Speaker 1: Nathan hands her the big thing with all the buttons,
and she says, I don't know what these buttons do.
And then they're figuring all of this out on the fly.
He says, throw the rope. She says, it's too far.
I can't do it. This is a multi million dollar yacht.
Pulling into a dock.
Speaker 2: Also can kill you. Imagine if your flight crew, you're
going home for Christmas to see the family, and you're like, oh,
you guys are filming a show. What's it called. It's
called a below flight? Like, how long have you been
a pilot? Oh, well, I want to be on an OnlyFans.
Speaker 3: Shoving dillos up my ass.
Speaker 2: So no experience, but they hired me.
Speaker 4: Oh shit, Hi, Hello, and welcome to another brand's making
new episode of bad TV.
Speaker 1: We are here and we are queer. I'm Dylan. That
is pat permission to come aboard, and Kaitlin, we are
here to talking about below deck med episode two.
Speaker 2: It's up, bitch, how much doing good?
Speaker 1: That's good?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm drinking a buzzball. Okay, do you know what's wine?
It's wine.
Speaker 3: It's a fortified wine.
Speaker 1: Got to lie in it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and it's flavored by guys.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for getting in the reviews. We've
had some amazing reviews come in. Recently got a one
star because we liked last season, but the rest of
them are so great. I wanted to read a couple off.
This is from Peaches Clyde. That's actually my family name.
Well all the you know how many Clydes we have?
Speaker 5: Oh?
Speaker 3: Wow, you know? Yeah, you don't know. We've got five Clodes.
Speaker 2: I didn't know that. Wow, that must be a real
fan of yours.
Speaker 1: No, I think it's just a person named Clyde. Love
these guys. Five stars. But even when they are butt heads,
Ruby straightens them out. Fun show, well, no Ruby today,
the fighting wheels all off. Baker mac Ormom, Thank you,
five stars. The review is thank god. I can't get
any of my friends to watch the show and have
nobody to talk about hearing this banter fills the void.
Speaker 3: That's what we're here.
Speaker 2: Read the one star because I want people to understat
I'll not dignify this one star with so just don't
give them, don't name them, just read it because I
want the audience to understand this is what we're up against. Okay,
we have in studio.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then this is what this is what we
got for doing that.
Speaker 1: Ali.
Speaker 3: You bet did we see the same show? One star?
Speaker 1: Just listen to your Fraser interview and really you said
it was the best season. You want all the crew
to come back, even Celene. Please tell me that was
starcasm one star. You know, my my gripe is not
with Ali, you beat. I mean clearly a lunatic, but
I mean I love lunatics. Okay, my gripe is with Apple, right,
don't don't make the voices of lunatics so disproportionately important,
right Anyways, getting the iTunes range reviews five stars, kind words,
join us, Patreon, dot com, Slash another podcast network for
Real Housewives of Salt Lake City.
Speaker 3: And Traders and more.
Speaker 2: Are you going to do next?
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: Thank god, we're not doing Golden Bachelor. I think that's
an epic fail. Get in the comments.
Speaker 1: Also, it's an epic fail when you start off with
a jacuzzi con men, you.
Speaker 2: Know, right, well, no, but we like that season. It
didn't work out with Jerry Gary whatever the fuck his
name was. His marriage lasted three weeks.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you could tell he was a piece of shit
when the person he actually connected to didn't suck his
dick and the other one did, so he decided to
propose to her. Yeah I didn't know that.
Speaker 6: Well.
Speaker 2: And then Love his Blind season.
Speaker 3: Oh my call.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah that's him coming.
Speaker 2: Well then there was so like Mickey Mouse. But Love
is Blind. We used to recap that. I think that's
how we got a lot of our fan base. The
new season dropped yesterday, Love is Blind. Yeah, I watched
the first two episode.
Speaker 3: It's uh, Love is Blind released? Who knew?
Speaker 2: It's the same stuff, same stuff, very boring.
Speaker 1: Oh wow, I had no idea Love is.
Speaker 2: Blind released, and people haven't been asking us about it,
so clearly it's not you know, there's gonna be like
five avatars. There's gonna be more than that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I was looking it up last night. You know
that was kind of a non sequitor. I'll admit I
was looking it up because I saw a commercial for
the Way of Water. No and fire, fire and ashes, right,
So Way of Water comes on, I go, this is
coming out next week. This is an Avatar movie.
Speaker 2: I'm understand your confusion, because, yeah, the trailer looks exactly
like the Way of Water.
Speaker 1: Well, they're releasing The Way of Water in theaters again
to get everybody lubed up for Fire and Ash.
Speaker 2: Did you know what Klen's dad was gonna play a
part in that movie, right, Kaylen?
Speaker 1: Yeah, didn't have enough energy in the audition? Did he
not enough juice? Jim was like, get the fuck out
of here.
Speaker 2: I think I'm over Avatar. They need to go to
another planet or something.
Speaker 1: No, Avatar's great, Kalene, you like Avatar.
Speaker 2: I love everything James King.
Speaker 3: I know he's incredible.
Speaker 1: Okay, you know the budget of the second Avatar movie
four hundred and sixty million dollars. How can you not
go see that? I mean it's like it's gonna hurt
the country, I think.
Speaker 2: Yeah, my favorite part was the whale.
Speaker 1: Okay, well they shot at the whales and tried to
kill them and fish them, which was really sad. But anyways,
Blood Deck, nobody everybody wants to hear us talk about
this fucking shit. And I'm sure your dad did great
in the edition. What the fuck is Jim Cameron's problem?
I'm not seeing any more of his movies. Okay, So
this season so far is a little concerning. I think
we need to get out we need to see the
sea rats.
Speaker 3: Let loose a little bit.
