Speaker 1: This is doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to KFI
Speaker 1: AM six forty, the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on demand
Speaker 1: on the iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2: Appf I Am six forty. You have Doctor Wendy Walsh
Speaker 2: with you. This is the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show. Kaylew
Speaker 2: you laugh at me.
Speaker 3: I love when you have high energy.
Speaker 2: I was getting energy.
Speaker 1: It makes me so happy because I was feeling a
Speaker 1: little tired. You know what I did today, what I
Speaker 1: got a new car. I got a Honda Prologue.
Speaker 3: Prologue. That's an exhausting process. Yeah, it was.
Speaker 1: It is. Okay, this is an industry we need to
Speaker 1: change everybody. I know that Carvana and CarMax and all
Speaker 1: these things say they're doing it, but no, you still
Speaker 1: have to go sit in a dealership and negotiate for hours.
Speaker 1: But luckily my husband used to work in the car industry,
Speaker 1: so he could look at all those tiny little numbers
Speaker 1: that they put on that contract and hide the things in.
Speaker 1: But anyway, I'm very excited. I have been an early
Speaker 1: adopter of electric cars. I had a smart car, I
Speaker 1: had a Fea Electric. Of course, I have my Tesla
Speaker 1: for many years and now the Honda prologue because they
Speaker 1: have a really great By the way, they pay me
Speaker 1: nothing to say is I'm not even a brand person.
Speaker 1: I don't even know if Honda is good, bad or whatever.
Speaker 1: But there's some kind of rebate thing that's huge that's
Speaker 1: on by the end of the year. So that's why
Speaker 1: we quickly did it, and how we found the cars.
Speaker 1: We drove in it as an ober to a Christmas party.
Speaker 1: We drove into it. I mean we were the passengers
Speaker 1: and we said, the guys, this is a brand new car,
Speaker 1: because yeah, it's a couple of weeks old.
Speaker 2: And I said, what is it, Like, how many miles
Speaker 2: does it get?
Speaker 1: Blah blah blah blah blah and the next thing, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm going to go buy one tomorrow. And
Speaker 1: he goes, well, I happen to sell them, come visit me.
Speaker 3: So I did.
Speaker 2: So it was all good. Hey, there's a new study out.
Speaker 1: I want to talk well, before I get into this,
Speaker 1: let me just say what's coming up. I am later
Speaker 1: in the show going to join the rest of America
Speaker 1: and become an armchair psychologist in diagnosing armand Luigi you
Speaker 1: know who I'm talking about, right, Kayla, Oh yeah, mister
Speaker 1: eyebrows and abs.
Speaker 4: Eyebrows and abs, and the one that everybody has an
Speaker 4: alibi for everyone in the social media world to say
Speaker 4: that he was with them in bed that night, so
Speaker 4: he couldn't have committed the crime.
Speaker 2: So girls are fangirling.
Speaker 1: I predict that the trial of Luigi Maggioni Mangioni, I
Speaker 1: say that right is going to be another big, huge
Speaker 1: media circus. Everyone's gonna watch it. It's going to be
Speaker 1: an indictment on the healthcare industry. I mean, my heart
Speaker 1: goes out, and I'm very sad for Brian Thompson who
Speaker 1: was brutally murdered by this assassin.
Speaker 2: But alleged assassion. Alleged assassins.
Speaker 1: We're supposed to say everybody's innocent in America until proven guilty,
Speaker 1: no matter how many cameras are on them and how
Speaker 1: much footage there is.
Speaker 2: Hey could have been fake news.
Speaker 3: We don't know.
Speaker 2: Anyway.
Speaker 1: Later on, I'm gonna do my best, but I first
Speaker 1: want to talk to single people. You know, almost fifty
Speaker 1: percent about forty seven percent of Americans, according to the
Speaker 1: latest US Census Borost Census Bureau data, are single. That's
Speaker 1: almost one hundred and twenty million people who are unmarried,
Speaker 1: nearly half of all adults over the age of eighteen. Now,
Speaker 1: when you hear those stats, right, don't you go, oh
Speaker 1: my god, what's wrong with America? Because back in nineteen
Speaker 1: fifty is like eighty five percent of people were married. Well,
Speaker 1: why do you assume that being married is the right thing?
Speaker 1: Or why do you assume that people who are unmarried
Speaker 1: are not in relationships?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 1: They could be in same sex relationships and have chosen
Speaker 1: not to be married. They could be in heterosexual cohabitating
Speaker 1: relationships and chosen not to be married. Maybe it's just
Speaker 1: the old institution of marriage that they don't want, right. Well,
Speaker 1: there is a new survey that came out to help
Speaker 1: American singles find love by wallet hub, a financial website
Speaker 1: wallet Hub. They compared more than one hundred and eighty
Speaker 1: US cities across thirty five key indicators of get this
Speaker 1: dating friendliness, and their data ranges from you know how
Speaker 1: many people in the population are single, to the kinds
Speaker 1: of dating opportunities to the average price for a two
Speaker 1: person meal. All right, so they came up with the
Speaker 1: top cities to date, the top cities to be single,
Speaker 1: in Okay.
