WEBVTT 1 00:00:02.560 --> 00:00:05.960 There's a moment right before the house fills up, when 2 00:00:06.000 --> 00:00:11.000 everything goes still. The coffee's already brewed, the counters are 3 00:00:11.039 --> 00:00:15.320 wiped down, the cake pans are out lined up like 4 00:00:15.439 --> 00:00:19.399 soldiers waiting for orders. And I'm standing there in the 5 00:00:19.440 --> 00:00:24.359 middle of my kitchen just breathing because I know, I 6 00:00:24.440 --> 00:00:27.679 know what's coming. I know that in a few hours, 7 00:00:27.760 --> 00:00:29.960 every chair in this house is going to be filled, 8 00:00:30.679 --> 00:00:34.039 every voice is going to be layered over another voice. 9 00:00:34.119 --> 00:00:34.960 Every room is. 10 00:00:34.920 --> 00:00:37.679 Going to have its own little story happening inside of it. 11 00:00:38.280 --> 00:00:41.200 And somewhere in the middle of all that noise, all 12 00:00:41.200 --> 00:00:46.560 that beautiful, chaotic, messy noise, my son Gavin is going 13 00:00:46.600 --> 00:00:51.200 to turn nineteen nineteen. I set it out loud to 14 00:00:51.240 --> 00:00:55.799 myself that morning, just once, just to hear how it sounded, 15 00:00:56.479 --> 00:00:58.960 and I swear to you, I could still feel the 16 00:00:58.960 --> 00:01:02.200 weight of him as a baby in my arms. I 17 00:01:02.200 --> 00:01:05.599 could still hear that tiny laugh. I could still see 18 00:01:05.640 --> 00:01:10.400 those little shoes by the back door. Nineteen years gone 19 00:01:10.400 --> 00:01:13.599 in a blank, and here I was about to watch 20 00:01:13.640 --> 00:01:16.159 a room full of people I love walked through my 21 00:01:16.239 --> 00:01:19.799 front door to celebrate a young man who used to 22 00:01:19.879 --> 00:01:22.400 fit in the kirk of my arm. So I took 23 00:01:22.439 --> 00:01:25.400 that breath, I held it for just a second longer 24 00:01:25.439 --> 00:01:28.799 than I needed to, and I whispered something to myself 25 00:01:28.840 --> 00:01:31.680 that I say every time a day like this arrives, 26 00:01:32.200 --> 00:01:35.519 don't miss it, Maya. Don't you dare miss a single 27 00:01:35.599 --> 00:01:38.920 second of it. Because I've learned something over the years. 28 00:01:39.480 --> 00:01:42.359 The big days don't warn you before they become the memories. 29 00:01:42.879 --> 00:01:47.239 They just happen, and if you're busy, if you're distracted, 30 00:01:47.719 --> 00:01:51.079 if you're running from one thing to the next, they'll 31 00:01:51.120 --> 00:01:54.040 slip right past you and you'll wake up one day 32 00:01:54.120 --> 00:01:54.719 wishing you. 33 00:01:54.680 --> 00:01:57.079 Had stood still for just a little bit longer. 34 00:01:57.840 --> 00:02:00.680 So I stood still that morning, and I let the 35 00:02:00.680 --> 00:02:04.480 house wake up around me, one quiet minute at a time, 36 00:02:05.120 --> 00:02:08.520 because I knew as soon as that first knock came 37 00:02:08.560 --> 00:02:11.680 at the door, it was all going to start, and 38 00:02:11.719 --> 00:02:14.199 I wouldn't get that quiet back until the last car 39 00:02:14.240 --> 00:02:18.400 pulled out of the driveway, probably close to midnight, maybe later. 40 00:02:19.080 --> 00:02:22.400 And I was ready. I was so ready, but I 41 00:02:22.439 --> 00:02:27.360 wanted this minute first, just this one, just for me. 42 00:02:28.120 --> 00:02:30.960 Hey everyone, and welcome back to we are the Hansens. 43 00:02:31.240 --> 00:02:34.199 I'm Maya, and this is my favorite part of my week, 44 00:02:35.199 --> 00:02:37.039 the part where I get to sit down with you 45 00:02:37.639 --> 00:02:41.319 and tell a story from our life. Not a polished one, 46 00:02:41.360 --> 00:02:44.639 not a perfect one, a real one, the kind with 47 00:02:44.879 --> 00:02:48.000 laughter in the kitchen and kids running through the living room, 48 00:02:48.560 --> 00:02:52.120 and a husband who takes dinner way too seriously, and 49 00:02:52.199 --> 00:02:56.319 a house that somehow keeps getting fuller every year. Today's 50 00:02:56.360 --> 00:02:58.680 story is a special one because today I want to 51 00:02:58.719 --> 00:03:01.520 take you inside one of the biggest nights we've had 52 00:03:01.560 --> 00:03:04.400 in a long time, Gavin's nineteenth birthday. 