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Speaker 1: Chapter five of Winnie the Pooh by A. A. Milney.

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This LibriVox recording is in the public domain. Chapter five,

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in which Piglet meets a hef a lump one day,

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when Christopher Robin and Winnie the Pooh and Picklet were

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all talking together. Christopher Robin finished the mouthful he was

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eating and said, carelessly, I saw a hefflump to day, Picklet.

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What was it doing, asked Piglet, Just lumping along, said

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Christopher Robin. I don't think it saw me. I saw

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one once, said Piglet. At least I think I did,

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he said, Only perhaps it wasn't, so did, I, said Pooh,

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wondering what a hef a lump was like. You don't

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often see them, said Christopher Robin carelessly. Not now, said Picklet,

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Not at this time of year, said Pooh. Then they

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all talked about something else until it was time for

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Pooh and Pickelet to go home together. At first, as

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they stumped along the path which edged the hundred acre Wood,

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they didn't say much to each other. But when they

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came to the stream and had helped each other across

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the stepping stones and were able to walk side by

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side again, over the heather. They began to talk in

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a friendly way about this and that, and Piglet said,

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if you see what I mean Pooh, and Pooh said,

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it's just what I think myself, Piclet and Pickelet said,

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but on the other hand, Pooh, we must remember, and

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Pooh said, why true, Pickelet, although I had forgotten it

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for the moment. And then, just as they came to

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the six pine trees, Pooh looked round to see that

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nobody else was listening and said, in a very solemn voice, Piglet,

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I have decided something. What have you decided, Pooh? I

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have decided to catch a heff a lump. Pooh nodded

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his head several times as he said this, and waited

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for Piglet to say how, or Pooh, you couldn't, or

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something helpful of that sort, But Piglet said nothing. The

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fact was Piglet was wishing that he had thought about

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it first. I shall do it, said Pooh, after waiting

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a little longer, by means of a trap. And it

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must be a conning trap, so you will have to

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help me, Piglet. Pooh said Picklet, feeling quite happy again.

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Now I will, And then he said, how shall we

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do it? And Pooh said that's just it how and

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then they sat down together to think it out. Pooh's

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first idea was that they should dig a very deep pit,

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and then the heffalump would come along and fall into

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the pit. And why, said Picklet, Why what said Pooh?

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Why would he fall in? Pooh rubbed his nose with

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his paw and said that the heffalump might be walking along,

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humming a little song and looking up at the sky

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and wondering if it would rain, and so he wouldn't

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see the very deep pit until he was halfway down,

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when it would be too late. Pickelet said that this

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was a very good trap. But supposing it were raining already,

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Pooh rubbed his nose again and said that he hadn't

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thought of that, And then he brightened up and said

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that if it were raining already, the heffalump would be

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looking at the sky wondering if it we clear up,

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and so he wouldn't see the very deep pit until

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he was half way down, when it would be too late.

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Pickelet said that now that this point had been explained,

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he thought it was a cunning trap. Pooh was very

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proud when he heard this, and he felt that the

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heflump was as good as caught already. But there was

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just one other thing which had to be thought about,

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and it was this, where should they dig the very

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deep pit? Pickelet said that the best place would be

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somewhere where a heflump was just before he fell into it,

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only about a foot further on. But then he would

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see us digging it, said Pooh. Not if he was

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looking at the sky, he would suspect, said Pooh, if

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he happened to look down. He thought for a long time,

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and then added, sadly, it isn't as easy I thought.

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I suppose that's why heffalumps hardly ever get caught. That

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must be it, said Picklet. They sighed and got up,

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and when they had taken a few gorse prickles out

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of themselves, they sat down again, And all the time

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Pooh was saying to himself, if only I could think

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of something, for he felt sure that a very clever

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brain could catch a hefflump, if only he knew the

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right way to go about it. Suppose he said to Pilet,

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you wanted to catch me, how would you do it? Well,

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said Picklet, I should do it like this. I should

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make a trap, and I should put a jar of

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honey in the trap, and you would smell it, and

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you would go in after it, and and I would

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go in after it, said Pooh excitedly. Only there, very

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carefully so as not to hurt myself. And I would

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get to the jar of honey, and I should lick

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round the edges first of all, pretending that there wasn't

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any more, you know, And then I should walk away

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and think about it a little, and then I should

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come back and start looking in the middle of the jar.