Speaker 2: Number one. Are you ready, Kayla, I'm writing it down. Atlanta, Georgia.
Speaker 5: No.
Speaker 1: Apparently it's affordable, there's lots to do, and there's lots
Speaker 1: of single people, okay. And they also looked at gender
Speaker 1: breakdown too, because if you have too many of one
Speaker 1: gender or one sex, then that's an imbalance and doesn't
Speaker 1: make dating fun. So it looked at Georgia number one.
Speaker 1: Number two is shocking to me. Las Vegas, Nevada.
Speaker 3: Really, I know the city of sin.
Speaker 1: I know it's like a well, I guess single people
Speaker 1: party city.
Speaker 2: Okay, I don't know, could it be?
Speaker 3: Okay?
Speaker 1: Number three is interesting to me because I think of
Speaker 1: this city as a family city. Seattle, Washington, Okay, swinging
Speaker 1: singles running around there, But apparently they are and.
Speaker 3: It's always raining there, so it's nice to snuggle up.
Speaker 1: You're gonna like this one because it's in your home
Speaker 1: for you. Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.
Speaker 2: Oh, that is close to home.
Speaker 1: You're New Jersey, I am, but as you explained to me,
Speaker 1: because I knew nothing about New Jersey until I met Kayla.
Speaker 1: Prior to that, I knew about Jersey Shore, and I
Speaker 1: also knew that whenever two people from New Jersey met
Speaker 1: each other, the first thing they'd say is what exit, Like,
Speaker 1: there's only one road?
Speaker 2: Yes, there's one road.
Speaker 3: Are you north or south? That's what people care about.
Speaker 1: So I also learned because I always thought New Jersey
Speaker 1: was a suburb of New York City where people commuted in,
Speaker 1: and apparently part of it is, but not Mike Kayla's area.
Speaker 1: Mike Kayla if she was going to commute somewhere obe
Speaker 1: to Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, right or.
Speaker 2: Philadelphia or Philadelphia?
Speaker 3: Yes, but oh Pennsylvania.
Speaker 2: I got those two p words.
Speaker 1: Miss problem with me. Okay, moving on down the list
Speaker 1: for happy singles. The other place to go flirt and
Speaker 1: have fun is Tampa, Florida. Tampa, Okay, not even Orlando. Tampa, Like,
Speaker 1: isn't it on the Gulf coast with a bunch of
Speaker 1: like snowbirds from Chicago or something who don't go to Miami?
Speaker 2: Is a Tampa.
Speaker 4: I've never been to Tampa, but I might as well
Speaker 4: check it out now.
Speaker 2: Okay, another one which is a great city.
Speaker 1: I spent a weekend there recently, had a fabulous time
Speaker 1: as Portland, Oregon.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, lots to.
Speaker 1: Do, lots of great food, lots of art, it was fun.
Speaker 1: And then Cincinnati, Ohio. Now I want to dispute something
Speaker 1: from this study done by wallet hub. Just because a
Speaker 1: city has lots of single people in it doesn't mean
Speaker 1: that it is a place you will find love. You see,
Speaker 1: while divorce is contagious, marriage is also contagious, and if
Speaker 1: you want to be married, you should hang out with
Speaker 1: mary people because you know what married people want to
Speaker 1: do with their single friends. They want to get them
Speaker 1: married to somebody. They don't want them hanging out. So
Speaker 1: I actually think this is just my guess that you
Speaker 1: would do better as a single person if you hung
Speaker 1: out with married people in cities where there's lots of
Speaker 1: marriage going on. But if it's a city that's full
Speaker 1: of single people, where there's a lot of single people
Speaker 1: on nightlife and fun, why are you going to get married?
Speaker 1: It sounds like fun, Like why leave that single life?
Speaker 1: They did look at also gender balance among singles, So
Speaker 1: they looked at the cities it was great to be
Speaker 1: single in, but then they looked at the ones where
Speaker 1: the closest equal amount of males and females, So we're
Speaker 1: talking about heterosexual relationships, I guess. In their study Kayla,
Speaker 1: you are not going to believe I'm going to tell
Speaker 1: you the top five, and I'm going to go backwards
Speaker 1: because when we get to number one, you are not
Speaker 1: going to believe it. Okay, these are cities that have
Speaker 1: a lot of singles and about the same amount of
Speaker 1: male and female singles. You ready, yes, okay. Cheyenne, Wyoming
Speaker 1: is number five.
Speaker 4: Okay, I never even heard of it till just now,
Speaker 4: right now. Oh, he talks beautiful?
Speaker 3: Is it beautiful?
Speaker 2: Is so beautiful? It's too expensive?
Speaker 3: Too expensive?
Speaker 2: It's beautiful.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 2: Lincoln, Nebraska is number four. I know, I know, I know.
Speaker 1: Wait wait, wait for it. Number three Fontana, California. Do
Speaker 1: you know where Fontana is?
