1
00:00:01,960 --> 00:00:05,679
Speaker 1: I moved to New Maple in early spring, right as

2
00:00:05,719 --> 00:00:09,039
the snow banks along the curbs turned a slush and

3
00:00:09,119 --> 00:00:13,839
the neighborhood kids started trading sleds for bikes. The place

4
00:00:13,960 --> 00:00:16,679
was filled with people who waved from their porches and

5
00:00:16,800 --> 00:00:23,839
jogged with dogs that didn't need leashes. Quiet, unbothered and polite,

6
00:00:24,120 --> 00:00:30,160
I told myself I was ready for quiet. I'd taken

7
00:00:30,199 --> 00:00:33,200
a job teaching art at the local high school, and

8
00:00:33,240 --> 00:00:37,240
the rental, an aging two bedroom with creaky stairs and

9
00:00:37,320 --> 00:00:41,719
yellow siding, was the best I could afford without roommates.

10
00:00:42,439 --> 00:00:45,240
I told people I'd moved to focus on my work

11
00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:49,479
to get out of the city. That part was true.

12
00:00:50,840 --> 00:00:54,240
The part I didn't talk about was the slow disintegration

13
00:00:54,520 --> 00:00:58,479
of a relationship I'd spent too many years in, and

14
00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:04,879
how silence had started to feel safer than conversation. The

15
00:01:04,959 --> 00:01:09,040
Avery's lived two doors down. I noticed them on my

16
00:01:09,120 --> 00:01:13,480
first walk around the neighborhood. The house had blue shutters

17
00:01:13,599 --> 00:01:18,200
and a deep green lawn already trimmed to perfection. Two

18
00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:20,959
lips lined the path to their front porch in a

19
00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:25,879
single even row. I saw missus Avery trimming them with

20
00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:29,719
garden chairs one morning. Her white sun hat covering most

21
00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:33,920
of her face. She didn't look up when I passed,

22
00:01:34,319 --> 00:01:38,439
only nodded. It took a week before she spoke to me.

23
00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:43,040
You're the one who moved into two on four, aren't you?

24
00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:47,879
She asked? As I carried in groceries the old Duncan house.

25
00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:53,319
She stood on the sidewalk with her hands clasped in

26
00:01:53,319 --> 00:01:57,959
front of her, her voice soft but precise. A smile

27
00:01:58,120 --> 00:02:00,480
stayed on her face the whole time we can talked.

28
00:02:01,760 --> 00:02:05,120
She introduced herself as Marian, and when I gave her

29
00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:10,280
my name, she repeated it twice. Then she invited me

30
00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:15,840
over for lemonade. I said yes because it felt easier

31
00:02:15,879 --> 00:02:21,400
than saying no. The inside of the home smeled faintly

32
00:02:21,439 --> 00:02:26,840
of lemons and wood polish. It was spotless. The cleanliness

33
00:02:26,840 --> 00:02:31,879
in there felt permanent. Every surface had been dusted, every

34
00:02:31,960 --> 00:02:38,199
frame perfectly aligned. I noticed photographs, small ones lining the mantle,

35
00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:42,639
larger ones on the wall near the stairs. A girl

36
00:02:42,719 --> 00:02:49,199
with brown hair and a bright, wide smile. That's our daughter, Emily,

37
00:02:50,159 --> 00:02:55,479
Marian said. When she caught me looking. She disappeared last year.

38
00:02:58,240 --> 00:03:00,840
She placed the glass of lemonade in my and and

39
00:03:00,879 --> 00:03:05,280
asked if I wanted a cookie. Mister Avery, whose name

40
00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:09,120
looking back I realized I never learned, joined us a

41
00:03:09,159 --> 00:03:13,719
few minutes later. He was taller than his wife, thin,

42
00:03:14,159 --> 00:03:17,879
with a neatly pressed collared shirt and an easy practiced

43
00:03:17,919 --> 00:03:22,639
way of folding into conversation. They were charming in the

44
00:03:22,639 --> 00:03:27,159
way that old couples are. I stayed for over an hour.

45
00:03:28,199 --> 00:03:31,879
When I left, Marian pressed the tupperware container of cookies

46
00:03:31,919 --> 00:03:35,400
into my hands and told me to stop by any time.

47
00:03:38,479 --> 00:03:41,639
I didn't plan on going back, but the next week

48
00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:45,240
she appeared on my porch with a pie. Then came

49
00:03:45,319 --> 00:03:50,960
the dinner invitation, then another. Over the next month, the

50
00:03:51,080 --> 00:03:55,639
visits turned into tradition. They always served too much food

51
00:03:56,000 --> 00:04:01,159
and insisted I take home the leftovers cards or watch

52
00:04:01,199 --> 00:04:05,800
an odd movie on DVD. Sometimes I'd find myself helping

53
00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:09,000
mister Avery move something into the garage or fix a

54
00:04:09,039 --> 00:04:13,520
loose shutter. I didn't mind. It felt good to be

55
00:04:13,599 --> 00:04:17,759
wanted somewhere. They had a way of making me feel

56
00:04:17,839 --> 00:04:23,399
needed without ever saying it outright. Then the small comments began.

