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<v Speaker 1>This is pod popular podcast for the People, the Great

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<v Speaker 1>Love Debates. It's the Great Love Debate, the Great Love Debate.

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<v Speaker 1>It's a great love Hi again, I want It's Brian Howie.

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<v Speaker 2>Welcome to the Great Love Debate, the world's number one

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<v Speaker 2>dating relationship podcast. It's twenty fifteen. I am back here

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<v Speaker 2>in the very fine studios of Pod Populi podcast for

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<v Speaker 2>the People. I am at the one in Cleveland, Ohio.

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<v Speaker 2>I have not been here in a while to record.

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<v Speaker 2>I was about to say it's a nice day in Cleveland.

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<v Speaker 2>My producer, the famous two time eman one Winny Keko,

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<v Speaker 2>gets so mad at me that I give a little

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<v Speaker 2>meteorology report.

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<v Speaker 1>At the start of these podcasts.

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<v Speaker 2>But theater of the mind, I like to set a

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<v Speaker 2>scene of what I'm doing. You get just me again today,

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<v Speaker 2>and there's a reason for that. I'm gonna give you

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<v Speaker 2>a little bit of news.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know whether to.

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<v Speaker 2>Give you the news first or what I want to

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<v Speaker 2>get into first. I'm going to get into it because

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<v Speaker 2>I really liked this. So I always get sent a

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<v Speaker 2>lot of memes and articles and things, and people always

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<v Speaker 2>want my opinion on stuff on Do you agree with that?

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<v Speaker 2>Do you think of that, and a lot of it

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<v Speaker 2>is philosophy, some of it is opinion, some of it

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<v Speaker 2>is rants, some of whatever. And people send it to me,

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<v Speaker 2>and you know, a lot of it doesn't resonate unless

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<v Speaker 2>it's something that I haven't seen put that way before.

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<v Speaker 2>One thing I did see the other. I'm not going

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<v Speaker 2>to get into this part of it today. I think

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<v Speaker 2>it was Alison Armstrong. Somebody sent me a clip of

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<v Speaker 2>her talking about how the best men, the best catches,

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<v Speaker 2>are ones that sort of own their shame or shame

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<v Speaker 2>is a part of their world. And I know I've

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<v Speaker 2>talked a little bit about that on my podcast, so

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<v Speaker 2>I might dive deeper into that. So put a pain

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<v Speaker 2>in that thought. Not to tease you at that, but

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<v Speaker 2>there's a concept of that. But somebody sent me something.

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<v Speaker 2>I guess it was a tweet originally somebody named Matthew

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<v Speaker 2>Coast and I don't know if who he is, and

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<v Speaker 2>I apology. I apologize for that because this is pretty good.

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<v Speaker 2>He's a relationship coach of some kind. Apparently there's a

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<v Speaker 2>lot of those, some good ones, some bad ones. But

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<v Speaker 2>he wrote this, and I'm going to tell you why

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<v Speaker 2>this resonated with me, and just why. I really like it,

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<v Speaker 2>so he wrote, and I hope this is original to him.

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<v Speaker 2>I hope this isn't like something from Hemingway and he

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<v Speaker 2>just stole it. But I hadn't heard it before anyway,

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<v Speaker 2>He wrote, one day you'll meet someone. One day you

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<v Speaker 2>will meet someone who loves you exactly as you are.

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<v Speaker 2>You won't have to beg for their time or prove

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<v Speaker 2>you're worth loving. You won't have to fight for their

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<v Speaker 2>attention or wonder.

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<v Speaker 1>If you're good enough. It will feel easy.

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<v Speaker 2>Calm, like it was always supposed to happen, the kind

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<v Speaker 2>of love that makes you feel secure instead of worried.

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<v Speaker 2>You won't have to chase them or stress about whether

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<v Speaker 2>they really care. This person will see how amazing you

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<v Speaker 2>are and love everything about you, even the parts you

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<v Speaker 2>don't like about yourself. They'll love you in a way

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<v Speaker 2>that feels safe coming home after a long day. And

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<v Speaker 2>when you find that love, you'll finally get why you

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<v Speaker 2>should have never accepted anything less. Real love isn't supposed

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<v Speaker 2>to be hard work all the time. It's supposed to

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<v Speaker 2>make you feel peaceful, clear, and completely loved.

