Speaker 1: This is doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to KFI
Speaker 1: AM six forty the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on demand
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Speaker 2: Welcome back to the.
Speaker 3: Doctor Wendy Walls Show on KFI AM six forty Live
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Speaker 3: to answering your social media questions. If you have a question,
Speaker 3: you can send it by a direct message to me
Speaker 3: on Instagram. Producer Kayla goes through them. She picks them.
Speaker 1: I do keep your identity anonymous. You send it to
Speaker 1: at doctor Wendy Walsh.
Speaker 2: All right.
Speaker 1: This listener says, dear Doctor Wendy, I know you proposed
Speaker 1: to your boyfriend. I've been dating a guy for four
Speaker 1: months and I'm ready to make it exclusive. Is it
Speaker 1: okay to ask him to be my boyfriend? Or should
Speaker 1: I wait for him to ask me? All right, there
Speaker 1: are a couple of things I need to say here
Speaker 1: right off the top. First of all, like a lawyer
Speaker 1: in a court room, never ask a question you don't
Speaker 1: know the answer to.
Speaker 2: And so when I proposed to my sweet.
Speaker 1: Julio, we had already had discussions about getting married, not
Speaker 1: necessarily the when or the where or the exact, but
Speaker 1: you know, I knew that what his answer was going
Speaker 1: to be, even though he paused. I mean, you can
Speaker 1: see it. It's on my YouTube channel, and it's really
Speaker 1: freaky when he pauses. But his explanation is that we
Speaker 1: had practiced a little script for the segment, the KFI segment,
Speaker 1: and then I asked a question that was off script,
Speaker 1: so we had to think, okay. But your next question
Speaker 1: is you're ready to make it exclusive and you've been
Speaker 1: together four months, So my curiosity is are you already
Speaker 1: in bed together? Are you knocking boots? Are you having
Speaker 1: a great old time? Is it delicious? Then you missed
Speaker 1: your moment. Here's the thing you need to ask for.
Speaker 1: So there's two things here. There's sexual exclusivity, And then
Speaker 1: there's also the you know, public title of what are
Speaker 1: we right? And sexual exclusivity the question about it should
Speaker 1: happen before onset of first sex in a relationship, right,
Speaker 1: that's when you say, hey, loving getting to knowing, getting
Speaker 1: to know you. I think you're great. Clearly I can
Speaker 1: tell you're into me. It'd be fun to take this
Speaker 1: to the next step. But as long as we're getting
Speaker 1: to know each other, I'd like to know that if
Speaker 1: we're sleeping together, I'm the only person you're sleeping with. Right,
Speaker 1: So it's not like saying, let's post on Instagram that
Speaker 1: we're a couple. No, it's just saying it's asking for
Speaker 1: sexual exclusivity. So that's the first step. But it sounds
Speaker 1: like you miss that. I don't know, maybe you haven't
Speaker 1: even had sex. Then that's the time to do it.
Speaker 1: But then you don't ask somebody will you be my
Speaker 1: boyfriend until you've had trust and intimacy and talked about
Speaker 1: sweet things and have that thing. You know, so at
Speaker 1: a certain point you might say, hey.
Speaker 2: Are we a thing? Are we like a public thing?
Speaker 1: Are we?
Speaker 2: I mean, you don't have to say is it okay?
Speaker 2: If I'm your boyfriend, your girlfriend, or you know what,
Speaker 2: I make it so official you just kind of say
Speaker 2: yoma one and only. Is that the what's working for you?
Speaker 1: Get the information you need, but again, ask for sexual
Speaker 1: exclusivity first, then the identifying thing later. All right, Dear
Speaker 1: doctor Wendy says this listener, my girlfriend's brother hates me. Hmm,
Speaker 1: I'm so good to her, And she says he's like
Speaker 1: this with every boyfriend she's ever had. He's rude to me,
Speaker 1: and I think it's childish. I also don't tolerate that treatment,
Speaker 1: but I want to be respectful of her.
Speaker 2: What can I do?
Speaker 1: Okay, So clearly he has an anxious attachment to his sister,
Speaker 1: maybe an enmeshed family, and he's worried about abandonment, right
Speaker 1: because I know, okay, I'm not gonna be stereotypical, but
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be stereotypical whenever I met a guy who
Speaker 1: was raised by a single mother and he was the
Speaker 1: only child. She had a husband and he had a wife,
Speaker 1: and that mom always hated me, right or did things
Speaker 1: to kind of break us up in some way. And again,
Speaker 1: not logical, not rational, doesn't make sense. Our emotional mind
Speaker 1: is very different. From our intellectual mind. So the brother
Speaker 1: may not even realize that he's doing this, or if
Speaker 1: he does, maybe he's like, I.