57
00:04:24,639 --> 00:04:28,560
You have a laugh, Marian said one night as we

58
00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:32,800
finished washing dishes. Emily's laugh used to carry through the

59
00:04:32,879 --> 00:04:38,399
whole house. Another time, mister Avery handed me a book

60
00:04:38,439 --> 00:04:42,680
from their shelf. She loved this one used to read

61
00:04:42,720 --> 00:04:47,800
it out loud on the porch. I smiled, said thank you,

62
00:04:48,160 --> 00:04:52,560
and took the book home. I told myself it was harmless,

63
00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:56,480
a grieving family seeing pieces of their daughter and a

64
00:04:56,480 --> 00:05:03,279
young woman nearby. It was a compliment, that's all. Then

65
00:05:03,759 --> 00:05:07,759
after dinner one night, Marian handed me a folded sweater.

66
00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:12,480
I found this while going through the linen closet. She said,

67
00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:15,639
it used to be Emily's. I think it would look

68
00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:20,759
just perfect on you. It was soft, cream colored with

69
00:05:20,879 --> 00:05:24,600
slightly stretched sleeves. The scent of lavender clung to it.

70
00:05:26,319 --> 00:05:29,519
I hesitated for half a second, but she was already

71
00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:33,839
draping it over my arm. Her hands stayed there, resting

72
00:05:33,920 --> 00:05:37,879
lightly on my wrist. You don't have to wear it now,

73
00:05:38,199 --> 00:05:45,480
just keep it. It'd make me happy. I nodded and

74
00:05:45,560 --> 00:05:51,199
thanked her, told myself i'd return it later. I never

75
00:05:51,240 --> 00:05:54,839
wore it, just folded it into the back of my closet,

76
00:05:55,199 --> 00:06:00,439
where it sat behind a box of winter scarves. Then

77
00:06:00,759 --> 00:06:03,439
I had already stopped telling people how often I was

78
00:06:03,480 --> 00:06:08,199
seeing the averies. I'm not sure why. Maybe I was

79
00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:11,160
afraid of how it would sound, or maybe part of

80
00:06:11,199 --> 00:06:16,720
me already knew something wasn't quite right. I just didn't

81
00:06:16,759 --> 00:06:21,600
know how far it would go. It was a Sunday

82
00:06:21,639 --> 00:06:26,000
evening when they asked. Dinner had been roast chicken, peas,

83
00:06:26,319 --> 00:06:29,480
and soft bread rolls that Marian brushed with melted butter.

84
00:06:30,560 --> 00:06:33,399
I'd brought over a cheap bottle of red wine and

85
00:06:33,439 --> 00:06:36,839
we drank it in mismatched glasses while the sun dipped

86
00:06:36,879 --> 00:06:41,240
behind the trees outside their living room window. They weren't

87
00:06:41,240 --> 00:06:45,279
watching anything on TV. Marian had turned on an old

88
00:06:45,319 --> 00:06:49,399
stereo that played instrumental jazz at a volume just low

89
00:06:49,519 --> 00:06:54,800
enough to barely notice. She waited until I had finished eating,

90
00:06:55,519 --> 00:07:00,399
then reached for my hand. Her fingers were cool, dry

91
00:07:01,079 --> 00:07:07,000
but steady. Across the table. Mister Avery cleared his throat.

92
00:07:08,439 --> 00:07:12,959
We wanted to ask you for a favor, she said.

93
00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:18,639
I looked between them, unsure of what they meant. Tomorrow,

94
00:07:19,160 --> 00:07:24,480
it is Emily's birthday, she continued, She would have turned seventeen.

95
00:07:26,879 --> 00:07:31,279
Mister Avery nodded, his hands folded in front of him.

96
00:07:32,199 --> 00:07:36,319
We started a tradition just last year, just a quiet evening,

97
00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:42,199
a remembrance richeal I suppose you could call it. Marian

98
00:07:42,279 --> 00:07:45,399
gave a small smile, then, the kind that didn't reach

99
00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:50,959
the eyes. We thought, if you were willing, maybe you'd

100
00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:56,480
help us with it this year. I didn't answer at first.

101
00:07:57,319 --> 00:08:01,839
She kept holding my hand. It wouldn't be much. Just

102
00:08:01,879 --> 00:08:04,560
sit in a place at the table, read a passage

103
00:08:04,560 --> 00:08:07,879
from a journal, maybe wear one of her favorite dresses,

104
00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:13,319
That's all. Mister Avery reached the cross and rested a

105
00:08:13,399 --> 00:08:18,560
hand on his wife's shoulder. She began to cry, not loudly,

106
00:08:19,319 --> 00:08:23,959
which made it even sadder. It would mean so much

107
00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:30,040
to us, he said. People do strange things when they grieve.

108
00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:37,200
I said yes. The next day they dressed me in

109
00:08:37,279 --> 00:08:41,960
pale blue, the fabric thin and neatly pressed. It was

110
00:08:42,039 --> 00:08:45,600
already laid out in Emily's room when I arrived, draped

111
00:08:45,600 --> 00:08:49,559
over a bed like it had been waiting. I changed

112
00:08:49,639 --> 00:08:56,240
in silence. The dress fit me perfectly. Downstairs, the table

113
00:08:56,399 --> 00:09:00,159
was set for three, one plate of the head, one

114
00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:03,720
at the left and one at the right. A single

115
00:09:03,759 --> 00:09:08,440
white candle burned in the center. Marian stood by my chair,

116
00:09:09,039 --> 00:09:11,759
smoothing the shoulders of the dress as I sat down.

