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YouTube dot com slash softcore History. This week we are
joined by Joel and Coop from Crime Corner and the
Iconoblast History podcast, and we are talking about the life
and the upbringing of one Teddy Roosevelt, the man, the myth,
the legend. He's great to read about, but was he
a bad hang find out on this episode of Softcore History.
Welcome to Softcore History.
Speaker 2: Welcome back to soft Core History. I'm your host Fool Week,
Dan Rejester, joined as always by Rob Fox, Hello, and
very special guest Reunited. It is Icono Blast, it is Coop,
it is Joe. It is a four man's show.
Speaker 1: The Icono Boys are here full game show today though,
we're just fucking party.
Speaker 3: Former icono blast. Now we're Crime Corner Boys.
Speaker 1: Yeah, crime crime Boys, crime.
Speaker 4: Like a almost like a reunion tour just because we
need the money at this point.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: These are the other two. Yeah, these are the other
two members of the Crime Corner family. Or you guys
are calling yourself like crime cronies.
Speaker 3: Oh, crime cronies.
Speaker 1: I like that. Yeah, it's like the gayest gang that
ever exists.
Speaker 3: Crime cowards.
Speaker 1: Yeah, crime cowards. But yeah, you guys are here. Jesse
obviously the other part of that, who was on the
show last week for a bonus EPI.
Speaker 2: Yeah. But they're of course known for their history podcast,
which you can still find on Apple and Spotify. That's right,
I kind of blast. Yeah, so you can download those
old episodes. You guys did like twenty episodes on Caesar.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think thirteen in a row total thirteen probably
about sixteen or seven thirteen zones, but some of them
were kind of hidden his trying to see their episodes.
Speaker 2: Well, in your honor, I decided to do a biography
a little bit.
Speaker 4: I was fucking stoked when you told me what the
topic is.
Speaker 2: Yeah, walked in Favorite People in History, we're doing Teddy doing.
Speaker 1: Can I tell you that I'm still annoyed to this
day that. So my firstborn child, we call him Rory.
His name is Robert Edward Fox the fourth, Robert D.
Fox the third.
Speaker 4: God damn, that's a good name.
Speaker 1: I pitched over and fucking over, and we'd run out
of Robert nicknames. Essentially. Actually, I wanted to do Bobby,
but my wife worked with two people named Bobby who
she fucking hated.
Speaker 2: So was she a han sir han fan.
Speaker 1: Courtney can't imagine she knows who that is.
Speaker 2: She's like freemon man.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I can't, can't.
Speaker 2: But she's just a huge, like Bobby Kennedy hater.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, so I was. I get that.
Speaker 2: I get the joke now.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: So I was like, all right, well, okay, let's swap
to middle name nicknames. So his names middle name is Edward.
Let's call him Teddy. I love the name, call him Teddy.
And she fucking just vetoed that ship over and over. Really, yeah,
I gave her. So I told her. I've told this
to every girl I've dated. Seriously, I was like, the
first born boy is gonna be Rob four and we
came to an agreement that she could pick the nickname.
Speaker 4: Okay, I think that's fair, fair enough.
Speaker 1: But and not Rory's fine. Rory is a good name.
But Teddy really taken advantage of her in her drug state.
Speaker 2: But I just felt bad for her. You could have
done what my dad did.
Speaker 1: She didn't pass out, I mean she was delusional.
Speaker 4: She was like, hang on, I'm missing parts of that story.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, so to catch you up.
Speaker 1: Conceived and born while his mom was passed out.
Speaker 2: But when my mom was passed out, they asked my
dad my name and they had agreed upon on it
being Ian James and calling you right, call me IJ,
which thank god they did not do that. Thank god.
My dad pulled this stunt. He named me after him,
so Dan, but he kind of hedged a little bit,
took my mother's maiden name, made it my middle name.
So she woke up and she's like, where's IJ, Like, well,
we have news you mean Daniel Murphy. Yeah, it's a lot.
Speaker 1: By the way they just give you when you have
a baby. They give you like it's not even a
fancy form, like it looks like a like like something
you would fill out to be in a softball league
and it's just like you write the name down and
then yeah, then they come back with the birth certificate.
It is like the most underwhelming. I expected, like it
to look like a social Security card, like a college
like degree, you.
Speaker 4: Know what I mean, like confusing form or something.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it literally looks like just printed off a school
printer to sign up for theater club or so, you
know what I mean. Like it is like bar REI yeah,
like it is hilarious. I was like, this is where
we write it, so it's very easy to do. Like
if my wife was for the second kid, my wife
was like I had like a horrible epidural situation where
I basically to take care of the baby the whole time.
Speaker 2: Jesus, this is becoming an episode on Rob's Family.
Speaker 1: Her whole, her whole stomach was pulsating like she was
an alien like in the movie Alien, like someone like
a fucking pop out. And so I could write whatever
I wanted to. She had no she had no chance
to fix it.
Speaker 2: Teddy, I actually hated the nickname Teddy, preferred Theodore.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so his name Theodore.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he hated being called Teddy and in his older
age he liked being called anything but Teddy.
Speaker 4: Really surprising that he just I was wondering if you
want Also.
Speaker 1: Well, you know a lot of people on the Drinking
Bro Show call me Bob. I do not like the
nickname Bob. It doesn't piss me off, but I don't
ever I would never ever introduce myself.
Speaker 3: As Bob Robe.
Speaker 1: Bob is my dad. Bob is an old man.
Speaker 2: You have to earn that you're not a Bob.
Speaker 1: I'm not a Bob. I'm a rob. Look at me.
Speaker 3: I think I always call you Bob. I'm sorry for that.
Speaker 1: I don't care. I don't care.
Speaker 2: I don't seems like you care.
Speaker 1: I don't care.
Speaker 2: But tell us how much you don't care.
Speaker 1: I don't care. I'm not mad. I don't care.
Speaker 3: I'm not mad.
Speaker 1: Robbie as a kid, I want by Robbie.
Speaker 2: Well, here's the thing, Teddy, I'm gonna keep calling me
Teddy in this episode. I mean, you're dead. I don't
want to dishonor you, but you are Teddy's Teddy. It's
just an easier name to say. I'm not gonna say
Theodore every time. It's cooler, Teddy is cooler.
Speaker 1: Also, Teddy running up a hill blasting Spaniards. Theodore doesn't
blast spaniards Teddy.
Speaker 2: So this entire episode is we're going to cover Teddy Roosevelt,
the man. We're not really gonna get too much into
the politics. A little bit, we will, we'll touch on
you know, when he was police commissioner, when he anti banana.
Bananas were an issue in New York. Do you know
how he late eighteen hundreds. Let me finish, man, let
me explain it, all right, stop jumping all over my shit.
Speaker 3: Uh, Robbie j tuck banana. Sorry.
Speaker 2: The trope of banana peels being slippery is a real thing,
because in New York City there were constant banana peel
injuries as people would just eat the banana and throw
it onto the sidewalk the street. People used just litter,
and people used to eat shit from the banana.
Speaker 1: Didn't like an old man hemorrhage and die a couple.
I believe, yeah, like it's there was something one in particular.
I remember reading about O no no, I think I wrote
about it on the Patreon. It was in Saint Louis.
This is happening everywhere. People were just eating bananas and
fucking eating the peel. And that's like the whole thing
of like Mario Kart, you know, banana pete slipping on
the manipeel, classic thing. That is a real thing. And
I wrote a story this happened in New York too,
But like people would step on discarded banana peels they
didn't see, smoke, their head on the ground, on the
concrete soil, can hemorrhage and die.
Speaker 2: Teddy Roosevelt implemented fines for this. He's like, it's garbage.
You can't be just throwing that on the streets.
