Speaker 1: This is pod popular podcast for the People, the Great
Speaker 1: Love Debates. It's the Great Love Debate, the Great Love Debate.
Speaker 1: It's a great love Hi again, I want It's Brian Howie.
Speaker 2: Welcome to the Great Love Debate, the world's number one
Speaker 2: dating relationship podcast. It's twenty fifteen. I am back here
Speaker 2: in the very fine studios of Pod Populi podcast for
Speaker 2: the People. I am at the one in Cleveland, Ohio.
Speaker 2: I have not been here in a while to record.
Speaker 2: I was about to say it's a nice day in Cleveland.
Speaker 2: My producer, the famous two time eman one Winny Keko,
Speaker 2: gets so mad at me that I give a little
Speaker 2: meteorology report.
Speaker 1: At the start of these podcasts.
Speaker 2: But theater of the mind, I like to set a
Speaker 2: scene of what I'm doing. You get just me again today,
Speaker 2: and there's a reason for that. I'm gonna give you
Speaker 2: a little bit of news.
Speaker 1: I don't know whether to.
Speaker 2: Give you the news first or what I want to
Speaker 2: get into first. I'm going to get into it because
Speaker 2: I really liked this. So I always get sent a
Speaker 2: lot of memes and articles and things, and people always
Speaker 2: want my opinion on stuff on Do you agree with that?
Speaker 2: Do you think of that, and a lot of it
Speaker 2: is philosophy, some of it is opinion, some of it
Speaker 2: is rants, some of whatever. And people send it to me,
Speaker 2: and you know, a lot of it doesn't resonate unless
Speaker 2: it's something that I haven't seen put that way before.
Speaker 2: One thing I did see the other. I'm not going
Speaker 2: to get into this part of it today. I think
Speaker 2: it was Alison Armstrong. Somebody sent me a clip of
Speaker 2: her talking about how the best men, the best catches,
Speaker 2: are ones that sort of own their shame or shame
Speaker 2: is a part of their world. And I know I've
Speaker 2: talked a little bit about that on my podcast, so
Speaker 2: I might dive deeper into that. So put a pain
Speaker 2: in that thought. Not to tease you at that, but
Speaker 2: there's a concept of that. But somebody sent me something.
Speaker 2: I guess it was a tweet originally somebody named Matthew
Speaker 2: Coast and I don't know if who he is, and
Speaker 2: I apology. I apologize for that because this is pretty good.
Speaker 2: He's a relationship coach of some kind. Apparently there's a
Speaker 2: lot of those, some good ones, some bad ones. But
Speaker 2: he wrote this, and I'm going to tell you why
Speaker 2: this resonated with me, and just why. I really like it,
Speaker 2: so he wrote, and I hope this is original to him.
Speaker 2: I hope this isn't like something from Hemingway and he
Speaker 2: just stole it. But I hadn't heard it before anyway,
Speaker 2: He wrote, one day you'll meet someone. One day you
Speaker 2: will meet someone who loves you exactly as you are.
Speaker 2: You won't have to beg for their time or prove
Speaker 2: you're worth loving. You won't have to fight for their
Speaker 2: attention or wonder.
Speaker 1: If you're good enough. It will feel easy.
Speaker 2: Calm, like it was always supposed to happen, the kind
Speaker 2: of love that makes you feel secure instead of worried.
Speaker 2: You won't have to chase them or stress about whether
Speaker 2: they really care. This person will see how amazing you
Speaker 2: are and love everything about you, even the parts you
Speaker 2: don't like about yourself. They'll love you in a way
Speaker 2: that feels safe coming home after a long day. And
Speaker 2: when you find that love, you'll finally get why you
Speaker 2: should have never accepted anything less. Real love isn't supposed
Speaker 2: to be hard work all the time. It's supposed to
Speaker 2: make you feel peaceful, clear, and completely loved.
Speaker 1: For who you are. I thought that was great.
