WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.680 --> 00:00:02.919 This is doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to KFI 2 00:00:03.080 --> 00:00:05.960 AM six forty, the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on demand 3 00:00:06.280 --> 00:00:07.960 on the iHeartRadio. 4 00:00:07.280 --> 00:00:10.839 Appf I Am six forty. You have Doctor Wendy Walsh 5 00:00:10.880 --> 00:00:13.919 with you. This is the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show. Kaylew 6 00:00:14.119 --> 00:00:14.720 you laugh at me. 7 00:00:14.960 --> 00:00:16.280 I love when you have high energy. 8 00:00:16.440 --> 00:00:17.399 I was getting energy. 9 00:00:17.839 --> 00:00:20.559 It makes me so happy because I was feeling a 10 00:00:20.600 --> 00:00:23.519 little tired. You know what I did today, what I 11 00:00:23.559 --> 00:00:28.600 got a new car. I got a Honda Prologue. 12 00:00:29.519 --> 00:00:32.520 Prologue. That's an exhausting process. Yeah, it was. 13 00:00:32.840 --> 00:00:35.119 It is. Okay, this is an industry we need to 14 00:00:35.200 --> 00:00:38.759 change everybody. I know that Carvana and CarMax and all 15 00:00:38.799 --> 00:00:40.759 these things say they're doing it, but no, you still 16 00:00:40.759 --> 00:00:43.880 have to go sit in a dealership and negotiate for hours. 17 00:00:43.920 --> 00:00:46.640 But luckily my husband used to work in the car industry, 18 00:00:47.039 --> 00:00:49.840 so he could look at all those tiny little numbers 19 00:00:49.880 --> 00:00:52.359 that they put on that contract and hide the things in. 20 00:00:53.399 --> 00:00:56.240 But anyway, I'm very excited. I have been an early 21 00:00:56.280 --> 00:00:59.280 adopter of electric cars. I had a smart car, I 22 00:00:59.320 --> 00:01:02.880 had a Fea Electric. Of course, I have my Tesla 23 00:01:03.000 --> 00:01:07.079 for many years and now the Honda prologue because they 24 00:01:07.079 --> 00:01:08.760 have a really great By the way, they pay me 25 00:01:08.879 --> 00:01:10.599 nothing to say is I'm not even a brand person. 26 00:01:10.640 --> 00:01:12.560 I don't even know if Honda is good, bad or whatever. 27 00:01:12.879 --> 00:01:15.519 But there's some kind of rebate thing that's huge that's 28 00:01:15.560 --> 00:01:16.799 on by the end of the year. So that's why 29 00:01:16.879 --> 00:01:18.760 we quickly did it, and how we found the cars. 30 00:01:18.760 --> 00:01:21.280 We drove in it as an ober to a Christmas party. 31 00:01:22.040 --> 00:01:24.439 We drove into it. I mean we were the passengers 32 00:01:24.439 --> 00:01:25.879 and we said, the guys, this is a brand new car, 33 00:01:25.920 --> 00:01:27.239 because yeah, it's a couple of weeks old. 34 00:01:27.280 --> 00:01:29.000 And I said, what is it, Like, how many miles 35 00:01:29.000 --> 00:01:29.319 does it get? 36 00:01:29.280 --> 00:01:30.680 Blah blah blah blah blah and the next thing, and 37 00:01:30.719 --> 00:01:32.799 I'm like, I'm going to go buy one tomorrow. And 38 00:01:32.799 --> 00:01:34.840 he goes, well, I happen to sell them, come visit me. 39 00:01:36.519 --> 00:01:36.840 So I did. 40 00:01:36.920 --> 00:01:39.920 So it was all good. Hey, there's a new study out. 41 00:01:39.920 --> 00:01:42.079 I want to talk well, before I get into this, 42 00:01:42.200 --> 00:01:46.840 let me just say what's coming up. I am later 43 00:01:46.920 --> 00:01:49.239 in the show going to join the rest of America 44 00:01:49.879 --> 00:01:54.079 and become an armchair psychologist in diagnosing armand Luigi you 45 00:01:54.120 --> 00:01:56.799 know who I'm talking about, right, Kayla, Oh yeah, mister 46 00:01:56.840 --> 00:01:57.719 eyebrows and abs. 47 00:01:57.879 --> 00:02:00.280 Eyebrows and abs, and the one that everybody has an 48 00:02:00.319 --> 00:02:03.359 alibi for everyone in the social media world to say 49 00:02:03.000 --> 00:02:05.879 that he was with them in bed that night, so 50 00:02:05.920 --> 00:02:07.159 he couldn't have committed the crime. 51 00:02:07.480 --> 00:02:08.599 So girls are fangirling. 