117
00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:18,440
On my plate was a folded piece of paper. I

118
00:09:18,519 --> 00:09:22,000
read the words out loud. It was a passage from

119
00:09:22,039 --> 00:09:26,600
Emily's journal, something about a favorite season, the way the

120
00:09:26,679 --> 00:09:31,919
air smelled before rain. I read it twice at Marian's request.

121
00:09:33,360 --> 00:09:37,919
After that, we held hands. Mister Avery began to hum,

122
00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:44,159
a slow, droning melody. Marian joined in, barely above a whisper.

123
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:49,159
There were no words, only the sound of their voices

124
00:09:49,360 --> 00:09:53,759
moving in and out of tune with each other. They

125
00:09:53,799 --> 00:10:01,080
stopped humming and began eating. I followed their lead. The

126
00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:05,480
food was thick and oddly sweet, some sort of casserole

127
00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:09,840
I didn't recognize. The texture was soft, but not in

128
00:10:09,879 --> 00:10:14,000
a pleasant way. My stomach tightened after a few bites.

129
00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:22,240
Still to be polite, I cleaned the plate. Afterward, they

130
00:10:22,279 --> 00:10:26,960
insisted I stay a little longer, just to talk. I

131
00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:30,519
nodded along with their stories, most of which seemed pulled

132
00:10:30,519 --> 00:10:34,879
for moments that no longer belonged to any one. Mister

133
00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:39,039
Avery kept referring to things we'd all done together, times

134
00:10:39,080 --> 00:10:43,240
I knew for certain I hadn't been there. He spoke

135
00:10:43,279 --> 00:10:48,679
with such conviction that I stopped correcting him. Marian stood

136
00:10:48,919 --> 00:10:53,600
and clasped her hands together. You've been such a light

137
00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:58,679
for us. She said, we've been thinking maybe you'd be

138
00:10:58,720 --> 00:11:03,960
easier for everyone if you stayed the night. She gestured

139
00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:07,519
toward the stairs. We already made up a room for you.

140
00:11:09,159 --> 00:11:14,440
I didn't respond. I stood, forcing a smile and told

141
00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:18,799
them I had an early morning. I walked toward the door.

142
00:11:20,879 --> 00:11:25,799
Neither of them followed. They only watched Marian, still smiling,

143
00:11:26,360 --> 00:11:31,519
mister Avery with his head slightly tilted. I reached for

144
00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:39,240
the doorknob. The world tilted sideways. The last thing I

145
00:11:39,279 --> 00:11:43,799
remember is the taste of metal in my mouth and

146
00:11:43,840 --> 00:11:55,919
the floor rushing up toward me. I woke to the

147
00:11:56,000 --> 00:12:00,240
sound of birds song. For a moment, I I aught

148
00:12:00,279 --> 00:12:04,200
I was home. Not my new place, but the apartment

149
00:12:04,279 --> 00:12:07,639
i'd shared with my sister before the move, the one

150
00:12:07,720 --> 00:12:11,320
with the crooked blinds and the peeling wallpaper. In the kitchen.

151
00:12:12,639 --> 00:12:16,879
The morning light had that same watery yellow hue stretched

152
00:12:16,879 --> 00:12:20,879
across the floor, like someone had poured it from a glass,

153
00:12:21,559 --> 00:12:25,120
But the room smelled different. There was no scent of

154
00:12:25,159 --> 00:12:30,320
old coffee or laundry detergent. Instead, the air was stale,

155
00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:35,799
perfumed with something powdery and floral. I turned my head

156
00:12:36,080 --> 00:12:41,159
and saw the wallpaper soft pink with tiny green leaves

157
00:12:41,519 --> 00:12:46,000
printed in even rose. The book shelves sat beneath the window,

158
00:12:46,440 --> 00:12:50,840
filled with worn paper backs and dusty trophies. There were

159
00:12:50,879 --> 00:12:54,000
doors on a wooden rocking chair in the corner, a

160
00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:57,559
small white desk, a full length mirror with a lay

161
00:12:57,559 --> 00:13:03,679
shawl draped over the top. And on every wall photographs

162
00:13:03,960 --> 00:13:09,519
and a child's drawing, dozens of them, framed and arranged

163
00:13:09,639 --> 00:13:16,440
with obsessive precision. They were all of her, Emily. Her

164
00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:20,799
face stared back at me from every angle. School portraits,

165
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:25,879
birthday parties, candid shots in the yard, her eyes always

166
00:13:25,919 --> 00:13:32,759
locked with the camera, always smiling. I sat up. The

167
00:13:32,799 --> 00:13:38,039
sheets tangled around my legs. I was still wearing the dress,

168
00:13:38,679 --> 00:13:42,919
my skin itched beneath a fabric. I reached for my

169
00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:47,679
phone out of habit. My pocket was empty. I checked

170
00:13:47,679 --> 00:13:54,320
the night stand nothing, no phone, no charger, no keys.

171
00:13:54,879 --> 00:13:57,639
My coat was draped over the desk chair, but the

172
00:13:57,720 --> 00:14:01,879
pockets had been turned inside out. There was no clock

173
00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:05,240
in the room. The silence crawled in behind the bird

174
00:14:05,320 --> 00:14:10,360
song and pressed down on my shoulders. I opened the door.

175
00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:17,000
Mister Avery stood on the other side, holding a tray

176
00:14:17,039 --> 00:14:21,320
with toast and a glass of orange juice. He didn't flinch.