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<v Speaker 1>For who you are. I thought that was great.

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<v Speaker 2>It brings up a lot of words we use around here,

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<v Speaker 2>while a lot like safe and calm, And you know,

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<v Speaker 2>we've all been in relationships where we were constantly chasing

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<v Speaker 2>a feeling that didn't come naturally, where it came naturally

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<v Speaker 2>at the beginning and it faded over time. You know,

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<v Speaker 2>I have sort of this theory that if two of

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<v Speaker 2>the seven days a week things don't feel in your

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<v Speaker 2>relationship kind of exactly the way you want them to feel,

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<v Speaker 2>it's twenty eight point six percent of the time. That's

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<v Speaker 2>too high. That's too high. That's a big part of

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<v Speaker 2>your week, that's a big part of your life. The

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<v Speaker 2>days where you don't feel great, which might not have

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<v Speaker 2>anything to do with really or the other person, those

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<v Speaker 2>should be less and less. Those should be the outliers.

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<v Speaker 2>Those should be a day or two a month, depending

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<v Speaker 2>on what's going on. But if it is part of

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<v Speaker 2>your routine where it's like, yeah, Tuesdays and Fridays, I

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<v Speaker 2>don't feel great, or I don't feel safe, or this

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<v Speaker 2>person doesn't accept the way I am, then you've got

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<v Speaker 2>a problem with your relationship. And a lot of times

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<v Speaker 2>we're always chasing the feelings that we want and the

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<v Speaker 2>feelings that we want to have and this is what

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<v Speaker 2>it's supposed to feel like. But a lot of time

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<v Speaker 2>we don't spend enough time thinking about or talking about

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<v Speaker 2>this is what I don't want in terms of the

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<v Speaker 2>feeling and the feeling of you have to beg for

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<v Speaker 2>their time or prove your worth loving.

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<v Speaker 1>Or fighting for their attention.

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<v Speaker 2>Hey, it's me. It's over there here. And I know

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<v Speaker 2>when we get into relationships after a while and there's

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<v Speaker 2>kids and jobs and life and stressors and all that

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<v Speaker 2>kind of stuff, it might not be as easy as

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<v Speaker 2>the first sort of ninety days of madly in love.

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<v Speaker 2>But it should be because it should be your default

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<v Speaker 2>and you shouldn't have to think about it, and it

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<v Speaker 2>should be natural and normal and just sort of taking

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<v Speaker 2>each other's hand. That's what this should feel like. And

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<v Speaker 2>so many times we accept less because it's good enough,

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<v Speaker 2>or it's fine, or it's okay, or I don't want

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<v Speaker 2>to ride of a cage, or I don't want to

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<v Speaker 2>go back out there. A lot of people don't, you know.

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<v Speaker 2>It took me a long, long long time to find

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<v Speaker 2>somebody who this describes them. This this little blurb that

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<v Speaker 2>I just read you, that's exactly how I feel. That's

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<v Speaker 2>exactly who they are, that's exactly what we have.

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<v Speaker 1>And then you kind of look backwards.

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<v Speaker 2>And you're like, oh, man, I appreciate myself enough to

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<v Speaker 2>sort of want this. I didn't feel like I deserved this.

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<v Speaker 2>I constantly fight to earn this. And then your relationships,

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<v Speaker 2>one way or another, one side or another, it always

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<v Speaker 2>feels like this seesaw and maybe both of you were.

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<v Speaker 1>You guilty.

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<v Speaker 2>He's probably the wrong word, but responsible for not getting

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<v Speaker 2>the relationship to a place where both people feel safe

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<v Speaker 2>and seen and heard and valued and appreciated and admired

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<v Speaker 2>and all of the kind of things that make a

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<v Speaker 2>good relationship feel special. And you know that's what you're

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<v Speaker 2>looking for, and that's why special feels good, and you

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<v Speaker 2>know it should take a long time to find that.

