1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:02,439 Speaker 1: Hey all, we hope you enjoyed your Christmas. We know 2 00:00:02,520 --> 00:00:04,200 some of you are new here, so we figured we 3 00:00:04,240 --> 00:00:05,839 take a trip down memory lane. 4 00:00:06,480 --> 00:00:08,679 Speaker 2: Here's a deep dive replay that'll help you get to 5 00:00:08,720 --> 00:00:10,400 know us just a little bit better. We hope you 6 00:00:10,480 --> 00:00:13,199 enjoy it. Welcome to another deep dive edition of the 7 00:00:13,240 --> 00:00:16,879 Chicks on the Right podcast. We have been in this 8 00:00:17,160 --> 00:00:18,399 outfit our PJ. 9 00:00:20,320 --> 00:00:24,559 Speaker 1: Yeah, like here, we're starting to reak you guys. It's 10 00:00:24,640 --> 00:00:26,320 really getting ugly at this point. 11 00:00:26,399 --> 00:00:28,079 Speaker 2: It's getting to be But you know what, we could 12 00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:31,679 have showered between our live stream of this morning and 13 00:00:31,760 --> 00:00:33,799 the recording of this episode. 14 00:00:34,079 --> 00:00:37,200 Speaker 1: But then we thought, why, why why would we do that. 15 00:00:37,399 --> 00:00:39,719 Speaker 2: We're we're going to be real in this episode. 16 00:00:40,039 --> 00:00:42,880 Speaker 1: I might as well just not shower. Yeah. So last 17 00:00:42,920 --> 00:00:48,039 week my father passed away and I told you guys 18 00:00:48,039 --> 00:00:50,240 at the end of last week that that had happened 19 00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:54,399 after a full week of just not I just wasn't 20 00:00:54,439 --> 00:00:57,200 myself the whole week, and people were like, what's going 21 00:00:57,240 --> 00:00:59,560 on with you? Are you? You know what? You just 22 00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:02,280 are not yourself? And so I think it was Friday 23 00:01:02,280 --> 00:01:04,879 that I told everybody. I was like it was a yeah, 24 00:01:04,879 --> 00:01:07,959 a week ago tomorrow I told well, now we're recording this, 25 00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:11,439 it would be a week ago yesterday that I told 26 00:01:11,439 --> 00:01:14,640 everybody you know that my dad passed away. And I 27 00:01:14,719 --> 00:01:19,359 was like, I should probably, you know, do something a 28 00:01:19,359 --> 00:01:22,159 little deeper about this and tell people, give people a 29 00:01:22,159 --> 00:01:25,120 little bit more information about what's going on. My husband 30 00:01:25,159 --> 00:01:26,879 prompted me to do that first of all, because he 31 00:01:26,959 --> 00:01:31,799 was like, you just don't share enough, and you're like, 32 00:01:32,079 --> 00:01:34,719 you keep things you know. And then it's funny because 33 00:01:34,760 --> 00:01:36,760 Pastor Shelley wrote me something the other day. She's like, 34 00:01:36,760 --> 00:01:40,159 you're like Melissa Manchester. He's like that whole remember that 35 00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:43,439 song Don't Cry Out Loud? Yeah? Oh, And I'm like, 36 00:01:43,519 --> 00:01:47,640 oh my god, that song. Yeah. So anyway, so my 37 00:01:47,719 --> 00:01:49,359 husband encouraged me to do it, and then I talked 38 00:01:49,359 --> 00:01:52,200 to you and Valin, our producer Valin, and I was like, 39 00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:55,120 I don't know if I'm comfortably doing that, but I 40 00:01:55,159 --> 00:01:57,040 but you guys encouraged me to do it, and so 41 00:01:57,079 --> 00:01:58,560 I thought, you know what, we'll just talk a little 42 00:01:58,560 --> 00:02:00,640 bit about that because I figured I'm like the only 43 00:02:00,680 --> 00:02:05,200 person that has family issues or a dysfunctional family, and 44 00:02:05,239 --> 00:02:08,439 you were like, I assure you that you're not the 45 00:02:08,479 --> 00:02:11,360 only person and when you said that out loud, you 46 00:02:11,360 --> 00:02:14,520 would not believe. I mean, already I started getting a 47 00:02:14,560 --> 00:02:18,719 lot of people writing and saying, Daisy, like I have 48 00:02:18,759 --> 00:02:20,919 a really dysfunctional family, let me tell you about it. 49 00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:24,039 And just the support that I've already gotten with people 50 00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:26,719 not even knowing what's going on so or what had 51 00:02:26,719 --> 00:02:30,719 happened in my family at all. So it just the support, 52 00:02:30,879 --> 00:02:34,840 the love, the encouragement, the sweet words. So appreciative of 53 00:02:34,840 --> 00:02:37,360 people in our community. We have the best community. Oh 54 00:02:37,439 --> 00:02:42,080 my god, it's amazing, greatest people. So backing up to 55 00:02:42,240 --> 00:02:47,919 last Monday, two mondays ago, I got a text from Miriam. 56 00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:49,919 I was in the car with my family. It was 57 00:02:49,960 --> 00:02:52,879 the Monday before my daughter went back to school, and 58 00:02:52,919 --> 00:02:54,879 so we were all getting back from eating a cracker 59 00:02:54,879 --> 00:02:57,639 barrel and I get a text from Miriam and she 60 00:02:57,719 --> 00:03:00,719 was like, I just saw your sister's Facebook. She still 61 00:03:01,520 --> 00:03:03,840 she was still friends with my sister on Facebook. She's like, 62 00:03:03,879 --> 00:03:05,439 am I reading right? Oh my god, it's stupid to 63 00:03:05,479 --> 00:03:07,319 ask if you're okay? But are you okay? What can 64 00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:10,759 I do? And how should I like tell why I 65 00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:12,080 should I tell? 66 00:03:12,199 --> 00:03:15,479 Speaker 2: Like my perspective of this that's happening totally I should. 