Speaker 1: Well, well, well, welcome back, besties. It's your mother. Fresh
Speaker 1: off of a flight from santro Pey. I am rested
Speaker 1: and rejuvenated and so happy to be home. You know,
Speaker 1: I think the best part about going on vacation is
Speaker 1: coming home. Like I think it's so nice to see
Speaker 1: the world, but a lot of it is just like
Speaker 1: sitting on your phone somewhere else. And uh, I'm kind
Speaker 1: of good on that. Like I got there and I
Speaker 1: was so jet leg the first night, and I went
Speaker 1: to the sea and I laid on their beach and
Speaker 1: it was just like pebbles. It was like it was
Speaker 1: laying on rocks. I was like, you know what, I
Speaker 1: think I could just see this on Google street View.
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't know if I need to be
Speaker 1: here or come back. And then as I was laying there,
Speaker 1: I was meditating and this homeless man came up to
Speaker 1: me and took a greasy dump right next to my head,
Speaker 1: and I was like, well, you know what, you don't
Speaker 1: get that on beyond on Google street View, So maybe
Speaker 1: I will keep coming back, keep coming back from almost
Speaker 1: guy to shit on your fucking head. You know. No,
Speaker 1: it was a great trip. I am. I was supposed
Speaker 1: to stay longer, and I came home because I wanted
Speaker 1: to go spend the Fourth of July with my dad.
Speaker 1: So I literally got home last night at midnight. I'm
Speaker 1: recording today and then I'm gonna go fly today at
Speaker 1: three pm to hang out with my fashaw, and then
Speaker 1: I'll be back in the city next week. I'll be
Speaker 1: back in the city Sunday before this even airs. So
Speaker 1: I hope you guys had a great Fourth of July weekend.
Speaker 1: I hope Nunny blew your fucking hands off with fireworks.
Speaker 1: I hope you guys are all safe and wonderful and ingratitude, babe,
Speaker 1: because that's where we got to stay. I am so
Speaker 1: excited for our guests today. You guys, if you're on,
Speaker 1: if you're subbed on the Patreon, you know we're in lover.
Speaker 1: If you're not, what are you fucking doing? Go sub
Speaker 1: the Patreon. We're talking all the fucking shit over there.
Speaker 1: It is one of my dearest friends in comedy. Please
Speaker 1: welcome Dicey hight Well there, you're fun bitch. Okay, okay,
Speaker 1: it's eleven eleven. Make a wish, Okay, you wish for
Speaker 1: your pussy to not be so stanky.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that was my wish, my wish, that was my wish.
Speaker 1: Oh my god. All right, keep an eye on my earing.
Speaker 1: If it falls out again, I'll let you know. Start
Speaker 1: to look busted. Just don't let me. Do you want
Speaker 1: this peace out? Well, I guess not. It just looks unintentional.
Speaker 1: I think it looks good.
Speaker 3: I haven't shaved under my arms nex two weeks.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, damn, it looks like coffee girls.
Speaker 4: Bye, you bitch, you bitch.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, welcome back, Bestie's. Welcome to the Talk
Speaker 1: and Schmidt podcast. By popular demand, we have on dicey.
Speaker 3: Oh they wanted me.
Speaker 1: Oh well, after listen the girl, he's done the Patreon.
Speaker 1: After they heard your solution to me being stuck in
Speaker 1: that lease, Everyone's like, we love this bitch.
Speaker 3: They can't. They slapped. They slid in my DMS. A
Speaker 3: couple of them, a couple of fans. They were like,
Speaker 3: thank you so much. You're such a great friend to her.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean it is. It's the best idea we
Speaker 1: have so far. Do you wanna do you wanna let
Speaker 1: the rest of the world know what it is? Because
Speaker 1: not everyone hears I'm Patreon even though you.
Speaker 3: Should be well, you know, everybody knows that you like
Speaker 3: black men sometimes, and so I sometimes time from time
Speaker 3: to time and stance. It's Florida where you were, you know,
Speaker 3: and it's the relations ain't just like you know all that.
Speaker 3: But I don't know. I don't know. I never I
Speaker 3: never had the oh.
Speaker 1: We're not saying his name anymore. Sorry, that's okay.
Speaker 3: I never had the privilege of meeting him. But I
Speaker 3: just feel like if you would have had a black
Speaker 3: man on the couch that she was riding his dick,
Speaker 3: you know, when when he walked in that, you know,
Speaker 3: because you still have half the access to the place
Speaker 3: right like you're on the lease still, so at least
Speaker 3: mean you could go down there and.
Speaker 1: Just just be menting.
Speaker 3: I could just be like the house guests from hell.
Speaker 3: Even though I'm a great house guest, you.
Speaker 1: Are a great house guys. I think there's hang on,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna pay voice. Don't you sent me? Because everybody
Speaker 1: really loved the voice.
Speaker 3: I don't even really remember what I said. I remember
Speaker 3: the gist of it.
Speaker 2: We could have a whole other podcast on our voice notes,
Speaker 2: but then we'd be canceled immediately.
Speaker 3: You know what, you should do, bitch. What you should
Speaker 3: do is go back there a couple time times a
Speaker 3: month and go fuck some niggas up in there, like
Speaker 3: be having the loudest sex with some black dudes. And
Speaker 3: I promise you he's gonna let you out of your
Speaker 3: league's bitch, and I am. You know I'll go with you.
Speaker 3: You know, I'll go and be sitting on the balcony
Speaker 3: every morning when he comes out having some coffee. Bitch.
Speaker 3: You know, I'll show up to that bagel shop. I'll go,
Speaker 3: I'll go support his business. I'll be sitting on his balcony. Bitch.
Speaker 1: First of all, the chips in that are a paid actor.
Speaker 3: They I don't know what I was munching on. But
Speaker 3: that's crazy.
Speaker 1: It's so funny, so funny, you're so dumb. I'm so
Speaker 1: happy you're back. I haven't seen you in so long.
Speaker 3: Because I know, because you moved to Florida to be
Speaker 3: a you know, to sit on wicker furniture and have
Speaker 3: flower wallpaper and shit like a golden girl. You did that.
Speaker 3: That was your choice. That's why we ain't seen each other.
Speaker 3: I mean, oh my gosh.
Speaker 1: You know, love is a funny. Love is a strange drug.
Speaker 1: It'll make you do some things that you look back
Speaker 1: and you're like, the fuck was that?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: He was cute though, he was a lot of wonderful things.
Speaker 1: You wanted to have moved across the country if he wasn't.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, So how do you feel now now that
Speaker 3: you're out of it? Now that we're sitting in here? Beautiful?
Speaker 3: This is some Carrie Bradshaw shit, y'all. Y'all can't see
Speaker 3: the whole place. But this is so nice and it's
Speaker 3: like a ten minute train ride from everything. It's amazing.
Speaker 3: This is a great neighborhood.
Speaker 1: It's great.
Speaker 3: It's the neighborhood.
Speaker 1: It's the neighborhood.
Speaker 3: I know.
Speaker 1: That's why I like it. It's the neighborhoods are always safer.
Speaker 1: I feel great. I just got back from Santa Fe.
Speaker 1: I just got bame from Santa Page. No, I feel good.
Speaker 1: I'm just like, you know, it's like you can feel
Speaker 1: so good and you can also still need to like heal, yeah,
Speaker 1: and still need to like take care a little bit.
Speaker 1: So that's where I'm at. I wish I was like
Speaker 1: the kind of person that I.
Speaker 3: Used to be, more of a bitch, more of a
Speaker 3: savage bitch, is that possible?
Speaker 1: No more of a hoe? Oh more of a hoe.
Speaker 1: I wish I had that hoe DNA left in me,
Speaker 1: but I just don't. I don't have that. That hoe
Speaker 1: died a wild while ago.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think there's so many benefits to being a woe.
Speaker 3: Yeah it is. I mean I'm too old to whoe too,
Speaker 3: but I have thought about it recently.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I just think there's so many benefits of being
Speaker 1: able to like distract yourself with someone else immediately and
Speaker 1: like just like fuck the pain away.
Speaker 3: Growth sucks.
Speaker 1: Growth is the worst. Yeah, growing up is horrible. I
Speaker 1: don't advise anyone do it. Yeah, So I think right
Speaker 1: now I'm just in a recalibration stage. But I'm good.
Speaker 1: Like my place, fucking slaps. I've never got booked comedy
Speaker 1: more in my life than when I moved here.
Speaker 3: Yeah, people love you. And this is a comedy town.
Speaker 3: This is a comics place. Yeah, and it's the scene
Speaker 3: is run by comics a lot more so here than
Speaker 3: in La right, which makes it just a little more
Speaker 3: accessible and cool to me.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, Yeah, So so that's it. I'm no longer,
Speaker 1: you know, no longer the bagel heiress.
