Speaker 1: This is Pod Popular Podcast for the People, the Great
Speaker 1: Love Debate. It's the Great Love Debate, the Great Love Debate.
Speaker 2: It's a Great Love Debate.
Speaker 1: Hi again, everyone's Brian. How We welcome to the Great
Speaker 1: Love Debate, the world's number one dating a relationship podcast.
Speaker 1: In twenty fifteen, I am back here in the very
Speaker 1: fine and fancy studios of Pod Popular Podcast for the People.
Speaker 1: I am the one in Palm Beach Gardens. I have
Speaker 1: not been here in a while. I do come to
Speaker 1: Florida a lot. I come to Florida a lot for business,
Speaker 1: and I gotta tell you, I still feel like every
Speaker 1: time I come to Florida, I feel like I'm landing
Speaker 1: on vacation. Even though there's a lot of stuff in Florida.
Speaker 1: I don't like the traffic and I'm working most of
Speaker 1: the time. Florida does feel like vacation. And maybe that's
Speaker 1: the New Yorker in me. I don't know, especially in
Speaker 1: the winter time. Quick announcement, Our five hundredth podcast episode
Speaker 1: is a couple of weeks away. You guys send a
Speaker 1: bunch of submissions on what we should do about it.
Speaker 1: I have decided what we should do about it. I'm
Speaker 1: very excited about what we should do about it. It's
Speaker 1: gonna be a special show. It's gonna be special to me.
Speaker 1: I have a very special guest. I think you guys
Speaker 1: are gonna like it. It's a little bit of looking back,
Speaker 1: it's a little bit of where we are now. It's
Speaker 1: a little bit of looking ahead. But I think you
Speaker 1: guys will like it. Today. I'm also excited we are
Speaker 1: doing what. I put out a little apb on the socials,
Speaker 1: on the interwebs to you guys because I wanted to
Speaker 1: do what we're calling a second chance mail bag, which
Speaker 1: means we asked you guys for emails, social media posts,
Speaker 1: submissions about a relationship that may or may not have
Speaker 1: gone bad but it definitely ended and you get a
Speaker 1: chance to relive or change or take back things to
Speaker 1: possibly make it work out or last least a little longer.
Speaker 1: It's basically, you can back to the future style roll back,
Speaker 1: and this is what you would have done. So this
Speaker 1: mail bag doesn't lend itself to some of the craziness
Speaker 1: of some of the listener letters we bring on. I
Speaker 1: have peaked at these. There's a sense of sweetness to
Speaker 1: a few of them, and because I needed a little
Speaker 1: extra touch of sweetness to help me out. I brought
Speaker 1: in somebody who I think is reasonable. I think she's
Speaker 1: level headed. It's been married a long long time. She's
Speaker 1: filled with logic. Who could help you guys out in
Speaker 1: a way that I could not. She's the host of
Speaker 1: the wildly popular Cinnamon Effect podcast, which I was lucky
Speaker 1: and privileged enough to be on last year. Last year. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I always say, we noticed the blonde, but we remember
Speaker 1: the redhead. Kimberly hand, how are.
Speaker 3: You hey, I'm good. How are you, Brian good?
Speaker 1: Welcome, Thanks, you welcome the Great Love Debate. So you
Speaker 1: kind of get the gist of what we're going to
Speaker 1: do here today.
Speaker 2: Yes, and I hope that I'm reasonable, reasonable enough.
Speaker 1: For you or you might be wildly controversial. I don't know,
Speaker 1: As Sinatra saying, you know regrets, I've had a few,
Speaker 1: but that again too few to mention.
Speaker 2: We shall see.
Speaker 3: I read the letters.
Speaker 1: They've not read the letters, so we got we always
Speaker 1: picked three from the men and three from the women.
Speaker 1: We don't have to agree with each other. We don't
Speaker 1: have to agree with them. You're just going to give
Speaker 1: your take on what you think they should have done
Speaker 1: what you would have done. I don't know you ready,
Speaker 1: I'm ready, Okay. The first one is from Lilyan via
Speaker 1: our Facebook page. She facebooked it to us. I dated
Speaker 1: this guy back in Chicago. He was great, We were great,
Speaker 1: Everything was great. The only issue was our dietary differences.
Speaker 1: He was a typical frat boy meat eater. He practically
Speaker 1: ate ribs for breakfast. He was in good shape, was out,
Speaker 1: but I was in a phase where I was all
Speaker 1: about healthy, worked out three times a day, and was
Speaker 1: a strict vegetarian. And it became an issue where I
Speaker 1: felt like we couldn't share meals or go out to dinner,
Speaker 1: which broke down some of our communication, and he refused
Speaker 1: to mix in something like a salad once in a while.
Speaker 1: Well fast forward five years after we broke up for
Speaker 1: health reasons, I needed more protein and honestly, I absolutely
Speaker 1: love pork, chicken, beef, just about everything he ate every
Speaker 1: single day. I wish I wasn't so stubborn then, and
Speaker 1: I wish I had a chance to eat an Italian
Speaker 1: beef sandwich with him. Oh No, See that does that
Speaker 1: happens a lot where people want the other person's journey
Speaker 1: habits superstition lifestyle to match theirs perfectly. They drink a lot.
Speaker 1: I want to drink a lot. There this, they're this.
Speaker 1: They like to watch the Chicago Bulls. I like to
Speaker 1: watch the Chicago bulls. If the smell of meat bothered
Speaker 1: you and he insisted on, you know, firing up the barbecue,
Speaker 1: that's one thing. But if you thought that this was
Speaker 1: really a deal breaker, and now you're looking back, it's like,
Speaker 1: I want to share meat with him. Ay, I think
Speaker 1: you miss other things besides the meat, but b yeah,
Speaker 1: don't break up over that.
Speaker 2: No. I feel like I actually have a lot to
Speaker 2: say on this topic. It was like the perfect listener
Speaker 2: letter for me to answer because I've been vegan, I've
Speaker 2: been vegetarian, I've I am now a meat eater. And
Speaker 2: when I was vegan, I didn't expect I made a
Speaker 2: lot of like vegan dishes, but I didn't expect my husband,
Speaker 2: you know, to follow along. I knew it was something
Speaker 2: kind of different, and my husband's a hunter, so he
Speaker 2: was not giving up the meat and I was totally
Speaker 2: okay with it. I think this is like a case
Speaker 2: of you do you you know I'm going to now
Speaker 2: I'm gluten free. I don't drink alcohol, so I'm still
Speaker 2: following kind of a different rule for my own life.