Speaker 4: So slapstick comedy. You started off as a cautionary.
Speaker 3: Tale, yes, and Teddy made it a crime.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Teddy made la.
Speaker 3: Comedy.
Speaker 2: He was an unliked police commissioner and we'll get to that.
Speaker 4: Oh god, I can imagine.
Speaker 2: But he grew up a very sickly child in New
York with severe asthma, and he spent his entire life
trying to will himself into a man's man who was
the og Like David Goggins.
Speaker 1: I think he the og Dan Regester. He conquered his
asthma through sheer force of will, the way you conquered
your butt asthma.
Speaker 2: I see nothing butt crowns disease commercials now like during
NFL college games.
Speaker 1: Just but you cured it.
Speaker 2: I did through sheer willpower, just like Teddy Resident.
Speaker 1: Yeah, asthma's real thing. He does refuse to eat cheese, though.
Speaker 2: I eat pizza. I just don't like cheese on anything else.
Speaker 3: I don't need ches.
Speaker 2: I find it unnecessary. I think a burger's perfectly found
without cheese.
Speaker 4: That that is sacrilegious.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's in thesane take it's not.
Speaker 1: I can you need cheese on a taco?
Speaker 2: I'm not here like riding for it. That's just a
personal preference.
Speaker 1: It's a bad one.
Speaker 2: I'm not the one that's like, oh, you fucking suck.
If you eat cheese on a hamburger, that's you right now.
Speaker 3: I take cheese off burgers. I leave cheese on everything else,
but burgers. I like them better without cheese.
Speaker 4: To me, that that seems like I'm not saying it's
it's like nefarious or malicious or anything, but it seems
like sour grapes.
Speaker 2: Do you put cheese on your steaks?
Speaker 1: Well, no, you mean a completely different type of meat,
the cheese overpower. And also, by the way, yeah, I
will slap blue cheese on a steak, No questions asked.
Speaker 2: Blue cheese, for sure. But you ever have like the
Crenshaw stick at Matt's all branchows.
Speaker 1: I have had a stick there before.
Speaker 2: I don't they do put a cheese on top of it,
which I don't like. Yeah, it's a ribb. I don't
put cheese on.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's fair that I can.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm definitely I don't.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't need two slices of American cheese on
my fucking ribby.
Speaker 4: You don't put a fucking lawn flamingo in front of
the White House.
Speaker 1: I mean I would, In fact, that's the first thing
I would do about President Yeah, that's very Trump ask
as well.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, just show people you're a parent head.
Speaker 1: Did he did he? Did he run as a Floridian
the first time? Or was he a New Yorker?
Speaker 3: I think I thought it was New York.
Speaker 1: Okay, but he's a Floridian now. So if he wins
flamingo on the no question to ask?
Speaker 4: Should all thought specifically just to see that.
Speaker 2: When the Civil War broke out, his household is incredibly
His old man worked with President Lincoln to aid Union soldiers,
while his mother was a total turncoat. She started secretly
sending relief packages to her Confederate family.
Speaker 1: Where's his mom problem?
Speaker 2: From down South? Which she was just never comfortable with
the being above the Mason Dixon line.
Speaker 4: Yeah, the whole non slavery thing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, she's just never comfortable with free blacks. I mean,
who is I mean, a black guy without chains is
like Santa's sleigh without sleigh bells on it. I'd just
like to hear the jingle slave bills.
Speaker 2: Yeah, slave sleive ah you're listening?
Speaker 4: Is that where there comes from?
Speaker 2: Wait?
Speaker 1: So you know what's really funny, by the way, is
that so Teddy Roosevelt's mom was that commercial, that Kamala
Harris commercial that just dropped where it's like the woman
her husband, the husband's like a maga guy and he's like, Hi,
get rid, come on with a go vote, And then
she gets to the booth and she feels out. Kamala Harris.
Teddy Roosevelt's mom was the inverse or just like the
reverse of that where the dad was like, hell yeah,
union and she goes into the voting booth and she's
like slaves.
Speaker 2: Teddy loved Physical activities despite his limitations, read books about
nature and history, specifically about his favorite subject, the War
of eighteen twelve, of course.
Speaker 1: Which he I think ultimately wrote a very.
Speaker 2: Good book on. He did. Teddy essentially was like, we
could have handled business if we even had a remotely
competent navy.
Speaker 1: He was a big weirdly even though he was in
the army and famous for the army.
Speaker 2: Big navy guy, big big navy guy. And that's a
big part of his presidency. Yeah, he gets us on
par with the other world powers. He gets a it's
called the Great White Fleet, and he has like sixteen destroyers.
He just gets us like modernized with our navy, and
that's how we become a little bit more of a
world power.
Speaker 1: Dude. Pre World War Two, I swear to God every
before every war when we went into we were just like, oops,
we need a military, Like every fucking war. I think
there was a quote from MacArthur before World War two.
He like went to West Point. He was already a
general or colonel or something, and they were like, watch
watch our exercises on the grounds, General, and he watches
it and it's like these literally this is like the thirties,
and it's these guys like fucking slapping shit on horses
and hooking them up to cannons, and the horses are
like pulling the cannons around. And I think his quote
was something paraphrase, something along the lines of like like
we're preparing for eighteen the War of eighteen twelve, while
the rest of the world is preparing for a twenty
twentieth century war.
Speaker 4: And they were doing that in the fucking thirties.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Literally, in the after World War One, they were
just like, hook these horses up to these cannons, let's
go da da. Fucking every the start of every American
war before or up even up to World War Two,
it's just like, oops, we.
Speaker 4: Need got tough grader.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: His father made a gym in their house so Teddy
could work on his physical fitness and bully his asthma
into submission. His mother home school him until he was eighteen,
and he attended Harvard in the fall of eighteen seventy six.
He was a bit of an outcast in college. He
had insane sideburns, was pester and professors with questions NonStop
door in class, and kept rocks and animal specimens in
his dorm.
Speaker 4: He actually the smell of his room.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was a bit of a weirdo.
Speaker 1: Did you have you seen the picture of him freshman year?
Speaker 2: No, my fucking fuck, it doesn't matter.
Speaker 3: I've seen a picture of him where he's fucking jat.
Speaker 2: We have too much to get too.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying, it's a good pick. You keep going on,
just pulled up.
Speaker 2: His father died in eighteen seventy eight, and he changed
his major to history and government so he could follow
in his senior's footsteps. He participated in wrestling and boxing
and joined the Hasty Pudding Club.
Speaker 1: This is freshman Teddy Roosevelt.
Speaker 3: That's the picture I was thinking. Yeah, this is an
eighteen year old that is pissed, doesn't give a fuck.
Speaker 4: That's a sixty year old man that spent life in
the forest.
Speaker 2: He met his future wife in October of eighteen seventy nine,
a Lease Hathaway. Lee initially thought he was a total
psycho and weirdo and turned him down after several marriage proposals,
but Teddy was persistent.
Speaker 4: I mean that Harvard.
Speaker 2: Yeah, this was at Harvard. Okay, this is the story
of like every grandparent or great grandparent or even like
some of our parents. It's like, yeah, I didn't like
your father at first, but he just kept but he
kept asking. He just kept asking, kept showing up.
Speaker 1: I mean most of his most of love and history
is just not taking no for an answer.
Speaker 3: That's changed now.
Speaker 4: Yeah, No, it doesn't mean yeah yeah, I mean it's
grandpa a little bit on the surface.
Speaker 1: That's literally like the plot of like most love movies. Yeah,
like rom coms.
Speaker 3: Are all the way the nineties.
Speaker 1: He just wouldn't take no for an answer.
Speaker 4: In the notebook, Yeah, like pretty much every single one.
Speaker 3: I mean, she did go live a full life and
fuck a bunch of other dudes.
