Speaker 1: Episode with two stories.
Speaker 2: First part, I hope you enjoy this story. Siblings partner
Speaker 2: excluded me from their marriage celebration because I declined to
Speaker 2: partake in a religious ritual. When our eldest sibling supported me,
Speaker 2: the sibling turned against him. I a thirty one year
Speaker 2: old female, have three siblings, a forty year old male,
Speaker 2: a thirty eight year old female, and a twenty seven
Speaker 2: year old male, and we have a good relationship despite
Speaker 2: the age gaps between some of us. My older siblings
Speaker 2: are both married, and so am I. The wedding in
Speaker 2: question is my younger brothers. My younger brother, Luke is
Speaker 2: engaged to his gf of a year, Emma, twenty eight f.
Speaker 2: She is nice. I guess we have never really clicked
Speaker 2: and are just polite to each other. Something important is
Speaker 2: that we are all Catholic, but not really hardcore ones,
Speaker 2: and some of us are even lapsed. I do believe
Speaker 2: this whole situation started just when I met her for
Speaker 2: the first time. I look younger than Luke, and it
Speaker 2: has always been a sibling joke that I am truly
Speaker 2: the baby of the family. Most people that meet us
Speaker 2: assume he is older than me, but nobody has had
Speaker 2: issues with it until Emma. The day I met her,
Speaker 2: she kind of scoffed when I said I was happy
Speaker 2: the baby had a proper girlfriend. She has this weird
Speaker 2: thing about being the eldest in her family and refused
Speaker 2: to believe I was older than her until I showed
Speaker 2: her my ID. She has been hot and cold with
Speaker 2: me since then, often in fanalizing me or trying to
Speaker 2: have a sort of boss attitude. I just let her
Speaker 2: be and usually ignore her since I have no time
Speaker 2: to try and beg for her friendship, so I am
Speaker 2: just polite and civil, always include her when planning stuff,
Speaker 2: but don't really make an effort. The family knows about it,
Speaker 2: but we just shrugged it to different personalities. Then the
Speaker 2: wedding planning started. Emma decided I could not be in
Speaker 2: the wedding party since I was not married in a church.
Speaker 2: Fine by me. Then she requested that immediate family submits
Speaker 2: their dress planning so she could check it fits the
Speaker 2: wedding dress code. Fine. Whatever you see where this is going,
Speaker 2: I hope you'll see I have not gone to confession
Speaker 2: or have communion in more than a decade. If I
Speaker 2: go to a Mass for whatever reason, I am respectful
Speaker 2: and simply sit or stay standing during the rites I
Speaker 2: don't participate on. Well, this is not good enough for her,
Speaker 2: and she says I need to take communion during there.
Speaker 2: I said no, and she has not taken it well
Speaker 2: for the most part. One avoid her as I said before,
Speaker 2: but this time I wasn't going to say yes or
Speaker 2: risk an issue. I told her, for taking communion, one
Speaker 2: needs to go to confession and I didn't want to.
Speaker 2: She said, all immediate family is doing it and it
Speaker 2: will look bad if I don't. I told her, sure, fine,
Speaker 2: then I'll just go f communion in front of everybody,
Speaker 2: but won't do confession. She said, if this was going
Speaker 2: to be my attitude, I was uninvited from the wedding
Speaker 2: because I clearly wanted to ruin the day for her.
Speaker 2: I turned to my brother and told him thanks, gave
Speaker 2: him a thumbs up, and went home. My family understand
Speaker 2: my reasoning and said they respect everybody's choices, but I
Speaker 2: shouldn't have said what I said. I told them I
Speaker 2: really don't want to go to the wedding any more,
Speaker 2: and I don't owe Emma explanations on my life. I
Speaker 2: only called my grandma because she heard what happened and
Speaker 2: asked me not to disrespect the church by doing the
Speaker 2: communion without confession. I promised I wouldn't do it, and
Speaker 2: she is fine with me. Now. I got a text
Speaker 2: from my brother wanting to compromise, so I replied by
Speaker 2: asking if the other lapsed people are being made to
Speaker 2: take confession too. He said no, because it was only
Speaker 2: nuclear family members. I find it funny since all the
Speaker 2: others are clearly older than her, and she just behaves
Speaker 2: like this with me and the youngsters. Ada comments Whereop
Speaker 2: has replied Lucky Effective fifteen sixty four NTA who died
Speaker 2: and made em a pope, Goop l O L. I
Speaker 2: will share this particular one with my grandma next time
Speaker 2: we talk. She is gonna love it. Beautiful Report fifty eight.
Speaker 2: You should alert the priest to her behavior. He will
Speaker 2: insure that she stops with her actions. She cannot make
Speaker 2: rules that do not exist in the church. I would
Speaker 2: send a quick e mail to him and let her
Speaker 2: deal with the consequence of her own actions. Oh O P.