Speaker 3: I'm so glad you you know that was the other
Speaker 3: voice note I left you. I'm like, you're too good
Speaker 3: to be a bagel heiress. This is not you know,
Speaker 3: you was not everything. Bagel bitch, definitely not centniment. You're
Speaker 3: not you don't fit into none of them, like.
Speaker 1: No, no no. I read something recently online about airport divorces.
Speaker 1: Airport divorce which I really am interested in. So is
Speaker 1: that and airport divorces when you're dating someone and you
Speaker 1: go to the airport together, But people often have such
Speaker 1: different travel styles that they really get into conflict in
Speaker 1: the airport. Like some people are anxious and they want
Speaker 1: to get there early. Some people are like really late
Speaker 1: and want to be like the last person on the plane.
Speaker 1: Some people have a little ritual they want to go
Speaker 1: get a coffee, Like people just have different styles of flying.
Speaker 1: And the airport divorce means you meet each other at
Speaker 1: the gate. Everything before that is your business.
Speaker 3: I love that idea.
Speaker 1: I think it's so smart.
Speaker 3: It's so smart.
Speaker 1: I have dated both of my serious partnerships have been
Speaker 1: anxious flyers. Nothing gives me the yick more than someone
Speaker 1: that's scared of a plane going down or scared of
Speaker 1: missing your flight. I'm just like, grow up. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: get horny for turbulence. I I want to be the
Speaker 1: last person there. I get there an hour before the
Speaker 1: flight leaves. I know how.
Speaker 3: I've traveled with you a lot, and you really stress
Speaker 3: me out with that hour before shit, you do. I
Speaker 3: like to be there two hours before, even though I
Speaker 3: have clear and all that shit, Like, I still want
Speaker 3: to be there two hours.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So we're gonna get an airport tour us. Okay, Yeah,
Speaker 1: and you can do your shit. You can go knit
Speaker 1: in the fucking terminal or whatever you do.
Speaker 3: No, I just want to go smell all the candles
Speaker 3: at duty Free and smell all the all the perfumes.
Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying. Like I want to do
Speaker 3: my thing. I want to I do want to get
Speaker 3: a coffee.
Speaker 1: But don't you think that you traveled too much to
Speaker 1: be taken all that time? Like I'm talking, there are
Speaker 1: years of your life you're huffing candles at duty Free.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I know, because I flew eighty two times last year.
Speaker 3: But I still always get there no matter what.
Speaker 1: Just to just too Yeah, of course you're gonna get there,
Speaker 1: but you're losing time on the back end, is what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. Yeah, like precious moments of your life. Like
Speaker 1: if I were you and you were me, you'd be
Speaker 1: on your way to LaGuardia right now. Yeah, for my
Speaker 1: flight I have at three. I would yeah, I'd be
Speaker 1: on my way three.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I see eleven twenty and we still got another
Speaker 3: thirty minutes.
Speaker 1: It is thirty. We've got like an hour and change.
Speaker 3: You're crazy.
Speaker 1: I'll leave here at two. I'll get there at two thirty.
Speaker 1: My flight's at three thirty.
Speaker 3: I'll be perfect from JFK or you're going to Looardia
Speaker 3: Guardian Okay, yeah, that's cool Gardia.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I literally am. Just I got back from
Speaker 1: San I was supposed to go to Paris this weekend.
Speaker 1: It's the first time I've ever turned down Paris in
Speaker 1: my life. Like I've been one hundred times. I don't
Speaker 1: need to go again. Also, I just feel like I
Speaker 1: have so many memories in Paris with like all these
Speaker 1: things that didn't work.
Speaker 3: Every time I look up here in Paris. Why don't
Speaker 3: you want to go this time? Just? Okay?
Speaker 1: I was just you know what I did the South
Speaker 1: of France, which was so beautiful. I'd never done it before,
Speaker 1: but I was just like, I'm good. I don't need
Speaker 1: to go to the city.
Speaker 3: But you know, I love that you're gonna go spend
Speaker 3: the fourth of July with your dad and two hundred
Speaker 3: and fiftieth. Yeah, you know, year of the country, Year
Speaker 3: of our country. I think that's cool that you'll be
Speaker 3: there with your dad. Yeah, maybe that's more meaningful. I'm
Speaker 3: gonna look for some free barbecue in the city.
Speaker 1: Those exist in the city, Yeah, they do.
Speaker 3: It's a lot of people that's barbecuing in Harlem. Everybody's
Speaker 3: just gonna be on the street barbecuing. Okay, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: so I might go. I love Harlem so much I
Speaker 3: want to move back there. I'm about to move to
Speaker 3: Brooklyn when my place is ready in a couple of weeks,
Speaker 3: but I'm going to get back to Harlem. It's like
Speaker 3: the it's the best mix of I've never lived around
Speaker 3: this many black people before, first of all, and it's
Speaker 3: the perfect mix of ignorance and excellence. I love it.
Speaker 3: It's just the best.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you'll probably like it over there.
Speaker 1: I'm sure. I was.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you can come visit me, you can come stay
Speaker 3: with me.
Speaker 1: I can come stay high. What's going on with dating
Speaker 1: right now? The eternal scam that is dating girl.
Speaker 3: I'm on the apps girl girl only Hinge. I don't,
Speaker 3: I'm on the app just Hinge. And do you know
Speaker 3: that I actually matched with one of the executives of
Speaker 3: Hinge on him. Yeah, And we went out a couple
Speaker 3: of times and I was like, I feel like you
Speaker 3: are collecting data. Yeah, he just he We ended up
Speaker 3: not talking anymore. He stops. Yeah, I was right, I
Speaker 3: was right. I mean we matched. I've matched with some
Speaker 3: really interesting people, you know, most mostly doctors hit me up. Yeah,
Speaker 3: a lot of doctors, a lot of lawyers, just real
Speaker 3: corporate people. And I'm just definitely not that you know,
Speaker 3: and it's I don't.
Speaker 1: But I think opposites a tract sometimes.
Speaker 3: Sometimes, but not none of these times. No, not none
Speaker 3: of these times. It's interesting though, Yeah, people, I haven't
Speaker 3: been in the Dayton streets. And like you know, I
Speaker 3: was married, like you for we got divorced around the
Speaker 3: same time.
Speaker 1: Well, no, we didn't.
Speaker 3: Well, I was separated for a while because we had
Speaker 3: we had a free divorce. See you would paid attorneys.
Speaker 3: My ship was backed up in COVID. My shit was
Speaker 3: backed up nothing but finally exactly. But you know, we
Speaker 3: didn't have anything.
Speaker 1: That started and I would done with mine.
Speaker 3: Uh huh No, I think my mine's been almost three
Speaker 3: years now so that it's been finalized.
Speaker 1: So now there was something else going on there. I
Speaker 1: remember it because I remember being like this bitch.
Speaker 3: I just looked at my divorce decree when I went home,
Speaker 3: did you yes first for just.
Speaker 1: To keep it holding your heart?
Speaker 3: Well, I was trying to see about my last name.
Speaker 3: I was trying to see if I changed my name back,
Speaker 3: and I did. I never dropped my first of all,
Speaker 3: if I ever get married again, I'm not taking nobody's
Speaker 3: name me either.
Speaker 1: It's a weird thing to do. It's a weird because
Speaker 1: it's like your whole life, you have a name, yeah,
Speaker 1: and then all of a sudden, you have a different
Speaker 1: name because it's some fucking dude.
Speaker 3: Yeah. And then I got to pay to get it
Speaker 3: switched back.
Speaker 1: Oh, and I mean the nightmare that is switching your
Speaker 1: name back. Social Security car titles, well, you don't have
Speaker 1: one of those.
Speaker 3: I don't. I don't have a car. I don't. I
Speaker 3: haven't had one in years.
Speaker 1: But like driver's license, all that shit you have to.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I remember when you.
Speaker 1: Came to visit me in Venice and you were super
Speaker 1: high and you were reversing your car out of the
Speaker 1: driveway and I.
Speaker 3: Broke your gate.
Speaker 1: You broke my gate. But not only did you break
Speaker 1: my gate, you like knew you were hitting it and
Speaker 1: then just kept going so slow. It was just like.
Speaker 3: I did a couple of destructive things to your to
Speaker 3: your apart over there. I don't know why you kept
Speaker 3: calling me to come house it because Biggie loved me.
Speaker 1: Biggie did love you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, no, but uh but that was fucked though.
Speaker 1: You just did it in a slow motion and it's
Speaker 1: like you knew you were doing it, and you looked
Speaker 1: at me and you said, the girl, it's fine. Broke
Speaker 1: the whole gate.