52 00:02:08.680 --> 00:02:14.560 I predict that the trial of Luigi Maggioni Mangioni, I 53 00:02:14.599 --> 00:02:17.800 say that right is going to be another big, huge 54 00:02:17.840 --> 00:02:20.759 media circus. Everyone's gonna watch it. It's going to be 55 00:02:20.800 --> 00:02:23.560 an indictment on the healthcare industry. I mean, my heart 56 00:02:23.599 --> 00:02:26.120 goes out, and I'm very sad for Brian Thompson who 57 00:02:26.199 --> 00:02:28.439 was brutally murdered by this assassin. 58 00:02:28.479 --> 00:02:31.240 But alleged assassion. Alleged assassins. 59 00:02:31.319 --> 00:02:34.599 We're supposed to say everybody's innocent in America until proven guilty, 60 00:02:34.599 --> 00:02:37.960 no matter how many cameras are on them and how 61 00:02:38.039 --> 00:02:39.199 much footage there is. 62 00:02:39.280 --> 00:02:40.439 Hey could have been fake news. 63 00:02:40.439 --> 00:02:40.960 We don't know. 64 00:02:42.080 --> 00:02:42.439 Anyway. 65 00:02:42.479 --> 00:02:46.360 Later on, I'm gonna do my best, but I first 66 00:02:46.400 --> 00:02:51.000 want to talk to single people. You know, almost fifty 67 00:02:51.000 --> 00:02:54.639 percent about forty seven percent of Americans, according to the 68 00:02:54.680 --> 00:03:01.319 latest US Census Borost Census Bureau data, are single. That's 69 00:03:01.319 --> 00:03:04.319 almost one hundred and twenty million people who are unmarried, 70 00:03:04.680 --> 00:03:07.960 nearly half of all adults over the age of eighteen. Now, 71 00:03:07.960 --> 00:03:10.879 when you hear those stats, right, don't you go, oh 72 00:03:10.919 --> 00:03:14.360 my god, what's wrong with America? Because back in nineteen 73 00:03:14.479 --> 00:03:18.400 fifty is like eighty five percent of people were married. Well, 74 00:03:18.439 --> 00:03:20.840 why do you assume that being married is the right thing? 75 00:03:21.479 --> 00:03:24.759 Or why do you assume that people who are unmarried 76 00:03:25.360 --> 00:03:27.159 are not in relationships? 77 00:03:27.599 --> 00:03:27.840 Right? 78 00:03:28.319 --> 00:03:30.800 They could be in same sex relationships and have chosen 79 00:03:30.840 --> 00:03:34.439 not to be married. They could be in heterosexual cohabitating 80 00:03:34.560 --> 00:03:37.879 relationships and chosen not to be married. Maybe it's just 81 00:03:38.599 --> 00:03:43.319 the old institution of marriage that they don't want, right. Well, 82 00:03:43.319 --> 00:03:46.039 there is a new survey that came out to help 83 00:03:46.080 --> 00:03:52.039 American singles find love by wallet hub, a financial website 84 00:03:52.039 --> 00:03:55.360 wallet Hub. They compared more than one hundred and eighty 85 00:03:55.439 --> 00:04:00.520 US cities across thirty five key indicators of get this 86 00:04:01.039 --> 00:04:07.360 dating friendliness, and their data ranges from you know how 87 00:04:07.400 --> 00:04:11.639 many people in the population are single, to the kinds 88 00:04:11.680 --> 00:04:14.319 of dating opportunities to the average price for a two 89 00:04:14.319 --> 00:04:18.439 person meal. All right, so they came up with the 90 00:04:18.519 --> 00:04:23.720 top cities to date, the top cities to be single, 91 00:04:23.759 --> 00:04:25.040 in Okay. 92 00:04:25.120 --> 00:04:29.600 Number one. Are you ready, Kayla, I'm writing it down. Atlanta, Georgia. 93 00:04:30.399 --> 00:04:30.680 No. 94 00:04:30.920 --> 00:04:33.879 Apparently it's affordable, there's lots to do, and there's lots 95 00:04:33.920 --> 00:04:36.879 of single people, okay. And they also looked at gender 96 00:04:36.920 --> 00:04:39.279 breakdown too, because if you have too many of one 97 00:04:39.360 --> 00:04:42.759 gender or one sex, then that's an imbalance and doesn't 98 00:04:42.800 --> 00:04:45.240 make dating fun. So it looked at Georgia number one. 99 00:04:45.439 --> 00:04:48.439 Number two is shocking to me. Las Vegas, Nevada. 