Speaker 2: I actually considered it, but I don't think I will
Speaker 2: since my grandma might be doing it herself. She has
Speaker 2: lapsed herself, but didn't want me to be disrespectful. But
Speaker 2: she knows the priest that will be officiating and is
Speaker 2: not really happy with all the shit show. Update one
Speaker 2: October twenty sixth, twenty twenty four. Things have moved, but
Speaker 2: I wouldn't call any of this a positive progress. I
Speaker 2: would like to clear something I kept seeing in the comments.
Speaker 2: I won't request a special blessing or go in the
Speaker 2: queue for communion. It isn't about the blessing or the compromise,
Speaker 2: but the singling me out. I often just stay quiet
Speaker 2: or take a general family blessing if we go to weddings,
Speaker 2: et cetera. I have no issue with compromises. I have
Speaker 2: an issue with Emma and her ridiculousness. I don't know
Speaker 2: why she has this thing with me. I do look young,
Speaker 2: but not like a teen or a child. Obviously, she
Speaker 2: has two younger sisters and is very authoritative with them.
Speaker 2: I have witnesses her being very my way or the
Speaker 2: highway with younger people, so she has issues for sure.
Speaker 2: The confrontation from the last post was on Tuesday, and
Speaker 2: today we had lunch at my grandma's. I think you
Speaker 2: should also know that my brothers have a tricky relationship,
Speaker 2: as in they are not as close with each other
Speaker 2: as they are with other siblings. My older brother Robert
Speaker 2: is very no nonsense and he has never been a
Speaker 2: fan of Emma, but he didn't think he should have
Speaker 2: to intervene because Luke is an adult and capable of
Speaker 2: navigating relationships. All this is going to be relevant. I
Speaker 2: promise we visit Grandma a lot, since she lives by
Speaker 2: herself and we truly enjoy her company. Today, we were
Speaker 2: all there because she is over this drama already. After
Speaker 2: a lunch that was more like snacking to be honest,
Speaker 2: she asked us all to clear the air. Emma continued
Speaker 2: with her rant about me being a disrespectful person and
Speaker 2: that she was asking the bare minimum for me. My
Speaker 2: grandma asked her why she had no issue with her
Speaker 2: not taking communion, and Emma said that she was her
Speaker 2: elder and for sure her reasons were more than a
Speaker 2: tantrum like it was in my case. She also repeated
Speaker 2: that she was asking this of all the siblings and
Speaker 2: I was the only one that was being difficult with
Speaker 2: her tiny request. This is where everything crumbled for her.
Speaker 2: I mentioned in the comments that Robert is also lapsed
Speaker 2: and he was already exhausted by this situation. He asked
Speaker 2: her why she had no issues with him not taking communion,
Speaker 2: and she looked like a kid that was caught. She
Speaker 2: didn't have a proper answer. Robert then asked her if
Speaker 2: she even knew why he and Grandma became lapsed. She
Speaker 2: shook her head and looked at Luke for help. Luke,
Speaker 2: on the other hand, was staring angrily at Robert and
Speaker 2: I but said nothing. Robert explained to Emma he was
Speaker 2: the reason Grandma became lapsed. When Robert was a teen,
Speaker 2: he came out as gay and was so worried about
Speaker 2: our grandparents reactions since they were very active in the
Speaker 2: Catholic Church. Grandma felt awful about it, and even worse
Speaker 2: when she went and spoke about this with the then
Speaker 2: priest of her church. That priest was super old school
Speaker 2: and told her that Robert was committing sins, he was
Speaker 2: going to Hell. He needed to find his way the
Speaker 2: whole nine yards. Grandma didn't take that so well and
Speaker 2: simply stop going to church and started spending that time
Speaker 2: with her grandchildren. Over the years, she started getting into
Speaker 2: the whole community again, but she decided she was done
Speaker 2: taking the sacraments. She respects parts of the church, but
Speaker 2: can't fully reconcile with it. Emma was a bit confused
Speaker 2: since Robert is married to a woman, and he explained
Speaker 2: he is bisexual and ended up with a woman just
Speaker 2: as he could have ended with a man. He also
Speaker 2: commented they are not married in the church, but that
Speaker 2: didn't matter to her, like it mattered when it came
Speaker 2: to me. He asked her directly, what was her problem
Speaker 2: with me? Long story short, She said, I was rude
Speaker 2: since the beginning and kept treating Luke wrong. Oh and
Speaker 2: I also was very snarky about looking younger than her. Crickets.
Speaker 2: She is a beautiful, successful woman, so I still don't
Speaker 2: understand her obsession, but it seems like she wants people
Speaker 2: to see I respect her and what she says. I
Speaker 2: just started laughing. She started crying and saying, I turned
Speaker 2: my grandma against her. My grandma told her to stop
Speaker 2: blaming people for her being a negative person, and she
Speaker 2: was always going to side with me over her. Luke
Speaker 2: got upset at that and asked her why she was
Speaker 2: not supporting him, and she simply said she doesn't support
Speaker 2: him being a lap dog for a crazy woman. Moore
Speaker 2: was said, nothing got truly resolved. I was kind of
Speaker 2: invited again, but declined going. Grandma is undecided if she
Speaker 2: even wants to go at all. My older siblings told
Speaker 2: Luke they will go to the ceremony if he seeks
Speaker 2: couple's therapy or at least therapy. My parents are having
Speaker 2: headaches and now dislike Emma so much they can't hide it.