67 00:03:15,599 --> 00:03:16,120 Speaker 1: Yeah, okay. 68 00:03:17,560 --> 00:03:21,159 Speaker 2: So the reason I texted her that is because I'm 69 00:03:21,159 --> 00:03:24,520 not on Facebook super often where I would see her 70 00:03:24,560 --> 00:03:28,520 sister's posts. But for some reason, I was on it 71 00:03:28,599 --> 00:03:34,439 and I saw her sister post photographs of her their dad, 72 00:03:35,199 --> 00:03:41,560 and her sisters now deceased husband together with a caption 73 00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:45,520 that said together again, I miss you both so much, 74 00:03:46,039 --> 00:03:50,680 And I'm like, what the hell? So I'm thinking that, 75 00:03:51,159 --> 00:03:55,199 surely that can't mean that her father passed away. That 76 00:03:55,240 --> 00:03:58,560 can't mean that, right. I immediately go to text her, 77 00:03:58,879 --> 00:04:02,120 and when I said that that text, I got one 78 00:04:02,159 --> 00:04:06,080 of those auto things that says, Amy Joe has notifications silenced, 79 00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:07,960 And I thought to myself, well, of course she does, 80 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:11,199 because she just found out her father passed away, and 81 00:04:11,280 --> 00:04:13,879 so of course she's not taking text messages right now. 82 00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:16,240 And I just sort of sat back and waited. But 83 00:04:16,279 --> 00:04:20,720 then I scrolled down on her sister's Facebook and saw 84 00:04:20,959 --> 00:04:24,079 the official announcement, and so then I knew one hundred 85 00:04:24,079 --> 00:04:25,680 percent that her father had passed away. 86 00:04:25,759 --> 00:04:28,800 Speaker 1: Go yeah, So I was like, I wrote back, and 87 00:04:28,839 --> 00:04:31,480 I go, wait, what is happening? Call me? 88 00:04:31,720 --> 00:04:32,720 Speaker 2: Oh my what? 89 00:04:32,839 --> 00:04:33,839 Speaker 1: I don't know what's happening. 90 00:04:34,199 --> 00:04:36,240 Speaker 2: And then I was like, oh my god, I shouldn't 91 00:04:36,279 --> 00:04:36,639 tell her. 92 00:04:36,720 --> 00:04:38,639 Speaker 1: Yeah, she was like, oh my god, she doesn't know. 93 00:04:39,759 --> 00:04:43,040 So Miriam called me, and so I'm on the phone 94 00:04:43,519 --> 00:04:46,120 in the car with my husband and my daughter, and 95 00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:48,279 Miriam is having to tell me that my father has 96 00:04:48,360 --> 00:04:52,879 passed away and reading me what is going on? And then, 97 00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:55,639 you know, come to find out after you know, I'm 98 00:04:55,680 --> 00:04:59,800 in shock, and she's bawling hysterically on the phone. She's 99 00:05:00,040 --> 00:05:03,120 having to be the one to do this, and you know, listen, 100 00:05:03,199 --> 00:05:05,079 it's not that I'm having to console her, but she's like, 101 00:05:05,120 --> 00:05:07,160 you shouldn't be consoling me. I'm just like, I don't 102 00:05:07,199 --> 00:05:08,759 I can't believe I'm having to tell you this. Oh 103 00:05:08,839 --> 00:05:11,959 my god. And she feels terrible. I'm glad it was 104 00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:15,079 her that, you know, that she's the one that told me. 105 00:05:15,319 --> 00:05:17,720 I mean, I can't think of a better person to 106 00:05:17,759 --> 00:05:20,480 tell me in that moment, right, but she told me. 107 00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:24,639 And then I'm like, what, like, what is even going on? 108 00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:28,199 And then come to find out he had had he 109 00:05:28,279 --> 00:05:30,600 had had lung cancer for four months and I didn't 110 00:05:30,639 --> 00:05:33,639 know about that. And then after, you know, you you 111 00:05:33,720 --> 00:05:35,759 kind of have to backtrack, you have to go backwards 112 00:05:36,360 --> 00:05:38,879 after that. So, you know, during that day, I sort 113 00:05:38,879 --> 00:05:41,839 of things were unraveling, like the onion was peeling back, 114 00:05:42,160 --> 00:05:44,000 and I started learning things about like there are other 115 00:05:44,040 --> 00:05:48,319 people in my family that knew that. Not not immediate family, obviously, 116 00:05:48,360 --> 00:05:50,279 but there are other people in my extended family that 117 00:05:50,360 --> 00:05:53,759 knew that he was sick, and I didn't know. And 118 00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:56,120 I guess some of the people were sworn to secrecy 119 00:05:56,160 --> 00:06:00,519 and they weren't supposed to tell tell me that that 120 00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:02,120 he was sick. And so it was just like this 121 00:06:02,199 --> 00:06:05,800 weird feeling of betrayal. Like I was sad. I was 122 00:06:08,480 --> 00:06:11,040 like all the emotions, every emotion you can think of, 123 00:06:12,040 --> 00:06:15,839 a big rollercoaster of emotions. So I had not spoken 124 00:06:15,839 --> 00:06:17,519 to my father for the last time I spoke to 125 00:06:17,560 --> 00:06:21,240 my father was three years ago this February. I have 126 00:06:21,279 --> 00:06:23,000 a bunch of stuff written here because I have to remember, 127 00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:26,839 because it's like the past thirty years of my dad 128 00:06:26,879 --> 00:06:31,759 have been kind of a like a shit storm. The 129 00:06:31,759 --> 00:06:34,399 first eighteen years of my life with my dad were great. 130 00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:38,319 I had a great childhood. I grew up in a 131 00:06:38,439 --> 00:06:42,199 really loving household, two great parents. I feel like I 132 00:06:42,240 --> 00:06:45,720 was pretty well adjusted up to that point, Like my. 133 00:06:45,759 --> 00:06:47,399 Speaker 2: Seven houses away from my husband. 134 00:06:47,560 --> 00:06:50,360 Speaker 1: Yeah, I grew up in a good neighborhood. You know, 135 00:06:50,360 --> 00:06:54,279 everything was wonderful and then and I can backtrack to that, 136 00:06:54,360 --> 00:06:56,319 but there's just lots of stuff leading up to that. 137 00:06:56,399 --> 00:06:59,720 But the last time I talked to my dad was 138 00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:01,120 was three years ago. 139 00:07:01,959 --> 00:07:06,279 Speaker 2: And so what happened that made that relationship go bad? 140 00:07:06,399 --> 00:07:08,560 Speaker 1: Well, let me yeah, I should probably back up to 141 00:07:08,639 --> 00:07:12,639 what made it go bad? Right, So thirty ish years ago, 142 00:07:12,759 --> 00:07:18,120 thirty three ish years ago, I was what nineteen? When 143 00:07:18,120 --> 00:07:22,360 I was nineteen, I came home from college, and I 144 00:07:22,439 --> 00:07:24,319 just remember, like I didn't come home from college much 145 00:07:24,319 --> 00:07:26,680 when I was around a junior in college because by 146 00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:28,639 that time, you're pretty established in college and you don't 147 00:07:28,639 --> 00:07:30,319 like coming home. You like being in college more than 148 00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:32,439 you like being at home. And so I came home 149 00:07:32,600 --> 00:07:36,800 and I remember my mother wasn't she just wasn't well, 150 00:07:36,959 --> 00:07:39,759 Like she was real thin, you could tell she was 151 00:07:39,839 --> 00:07:42,519 just like something was going on. She was frazzled. Things 152 00:07:42,519 --> 00:07:44,560 were not good in the house. And I don't know 153 00:07:44,600 --> 00:07:46,279 if I can't remember if that was the reason I 154 00:07:46,319 --> 00:07:48,279 came home, but I just remember coming home that weekend 155 00:07:49,199 --> 00:07:53,720 and I found out that my dad was he had 156 00:07:53,759 --> 00:07:56,519 been cheating on my mother. And so up to that point, 157 00:07:56,680 --> 00:08:00,480 everything in everything was great, like my parents mad was 158 00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:03,439 at least to me. I thought it was a wonderful marriage. 