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And then yes, well, never mind about that. There you

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would be, and there I should catch you. Now, the

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first thing to think of is what do hefalums like?

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I should think acorns, shouldn't you? We'll get a lot

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of I say. Wake up, Pooh. Pooh, who had gone

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into a happy dream, woke up with a start and

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said that honey was a much more trappy thing than acorns.

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Picclet didn't think so, and they were just going to

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argue about it when Pilet remembered that if they put

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acorns in the trap, he would have to find the acorns,

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but if they put honey, Pooh would have to give

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up some of his own honey, so he said, all right, honey. Then,

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just as Pooh remembered it too and was going to say,

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all right, hacorns, honey, said picklet to himself in a

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thoughtful way, as if they were now settled. I'll dig

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the pit while you go and get the honey. Very well,

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said Pooh, and he stumped off. As soon as he

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got home. He went to the larder, and he stood

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on a chair and took down a very large jar

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of honey from the top shelf. It had honey written

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on it, but just to make sure, he took off

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the paper cover and looked at it, and it looked

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like honey. But you never can tell, said Pooh. I

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remember my uncle saying once that he had seen cheese

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Josh this color. So he put his tongue in and

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took a large lick. Yes, he said, it is no

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doubt about that, And honey, I should say, right down

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to the bottom of the jar, unless, of course, he said,

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thembbody put cheese in it at the bottom just for

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a joke. Perhaps I had better go a little further

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Josh in case. In case, huffalumps don't like cheese, same

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as me, ah, And he gave a deep sigh. Ah,

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I was right, it is honey, right the way down.

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Having made certain of this, he took the jar back

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to pilet, and Piclet looked up from the bottom of

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his very deep pit and said, got it. And Pooh

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said yes, but it isn't quite a full jaw, and

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he threw it down to Picklet, and Picklet said no,

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it isn't. Is that all you've got left? And Pooh

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said yes, because it was so. Picklet put the jaw

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at the bottom of the pit and climbed out, and

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they went home together. Well, good night, Pooh, said Picklet,

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when they had got to Pooh's house. And we meet

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at six o'clock to morrow morning by the pine trees,

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and see how many heffalumps we've got in our trap.

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Six o'clock, Piglet, And have you got any string? No,

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why do you want string to lead them home with? Oh?

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I think heflumps come if you whistle, Some do and

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some don't. You never can tell with heffalumps. Well, oh,

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good night, good night, and off Piglet trotted to his house.

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Trespassers w while Pooh made his preparations for bed. Some

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hours later, just as the night was beginning to steal away,

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Pooh woke up suddenly with a sink ding feeling. He

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had had that sinking feeling before, and he knew what

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it meant. He was hungry, so he went to the

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larder and he stood on a chair and reached up

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to the top shelf and found nothing. That's funny, he thought,

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I know why. I had a jaw of honey. There,

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a full jar full of honey right up to the top,

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and it had honey written on it so that I

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should know it was honey. That's very fawnny. And then

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he began to wander up and down wondering where it was,

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and murmur a murmur to himself like this, it's very

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very funny because I know I had some honey because

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it had a label on it saying honey egaluptus full

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up pot two. And I don't know where it's got to. No,

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I don't know where it's gone. Well, it's funny. He

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murmured this to himself three times in a singing sort

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of way, when suddenly he remembered he had put it

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into the cunning trap to catch the hefflump. Mother said, Pooh,

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it all comes of trying to be kind to he alumps.

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And he got back into bed, but he couldn't sleep.

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The more he tried to sleep, the more he couldn't.

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He tried counting sheep, which is sometimes a good way

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of getting to sleep, and as that was no good,

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he tried counting heflumps, and that was worse, because every

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heffalump that he counted was making straight for a pot

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of poos honey and eating it all. For some minutes,

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he lay there miserably, But when the five hundred and

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eighty seventh hefflump was licking its jaws and saying to itself,

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very good honey. This. I don't know when I've tasted better,

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Pooh could bear it no longer. He jumped out of bed,

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ran out of the house, and he ran straight to

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the six pine trees. The sun was still in bed,

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but there was a lightness in the sky over the

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one hundred acre wood, which seemed to show that it

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was waking up and would soon be kicking off the clothes.