Speaker 2: And I think you have to let people be on
Speaker 2: their own journey. And so I get that she might
Speaker 2: be feeling regretful about breaking up with him, because you.
Speaker 3: See, you don't have to be so rigid.
Speaker 2: You don't to be rigid with yourself, but don't be
Speaker 2: rigid with your significant other.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I agree, it's not it's not happening in the
Speaker 1: way you want it to. In the moment, you want
Speaker 1: everything to be absolutely perfect, and so the meat at
Speaker 1: the time might have been a metaphor for something else
Speaker 1: that bothered you. And maybe as you've grown older, maybe
Speaker 1: it really isn't about the meat. You've gotten some distance
Speaker 1: from the situation, things tend to happen again. Maybe you're
Speaker 1: looking at it like it was just the meat, and
Speaker 1: maybe he did a whole lot of other things, and you're,
Speaker 1: you know, single in Chicago, and I don't know, you know,
Speaker 1: sometimes we want to pick out that one thing, and
Speaker 1: maybe that one thing is the one thing. So I
Speaker 1: could see kind of both sides of this, where you think, oh,
Speaker 1: all I had to do is go back and eat
Speaker 1: meat and everything would have been fine. I think if
Speaker 1: everything was fine besides the meat, maybe she would have
Speaker 1: done that. I don't know.
Speaker 2: A great point. That's a great point. She's really going
Speaker 2: to break up with him because he's, you know, eating
Speaker 2: meat ribs for breakfast.
Speaker 3: If you don't have to touch the meat, I.
Speaker 1: Might break up with him if you had ribs for breakfast,
Speaker 1: and I love ribs. That's a little excessed.
Speaker 2: I worked at a barbecue restaurant when I was in
Speaker 2: You did college, and so I haven't eaten a rib.
Speaker 1: Since you were a former NFL cheerleader. Is that correct? Yes?
Speaker 1: What were there? Was it like they say they weighed
Speaker 1: you and all that, or wasn't that strict?
Speaker 2: Yeah? It was pretty strict.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Have you seen the Netflix Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader? I have
Speaker 2: special It's pretty.
Speaker 1: Much like that.
Speaker 3: So you really do get a good.
Speaker 2: Snapshot of what that whole experience is like through that show.
Speaker 1: The cheerleaders don't have to do the a lot of
Speaker 1: little bit of the meat and greets that they used
Speaker 1: to because the guys used to get grabby. The guys
Speaker 1: used to like put their hand around you and grab
Speaker 1: the little where a normal girl would have a little
Speaker 1: muffin top. The cheerleaders do not they would do that right.
Speaker 2: Well, we usually had someone there that would keep people started,
Speaker 2: to keep people at a distance, you know, a little bit,
Speaker 2: keep hands off.
Speaker 3: But I did have to stop.
Speaker 2: I was in my uniform and I did have to
Speaker 2: stop somewhere for gas. And it was amazing that people really,
Speaker 2: you know, want to come up to you. They want
Speaker 2: to you know. It was an interesting kind of experience
Speaker 2: of being somewhat known, but you're not because you take
Speaker 2: the uniform off and then nobody knows.
Speaker 1: Who you are. Well, sometimes that happens with the players too. Yeah, anyway,
Speaker 1: all right, the next one, this is uh is from
Speaker 1: a guy I will not reveal who. First, I really
Speaker 1: had the best girl. She was amazing, beautiful, fun, smart,
Speaker 1: and I thought she would move with me when I
Speaker 1: took a dream upper tunity with a company in Seattle.
Speaker 1: We lived in the Bay Area at the time, not
Speaker 1: that big of a difference, and I thought she would
Speaker 1: come with me. She said her family was nearby in
Speaker 1: the San Francisco area, so she didn't want to leave anyway.
Speaker 1: I left for the job that di has became too much.
Speaker 1: Our plans of seeing each other every weekend soon turned
Speaker 1: into once a month, and then every other month. We
Speaker 1: broke up, and the guy who recruited me to the
Speaker 1: company quit and the job turned out to absolutely suck.
Speaker 1: Took a year for all that to happen, but it
Speaker 1: only took her a month to start dating someone else.
Speaker 1: And now I hear she's moving with him to Atlanta.
Speaker 1: I guess I either wish I never took this job,
Speaker 1: wish I didn't leave her, or wish I had an
Speaker 1: opportunity in Atlanta that's been still in Seattle, he says. Oh. Boy,
Speaker 1: First of all, San Francisco, the Bay Area is not Seattle.
Speaker 1: They're different. Now that being said, there are hour and
Speaker 1: a half away. But I'm somebody who would never choose
Speaker 1: the job over the girl. But I've never really had
Speaker 1: a job, so maybe I don't know.
Speaker 3: I couldn't move to Seattle. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: The kicker at the end was she maybe her parents
Speaker 1: have died. I don't know her family.
Speaker 2: She did move to Atlanta, Yeah, but Atlanta's totally different
Speaker 2: than Seattle.
Speaker 1: I mean, she was willing to leave her family.
Speaker 3: Oh okay, okay, that's that's.
Speaker 1: That's the thing that she couldn't leave because of that.
Speaker 1: But then she did leave. That's the that's theh at
Speaker 1: the end of this. His regret is like she didn't
Speaker 1: really it wasn't the family. She just didn't feel comfortable
Speaker 1: that this was the guy to pack up and leave for. Yes,
Speaker 1: especially because he was clearly going to take the job.
Speaker 1: So part of that is the conversation. Was there a
Speaker 1: I won't leave if this affects us. You know what,
Speaker 1: what was the conversation?
Speaker 2: Again, It's not about the meat, right, It's not about
Speaker 2: Maybe it wasn't about the place. It was more about
Speaker 2: other issues or you know, it was more about her
Speaker 2: not wanting to be with him than than the move itself.
Speaker 1: Right, Or she's like being him every other weekend or whatever.