Speaker 2: That's out there in the Inland Empire.
Speaker 1: You just keep going out the sixty or the tanner
Speaker 1: out there, and you're going to hit it.
Speaker 2: Okay, yep.
Speaker 1: In fact, I had heard I don't know if this
Speaker 1: is true, but I had heard that Fontana has a
Speaker 1: lot of firefighters, nurses, and police officers.
Speaker 3: I do like firefighters.
Speaker 2: There you go.
Speaker 1: Number two is Boise, Idaho. Okay, now wait, get this.
Speaker 1: This is the city in America with the closest gender balance,
Speaker 1: meaning equal number of males and females in the single marketplace.
Speaker 1: Nino California also out there.
Speaker 4: Okay, I gotta get to the ie.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you gotta literally get on that freeway go out
Speaker 1: to the sixties.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 1: So this week, speaking of all you singles out there,
Speaker 1: I was at a I don't know what you would
Speaker 1: call it. It was a luncheon. It had like seven women.
Speaker 1: They were all elegant, and they came from different walks
Speaker 1: of life because we were brought together for a purpose
Speaker 1: planning for twenty twenty five, and a number of them
Speaker 1: were single. A number of them were in their forties
Speaker 1: or fifties, and they were asking me about the science
Speaker 1: of love and how to find a mate, and very
Speaker 1: quickly I was able to do a quick summary of
Speaker 1: what they should do. And then I thought, uh, I
Speaker 1: should tell my listeners this because here I just did
Speaker 1: it at lunch for these women, and they're like, you
Speaker 1: need to tell the world this. I'm like, well, okay,
Speaker 1: I'll do it on Sunday. So when we come back,
Speaker 1: if you are single, if you are looking for a mate,
Speaker 1: listen U because I'm gonna tell you how to do
Speaker 1: it when we come back. You are listening to the
Speaker 1: Doctor Wendy Wall Show. Okay, if I Am six forty
Speaker 1: were live everywhere on the iHeart Radio app.
Speaker 6: You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
Speaker 6: AM six forty.
Speaker 1: AFI AM six forty, you have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
Speaker 1: This is the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show. I want to
Speaker 1: welcome my TikTok audience. I don't know how long we're
Speaker 1: going to be together, right.
Speaker 3: Kayla, till January nineteen.
Speaker 2: January nineteenth. TikTok is like going to disappear.
Speaker 3: That's what they're saying.
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, you guys better come over to Instagram
Speaker 1: because I'm over there too.
Speaker 2: Wow. It's gonna just go away, that's what they're saying.
Speaker 2: This will be interesting, won't it. Anyway?
Speaker 1: If you're just tuning in your live in the iHeartRadio
Speaker 1: studios in Burbank, California, I'm doctor Wendy Walsh, known as
Speaker 1: America's relationship Expert. If you're a listener to KFI, just
Speaker 1: come on over to TikTok and you'll be able to
Speaker 1: see us here in the studio. I want to talk
Speaker 1: about techniques and things that people need to understand if
Speaker 1: they're single and they're looking for a mate in twenty
Speaker 1: twenty five, no matter what your age, want to remind
Speaker 1: everybody that when until death to us part was invented,
Speaker 1: death was pretty imminent, and even the most monogamous of
Speaker 1: humans will have two or three long stint of monogamy
Speaker 1: in their life now. I know. Every once in a
Speaker 1: while I get a talk about Live where some listener
Speaker 1: calls in and says, I've been with my spouse for
Speaker 1: forty years, and I'm like, congratulations, you are not typical.
Speaker 1: What is typical is to have a stint of monogamy,
Speaker 1: maybe one for raising children and a divorce and another one,
Speaker 1: et cetera.
Speaker 2: Because we just have longer.
Speaker 1: Life expectancies than we've ever had in our history. And
Speaker 1: so this whole The first thing I want to tell
Speaker 1: you about finding a mate is dump the myth that
Speaker 1: you're going to find your soulmate in your twenties and
Speaker 1: you're going to stay together for four or five or
Speaker 1: six decades, and if you don't, that relationship is a
Speaker 1: failed relationship. Hate that word. There's no such thing as
Speaker 1: a failed relationship. There's only a relationship that you'll learn
Speaker 1: something and relationships are not about luck, they are about skill. Okay,
Speaker 1: So if you're looking for love in twenty twenty five,
Speaker 1: there are few things you need to know when it
Speaker 1: comes to the science of love. And if you don't
Speaker 1: believe love is a science, you haven't been listening to
Speaker 1: me long enough. There are biological, psychological, and sociological pieces
Speaker 1: of the art and craft and science of love. Number One,
Speaker 1: understand your mating marketplace. In the last segment, I was
Speaker 1: talking about a new study that showed where it was
Speaker 1: good cities in America for single people because there were
Speaker 1: huge populations of singles. I want you to understand that
Speaker 1: right now, in our modern Western culture, we have an
Speaker 1: oversupply of successful women. Now, the problem, it's not that
Speaker 1: there are fewer men. There are fewer men that these
Speaker 1: highly educated and money earning women want to marry because
Speaker 1: they have patriarchy swimming in their heads too. And by
Speaker 1: the way, ladies, i'm talking to you, your idea of
Speaker 1: a power man might just be a guy who can
Speaker 1: power a stroller. So it's not that we have fewer men,
Speaker 1: it's that more women are surging ahead in education. I'm
Speaker 1: a university professor. The feminization of college campuses has been
Speaker 1: very obvious to me, and it's been going on for
Speaker 1: a couple decades. In my particular school, we are about
Speaker 1: seventy percent females. So I'm telling you that, ladies, there
Speaker 1: are not enough guys of your education and income level
Speaker 1: to go around. Now you're all thinking, like, but I'll
Speaker 1: be the one to get the alpha male so I
Speaker 1: can be a trad wife.