Speaker 1: We've been on this boat and it's just been chock
full of mediocrity and confusing incompetence, like like, especially with
the exterior team. There's a moment that's so telling about
Nathan being the leader of this crew. I think Tess
and or the Cuban and or Jizy says something about
Christian and Frenchy fighting and Nathan says, Oh, that's awesome.
I can't wait to see that. Caln please, He goes
the manager. He's joking, Yeah, he's fine, fine.
Speaker 2: Dylan with casting. You need to understand this.
Speaker 3: Can I finish my point?
Speaker 2: Okay?
Speaker 1: And are you done?
Speaker 2: Sorry?
Speaker 3: Nathan.
Speaker 1: Upon Nathan upon hearing that two of his employees are
going to be fighting, he goes, cannot wait, where do
we put our bets in? Like?
Speaker 3: That's not a good sign.
Speaker 1: You know, you might want to stop that in its
tracks before it gets going.
Speaker 3: Not bet on it.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna have to push back against you, Okay, please, Okay.
They're making a television show here, Okay, So production needs
to strike a balance between people that are competent and
good at their jobs and people that are here to
shove dildaus up their assholes for five dollars on OnlyFans.
Speaker 3: All right, who's that? Well, we haven't seen the content.
Speaker 1: I mean, I think if you're going to shove a
dildo up your asshole, I think the price point is
a little higher, is it? I would hope?
Speaker 7: So?
Speaker 2: Okay, my god, but that that's where this show I
think is running on all cylinders. You have a couple
of ups, and then you have people that are competent,
right right, right?
Speaker 1: Uh well, regardless, there's a lot of incompetence on Display
Fun season so far. We still don't really have our
sea legs when we dock it. It's kind of crazy.
I don't think we've seen a docking this bad in
some time. Asha continues to be Asia and the chef
will call Kermit.
Speaker 2: She's very annoying. I'm sorry to me.
Speaker 3: I love Asia. I love Asia.
Speaker 1: Two tits I didn't really like this episode.
Speaker 2: Two knots tits is our rating system for Orange County.
That's right, sorry, okay, I love Dizzy.
Speaker 1: She is amazing, or we're just going to throw a
new letter at the beginning of her name.
Speaker 2: I'm not going to call her. I'm not gonna call her.
Speaker 1: That's what she called her last week, blizzy. Sorry, you're
not what are you not going to call it?
Speaker 2: I refuse to call her.
Speaker 1: By her name?
Speaker 2: Yes, and how come I don't like it? It's annoying.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you have the energy of a revolutionary right now.
Speaker 2: Yeah, she's going to make great TV. She knows what the.
Speaker 3: Job is and the job being being on TV.
Speaker 1: Yeah, right, no, I agree, I completely agree. Oh I
was gonna it doesn't sound like I'm going to give
it forty two forty two nuts. Okay, all right.
Speaker 2: So let me know if you need help post these up.
Speaker 1: Okay, right, here we go, Oh, here we go. So
this is what happened last episode. At the end of
last episode, Uh, the bows and had slammed a jet
ski into pieces of the boat, the large vessel that
they're on, knocked over a bunch of ships, the navigation
bunch shit.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and nave lights.
Speaker 2: And Sandy's pissed Captain Sandy.
Speaker 3: Hmm, yeah, Sandy's really really pissed.
Speaker 1: And he kind of shoves the light back on kind
of like passa yeah, kind of like he picked it
up at a garage sale.
Speaker 3: And now he's just kind of.
Speaker 2: Actually like a five year old that broke the vase
in an eighties film. It back together before Marge comes out.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and Marge is a cute name. We've talked about it,
but it's so it's so crazy. I didn't mention this
at the top of the show, but and I think
that it needs to be mentioned, especially here when Asia goes,
that's the show, everybody, or that's I don't know, I
can't do her voice, but she tries to kind of
ease the tension because it's a very like unprofessional thing.
I totally guess witnessing the.
Speaker 2: Paying charter gas or maybe not paying are looking on
at this insanity, and then she has to make light
of it to comfort them, like this isn't going to
kill you.
Speaker 1: Guys, right right right, And they do not take to it.
Like Asha's being very gregarious and trying her best to
make them feel comfortable, and they're just stone faced. And
these people I think are the worst charter guests we've
had in a while. Not like they're just shitty people,
they're not even that entertaining.
Speaker 2: They're just gross, you know. I call them crypto creeps. Yeah,
I don't know. I mean, look at some point during
this scene while the jetski's smashing against that navigation. But
I think one of the crypto creeps pulls out Immerse. Yeah,
he pulls out a tampon.
Speaker 1: Oh that's Da Vinci. We were looking through Da Vinci's
Mercy DaVinci.
Speaker 2: Okay. And then there's some actual currency in there.
Speaker 1: There's a PI gold.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's not a series of numbers. It's uh, it's
actually something you could throw someone's head.
Speaker 1: You're talking about tangible, you're talking about like fractional reserves.
Speaker 2: How do you throw a series of numbers at someone's head?
Speaker 6: You know what I mean?
Speaker 2: Crypto?
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, right in gold it will.
Speaker 2: Like ow, yeah, I just threw crypto at you and
you're like I didn't feel it, and I feel like
that's because it doesn't exist.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that's what the president's kind of. When we
were when we were thinking about getting off the gold standard,
there was this big debate in that, like money is
obviously it has a main use for for for for
currency and arbitrage and stuff like that, but but we
can't not factor in that. We have to be able
to use this to throw out people's heads. And if
we move to just you know, fairy numbers. Right, We're not.
Speaker 3: Gonna be able to throw this at anybody's heads.
Speaker 6: Right.
Speaker 1: So so that was a really and there was a
great book on it. I can't remember what it was called,
but yeah, really really fascinating.