Speaker 1: I can make that work. Yeah, And then the logistics
Speaker 1: of that are tough because you don't you know, relationship
Speaker 1: really is about Tuesday morning, not Saturday night. And if
Speaker 1: you're just visiting on the weekend, and that's always fun
Speaker 1: and it's always special, it's kind of easy to make
Speaker 1: that work when you both have to get up for
Speaker 1: work and go to school and kids and whatever your
Speaker 1: stuff is, and on a weekday, that's a relationship. So
Speaker 1: you don't really get into that flow in a real
Speaker 1: feel of things when you're just kind of seeing somebody
Speaker 1: twice a month, and then you've seen somebody you know
Speaker 1: twenty times a year, and then where are you going?
Speaker 2: You've probably done that. I feel like you've done that.
Speaker 1: I have done that, and I'm always aware of it.
Speaker 1: It really takes confidence communications. I'm not saying long distance
Speaker 1: relationships can't work. I'm saying that you don't really know
Speaker 1: if you're dating somebody until you spend weekdays.
Speaker 3: Completely agree mornings with them.
Speaker 2: I did a lot of long distance with my now
Speaker 2: husband when we were dating. He had a business in
Speaker 2: another state, and it was really hard because I had
Speaker 2: my own life. I basically had my own life. And then,
Speaker 2: like you're saying, on the weekend and I'd have him
Speaker 2: and yeah, it was fun, And then you're like, Okay,
Speaker 2: what is this?
Speaker 3: Is this going anywhere?
Speaker 2: Are we really compatible when we spend more time together,
Speaker 2: And what we still realize twenty years later is that
Speaker 2: we like having some alone time.
Speaker 3: We like to like.
Speaker 1: Once it was great, she's gone in four day bursts,
Speaker 1: you know, perfect kind I kind of liked it. But
Speaker 1: you're right, the long distance relationship is. It's tricky. Maybe
Speaker 1: she wasn't up for it then and a year later,
Speaker 1: maybe she's the guy made her come. I mean, people can.
Speaker 1: I don't know how old you are, Ben, or how
Speaker 1: old she is, but people can rapidly grow up in
Speaker 1: their twenties and thirties. And bike bulbs gonna happen, and
Speaker 1: and and whatever. I'm on her side. I don't know
Speaker 1: I should take sides here, Ben, Like too bad. You
Speaker 1: shouldn't left. You shouldn't have left without really figuring out
Speaker 1: how this is gonna work. Not like hey, I'm leaving.
Speaker 1: See I'll fly you up a couple times, like I
Speaker 1: feel like you watch this Ben?
Speaker 3: Oh Ben.
Speaker 2: I do think though, Ben, if it's meant to be,
Speaker 2: you will find your way back to each other. I
Speaker 2: really do believe that. Like set it free when they
Speaker 2: say about love, set it free, if it comes back
Speaker 2: to you, she is free. She's in Atlanta, she's with
Speaker 2: another guy. But if it's meant to be, they will
Speaker 2: find their way back to each other.
Speaker 1: You know what you do. Statistically, that might not work
Speaker 1: out either, if she doesn't marry the Atlanta guy. You
Speaker 1: wait it out, and you moved to Atlanta because if
Speaker 1: you moved to Atlanta for her, that would mean something
Speaker 1: to me or to you. Might be crazy stalker, I
Speaker 1: already broke up with you kind of thing. But I
Speaker 1: don't know. I say, I say go for it, I
Speaker 1: would go for it.
Speaker 3: I would go for it too, all right, track her down?
Speaker 1: I like that. The next one, this is from Verra
Speaker 1: via Facebook page. Again. Oh Jesus, if I had a
Speaker 1: second chance, I would have gone back in time and
Speaker 1: screwed my upstairs neighbor earlier. Then I would have realized
Speaker 1: what great sex did for my confidence and self esteem,
Speaker 1: not to mention my body, and I would have left
Speaker 1: the loser. I was with a lot quicker instead of
Speaker 1: finding excuses to sneak away while he played video games.
Speaker 3: Wait, so she got with the upstairs name.
Speaker 1: Yeah, she wished she had started that earlier. I don't
Speaker 1: know if she ended up with him, but I guess
Speaker 1: she's She would have lowed. I say that a lot. I,
Speaker 1: you know, not about screwing the upstairs neighbor. People. When
Speaker 1: I moved from New York to LA, people ask me like,
Speaker 1: when when did you move to LA? Or why decide
Speaker 1: to move to LA? Do you have any regrets? And
Speaker 1: I go. My only regret is I didn't leave earlier.
Speaker 1: I wish I left New York quicker. After nine to eleven,
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm never leaving. I was one of those
Speaker 1: like I'm here and whatever, and then three years later
Speaker 1: I was gone. Yeah, it was a great move for me,
Speaker 1: and I thought that all the time, like I wish
Speaker 1: I had done something quicker. You always wish you would
Speaker 1: break up with somebody quicker, Always comment quicker. If it
Speaker 1: got to the point where you were sneaking the minute
Speaker 1: you think I need to sneak away because he's playing
Speaker 1: video games, the conversation needs to happen before the sneak away. Yeah,
Speaker 1: don't just leave with the video games and go bang
Speaker 1: the neighbor and then let that go on, Like sit
Speaker 1: down and say, like, if you continue to do this,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go visit the neighbor. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I definitely think like this cheating is not the answer. Ever,
Speaker 2: I get it. Video games would annoy me too. I
Speaker 2: think like a grown man playing video games, I'm sorry.
Speaker 3: You could do it a little bit.
Speaker 2: If you have a child, it makes more sense maybe
Speaker 2: you're playing video games together, But a grown man who's
Speaker 2: really into video games.
Speaker 3: I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: It is an ongoing problem. When we do married Great
Speaker 1: Love debate shows, it is the number one thing that
Speaker 1: comes up. Video games im porn. The reason why these
Speaker 1: men play them, at least my analysis of it, is
Speaker 1: because they feel like they are losing in lots of
Speaker 1: other aspects of their life, including the relationship, and they
Speaker 1: feel like I can win at this, I can escape
Speaker 1: in this, and there's a score I can get, and
Speaker 1: there are levels I can achieve that I'm not getting
Speaker 1: in my personal life. So you always have to look
Speaker 1: at like, why are they playing the video games? What
Speaker 1: is about the video games that is stimulating in a
Speaker 1: way that clearly she has a sex drive cannot You know,
Speaker 1: you have to look at the video games as the
Speaker 1: symptom problem. So don't do that, Verra again, don't go
Speaker 1: back in time and start screwing them earlier. Go back
Speaker 1: in time and say I wish I had the conversation
Speaker 1: about the video game. Yes, does that make sense?