100 00:04:48.600 --> 00:04:50.120 Really, I know the city of sin. 101 00:04:50.439 --> 00:04:52.360 I know it's like a well, I guess single people 102 00:04:52.439 --> 00:04:53.839 party city. 103 00:04:53.519 --> 00:04:54.680 Okay, I don't know, could it be? 104 00:04:55.000 --> 00:04:55.279 Okay? 105 00:04:55.360 --> 00:04:57.519 Number three is interesting to me because I think of 106 00:04:57.560 --> 00:05:02.800 this city as a family city. Seattle, Washington, Okay, swinging 107 00:05:03.199 --> 00:05:05.680 singles running around there, But apparently they are and. 108 00:05:05.720 --> 00:05:07.839 It's always raining there, so it's nice to snuggle up. 109 00:05:07.959 --> 00:05:09.600 You're gonna like this one because it's in your home 110 00:05:09.639 --> 00:05:11.600 for you. Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. 111 00:05:11.639 --> 00:05:12.680 Oh, that is close to home. 112 00:05:12.720 --> 00:05:15.360 You're New Jersey, I am, but as you explained to me, 113 00:05:15.399 --> 00:05:19.319 because I knew nothing about New Jersey until I met Kayla. 114 00:05:19.519 --> 00:05:22.639 Prior to that, I knew about Jersey Shore, and I 115 00:05:22.720 --> 00:05:25.800 also knew that whenever two people from New Jersey met 116 00:05:25.839 --> 00:05:29.759 each other, the first thing they'd say is what exit, Like, 117 00:05:29.839 --> 00:05:31.000 there's only one road? 118 00:05:31.279 --> 00:05:32.680 Yes, there's one road. 119 00:05:32.800 --> 00:05:35.720 Are you north or south? That's what people care about. 120 00:05:36.199 --> 00:05:39.439 So I also learned because I always thought New Jersey 121 00:05:39.519 --> 00:05:42.600 was a suburb of New York City where people commuted in, 122 00:05:42.800 --> 00:05:46.600 and apparently part of it is, but not Mike Kayla's area. 123 00:05:47.120 --> 00:05:49.680 Mike Kayla if she was going to commute somewhere obe 124 00:05:49.759 --> 00:05:51.519 to Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, right or. 125 00:05:51.519 --> 00:05:53.040 Philadelphia or Philadelphia? 126 00:05:53.120 --> 00:05:55.000 Yes, but oh Pennsylvania. 127 00:05:55.240 --> 00:05:56.319 I got those two p words. 128 00:05:56.319 --> 00:06:03.120 Miss problem with me. Okay, moving on down the list 129 00:06:03.160 --> 00:06:05.480 for happy singles. The other place to go flirt and 130 00:06:05.519 --> 00:06:11.759 have fun is Tampa, Florida. Tampa, Okay, not even Orlando. Tampa, Like, 131 00:06:11.800 --> 00:06:13.560 isn't it on the Gulf coast with a bunch of 132 00:06:13.600 --> 00:06:17.000 like snowbirds from Chicago or something who don't go to Miami? 133 00:06:17.680 --> 00:06:18.800 Is a Tampa. 134 00:06:18.319 --> 00:06:21.000 I've never been to Tampa, but I might as well 135 00:06:21.079 --> 00:06:21.720 check it out now. 136 00:06:21.839 --> 00:06:23.879 Okay, another one which is a great city. 137 00:06:23.920 --> 00:06:26.120 I spent a weekend there recently, had a fabulous time 138 00:06:26.160 --> 00:06:27.000 as Portland, Oregon. 139 00:06:27.160 --> 00:06:28.360 Oh yeah, lots to. 140 00:06:28.319 --> 00:06:31.240 Do, lots of great food, lots of art, it was fun. 141 00:06:31.319 --> 00:06:35.600 And then Cincinnati, Ohio. Now I want to dispute something 142 00:06:35.920 --> 00:06:40.319 from this study done by wallet hub. Just because a 143 00:06:40.439 --> 00:06:45.120 city has lots of single people in it doesn't mean 144 00:06:45.639 --> 00:06:49.879 that it is a place you will find love. You see, 145 00:06:51.800 --> 00:06:57.600 while divorce is contagious, marriage is also contagious, and if 146 00:06:57.639 --> 00:06:59.720 you want to be married, you should hang out with 147 00:06:59.759 --> 00:07:02.319 mary people because you know what married people want to 148 00:07:02.319 --> 00:07:04.399 do with their single friends. They want to get them 149 00:07:04.399 --> 00:07:07.480 married to somebody. They don't want them hanging out. So 150 00:07:07.560 --> 00:07:11.240 I actually think this is just my guess that you 151 00:07:11.279 --> 00:07:15.160 would do better as a single person if you hung 152 00:07:15.199 --> 00:07:18.680 out with married people in cities where there's lots of 153 00:07:18.720 --> 00:07:21.480 marriage going on. But if it's a city that's full 154 00:07:21.480 --> 00:07:23.959 of single people, where there's a lot of single people 155 00:07:23.959 --> 00:07:26.399 on nightlife and fun, why are you going to get married? 