159 00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:07,920 Everything was great, the house was great, our family was perfect. 160 00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:10,680 Everything was wonderful. So I'd found out that he had 161 00:08:10,680 --> 00:08:14,240 been cheating on my mom, and I we all just 162 00:08:14,439 --> 00:08:18,079 sort of, I guess, recognize the fact that he had 163 00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:22,680 probably been doing this for several years. And so in 164 00:08:22,759 --> 00:08:27,519 that moment, like I just I figured, Okay, well the 165 00:08:27,959 --> 00:08:32,159 guy that I knew was no longer you know, the 166 00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:38,840 guy that I knew? Right, So everything flipped for me 167 00:08:38,919 --> 00:08:42,120 that weekend, and I called a family meeting because I 168 00:08:42,120 --> 00:08:43,679 think he was just going to assume that he was 169 00:08:43,720 --> 00:08:46,200 going to go on living his life like he was 170 00:08:46,240 --> 00:08:48,120 going to keep cheating on my mom and then being 171 00:08:48,120 --> 00:08:50,600 married to my mom, and so I said family meeting. 172 00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:53,080 And so I called a family meeting, and I was like, 173 00:08:53,399 --> 00:08:56,559 all right, here's a deal. So you can't stay married 174 00:08:56,600 --> 00:09:00,519 to mom and keep doing this. You need to get up. 175 00:09:01,399 --> 00:09:05,000 And so he left, He packed his step and he left. 176 00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:08,320 And so in that moment, I became I went from 177 00:09:08,360 --> 00:09:12,120 being a daughter to being like this object of opposition. 178 00:09:12,279 --> 00:09:15,720 From my dad, and so it wasn't just him changing 179 00:09:15,799 --> 00:09:19,360 for me. I changed for him. I think that I 180 00:09:19,440 --> 00:09:24,039 went from being, you know, like this this person that 181 00:09:24,120 --> 00:09:27,279 he liked to somebody that he probably didn't like very 182 00:09:27,360 --> 00:09:30,320 much anymore. And because you called him on this shit, 183 00:09:30,440 --> 00:09:33,200 I called him on his shit. Yeah, And so it 184 00:09:33,279 --> 00:09:36,240 wasn't just me that looked at him differently. He looked 185 00:09:36,240 --> 00:09:38,600 at me differently, and we just were never the same 186 00:09:38,879 --> 00:09:42,360 after that moment, ever, And and so it was both 187 00:09:42,399 --> 00:09:44,559 of us, you know, it was a mutual thing, and 188 00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:47,399 we just kind of butted heads from that point forward. 189 00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:55,200 It just it never recovered. My sister always looked at him, 190 00:09:55,759 --> 00:09:58,200 even in the times where I think she was sort 191 00:09:58,240 --> 00:10:00,759 of like on my side where she was stop and 192 00:10:01,279 --> 00:10:03,240 you know, she was like, you know, I'm mad at 193 00:10:03,320 --> 00:10:05,639 dad for this, and I'm I'm you know, looking at 194 00:10:05,679 --> 00:10:09,120 him a little. She just she's still really you know, 195 00:10:10,120 --> 00:10:13,879 adored him. And that's okay, that's fine. That was like her. 196 00:10:14,720 --> 00:10:16,720 She had every right to do that. It's just that 197 00:10:16,799 --> 00:10:19,919 I didn't. And so we just didn't have the same 198 00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:23,240 relationship from that point forward, and it never recovered. And 199 00:10:23,519 --> 00:10:26,840 thirty three years were just like you know, ups and downs, 200 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:29,039 ups and downs. There were times where I tried to 201 00:10:29,080 --> 00:10:31,799 have a relationship with him, like you always try. 202 00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:32,799 Speaker 2: I always was the. 203 00:10:32,759 --> 00:10:35,120 Speaker 1: One who extended the olive branch, and I always was 204 00:10:35,159 --> 00:10:36,639 the one who was like, Okay, well I'm going to 205 00:10:36,799 --> 00:10:38,960 try to, you know, go visit him. I'm going to 206 00:10:39,039 --> 00:10:40,519 try to have a relationship with him. I'm going to 207 00:10:40,559 --> 00:10:42,679 try to make this work. I'm gonna, you know, do 208 00:10:42,799 --> 00:10:47,559 my best to have some semblance of a father daughter 209 00:10:47,639 --> 00:10:51,120 thing here. And it just never stuck. You know, we 210 00:10:51,200 --> 00:10:52,679 never got to the point where we could get back 211 00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:55,840 to the place that we were. It just never got 212 00:10:55,879 --> 00:10:59,440 that that stable footing, if you will. So we just 213 00:10:59,559 --> 00:11:03,279 never got there. Like I remember, you know, when my 214 00:11:03,399 --> 00:11:08,240 husband and I, I was married once before, and that 215 00:11:08,360 --> 00:11:10,919 we were never close during that marriage. And then when 216 00:11:10,960 --> 00:11:13,399 I got divorced and I got married to my husband, 217 00:11:13,399 --> 00:11:16,240 my now husband, we were getting ready to get married 218 00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:18,279 and my dad was like, hey, you know, we'll pay 219 00:11:18,279 --> 00:11:22,159 for the whole wedding. And I remember going through that 220 00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:24,799 whole process and it was like this he wanted this 221 00:11:24,919 --> 00:11:27,080 over the top thing, and I just I went to 222 00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:28,960 him and