Speaker 2: Don't repeat the pattern because what if the upstairs name, upstairs.
Speaker 1: Neighbor, certainly he likes PlayStation, Yeah, he's.
Speaker 2: Doing video games, or he's doing something else you don't like, yeah,
Speaker 2: and you're gonna move on to the downstairs neighbor.
Speaker 1: You know, I know you need to move to a
Speaker 1: different building, or maybe we all need to move to
Speaker 1: your building. I don't know, I could get messyes, just
Speaker 1: in case we need to play pay the rent at
Speaker 1: Vera's building. We have to take a quick break because
Speaker 1: I'm gonna pay the bills around here. I'm with Kimberly Hand.
Speaker 1: We are breaking down the Second Chance mailbag and we
Speaker 1: will be back right after this. And we are back
Speaker 1: all right. The next one is from JR. In Orlando.
Speaker 2: Hey, JR.
Speaker 1: I was on a first date with a girl last year.
Speaker 1: It was amazing. We ended up at some dive bar
Speaker 1: at three am, playing eighty songs on the jukebox and
Speaker 1: comparing favorites. She picked the song only You by Yaz
Speaker 1: and said, if we ever got serious, this was going
Speaker 1: to be our song. I didn't pay any attention to it.
Speaker 1: I just kind of wanted to make out with her,
Speaker 1: which I did, and we started dating. Three months later.
Speaker 1: She asked if I remembered that night. I said, of course,
Speaker 1: and she said what is our song? And I couldn't remember,
Speaker 1: and said every rose has its thorn As a joke,
Speaker 1: she didn't think it was funny. She reminded me of
Speaker 1: the song and said she couldn't trust me to remember
Speaker 1: things that are important to her. I guess she might
Speaker 1: have been a bit crazy, But if I had to
Speaker 1: do it again, I might not have remembered her song,
Speaker 1: but I would have maybe picked nineties music.
Speaker 3: At least he didn't pick Witchy Woman.
Speaker 1: Well, I know that's true. Only use a good song.
Speaker 1: But it's a little obscure, like if you don't know
Speaker 1: that song, who's yaz I was?
Speaker 3: I'm eighties and I am not sure of that.
Speaker 1: I know we're gonna maybe we'll google it. Everybody. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna pull up a little clip while we continue to
Speaker 1: talk about that, so.
Speaker 3: Glad to hear the song.
Speaker 1: Okay, so what what do you think the That's a
Speaker 1: tough one for her to call back. He could just
Speaker 1: say them like, oh my god, I was drunk, I
Speaker 1: don't remember. But I also see her point. She that's
Speaker 1: a if a girl said that to me on a
Speaker 1: first date, I'm the kind of guy that would like that.
Speaker 1: Some guys will be freaked out. I'm the kind of
Speaker 1: guy who likes the girl seeing what Howie looks like
Speaker 1: in her in her penmanship on the first date. I
Speaker 1: want them to think optimistically. You know, I'm that person,
Speaker 1: but some people, you know. So she was trying to
Speaker 1: be like, this is gonna be our song. I think
Speaker 1: it's sweet. I like it. I think I would remember, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I've had girls on first dates walk me by a
Speaker 1: jewelry store and say this is the kind of rings
Speaker 1: I like. I just think it's fun and playful. I
Speaker 1: don't think, well, I don't. I'm okay with that. I
Speaker 1: get it's not for everybody, but I know you're this
Speaker 1: song hold.
Speaker 3: On, keep yeah, I think okay, let's hear this.
Speaker 1: It's a rights violation.
Speaker 2: Like okay, First of all, that's kind of a terrible song,
Speaker 2: to be honest.
Speaker 1: It's a little slow, but it's only you. It's kind
Speaker 1: of sweet. I get it. But if you're not familiar
Speaker 1: with that song, there's no way you would remember three
Speaker 1: months down the road, if you were drinking at a
Speaker 1: jukebox or whatever. There's no way you didn't pick something.
Speaker 1: You know, you didn't pick Billy Jean, like, you didn't
Speaker 1: pick like something song that everybody's gonna know and remember, yeah, don't.
Speaker 1: I mean, she's wrong. He fucked up. She was probably
Speaker 1: always gonna look for something to catch him in. Maybe
Speaker 1: she was setting that trap. I don't know. I think
Speaker 1: it's sweet, the idea of it. You can't break up
Speaker 1: with him over it, you gotta give him another shit.
Speaker 2: I think it's a little a little unrealistic. I think
Speaker 2: she was a little over the top in breaking up
Speaker 2: with him. I mean again, it's not about the song.
Speaker 2: I think it's not about.
Speaker 1: The is or something for something else. Yeah, this is like, listen,
Speaker 1: we're not perfect. Everybody's gonna if the whole thing was
Speaker 1: a test and you were plotting this out and he
Speaker 1: failed the test, that's a rough test. Because that song,
Speaker 1: although I know it, I might not remember three months later.
Speaker 2: I love music, I love concerts, I love I love Yeah,
Speaker 2: I know the artists and names of songs like I'm
Speaker 2: good at that stuff. I don't know about that. That
Speaker 2: is so obscure.
Speaker 1: Never married a song, And I guarantee you we could
Speaker 1: bring in many, many happily married couples right now who
Speaker 1: cannot one or both of them cannot remember the song
Speaker 1: they dance do with your wedding.
Speaker 2: Yes, I would completely agree.
Speaker 1: I went to my cousin's, my cousin's daughter who's still
Speaker 1: my cousin, wedding a few weeks ago, and she walked,
Speaker 1: when you walk down the aisle, that's what's it called?
Speaker 1: When you leave? What's the exit song called? When you're
Speaker 1: now bride and grew? When you walk down what is
Speaker 1: that called? She walked out to shook me all night long?