156 00:07:26.439 --> 00:07:29.279 It sounds like fun, Like why leave that single life? 157 00:07:30.839 --> 00:07:34.639 They did look at also gender balance among singles, So 158 00:07:34.680 --> 00:07:36.959 they looked at the cities it was great to be 159 00:07:37.000 --> 00:07:39.920 single in, but then they looked at the ones where 160 00:07:40.199 --> 00:07:43.199 the closest equal amount of males and females, So we're 161 00:07:43.240 --> 00:07:47.480 talking about heterosexual relationships, I guess. In their study Kayla, 162 00:07:47.560 --> 00:07:49.079 you are not going to believe I'm going to tell 163 00:07:49.079 --> 00:07:51.120 you the top five, and I'm going to go backwards 164 00:07:51.519 --> 00:07:53.720 because when we get to number one, you are not 165 00:07:53.759 --> 00:07:56.680 going to believe it. Okay, these are cities that have 166 00:07:56.759 --> 00:07:59.839 a lot of singles and about the same amount of 167 00:08:00.040 --> 00:08:03.959 male and female singles. You ready, yes, okay. Cheyenne, Wyoming 168 00:08:04.040 --> 00:08:04.680 is number five. 169 00:08:05.279 --> 00:08:07.160 Okay, I never even heard of it till just now, 170 00:08:07.279 --> 00:08:08.759 right now. Oh, he talks beautiful? 171 00:08:08.920 --> 00:08:09.560 Is it beautiful? 172 00:08:09.759 --> 00:08:11.360 Is so beautiful? It's too expensive? 173 00:08:11.560 --> 00:08:12.160 Too expensive? 174 00:08:12.199 --> 00:08:12.839 It's beautiful. 175 00:08:13.160 --> 00:08:13.480 Okay. 176 00:08:13.560 --> 00:08:18.160 Lincoln, Nebraska is number four. I know, I know, I know. 177 00:08:18.759 --> 00:08:24.120 Wait wait, wait for it. Number three Fontana, California. Do 178 00:08:24.160 --> 00:08:25.199 you know where Fontana is? 179 00:08:25.600 --> 00:08:27.040 That's out there in the Inland Empire. 180 00:08:27.079 --> 00:08:29.040 You just keep going out the sixty or the tanner 181 00:08:29.079 --> 00:08:30.120 out there, and you're going to hit it. 182 00:08:30.279 --> 00:08:31.120 Okay, yep. 183 00:08:31.399 --> 00:08:35.600 In fact, I had heard I don't know if this 184 00:08:35.679 --> 00:08:38.519 is true, but I had heard that Fontana has a 185 00:08:38.559 --> 00:08:41.720 lot of firefighters, nurses, and police officers. 186 00:08:42.080 --> 00:08:43.200 I do like firefighters. 187 00:08:43.200 --> 00:08:43.639 There you go. 188 00:08:44.440 --> 00:08:49.679 Number two is Boise, Idaho. Okay, now wait, get this. 189 00:08:49.679 --> 00:08:55.200 This is the city in America with the closest gender balance, 190 00:08:55.360 --> 00:08:58.799 meaning equal number of males and females in the single marketplace. 191 00:09:00.159 --> 00:09:01.840 Nino California also out there. 192 00:09:02.639 --> 00:09:04.279 Okay, I gotta get to the ie. 193 00:09:04.559 --> 00:09:07.080 Yeah, you gotta literally get on that freeway go out 194 00:09:07.080 --> 00:09:07.679 to the sixties. 195 00:09:07.919 --> 00:09:08.200 Okay. 196 00:09:08.240 --> 00:09:10.639 So this week, speaking of all you singles out there, 197 00:09:11.039 --> 00:09:13.480 I was at a I don't know what you would 198 00:09:13.519 --> 00:09:17.120 call it. It was a luncheon. It had like seven women. 