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<v Speaker 1>Tell me what you love was like before you died.

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<v Speaker 2>I was married, had a young child, elderly mother living

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<v Speaker 2>with me, and I was seeking my happiness externally. And

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<v Speaker 2>I think a lot of us do that. And I

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<v Speaker 2>was ill all the time, always kind of had anything

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<v Speaker 2>that came down the pike, I got it, and so

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<v Speaker 2>I reinforced that by saying, you know, don't get near me.

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<v Speaker 2>But the key was that I was unhappy and didn't

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<v Speaker 2>really realize I was unhappy. There was some missing part

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<v Speaker 2>of me that was trying to be filled externally. I

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<v Speaker 2>realized that my whole life, I've been a seeker and

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<v Speaker 2>a seeker of things that were unknown. It's like I

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<v Speaker 2>came in knowing that there was something I needed to know,

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<v Speaker 2>and so I did that for as long as I

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<v Speaker 2>can remember, trying to make known the unknown. I would

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<v Speaker 2>go to different services that you know. I went to

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<v Speaker 2>a Baptist funeral once and I just thought, this is

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<v Speaker 2>the way that you go to go through the whole

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<v Speaker 2>morning process and then the celebration like absolute beautiful service.

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<v Speaker 2>My elderly mother was really struggling and she had fallen

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<v Speaker 2>and she's from the East Coast and she spent forty

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<v Speaker 2>five minutes on the floor kind of thing, right, And

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<v Speaker 2>so my new husband and I we just said, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>something has to be done here. So family meetings kind

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<v Speaker 2>of situation, we decided she's going to move in with us.

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<v Speaker 2>We're entrepreneurs, we had more flexibility than my siblings, and

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<v Speaker 2>it was a big move. So we moved mom to Vegas.

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<v Speaker 2>We ended up going to Vegas, which was kind of

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<v Speaker 2>a funny side story. We were trying to figure out

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<v Speaker 2>where to move away from La because it was just

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<v Speaker 2>too expensive for us to continue there and bring mom.

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<v Speaker 2>So we were looking at different areas and a friend

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<v Speaker 2>of mine said, why don't you try Las Vegas And

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<v Speaker 2>we were like, Las Vegas not really vibe in the

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<v Speaker 2>like no state income text. When we moved to Vegas

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<v Speaker 2>and Mom, you know, as an elderly person and spending

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<v Speaker 2>you know, forty some years in the same home.

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<v Speaker 1>That's a big move.

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<v Speaker 2>And as much as we really tried to make that

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<v Speaker 2>transition easier for her, there's only so much you can do.

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<v Speaker 1>That's just that was big. So Mom struggled.

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<v Speaker 2>So we were now with a young child and my

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<v Speaker 2>elderly mom. And when we first moved to Vegas, within

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<v Speaker 2>months my husband was in a major car accident.

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<v Speaker 1>He was rear ended at a light.

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<v Speaker 2>You know. Side note, mourned my little three twenty five

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<v Speaker 2>I convertible car. But the major thing that happened was

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<v Speaker 2>that it really changed the.

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<v Speaker 1>Trajectory of our lives.

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<v Speaker 2>He saw this truck coming, he had nowhere to go,

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<v Speaker 2>and it barreled into him at a standstill. So this

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<v Speaker 2>once very playful, easy going, very healthy and fit human

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<v Speaker 2>changed in that moment.

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<v Speaker 1>So he dealt with chronic pain.

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<v Speaker 2>We were looking at this, this is a new chapter

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<v Speaker 2>of our life, and it just really changed everything. And

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<v Speaker 2>then we were in the middle of a lawsuit, and

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<v Speaker 2>if anyone has been in a major lawsuit like that,

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<v Speaker 2>there's nothing.

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<v Speaker 1>Positive about the process.

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<v Speaker 2>And he ended up journaling every bit of his pain

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<v Speaker 2>every single day for years, volumes, and.

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<v Speaker 1>So again, what does that do?

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<v Speaker 2>That just deepens and embeds the disability. And so we

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<v Speaker 2>were struggling and we were not going to make it,

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<v Speaker 2>but we kept trying, right this young family. And so

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<v Speaker 2>he was dealing with his own pain and trauma, and

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<v Speaker 2>I was dealing with my own.

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<v Speaker 1>Need to fix everything.

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<v Speaker 2>I was just starting this concept of understanding more about

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<v Speaker 2>Reikie and energy, healing and crystals. Fell in love of crystals,

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<v Speaker 2>and for a minute, you know, I was shoving crystals

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<v Speaker 2>underneath the mattress of my husband's side of the bed

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<v Speaker 2>right thinking that miraculous thing was going.

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<v Speaker 1>To fix him.

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<v Speaker 2>So he decided he was going to go on a

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<v Speaker 2>passion about it. So ten days noble silence, he was

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<v Speaker 2>going to go and really do this deep inner work.

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<v Speaker 1>That was wonderful.

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<v Speaker 2>You don't have a phone, you don't have any communication

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<v Speaker 2>with the outside world once you go into this retreat.