I said, you know what, it's not really 223 00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:31,840 our style. We're more casual. We don't want all this 224 00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:34,840 like you know, steak and lobster stuff. We don't want 225 00:11:34,840 --> 00:11:38,039 anything fancy. And so we butted heads about that, and 226 00:11:38,080 --> 00:11:39,759 I said, you know what, We're just going to go 227 00:11:39,799 --> 00:11:41,679 ahead and pay for it on our own. We're going 228 00:11:41,759 --> 00:11:43,679 to have something really casual. We ended up having like 229 00:11:43,679 --> 00:11:45,480 a six hundred dollars wedding, you know, and it was 230 00:11:45,480 --> 00:11:47,799 like the reception was at our house and I was barefoot, 231 00:11:47,799 --> 00:11:49,080 and it was you know, really it was the way 232 00:11:49,080 --> 00:11:50,679 that you do. It was the way that we wanted 233 00:11:50,679 --> 00:11:53,519 it right, and he hated that. He just hated it. 234 00:11:53,559 --> 00:11:55,279 So we butted heads about that. I mean, just little 235 00:11:55,279 --> 00:11:57,200 things along the way that were like that. And so 236 00:11:57,559 --> 00:12:02,440 that was. It was stuff like that all during this 237 00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:05,279 like trying to have a relationship with them. As you know, 238 00:12:05,440 --> 00:12:09,240 I am a chronic insomniac. I have trouble sleeping a lot, 239 00:12:09,360 --> 00:12:11,840 and that's partly because of who I am, partly because 240 00:12:11,840 --> 00:12:16,519 of menopause. But this stuff, this healthy cell stuff, them 241 00:12:16,559 --> 00:12:19,519 sleep bomb you guys. I love it and it actually 242 00:12:19,600 --> 00:12:21,799 works because you know other stuff that are taken in 243 00:12:21,879 --> 00:12:23,879 the past. It's like a pill or whatever. It takes 244 00:12:23,919 --> 00:12:26,159 a long time to digest this stuff. It gets right 245 00:12:26,159 --> 00:12:28,639 into your bloodstream. It absorbs one hundred and sixty seven 246 00:12:28,679 --> 00:12:32,159 percent faster than pills, and it's just awesome. It works. 247 00:12:32,159 --> 00:12:34,120 And when you're trying to sleep, you don't want to wait. 248 00:12:35,279 --> 00:12:36,759 You just want to go to sleep, you know what 249 00:12:36,799 --> 00:12:40,000 I mean, and stay asleep right. And this stuff has 250 00:12:40,039 --> 00:12:42,759 all the stuff in it. This is what healthy cell 251 00:12:42,879 --> 00:12:46,159 is so wonderful at doing, is they combine all the 252 00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:48,759 things that you been into right into. 253 00:12:48,679 --> 00:12:51,360 Speaker 2: This is how many pills are in that packet. 254 00:12:51,240 --> 00:12:53,759 Speaker 1: Packet of goo, which is yummy, yummy goo. I swear 255 00:12:53,799 --> 00:12:56,000 I could eat more than one, but I don't. I 256 00:12:56,039 --> 00:12:59,120 try to refrain. But anyways, it's great stuff. It actually works. 257 00:12:59,279 --> 00:13:01,399 They have a line of other stuff that they got, 258 00:13:01,399 --> 00:13:03,559 hair stuff, They've got you know, regular vitamins, but this 259 00:13:03,559 --> 00:13:06,720 stuff for sleep specifically is fantastic. So encourage everything. 260 00:13:06,759 --> 00:13:10,399 Speaker 2: And it's cherry flavored, cherry flavored. All you need to 261 00:13:10,399 --> 00:13:13,000 do is go to healthy sell dot com slash chicks 262 00:13:13,039 --> 00:13:15,440 and when you use cod Chicks you get twenty percent 263 00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:18,039 off your first order. Try it, try or try one 264 00:13:18,039 --> 00:13:20,720 of their other products. Yeah, they're all amazing, all of them. 265 00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:23,120 Speaker 1: But then you know, like when my daughter was born, 266 00:13:24,279 --> 00:13:28,320 I tried again to you know, have this relationship with them, 267 00:13:28,320 --> 00:13:31,320 because I knew that since there was this this baby 268 00:13:31,320 --> 00:13:34,080 girl there, that she may want to have a relationship 269 00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:36,480 with them, and so I tried very hard to extended 270 00:13:36,519 --> 00:13:39,600 olive branch. I would invite him to every single birthday 271 00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:42,600 party that she had for the first five years of 272 00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:44,759 her life, you know, because those birthday parties are like 273 00:13:45,159 --> 00:13:48,559 people standing around and watching this sweet little baby, you know, 274 00:13:49,039 --> 00:13:52,000 shovecake all over the plate. And so I invited him 275 00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:55,159 to all those birthday He never came. There was always 276 00:13:55,159 --> 00:13:57,679 an excuse for him not to come, whether it was 277 00:13:58,440 --> 00:14:02,559 some weird logistical thing or if it was you know weather, 278 00:14:02,840 --> 00:14:04,320 I remember there was. But then he would. 279 00:14:04,120 --> 00:14:07,919 Speaker 2: Always bitch to you about bringing Gwen to see him 280 00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:12,200 in Florida when he is retired. She's working her assh 281 00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:14,200 off basically in two jobs because that was. 282 00:14:14,159 --> 00:14:17,960 Speaker 1: Corporate, sometimes sometimes three because I was also a professor 283 00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:19,480 at the time, so I had some There were times 284 00:14:19,519 --> 00:14:21,279 where I had three jobs and it was really hard 285 00:14:21,279 --> 00:14:23,240 for me to get away, and I was like, you know, 286 00:14:23,279 --> 00:14:24,679 you can come here and see her. And there were 287 00:14:24,679 --> 00:14:27,960 times where he would fly into town, into Indianapolis and 288 00:14:28,039 --> 00:14:31,080 bypass us and just go see his brothers in South 289 00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:33,480 Bend and we would be like, you can stop here 290 00:14:33,679 --> 00:14:36,279 and come see your granddaughter. And so it was it 291 00:14:36,360 --> 00:14:39,799 was always that I had to to make arrangements to 292 00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:42,320 do the things, and I felt like there was just again, 293 00:14:42,399 --> 00:14:45,480 it was like, it's just this reject this feeling