Speaker 2: Don't trust guys around you. It was to be super protective. Whatever.
Speaker 2: So you got a couple choices here.
Speaker 1: If you plan on this to be a long term,
Speaker 1: long term thing with her, you're gonna have a relationship
Speaker 1: with him for the rest of your life. So you
Speaker 1: might want to do something with him alone, invite him
Speaker 1: out to do something whatever it is guys do together,
Speaker 1: I don't know, think play game, go to a bar
Speaker 1: or whatever, and then just say, hey, I just want
Speaker 1: you to know I really feel grateful to be a
Speaker 1: part of your family, and I want you to know
Speaker 1: that I really respect your sister, and I hope we
Speaker 1: can be cool.
Speaker 2: That's all you do.
Speaker 1: You just try to establish a secondary relationship. If that's
Speaker 1: not gonna work, they just avoid him as much as
Speaker 1: you can, like literally, if you have to go to
Speaker 1: family things, sit in a different place. If he tries
Speaker 1: to trigger you by saying stuff, just you know, move on,
Speaker 1: just just yeah, let it go right, Just let him
Speaker 1: do his own thing. Okay, moving along here, Hi, doctor Wendy,
Speaker 1: I'm dating a new guy. Who ignores my text Sometimes
Speaker 1: I find it very rude. We've been dating a month.
Speaker 1: Is this a deal breaker or a conversation? It's a
Speaker 1: conversation like anything else. You tell me more your.
Speaker 2: Needs are Also, how often are you texting? Are you
Speaker 2: bombarding him?
Speaker 1: Because if you're bombarding him, of course he's going to
Speaker 1: cause space And if you want him to text more
Speaker 1: text less just saying, but you know, stop texting and
Speaker 1: get on the phone see each other's say. The text
Speaker 1: thing it doesn't work. I know, it's how everybody starts.
Speaker 1: But then it's got to move relationship to move to something.
Speaker 1: Dear doctor Wendy, a woman I am dating always showers
Speaker 1: after intimacy. It offends me because I feel like she
Speaker 1: doesn't want to cuddle or have my scent on her.
Speaker 1: How do I bring this up with her?
Speaker 4: Sir?
Speaker 1: Must I give you a lesson in female anatomy? And
Speaker 1: I guess I mean I got the lecture from a
Speaker 1: doctor at a hospital when I was in there with
Speaker 1: a bladder infection and another kind of infection when I
Speaker 1: was like a teenager.
Speaker 2: So I'm gonna give you the lecture.
Speaker 1: The worst thing a woman can do immediately after sexual
Speaker 1: intercourse is lay around and can I say in all
Speaker 1: the juices, Kayla, I don't know, but you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. She can't. She makes herself more vulnerable to
Speaker 1: a whole bunch of infections. It is very important that
Speaker 1: she hop up get herself cleaned.
Speaker 4: Now.
Speaker 1: If she doesn't come back from the shower for the cuddle,
Speaker 1: that's a whole other thing.
Speaker 2: Right, So why do you talk to her about it?
Speaker 1: Right?
Speaker 2: Why don't you take a shower with her? Why don't
Speaker 2: you help her clean herself? Be together?
Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying, really, Dear doctor Wendy, my boyfriend
Speaker 1: just started a medication to help his mood swings, but
Speaker 1: it takes away all his personality and care for me.
Speaker 1: We've been together three years. How do I deal with this?
Speaker 1: You talk to him, and you tell him to talk
Speaker 1: to his doctor. This is not for me to weigh in.
Speaker 1: This is a medical question. I'm not a medical doctor.
Speaker 1: And seriously, if it's really changed his personality, he might
Speaker 1: need his meds adjusted. So tell him about it and
Speaker 1: talk to his doctor. Alrighty, when we come back, I
Speaker 1: have a very special guest who's going to talk about
Speaker 1: how we build a model for love in our early lives.
Speaker 1: You're listening to The Doctor Wendy Wall Show and KFI
Speaker 1: AM six forty would Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 5: You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
Speaker 5: AM six forty.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to the Doctor Wendy Wall Show on KFI
Speaker 1: AM six forty, Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 2: You hear me talk about it all the time. Love
Speaker 2: begins in childhood.