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<v Speaker 2>That's what it is for ten days, all inner work,

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<v Speaker 2>total silence, meditation. Well, as he was getting ready to go,

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<v Speaker 2>I was sick once again. I had some upper respiratory

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<v Speaker 2>condition or something that was going and I wasn't getting better.

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<v Speaker 2>And at that time, I was starting to really look

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<v Speaker 2>at holistic approaches to wellness. I was raised in that

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<v Speaker 2>bucked it for a while. Now it was coming full

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<v Speaker 2>circle and so I didn't want to go.

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<v Speaker 1>To the doctor.

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<v Speaker 2>I really was going to get well on my own.

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<v Speaker 2>And he said, I really don't want you to leave

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<v Speaker 2>you like this, right if I'm going to if you

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<v Speaker 2>can't contact me if something goes wrong, So I said, okay,

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<v Speaker 2>I'll go to the doctor. I'll get some antibiotics, which

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<v Speaker 2>I did, and as I was leaving the doctor, he

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<v Speaker 2>was saying goodbye. He had traveled to Colorado for this retreat.

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<v Speaker 2>We said our goodbyes on the phone. And then I

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<v Speaker 2>just couldn't leave it, right I. I couldn't rest. I

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<v Speaker 2>had to get things done. And it's like I was

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<v Speaker 2>just a woman on a mission. I was getting like

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<v Speaker 2>security system put in the house.

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<v Speaker 1>I was, you know, I.

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<v Speaker 2>Was not not taking care of myself. And then in

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<v Speaker 2>a few couple of short days, I just went down

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<v Speaker 2>and then again just like this next level of down

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<v Speaker 2>where I didn't know if I had I didn't know

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<v Speaker 2>what was happening with my son. He was, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>two at the time. My elderly mother, who was always around,

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<v Speaker 2>somehow vanished. She was not to be found. I was

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<v Speaker 2>kind of trying to call out in a whisper. I

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<v Speaker 2>didn't know when the last time I had water, I

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<v Speaker 2>didn't know the last time I had eaten, And so

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<v Speaker 2>I felt myself drifting off. And yet my conscious mind

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<v Speaker 2>was alert enough to say, you have to get someone

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<v Speaker 2>to take care of your son, right. So I got

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<v Speaker 2>the phone. I contacted my friend who is my son's godmother,

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<v Speaker 2>and she came and took care of him, and as

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<v Speaker 2>soon as I knew he was okay, my spirit left

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<v Speaker 2>my body and I could feel it lifting outside of

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<v Speaker 2>my body. And with that beautiful release, I was in

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<v Speaker 2>a space of light, the brightest and whitest of lights.

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<v Speaker 2>I describe it as lightning strike white. And I didn't

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<v Speaker 2>have a body. I was a sphere of light within

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<v Speaker 2>the light, which is interesting because you figure, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>if you're light and you're in light, how do you

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<v Speaker 2>know the difference. But there's like this differentiation of it.

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<v Speaker 2>And it was just bliss. It was just sweet relief.

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<v Speaker 1>We'll be right back after a word from our sponsor,

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<v Speaker 1>and now back to the show.

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<v Speaker 2>And very quickly I understood that this was it and

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<v Speaker 2>I could transition and I had no qualms about leaving

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<v Speaker 2>this suit behind. And then I noticed that there were

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<v Speaker 2>these two light beings that were often the distance. Again,

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<v Speaker 2>depth perception is kind of a interesting thing when it's

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<v Speaker 2>just all light. But I could see these two beings

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<v Speaker 2>coming towards me and it felt comfortable. They felt familiar

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<v Speaker 2>but safe, and as they got close to me, they

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<v Speaker 2>spoke to me telepathically and said that basically, it is

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<v Speaker 2>not my time, but I had free will to choose

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<v Speaker 2>whether to stay or to go, and I was like going.

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<v Speaker 2>I felt like it was I was getting off of

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<v Speaker 2>a roller coaster ride, you know, woohoo, this was like

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<v Speaker 2>an amazing ride. I'm done, Let's just go on. But

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<v Speaker 2>what they said to me is that before I made

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<v Speaker 2>this decision, there were things to know. And it wasn't

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<v Speaker 2>quite a life review. I call it a relationship review,

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<v Speaker 2>whereas I didn't see physically, it.

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<v Speaker 1>Was more visceral.

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<v Speaker 2>And so the key relationships in my life would wash

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<v Speaker 2>over me, and I would feel just the extraordinary love

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<v Speaker 2>and wisdom and knowledge that I gleaned from the experience,

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<v Speaker 2>and then that person would wash away, or that sole

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<v Speaker 2>experience would wash away, and then the next one would come,

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<v Speaker 2>and then I would have that experience, and I only

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<v Speaker 2>really recall my husband first, my mother, my husband, and

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<v Speaker 2>my son. So my husband came again washing over and

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<v Speaker 2>remembering that we were not in a good place. We

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<v Speaker 2>really didn't even like each other at this point, and

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<v Speaker 2>so we were just kind of getting through. And yet

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<v Speaker 2>in this light, in this experience, just extraordinary love and

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<v Speaker 2>the wisdom and the knowledge of the experience. No would a, coulda,

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<v Speaker 2>should have not you know what's going to happen when

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<v Speaker 2>I'm gone, Just grateful for the experience. And then as

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<v Speaker 2>he washed away, my son came and felt like it

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<v Speaker 2>was strategic and what they were doing, these beings felt

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<v Speaker 2>like they had a job to do. The pureness of

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<v Speaker 2>the love was just beyond and it was softer, softer

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<v Speaker 2>and pure. I was just so grateful to have the

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<v Speaker 2>experience of birthing, and my son was only two years old.