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<v Speaker 1>It shouldn't be that easy.

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<v Speaker 2>If it was easy, every person would go out with

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<v Speaker 2>give us this feeling, and then special would kind of

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<v Speaker 2>be diluted. You want this to be the nearly impossible dream,

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<v Speaker 2>but nearly impossible means that it is possible, and you

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<v Speaker 2>want it to be the dream and you want to

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<v Speaker 2>find the dream guy or the dream girl or whatever

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<v Speaker 2>you know phrase you want to use to use that

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<v Speaker 2>and then when you find it and you realize it's

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<v Speaker 2>not about the person as much. It's about the feeling

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<v Speaker 2>that the person creates and the environment that the relationship forms,

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<v Speaker 2>and what you guys have together. And you think of

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<v Speaker 2>this person, whether you're with them, they're not or not

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<v Speaker 2>the moment you wake up till the moment you go

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<v Speaker 2>to bed, and maybe somewhere overnight in the middle of

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<v Speaker 2>your dreams, your dream person is your real person. And

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<v Speaker 2>that's something that I really think we don't spend enough

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<v Speaker 2>time on. We all know what it feels like to

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<v Speaker 2>fight for attention and fight for acceptance and fight for approval,

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<v Speaker 2>and it's just a bad feeling. And I know I

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<v Speaker 2>am as guilty of this as anyone else, because I

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<v Speaker 2>think if somebody gave this to me ten, fifteen, twenty

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<v Speaker 2>years ago. And I don't mean to turn a lot

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<v Speaker 2>of the podcasts that I have recently in sort of

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<v Speaker 2>this referendum on two thousand and two Brian Howie or

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<v Speaker 2>you know, the ghosts of relationships past, I don't want

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<v Speaker 2>to do that, but a lot of this I'm like, oh, man,

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<v Speaker 2>I bet the person I was with had to stress

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<v Speaker 2>about whether I really cared did they feel like they

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<v Speaker 2>were the one and they were my girlfriend and they

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<v Speaker 2>were everything that I wanted them to be.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know.

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<v Speaker 2>Did I love them in a way that made them

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<v Speaker 2>feel safe, like coming back to me or being with

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<v Speaker 2>me was the end of a long day and I'm

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<v Speaker 2>here and this is my guy.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know.

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<v Speaker 2>I imagine all of us have been on both sides

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<v Speaker 2>of this where we didn't give enough and we didn't

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<v Speaker 2>get enough. So you know, I kind of wanted to

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<v Speaker 2>throw this out there for you guys to think about

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<v Speaker 2>and for you guys to comment on because it interested

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<v Speaker 2>me and interests me a lot. So I'm gonna take

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<v Speaker 2>a quick break here because our sponsors feel special, and

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<v Speaker 2>then I will come back.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna give.

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<v Speaker 2>You three sort of announcements, sort of things that I

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<v Speaker 2>want you guys to chew on, but I think you'll

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<v Speaker 2>like them. I think they're all relevant. So we'll be

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<v Speaker 2>back right after this. And we are back, So three things.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know if they're they're news or blurbs or whatever.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna go with. I think the most important one first.

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<v Speaker 2>So I know I've had more comeback tours than ben Elton.

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<v Speaker 2>John Billy Joel, but believe Joel needs to come back

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<v Speaker 2>to her. I think he's kind of at the end

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<v Speaker 2>of it. One more Mariah Carey Madonna, I don't know,

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<v Speaker 2>Rolling Stones.

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<v Speaker 1>That's the best example of this.