Speaker 1: Ohe The look on my cousin her father's face was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, the best damn woman that I've ever seen.
Speaker 1: Like she owned it. It was fucking badass. And I
Speaker 1: was like, I know, and I was wondering if her husband,
Speaker 1: the new groom, I'm like, can you handle her? So?
Speaker 1: But I was like, people have raised some eyebrows, but
Speaker 1: it was like, good for her. Yeah, keep cranky ezy
Speaker 1: DC to walk out of that. I love that ceremony.
Speaker 1: Do you know what?
Speaker 2: You make your own roles and do something spunky. We
Speaker 2: danced to Aerosmith's Crazy was our first dance, which is.
Speaker 1: Crazy and amazing or kind of the same song with
Speaker 1: their difference.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I mean, I'm not a singer, but oh that was good.
Speaker 1: I don't need to fire that up. You did justice, Yeah,
Speaker 1: you remember, but a lot of couples probably wouldn't remember,
Speaker 1: and he was drunk and it was three am, and
Speaker 1: you're a jukebox and you're trying to kiss her like
Speaker 1: you're pretty much you know, gonna say what, yes, I'll
Speaker 1: remember a song whatever, Like I'm sorry about I appreciate
Speaker 1: the gesture by her that she was willing to pick
Speaker 1: a song. That's the nutty romantic in me. I like that,
Speaker 1: But also like, give them a fucking break. You know.
Speaker 3: First state you're nervous. I know, likervous.
Speaker 1: I might not even remember the girl's name, and that
Speaker 1: doesn't mean I don't like her.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you were too busy.
Speaker 1: Bearing her beautiful blue eyes exactly, you know, all right.
Speaker 1: Next one, this is from Penny from Don't Try to
Speaker 1: Find Me.
Speaker 3: Okay, oh Penny, Okay, okay.
Speaker 1: I didn't think I wanted kids. I knew they were
Speaker 1: important to him. I just didn't think at that point
Speaker 1: in my life and career it was the right time.
Speaker 1: And I was pretty sure I never wanted them at all.
Speaker 1: So we broke up because I knew he wanted to
Speaker 1: be a dad. Anyway. Three months after we broke up,
Speaker 1: I got pregnant, kept the baby, didn't stay with the
Speaker 1: father very long. But I love being a mom more
Speaker 1: than anything in the world. I have a stay at
Speaker 1: home job, my mom lives nearby to help out. I
Speaker 1: have everything, but the guy, and that guy was the
Speaker 1: right guy. He is dating somebody else now. I'm sure
Speaker 1: they're going to settle down. Just wish I knew then
Speaker 1: what I know now, we would have been one happy family.
Speaker 3: That feels like a knife in the heart. That feels
Speaker 3: I know.
Speaker 1: You know, so I've been I talked about this a
Speaker 1: few times. People always say to me, like, didn't you
Speaker 1: ever want kids? Because I don't have kids, And my
Speaker 1: answer was always like, if she wanted kids, I would
Speaker 1: have had kids. Whoever the she would have bet at
Speaker 1: the time, And people are like, well, what does that mean?
Speaker 1: Is it her decision? I go because if she says
Speaker 1: she doesn't want kids and I love her, I have
Speaker 1: to be prepared that she's going to change her mind,
Speaker 1: which happens a lot a lot of women at like
Speaker 1: twenty nine, when they're having fun and they love their body,
Speaker 1: they don't want to have it, and then they change
Speaker 1: their mind. I to be prepared for that, And I
Speaker 1: also feeled I always had to be prepared for the
Speaker 1: possibility that she just couldn't have them, or I couldn't
Speaker 1: have them, or we couldn't have them. If you're getting
Speaker 1: married and the only thing is like if we don't
Speaker 1: have kids, this whole thing's going to fall apart. I've
Speaker 1: always had issues with that. Is that wrong to have
Speaker 1: issues with that? Like, I'm not going to divorce you
Speaker 1: because you can't have kids, and I wouldn't want to
Speaker 1: be divorced because my sperm count was low. You know,
Speaker 1: I don't know, but if that is your image of
Speaker 1: I don't know on this because I'm somebody who didn't
Speaker 1: have kids because mostly idated girls who didn't want kids.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think if you can't if you're in a
Speaker 2: relationship and you can't have kids, you're in that journey together.
Speaker 2: But if you're in a relationship and one person really
Speaker 2: knows that they have always wanted to be a mother
Speaker 2: or a father and you're with somebody who doesn't, yeah,
Speaker 2: I think you I think I would move I would
Speaker 2: move on to somebody else.
Speaker 3: If I thought.
Speaker 1: I think people change their minds. I think you're right.
Speaker 3: I did change my mind actually, from.
Speaker 1: Not wanting them to want them. Yeah, well, you're in
Speaker 1: cheerleader it's tough to be a cheerleader with a belly.
Speaker 2: Well, I mean this was way later, but so I
Speaker 2: ended up having you know, my son at thirty Well,
Speaker 2: I was almost thirty seven, so I did wait quite
Speaker 2: a while. Best decision I ever made. I mean, that's
Speaker 2: not the point of this, but it was like, how
Speaker 2: long were you married first along? Well, I was with
Speaker 2: him almost ten years and we were we were married
Speaker 2: about six seven.
Speaker 1: And not to get too much in your personal life,
Speaker 1: was it an ongoing discussion do we want to have kids?
Speaker 2: It was kind of funny.
Speaker 1: I don't.
Speaker 2: I don't drink alcohol now, but we were at we
Speaker 2: were in Napa out A vineyards and we'd had a
Speaker 2: lot of red wine and there was a concert going
Speaker 2: on and this guy was singing. The artist was Billy
Speaker 2: Dean and he was singing about when they were little.
Speaker 2: I think it was the name of the song, about
Speaker 2: you know, kids being little and you know all this stuff.
Speaker 2: And I looked at my husband, and you know, it
Speaker 2: was probably the wine talking, but I was like.
Speaker 3: I want a baby, and he was like what.
Speaker 2: Like this guy, you know, kind of came out of
Speaker 2: nowhere but started the conversation, and I really stuck.
Speaker 3: With that, you know.
Speaker 1: And how old were you then?