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<v Speaker 2>So even on the other side, or this queener space

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<v Speaker 2>as I call it, before I actually was, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>going on the light train home. I made a deal

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<v Speaker 2>and I said, I will go back and be this

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<v Speaker 2>beautiful soul's mom until he doesn't need me anymore. And

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<v Speaker 2>then I get to go when I want to go,

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<v Speaker 2>and so no long drawn out illnesses. But when I

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<v Speaker 2>get to choose, I get to go, and boom, I

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<v Speaker 2>was back in my body and I sat up and went,

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<v Speaker 2>what the expletive just happened to me? Because I didn't know.

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<v Speaker 2>I was calling it a fantasy of death. I went

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<v Speaker 2>from being you know, kind of on my deathbed to

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<v Speaker 2>being almost completely better, sitting up alert and everything was beautiful.

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<v Speaker 2>Everything had just like a film on it, a residue

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<v Speaker 2>on it that was just different. Everything felt alive and

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<v Speaker 2>vibrant and beautiful. I don't know how long I was

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<v Speaker 2>sitting in my bed looking at these inanimate objects in

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<v Speaker 2>my room, from the hinges on the door to the doorknob,

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<v Speaker 2>and just awe of how beautiful everything was.

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<v Speaker 1>I I need to get some out once this going on.

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<v Speaker 2>I reached out to my sister at the time, was

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<v Speaker 2>studying metaphysics and meditation and a joke in the book

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<v Speaker 2>because she's a leo and she's a very, very big personality,

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<v Speaker 2>and she was silent while I just detailed everything of

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<v Speaker 2>what happened, until I was like, so what do you think?

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<v Speaker 2>And she was very exuberant, and she's like, you had

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<v Speaker 2>an exit opportunity, and you know that's so amazing and

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<v Speaker 2>people don't always remember them, but you know there's a reason.

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<v Speaker 2>And it was just a little too much exuberance coming

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<v Speaker 2>straight back. I was trying to understand again, I was

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<v Speaker 2>calling it a fantasy of death. So I didn't know

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<v Speaker 2>so then and I have no idea how much time

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<v Speaker 2>I was there or even after how long I sat

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<v Speaker 2>in my room staring at everything, but I was still

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<v Speaker 2>in bed when I contacted my sister and then reached

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<v Speaker 2>out to my dear friend who was on her spiritual path, Brenda.

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<v Speaker 2>I can feel her now because she's on the other side.

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<v Speaker 1>She guided me to.

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<v Speaker 2>Her spiritual mentor from Houston, Texas, and I reached out

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<v Speaker 2>to her, left her a voicemail and she contacted me

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<v Speaker 2>like almost immediately, and she said tell me, and I

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<v Speaker 2>told her exactly what happened, and she said near death experience.

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<v Speaker 2>She said, it's textbook. She said, did do you feel

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<v Speaker 2>this way? Did this happened? And I was like, yes,

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<v Speaker 2>I feel this residue. Weal me. She's the one that

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<v Speaker 2>gave me the term residue and she said journal. She said,

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<v Speaker 2>it will start to dissipate slowly, slowly, and within two

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<v Speaker 2>weeks it'll be gone. And boy to the day she

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<v Speaker 2>was right on.

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<v Speaker 1>And so that.

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<v Speaker 2>First couple of days was just pure bliss. No matter

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<v Speaker 2>what it was that was happening, it was just beautiful.

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<v Speaker 2>So the three main things were My takeaway was that

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<v Speaker 2>there's no attachment on the other side, just pure love.

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<v Speaker 2>So there's no death, pure love and no attachment now

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<v Speaker 2>coming from a person that was very attached previous to this.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean I was a helicopter mom, and anyone that

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<v Speaker 2>doesn't know that term, you know.

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<v Speaker 1>You were on that child, yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>Right, and not on a lead, but just definitely eyes

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<v Speaker 2>on this child all the time and very attached, very

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<v Speaker 2>attached to all my relationships and all my experiences. So

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<v Speaker 2>this was very much a lesson for me of this

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<v Speaker 2>feeling of non attachment but pure love. You are everything

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<v Speaker 2>that you need within you. You don't need to look

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<v Speaker 2>outside yourself for anything. I believe the ultimate purpose is

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<v Speaker 2>to love, to exemplify love, and to experience.

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<v Speaker 1>I go back to that because we chose to

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<v Speaker 2>Come here for an experience, and that's different for everyone.