Speaker 2: Oh and yes, Grandma spoke with the priest and he
Speaker 2: wants them to do extra primarital counseling or he won't officiate.
Speaker 2: I hope they don't get married, but he is old
Speaker 2: enough to derail his life if he wants. I thank
Speaker 2: you for letting me vent and my grandma love the
Speaker 2: pope joke where o p has replied k Irony l
Speaker 2: O L Well, I hope for your brother's sake that
Speaker 2: the extra primarital counseling results in him rethinking his plan
Speaker 2: to marry mis entitled and controlling. Good luck to you,
Speaker 2: tripadwire forty eight. What's ironic is that the Catholic Church
Speaker 2: has a mandatory course or consultation called precana the couples
Speaker 2: must complete before marrying. In the Catholic Church. The course
Speaker 2: helps couples prepare for the sacrament of marriage by reflecting
Speaker 2: on the spiritual, emotional, and practical aspects of marriage. The
Speaker 2: priest or deacon also weighs in on the compatibility of
Speaker 2: the couple. At least those I know who went through
Speaker 2: it had that happen. I think it varies by dioceses,
Speaker 2: but I know my cousins was six months long. Update
Speaker 2: October second, twenty eighth, twenty twenty four. My brother has
Speaker 2: gone too far and I decided to be done with him.
Speaker 2: He made our grandma cry, and I think permanently damaged
Speaker 2: a lot of his relationships. I want to mention some
Speaker 2: of my cousins and other family members thought I was
Speaker 2: just stubborn in creating drama, but now there is no
Speaker 2: longer my side or Emma's side. Maybe he always felt
Speaker 2: this way, but the issue he has with Robert is
Speaker 2: absolutely ridiculous. He was so upset with what Grandma said
Speaker 2: about him being Emma's lap dog that he called her
Speaker 2: dea speak about it. I was obviously not present for
Speaker 2: the conversation, but Grandma told me what happened, and Luke
Speaker 2: confirmed it. He told her that it was unfair of
Speaker 2: me to ask Robert for help, since he was her
Speaker 2: favorite grandchild and would get her to side with me
Speaker 2: no matter how wrong I was. He also told her
Speaker 2: that many of the cousins believed this and that it
Speaker 2: was so obvious since she even left her religion for him.
Speaker 2: He claimed. The other lgbt Q plus members of the family,
Speaker 2: most were not even born when Robert came out by
Speaker 2: the way, doubted if she would do it for them.
Speaker 2: So Grandma explained to Luke and then call every single
Speaker 2: one of her grandchildren to ask them how they felt,
Speaker 2: and explained to each a part we didn't know. She
Speaker 2: said that when Robert came out and she spoke with
Speaker 2: the old priest, he hinted about knowing of places to
Speaker 2: set Robert straight. Grandma had heard horror stories from this places,
Speaker 2: and so had Robert, and they both spoke with my
Speaker 2: parents together about that not being an option at all.
Speaker 2: My parents never intended to send Robert there and are
Speaker 2: very casual Catholics, but Grandma wanted to cover the basis
Speaker 2: just in case. I was told. Grandma sounded like she
Speaker 2: had been crying on the phone, and after the first
Speaker 2: couple of calls, which went from oldest to youngest. The
Speaker 2: group chat started to blow. Robert is livid. Our lgbt
Speaker 2: Q plus cousins are livid and say Luke lied. Even
Speaker 2: the cousins that were telling me to stop being a
Speaker 2: stubborn head are livid. By the time I was up
Speaker 2: for my call, I was already on the way to Grandma's.
Speaker 2: Two of my cousins were already there, and the youngest one,
Speaker 2: Sarah sixteen f was ready to literally fight Luke for
Speaker 2: a bit of levity. Sarah is about thirty five centimeters
Speaker 2: smaller than Luke. In the image of her swinging at
Speaker 2: him made me laugh a bit. She asked if I
Speaker 2: was making fun of her, and I just explained the
Speaker 2: whole mental image of her trying to hit him, and
Speaker 2: she admitted it was kind of funny. What I didn't
Speaker 2: tell her is I would love to slap some sense
Speaker 2: into Luke. My grandma has been through so much in
Speaker 2: her life and this is not what we want for her.
Speaker 2: She looks puffy faced and kept asking everybody if they
Speaker 2: truly felt unloved by her, saying she would do everything
Speaker 2: for any of us, explaining how Robert was the oldest
Speaker 2: grandchild but that didn't mean she loved the rest any less.
Speaker 2: She is a strong woman, but I think something inside
Speaker 2: her broke a little with the thoughts she heard her grandchildren.