199 00:09:17.480 --> 00:09:19.799 They were all elegant, and they came from different walks 200 00:09:19.799 --> 00:09:22.200 of life because we were brought together for a purpose 201 00:09:22.320 --> 00:09:26.000 planning for twenty twenty five, and a number of them 202 00:09:26.080 --> 00:09:28.840 were single. A number of them were in their forties 203 00:09:28.960 --> 00:09:32.279 or fifties, and they were asking me about the science 204 00:09:32.320 --> 00:09:34.879 of love and how to find a mate, and very 205 00:09:34.960 --> 00:09:37.120 quickly I was able to do a quick summary of 206 00:09:37.120 --> 00:09:39.559 what they should do. And then I thought, uh, I 207 00:09:39.559 --> 00:09:42.120 should tell my listeners this because here I just did 208 00:09:42.120 --> 00:09:44.399 it at lunch for these women, and they're like, you 209 00:09:44.440 --> 00:09:46.639 need to tell the world this. I'm like, well, okay, 210 00:09:46.639 --> 00:09:48.600 I'll do it on Sunday. So when we come back, 211 00:09:49.039 --> 00:09:51.559 if you are single, if you are looking for a mate, 212 00:09:52.159 --> 00:09:53.480 listen U because I'm gonna tell you how to do 213 00:09:53.519 --> 00:09:55.320 it when we come back. You are listening to the 214 00:09:55.320 --> 00:09:58.039 Doctor Wendy Wall Show. Okay, if I Am six forty 215 00:09:58.039 --> 00:10:00.960 were live everywhere on the iHeart Radio app. 216 00:10:01.799 --> 00:10:06.039 You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI 217 00:10:06.240 --> 00:10:07.519 AM six forty. 218 00:10:08.399 --> 00:10:12.240 AFI AM six forty, you have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. 219 00:10:12.320 --> 00:10:15.120 This is the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show. I want to 220 00:10:15.159 --> 00:10:17.600 welcome my TikTok audience. I don't know how long we're 221 00:10:17.639 --> 00:10:18.759 going to be together, right. 222 00:10:18.879 --> 00:10:21.159 Kayla, till January nineteen. 223 00:10:21.279 --> 00:10:23.639 January nineteenth. TikTok is like going to disappear. 224 00:10:23.759 --> 00:10:24.559 That's what they're saying. 225 00:10:24.759 --> 00:10:27.799 Oh my goodness, you guys better come over to Instagram 226 00:10:27.799 --> 00:10:29.039 because I'm over there too. 227 00:10:29.480 --> 00:10:33.039 Wow. It's gonna just go away, that's what they're saying. 228 00:10:34.000 --> 00:10:36.360 This will be interesting, won't it. Anyway? 229 00:10:36.399 --> 00:10:39.159 If you're just tuning in your live in the iHeartRadio 230 00:10:39.159 --> 00:10:41.720 studios in Burbank, California, I'm doctor Wendy Walsh, known as 231 00:10:41.759 --> 00:10:45.279 America's relationship Expert. If you're a listener to KFI, just 232 00:10:45.360 --> 00:10:47.519 come on over to TikTok and you'll be able to 233 00:10:47.519 --> 00:10:50.919 see us here in the studio. I want to talk 234 00:10:50.960 --> 00:10:56.240 about techniques and things that people need to understand if 235 00:10:56.240 --> 00:10:59.000 they're single and they're looking for a mate in twenty 236 00:10:59.039 --> 00:11:01.559 twenty five, no matter what your age, want to remind 237 00:11:01.600 --> 00:11:04.720 everybody that when until death to us part was invented, 238 00:11:05.320 --> 00:11:08.960 death was pretty imminent, and even the most monogamous of 239 00:11:09.039 --> 00:11:12.679 humans will have two or three long stint of monogamy 240 00:11:12.720 --> 00:11:14.200 in their life now. I know. Every once in a 241 00:11:14.200 --> 00:11:16.200 while I get a talk about Live where some listener 242 00:11:16.240 --> 00:11:19.240 calls in and says, I've been with my spouse for 243 00:11:19.240 --> 00:11:24.240 forty years, and I'm like, congratulations, you are not typical. 244 00:11:24.919 --> 00:11:27.600 What is typical is to have a stint of monogamy, 245 00:11:27.759 --> 00:11:30.639 maybe one for raising children and a divorce and another one, 246 00:11:30.679 --> 00:11:31.080 et cetera. 247 00:11:31.360 --> 00:11:33.000 Because we just have longer. 