Speaker 2: It brings up a lot of words we use around here,
Speaker 2: while a lot like safe and calm, And you know,
Speaker 2: we've all been in relationships where we were constantly chasing
Speaker 2: a feeling that didn't come naturally, where it came naturally
Speaker 2: at the beginning and it faded over time. You know,
Speaker 2: I have sort of this theory that if two of
Speaker 2: the seven days a week things don't feel in your
Speaker 2: relationship kind of exactly the way you want them to feel,
Speaker 2: it's twenty eight point six percent of the time. That's
Speaker 2: too high. That's too high. That's a big part of
Speaker 2: your week, that's a big part of your life. The
Speaker 2: days where you don't feel great, which might not have
Speaker 2: anything to do with really or the other person, those
Speaker 2: should be less and less. Those should be the outliers.
Speaker 2: Those should be a day or two a month, depending
Speaker 2: on what's going on. But if it is part of
Speaker 2: your routine where it's like, yeah, Tuesdays and Fridays, I
Speaker 2: don't feel great, or I don't feel safe, or this
Speaker 2: person doesn't accept the way I am, then you've got
Speaker 2: a problem with your relationship. And a lot of times
Speaker 2: we're always chasing the feelings that we want and the
Speaker 2: feelings that we want to have and this is what
Speaker 2: it's supposed to feel like. But a lot of time
Speaker 2: we don't spend enough time thinking about or talking about
Speaker 2: this is what I don't want in terms of the
Speaker 2: feeling and the feeling of you have to beg for
Speaker 2: their time or prove your worth loving.
Speaker 1: Or fighting for their attention.
Speaker 2: Hey, it's me. It's over there here. And I know
Speaker 2: when we get into relationships after a while and there's
Speaker 2: kids and jobs and life and stressors and all that
Speaker 2: kind of stuff, it might not be as easy as
Speaker 2: the first sort of ninety days of madly in love.
Speaker 2: But it should be because it should be your default
Speaker 2: and you shouldn't have to think about it, and it
Speaker 2: should be natural and normal and just sort of taking
Speaker 2: each other's hand. That's what this should feel like. And
Speaker 2: so many times we accept less because it's good enough,
Speaker 2: or it's fine, or it's okay, or I don't want
Speaker 2: to ride of a cage, or I don't want to
Speaker 2: go back out there. A lot of people don't, you know.
Speaker 2: It took me a long, long long time to find
Speaker 2: somebody who this describes them. This this little blurb that
Speaker 2: I just read you, that's exactly how I feel. That's
Speaker 2: exactly who they are, that's exactly what we have.
Speaker 1: And then you kind of look backwards.
Speaker 2: And you're like, oh, man, I appreciate myself enough to
Speaker 2: sort of want this. I didn't feel like I deserved this.
Speaker 2: I constantly fight to earn this. And then your relationships,
Speaker 2: one way or another, one side or another, it always
Speaker 2: feels like this seesaw and maybe both of you were.
Speaker 1: You guilty.
Speaker 2: He's probably the wrong word, but responsible for not getting
Speaker 2: the relationship to a place where both people feel safe
Speaker 2: and seen and heard and valued and appreciated and admired
Speaker 2: and all of the kind of things that make a
Speaker 2: good relationship feel special. And you know that's what you're
Speaker 2: looking for, and that's why special feels good, and you
Speaker 2: know it should take a long time to find that.
Speaker 1: It shouldn't be that easy.
Speaker 2: If it was easy, every person would go out with
Speaker 2: give us this feeling, and then special would kind of
Speaker 2: be diluted. You want this to be the nearly impossible dream,
Speaker 2: but nearly impossible means that it is possible, and you
Speaker 2: want it to be the dream and you want to
Speaker 2: find the dream guy or the dream girl or whatever
Speaker 2: you know phrase you want to use to use that
Speaker 2: and then when you find it and you realize it's
Speaker 2: not about the person as much. It's about the feeling
Speaker 2: that the person creates and the environment that the relationship forms,
Speaker 2: and what you guys have together. And you think of
Speaker 2: this person, whether you're with them, they're not or not
Speaker 2: the moment you wake up till the moment you go
Speaker 2: to bed, and maybe somewhere overnight in the middle of
Speaker 2: your dreams, your dream person is your real person. And
Speaker 2: that's something that I really think we don't spend enough
Speaker 2: time on. We all know what it feels like to
Speaker 2: fight for attention and fight for acceptance and fight for approval,
Speaker 2: and it's just a bad feeling. And I know I
Speaker 2: am as guilty of this as anyone else, because I
Speaker 2: think if somebody gave this to me ten, fifteen, twenty
Speaker 2: years ago. And I don't mean to turn a lot
Speaker 2: of the podcasts that I have recently in sort of
Speaker 2: this referendum on two thousand and two Brian Howie or
Speaker 2: you know, the ghosts of relationships past, I don't want
Speaker 2: to do that, but a lot of this I'm like, oh, man,
Speaker 2: I bet the person I was with had to stress
Speaker 2: about whether I really cared did they feel like they
Speaker 2: were the one and they were my girlfriend and they
Speaker 2: were everything that I wanted them to be.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: Did I love them in a way that made them
Speaker 2: feel safe, like coming back to me or being with
Speaker 2: me was the end of a long day and I'm
Speaker 2: here and this is my guy.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: I imagine all of us have been on both sides
Speaker 2: of this where we didn't give enough and we didn't
Speaker 2: get enough. So you know, I kind of wanted to
Speaker 2: throw this out there for you guys to think about
Speaker 2: and for you guys to comment on because it interested
Speaker 2: me and interests me a lot. So I'm gonna take
Speaker 2: a quick break here because our sponsors feel special, and
Speaker 2: then I will come back.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna give.