Speaker 2: Then why did you go to school?
Speaker 1: What is this trend about trad wife? Okay, it's really
Speaker 1: cool to be like I am. I have a partner,
Speaker 1: I have a best friend. We're equal in some ways,
Speaker 1: uneas equal in others, but it all balances out right.
Speaker 1: When I got my head off this idea that a
Speaker 1: man should make more money than me, that a man
Speaker 1: should be tough or stoic or whatever, and I instead
Speaker 1: met a best friend who likes to do dishes.
Speaker 2: And laundry, I'm like, oh my gom, and he can
Speaker 2: fix things.
Speaker 3: Oh my god.
Speaker 2: I'll say anything for that. It's amazing. It's like I
Speaker 2: have a tad wife. No I don't.
Speaker 1: He has a career too. Okay, so understand your mating marketplace.
Speaker 1: If you're in a mating marketplace, one of the worst
Speaker 1: places for educated single women right now is New York City,
Speaker 1: just an oversupply of successful women. I'm sorry, Kayla, you didn't.
Speaker 1: My producer just rolled her eyes and looked very sad
Speaker 1: when I said that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I like New York men. That's unfortunate.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, everybody likes those men, especially the ones that
Speaker 1: work on Wall Street and are tall and have deep voices.
Speaker 1: But you can't all have them, and doesn't mean you're settling.
Speaker 1: It means you're finding something great. Get patriarchy out of
Speaker 1: your head. That's when I say, secondly, learn your true
Speaker 1: mate status. Now I'm gonna tell your story. So when
Speaker 1: I was in my twenties, I was hot, hot, hot.
Speaker 1: I could get any man in bed, literally, anyone, anytime,
Speaker 1: any place.
Speaker 2: I was hot, hot, hot.
Speaker 1: And then I became a single mom. I learned that
Speaker 1: when you're dragging two kids as balls and chains around,
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, these sort of like middle management,
Speaker 1: middle age, middle weight divorce dads would start circling and
Speaker 1: I'm like, wait, no, no, no, these were not the
Speaker 1: guys I used to date, the ones with Academy awards
Speaker 1: and Super Bowl rings. Wait a minute, this guy's driving
Speaker 1: a minivan and he thinks he can go out with me.
Speaker 1: And that's when I realized, oh oh, my mate status
Speaker 1: is not what it was now. I could have clearly chosen,
Speaker 1: not settled, chosen to have a great, blended family with
Speaker 1: a wonderful guy. But I did not want to expose
Speaker 1: my two daughters to a poor romantic choice that I
Speaker 1: might make. I was just too afraid that I would
Speaker 1: make the wrong decision and they could get hurt somehow.
Speaker 1: I will tell you this. I read a statistic that
Speaker 1: terrified me. One of the most dangerous places for a
Speaker 1: child to live in America is in a home with
Speaker 1: a non biologically related male mommy's boyfriend, mommy's.
Speaker 2: Husband, stepfather, stepbrother.
Speaker 1: Apparently three times the rate of sex abuse, emotional abuse,
Speaker 1: or physical abuse. And I had made really poor choices
Speaker 1: in the past. I didn't want to expose my kids
Speaker 1: for that. So I waited, and I kept studying the science.
Speaker 1: I wrote books about relationships, I did a dissertation on
Speaker 1: attachment theory. And then when I finally entered the mating
Speaker 1: marketplace again, I tested my mate status. I would hit
Speaker 1: on those guys, match with them on the apps, not
Speaker 1: hit on them, but you know, match with them on
Speaker 1: the apps who were particularly tall, made a lot of money,
Speaker 1: good looking, whatever, And I would see how long it
Speaker 1: would take them to respond to me, and they took
Speaker 1: too long, and then I went, oh, let me move
Speaker 1: down a little bit on the scale. And when I
Speaker 1: met my now husband to see the amount of energy
Speaker 1: he had on that app for me, I was like.
Speaker 2: Ooh, this is cool. This is cool somebody who actually
Speaker 2: loves you.
Speaker 5: Now.