248 00:11:32.720 --> 00:11:36.639 Life expectancies than we've ever had in our history. And 249 00:11:36.679 --> 00:11:39.240 so this whole The first thing I want to tell 250 00:11:39.240 --> 00:11:42.960 you about finding a mate is dump the myth that 251 00:11:43.000 --> 00:11:45.360 you're going to find your soulmate in your twenties and 252 00:11:45.399 --> 00:11:47.919 you're going to stay together for four or five or 253 00:11:47.960 --> 00:11:51.759 six decades, and if you don't, that relationship is a 254 00:11:51.799 --> 00:11:56.360 failed relationship. Hate that word. There's no such thing as 255 00:11:56.399 --> 00:12:01.440 a failed relationship. There's only a relationship that you'll learn 256 00:12:01.519 --> 00:12:07.679 something and relationships are not about luck, they are about skill. Okay, 257 00:12:08.200 --> 00:12:10.519 So if you're looking for love in twenty twenty five, 258 00:12:10.879 --> 00:12:13.240 there are few things you need to know when it 259 00:12:13.279 --> 00:12:15.039 comes to the science of love. And if you don't 260 00:12:15.039 --> 00:12:16.919 believe love is a science, you haven't been listening to 261 00:12:16.919 --> 00:12:20.879 me long enough. There are biological, psychological, and sociological pieces 262 00:12:21.360 --> 00:12:26.919 of the art and craft and science of love. Number One, 263 00:12:27.679 --> 00:12:31.440 understand your mating marketplace. In the last segment, I was 264 00:12:31.440 --> 00:12:35.039 talking about a new study that showed where it was 265 00:12:35.240 --> 00:12:38.080 good cities in America for single people because there were 266 00:12:38.159 --> 00:12:42.320 huge populations of singles. I want you to understand that 267 00:12:42.480 --> 00:12:46.120 right now, in our modern Western culture, we have an 268 00:12:46.200 --> 00:12:50.960 oversupply of successful women. Now, the problem, it's not that 269 00:12:51.000 --> 00:12:54.559 there are fewer men. There are fewer men that these 270 00:12:54.679 --> 00:12:59.240 highly educated and money earning women want to marry because 271 00:12:59.679 --> 00:13:02.600 they have patriarchy swimming in their heads too. And by 272 00:13:02.639 --> 00:13:05.080 the way, ladies, i'm talking to you, your idea of 273 00:13:05.120 --> 00:13:07.759 a power man might just be a guy who can 274 00:13:07.799 --> 00:13:13.639 power a stroller. So it's not that we have fewer men, 275 00:13:13.720 --> 00:13:17.600 it's that more women are surging ahead in education. I'm 276 00:13:17.600 --> 00:13:21.679 a university professor. The feminization of college campuses has been 277 00:13:21.799 --> 00:13:24.360 very obvious to me, and it's been going on for 278 00:13:24.360 --> 00:13:28.279 a couple decades. In my particular school, we are about 279 00:13:28.279 --> 00:13:34.759 seventy percent females. So I'm telling you that, ladies, there 280 00:13:34.840 --> 00:13:38.519 are not enough guys of your education and income level 281 00:13:38.799 --> 00:13:42.120 to go around. Now you're all thinking, like, but I'll 282 00:13:42.159 --> 00:13:44.720 be the one to get the alpha male so I 283 00:13:44.759 --> 00:13:45.759 can be a trad wife. 284 00:13:45.799 --> 00:13:47.159 Then why did you go to school? 285 00:13:47.320 --> 00:13:51.799 What is this trend about trad wife? Okay, it's really 286 00:13:51.879 --> 00:13:55.919 cool to be like I am. I have a partner, 287 00:13:56.279 --> 00:13:59.519 I have a best friend. We're equal in some ways, 288 00:13:59.639 --> 00:14:04.399 uneas equal in others, but it all balances out right. 289 00:14:04.799 --> 00:14:08.279 When I got my head off this idea that a 290 00:14:08.320 --> 00:14:10.960 man should make more money than me, that a man 291 00:14:11.039 --> 00:14:15.879 should be tough or stoic or whatever, and I instead 292 00:14:16.240 --> 00:14:19.440 met a best friend who likes to do dishes. 293 00:14:19.120 --> 00:14:22.000 And laundry, I'm like, oh my gom, and he can 294 00:14:22.039 --> 00:14:22.720 fix things. 295 00:14:23.120 --> 00:14:23.639 Oh my god. 296 00:14:24.240 --> 00:14:27.960 I'll say anything for that. It's amazing. It's like I 297 00:14:28.000 --> 00:14:29.639 have a tad wife. No I don't. 298 00:14:29.679 --> 00:14:35.639 He has a career too. Okay, so understand your mating marketplace. 299 00:14:35.960 --> 00:14:37.799 If you're in a mating marketplace, one of the worst 300 00:14:37.840 --> 00:14:41.159 places for educated single women right now is New York City, 301 00:14:41.879 --> 00:14:45.320 just an oversupply of successful women. I'm sorry, Kayla, you didn't. 302 00:14:45.799 --> 00:14:48.080 My producer just rolled her eyes and looked very sad 303 00:14:48.120 --> 00:14:48.799 when I said that. 304 00:14:49.240 --> 00:14:51.120 Yeah, I like New York men. That's unfortunate. 