Speaker 2: You three sort of announcements, sort of things that I
Speaker 2: want you guys to chew on, but I think you'll
Speaker 2: like them. I think they're all relevant. So we'll be
Speaker 2: back right after this. And we are back, So three things.
Speaker 2: I don't know if they're they're news or blurbs or whatever.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna go with. I think the most important one first.
Speaker 2: So I know I've had more comeback tours than ben Elton.
Speaker 2: John Billy Joel, but believe Joel needs to come back
Speaker 2: to her. I think he's kind of at the end
Speaker 2: of it. One more Mariah Carey Madonna, I don't know,
Speaker 2: Rolling Stones.
Speaker 1: That's the best example of this.
Speaker 2: And every time I say I'm done doing the live show,
Speaker 2: I think I'm done doing the live show. And the
Speaker 2: issue with it is, there's so many listeners to this
Speaker 2: podcast who have not seen or had the opportunity to
Speaker 2: attend one of our live shows. And they go to
Speaker 2: the Great Love Debate dot go to Great Load Tobaate
Speaker 2: dot com, and they check out the video and they're like,
Speaker 2: I want to be a part of that. And I
Speaker 2: did them a long, long time all over the world,
Speaker 2: you know, hundreds of cities and hundreds of shows, and
Speaker 2: tens of thousands of people came and all that. I
Speaker 2: just kind of got burned out on the travel. I
Speaker 2: was traveling a lot for business and.
Speaker 1: Blah blah blah blah blah.
Speaker 2: But a lot of people have said, I want to
Speaker 2: see a show, I want to come to a show.
Speaker 2: I want to be a part of it. And I
Speaker 2: stopped doing it for a couple of different reasons. And
Speaker 2: then I realized that over the you know, COVID was
Speaker 2: a two year period where we probably did fifteen shows
Speaker 2: and two years do fifteen shows a month all the time.
Speaker 2: And then after that, you know, I would do maybe
Speaker 2: one every three or four months, and a lot of
Speaker 2: it were the same cities. And I kind of got
Speaker 2: off the road. And then I realized a lot of
Speaker 2: you guys who are listening, maybe you just discovered this
Speaker 2: podcast a year ago or two years ago, or three
Speaker 2: years ago or six years ago, and maybe you haven't
Speaker 2: had an opportunity to to be a part of it.
Speaker 2: And to our credit, people do drive and get on
Speaker 2: planes and do everything to come to be a part
Speaker 2: of it. I mean, people show up at the shows
Speaker 2: and they're like, Hi, I'm from Toronto and I flew
Speaker 2: down to Atlanta to be part of a great love debate.
Speaker 2: And so it's a little bit of laziness, a's a
Speaker 2: little bit of selfishness that I stopped doing them.
Speaker 1: So not to be a hypocrite or whatever.
Speaker 2: I'm getting the itch and some venues are starting to
Speaker 2: call again and are you interested? And you know, some
Speaker 2: things I want to rework, some things I want to revisit.
Speaker 2: I'm in a little bit different place in life now
Speaker 2: than I was at the beginning, where it was all
Speaker 2: just you know, cracking jokes about bad dates and stuff.