53 00:03:05.080 --> 00:03:06.479 And I'm not going to lie to you. 54 00:03:06.879 --> 00:03:10.120 I almost didn't know how to put this one into words, 55 00:03:10.560 --> 00:03:12.919 because some nights don't feel like nights. 56 00:03:13.400 --> 00:03:14.080 They feel like. 57 00:03:14.360 --> 00:03:18.120 Markers, little flags you plant in the ground of your 58 00:03:18.240 --> 00:03:21.360 life that say, remember this, remember. 59 00:03:21.000 --> 00:03:21.560 All of it. 60 00:03:22.000 --> 00:03:25.960 So grab your coffee, settle in, and let me take 61 00:03:26.000 --> 00:03:29.960 you there. It started early. It always starts early in 62 00:03:30.000 --> 00:03:32.479 this house. I don't think I've had a quiet morning 63 00:03:32.520 --> 00:03:36.199 in two decades. But that's fine with me, because quiet 64 00:03:36.240 --> 00:03:40.080 was never really the dream. The dream was this a 65 00:03:40.199 --> 00:03:43.639 house that hums, a kitchen that smells like something good, 66 00:03:44.240 --> 00:03:47.120 kids coming in and out, and a life that feels 67 00:03:47.199 --> 00:03:50.360 full all the way to the edges. So when I 68 00:03:50.400 --> 00:03:54.080 walked into the kitchen, that morning, coffee in hand, slippers 69 00:03:54.120 --> 00:03:57.319 still on. I didn't rush. I just stood there for 70 00:03:57.360 --> 00:03:59.919 a minute. I looked at the light coming in through 71 00:03:59.879 --> 00:04:03.280 the window. I looked at the chairs, the ones that 72 00:04:03.319 --> 00:04:06.599 would be pulled away from the table later. I looked 73 00:04:06.599 --> 00:04:09.759 at the empty counter, and I thought, this is the 74 00:04:09.840 --> 00:04:12.319 last quiet moment this room is going to have for 75 00:04:12.360 --> 00:04:16.480 the next twelve hours. Better enjoy it. Jeremy was already up, 76 00:04:17.120 --> 00:04:20.079 of course. He was that man moves through the kitchen 77 00:04:20.160 --> 00:04:23.040 like he was born in one. He had ingredients lined up, 78 00:04:23.319 --> 00:04:26.399 cutting boards out, a big pot sitting on the stove, 79 00:04:26.600 --> 00:04:27.120 just waiting. 80 00:04:27.639 --> 00:04:29.560 Beef's strogn off tonight, he said. 81 00:04:30.040 --> 00:04:32.199 And the way he said it, you would have thought 82 00:04:32.240 --> 00:04:34.079 he was announcing a state dinner. 83 00:04:34.519 --> 00:04:35.480 But that's Jeremy. 84 00:04:35.920 --> 00:04:38.680 When he cooks for the family, it's not just cooking. 85 00:04:39.079 --> 00:04:42.680 It's a performance. It's love on a plate. It's the 86 00:04:42.720 --> 00:04:45.839 one way he's always known how to say, I've got you, 87 00:04:46.439 --> 00:04:49.560 all of you, I'll feed you, I'll take care of you, 88 00:04:49.959 --> 00:04:52.560 and I'll do it with everything I've got. I kissed 89 00:04:52.639 --> 00:04:55.279 him on the cheek and grabbed another cup of coffee. 90 00:04:55.839 --> 00:04:59.439 Big day, I said, Big day, he said back, And 91 00:04:59.480 --> 00:05:03.560 that was it. No big speech, no checklist, just two 92 00:05:03.600 --> 00:05:06.839 people who've done this dance a hundred times before getting 93 00:05:06.879 --> 00:05:09.519 ready to do it again. Because when you've raised a 94 00:05:09.560 --> 00:05:13.680 family this size, you learned something. You learn that the 95 00:05:13.720 --> 00:05:16.680 magic isn't in the planning, The magic is in the 96 00:05:16.839 --> 00:05:20.720 showing up. A little while later, Mattie came in, and 97 00:05:20.920 --> 00:05:23.439 just like that, I had my partner in crime for 98 00:05:23.480 --> 00:05:27.160 the day. You have to understand something about Maddie. That 99 00:05:27.199 --> 00:05:29.480 girl has been my shadow in the kitchen for far 100 00:05:29.800 --> 00:05:32.920 as long as I can remember. When she was little, 101 00:05:33.240 --> 00:05:35.560 she would drag her chair up to the counter just 102 00:05:35.600 --> 00:05:38.160 to see what I was doing. She'd stick her fingers 103 00:05:38.199 --> 00:05:41.480 in the batter, she'd wear more flour than she ever 104 00:05:41.560 --> 00:05:45.319 actually used, and I'd pretend to be annoyed, but the 105 00:05:45.399 --> 00:05:49.639 truth was, those are some of my favorite warnings now here. 106 00:05:49.680 --> 00:05:53.079 She was taller than me, smarter than me, some days, 107 00:05:53.560 --> 00:05:56.759 pulling down mixing bowls like she'd done it her whole life. 108 00:05:56.959 --> 00:06:01.079 Because she has cherry chocolate, she asked, and I smiled. 