WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.240 --> 00:00:09.000 This is Pod Popular Podcast for the People, the Great 2 00:00:09.320 --> 00:00:15.039 Love Debate. It's the Great Love Debate, the Great Love Debate. 3 00:00:15.960 --> 00:00:17.519 It's a Great Love Debate. 4 00:00:17.800 --> 00:00:20.960 Hi again, everyone's Brian. How We welcome to the Great 5 00:00:21.199 --> 00:00:23.920 Love Debate, the world's number one dating a relationship podcast. 6 00:00:24.000 --> 00:00:26.239 In twenty fifteen, I am back here in the very 7 00:00:26.359 --> 00:00:30.120 fine and fancy studios of Pod Popular Podcast for the People. 8 00:00:30.160 --> 00:00:31.800 I am the one in Palm Beach Gardens. I have 9 00:00:31.920 --> 00:00:35.119 not been here in a while. I do come to 10 00:00:35.159 --> 00:00:37.039 Florida a lot. I come to Florida a lot for business, 11 00:00:37.079 --> 00:00:39.719 and I gotta tell you, I still feel like every 12 00:00:39.719 --> 00:00:42.359 time I come to Florida, I feel like I'm landing 13 00:00:42.399 --> 00:00:45.320 on vacation. Even though there's a lot of stuff in Florida. 14 00:00:45.359 --> 00:00:47.439 I don't like the traffic and I'm working most of 15 00:00:47.439 --> 00:00:50.079 the time. Florida does feel like vacation. And maybe that's 16 00:00:50.119 --> 00:00:52.079 the New Yorker in me. I don't know, especially in 17 00:00:52.119 --> 00:00:58.159 the winter time. Quick announcement, Our five hundredth podcast episode 18 00:00:58.320 --> 00:01:00.479 is a couple of weeks away. You guys send a 19 00:01:00.479 --> 00:01:02.280 bunch of submissions on what we should do about it. 20 00:01:02.320 --> 00:01:04.000 I have decided what we should do about it. I'm 21 00:01:04.040 --> 00:01:06.000 very excited about what we should do about it. It's 22 00:01:06.040 --> 00:01:07.719 gonna be a special show. It's gonna be special to me. 23 00:01:07.760 --> 00:01:09.879 I have a very special guest. I think you guys 24 00:01:09.879 --> 00:01:11.680 are gonna like it. It's a little bit of looking back, 25 00:01:11.719 --> 00:01:13.079 it's a little bit of where we are now. It's 26 00:01:13.079 --> 00:01:14.640 a little bit of looking ahead. But I think you 27 00:01:14.680 --> 00:01:19.719 guys will like it. Today. I'm also excited we are 28 00:01:19.760 --> 00:01:22.920 doing what. I put out a little apb on the socials, 29 00:01:22.959 --> 00:01:26.280 on the interwebs to you guys because I wanted to 30 00:01:26.319 --> 00:01:30.480 do what we're calling a second chance mail bag, which 31 00:01:30.519 --> 00:01:34.319 means we asked you guys for emails, social media posts, 32 00:01:34.319 --> 00:01:38.560 submissions about a relationship that may or may not have 33 00:01:38.640 --> 00:01:41.519 gone bad but it definitely ended and you get a 34 00:01:41.640 --> 00:01:45.200 chance to relive or change or take back things to 35 00:01:45.239 --> 00:01:47.480 possibly make it work out or last least a little longer. 36 00:01:47.480 --> 00:01:50.640 It's basically, you can back to the future style roll back, 37 00:01:50.680 --> 00:01:52.799 and this is what you would have done. So this 38 00:01:52.879 --> 00:01:55.319 mail bag doesn't lend itself to some of the craziness 39 00:01:55.319 --> 00:01:58.439 of some of the listener letters we bring on. I 40 00:01:58.480 --> 00:02:01.079 have peaked at these. There's a sense of sweetness to 41 00:02:01.159 --> 00:02:03.879 a few of them, and because I needed a little 42 00:02:03.920 --> 00:02:05.959 extra touch of sweetness to help me out. I brought 43 00:02:05.959 --> 00:02:08.800 in somebody who I think is reasonable. I think she's 44 00:02:08.879 --> 00:02:11.879 level headed. It's been married a long long time. She's 45 00:02:11.879 --> 00:02:14.479 filled with logic. Who could help you guys out in 46 00:02:14.479 --> 00:02:17.400 a way that I could not. She's the host of 47 00:02:17.439 --> 00:02:21.520 the wildly popular Cinnamon Effect podcast, which I was lucky 48 00:02:21.560 --> 00:02:24.919 and privileged enough to be on last year. Last year. Yeah, 49 00:02:25.479 --> 00:02:27.719 I always say, we noticed the blonde, but we remember 50 00:02:27.719 --> 00:02:30.159 the redhead. Kimberly hand, how are. 51 00:02:30.000 --> 00:02:32.520 You hey, I'm good. How are you, Brian good? 52 00:02:32.639 --> 00:02:36.240 Welcome, Thanks, you welcome the Great Love Debate. So you 53 00:02:36.319 --> 00:02:37.479 kind of get the gist of what we're going to 54 00:02:37.560 --> 00:02:38.080 do here today. 