Speaker 1: She did, and then and then came back.
Speaker 4: It's like pretty much the only modern romance. If you
go back to like Casablanca and Gone with the Wind
and stuff like that, it's all just guys are like, oh,
you said no, nope, yeah, we're doing this.
Speaker 1: Listen, damn.
Speaker 4: Frankly, madam, I don't give a damn.
Speaker 2: He eventually broke her down and they married on his
birthday in eighteen eighty.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah.
Speaker 2: During their honeymoon, Teddy took Alice to climb the Matterhorn
in the Swiss Alps. What a fun, exciting honeymoon.
Speaker 4: So dude, she.
Speaker 1: Doesn't want to marry him, doesn't want to marry him,
doesn't want to Marriam is finally like, oh my god, okay,
and he's like, good bitch, let's climb this mountain.
Speaker 3: I love this guy.
Speaker 2: He went to Columbia Law after and wrote his first
book while in school about his favorite subject, the Naval
War of eighteen twelve. Like you mentioned earlier, he wrote,
he writes a lot. Him and Churchill are both like prolific.
Speaker 1: Authors, you know, have anything else to do?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 3: They couldn't.
Speaker 1: He couldn't do nothing.
Speaker 2: Yeah. In eighteen eighty four, both his wife and mother
die on the same day in Valentine, on Valentine's Day.
Speaker 4: Damn from what he put a very bullet.
Speaker 2: So his wife dies right after childbirth, like two days
after giving birth to their first kid, and then his
mother had like some fever.
Speaker 4: I mean she was age old.
Speaker 1: She was like forty five.
Speaker 4: I was gonna say she's over the age of forty.
Her hernes were numbered. But he put a pretty depressing
mark in his journal on that day. It was just
an X that said the light has gone out.
Speaker 2: The light has gone out of my life. Damn next note.
Speaker 4: Oh sorry, no.
Speaker 1: Ill goes viral a lot, like everyone, Like every couple
of months, people just be like wow Teddy Roosevelt on
the day his wife and mom died.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, one of the Yeah.
Speaker 1: And I'm just like gay.
Speaker 4: Yeah. One of the most disgraceful days of my life
was when I thought it was a good idea to
use that.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna start using that every Monday.
Speaker 2: He left his baby daughter, who was born just two
days earlier, in the care of his sister Bammi. While
he grieved, he eventually gets custody of Alice when she's three.
Alice was a was known to be a partier, a gambler,
a smoker, and an all around rule breaker. Teddy once said,
I can either run this country or attend to Alice,
but I cannot possibly do both.
Speaker 1: Bad bitch. That is probably someone else we need to
do an apayon probably, Yeah, like she sounds rad.
Speaker 2: We'll do that for the patreon Yeah, yeah, yeah. And
he handled the death of his wife well, and by
that I mean he left the city behind for the
allure of the American West, became a cowboy.
Speaker 1: Is this when he fucks off to Deadwood. Yeah, he
becomes friends with Timothy Oliphant.
Speaker 2: He operated a cattle ranch and Little Missourian Little Missouri.
Speaker 4: Oh shit, I didn't know about that.
Speaker 2: In the Dakotas. Yeah, for few years, learning to ride
rope and hunt while living in North Dakota. Became deputy sheriff.
Speaker 3: Oh shit.
Speaker 2: One of the crimes that he took down while he
was deputy sheriff was thiefs stole his boat that he'd
been planning across uh, the Little Missouri River. So he
wrangled two other ranch hands. They built a brand new
boat in three days, and they chased after him. Imagine
stealing someone's boat and then like three or four days later,
you're like, who the fuck is that?
Speaker 1: There's just a new boat coming down.
Speaker 3: It's better than the one you stole, Like you steal.
Speaker 1: Someone's car, and then three days later you see some
junker speeding after you because he just went to a
salvage yard put a fucking engine in anything he could find.
Speaker 4: And not like a like a new car after it's
something that somebody else fucking threw together from scrap.
Speaker 2: He tracks them down, the three thieves arrest them that
gunpoint and hauls them the jail three hundred miles from
the original spot of the theft, watches him for forty
straight hours while he read Tolstoy. God, he's just sitting
there all cracked out, just reading Tolstoy, like laughing to himself.
Speaker 1: Do you sometimes get the impression that Teddy Roosevelt is
fucking rad as fuck to read about, but would be
horrible to be around.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's insane. He's a lunatic dude.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Every time that in recently, every time that I've I've
read anything about Roosevelt, the person that I picture is
Shrek McPhee, John Shrek McPhee. He was a Green Beret.
I think Delta Force just insane, over the top, badass.
Every interview I see with that guy, it's like, holy shit,
you would be a nightmare to be around.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you just like what you just be normal dude,
and you know what, it takes great men to do
great things and stuff like that. But it's like those
people you can't can't have a beer with them, you
know what I mean.
Speaker 4: Bring it back around to what Delga was saying, It's like, uh,
David Goggins, Gary, do you really want to hang out
with those kind of people.
Speaker 2: It would be fucking Do you want to hang out
with Michael Jordan?
Speaker 3: No? God, no, I think I would shack.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but Shaq doesn't have that fire within Yeah, he doesn't.
If he.
Speaker 1: If Shaq had that fire, he'd have ten championships, he'd.
Speaker 2: Be the greatest of all times.
Speaker 1: Like, without even question, he would be a murderer.
Speaker 2: But he was super lazy and he still was like
a top ten player of all time. But if he
actually had the drive and motivation to be great, he
would be the best player ever.
Speaker 1: Without it would I don't even know that there would
be a close second. I don't think so, Like really,
it's fucking crazy. And I respect him so much for
that he was.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's why you can have a beer with him.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he was just like you know, ah, I'm good. Yeah, ah.
Four championships.
Speaker 2: Jam Whatever writes a couple of books about the wild West.
After a drought and blizzards decimate his herd in eighteen
eighty six, returns to New York. He runs in to
an old childhood friend, Edith Kermit Carow. This becomes his wife.
Speaker 1: All right. I liked that he was just LARPing. By
the way, he was just like, well, my cattle died,
I'm go home. They have a daughter.
Speaker 2: I should probably check in on her.
Speaker 4: Who's got custom her.
Speaker 1: It's so fucking funny too. By the way, this one
thing where like I don't know that that diary entry
makes sense because he's like the light has gone out
of my life. My mother and my wife are dead.
You have a baby.
Speaker 4: About the baby, now, I just have to clean up
this mess.
Speaker 1: Take care of the baby, dickhead, and I take care
of it. You're rich as fuck, so just like have
anyone else wake up in the middle of the night
to deal with it or feed it or whatever. You
can play with it a little bit, but you have
to go. You have to go to North Dakota for
three years because your mom you gay lowered.
Speaker 2: Just two years, dude.
Speaker 4: It's funny like there would have been five years if
he lost a son.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yes, of course, which he does eventually have, because
that guy dies in D Day.
Speaker 2: Yeah he died. Oh no, no, no, he does World War One,
I think no, Theodore second. Okay, then he has another kid,
I believe of a heart attack. By the way. In
Day yeah, ship was beach.
Speaker 4: Was it Roosevelt's son that had like the really really
bad eyesight. He was like barely even fit for combat.
Speaker 2: His eight kids.
Speaker 1: I don't know it was Teddy Junior or the third
or whatever it was, but he he was played by
Henry Fonda in the Longest Day, and he's like, I'm
getting on that beach one way or other. My dad
charged up San Juan Hill and he goes, but he
does like have a heart attack like a day or
two later.
Speaker 4: I think, oh, Okay, maybe that's who I'm thinking of.
I remember hearing about at least one major badass who
sent their son off to war and their son was
definitely not fit for combat and just got fucked.
