WEBVTT 1 00:00:35.520 --> 00:00:39.280 Hi, and welcome to SOS Stories of Survivors. I'm your host, 2 00:00:39.359 --> 00:00:43.039 Serena Dansker, and it is my absolute pleasure and honor 3 00:00:43.119 --> 00:00:47.039 to welcome Donna Paloma. She is the founder of Jane 4 00:00:47.159 --> 00:00:51.000 Joe No More. Today you are going to talk about 5 00:00:51.560 --> 00:00:56.960 advocacy for women who have been sexually assaulted. But more 6 00:00:57.039 --> 00:01:05.359 than that, Donna has turned people pain into an amazing 7 00:01:06.239 --> 00:01:10.319 platform where people can share their journeys. And she's going 8 00:01:10.359 --> 00:01:13.200 to talk to us about this movement and how she's 9 00:01:13.239 --> 00:01:18.000 given survivors a voice and their dignity and a place 10 00:01:18.040 --> 00:01:22.200 where they can feel comfortable talking about their experience. So, 11 00:01:22.359 --> 00:01:25.480 without further ado, please join me in welcoming Donna. 12 00:01:26.159 --> 00:01:27.319 Thank you Donna for coming. 13 00:01:27.959 --> 00:01:30.319 Thank you so much, Serena for having me. It really 14 00:01:30.439 --> 00:01:31.079 is my pleasure. 15 00:01:32.000 --> 00:01:35.680 I would love to just dive right in and ask 16 00:01:35.760 --> 00:01:38.640 you to share a little bit about your life before 17 00:01:38.840 --> 00:01:41.719 everything changed and what was normal for you back then. 18 00:01:42.239 --> 00:01:48.000 Okay, so life right before the incident was nineteen ninety three. 19 00:01:48.400 --> 00:01:50.879 My husband and I were married for twelve years. At 20 00:01:50.920 --> 00:01:54.480 the time, we had two little ones, my daughter are 21 00:01:54.560 --> 00:01:59.359 first born and our son, and life was very busy. 22 00:01:59.519 --> 00:02:02.400 I was as a partner in a marketing agency. My 23 00:02:02.560 --> 00:02:06.120 husband was busy, busy in his family business with his 24 00:02:06.159 --> 00:02:09.919 three brothers, but life truly centered around the children, and 25 00:02:10.439 --> 00:02:11.120 life was good. 26 00:02:12.360 --> 00:02:17.000 Wow, and you know, and so survivors often describe a 27 00:02:17.080 --> 00:02:21.560 moment as a dividing line, the moment of the trauma 28 00:02:21.719 --> 00:02:25.919 that takes place, and for you, can you take us? 29 00:02:26.159 --> 00:02:28.000 I mean, are you okay talking about that? 30 00:02:28.280 --> 00:02:31.840 Of course, yes, of course I'm very open about what happened. 31 00:02:31.919 --> 00:02:37.360 So it was actually September eleventh, nineteen ninety three. My 32 00:02:37.560 --> 00:02:40.719 husband was away for the very first time in our marriage. 33 00:02:41.360 --> 00:02:45.759 And it was a Friday night the night before when 34 00:02:47.280 --> 00:02:49.879 I had gone to work the day before and my 35 00:02:50.000 --> 00:02:53.319 children had gone to school. I picked them up. We 36 00:02:53.400 --> 00:02:57.319 went out to children's concert and then out for pizza, 37 00:02:57.479 --> 00:03:01.080 and came home around nine o'clock. We were all exhausted. 38 00:03:01.599 --> 00:03:06.280 Tucked them in, said their prayers, and I was fast asleep. 39 00:03:07.240 --> 00:03:12.360 And the next thing I remember, I heard footsteps. And 40 00:03:12.520 --> 00:03:15.879 we lived in a two story colonial with woodstairs, and 41 00:03:16.319 --> 00:03:20.520 I immediately became concerned. It didn't sound like little children's 42 00:03:20.560 --> 00:03:22.599 of bare feet, like one of them coming to join 43 00:03:22.680 --> 00:03:25.680 me in our bedroom. And I was sleeping in my 44 00:03:25.759 --> 00:03:29.919 stomach and I looked up and a shadowy figure, a 45 00:03:30.000 --> 00:03:35.479 man with a covering over his head, entered the bedroom, 46 00:03:35.960 --> 00:03:38.280 and I had very little time to react. 47 00:03:39.000 --> 00:03:39.879 I screamed. 