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<v Speaker 2>And every time I say I'm done doing the live show,

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<v Speaker 2>I think I'm done doing the live show. And the

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<v Speaker 2>issue with it is, there's so many listeners to this

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<v Speaker 2>podcast who have not seen or had the opportunity to

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<v Speaker 2>attend one of our live shows. And they go to

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<v Speaker 2>the Great Love Debate dot go to Great Load Tobaate

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<v Speaker 2>dot com, and they check out the video and they're like,

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<v Speaker 2>I want to be a part of that. And I

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<v Speaker 2>did them a long, long time all over the world,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, hundreds of cities and hundreds of shows, and

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<v Speaker 2>tens of thousands of people came and all that. I

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<v Speaker 2>just kind of got burned out on the travel. I

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<v Speaker 2>was traveling a lot for business and.

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<v Speaker 1>Blah blah blah blah blah.

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<v Speaker 2>But a lot of people have said, I want to

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<v Speaker 2>see a show, I want to come to a show.

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<v Speaker 2>I want to be a part of it. And I

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<v Speaker 2>stopped doing it for a couple of different reasons. And

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<v Speaker 2>then I realized that over the you know, COVID was

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<v Speaker 2>a two year period where we probably did fifteen shows

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<v Speaker 2>and two years do fifteen shows a month all the time.

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<v Speaker 2>And then after that, you know, I would do maybe

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<v Speaker 2>one every three or four months, and a lot of

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<v Speaker 2>it were the same cities. And I kind of got

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<v Speaker 2>off the road. And then I realized a lot of

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<v Speaker 2>you guys who are listening, maybe you just discovered this

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<v Speaker 2>podcast a year ago or two years ago, or three

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<v Speaker 2>years ago or six years ago, and maybe you haven't

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<v Speaker 2>had an opportunity to to be a part of it.

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<v Speaker 2>And to our credit, people do drive and get on

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<v Speaker 2>planes and do everything to come to be a part

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<v Speaker 2>of it. I mean, people show up at the shows

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<v Speaker 2>and they're like, Hi, I'm from Toronto and I flew

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<v Speaker 2>down to Atlanta to be part of a great love debate.

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<v Speaker 2>And so it's a little bit of laziness, a's a

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<v Speaker 2>little bit of selfishness that I stopped doing them.

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<v Speaker 1>So not to be a hypocrite or whatever.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm getting the itch and some venues are starting to

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<v Speaker 2>call again and are you interested? And you know, some

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<v Speaker 2>things I want to rework, some things I want to revisit.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm in a little bit different place in life now

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<v Speaker 2>than I was at the beginning, where it was all

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<v Speaker 2>just you know, cracking jokes about bad dates and stuff.

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<v Speaker 2>So it might be a little more pensive. We might

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<v Speaker 2>do a few more theaters and less Connolly clubs, but

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<v Speaker 2>I am I'm thinking about it, So I'm open to suggestions.

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<v Speaker 2>If you're in a city and we've never been there,

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<v Speaker 2>and it's got to be a good sized city, like

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<v Speaker 2>don't send me Terre Haute, Indiana, and you've got a

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<v Speaker 2>good sized venue and they have a good sized checkbook,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm thinking about it.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm open to it.

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<v Speaker 2>With the couple that I think I'm definitely gonna do,

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<v Speaker 2>and there's some places that I owe shows that got

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<v Speaker 2>canceled in various places, but I'm thinking about it. So

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<v Speaker 2>there's a second part of that that I didn't want

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<v Speaker 2>to talk about, and me and my producer we were

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<v Speaker 2>kind of kicking around all that.

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<v Speaker 1>So I have.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, I guess the technical definition is cancer, and

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<v Speaker 2>I don't mean to just throw that out there, but

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<v Speaker 2>I have a cancer, a very rare tumor in my

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<v Speaker 2>eighth rib that has busted through, and it's it's painful,

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<v Speaker 2>but I don't think it's fatal.

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<v Speaker 1>So it's a little bit toibility.

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<v Speaker 2>And it's a little bit painful, and I'm trying to

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<v Speaker 2>figure out how to treat that, which you know may

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<v Speaker 2>or may not impact how I'm going on the road.