177
00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:28,440
His face was smooth, his expression unreadable. Good morning, sweetheart,

178
00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:34,360
he said, We thought you might be hungry. I stepped

179
00:14:34,399 --> 00:14:37,759
back into the room, heart pounding, trying to keep my

180
00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:42,240
breath steady. He followed, placing the tray in the desk

181
00:14:42,320 --> 00:14:46,639
beside the glass lamp. I wanted to ask what happened.

182
00:14:47,080 --> 00:14:49,200
I wanted to ask why I had woken up there,

183
00:14:49,759 --> 00:14:53,480
why I couldn't remember falling asleep, why I was still

184
00:14:53,639 --> 00:14:59,039
in Emily's clothes. But when I opened my mouth, nothing

185
00:14:59,159 --> 00:15:03,879
came out. Mister Avery folded his hands in front of

186
00:15:03,960 --> 00:15:08,360
him and gave a small nod. Your mother thought you

187
00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:11,519
might need a little extra rest after everything last night.

188
00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:15,879
You always get a little overwhelmed when things get emotional.

189
00:15:18,080 --> 00:15:20,440
He looked at the wall at one of the pictures

190
00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:29,519
we understand. I forced the words out, where's my phone?

191
00:15:30,279 --> 00:15:35,080
What are you people doing? He didn't answer at first,

192
00:15:35,919 --> 00:15:40,639
just looked at me with that steady, practiced gaze. You

193
00:15:40,799 --> 00:15:44,440
know you're grounded, Emily. No phone until we talk about

194
00:15:44,440 --> 00:15:50,919
what happened, until you're honest with us. My skin went cold.

195
00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:56,279
He turned and walked to the door. Before stepping out,

196
00:15:56,919 --> 00:16:02,080
he said, almost absently. We'll be downstairs when you're ready.

197
00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:05,960
Just come sit with us when you're feeling more like yourself.

198
00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:12,720
He closed the door softly behind him. I rushed to

199
00:16:12,759 --> 00:16:18,120
grab it, grabbed a knob, twisted hard. It wasn't locked.

200
00:16:18,840 --> 00:16:22,360
But I wasn't ready to leave yet, not without a

201
00:16:22,399 --> 00:16:27,480
plan at least. I checked the window next. The latch

202
00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:30,679
had been painted over. When I tried to slide the

203
00:16:30,679 --> 00:16:35,320
pane open, it didn't move. I sat on the edge

204
00:16:35,320 --> 00:16:37,559
of the bed and stared at the door for a

205
00:16:37,639 --> 00:16:42,720
long time. There was no yelling, no threads, no locked

206
00:16:42,799 --> 00:16:49,000
chains or screaming alarms, just that suffocating sense of stillness.

207
00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:54,000
I could hear Marian's voice echoing through the walls. She

208
00:16:54,080 --> 00:17:01,080
was humming a tune. She sounded happy. I was waited

209
00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:04,759
out and scared, and frankly, I couldn't wait to report

210
00:17:04,799 --> 00:17:08,200
them to the police. I'd spent a lot of time

211
00:17:08,240 --> 00:17:11,519
with the Averys, so I knew what they did and

212
00:17:11,799 --> 00:17:17,680
when they did it, and so I waited until the

213
00:17:17,720 --> 00:17:24,000
mower started. It was an old push model, loud, uneven,

214
00:17:24,559 --> 00:17:28,240
and it took a minute to warm up. From the window,

215
00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:31,799
I watched mister Avery roll it across the back yard,

216
00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:35,440
the blades chewing up patches of tall grass he had

217
00:17:35,519 --> 00:17:39,720
let grow just long enough to look natural. His back

218
00:17:39,839 --> 00:17:48,279
was turned, Marian wasn't in sight. I moved fast, quiet

219
00:17:48,319 --> 00:17:52,880
at first, then reckless. I slipped out the room and

220
00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:57,319
crept down the stairs barefoot. My shoes were gone, so

221
00:17:57,400 --> 00:18:01,319
I wore Emily's flats from the closet. They pinched my toes,

222
00:18:01,359 --> 00:18:06,759
but I didn't stop. The house was still. No clocks ticked,

223
00:18:07,160 --> 00:18:11,240
no footsteps echoed, just the rising whir of the moa,

224
00:18:11,880 --> 00:18:16,759
steady and sharp. At the front door, I reached for

225
00:18:16,839 --> 00:18:21,200
the lock. It clicked open easily. The dead bolt hadn't

226
00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:25,839
been set. For a second. I thought maybe this would

227
00:18:25,839 --> 00:18:30,759
be easy, Maybe they'd let their guard down. I opened

228
00:18:30,799 --> 00:18:35,599
the door and stepped out into the sunlight. The grass

229
00:18:35,599 --> 00:18:39,640
felt cold through the thin soles of my shoes. I

230
00:18:39,680 --> 00:18:43,599
didn't look back. I moved quickly past the porch, through

231
00:18:43,640 --> 00:18:46,400
the side yard, past the rose bushes that edged the

232
00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:56,680
averys striveway. I heard the moa stop, then his voice Emily.

233
00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:04,200
I didn't answer. I broke into a run. I made

234
00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:07,160
it half way across the lawn before he tackled me

235
00:19:07,200 --> 00:19:11,920
from behind. My niece slammed into the ground. One shoe

236
00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:15,519
flew off. His arms wrapped around my waist, and he

237
00:19:15,599 --> 00:19:19,160
dragged me backward, his breath hot and uneven in my ear.