55 00:02:38.199 --> 00:02:40.960 Yes, and I hope that I'm reasonable, reasonable enough. 56 00:02:40.800 --> 00:02:43.360 For you or you might be wildly controversial. I don't know, 57 00:02:43.439 --> 00:02:46.639 As Sinatra saying, you know regrets, I've had a few, 58 00:02:46.919 --> 00:02:48.319 but that again too few to mention. 59 00:02:48.759 --> 00:02:49.400 We shall see. 60 00:02:49.439 --> 00:02:50.560 I read the letters. 61 00:02:50.639 --> 00:02:52.719 They've not read the letters, so we got we always 62 00:02:52.759 --> 00:02:54.960 picked three from the men and three from the women. 63 00:02:55.759 --> 00:02:57.280 We don't have to agree with each other. We don't 64 00:02:57.319 --> 00:02:58.960 have to agree with them. You're just going to give 65 00:02:58.960 --> 00:03:01.520 your take on what you think they should have done 66 00:03:01.560 --> 00:03:03.479 what you would have done. I don't know you ready, 67 00:03:03.560 --> 00:03:08.120 I'm ready, Okay. The first one is from Lilyan via 68 00:03:08.120 --> 00:03:11.680 our Facebook page. She facebooked it to us. I dated 69 00:03:11.719 --> 00:03:14.919 this guy back in Chicago. He was great, We were great, 70 00:03:15.080 --> 00:03:18.719 Everything was great. The only issue was our dietary differences. 71 00:03:19.080 --> 00:03:21.639 He was a typical frat boy meat eater. He practically 72 00:03:21.800 --> 00:03:24.400 ate ribs for breakfast. He was in good shape, was out, 73 00:03:24.439 --> 00:03:25.960 but I was in a phase where I was all 74 00:03:26.000 --> 00:03:28.240 about healthy, worked out three times a day, and was 75 00:03:28.240 --> 00:03:30.840 a strict vegetarian. And it became an issue where I 76 00:03:30.840 --> 00:03:32.960 felt like we couldn't share meals or go out to dinner, 77 00:03:33.120 --> 00:03:35.599 which broke down some of our communication, and he refused 78 00:03:35.639 --> 00:03:37.879 to mix in something like a salad once in a while. 79 00:03:38.199 --> 00:03:40.280 Well fast forward five years after we broke up for 80 00:03:40.319 --> 00:03:42.879 health reasons, I needed more protein and honestly, I absolutely 81 00:03:42.919 --> 00:03:45.759 love pork, chicken, beef, just about everything he ate every 82 00:03:45.800 --> 00:03:48.240 single day. I wish I wasn't so stubborn then, and 83 00:03:48.280 --> 00:03:51.599 I wish I had a chance to eat an Italian 84 00:03:51.599 --> 00:03:58.479 beef sandwich with him. Oh No, See that does that 85 00:03:58.520 --> 00:04:03.919 happens a lot where people want the other person's journey 86 00:04:03.960 --> 00:04:08.960 habits superstition lifestyle to match theirs perfectly. They drink a lot. 87 00:04:09.000 --> 00:04:11.080 I want to drink a lot. There this, they're this. 88 00:04:11.199 --> 00:04:13.039 They like to watch the Chicago Bulls. I like to 89 00:04:13.039 --> 00:04:16.480 watch the Chicago bulls. If the smell of meat bothered 90 00:04:16.519 --> 00:04:18.920 you and he insisted on, you know, firing up the barbecue, 91 00:04:18.920 --> 00:04:21.720 that's one thing. But if you thought that this was 92 00:04:21.759 --> 00:04:23.920 really a deal breaker, and now you're looking back, it's like, 93 00:04:23.920 --> 00:04:26.319 I want to share meat with him. Ay, I think 94 00:04:26.360 --> 00:04:29.480 you miss other things besides the meat, but b yeah, 95 00:04:29.519 --> 00:04:30.439 don't break up over that. 96 00:04:30.879 --> 00:04:33.839 No. I feel like I actually have a lot to 97 00:04:33.879 --> 00:04:36.279 say on this topic. It was like the perfect listener 98 00:04:36.360 --> 00:04:40.319 letter for me to answer because I've been vegan, I've 99 00:04:40.360 --> 00:04:44.319 been