Speaker 2: While Kaitlyn, do you own any crypto?
Speaker 1: I do?
Speaker 2: Not good for you. It doesn't exist by real estate.
Speaker 1: I have plenty of but okay, hang on a second,
and I don't want to make this show super long
or anything, but real estate is, uh, it's very expensive
to get in, right, so you telling the proletariat to
just buy a home is actually really disgusting, right, And
so yeah, dick cum fart coin, you know it's it's
maybe it's not real, who knows, but it is one
hundredth of a cent. So so you can invest in that.
I own. I own some bitcoin. I mean it goes
up up up right, right? Yeah?
Speaker 2: Where is it? What can I see it?
Speaker 1: You can't see ghosts and ghosts surreal?
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I don't know. I don't go to Target
and pay for it a toy with ghosts.
Speaker 1: You can pay with bitcoin. If you go to certain
head chops in Los Angeles, you can get daggers and
butterfly knives.
Speaker 2: I thought we hated these assholes.
Speaker 1: Hey Patrick, Patrick, where's the love you have for your child?
Where is it?
Speaker 2: It's in my heart?
Speaker 3: Boom roasted. Hold on, you really got smoking.
Speaker 2: I don't go to my local liquor store and say
I'm gonna pay.
Speaker 1: How many times have I told you you can if
you go to the right liquor store, you can pay
in bitcoin.
Speaker 2: I think Dylan's gonna work for crypto.
Speaker 3: No, no, I'm definitely not.
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, so let's get to dinner. Spanish prawns
with track and fruit caviar vinaigrette. We got to talk
about this chef because the stuff coming out of this
kitchen is it's too good.
Speaker 3: It is, it's way too good.
Speaker 1: Like he's incredibly talented and this food is beautiful.
Speaker 3: We don't want that, really, no, heaven Snow.
Speaker 2: I have to say he does have enough edge. And
he's also a fucking weirdo with that car paint. Yeah,
so he doesn't like this is where he comes from,
an actual kitchen. He's pissed later in the episode not
to get ahead of myself, when he's prepared to serve
boiled eggs with I believe no, no, no avocado or something
he's going to do, like.
Speaker 3: He's gonna do a poached egg and coach egg.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and they none of them want it, and he gets.
Speaker 1: Pissed, Well, he gets pissed off because he turns into
a shorter cook and they were trying to avoid that.
Speaker 2: That's I'm saying, that's where the attitude comes from. He
may in fact be good.
Speaker 1: Maybe, but weird and talented like clown makeup and kind
of nerdy Tottenham fan and really really good at your job.
I'm a little concerned anyways, French he goes after Tattoo
and Frenchian Tattoo are are at odds?
Speaker 2: Whan Yeah, yeah, Christian Christian?
Speaker 1: Okay? Are you okay with that? That's kind of your
nickname to throw around.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I love it. I miss tattoo.
Speaker 1: What do you think can we can we start hearing
from him again when we talk about Christian of course,
and we don't need to do it right now.
Speaker 3: I'm just wondering. So, yeah, Frenchy and.
Speaker 1: Tattoo are really really going after one another. These two
are very contentious. French he does not like Christian because
however bad French he is at his job. Christian is
way worse. Christian doesn't know what's going on.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's very green. I think the countdown starts now.
I think he's got three more episodes left. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think that's a good line. Yeah, I think that's
a good line to set. Captain Sandy, after the whole
debac of Nathan kind of battering pieces of the boat
with a jet Ski says that she knows that Nathan
is going to make an excellent bosin. Hey, Sandy, why
don't you pump the brakes on.
Speaker 3: That a little bit?
Speaker 1: We'll see in due time. The Cuban get some sea
rat history with her. She grew up poor to real
racks to riches story, your father can't pay the bills,
then he becomes the CEO of his own engineering firm,
and then you become a sea rat.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, so we're talking sea rat history here. We're
gonna give a rating on the sea rat sad scale.
You know, the electricity.
Speaker 3: That's all sea rat history.
Speaker 1: It's an interesting kind of like philosophical question, right, So
is sea rat history sea rat sad scale? And I
would say not every time, but the Venn diagram is
almost a complete circle.
Speaker 3: Because we are dealing with So I'm glad.
Speaker 2: You brought that up and put in that contact stell.
So she does mention that dad couldn't pay the electrical bill,
worked very hard. That's where she gets her work ethic from.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 2: And now he is, as you pointed out, a CEO
of a thriving engineering firm. Now that's minus twenty nine points.
But that's because she's hiding something as a sea rat.
That doesn't make any sense that story, because she is,
in fact a sea rat. Something happened, and I think
what really happened Because she pointed out that couldn't pay
the electricity bill. Dad killed the electric company bill collector,
and she witnessed this murder, really, and then he enlisted
her to help bury the body. She's been haunted for
it ever since. That's why she's here. Four points.
Speaker 3: Oh interesting.
Speaker 1: I don't want to be and that sounds sad. Processing
the body and all that stuff. It's nasty work, grizzly work.
But if I could just be a no guy real quick,
the worst in improv we have a death already.
Speaker 2: Oh that's right, that was Tessa's boyfriend.
Speaker 1: No, it was the Cuban's boyfriend. Who was run over
by a bus underwater.
Speaker 2: No no, no, no, no no, he was killed by a
grizzly bear in the water.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, I love how Like later in the season
she'll actually say what happened, he was small by grizzly
bear underwater in the ocean, the Pacific Ocean and Asia,
and Jizzy, you're gonna be like kind of buried the lead.
Imagine imagine saying someone died is bearing the lead right
because he got killed by grizzly bear under scuba. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, wild bears do love to swim, not that deep.