109 00:06:01.560 --> 00:06:06.240 Kerry chocolate, because that's the cake. That's Gavin's favorite cake, 110 00:06:07.120 --> 00:06:09.279 the one he's asked for every year since he was 111 00:06:09.319 --> 00:06:12.120 old enough to have an opinion. Some years it's been 112 00:06:12.120 --> 00:06:16.319 a little lopsided. Some years the frostings melted before we 113 00:06:16.360 --> 00:06:20.279 got the candles on. One year, and I'll never forget this, 114 00:06:20.839 --> 00:06:23.759 the dog got into it before the party even started. 115 00:06:24.480 --> 00:06:26.480 I remember that year so clearly. 116 00:06:26.879 --> 00:06:29.199 The whole family walked into the kitchen at the same 117 00:06:29.240 --> 00:06:32.240 time to find this dog standing on a chair he 118 00:06:32.279 --> 00:06:36.160 had pulled out himself, his nose covered in cherry filling, 119 00:06:36.680 --> 00:06:38.759 looking at us like we were the ones who had 120 00:06:38.800 --> 00:06:42.839 done something wrong. Gavin laughed so hard he couldn't breathe. 121 00:06:43.480 --> 00:06:46.199 He didn't even care about the cake. He just kept 122 00:06:46.199 --> 00:06:49.240 pointing at the dog. Maddie and I had to drive 123 00:06:49.279 --> 00:06:52.839 to the store and start over two hours before the party, 124 00:06:53.439 --> 00:06:56.120 and somehow that cake turned out to be one of 125 00:06:56.160 --> 00:06:58.920 the best we've ever made. That's kind of how this 126 00:06:59.000 --> 00:07:03.199 family works. The moments that are supposed to ruin something 127 00:07:03.680 --> 00:07:07.079 usually end up making it better. But every year, no 128 00:07:07.160 --> 00:07:10.759 matter what, it's always been carry chocolate cake. 129 00:07:11.240 --> 00:07:11.600 It's his. 130 00:07:12.319 --> 00:07:15.720 And something about that tradition, something about a kid picking 131 00:07:15.839 --> 00:07:19.000 the same cake year after year, it tells you something. 132 00:07:19.560 --> 00:07:22.639 It tells you they've found their anchor, They've found the 133 00:07:22.680 --> 00:07:26.279 thing that says this is mine, this is home, and 134 00:07:26.360 --> 00:07:29.240 Maddie and I werek side by side. She stirred the batter, 135 00:07:29.639 --> 00:07:32.959 she talked about something funny that happened at work. I laughed, 136 00:07:33.600 --> 00:07:36.040 and I looked at her for just a second too long, 137 00:07:36.439 --> 00:07:39.639 because I caught myself remembering. I remember her first day 138 00:07:39.639 --> 00:07:43.560 of kindergarten. I remember her tiny hand in mine. I 139 00:07:43.600 --> 00:07:46.519 remember the way she used to sing to herself when 140 00:07:46.519 --> 00:07:49.920 she thought no one was listening. And here she was, growing, 141 00:07:50.399 --> 00:07:53.879 standing in my kitchen, helping me make her brother's birthday cake. 142 00:07:54.160 --> 00:07:56.759 I didn't say anything out loud. I just smiled to 143 00:07:56.800 --> 00:08:00.879 myself and I kept listening, because there are some things 144 00:08:01.040 --> 00:08:03.839 you don't need to say. You just tuck them into 145 00:08:03.920 --> 00:08:06.399 your corner of your heart and keep them forever. 146 00:08:07.240 --> 00:08:08.279 The first knock at the. 147 00:08:08.240 --> 00:08:11.800 Door came around late afternoon, and my heart did this 148 00:08:11.839 --> 00:08:15.480 little thing. It does, you know, that feeling when someone 149 00:08:15.519 --> 00:08:18.120 you love is about to walk through the door. I 150 00:08:18.160 --> 00:08:20.759 wipe my hands on my apron and went to answer it. 151 00:08:21.680 --> 00:08:25.360 And there he was, Gavin, with Riley right next to him, 152 00:08:25.759 --> 00:08:28.759 and I just stood there for half a second, taking 153 00:08:28.839 --> 00:08:33.600 him in because listen, there's something