Speaker 1: Also, you need to learn your attachment style. If you
Speaker 1: do not know your attachment style, go and google these
Speaker 1: words Chris Frayley, he's a big researcher and attachment Chris
Speaker 1: Frayley attachment test. Go take it the attachment test, and
Speaker 1: then you can learn a little bit about why you're
Speaker 1: choosing people who are inappropriate for you. Love is not
Speaker 1: about finding happiness or pleasure. Love is about finding the familiar,
Speaker 1: and it's based on some of our early childhood attachments
Speaker 1: that we may not even remember how they laid out.
Speaker 1: This becomes our model for love and finally learn how
Speaker 1: to use those darn apps. I talk about it all
Speaker 1: the time on my show on social media. Tune in
Speaker 1: if you want to. All right, when we come back
Speaker 1: I'm not a therapist. I'm a psychology professor, but I've
Speaker 1: written three books on relationships.
Speaker 2: And I love to weigh in on your love life.
Speaker 1: I am taking your calls live here on the Doctor
Speaker 1: Wendy Wall Show.
Speaker 2: So give me a call.
Speaker 1: The number is one eight hundred five two zero one
Speaker 1: five three four. Producer Kayla's going to go screen the
Speaker 1: calls and other room I see her moving. That's one
Speaker 1: eight hundred five two zero one five three four one
Speaker 1: eight hundred five two zero one. KFI you are listening
Speaker 1: to the Doctor Wendy Wall Show and KFI AM six
Speaker 1: forty live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 6: You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
Speaker 6: AM six forty.
Speaker 2: Kf I AM six forty. You have Doctor Wendy Walsh
Speaker 2: with you. This is the Doctor Wendy Wall Show.
Speaker 1: So I'm trying to go on Instagram live, and my
Speaker 1: Instagram people.
Speaker 2: Are telling me there's no sound, no audio.
Speaker 1: That's why they should always download that iHeartRadio app and
Speaker 1: they can hear. If you have a question, I would
Speaker 1: like to call in. I'm happy to be taking your calls.
Speaker 1: The numbers one eight hundred five two zero one, five
Speaker 1: three four. That's five two zero one KFI. Okay, producer, Kayla,
Speaker 1: do we have anybody on the line.
Speaker 3: Of course, we have Charlene with a question.
Speaker 2: Charlene. Hi, Charlene, it's doctor Wendy.
Speaker 7: Hi, doctor Wendy.
Speaker 2: What's your question? Love?
Speaker 7: All right, So, my husband and my mother got into
Speaker 7: a really bad argument this past weekend and it got
Speaker 7: really aggressive. I feel like my husband was right in
Speaker 7: the argument, but I really just don't like the way
Speaker 7: that he spoke to her, and I really don't know
Speaker 7: how to address it.
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, first of all, this is not your issue.
Speaker 1: It's an issue between your husband and your mother. And
Speaker 1: it is important that when you are in a marriage
Speaker 1: that you appear as a united front with your spouse,
Speaker 1: and you set up very clear boundaries with family members,
Speaker 1: and you choose those rules together. So I think what
Speaker 1: needs to happen now, Charlene, is you need to encourage
Speaker 1: your husband, even though you agree that he was right
Speaker 1: and whatever the argument was, to reach out to your
Speaker 1: mother and just say he's sorry about his tone of voice,
Speaker 1: he's sorry about some of his choices of language, just
Speaker 1: to smooth things over, right.
Speaker 2: But you should also tell.
Speaker 1: Him you agree with him, but it's it's also like
Speaker 1: it's between the two of them. But I know it
Speaker 1: impacts you, so you need to say to your husband, look,
Speaker 1: we're a team.
Speaker 2: I totally agree with you.
Speaker 1: But if you want to give a gift to me,
Speaker 1: which is my relationship with my mother, then you know, please,
Speaker 1: you know, go and apologize for at least your tone
Speaker 1: if that's what it was. Okay, if you like to
Speaker 1: call the numbers one eight hundred five two zero, one
Speaker 1: five three four. Right now, let's go to social media.
Speaker 1: I think my Instagram just did not work.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 1: Maybe we don't have a good internet here.
Speaker 2: If we have good audio, I'll say that.
Speaker 1: Okay, dear doctor Wendy looking at my DMS here my interest,
Speaker 1: I assume you mean you love Interest has two phones
Speaker 1: and I only have the phone number to one of them.
Speaker 1: Is this a sign that we aren't that close? We've
Speaker 1: been dating for four months? Okay, this is a sign
Speaker 1: of many things. Who has two phones unless.
Speaker 2: They're planning to have.
Speaker 1: Side relationships somehow, remember baby Rein, deer Lady, shit, a
Speaker 1: whole bunch of phones. I would start by growing some
Speaker 1: intimacy with this human who you're interested in by simply saying,
Speaker 1: can we talk about why you have two phones? And
Speaker 1: they'll try to brush it off, well, one is just
Speaker 1: my work phone or whatever, and then say, oh, can
Speaker 1: I have that number in case I can't reach you
Speaker 1: on this one or whatever.