Speaker 1: Oh can I tell you real quick. I'm at this
this other studio today and one of the guys uh
that works there brings his cousin and he's from West Virginia, right,
So my family's close to being from West Virginia. They're not.
The West Virginia is disgusting. But I was talking to
him about hunting and he said that he hunts black
bears and I was like, I'm sorry, get in the comments,
correct me if I'm wrong, but that is just so gross.
Speaker 2: Why would you do that? That black bear might might
have some kids that he needs to look after.
Speaker 1: Also, that's like where's the Where is the fun in
that you have a bunch of dogs that go fucking
hunt for you and then the thing goes.
Speaker 2: I don't like that. It's unfair.
Speaker 1: Look, it's like we already have guns. It's already a
lopsided fight.
Speaker 2: Here's where I'm down with that. You hunt the black bear,
but all you have is your two knives, and then
when he kills you, takes your head off and butt
fucks you.
Speaker 1: Right, you go, Okay, I wasn't cutting, but I wasn't
cut out for hunting.
Speaker 2: No, no, you weren't. But you have a gun and dogs.
Speaker 1: Yeah, again the comments. Let us know if we've got
any avid bear hunter fans, let us know how ignorant
we are. All right, so we run the second chorus.
It's chicken and with like a tomato and bulger that's
cooked down to such a degree that they have kind
of a multified and turned into a risotto. Again too good?
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, what's special about it if you.
Speaker 1: Don't mind rustically inventive, like you know, we're not like
we're imbuing the dish with technique, but not so overblown
that it's this you know foam and you know frozen distress.
Yeah exactly. But then we get to the Tiramasou and
and once again I think, yeah he did. And tira
Massou's not difficult to make, but it's difficult to make
a really really good one, which I'm sure this one
was because he's so talented and weird. But this is
when I was really like, I am not a fan
of these people.
Speaker 2: One.
Speaker 1: This guy's name is Da Vinci, and it's just not
and and it might be either scenario is bad.
Speaker 2: I don't think that's on his person.
Speaker 1: No, I don't think so either. But he hates Tiramasou.
It's like, emphatically, who the fuck hates Tiramasou?
Speaker 2: It's delicious.
Speaker 1: No one hates Taramasou, No one except for evil people
with fake names that have tampons and gold in their merse.
Speaker 3: Who are you?
Speaker 2: Cryptocurrency videos, which later we'll get to a Christian. He
spent all night watching those videos.
Speaker 3: Hey, FBI, can you take care of these people?
Speaker 2: Please?
Speaker 1: I know you're trying to build a case, but I
think we can pop this one off now. All right,
So Kizzie and Josh. Bizzy flirts with Josh, that's right.
Speaker 2: And she minds us getting attention from other people is
very important.
Speaker 1: Yeah, she likes men to drool over and look out Jutty.
Speaker 2: Well let me look out Jutty as a former attractive person.
Being attractive is pretty fucking cool. Yeah, people are nicer
to you. Sure, people put in extra effort to help you.
I'm like shopping here, Hey, can I help you this?
You don't, And then heads turn when you walk in
a room. I want to know when you've hit a
wall and you're not attractive. None of those things happen again, ever, Yeah,
you walk into a bar going whoa, and no one
notices that you're in the room. Yeah, that's when you're
just mediocre looking person.
Speaker 1: Oh fuck, yeah, I'm so sorry You're experience happens really fast, Tam.
That's so our breaking.
Speaker 2: Yeah that will happen to you, flizzy.
Speaker 3: But listen, going back to blow me up, tom.
Speaker 2: Oh toub like this. Yeah, what would you like to know? Dear?
That's because you're a bitch.
Speaker 3: I didn't tell you what I wanted to know.
Speaker 2: I can tell by your shrew tantor that you're a
real bitch.
Speaker 3: You're a shrill, shrieking pig. Listen, beware the jizzy.
Speaker 1: No I'm not sure if I listen, I don't want
to be crude, but I'll go into the tom like
his voice to convey my own thoughts.
Speaker 3: Right, be careful, man, she's just a tease stud.
Speaker 1: I fault for this person. There's too much equity that
you put into this. You know, we both need to
although also I don't know they got thirty thousand dollars
they're about to go out.
Speaker 3: Who knows.
Speaker 2: If you're reading into what we've seen in the trailer,
she will be most attractive to Nate, who's balding and
also has a girlfriend that is super hot, and she
will want him because that she wants to lure him.
And did you just see how far she can get?
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's kind of a okay, it's a fun game.
Let's get to see red history with Kermit. She had
a very misogynistic captain that she worked with initially in
her first go who also had a micro penis, right,
and she said, you know.
Speaker 3: You must have a tawny cook. That's why you say
made you want to have a tiny cock.
Speaker 1: And then she walks out of the boat and she
wants to be nice because she doesn't want the Cuban
to say that that she has a tiny cock. You know,
it's kind of a you know, eye for an eye
makes the whole world blinde Right, everybody's had tiny dicks.
Speaker 2: Seen one I did one time. It looks like a button.
I don't know even know how a tiny penis. Yeah,
a micro penis.
Speaker 1: Micro penis looks like a mole, but a little bit bigger.
You're talking about like a skin tag kind of thing.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what it looked like. My god, I didn't
even know what it was. I was in the eighth grade.
I was like, woof over there.
Speaker 1: Well, you know, pretty pubescent boys usually do have tiny penises,
not that small. Really.
Speaker 2: I had a little ding dong and I was like,
I'm doing okay now.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I feel like a man
dingo next to that thing. I'm not using the racial
sm referring to the porn star, of course, who I
think just took the racial slur and used it.
Speaker 2: Long dick silver.
Speaker 1: Right, Okay, So Frenchy is now motivated and an A
plus employee, and he's micromanaging tattoo all over the boat.