Speaker 1: Parents and the relationship between babies and toddlers create a
Speaker 1: kind of blueprint for loves. When people call me and
Speaker 1: they have questions about dating advice, I always say, talk
Speaker 1: to your therapist about what happened early in life if
Speaker 1: you want to be able to change your patterns as
Speaker 1: an adult looking for love or trying to maintain a
Speaker 1: healthy relationship. So I thought I would bring on a therapist,
Speaker 1: a psychologist, a child and family psychologist who's been practicing
Speaker 1: for forty years. I'd like to welcome doctor Paul SUNSERI.
Speaker 1: Welcome to The Doctor Wendy Wall Show.
Speaker 4: Well, thank you, Wendy. I appreciate it. It's a pleasure
Speaker 4: being on.
Speaker 1: And your new book is called Gentle Parenting reimagine how
Speaker 1: to make it work with oppositional and defiant kids, and
Speaker 1: it just came out this month. Congratulations on your new book.
Speaker 1: Let's first of all, talk a little bit. Because you
Speaker 1: work with children, you work with families, you, I'm sure
Speaker 1: know a lot about attachment theory. Tell me what explain
Speaker 1: to people who are listening how this important relationship early
Speaker 1: in life with our primary caregivers is so important to
Speaker 1: our adult romantic lives.
Speaker 4: Well, it's a great question. So the thing of it
Speaker 4: is that obviously the relationship that parents have with their kids,
Speaker 4: the stronger that is, the more securely attached it is,
Speaker 4: that becomes a template for the relationships that kids will
Speaker 4: then seek out in the future as adults. So kids
Speaker 4: are well loved and they have a strong connection to
Speaker 4: their parents, then very likely those are the adults that
Speaker 4: they are going to seek out in the future. So,
Speaker 4: you know, we all want our kids to grow up
Speaker 4: and to be in happy, healthy relationships. And I think
Speaker 4: sometimes when there are problems or issues in the family
Speaker 4: of origin, maybe the connection the child has to their parents,
Speaker 4: maybe there's some dysfunction within the family. The problem with
Speaker 4: that is that in future relationships, often people seek out
Speaker 4: other people who mirror their experiences in childhood.
Speaker 1: Right, I always say, we go back to the scene
Speaker 1: of the crime, and we will pick partners who actually
Speaker 1: bring our.
Speaker 2: Worst nightmares because they're familiar to us.
Speaker 1: Like love isn't about finding happiness, it's about finding the familiar.
Speaker 1: So what do you say to parents who say, Oh,
Speaker 1: my baby or my toddler's so independent. I'm so proud
Speaker 1: of them. They're already holding the baby bottle at four
Speaker 1: months and they don't need me or miss me. They
Speaker 1: don't cry when I leave. This is so wonderful. They're
Speaker 1: so independent. What's your response to that?
Speaker 4: Well, I think a kid being independent is a really
Speaker 4: good thing, right. I think we all want our kids
Speaker 4: to be able to do things on their own and
Speaker 4: make independent decisions that are found and reasonable. But you know,
Speaker 4: any quality too much of a good thing is no
Speaker 4: longer a good thing. And so the parent that you
Speaker 4: just describe worries me a little bit. I love the
Speaker 4: fact that they're proud of their kids for being independent, obviously,
Speaker 4: but to say they don't miss me when when I
Speaker 4: leave the room, I don't know. I start to worry
Speaker 4: a little bit. Most kids do miss their parents. When
Speaker 4: they leave the room, and when they return, they're excited
Speaker 4: to see them. So, you know, independence is great, but
Speaker 4: I want kids to, in addition to being independent, to
Speaker 4: have a strong connection to their parents, a strong attachment exactly.
Speaker 1: I mean emotional independence is something that a baby shouldn't
Speaker 1: have yet, right, It's like they're an emotional umbilical cord
Speaker 1: to a parent's heart for a very long period of time.
Speaker 1: You know, you work with families and you're in the
Speaker 1: trenches every day. When you see parents who have an
Speaker 1: insecure attachment with their children, I'm sure you immediately think
Speaker 1: to yourself, well, what happened in that parent's childhood? Are
Speaker 1: you able to heal families through working with parents' attachment injuries?