vegetarian, I've I am now a meat eater. And 100 00:04:44.759 --> 00:04:48.439 when I was vegan, I didn't expect I made a 101 00:04:48.439 --> 00:04:51.879 lot of like vegan dishes, but I didn't expect my husband, 102 00:04:52.160 --> 00:04:54.399 you know, to follow along. I knew it was something 103 00:04:54.519 --> 00:04:58.399 kind of different, and my husband's a hunter, so he 104 00:04:58.600 --> 00:05:01.040 was not giving up the meat and I was totally 105 00:05:01.040 --> 00:05:03.439 okay with it. I think this is like a case 106 00:05:03.480 --> 00:05:06.519 of you do you you know I'm going to now 107 00:05:06.560 --> 00:05:09.199 I'm gluten free. I don't drink alcohol, so I'm still 108 00:05:09.279 --> 00:05:13.319 following kind of a different rule for my own life. 109 00:05:13.319 --> 00:05:15.079 And I think you have to let people be on 110 00:05:15.120 --> 00:05:18.160 their own journey. And so I get that she might 111 00:05:18.319 --> 00:05:22.360 be feeling regretful about breaking up with him, because you. 112 00:05:22.279 --> 00:05:24.360 See, you don't have to be so rigid. 113 00:05:24.600 --> 00:05:26.439 You don't to be rigid with yourself, but don't be 114 00:05:26.519 --> 00:05:28.279 rigid with your significant other. 115 00:05:28.560 --> 00:05:35.120 Yeah, I agree, it's not it's not happening in the 116 00:05:35.120 --> 00:05:36.519 way you want it to. In the moment, you want 117 00:05:36.519 --> 00:05:39.319 everything to be absolutely perfect, and so the meat at 118 00:05:39.319 --> 00:05:44.079 the time might have been a metaphor for something else 119 00:05:44.120 --> 00:05:46.720 that bothered you. And maybe as you've grown older, maybe 120 00:05:46.720 --> 00:05:48.720 it really isn't about the meat. You've gotten some distance 121 00:05:48.720 --> 00:05:52.000 from the situation, things tend to happen again. Maybe you're 122 00:05:52.000 --> 00:05:53.360 looking at it like it was just the meat, and 123 00:05:53.399 --> 00:05:55.480 maybe he did a whole lot of other things, and you're, 124 00:05:55.680 --> 00:05:58.560 you know, single in Chicago, and I don't know, you know, 125 00:05:58.680 --> 00:06:00.399 sometimes we want to pick out that one thing, and 126 00:06:00.439 --> 00:06:02.639 maybe that one thing is the one thing. So I 127 00:06:02.639 --> 00:06:05.399 could see kind of both sides of this, where you think, oh, 128 00:06:05.439 --> 00:06:06.639 all I had to do is go back and eat 129 00:06:06.680 --> 00:06:08.680 meat and everything would have been fine. I think if 130 00:06:08.720 --> 00:06:11.000 everything was fine besides the meat, maybe she would have 131 00:06:11.040 --> 00:06:11.600 done that. I don't know. 132 00:06:11.800 --> 00:06:13.720 A great point. That's a great point. She's really going 133 00:06:13.800 --> 00:06:16.360 to break up with him because he's, you know, eating 134 00:06:16.439 --> 00:06:17.800 meat ribs for breakfast. 135 00:06:18.240 --> 00:06:20.319 If you don't have to touch the meat, I. 136 00:06:20.319 --> 00:06:22.199 Might break up with him if you had ribs for breakfast, 137 00:06:22.279 --> 00:06:24.600 and I love ribs. That's a little excessed. 138 00:06:24.800 --> 00:06:26.519 I worked at a barbecue restaurant when I was in 139 00:06:26.560 --> 00:06:29.399 You did college, and so I haven't eaten a rib. 140 00:06:29.199 --> 00:06:32.560 Since you were a former NFL cheerleader. Is that correct? Yes? 141 00:06:32.600 --> 00:06:35.639 What were there? Was it like they say they weighed 142 00:06:35.639 --> 00:06:37.519 you and all that, or wasn't that strict? 143 00:06:37.759 --> 00:06:39.199 Yeah? It was pretty strict. 144 00:06:39.439 --> 00:06:39.680 Yeah. 145 00:06:39.759 --> 00:06:43.720 Have you seen the Netflix Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader? I have 146 00:06:43.920 --> 00:06:45.399 special It's pretty. 