about seeing your child 154 00:08:33.600 --> 00:08:37.080 with someone they love and HiT's different. It's not just 155 00:08:37.279 --> 00:08:41.200 that they're growing up. It's that they're becoming someone, someone 156 00:08:41.200 --> 00:08:46.799 outside of you, someone who chooses and is chosen. Riley 157 00:08:46.840 --> 00:08:49.440 had that smile, the one that says, I'm glad to 158 00:08:49.440 --> 00:08:52.799 be here, not just for the party, not just to 159 00:08:52.840 --> 00:08:57.000 be polite, but because she loves him, and I loved 160 00:08:57.000 --> 00:08:59.679 her a little more for it. Gavin walked in, and 161 00:08:59.720 --> 00:09:02.600 I worre to you. He looked older, not in the 162 00:09:02.639 --> 00:09:06.279 way I can fully explain, not because of anything he said, 163 00:09:07.000 --> 00:09:09.799 but in the way he carried himself, the way he 164 00:09:09.840 --> 00:09:12.919 said hello, the way he looked around the house like 165 00:09:13.000 --> 00:09:16.039 he was really seeing it, like he was noticing things 166 00:09:16.039 --> 00:09:21.080 he hadn't noticed before nineteen there it was written all 167 00:09:21.080 --> 00:09:21.840 over him. 168 00:09:22.240 --> 00:09:22.960 I hugged him. 169 00:09:23.399 --> 00:09:26.039 I held on a little longer than I probably needed to, 170 00:09:26.720 --> 00:09:29.799 and he let me. That's the thing about my boys, 171 00:09:30.240 --> 00:09:34.320 they let me. They're big now, they're grown. They could 172 00:09:34.360 --> 00:09:38.159 brush me off, they could roll their eyes, they could 173 00:09:38.159 --> 00:09:39.559 give me that half hug. 174 00:09:39.440 --> 00:09:43.360 That teenagers give their moms in public. But they don't. 175 00:09:43.559 --> 00:09:44.200 They hugged me. 176 00:09:44.200 --> 00:09:47.879 Back every single time. And I don't know how I 177 00:09:47.879 --> 00:09:51.200 got that lucky. I really don't. Riley gave me a 178 00:09:51.240 --> 00:09:54.519 hug too, and told me the house smelled incredible. I 179 00:09:54.639 --> 00:09:57.159 told her to tell Jeremy that he'd love to hear it, 180 00:09:57.639 --> 00:09:59.879 and she went and told him, of course she did, 181 00:10:00.440 --> 00:10:03.360 that's the kind of person she is. Then came Colin, 182 00:10:03.639 --> 00:10:06.720 right on their heels. Colin's always the one that shows 183 00:10:06.799 --> 00:10:10.360 up with that energy, that big grin, that voice that 184 00:10:10.440 --> 00:10:13.440 fills up a room before his whole body even clears 185 00:10:13.480 --> 00:10:16.600 the doorway. He gave me a hug, made some joke 186 00:10:16.639 --> 00:10:19.080 about how the house is going to be destroyed by 187 00:10:19.240 --> 00:10:22.039 the end of the night, and headed straight for Jeremy 188 00:10:22.080 --> 00:10:25.200 in the kitchen. Those two, they have their own language. 189 00:10:25.759 --> 00:10:28.679 And then came the ones I'd been waiting for, Logan 190 00:10:28.759 --> 00:10:31.600 Aliyah and little Remedy. I'm just going to tell you 191 00:10:31.639 --> 00:10:35.080 something right now, when a grand baby walks into the room, 192 00:10:35.600 --> 00:10:39.639 everything changes. It doesn't matter how loud the house is, 193 00:10:39.879 --> 00:10:43.480 it doesn't matter how many conversations are already happening. The 194 00:10:43.519 --> 00:10:47.639 second that little person comes through the door, the air shifts, 195 00:10:47.960 --> 00:10:52.799 Voices get softer, people reach out, Smiles land on faces 196 00:10:52.840 --> 00:10:55.919 that didn't even know they needed it. Remedy came in, 197 00:10:56.039 --> 00:10:59.840 wrapped in her little outfit, big eyes, taking everything in, 198 00:11:00.240 --> 00:11:02.600 and Jeremy came out of the kitchen so fast you'd 199 00:11:02.639 --> 00:11:05.840 think somebody had called his name three times. 200 00:11:06.600 --> 00:11:07.679 He scooped her right. 