Speaker 1: Life was well. When I wanted a job, I worked
hard and got a good one. I wanted companionship and
worked through all social barriers until I met the one
and settled down. My wife and I wanted a child,
and through the shared desire, we had a beautiful girl.
We wanted her to grow into an amazing person, and
now she's top of her class. In the final months
of high school, with a full circle of friends, everything
was perfect. Everything I ever set out to do, i'd accomplish.
Yet something inside me, deep within, felt hollow. All the
happiness I sought only felt surface deep. I felt like
something inside me was missing. It was during a late
drive from a business trip. It was between two large
cities and I was stuck in no man's land and
at the worst possible timing, I really needed to go
to the bathroom. Sure, for a number one, you can
pull over and wet the side of the road, but
what I needed to do required things. But luckily I
spotted my salvation. I spotted lights on in a building.
It wasn't too far from the main road, However, in
the pitch black it glowed like a beacon of hope.
I turned in and parked up other cars were settled
into spots, so I assumed a small gathering of people
were there. I gently knocked, hoping some one would answer. However,
whatever was going on inside was too noisy for my
knocks to be heard, so I took a deep breath
and pushed the door open. The attention of the room
entirely shifted to me. The first thing I noticed was
how old everyone was. Whatever this club was, that was
the only shared common feature. There was nothing I could
ascertain from this, though, so the club's function was a
mystery to me. The room fell dead, silent. A pin
drop would echo on the walls. However, before that, I
briefly saw what the foss was about. Someone was being
celebrated standing in front of an old, ornate door. However,
it wasn't some normal door. There was a strange glow
from inside, but it didn't look like anything I had
ever seen before. But what really caught my attention was
the sound. In the brief side violence. I could hear it,
a strange thumping sound. However, it had a rhythmic pattern
to it, almost deliberate, yet felt so natural. It was
hard to describe, but I was drawn to it. I
wanted to know what it was to feel it. A
man in a clean suit cleared his throat and approached me. Welcome,
Are you a new applicant to the club, he asked politely.
Ah uh no, sorry, I was just driving through and
really needed the bathroom. I haven't seen a service station
in so long. Is that okay? His soft smile faded
before returning as he guided me to the restroom. Aria.
While doing my business, I could hear the commotions start
all over again. Cheers and celebration rang out through the hall,
echoing into the cubicle I was simultaneously demolishing. I was exhausted.
When I finished my business, a double flusher, at least
with my hands washed. I headed out, ready to go
straight for the door, not wanting to intrude whatever was
going on in this remote meeting hall. But all it
took was a quick sideways glance for a mountain of
intrigue to hold me down. I watched as a man
stepped through the ornate door. He practically glowed with positivity,
beaming with a pride I had never witnessed before. Others
around him celebrated him like he had just achieved world peace,
even from where I stood. Whether it was seeing so
many people happy or something from behind the door. I
felt it too, in a slight way, a strange elation
tingling through me. I would have stayed in place forever,
just soaking in this great feeling, even if just secondhand,
until I felt a grasp at my arm. If your
business is done here, you are free to leave. He
was the same man from before. He said this with
no hostility, a polite smile, sincerely beaming at me. I
was ready to leave, However, I was just too curious.
I had to ask, Otherwise leaving this stone unturned would
haunt me for the rest of my life. What is
this place? What's going on here? I asked? This is
the place where like minded people meet and share a
common interest, he said, However, his pause was too suspicious.
What interest? And what's behind that door? I asked back.
The answer to both questions are the same answer, he
shot back. However, he didn't actually answer the question. So
what is it? Then? I probed, I am truly sorry.
Only club members can know, he said solemnly. I was
ready to get this over with and leave, but I
had so many questions. Okay, so how do I sign up?
I asked. I figured if it was just a form
or a small fee, I could spare it just to
satiate my curiosity. Sadly, it is a lengthy ordeal and
not an easy one to do, he answered, Which is,
I asked, leaving him to fill in the blanks. I
cannot answer that he shall back, I sighed, And why not,
I asked, annoying to my tone, I can only say
if you are truly dedicated adjoining as a member, he explained.
I was done with this, this whole charade. Trying not
to cause a scene, I simply said my goodbyes and left.
But the sight of what I'd seen, the bliss those
people were experiencing, never left my mind. After five straight
days of hell due to work, my mind sought reprieve.
I wanted to feel happy. My only relief was my family,
watching shows with my wife and daughter and spending quality
time with them, but my life felt like it was
missing something, something grand. I wanted to feel bliss. Realizing
that my life was just travel and work, the idea
of joining a club sounded like a good idea. Plus,
to even experience just a fraction of the happiness that
I saw in those people, would be a dream, so
I went back. I set out to arrive at a
similar time to when I first found the place, hoping
that they had a scheduled time. And when I arrived,
I saw the place bustling with life once more. When
I entered, I was greeted by the same man as before.