Speaker 3: I broke the whole gay. I loved your place.
Speaker 1: In Venice, Oh, Venice. That was one of the best ones.
Speaker 3: It was. It was one of the best ones.
Speaker 1: Do you still talk to Chris?
Speaker 3: Yes, well, you know, he hits me up and sends
Speaker 3: me songs and stuff. Yeah, you know, I just love
Speaker 3: him some, Chris, and I love that you don't mind
Speaker 3: that that he's still cool? With the people. You know,
Speaker 3: you gotta you. It's this weird thing where you got
Speaker 3: to pick friends and you know, not with us.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love him. He will not like you know,
Speaker 1: we have love for each other. It's like I'm I
Speaker 1: text his friends on their birthday and like, you know,
Speaker 1: I try and be cool with Shane fucking Shane. I
Speaker 1: love Shane, Shane, Shane gun.
Speaker 3: You know one thing I admired about y'all is even
Speaker 3: y'all were y'all it wasn't a bad divorce, but y'all,
Speaker 3: you know, you had your little issues or whatever. But
Speaker 3: white people are going to always figure out that dog custody. Okay,
Speaker 3: y'all figured out that dog custody. You weren't talking, but
Speaker 3: you was sharing the dog and he loved Biggie Too's.
Speaker 1: On my mantle now. He's usually on my lap during
Speaker 1: the podcast.
Speaker 3: But Chris needs a podcast about like songs and how
Speaker 3: just what he has the best musical ear some of
Speaker 3: the stuff he sent me. I'm just obsessed with everything
Speaker 3: he sent me.
Speaker 1: Chris has impeccable taste and he is the funniest person
Speaker 1: I've ever met in my life. I told him over
Speaker 1: and over again to start a podcast with Shane. He
Speaker 1: just doesn't want to, but that's okay, that's up to him.
Speaker 1: He started this is actually so crazy. So the hot
Speaker 1: dog company that he started, it's called Gleasy. And when
Speaker 1: I was in Santrapez, one of the girls I was
Speaker 1: with was this lawyer and they were at like this
Speaker 1: investment like convention where they were investing in brands, and
Speaker 1: one of her business partners was trying to invest in
Speaker 1: this hot dog company, and Bryce his business owner was like,
Speaker 1: we're not interested and that, and then everyone was like, Oh,
Speaker 1: these guys are like legit. And so now there's like
Speaker 1: all this buzz about them in the VC world and like,
Speaker 1: I mean, they're getting into like gas stations in the South,
Speaker 1: they're getting into I don't know.
Speaker 3: I never post about anything.
Speaker 1: He never posts anymore. He know, he doesn't post anymore.
Speaker 1: And one thing I will say, one thing I will
Speaker 1: hang my hat up on, is that after a man
Speaker 1: breaks up with me, he disappears from the.
Speaker 3: Damn. What is it about you? I make him go
Speaker 3: at You're some kind of grim reapers, some algorithm bitch.
Speaker 3: I can't stand you. Does he have veggie dogs?
Speaker 1: Veggie dogs?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: No, Oh, just real hot dogs, bitch.
Speaker 3: That's between him and his colon. And you know that's
Speaker 3: ain't gotding to do with me. Yay, Chris. I loved him.
Speaker 1: We love Chris. But I will say like that was
Speaker 1: another thing between him and I is like he was
Speaker 1: such an anxious traveler. I really don't understand. Do you
Speaker 1: get anxiety when you're on the plane, Like, oh, no,
Speaker 1: it's gonna go down.
Speaker 3: Depends on how many shots of Jack I've had.
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, and that's a great answer.
Speaker 3: So but usually no, yeah, you know, planes don't just
Speaker 3: be going down.
Speaker 1: And and that's what I've been saying.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, I have faith in a lot of
Speaker 3: the pilots that I always speak to them and just
Speaker 3: let them know, Hey, I'm here, so you.
Speaker 1: Know, be cool, be cool here, So do.
Speaker 3: Your job in at thirty two et right next to
Speaker 3: the coffee, listening to all the the gossip from the
Speaker 3: you know, flight attendant.
Speaker 1: I was my friend Trevor was flying his plane the
Speaker 1: other day and facetimed me while he was flying.
Speaker 3: Oh, and I.
Speaker 1: Was like, is that a thing? And he's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's autopilot, Like nobody's actually flying these planes. And I
Speaker 1: was just like, but I didn't think you could FaceTime me.
Speaker 3: Does he work for a major airliners? Okay, okay, perfect
Speaker 3: fly private, can't great hopefully by himself?
Speaker 1: Yeah, a major airline? Like for a Spirit he picked
Speaker 1: the old, old, defunked planes. What do you find to
Speaker 1: know that Spirit stuff? Fuck you?
Speaker 3: I never flew Spirit. I flew Spirit like one time
Speaker 3: when I had to because of because of the connecting,
Speaker 3: I can't now, you know, you know I'm a cheap
Speaker 3: ass bitch.
Speaker 1: You know That's what I've been.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm super cheat, but some things I just don't
Speaker 3: compromise on, you know.
Speaker 1: And uh that's getting from point at point big.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, that's the this the last year. The craziest
Speaker 3: air airplane story I have is a bitch was sitting
Speaker 3: behind me. She was on the last row and I
Speaker 3: was on the road right before the last row like
Speaker 3: I like I do, and she started convulsed. Is it
Speaker 3: convuls convulsing? And so I'm like and the man next
Speaker 3: to her is like, ma'am. I'm like, it's a bitch
Speaker 3: going down over here. Like I started yelling at that.
Speaker 3: The flight attendants came over there and it was a
Speaker 3: doctor I had manifested that I was going to sit
Speaker 3: in first class unless flight. They it was no for
Speaker 3: it was no upgrades, and so I was like, okay,
Speaker 3: I'm gonna manifest this. I'm going I don't want to
Speaker 3: be back here. So the doctor that was on the
Speaker 3: plane was in first class. So he came to the
Speaker 3: back to see what was going on, and I had
Speaker 3: already stood up. I was up, and I was in
Speaker 3: the middle seat. By the way, I was in the aisle.
Speaker 3: I'm not sitting you know, no, And so he was like,
Speaker 3: I'm so sorry, do you mind switching seats with me.
Speaker 3: I'm just gonna have to sit next to her the
Speaker 3: whole the rest of the flight. I'm like, where's He
Speaker 3: was like, I'm too a up there? Oh for sure,
Speaker 3: and the.
Speaker 1: Flight and I guess I'll do that community service, I guess.
Speaker 3: So I guess I'll do that because either way, I
Speaker 3: wasn't sitting next to the dam bitch either way, either way,
Speaker 3: that was not happening. So oh man, anyway.
Speaker 1: When people have medical emergencies on planes, and I know
Speaker 1: it's not their fault, but like, god damn, get it together. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we're gonna have a fucking grand mall seizure. When we
Speaker 1: were loading onto a plane, she just dropped on the
Speaker 1: fucking what's it called the jet bridge. I just walked around.
Speaker 3: You are complete trash what.
Speaker 1: I just stepped over. I was like, this is between
Speaker 1: her and God the guy. Everyone else was figuring it
Speaker 1: out right.
Speaker 3: They didn't need to figure into Yeah, they didn't need
Speaker 3: another figure. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I couldn't be up there, figures.
Speaker 3: I've done with you. You can just I mean you well,
Speaker 3: hopefully you just sent her some good vibes.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I did, like prayers, May God be with you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, if your prayers go through good.
Speaker 1: Look I'm blocked.
Speaker 3: You're You're blacked. The Lord's said, no, wow.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean it's just, you know, I get it
Speaker 1: at someone's life, but it's really just also my trip.
Speaker 3: Also, I'm in Paris and towers waiting for me, bitch.
Speaker 1: Yesterday I had to I had to fly from Nice
Speaker 1: to Paris, Paris to JFK. We were twenty minutes late
Speaker 1: leaving Nice because it's fucking mercury retrograde, so fucking of
Speaker 1: course we were. I had from the time we touched
Speaker 1: down to get onto the other plane, I had sixteen minutes.
Speaker 1: We taxied for four of those minutes. I was running
Speaker 1: like forest fucking gum. Like I was booking it through
Speaker 1: the airport. I had to like go that you also
Speaker 1: have to go through like passport control. Yeah, so I
Speaker 1: was like dipping and dodging under the things. I was like,
Speaker 1: I have to get home. I don't run like I'm
Speaker 1: not I have bat hips, I don't do cardio. I'm
Speaker 1: like running through this airport like talk about a medical emergency.
Speaker 1: It was me. I get to the plane and I
Speaker 1: was like, did I make it? She's like, yeah, You're fine.
Speaker 3: Didn't Was it delayed or no?