238
00:19:20,480 --> 00:19:24,519
I screamed in hopes any one would hear me enough.

239
00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:31,279
He snapped enough of this, I screamed again, roar and useless.

240
00:19:32,440 --> 00:19:35,039
He pulled me through the doorway and up the stairs.

241
00:19:35,680 --> 00:19:38,599
My hands clawed of the walls, trying to find something

242
00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:42,640
to grab, anything that might catch. He threw open the

243
00:19:42,680 --> 00:19:47,240
bedroom door and shoved me inside. I hid the floor hard,

244
00:19:47,759 --> 00:19:52,119
my shoulder cracking against the leg of the bed. You

245
00:19:52,319 --> 00:19:56,440
don't get to run away from us, he said. He

246
00:19:56,480 --> 00:20:00,960
stood over me, chest heaving, face flush. I could smell

247
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:05,319
the sweat on him, mixed with something sour. He raised

248
00:20:05,319 --> 00:20:09,680
his hand. The slap rang in my ears for a

249
00:20:09,759 --> 00:20:13,720
long time after he left. When he shut the door again,

250
00:20:14,359 --> 00:20:18,640
the light seemed to change. The sun had begun to set,

251
00:20:19,039 --> 00:20:22,200
and the room filled with shadows that stretched toward the

252
00:20:22,319 --> 00:20:28,640
corners like stains. I stood, legs shaking, and picked up

253
00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:33,400
the night's tend He was heavier than I expected, painted

254
00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:37,720
white with floral knobs, one drawer still filled with old

255
00:20:37,759 --> 00:20:42,200
birthday cards and dried out pens. I dragged it to

256
00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:46,359
the window, raised it above my head, and slammed it

257
00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:51,480
against the glass. The first it only left a mark

258
00:20:51,599 --> 00:20:55,200
that was nothing but cosmetic. The second didn't even do

259
00:20:55,319 --> 00:21:00,960
that much. By the fourth strike, my arms burned. I

260
00:21:01,039 --> 00:21:03,799
let the night stand fall to the floor and sank

261
00:21:03,839 --> 00:21:08,680
beside it, chest rising and falling too fast, the glass

262
00:21:08,799 --> 00:21:13,880
mocking me from above. I didn't hear anyone approach. The

263
00:21:14,039 --> 00:21:22,200
door creaked open behind me, Emily, Marian said gently. I

264
00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:26,359
turned to face her. She stepped into the room in

265
00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:30,119
a pale blue sweater and slacks. Her hair was pin

266
00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:33,920
needly behind her ears. She held a silver brush in

267
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:39,039
one hand and a smile never wavered. I thought we

268
00:21:39,160 --> 00:21:44,839
could spend some time together, she said. Before I could speak,

269
00:21:45,759 --> 00:21:51,000
I saw movement behind her. Mister Avery stood in the hallway.

270
00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:55,960
He wasn't sweating any more, his face had gone still,

271
00:21:56,759 --> 00:22:02,400
calm again. In his right hand and was a pistol.

272
00:22:04,559 --> 00:22:07,400
He held it with both hands low against his stomach,

273
00:22:07,839 --> 00:22:12,640
but aimed in my direction. I opened my mouth, but

274
00:22:12,720 --> 00:22:18,039
Marian was already crossing the room. Why don't you come sit,

275
00:22:19,079 --> 00:22:23,480
she asked. She sat on the bed and patted the

276
00:22:23,519 --> 00:22:29,079
space beside her. Mister Avery gestured with his pistol, and

277
00:22:29,200 --> 00:22:34,559
so I sat. Marian reached out and began to run

278
00:22:34,599 --> 00:22:38,039
the brust through my hair. The bristles snagged a knot.

279
00:22:39,160 --> 00:22:43,680
She hummed softly under her breath, something tuneless and repetitive.

280
00:22:45,319 --> 00:22:49,400
You always loved this, she said, You used to sit

281
00:22:49,720 --> 00:22:54,359
just like this when you were little. Remember. I felt

282
00:22:54,359 --> 00:22:56,880
the first tear slip down my cheek before I could

283
00:22:56,920 --> 00:23:01,319
stop it. I tried to hold back, but they came fast,

284
00:23:01,839 --> 00:23:07,160
soaking into the collar of the dress. Marian kept brushing.

285
00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:12,799
Her voice crooned, You're going to feel better soon. All

286
00:23:12,880 --> 00:23:17,000
that confusion is going to melt away. We'll take care

287
00:23:17,039 --> 00:23:22,599
of you like we always have. She kissed the top

288
00:23:22,599 --> 00:23:27,519
of my forehead and kept brushing, even as my shoulders shook.

289
00:23:30,839 --> 00:23:34,839
Days passed like this. Missus Avery came into my room

290
00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:40,599
every night, accompanied by mister Avery. Always the same routine.

291
00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:44,880
She came into the room every evening with mister Avery

292
00:23:44,960 --> 00:23:48,559
right behind her, always carrying the same pistol tucked into

293
00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:52,119
his arm or slipped into the waistband of his jeans.