147 00:06:45.120 --> 00:06:45.680 Much like that. 148 00:06:47.160 --> 00:06:48.879 So you really do get a good. 149 00:06:49.560 --> 00:06:52.759 Snapshot of what that whole experience is like through that show. 150 00:06:53.839 --> 00:06:58.079 The cheerleaders don't have to do the a lot of 151 00:06:58.079 --> 00:06:59.560 little bit of the meat and greets that they used 152 00:06:59.600 --> 00:07:01.720 to because the guys used to get grabby. The guys 153 00:07:01.800 --> 00:07:05.600 used to like put their hand around you and grab 154 00:07:05.639 --> 00:07:07.839 the little where a normal girl would have a little 155 00:07:07.879 --> 00:07:10.160 muffin top. The cheerleaders do not they would do that right. 156 00:07:10.399 --> 00:07:14.199 Well, we usually had someone there that would keep people started, 157 00:07:14.240 --> 00:07:16.279 to keep people at a distance, you know, a little bit, 158 00:07:16.800 --> 00:07:17.560 keep hands off. 159 00:07:17.839 --> 00:07:19.959 But I did have to stop. 160 00:07:20.319 --> 00:07:23.120 I was in my uniform and I did have to 161 00:07:23.279 --> 00:07:29.360 stop somewhere for gas. And it was amazing that people really, 162 00:07:29.720 --> 00:07:31.480 you know, want to come up to you. They want 163 00:07:31.480 --> 00:07:37.480 to you know. It was an interesting kind of experience 164 00:07:37.560 --> 00:07:41.720 of being somewhat known, but you're not because you take 165 00:07:41.720 --> 00:07:43.199 the uniform off and then nobody knows. 166 00:07:43.040 --> 00:07:46.399 Who you are. Well, sometimes that happens with the players too. Yeah, anyway, 167 00:07:46.560 --> 00:07:49.399 all right, the next one, this is uh is from 168 00:07:49.399 --> 00:07:53.000 a guy I will not reveal who. First, I really 169 00:07:53.040 --> 00:07:56.600 had the best girl. She was amazing, beautiful, fun, smart, 170 00:07:56.759 --> 00:07:59.120 and I thought she would move with me when I 171 00:07:59.160 --> 00:08:01.519 took a dream upper tunity with a company in Seattle. 172 00:08:01.879 --> 00:08:03.680 We lived in the Bay Area at the time, not 173 00:08:03.759 --> 00:08:05.439 that big of a difference, and I thought she would 174 00:08:05.439 --> 00:08:08.639 come with me. She said her family was nearby in 175 00:08:08.720 --> 00:08:10.800 the San Francisco area, so she didn't want to leave anyway. 176 00:08:10.800 --> 00:08:12.639 I left for the job that di has became too much. 177 00:08:12.720 --> 00:08:15.319 Our plans of seeing each other every weekend soon turned 178 00:08:15.319 --> 00:08:17.560 into once a month, and then every other month. We 179 00:08:17.600 --> 00:08:19.720 broke up, and the guy who recruited me to the 180 00:08:19.720 --> 00:08:22.079 company quit and the job turned out to absolutely suck. 181 00:08:22.399 --> 00:08:23.959 Took a year for all that to happen, but it 182 00:08:24.000 --> 00:08:25.839 only took her a month to start dating someone else. 183 00:08:25.879 --> 00:08:27.839 And now I hear she's moving with him to Atlanta. 184 00:08:28.279 --> 00:08:30.800 I guess I either wish I never took this job, 185 00:08:31.120 --> 00:08:32.919 wish I didn't leave her, or wish I had an 186 00:08:32.919 --> 00:08:40.039 opportunity in Atlanta that's been still in Seattle, he says. Oh. Boy, 187 00:08:40.080 --> 00:08:42.639 First of all, San Francisco, the Bay Area is not Seattle. 188 00:08:42.679 --> 00:08:45.080 They're different. Now that being said, there are hour and 189 00:08:45.120 --> 00:08:48.919 a half away. But I'm somebody who would never choose 190 00:08:48.960 --> 00:08:51.120 the job over the girl. But I've never really had 191 00:08:51.120 --> 00:08:52.559 a job, so maybe I don't know. 192 00:08:55.159 --> 00:08:57.720 I couldn't move to Seattle. I'm sorry. 193 00:08:57.279 --> 00:09:01.559 The kicker at the end was she maybe her parents 194 00:09:01.600 --> 00:09:03.159 have died. I don't know her family. 195 00:09:03.799 --> 00:09:07.159 She did move to Atlanta, Yeah, but Atlanta's totally different 196 00:09:07.200 --> 00:09:07.799 than Seattle. 197 00:09:07.919 --> 00:09:09.799 I mean, she was willing to leave her family. 