Speaker 2: And just see what happens. See what happens. I have
Speaker 2: to tell you a funny story.
Speaker 1: So one time I had I can't remember why the
Speaker 1: police were called. There was something I had a break in,
Speaker 1: potentially in my apartment building at the time, and three
Speaker 1: police officers came in just to check things out, to
Speaker 1: make everything safe. And there was a female police officer
Speaker 1: and there were two males. So the males went outside
Speaker 1: and they were like, look at the perimeter of the
Speaker 1: building whatever. She was inside asking me a few questions,
Speaker 1: and we start talking about relationships and dating, because you
Speaker 1: know that's what girls do.
Speaker 2: You get two women together. They start talking about this.
Speaker 2: So then she says.
Speaker 1: To me, you know, I live in a man's world.
Speaker 1: I got male partners and they're all married. And let
Speaker 1: me tell you, they all have a second cell phone
Speaker 1: that they keep under the car seat and they turn
Speaker 1: it off when they get home to their wife.
Speaker 3: I was shocked.
Speaker 2: Are good men in blue? I can't believe that.
Speaker 1: Oh they're like all men, I guess, but it makes
Speaker 1: it a little easier. But she's witnessed to it, right,
Speaker 1: So I would ask him why the other phone and
Speaker 1: give me details and give me the digits for it.
Speaker 2: And if not, like, yeah, you're not that close.
Speaker 1: If you can't even have this conversation, all right, moving on, Hey,
Speaker 1: doctor Wendy, My husband and his friends go on guys
Speaker 1: trips every year. One of the guys and his wife
Speaker 1: got a divorce, and during a nasty fight, he said
Speaker 1: that their guys trip was really a trip where they
Speaker 1: act single and cheat. Oh dear, my husband and I
Speaker 1: are in a rough patch, and I want to know
Speaker 1: the best way to ask him about this. I am
Speaker 1: very distraught. Okay, if you and your husband are in
Speaker 1: a quote unquote rough patch, then the both of you
Speaker 1: need to get into couple's therapy and that's the place
Speaker 1: to bring this up. And the way you're going to
Speaker 1: bring it up is say, look, I had heard this.
Speaker 1: It made me scared, and we're going through such a
Speaker 1: hard time. What can you tell me about this?
Speaker 6: Right?
Speaker 1: So that would freak me out, Just saying, but I'd
Speaker 1: want to do it in the safety of a therapist's
Speaker 1: office so that you could really really get to the
Speaker 1: bottom of it and your feelings and his feelings about this.
Speaker 1: But wonder if it's true. All right, moving along to
Speaker 1: my dms. If you'd like to send me a DM
Speaker 1: on Instagram, it's at d R Wendy Walsh at doctor
Speaker 1: Wendy Walsh. Dear doctor Wendy. My first few dates humbled
Speaker 1: me instead of showering me with compliments, humbled me. I
Speaker 1: think you mean put you down?
Speaker 2: Uh huh?
Speaker 1: Is it something with me or these men just insecure?
Speaker 1: I was told my career isn't that big of a deal.
Speaker 1: I'd be prettier if I cut my hair. My personality
Speaker 1: is too strong. Oh my goodness, woman, that's terrible. When
Speaker 1: I first started dating the men, they were more complimentary,
Speaker 1: frustating them in why are they doing this now? Because
Speaker 1: they're insecure and because you have power.
Speaker 2: So here's the thing.
Speaker 1: If you don't know this, ladies, the reason why guys
Speaker 1: put you down. It's a psychological trick that goes back
Speaker 1: to the beginning of time. They want you to feel
Speaker 1: insecure so you will stay with them. So when they
Speaker 1: do tell you your career isn't a big deal, or
Speaker 1: you'd be pretty er if you cut your hair, or
Speaker 1: your personality is too strong, you reach down into your
Speaker 1: belly and you do a big ass belly laugh.
Speaker 2: You laugh, you find that funny. Just put them off guard.
Speaker 2: Just laugh.
Speaker 1: That's all you should do. Like, I'm so confident. If
Speaker 1: you're really gonna say that about me, I will just laugh.
Speaker 1: You don't even have any words, Just laugh, all right.
Speaker 2: If you'd like to give me.
Speaker 1: A call or send me a DM you may when
Speaker 1: we come back from the break. The numbers one eight
Speaker 1: hundred and five two zero, one five three four or
Speaker 1: DM me on Instagram at doctor Wendy Walsh. You're listening
Speaker 1: to the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on KFI AM six
Speaker 1: forty live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 6: You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
Speaker 6: AM six forty.
Speaker 1: On KFI Am six forty, you have Doctor Wendy Walsh
Speaker 1: with you.
Speaker 2: This is a Doctor Wendy Walsh Show.
Speaker 1: I'm taking your calls and answering your social media direct
Speaker 1: messages because I'm on your love life.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 1: Producer Kayla, who do we have on the line? We
Speaker 1: have right with the question, Hirie, It's doctor Wendy.