294
00:23:52,920 --> 00:23:55,720
He never raised it again, but he never put it

295
00:23:55,759 --> 00:23:59,960
away either. It was there to keep the lines drawn

296
00:24:00,880 --> 00:24:03,920
to make sure I didn't forget who I was supposed

297
00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:07,960
to be. She would talk about memories I didn't have,

298
00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:12,599
cry over milestones I'd never reached. Sometimes she'd sing to

299
00:24:12,640 --> 00:24:16,759
me in a low breathy voice, humming half finished lullabies

300
00:24:17,200 --> 00:24:21,960
and whispering that I'd always be her baby. I didn't

301
00:24:22,039 --> 00:24:26,680
argue any more. I played along. I smiled when I

302
00:24:26,720 --> 00:24:29,559
was supposed to. I held a hand when she offered it,

303
00:24:30,359 --> 00:24:35,680
I responded to Emily. It was the only way to

304
00:24:35,759 --> 00:24:42,200
stay safe. Until the night I reached my breaking point.

305
00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:46,440
I'd been staring at the wall across from the bed,

306
00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:50,440
where it hung. A frame I hadn't noticed before must

307
00:24:50,480 --> 00:24:53,160
have been slipped in when I was in the bathroom.

308
00:24:53,519 --> 00:24:57,119
A drawing done in pencil of a small white house

309
00:24:57,200 --> 00:25:00,680
with a porch and two stick figures standing in the yard.

310
00:25:01,880 --> 00:25:10,720
At the bottom the signature Emmy, aged seven. Something about

311
00:25:10,759 --> 00:25:13,599
it opened the door in my chest I hadn't closed

312
00:25:13,680 --> 00:25:17,160
fast enough. I stood and tore it from the wall,

313
00:25:17,799 --> 00:25:22,720
Then the next photo, then another. I didn't stop. I

314
00:25:22,799 --> 00:25:25,839
tore the bed sheet apart and kicked the rocking chair over.

315
00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:28,720
I pulled open the drawers of the desk and dumped

316
00:25:28,759 --> 00:25:33,759
them onto the floor. I had destroyed most of the room.

317
00:25:34,440 --> 00:25:37,839
The mattress had been flipped, the curtains torn from the rod.

318
00:25:38,519 --> 00:25:41,279
I had kicked open the closet doors and thrown every

319
00:25:41,359 --> 00:25:45,720
hanger to the floor. My arms ached, my throat burned

320
00:25:45,720 --> 00:25:48,799
from yelling, though no one had come to stop me.

321
00:25:49,839 --> 00:25:53,119
Maybe they were letting me tire myself out, or maybe

322
00:25:53,160 --> 00:25:55,400
they were waiting to see what I would do next.

323
00:25:56,799 --> 00:25:59,559
I sank to the floor beside the bed frame, heart

324
00:25:59,640 --> 00:26:04,839
still pounding, tears dried on my face. I didn't know what.

325
00:26:04,880 --> 00:26:08,039
I was hoping to find, some crack in the walls,

326
00:26:08,359 --> 00:26:11,279
some hidden clue that would explain what had happened here

327
00:26:11,319 --> 00:26:18,759
before me. I didn't expect anything real that. When I

328
00:26:18,799 --> 00:26:24,200
found the notes, they'd been tugged behind the desk, whiged

329
00:26:24,279 --> 00:26:28,079
between the back panel and the wall. The corner of

330
00:26:28,119 --> 00:26:32,160
the paper had just barely peeked out, visible only from

331
00:26:32,160 --> 00:26:36,000
where I'd collapsed. It wasn't hidden in the way someone

332
00:26:36,079 --> 00:26:42,319
might hide a secret. It was forgotten. I crawled toward it.

333
00:26:43,319 --> 00:26:46,920
The notes were thick and worn, the pages soft from handling.

334
00:26:48,079 --> 00:26:52,319
A floral cover faded around the edges with the name

335
00:26:52,480 --> 00:26:57,079
Becka written across the front in blooming not the loopy,

336
00:26:57,240 --> 00:27:01,079
curated signature I had seen of an old schoolwork. This

337
00:27:01,119 --> 00:27:07,039
one had been written fast, probably while crying. The first

338
00:27:07,200 --> 00:27:12,599
entry was dated fourteen months ago. I wanted to start

339
00:27:12,640 --> 00:27:16,359
this off by saying that my name is Becca, not Emily.

340
00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:20,319
Marian gave me this journal, told me to write down

341
00:27:20,359 --> 00:27:23,680
whatever she told me to. When she left the room,

342
00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:27,079
I ripped a couple of pages out. I needed to

343
00:27:27,119 --> 00:27:32,279
get my real thoughts across somewhere they took me. I

344
00:27:32,279 --> 00:27:35,000
don't know how to write that any other way. I

345
00:27:35,079 --> 00:27:37,960
keep waiting to wake up, to hear my alarm and

346
00:27:38,039 --> 00:27:44,039
crawl back into real life, but it's not coming. I

347
00:27:44,079 --> 00:27:47,759
went to see my old piano teacher. That's how it started.

348
00:27:48,640 --> 00:27:52,240
I'd posted about it on Facebook and Marian must have

349
00:27:52,319 --> 00:27:56,599
seen it. She was there when I came out, smiling,

350
00:27:56,920 --> 00:28:00,880
saying it had been too long, and mister showed up.

351
00:28:01,880 --> 00:28:05,319
I thought it was weird, but I didn't panic, not

352
00:28:05,480 --> 00:28:09,039
until I got into the car, not until the door's locked.