Speaker 2: It was a shit show, a big one, and I
Speaker 2: was just so done with Luke. My parents have been
Speaker 2: passive towards the situation so far because I asked them too,
Speaker 2: but after they heard what happened, they told them they
Speaker 2: need time away from him. Robert is simply disgusted and
Speaker 2: decided to not speak with him any more, which he
Speaker 2: communicated through the cousin group chat, with Luke's response being
Speaker 2: that this is why Emma's help on reigning all us
Speaker 2: would be so beneficial if we just let her. He
Speaker 2: also added how Robert never cared for him or anybody really,
Speaker 2: and he just tried to be the center of attention
Speaker 2: all the time. He cited his coming out, his announcement
Speaker 2: he was going to marry a woman the birth of
Speaker 2: his child. It was ridiculous. He came out when Luke
Speaker 2: was a toddler, and for many years only our parents
Speaker 2: and grandparents knew. He announced he was going to marry
Speaker 2: his now wife through a text, but didn't interfere or
Speaker 2: took from any His child was born four months before
Speaker 2: Luke's graduation, and apparently that was a big issue for
Speaker 2: Luke that he never commented. Maybe I am biased, maybe
Speaker 2: I am selfish like Emma claims, but I call bullshit
Speaker 2: on his tantrum. Every single one of the cousins has
Speaker 2: been helped, baby sat, tutored, gotten out of trouble, you
Speaker 2: name it by Robert. He isn't perfect, but he isn't
Speaker 2: the conniving ass Luke is claiming. Maybe Luke has always
Speaker 2: felt inadequate and we didn't notice. Maybe it was his
Speaker 2: last ditch effort. Maybe Emma has manipulated him so far
Speaker 2: that he can't come back. It doesn't matter any more.
Speaker 2: If he does marry Emma, I wish him the best.
Speaker 2: If he doesn't, I hope he goes to therapy. Regardless
Speaker 2: of what he decides, he burns so many bridges and
Speaker 2: hurts so many people. I don't see this resolving any
Speaker 2: time soon. For now, I will focus on my grandma
Speaker 2: and making her feel better. I feel extremely guilty because
Speaker 2: it was Emma's situation with me that opened this can
Speaker 2: of worms. I know I shouldn't, but it's hard. Lizard
Speaker 2: Girl twenty five. While it sounds like it is self
Speaker 2: projection from Luke. He is the conniving asshole he is saying.
Speaker 2: Robert is edit internet stranger here also sends hugs to
Speaker 2: your grandma and your family in general. Goop. Robert is
Speaker 2: the type of older cousin Sarah would call if she
Speaker 2: is drunk at a party and needs a safe ride.
Speaker 2: He also did it for Luke, which is why I
Speaker 2: don't get his deal Ghost thirty twenty two. Irrational behavior
Speaker 2: is called that because it can't be rationalized. Luke is
Speaker 2: exhibiting very irrational behavior, which is why you'll never understand it.
Speaker 2: The best you can hope for is that he gets
Speaker 2: some serious therapy and pulls his head out of his
Speaker 2: ass sooner rather than later.
Speaker 1: Oop.
Speaker 2: If he asked for help and apologized sincerely, I would
Speaker 2: be there in two seconds. He knew what he was
Speaker 2: doing when he spoke without Grandma. He knew it would
Speaker 2: cause her pain. He knew he would hurt Robert too.
Speaker 2: Robert might not be crying, but he feels bad about
Speaker 2: the situation. He has always looked out for everybody, and
Speaker 2: even his picks of him holding every single one of
Speaker 2: us as babies all over one of his walls. I
Speaker 2: always knew there were not the closest of brothers, but
Speaker 2: this is too much pride of Cape Town. Was this
Speaker 2: really Luke's inner feelings coming out or is this Emma
Speaker 2: poisoning him into isolating himself from his family and support system.
Speaker 2: Either way, he's a gigantic asshole. You, your grandma, and all
Speaker 2: your cousins should boycott this wedding. Oop so far, nobody
Speaker 2: is going to his wedding. My parents are undecided about
Speaker 2: attending the ceremony, but they lean more on not attending.
Speaker 2: Up date three November fourth, twenty twenty four. I want
Speaker 2: to start this by saying that Grandma is in better
Speaker 2: spirits now. I am overwhelmed by the amount of people
Speaker 2: supporting her and very grateful for it, even if it's online.
Speaker 2: I have talked about this on some chats and d ms,
Speaker 2: but please know the situation with Emma is not about
Speaker 2: her being parenified or her family being strict Catholics. It's
Speaker 2: just her being her. They were already going to get
Speaker 2: premarital counseling and extra was added.
Speaker 1: Oh.
Speaker 2: All cousins also don't live in the same city or town.
Speaker 2: Some are a bit longer than others. But we keep
Speaker 2: in touch through the chat. The reason for the update
Speaker 2: is mainly to let people know Grandma is okay, her
Speaker 2: health is fine, and she had a blast with my
Speaker 2: cousin Sarah. I also want to update on what has
Speaker 2: happened with the cousins and the maternal side of our family.