198 00:09:10.440 --> 00:09:12.960 Oh okay, okay, that's that's. 199 00:09:12.720 --> 00:09:15.600 That's the thing that she couldn't leave because of that. 200 00:09:15.960 --> 00:09:21.039 But then she did leave. That's the that's theh at 201 00:09:21.080 --> 00:09:23.840 the end of this. His regret is like she didn't 202 00:09:23.840 --> 00:09:26.840 really it wasn't the family. She just didn't feel comfortable 203 00:09:26.879 --> 00:09:30.799 that this was the guy to pack up and leave for. Yes, 204 00:09:31.480 --> 00:09:33.879 especially because he was clearly going to take the job. 205 00:09:34.919 --> 00:09:37.639 So part of that is the conversation. Was there a 206 00:09:38.600 --> 00:09:42.399 I won't leave if this affects us. You know what, 207 00:09:42.399 --> 00:09:43.519 what was the conversation? 208 00:09:44.360 --> 00:09:47.399 Again, It's not about the meat, right, It's not about 209 00:09:47.919 --> 00:09:50.440 Maybe it wasn't about the place. It was more about 210 00:09:50.600 --> 00:09:54.600 other issues or you know, it was more about her 211 00:09:54.639 --> 00:09:57.600 not wanting to be with him than than the move itself. 212 00:09:57.919 --> 00:10:01.919 Right, Or she's like being him every other weekend or whatever. 213 00:10:02.000 --> 00:10:04.919 I can make that work. Yeah, And then the logistics 214 00:10:04.919 --> 00:10:08.799 of that are tough because you don't you know, relationship 215 00:10:08.840 --> 00:10:11.559 really is about Tuesday morning, not Saturday night. And if 216 00:10:11.600 --> 00:10:14.039 you're just visiting on the weekend, and that's always fun 217 00:10:14.080 --> 00:10:16.679 and it's always special, it's kind of easy to make 218 00:10:16.720 --> 00:10:18.919 that work when you both have to get up for 219 00:10:19.000 --> 00:10:21.000 work and go to school and kids and whatever your 220 00:10:21.039 --> 00:10:24.000 stuff is, and on a weekday, that's a relationship. So 221 00:10:24.039 --> 00:10:25.639 you don't really get into that flow in a real 222 00:10:25.679 --> 00:10:27.799 feel of things when you're just kind of seeing somebody 223 00:10:28.519 --> 00:10:30.879 twice a month, and then you've seen somebody you know 224 00:10:31.559 --> 00:10:33.320 twenty times a year, and then where are you going? 225 00:10:33.559 --> 00:10:35.480 You've probably done that. I feel like you've done that. 226 00:10:35.639 --> 00:10:38.399 I have done that, and I'm always aware of it. 227 00:10:38.399 --> 00:10:41.080 It really takes confidence communications. I'm not saying long distance 228 00:10:41.120 --> 00:10:43.639 relationships can't work. I'm saying that you don't really know 229 00:10:43.679 --> 00:10:46.840 if you're dating somebody until you spend weekdays. 230 00:10:46.519 --> 00:10:48.200 Completely agree mornings with them. 231 00:10:48.519 --> 00:10:50.559 I did a lot of long distance with my now 232 00:10:50.639 --> 00:10:52.679 husband when we were dating. He had a business in 233 00:10:52.720 --> 00:10:56.200 another state, and it was really hard because I had 234 00:10:56.200 --> 00:10:58.960 my own life. I basically had my own life. And then, 235 00:10:59.000 --> 00:11:01.039 like you're saying, on the weekend and I'd have him 236 00:11:01.039 --> 00:11:04.120 and yeah, it was fun, And then you're like, Okay, 237 00:11:04.159 --> 00:11:04.639 what is this? 238 00:11:05.279 --> 00:11:06.320 Is this going anywhere? 239 00:11:06.759 --> 00:11:09.320 Are we really compatible when we spend more time together, 240 00:11:09.799 --> 00:11:13.200 And what we still realize twenty years later is that 241 00:11:13.279 --> 00:11:15.799 we like having some alone time. 242 00:11:16.279 --> 00:11:17.120 We like to like. 243 00:11:18.679 --> 00:11:21.279 Once it was great, she's gone in four day bursts, 244 00:11:21.440 --> 00:11:23.480 you know, perfect kind I kind of liked it. But 245 00:11:24.440 --> 00:11:29.200 you're right, the long distance relationship is. It's tricky. Maybe 246 00:11:29.240 --> 00:11:31.519 she wasn't up for it then and a year later, 247 00:11:31.720 --> 00:11:33.559 maybe she's the guy made her come. I mean, people can. 248 00:11:33.600 --> 00:11:35.440 I don't know how old you are, Ben, or how 249 00:11:35.480 --> 00:11:41.200 old she is, but people can rapidly grow up in 250 00:11:41.240 --> 00:11:43.879 their twenties and thirties. And bike bulbs gonna happen, and 251 00:11:43.879 --> 00:11:49.360 and and whatever. I'm on her side. I don't know 252 00:11:49.440 --> 00:11:52.279 I should take sides here, Ben, Like too bad. You 253 00:11:52.320 --> 00:11:55.080 shouldn't left. You shouldn't have left without really figuring out 254 00:11:55.080 --> 00:11:57.639 how this is gonna work. Not like hey, I'm leaving. 