Speaker 5: Hey, how are you good?
Speaker 2: What's your question?
Speaker 3: Love?
Speaker 5: Well, it's a little bit of a scenario, and I
Speaker 5: hope you give me a minute to try to bring
Speaker 5: you up to speed. But I've been involved with the
Speaker 5: same person for twenty six years and we've been married
Speaker 5: for nineteen years, and we had been going through some
Speaker 5: financial difficulty. She was in school, and I was trying
Speaker 5: to find remote work while building a bus an architectural
Speaker 5: designer BIS and one day, well, there was a couple
Speaker 5: of other situations and circumstances that were leading up to
Speaker 5: us having to be a VICTI from a place that
Speaker 5: we were staying.
Speaker 2: Oh, I'm sorry, and.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I appreciate that. And you know, I'm working with
Speaker 5: disability and I'm trying to also do those things that
Speaker 5: are necessary trying to help us. She was trying to
Speaker 5: help us. To be fair, it takes two people to
Speaker 5: make it in this world. If they're going to be together,
Speaker 5: they got to work together to try to make things
Speaker 5: work out. But she gave me, she told me that
Speaker 5: we needed to go. I needed to go and sign
Speaker 5: some paperwork, and I trusted her. So I went to
Speaker 5: go do that and that she had already signed, came
Speaker 5: back and she had taken everything. We had a dog,
Speaker 5: a fourteen year old dog together. She took him, she
Speaker 5: took everything else. What a shock, Yeah, it is, It
Speaker 5: is very much. It was supposed to be a judgment
Speaker 5: that was supposed to give us a little bit more
Speaker 5: time before we had to move.
Speaker 1: And was it that or was she duping you in
Speaker 1: some way in that area too?
Speaker 5: She was duping me because she had already signed it
Speaker 5: and she knew that she needed to.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Okay, So Ray, what's your question
Speaker 2: about this?
Speaker 5: Okay, So the question is she told me that she
Speaker 5: did this, and one of the reasons was that I
Speaker 5: didn't keep her safe. And then the other thing about
Speaker 5: that is, well, my statement to her was, well, you
Speaker 5: didn't keep our marriage protected because she brought someone else
Speaker 5: in between us.
Speaker 1: Oh there was some infidelity as well, exactly, okay.
Speaker 5: And I found out about this back in twenty sixteen.
Speaker 2: So I'm going to so tell me your question because
Speaker 2: I want to.
Speaker 5: I want to understand what that means when you say
Speaker 5: I didn't keep you safe and then when I say, well,
Speaker 5: you didn't. You didn't keep our marriage safe.
Speaker 1: Okay, So it sounds like you're searching for the answer
Speaker 1: to the question why and also the question of who's
Speaker 1: that fault? And I will tell you that you will
Speaker 1: go down a rabbit's hole of spinning thoughts trying to
Speaker 1: come up with the answer to those questions, because the
Speaker 1: truth is, you even said it. It takes two to tango,
Speaker 1: takes two to make a marriage, takes two to keep
Speaker 1: a marriage. And if you're spending your time thinking about
Speaker 1: what you could have done differently, or what she should
Speaker 1: have done differently, then you're not moving on with your life.
Speaker 1: You know what, ray What she did with you, not
Speaker 1: spending the time processing with you, not spending the time
Speaker 1: actually even breaking up with you by just disappearing was
Speaker 1: a terrible betrayal. And you have every right to feel angry.
Speaker 1: You have every right to grieve right. This is what
Speaker 1: I tell people is like, have your feelings, you are
Speaker 1: owed them. But I'm telling you if you spend your
Speaker 1: time thinking should have, would have, could a then you
Speaker 1: will never evolve from this relationship. I want you to
Speaker 1: go find a therapist and let me tell you lots
Speaker 1: of affordable ones. Just go near and a university that
Speaker 1: has a PhD program in psychology. They all have a
Speaker 1: counseling center. They work on a sliding scale, sometimes as
Speaker 1: little as ten dollars an hour. I'm telling everybody this,
Speaker 1: It is possible to find affordable therapy and you go
Speaker 1: in there and say I want to work on my
Speaker 1: anger and grief so I can move on. But I'll
Speaker 1: tell you from my personal experience, the more I spent
Speaker 1: time in my life trying to figure out other people
Speaker 1: and why they did things or to blame myself, it
Speaker 1: was time wasted because I never got the answers. I
Speaker 1: never got the closure, and it doesn't matter. This important
Speaker 1: relationship is over and you are betrayed and you were hurt,
Speaker 1: and it's your feelings that need to be attended to.
Speaker 5: Now.