Speaker 2: Some of our paternal cousins from Grandma's side have relented
Speaker 2: and feel a bit bad on excluding Luke from things,
Speaker 2: so the compromise was met on he can be invited
Speaker 2: to everything, just don't force people to interact. These cousins
Speaker 2: are mainly on the older side and have soft spots
Speaker 2: for the youngsters. My youngest cousin, Sarah, said she was
Speaker 2: okay with it all, but she wanted them to keep
Speaker 2: him away from her since she can't stand him any more.
Speaker 2: Our maternal side was a shit show, because of course
Speaker 2: we need one. Some of them were very upset, but
Speaker 2: others told me I should try to understand where he
Speaker 2: was coming from. My mom was the one that told
Speaker 2: them everything in Some told her she is at fault
Speaker 2: for making Robert the star of the family. This was
Speaker 2: so uncalled for but brought some issues in my family,
Speaker 2: particularly when one of my maternal cousins asked me if
Speaker 2: I could behave enough if I am seated at the
Speaker 2: same table as Luke for his wedding. It makes us
Speaker 2: doubt ourselves, but really, this is a cousin that Robert
Speaker 2: has bailed from almost bankruptcy two times, and he's the problem.
Speaker 2: I haven't said much about my sister Lucy, since she
Speaker 2: voiced nothing different before. She was always very close to
Speaker 2: Luke and even had a great relationship with Emma before
Speaker 2: the debacle. She decided to be out of it because
Speaker 2: she was so disappointed. While she was never made to
Speaker 2: babysit or anything like that, she was always so into
Speaker 2: Luke since he was her baby brother. She loved him
Speaker 2: the most, and I know that because she literally told
Speaker 2: me when I was a kid. We have a good
Speaker 2: relationship now because her kids are my buddies. But it
Speaker 2: was rough for a while before that. She was upset
Speaker 2: about the whole thing. But when our maternal family, or
Speaker 2: at least a part started excusing Luke, she lost it.
Speaker 2: She is a very calm person, the type you don't
Speaker 2: expect of bad word out of, but she lost it,
Speaker 2: and I think it was the last straw on the
Speaker 2: cold bucket for Luke. She sent a massive message about
Speaker 2: what has been happening, detailing every single thing and daring
Speaker 2: people to kind of comment her if they disagreed. She
Speaker 2: made sure to include every single nasty thing, every bad word,
Speaker 2: every I roll. She sent it to so many people
Speaker 2: because she was tired of the half information telephone game.
Speaker 2: She is upset at me because my refusals made this happen,
Speaker 2: and she said she knows she shouldn't, but she needs
Speaker 2: time to fix her feelings, so she is not speaking
Speaker 2: with me right now. My parents decided they were out
Speaker 2: of the wedding and told Lukey is on his own.
Speaker 2: There was never a monetary issue. They were willing to contribute,
Speaker 2: but both Luke and Emma are pretty well off and
Speaker 2: was no need for that. Now. To what maybe most
Speaker 2: people want to know, and the only conflict I am
Speaker 2: interested about any more, my grandma is feeling better. Sarah
Speaker 2: being with her was very positive. It was lovely to
Speaker 2: see the eldest and youngest of our family so in tune,
Speaker 2: but then again, they have always been. She requested that
Speaker 2: Sarah invited Luke to her birthday party December, and after
Speaker 2: a lot of back and forward, he is going to
Speaker 2: be invited. We will see if he comes or not.
Speaker 2: A small parenthesis, I showed my grandma the joke of
Speaker 2: the knife sword, et cetera. She was so giddy, thank you.
Speaker 2: I mentioned before that Robert would pick up Sarah if
Speaker 2: she needed It is still true. What I might have
Speaker 2: not mentioned is that she, of course gets a weird
Speaker 2: lecture from him, and an even weirder lecture on how
Speaker 2: he rates certain drugs l O L As I said,
Speaker 2: he is no saint, but he is not a shit either. Lastly, yes,
Speaker 2: he has photos, even with my sister or me in
Speaker 2: the newborn wall. People loved to take picks of him
Speaker 2: holding the new family members, and he collected them and
Speaker 2: put them together when he got his own house.
Speaker 1: That's the end of the first story. Let's begin the
Speaker 1: second one. I hope you enjoy this story. Discovered my
Speaker 1: partner's mother's tracking device on my motorbike after she accused
Speaker 1: me of being unfaithful, and then and her family arrived
Speaker 1: at my residence in a different nation, escalating the situation
Speaker 1: worse from there. I'm twenty seven and my girlfriend is
Speaker 1: thirty three. F Although our relationship started out very intense
Speaker 1: and unpredictable. We quickly developed strong feelings and have been
Speaker 1: together for three years. Despite being together that long, I
Speaker 1: just met my girlfriend's parents for the first time a
Speaker 1: few weeks ago. She is an only child and said
Speaker 1: she didn't want to introduce anyone she dated to her
Speaker 1: parents unless she knew this was the person she wanted
Speaker 1: to marry. Her parents also live abroad, and due to
Speaker 1: COVID and her dad's health problems, they didn't visit her
Speaker 1: for a while. She usually went to visit them. It
Speaker 1: was a big step for her to tell me she
Speaker 1: wanted me to meet them, and I did my best
Speaker 1: to make a good impression. I was raised by my grandmother.