Speaker 4: Well, another really good question. So let me see if
Speaker 4: I can explain it in a way that will make
Speaker 4: sense to your listeners. So, the families that I work with,
Speaker 4: they're a mess. Right. So kid presents her treatment in
Speaker 4: our clinic, and usually they're there because they have some
Speaker 4: sort of a serious mental health condition. So they might
Speaker 4: have what's called oppositional defining disorder, and that's just kids
Speaker 4: who have a very hard time following directions and doing
Speaker 4: what's asked to them. That may be, say a teenager
Speaker 4: who engages in some kind of regular self harming behavior.
Speaker 4: They might cut themselves. They could be a teenager who's suicidal.
Speaker 4: That could be possibly a kid who is so anxious
Speaker 4: that either they have great difficulty going to school or
Speaker 4: maybe they stop going to school altogether. So in those situations,
Speaker 4: everybody's attachments are afraid right because it is so stressful,
Speaker 4: and life at home is often so chaotic, it's difficult
Speaker 4: for parents to be close to their kids in situations
Speaker 4: like that, and for kids to be close to their parents.
Speaker 4: So a large part of my work is figuring out
Speaker 4: what is getting in the way of this family being
Speaker 4: close to one another. And often then what's required is
Speaker 4: to really address the behavior problems that the child is
Speaker 4: exhibiting and intervene in such a way that those problems
Speaker 4: either go away completely or vastly reduced. And then what
Speaker 4: happens magically if parents then start to have a far
Speaker 4: better relationship with their kids, and kids have a far
Speaker 4: better relationship with their parents. There's a natural inclination among humans,
Speaker 4: I think, to want to be close right, especially among
Speaker 4: family members. But when a kid is struggling, particularly in
Speaker 4: some sort of a serious way. It's hard for their
Speaker 4: to be closeness in the family in terms of family
Speaker 4: of origin. So sometimes the parents that they work with,
Speaker 4: you know, they're all very well intentioned, with the vast
Speaker 4: majority of them are. But sometimes I work with parents
Speaker 4: who themselves can be very highly reactive. Right, so their
Speaker 4: kid is doing or saying something that they don't like.
Speaker 4: You know, it's very difficult for that parent to stay
Speaker 4: emotionally regulated. And that's sort of any parent of a
Speaker 4: more difficult to parent kid, a harder kid. But there's
Speaker 4: some parents who struggle with at the.
Speaker 2: Moment, you know.
Speaker 1: I remember when my kids were little, my therapist said
Speaker 1: something to me that was so helpful.
Speaker 2: She said, in.
Speaker 1: Order for kids to truly love their parents, they have
Speaker 1: to be allowed to hate them sometimes.
Speaker 4: Well, I mean, I think every parent I know, myself included,
Speaker 4: at one point their kids say to them I hate Yeah.
Speaker 2: I remember saying it to my parents.
Speaker 5: Yeah, And I do.
Speaker 4: Believe in those moments probably they did me. But that
Speaker 4: passes all right, But it's our.
Speaker 1: Job to not be reactive to just say, you know what,
Speaker 1: they're just using the language they have to express their frustration, right,
Speaker 1: I want to talk more about your book, and I
Speaker 1: want to talk more about Gentle parenting and how you
Speaker 1: have reimagined it, because I know that some people have
Speaker 1: misgivings and think it's about spoiling the kid, and I
Speaker 1: really want to get into it more when we return.
Speaker 1: My guest is doctor Paul Sunseri. He's in San Francisco.
Speaker 1: He is a forty year clinician in the trenches working
Speaker 1: with children and families. If you do have kids, if
Speaker 1: you have a kid who just had kids, you might
Speaker 1: want to get them this book, Gentle Parenting Reimagined How
Speaker 1: to Make It Work with Oppositional and Defiant Kids.
Speaker 2: We'll be right back.
Speaker 1: You're listening to the Doctor Wendy Wall Show on kf
Speaker 1: I AM six forty Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 5: You're listening to Doctor b Walsh on demand from KFI
Speaker 5: AM six forty.
Speaker 1: Well, that's a doculating well show on KFI AM six
Speaker 1: forty Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. My guest clinical
Speaker 1: psychologist doctor Paul Sunseri. His book Gentle Parenting Reimagined How
Speaker 1: to Make It Work with Oppositional and Defiant Kids. It
Speaker 1: just came out this month. Let's talk about we're talking
Speaker 1: about in early childhood creating a healthy model for love
Speaker 1: so that these kids can grow up and have healthy
Speaker 1: relationships themselves, Doctor Paul, What do parents get wrong most
Speaker 1: often when it comes to gentle parenting.