48 00:03:40.319 --> 00:03:43.960 He covered my mouth, cranked my arm behind my back, 49 00:03:44.039 --> 00:03:46.879 and said, if you don't cooperate, you're going to get hurt. 50 00:03:47.240 --> 00:03:50.120 And then I was coming to my senses and realized 51 00:03:50.639 --> 00:03:54.240 if I screamed, the children were the ones that would hear. Yeah, 52 00:03:54.840 --> 00:03:59.800 so I stayed quiet. He put a pillowcase over my head, 53 00:04:00.039 --> 00:04:06.039 bound my eyes, and tied my arm my wrists behind 54 00:04:06.080 --> 00:04:11.840 my back, so I was completely bound. And he cut 55 00:04:11.879 --> 00:04:17.680 my clothing and he raped me, and he flipped me 56 00:04:17.800 --> 00:04:23.480 back over, and at one point I felt the cylinder 57 00:04:23.560 --> 00:04:27.160 the barrel of a gun in my mouth, and he 58 00:04:27.720 --> 00:04:35.480 said he threatened me, and I saw my life flash 59 00:04:35.519 --> 00:04:38.319 before my eyes, and I thought this was it, and 60 00:04:38.360 --> 00:04:42.680 I pictured my children finding me. The next morning, he 61 00:04:42.759 --> 00:04:48.199 moved the gun to my temple and said, and I said, 62 00:04:48.319 --> 00:04:51.199 out loud, I mean, I thought this was it. And 63 00:04:51.319 --> 00:04:54.519 I said out loud to God, please absolve me of 64 00:04:54.519 --> 00:04:59.279 all my sins. And I waited, and finally he actually 65 00:04:59.360 --> 00:05:01.279 flip me back over and put the gun in my 66 00:05:01.360 --> 00:05:04.680 back and said, if you call the pigs. His words, 67 00:05:05.160 --> 00:05:07.800 I'm going to come back and kill you. And it 68 00:05:07.920 --> 00:05:10.639 was at that moment that I realized he might let 69 00:05:10.720 --> 00:05:13.439 me limp and I did anything I could to will 70 00:05:13.519 --> 00:05:16.199 him down those stairs. I said, listen, I'll never tell 71 00:05:16.199 --> 00:05:18.160 a soul. This is between you and me. I could 72 00:05:18.199 --> 00:05:21.560 never identify you, and miraculously I heard him walk down 73 00:05:21.560 --> 00:05:22.160 the stairs. 74 00:05:22.839 --> 00:05:24.560 Yeah. 75 00:05:24.600 --> 00:05:29.560 And of course my first thoughts were off my children. 76 00:05:29.639 --> 00:05:31.959 I could not get to them quick enough, but I 77 00:05:32.040 --> 00:05:34.920 was disoriented. On the bed, I was still bound. I 78 00:05:35.000 --> 00:05:38.399 was able to break free from the ties. I slipped 79 00:05:38.439 --> 00:05:42.040 one hand through and took the pillowcase off and ran down, 80 00:05:42.160 --> 00:05:46.079 and both of my children were untouched. And honestly, Serena, 81 00:05:46.279 --> 00:05:49.319 I just knelt down and sobbed and thank God. And 82 00:05:49.439 --> 00:05:52.319 what I felt in that moment was gratitude. Gratitude that 83 00:05:53.040 --> 00:05:57.720 I had survived and my children were just precious and 84 00:05:57.839 --> 00:06:01.879 just untouched. And I knew in that moment that we 85 00:06:01.920 --> 00:06:07.680 would be okay. I bought my goodness. This horrific thing happened, 86 00:06:07.680 --> 00:06:11.199 but I was able to survive that and the children 87 00:06:11.279 --> 00:06:14.759 were untouched. That was the best of a very awful situation. 88 00:06:15.600 --> 00:06:20.360 Wow, how fortunate that was that he actually just left. 89 00:06:20.360 --> 00:06:22.720 He came, got what he needed and just left. 90 00:06:22.759 --> 00:06:25.120 And your kids were okay exactly. 91 00:06:25.360 --> 00:06:28.120 It was something I could never have dreamed of. It 92 00:06:28.160 --> 00:06:31.079 was like, you know, your worst nightmare. I was in 93 00:06:31.160 --> 00:06:35.040 shock and the children were okay. So now I wanted 94 00:06:35.079 --> 00:06:38.399 to get help. He had cut the phone line, so 95 00:06:38.480 --> 00:06:40.839 I had to run to a neighbor's. This was nineteen 96 00:06:40.959 --> 00:06:41.600 ninety three. 97 00:06:42.000 --> 00:06:45.680 I didn't have an hel phone, of course. 98 00:06:45.759 --> 00:06:47.680 So I was like, oh my gosh, I can't have 99 00:06:47.720 --> 00:06:51.079 no way of communicating with outside world. So I had to. 100 00:06:51.439 --> 00:06:54.399 I made a really tough decision to leave my children, 101 00:06:54.439 --> 00:06:56.480 but was the only way to get help. I made 102 00:06:56.480 --> 00:07:01.600 sure they were still fine. They were settled in night right. 