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In the half light, the pine trees looked cold and lonely,

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and the very deep pit seemed deeper than it was,

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and poosar of honey. At the bottom was something mysterious,

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a shape and no more. But as he got nearer

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to it, his nose told him that it was indeed honey,

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and his tongue came out and began to polish up

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his mouth ready for it. Bother said pooh. As he

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got his nose inside the jar, a euff lump has

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been eating it. And then he thought a little and said, oh, no,

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did I forgot? Indeed he had eaten most of it,

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but there was a little left at the very bottom

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of the jar. And he pushed his head right in

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and began to lick by and by picklet woke up.

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As soon as he woke he said to himself. Oh,

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then he said bravely, yes, and then still more bravely,

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quite so, But he didn't feel very brave, for the

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word which was really jiggeting about in his brain was

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helf a lumps? What was a heffalump like? Was it fierce?

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Did it come when you whistled? And how did it come?

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Was it fond of pigs at all? If it was

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fond of pigs, did it make any difference? What sort

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of pig, supposing it was fierce with pigs, would it

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make any difference if the pig had a grandfather called trespassers?

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William he didn't know the answer to any of these questions,

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and he was going to see his first heffalump in

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about an hour from now. Of course, Pooh would be

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with him, and it was much more friendly with two.

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But suppose heffalumps were very fierce with pigs and bears.

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Wouldn't it be better to pretend that he had a

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headache and couldn't go up to the six pine trees

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this morning? But then suppose that it was a very

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fine day and there was no heffalump in the trap here,

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he would be in bed all the morning, simptly wasting

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his time for nothing. What should he do? And then

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he had a clever idea. He would go up very

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quietly to the six pine trees. Now, peep very cautiously

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into the trap, and see if there was a hefolump there,

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and if there was, he would go back to bed,

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and if there wasn't, he wouldn't so off he went.

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At first he thought that there wouldn't be a heff

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lump in the trap, and then he thought that there would,

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and as he got nearer, he was sure that there would,

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because he could hear it heffalumping about like anything. Oh dear,

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oh dear, oh dear, said pick it to himself, and

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he wanted to run away, but somehow, having got so near,

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he felt that he must just see what a heiff

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a lump was like. So he crept to the side

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of the trap and looked in, and all the time

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Winnie the Pooh had been trying to get the honey

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jar off his head. The more he shook it, the

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more tightly it stuck. Bother, he said, inside the jar,

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and oh help, and mostly owl, and he tried bumping

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it against things, but as he couldn't see what he

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was bumping it against, it didn't help him. And he

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tried to climb out of the trap, but as he

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could see nothing but jar and not much of that,

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he couldn't find his way. So at last he lifted

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up his head, jar and all, and made a loud,

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roaring noise of sadness and despair. And it was at

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that moment that Piglet looked down. Help Help, cried, Picklet,

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A hello, lump, a horrible hell a lump, and he

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scampered off as hard as he could, still crying out

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help help, A horrible hoffalump, half half hellow, horrorlump, houle hole,

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a haffable hallow rump. And he didn't stop crying and

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scampering until he got to Christopher Robin's house. What's the matter, Piglet,

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said Christopher Robin, who was just getting up. Helf, said Piglet,

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breathing so hard that he could hardly speak. He helf,

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helf a heflump? Where up there? Said Pilet, waving his pawn.

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What did it look like? Like? Like? He had the

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biggest had you ever saw, Christopher Robin, A great enormous

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thing like like nothing a huge big well, like a

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I don't know, like an enormous big nothing like a

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jar well, said Christopher Robin, putting on his shoes. I

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shall go and look at it. Come on, Piglet wasn't

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afraid if he had Christopher Robin with him, so off

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they went. I can hear it, can't you, said Picklet

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anxiously as they got near. I can hear something, said

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Christopher Robin. It was Pooh, bumping his hat against a

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tree root he had found there said Piglet, isn't it awful?

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And he held on tight to Christopher Robin's hand. Suddenly

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Christopher Robin began to laugh, and he laughed, and he

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laughed and he laughed. And while he was laughing, krash

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went the heffalump's head against the tree root, smash went

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the jar, and out came Pooh's head again. Then Pickolet

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saw what a foolish piglet he had been, and he

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was so ashamed of himself that he ran straight off

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home and went to bed with a headache. But Christopher

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Robin and Pooh went home to breakfast together. Oh bear,

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said Christopher Robin. How I do love you? So do

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I said Pooh? End of Chapter five