Speaker 1: Seven.
Speaker 2: Lamb Productions Presents Cop Doctor episode thirty seven, Not PC enough.
Speaker 1: Time. You left the towel on the bathroom floor again
Speaker 1: and I almost trip?
Speaker 2: Then move it.
Speaker 1: It's your towel.
Speaker 3: So you leave things around the house all the time too,
Speaker 3: and I don't trip over everything.
Speaker 1: That's because everything I leave around the house is untrippable.
Speaker 2: Oh isn't that convenient?
Speaker 1: Have you tripped?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 3: But that's because I'm very feet and stepping conscious and
Speaker 3: I'm not apparently not.
Speaker 4: Wow, it was twelve thirty on a Saturday and the Doctor.
Speaker 4: We're enjoying another day off. And by enjoying, I mean
Speaker 4: that they were arguing because of the messy place.
Speaker 3: Just hang your towels from now, Fine, don't be such
Speaker 3: a spass.
Speaker 2: I wonder who that is.
Speaker 1: Maybe it's an Amazon delivery. I ordered a box.
Speaker 2: You ordered a box from Amazon? Why?
Speaker 1: I needed a box to store my old winter cloth, So.
Speaker 2: You ordered one box?
Speaker 1: No, I ordered a nifty cooler and I'm helping. They
Speaker 1: mailed it in a super durable box.
Speaker 2: Well, if they didn't, you can always store your winter
Speaker 2: clothes and the nifty cooler.
Speaker 1: I didn't even think of that.
Speaker 2: I'm coming, I'm coming Hello, How can I help you?
Speaker 1: Hello?
Speaker 5: I'm Samantha Cy. I'm with the BOPC.
Speaker 2: Oh pick, isn't it BIPOCK?
Speaker 5: No, it's BOPC. But don't worry. We may be talking
Speaker 5: about BIPOC later. Oh goodie, was that sarcasm? It better
Speaker 5: not have been sarcasm.
Speaker 4: Samantha's She walked in with her clipboard at hey, what
Speaker 4: are you doing?
Speaker 1: We didn't invite you in.
Speaker 2: Well, I guess we know she's not a vampire.
Speaker 1: Yeah that's good.
Speaker 5: I guess we need to talk.
Speaker 2: Who are you again?
Speaker 5: I'm Samantha See with the bo PC, Samantha C like
Speaker 5: Samantha Bee, but more average.
Speaker 2: BOPC.
Speaker 5: That's the Board of Political Correctness.
Speaker 1: The Board of Political Correctness.
Speaker 5: That's right.
Speaker 3: Why is it BOPC. Shouldn't it just be BPC? You
Speaker 3: don't capitalize of we do?
Speaker 5: Now want to know why? Sure, because you don't exclude
Speaker 5: anyone or anything, even.
Speaker 2: The word of your darn titton.
Speaker 1: Why are you here?
Speaker 5: You want to know why?
Speaker 1: I mean, I did just ask, but now that I
Speaker 1: think about it, I really don't care.
Speaker 5: Well I'll tell you anyways. I'm here because someone said spaz.
Speaker 2: Yeah I did. That was me I said it.
Speaker 5: Well, congratulations, thank you, You sir are a bigot. I
Speaker 5: am your darn tutin.
Speaker 2: If that's your catchphrase, it's dumb.
Speaker 5: Did you just call me a woman? Dumb?
Speaker 2: Yeah, but not because you're a woman. I said it
Speaker 2: because what you said is dumb.
Speaker 5: Doesn't matter. It should, but it doesn't. That means that's
Speaker 5: another strike for.
Speaker 1: You, Samantha Si made a mock in halfaias.
Speaker 5: Do you know how many strikes until you're in super trouble?
Speaker 2: Three?
Speaker 5: This isn't baseball.
Speaker 1: What's super trouble?
Speaker 5: Don't worry. You'll find out soon enough, especially you, mister time.
Speaker 5: You have six strikes already.
Speaker 1: Well, how many do I have?
Speaker 2: Five?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: I'm winning.