103 00:07:02.199 --> 00:07:03.920 It was in the middle of the night. It was 104 00:07:04.160 --> 00:07:06.279 like the wee hours of the morning. It was like 105 00:07:06.879 --> 00:07:10.079 two o'clock or something like that. Ran to a neighbor's. 106 00:07:11.000 --> 00:07:13.279 He took one look at me. I still had nylons 107 00:07:13.360 --> 00:07:16.839 hanging from my neck, and he's like, what happened. I said, 108 00:07:16.879 --> 00:07:20.079 John's not home. I've been attacked. The kids are up there. 109 00:07:20.120 --> 00:07:23.439 I'm frightened, And I said the perpetrator told me not 110 00:07:23.519 --> 00:07:24.160 to call the police. 111 00:07:24.199 --> 00:07:24.720 He'd kill me. 112 00:07:25.680 --> 00:07:28.360 The neighbor immediately picked up the phone dial nine to 113 00:07:28.399 --> 00:07:32.040 one one. He went up to the house to protect 114 00:07:32.199 --> 00:07:35.160 the children, and he stayed in front of the house 115 00:07:35.480 --> 00:07:38.480 until the police arrived, just to have someone be there, 116 00:07:39.000 --> 00:07:43.600 and I told the police what happened. A police officer 117 00:07:43.680 --> 00:07:47.399 met me there before that, I was able to use 118 00:07:47.600 --> 00:07:50.519 the working phone at my neighbors to call family and 119 00:07:50.560 --> 00:07:54.279 they said, we'll be right over. And the officer there, 120 00:07:55.279 --> 00:07:56.959 I was following him. He asked me if I had 121 00:07:57.000 --> 00:07:58.879 a key. I said, yes, here it is, and I 122 00:07:58.959 --> 00:08:00.920 was following him and he said I had to stay there, 123 00:08:01.600 --> 00:08:03.759 and I said, please, my children are up at the 124 00:08:03.759 --> 00:08:06.000 house by themselves. I don't want them to be frightened. 125 00:08:06.040 --> 00:08:08.680 Can I please come with you? He said, no, you 126 00:08:08.839 --> 00:08:12.000 need to wait here, and I obeyed. No one came 127 00:08:12.079 --> 00:08:17.560 for me, Serena. The separation anxiety was off the charts. 128 00:08:18.160 --> 00:08:21.160 I finally I grabbed a knife from the drawer in 129 00:08:21.240 --> 00:08:24.600 my neighbor's home and ran back up by myself, and 130 00:08:24.639 --> 00:08:28.079 it was like five houses away. Right by the time 131 00:08:28.120 --> 00:08:32.759 I got there, I saw siren, the lights, police lights 132 00:08:33.120 --> 00:08:36.960 that were there, and officers were on the scene. Family 133 00:08:36.960 --> 00:08:39.879 members starteds who arrived. I was just by that time like, 134 00:08:40.159 --> 00:08:44.679 so drained and just my only thoughts were. 135 00:08:44.519 --> 00:08:45.000 On the fi. 136 00:08:45.679 --> 00:08:49.960 Yeah, you were in shop too, I can imagine that. Yes, 137 00:08:50.120 --> 00:08:52.799 And so I was able to go. They let me 138 00:08:52.919 --> 00:08:56.120 roam freely, as they let other family members roam freely. 139 00:08:56.279 --> 00:08:59.360 And I checked the kids and they remained asleep. It 140 00:08:59.399 --> 00:09:01.919 was a mee, a miracle. But I thought I had 141 00:09:01.919 --> 00:09:05.440 done everything right. That night I went to the hospital. 142 00:09:06.320 --> 00:09:10.360 By that time, my eye was throbbing. Turned out I 143 00:09:10.360 --> 00:09:13.120 had a scratched cornea. My eye was patched, there were 144 00:09:13.200 --> 00:09:16.399 lacerations on my wrists that were noted, and a sex 145 00:09:16.519 --> 00:09:21.440 crimes kit was conducted and DNA for the perpetrator was found, 146 00:09:22.960 --> 00:09:27.320 And yeah, it was. It was just it was hard 147 00:09:27.519 --> 00:09:29.960 to even explain what that night. 148 00:09:29.960 --> 00:09:34.720 Was, like, Wow, that's just crazy. And your husband. Were 149 00:09:34.720 --> 00:09:37.200 you able to reach him and let him know what happened? 