Speaker 1: Tell me what you love was like before you died.
Speaker 2: I was married, had a young child, elderly mother living
Speaker 2: with me, and I was seeking my happiness externally. And
Speaker 2: I think a lot of us do that. And I
Speaker 2: was ill all the time, always kind of had anything
Speaker 2: that came down the pike, I got it, and so
Speaker 2: I reinforced that by saying, you know, don't get near me.
Speaker 2: But the key was that I was unhappy and didn't
Speaker 2: really realize I was unhappy. There was some missing part
Speaker 2: of me that was trying to be filled externally. I
Speaker 2: realized that my whole life, I've been a seeker and
Speaker 2: a seeker of things that were unknown. It's like I
Speaker 2: came in knowing that there was something I needed to know,
Speaker 2: and so I did that for as long as I
Speaker 2: can remember, trying to make known the unknown. I would
Speaker 2: go to different services that you know. I went to
Speaker 2: a Baptist funeral once and I just thought, this is
Speaker 2: the way that you go to go through the whole
Speaker 2: morning process and then the celebration like absolute beautiful service.
Speaker 2: My elderly mother was really struggling and she had fallen
Speaker 2: and she's from the East Coast and she spent forty
Speaker 2: five minutes on the floor kind of thing, right, And
Speaker 2: so my new husband and I we just said, you know,
Speaker 2: something has to be done here. So family meetings kind
Speaker 2: of situation, we decided she's going to move in with us.
Speaker 2: We're entrepreneurs, we had more flexibility than my siblings, and
Speaker 2: it was a big move. So we moved mom to Vegas.
Speaker 2: We ended up going to Vegas, which was kind of
Speaker 2: a funny side story. We were trying to figure out
Speaker 2: where to move away from La because it was just
Speaker 2: too expensive for us to continue there and bring mom.
Speaker 2: So we were looking at different areas and a friend
Speaker 2: of mine said, why don't you try Las Vegas And
Speaker 2: we were like, Las Vegas not really vibe in the
Speaker 2: like no state income text. When we moved to Vegas
Speaker 2: and Mom, you know, as an elderly person and spending
Speaker 2: you know, forty some years in the same home.
Speaker 1: That's a big move.
Speaker 2: And as much as we really tried to make that
Speaker 2: transition easier for her, there's only so much you can do.
Speaker 1: That's just that was big. So Mom struggled.
Speaker 2: So we were now with a young child and my
Speaker 2: elderly mom. And when we first moved to Vegas, within
Speaker 2: months my husband was in a major car accident.
Speaker 1: He was rear ended at a light.
Speaker 2: You know. Side note, mourned my little three twenty five
Speaker 2: I convertible car. But the major thing that happened was
Speaker 2: that it really changed the.
Speaker 1: Trajectory of our lives.
Speaker 2: He saw this truck coming, he had nowhere to go,
Speaker 2: and it barreled into him at a standstill. So this
Speaker 2: once very playful, easy going, very healthy and fit human
Speaker 2: changed in that moment.
Speaker 1: So he dealt with chronic pain.
Speaker 2: We were looking at this, this is a new chapter
Speaker 2: of our life, and it just really changed everything. And
Speaker 2: then we were in the middle of a lawsuit, and
Speaker 2: if anyone has been in a major lawsuit like that,
Speaker 2: there's nothing.
Speaker 1: Positive about the process.
Speaker 2: And he ended up journaling every bit of his pain
Speaker 2: every single day for years, volumes, and.
Speaker 1: So again, what does that do?
Speaker 2: That just deepens and embeds the disability. And so we
Speaker 2: were struggling and we were not going to make it,
Speaker 2: but we kept trying, right this young family. And so
Speaker 2: he was dealing with his own pain and trauma, and
Speaker 2: I was dealing with my own.
Speaker 1: Need to fix everything.
Speaker 2: I was just starting this concept of understanding more about
Speaker 2: Reikie and energy, healing and crystals. Fell in love of crystals,
Speaker 2: and for a minute, you know, I was shoving crystals
Speaker 2: underneath the mattress of my husband's side of the bed
Speaker 2: right thinking that miraculous thing was going.
Speaker 1: To fix him.
Speaker 2: So he decided he was going to go on a
Speaker 2: passion about it. So ten days noble silence, he was
Speaker 2: going to go and really do this deep inner work.
Speaker 1: That was wonderful.
Speaker 2: You don't have a phone, you don't have any communication
Speaker 2: with the outside world once you go into this retreat.