201 00:11:07.639 --> 00:11:12.480 Up, and for a second everything stopped. I watched him 202 00:11:12.519 --> 00:11:16.320 hold her, that big, rough, working man with flower on 203 00:11:16.399 --> 00:11:19.279 his hands and a dish towel over his shoulder, holding 204 00:11:19.320 --> 00:11:22.720 that little girl who looks just like his son used to, 205 00:11:23.240 --> 00:11:26.519 and I thought to myself, this is it. This is 206 00:11:26.559 --> 00:11:29.960 the whole thing. This is why we do any of it, 207 00:11:30.679 --> 00:11:34.720 because somewhere along the way, the kids you raised become parents, 208 00:11:35.000 --> 00:11:37.519 and the babies they bring into the world become the 209 00:11:37.559 --> 00:11:40.879 reason the whole thing keeps going. That's the quiet miracle 210 00:11:40.960 --> 00:11:44.879 nobody prepares you for. You think raising them is the 211 00:11:44.879 --> 00:11:48.080 finish line. You think the goal is getting them through it. 212 00:11:48.879 --> 00:11:52.480 But then one day you're standing in your kitchen watching 213 00:11:52.519 --> 00:11:55.879 your husband hold your granddaughter while your son watches both 214 00:11:55.919 --> 00:11:58.799 of them with that look on his face, and you 215 00:11:58.919 --> 00:12:04.480 realize there's no finish line. It just keeps expanding, just 216 00:12:04.559 --> 00:12:07.879 keeps getting bigger, It just keeps filling up with more 217 00:12:07.960 --> 00:12:11.240 love than you thought was possible, and remedy. 218 00:12:12.000 --> 00:12:12.799 This little girl. 219 00:12:13.279 --> 00:12:16.639 She's going to grow up knowing this She's going to 220 00:12:16.799 --> 00:12:19.480 know what it feels like to walk into a room 221 00:12:19.519 --> 00:12:22.360 full of people who are happy just to see her face. 222 00:12:23.080 --> 00:12:23.759 She's going to. 223 00:12:23.759 --> 00:12:26.320 Know what love sounds like when it's coming from every 224 00:12:26.360 --> 00:12:31.080 corner at once. And that's the inheritance that matters, not money, 225 00:12:31.480 --> 00:12:36.240 not stuff that After Logan and Aliyah, the door didn't 226 00:12:36.279 --> 00:12:40.919 really stop. Keenan came in next, with Sophie right beside him. 227 00:12:41.200 --> 00:12:45.559 Keenan's our funnier one. He watches, he listens, he takes 228 00:12:45.600 --> 00:12:48.000 it all in before he steps fully into the noise. 229 00:12:48.720 --> 00:12:52.200 But once he's there, he's there. Sophie slid right into 230 00:12:52.240 --> 00:12:55.200 the mix, laughing at something one of the cousins said, 231 00:12:55.240 --> 00:13:00.279 immediately comfortable. That's a gift too. You know when your 232 00:13:00.320 --> 00:13:05.320 child loves walks into your house and just fits. No awkwardness, 233 00:13:06.159 --> 00:13:09.480 no trying to find her footing, just in, just home. 234 00:13:10.320 --> 00:13:13.559 Tristan came in a few minutes later, and the minute 235 00:13:13.600 --> 00:13:16.080 he and Keenan were in the same room, I could 236 00:13:16.080 --> 00:13:20.480 hear them, the teasing, the back and forth, the brother thing. 237 00:13:21.039 --> 00:13:25.360 It's not soft, it's not always sweet. Sometimes it sounds 238 00:13:25.399 --> 00:13:28.600 like they're ready to fight, but it's love. It's the 239 00:13:28.720 --> 00:13:31.759 kind of love that was forged over years of sharing 240 00:13:31.799 --> 00:13:36.519 bedrooms and fighting over the last pizza pizza, and defending 241 00:13:36.519 --> 00:13:39.799 each other at school when nobody else would. Gavin got 242 00:13:39.799 --> 00:13:42.759 pulled right into the middle of it. And there they were, 243 00:13:43.600 --> 00:13:47.639 three of our boys, laughing, giving each other a hard time, 244 00:13:48.679 --> 00:13:51.200 and somewhere in the middle of it all, I heard 245 00:13:51.200 --> 00:13:54.320 Gavin laugh that deep laugh, the one that sounds like 246 00:13:54.360 --> 00:13:57.240 his dad's, and I had to turn my face away 247 00:13:57.279 --> 00:14:00.360 for a second, because I'm not going to cry in 248 00:14:00.399 --> 00:14:03.919 my own kitchen, at least not this early in the night. 249 00:14:04.759 --> 00:14:05.639 Then the girls. 