:16:46.240 in this uber. 355 00:16:46.320 --> 00:16:47.840 I am safe. It's a beautiful day. 356 00:16:47.879 --> 00:16:50.200 I have freedom, I have so many good things happening 357 00:16:50.200 --> 00:16:52.480 in my life right now, and this could be the 358 00:16:52.559 --> 00:16:57.480 last day that I am feeling this good before something 359 00:16:57.519 --> 00:16:59.600 bad happens. And I hate to even say that, because like, 360 00:17:00.279 --> 00:17:02.080 who wants to even say that, But for the purposes 361 00:17:02.159 --> 00:17:04.680 of this episode, that night something could have happened or 362 00:17:04.720 --> 00:17:06.720 the next day, my life could have absolutely changed. 363 00:17:06.799 --> 00:17:07.759 And I think about all the. 364 00:17:07.759 --> 00:17:11.759 Days that I had before traumatic things happened to me 365 00:17:12.000 --> 00:17:14.400 or just crappy things happened, where it changes your life 366 00:17:14.440 --> 00:17:17.400 for maybe a day or a week or forever, like 367 00:17:17.440 --> 00:17:18.880 the day that I got the call that my mom 368 00:17:18.920 --> 00:17:21.960 passed away that completely altered everything. And I don't know 369 00:17:22.000 --> 00:17:24.480 how I was feeling the day before, but it just 370 00:17:24.519 --> 00:17:27.400 reminds me that I should really take in this moment 371 00:17:27.440 --> 00:17:30.480 right now, because the next moment might be completely different 372 00:17:30.480 --> 00:17:31.279 and it might. 373 00:17:31.160 --> 00:17:31.960 Be so altered. 374 00:17:32.000 --> 00:17:33.359 And I think you can even think about this on 375 00:17:33.359 --> 00:17:36.039 a smaller scale when you get sick, right, you always 376 00:17:36.119 --> 00:17:38.839 think about the days when you weren't sick, Like you 377 00:17:38.880 --> 00:17:41.440 think about like, damn, like I should have just I 378 00:17:41.440 --> 00:17:44.240 should have just really like capitalized on those days over there, 379 00:17:44.240 --> 00:17:46.119 because now I'm sick in bed and I gotta wait 380 00:17:46.160 --> 00:17:47.839 it out, things like that. And I was just thinking, 381 00:17:47.839 --> 00:17:51.079 you know, I could really ruin this moment and take 382 00:17:51.119 --> 00:17:53.400 myself out of this present moment by focusing on all 383 00:17:53.440 --> 00:17:57.079 the unfinished things, how life is chaotic and messy, and 384 00:17:57.160 --> 00:17:59.559 how it can be stressful and hard, and those things 385 00:17:59.599 --> 00:18:03.440 are all true, but also it could be way worse, 386 00:18:04.039 --> 00:18:07.200 and my life could change completely in three seconds for 387 00:18:07.240 --> 00:18:09.200 the worst. And so what I'm gonna do right now 388 00:18:09.319 --> 00:18:11.519 is focus on the things that I can control. I'm 389 00:18:11.519 --> 00:18:13.079 going to change the way that I'm viewing a lot 390 00:18:13.079 --> 00:18:15.480 of these things anyways, so I can lower my own 391 00:18:15.559 --> 00:18:18.240 stress in my own brain and also just embrace the 392 00:18:18.240 --> 00:18:22.279 fact that life is like this. Life is messy, life 393 00:18:22.319 --> 00:18:26.079 is unfinished. Things are always ebbing and flowing, and that's okay. 394 00:18:26.160 --> 00:18:27.839 If we can get better at that, we will have 395 00:18:27.920 --> 00:18:30.640 a better quality of a life. And I found a 396 00:18:30.680 --> 00:18:33.799 Pinches quote that I really really loved, and I think 397 00:18:33.839 --> 00:18:35.920 we all needed to hear it, and it says, have 398 00:18:36.000 --> 00:18:38.079 fun this summer, because there's a version of you in 399 00:18:38.119 --> 00:18:41.079 thirty years that is begging to relive summer twenty twenty five, 400 00:18:41.160 --> 00:18:43.200 that is begging to be your age again. That is 401 00:18:43.240 --> 00:18:45.680