Speaker 2: So Teddy, when he goes back to New York, he
was already involved in like local politics, runs for mayor,
loses eventually a couple days later, gets married to Edith.
He goes over to England, they get you know, they
have the ceremony, they have a good time, comes back,
gets property on Long Island, and he has five children
with Edith. He's appointed police commissioner in New York in
eighteen ninety five and attempts to reform one of the
worlds and America's most corrupt police departments. It wasn't really
like the police department wasn't really a thing. It was
just kind of like a bullshit job because it's not
the way you think of the police now.
Speaker 4: When he was police commissioner, Like what period was.
Speaker 2: At the eighteen nineties, so ninety five.
Speaker 1: I think it's basically a good thing to imagine. It's
just John c Riley and gangs New York.
Speaker 3: That was in my mind. That's what I was thinking.
That's like firemen and gangs in New York, is what
I was thinking.
Speaker 1: Yeah, cops like up to that point, gang gangs, New York.
Jousey Riley just like a guy who like walks around
the does anyone else?
Speaker 2: Yeah, he took midnight rambles to make sure officers were
walking their beats. So he's an extreme micromanager.
Speaker 4: Oh god.
Speaker 2: He enforced an unpopular law that banned the sale of
alcohol and saloons on Sundays, and he kind of became
public enemy number one for that.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Don't they still do that here?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Yes, can't balcohol on Sundays?
Speaker 1: Yes, No, you.
Speaker 4: Can't go to liquor, Yeah, liquor and you can't get
beer until after ten am because Jesus.
Speaker 1: Because of this, he gets free of state in the Union.
Jesus won't let you buy beer until after ten on
Sunday and no liquor.
Speaker 4: Teddy says, so hey, freedom isn't free. There's a price
to pay for all that freedom. That means you can't
drink on Sundays.
Speaker 2: So they send to today. They send two letter bombs
to Teddy for bandon booze on Sundays.
Speaker 1: Wow, that's a good bomb. In the eighteen nineties.
Speaker 2: They don't work, though, they fell.
Speaker 1: I mean still, that's pretty analog.
Speaker 4: Yeah, how would you even do that. It's not that
he can remote detonated or something.
Speaker 1: True.
Speaker 4: Back in those days, you just don't open up the
packers that has a few sticking out.
Speaker 3: Of it, says late this.
Speaker 2: Roosevelt campaigned vigorously for Republican president candidate William McKinley in
eighteen ninety six. Roosevelt's loyalty paid off when he was
later appointed Assistant Secretary of the Navy, a position he
long coveted. Knowing that a navy was essential for the
United States to become a world power, he began building
up the Navy, constructing new ships, adding modern equipment, enhancing
trading procedures. He seemed to know that the war with
Spain was imminent and we had to have a badass
navy to get ready. So he saw the writing.
Speaker 4: On the wall.
Speaker 3: He fucking knew, dude.
Speaker 2: With the outbreak of the Spanish American War in eighteen
ninety eight, Roosevelt left his job as Assistant Secretary of
the Navy in order to lead a volunteer cavalry regiment
as lieutenant colonel in the Army. So he actually after
this wanted his family and friends to refer to him
as colonel the rest of his life.
Speaker 1: Oh boy, call me colonel. It's what was your rank?
Speaker 2: Coup?
Speaker 4: Oh e one?
Speaker 1: You're a lieutenant?
Speaker 4: Uh oh no, that would be one.
Speaker 1: Oh oh no, I was one.
Speaker 4: Okay, Private, I uh tail into training, I got I
got medical discharge.
Speaker 1: Okay, so private, thank you?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Private for the rest of the episode.
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, yeah, he was calling me private from now on.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah, I earned that rank.
Speaker 1: Goddamn right.
Speaker 2: The regiment, known as the Rough Riders, executed a daredevil
charge up San Juan and Kettle Hills in Cuba. Roosevelt
is hand as a hero, finally achieving the glory he
dreamed of as a boy. But apparently this like whole
charge of sam Juan, he just yolo bit like he
had no plan of attack. It's just like, let's go, boys.
Speaker 1: Unsurprising, deeply unsurprised.
Speaker 2: He ends up getting a lot of people killed, but
he gets a lot of people killed charging up Sam
Juan because he's just like, let's.
Speaker 1: Go, and uh, the Spanish had I love that machine
gunses the top of San Juan Hills, specifically the same
machine guns they would go on to using World War One,
not the Spanish, but just in general, like these were
I think there were maxims, Like it was maxims. Yeah,
it wasn't gatling, it was a I think it was
a Maxim at the top of San Juan Hill.
Speaker 2: Well, for his bravery, he's awarded the Metal of Honor
in two thousand and one.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he didn't get until oh one. Yeah, dude, all right,
that's a little bit postumus morning it is still.
Speaker 4: Because if you read about it, you got credit for
saving people. Online.
Speaker 2: They take the hill up the first hill and they're like,
we're gonna take that hill. Now, He's just let's go boys,
and like, what.
Speaker 1: Buy, we're so tired.
Speaker 2: I mean, yet, let's way.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you have this in there, but
I'm pretty sure. While the rest of his unit, you know,
had their standard issue whatever blah blah blah army uniforms,
including the other officers in the unit, he went to
Brooks Brothers and had his colonel's uniform specifically tailored by
Brooks Brothers.
Speaker 4: Man, if you're gonna die, at least look good while you're.
Speaker 1: Doing I don't disagree with that. Let me see I
can find that one. But it was literally like he
was like, this won't do I look.
Speaker 2: Granda Crowd's enthusiastically welcome to Roosevelt. Upon his return from Cuba.
Teddy's wartime reputation propelled him to the office of governor
of New York. At the nineteen hundred Republican Convention, Roosevelt
was nominated for the one position he didn't want, vice President.
Under William McKinley.
Speaker 1: Gotta start asking questions.
Speaker 2: The New York Party bosses wanted Roosevelt out of the governorship,
but Mark Hannah could see the consequences beyond New York State.
Hannah exclaimed, don't any of you realize there's only one
life between that madman and the presidency.
Speaker 1: Hell yeah, now hold on, I have to correct myself
real quick. This is actually pretty fucking sweet. He had
Brooks brothers do it for the whole unit.
Speaker 4: Oh no, fucking way, uniforms for the entire unit. Yeah, no,
wonder the rough Riders are remembered.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's actually fucking sweet.
Speaker 4: That is pretty bad.
Speaker 3: That changed, That changed a lot in my mind.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's like, you look like I won't have hobos
charging up a hill.
Speaker 2: Hannah calls it though, only six months after McKinley's March
nineteen oh one inauguration, the president was assassinated by an anarchist.
Speaker 1: We need to do an episode on uh who says
before but man anarchists were on a run in the
late nineteenth early twentieth century. They assassinated a ton of
world leaders.
Speaker 3: Yeah, from what I just call it, everybody.
Speaker 4: Started up a little bit of fight, like a bit
of a fight in the you know, between nineteen thirteen,
nineteen eighteen, something like that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, No. They were like kind of anarchists,
but they like they killed other kings. They got McKinley
and they tried to kill a shit ton of other people.
Speaker 2: Dude.
Speaker 4: It's it's fucking wild to think about how much of
an effect that still has on literally everything in world
politics to this day. Yeah, we are still recovering from everything.
The anarchist Yeah, h is that like a gang or something.
Speaker 1: No, it's like a political movement. And honestly, if you
read what they believe, like because I've caught like newspaper
clippings of like anarchist movement or anarchist meeting taking plate,
which is by the way, an oxymoron, but anarchist meeting
taking place and whatever. Like you read what they say,
they just sound like antifa, like woke little idiots that
it's like the same thing. It's like the same fucking thing, the.