Speaker 2: I was thirty. I was probably thirty five, thirty five
Speaker 2: and a half.
Speaker 1: That's when those voices happened.
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, so I think it depends the age.
Speaker 1: I agree with you, like it could happen, you know,
Speaker 1: there is And again, this is the most complicated conversation
Speaker 1: anybody could have, So I don't really like to dive
Speaker 1: to be into it. But sometimes it's hard to have
Speaker 1: a baby, and sometimes it's hard to you know. And
Speaker 1: so most men want to be dads because it's a
Speaker 1: really good gig compared to being a mom. I think
Speaker 1: most moms want to be moms. Being a dad is
Speaker 1: a great gig. It's one hundred percent approval rating. I
Speaker 1: have never met a dad who didn't like it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I've met some moms who are just so buried in
Speaker 1: the muck that they can't even see straight. But the
Speaker 1: dad's always like it, you know, And you have to
Speaker 1: decide how important that is. If he was harping on
Speaker 1: it all the time, like I out of have kids
Speaker 1: or whatever, and you know, maybe she just wasn't ready
Speaker 1: to make that decision until she was faced with it.
Speaker 1: And she gets knocked up and has the kid and whatever,
Speaker 1: and he moved on. I know this is this is
Speaker 1: one is both sweet and heartbreaking. But you love being
Speaker 1: a mom, yes, and so you got some love there.
Speaker 1: Maybe this guy isn't the guy, like move on? You know.
Speaker 2: Motherhood is her journey honestly, because she's now a mom,
Speaker 2: she loves it. Yeah, there's a whole nother if she
Speaker 2: were to try and get that guy back. Maybe she
Speaker 2: really thinks he's the one and wants to get him back.
Speaker 2: Now he's a stepfather to someone else's child.
Speaker 3: Is she willing to have another child with him?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Complicated dynamics. Do you want to? Or you're like,
Speaker 1: we're good with this kid by this other random? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I guess he's a random. He's not around anymore. That guy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that guy. It's a different dynamic. Penny. I feel for you,
Speaker 1: but I'm mostly like, congrats. If you love being a
Speaker 1: mom more than anything in the world, just be grateful.
Speaker 2: Penny, lean into being a mom and focus on that,
Speaker 2: and I think the right partner will come into play.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and Penny, when you sign your thing, don't try
Speaker 1: to find me. That's a little surly, you know, Like,
Speaker 1: what are you doing like you should be open to
Speaker 1: Maybe he can't find you either. I don't know what
Speaker 1: you're signing that for. We're sweet, we agreed with you,
Speaker 1: we gave you a little, we sprinkled you with the
Speaker 1: cinnamon effect, and then you give me that.
Speaker 2: Well, that's bad function because if you do want love,
Speaker 2: you don't sign don't try and find me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you should say open to the world.
Speaker 2: That's just like a bad, bad message going out there,
Speaker 2: all right.
Speaker 1: Last one, you know that game where you give each
Speaker 1: other a hall pass about a hypothetical situation where you
Speaker 1: infest one person who would you like to sleep with
Speaker 1: who isn't your partner? Well, we played that game and
Speaker 1: I mentioned her old roommate from junior year. So yes,
Speaker 1: we met in college, but we didn't actually start dating
Speaker 1: until ten years later. We reconnected a reunion, so who
Speaker 1: cares about her old college roommate. Anyway, she was furious
Speaker 1: and we broke up over it. My regret isn't that
Speaker 1: I told her who my hall pass was. My regret
Speaker 1: is that I didn't try harder for the roommate back
Speaker 1: in the day. Michael from University of Oregon class of
Speaker 1: twenty twelve.
Speaker 2: Wow, okay, throwing it out there.
Speaker 1: The hall pass game is dangerous. The fantasy thing is
Speaker 1: dangerous unless you have something weird, and even that might
Speaker 1: be dangerous. I had a girlfriend asked me once, who
Speaker 1: is my person? And I said, Elizabeth Vargas, like the
Speaker 1: news chick from my twenty twenty.
Speaker 3: Okay, interesting toys.
Speaker 1: I like it though, right, Yeah, And she just thought
Speaker 1: I was weird. It doesn't matter. I like her. It's pretty.
Speaker 1: She was drunk at the time, and she used to
Speaker 1: live with myghborhood'd see he around. She read the news.
Speaker 1: I had like a Newswoman thing, okay, and she only
Speaker 1: wanted to talk about what in the world. She doesn't
Speaker 1: look anything like me? What like? She was so not
Speaker 1: bothered by the choice. But she's like, I don't know
Speaker 1: you at all.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think she was.
Speaker 1: You say, like Jennifer Aniston, like every other guy, And
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, I'm picking the at the time, like
Speaker 1: fifty two year old news chick.
Speaker 2: Okay. I can tell you that I do think as
Speaker 2: a woman, you want your partner to pick someone who
Speaker 2: is kind of like you in your weird right kind
Speaker 2: of rationale.
Speaker 3: That making it better.
Speaker 2: I also think you never choose someone who is the
Speaker 2: least bit tangible. I mean, were you really going to
Speaker 2: go get with Elizabeth Fargus? I mean maybe, yes, Okay.
Speaker 1: Yes, I absolutely could get Elizabeth Fargus. No, I don't, sorry,
Speaker 1: but like, did you know her? I had access to.
Speaker 3: Her because she was in your neighborhood.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I knew people who worked at the news.
Speaker 2: Okay, So I think, like Fargus, if the hall pass
Speaker 2: is like someone you work with or like a friend's
Speaker 2: best friend, I think that's dangerous territory.
Speaker 1: But you don't go there a ten year like if
Speaker 1: they started dating in college when they were all together,
Speaker 1: and then that was his regret. These two didn't start dating.
Speaker 1: They met again at a ten year reunion, and then
Speaker 1: he's like, I always liked your roommate back, and now
Speaker 1: I'm saying it out loud, it seems a little weird.
Speaker 1: So you just I know, how close is she to
Speaker 1: the roommate? Are they still friends? Is it ten years ago?
Speaker 1: I don't think you can play that game if you're
Speaker 1: unless you're prepared to deal with the consequences of the answers.
Speaker 3: And then when you're verbalizing it.