150 00:09:37.600 --> 00:09:40.399 I did not want to. He was out of state 151 00:09:40.639 --> 00:09:43.879 in Colorado at a friend's wedding. We had all planned 152 00:09:43.919 --> 00:09:46.519 to go, but for some for because of business reasons, 153 00:09:46.559 --> 00:09:50.080 I couldn't go. So at any rate, I had told 154 00:09:50.120 --> 00:09:52.120 his brothers. I said, we're not going to tell John 155 00:09:52.200 --> 00:09:54.720 until he comes home. What good could it do for 156 00:09:54.840 --> 00:09:57.279 him to know? This a thousand miles away, and then, 157 00:09:57.519 --> 00:10:00.320 you know, have to deal with that without anyone to 158 00:10:00.840 --> 00:10:03.039 comfort him and let him know that I'm okay and 159 00:10:03.159 --> 00:10:07.039 the kids are fine. And so we broke the news 160 00:10:07.080 --> 00:10:09.440 to him the next day, and needless to say, he 161 00:10:09.519 --> 00:10:14.840 was devastated. He he's a kind of guy that you 162 00:10:14.840 --> 00:10:18.159 you know, you would imagine a good family man and 163 00:10:18.879 --> 00:10:22.039 protective and he could not imagine that the one time 164 00:10:22.120 --> 00:10:24.679 he was away that someone would come and do harm 165 00:10:24.720 --> 00:10:28.960 to his family. But I was pulling my family through this. 166 00:10:29.200 --> 00:10:32.240 I am a strong person with a strong faith, and 167 00:10:32.320 --> 00:10:35.519 I said, John, I'm okay. I am really, I'm okay. 168 00:10:36.039 --> 00:10:39.720 I was back to work within a few days. And 169 00:10:40.559 --> 00:10:43.320 you know, of course you lived differently. We had dead 170 00:10:43.360 --> 00:10:47.440 bolts and alarms installed, and of course it was very 171 00:10:47.519 --> 00:10:50.480 difficult for me to sleep in that house and the 172 00:10:50.519 --> 00:10:53.600 sounds and all of that. But I was getting through, 173 00:10:53.639 --> 00:10:57.559 and I literally was pulling my family through. When one 174 00:10:57.639 --> 00:11:01.480 month after the crime, the lieutenant in that was handling 175 00:11:01.519 --> 00:11:05.840 my case put me in a small interrogation room at 176 00:11:05.840 --> 00:11:09.879 the police department and sat me down. He had a 177 00:11:09.919 --> 00:11:12.320 tape recorder on his desk. Back then, it was real 178 00:11:12.399 --> 00:11:15.759 to reel and He pressed play and record, took out 179 00:11:15.759 --> 00:11:18.240 a little white piece of paper and began reading me 180 00:11:18.360 --> 00:11:23.559 my Miranda rights. What Yeah, you have the right to ream. 181 00:11:24.000 --> 00:11:26.440 I looked at him and I said, what are you doing? 182 00:11:27.360 --> 00:11:29.039 He said, this is the way I'm going to handle it. 183 00:11:29.080 --> 00:11:32.279 I said handle what? What are you talking about? He said, 184 00:11:32.320 --> 00:11:34.600 why don't you tell me what really happened that night? 185 00:11:35.559 --> 00:11:38.919 And I looked at him and I said, I told 186 00:11:39.000 --> 00:11:41.000 the police that were there that night. I told you 187 00:11:41.159 --> 00:11:45.519 everything I could possibly remember from that night. And he 188 00:11:45.600 --> 00:11:49.840 went on and on, and of course, had I known 189 00:11:50.080 --> 00:11:52.799 then what I know now, I would never have taken 190 00:11:52.919 --> 00:11:58.200 that revictimization, that emotional trauma heaped up on me over 191 00:11:58.279 --> 00:12:01.279 and over. But I did no better. And I sat 192 00:12:01.360 --> 00:12:04.840 there for an hour while he told me he had 193 00:12:05.039 --> 00:12:09.320 rock solid evidence that I purposefully lied to the police 194 00:12:09.440 --> 00:12:11.840 and that I had to come clean. He told me 195 00:12:11.879 --> 00:12:15.000 I had everything to lose, and he held up his hand. 196 00:12:15.039 --> 00:12:18.759 He said, your children, your husband, your career, your reputation. 197 00:12:18.879 --> 00:12:22.120 Unless you tell me right now what happened. Oh my god, 198 00:12:22.600 --> 00:12:25.639 it was, I said. I begged him. I said, please, 199 00:12:25.840 --> 00:12:28.440 I've done nothing but tell the truth. We have countless 200 00:12:28.480 --> 00:12:31.039 interviews and photographs that proved you were lying. I said, 201 00:12:31.080 --> 00:12:34.799 show them to me. I can explain anything, all to 202 00:12:34.919 --> 00:12:40.159 no avail. Finally, at the end, I was crying and 203 00:12:40.600 --> 00:12:43.080 I looked at him and I said, what could you 204 00:12:43.120 --> 00:12:46.200 be thinking of doing this to me? He looked at 205 00:12:46.240 --> 00:12:48.679 his watch and said, I'm thinking of what I'm going 206 00:12:48.759 --> 00:12:49.519 to have for lunch. 