Speaker 4: Well, let me just define gentle country really fast.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: What it doesically is that focuses on parents having a close,
Speaker 4: loving relationship with their kids, really the best relationship they
Speaker 4: possibly can. And in the parenting style, parents try to
Speaker 4: lean into their kids emotionally or at least as much
Speaker 4: as they possibly can. And it argues that when kids misbehave,
Speaker 4: that if they do something their parents don't want them
Speaker 4: to do, parents should focus less on punishment and more
Speaker 4: on trying to empathize and understand the child. Previous generations
Speaker 4: focused a lot more on punishment than what gentle parenting does.
Speaker 4: It's again less about that and more just trying to
Speaker 4: collaborate and empathize with the child.
Speaker 1: I always say there are no bad kids, just misunderstood kids.
Speaker 4: Yeah. Yes, I've never met a bad kid. I've met
Speaker 4: challenging kids, lots of them, but never a bad one.
Speaker 1: Right, So, how do parents? And I'm guilty this. So
Speaker 1: I had two very extremes of children. One I literally
Speaker 1: never ever said to her, is your homework done? And
Speaker 1: she rushed home from school and did it and the
Speaker 1: extra credit and literally walked herself alone from kindergarten into Harvard.
Speaker 1: The next kid, five years later, filled with learning differences
Speaker 1: a little bit on the spectrum you would call maybe
Speaker 1: oppositionally defiant. She owned her no, that's for sure, and
Speaker 1: trying to get that one through school was very, very,
Speaker 1: very difficult. I made so many mistakes behaviorally at the
Speaker 1: beginning with this kid before I went up to UCLA
Speaker 1: neuropsych and.
Speaker 2: Took some parenting classes.
Speaker 1: Good, but how do parents unintentionally reinforce their children's negative behavior?
Speaker 1: And I know what you're going to say, because I
Speaker 1: probably did it for six years.
Speaker 4: Okay, Well, there's a lot of unintentional reinforcement. I think
Speaker 4: the easiest example to explain to people is kids who
Speaker 4: are explosive, Kids who maybe yell and you know, scream
Speaker 4: at their parents, maybe even curse at their parents. And
Speaker 4: usually that's in response to being told no to something,
Speaker 4: not getting permission to do something that they want. And
Speaker 4: so if a kid puts up a big enough fight,
Speaker 4: you know, gets loud enough and harsh enough with their parents.
Speaker 4: It's really common and understandable that those parents sometimes back down,
Speaker 4: like I get yeah, it's not worth it. And so
Speaker 4: when a kid learns that they can change their parents' behavior,
Speaker 4: sometimes by turning a no into a yes, by acting out,
Speaker 4: that kid is just going to act out. It teaches
Speaker 4: them to be persistent, and sometimes it teaches them to
Speaker 4: be mean. So that's the most common reinforcement pattern that
Speaker 4: I see in family that I work very hard to change.
Speaker 4: In the book describes many many ways of changing that.
Speaker 1: So my daughter loved to have the most screaming, embarrassing
Speaker 1: meltdown tantrums in the most inappropriate places airplanes, museums, stores,
Speaker 1: et cetera. And I fed her tantrums with ice cream.
Speaker 4: It was a bad story. Kids can sometimes remind me
Speaker 4: of they're a little extortions, sometimes aware when they're going
Speaker 4: to act out. That's why I get backed out in
Speaker 4: public so much, because they know their parents are embarrass
Speaker 4: and they go no, no, no, no, no worry about I'll
Speaker 4: get you what you want. It's very common for kids to.
Speaker 1: Be you know, when I finally went up to UCLA,
Speaker 1: there was this wonderful licensed clinical social worker named doctor
Speaker 1: Cynthia Whittam, and she taught me to catch them being good,
Speaker 1: give lots of attention when they're being good, and when
Speaker 1: they're being bad literally ignore, literally give no response, like
Speaker 1: you're just a robot parent walking around. And it was
Speaker 1: so hard, but it did extinguish the behavior.
Speaker 2: Took some time, but it worked well.
Speaker 5: Go ahead.
Speaker 4: It's great advice, and that's kind of the opposite of
Speaker 4: what gentle parenting advises. They lean into their kids when
Speaker 4: they're tanswering, and that's partially what's wrong with gentle parenting
Speaker 4: is that approach backfires and it's not consistent with the
Speaker 4: evidence with the kid who's misbehaving in some way.