Speaker 1: When she passed, my older sister took over caring for me.
Speaker 1: My girlfriend has had a stable upbringing. Her parents are
Speaker 1: wealthy and she's led a privileged life life. We don't
Speaker 1: have the same life experiences, and it was never a
Speaker 1: problem until I met her parents. If anything, for some reason,
Speaker 1: the difference is between us added to our relationship in ways. Unfortunately,
Speaker 1: I got the impression her parents were scrutinizing every aspect
Speaker 1: of my life over the dinner we had on our
Speaker 1: first meeting, and this included my family. I stayed true
Speaker 1: to myself and maintained my confidence, but left the interaction
Speaker 1: feeling like I bond a test. My girlfriend reassured me
Speaker 1: they liked me, but her mood over the few days
Speaker 1: afterwards suggested otherwise. I called her out on it and
Speaker 1: pressed her for an explanation. I learned she's been upset
Speaker 1: because of a fight she had with her mother following
Speaker 1: the dinner. Her mother thinks I'm just having fun with
Speaker 1: her daughter, that I will get bored and leave her,
Speaker 1: and she's too old to be wasting time with me.
Speaker 1: Apparently her mother got this impression entirely from the way
Speaker 1: I look in this judgment about me. Trump's anything else
Speaker 1: I shared about myself. My girlfriend and I decided to
Speaker 1: have me spend more time with her family over the
Speaker 1: coming holidays. So I have been going over every day
Speaker 1: and involving myself in shopping trips, et cetera with my
Speaker 1: girlfriend and her mom, hoping that she would get to
Speaker 1: know me and overcome whatever skepticism she has. I even
Speaker 1: spent hours getting a crash course in a strategy board
Speaker 1: game her dad plays, and started playing with him to
Speaker 1: continue learning it as a form of bonding despite feeling
Speaker 1: like I wont her dad over I felt like her
Speaker 1: mom was constantly evaluating my loyalty in subtle, unrealistic ways.
Speaker 1: Examples include over analyzing how I interact with others in public,
Speaker 1: reading too much into the way I smile, and the
Speaker 1: way I show affection toward my girlfriend. According to my
Speaker 1: girlfriend's mom, the fact that I have a motorcycle makes
Speaker 1: me extra sludy, and that's how this escalated. My sister
Speaker 1: and I have an eighteen year old dog. It's been
Speaker 1: a tough few months for him. I think he's approaching
Speaker 1: the end. For that reason, usually one of us is
Speaker 1: always with him. He's on the smaller side, so he's
Speaker 1: easy to bring along anywhere. I've had to leave to
Speaker 1: give medicine to my dog at certain times of the
Speaker 1: day because he's on a schedule, and I guess my
Speaker 1: girlfriend's mom found even this to be suspicious. The other day,
Speaker 1: I left my girlfriend and her family to go give
Speaker 1: my dog his medicine, and on my way there, my
Speaker 1: phone alerted that an air tag was traveling with me.
Speaker 1: When I reached my place, I searched all my pockets
Speaker 1: and stuff and eventually found it on the motorcycle itself.
Speaker 1: It was connected to my girlfriend's mom's number. I told
Speaker 1: my girlfriend, and my girlfriend said she put her mom's
Speaker 1: air tag on my bike to prove to her mom
Speaker 1: that I was not lying about where I was going.
Speaker 1: I get that she was trying to defend me, but
Speaker 1: I feel angry at her. It's hard to articulate, but
Speaker 1: ever since I met my girlfriend's family, microaggressions by her
Speaker 1: mom are really getting to me, and it's hard to
Speaker 1: separate them from my girlfriend. Hoping I'm just over stimulated
Speaker 1: by all this and things will get better after Christmas
Speaker 1: is over. I'm not sure if I'm in awe for
Speaker 1: being cold toward my girlfriend about the air tag, though,
Speaker 1: but it's a frustration that I'm having trouble letting go of. Update.
Speaker 1: We've been together for a few years and have discussed
Speaker 1: getting married. Unfortunately, ever since I met her parents last year,
Speaker 1: their behavior, specifically her mom, has made it difficult for
Speaker 1: me to see a future any more. Her mom mistrusts me,
Speaker 1: and it's all based on superficial impressions and assumptions about
Speaker 1: who she thinks I am. I have tried to show
Speaker 1: her parents patience, and I've been extremely respectful, giving them
Speaker 1: opportunities to get to know me and overcome their prejudices.
Speaker 1: Everything came to a head when I went to visit
Speaker 1: my home country. I have a place here, and I
Speaker 1: came to see a friend get married. Her parents showed
Speaker 1: up unannounced and requested a ride from the airport. I
Speaker 1: immediately called my girlfriend, despite the time difference, because I
Speaker 1: was in shock. She claims she had no idea about
Speaker 1: their plans. They claim it was all impromptu, cheap flight,
Speaker 1: last minute at SA. I just don't buy it anyway.