Speaker 1: It wasn't delayed. They fucking held it because they knew
Speaker 1: three of us were coming, So all the other bitches
Speaker 1: were just walking. Okay, So then it ended up being
Speaker 1: delayed because of the other people. But I'm like, I
Speaker 1: would have kept this bitch on time.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm so glad you made it back. Me too.
Speaker 1: I would have fucked everything up. If I would have
Speaker 1: got stuck in Paris last night and then had to
Speaker 1: wake up get a flight home to Paris, I would
Speaker 1: have completely missed my flight to Milwaukee today. I would
Speaker 1: have missed all the fun plans my dad and I have,
Speaker 1: Like I just would have missed everything. Also, I just
Speaker 1: needed to be home and in my own bed. And
Speaker 1: I got home and I slept like a fucking rock
Speaker 1: last night.
Speaker 3: This bit is so cool.
Speaker 1: It's so comfy. Can we talk about sleep and how
Speaker 1: much of a different person you are with and without it?
Speaker 1: When I get good sleep? Literally, the first thoughts in
Speaker 1: my head as I come online is like, my life
Speaker 1: is so amazing. I'm so grateful, Like God is good,
Speaker 1: Everything's wonderful. Like those are thoughts I have before I
Speaker 1: even like wake up fully m hm, this fucking.
Speaker 3: Earring, girl, that airring is not fucking we today.
Speaker 1: Why nobody's fucking with me today?
Speaker 3: It was like your ears a loose pussy back there,
Speaker 3: Like it's just it's just fallen out.
Speaker 1: And do some keg weights, yeah, which, by the way,
Speaker 1: have you ever done those?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: I have some. What a humbling experiences are I mean,
Speaker 1: I really thought, I'm like, oh, yeah, I can go
Speaker 1: to defcon, Like, I'll go to the last one. I
Speaker 1: put it and it fell right out. I was like,
Speaker 1: all right, we'll start a little we'll start a little
Speaker 1: more junior.
Speaker 3: I don't need mind any tighter though. Really it's pretty tight.
Speaker 3: That's what fucking dumb bitches say. That's what lion bitches.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the lion. That's what I was saying before
Speaker 1: I put on up there, before I threw it up
Speaker 1: and it fell right out my toe and I was like,
Speaker 1: all right, I got some I got some work to do.
Speaker 1: But what I've been doing is putting them in before
Speaker 1: I go to pilates, because then when you're doing like
Speaker 1: the whole body workout, you can just work the pussy
Speaker 1: out too. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Never, this year, that's smart.
Speaker 1: This yearing doesn't want to be with me? No, I
Speaker 1: don't want you know what this is. I don't want
Speaker 1: anything that doesn't want me.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Good.
Speaker 1: What were we talking about before?
Speaker 3: You know, I smoked too much?
Speaker 1: You know you do smoke too much.
Speaker 3: We were talking about We weren't talking about the airport anymore. No,
Speaker 3: we were talking about your dad. What are you doing
Speaker 3: with your dad? What are your plans? What are you
Speaker 3: all doing?
Speaker 1: We're gonna go to Summerfest and we're gonna watch the fireworks,
Speaker 1: and then we're probably gonna go to the country. We're
Speaker 1: gonna I mean, he lives in the country, so we're
Speaker 1: gonna go back to the We're gonna go back to
Speaker 1: the country and we're probably gonna watch some redneck shoot
Speaker 1: off fireworks and also probably their hands and then.
Speaker 3: A bunch of taxi dermat stuff around.
Speaker 1: Yeah, mostly in my dad's house. I'm just so excited
Speaker 1: to see my dad.
Speaker 3: Uh huh.
Speaker 1: And then that's it. I'm really annoyed because we were
Speaker 1: on something.
Speaker 3: We were on, we were onto something, we.
Speaker 1: Were onto something rewind.
Speaker 3: Let me see if.
Speaker 1: I can go back.
Speaker 3: When the airring fell out, you were saying, I'm glad
Speaker 3: I got back my trip. We were done talking about
Speaker 3: the airport.
Speaker 1: Do you ever do do you ever talk to like
Speaker 1: your your uh guardian angels and ask them for signs.
Speaker 1: I was doing that the other day, and you know,
Speaker 1: white feathers are assigned from guardian angels. Really like, if
Speaker 1: you if you're like, show me, if I'm protected, show
Speaker 1: me a white feather.
Speaker 3: Did you find some?
Speaker 1: Yeah? But it was a seagull feather, so if that counts.
Speaker 3: Well, I mean it's really it's not a lot of
Speaker 3: white birds. Yeah, so that that does. That completely counts.
Speaker 1: Yeah. When I was at my place in Santrape, I
Speaker 1: found a seagull feather. It was on my stairclap case
Speaker 1: and I saw it every day and I was like.
Speaker 3: M my ancestors talk to me when I do shrooms.
Speaker 1: Okay, have you been doing shrooms lightly?
Speaker 3: Michael Dawson A little bit?
Speaker 1: You know, well some some, you know. I love.
Speaker 3: I love how white people just read brand like crack shit,
Speaker 3: like it's microdos. It's not, you know, so I have been.
Speaker 3: I've been listen.
Speaker 1: Are they class A drugs? Sure? Sure, well you get
Speaker 1: a Are they a felony count if you get caught? Yeah?
Speaker 1: But it's also of my morning routine, it is.
Speaker 3: That's part of it. No espresso and shrooms or coat. No,
Speaker 3: I don't do cocaine, but you were talking about hard
Speaker 3: herder drugs. I love shrooms. I like it's very introspective
Speaker 3: and I've never had It's always been such a positive
Speaker 3: download for me every single time. And that's when they
Speaker 3: talk to me and they tell me stuff about myself.
Speaker 1: And they they tell you that you're a raggedy bitch.
Speaker 3: Yeah, they'd be like bitch.
Speaker 2: No.
Speaker 3: They tell me they're like, you're magical. Yeah, why don't
Speaker 3: you access this magic? You are magic? That's what they
Speaker 3: always they tell me. It's crazy, right.
Speaker 1: I know I'm magical magic mushrooms telling you at.
Speaker 3: Least, Yeah, that's probably what it is, just the shrooms
Speaker 3: telling me. But I like to say it's my ancestors.
Speaker 1: I like rooms. I have not done any in a while.
Speaker 3: Because that's not part of sobriety, right.
Speaker 1: No. I wasn't sober for a while though, but I'm
Speaker 1: I have like four weeks right now. But I don't
Speaker 1: want to like jinx it because you never know when
Speaker 1: I might go back.
Speaker 3: But it's not alcohol none, which is the best thing
Speaker 3: for you. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, alcohol is the one I got to stay away from. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but you know, I just anything to get me away
Speaker 1: from myself a little bit. I've been kind of accessing,
Speaker 1: but then I realized with this this breakup, I'm like
Speaker 1: I need to actually just like feel all these feelings. Unfortunately,
Speaker 1: and I don't want to, you know, because when you're
Speaker 1: like using anything, even if it's just like microdosing shrooms
Speaker 1: or eat or whatever, it is like you're just pushing
Speaker 1: everything down. It's kind of like pushing a beach ball underwater, right,
Speaker 1: So it's like the further you push it down, the
Speaker 1: harder it comes up and like hits you in the
Speaker 1: face and knocks your fucking teeth out and.
Speaker 3: It should be a preacher girl. That was so good,
Speaker 3: Like what a beach ball.
Speaker 1: But that's kind of what it is. It's like you
Speaker 1: can push it down, push it down, and then all
Speaker 1: of a sudden, it pops up and it hits you
Speaker 1: in the face. And like that happened to me when
Speaker 1: I was in Santa Pez. Like one little thing happened
Speaker 1: that made me really uncomfortable, and I was trying to
Speaker 1: talk about it with a friend and I just started,
Speaker 1: like like a kid that just fell off their bike.
Speaker 1: I was like like just like just started like sobbing
Speaker 1: on the streets of Santa Pez. Really and I was like, Oh,
Speaker 1: this is because I've like been pushing everything down and
Speaker 1: I've been ignoring it. And I'm such a runner, Like
Speaker 1: I'm such a like if I get into a situation
Speaker 1: where I don't want to be in, I will run
Speaker 1: for the fucking hills. But like running is just working
Speaker 1: on adrenaline, right, so it's like I'm not processing anything.