255 00:11:57.679 --> 00:11:59.360 See I'll fly you up a couple times, like I 256 00:11:59.399 --> 00:12:00.799 feel like you watch this Ben? 257 00:12:01.039 --> 00:12:01.759 Oh Ben. 258 00:12:02.120 --> 00:12:04.600 I do think though, Ben, if it's meant to be, 259 00:12:05.639 --> 00:12:07.879 you will find your way back to each other. I 260 00:12:07.919 --> 00:12:10.759 really do believe that. Like set it free when they 261 00:12:10.759 --> 00:12:12.840 say about love, set it free, if it comes back 262 00:12:12.879 --> 00:12:16.200 to you, she is free. She's in Atlanta, she's with 263 00:12:16.279 --> 00:12:18.840 another guy. But if it's meant to be, they will 264 00:12:18.840 --> 00:12:19.840 find their way back to each other. 265 00:12:19.919 --> 00:12:22.559 You know what you do. Statistically, that might not work 266 00:12:22.559 --> 00:12:26.000 out either, if she doesn't marry the Atlanta guy. You 267 00:12:26.039 --> 00:12:28.279 wait it out, and you moved to Atlanta because if 268 00:12:28.320 --> 00:12:31.600 you moved to Atlanta for her, that would mean something 269 00:12:31.600 --> 00:12:33.480 to me or to you. Might be crazy stalker, I 270 00:12:33.480 --> 00:12:35.240 already broke up with you kind of thing. But I 271 00:12:35.240 --> 00:12:37.559 don't know. I say, I say go for it, I 272 00:12:37.559 --> 00:12:38.080 would go for it. 273 00:12:38.320 --> 00:12:41.159 I would go for it too, all right, track her down? 274 00:12:41.279 --> 00:12:43.600 I like that. The next one, this is from Verra 275 00:12:44.360 --> 00:12:49.519 via Facebook page. Again. Oh Jesus, if I had a 276 00:12:49.559 --> 00:12:51.480 second chance, I would have gone back in time and 277 00:12:51.519 --> 00:12:54.799 screwed my upstairs neighbor earlier. Then I would have realized 278 00:12:54.799 --> 00:12:57.279 what great sex did for my confidence and self esteem, 279 00:12:57.279 --> 00:12:59.399 not to mention my body, and I would have left 280 00:12:59.440 --> 00:13:01.360 the loser. I was with a lot quicker instead of 281 00:13:01.360 --> 00:13:04.039 finding excuses to sneak away while he played video games. 282 00:13:08.960 --> 00:13:10.679 Wait, so she got with the upstairs name. 283 00:13:10.919 --> 00:13:13.799 Yeah, she wished she had started that earlier. I don't 284 00:13:13.799 --> 00:13:15.279 know if she ended up with him, but I guess 285 00:13:15.480 --> 00:13:18.399 she's She would have lowed. I say that a lot. I, 286 00:13:18.799 --> 00:13:22.559 you know, not about screwing the upstairs neighbor. People. When 287 00:13:22.600 --> 00:13:26.879 I moved from New York to LA, people ask me like, 288 00:13:27.000 --> 00:13:28.679 when when did you move to LA? Or why decide 289 00:13:28.720 --> 00:13:30.080 to move to LA? Do you have any regrets? And 290 00:13:30.080 --> 00:13:31.879 I go. My only regret is I didn't leave earlier. 291 00:13:32.960 --> 00:13:35.960 I wish I left New York quicker. After nine to eleven, 292 00:13:36.039 --> 00:13:38.039 I'm like, I'm never leaving. I was one of those 293 00:13:38.120 --> 00:13:40.080 like I'm here and whatever, and then three years later 294 00:13:40.120 --> 00:13:43.080 I was gone. Yeah, it was a great move for me, 295 00:13:43.159 --> 00:13:44.639 and I thought that all the time, like I wish 296 00:13:44.720 --> 00:13:46.799 I had done something quicker. You always wish you would 297 00:13:46.799 --> 00:13:49.200 break up with somebody quicker, Always comment quicker. If it 298 00:13:49.200 --> 00:13:51.279 got to the point where you were sneaking the minute 299 00:13:51.320 --> 00:13:53.879 you think I need to sneak away because he's playing 300 00:13:53.960 --> 00:13:58.080 