207 00:12:51.240 --> 00:12:52.240 What estard? 208 00:12:52.559 --> 00:12:53.000 Yeah? 209 00:12:53.200 --> 00:12:54.919 I mean really it was. 210 00:12:56.240 --> 00:12:58.960 I thought I was in an alternate reality. I'm like, 211 00:12:59.000 --> 00:13:03.440 this cannot be real. And at the end, when I 212 00:13:03.519 --> 00:13:05.519 had nothing left to say, I was just sitting there 213 00:13:05.519 --> 00:13:07.480 and afraid he was going to arrest me. He said 214 00:13:07.480 --> 00:13:10.039 to me, I'll tell you what. I will let you 215 00:13:10.200 --> 00:13:13.919 leave under the condition that you come back here this afternoon. 216 00:13:14.480 --> 00:13:18.000 You tell me what really happened. This tape goes in 217 00:13:18.039 --> 00:13:22.639 the desk and I close the case, or I will 218 00:13:22.720 --> 00:13:26.279 find you. I will arrest you, and your picture will 219 00:13:26.320 --> 00:13:31.440 be in tomorrow's paper. I was like, oh my gosh. 220 00:13:31.720 --> 00:13:35.519 I didn't know what to do, and I left there 221 00:13:35.600 --> 00:13:40.679 feeling worse. He said to me, I have twenty seven 222 00:13:40.799 --> 00:13:43.440 cases on my desk, and one way or another, this 223 00:13:43.519 --> 00:13:45.200 case is getting closed today. 224 00:13:45.840 --> 00:13:48.840 Wow, oh my. 225 00:13:48.720 --> 00:13:50.320 Gosh, that's crazy. 226 00:13:50.840 --> 00:13:54.159 It was absolutely crazy. I was thrown into a world 227 00:13:54.200 --> 00:14:00.360 I knew absolutely nothing about. I was always raised is to, 228 00:14:01.080 --> 00:14:03.480 you know, have the utmost respect for law enforcement, that 229 00:14:03.480 --> 00:14:06.039 they're there to protect and serve, and they're there to 230 00:14:06.080 --> 00:14:09.559 help you in your time of need. And it was 231 00:14:09.799 --> 00:14:14.919 just incredibly damaging and devastating. I could remember it was 232 00:14:14.960 --> 00:14:18.000 in October, like we're in October now. It was an 233 00:14:18.039 --> 00:14:22.679 October day and I had a light raincoat on. I 234 00:14:22.720 --> 00:14:25.679 went to my parents' house and I could not I 235 00:14:25.799 --> 00:14:28.840 was in such a state I couldn't even remove my coat. 236 00:14:29.639 --> 00:14:34.080 And my husband and my father went to that police 237 00:14:34.080 --> 00:14:37.200 station and demanded to see this lieutenant. They were told 238 00:14:37.519 --> 00:14:40.159 her story is full of holes, and yes there is 239 00:14:40.200 --> 00:14:45.679 the threat of her arrest, so that we're just as 240 00:14:45.759 --> 00:14:48.840 don't found it. We're like, what is going on? 241 00:14:49.799 --> 00:14:50.120 Right? 242 00:14:51.639 --> 00:14:55.600 So truly that is what started at all. Serena and 243 00:14:55.720 --> 00:15:01.480 I had to really learn so much much more about 244 00:15:01.759 --> 00:15:08.080 what types of stigmas are associated with these types of crimes. 245 00:15:08.240 --> 00:15:12.399 And I was devastated for a long time. I couldn't 246 00:15:12.440 --> 00:15:16.279 eat or sleep. I couldn't believe that not only that 247 00:15:16.399 --> 00:15:20.080 the horrific night had happened, that an armed mass intruder 248 00:15:20.120 --> 00:15:22.960 broke into our home, but then that the police were 249 00:15:23.039 --> 00:15:27.360 attacking this lieutenant attacked me. We reported it to his 250 00:15:27.720 --> 00:15:32.320 superior all to no avail. We actually had to get 251 00:15:32.360 --> 00:15:37.039 legal help. We demanded that an internal affairs investigation be conducted, 252 00:15:37.279 --> 00:15:40.120 which was a joke. It took a year and it 253 00:15:40.159 --> 00:15:45.279 came back congratulating the officers on a thorough investigation. It 254 00:15:45.360 --> 00:15:49.840 was the only thing he was reprimanded for was he 255 00:15:49.919 --> 00:15:53.039 was unable to produce a working copy of the tape 256 00:15:53.279 --> 00:15:56.600 because apparently he set it to the wrong switch and 257 00:15:56.639 --> 00:15:57.559 it didn't record. 