353
00:28:11,640 --> 00:28:15,720
My hands trembled as I turned the page. They told

354
00:28:15,759 --> 00:28:18,359
me my parents didn't want me any more, that the

355
00:28:18,359 --> 00:28:21,519
world outside was dangerous and they were the only ones

356
00:28:21,559 --> 00:28:26,079
who could protect me. I screamed. I cried so much

357
00:28:26,119 --> 00:28:29,160
I couldn't see straight. They started keeping me in the

358
00:28:29,279 --> 00:28:31,920
room for days at a time, said I needed to

359
00:28:32,119 --> 00:28:37,160
calm down before I earned privileges. Entry after entry blurred

360
00:28:37,200 --> 00:28:41,599
into each other. Weeks of isolation, meals slipped through the door,

361
00:28:42,480 --> 00:28:47,480
the silence, the slow removal of her name. They started

362
00:28:47,480 --> 00:28:52,200
calling me Emily. That's their daughter's name. She died when

363
00:28:52,240 --> 00:28:55,240
I was little. I think I found a photo once

364
00:28:55,359 --> 00:28:58,440
in a box in the closet. The girl in the

365
00:28:58,480 --> 00:29:02,559
picture wasn't me, but they said it was. I told

366
00:29:02,599 --> 00:29:06,599
him no, but they didn't listen. The more I argued,

367
00:29:06,960 --> 00:29:11,480
the more time they kept me locked away. Mister Avery

368
00:29:11,559 --> 00:29:14,920
hit me for the first time three weeks ago. He

369
00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:19,160
apologized after said he didn't want to, but I provoked him.

370
00:29:20,319 --> 00:29:22,880
Marian gave me ice and a dish towel and told

371
00:29:22,920 --> 00:29:26,559
me to stop resisting. She said, the sooner I accepted

372
00:29:26,559 --> 00:29:33,039
that I was home, the easier everything would be. Some

373
00:29:33,200 --> 00:29:36,480
entries were scribbled and hard to read with a pen

374
00:29:36,599 --> 00:29:40,559
pressed so deep it all the paper. Others were neat

375
00:29:40,880 --> 00:29:44,160
and almost detached, like she had given up on being

376
00:29:44,240 --> 00:29:49,240
heard and wanted to leave a record, one in particular,

377
00:29:49,559 --> 00:29:55,480
caught in my throat. I miss who I was, my name,

378
00:29:55,680 --> 00:29:59,440
my friends, my real mom. I think I'm forgetting what

379
00:29:59,519 --> 00:30:02,960
a voice aunted like. I keep trying to say my

380
00:30:03,039 --> 00:30:06,480
own name out loud when I'm alone, but it sounds vake.

381
00:30:06,640 --> 00:30:11,240
Now they keep telling me I'm Emily. They tell me

382
00:30:11,640 --> 00:30:18,279
I was never any one else. The final entries were short.

383
00:30:19,920 --> 00:30:22,759
They said, we're going to the lake soon to start

384
00:30:22,839 --> 00:30:27,079
over somewhere quiet. I think they're going to kill me.

385
00:30:29,000 --> 00:30:32,559
If any one somehow finds this, please tell the truth.

386
00:30:33,319 --> 00:30:38,400
I was Becca Harper. I was sixteen. They made everything up.

387
00:30:42,200 --> 00:30:45,000
I clutched the notes to my chest and sat there

388
00:30:45,119 --> 00:30:47,720
in the wreckage of the room they had once given her,

389
00:30:48,559 --> 00:30:51,440
a shell of a bedroom, meant to raise some one

390
00:30:51,759 --> 00:30:56,160
and replace her with a better version, a more obedient version.

391
00:30:57,720 --> 00:31:04,160
They were doing it again. I was still staring at

392
00:31:04,160 --> 00:31:06,960
the notes when I heard a knock at the front door.

393
00:31:08,240 --> 00:31:12,440
I immediately perked up. In all my time spent here

394
00:31:12,480 --> 00:31:15,440
as a prisoner, I hadn't heard someone knock on the

395
00:31:15,480 --> 00:31:19,599
front door a single time. It was a hard knock,

396
00:31:20,160 --> 00:31:24,519
not Marian's gentle tap, not mister Avery's soft call for dinner,

397
00:31:25,599 --> 00:31:30,960
A firm practiced fist against wood. My door swung open.

398
00:31:32,039 --> 00:31:36,160
It was Marian. Before she could even question me about

399
00:31:36,200 --> 00:31:38,759
the state the room was in, she ushered me to

400
00:31:38,799 --> 00:31:43,319
come to the front door, claiming we had visitors. Mister

401
00:31:43,359 --> 00:31:46,920
Avery was already there, gunn tightly bound to his waist.

402
00:31:48,279 --> 00:31:52,359
He was always ready now. He opened the door with

403
00:31:52,400 --> 00:31:59,160
a smile. Two officers stood outside, one older, square George,

404
00:31:59,559 --> 00:32:04,680
the other younger, sharper eyes. The older one spoke, first,

405
00:32:06,119 --> 00:32:09,400
we're falling up on a missing person report. Young woman

406
00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:13,759
mid twenties moved into two one four last month. You

407
00:32:13,880 --> 00:32:20,119
know anything about that? Marian beamed, Oh my, we thought

408
00:32:20,160 --> 00:32:24,160
we hadn't seen her in a while. Mister Avery turned

409
00:32:24,200 --> 00:32:28,039
to me, Emily, you are quite well acquainted with her.