Speaker 2: Same idea that history doesn't repeat it rhymes. Yeah, yeah.
So Teddy becomes twenty sixth President of the United States,
taken office in September fourteenth, nineteen oh one, at the
age of forty two, becoming the youngest man to ever
be president.
Speaker 1: To this day, I believe, right, not the youngest elected,
which is JFK, just.
Speaker 2: The youngest to become Yeah. During his presidency, the noted
out door has been often escaped secret Service. He sailed
his presidentially out in the Potomac and regularly led hiking
expeditions in the Rock Creek Park, where he would scale
cliffs and used twigs and stumps for target practice with
his revolver. And just a cool off, he wud skinny
dip in the Potomac.
Speaker 4: Yeah, why is it so popular for like old school
presidents to be naked all the time.
Speaker 1: I think swimming naked was really really common until like
at some point shortly after that, like maybe in the
twenties or something like that, at least for men, you
know what I mean. Like, yeah, because even if you
watch like World War two ship or whatever, they like
jump in the ocean naked with like they're in the
Pacific in the moo in the show the Pacific. They'll
just go swim and naked. Nobody like leaves the s
givvy thought or anything that.
Speaker 3: It's like, I know where it was uncomfortable back then.
Just like made a straw.
Speaker 4: Oh it was all burlap.
Speaker 1: Just let you fucking swing in the river, dude.
Speaker 2: He goes to Smite And nineteen oh three with environmentalist
and naturalist John Muir, who was one of the earliest
advocates for the idea of the national parks. Roosevelt fell
in love with you seventy the outdoor has been. President
recalled walking up the Glacier Point as the grandest day
of his life, not the birth of his children.
Speaker 4: He clearly didn't really gives.
Speaker 1: Much of a fuck about the first one being born,
since he was like, oh boy, it's a tough day,
I gotta go to North Dakota.
Speaker 2: Two years and then this three day camping trip inspired
Roosevelt to create the US Forest Service and provide federal
protection to approximately two hundred and thirty million acres of
American land, which, you know, we kind of rag on
the government government programs, but it's one of the better ones.
National parks.
Speaker 1: No communist bullshit. The markets would have figured it out.
Speaker 2: Now, the national parks are awesome.
Speaker 1: No communist bullshit, mar So the markets would have created
national parks.
Speaker 4: National parks to a certain degree. I do agree with
the Bureau of Land Management in general. Not a big
fan of had any My family had a lot of
issues with them growing up, so not a fan.
Speaker 3: Wait, could we back it up a bit. Did you
say presidential boat hit a boat?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Well, do they still have the it's like an Air
Force one.
Speaker 2: But no, it's just his personal boat.
Speaker 3: Oh I thought there was like an air Force one
version of boats too, So was it? Where are the
presidents using those?
Speaker 1: I'm sure there was something. But the first president to
visit Europe while president was Woodrow Wilson, so they weren't
really going anywhere way, Yeah, Woodrow Wilson as president. Yeah,
other presidents had been there, of course, but he was
the first one as president to go to Europe.
Speaker 4: That's crazy.
Speaker 1: And obviously like none of them went to fucking China
or anything. I mean, it was you know, Andrew Johnson
is not getting on a boat to go to fucking
Vietnam or Yeah.
Speaker 2: Resevelt was actually the first president though to go abroad
as president when he went he goes to Panama and
that was Yeah, it was Dran's presidency, the first president
to leave the country. That is.
Speaker 4: That is so fucking weird.
Speaker 3: It is weird. But why is it weird?
Speaker 4: Well, because it seems like it's the leader of one
of the biggest powers. Well they weren't a huge power
back then, but even as a leader of a country,
it seems like it would be natural to go to
other countries for.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I mean, I don't know, but like I
guess anyone prior to Grant was probably like, oh, I mean,
America was nothing prior to certainly the Civil War, yeah,
I would imagine, and then like between Lincoln and Roosevelt
probably is when we even started to get remotely like
oh there might be somebody, and then yeah, but.
Speaker 4: We Yeah, I guess it really wasn't until World War
Two that America became the heavy hitter that it is.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Now, but it's just weird to think American presidents not
visiting other countries, those relations.
Speaker 1: Some conference, but we weren't even in any major wars either,
like we were in wars, but like we weren't involved
in the Napoleonic Wars at all. When we were negotiating
like eighteen twelve and shit like that, obviously, you know,
our presidents weren't going to Ghent. It was ambassador's representatives
and shit like that. And then between eighteen twelve and
and the Spanish American War, we didn't fight anyone in
Europe or have any reason to really go to Europe.
I would think as a president, people.
Speaker 2: In life is better than he basically turns the White
House into a zoo. President Roosevelt had a bear named
Jonathan Edwards, a hyena, badger, one legged rooster.
Speaker 4: Wasn't John Edwards a psychic medium?
Speaker 1: Yes, this is a previous incarnation.
Speaker 2: A blue parrot named Eli Yale, lizards, pig snakes, cats, horses,
guinea pigs. They were all named Admiral Dewey, Doctor Johnson,
Bishop Doane, Fighting, Bob Evans, and Father O'Grady. Those are
his guinea pigs.
Speaker 4: I have a feeling none of those, none of those
animals are in those titles.
Speaker 2: And then Teddy is said to have wrestled his pet
bear as a form of recreation.
Speaker 3: Sure, there's a bear at the White House, just chillin's.
Speaker 2: And show that he was the man. Fucker who's the
man of the house. So you gotta wrestle the bear?
Speaker 1: Fuck the bear. There's a hyena even Yeah they are
dud mean bastard.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I would be way more worried about the hyenath
than the bear.
Speaker 1: They attacked when you turn around, Yeah, the hyenas psychos.
Speaker 2: He also goes bear hunting in nineteen oh two with
the Governor of Mississippi. While bear they fail they fail
to find a bear, so not one of the president
to leave empty handed. The gud ties a bear to
a tree, and Roosevelt declines to shoot the bear. Believe
in it's on sporting. You now it's not good sport.
Speaker 1: I'll simply club it with a hammer.
Speaker 4: I'll impregnate it, and i'll the l I'll buy it
a suit.
Speaker 3: First, then shoot.
Speaker 2: The incident was made into a political cartoon in the
Washington Post, which inspired a toy maker to make a
small stuffed bear as a child's toy, which is now
called a Teddy Teddy Bear.
Speaker 1: I didn't know that named for Teddy Roosevelt.
Speaker 2: Real quick.
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Speaker 2: In nineteen oh four, there were eighteen football related deaths
with one hundred and fifty nine serious injuries.
Speaker 1: This is where he gets cooked.
Speaker 2: In order for the sport to survive, he believed modern
rules needed to be put in place. He invited the
head coaches of the top collegiate football teams to the
White House on several occasion occasions strongly urging them to
reconsider the rules of the game. He wrote at the
time that the goal was not to emasculate the game,
but simply make it lethal. By nineteen oh six, radical
rule changes to the game of football were implemented and
the forward pass was invented. Teddy Roosevelt created the forward pass.
Speaker 1: There is what, Yeah, he was like, do something different?
Speaker 3: Is he the greatest dude ever? Is it going to
go south at some point that's gonna happen, right, it
goes bad? Or is he just the best?
Speaker 1: Sex scandals are next?
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's.
Speaker 3: Women we legs, you know.
Speaker 1: I mean, he's a dickhead for just leaving his daughter
for two years because he was depressed.
Speaker 3: Yea, But he invented the forward throwing pass because he
left her.
Speaker 4: I'm sorry, I'm I'm hung up on that. I'm not
a sports guy. I have no idea. What the fuck
a forward passes.
Speaker 3: Throwing the ball in football?
Speaker 2: Wasn't in footnot was death? Rugby?