258 00:15:59.120 --> 00:16:04.320 I'm sorry, seriously. 259 00:16:04.480 --> 00:16:10.840 It's just it's just nuts. And so we our attorney, 260 00:16:10.879 --> 00:16:13.639 I said, we can't let this ride like this, because 261 00:16:13.759 --> 00:16:17.519 what I learned during that time was that most victims 262 00:16:17.559 --> 00:16:21.519 are under the age of twenty one, and you know, 263 00:16:21.639 --> 00:16:23.600 most don't report, and you could. 264 00:16:23.480 --> 00:16:27.440 See because you're afraid that you're going to be blamed 265 00:16:27.480 --> 00:16:29.480 for you. I mean, look, I grew up in the 266 00:16:29.480 --> 00:16:33.519 eighties and and girls that were victim of victims of 267 00:16:33.559 --> 00:16:36.799 sexual assault or abuse or rab or any of this 268 00:16:36.960 --> 00:16:39.480 that was like, well, you were wearing really short shorts 269 00:16:39.559 --> 00:16:41.399 or what were you wearing, or what did you do? 270 00:16:41.799 --> 00:16:43.000 How did you look at that guy? 271 00:16:43.039 --> 00:16:47.279 Did you ask for it, and so we were always 272 00:16:47.360 --> 00:16:50.759 taught you don't say anything because you're going to be 273 00:16:50.799 --> 00:16:52.559 the one that's going to be in the newspaper. 274 00:16:53.000 --> 00:16:57.279 And it's so ridiculous, the victim blaming. It's still true 275 00:16:57.279 --> 00:17:00.519 to this day in many cases, and that's why most 276 00:17:00.600 --> 00:17:04.519 victims don't report. And of course, you know, I learned 277 00:17:04.640 --> 00:17:07.119 that most victims are under the age of twenty one 278 00:17:07.759 --> 00:17:12.200 and that they're suffering and devastating silence because of this, 279 00:17:12.319 --> 00:17:16.680 and it's just so incredibly harmful. So we decided to 280 00:17:16.839 --> 00:17:21.119 sue law enforcement. Good I had nothing but the truth 281 00:17:21.119 --> 00:17:25.319 on my side, and my attorney was wonderful. She has 282 00:17:25.319 --> 00:17:28.240 since passed away, but she was like, Donna, this is 283 00:17:28.279 --> 00:17:30.960 going to be very difficult when you sue law enforcement. 284 00:17:31.000 --> 00:17:34.119 You went back sue the city, the entire city, because 285 00:17:34.119 --> 00:17:39.599 they're city employees. It took seven years to go to trial. Wow, 286 00:17:40.119 --> 00:17:42.480 sven years. They tried to stop me at every turn, 287 00:17:42.599 --> 00:17:45.559 But in that time I reached out to the best 288 00:17:45.559 --> 00:17:48.039 and the brightest people that I knew. I reached out 289 00:17:48.079 --> 00:17:51.119 to doctor Henry Lee, who resampled the DNA in my 290 00:17:51.200 --> 00:17:53.880 case because I didn't trust anything at that point that 291 00:17:53.920 --> 00:17:58.440 they had, and I actually created a twelve point list 292 00:17:58.880 --> 00:18:02.359 of things that need to occur in crimes like this 293 00:18:03.000 --> 00:18:05.880 and the actions that should be taken by first responders 294 00:18:06.000 --> 00:18:09.079 law enforcement. And the first one is that every victim 295 00:18:09.079 --> 00:18:12.960 should be treated with dignity and respect. Absolutely, that is 296 00:18:13.039 --> 00:18:17.119 just so critically important. And to know the training that 297 00:18:17.200 --> 00:18:21.319 needs to occur, which these officers were supposedly trained they 298 00:18:21.599 --> 00:18:25.359 headed up the sexual crimes unit. It was it was 299 00:18:25.400 --> 00:18:29.960 incredible to me so to be trauma informed, to understand 300 00:18:29.960 --> 00:18:34.799 that no victim of a trauma like this is going 301 00:18:34.839 --> 00:18:38.519 to act in a way that you can predict. Some 302 00:18:38.640 --> 00:18:42.799 may be quiet, some might be screaming, some might be hysterical, 303 00:18:44.160 --> 00:18:49.359 and that does not mean that they're not truthful, and 304 00:18:49.440 --> 00:18:54.519 so helping them put their preconceived notions aside at any rate. 305 00:18:55.160 --> 00:19:00.279 After seven years, we finally did go to trial, and 306 00:19:01.319 --> 00:19:05.400 it was a month long trial. These officers all covered 307 00:19:05.400 --> 00:19:09.559 for one another impact one of the most devastating things. 