Speaker 2: I mean, maybe that's like what you really want, But
Speaker 2: I say, always go celebrity hall.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because it's not realistic. But a lot of the
Speaker 1: girls that I have dated, I think they could get
Speaker 1: the rock. Yeah, sorry, whoever example is, you know, maybe
Speaker 1: not like Brad Pitt, but there's certain people. I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh shit, she's hot. He probably would go for her.
Speaker 1: I guess I have to stay out of Nashville, you know,
Speaker 1: Like well.
Speaker 2: Now with social media, I mean you you can get out.
Speaker 1: Just anybody there. You got famous people marrying regular people.
Speaker 3: So it's a dangerous. I kind of love that for
Speaker 3: regular it's a day.
Speaker 1: Have you ever played this game?
Speaker 3: Yes, I don't know if I'm permitted to say all
Speaker 3: that can say.
Speaker 2: No, it's it's not like I mean, it's not like
Speaker 2: I ever said like, yeah, that's okay. I think at
Speaker 2: one point he said like Angelina Jolie or something like that, you.
Speaker 3: Know, which you think like, yeah, nice, see I.
Speaker 1: Would think that's boring. Yeah, good luck with that. Yeah
Speaker 1: she would. You don't want right, just have fun? Right?
Speaker 1: And what did you say or you can't say?
Speaker 3: Oh gosh, I mean do I say.
Speaker 1: You say I say on the air gave his away?
Speaker 3: Yeah, uh, I think John Mayer.
Speaker 2: You knew this about me?
Speaker 1: I think no, I didn't. But that makes you know
Speaker 1: he's he gets the chicks, he's got the guitar.
Speaker 2: He's got to get.
Speaker 1: See. That's the thing. I think if you met John Mayor,
Speaker 1: you could get John Mayer. That's the thing. No offense
Speaker 1: to your husband. I don't think you can get Angelina Joelee.
Speaker 1: That is see that is where that's a conversation. So
Speaker 1: now he's looking, he's suddenly your body's in Wonderland comes
Speaker 1: on the radio. He's a look on your face. That's
Speaker 1: that's why it's a stagerous game.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think you just don't.
Speaker 2: I think you just shouldn't play it.
Speaker 1: You know, I think you shouldn't play it either. If
Speaker 1: you're going to play it, don't have somebody that immediate
Speaker 1: that she knows that you could that you could track down. Yeah,
Speaker 1: clearly all he went to college together, go ducks, you know,
Speaker 1: in twenty twelve, like it's not that far removed. Another
Speaker 1: thing is I would judge on how quickly they answered
Speaker 1: the question. I think every instance, if he instantly said,
Speaker 1: oh my hope, it would be your old roommate from
Speaker 1: ten years ago. If you answer that real quick. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that shows regret. That shows I've been thinking about her. No, no, no,
Speaker 1: you need to take some time and really think about it. Yeah.
Speaker 2: You know, have you ever had someone ask you I
Speaker 2: remember someone that asking me which one of my friends
Speaker 2: would you hook up with if you had to?
Speaker 3: And I'm like, oh god, none of us the only
Speaker 3: right answer.
Speaker 1: No, but I agree. I used to have a girlfriend
Speaker 1: who would ask me to drive her friend home drunk
Speaker 1: all the time. She goes, you need to take care
Speaker 1: of Bridget, And it was really just a test because
Speaker 1: Bridget was her hottest friend. And it's always this like
Speaker 1: weird test, Like I'm like, what are you trying to do?
Speaker 1: Want me to hook up with Bridget? Like why do
Speaker 1: you keep doing this? Bridget is fine? I hate taking
Speaker 1: Bridget home. I know what you're doing here. She's like, no,
Speaker 1: we're just good friends of hers and you need to
Speaker 1: take care of her. How can we never come with me?
Speaker 1: The whole thing is weird.
Speaker 2: First of all, Bridget is definitely hooking up just by
Speaker 2: her name. I can do a bridge is down.
Speaker 1: But you know these people do play You know, you
Speaker 1: try not to play games. You're not trying not to
Speaker 1: have the answer too quick. You're trying not to, but
Speaker 1: it is little dangerous. I had a girl come up
Speaker 1: to me. And I did a great love debate show
Speaker 1: in Charlotte and two girls come up to me. One
Speaker 1: of them was a fan of mine. The other one says,
Speaker 1: I have no idea who you are, but I really
Speaker 1: have a thing for Mark Ruffalo. And if I'm drunk enough,
Speaker 1: I can pretend that you are him.
Speaker 2: I see that in you. We're not ideot. That was her.
Speaker 1: That was her. You guys know what I look like?
Speaker 1: That was her line. Like, I can pretend if I
Speaker 1: get wasted and I'm like, what are we doing here? Girls?
Speaker 1: You know, I'm like, know to the fan and know
Speaker 1: to the weird Mark Ruffalo fetish, because that would just
Speaker 1: make me feel like we never And I'm like stunt,
Speaker 1: double drunk Mark Ruffalo sex guy, and I'm like, may
Speaker 1: we're good here, Chris have a drake?
Speaker 2: Oh my god. I love that.
Speaker 3: I love that for you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I don't want it like that. I want
Speaker 1: to like like me, not you, like, oh, you look
Speaker 1: kind of like somebody that I like better.
Speaker 3: You know what, they like a type and you kind
Speaker 3: of fit that type. I mean, I feel like it's
Speaker 3: not that bad.
Speaker 1: Okay, I suppose that's worse. But Mark Ruffalo never gets
Speaker 1: the girl in any movie. Yeah he doesn't. He's like
Speaker 1: the friend of the lesbian couple. And or he's a cop. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he's not a cop.
Speaker 3: It's kind of a loof.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's kind of clumpy and mighty. It's not a compliment.
Speaker 1: I like him though, people like him, but you know, no,
Speaker 1: we want to state him anyway. This was fun, This
Speaker 1: is fairly painless. Some will agree with some we don't,
Speaker 1: and some of you guys just have to move on.
Speaker 2: Yes, Unfortunately, you know, if it's meant to be, it
Speaker 2: will be. I I definitely know that sounds cheesy, and
Speaker 2: you know, but I do think if it's meant to be,
Speaker 2: it will be. But yeah, some of you, you you
Speaker 2: kind of made a choice. You made your bed. You've
Speaker 2: got to lie in.