Welcome back. The bathroom is this way, though, please try
to clean up more after he greeted, saying that last
part was the only time I saw his polite smile falter.
I guess even the most well maintained personas can crack.
But i't there for that. I had something else on
my mind. I want to join, I said, a little
too excitedly. At this, the room fell silent. Everyone turned
to look at me, and their expressions were so tense
that I couldn't make out what the vibe was. Even
the polite man, his friendly demeanor, ever present, soured his
face into a more serious tone. Are you sure about this?
This is a very serious thing to accept, and though
faltering might be inevitable, the consequences for even just starting
can be costly, he said. But I was ready, ready
for anything, and accepted on the spot. He formally introduced
himself Randal, a name I would never forget. Randal explained
to me the conditions I was to be put through tests,
tests of life to see whether I am truly worthy
to be a part of the club. However, he couldn't
fully explain what the tests were. The tests will come
to you. All you have to do is participate, was
all he said. The vague, cryptic instruction wasn't the strangest part.
There was another step that made me question my decision
to join this strange club. Randall went to a case
of his stuff and pulled out an odd mixture of materials,
a pile of straw, some old looking string, and other
things I didn't recognize. As quick as a flash, he
fashioned it into a strange looking doll. He handed it
to me, and as I grabbed it, he held on too,
staring straight into my eyes. Do not let it go
at times when you cannot hold it, keep it on
your person at all times. We will know if you
fail at this. He released his grip and left it
in my hands. The first test, his loss was the
last thing Randal said to me. The ride back was surreal,
the whole scenario playing over in my head, I wondered,
if the doll had a camera in it, or a
censor like those training baby toys new mothers used the
train with. It was odd. However, I was never one
to back down from a challenge. As soon as I
got home, I was hit by a surprise. My wife
was still awake, sitting at the kitchen table. I approached,
thinking she was just up for some water. However, the
look on her face told me whatever she was about
to tell me weighed heavy, and when she told me,
it hit me like a ton of hammers. She was sick.
Whatever it was, it was so obscure that I still
cannot pronounce its name. But whatever it was, it was
too unknown for a cure. The next few weeks were
a mess. Hospital visits, counselors, care staff, a pile of
things I'd never dreamed of happening until our twilight years.
We had planned to spend our whole lives together, and
here I was seeing her off so soon. That was
a wreck. Explaining it to our teenage daughter was hard.
She was old enough to have a concept of death,
but way too young to be living through it. It hurt,
but my wife stayed strong through it despite her failing health.
She was still the anchor of the family. The time came,
the doctors predicted it perfectly. I was sat at her bedside,
holding her hand as she slipped away from the world,
still though she was awake enough to be sharing her
last moments together. My daughter was on her way and
she would arrive perfectly on time. The door creaked open
and we both turned in anticipation, but instead a pair
of police officers stood where our daughter should have been.
What they told me made my world break even more.
Apparently my daughter was worried about coming too late, so
she was driving hastily to the hospital. She must have
been so focused on making it on time that she
missed the truck slipping past the red light, which tea
boned a vehicle. Damn this, splitting it in half. She
was dead on impact. Tears filled my eyes as the
heart rate monitor next to me flat lined. My whole life,
everything I lived for, was gone. I was left alone
to grieve, to say my goodbyes. When I felt a slight,
burning sensation. I reached into my jacket pocket and there
it was the doll. It was singed black, and as
I held it, I felt it heat up in a
flash and disappear into a puff of ash. My hands
were left black, but otherwise no pain. But this told
me what caused all this? The club. I had no
idea how they orchestrated everything, but this very much all
qualified as loss. I stormed back to the club with
no regard of restraint. I grabbed Randal by the cough,
demanding he explain everything. However, he never carried a smug
lock or a look of deliberate intent. His face carried
the same burden I did. I looked around, and everyone
had the same lock. We've all experienced loss. I've no
idea what you went through, but I can guarantee we
went through the same or worse. This didn't comfort me
in the slightest. Why why did you let this happen?
You could have turned you away, You could have worn
me anything. I demanded, because it was worth it, he
responded flatly. I wanted to flip out at this and
how absurd that sounded, but I didn't. Part of me
wanted to see this through, even if to just hear
what was next, to at least give their death reason.
The next task, Randal continued, is one hundred lives from
one hundred cities, I frowned at this. Wait, you expect
me to what kill? There's no way I could. I
was interrupted by another patron approaching me and grabbing my hand.