308 00:19:09.680 --> 00:19:16.000 One officer on the scene that night wrote in his report, 309 00:19:16.039 --> 00:19:19.720 She's wearing the nylons around her neck and wrist as 310 00:19:19.759 --> 00:19:25.680 if they were a stage prop. I had nylons that 311 00:19:25.720 --> 00:19:28.319 I had been bound with on my wrist and neck, 312 00:19:29.039 --> 00:19:31.920 and I didn't even realize I had them on. But 313 00:19:32.000 --> 00:19:35.519 when I had them on, when I ran to my neighbors. 314 00:19:36.039 --> 00:19:38.960 At the neighbors, when I talked to the officer there 315 00:19:38.960 --> 00:19:42.279 on the call, he said, do not wash, do not 316 00:19:42.440 --> 00:19:44.119 remove anything, and. 317 00:19:44.279 --> 00:19:46.119 I said and everything. 318 00:19:46.200 --> 00:19:52.160 Yeah, I simply did what I was told. They thought 319 00:19:52.160 --> 00:19:55.119 it was odd that on that call, when I was 320 00:19:55.160 --> 00:19:58.079 talking about the perpetrator, I said, the gentleman that did 321 00:19:58.119 --> 00:20:02.160 this to me, I use the word I'm I was 322 00:20:02.200 --> 00:20:06.000 an executive in marketing, that I'm a business professional, and 323 00:20:06.039 --> 00:20:09.279 I'm in a state of shock. So I'm just there's 324 00:20:09.279 --> 00:20:13.720 scrutinizing everything I did and said and the way I looked. 325 00:20:13.960 --> 00:20:20.279 It was absolutely insane. But aficer after officer testified until 326 00:20:20.400 --> 00:20:23.759 finally doctor Henry Lee took the stand and he testified 327 00:20:23.759 --> 00:20:26.240 about the proper handling of a crime scene, how the 328 00:20:26.359 --> 00:20:29.000 entire perimeter of the home should have been cordoned off, 329 00:20:29.559 --> 00:20:32.400 and how fingerprints and photographs should have been taken, none 330 00:20:32.440 --> 00:20:36.400 of which were done. And then doctor David Johnson, who 331 00:20:36.519 --> 00:20:40.079 I saw treatment from at Yale Post Traumatic Stress Center, 332 00:20:40.799 --> 00:20:42.880 talked about the fact that I was a strong person 333 00:20:43.119 --> 00:20:46.640 and that I was back to work and well on 334 00:20:46.680 --> 00:20:51.599 my way to healing. And that second attack at the 335 00:20:51.640 --> 00:20:55.680 Waterbury Police Department by that lieutenant a place where I 336 00:20:55.839 --> 00:20:58.559 was I thought was another safe harbor, just like your 337 00:20:58.640 --> 00:21:02.559 home and when you're in your bed. And that second 338 00:21:02.599 --> 00:21:06.480 attack was in many ways more damaging than the rape itself. 339 00:21:07.400 --> 00:21:12.279 And then Neil O'Leary, who was in law enforcement at 340 00:21:12.279 --> 00:21:15.759 the Waterbury Police Department, the same department with these other men, 341 00:21:17.000 --> 00:21:20.400 took the stand and he testified he was raising in 342 00:21:20.440 --> 00:21:22.799 the ranks. I believe he was deputy chief at the time, 343 00:21:23.519 --> 00:21:26.720 and he said there was not one shred of evidence 344 00:21:26.759 --> 00:21:29.119 to prove I had done anything but tell the truth. 345 00:21:29.440 --> 00:21:31.759 And these officers were found negligent. 346 00:21:32.000 --> 00:21:38.720 And that is unbelievable that they actually found them negligence. 