Speaker 4: Oh ship? Why do we change it? That sounds sounds fun?
Speaker 1: Right?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: They were my favorite.
Speaker 2: Soo many people are dying every year.
Speaker 3: Throwing is how fathers and sons are now are good
family members? Like have a connection?
Speaker 1: Do that with a baseball? Really?
Speaker 2: Yeah, you can do that a base but throwing a
football out of tailgate, there's nothing better at the beach.
You and the boys just showing it off, trying to
impress the ladies. They're not looking, they're not paying attention,
but I mean, and they're not impressed.
Speaker 3: When they see it, but but they'll pretend they are.
Speaker 2: That's one handed catch, Like, wow, how tight that spiral is?
Speaker 4: So you couldn't play catch on the beach with a
football before Teddy Roosevelt would be weird.
Speaker 1: What are you doing? You wouldn't know to Yeah, beat
him to death, freeze you just beat your son to
death on.
Speaker 4: Before? Yeah, four frisbees. There was in fantas side yes.
Speaker 2: In November nineteen oh six, Roosevelt made presidential history become
the first chief executive to leave the United States. He
sailed to board the USS Louisiana to personally inspect the
construction of the Panama Canal to force one, dude, did.
Speaker 4: He build that himself too? Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeah, he definitely got a shovel and he's like, no,
you do it like this?
Speaker 1: He probably did. Yeah.
Speaker 2: He's also the first US president to fly in when
he rode on the right Model B piloted by arch
Hoxie in nineteen ten.
Speaker 3: No shit, he's lived a great life so far.
Speaker 1: Look at this guy.
Speaker 2: He would also regularly invite professional boxers to the White House,
including them including heavyweight champion Jack Johnson. Yeah, because he thought,
for some reason, the man that controls the country, that
runs this nation needs to fight the heavyweight champion in
the world.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean, I think a lot of his life is
clearly like him just feeling deeply inadequate for being a
sick child.
Speaker 2: Absolutely like that.
Speaker 1: The fire that burns inside of him is because he
had a cough when he was eight.
Speaker 3: He doesn't remember that, though, you know, there's worse reasons.
Speaker 4: It was all internalized.
Speaker 1: Here's just a bunch of other kids are like, Teddy's
not as strong as us. He was just like, I'm
gonna build a bigger fucking navy.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna control world trade with the canal.
Speaker 1: He's like every ever and I just take every child
that teased Teddy Roosevelt across the ocean. There was a
Spaniard mark for death. Like every time a kid was
just like.
Speaker 4: Throw like his entire childhood, just keeping track of what
ethnicity each child was. He was war War War.
Speaker 1: I just like to think every time a little Spanish
soldier like popped out of a trench, like a childhood
bully's face just materialized on face.
Speaker 4: It's like Bobby Bouchet.
Speaker 1: Literally, yeah, literally, it's the water boy and just bam,
his brains explode out of the back of his head
because some kid was like, you can't shoot marbles with us,
you fucking retarded long boy.
Speaker 2: So he fights Jack Johnson and fights a bunch of boxers,
but he would also fight some of his staff, some
guys in the army. Did he win, sometimes sometimes.
Speaker 1: He lost, didn't beat Jack Johnson.
Speaker 2: I think Jack Johnson kind.
Speaker 4: Of fucked I think one of his boxing matches detached
one of his retinans.
Speaker 2: This is Colonel Colonel Dan Tyler Moore, smashes a blood
vessel and leaves him blind in his left eye. Yeah,
the rest of his life. That's why he's got the
monkey out of the left eye.
Speaker 1: That's really fucking funny because.
Speaker 2: This colonel just fucks him up in his sparn session
that nowadays, and afterwards he's just like, you can't tell anyone,
like nobody can find out about somebody.
Speaker 1: Both Roosevelt presidents hid a disability.
Speaker 4: Holy ship.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, and then obviously it's being a disabilities eleanor
hid lesbianism, and it just keeps going.
Speaker 4: Yet another disability.
Speaker 1: Yeah no, but that is really funny that I care
to you too. He was just like, goes blind and
he's just like look, blow man, he loved it. Yeah,
will thrown good sir. Yeah, blinding and eye. That's a punch.
Everyone else would be like, oh my god, it'd be
like that fucking Dodger fan who blew his hand off,
just like he's just like ah.
Speaker 2: While running for president after creating the Bull Moose Party,
Teddy was shot by a would be assassin in nineteen
twelve while campaigning for president. He stood back up said, friends,
I shall ask you to be as to be as
quiet as possible. I don't know whether you fully understand
that I have just been shot. Then he continued to
give a speech which lasted over an hour and was
taken him to the hospital afterwards, where it was revealed
the bullet was lodged between his ribs, where it would
remain the rest of his life, but didn't fully penetrate
any of his organs because of his speech, was inside
his pocket and it was so thick because it was
an hour long, that it saved his life.
Speaker 3: It wouldn't have killed him anyway.
Speaker 4: Guy for being long wounded.
Speaker 2: But you know how they were kind of giving Trump
props for like standing up and saying fight, fight, fight.
Imagine getting shot in the chest and then just going
all right, I got an hour speech.
Speaker 3: Still keep it down there with me here.
Speaker 1: I can't project as much anymore, just.
Speaker 2: Coughing up blood.
Speaker 4: And I think during that speech was when he also said,
but it takes more than that to kill a bull moose. Yep,
that was an origination of the wasn't at the bull
Moose party or Bulman's party?
Speaker 1: Yeah, what a badass he was.
Speaker 2: Obviously he splits the votes with Taft. That's how Wilson
gets in the office.
Speaker 1: Really, he ross Perode Taft he did, who, by the way,
was his choice to get in hand picked successor. So
Teddy Roosevelt served seven years I think as president, and
but he'd only been elected to one term, so he
could have run again. Actually there's not even a limit
right at this point, there's no constitutional limit, so he
could just run, run and run or run run. But
Teddy Roosevelt was like, no, Washington only served eight I
won't serve longer than him because being elected again and
he would have won because Taft one would have put
him beyond Washington's number of years. And he was like, no, Like,
the best thing an American president can do is give
up power. Like it's the noblest thing an American president
can do, is give up power.
Speaker 4: And honestly, I have a huge amount of respect for that,
because that's like the Roman dictator that gets brought up
a lot since I Honust where he was like the
only dictator. Where as soon as he was done with
his absolute power, He's like.
Speaker 1: No, what I needed to do?
Speaker 2: Yeah, So he did that, but that's why I like Coolidge.
Colige is like, now I don't need to run for reelection.
I'm good, dude, Fuck that ship.
Speaker 1: Because Coolidge had two terms. Fucking Tyler is the man.
Speaker 2: Well, Coolidge had two terms because a president died.
Speaker 1: I know. But oh wait wait he uh.
Speaker 2: He got he get elected? No, he got. He was
the VP for Harden.
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, fair enough. So he was the same thing
as Roosevelt.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, yeah, because Harden dies like twenty days into
his because he catches a cold.
Speaker 1: Right, there's the one that died from the guy who
died forty eight days is it was in eighteen hundreds.
I forget it.
Speaker 2: Well Harden dies is that's the one.
Speaker 3: They put a bunch of leaches on.
Speaker 2: Harden dies pretty early. Yeah, he does. You're right.
Speaker 4: I think they did that too.
Speaker 3: It was like dying of pneumonia and they're like, put
leeches on him and then he died.
Speaker 4: I think he did that to Lincoln. They did that
to a lot of people, But.
Speaker 1: The dude who won the Mexican War, I think it
was Tyler. I think uh. Anyway, he only served one
term because he accomplished everything he said he would accomplish
in that one term that was Polk Polk.