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<v Speaker 2>The reason why I'm bringing that up it doesn't really

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<v Speaker 2>affect me day to day that much, is that I

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<v Speaker 2>cannot believe that the people that I have told about

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<v Speaker 2>this and confided this to have you know, you want

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<v Speaker 2>to know you're cared about, and you want to know

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<v Speaker 2>you matter, and you want to know that you're loved.

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<v Speaker 1>I can't believe the amount of people that have shown me.

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<v Speaker 2>Sides to them and information and compassion and caring and

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<v Speaker 2>stuff every single day that I had no idea that existed,

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<v Speaker 2>and I had no idea that could be a part

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<v Speaker 2>of my ecosystem, And it just matters so much. It

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<v Speaker 2>matters to me, you know. A lot of this great

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<v Speaker 2>love debate started the question I had after living in

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<v Speaker 2>Las Angle just a long time time.

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<v Speaker 1>I one time thought to.

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<v Speaker 2>Myself, I was on the beach and I said to myself,

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<v Speaker 2>if I got in a boat and I rowed out

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<v Speaker 2>into the Pacific, how long would it take anybody to notice?

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<v Speaker 1>And how long would it take anybody to care?

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<v Speaker 2>And I didn't feel great about the answer I gave

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<v Speaker 2>myself to that question. I probably underestimated myself. I probably

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<v Speaker 2>underestimated the people in my life. I probably underestimated the

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<v Speaker 2>definition of caring and how many people do. So that's

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<v Speaker 2>a bad job by me. That's not a bad and

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<v Speaker 2>that's part of me being walled off and not letting

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<v Speaker 2>people in. But you know, I'm letting people in and

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<v Speaker 2>a lot of people have reached out and a lot

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<v Speaker 2>of people have offered things. So if you have some

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<v Speaker 2>you know, alternative cure or to like just go eat

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<v Speaker 2>berries and BALI, I'm open to that. So I'm not

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<v Speaker 2>turning this to a medical health podcast, but I wanted

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<v Speaker 2>to just bring that out because A I appreciate those

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<v Speaker 2>of the care be if you have some suggestions on

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<v Speaker 2>how to fight whatever kind of sarcoma is in my

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<v Speaker 2>rib and see may impact how many of these shows

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<v Speaker 2>that I think about doing. There's no chance I'm gonna

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<v Speaker 2>get down the road and do you know twenty days

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<v Speaker 2>a month like I used to do barnstorming, but I

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<v Speaker 2>might do one or two. And you know, I did

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<v Speaker 2>a show one night in twenty nineteen in at the

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<v Speaker 2>Boca black Box Center for the Arts in Buker Tolt, Florida,

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<v Speaker 2>forty eight hours after I was in a car accident

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<v Speaker 2>broke twenty bones, including thirteen ribs, and I got on

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<v Speaker 2>that stage anyway, So I played hurt.

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<v Speaker 1>And doing that show.

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<v Speaker 2>Was such a distraction to me, at least for those

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<v Speaker 2>ninety minutes that I didn't feel the pain of that

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<v Speaker 2>car accident.

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<v Speaker 1>And I did a show.

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<v Speaker 2>If you want to go back to late October twenty nineteen,

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<v Speaker 2>I think I did a podcast talking about that. But

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<v Speaker 2>sometimes you need the laughs and sometimes you need the

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<v Speaker 2>thoughts of the crowd, and so part of this might

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<v Speaker 2>be therapy for me. So I'm not you know, charging

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<v Speaker 2>you guys a sixty five dollars ticket to come help

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<v Speaker 2>me with my concerns. I think they'll be fun for everybody,

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<v Speaker 2>including me, and it might be a distraction. So the

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<v Speaker 2>third thing I want to get into is somebody had

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<v Speaker 2>a really good idea and I'm not going to steal it,

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<v Speaker 2>but I'm going to use it. A lot of movies

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<v Speaker 2>and television shows and pop culture things deal obviously on love,

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<v Speaker 2>dating relationships, and so I was thinking about that, and

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<v Speaker 2>I got some comments on a show I did a

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<v Speaker 2>week or two ago about my philosophy on Greece and