of 294 00:14:45,519 --> 00:14:48,399 rejection and abandonment that was just lingering all the time 295 00:14:48,919 --> 00:14:51,559 in our relationship. It was just there, it was like 296 00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:54,559 right there on surface. And so I felt like I 297 00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:56,279 was always the one having to do that. And then 298 00:14:56,320 --> 00:14:59,399 he would complain that I was trying to somehow keep 299 00:14:59,519 --> 00:15:03,240 my daughter from him, which was absurd. It was completely absurd, 300 00:15:03,679 --> 00:15:07,519 and so that was that. So anyway, so that kind 301 00:15:07,559 --> 00:15:13,600 of hung out during during our entire I guess relationship 302 00:15:13,600 --> 00:15:15,440 if you want to call it relationship. And then there 303 00:15:15,440 --> 00:15:18,559 were times we just didn't talk, you know, because we 304 00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:20,759 would argue and we would fight a lot, and there 305 00:15:20,799 --> 00:15:24,600 was that. So anyways, the past three years we have 306 00:15:24,759 --> 00:15:28,960 not spoken. And what happened three years ago was my 307 00:15:29,120 --> 00:15:34,720 sister was getting ready to get married. Her husband is 308 00:15:34,759 --> 00:15:40,039 now deceased. He passed away unfortunately, Gosh, after a year married, 309 00:15:40,039 --> 00:15:42,000 a year they were married a year and he passed 310 00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:46,840 away during the surgery. It was awful, but she was 311 00:15:46,840 --> 00:15:51,360 getting ready to get married and she told me that 312 00:15:51,519 --> 00:15:53,559 she was going to have a very very small wedding 313 00:15:53,559 --> 00:15:56,600 and no one was going to be invited and that 314 00:15:57,000 --> 00:15:59,320 so nobody was nobody's going to be there, So my 315 00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:01,360 mother and I were not going to be invited, and 316 00:16:01,399 --> 00:16:03,720 nobody's going to be there. And come to find out, 317 00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:07,919 she was inviting people. However, my mother and I were 318 00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:11,679 not invited, and so this was going to be broadcast 319 00:16:11,879 --> 00:16:14,399 on Facebook and it was going to be on social media. 320 00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:17,879 And I was devastated for my mother. I mean, I 321 00:16:17,919 --> 00:16:20,320 could handle it because I thought, Okay, no big deal, 322 00:16:20,519 --> 00:16:26,600 because you know, like whatever I'll see, We've seen some stuff, 323 00:16:26,639 --> 00:16:28,759 We've been through some stuff, so whatever, I can handle that. 324 00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:31,480 But my mother was going to be devastated by the 325 00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:33,120 fact that, like my dad was going to be there, 326 00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:35,480 my step mom was going to be there, his whole 327 00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:37,159 family was going to be there, and my mom was 328 00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:38,399 going to be left out of this, and she was 329 00:16:38,399 --> 00:16:41,000 going to be watching this and social media devastated because 330 00:16:41,039 --> 00:16:44,279 she was not invited to her daughter, her oldest daughter's wedding. Right. 331 00:16:44,799 --> 00:16:47,799 So I was pissed, and so I called my dad 332 00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:51,879 and I said, I cannot believe she lied about this. 333 00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:55,399 She is a liar. And he hung up the phone 334 00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:58,399 on me and that was that, and that was that. 335 00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:01,480 He never reached out, he never called me again. He 336 00:17:01,559 --> 00:17:03,600 just hung up on me because he didn't want to 337 00:17:03,639 --> 00:17:06,160 hear that. And so they went through with the wedding 338 00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:08,480 and they were all there and my mother and I 339 00:17:08,519 --> 00:17:13,000 were excluded, and they they just left us out of everything. 340 00:17:13,119 --> 00:17:16,000 Speaker 2: And when did when did the whole like Facebook like 341 00:17:16,039 --> 00:17:17,920 social media block happen? 342 00:17:18,519 --> 00:17:21,440 Speaker 1: Within a couple of weeks after that, then everybody we 343 00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:23,839 were blocked, everybody was blocked from every like we were 344 00:17:23,920 --> 00:17:27,480 just completely like shunned. We were done. So that was it. 345 00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:30,720 So that was the that was it. That was And 346 00:17:30,839 --> 00:17:33,480 there was never a time where he, you know, reached 347 00:17:33,519 --> 00:17:37,440 out and wanted to to say, gush, I'm really sorry 348 00:17:37,480 --> 00:17:41,119 about that, or we should get together, or he wanted 349 00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:44,640 to even have some semblance of a relationship with my 350 00:17:44,799 --> 00:17:48,039 daughter or my husband for that matter. I mean, there 351 00:17:48,119 --> 00:17:50,839 was just nothing, absolutely nothing over the past three years. 352 00:17:50,839 --> 00:17:54,359 So I didn't pursue it. I didn't. I just kind 353 00:17:54,359 --> 00:17:57,160 of thought, well, this is what he wants, and so 354 00:17:57,400 --> 00:18:00,279 I'm I'm done with that, and I have, I've ended 355 00:18:00,319 --> 00:18:03,240 a lot of olive branches at this point in my life. 356 00:18:03,279 --> 00:18:07,400 I just figured, Okay, I'm done with that. And so 357 00:18:08,440 --> 00:18:13,200 the weird thing about it is that there's a weird 358 00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:16,559 narrative in my family that I am somehow the reason 359 00:18:16,640 --> 00:18:18,880 for it, Like I'm somehow the reason for the space, 360 00:18:19,039 --> 00:18:21,440 like the reason for the distance and the reason for 361 00:18:21,480 --> 00:18:25,680 the rejection and the abandonment. And it's so weird how 362 00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:29,240 that's somehow put off on me. And I just sort 363 00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:31,599 of own it, like I kind of go, okay, well, 364 00:18:31,920 --> 00:18:33,960 I guess if that's the narrative, then I just kind 365 00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:36,640 of go with it. And but it's weird how you 366 00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:39,200 after years of it and you just if you don't 367 00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:42,240 push back, you end up with that label on you. 368 00:18:42,359 --> 00:18:45,480 It's just bizarre. It's bizarre how narratives get formed in 369 00:18:45,559 --> 00:18:49,319 families and you just if you don't push back, that's 370 00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:53,640 you end up owning those narratives. It's just really strange 371 00:18:53,640 --> 00:18:53,839 to me. 372 00:18:54,119 --> 00:18:54,960 Speaker 2: It's gaslighting. 