Speaker 1: I'm in such flight or fight or flight. Oh so yeah,
Speaker 1: I think like when you're running off adrenaline like that,
Speaker 1: like you don't have time to sit in process, and
Speaker 1: I think, like everything I've been going through it's all
Speaker 1: like traumatic, you know, like a breakup is traumatic, moving
Speaker 1: is traumatic. Not like big t traumas, but like it's
Speaker 1: a lot, right. And then I was like, oh, my
Speaker 1: place isn't like settled exactly the way I want it
Speaker 1: to be, and let me just go to the South
Speaker 1: of France and like have fun with my girlfriends. And
Speaker 1: then like one little thing happens that's not aligned with
Speaker 1: how I wanted to feel, and I'm like and then
Speaker 1: like that's when I knew I had to come home
Speaker 1: because I was like, A, I need to like go
Speaker 1: be with the one person that makes me feel sane,
Speaker 1: which is my dad. Hm. He's like the most healing
Speaker 1: person in the world to me. And then b beyond that,
Speaker 1: when I get home, I have to like hunker down
Speaker 1: and heal. Yeah, and that's very annoying.
Speaker 3: Well, you know a lot of taurists are avoidance. I
Speaker 3: think that's part of y'all, part of a tourist trait. Honestly,
Speaker 3: a lot of taurists I know, well most of my
Speaker 3: friends are tourists. I know, for whatever reason.
Speaker 1: I mean, I think we're loyal to a fault and
Speaker 1: then the second that it's done, we're done.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: So it's like we will like ride and ride and
Speaker 1: ride and ride, but then the second the ride's over,
Speaker 1: we're hopping off and we're never coming back to the ride. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I don't know if it's necessarily a good thing or
Speaker 1: a bad thing, but it is. It's just how I
Speaker 1: deal with shit. So yeah, yeah, everything's good, though, what's
Speaker 1: going on with you?
Speaker 3: You know, just watching my parents get older, which is crazy,
Speaker 3: uh and interesting at the same time I'm becoming the parent.
Speaker 3: But yeah, I've been in Dallas for a minute. Me
Speaker 3: and my mom, I went to uh, I went home
Speaker 3: because I was going to Maui. So that was a
Speaker 3: really fun trip. And me and my mom just been,
Speaker 3: oh my god, that picture of you, which one on
Speaker 3: the chair and it looked like a walker. You make
Speaker 3: me so sick. I hate you. And it was so
Speaker 3: funny look like because it looked just like a walker.
Speaker 3: And I said, this fucking bitch, can't even I've been
Speaker 3: working so hard on my body to even post a
Speaker 3: bikini pic and hear this bitch come like reminded me
Speaker 3: a that I'm oldest, but and b that I just
Speaker 3: I look like I'm on a walker. It did.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna put the picture on the YouTube because it
Speaker 1: looks like a walker. I couldn't. I couldn't pass that one.
Speaker 1: I couldn't pass that one up.
Speaker 2: Please put that on there. That's hilarious, so funny. Do
Speaker 2: you have that on your hinge profile?
Speaker 3: No, I didn't want to walk her. No, I don't
Speaker 3: have that picture. And I was like, oh, oh, I
Speaker 3: hate this bitch she's making me. Would have delete it,
Speaker 3: but I didn't.
Speaker 1: No, don't delete it.
Speaker 3: You leave the rudest coming under my pictures. You leave.
Speaker 3: You are so rude. I think I'm doing so good,
Speaker 3: and then here comes Brittany best slide, Brittany.
Speaker 1: That is back slides, Brittany, that's just our friendship. Though
Speaker 1: we're mean as fuck doing so much. But then I
Speaker 1: don't think people get it. And then people are like,
Speaker 1: who's this?
Speaker 3: Yeah, they don't get it. And you know, you're the
Speaker 3: only person that i'll sleep in the bed with. Oh yeah,
Speaker 3: you're like my only friend. Yeah. I don't even sleep
Speaker 3: in the bed with my sister really or just like anybody.
Speaker 3: But yeah, I don't know why.
Speaker 1: It's easy and we both sleep like we're in a tomb.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we do. Like I sleep like a mummy. Ye yeah,
Speaker 3: all the covers everywhere, all over my mouth, all under
Speaker 3: my head.
Speaker 1: But yeah, anyway, well you look great in a bikini.
Speaker 3: Thanks.
Speaker 1: Next time, assess the chair you're sitting on. Sure it
Speaker 1: doesn't look like it needs tennis balls under.
Speaker 3: Shut up. I've been doing hot yoga. I've been eating
Speaker 3: cornbread too for the last month, because my mom makes
Speaker 3: corn bread with every single meal.
Speaker 1: Those two things are on opposite ends of the spectram. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's called balance it is. Yeah, I would love cornbread
Speaker 1: and hot yoga. Hm, that would be a cornbread is
Speaker 1: one of my favorite things in the world. Yeah, with
Speaker 1: some soft butter.
Speaker 3: But you like all that other nasty shit though, branch
Speaker 3: and all.
Speaker 1: The it's not on my corn bread.
Speaker 3: Well no, I know, but you know, yh you have
Speaker 3: like you're the only person the tartar sauces like flavored mayonnaisy. Shit,
Speaker 3: that's what you like.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's fucking great, all that Mill West bullshit. I know.
Speaker 1: I can't wait to go home. I can't wait to
Speaker 1: go home and eat sausages and like a fish filet
Speaker 1: with extra tartar sauce.
Speaker 3: Do you eat cheese curds?
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 3: I love those. Okay, I'll bring me some please.
Speaker 1: What's the most delusional thing you've ever believed about yourself?
Speaker 3: The most del you know what? That I need somebody
Speaker 3: for everything? Mmm? That I don't. That I'm just not
Speaker 3: the magic that I need, like my ant, like my
Speaker 3: ancestors be telling me on shrooms, I always feel like
Speaker 3: I have to partner with somebody or and and that's
Speaker 3: really held me back these last ten years. Yeah, me
Speaker 3: being in an unhappy marriage and that couple with just
Speaker 3: not really believing in myself like that are always trying
Speaker 3: to I guess, Yeah, I just feel like I need
Speaker 3: somebody else to make it. And I really don't.
Speaker 1: Need nobody, especially not in this business, not comedy.
Speaker 3: I don't. You're a good example of that, because nobody
Speaker 3: likes you anyway.
Speaker 1: Nobody likes me.
Speaker 3: I don't. That's just crazy to me.
Speaker 1: It's not crazy to me. I was thinking about this
Speaker 1: the other day and I came to a couple of things. One,
Speaker 1: I've done some bad things to people, some indefensible things,
Speaker 1: Like people would have bad things to say about me,
Speaker 1: and they would be right. I've always apologized, but that
Speaker 1: doesn't erase the fact that I did the bad thing.
Speaker 1: Two people need a villain. You know. People like to hate,
Speaker 1: they like to group hate, and I'm easy to group hat.
Speaker 1: I've always been easy to group hat. It's been going
Speaker 1: on since I was in grade school, all the way
Speaker 1: through middle school, high school. It didn't happen. It actually
Speaker 1: did happen college, but I was so drunk I wasn't
Speaker 1: paying attention. People didn't like me in college, but I
Speaker 1: didn't give a fuck. Yeah, and now it's back to
Speaker 1: the same thing where it's like it's kind of just
Speaker 1: been a theme of my life and I just have
Speaker 1: to be okay with it. Yeah, And that's why I'm
Speaker 1: like more committed to solidarity than ever. Like I have
Speaker 1: fewer friends than I've ever had in my life. Like
Speaker 1: the friend circle is getting smaller, not bigger. And I
Speaker 1: think I work from this wound of like people didn't
Speaker 1: like me growing up, so I want people to like me,
Speaker 1: and then I like let people in, and then I realize, like,
Speaker 1: for whatever reason, this friendship is never gonna work, and
Speaker 1: then we have some sort of you know, whether it's
Speaker 1: just a falling out or if it just dissipates. I
Speaker 1: just think my circle is supposed to be a lot smaller, yeah,
Speaker 1: and I want it to be bigger because there's like
Speaker 1: the wounded kid in me who wants so many friends
Speaker 1: and wants so much love. But like it's it's way.
Speaker 1: My life is much simpler when my circle is really small.
Speaker 3: Yeah, people don't really like me either. I guess that's
Speaker 3: why we growb it. Say it's towards you too, and
Speaker 3: I actually don't think that's true. I have a lot
Speaker 3: of peo really don't like me.
Speaker 1: I don't think that's true.
Speaker 3: It is, I don't. It's definitely been a theme in
Speaker 3: my life, and my ex used to always be like,
Speaker 3: these people are not your friends. You really think you
Speaker 3: think these people love you? They hate you for real.
Speaker 1: Jealousy's a hell of a drug.
Speaker 3: Jealousy is a hell of a drugs. But I also
Speaker 3: didn't I don't do bad things to people like you
Speaker 3: probably were doing. I don't really do fucked up things
Speaker 3: to people. I don't think.
Speaker 1: I don't ever intentionally mean to do bad things to people.