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<v Speaker 2>how Danny was kind of a dick and how Sandy

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<v Speaker 2>really must have been clueless. There was a lot going

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<v Speaker 2>on there. So we're going to take some very famous

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<v Speaker 2>rom coms and romantic musicals and television shows that had

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<v Speaker 2>a through line of a relationship, and we are going

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<v Speaker 2>to break them down on this podcast, like one movie

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<v Speaker 2>for one, you know, for example, I'm not saying we're

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<v Speaker 2>gonna do it, but say like pretty Woman, like we

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<v Speaker 2>might take that and do a whole deep dive on

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<v Speaker 2>what it means, what he did right, what she did right,

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<v Speaker 2>what did wrong?

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<v Speaker 1>How it all came about all.

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<v Speaker 2>That as opposed as an apply to real life.

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<v Speaker 1>Does that make sense? You'll hear the first couple.

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<v Speaker 2>So what I'm doing on that note, because I want

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<v Speaker 2>this to be as interactive as possible, and you guys know,

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<v Speaker 2>I hate doing zooms.

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<v Speaker 1>But I'm open to it for this.

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<v Speaker 2>Or if you're in the area of a pod popular

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<v Speaker 2>studio podcast with the.

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<v Speaker 1>People, maybe we'll bring you in to do it live.

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<v Speaker 1>If you have.

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<v Speaker 2>A a real affection for I don't know, Serendipity, Must

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<v Speaker 2>Love Dogs, Pitch Perfect is pitch Perk cover romantic?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah kind of does something like that.

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<v Speaker 2>And you're like, I am an expert on this, and

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<v Speaker 2>I want to take the deep dive. I want to

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<v Speaker 2>give you an opportunity to co host this with me,

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<v Speaker 2>but you better know this movie inside it out, because

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<v Speaker 2>I will know it before I let you on.

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<v Speaker 1>And I'm gonna have opinion on it. I don't have

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<v Speaker 1>a philosophy on it. And we're gonna take this down.

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<v Speaker 2>So shoot me an email, Great Love Debate at gmail

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<v Speaker 2>dot com and say, I want to take on Slips

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<v Speaker 2>in Seattle, and I'm the one to do this with you,

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<v Speaker 2>and here's how it affected my life, and here's how

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<v Speaker 2>it affects my dating and all that kind of stuff.

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<v Speaker 2>I want to do that. That's an exercise we're going

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<v Speaker 2>to do. So I'm gonna open it up to you, guys,

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<v Speaker 2>do co host the show. I hope you're in the

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<v Speaker 2>area of a studio, but if you're not, we will

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<v Speaker 2>figure out a way to zoom you in remotely and

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<v Speaker 2>we'll have some fun with that. So shoot me your

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<v Speaker 2>suggestions on that and why you should be able to

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<v Speaker 2>do it. Great Love Debate at gmail dot com, Good

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<v Speaker 2>Great Lovedebate dot com. You might see a tour stop

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<v Speaker 2>or two pull up.

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<v Speaker 1>Send me an email at gmail dot com. If you've

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<v Speaker 1>got an even.

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<v Speaker 2>Treatments that you haven't thought of, send me that too.

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<v Speaker 2>And I don't care how far are the fringes you

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<v Speaker 2>are on some of the stuff. I think some of

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<v Speaker 2>the answers are out on the fringes. I have a

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<v Speaker 2>non praying for me.

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<v Speaker 1>I like that.

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<v Speaker 2>But we have done five hundred and I don't know

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<v Speaker 2>twenty something of these episodes, and your reviews still mean

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<v Speaker 2>a lot to me and in the podcasting ecosystem, So

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<v Speaker 2>please leave us a five star review. It still matters,

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<v Speaker 2>and you guys still matter because at the Great Love Debate,

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<v Speaker 2>after all this time, we never stopped making love.

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<v Speaker 1>See you next time. The Great Love Debate. It's the

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<v Speaker 1>Great Love Debate.

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<v Speaker 2>Degreat Love Debates, It's a Great Love Debate.