Speaker 1: It, right, all right, It's been a long time since
Speaker 1: you have been single. We play something called worst date
Speaker 1: or first date, so you have to have to think
Speaker 1: back to your swing in single days and either give
Speaker 1: us the worst date you've ever had or the best
Speaker 1: first date you've ever had, and that could be with
Speaker 1: your husband. I don't care your choice.
Speaker 2: Okay, this first date, my husband, we went to.
Speaker 1: Director jukebox and you picked only you and said to him.
Speaker 3: Oh, I love a jew box.
Speaker 2: I'm always like at the jew box. But no, I
Speaker 2: don't think there was like a particular song I remember.
Speaker 2: But the restaurant is actually local because I'm born and
Speaker 2: raised here. He's born and raised here. And we connected
Speaker 2: later on. I was twenty four and he was twenty nine.
Speaker 2: But we went to this restaurant that's still the location
Speaker 2: is still in town. It's changed hands a bunch of times.
Speaker 2: But we closed, literally closed the restaurant down. And it
Speaker 2: was kind of a blind date because even though we
Speaker 2: had known each other our whole lives because our families
Speaker 2: were friends, we had not seen each other in a
Speaker 2: long time since I was like sixteen and he was
Speaker 2: twenty one.
Speaker 1: So at this.
Speaker 2: Time flash forward, it's eight years later. We go on
Speaker 2: the date and we didn't really know. I didn't know
Speaker 2: what he was going to look like. He didn't know
Speaker 2: what I was going to look like. But we kind of,
Speaker 2: you know, connected over the phone and got re acquainted
Speaker 2: and went to dinner and literally were there probably four hours.
Speaker 2: We closed the restaurant down they were putting. I remember
Speaker 2: all of a sudden looking up from likeable chairs on
Speaker 2: the tables, and that was like, good for you.
Speaker 3: That was it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I called my friend from the bathroom and
Speaker 2: I said, he will be my husband.
Speaker 3: I already knew he was going to be my husband.
Speaker 2: Shared to that I had this like weird intuition about it,
Speaker 2: which is very much me.
Speaker 1: When did you tell him that part of it? Oh?
Speaker 3: No, not for a while.
Speaker 2: I was just like, I'm going to try it.
Speaker 1: I want to hear that when you get out of
Speaker 1: the bathroom. I want to hear it right away. Cool,
Speaker 1: but he ken.
Speaker 2: But he did say later on, you were in the
Speaker 2: bathroom kind of a lot, like a long time, and
Speaker 2: I would call, you know, would somebody get on the
Speaker 2: phone with me, like it's nervous.
Speaker 1: I was amazing, this is going so.
Speaker 3: Well, it's amazing, this is my husband.
Speaker 2: And they were like, whoa, okay, really you know, calm down,
Speaker 2: but yeah, best first date.
Speaker 1: That's a good date. Do you ride by that place ever? Oh?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I go we go there.
Speaker 1: You know where's it?
Speaker 2: Well? It was the it was Red Fire Grill in
Speaker 2: Palmeach Gardens. It's now stage.
Speaker 1: That was the location of the first Were you outside no?
Speaker 2: Inside?
Speaker 3: Inside?
Speaker 1: Yeah, you've lived here your whole life.
Speaker 3: Moved away once.
Speaker 1: But have you ever had a driver's license that is
Speaker 1: in Florida? No?
Speaker 2: Wow, No, I'm a Florida girl, through and through Palm
Speaker 2: Beach County.
Speaker 1: A lot of people leave New York and they never
Speaker 1: go back. A lot of people leave Florida and a
Speaker 1: lot of them come back.
Speaker 3: Yes, because you realize, like I mean, summertimes, they're.
Speaker 1: Hot, but weather it's a seductive muse.
Speaker 2: Yes, right now it feels like vacation.
Speaker 1: I know it does.
Speaker 3: That's so nice.
Speaker 1: It's the season. Tell everybody about your podcast and how
Speaker 1: they can find your podcast.
Speaker 2: Okay, of course the cinemon effect. I what we talk
Speaker 2: about is things that make life healthier, sweeter, more fulfilling.
Speaker 2: So we enhance, you know, I think with the topics
Speaker 2: that we talk about, we enhance the core areas of
Speaker 2: life with intention. So it's it's a whole.
Speaker 3: Lot of things.
Speaker 2: It's health and wellness, it's fitness, it's lifestyle, it's travel,
Speaker 2: it's you know, lots of things.
Speaker 1: It is. It's a good show. I was on it
Speaker 1: and you asked questions that are that are smart and
Speaker 1: sightful and they make you think and I'm proud of you.
Speaker 1: It's a good show on the socials. Can anybody track
Speaker 1: you down?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 2: So I have at kimberly Hand underscore on Instagram.
Speaker 1: I know that pass score on the back end.
Speaker 2: On the back end because there's apparently another kimberly Hand
Speaker 2: out there.
Speaker 1: Who is she? I don't know.
Speaker 2: And then I do have The Cinnamon Effect podcast Instagram
Speaker 2: as well and Kimberlyhand dot com the Cinnamon Effect dot com.
Speaker 1: There you go, blowing it up. Track her now you
Speaker 1: were lovely. I appreciate you doing this as far as
Speaker 1: us like, share, follow, Please review this podcast and The
Speaker 1: Cinnamon Effect. Your reviews, still after almost five hundred shows,
Speaker 1: mean a lot in the podcasting ecosystem. Shoot me an email,
Speaker 1: great love debate at gmail dot com if you have
Speaker 1: a question comment thought for me Kimberly or you disagree
Speaker 1: with some of the things we said, you're wrong, but
Speaker 1: you can disagree, or if you really or if you
Speaker 1: really like only you by Yaz sorry because because it's
Speaker 1: big in Britain, if you go over to London now
Speaker 1: they still play that song part of the whole English
Speaker 1: revival because, as always at the Great Love Debate, we
Speaker 1: never stopped making love. See you next time, the Great
Speaker 1: Love Debate. It's the Great love Debate, the Great love Debate.
Speaker 2: It's a great love to be