Speaker 1: Chapter five of Winnie the Pooh by A. A. Milney.
This LibriVox recording is in the public domain. Chapter five,
in which Piglet meets a hef a lump one day,
when Christopher Robin and Winnie the Pooh and Picklet were
all talking together. Christopher Robin finished the mouthful he was
eating and said, carelessly, I saw a hefflump to day, Picklet.
What was it doing, asked Piglet, Just lumping along, said
Christopher Robin. I don't think it saw me. I saw
one once, said Piglet. At least I think I did,
he said, Only perhaps it wasn't, so did, I, said Pooh,
wondering what a hef a lump was like. You don't
often see them, said Christopher Robin carelessly. Not now, said Picklet,
Not at this time of year, said Pooh. Then they
all talked about something else until it was time for
Pooh and Pickelet to go home together. At first, as
they stumped along the path which edged the hundred acre Wood,
they didn't say much to each other. But when they
came to the stream and had helped each other across
the stepping stones and were able to walk side by
side again, over the heather. They began to talk in
a friendly way about this and that, and Piglet said,
if you see what I mean Pooh, and Pooh said,
it's just what I think myself, Piclet and Pickelet said,
but on the other hand, Pooh, we must remember, and
Pooh said, why true, Pickelet, although I had forgotten it
for the moment. And then, just as they came to
the six pine trees, Pooh looked round to see that
nobody else was listening and said, in a very solemn voice, Piglet,
I have decided something. What have you decided, Pooh? I
have decided to catch a heff a lump. Pooh nodded
his head several times as he said this, and waited
for Piglet to say how, or Pooh, you couldn't, or
something helpful of that sort, But Piglet said nothing. The
fact was Piglet was wishing that he had thought about
it first. I shall do it, said Pooh, after waiting
a little longer, by means of a trap. And it
must be a conning trap, so you will have to
help me, Piglet. Pooh said Picklet, feeling quite happy again.
Now I will, And then he said, how shall we
do it? And Pooh said that's just it how and
then they sat down together to think it out. Pooh's
first idea was that they should dig a very deep pit,
and then the heffalump would come along and fall into
the pit. And why, said Picklet, Why what said Pooh?
Why would he fall in? Pooh rubbed his nose with
his paw and said that the heffalump might be walking along,
humming a little song and looking up at the sky
and wondering if it would rain, and so he wouldn't
see the very deep pit until he was halfway down,
when it would be too late. Pickelet said that this
was a very good trap. But supposing it were raining already,
Pooh rubbed his nose again and said that he hadn't
thought of that, And then he brightened up and said
that if it were raining already, the heffalump would be
looking at the sky wondering if it we clear up,
and so he wouldn't see the very deep pit until
he was half way down, when it would be too late.
Pickelet said that now that this point had been explained,
he thought it was a cunning trap. Pooh was very
proud when he heard this, and he felt that the
heflump was as good as caught already. But there was
just one other thing which had to be thought about,
and it was this, where should they dig the very
deep pit? Pickelet said that the best place would be
somewhere where a heflump was just before he fell into it,
only about a foot further on. But then he would
see us digging it, said Pooh. Not if he was
looking at the sky, he would suspect, said Pooh, if
he happened to look down. He thought for a long time,
and then added, sadly, it isn't as easy I thought.
I suppose that's why heffalumps hardly ever get caught. That
must be it, said Picklet. They sighed and got up,
and when they had taken a few gorse prickles out
of themselves, they sat down again, And all the time
Pooh was saying to himself, if only I could think
of something, for he felt sure that a very clever
brain could catch a hefflump, if only he knew the
right way to go about it. Suppose he said to Pilet,
you wanted to catch me, how would you do it? Well,
said Picklet, I should do it like this. I should
make a trap, and I should put a jar of
honey in the trap, and you would smell it, and
you would go in after it, and and I would
go in after it, said Pooh excitedly. Only there, very
carefully so as not to hurt myself. And I would
get to the jar of honey, and I should lick
round the edges first of all, pretending that there wasn't
any more, you know, And then I should walk away
and think about it a little, and then I should
come back and start looking in the middle of the jar.