347 00:21:38.960 --> 00:21:42.519 Yeah, it truly is. After all that that they were 348 00:21:42.559 --> 00:21:46.319 found negligent. It was the beginning of an amazing turnaround 349 00:21:46.319 --> 00:21:51.680 of events, and Neil O'Leary became chief of police. And 350 00:21:52.160 --> 00:21:54.599 this was in two thousand and one. The trial ended 351 00:21:54.640 --> 00:21:57.880 in two thousand and one. In two thousand and four, 352 00:21:59.079 --> 00:22:01.960 now we knew the perpetrator was out there. This happened 353 00:22:01.960 --> 00:22:06.079 in nineteen ninety three and eleven years we had no 354 00:22:06.160 --> 00:22:11.319 idea who he was. In two thousand and four, a 355 00:22:11.400 --> 00:22:16.440 man in our community attacked a coworker and he attempted 356 00:22:16.480 --> 00:22:19.119 to sexually assault her. She was able to break free, 357 00:22:19.519 --> 00:22:22.480 but he was going to be arrested for unlawful restraint 358 00:22:22.559 --> 00:22:28.160 in that case, and Chief O'Leary asked the man, John Reagan, 359 00:22:28.920 --> 00:22:32.839 for a voluntary DNA sample, and he swab of saliva 360 00:22:32.960 --> 00:22:36.440 was taken and we would find out later two months 361 00:22:36.519 --> 00:22:39.160 later it was a perfect match to the DNA in 362 00:22:39.200 --> 00:22:39.839 my case. 363 00:22:40.640 --> 00:22:42.319 Wow, how lucky was that? 364 00:22:42.839 --> 00:22:47.079 Yeah, it was, it was. It was unbelievable, but it was. 365 00:22:47.160 --> 00:22:51.799 His name was John is John Reagan. He is. He 366 00:22:52.319 --> 00:22:56.720 was thought to be a happily married, church going father 367 00:22:56.880 --> 00:22:59.559 of three who had grown up with my husband since 368 00:22:59.680 --> 00:23:04.400 kinder garden ball together in high school. We had gone 369 00:23:04.400 --> 00:23:09.000 to each other's weddings. The betrayal my poor husband. I mean, 370 00:23:09.680 --> 00:23:13.119 it was unthinkable that this man did this. 371 00:23:13.759 --> 00:23:16.799 He was knew you, he knew where you lived. 372 00:23:16.920 --> 00:23:23.640 And yes, yes, and it just was so shocking. But 373 00:23:23.759 --> 00:23:27.599 here we had irrefutable DNA evidence. It was no longer 374 00:23:27.880 --> 00:23:31.240 he said, it was irrefutable. I would have never in 375 00:23:31.279 --> 00:23:34.880 a million years dreamed it could have been him, and 376 00:23:35.119 --> 00:23:37.920 he couldn't be arrested for rape because of a statute 377 00:23:37.960 --> 00:23:41.519 of limitations that had run out five years prior. Oh 378 00:23:41.559 --> 00:23:46.279 my god, yep, So he was arrested for kidnapping because 379 00:23:46.319 --> 00:23:49.279 that had no statute and it was going to be 380 00:23:49.279 --> 00:23:52.559 difficult to prove. He came from a wealthy family. He 381 00:23:52.599 --> 00:23:55.440 was a board of the best attorneys that money could buy. 382 00:23:56.200 --> 00:23:58.799 He was out unbonded three hundred and fifty thousand dollars 383 00:23:58.839 --> 00:24:01.839 bond for one year while we awaited trial. I didn't 384 00:24:01.880 --> 00:24:04.200 know if my husband was going to find him and 385 00:24:04.319 --> 00:24:07.880 kill him, or if he John Reagan would find me 386 00:24:07.960 --> 00:24:11.559 and kill me, as he threatened to multiple times that night, 387 00:24:11.920 --> 00:24:16.720 and so it was a really scary time. We never 388 00:24:16.759 --> 00:24:20.039 made it to trial because John Reacan crossed state lines 389 00:24:20.119 --> 00:24:24.160 and went to Sarah Togas Springs High School parking lot 390 00:24:24.519 --> 00:24:28.480 seeking his next victim, which was a seventeen year old 391 00:24:28.559 --> 00:24:33.599 girl who was leaving track practice and he had parked 392 00:24:33.599 --> 00:24:37.039 his van right next to her car. She it was 393 00:24:37.079 --> 00:24:38.920 parked so close that she had to kind of shimmy 394 00:24:39.000 --> 00:24:42.599 to get to her driver door. He opened the sliding 395 00:24:42.640 --> 00:24:44.880 door of his van and grabbed her around the torso 396 00:24:44.960 --> 00:24:48.200 in the mouth and tried to pull her into his van, 397 00:24:48.519 --> 00:24:52.799 but thankfully Lindsay is strong. She kicked and screamed, and 398 00:24:52.839 --> 00:24:58.720 she broke free. Shut up, don't tell anyone. And he 399 00:24:58.759 --> 00:25:02.640 got back in his van very calmly and started driving, 400 00:25:02.720 --> 00:25:06.000 but the coaches heard her cries. One of them jumped 401 00:25:06.039 --> 00:25:08.440