Speaker 2: That's what it is for ten days, all inner work,
Speaker 2: total silence, meditation. Well, as he was getting ready to go,
Speaker 2: I was sick once again. I had some upper respiratory
Speaker 2: condition or something that was going and I wasn't getting better.
Speaker 2: And at that time, I was starting to really look
Speaker 2: at holistic approaches to wellness. I was raised in that
Speaker 2: bucked it for a while. Now it was coming full
Speaker 2: circle and so I didn't want to go.
Speaker 1: To the doctor.
Speaker 2: I really was going to get well on my own.
Speaker 2: And he said, I really don't want you to leave
Speaker 2: you like this, right if I'm going to if you
Speaker 2: can't contact me if something goes wrong, So I said, okay,
Speaker 2: I'll go to the doctor. I'll get some antibiotics, which
Speaker 2: I did, and as I was leaving the doctor, he
Speaker 2: was saying goodbye. He had traveled to Colorado for this retreat.
Speaker 2: We said our goodbyes on the phone. And then I
Speaker 2: just couldn't leave it, right I. I couldn't rest. I
Speaker 2: had to get things done. And it's like I was
Speaker 2: just a woman on a mission. I was getting like
Speaker 2: security system put in the house.
Speaker 1: I was, you know, I.
Speaker 2: Was not not taking care of myself. And then in
Speaker 2: a few couple of short days, I just went down
Speaker 2: and then again just like this next level of down
Speaker 2: where I didn't know if I had I didn't know
Speaker 2: what was happening with my son. He was, you know,
Speaker 2: two at the time. My elderly mother, who was always around,
Speaker 2: somehow vanished. She was not to be found. I was
Speaker 2: kind of trying to call out in a whisper. I
Speaker 2: didn't know when the last time I had water, I
Speaker 2: didn't know the last time I had eaten, And so
Speaker 2: I felt myself drifting off. And yet my conscious mind
Speaker 2: was alert enough to say, you have to get someone
Speaker 2: to take care of your son, right. So I got
Speaker 2: the phone. I contacted my friend who is my son's godmother,
Speaker 2: and she came and took care of him, and as
Speaker 2: soon as I knew he was okay, my spirit left
Speaker 2: my body and I could feel it lifting outside of
Speaker 2: my body. And with that beautiful release, I was in
Speaker 2: a space of light, the brightest and whitest of lights.
Speaker 2: I describe it as lightning strike white. And I didn't
Speaker 2: have a body. I was a sphere of light within
Speaker 2: the light, which is interesting because you figure, you know,
Speaker 2: if you're light and you're in light, how do you
Speaker 2: know the difference. But there's like this differentiation of it.
Speaker 2: And it was just bliss. It was just sweet relief.
Speaker 1: We'll be right back after a word from our sponsor,
Speaker 1: and now back to the show.
Speaker 2: And very quickly I understood that this was it and
Speaker 2: I could transition and I had no qualms about leaving
Speaker 2: this suit behind. And then I noticed that there were
Speaker 2: these two light beings that were often the distance. Again,
Speaker 2: depth perception is kind of a interesting thing when it's
Speaker 2: just all light. But I could see these two beings
Speaker 2: coming towards me and it felt comfortable. They felt familiar
Speaker 2: but safe, and as they got close to me, they
Speaker 2: spoke to me telepathically and said that basically, it is
Speaker 2: not my time, but I had free will to choose
Speaker 2: whether to stay or to go, and I was like going.
Speaker 2: I felt like it was I was getting off of
Speaker 2: a roller coaster ride, you know, woohoo, this was like
Speaker 2: an amazing ride. I'm done, Let's just go on. But
Speaker 2: what they said to me is that before I made
Speaker 2: this decision, there were things to know. And it wasn't
Speaker 2: quite a life review. I call it a relationship review,
Speaker 2: whereas I didn't see physically, it.
Speaker 1: Was more visceral.
Speaker 2: And so the key relationships in my life would wash
Speaker 2: over me, and I would feel just the extraordinary love
Speaker 2: and wisdom and knowledge that I gleaned from the experience,
Speaker 2: and then that person would wash away, or that sole
Speaker 2: experience would wash away, and then the next one would come,
Speaker 2: and then I would have that experience, and I only
Speaker 2: really recall my husband first, my mother, my husband, and
Speaker 2: my son. So my husband came again washing over and
Speaker 2: remembering that we were not in a good place. We
Speaker 2: really didn't even like each other at this point, and
Speaker 2: so we were just kind of getting through. And yet
Speaker 2: in this light, in this experience, just extraordinary love and
Speaker 2: the wisdom and the knowledge of the experience. No would a, coulda,
Speaker 2: should have not you know what's going to happen when
Speaker 2: I'm gone, Just grateful for the experience. And then as
Speaker 2: he washed away, my son came and felt like it
Speaker 2: was strategic and what they were doing, these beings felt
Speaker 2: like they had a job to do. The pureness of
Speaker 2: the love was just beyond and it was softer, softer
Speaker 2: and pure. I was just so grateful to have the
Speaker 2: experience of birthing, and my son was only two years old.