Speaker 1: I'm not going out to like hurt people's feelings or
Speaker 1: you know whatever. I've just been an imperfect friend in
Speaker 1: situations and I've you know, done and said things that
Speaker 1: I wish I hadn't, but like, yeah, it's all.
Speaker 3: Part of it. The first time I met you, you
Speaker 3: were a complete bit. I met you in Venice, of
Speaker 3: all places.
Speaker 1: This story story is a tale.
Speaker 3: This is so true. This is not a tall tail.
Speaker 3: It is the tallest. We were in a green room
Speaker 3: together at the Venice Underground Show, which was one of
Speaker 3: the dopest shows in LA at the time.
Speaker 1: I don't get.
Speaker 3: Shut up and so.
Speaker 1: Tall to us.
Speaker 3: The guy you were in there, the guy who was
Speaker 3: doing the show, he was he just briefly introduced us
Speaker 3: or whatever, and you were just like, Hi, just this real,
Speaker 3: just and I said, oh, she's a bitch, but I'm
Speaker 3: gonna just keep sucking with her anyway because that's just
Speaker 3: what I do. So I was asking you questions and
Speaker 3: step and you were just like, yeah, just giving like
Speaker 3: the the shortest answers, like stop talking to me, bitch.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So why didn't you stop?
Speaker 3: Because you because I just liked I just wanted to
Speaker 3: fuck with you.
Speaker 1: And then well, I don't like to be I don't
Speaker 1: like to be talked to, I don't like strangers.
Speaker 2: I don't.
Speaker 1: You're not trying to kick in a green room the
Speaker 1: my personality, and so don't.
Speaker 3: I just kept on going and then I did my
Speaker 3: set and that was probably one of the best sets
Speaker 3: I've ever had in my life to date. People were
Speaker 3: asking me for my autograph after that, after that show,
Speaker 3: and then here comes Brittany sliding somewhere either a DM
Speaker 3: or like something, and she's like, you want to get sushi,
Speaker 3: Let's uh, let's be friends or let's hang out. And
Speaker 3: then I met you in Venice again and you told
Speaker 3: me all about the hull bags and stuff, and I
Speaker 3: was like, this is my soul sister right here. And
Speaker 3: then ever since then we've just kind of been inseparable.
Speaker 3: But that's my story and I'm sticking to a bitch.
Speaker 1: It's not the story at all. But you know me now?
Speaker 1: Do you know me now? And you know that I
Speaker 1: don't want a stranger talking to me.
Speaker 3: Yeah, No, I know.
Speaker 1: I have a very god I have a very guarded energy,
Speaker 1: and that is because I've been burned so many times.
Speaker 1: So I'm not trying to like Kiki and be like, hey,
Speaker 1: we're going to be best friends. Like I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 1: we're at work. You're my coworker. I don't need to.
Speaker 3: Know you're your own HR. You plan HR in this bitch. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I don't corporate Brittany in the green room exactly.
Speaker 1: I'm yeah, not to be cunty, but just to be
Speaker 1: just and like, this is something like everyone's told me
Speaker 1: about me. I've had like psychics and astrologers and everyone
Speaker 1: be like, people think you're a fucking cunt. Yeah, because
Speaker 1: you're quiet. Yeah, but I'm quiet because you're choosy. I'm
Speaker 1: very choosy. And I've also learned I've let a lot
Speaker 1: of people into my life, and I've had to let
Speaker 1: a lot of people go from my life, and I've
Speaker 1: just learned that the return on investment is not usually
Speaker 1: super high.
Speaker 3: I will say that you're probably my most thoughtful friend.
Speaker 3: You're very thoughtful. She loves to leave cards and like
Speaker 3: these expensive ass papyrus or whatever the fuck ten dollar cards.
Speaker 3: I have all your cards that you left me, all
Speaker 3: the messages.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: You give the best presents. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean the people that are in my life,
Speaker 1: I love them and I want them to know that
Speaker 1: you feel it. You also met me when I was
Speaker 1: making a lot more money.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, you had it, you did. You were corporate
Speaker 3: Brittany then.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that was corporate Brittany then. But yeah, we've been
Speaker 1: through Yeah, we've been through a lot.
Speaker 3: We've been through divorced, death, I mean all kinds of stuff.
Speaker 3: You were you. I met you the year after oh yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: you met me eighteen Yeah, the year after, and then
Speaker 3: the year.
Speaker 1: I went back to comedy. She's the reason I went
Speaker 1: back to comedy.
Speaker 3: She got you. You know, this is what you're doing
Speaker 3: now full time. So mm hmmm. Yeah, I met you
Speaker 3: post mother, and I still have. I haven't met your dad.
Speaker 3: I met your sister. I haven't met you. That's I
Speaker 3: still haven't met your dad. I think we I talked
Speaker 3: to your dad or maybe you were face we were
Speaker 3: face timing and he was there and I talked. I've
Speaker 3: seen him. He's really a nice looking man. You got
Speaker 3: a cute daddy, girl. I don't fuck why men, but
Speaker 3: he is so cute.
Speaker 1: Okay, So I obviously didn't know that growing up because
Speaker 1: I'm he's my dad, but I remember we used to
Speaker 1: have like parties at our house and this one girl
Speaker 1: would always be like talking to my dad a lot,
Speaker 1: and I was like, it's whatever, like I just had
Speaker 1: like such a pure mind. It was just like I
Speaker 1: really did at that time in my life. I was
Speaker 1: so pure. But I remember my ex stepmom would go
Speaker 1: the fuck off and she would be like, your friend
Speaker 1: is trying to fuck my husband. She's nuts, she's nuts.
Speaker 1: Do you shut your friend?
Speaker 3: Get your little sluttie fucking friend out of here.
Speaker 1: I'm like, what are you talking about? Like, first of all,
Speaker 1: she's seventeen, my dad's forty whatever, Like that would never
Speaker 1: happen in what world. I wasn't watching porn. I didn't
Speaker 1: know that was a category. Just like I was like, bitch,
Speaker 1: you're crazy. And then you're years later, after I had
Speaker 1: gone to college. I remember I was saying to my dad.
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, you know, I didn't really have
Speaker 1: any friends in high school and he's like, well, yes
Speaker 1: you did. He's like, you know that one girl. I'm
Speaker 1: not going to say her name, but you know that
Speaker 1: one girl. You know when she went to college, she
Speaker 1: called me and she tried to get me to come
Speaker 1: up there. And I was like, okay, so you are
Speaker 1: reinforcing the fact that I did not have any friends
Speaker 1: in high school because no friend of mine when what
Speaker 1: fucked my dad. Yeah, she tried to like call him
Speaker 1: to get up there, and of course my ex stepmom
Speaker 1: intercepted the text and went nuclear and reamed her out.
Speaker 1: And I wondered why I had never heard from that
Speaker 1: girl again. But that was why she tried to fuck
Speaker 1: my dad. Yeah, she tried and failed. That's like so sad.
Speaker 3: That's so sad, but also so great of your dad
Speaker 3: because she was eighteen at the time. You know a
Speaker 3: lot of.
Speaker 1: People would have my dad's not a fucking dog.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, he's your dad is a nice look at man. Oh,
Speaker 3: you know when you know when it was that I
Speaker 3: saw him when we when we were on that boat
Speaker 3: on Father's Day. We were on a boat in Texas
Speaker 3: and we all facetimed our parents, oh, before we jumped
Speaker 3: in the lake. Yeah, that's when I had thought.
Speaker 1: Is that when we were filming a special?
Speaker 3: Yeah, no, what was it?
Speaker 1: It must have been. It must have been.
Speaker 3: We've been in Austin a couple of times together though, No,
Speaker 3: it was because we were because of who we were with.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and also June it was June nineteenth. I filmed
Speaker 1: that special. You filmed that on June teenth? Maybe I
Speaker 1: filmed it on June teenth.
Speaker 3: Oh, that's right, because I was real mad. You know
Speaker 3: why I was mad. I'm gonna tell this story too.
Speaker 3: I don't know if I ever told you this. Maybe
Speaker 3: I did. But you, Brittany ran at this really dope
Speaker 3: airbnb in downtown Austin and did not smoke on the
Speaker 3: balcony and you had to pay like two hundred extra
Speaker 3: dollars or something like that. Okay, that sounds that sounds
Speaker 3: about right. But you owed it to me because it
Speaker 3: was June teenth, and because I came home and the
Speaker 3: other girl who was with us was in the bed
Speaker 3: with her dog growling on my pillow. The dog is
Speaker 3: growling at me, and I was so pissed. I was like,
Speaker 3: it's juneteenth and I gotta share a dog. I gotta
Speaker 3: share a bed with a white hot and her dog.