Who's not doing great?
Speaker 3: Now?
Speaker 2: Well, I think he says he might he might need
to sodomize him now to get him, get him.
Speaker 1: Put fire in his ass right as Yeah.
Speaker 2: If I'm ever on the dating scene again, no butt
play for this podcast? Uh hurts well, I mean there's
not making is supposed to feel good.
Speaker 1: I know, I know, but it's a little bit like
you know, setting up a system where you organize your taxes, right,
is a little bit of pain in the beginning, but
your life is much better once you're stretched out. Can
you flag that man dingo thing? I just want to
I want to think about that.
Speaker 6: One, all right.
Speaker 1: The problem I have with Frenchie micro managing anybody is
that he's a lazy, fucking Frenchman.
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, so do you doth protest too much?
Speaker 1: We've got an issue between Christian and Tess.
Speaker 3: What is that.
Speaker 2: Tessa like a boat family. Her dad was a captain
who knows the business, and she is realizing at this
very point that Christian is not only fucking useless, he
doesn't he's very green.
Speaker 1: Yeah right right.
Speaker 2: And also Nate isn't giving her any direction.
Speaker 1: Yeah exactly. Nate thinks she's a ghost. She thinks she's
a shitty bald boss. And we've got a Meanwhile, the
guests are going to walk around the city, and the
Cuban doesn't have a love for for watching and kissy,
what is wrong with me? That's why can't I be
a professional?
Speaker 2: One of these notes, I'll help you with this. I
actually want to digress for a second. Max. They cut
to him with trying to avoid a bee. Now, I'm
obsessed with nature and their lifespan a b How long
do you think a bee lives? Klin, we're talking long
about it's a month. Bee lives a month. Talking about
a honeybee, a queen, a worker bee lives a month,
and then the if they're born in the fall, they
live like two months. A queen bee lives three years. Wow,
you know she's doing pretty good for herself. Now, what what.
Speaker 1: Must it be like to be a queen bee?
Speaker 3: That's got to be crazy.
Speaker 2: Somebody will get in their brains and understand what they're thinking.
Speaker 1: I think, yeah, yeah, but you think she feels like Lizzo,
like she can just make her dance, eat bananas out of.
Speaker 3: Pussy's and stuff.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, God, the power she must you have four thousand
suitors trying to keep you happy.
Speaker 1: Wow?
Speaker 2: Right, yeah, Now do you know what the shortest life
span is I've talked about the gadfly. A moth. Oh
really a moth? A moth lives three hours? Can you imagine?
Speaker 1: Not true?
Speaker 2: Yeah, can you imagine a moth? And it's inspired to
do big things, you know, and then it has a
running time of an Avatar movie, you know.
Speaker 1: To live Caitlyn, are you looking that up?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Thank you.
Speaker 2: It's pretty cool to be a human, it's my point,
you know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you could be a tortoise. They live like one
hundred and fifty years.
Speaker 2: They live four hundred years.
Speaker 1: Oh really, and a greenland.
Speaker 2: Shark lives five hundred years.
Speaker 1: A greenland shark lives five hundred years.
Speaker 6: Wow, yep.
Speaker 1: Imagine you want to do big things and you're a
greenland shark. You're like, I don't have any fucking hands.
Speaker 2: I can't.
Speaker 1: I'm just going to swim around for a fucking half
a millennium.
Speaker 2: Also, what are you still doing after like two hundred years.
That's why I always had a problem with those vampire
movies where they're like living very long.
Speaker 3: Well, that's one of the great tragedies of the vampire. Kaylin.
What's the deal with moths?
Speaker 7: A couple different reports here. One says, on average, moths
can live anywhere from one to six months.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 7: Another one says most adult moss lives for short periods,
from a few days to a few weeks, depending on
this that's the one I read.
Speaker 1: Well, no, you read the one that said that they
live as long as an Avatar movie. And then you
can't do big things in that short of a time frame.
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Speaker 3: All right? Was that ursula? Who wasn't Josh heads out?
Who is Josh?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 2: No, no, no, where am I? That's okay, you're referring to
Christian He gets on that tender. He has no fucking.
Speaker 3: Clue he actually Josh is the chef.
Speaker 2: Josh is the chef, said, he heads out. I don't
know where he went.
Speaker 1: Oh well, well no, no, no, Josh heads out for breakfast
and he tries to get them to agree upon the
main which is gonna be a poached egg and avocado.
And that sounds like he would just poach an egg
and put avocado next to it. He would probably shudge
it up in a nice way. You need to market
these dishes a little bit better.
Speaker 2: Regardless, the crypto creeks creeps are not having it.
Speaker 1: Yeah no, they want sunnyside up eggs with with nuts,
which is just the order of an insane person that's
drooling in a confined room and scratching things on the wall.
But but then we get to Da Vinci, who this
is so telling of this fucking guy. Da Vinci's name
is Da Vinci, and he has immerse and but his
breakfast order is a ham and cheese omelet.
Speaker 3: That's that's Da Vinci right there.
Speaker 1: That's that's who that is.
Speaker 3: All the rest of this stuff is Da Vinci. It's fugazy,
you know what I mean?
Speaker 2: Well, I wasn't buying into whatever they were thrown down from.
Speaker 1: Jump Yeah, from Josh full of bullshit. We learn a
little bit of sea rat history about Josh the clown.
Speaker 2: Let me break down the game film, please do? All right,
So Josh's Sea rat history. He was a former Do
you got a fruit fly in here? Okay?
Speaker 1: Can you look up the life span of a fruitfly?
Speaker 2: I think it lives thirty minutes, all right, jo. He
was a former drug addict, starting at age fourteen. He
was out of control. But now we's sober since twenty nineteen.