Speaker 1: Thank you for calling Ram, I'm so sorry this happened
Speaker 1: to you. And heading onto my social media, I have
Speaker 1: to tell you that coincidentally, the next question that I
Speaker 1: pulled up is almost the same question. A woman says,
Speaker 1: Dear doctor Wendy, I got ghosted by a fifty seven
Speaker 1: year old man that I dated for eight months. I
Speaker 1: need answers. I'm internalizing his actions, and it's not fair
Speaker 1: to me. My friends suggest popping up at the gym
Speaker 1: he goes to. Is this how I should get my answers? Everyone,
Speaker 1: I'm telling you, I spent a life doing this, trying
Speaker 1: to figure out other people and why they did it.
Speaker 1: And the why doesn't matter. What matters is your loss,
Speaker 1: your grieving, your feelings of betrayal. You waste so much
Speaker 1: time when you focus on them instead of focusing on
Speaker 1: healing and raising your own self esteem. Honestly, I thought
Speaker 1: an overthought and triple thought and thought too much and
Speaker 1: swirled around with.
Speaker 2: Well, he did this, maybe he did this. We maybe
Speaker 2: had a bad childhood.
Speaker 3: Maybe he did this.
Speaker 2: Maybe maybe I shouldn't have said that. It will drive
Speaker 2: you crazy. Don't do it.
Speaker 1: Work on moving forward and healing, all right? Moving on,
Speaker 1: Dear doctor Wendy. My crush does everything to push me
Speaker 1: away because he says he will hurt me. I think
Speaker 1: he's scared of love. Am I fooling myself? Or could
Speaker 1: I be? Or could I be healing his self sabotage? Okay,
Speaker 1: when people tell you who there they are, believe them. Okay,
Speaker 1: believe them.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna tell you.
Speaker 1: A story I've told her before. On a third date
Speaker 1: with a guy who is being very emotionally avoidant with me,
Speaker 1: he gave me a Cardier watch. Now I thought this
Speaker 1: was a sign of Oh, that's amazing. This guy's really
Speaker 1: crazy for me. He's gonna come around, he's gonna be
Speaker 1: less avoided. No, no, no, this was an apology gift
Speaker 1: for the pain that was to come, because it's inappropriate
Speaker 1: to give somebody a gift that expensive on a third date.
Speaker 1: It was him saying, this is the best I can
Speaker 1: do because I can't give you me, can't give you
Speaker 1: my feelings, can't give you my love, can't give you
Speaker 1: my intimacy.
Speaker 5: Right.
Speaker 1: So I'm telling you that if somebody says I'm gonna
Speaker 1: hurt you, they mean it, and you need to listen
Speaker 1: because later, when it gets awful, they get to say,
Speaker 1: but I told you, right, I told you so, Yeah,
Speaker 1: move on, don't know, don't It's not your job to
Speaker 1: heal anybody, not your job to ever heal anybody. That's
Speaker 1: their job when they're ready. Uh, Dear doctor Wendy, I
Speaker 1: went through my wife's phone. Unfortunately. I like that word
Speaker 1: unfortunately there because I know what's coming.
Speaker 2: I don't even have to read further.
Speaker 1: But okay, we were having financial struggles then and then
Speaker 1: they magically stopped.
Speaker 2: Uh oh, uh oh.
Speaker 1: All of a sudden, she can cover the bills. It
Speaker 1: made me suspicious, and I found out she'd been doing
Speaker 1: sex work. I'm devastated. What's the best way to address this?
Speaker 1: There is no way to beat around the bush on this.
Speaker 1: You got to say, honey, I'm a bad person. I
Speaker 1: went through your phone. I was trying to figure out
Speaker 1: because you seem to be living a double life, you're
Speaker 1: not home that often. Now you're paying for all the bills.
Speaker 1: Of course you should have asked her the question before
Speaker 1: you went through her phone. You're both guilty of something right,
Speaker 1: violation of privacy, violation of I assume you were monogamous
Speaker 1: and you had a deal that you were going to
Speaker 1: be monogamous. Yeah, I'm saying, you just got to bring
Speaker 1: it up flat out. I went through your phone. I'm
Speaker 1: sorry it was the wrong thing to do, but I
Speaker 1: found out something wrong you've been doing to me. Look,
Speaker 1: I have no problem with people who have open relationships
Speaker 1: and they have all the rules and they know what
Speaker 1: they're doing, but it's the betrayal thing right, that's the
Speaker 1: thing that's not so good. Hey, when we come back,
Speaker 1: you know that alleged assassin Luigi. A lot of young
Speaker 1: girls and older ones too, are thinking he's pretty hot, hot,
Speaker 1: hot hot. I want us to all play armchair psychologists
Speaker 1: like the rest of the Inner net is doing right now,
Speaker 1: and try to figure out if he has a personality disorder.
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 1: I mean, I teach this stuff. We go through the
Speaker 1: criteria in the DSM. Let's do it together, shall we
Speaker 1: like a little school project. But he's cute, Let's analyze him.
Speaker 1: You're listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on KFI
Speaker 1: AM six forty were live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 1: You've been listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh. You can always
Speaker 1: hear us live on KFI AM six forty from seven
Speaker 1: to nine pm on Sunday and anytime on demand on
Speaker 1: the iHeartRadio app.