Speaker 1: It was fine, though, bitch, I have a story for
Speaker 1: you about that girl.
Speaker 3: Oh you don't talk to her anymore?
Speaker 1: No? No, Well, remember she was doing like all those
Speaker 1: It was just such a walk with her. Grab she
Speaker 1: was doing these shows because she had a friend commit suicide,
Speaker 1: and she was like trying to like spread the word
Speaker 1: about it. But I was like, this bitch is so fake.
Speaker 1: That girl called her like twelve times before she killed herself,
Speaker 1: and she didn't take one call. And then she went
Speaker 1: on a whole tour. She went on a whole tour
Speaker 1: acting like this is my best friend, this is Da
Speaker 1: Da da, Like you can't, and then I was just like,
Speaker 1: how dare you exploit a situation that I genuinely went through? Yeah,
Speaker 1: and then she tried to book me on that tour
Speaker 1: twice and I didn't go either time, and she got
Speaker 1: pissed at me. And also like I had her open
Speaker 1: for me in Austin when I was on tour and
Speaker 1: her jokes were like my jokes. She literally like stole
Speaker 1: half my jokes, and I was like, what in the
Speaker 1: sam hill. If you're gonna steal jokes, that's one thing,
Speaker 1: but don't do them on my show. I had to
Speaker 1: like cuss her out out shorts. I was like, are
Speaker 1: you good?
Speaker 3: Is that when y'all finally was that the final straw? Yeah?
Speaker 1: But then like even after the final straw, that was
Speaker 1: the final straw for like our what.
Speaker 3: What does she say about taking the jokes or.
Speaker 1: She's like she's like they're kind of different. I'm like,
Speaker 1: they're different in the way that they're different if you
Speaker 1: were stealing a joke, like you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: like where you're like I can tweak one or two
Speaker 1: words to get the same punchline. And I was just like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, the number of people who have taken
Speaker 1: jokes for me, I fucking can't.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's that's crazy. Yeah, wow, I didn't. I didn't
Speaker 3: know that part.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: So we're still friends on Instagram, but we don't. I
Speaker 3: don't communicate.
Speaker 1: I'm not you know what I stopped doing. I stopped
Speaker 1: following people that genuinely don't fucking like I used to do,
Speaker 1: like courtesy follows for industry people like if whatever, we've
Speaker 1: done shows together and like whatever, there's a courtesy follow
Speaker 1: in this industry right where it's like I'm going to
Speaker 1: follow you because I respect your hustle and like I
Speaker 1: see you. Yeah, I'm done with that. Yeah, I started
Speaker 1: unfollowing anyone I don't fuck with. I'm just like, it's
Speaker 1: not it's for me, it's not for you. I don't
Speaker 1: need to support you in any way. I don't even
Speaker 1: like you. H So, like if I follow you, I
Speaker 1: fuck with you.
Speaker 3: And if I don't, Yeah, I need to clean out
Speaker 3: my Instagram too. A lot of people stop following me.
Speaker 3: They stop following me, A lot of people. Every time
Speaker 3: I post, I get like ten people that follow.
Speaker 1: I wonder if it's because people are following you for
Speaker 1: comedy and you've been doing like a lot of like
Speaker 1: gardening and like in the need, you know what I mean, Like.
Speaker 3: You're just the ones that get the most views my
Speaker 3: gardening video.
Speaker 1: So then maybe stop doing comedy. Ye, you're done with comedy.
Speaker 3: I don't post. I have never. I probably have two
Speaker 3: stand up clips that I've ever posted in my life,
Speaker 3: which is not good.
Speaker 1: That's not good at all.
Speaker 3: I need to post a lot more clips.
Speaker 1: Yeah, when it was the last time you got your ash?
Speaker 1: Your cheeks clapped?
Speaker 3: Oh while I was in Dallas?
Speaker 1: Actually yeah recently?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Good? Have you hooked up with a white guy yet?
Speaker 3: Never. I'm taking applications. I'm open to it. It just
Speaker 3: has to be the right white man, you know what
Speaker 3: I'm saying. You know, I'm so pro black.
Speaker 1: I know it's crazy. We're even friends because to her
Speaker 1: and afrig.
Speaker 3: Right, when this bitch found out y'all this she has
Speaker 3: some African in her. She sent me her whole Dnapril,
Speaker 3: I know her blood type everything. I am your soul sister.
Speaker 3: That's what that was the text I got.
Speaker 1: I was like, what, bitch, No, I texted you and
Speaker 1: can I say the Edward.
Speaker 3: Yea, yes, that's that's actually what she said. I said,
Speaker 3: bitch out because perceptionist reality use a white house eight.
Speaker 3: If you say it, I'm gonna knock your ass and
Speaker 3: we can still be friends. But you gonna catch these hands.
Speaker 1: Okay, that's dainty as bird, little bird boned hand.
Speaker 3: Right, I'm such a little delicate well, all I do
Speaker 3: is talk shit. I'm not really a fighter.
Speaker 1: I want to do a vow of celibacy.
Speaker 3: Okay, okay, who are youse? Are you making these beasts that?
Speaker 3: Were you expecting me to like join in with this
Speaker 3: or what?
Speaker 1: No, you're not joining yet. Okay, you don't have to
Speaker 1: do anything.
Speaker 3: How long you live your life.
Speaker 1: I think I want to do six months. I think
Speaker 1: it'll really just like clear my mind out. I think
Speaker 1: every time I I think that's where I get really
Speaker 1: distracted is with sex and love stuff, and if I'm
Speaker 1: not drinking alcohol, I think it would be really cool
Speaker 1: for six months to just grind, focus on comedy, go
Speaker 1: to pilate's get my body in in the best shape
Speaker 1: of my life, get my place perfect, just like, create
Speaker 1: a really abundant and calm space, because I have not
Speaker 1: been abundant or calm recently. Yeah, I've been plotting.
Speaker 3: You've It's okay.
Speaker 1: I don't even recognize who I am like these past
Speaker 1: few months. I'm just like, I don't even know this person,
Speaker 1: Like I really am just out of my mind crazy.
Speaker 1: I was so sane for a while and then all
Speaker 1: of a sudden, a flip switch, and I was just like, oh,
Speaker 1: I guess I'm nuts. Snow, Yeah, what was Florida?
Speaker 3: I know everybody in Florida's nuts.
Speaker 1: I know, and I caught I caught it. I got
Speaker 1: palm beached, girl, I got palm beach. You know, it's
Speaker 1: so funny. I got there. And I mean, two girlfriends
Speaker 1: and I really love them both, but they were both
Speaker 1: in situations where their partners are incredibly wealthy and then
Speaker 1: they cheat. That is like, it's like the palm beaching.
Speaker 1: It is. It is to be palm each is to
Speaker 1: just like you have a tank carrot diamond on your
Speaker 1: hand and you drive a fucking g wagon and you
Speaker 1: live in it. Forty million dollar house. But that man
Speaker 1: is fucking cheating on you.
Speaker 3: But I'm trying to figure out if I would care
Speaker 3: if he was cheating on well.
Speaker 1: And that's the thing is they don't really because their
Speaker 1: lives are so flush. My situation was much different. I
Speaker 1: was in West Palm Beach, Okay, which is not not
Speaker 1: at all Palm. Yeah, the other side of the tracks.
Speaker 1: I was splitting rent covering bills and then also still
Speaker 1: get it cheated. I guess here's the thing. Do we
Speaker 1: need to redefine it? Was it ever physical cheating? Like
Speaker 1: I would actually be interested for you guys, everyone to
Speaker 1: weigh in, because I want to know if you think
Speaker 1: texting someone inappropriately is cheating or if it's not. What
Speaker 1: do you think?
Speaker 3: I think that it definitely is in your case, because
Speaker 3: maybe not at the beginning when you're still trying to
Speaker 3: figure somebody out, but after somebody's moved, you know, yeah,
Speaker 3: like uprooted your hole in time her life to go
Speaker 3: there to find that the entire time he's been talking,
Speaker 3: it's just a matter. It's just a matter of time
Speaker 3: till he actually acted on it. Yeah, So I think
Speaker 3: you did the right thing. It wasn't Yeah, you did
Speaker 3: the right thing. Did you ever meet the bitch his friend,
Speaker 3: his own girl?
Speaker 1: No? No, And nor do I want to. And nor
Speaker 1: do I think it's her fault, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: because I think it's really easy for women to want
Speaker 1: to blame the other woman. But I don't think it's
Speaker 1: her fault.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't think it's her fault.
Speaker 1: I'm like that that behavior has nothing to do with her.
Speaker 1: She was engaging with a person who was engaging back,
Speaker 1: and she was getting the attention she wanted, and so
Speaker 1: why is that her fault? It was his responsibility to
Speaker 1: draw the boundary. He was incapable of doing that, And
Speaker 1: it would be also one thing if it was just her.