And then he quotes this is random, but he quotes
a Neil Young song called Hey, Hey, my mind with that,
of course, it's better to burn out than to fade away,
a song that was about Elvis, if you remember he
wrote it for him. I think it's better for the
latter because Elvis died on a toilet while pinching a loaf.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what I have.
Speaker 2: Faded away is preferably not on a toilet.
Speaker 1: Hey, Elvis, what'd you think was gonna happen? You were
hollowing out French loves of bread and putting fucking bacon
and you know, grape jelly inside of it.
Speaker 2: Well, don't forget all those pills.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there was the pills too, Galen. What's the lifespan
of a fruit? Flying?
Speaker 7: Ai says it lives for about forty to fifty days
under ideal conditions.
Speaker 1: Okay, great man, you are zero for zero. Alex Trebek
is like, how did this person get on the show?
Speaker 2: He's dead? I think check that?
Speaker 1: Yeah, can you check the lifespan of Alex tra back please?
Speaker 2: You know his uh he lived up the street from here.
Speaker 1: He did.
Speaker 2: As soon as he died. His fucking wife sold all
his ship.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I know, a yard sale. Yeah, I mean that's
what you gotta do. You don't want to keep that, No,
I mean we talked about it. You need three things,
that's true, three totems.
Speaker 2: Not when you have all that Jeopardy money, though, don't
you want to walk by some painting your husband loved?
Speaker 1: You're like, no, I'm gonna you get more money. Yeah,
all right, let's get to jellyfi he died, thank you,
very sad seriously said he was one of the greats
him and uh, you know, one of some of the
greatest hosts him, Steve Harvey as there was number one,
it's a there was. Bob Sagat did great on America's.
Speaker 3: Funny as some videos.
Speaker 1: He's great there.
Speaker 6: Yeah. And then.
Speaker 1: There are those Japanese people that yell on that xc
X show or whatever it's called.
Speaker 3: They're great.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and that's my amount Rashmore, let's get to the
jellyfish French. He shoves uh some jelly shit in his eye.
Speaker 2: Well he touches the water near where a jellyfish was. Yeah,
I do not. I don't even know what the fuck
he's doing.
Speaker 1: We didn't even see what he was doing. Like he
was he said, I'll grab one by the head, and
then we didn't really see him doing any of that.
I got an idea, fucking leave the jellyfish alone. We
don't go grabbing them. Okay, dumb. What was SpongeBob's dog
jellyfish named Gary? But he's a snail. Gary's a snail,
that's right, My bad. No, they went there. There was
that one episode where they went out to catch jellyfish
and they got stung. A bunch of a great show,
all right, So how insane is it to put jellyfish
goo in your eye? Very hard thing to do.
Speaker 2: It's pretty dumb. That's why I'm so glad that Tessa
kind of summed up her thoughts on the team at
some point. She said, Christian is so green he could
kill kill himself or someone else. Max is so dumb
he could accidentally kill himself. And then Nate is so
lame and his hair is awful and he has.
Speaker 1: Bald Okay, you know, I got to remind you of this,
and I should, you know, heed this warning myself.
Speaker 3: But you know, the sea rats do listen to the show.
Now we have to be us.
Speaker 2: But no, I understand that. But Nate, you had a
nice girl named Gail and she was way the funk
out of your league, you pig, and you decided to
play the field more. Yeah, okay, that's understanding how young
men work.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well that's the difference between me and Nathan. You know,
when I met Ceci, I was like, all right, that's
it not going any higher than that, right.
Speaker 2: You're a mature human being.
Speaker 1: Yeah, love love Okay, So breakfast is serve its eggs.
Speaker 2: That thing lived two days.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Cela v bitch.
Speaker 1: Nathan and no, no, no breakfast is served served. One of
the sex trafficked people on this boat with these guys
is like eggs on eggs. That's crazy.
Speaker 2: I think that was a charter guest Maria.
Speaker 6: Yep.
Speaker 1: So Nathan and Aisha are wanting the crew from last year.
As we cut to Kissy asking Frenchie if he wants
to put vinegar in his eye to help the chilly fish.
Don't blame you, we get little See Red History with
tests who seems to be the most competent person on
the boat. We've been through this, but see Red History
with Tattoo aka Christian.
Speaker 5: Ah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's a pretty angry son of a bitch.
Speaker 3: Yeah he was.
Speaker 1: He was bullied when he was a young kid. Yeah,
so he he developed.
Speaker 3: A tough.
Speaker 2: Our guests arriving on time.
Speaker 1: I wonder with Kaylin on the ones and twos, now
if we can get that programmed into the roadcaster so
he can just hit the plane the plane and you
don't have to pull up a YouTube video with an
ad for.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'll tell you my Saturdays weren't complete unless I
was laying next to my Grammy and we were watching
an episode of Fantasy Island.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, the new passengers would arrive on that water plane.
Speaker 1: And there goes that little guy the plane, the plane.
Speaker 2: And it's so horrible for him. Yeah, but at one
point owned a injured in Westlake Village, some bad marriages,
some some drug issues, and then also no work for
a solid twenty years because he was such a little asshole.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, I know you can get a really
big head when you're a little person who was a
little head.
Speaker 2: And yeah, he took out that head with a gunshot
wound over in Van Eye's apartment.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you call that the ego blues. Yeah, that's that's
a bummer.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I say that little fellow's got a case of
the meloncholl. I think he might blow his fucking brains out.
All right, So suicide's not funny. It's a horrible thing.
It's kind of it's not funny. But given the fact
that he was on the show and he was this
little guy who.
Speaker 5: Was so different, the world was his oysters interesting bigger
than him.
Speaker 3: Do little people have pearls inside of them? Why not?