Speaker 2: Sorry, Polk, it's supposed to be your boy. You ride
for Polk all the time.
Speaker 1: I'm a little I'm out of it today, Pol James
k Polk. One term was like I did everything I said,
including doubling the size of this country.
Speaker 2: Now, Harden was in a little longer than I thought.
Two years. Okay, well kind of like two ish years,
so Coolich had six.
Speaker 1: Yeah, still chill, but yeah, he gave up power, and
he was like, I I should give up power because
that's a good. That's the best thing a president can
do is not try to retain power as long as
possible or at all. And then but then obviously he
was later like du test sucks, I'm fucking gold back.
Speaker 2: After his presidency and after his failed attempt at re election,
he's accompanied by his son Kermit and famed explorer Colonel
Candido Rondon. They set off to a journey in South
America on a river called the River of Doubt. They
lost five of seven canoes. They were in close vicinity
to cannibalistic tribes.
Speaker 1: At first, I thought, you're gonna say five of seven
native guides, like just like the Indians there with just
kept fucking dying.
Speaker 4: Well, you only five out of seven, that's not bad.
Speaker 2: Canoes like full canoes. One sailor died in the rapids.
Another was murdered by a crew member gone mad. Roosevelt
cuts his leg really bad trying to cross the river
in order to free two jam Condess. His injury leads
to an infection, which leads to a fever. He's near
death and he pleads with his son to leave him behind,
but Kermit refuses, and in the end they eventually make it.
But uh, like he's a fucking he looks like he's
dead coming out of the Amazon. He loses like eighty
pounds here.
Speaker 1: The only reason he goes into the Amazon is because
he's just like this man is just like I'm do
people know I'm tough still, Like that's half of life.
It's like I'm tough, very tough.
Speaker 4: Exact same reason that he went to wars. So you
know what, I'm.
Speaker 1: Strong, Yeah, I'm very strong.
Speaker 2: Yeah. And with the outbreak of World War One, the
fifty eight year old ex president was eager to return
to the front lines. Roosevelt Vemniley lobbied President Woodrow Wilson
to send him to France as the head of a
two hundred thousand man expeditionary force around the country supporters
of the Hero of the San Juan Hill stage rallies
of support. But Roosevelt would not get the call to
fight because he's fucking fifty eight.
Speaker 1: Well, he wouldn't let in the general I guess right.
He wants to lead the AF the American Expeditionary Force,
so he doesn't want to be like necessarily he probably
would he would. I mean, like even in the jungle,
I liked it. He's just like, son, leave me behind.
I'm so badass. Leave I'm so fucking badass. But and
then he goes to the guy he campaigned.
Speaker 4: Everybody I was tough when I died, tell him that
was so fucking cool.
Speaker 1: I like really, like he's awesome, but also fuck fuck
this guy, Like you don't want to be around this guy?
Speaker 4: No, I mean, I see what you're getting at though.
Where So, regardless of the fact of where he was
coming from for his toughness, there was still a place
that he was coming from with that trying to try
and to prove himself. Oh yeah, it would be a
fucking nightmare to be around.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you get in like a little argument with him,
like you beat him in whatever that nineteenth century equivalent
of beer pong is, and he's just like, what one
more fight me? Fucked me?
Speaker 4: Okay, tomorrow morning, five am.
Speaker 2: Then we boxed.
Speaker 1: It's like, dude, I'm not waking up at five way, Like,
all right, call me.
Speaker 4: I don't fuck exactly, That's exactly all I'm picturing him.
Too respectable, but Jesus Christ would be a fucking nightmare.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah. And by the way, ironically, real quick, the
person who does end up leading the American Expeditionary Force
was served with him in uh, the Spanish American War,
served near him. Uh General Blackjack Pershing sick name name, Yeah,
well this was his nickname is Blackjack. But John John
Pershing I think, isn't it. But yeah, he served. I
don't think he was in the rough Riders, but he
like served alongside Teddy Roselt in.
Speaker 4: The Spanish Marion War rough rider adjacent.
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, as you said earlier, his son Quentin is
killed in action in World War One when it's plenty
shot down over France in nineteen eighteen, so not World
War two, World War one.
Speaker 1: Okay, he does have a son who dies in.
Speaker 4: World War two though, Yeah, that's what I thought too.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he absolutely does.
Speaker 2: Okay, well so bad.
Speaker 3: Well get kids that dying war too.
Speaker 1: Yeah, every every war, Teddy, and he's not upset about it.
The fund up was the one that died in Desert storm.
I mean he was ninety, wouldn't Yeah, it's like.
Speaker 4: One of them. I topic asthmatic.
Speaker 2: Yeah it was.
Speaker 3: Actually he was like hiding it all.
Speaker 4: Dude went in with the name Kermit.
Speaker 2: Yeah, doomed. Uh and this is a very fun fact,
a day that'll live in infamy. He dies the next year,
in nineteen nineteen, on January sixth. He died on j six.
Fuck damn, the worst thing that ever happened on j six.
Speaker 4: Now I've got two reasons to celebrate January sixth, celebrating
his life, not his death.
Speaker 2: Of course, we're storming the capitol for Teddy.
Speaker 1: I would do that, but we were the rough riders.
Speaker 3: We're just going to rough riders storm the Capitol on horses,
on horses.
Speaker 2: It's like, this has nothing to do with this selection now, Yeah,
it's not political. Okay.
Speaker 1: So his son, Theodore Roosevelt Junior was a brigadier general.
He was fifty six. He was the oldest person to
storm the beaches of Normandy at fifty six.
Speaker 4: Was he the one with the eye issues?
Speaker 1: Potentially he did exactly what Teddy wanted hew World War One.
He hit the beaches with a handgun and a cane.
He couldn't walk.
Speaker 3: Dude, I don't think that they're trying to be tough.
Speaker 1: I think they just are.
Speaker 3: Yeah, let him at fifty six, are you still trying
to prove you're tough?
Speaker 1: He directed his his his guys under serious enemy fire. Uh,
and he died at the month. He died on July
twelfth from a heart attack. So right right in the
heat of the of the Hedgerow fighting, he fucking died
heart attack. Dude.
Speaker 4: I mean honestly, even if even if every single person
whose family was trying to prove a point, they proved
a fucking point.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I don't think he's trying to prove anything.
Once you're like over forty five, especially that time, Like,
what are you trying to prove?
Speaker 1: At that point?
Speaker 3: They already proved it.
Speaker 1: What's funny is Teddy it was just like I'm tough,
I'm not sick, and then his son was just like,
it's tough as my dad, I'm not sick, hobbling up
fucking Omaha, Private Ryan with a cane. Some guys just like.
Speaker 3: But imagine if every time he pulled the trigger at
Nazi died, it.
Speaker 1: Was just like a heat seeking bullet.
Speaker 3: Yeah, he's just that good.
Speaker 2: He's like, but you have to imagine that the German
that shoots him, it's just laughing the whole time, this
geezer you go back to.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that or the reason that he survived the landing
is because every time the machine gun came over to him,
they're like, ah, just kind of skip over the top.
Speaker 1: I would have just been like, guys, I got the
funniest killed today.
Speaker 3: They're making bets on they to keep in life.
Speaker 1: That's honestly. That guy. I would be like, I am
so tired of shooting baby faced eighteen year olds like
a fifty six year old with a cane, and like,
get out of here.
Speaker 4: There was another guy the storm the Beaches of Normandy
name I think his name was mad Jack Churchill, the
British guy. Yeah, he went with a fucking claymore and
and some bagpipes and ship, there was.
Speaker 1: Like a bow and arrow maybe or yeah, long bow.
Speaker 4: Yeah, he actually I think he's the only person in
World War Two to have a confirmed kill with the
long bow. There was lots of insane people that fought
in World War Two.