Speaker 1: But there was like many feelers out, you know, there
Speaker 1: was many many feelers out. And I think too, like
Speaker 1: being a comedian, when I'm on the road so much
Speaker 1: and I have, you know, so much time away from home,
Speaker 1: I need to trust that, like my home is not
Speaker 1: going to be filled with another bitch when I leave.
Speaker 3: I feel like, you really need to be with somebody
Speaker 3: in entertainment.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you probably do, just somebody who nobody gets it.
Speaker 3: That's the thing. Like I don't even tell these men.
Speaker 3: I'm a comic for a long time. Yeah, because it's
Speaker 3: a turnoff. Yeah, it's a turnoff, you know, Like, just
Speaker 3: get to know me, Get to know this tightness, these kegels,
Speaker 3: these you know, pushups and that I've been doing. Get
Speaker 3: to know that, get into that, and then we can
Speaker 3: talk about.
Speaker 1: Yeah, here's the thing though, Like I don't want to
Speaker 1: ever bury it because I'm like, if you don't have
Speaker 1: the confidence to be okay with this career, then yeah,
Speaker 1: you're no for me. Anyway. Let me see if anyone
Speaker 1: has any bad advice they want from us. What do
Speaker 1: you think of Northwest right now?
Speaker 3: First of all, I have a joke that I just
Speaker 3: did last night. I'm like, uh, how did it go?
Speaker 3: You know what it's like to see Blue Ivy and
Speaker 3: Northwest get their shit together before me?
Speaker 1: Like this is in Northwest does not have her shit together.
Speaker 1: Northwest is going through a bit of a crisis. But
Speaker 1: Blue Ivy, Yeah, I would trade places with her tomorrow
Speaker 1: me too.
Speaker 3: I don't I like north though. I think that she's come,
Speaker 3: She's gonna come into her own. I think that I
Speaker 3: don't know Beyonce's parenting style at all. She probably would
Speaker 3: never share that with us, but I do feel like
Speaker 3: she is a honer. She's like, Okay, no, this is
Speaker 3: the direction that you need to go. I've already been
Speaker 3: through all of this, this is what it is. And
Speaker 3: she she absolutely hasn't figured out. Whereas Kim Kardashian, I
Speaker 3: think the kind of mother that she is is just like,
Speaker 3: I'm gonna let her figure it out. I just want
Speaker 3: to see what both of them are like in about
Speaker 3: ten years. That's going to be very interesting. Well.
Speaker 1: I think Kim just has a very hands off parenting style,
Speaker 1: which can be good and bad, and I think great Now.
Speaker 1: North is just she's just a little extreme. She's only twelve,
Speaker 1: you know, That's the thing. I'm like, she is only
Speaker 1: twelve to be so done up with makeup and like
Speaker 1: overly it's kind of sexualized and wearing a corsette tup
Speaker 1: and stuff like that. She's twelve.
Speaker 3: But she also has on like Doc Martin's and just
Speaker 3: big ass clothes, you know what I'm saying. She's so cute.
Speaker 3: I just love her freedom and just you know, most
Speaker 3: bitches is getting married off by twelve, most bitches they
Speaker 3: all over the world, all over the world. Somebody's trading
Speaker 3: some cattle for the little thirteen year old you know
Speaker 3: after you she I know she has her period already,
Speaker 3: she's a grown woman.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know she could have a bad I didn't
Speaker 1: get my period un till I was seventeen. What Yeah,
Speaker 1: I lost my virginity before I got my period.
Speaker 3: You are real, hope I did not know this, did y'all?
Speaker 1: Hear this?
Speaker 3: This is a bona fide hole elementary pussy. You was
Speaker 3: fucking girl. Get out of here.
Speaker 1: That's not a requirement. You don't have to have a
Speaker 1: period before you can have sex.
Speaker 3: This is true. But okay, well that's I didn't know
Speaker 3: that about you.
Speaker 1: Well now you do.
Speaker 3: I started my period in like eleven and a half,
Speaker 3: damn or twelve. Yes, that's been a bloody's mess for
Speaker 3: a long time.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, we're gonna do badvice.
Speaker 3: Okay, ba advice.
Speaker 1: I've been engaged for two years and together for three.
Speaker 1: My fiance has a low sex drive. I have a
Speaker 1: very high sex drive, and we never have sex anymore,
Speaker 1: or really never did. She was raised kind of sheltered.
Speaker 1: I find myself staring at other women and have mentioned
Speaker 1: it to her and to my therapist. What badvice. Do
Speaker 1: you have run?
Speaker 3: Yeah, run for the hills. Sex. That's like the most
Speaker 3: That's what you're supposed to do when you're married. That's
Speaker 3: what you get married for, is to fuck and pro
Speaker 3: create and you know, and obviously be there for each other.
Speaker 1: But yeah, it's so important. The sex piece is so important.
Speaker 1: I will say, like, that's why my first marriage dissolved,
Speaker 1: like we just didn't have mine too. The sex piece
Speaker 1: went away, and that is the foundation of it. And
Speaker 1: sure it can ebb and flow, like your sex dribe
Speaker 1: over time can eb and flow. But your first two
Speaker 1: or three years you should be fucking a lot. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it doesn't ebb or flow until you're married or like
Speaker 1: five years in, and then it starts to wane and whatever,
Speaker 1: because you get more comfortable and the attraction you know,
Speaker 1: settles a little bit and it's not quite as intense.
Speaker 1: But if you're only two years in.
Speaker 3: Yeah, if you haven't put the down payment down on
Speaker 3: the venue for the marriage, don't do it.
Speaker 1: No, don't do it. You gotta go, you gotta go.
Speaker 3: That's yes, that's my that's my advice. Just get the
Speaker 3: fuck out of you. If you already talked to your therapist,
Speaker 3: about it and her I'll be interested to hear what
Speaker 3: the therapist. Yeah, yeah, you know.
Speaker 1: I mean I think the therapists would say the same thing.
Speaker 1: It's like, once that piece is gone, or if it's
Speaker 1: a mismatch, that's just not your partner.
Speaker 3: It's not There's so.
Speaker 1: Many people in the world. I just don't understand why
Speaker 1: any of us are settling. Yeah, like you just and
Speaker 1: I guess maybe I should have, Like, I don't know,
Speaker 1: it's just like so many people settle. But I'm like, no,
Speaker 1: and are people going to be perfect? And is every
Speaker 1: single thing in on the line? No, but sex has
Speaker 1: to Yeah. Sex is so important. Yeah. Sex is was
Speaker 1: the best part of my last relationship. It was, oh
Speaker 1: my god, unbelievable, unbelievable. It was. It was great. He
Speaker 1: was great in bed, He understood my body. He was like,
Speaker 1: we were pretty much the same level of horny like
Speaker 1: it was. It was really you gotta be equally yoked.
Speaker 1: You gotta be equally yoked.
Speaker 3: In the sex department.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Wow. I feel bad for.
Speaker 1: Him, I know, but also you just gotta get out.
Speaker 3: But also you're not married yet. Before y'all get assets together,
Speaker 3: you know. It was cool with my marriage because we
Speaker 3: didn't have shit together. I didn't, you know. We just
Speaker 3: dissolved our iTunes account. Like I'm keeping DiAngelo nee that.
Speaker 3: These are all of my songs, all the UGK songs
Speaker 3: as mine. I pay for all of them. We just
Speaker 3: split up our tunes account. That's it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, when.
Speaker 3: It's a bit, it's a whole less bitch. Yeah, you
Speaker 3: have to buy people out and just all of that.
Speaker 1: It's a fucking nightmare. Oh my god. Okay, I've loved
Speaker 1: this episode. Thank you so much. Tell everyone where they
Speaker 1: can follow you.
Speaker 3: Oh, y'all can follow me at Dicey Approved, and please
Speaker 3: follow me because I need ten thousand followers I still
Speaker 3: haven't made it to ten thousand yet.
Speaker 1: That's crazy.
Speaker 3: It's crazy. I'm not trying either. I post like twice
Speaker 3: a year, so I've been posting more, you know, but
Speaker 3: but yeah, please follow me. I love your fans. They're
Speaker 3: all so supportive of you, and they love you.
Speaker 1: Just like I do, the besties, And I'm so glad
Speaker 1: you not with.
Speaker 3: That bagel nigga no more, Like come on, can you
Speaker 3: imagine like all the cream, cheese and dough fuck that stuff.
Speaker 3: You deserve so much more.
Speaker 1: Oh my God, it's so much more spare okay, oh
Speaker 1: my god. Alright. I love you so much. I love
Speaker 1: you for coming. See you later, besties,