Speaker 2: And why doesn't punishment work well with some kids?
Speaker 4: Well, it's kind of a complicated question. Punishment, in its
Speaker 4: strictest definition is a kid misbehaves and there's a penalty
Speaker 4: for that. So for example, a kid who doesn't do
Speaker 4: their homework maybe then over the weekend doesn't get to
Speaker 4: see their friends. So if the penalty that is imposed
Speaker 4: that can't be undone. There's an alternative to that, which
Speaker 4: I call pause, earn in return reinforcement, and it's kind
Speaker 4: of a reverse that it works a lot better. So
Speaker 4: the way pausitive and return works is if you want
Speaker 4: to see your friends this weekend, then you're going to
Speaker 4: have to get all your homework done by then. Or
Speaker 4: an alternative explanation would be a cad that's disrespectful to
Speaker 4: their parents. So look, if you keep talking to me
Speaker 4: like that, your phone's going to go up on the
Speaker 4: kitchen counter until you can be nice for a while.
Speaker 4: Those are both alternatives to punishment that I said are
Speaker 4: far more effective.
Speaker 2: I like to call them logical consequences.
Speaker 1: And you know, one of the things I loved about
Speaker 1: tech is that it's so addictive for kids.
Speaker 2: It is a really great way to parent.
Speaker 1: By withdrawing tech and having them earn back, I mean basically,
Speaker 1: what you're saying is instead of creating a punishment, what
Speaker 1: I'm hearing is you turn the beloved thing into a
Speaker 1: reward that they work for.
Speaker 4: Right, they worked very hard for their tech, yes.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, they work to get back on that phone.
Speaker 1: So how can parents really get children to cooperate without punishment?
Speaker 1: We mentioned one reward system, which is tech. Are there
Speaker 1: other reward systems that you recommend?
Speaker 4: Well? I think with harder to parent kids, there do
Speaker 4: need to be consequences. Consequences play a really important role
Speaker 4: in changing that behavior. Positive reinforcement is great. The positive
Speaker 4: reinforcement alone, I don't think works very well with difficult kids,
Speaker 4: so you're always going to have to do some version
Speaker 4: of that. And in the book, I walk parents from
Speaker 4: agency how to get their kids to do exactly what
Speaker 4: they want them to do, to listen, to follow the directions,
Speaker 4: to be kind, to do the things they like that
Speaker 4: they're supposed to be doing, like homework and chores, and
Speaker 4: it just outlines a strategy and a map to get
Speaker 4: those things done and at the same time being gentle
Speaker 4: with your kids. You can get kids to do whatever
Speaker 4: you want them to do and be gentle with them
Speaker 4: at the same time.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, you don't have to yell parents exactly,
Speaker 1: you don't have to hit. You can say it in
Speaker 1: a calm way. I almost feel like, well, I was
Speaker 1: her before I went to therapy and learned. But it's
Speaker 1: the parents who are most ambivalent about the rules that
Speaker 1: have the hardest time setting the boundaries, and when they do,
Speaker 1: they become this crazy bricked wall authoritari. It's like the
Speaker 1: permissive parent becomes the authoritarian parent. There's no in between.
Speaker 1: But when you learn to just calmly say oh, I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: no we don't have cookies before dinner.
Speaker 2: I know you're disappointed.
Speaker 4: You empathy. This is just how it is.
Speaker 2: That's just how it is. Is the Hopey way.
Speaker 1: We had a preschool owner who used to say that
Speaker 1: think of your family as the Hopey way.
Speaker 2: This is our way, this is the way we do it.
Speaker 1: Well, it's been a pleasure to meet you, my guest,
Speaker 1: doctor Paul Sunsei. Please get his book Gentle Parenting Reimagined
Speaker 1: How to Make it Work with oppositional and defiant kids.
Speaker 1: Have a wonderful holiday season, Doctor Paul nice.
Speaker 4: Thank you, appreciate on, Thank you much.
Speaker 1: And that brings the Dodtor Wendy Wall Show to a close.
Speaker 1: I hope you and your family do have a very,
Speaker 1: very merry Christmas. You've been listening to the Doctor Wendy
Speaker 1: Wall Show in KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere
Speaker 1: on the iHeartRadio app. You've been listening to Doctor d Walsh.
Speaker 1: You can always hear us live on KFI AM six
Speaker 1: forty from seven to nine pm on Sunday and anytime
Speaker 1: on demand on the iHeartRadio app,