Speaker 2: Run for that German Well, when they can just be
sent to the front lines. Yeah, you want those people
on your side.
Speaker 4: I mean ship Hell, yeah, me too.
Speaker 3: They don't have those people in this country anymorey.
Speaker 4: Trying to tone them down.
Speaker 1: It used to be a proper country.
Speaker 2: I mean, if you ever see the World War two
documentaries where they're interviewing some of the geezers, a lot
of them break down saying that they had like a
really tough time getting over it. But there's a couple
of people in there that are always like, yeah I
shot him. Oh yeah, it was fun.
Speaker 4: I mean the amount of I spent a lot of
time watching like World War two interviews of like World
War two vesters and ship obviously on both sides sides,
uh no, But it's it's insane to see the reactions
of some of these people because even if you compare
it to the reaction to modern day veterans. Yeah, the
like the amount of pain that they're going through doesn't change,
but the reaction changes a lot. Where back in the
day it seemed a whole lot more matter of fact,
where it's like, oh, yeah, and he died, And then
if you hear the stories from nowadays, it's it's a
lot more nuanced and they're they're putting their feelings into it.
Back then, it's like, I can't imagine those people having
fucking emotions.
Speaker 2: You know, it's interesting to me because you married the
fucking first woman you saw, that's your sweetie.
Speaker 1: Everything is suppressing your zero your zero to one generation
removed from people dying all the fucking time. Yeah, like
you were born if you fought in World War Two,
you were born either during or within five years of
the flu pandemic.
Speaker 4: Dude the Spanish flute, Yeah, dude, fuck Like.
Speaker 1: My so, my grandpa fought, I killed all the young's killed,
kids killed a fuck ton of kids. Uh, Like, so
my grandfaught. My mom's dad both fought in World War two,
served in World War two. I should say my dad's
dad was a doctor, but my mom's dad was just
in it. Like in the second Armor Division in the
Battle of the Bulls, a lieutenant commanding a Sherman tank
and he was born in nineteen twelve.
Speaker 4: God damn.
Speaker 3: So like he's used to seeing people die.
Speaker 1: It's he was seven. He was seven years old when
the flu pandemic hit. You're you're a little more used
to death in that at that time than anyone any
millennial who fought in the Global War on Terror. You
don't grow up with people dying.
Speaker 2: There's also there's no individualism. It's just like, this is
what I do, this is my job. You kind of
buying into that. That's the rest of your life. You
work in a factory. You have one woman in your
whole life, and that's it. You just accept it.
Speaker 1: You're like, yeah, good enough.
Speaker 2: You're not overthinking things. You're not constantly at war with
your own identity, identity and who you like, what you
want to accomplish. There's there's no ego.
Speaker 4: At all, because there's there's too many outside struggles for
you to to overcome that you can't focus on anything
on the on the internal. And that's that's a really
good point that you brought up with the veterans of
World War Two, growing up during the Spanish Flu and
things like that.
Speaker 1: Or even just after I mean, like this is all
anyone who grew up in the twenties. I think penicillin
wasn't been in like the thirties or something like that.
I mean, there's just no antibiotics as a child. Like
it's fucking they're still there's basically actually, they're the last
generation that dealt with that level of it was still
less of a level than.
Speaker 2: Like nineteen twenty eight. Yeah, a year later the stock
market crashes coincidence, but like they're the latter that actually
the quarterbacks in the economy.
Speaker 1: The quote unquote greatest generation is the last generation. And
that the same way millennials were, like, we're the last
generation without the like you know, devices and screens and
stuff like that. Right, you know what I mean, We're
the last generation like a normal kid. They were the
last generation that grew up like a normal kid without dying.
Speaker 3: Yeah, friends are dying all the time.
Speaker 4: Yeah. It is crazy to uh to look at the
different reaction between veterans from different wars because of once
from World War Two, Like I I didn't even think
about the fact that you just brought up until now.
They were raised around so much death that those extra
deaths as they went through. Its obviously traumatic, but also
it's still kind of par for the course the lifestyles
that they grew up with.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, I look it. Probably it's probably still
haunting about what because even when people die, absolutely right,
even when people die growing up, they're not ripped in
half or you know what I mean or something shit
like that, but like that, you are still used to people,
Like it's so much more common for people you know
to die suddenly randomly, like right now, if we were like,
oh my god, a fifty four year old man died,
that's crazy. Yeah, that would never happen. That never happens.
Like what you wake up and you're like, oh, four
people died. The people I know died.
Speaker 4: Like back in those days, it's like like waking up like, oh,
our sixteen year old neighbor just died. Yeah, and that's fine.
But then seeing your sixteen year old neighbor blown to
pieces by an artillery shell. That's the part that will
they likes.
Speaker 2: And I mean, to really bring it all together. Yeah,
you see a neighbor slipping on banana peel hit his
head on, that's going to really change it. Right, It's
so comedic, it's so funny at the time, but you're like,
oh shit, no, he's bleeding out. Yeah, needs help.
Speaker 1: He's just like I like imagine that, like there's a
banana you just see like, oh that's funny, there's a
banana peal, and then like literally thirty seconds later, somebody's
just like, you know, back off that point.
Speaker 4: Back in the days, like nowadays, we can laugh about
people slipping on a banana peel.
Speaker 1: Back in those days, that serious business.
Speaker 4: That was cancer.
Speaker 2: Those were the real landlines.
Speaker 3: Have you stepped on a banana peel for real? It's
actually so slip. Yeah, it actually is like you can't
stay standing something with the the one side of the
peel and all the inside part of the peel, it
just goes.
Speaker 1: It's like ski we know how they sit on Mario Kart.
Speaker 3: I've slipped on a banana peel in real life. Yeah,
I did on purpose. I wanted to see if you could.
They're actually maybe that's.
Speaker 1: Our one YouTube video that will actually go viral. We
do a banana peel challenge on a sidewalk. Let's do it.
Speaker 2: We just start throw like that's our prank. We throw
it into front of strangers.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you have to blindfold yourself and we all get
to throw bananas in front of them, and then you.
Speaker 2: Just if this is not gonna die, We'll be fine.
Speaker 4: We'll probably be mean.
Speaker 2: It's fine anyway. That's our episode on Teddy Roosevelt today.
Thanks for tuning in. I kind of blast boys you,
oh Coop, thanks for tuning in, Thanks for coming. We
love you guys, we do.
Speaker 3: That's sweet.
Speaker 1: And they'll be on the Patreon in a minute.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So check out Patreon patreon dot com. Slash Softcore
History two additional episodes every week Wednesday and Friday, and
if you could, if you are brand new, you're gonna
sign up for a Patreon you finally decide, you know
you're gonna go for it. You're gonna get all that
extra content. Make sure to do it not on your phone.
It's this new update with iOS. For some reason, Patreon's
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through the app on the phone, they.
Speaker 1: Take a lot of money from us. If you sign
up on the phone, it makes no difference to you.
Speaker 2: But if you could, you could sign up online just
a regular browser or even on your phone. You can
sign up through the browser and still use the app,
but just don't sign up on the app.
Speaker 4: Holy shit, man, Okay, yeah that's fucked up. That's that's
a fair ask, though it doesn't take that much more time.
Speaker 2: To just just do it on the web browser.
Speaker 4: Still consume the content through.
Speaker 1: The phone, Yeah yes, yeah it doesn't yet. Yeah. I
mean you can do it on your Safari, on iPhone
or whatever the fuck, but it's just to do it
on your laptop.
Speaker 2: Jake left, and we're still making the same amount of
money or less now because Apple's fucking us.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so fuck the big corporation. Siam up on your PC.
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yeah that's all I got for Joel. You coop rob
bye damn and you just got soft served