Speaker 2: So it might be a little more pensive. We might
Speaker 2: do a few more theaters and less Connolly clubs, but
Speaker 2: I am I'm thinking about it, So I'm open to suggestions.
Speaker 2: If you're in a city and we've never been there,
Speaker 2: and it's got to be a good sized city, like
Speaker 2: don't send me Terre Haute, Indiana, and you've got a
Speaker 2: good sized venue and they have a good sized checkbook,
Speaker 2: I'm thinking about it.
Speaker 1: I'm open to it.
Speaker 2: With the couple that I think I'm definitely gonna do,
Speaker 2: and there's some places that I owe shows that got
Speaker 2: canceled in various places, but I'm thinking about it. So
Speaker 2: there's a second part of that that I didn't want
Speaker 2: to talk about, and me and my producer we were
Speaker 2: kind of kicking around all that.
Speaker 1: So I have.
Speaker 2: I mean, I guess the technical definition is cancer, and
Speaker 2: I don't mean to just throw that out there, but
Speaker 2: I have a cancer, a very rare tumor in my
Speaker 2: eighth rib that has busted through, and it's it's painful,
Speaker 2: but I don't think it's fatal.
Speaker 1: So it's a little bit toibility.
Speaker 2: And it's a little bit painful, and I'm trying to
Speaker 2: figure out how to treat that, which you know may
Speaker 2: or may not impact how I'm going on the road.
Speaker 2: The reason why I'm bringing that up it doesn't really
Speaker 2: affect me day to day that much, is that I
Speaker 2: cannot believe that the people that I have told about
Speaker 2: this and confided this to have you know, you want
Speaker 2: to know you're cared about, and you want to know
Speaker 2: you matter, and you want to know that you're loved.
Speaker 1: I can't believe the amount of people that have shown me.
Speaker 2: Sides to them and information and compassion and caring and
Speaker 2: stuff every single day that I had no idea that existed,
Speaker 2: and I had no idea that could be a part
Speaker 2: of my ecosystem, And it just matters so much. It
Speaker 2: matters to me, you know. A lot of this great
Speaker 2: love debate started the question I had after living in
Speaker 2: Las Angle just a long time time.
Speaker 1: I one time thought to.
Speaker 2: Myself, I was on the beach and I said to myself,
Speaker 2: if I got in a boat and I rowed out
Speaker 2: into the Pacific, how long would it take anybody to notice?
Speaker 1: And how long would it take anybody to care?
Speaker 2: And I didn't feel great about the answer I gave
Speaker 2: myself to that question. I probably underestimated myself. I probably
Speaker 2: underestimated the people in my life. I probably underestimated the
Speaker 2: definition of caring and how many people do. So that's
Speaker 2: a bad job by me. That's not a bad and
Speaker 2: that's part of me being walled off and not letting
Speaker 2: people in. But you know, I'm letting people in and
Speaker 2: a lot of people have reached out and a lot
Speaker 2: of people have offered things. So if you have some
Speaker 2: you know, alternative cure or to like just go eat
Speaker 2: berries and BALI, I'm open to that. So I'm not
Speaker 2: turning this to a medical health podcast, but I wanted
Speaker 2: to just bring that out because A I appreciate those
Speaker 2: of the care be if you have some suggestions on
Speaker 2: how to fight whatever kind of sarcoma is in my
Speaker 2: rib and see may impact how many of these shows
Speaker 2: that I think about doing. There's no chance I'm gonna
Speaker 2: get down the road and do you know twenty days
Speaker 2: a month like I used to do barnstorming, but I
Speaker 2: might do one or two. And you know, I did
Speaker 2: a show one night in twenty nineteen in at the
Speaker 2: Boca black Box Center for the Arts in Buker Tolt, Florida,
Speaker 2: forty eight hours after I was in a car accident
Speaker 2: broke twenty bones, including thirteen ribs, and I got on
Speaker 2: that stage anyway, So I played hurt.
Speaker 1: And doing that show.
Speaker 2: Was such a distraction to me, at least for those
Speaker 2: ninety minutes that I didn't feel the pain of that
Speaker 2: car accident.
Speaker 1: And I did a show.