305 00:14:51.519 --> 00:14:54.120 Yeah, well, everybody likes those men, especially the ones that 306 00:14:54.200 --> 00:14:57.320 work on Wall Street and are tall and have deep voices. 307 00:14:57.440 --> 00:15:01.240 But you can't all have them, and doesn't mean you're settling. 308 00:15:01.720 --> 00:15:05.000 It means you're finding something great. Get patriarchy out of 309 00:15:05.039 --> 00:15:09.159 your head. That's when I say, secondly, learn your true 310 00:15:09.200 --> 00:15:11.600 mate status. Now I'm gonna tell your story. So when 311 00:15:11.600 --> 00:15:13.480 I was in my twenties, I was hot, hot, hot. 312 00:15:13.639 --> 00:15:16.600 I could get any man in bed, literally, anyone, anytime, 313 00:15:16.639 --> 00:15:17.159 any place. 314 00:15:17.200 --> 00:15:18.639 I was hot, hot, hot. 315 00:15:20.120 --> 00:15:23.360 And then I became a single mom. I learned that 316 00:15:23.399 --> 00:15:26.559 when you're dragging two kids as balls and chains around, 317 00:15:26.960 --> 00:15:31.080 all of a sudden, these sort of like middle management, 318 00:15:31.519 --> 00:15:38.000 middle age, middle weight divorce dads would start circling and 319 00:15:38.039 --> 00:15:39.919 I'm like, wait, no, no, no, these were not the 320 00:15:39.919 --> 00:15:42.879 guys I used to date, the ones with Academy awards 321 00:15:42.879 --> 00:15:46.000 and Super Bowl rings. Wait a minute, this guy's driving 322 00:15:46.000 --> 00:15:48.360 a minivan and he thinks he can go out with me. 323 00:15:48.759 --> 00:15:52.279 And that's when I realized, oh oh, my mate status 324 00:15:52.360 --> 00:15:55.559 is not what it was now. I could have clearly chosen, 325 00:15:55.639 --> 00:15:58.960 not settled, chosen to have a great, blended family with 326 00:15:59.039 --> 00:16:02.240 a wonderful guy. But I did not want to expose 327 00:16:02.519 --> 00:16:05.720 my two daughters to a poor romantic choice that I 328 00:16:05.799 --> 00:16:07.879 might make. I was just too afraid that I would 329 00:16:07.919 --> 00:16:10.440 make the wrong decision and they could get hurt somehow. 330 00:16:10.759 --> 00:16:12.600 I will tell you this. I read a statistic that 331 00:16:12.720 --> 00:16:16.519 terrified me. One of the most dangerous places for a 332 00:16:16.600 --> 00:16:20.879 child to live in America is in a home with 333 00:16:20.960 --> 00:16:26.080 a non biologically related male mommy's boyfriend, mommy's. 334 00:16:25.720 --> 00:16:27.639 Husband, stepfather, stepbrother. 335 00:16:28.759 --> 00:16:32.519 Apparently three times the rate of sex abuse, emotional abuse, 336 00:16:32.559 --> 00:16:35.759 or physical abuse. And I had made really poor choices 337 00:16:35.799 --> 00:16:37.480 in the past. I didn't want to expose my kids 338 00:16:37.480 --> 00:16:41.039 for that. So I waited, and I kept studying the science. 339 00:16:41.120 --> 00:16:43.639 I wrote books about relationships, I did a dissertation on 340 00:16:43.720 --> 00:16:46.559 attachment theory. And then when I finally entered the mating 341 00:16:46.600 --> 00:16:50.960 marketplace again, I tested my mate status. I would hit 342 00:16:51.000 --> 00:16:53.559 on those guys, match with them on the apps, not 343 00:16:53.639 --> 00:16:55.039 hit on them, but you know, match with them on 344 00:16:55.080 --> 00:16:58.000 the apps who were particularly tall, made a lot of money, 345 00:16:58.080 --> 00:17:00.480 good looking, whatever, And I would see how long it 346 00:17:00.480 --> 00:17:03.440 would take them to respond to me, and they took 347 00:17:03.480 --> 00:17:05.880 too long, and then I went, oh, let me move 348 00:17:05.920 --> 00:17:08.000 down a little bit on the scale. And when I 349 00:17:08.160 --> 00:17:11.359 met my now husband to see the amount of energy 350 00:17:11.400 --> 00:17:13.160 