Speaker 2: So even on the other side, or this queener space
Speaker 2: as I call it, before I actually was, you know,
Speaker 2: going on the light train home. I made a deal
Speaker 2: and I said, I will go back and be this
Speaker 2: beautiful soul's mom until he doesn't need me anymore. And
Speaker 2: then I get to go when I want to go,
Speaker 2: and so no long drawn out illnesses. But when I
Speaker 2: get to choose, I get to go, and boom, I
Speaker 2: was back in my body and I sat up and went,
Speaker 2: what the expletive just happened to me? Because I didn't know.
Speaker 2: I was calling it a fantasy of death. I went
Speaker 2: from being you know, kind of on my deathbed to
Speaker 2: being almost completely better, sitting up alert and everything was beautiful.
Speaker 2: Everything had just like a film on it, a residue
Speaker 2: on it that was just different. Everything felt alive and
Speaker 2: vibrant and beautiful. I don't know how long I was
Speaker 2: sitting in my bed looking at these inanimate objects in
Speaker 2: my room, from the hinges on the door to the doorknob,
Speaker 2: and just awe of how beautiful everything was.
Speaker 1: I I need to get some out once this going on.
Speaker 2: I reached out to my sister at the time, was
Speaker 2: studying metaphysics and meditation and a joke in the book
Speaker 2: because she's a leo and she's a very, very big personality,
Speaker 2: and she was silent while I just detailed everything of
Speaker 2: what happened, until I was like, so what do you think?
Speaker 2: And she was very exuberant, and she's like, you had
Speaker 2: an exit opportunity, and you know that's so amazing and
Speaker 2: people don't always remember them, but you know there's a reason.
Speaker 2: And it was just a little too much exuberance coming
Speaker 2: straight back. I was trying to understand again, I was
Speaker 2: calling it a fantasy of death. So I didn't know
Speaker 2: so then and I have no idea how much time
Speaker 2: I was there or even after how long I sat
Speaker 2: in my room staring at everything, but I was still
Speaker 2: in bed when I contacted my sister and then reached
Speaker 2: out to my dear friend who was on her spiritual path, Brenda.
Speaker 2: I can feel her now because she's on the other side.
Speaker 1: She guided me to.
Speaker 2: Her spiritual mentor from Houston, Texas, and I reached out
Speaker 2: to her, left her a voicemail and she contacted me
Speaker 2: like almost immediately, and she said tell me, and I
Speaker 2: told her exactly what happened, and she said near death experience.
Speaker 2: She said, it's textbook. She said, did do you feel
Speaker 2: this way? Did this happened? And I was like, yes,
Speaker 2: I feel this residue. Weal me. She's the one that
Speaker 2: gave me the term residue and she said journal. She said,
Speaker 2: it will start to dissipate slowly, slowly, and within two
Speaker 2: weeks it'll be gone. And boy to the day she
Speaker 2: was right on.
Speaker 1: And so that.
Speaker 2: First couple of days was just pure bliss. No matter
Speaker 2: what it was that was happening, it was just beautiful.
Speaker 2: So the three main things were My takeaway was that
Speaker 2: there's no attachment on the other side, just pure love.
Speaker 2: So there's no death, pure love and no attachment now
Speaker 2: coming from a person that was very attached previous to this.
Speaker 2: I mean I was a helicopter mom, and anyone that
Speaker 2: doesn't know that term, you know.
Speaker 1: You were on that child, yeah.
Speaker 2: Right, and not on a lead, but just definitely eyes
Speaker 2: on this child all the time and very attached, very
Speaker 2: attached to all my relationships and all my experiences. So
Speaker 2: this was very much a lesson for me of this
Speaker 2: feeling of non attachment but pure love. You are everything
Speaker 2: that you need within you. You don't need to look
Speaker 2: outside yourself for anything. I believe the ultimate purpose is
Speaker 2: to love, to exemplify love, and to experience.
Speaker 1: I go back to that because we chose to
Speaker 2: Come here for an experience, and that's different for everyone.