410
00:32:28,480 --> 00:32:33,720
Come say helo. I walked to the doorway. Marian reached

411
00:32:33,720 --> 00:32:36,119
for my hand and held it in both of hers.

412
00:32:37,319 --> 00:32:44,599
Introduce yourself first, sweetie. My mouth opened, nothing came out.

413
00:32:46,000 --> 00:32:49,559
The order officer tilted his head slightly, studded my face.

414
00:32:50,079 --> 00:32:53,279
His eyes narrowed just enough to suggest he saw more

415
00:32:53,359 --> 00:33:00,960
than he was letting on. I tried again. I'm she

416
00:33:01,160 --> 00:33:04,000
was gone for a year. She just recently came back,

417
00:33:04,039 --> 00:33:08,759
and mister Avery said quickly, it's been a hard week.

418
00:33:11,000 --> 00:33:15,599
The officer didn't move. I'd like to speak with her alone,

419
00:33:15,880 --> 00:33:22,079
if that's all right. There was a pause. Marian blinked.

420
00:33:22,400 --> 00:33:28,039
Mister Avery didn't speak, but his smile faltered. Of course,

421
00:33:28,519 --> 00:33:33,960
she said, she just needs some air. He led me

422
00:33:34,039 --> 00:33:37,839
down the walkway. We stood at the end of the driveway.

423
00:33:39,000 --> 00:33:42,200
I leaned in and whispered, barely able to push the

424
00:33:42,240 --> 00:33:48,920
words out. It's it's me. They kidnapped me. He has

425
00:33:48,960 --> 00:33:52,720
a gun. Please don't make a scene. I think you'll

426
00:33:52,799 --> 00:33:58,720
kill us if you do. The officer didn't flinch. He

427
00:33:58,839 --> 00:34:05,400
only nodded very slowly. Then he smiled. Thank you, Emily,

428
00:34:06,160 --> 00:34:10,159
he said, loud enough for the others to hear. Everything

429
00:34:10,159 --> 00:34:15,519
seems fine here. He walked back to the porch. The

430
00:34:15,599 --> 00:34:23,000
door shut and they left. Marian and mister Avery seemed

431
00:34:23,039 --> 00:34:26,480
to be satisfied. They must have assumed that I had

432
00:34:26,480 --> 00:34:30,639
told them I was their daughter or something equally as sick.

433
00:34:31,280 --> 00:34:35,559
Falling for their own delusions, I went back to the

434
00:34:35,639 --> 00:34:38,719
room and sat on the edge of the bed, waiting

435
00:34:38,920 --> 00:34:44,519
for what would come next. That night, I didn't sleep,

436
00:34:45,440 --> 00:34:51,239
or rather couldn't. The raid came late into the night.

437
00:34:52,679 --> 00:34:55,519
There were no red and blue lights flashing through the windows,

438
00:34:56,320 --> 00:35:01,199
only doors being broken and voices shouting. A battering ram

439
00:35:01,320 --> 00:35:05,119
cracked the front door in half. Footsteps thundered through the house.

440
00:35:06,480 --> 00:35:08,960
I huddled in the corner of Emily's room with a

441
00:35:09,039 --> 00:35:13,599
lamp still on, waiting for it to end. One officer

442
00:35:13,760 --> 00:35:16,920
rushed straight to my room, helping me up and escorting

443
00:35:16,920 --> 00:35:22,320
me outside. They dragged mister Avery out after he screamed

444
00:35:22,360 --> 00:35:28,000
and fought wild eyes flashing onto the hallway light. She's mine,

445
00:35:28,599 --> 00:35:34,960
he shouted. You don't understand, she's mine. Then Marian sobbing,

446
00:35:35,679 --> 00:35:41,760
her sweater stained and her hands shaking. Emily, Emily, tell them,

447
00:35:42,079 --> 00:35:44,920
tell them the truth. Don't let them take us from you,

448
00:35:45,440 --> 00:35:51,559
Don't let them hurt your family. I didn't answer. I

449
00:35:51,639 --> 00:35:55,239
watched as they were taken from the house, kicking and wailing.

450
00:35:56,400 --> 00:35:58,719
She reached for me as she passed the bedroom door.

451
00:35:59,760 --> 00:36:05,559
I took a step back in disgust. Later at the station,

452
00:36:06,320 --> 00:36:09,960
I told the officers everything I told them about the

453
00:36:10,039 --> 00:36:15,679
notes and everything I'd read, and with that, Becker's case

454
00:36:15,840 --> 00:36:19,960
was reopened and a family finally got the closure they

455
00:36:20,039 --> 00:36:27,719
so desperately needed. As for me, I never quite recovered.

456
00:36:29,360 --> 00:36:33,159
People imagine that once the danger ends, you can breathe again,

457
00:36:33,840 --> 00:36:38,159
that the worst part is over and done with. That's

458
00:36:38,199 --> 00:36:43,239
not how it works. You leave the place, but it

459
00:36:43,320 --> 00:36:48,559
doesn't leave you. I still shower with the door cracked open.

460
00:36:49,239 --> 00:36:52,599
I still flinch when I hear that name. I still

461
00:36:52,679 --> 00:36:57,280
dream in that room, the pink wallpaper, the press dress,

462
00:36:58,159 --> 00:37:01,679
the soft brushing of a voice behind me telling me

463
00:37:03,119 --> 00:37:04,480
I'll be better soon.