250 00:14:05.399 --> 00:14:08.799 Started showing up in full force. Maddie was already here, 251 00:14:09.240 --> 00:14:12.879 but then Aneline came around the corner and torn, each 252 00:14:12.919 --> 00:14:17.279 of them, carrying their own personality like a signature, Torn 253 00:14:17.360 --> 00:14:19.840 with that sharp sense of humor that'll cut you down 254 00:14:19.919 --> 00:14:23.200 before you even see it coming, Analine with that warmth 255 00:14:23.639 --> 00:14:26.879 that just wraps around the room. Mattie holding it all 256 00:14:26.879 --> 00:14:30.039 together like she does. They found each other in the 257 00:14:30.080 --> 00:14:34.080 living room, puddled up on the couch, talking about things 258 00:14:34.120 --> 00:14:37.639 I wasn't supposed to hear. And that's fine, that's their moment, 259 00:14:38.039 --> 00:14:42.480 that's theirs. I keep moving through the house, checking on Jeremy, 260 00:14:42.639 --> 00:14:45.639 checking on the kids, making sure the little ones weren't 261 00:14:45.679 --> 00:14:50.320 about to break something, and still people kept coming. Cousin 262 00:14:50.360 --> 00:14:56.600 Logan with Kate Connor with Haley, Matthew, Sammy, Cammy, Gigi, 263 00:14:57.200 --> 00:14:59.519 and the two little ones running around like they've been 264 00:14:59.559 --> 00:15:02.960 given mission to own the entire house for the evening, 265 00:15:03.879 --> 00:15:08.120 and of course his aunt walking in with that smile, 266 00:15:08.960 --> 00:15:12.440 that same smile that she'd had for forty years. Some 267 00:15:12.480 --> 00:15:16.399 people carry family with them, they just do. You see them, 268 00:15:16.799 --> 00:15:19.879 and you remember every family gathering you've ever been to, 269 00:15:20.440 --> 00:15:25.320 every birthday, every holiday, every scraped knee, every tear wiped away. 270 00:15:26.279 --> 00:15:27.759 Yep, that's it. 271 00:15:28.519 --> 00:15:30.759 Every corner of the house had life in it now, 272 00:15:31.159 --> 00:15:35.559 every single corner. The living room had its own conversation happening. 273 00:15:36.080 --> 00:15:39.000 The kitchen had another, The hallway had a group of 274 00:15:39.080 --> 00:15:43.200 cousins laughing about who knows what. The front porch had 275 00:15:43.200 --> 00:15:46.360 the boys stepping outside to take a breath. The dining 276 00:15:46.440 --> 00:15:49.759 room had the little ones coloring on something they shouldn't 277 00:15:49.759 --> 00:15:52.720 have been coloring on. And I stood in the doorway 278 00:15:52.799 --> 00:15:56.559 for just a second, just a second, and I took 279 00:15:56.600 --> 00:16:00.120 it all in, because here's the truth. Nobody really tells 280 00:16:00.159 --> 00:16:03.639 you when you're young and raising babies. You think the 281 00:16:03.679 --> 00:16:07.720 full houses are exhausting ones. You think the loud ones 282 00:16:07.799 --> 00:16:11.320 are the hard ones. You think you'll be relieved when 283 00:16:11.360 --> 00:16:16.679 things calm down someday, but you won't be, because this, 284 00:16:17.000 --> 00:16:20.960 right here, this is what you're working for. The whole 285 00:16:21.000 --> 00:16:24.679 time you were working for a full house, you were 286 00:16:24.679 --> 00:16:27.080 working for the day when all the kids you used 287 00:16:27.080 --> 00:16:29.759 to carry around would walk through the door on their 288 00:16:29.799 --> 00:16:33.080 own two feet, with the people they love, with babies 289 00:16:33.080 --> 00:16:33.679 of their own. 290 00:16:34.320 --> 00:16:36.440 This is the prize. This is it. 291 00:16:37.120 --> 00:16:40.720 The most people, when they finally get here, they're too 292 00:16:40.840 --> 00:16:41.639 tired to see it. 293 00:16:42.440 --> 00:16:43.639 But I saw it that night. 294 00:16:44.480 --> 00:16:47.600 I saw every single face, and I promised myself I 295 00:16:47.639 --> 00:16:51.159 wouldn't forget a single one. Meanwhile, back in the kitchen, 296 00:16:51.720 --> 00:16:54.799 Jeremy was deep in it. I mean deep in it. 297 00:16:55.440 --> 00:16:58.320 If you've never watched your husband cook for twenty plus 298 00:16:58.360 --> 00:17:02.519 people like he's preparing a feast for royalty, you haven't lived. 299 00:17:03.159 --> 00:17:07.160 The strogan Off was on, the noodles were going, Something 300 00:17:07.240 --> 00:17:09.039 was in the oven that I hadn't even asked about. 301 00:17:09.599 --> 00:17:12.480 He was moving from pot to pot, the oven to counter, 302 00:17:12.680 --> 00:17:16.440 without ever once looking rushed. That's the thing about Jermy. 