373 00:18:55,119 --> 00:18:57,759 Speaker 1: It is. It's kind of like gaslighting, it really is. 374 00:18:57,920 --> 00:19:03,559 And I wasn't When my sister's husband died, I you know, 375 00:19:03,599 --> 00:19:06,200 I didn't really I wasn't invited to her wedding. I 376 00:19:06,240 --> 00:19:09,160 wasn't really invite I wasn't invited her a marriage because 377 00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:11,640 I wasn't invited to her wedding, and so I wasn't there. 378 00:19:11,759 --> 00:19:15,880 And so when he passed away, she somehow expected me 379 00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:18,200 to be there for the funeral, and I didn't show 380 00:19:18,279 --> 00:19:20,319 up for the funeral. I did call her and I 381 00:19:20,480 --> 00:19:22,519 you know, told her listen, you know, I'm very sorry, 382 00:19:22,599 --> 00:19:25,079 and and you know, basically I love you and if 383 00:19:25,079 --> 00:19:27,000 you need me, you can call me. But I'm I 384 00:19:27,119 --> 00:19:29,160 didn't show up for the funeral because. 385 00:19:28,839 --> 00:19:31,519 Speaker 2: I was you had like you had some serious life 386 00:19:31,519 --> 00:19:34,160 going on at the time, because I feel like there 387 00:19:34,279 --> 00:19:36,400 was a part of you that you would have gone 388 00:19:36,640 --> 00:19:39,880 had you not had a lot of other obligations personally 389 00:19:39,920 --> 00:19:41,759 with Gwen and swimming, and there was just a lot 390 00:19:42,359 --> 00:19:44,000 of stuff going on, So there was, But. 391 00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:45,960 Speaker 1: I mean, I also it's just a strange. It was 392 00:19:46,039 --> 00:19:49,160 very strange for me because I'm like, Okay, I'm you know, 393 00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:52,640 I wasn't I wasn't invited to your life right with 394 00:19:52,799 --> 00:19:55,839 this person, and then now that he's gone, you want 395 00:19:55,880 --> 00:19:59,680 me to be there for you for the funeral. That 396 00:19:59,799 --> 00:20:03,160 was an odd thing for me, and she is so 397 00:20:03,440 --> 00:20:05,759 she hates me for that. I mean, she just hates me. 398 00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:08,839 So it's that was a that was very strange for me. 399 00:20:09,079 --> 00:20:11,279 And the family hates me for that too, because they 400 00:20:11,279 --> 00:20:13,039 think that I should have been there, but they didn't 401 00:20:13,079 --> 00:20:14,680 think that I was good enough to come to the 402 00:20:14,720 --> 00:20:18,640 wedding and the and be there for the the life 403 00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:22,240 they had together. It's just a very bizarre thing. And 404 00:20:22,480 --> 00:20:24,160 my family wasn't good enough to be there for the 405 00:20:24,680 --> 00:20:27,599 either of those things. I just it's it's just bizarre. 406 00:20:27,920 --> 00:20:30,440 So the whole, you know, the abandonment thing is real. 407 00:20:30,559 --> 00:20:34,200 Now I look at like my dad and I think, okay, 408 00:20:34,319 --> 00:20:37,799 so for four months he knew he was going to 409 00:20:38,359 --> 00:20:41,920 leave this earth. And you know, I've had discussions over 410 00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:45,519 the past week with my with my husband about this, 411 00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:51,880 and I think, Okay, you know, I he knew he 412 00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:54,759 was going to go. I mean, it's you think that 413 00:20:54,799 --> 00:20:58,359 in your in your last days, you would I just 414 00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:00,720 wonder what I would do, you would not do this. 415 00:21:01,359 --> 00:21:04,240 I wonder, like with my children, and I wonder if 416 00:21:04,240 --> 00:21:06,279 I if I had some sort of beef with my 417 00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:08,720 first of all, all three of our children I mean, 418 00:21:09,799 --> 00:21:12,400 I would always. I just I feel like I would 419 00:21:12,440 --> 00:21:14,960 never stop communicating with my children. I just can't imagine 420 00:21:14,960 --> 00:21:18,440 not communicating with them. That's just me. I mean, everybody 421 00:21:18,440 --> 00:21:21,720 to each their own right, but I just can't imagine 422 00:21:21,720 --> 00:21:24,559 taking anything to my grave if I were, if I 423 00:21:24,599 --> 00:21:27,920 were angry, or if I can't imagine having that much 424 00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:32,519 hate for one of my children where I would not 425 00:21:32,559 --> 00:21:36,200 want to say something to them before if I knew 426 00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:38,119 I was going to go. It's one thing to not know, 427 00:21:38,359 --> 00:21:40,559 but when you know, or mental an advance, when you 428 00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:43,200 know that you're going to go, to not be able 429 00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:44,920 to do not want to say something to them, or 430 00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:47,039 to say something to your only grandchild, or. 431 00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:50,160 Speaker 2: To want to leave the earth with that cloud hanging 432 00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:54,119 over your head and not wanting resolution yourself Like that's 433 00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:57,000 just bizarre to me that he wanted to go to 434 00:21:57,039 --> 00:22:00,759 the grid. Specifically gave instructions to her sister, do not 435 00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:04,559 tell don't tell her when I die, right, don't tell 436 00:22:04,720 --> 00:22:05,759 what the hell is that? 437 00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:08,240 Speaker 1: Don't tell her that I'm that I am dying, and 438 00:22:08,319 --> 00:22:11,559 don't tell her. Yeah, I don't. And there's there's been 439 00:22:11,599 --> 00:22:16,880 no funeral, there's been there was no obituary. There's been nothing. 