Before I knew it, I saw he had a knife,
but it wasn't pointed at me. It was being placed
in my hand. I didn't have time to pull my
hand away at the strange gesture before he spoke up.
Don't worry, the first one's free, he yelled excitedly, before
forcing my hand tight around the handle and shoving it
into himself. He fell to the floor and smiles were
had as he pled out on the floor. I was
too stunned to respond until fightal flight kicked in and
I just fled. I hopped in my car and drove,
just drove as far as I could, for as long
as I could. Before I knew it, I was at
the state lines, soaking everything in. I knew I couldn't
go home, not with blood on my hands. Literally. I
decided to slip to the next date and stay there
for a while, just in case there was heat. When
hanging around a low populated area, I noticed a homeless
man and the cogs started turning in my head. I
was in a new city. No one knew I was there.
It would be so easy, It was a sick thought,
but I was fully enveloped in the sunken cost fallacy
to turn back. Now everything I loved was gone. If
I were to stop, it would have all been for nothing.
I walked past him, and he held out his hand
for a donation. I handed him a baked treat I
had picked up, then sat at a nearby cafe. When
I saw the ambulance hauling away his body in a bag,
I knew it had worked. He hadn't noticed what I
had slipped in another city, down ninety eight to go.
It took years. I'd gotten good at it. I took
erratic roots, never traveled in a pattern, never used the
same method to kill, always mixing things up. I even
flew to other countries, sometimes for a point, other times
simply spending time there. The point of all this was
to never leave a pattern. When there are no motives,
it's very hard to track down a killer, and I'd
no reason at all. All of my targets were picked
out at random, and never out of convenience either. I
took time, sometimes months, just making sure the stars were
aligned to literally get away with murder. I always kept track,
never with anything material. Each night I'd recite myself each hit.
I never wanted to want to shoot, or worse, overshoot
my goal, and slowly the count rose until I had
reached it, one hundred hits in one hundred different cities.
I was aged now, looking like the other guests in
the club. I now understood why everyone there shared that
in common. I returned a weathered man, stripped of all humanity,
broken and praying to anything that whatever was behind that
door would make me whole again, because whatever was behind
there must have been special. When I witnessed part of
the ceremony, not only was the person emerging from the
door elated, so was everyone in the room, something so
magical that it radiated to all involved. At this point,
I couldn't even imagine the creaks of my face if
I tried to smile, an action long since lost on me.
So to be able to feel again, to be immersed
in joy, would be salvation. I made my way back
to the club. It had been so long that the
thought of it not being around anymore hadn't crossed my
mind until I approached. However, there it was the soft
glow of the light, signaling its presence in the blackness
of the road. I was greeted by Randal, looking far
older than when I last saw him. Some of the
members from before were still there, but it looked like
many had passed, most likely from old age, but new
members had taken their place, fresh faces. The passages of
time wrinkled across their faces, however, bearing something I still
didn't possess, happiness. As soon as Randal saw me, recognition
spread across his face, not only recognizing who I was,
but what I had done. He didn't even confirm it,
so whether he was somehow keeping tabs on me or
simply from my vibe, he knew the task was complete.
Are you here to use the bathroom again? He jested,
a joke I would have chuckled at long before, but
now my soul felt so sour that I couldn't even
muster a polite laugh. Randal gave us, and everyone immediately
started preparing the ceremony. The small crowd moved like clockwork,
each person knowing their role in what was about to come.
A woman stood near me, excitements spread across her face.
While everyone was preparing, I turned to her. What's going
to happen? I asked. I never expected a full answer,
but was at least hoping for some kind of hint
towards what was about to come. But all she did
was turned to me and smile. She didn't give anything away,
not even with a lock. I was brought before the
door and finally saw the glow I had seen all
those years ago seep in through the cracks. Tingles ran
through me, and I hadn't even went inside yet. Randal
stood in front and ceremoniously opened the door. Light played
around me and I entered. What I saw it was beyond.
I had spent many nights for years imagining what was inside,
if it would all be worth it, The loss, the pain,
everything I had been through. It all circled around in
my head, haunting me, teasing me. But even the highest,
most supreme experience I fantasized, actually seeing it trumped it tenfold.
When I emerged, I came out a new man, reborn.
Everything I had done felt like so much, such a
high cost. However, after going through it, it now felt cheap,
like I had made out like a bandit. If I
had known what was inside, I would have paid the
price many times over. Everyone celebrated me outside the door.
It was exactly like I had first saw all those
years ago, except now I was the one in the
center of attention. Randall didn't say anything to ruin the moment,
simply gave me a knowing, not with a smile. So
what was inside, Well, here's the thing I can't tell
you because you're not a member.