And then yes, well, never mind about that. There you
would be, and there I should catch you. Now, the
first thing to think of is what do hefalums like?
I should think acorns, shouldn't you? We'll get a lot
of I say. Wake up, Pooh. Pooh, who had gone
into a happy dream, woke up with a start and
said that honey was a much more trappy thing than acorns.
Picclet didn't think so, and they were just going to
argue about it when Pilet remembered that if they put
acorns in the trap, he would have to find the acorns,
but if they put honey, Pooh would have to give
up some of his own honey, so he said, all right, honey. Then,
just as Pooh remembered it too and was going to say,
all right, hacorns, honey, said picklet to himself in a
thoughtful way, as if they were now settled. I'll dig
the pit while you go and get the honey. Very well,
said Pooh, and he stumped off. As soon as he
got home. He went to the larder, and he stood
on a chair and took down a very large jar
of honey from the top shelf. It had honey written
on it, but just to make sure, he took off
the paper cover and looked at it, and it looked
like honey. But you never can tell, said Pooh. I
remember my uncle saying once that he had seen cheese
Josh this color. So he put his tongue in and
took a large lick. Yes, he said, it is no
doubt about that, And honey, I should say, right down
to the bottom of the jar, unless, of course, he said,
thembbody put cheese in it at the bottom just for
a joke. Perhaps I had better go a little further
Josh in case. In case, huffalumps don't like cheese, same
as me, ah, And he gave a deep sigh. Ah,
I was right, it is honey, right the way down.
Having made certain of this, he took the jar back
to pilet, and Piclet looked up from the bottom of
his very deep pit and said, got it. And Pooh
said yes, but it isn't quite a full jaw, and
he threw it down to Picklet, and Picklet said no,
it isn't. Is that all you've got left? And Pooh
said yes, because it was so. Picklet put the jaw
at the bottom of the pit and climbed out, and
they went home together. Well, good night, Pooh, said Picklet,
when they had got to Pooh's house. And we meet
at six o'clock to morrow morning by the pine trees,
and see how many heffalumps we've got in our trap.
Six o'clock, Piglet, And have you got any string? No,
why do you want string to lead them home with? Oh?
I think heflumps come if you whistle, Some do and
some don't. You never can tell with heffalumps. Well, oh,
good night, good night, and off Piglet trotted to his house.
Trespassers w while Pooh made his preparations for bed. Some
hours later, just as the night was beginning to steal away,
Pooh woke up suddenly with a sink ding feeling. He
had had that sinking feeling before, and he knew what
it meant. He was hungry, so he went to the
larder and he stood on a chair and reached up
to the top shelf and found nothing. That's funny, he thought,
I know why. I had a jaw of honey. There,
a full jar full of honey right up to the top,
and it had honey written on it so that I
should know it was honey. That's very fawnny. And then
he began to wander up and down wondering where it was,
and murmur a murmur to himself like this, it's very
very funny because I know I had some honey because
it had a label on it saying honey egaluptus full
up pot two. And I don't know where it's got to. No,
I don't know where it's gone. Well, it's funny. He
murmured this to himself three times in a singing sort
of way, when suddenly he remembered he had put it
into the cunning trap to catch the hefflump. Mother said, Pooh,
it all comes of trying to be kind to he alumps.
And he got back into bed, but he couldn't sleep.
The more he tried to sleep, the more he couldn't.
He tried counting sheep, which is sometimes a good way
of getting to sleep, and as that was no good,
he tried counting heflumps, and that was worse, because every
heffalump that he counted was making straight for a pot
of poos honey and eating it all. For some minutes,
he lay there miserably, But when the five hundred and
eighty seventh hefflump was licking its jaws and saying to itself,
very good honey. This. I don't know when I've tasted better,
Pooh could bear it no longer. He jumped out of bed,
ran out of the house, and he ran straight to
the six pine trees. The sun was still in bed,
but there was a lightness in the sky over the
one hundred acre wood, which seemed to show that it
was waking up and would soon be kicking off the clothes.