Speaker 1: Wait what are these strikes mean?
Speaker 2: And where are they coming from?
Speaker 5: They come from you and your insensitivity.
Speaker 2: I'm insensitive and a bigot.
Speaker 5: Not only are you insensitive and a bigot, but you
Speaker 5: aren't very woke.
Speaker 2: But I'm not asleep.
Speaker 5: You too, don't seem to understand. I've been monitoring your
Speaker 5: activities and your conversations for years now, and you two
Speaker 5: are very and I mean very insensitive.
Speaker 1: Me too, yep, I'll suh.
Speaker 5: Well, you've made tons of jokes at the expense of
Speaker 5: many other groups. You're offending too many people like who
Speaker 5: It'll take too long to go through them all.
Speaker 1: Why are you here now? How do we offend this time?
Speaker 5: Time here? Said spaz? So well, you can't say that?
Speaker 5: Why because it's insensitive and targets a marginalized group.
Speaker 2: It does, that's right.
Speaker 5: Why do you think Liza was once put in time out.
Speaker 2: Because she misspelled girls?
Speaker 5: No, it's because she said the S word shit spaz.
Speaker 5: Oh my, I shouldn't have done that. That's a strike
Speaker 5: for me.
Speaker 2: Tists, samanthasy, I do apologize. I'm just kidding. I don't care.
Speaker 1: We can't say spaz Nope, because it's offensive, that's right,
Speaker 1: that's duh.
Speaker 5: Hey, truth thurds?
Speaker 2: What truth? Or are you just naming a Lizzo song?
Speaker 5: The point is no more offensive humor, that's the point.
Speaker 5: Nothing about race or gender, No ableism, agism or fat shaming,
Speaker 5: No mocking of religions or use of outdated terms.
Speaker 1: Jesus Christ, Hey.
Speaker 5: What did I say? We can't say that, not in
Speaker 5: a derogatory way. In fact, no more cursing either. That
Speaker 5: offends people.
Speaker 2: What about if we say cunt?
Speaker 5: No that's the worst one.
Speaker 2: No, I mean using it in a productive, normal way.
Speaker 5: Give me an example.
Speaker 2: You are being a cunt.
Speaker 5: That is another strike.
Speaker 2: I'm still winning.
Speaker 5: It's not a contest.
Speaker 1: So we can't make nah jokes.
Speaker 5: Not only can you not make jokes, but you need
Speaker 5: to refrain from using terms such as little person, man up, yolo,
Speaker 5: coming out, happy holidays, and so on.
Speaker 2: Even happy holidays.
Speaker 5: We're trying to appease the groups on both sides of
Speaker 5: the political aisle.
Speaker 3: But if we say Merry Christmas, isn't that alienating people
Speaker 3: who don't celebrate Christmas?
Speaker 1: Yeah? What should we say? Instead?
Speaker 5: You should say happy every day?
Speaker 1: Happy every day?
Speaker 5: That's right, because holidays are no more special than any
Speaker 5: other day. Think about it this way. You say something
Speaker 5: like happy Thanksgiving. Yeah, but I don't celebrate Thanksgiving. Not
Speaker 5: only that, my birthday is on a different day, It's
Speaker 5: on November two. Are you saying that Thanksgiving is better
Speaker 5: than my birthday? No, but that's what it sounds like
Speaker 5: to me.
Speaker 1: That's not what I said, right, But it's.
Speaker 5: My interpretation of what you said. See, I hear what
Speaker 5: you say and then I put my own spin on
Speaker 5: it to make it about me.
Speaker 1: And isn't that your fault. No, it's yours, but it's
Speaker 1: really not.
Speaker 5: Everything that out of your mouth should be filtered at
Speaker 5: all times, and you should never speak your mind until
Speaker 5: you take at least three days to ponder the effects
Speaker 5: it'll have on every single person in the world around you.
Speaker 2: Aren't there like eight billion people on the planet.
Speaker 5: Yes?
Speaker 2: And isn't everyone different and unique in their own way,
Speaker 2: with different ideologies, thoughts, manners, perspectives, views, and abilities. Yes,
Speaker 2: then I don't want to do that ever.