Speaker 1: Maybe kidney stones Nathan is laying it on Kizzie, and
I don't know if Nathan is with Gail. This episode
has gone completely off the rails at this point.
Speaker 2: Okay, so they were taking a break and he self
admitted that he wanted to play the field a little
bit more right. Yeah, and then we saw a trailer
where later in the season she shows up and she's crying.
But I think he's already had sex.
Speaker 1: With a blizzy uh blizzy okay dq.
Speaker 3: Okay, so she is a free spirit.
Speaker 1: She had sex with a guy in a cult one
time cool story.
Speaker 3: Back to the beach.
Speaker 1: Christian needs to get to the beach, but unfortunately he
doesn't know how anything works right. This guy couldn't figure
out how to turn an Xbox on, let alone operate
a fucking tender and mean either. But I'm not on
the boat.
Speaker 8: Yeah, you didn't agree to show up and work on
a boat, right, So he's really late to pick up
the crypto creeps and everybody's getting really pissed off, including
Kermit and Frenchy, who are just like, what the fuck
is this guy setting?
Speaker 2: They're mocking him. I think that they find comfort in
like having to be uncomfortably sat with right exactly.
Speaker 1: Nathan says that Tessa is a judgmental ghost. The guy's
just who knows if he'll be in a place where
he can lead a group of people. It's a very
difficult thing to do, and he's not cut out for
I don't know how Nathan makes it through the entire season.
Speaker 2: He is better on this, He's starting to settle in.
To be fair to him, he did have food poisoning
showed up two hours before the charter. Some things went sideways.
We'll see how he settles into this, but Christian is
definitely not going to make it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't think so either.
Speaker 1: Let's get to dinner starter first for a bunch of
fussy guests. Scallops cauliflower puree with grape caper, grape parsley crumb.
Cauliflower puree is gummy and disgusting textually, but aside from that,
this is just one of these, you know, technique driven, rustic,
clean dishes that's absolutely beautiful. And before we get to
the next course, Christian says that he's gotten to a
cracking point a.
Speaker 3: Couple of times today.
Speaker 1: Hey, what do you have a cracking point towards anything?
For it? You can't make boats work, and that's the
whole point of the job.
Speaker 2: Bullied in Colombia as a kid. His story does not
make any sense either. Remember he's the guy who was
a flight He was a pilot, right and he left
being a pilot to be a.
Speaker 1: Do you think he was a drug meal?
Speaker 2: I don't know, man, it's pretty dangerous these days. Just
drop a fucking bomb on you, you know what. Oh,
I got political.
Speaker 1: I think that what are you talking about?
Speaker 6: Oh?
Speaker 2: I think if you're like doing uh I mean drugs here,
we just shoot you down.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, that's right.
Speaker 2: You know. I don't have any thoughts any other way.
Speaker 1: I just except yeah, it's a it's this the state
of Twitter right now. I think I saw a tweet
that it was like somebody being, you know, reasonably, like,
what are we doing with this? This is there's no
oversight here. It looks like we're just bombing boats in
the middle of the ocean. And someone retweeted it and
was like, you're gay and corny.
Speaker 2: Yeah that's pretty much us now.
Speaker 1: It's Twitter, all right. So let's get to the next
dish Beluga, lentils, no sturgeon, and turbot, which is like
I don't know if he's getting turbot filets.
Speaker 3: I don't know if he's breaking down the fish.
Speaker 1: But this is a this is a real fish, This
is a real dish. I don't know. Again, I'm this
is too this is too much.
Speaker 2: Wow, not precedent.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: The last time you spoke this well of a chef,
I think it was Chef Rachel.
Speaker 1: And of course she was losing her body, right there
was Yeah, yeah, she was.
Speaker 2: She made at some point an entire like eight course
meal and then simultaneously had found a way for some
charter guests that had her mouth wired shut to drink
those courses through a stroke.
Speaker 1: Right, and and to quote Kamala, do not come because
your jaw is wired shut though, right, So do not come.
Speaker 3: This food is shut.
Speaker 1: Like I'm not gonna say it's chef's table food, but
it's close and I don't want it on below deck.
Speaker 5: Wow.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, good for you, Josh, Josh chime in let
us know what And I'm sorry to say that, but
but it's it's a backhanded compliment.
Speaker 3: You're too good. I want you off the show and strikes.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah. So Christina and Max are or Christian
and Max are going to fight. This is when Nate goes,
I can't wait, that's insane. And then Kizzy gets a
text from a guy named Tommy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and he says, Hey, I'm head at a club.
Do you want to ft now, Old Patty, I don't
understand these I thought it was fuck tonight.
Speaker 3: Oh well, Kaylin's a gen z or Kaylen what?
Speaker 1: I have no idea.
Speaker 2: I think it means time.
Speaker 3: Oh FaceTime?
Speaker 1: Yeah, so I'm not fuck time. It's FaceTime right, all right?
So the exterior heads into the galley while the chef
is working, right, the chef is trying to clean the galley,
and then these fucking bozos come in and they go, yeah,
I fucking had sex when I was thirteen. Two do
you guys get out of here? Work Christian. That's when
Christian comes in and says that because he was a
late bloomer and didn't have any girlfriends, he invented a
girl that he told everybody about. Listen, kids do the
darnedest things, right, I told kids when I was a five,
When I was like in kindergartener, first grade, I think
I was struggling socially a little bit, or I just
felt like long eying that we had this two story
action figure in our backyard that was twenty feet tall
and it was filled with candy. I just said that
there was a giant action figure in our backyard that
was filled with candy.
Speaker 2: That's pretty elaborate.
Speaker 1: It is.
Speaker 2: In the seventh grade, I had two of my bodies.
They already had pubic hair, and I said I have
it too, and they said.