In the half light, the pine trees looked cold and lonely,
and the very deep pit seemed deeper than it was,
and poosar of honey. At the bottom was something mysterious,
a shape and no more. But as he got nearer
to it, his nose told him that it was indeed honey,
and his tongue came out and began to polish up
his mouth ready for it. Bother said pooh. As he
got his nose inside the jar, a euff lump has
been eating it. And then he thought a little and said, oh, no,
did I forgot? Indeed he had eaten most of it,
but there was a little left at the very bottom
of the jar. And he pushed his head right in
and began to lick by and by picklet woke up.
As soon as he woke he said to himself. Oh,
then he said bravely, yes, and then still more bravely,
quite so, But he didn't feel very brave, for the
word which was really jiggeting about in his brain was
helf a lumps? What was a heffalump like? Was it fierce?
Did it come when you whistled? And how did it come?
Was it fond of pigs at all? If it was
fond of pigs, did it make any difference? What sort
of pig, supposing it was fierce with pigs, would it
make any difference if the pig had a grandfather called trespassers?
William he didn't know the answer to any of these questions,
and he was going to see his first heffalump in
about an hour from now. Of course, Pooh would be
with him, and it was much more friendly with two.
But suppose heffalumps were very fierce with pigs and bears.
Wouldn't it be better to pretend that he had a
headache and couldn't go up to the six pine trees
this morning? But then suppose that it was a very
fine day and there was no heffalump in the trap here,
he would be in bed all the morning, simptly wasting
his time for nothing. What should he do? And then
he had a clever idea. He would go up very
quietly to the six pine trees. Now, peep very cautiously
into the trap, and see if there was a hefolump there,
and if there was, he would go back to bed,
and if there wasn't, he wouldn't so off he went.
At first he thought that there wouldn't be a heff
lump in the trap, and then he thought that there would,
and as he got nearer, he was sure that there would,
because he could hear it heffalumping about like anything. Oh dear,
oh dear, oh dear, said pick it to himself, and
he wanted to run away, but somehow, having got so near,
he felt that he must just see what a heiff
a lump was like. So he crept to the side
of the trap and looked in, and all the time
Winnie the Pooh had been trying to get the honey
jar off his head. The more he shook it, the
more tightly it stuck. Bother, he said, inside the jar,
and oh help, and mostly owl, and he tried bumping
it against things, but as he couldn't see what he
was bumping it against, it didn't help him. And he
tried to climb out of the trap, but as he
could see nothing but jar and not much of that,
he couldn't find his way. So at last he lifted
up his head, jar and all, and made a loud,
roaring noise of sadness and despair. And it was at
that moment that Piglet looked down. Help Help, cried, Picklet,
A hello, lump, a horrible hell a lump, and he
scampered off as hard as he could, still crying out
help help, A horrible hoffalump, half half hellow, horrorlump, houle hole,
a haffable hallow rump. And he didn't stop crying and
scampering until he got to Christopher Robin's house. What's the matter, Piglet,
said Christopher Robin, who was just getting up. Helf, said Piglet,
breathing so hard that he could hardly speak. He helf,
helf a heflump? Where up there? Said Pilet, waving his pawn.
What did it look like? Like? Like? He had the
biggest had you ever saw, Christopher Robin, A great enormous
thing like like nothing a huge big well, like a
I don't know, like an enormous big nothing like a
jar well, said Christopher Robin, putting on his shoes. I
shall go and look at it. Come on, Piglet wasn't
afraid if he had Christopher Robin with him, so off
they went. I can hear it, can't you, said Picklet
anxiously as they got near. I can hear something, said
Christopher Robin. It was Pooh, bumping his hat against a
tree root he had found there said Piglet, isn't it awful?
And he held on tight to Christopher Robin's hand. Suddenly
Christopher Robin began to laugh, and he laughed, and he
laughed and he laughed. And while he was laughing, krash
went the heffalump's head against the tree root, smash went
the jar, and out came Pooh's head again. Then Pickolet
saw what a foolish piglet he had been, and he
was so ashamed of himself that he ran straight off
home and went to bed with a headache. But Christopher
Robin and Pooh went home to breakfast together. Oh bear,
said Christopher Robin. How I do love you? So do
I said Pooh? End of Chapter five