Speaker 1: I pick them up and they're currently staying with me
Speaker 1: in my apartment. They've got no itinerary but want me
Speaker 1: to arrange them to see X y Z. And of
Speaker 1: course they need me as translator. Everything is apparently too
Speaker 1: foreign to them. They're lost without me. They refuse to
Speaker 1: go anywhere without me as an escort. My girlfriend is apologetic,
Speaker 1: but I just don't see her supporting me and dealing
Speaker 1: with her parents, especially her mom, who is the instigator.
Speaker 1: The dad has no backbone, is forced to move to
Speaker 1: follow her. I posted another issue a while back too.
Speaker 1: My girlfriend doesn't support me in setting boundaries, so as
Speaker 1: her partner, I fall into a rock and a hard
Speaker 1: placed type situation. I can't tell if I'm being cold
Speaker 1: and uninviting or if these people are crazy and my
Speaker 1: girlfriend is so afraid of them she didn't even warn
Speaker 1: me about something like this. I feel like I can
Speaker 1: handle anything if she's on my side, but it doesn't
Speaker 1: feel like she is. Maybe I can't be with someone
Speaker 1: like that. Update one January nineteenth, twenty twenty five. I
Speaker 1: just wanted to clarify some things. I only met my
Speaker 1: girlfriend's parents for the first time late November twenty twenty four.
Speaker 1: The reason I picked them up from the airport instead
Speaker 1: of abandoning them or telling them to go find a hotel,
Speaker 1: et cetera, was out of respect for my girlfriend and
Speaker 1: the relationship I wanted to have with her and her parents.
Speaker 1: After the first meeting I had with her parents in
Speaker 1: late November that I shared in my first post, I
Speaker 1: confronted my girlfriend. She apologized, and eventually her mother did too. Basically,
Speaker 1: I thought we were past whatever suspicions and mistrust her
Speaker 1: mother had about me. Then this happened. In the last
Speaker 1: few days since this began, I have realized some things
Speaker 1: about my relationship. My girlfriend has been trying to play
Speaker 1: both sides. She'll tell me one thing in her parents
Speaker 1: another thing. She's been hiding some deep trust issues about
Speaker 1: me and insecurities about our relationship, mostly her fears about
Speaker 1: me being unfaithful. I want to be clear that these
Speaker 1: fears are not because of anything that I've done. It's
Speaker 1: just how she feels. She used her parents to convince
Speaker 1: me it wasn't her craziness, and I am pretty sure
Speaker 1: she told her mom how she felt, and her mom
Speaker 1: was willing to be in on it. I broke up
Speaker 1: with my girlfriend and asked her parents to leave the
Speaker 1: friend's wedding. I went to hit different because of that,
Speaker 1: but it also made me realize how unhealthy and toxic
Speaker 1: my relationship was. I haven't disclosed a lot, but I
Speaker 1: think I was in an abusive relationship. I am still
Speaker 1: struggling to accept that, and there is some shame creeping
Speaker 1: up that I don't understand. Why is it there? Anyway?
Speaker 1: Thanks for all the messages. I'm sorry my writing skills
Speaker 1: aren't that great. I'm so drained from this situation. I
Speaker 1: feel like I need to sleep for a month. I
Speaker 1: don't even feel like writing about any of this, but
Speaker 1: I felt I owed you the conclusion update two January
Speaker 1: twenty seventh, twenty twenty five to those who were worried
Speaker 1: my ex girlfriend would trash my place, nothing like that happened.
Speaker 1: I talked to her in person. She said I was
Speaker 1: misunderstanding everything. She began to cry, which was difficult for me.
Speaker 1: There was a moment where I wanted to forget all
Speaker 1: of it so I could hug her. I held back
Speaker 1: because something felt different. She asked me if I hate her,
Speaker 1: Obviously I don't, I said, I am tired of feeling
Speaker 1: like the person I love is not who I thought
Speaker 1: they were. Ever since she introduced me to her parents
Speaker 1: and close friend circle, which I didn't talk about, I
Speaker 1: have seen a side of her I don't recognize. After
Speaker 1: meeting her parents for the first time and the strange
Speaker 1: behavior started to add up, I gave her an opportunity
Speaker 1: to come clean. I asked her to tell me everything.
Speaker 1: I told her, I can't help you if you leave
Speaker 1: me in the dark. I even warned her, if I
Speaker 1: find out later, it's over. Because of the way she
Speaker 1: chose to answer me during this conversation, every action I
Speaker 1: took I held back. All she had to do was
Speaker 1: tell me what was going on, I would have helped
Speaker 1: her take on everything. Instead, she chose to trick me
Speaker 1: in cruel ways while acting helpless and innocent. When I
Speaker 1: questioned her about it, I shielded her. All this time,
Speaker 1: she manipulated everyone around her, including me. Everything is confusing
Speaker 1: now I look back at all of our time together
Speaker 1: and feel crazy. I can't differentiate any more her true
Speaker 1: feelings about anything. She tried to explain the stress of
Speaker 1: pleasing her friends and family made her act this way,
Speaker 1: but she doesn't share their views or doubts about me.