video games, the conversation needs to happen before the sneak away. Yeah, 301 00:13:58.159 --> 00:13:59.840 don't just leave with the video games and go bang 302 00:13:59.879 --> 00:14:02.240 the neighbor and then let that go on, Like sit 303 00:14:02.279 --> 00:14:04.279 down and say, like, if you continue to do this, 304 00:14:05.039 --> 00:14:07.679 I'm gonna go visit the neighbor. Yeah. 305 00:14:07.879 --> 00:14:12.600 Yeah, I definitely think like this cheating is not the answer. Ever, 306 00:14:13.120 --> 00:14:16.799 I get it. Video games would annoy me too. I 307 00:14:16.840 --> 00:14:19.559 think like a grown man playing video games, I'm sorry. 308 00:14:19.559 --> 00:14:20.519 You could do it a little bit. 309 00:14:21.440 --> 00:14:23.279 If you have a child, it makes more sense maybe 310 00:14:23.279 --> 00:14:25.840 you're playing video games together, But a grown man who's 311 00:14:25.879 --> 00:14:26.960 really into video games. 312 00:14:26.960 --> 00:14:27.440 I'm sorry. 313 00:14:27.480 --> 00:14:29.879 It is an ongoing problem. When we do married Great 314 00:14:29.879 --> 00:14:31.519 Love debate shows, it is the number one thing that 315 00:14:31.559 --> 00:14:34.240 comes up. Video games im porn. The reason why these 316 00:14:34.279 --> 00:14:36.960 men play them, at least my analysis of it, is 317 00:14:37.000 --> 00:14:39.279 because they feel like they are losing in lots of 318 00:14:39.320 --> 00:14:42.399 other aspects of their life, including the relationship, and they 319 00:14:42.399 --> 00:14:45.639 feel like I can win at this, I can escape 320 00:14:45.679 --> 00:14:47.799 in this, and there's a score I can get, and 321 00:14:47.799 --> 00:14:50.240 there are levels I can achieve that I'm not getting 322 00:14:50.240 --> 00:14:52.559 in my personal life. So you always have to look 323 00:14:52.600 --> 00:14:54.840 at like, why are they playing the video games? What 324 00:14:54.919 --> 00:14:56.879 is about the video games that is stimulating in a 325 00:14:56.879 --> 00:15:00.960 way that clearly she has a sex drive cannot You know, 326 00:15:01.039 --> 00:15:02.799 you have to look at the video games as the 327 00:15:03.799 --> 00:15:09.879 symptom problem. So don't do that, Verra again, don't go 328 00:15:09.960 --> 00:15:11.759 back in time and start screwing them earlier. Go back 329 00:15:11.799 --> 00:15:14.039 in time and say I wish I had the conversation 330 00:15:14.240 --> 00:15:16.240 about the video game. Yes, does that make sense? 331 00:15:16.559 --> 00:15:20.480 Don't repeat the pattern because what if the upstairs name, upstairs. 332 00:15:20.000 --> 00:15:22.960 Neighbor, certainly he likes PlayStation, Yeah, he's. 333 00:15:22.759 --> 00:15:25.639 Doing video games, or he's doing something else you don't like, yeah, 334 00:15:25.679 --> 00:15:28.759 and you're gonna move on to the downstairs neighbor. 335 00:15:28.919 --> 00:15:30.320 You know, I know you need to move to a 336 00:15:30.320 --> 00:15:32.440 different building, or maybe we all need to move to 337 00:15:32.519 --> 00:15:35.039 your building. I don't know, I could get messyes, just 338 00:15:35.080 --> 00:15:36.600 in case we need to play pay the rent at 339 00:15:36.679 --> 00:15:38.720 Vera's building. We have to take a quick break because 340 00:15:38.720 --> 00:15:41.120 I'm gonna pay the bills around here. I'm with Kimberly Hand. 341 00:15:41.120 --> 00:15:43.840 We are breaking down the Second Chance mailbag and we 342 00:15:43.879 --> 00:15:50.080 will be back right after this. And we are back 343 00:15:50.960 --> 00:15:54.000 all right. The next one is from JR. In Orlando. 344 00:15:55.559 --> 00:15:56.399 Hey, JR. 345 00:15:56.960 --> 00:15:59.240 I was on a first date with a girl last year. 346 00:15:59.320 --> 00:16:01.720 It was amazing. We ended up at some dive bar 347 00:16:01.799 --> 00:16:04.600 at three am, playing eighty songs on the jukebox and 348 00:16:04.639 --> 00:16:08.919 comparing favorites. She picked the song only You by Yaz 349 00:16:09.559 --> 00:16:11.600 and said, if we ever got serious, this was going 350 00:16:11.639 --> 00:16:14.159 to be our song. I didn't pay any attention to it. 351 00:16:14.240 --> 00:16:15.600 I just kind of wanted to make out with her, 352 00:16:15.639 --> 00:16:18.240 which I did, and we started dating. Three months later. 