Speaker 5: Okay, you're saying you want to be Roseanne. It seems
Speaker 5: like you want to be Roseanne?
Speaker 2: Who said I want to be Roseanne?
Speaker 5: You're acting like Roseanne?
Speaker 2: Am I?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Is he?
Speaker 5: That's how I'm interpreting everything you said.
Speaker 1: Again, isn't that on you?
Speaker 5: Nope? Not in today's world, which brings me to some
Speaker 5: other issues on the show. The narrators are narrators, your
Speaker 5: darn tutin.
Speaker 2: Seriously, that is like nails on a chalkboard.
Speaker 5: Are you saying that because I'm a woman and I'm
Speaker 5: irritating and have nails?
Speaker 2: Does it matter what I say right now?
Speaker 1: Not?
Speaker 5: Really?
Speaker 1: Then?
Speaker 2: Yes, I'm saying that because you're a woman and have nails.
Speaker 2: I knew it.
Speaker 1: What about our nails?
Speaker 5: You have to get rid of them, especially the current one.
Speaker 5: Since he's still working it's offensive.
Speaker 1: You have to fire him.
Speaker 5: Yep. Otherwise me and people like me are going to
Speaker 5: cancel you.
Speaker 2: What does that mean.
Speaker 5: It means we're all going to go on social media
Speaker 5: and demand an apology for a few weeks. Then after
Speaker 5: you apologize, we aren't going to accept it and instead
Speaker 5: going to try to get you fired. Then two weeks
Speaker 5: after that, we're going to forget any of this ever
Speaker 5: happened and move on to the next thing that we
Speaker 5: find offensive.
Speaker 1: But why would you do that?
Speaker 5: Well, it's either we do that or we just don't
Speaker 5: listen to your content anymore.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, why don't you do that? Don't listen?
Speaker 5: Explain?
Speaker 1: If you don't like what we're saying and don't find
Speaker 1: what we say funny, why don't you listen to something else,
Speaker 1: something that maybe you will like.
Speaker 5: I can't do that, neither can the other members of
Speaker 5: the BOPC, and neither can the fine over sensitive tweens
Speaker 5: of social media landscape who know nothing about history or
Speaker 5: the foundations of comedy.
Speaker 1: Again, may I ask why you may.
Speaker 5: Ask, but I may not get an answer.
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, so what does this all mean?
Speaker 5: It means that from now on I will be monitoring
Speaker 5: everything you do, insaye, and I will censor accordingly.
Speaker 2: You've got to be not at all.
Speaker 4: The cop doctors, we're furious, But what could they do?
Speaker 4: Samantha sy refused to leave, and if they forced herd
Speaker 4: to do anything, even get out of their house, they
Speaker 4: would be labeled sexist or some shit.
Speaker 5: Whoa, woa, whoa. Now this narrator has got to go.
Speaker 1: What is this?
Speaker 5: This is offensive out, Let's move it. I'll wrap up here.
Speaker 1: Okay, goodbye, Cop Doctors.
Speaker 5: Wait there we go this bors, Hey, watch the language
Speaker 5: and be quiet. I'm narrating to delue everyone. Cop Doctors,
Speaker 5: Cop Doctors.
Speaker 2: Written by Robert m Lamb, edited by Claude c Revisions
Speaker 2: by Mia Supful, starring Robert M Lamb as time and
Speaker 2: Jack Austen as case narrator and Captain co starring Jabrina Cooper.
Speaker 6: Music provided by Kevin McLoud of incompetec dot com. Additional
Speaker 6: tracks from various artists on pondfive dot com and artlist
Speaker 6: dot io. If you enjoy this podcast, don't forget to
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Speaker 7: special shout out to our seven Lamp patrons Brad McQuaid,
Speaker 7: Kelly Fowles, Chris Williamson, Carter Jewel and Daniel Wolfman.
Speaker 2: From everyone here at seven Lamb, thank you. This has
Speaker 2: been a seven lam production