303 00:17:16.559 --> 00:17:20.000 He doesn't cook fast. He cooks with intention, every stir, 304 00:17:20.279 --> 00:17:24.839 every pinch of something, every taste, every adjustment. And the smell, oh, 305 00:17:24.880 --> 00:17:29.359 my goodness, the smell rich, warm, savory, the kind of 306 00:17:29.400 --> 00:17:31.880 smell that gets into the carpet and stays there for 307 00:17:31.920 --> 00:17:34.559 two days, the kind of smell that makes people walk 308 00:17:34.599 --> 00:17:37.640 into the kitchen just to ask how long. And every 309 00:17:37.680 --> 00:17:41.839 single time somebody asked, he'd smile because he was loving it. 310 00:17:42.119 --> 00:17:45.279 He was in his element. People kept drifting in to 311 00:17:45.400 --> 00:17:51.319 steal little tastes. They bite off a spoon. Hmm, that's incredible, Dad, Jeremy, 312 00:17:51.319 --> 00:17:52.319 what did you put in this? 313 00:17:52.920 --> 00:17:54.200 Can I take some of this home? 314 00:17:54.880 --> 00:17:58.319 And he just kept stirring, nodding, laughing a little under 315 00:17:58.359 --> 00:18:02.480 his breath, because for him, this wasn't a chore. This 316 00:18:02.640 --> 00:18:06.440 was the whole point. Feeding his family is his love language, 317 00:18:06.880 --> 00:18:10.359 always has been, and that night he was speaking it 318 00:18:10.440 --> 00:18:13.960 fluently when dinner finally hit the table. I wish you 319 00:18:14.000 --> 00:18:17.319 could have seen it, I really do. Flights being passed, 320 00:18:17.359 --> 00:18:21.200 cares being pulled closer, people standing up, sitting down, reaching 321 00:18:21.200 --> 00:18:24.960 over each other, somebody asking for the salt, somebody else 322 00:18:25.039 --> 00:18:28.319 asking why they always have to pass it, Kids at 323 00:18:28.359 --> 00:18:31.480 the table arguing about something small and important to them. 324 00:18:32.039 --> 00:18:36.119 Remedy on someone's lap, grinning, the big boys at one end, 325 00:18:36.519 --> 00:18:39.160 the girls at the other, Jeremy standing for half of 326 00:18:39.200 --> 00:18:41.519 it because he refused to sit down and tell everyone 327 00:18:41.559 --> 00:18:45.039 had food. It was loud, Oh my goodness, it was loud, 328 00:18:45.519 --> 00:18:48.079 but it was the best kind of loud, the kind 329 00:18:48.079 --> 00:18:50.519 of loud that tells you no one is a stranger 330 00:18:50.519 --> 00:18:53.039 in this room, the kind of loud that says we 331 00:18:53.119 --> 00:18:57.240 are comfortable here, we belong here, we're home. Somebody knocked 332 00:18:57.240 --> 00:19:00.839 over a glass of water, nobody panicked. Three people reached 333 00:19:00.880 --> 00:19:03.440 for napkins at the same time. One of the little 334 00:19:03.440 --> 00:19:05.920 ones thought it was the funniest thing she'd ever seen 335 00:19:05.960 --> 00:19:08.559 in her whole life and started laughing so hard she 336 00:19:08.599 --> 00:19:11.759 almost fell out of her chair, which made everybody else 337 00:19:11.799 --> 00:19:14.640 start laughing, Which is exactly the way dinner in this 338 00:19:14.759 --> 00:19:18.119 house goes. Something goes wrong, and we just absorb it, 339 00:19:18.559 --> 00:19:22.000 We turn it into part of the story. Jeremy finally 340 00:19:22.039 --> 00:19:25.000 sat down for about thirty seconds before he was back 341 00:19:25.079 --> 00:19:26.680 up checking on somebody's plate. 342 00:19:27.279 --> 00:19:29.720 I told him to sit. He didn't listen. 343 00:19:29.920 --> 00:19:33.319 He never does, because in his head, as long as 344 00:19:33.359 --> 00:19:36.160 one person at the table doesn't have something they need. 345 00:19:36.720 --> 00:19:39.880 Dinner isn't done. I looked over at Gavin and he 346 00:19:40.000 --> 00:19:43.240 was just soaking it in. He was laughing at something 347 00:19:43.279 --> 00:19:47.799 Colin said, listening to his cousin tell a story, helping 348 00:19:47.839 --> 00:19:49.440 one of the little ones with a napkin. 349 00:19:49.839 --> 00:19:51.640 He looked happy, really happy. 350 00:19:52.000 --> 00:19:54.160 Not the kind of happy you fake for a birthday, 351 00:19:54.799 --> 00:19:58.240 the deep kind, the kind that settles in your chest. 