Speaker 1: Prove it right, right, And you were like, I'm so stressed.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I want to teach my kids. You don't have
to worry.
Speaker 1: No.
Speaker 2: No, they made me go in the bathroom and cut
some hairs as proof to then show them.
Speaker 3: You just cut it off the top of your heat.
Speaker 2: That's exactly what I did.
Speaker 1: Yeah, shame on or jokes on you idiots. But really
quickly the way that he admits this quote unquote admits this.
Speaker 3: With no like.
Speaker 1: Recognition of oh I was a kid, or you know,
this was kind of sad. He just kind of purges it.
He's a weird guy. Yeah, weird guy.
Speaker 2: He's a good looking guy.
Speaker 1: Asha and the Cuban put out the jams. Very cute moment.
I love Asha and Christian is Uplate watching crypto videos
while he's supposed to be working now he has one
thing to do, maybe two right right down the digits,
you know, every so often and the clean clean the
ropes and stuff, and he does not do it because
he's watching Crypto and or Orca fishing videos.
Speaker 2: He's he's watching Da Vinci videos. Yes, he's like, hey, man,
I think this guy, uh, this guy knows some stuff.
Speaker 1: Well. The Cuban and Jizzy find a shit stain on
a toilet and.
Speaker 3: Have to clean that up again.
Speaker 1: If I was a guest on a boat I left
a skid mark behind.
Speaker 2: I would take care of that. That speaks volumes of people.
I think it's pretty gross.
Speaker 1: It is so crazy to me to not be concerned
with what these people will think of you seeing your
fucking shit marks on the toilet pole, or like, are
you not aware or do you think they're so poor
and disgusting that you don't care. It's it's like really
insane to me. We get to the docking and I
was worried about these kids doing this, and that was
a valid concern because this is one of the worst
dockings we've seen in some time. We've got frenchyet and
tattoo screaming at each other in the back of the bell.
Speaker 2: Also, Tessa isn't helping out either.
Speaker 1: Tessa is a judgmental ghost. Nathan hands her the big
thing with all the buttons and she says, I don't
know what these buttons do. And then they're figuring all
of this out on the fly.
Speaker 3: He says, throw the rope. She says, it's too far.
Speaker 1: I can't do it. This is a multi million dollar yacht.
Pulling into a dock.
Speaker 2: Also can kill you. Imagine if your flight crew, you're
going home for Christmas to see the family, and you're like, oh,
you guys are filming a show. What's it called. It's
called a blow flight? Like, how long have you been
a pilot? Oh well, I want to be on OnlyFans
shoving dillos up my ass. So no experience, but they
hired me.
Speaker 1: Yeah shit, yeah, yeah yeah. And it's a little slower
moving right, and you know you can jump in the
water and be okay. Planes a little bit.
Speaker 2: Trickier, Dylan, there have been two yachts that went on
their side and killed a bunch of people.
Speaker 6: Year.
Speaker 1: No, I know, it's really dangerous. But again, like, imagine
if you're You're on a Southwest flight and you talk
to the captain. You're like, how long have you been flying?
And they say, oh, well, I was working one of
those uh water gun games at a carnival last week.
But I want to be on only fans, so welcome aboard.
Like that's not okay, And this isn't okay either. It's
like so crazy. We the the crypto creeps are on
the back of the boat saying I'm invested in this
without return on it, without any ROI.
Speaker 3: And and and.
Speaker 1: So, so shut the fuck up. Okay, God damn it.
Speaker 2: Enjoy your vacation.
Speaker 1: No one cares about your fucking scams. Christian and Frenchy
are fighting over the lines and Nathan has a little
impromptu performance review with Christian in their cabin, which is
not the way to do this now, okay, But it was.
Speaker 2: The omission by Christian admitting that he'd been up all
night watching videos, and it's like, oh, so you didn't
have time to do all this? Yeah, yeah, I thought
that was completely appropriate. Really yeah, Or he could have
just kept it close to the you know, and then
reported that to Sandy, which I think he will do
in the next episode.
Speaker 1: Well, we'll see we end with a massive tip.
Speaker 2: Wow, you know what. I did not like the crypto creeps,
but maybe they weren't so bad. After all, they weren't
even really that bad. We're just if they had just said.
Speaker 1: They weren't bad to them, they're just shitty people.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they were just braggadocious and trying to put something
out there that who they're not. Yeah, we'll see in
a couple of years, you'll be in a poorhouse.
Speaker 6: I think.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well we Bob GUCCIONI was worth like four hundred
million dollars in nineteen eighty.
Speaker 3: Look at Bob GUCCIONI.
Speaker 2: Oh, well he's dead, but he ended up in like
a one bedroom shitty house in Michigan.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, nothing wrong with that. Uh, get in the comments.
Let us know what we thought about the episode. Sorry
about the episode. I feel like this was uh.
Speaker 2: Hold on, we asked Kaitlin, because he listens, he's not
he's not, Caitlyn, what'd you think about our recap of this? Honest?
Speaker 1: I enjoyed it.
Speaker 2: Oh he didn't like it.
Speaker 1: I know that's what he like. Throwing to him is useless.
He's never Oh he's honest.
Speaker 2: He'll like he'll have like a higher tone, like I
thought it was great right right when he was like
it was good, you.
Speaker 3: Know, yeah, that means it wasn't really good.
Speaker 1: Right. Shit did I say?
Speaker 3: Man dingo and this ad this podcast?
Speaker 1: Shit? Okay, all right, well let it fly. Let us
have it five stars or one. Join us the patreon
dot com Slash another podcast network for the Real Housewives
of Salt Lake City, Traders and more.
Speaker 3: We love you guys very much. I'm dealing saying goodbye,
kill and say goodbye. I had pat