Speaker 2: If you want to go back to late October twenty nineteen,
Speaker 2: I think I did a podcast talking about that. But
Speaker 2: sometimes you need the laughs and sometimes you need the
Speaker 2: thoughts of the crowd, and so part of this might
Speaker 2: be therapy for me. So I'm not you know, charging
Speaker 2: you guys a sixty five dollars ticket to come help
Speaker 2: me with my concerns. I think they'll be fun for everybody,
Speaker 2: including me, and it might be a distraction. So the
Speaker 2: third thing I want to get into is somebody had
Speaker 2: a really good idea and I'm not going to steal it,
Speaker 2: but I'm going to use it. A lot of movies
Speaker 2: and television shows and pop culture things deal obviously on love,
Speaker 2: dating relationships, and so I was thinking about that, and
Speaker 2: I got some comments on a show I did a
Speaker 2: week or two ago about my philosophy on Greece and
Speaker 2: how Danny was kind of a dick and how Sandy
Speaker 2: really must have been clueless. There was a lot going
Speaker 2: on there. So we're going to take some very famous
Speaker 2: rom coms and romantic musicals and television shows that had
Speaker 2: a through line of a relationship, and we are going
Speaker 2: to break them down on this podcast, like one movie
Speaker 2: for one, you know, for example, I'm not saying we're
Speaker 2: gonna do it, but say like pretty Woman, like we
Speaker 2: might take that and do a whole deep dive on
Speaker 2: what it means, what he did right, what she did right,
Speaker 2: what did wrong?
Speaker 1: How it all came about all.
Speaker 2: That as opposed as an apply to real life.
Speaker 1: Does that make sense? You'll hear the first couple.
Speaker 2: So what I'm doing on that note, because I want
Speaker 2: this to be as interactive as possible, and you guys know,
Speaker 2: I hate doing zooms.
Speaker 1: But I'm open to it for this.
Speaker 2: Or if you're in the area of a pod popular
Speaker 2: studio podcast with the.
Speaker 1: People, maybe we'll bring you in to do it live.
Speaker 1: If you have.
Speaker 2: A a real affection for I don't know, Serendipity, Must
Speaker 2: Love Dogs, Pitch Perfect is pitch Perk cover romantic?
Speaker 1: Yeah kind of does something like that.
Speaker 2: And you're like, I am an expert on this, and
Speaker 2: I want to take the deep dive. I want to
Speaker 2: give you an opportunity to co host this with me,
Speaker 2: but you better know this movie inside it out, because
Speaker 2: I will know it before I let you on.
Speaker 1: And I'm gonna have opinion on it. I don't have
Speaker 1: a philosophy on it. And we're gonna take this down.
Speaker 2: So shoot me an email, Great Love Debate at gmail
Speaker 2: dot com and say, I want to take on Slips
Speaker 2: in Seattle, and I'm the one to do this with you,
Speaker 2: and here's how it affected my life, and here's how
Speaker 2: it affects my dating and all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 2: I want to do that. That's an exercise we're going
Speaker 2: to do. So I'm gonna open it up to you, guys,
Speaker 2: do co host the show. I hope you're in the
Speaker 2: area of a studio, but if you're not, we will
Speaker 2: figure out a way to zoom you in remotely and
Speaker 2: we'll have some fun with that. So shoot me your
Speaker 2: suggestions on that and why you should be able to
Speaker 2: do it. Great Love Debate at gmail dot com, Good
Speaker 2: Great Lovedebate dot com. You might see a tour stop
Speaker 2: or two pull up.
Speaker 1: Send me an email at gmail dot com. If you've
Speaker 1: got an even.
Speaker 2: Treatments that you haven't thought of, send me that too.
Speaker 2: And I don't care how far are the fringes you
Speaker 2: are on some of the stuff. I think some of
Speaker 2: the answers are out on the fringes. I have a
Speaker 2: non praying for me.
Speaker 1: I like that.
Speaker 2: But we have done five hundred and I don't know
Speaker 2: twenty something of these episodes, and your reviews still mean
Speaker 2: a lot to me and in the podcasting ecosystem, So
Speaker 2: please leave us a five star review. It still matters,
Speaker 2: and you guys still matter because at the Great Love Debate,
Speaker 2: after all this time, we never stopped making love.
Speaker 1: See you next time. The Great Love Debate. It's the
Speaker 1: Great Love Debate.
Speaker 2: Degreat Love Debates, It's a Great Love Debate.