440 00:22:17,160 --> 00:22:20,640 I'm just I it's just it's so and even. 441 00:22:20,519 --> 00:22:22,799 Speaker 2: If there were that, no one would send her anything. 442 00:22:22,920 --> 00:22:24,640 It would be us finding it on the internet. 443 00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:28,400 Speaker 1: Right, I've I've not been privy to any information about 444 00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:30,799 any of this. It's like, it's like I don't exist. 445 00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:35,559 It's like the family wants me to know. They're so like, 446 00:22:35,759 --> 00:22:38,240 you're not you don't exist, You're not even a daughter. 447 00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:44,319 It's I've gotten four messages from people since he's passed, 448 00:22:46,440 --> 00:22:51,000 in your family, in my well, no family and friends combined. 449 00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:54,160 Speaker 2: Excluding our community. Who's been amazing. 450 00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:57,920 Speaker 1: You guys have been amazing. You guys have been absolutely amazing, 451 00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:01,640 like above and beyond. But I've gotten, let's see, from 452 00:23:01,640 --> 00:23:06,200 my family. I've received one person in my family that 453 00:23:06,240 --> 00:23:09,000 has reached out to me. It was a cousin, my 454 00:23:09,079 --> 00:23:11,319 first one of my first cousins has reached out to 455 00:23:11,400 --> 00:23:13,960 me to say that they were sorry. And then I've 456 00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:19,279 had three friends, you know, three friends, three childhood friends 457 00:23:19,279 --> 00:23:23,480 reach out to me, who you know, know that this happened, right, 458 00:23:23,599 --> 00:23:27,160 and that's that's it, and that's it. That's it. One 459 00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:29,039 person in my family has reached out to me. 460 00:23:29,400 --> 00:23:31,000 Speaker 2: That is fucked up. 461 00:23:31,160 --> 00:23:35,279 Speaker 1: One person and that's it. And I'm astounded by that. 462 00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:38,039 I mean, these are people who I've it's like I've 463 00:23:38,039 --> 00:23:40,839 been there when their loved ones have passed away. Just 464 00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:43,240 in the past year. I've been there for them. It's like, 465 00:23:43,319 --> 00:23:47,799 and I nothing, not a pete. It's so it's you. 466 00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:51,200 It's a eye opener. It's been an eye opening week 467 00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:54,920 or two for me. And and then another thing that's 468 00:23:54,920 --> 00:23:58,839 super eye opening is that I normally would have just 469 00:23:58,839 --> 00:24:00,839 not said a thing. I would have done this. I 470 00:24:00,880 --> 00:24:02,960 would have not I would have just talked about it 471 00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:05,759 with her and would have kept it with my family. 472 00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:07,759 But I think that there are a lot of people 473 00:24:07,880 --> 00:24:09,759 that deal with this kind of stuff. I think they're 474 00:24:10,079 --> 00:24:13,480 One thing that you know has been very eye opening 475 00:24:13,480 --> 00:24:17,519 for me is the amount of emails and messages I've 476 00:24:17,599 --> 00:24:22,319 received from people who I don't know personally who are 477 00:24:22,359 --> 00:24:25,440 writing me their personal stories and saying you are not 478 00:24:25,559 --> 00:24:29,119 alone in this this kind of stuff, like here's my 479 00:24:29,440 --> 00:24:31,559 family story, this is what happened to me. I was 480 00:24:31,559 --> 00:24:33,440 a strange from my father, I was a strange from 481 00:24:33,480 --> 00:24:35,640 my sister and my brother and my mother, and this 482 00:24:35,680 --> 00:24:40,400 is what happened. And like similar stories and that has 483 00:24:40,519 --> 00:24:44,279 really touched me because I you know, I honestly when 484 00:24:44,319 --> 00:24:46,319 I last week, when I mentioned this to you guys, 485 00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:48,480 I was like, I'm the only person who's dealing with 486 00:24:48,599 --> 00:24:51,720 Oh my god, only like my family is so messed up. 487 00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:55,279 And I honestly thought, like, it's so hard for me 488 00:24:55,519 --> 00:24:59,480 to be able to even share this, like with people 489 00:24:59,519 --> 00:25:02,519 that I semi note, like even people that I work with, 490 00:25:02,680 --> 00:25:04,640 because I'm just like, you kind of want to act 491 00:25:04,640 --> 00:25:06,559 like you have everything together, you know what I mean, 492 00:25:06,599 --> 00:25:08,880 and you're just like, it's fine, I've got it's it's 493 00:25:08,920 --> 00:25:12,039 totally fine, Like my family's fine, it's fine. But you know, 494 00:25:12,400 --> 00:25:15,960 you would be surprised how many people are dealing with 495 00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:18,759 stuff like this and that you know, they they go 496 00:25:18,839 --> 00:25:21,960 to work, they have friends, they have you know, their lives, 497 00:25:22,079 --> 00:25:25,240 and then they have this looming in the background and 498 00:25:25,279 --> 00:25:29,039 they do feel abandoned by summoning their family, or they 499 00:25:29,039 --> 00:25:31,960 do feel rejected, or they're dealing with just the emotional 500 00:25:32,359 --> 00:25:35,039 upheaval of stuff like this and you have no idea. 501 00:25:35,640 --> 00:25:41,160 So I appreciate the messages and the love and the 502 00:25:41,200 --> 00:25:44,440 support of all y'all, because man, it made such a 503 00:25:44,519 --> 00:25:47,839 huge difference just reading some of that stuff. 