Speaker 1: She said, she's never loved anyone the way she loves me,
Speaker 1: and her feelings scare her. I wish she would just
Speaker 1: admit she had too much fucking pride. I understand she
Speaker 1: is the way she is, probably due to how she
Speaker 1: was raised, but some of the things she has said
Speaker 1: and done are unforgivable. The conversation went on, but everything
Speaker 1: was still other people's fault. She wasn't taking any accountability,
Speaker 1: so I stood by my decision to stay broken up,
Speaker 1: to be honest by hesitating for even that singular moment
Speaker 1: when I wanted to hold her, she showed me the
Speaker 1: side of her that comes out when she doesn't get
Speaker 1: her way. For the first time, I felt like what
Speaker 1: I was seeing is actually her true self. We were
Speaker 1: having this conversation while walking outside. We had stopped walking
Speaker 1: and she was wiping her tears. When she realized I
Speaker 1: wasn't going to comfort her, she started to say degrading
Speaker 1: things about me. I also brought it up again that
Speaker 1: my life is easier than hers because I grew up
Speaker 1: with no parents. This comment was so fucked up it
Speaker 1: made me laugh. I told her she's so privileged, she
Speaker 1: has no idea what it even means to have a
Speaker 1: hard life. Because I I laughed, I could tell she
Speaker 1: wanted to throw her coffee at me. She didn't. Instead,
Speaker 1: she said some more things about me, and I realized
Speaker 1: I don't care any more because I don't even recognize
Speaker 1: this woman who is yapping in front of me. Since then,
Speaker 1: she has emailed me an Excel spreadsheet of all the
Speaker 1: money I owe. The things she has itemized are things
Speaker 1: like all the time she upgraded me on a flight,
Speaker 1: luxury gifts she has bought me on birthdays, Christmas, et cetera.
Speaker 1: She also included ridiculous things like estimated cost of gas
Speaker 1: X amount of times when she was my designated driver
Speaker 1: and pregnancy tests. I think she added this just to
Speaker 1: mess with me. I'm not going to bother explaining my contributions.
Speaker 1: This email made me sick. I packed her things that
Speaker 1: were in my apartment. I had a friend come over.
Speaker 1: When she came to collect them, she didn't know this.
Speaker 1: I answered the door and she pushed against me and
Speaker 1: tried to initiate I didn't return her advance, and she
Speaker 1: got angry and scratched me. I think maybe she was
Speaker 1: trying to slap me but couldn't reach I'm not really
Speaker 1: sure because it happened too fast, and I restrained her.
Speaker 1: My friend came out and began calling her on it.
Speaker 1: He made a show of taking a video and threatened
Speaker 1: her with assault. I think it embarrassed her, so she
Speaker 1: probably won't do something like this again. The only downside
Speaker 1: to his presence was I think she will try to
Speaker 1: convince herself. I rejected her in that moment because he
Speaker 1: was there. I have people asking about my dog. He's
Speaker 1: happy and comfortable and still alive. He eats well, unlike
Speaker 1: his age. My priorities are to improve the quality of
Speaker 1: his life, not unnecessarily prolong it, but every night I
Speaker 1: check on him before I fall asleep, and every morning
Speaker 1: I wake up with this feeling of dread. He has
Speaker 1: Cushing's disease and chronic pancreatitis. He is high risk for
Speaker 1: developing cancer. The medication routine is a bit complex, but
Speaker 1: I am learning everything else can for him. Take care
Speaker 1: of your pets and check them often for lumps. A
Speaker 1: lot of animals hide their pain. I guess we have
Speaker 1: that in common. Ah. Maybe I shouldn't have ended the
Speaker 1: post like this. Anyway, I'm really okay. I posted this
Speaker 1: update because I got a lot of messages and it's
Speaker 1: easier than answering them separately. In case I don't feel
Speaker 1: like answering comments, I will just leave this here. There
Speaker 1: is a lot I haven't shared. There is a lot
Speaker 1: I haven't even admit to myself yet. I am not
Speaker 1: saying I am perfect. It's not about being right or
Speaker 1: wrong anymore. I have a lot of flaws too. I'm
Speaker 1: sure I handled some things poorly, and I know I
Speaker 1: was a fool. I also still experience moments where my
Speaker 1: heart aches and I question if I'm wrong about everything,
Speaker 1: wanting to just get back together. Hopefully this will get
Speaker 1: easier with time. Anyway, writing here counts as therapy, right,
Speaker 1: I'm going to go drink a cold beer in the shower.
Speaker 1: Next story made my entitled step daughter pay for destroying
Speaker 1: my daughter's computer after she got jealous of her room makeover.
Speaker 1: But now my husband and his ex are furious with me.
Speaker 1: I thirty f have a fourteen year old daughter. Leah.
Speaker 1: Married my husband Mark forty six m six years ago