353 00:16:18.320 --> 00:16:20.440 She asked if I remembered that night. I said, of course, 354 00:16:20.480 --> 00:16:22.960 and she said what is our song? And I couldn't remember, 355 00:16:23.240 --> 00:16:25.720 and said every rose has its thorn As a joke, 356 00:16:26.039 --> 00:16:28.240 she didn't think it was funny. She reminded me of 357 00:16:28.279 --> 00:16:30.399 the song and said she couldn't trust me to remember 358 00:16:30.440 --> 00:16:32.679 things that are important to her. I guess she might 359 00:16:32.679 --> 00:16:34.039 have been a bit crazy, But if I had to 360 00:16:34.039 --> 00:16:35.840 do it again, I might not have remembered her song, 361 00:16:35.879 --> 00:16:37.639 but I would have maybe picked nineties music. 362 00:16:40.080 --> 00:16:41.559 At least he didn't pick Witchy Woman. 363 00:16:41.720 --> 00:16:44.559 Well, I know that's true. Only use a good song. 364 00:16:44.639 --> 00:16:47.159 But it's a little obscure, like if you don't know 365 00:16:47.279 --> 00:16:50.039 that song, who's yaz I was? 366 00:16:50.120 --> 00:16:52.120 I'm eighties and I am not sure of that. 367 00:16:52.279 --> 00:16:55.679 I know we're gonna maybe we'll google it. Everybody. I'm 368 00:16:55.679 --> 00:16:57.759 gonna pull up a little clip while we continue to 369 00:16:57.879 --> 00:16:58.600 talk about that, so. 370 00:16:58.720 --> 00:16:59.559 Glad to hear the song. 371 00:16:59.639 --> 00:17:04.759 Okay, so what what do you think the That's a 372 00:17:04.759 --> 00:17:06.440 tough one for her to call back. He could just 373 00:17:06.480 --> 00:17:07.640 say them like, oh my god, I was drunk, I 374 00:17:07.680 --> 00:17:10.720 don't remember. But I also see her point. She that's 375 00:17:10.720 --> 00:17:12.559 a if a girl said that to me on a 376 00:17:12.599 --> 00:17:14.880 first date, I'm the kind of guy that would like that. 377 00:17:15.279 --> 00:17:16.920 Some guys will be freaked out. I'm the kind of 378 00:17:16.920 --> 00:17:19.680 guy who likes the girl seeing what Howie looks like 379 00:17:19.799 --> 00:17:22.400 in her in her penmanship on the first date. I 380 00:17:22.480 --> 00:17:26.359 want them to think optimistically. You know, I'm that person, 381 00:17:26.880 --> 00:17:29.000 but some people, you know. So she was trying to 382 00:17:29.039 --> 00:17:32.000 be like, this is gonna be our song. I think 383 00:17:32.000 --> 00:17:34.960 it's sweet. I like it. I think I would remember, Yeah, 384 00:17:35.000 --> 00:17:37.319 I've had girls on first dates walk me by a 385 00:17:37.400 --> 00:17:39.359 jewelry store and say this is the kind of rings 386 00:17:39.400 --> 00:17:41.720 I like. I just think it's fun and playful. I 387 00:17:41.720 --> 00:17:44.400 don't think, well, I don't. I'm okay with that. I 388 00:17:44.440 --> 00:17:47.359 get it's not for everybody, but I know you're this 389 00:17:47.480 --> 00:17:48.440 song hold. 390 00:17:48.200 --> 00:17:52.119 On, keep yeah, I think okay, let's hear this. 391 00:17:54.759 --> 00:17:55.799 It's a rights violation. 392 00:17:58.960 --> 00:18:06.680 Like okay, First of all, that's kind of a terrible song, 393 00:18:06.799 --> 00:18:07.319 to be honest. 394 00:18:07.359 --> 00:18:09.519 It's a little slow, but it's only you. It's kind 395 00:18:09.519 --> 00:18:11.720 of sweet. I get it. But if you're not familiar 396 00:18:11.720 --> 00:18:14.559 with that song, there's no way you would remember three 397 00:18:14.559 --> 00:18:16.119 months down the road, if you were drinking at a 398 00:18:16.200 --> 00:18:19.640 jukebox or whatever. There's no way you didn't pick something. 399 00:18:19.759 --> 00:18:21.920 You know, you didn't pick Billy Jean, like, you didn't 400 00:18:21.960 --> 00:18:26.720 pick like something song that everybody's gonna know and remember, yeah, don't. 401 00:18:26.920 --> 00:18:30.279