352 00:19:58.519 --> 00:20:01.920 I remember at one point he just stopped for maybe 353 00:20:01.960 --> 00:20:06.119 five seconds. He didn't eat, he didn't talk, he just 354 00:20:06.160 --> 00:20:08.599 looked around the table, and I watched him do it. 355 00:20:09.119 --> 00:20:11.599 I know what that look is because I made that 356 00:20:11.640 --> 00:20:15.240 same look standing in this house a hundred times. It's 357 00:20:15.240 --> 00:20:19.559 the look of someone realizing these people this right here, 358 00:20:20.279 --> 00:20:23.279 this is mine, this is who loves me, And for 359 00:20:23.359 --> 00:20:28.039 a mom, that's everything, that's the whole job. When dinner 360 00:20:28.119 --> 00:20:31.240 started winding down, I knew it was time. I caught 361 00:20:31.279 --> 00:20:35.000 Maddie's eye across the table. He nodded, We moved, Light 362 00:20:35.160 --> 00:20:38.119 started going down around the house. Jeremy cleared a spot 363 00:20:38.119 --> 00:20:40.880 on the table, Maddie and I carried out the cake, 364 00:20:41.319 --> 00:20:46.960 carry chocolate, nineteen candles flowing, flickering. The whole room went 365 00:20:47.039 --> 00:20:49.839 quiet for just a second when it came around the corner, 366 00:20:50.119 --> 00:20:52.880 and then somebody started singing. I'm not even sure who 367 00:20:53.000 --> 00:20:57.200 started at first, but once it started, everybody joined in. 368 00:20:57.599 --> 00:20:59.839 And I'm going to be honest with you. 369 00:20:59.400 --> 00:21:02.279 Nobody was in tune, nobody was in time. 370 00:21:02.880 --> 00:21:05.880 Half the people were laughing while they sang. The little 371 00:21:05.880 --> 00:21:09.200 ones were half a verse behind. Somebody was singing the 372 00:21:09.200 --> 00:21:12.640 wrong words on purpose, and it was perfect. It was 373 00:21:12.720 --> 00:21:16.799 absolutely perfect, because you don't need harmony when you've got 374 00:21:16.839 --> 00:21:19.400 this much love in one room. I watched Gavin the 375 00:21:19.440 --> 00:21:22.319 whole time. I couldn't help it. I watched my son, 376 00:21:22.799 --> 00:21:26.160 my second boy, my kid who used to hide behind 377 00:21:26.200 --> 00:21:29.480 my legs when strangers came over, standing in front of 378 00:21:29.480 --> 00:21:32.720 a cake, his mom and sister, made surrounded by people 379 00:21:32.720 --> 00:21:35.519 who have known him his whole life, and for a second, 380 00:21:35.960 --> 00:21:38.920 I saw all of him at once. I saw the baby. 381 00:21:39.440 --> 00:21:42.319 I saw the toddler with the messy hair. I saw 382 00:21:42.359 --> 00:21:44.599 the little boy who used to hand me dandelions like 383 00:21:44.640 --> 00:21:47.000 they were roses. I saw the kid on the first 384 00:21:47.079 --> 00:21:50.279 day of school. I saw the teenager who figured out 385 00:21:50.279 --> 00:21:52.880 how to make people laugh. I saw the young man 386 00:21:53.039 --> 00:21:58.319 standing there now, quiet, steady, surrounded all of them, all 387 00:21:58.359 --> 00:22:02.440 at once stacked up inside that one face. That's what 388 00:22:02.480 --> 00:22:06.000 a birthday really is when you're the mom. It's not 389 00:22:06.160 --> 00:22:11.039 one year, it's every year. It's every version of that kid, 390 00:22:11.359 --> 00:22:14.759 all existing in the same breath. And right before he 391 00:22:14.839 --> 00:22:17.880 blew out the candles, he closed his eyes just for 392 00:22:17.920 --> 00:22:21.799 a second, longer than most people do. And I don't 393 00:22:21.880 --> 00:22:25.079 know what he wished for. I never asked. I'm not 394 00:22:25.160 --> 00:22:28.880 going to because some wishes are meant to stay between 395 00:22:28.880 --> 00:22:32.960 a boy and his birthday. But whatever he wished for 396 00:22:33.039 --> 00:22:36.839 that night, I hope he feels it someday. I hope 397 00:22:36.839 --> 00:22:40.359 it comes true in the biggest way, because if anyone 398 00:22:40.440 --> 00:22:42.440 deserves it. 399 00:22:41.680 --> 00:22:42.960 It's him. 400 00:22:43.200 --> 00:22:47.319 He blew out the candles, the room erupted, clapping, cheering, 401 00:22:47.960 --> 00:22:52.960