he had on that app for me, I was like. 351 00:17:13.319 --> 00:17:17.240 Ooh, this is cool. This is cool somebody who actually 352 00:17:17.440 --> 00:17:17.920 loves you. 353 00:17:18.559 --> 00:17:18.799 Now. 354 00:17:18.839 --> 00:17:21.279 Also, you need to learn your attachment style. If you 355 00:17:21.319 --> 00:17:24.519 do not know your attachment style, go and google these 356 00:17:24.559 --> 00:17:28.680 words Chris Frayley, he's a big researcher and attachment Chris 357 00:17:28.759 --> 00:17:32.799 Frayley attachment test. Go take it the attachment test, and 358 00:17:32.839 --> 00:17:35.000 then you can learn a little bit about why you're 359 00:17:35.480 --> 00:17:39.359 choosing people who are inappropriate for you. Love is not 360 00:17:39.720 --> 00:17:45.519 about finding happiness or pleasure. Love is about finding the familiar, 361 00:17:46.039 --> 00:17:49.000 and it's based on some of our early childhood attachments 362 00:17:49.240 --> 00:17:51.400 that we may not even remember how they laid out. 363 00:17:51.440 --> 00:17:55.920 This becomes our model for love and finally learn how 364 00:17:55.920 --> 00:17:58.519 to use those darn apps. I talk about it all 365 00:17:58.559 --> 00:18:01.559 the time on my show on social media. Tune in 366 00:18:01.799 --> 00:18:04.079 if you want to. All right, when we come back 367 00:18:04.759 --> 00:18:07.559 I'm not a therapist. I'm a psychology professor, but I've 368 00:18:07.559 --> 00:18:09.680 written three books on relationships. 369 00:18:09.119 --> 00:18:12.160 And I love to weigh in on your love life. 370 00:18:12.279 --> 00:18:14.559 I am taking your calls live here on the Doctor 371 00:18:14.599 --> 00:18:15.359 Wendy Wall Show. 372 00:18:15.519 --> 00:18:16.240 So give me a call. 373 00:18:16.319 --> 00:18:20.160 The number is one eight hundred five two zero one 374 00:18:20.279 --> 00:18:22.839 five three four. Producer Kayla's going to go screen the 375 00:18:22.880 --> 00:18:25.279 calls and other room I see her moving. That's one 376 00:18:25.279 --> 00:18:28.519 eight hundred five two zero one five three four one 377 00:18:28.559 --> 00:18:33.599 eight hundred five two zero one. KFI you are listening 378 00:18:33.599 --> 00:18:36.319 to the Doctor Wendy Wall Show and KFI AM six 379 00:18:36.400 --> 00:18:39.039 forty live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. 380 00:18:39.400 --> 00:18:43.720 You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI 381 00:18:43.839 --> 00:18:45.440 AM six forty. 382 00:18:45.759 --> 00:18:48.519 Kf I AM six forty. You have Doctor Wendy Walsh 383 00:18:48.519 --> 00:18:50.599 with you. This is the Doctor Wendy Wall Show. 384 00:18:51.039 --> 00:18:53.799 So I'm trying to go on Instagram live, and my 385 00:18:53.880 --> 00:18:54.799 Instagram people. 386 00:18:54.599 --> 00:18:56.640 Are telling me there's no sound, no audio. 387 00:18:56.720 --> 00:18:59.279 That's why they should always download that iHeartRadio app and 388 00:18:59.319 --> 00:19:01.559 they can hear. If you have a question, I would 389 00:19:01.599 --> 00:19:04.359 like to call in. I'm happy to be taking your calls. 390 00:19:04.400 --> 00:19:07.359 The numbers one eight hundred five two zero one, five 391 00:19:07.480 --> 00:19:11.960 three four. That's five two zero one KFI. Okay, producer, Kayla, 392 00:19:12.039 --> 00:19:13.160 do we have anybody on the line. 393 00:19:13.200 --> 00:19:14.880 Of course, we have Charlene with a question. 394 00:19:15.119 --> 00:19:17.559 Charlene. Hi, Charlene, it's doctor Wendy. 395 00:19:18.599 --> 00:19:19.559 Hi, doctor Wendy. 396 00:19:19.839 --> 00:19:20.799 What's your question? Love? 397 00:19:22.160 --> 00:19:25.400 All right, So, my husband and my mother got into 398 00:19:25.440 --> 00:19:30.160 a really bad argument this past weekend and it got 399 00:19:30.160 --> 00:19:33.240 really aggressive. I feel like my husband was right in 400 00:19:33.279 --> 00:19:35.240 the argument, but I really just don't like the way 401 00:19:35.279 --> 00:19:37.920