504 00:25:47,559 --> 00:25:51,599 Speaker 2: And knowing you're not alone, right right, because it's way 505 00:25:51,640 --> 00:25:55,079 more abnormal to have a normal. 506 00:25:54,799 --> 00:26:01,200 Speaker 1: To be normal. So true, it's true, yeah, because I 507 00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:04,559 mean that's the thing. It's families or families are dynamic. 508 00:26:05,160 --> 00:26:11,319 They are complicated and dynamic and hard and hard. They 509 00:26:11,319 --> 00:26:15,359 can be really hard. And you know, I'm I'm listen. 510 00:26:15,359 --> 00:26:19,440 I'm grateful that I've been able to build an immediate 511 00:26:19,480 --> 00:26:23,279 family that is awesome. You know. I'm so grateful for 512 00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:27,519 my husband, who is an amazing father. God, he's so 513 00:26:27,759 --> 00:26:30,240 he's such a great father. I'll get really emotional talking 514 00:26:30,279 --> 00:26:33,240 about him. And I and my kids are amazing. And 515 00:26:33,400 --> 00:26:36,799 I have the greatest friend in the whole world. I 516 00:26:36,839 --> 00:26:39,880 have this great community. I'm so grateful for so many things. 517 00:26:39,880 --> 00:26:42,200 So I mean, like I win you know what I mean, 518 00:26:42,480 --> 00:26:45,000 I win the lottery with that. Like seriously, I've won 519 00:26:45,039 --> 00:26:48,480 the lottery with life. It's like I cannot, I cannot 520 00:26:48,559 --> 00:26:52,319 be more grateful for all that stuff. So I didn't 521 00:26:52,319 --> 00:26:53,200 think I was gonna correct. 522 00:26:53,559 --> 00:26:55,799 Speaker 2: Why did you do that? Because I'm like, we made it, 523 00:26:55,920 --> 00:26:58,440 We're like almost to the end, and you lose it. 524 00:26:58,799 --> 00:26:59,839 And I was sympathy. 525 00:27:01,319 --> 00:27:03,319 Speaker 1: I've been so good about that for the past couple 526 00:27:03,319 --> 00:27:05,319 of days, I've been so good about not crying, but 527 00:27:05,440 --> 00:27:08,400 I'm just I am, I'm truly that's it's a good cry. 528 00:27:08,400 --> 00:27:10,480 It's like a happy cry. I really am grateful for 529 00:27:10,519 --> 00:27:12,880 all that stuff, you guys, so, and that's what you 530 00:27:12,920 --> 00:27:14,400 have to do. You have to be grateful for the 531 00:27:14,440 --> 00:27:15,440 good stuff. 532 00:27:15,519 --> 00:27:19,079 Speaker 2: Right, totally, right totally, and like I don't mean to 533 00:27:20,039 --> 00:27:22,680 because that's a really beautiful way to end this. But 534 00:27:23,079 --> 00:27:25,920 I also have like vengeance in my heart about this 535 00:27:25,960 --> 00:27:29,519 whole thing, and so the other the other good thing, 536 00:27:30,039 --> 00:27:32,960 the other thing to be grateful for is she's never 537 00:27:33,119 --> 00:27:34,880 going to be the kind of person who would go 538 00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:38,640 to her deathbed with this kind of vendetta against a 539 00:27:38,680 --> 00:27:41,359 member of her own family. That is fucked up. And 540 00:27:41,400 --> 00:27:43,359 the reason that I was sobbing when I called her 541 00:27:43,799 --> 00:27:46,720 was rage. It had nothing to do with being sad 542 00:27:46,759 --> 00:27:49,359 about her father dying. Maybe that sounds like shitty that 543 00:27:49,480 --> 00:27:50,480 I wasn't saving about. 544 00:27:50,599 --> 00:27:52,480 Speaker 1: Part of it is I'd already mourned him over the 545 00:27:52,480 --> 00:27:54,880 past right two years. I mean, I've had my moments 546 00:27:54,920 --> 00:27:57,119 over the past week. But when you haven't talked to 547 00:27:57,119 --> 00:28:00,559 somebody and they've rejected you, you you already go through 548 00:28:00,599 --> 00:28:03,359 periods of crying and warning over that person. I mean, 549 00:28:03,400 --> 00:28:05,880 I imagine you guys understand that if you've been through that. 550 00:28:06,039 --> 00:28:07,920 I mean I already did that. 551 00:28:08,160 --> 00:28:11,799 Speaker 2: Yeah, but he was there was always a chance, oh 552 00:28:12,039 --> 00:28:14,000 you know what I mean, and now there isn't. And 553 00:28:14,039 --> 00:28:16,920 that is one hundred percent on him, right. So the 554 00:28:16,960 --> 00:28:20,279 fact that he went to his death with that kind 555 00:28:20,279 --> 00:28:23,960 of thing hanging like a cloud hanging over that he 556 00:28:24,119 --> 00:28:28,200 controlled is just that's a sickness. That's that's fucked up. 557 00:28:28,519 --> 00:28:32,000 And she will never be that fucked up. So yeah, 558 00:28:32,279 --> 00:28:35,279 I was just in a rage that was how you 559 00:28:35,319 --> 00:28:38,480 were finding out. I could not believe that her, entire 560 00:28:38,559 --> 00:28:40,200 that side of the family would do that to her. 561 00:28:40,359 --> 00:28:44,400 Speaker 1: I love my kids and I cannot I cannot wait 562 00:28:44,440 --> 00:28:47,759 to have grandkids, and I just yeah, I just I 563 00:28:47,759 --> 00:28:50,240 don't get it. I just I don't get that. 564 00:28:50,240 --> 00:28:51,119 Speaker 2: That's a whole different man. 565 00:28:51,160 --> 00:28:52,440 Speaker 1: I don't get it. And you know what, I'm still 566 00:28:52,440 --> 00:28:54,720 glad I don't get that. Yeah, exactly, I'm just glad 567 00:28:54,759 --> 00:28:58,039 I don't get it. And I'm grateful for that too, so, 568 00:28:58,720 --> 00:29:02,519 you know, and grateful for all this. So thank you 569 00:29:02,559 --> 00:29:07,440 for giving me the opportunity to do this. It's really weird, so. 570 00:29:07,359 --> 00:29:09,839 Speaker 2: It's not our typical dive, so weird. 571 00:29:09,880 --> 00:29:12,440 Speaker 1: And I hope we're talking about like midget poor next time, 572 00:29:12,559 --> 00:29:16,319 because this is really weird. But but you now, I'm 573 00:29:16,359 --> 00:29:19,440 grateful that I have this platform to be able to 574 00:29:19,599 --> 00:29:22,400 do this. Right, what a blessing, What a blessing it is, 575 00:29:22,440 --> 00:29:25,799 and what a blessing you guys are, And no one out. 576 00:29:25,640 --> 00:29:26,359 Speaker 2: There is alone. 577 00:29:26,400 --> 00:29:29,759 Speaker 1: We're not alone, right, We're not alone? So wow, I 578 00:29:29,799 --> 00:29:30,160 love you. 579 00:29:30,119 --> 00:29:33,039 Speaker 2: Guys, Thanks for watching. We'll be back January sixth, so 580 00:29:33,119 --> 00:29:35,640 make sure to tune in and bring a friend, Follow us. 581 00:29:35,599 --> 00:29:38,559 Speaker 1: And subscribe on YouTube, iTunes, Spotify, or wherever you get 582 00:29:38,559 --> 00:29:40,000 your podcasts. Link in bio